Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Axillism is the act of using the armpit for sexRelated

ANGEL: Almighty Father, we are tired of these Nigerians ...in heaven oh.
GOD: What have they done this time?
ANGEL: Everything! They don't listen to instructions!
They don't obey traffic rules, they don’t wait for their turn in
anything! They are reckless!(exasperated). In fact they have turned
heaven upside down since the first time we started admitting them.
GOD: Pls, bear with them. They are very special to
me...ehm let me call Satan in hell to see how he's doing.... (phone rings) hell-o Lucifer, how are things over there…?
SATAN: Baba God, pls call me later. There's an issue I'm trying to resolve.
(ten minutes later)
GOD: hell-o Lucifer
SATAN: I'll call you back. The issue has turned into a crisis. (one hour later)
SATAN; Sorry Baba GOD.
GOD: Lucifer are you having problems over there?

SATAN: It is these Nigerians I have with me in hell. He (stammers)
they.. they....they have quenched the fire in hell and installed air
conditioners"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-09 21:00:23

109 Views




Akpos fainted in front of
Tasty Fried Chicken. People
rushed down to him, a Man
shouted, "Bring water, bring
water". On hearing this,
Akpos quickly got up and
said "If na water dey hungry
me, I for faint of front of
Water Board".



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 18:06:43

279 Views




I rilly dnt knw y d news dat president General Muhammed Buhari rejected a bullet proof car worth about # 400m has gone so viral, is he d 1st or d only person to reject such a kind gesture? I rejected d 9000USD golden wristwatch dat Cristiano Ronaldo sent to me as a birthday gift few months ago, i even rejected d small car Bugatti dat is worth over # 64m dat Davido also sent to me... So wat are we talking about, u can even try me by sending MTN recharge card worth N1,500, just send it to my number or u Inbox me and see if I wouldn't reject it.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-17 12:12:21

1562 Views



easter plan [Read it]


Post Body a wife* asked d husband watx ur easter plans
husband;same as jesus disappear on friday re appear on sunday
he also asked d wife wat of your's wife replied
wife;same as mary come back wif pregnancy untouched by my husband


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-22 09:11:11

219 Views




A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse or sexual activity.
Virginity In Yoruba Culture
During the traditional era and before the advent of colonialism, virginity was held at high esteem among the Yoruba people. A lady is expected to get married as a virgin as having sexual intercourse before the wedding ceremony is a taboo. This is the reason why the intending couple are not allowed to have close contact or be in the same room with each other before the D-day: thus, the need for an intermediary (Alarina).

Virginity to them is known as ‘Ibale’ and it is the pride of any Yoruba lady to keep hers till her wedding night.The wedding night is usually seen as a frightened day for the bride and her parents. In those days, mothers were fond of asking their daughters about their virginity so as to prevent the shame and disgrace that come with not been a virgin.
On the wedding night, a white cloth is usually given to the couple and the cloth will be spread on their bedding, mostly mats. The parents of both families sometimes stay at the entrance of the house waiting for the cloth to be brought out of the house while some parents will be in their homes expecting result. In this culture, the white cloth is expected to be stained by blood and after the sexual intercourse, if the cloth is stained, it means that the new bride is a virgin. If it turns out that the white cloth is not stained with blood, it signifies that the new bride had been promiscuous and slept with a man before.

A bride that is met as a virgin by her husband will be celebrated while the one that is not will be disgraced and banished from the village. The white cloth (stained or not) will be sent to the bride’s parents. Other items like rotten yam, half-filled matches or empty box of matches, half keg of palm wine will also be sent to them meaning that their daughter was rotten and not complete before she was married. The parents will be publicly blamed for not training their daughter. Grief, sorrow and loud cries will follow suit. Such bride that will sweep the whole village, dance naked in the market’s place before she finally leaves her village. The groom also has the right to divorce such a woman.
On the other hand, if the newly-wed was met as a virgin, the groom’s family will send a full keg of palm wine, full matches box to the bride’s parents indicating that their daughter was complete before the wedding night. She will be praised publicly and her parents will be happy. It is believed that virgins have self-discipline and are well-trained by their parents.
This custom and virginity has many advantages as it prevent the rate of fornication and helps the married women to be faithful with their husbands. Also, many lives have been lost to the act. Some young ladies have committed suicide because of the shame. Highly respected or elders can also commit suicide if their daughter was found to have lost her virginity before her marriage. This tradition is no longer in practice and has eaten deep by colonilisation.

