Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

BLACKBERRY. [Read it]


As Blackberry don chop my money tire, na im I
come vex yesterday sell am, I come take some money
from it buy China phone!
Now am in bigger trouble!!!
1. It gets full after 3 minutes of charging.
2. The phone has TV, Touch screen, Nail cutter,
firelighter etc.
3. Text message can be written with a toothpick.
4. There are some spelling mistakes e.g NokLa,
blackderry, i-porn, samswag
etc.
5. When an aeroplane passes by it records "one
missed call".
6. When a big truck hoots; it records "charger
connected".
7. When a Chinese man passes by you it says "one
Bluetooth device found"
8. When a fine boy/gal passes by u, it says "Ur favourite
food found"
9. When an ugly boy/gal passes, it says, "Virus detected"=)) 
Abeg I wan sell am! Who wan buy?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 13:00:13

291 Views




Aayi Hai Kuch Na Puch


Aayi Hai Kuch Na Puch Qayamat Kahan Kahan;

Uff Le Gayi Hum Ko Mohabbat Kahan Kahan;



Betabi-o-Sakoon Kee Hui Manzilein Tamaam;

Behlaayein Tujh Se Choot Ke Tabiyat Kahan Kahan;



Raah-e-Talaab Mein Chor Diya Dil Ka Sath Bhi;

Phirte Liye Hue Yeh Museebat Kahan Kahan;



Begaangi Pe Uss Kee Zamaane Se Aitraaz;

Dar Parda Uss Kee Shikayat Kahan Kahan;



Hosh-o-Junoon Bhi Bas Ab To Ek Baat Hain ‘Firaq’;

Hoti Hai Uss Shararat Kee Nazar Kahan Kahan!Related

prayer warrior [Read it]


Akpos was asked to lead in
prayer.
Akpos: But I don't know how to
pray dad?
Dad: Just pray for your family
members.
Akpos: "Dear Lord," he started,
thank u for giving me such
lovely
and caring parents. Thanks for
our visitors and
their children, who finished all my
cookies, indomie, ice cream. Bless
them
so that they will never come
again.
Forgive our neighbor's son who
removed my sister's clothes