IBALE(VIRGINITY)....ITS ALL ABOUT A MAIDEN FROM HER VILLAGE TO THE UNIVERSITY, SHE KEEPS HER VIRGINITY THROUGHOUT HER LIFE, BUT WHEN SHE GET TO THE UNIVERSITY SHE HAVE TO FIGHT VERY HARD IN ORDER NOT TO LOSE IT BECAUSE IT'S A LAW AND AN OAT MAKE BY THE ANCESTORS AND MUST NOT MISTAKENLY BE BROKEN BY ANY HOW GUY IF NOT THEIR HUSBAND

WILL THE MAIDEN LOSE HER VIRGINITY?
WHO WILL DISVIRGIN HER?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF HER SEAL HIS BROKEN?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE GUY WHO BREAK IT?
WHAT'S IS BEHIND THE LAW AND THE OAT?
WHAT CAUSES THE LAW AND THE OAT?

STAY TUNE FOR IBALE(VIRGINITY)







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-beingRelated

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot.

The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000."

The idiot says, "Okay."

The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5.

The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?"

The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5,000.

The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?"

The idiot hands over $5.
The Idiot doesn't even know the answer!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-23 17:00:10

351 Views




AKPORS: Pastor, pls pray for me.. I have a problem..
PASTOR: Whats the problem?? Am here to give U the solution..
AKPORS: People are not happy with me and I don't know Y..
PASTOR: Ur co-workers at office are not happy for ur promotion..
AKPORS: But sir I don't have a job??
PASTOR: Hmmmmm... That message wasn't for U...

Enjoy ur day!


%Nazature...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-04 13:02:54

782 Views





Keyboard Shortcuts (Microsoft Windows)

1. CTRL+C (Copy)
2. CTRL+X (Cut)
... 3. CTRL+V (Paste)
4. CTRL+Z (Undo)
5. DELETE (Delete)
6. SHIFT+DELETE (Delete the selected item permanently without placing the item in the Recycle Bin)
7. CTRL while dragging an item (Copy the selected item)
8. CTRL+SHIFT while dragging an item (Create a shortcut to the selected item)
9. F2 key (Rename the selected item)
10. CTRL+RIGHT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next word)
11. CTRL+LEFT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous word)
12. CTRL+DOWN ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next paragraph)
13. CTRL+UP ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous paragraph)
14. CTRL+SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Highlight a block of text)
SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Select more than one item in a window or on the desktop, or select text in a document)
15. CTRL+A (Select all)
16. F3 key (Search for a file or a folder)
17. ALT+ENTER (View the properties for the selected item)
18. ALT+F4 (Close the active item, or quit the active program)
19. ALT+ENTER (Display the properties of the selected object)
20. ALT+SPACEBAR (Open the shortcut menu for the active window)
21. CTRL+F4 (Close the active document in programs that enable you to have multiple documents opensimultaneously)
22. ALT+TAB (Switch between the open items)
23. ALT+ESC (Cycle through items in the order that they had been opened)
24. F6 key (Cycle through the screen elements in a window or on the desktop)
25. F4 key (Display the Address bar list in My Computer or Windows Explorer)
26. SHIFT+F10 (Display the shortcut menu for the selected item)
27. ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the System menu for the active window)
28. CTRL+ESC (Display the Start menu)
29.
ALT+Underlined letter in a menu name (Display the corresponding menu)
Underlined letter in a command name on an open menu (Perform the
corresponding command)
30. F10 key (Activate the menu bar in the active program)
31. RIGHT ARROW (Open the next menu to the right, or open a submenu)
32. LEFT ARROW (Open the next menu to the left, or close a submenu)
33. F5 key (Update the active window)
34. BACKSPACE (View the folder onelevel up in My Computer or Windows Explorer)
35. ESC (Cancel the current task)
36. SHIFT when you insert a CD-ROMinto the CD-ROM drive (Prevent the CD-ROM from automatically playing)


Dialog Box - Keyboard Shortcuts
1. CTRL+TAB (Move forward through the tabs)
2. CTRL+SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the tabs)
3. TAB (Move forward through the options)
4. SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the options)
5. ALT+Underlined letter (Perform the corresponding command or select the corresponding option)
6. ENTER (Perform the command for the active option or button)
7. SPACEBAR (Select or clear the check box if the active option is a check box)
8. Arrow keys (Select a button if the active option is a group of option buttons)
9. F1 key (Display Help)
10. F4 key (Display the items in the active list)
11. BACKSPACE (Open a folder one level up if a folder is selected in the Save As or Open dialog box)
Microsoft Natural Keyboard Shortcuts
1. Windows Logo (Display or hide the Start menu)
2. Windows Logo+BREAK (Display the System Properties dialog box)
3. Windows Logo+D (Display the desktop)
4. Windows Logo+M (Minimize all of the windows)
5. Windows Logo+SHIFT+M (Restorethe minimized windows)
6. Windows Logo+E (Open My Computer)
7. Windows Logo+F (Search for a file or a folder)
8. CTRL+Windows Logo+F (Search for computers)
9. Windows Logo+F1 (Display Windows Help)
10. Windows Logo+ L (Lock the keyboard)
11. Windows Logo+R (Open the Run dialog box)
12. Windows Logo+U (Open Utility Manager)
13. Accessibility Keyboard Shortcuts
14. Right SHIFT for eight seconds (Switch FilterKeys either on or off)
15. Left ALT+left SHIFT+PRINT SCREEN (Switch High Contrast either on or off)
16. Left ALT+left SHIFT+NUM LOCK (Switch the MouseKeys either on or off)
17. SHIFT five times (Switch the StickyKeys either on or off)
18. NUM LOCK for five seconds (Switch the ToggleKeys either on or off)
19. Windows Logo +U (Open Utility Manager)
20. Windows Explorer Keyboard Shortcuts
21. END (Display the bottom of the active window)
22. HOME (Display the top of the active window)
23. NUM LOCK+Asterisk sign (*) (Display all of the subfolders that are under the selected folder)
24. NUM LOCK+Plus sign (+) (Display the contents of the selected folder)
MMC Console keyboard shortcuts
1. SHIFT+F10 (Display the Action shortcut menu for the selected item)
2. F1 key (Open the Help topic, if any, for the selected item)
3. F5 key (Update the content of all console windows)
4. CTRL+F10 (Maximize the active console window)
5. CTRL+F5 (Restore the active console window)
6. ALT+ENTER (Display the Properties dialog box, if any, for theselected item)
7. F2 key (Rename the selected item)
8. CTRL+F4 (Close the active console window. When a console has only one console window, this shortcut closes the console)
Remote Desktop Connection Navigation
1. CTRL+ALT+END (Open the Microsoft Windows NT Security dialog box)
2. ALT+PAGE UP (Switch between programs from left to right)
3. ALT+PAGE DOWN (Switch between programs from right to left)
4. ALT+INSERT (Cycle through the programs in most recently used order)
5. ALT+HOME (Display the Start menu)
6. CTRL+ALT+BREAK (Switch the client computer between a window and a full screen)
7. ALT+DELETE (Display the Windows menu)
8.
CTRL+ALT+Minus sign (-) (Place a snapshot of the active window in the
client on the Terminal server clipboard and provide the same
functionality as pressing PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.)
9.
CTRL+ALT+Plus sign (+) (Place asnapshot of the entire client window area
on the Terminal server clipboardand provide the same functionality
aspressing ALT+PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.)
Microsoft Internet Explorer Keyboard Shortcuts
1. CTRL+B (Open the Organize Favorites dialog box)
2. CTRL+E (Open the Search bar)
3. CTRL+F (Start the Find utility)
4. CTRL+H (Open the History bar)
5. CTRL+I (Open the Favorites bar)
6. CTRL+L (Open the Open dialog box)
7. CTRL+N (Start another instance of the browser with the same Web address)
8. CTRL+O (Open the Open dialog box,the same as CTRL+L)
9. CTRL+P (Open the Print dialog box)
10. CTRL+R (Update the current Web page)
11. CTRL+W (Close the current window)



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-15 18:34:18

378 Views




Dear friends!

Miss You a lot…

Tum dosto k bagair Life aisi hai.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Jaise..

.

.

.

.

.

.

BLUE FILM Radio Par CHAL RAHI HoRelated

Dancing lady [Read it]


A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. FAT LEGS"

HAPPY SUNDAY PALS



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-24 08:04:59

1220 Views



Class Question [Read it]


Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Akpos: A teacher!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-07 13:58:36

593 Views



A fool [Read it]


A man and his wife engaged on an argument that lead to essence that the wife started calling him all kind of name to the fact that she called him a fool,this time the cant bear the insult anylonger so he ask the wife to pack her things and leave his house but unfurtunately their neighbour who had there noise frm afar came in and settle the issue for them,so in the middle of night the husband intended to have fun with the wife ,so he decided to careress her a little before bouncing on her,so has the wife feel his hand in body,"she says who is that fool? the man reply its me!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-02 15:50:29

1003 Views




Wife: If I die first, I want you to promise to let my mother ride in the first car with you at the funeral procession.

Husband: OK, but it will totally ruin my day.Related

Three able MEN [Read it]


The other day,I went to the maternity and it
happens dat 3 men came wit their wives for
delivery. After some time,the nurse came out
and asked who is James that works with
3crown, the man stood up she said
congratulation ur wife gv birth to 3 babies, after
a while she came and said to John that works
with 7up, congratulation u have 7 new
babies,as she said that,the third man ran away
bcos he is working with 33 lager beer...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-26 09:10:17

449 Views




Infidelity raises profound questions about intimacy.

~ Junot DiazRelated

A mother and her very young son were flying
Southwest Airlines from
Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who
had been looking out
the window) turned to his mother and asked,
"If big dogs have baby
dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't
big airplanes have baby
airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer)
told her son to
ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the
stewardess. The
stewardess, who was very busy at the time,
smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell
you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that
there are no baby airplanes because
Southwest
always pulls out on time. Have your Mom
explain that to you." #If you understand this let me see yoo black teeth outside #wink # www.facebook.com/ 9jastudentforum #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-14 12:41:23

607 Views




Friendship is a network that needs:

No recharge;

No roaming;

No validity;

No activation;

No signal problem;

Just don\’t switch off your heart…Related

Two Crocodiles were sitting by the side of the swamp near the river.The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age. We were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.”


“Well,” said the big Croc, “What have you been eating?”


“Generals, same as you,” replied the small Croc.


“Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?”


“Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the HQ Building.”


“Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?”


“Well, I crawl up under one of their staff cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg,

shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!”


“Ah!” says the big Crocodile, “I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a General, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase!”Related

Esther tried opening her mouth to say something, but the lawyer quickly held her hand, stopping her.

“don’t say anything. The officer is bluffing. He’s trying to make you say something that could incriminate you” he said to her before facing detective Jeremiah.

“if you really have the evidence to arrest my client, then go ahead, arrest her. But if you don’t, then shut the f--k up and do your goddamn work. Mind you, time is running out and you have only two days. The next time you will see me will be in court” he threatened, shocking the detective with his words.
Of course not only the detective was shocked, I equally was very shocked because Esther was probably seconds away from confessing or making an unguided comment before the lawyer recovered himself and stopped her.

“two days officer. You have just two days, else i will tear you apart in court” the lawyer threatened and dragged Esther out of the office.

“we were just close to making a breakthrough d--n” the detective hissed with despair after they left.

“so what next?” i asked with fear. He breathed deeply, opened the case file on his table, went through it and shook his head.

“things are slowly adding up in your favour but we don’t have time on our side. We surely need a miracle” he replied, looked up at me and smiled to make me feel relaxed but i surely wasn’t.

“remember we talked about the possibility of your husband going out to the garden the night he was killed to either smoke or see someone?” he said while i nodded.

“according to the report in this file, there wasn’t any cigarette stick, ashes nor even anything similar found at the garden which then leaves us with one theory. He went out there to see someone, probably Esther, before a stronger person grabbed him from behind and stabbed him” he concluded.

“how then do we find the mystery man that struck the fatal blow which killed my husband?” i asked desperately. The detective shrugged.

“that’s what i’m saying, we need more time, as it stands, Esther alone probably holds all the answers but we can’t touch her” he replied with resignation. Tears instantly dropped from my eyes.

The police had every reason to detain Esther but couldn’t because she was a foreigner. Instead i was the person being detained without due process. How bad can things get??

To be continued.

>>

Government announced that if U have 5 kids, ur salary will be increased by 500,000.
A man heard the news and said to his wife, I have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids.
When he came back, he saw only one of his kids remaining.
He asked, where are the other 3?
His wife replied, you are not the only one who heard the news. THEIR FATHERS HAVE COME FOR THEM.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-23 23:56:45

597 Views




Jab peene se nafrat thi mujhe to zabardasti pilayi yaaron ne;

Ab aadat pad gayi peene ki to machaayi e duhayi yaaron ne;

Maine maana janab peeta hu peeta hu be-hisaab peeta hu;

Log logon ka khoon peete hai main to phir bhii sharab peeta hu.Related

INSECT EPISODE 7

......MEAN WHILE THE DOBSONFLY LARVAE WAS BUSY DOING ITS OWN STUFF........
(WRITER TALKING):" dobsonfly larvae the most fierce predator in the stream,was resting with its eyes closed but its sense extremely active,a little sea worn was moving slow, close to the dobsonfly larvae's mouth,the dobsonfly larvae sensed the movement,but the little worn didn't know that the dobsonfly larvae was sense active.Before the little worn could make another move,the dobsonfly larvae caught it,other little aquatic animals that were around fled off in fear".
(WRITER TALKING):"after some hours later the dobsonfly larvae went out to find more food because the little worn it ate was not enough for it,it got to a place where it saw a little aquatic animal laying beside a stone,immediately the little aquatic animal saw the dobsonfly larvae it ran into its little home,the dobsonfly saw that it has ran into it's home which was under a stone.the dobsonfly larvae stayed on top of the stone and waited patiently for it to come out.a minute later it came out,the dobsonfly swum straight down,and caught the little aquatic animal.the movement it made caused a vibration which attracted a big fish,the fish was very hungry.it turned toward the dobsonfly larvae, and chased after it.the fish was like 10inches away from the dobsonfly larvae, before the dobsonfly larvae fully noticed that the fish was coming.the fish opened its mouth wide,the dobsonfly larvae was now in the fish's mouth,the dobsonfly larvae body was inside the fish's mouth but the head wasn't.....if the fish could have closed it's mouth that moment, it will chop off the dobsonfly larvae head off......the dobsonfly larvae had only two options, and that was to swim towards the left or right.....,swimming forward will mark the end of it's life because the fish was swimming in that direction".....
(WRITER TALKING):"the dobsonfly larvae push itself to the left and moved out of the fish's mouth,the fish saw that it's catch has because uncaught,so it quickly turned to the direction the dobsonfly larvae took,the dobsonfly larvae swum as fast as it could, but it wasn't as fast as the fish,the dobsonfly larvae needed to find somewhere to hide itself because the fish was following it from behind,it saw a stone which has a hole under,the fish mouth was almost on hold of its end part,the fish didn't notice that the dobsonfly larvae was about to enter the hole in the stone,the fish thought it has gotten the dobsonfly larvae, the dobsonfly larvae swum into the stone, wiggling it's body to enter properly ,the fish bumped it's head on the stone.in pain the fish left.the dobsonfly larvae relax in there for minutes because it wanted to be sure that the fish had left".
(WRITER TALKING):"the dobsonfly larvae was not sure that the fish had left so it came out from the hole with its head ahead of its body,it saw a shadow,with fear it ran back inside.from the inside the dobsonfly larvae watched to know whether it was the fish,the more the shadow came closer the more the dobsonfly larvae pushed itself inside,the real image of the shadow appeared and it wasn't the fish,it was the mayfly larvae.the dobsonfly larvae came out feeling relieved.
dobsonfly larvae:"hy there",it said .
dobsonfly larvae:"you scared me",it said.
Mayfly larvae:"oh sorry",it said.
Mayfly larvae:"i didn't know you were in there",it said.
Mayfly larvae:"why are you hiding?",it asked.
dobsonfly larvae:"a fish was after me,so i had to hide here",it replied.
Mayfly larvae:"oh i see"it said.
Mayfly larvae:"but its long gone",it said.
Mayfly larvae:"so feel free",it said.
dobsonfly larvae:"ok",it said.
(WRITER TALKING):"the dobsonfly and the mayfly larvae talked a little more".
dobsonfly larvae:"so what's your name?",it asked.
Mayfly larvae:"my name is mayfly",it replied.
Mayfly larvae:"what is your name?",it asked.
dobsonfly larvae:"my name is dobsonfly",it replied.
Mayfly larvae:"ok",it said.
dobsonfly larvae:"where do you leave",it asked.
Mayfly larvae:"well I don't really have a place I stay",it said.
Mayfly larvae:"I move around feeding",it said.
dobsonfly larvae:"oh i see",it said.
Mayfly larvae:"what about you, where do you leave",it asked.
dobsonfly larvae:"I stay far away from this place,and I have to start going now before night falls",it said.
Mayfly larvae:"ok,do you mind if I swim along side you?,it asked.
dobsonfly larvae:"no I don't,c'mon lets go",it said.
(WRITER TALKING):"they both left that place to the dobsonfly larvae's house,they talked about other things as they swum....that was how the mayfly larvae became friends with the dobsonfly larvae".
.....WEEKS LATER AT THE CASEWORM CRIB.....
(WRITER TALKING):"the caseworm was taking a nice nap,when it heard it's name,It wake up and went out, knowing fully well that it was the mayfly larvae that called him out,when it came out it's eyes couldn't believe what it saw,so it ran back into it's shelter for safety............ to be continued......story by dindy.....whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected] facebook namessy nnamdi
please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission...thank you for reading this story


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos views [Read it]


Akpos recently shared the
following views at a public
forum:
When Nigerian politicians loot
public funds/money from
Nigeria, they keep it in
Switzerland.
When sick, they go to
Germany or India.
When investing, they go to
America.
When buying Mansions, they
visit London.
When shopping they go to
Dubai.
When on holidays, they visit
Paris or Bahamas.
When educating their
children, they select Europe.
When praying, they go to
Saudi Arabia or Jerusalem.
BUT, when they DIE, they all
want to be BURIED in Nigeria!
Please, ask them for me, is
NiGERIA A CEMETERY?.#B-goF



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-04 19:18:47

416 Views




Start your day with the thougut that something wonderful is about to happen.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-05-18 06:34:58

381 Views




JOKE PART 36 BY DINDY

Some girls will be cooking non sense in the kitchen, feeding their guy poison to eat. The guy gets frustrated and breaks up with them. Later they will be saying and posting "I want a real man that will love and understand me, for who I am, what I cook and he would know my position in his life".
:______
:_______
:________
My sister look at me, I say look at me.
:________
Who do you think you are?.
BUHARI'S WIFE 0_0 ........ =)) =D
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 37.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-31 23:19:49

252 Views




NO BE JOKE OOO

Good pm friends.Please I want to ask You a question...
This evening, while I was drinking garri, a small rat (????) at the corner of my room was looking at me and shaking it's head. Please what does it mean?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-09 19:40:39

542 Views




Gerald:let me help you with that
Mesmiling)thanks
He help carried all the things we bought.i felt like a princess
Mrs Dowins:you too look perfect
Gerald:is it not what you want?
I helped do some house choas,before living.
Mum:i can see you both are getting along
Me:his sometimes nice& rude
Mum:make sure you collect enough money from him
Eva:mum that will make her look cheap
Mum:shut up don't talk when elders are still talking
Me:why do you want me to marry him
Mum:that was his fathers request
Me:i don't get it
Mum:so he'll support us
Me:i don't just like him
Mum:just try ok
Me:mum my heartbeat do increase when am with him
Mum:your begining to fall 4 him
Me:i just hope he feel thesame for me
Mum:with time
Gerald:helo
Me:i don't understand you anymore
Geraldsmiles)can we go out for dinner
me:sure
Gerald:i"ll come pick you
I wonder which cloth i'll put on to look good,yes i'll go for this,a red gown that stop just below my knee a blue high heel,blue purse,red lipstick.with this he'l definately fal 4 me

>>

Santa: The weather has not been too bad this week.

Banta: But it’s so wet all over.

Santa: Yeah, bcoz it only rained twice. 1st time for 3
days and 2nd time for 4 days.Related

BREAKING NEWS [Read it]


BREAKING NEWS:the federal government of nigeria has announced that today is thursday 25th of june 2015,and tomorrow is Friday 26th of june 2015..thanks for listening..no public holiday


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-25 14:22:25

708 Views




Kay had already put on one of my top and short
apparently expecting to run out any moment I open
the door but they were both surprised to see the
house full of people, there was definitely nowhere
to run to…The expression on my dad says it all with
“eleyi ga oooo” coming out from his mouth..my mumwas dumb founded and sat down on the floor
of my bedroom without uttering any word and for
my inlaws, what do they have to say?
Dad: Please bring my phone for me in the sitting
room lemme call police to come and arrest this
idiot……….. Mary’s Mum: That’s better…you have an effontry to
come into another man’s house to climb on his
wife
Me: dad, please this is not the issue of police……I
don’t want any outsider to be involve in this, I
would have allowed him go yesterday night but I intentionally want you guys to see it first hand so
that it wont be hear say and the fact still remains
that I have their s*x video on my phone already too
My Mum: This is unbelievable….a heavily pregnant
woman having s*x with another man in her
matrimonial bedroom…mi o riru eleyi ri lati ojo ti mo ti day (have never sen this before since my
existence)
Me: kay, abeg commot my cloth for body ooo…why
putting on my cloth, am bringing your cloth for you
and your phone is still in the sitting room
My Mum: No oooo…what do u want to do with the cloth that’s on him…pls I don’t want badluck for you
my son…let him keep it abeg and get the hell out of
this place
Mary’s Mum: That’s better…let him go first so that
we can have eyes to settle every other thing
My Mum: which other thing is there to settle? Okay, to help Mary pack her things I guess and am
sure you guys came with a car already
My Dad: Ogbeni, get out of this place before the
count of five….
Me: No dad…..he’s not going just like that, please
just give me the opportunity to handle things my own way……………..
Dad: which your own way?
Me: please now daddy…I beg you in the name of
God
Dad: Okay…..
Me: kay, u remembered I told you yesterday that you will leave here unharmed but uner my terms
and conditions..i believe have not done anything to
you since that yesterday…so, here is the last deal,
we go to the sitting room and talk about everything
like a family…I assume we are now like family, so
family do fights and settle things between each other…….So, stand up and move to the sitting room
right now
Elder Brother: they said you should stand up abi eti
e di ni (Are you deaf?)
Mary’s Mum: They said you should stand up…oloshi
oloriburuku ada ile onile ru…olorun lo ma da ile ti e na ru
My Mum: Abeg, stop raining curse in my son’s
house…this house is the house of prayer and not
curse
“that was how we all moved to the sitting room”

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Fact in the World

1.Your eyes are the only part you cannot wash with soap

2.You cannot count your hair .

3.Your tongue cannot touch your last teeth

4.Only the stupid will try the 3rd one#wink.

5.You will smile becoz your tongue can reach all your teeth#smile.

6.You ll laugh becoz u look like fool after trying it . #you don dey ves abi... Abeg ves no chop 4rm now till 2020 #all nah joke jawe #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-04 11:51:27

779 Views




She: hey

Me : hello

She : may i ask something?

Me : yes sure

She : r u single?

Me : nah triple

She : r u kidding?

Me : arre pagli fb pe bacha thode hota h…. milna padta heRelated

Jab subhe ki CHAI se zyada dost ki hi zarurat thi,

Aur 5 Star ke khane ke maze interval ki Maggi mein liye the..

Yeh baat hai un dino ki JAB UMAR THI 16, AUR 3 BUTTON (hamesha hi) KHULE THE…



Jab top ka button band Karne pe gala dab sa jaata tha,

Aur phir use band dikhane ke liye hi tie ko upar tak sarkaya jaata tha..

Jab Sir ke dikhte hi shirt ke sleeves

automatically niche hote the..

Baat hai un dino ki JAB UMAR THI 16 AUR 3 BUTTON KHULE THE..



Jab Gaadi ke accelerator se zyada maza Cycle ki ride mein tha,

Homework khatm karke nikalna hai kaise bhi…hamesha bas yahi mind mein tha,

Earphone kaan mein jaane ke baad is duniya se jo hum kat.te the..

Baat hai un dino ki JAB UMAR THI 16 AUR 3 BUTTON KHULE THE…



Kissi Ladki se baat bhi kar le ek baar to 2 din tak jo Sharmana hota tha,

Aur uske baad 4 din jo Doston ka chidhana hota tha,

Phir lagta tha ki picture ke saare Gaane jaise hamare liye hi bane the..

Baat hai un dino ki JAB UMAR THI 16 AUR 3 BUTTON KHULE THE…



Ab to formality ki barish mein jaise puri Duniya hi bheegi hai,

Hypocrisy jaise har cheez mien hi ghar kar bethi hai,

Matlab aur Kaam… bas tabhi log yaad karte hain,

Casually milna to ab jaise Gunah hi samajhte hain..

AAJ SHIRT 1000 KI HAI, BUTTON BAND HAI AUR UPAR A.C. BHi HAI,



PAR DIL MEIN EK KHAYAL HAI..

Sar pe Dhup thi…

Jeb mein Note tab shayad kam the…

Par Boss mazaa to tabhi tha…

“JAB UMAR THI 16, AUR 3 BUTTON KHULE

THE..”Related

Females are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.Related

A Lady on telephone:
Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you..
Man: Do u know me..
Lady: Yes you are the father of one of my kids.
Man stunned,
Oh my God!
Are u Naomi?
No
Are U Mavis?
No
Are u Sandra?
No
Rose?
No
Monica?
No
Faustina?
No
Victoria?
No
Rebecca?
No
Lady in confusion...
No sir l'm the class teacher of your son...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-02 12:34:56

521 Views




A pastor stopped at a traffic light and three hawkers:
Apple seller, bread seller and yam seller Akpors pulled by
and the following drama ensued:

Pastor: If you can give me one quotation in the bible
where apple is mentioned, I will surely buy from you.
Apple seller: Well oga, the bible said you are the
Apple of my eyes.
good! said pastor I will buy N1000 apple.

Pastor: bread seller, if you can give me a bible
quotation with bread I’ll buy
Bread seller: Well pastor, Jesus said
I am thebread of life!
Pastor: Excellent. Give me N1000 worth of bread.

Akpors the yam seller who had been watching
saw it as an opportunity to sell his yam as
well. Without being asked he ran to the
pastor.
Akpors: Pastor, please wait, you have to buy
from me too oh, yam dey bible.
Pastor: Really?
Go ahead and tell me about it then.
Akpors: Hehehehe, well pastor, the bible
says 'l yam that I yam'. Oga buy yam!

One word for Akpors this time?

#CTB #B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-27 21:28:35

4350 Views




A man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bar man told him he owed 2000 Naira.
"But I paid, don`t you remember?" said the customer.
"Okay," said the bar man. "If you say you paid, you did.
The man then went outside and told a friend that the bar man couldn`t keep track of his customers` bills.
The second man then rushed in and ordered a beer. When it came time to pay he pulled the same story.
The bar man replied, "If you say you paid, I`ll take your word for it."
Soon the customer went into the street, saw Akpos his old friend, and told him how to get free drinks.
Akpos hurried into the bar and began to drink costly drinks when, suddenly, the bar man came over and said, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."
"JESUS!!!" shouted Akpos, Anyway "Don`t bother me with your troubles, Just give me my change let me start going"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-16 09:33:50

3404 Views




******::::::::******
I winced silently as I felt something pinch my wrist, I must
have had a long night, I thought.
"Yes Doctor, this is the fifteenth bag of drips."
I heard a female voice say.
"hmn, her pulse? Still normal?" a familiar male voice asked
her.
"no, its a bit faster Doctor." the female voice replied.
"Lemme check her heart beat."
where the eff was I? Who did they give drip? Whose pulse
was a bit faster?
I felt something cold on my chest, I resisted all temptations
to open my eyes, I was to lazy to do that.
"Yikes! Her heart beat is too fast!" the male voice exclaimed.
Just then my eyes flew open, I took a quick glance round
me, I was on a hospital bed, doing what? How did I get
here?
A smallish woman was standing at my feet in a white
uniform, maybe she's a nurse.
"Doctor?" she gasped pointing at me.
She looked visibly scared.
But why? Am i a ghost.
"oh my God! " a male voice exclaimed.
I turned to the direction, Dr Raymond was standing there.
"What happened to 'your God' " I snapped. I was getting
irritated by the way they were staring at me like they've
seen a ghost.
They didn't reply, I made to sit up.
"Ouch!" drip needle got pulled away.
"What happened to..."
"We need to conduct some checks on her quickly" Dr
Raymond said trying to hold me.
"Take your hands off me jor!" I pushed his hands away.
"What am I doing here?" I shrieked at them.
"Ask Mr David to come in." Raymond told the nurse.
"Oh Jeez!" David exclaimed as he marched towards me.
"She's awake? Oh my God!" he told the doctor before
hugging me.
"We thank God" he laughed looking me all over, like what I
don't know.
"What happened?" I frowned at him.
"Baby we need not talk about that now..."
"I insist." I snapped
"You've been unconcious for 7 days now..." Dr Raymond
began to explain.
"uhm?" I was getting more confused.
"You had a shock, convulsed, became unconscious and..."
he shrugged.
"I had a shock, convulsed, became unconscious and..." I
mimicked him.
"How?"
David shook his head
"Mummy!" Eniola squealed rushing towards me.
"Lil' cutie.." I hugged and kissed her.
"Mummy, I thought you won't come back again...I've been
crying since o" she snuggled at me.
"Mummy, don't fall again you hear? Don't sleep that kind of
sleep again, you hear?" she rattled on.
"Kpele- sorry" I heard Maria's voice.
How did she get here?
Just then, different episodes began to dipslay before my
mind's eye.
I remembered been told my father was dead, and...maybe
that was how I got here.
"Maami..." I whispered as I hugged her, she looked worn-
out and lean. She shook as she wept on my shoulders.
"I don't think she's strong enough to bear such emotions."
Dr Raymond cautioned Maria.
"I'm sorry." She pulled herself away from my grip.
My head began to ache badly. So it's true? Very true that my
father was gone! I now a complete orphan.
My only asset was gone. I ran my fingers through my
cornrows.
"Don't cry." David dabbed some tears of my face.
I didn't stand a chance to apologise to my father for all the
wrongs I did.
"young lady, due to your health condition, you are not
supposed to be ..." Dr Raymond began to say.
"Hold your peace!" I raised a hand interrupting him.
"Do you know what it means to lose someone dear to you?"
I asked him slowly.
"I'm the reason why he died. He couldn't bear my absence.
My Father loved me but I failed him, now here am I...all
alone..."
"Stop casting blames on yourself please." Maami patted my
back.
"I wish.. I wish..." I sobbed as I hugged her.
"You are not alone, I'm here, as your mother." Maria told
me slowly.
So she forgave me, after all I did to her..,.
"I'm here too.." David whispered
"mummy, me too!" Eniola sniffed, she'd been crying too.
I shook my head slowly, I wished my father would just
appear and tell me he's there for me too...only his presence
counts more than anything...

LET'S MEET AGAIN BY 1:30PM MY DEAR PEOPLE



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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