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-29 21:36:20

671 Views




The Colonel woke up slowly, stretching his
arms and trying to stifle a yawn. It had been a
long night. He had driven for hours and his
back was beginning to ache. He was now in
Akure, hours after driving nonstop from Benin
City, Edo State. He had booked and paid for
the hotel reservation online using a fake ID
and money from one of his alias bank
accounts. Hiding was easy but expensive. He
was glad that the country had gotten to the
stage where everything was done almost
paperless. The hotel sent him a 4 pin code
that served as his suite key. He arrived at the
hotel in the dead of night, punched in the 4
pin code and got to his suite. He landed on
the bed fully clothed sleeping off almost
immediately. Ahmed however was more alert.
Over the years he had now become very
vigilant. He suspected everything. He even
suspected the air he breathed sometimes.
Ahmed did not sleep. He went from the toilet,
to the bathroom, to the living room and then
into the bedroom, looking carefully and
searching for anything remotely suspicious
and out of place. He lifted vases, opened
covers, searched the wall for bugs, ran the
taps, and checked the furniture. He was
extremely thorough. They had been to half the
states in the country in the space of 35
months. They never stayed in one place for
too long. That was the price they had to pay
for pitching their tent against the Ghost’s
Corporation.
The Colonel looked round the huge bedroom of
the five- star hotel they had lodged in. Ahmed
was nowhere to be found. Throwing the duvet
aside, he climbed out of bed, and walked into
the living room. Ahmed stood arms akimbo
facing the wall. Newspaper clippings in
different shapes and sizes were pinned to the
wall. For three years Ahmed had been
carefully observing perfectly orchestrated
assassinations, high profile murders and
unexplainable disappearances of political
hotshots. Every morning when he got the daily
newspaper, he cut out parts that caught his
fancy and kept them. Wherever they set up
camp, he took the clippings out and studied
them. He tried to find a pattern. He
desperately wanted to understand the motive
behind the killings. Every day at dawn, he
painstakingly scrutinized the clippings looking
for any form of clue. And every time he ended
up angry and frustrated. He got more
confused by the day. He had no doubts in his
mind that the Ghosts were behind these
murders. They were efficient and invisible. Yet,
he strongly believed that there had to be a
weak spot. There had to be a slight loop hole.
And it was that loop hole he sought to find.
Two days earlier, the Chief of army staff had
died in a hotel in Lagos. Autopsy reports had
it that he suffered a strong heart attack.
Rumor had it that the woman who he had
intimate relations with was too hot for him to
handle. Others said that he loved to
ma5turbate and had done one too many, the
last one being his undoing. The official report
from the Army Barracks had it that he was
only resting after a long meeting when he died
in his sleep.
After Ahmed read the news, he cut it out and
added it to his collection of clippings. He
hacked into the hospital’s server to access the
Chief’s medical history. The Chief had no prior
heart issue, and for five years running had
never missed his appointment with the
doctors. The doctors passed him fit at the last
checkup two months back. His wife and four
children were based outside the country and
kept in touch regularly. He got an
unannounced promotion just recently and was
a very happy man.
Ahmed suspected foul play.
The Colonel walked up behind him, placing his
left hand on Ahmed’s right shoulder. Without
looking back, Ahmed greeted,
“Good Morning Uncle. Trust you are refreshed
after that irresistible nap?” Ahmed said.
“Yes boy. I am. What was it with the entire
search you were conducting last night? I was
too tired to get up and ask you. Do I sense
some form of paranoia boy?” The Colonel
sounded worried.
“Uncle, you have taught me a lot these few
years. Part of what I have learned from you is
to always be aware of my surroundings. One
can never be too certain of how safe he is.
Extra precaution has to be taken Uncle.”
Ahmed said, his eyes still fixed on the
newspaper clippings.
“Spoken like a true soldier. Any luck with
those?” The Colonel said pointing at the wall.
Ahmed shook his head.
“Uncle, do you know anyone in the late Chief
of Army Staff’s cabinet that we can coerce to
speak to us? I smell a rat in the stories going
round about the cause of death. Something is
not right.” Ahmed said facing his uncle.
“I actually do. I personally got Mustapha the
position of Chief of Army Staff six years ago.
And along with that, I planted my spies. One
of his security details is a trusted servant.
Hold on.” The Colonel said.
The Colonel got out his phone and inserted
the new sim card he got the day before. It was
registered to the Alias that paid for the hotel.
“Son, set your stop watch to 18 seconds. It
takes 20 minutes for a pro to trace a call. I do
not know if the mole has been compromised.
When I start talking, begin the countdown.
Stop me immediately the timer ends.” The
Colonel said and Ahmed nodded.
He dialed the number.
There was a click on the other end of the line
showing that the mole had picked the call.
The Colonel signaled to Ahmed to start the
timer. He obliged.
“Chameleon Brown. It’s Alpha speaking.” The
Colonel said
“Sorry. Wrong number please.” The voice at
the other end replied.
“What really happened to Strong Man?” The
Colonel persisted
“Baby, d--n. Did you see that? She just killed
that man and dived into the pool through the
window. Wow! She left her gown and that
rough bouncer has picked it up. Baby you are
missing! In fact it seems I am going to wait
for you to finish so you can join me o. This
movie is so interesting. I want…” The man was
saying but the Colonel cut in.
“Excuse me? Please can I talk to Chameleon
Brown? It’s really urgent.” The colonel
pleaded.
“Oga, I said this is a wrong number. What is
your problem? Can’t I enjoy my movie in
peace? Can you…” He was saying angrily but
the Colonel dropped the call on him.
“How many seconds?” The Colonel asked
asked Ahmed
“16 seconds.” Ahmed replied and continued,
“Seems like you dialed the wrong number.”
The Colonel put off the phone, opened the
back cover and took out the sim card. He
scratched the gold area of the sim with the
back cover of the phone, and then broke the
sim in two.
“Actually, it was the correct number.” The
Colonel said, walking to a chair. He sat down
and crossed his legs smiling mischievously.
“I don’t understand Uncle” Ahmed said folding
his arms across his chest.
“Mustapha was killed by a female. She
escaped through the window, diving into the
pool below their hotel. She may have forgotten
to take a piece of clothing along. It’s with one
of the bouncers.” The Colonel said.
“Or Uncle, she may have left it deliberately to
set the police on the wrong track. The Ghosts
are very smart.” Ahmed said walking towards
his uncle. He continued.
“Can I access the internet from this building? I
want to dig into the hotel surveillance. I also
want to check the architectural design of the
hotels. Doors, windows, suites, corridors,
pathways, and everything that I can lay my
hands on.”
“I know some access codes and encrypted
hash tags you can use to override the Access
Control Protocols that protect the firewalls
you may encounter. However, I just made a
transmission from this location by calling my
informant. Making another transmission is
pushing it too far. I know a place where we
can go. We leave at dusk.” The Colonel said
with a tone of finality.
He picked up the Intercom and called kitchen.
***********************************************
Sean finished his early morning ritual drowned
in his own sweat. His muscles rippled under
his sleeveless shirt and his skin glowed under
his own perspiration. He was not satisfied
with the day’s work out. He still had more
energy to burn. He prostrated on the gym
floor, balanced himself on his hands and toes,
and began to do push-ups.
“1, 2, 3, 4…” he counted as he pumped. He
was feeling the strain and bulge in his biceps.
He loved it. He loved the pain. He had become
so accustomed to pain. In the previous year,
he had spent four months in interrogation by
the harshest standards.
“51, 52…” he counted as he pumped.
He switched to pumping with one hand.
“58, 59… 60.” He groaned the last number and
turned on his back. He was breathing hard
and fast, his heart trying to adjust to the huge
demand of blood from his body.
As he breathed, he fell into revelry,
remembering all that happened eight months
ago:
8 months ago:
Sean hurried to the roof of the Civic Center. It
was 5am. He was disguised as a member of
the Lagos State Elite Sniper Team. It was
campaign season in the country and every
eligible candidate was flaunting posters,
carrying out different campaign strategies and
lobbying for voters’ support.
The governor was running for second term and
was scheduled to hold a campaign parade
later in the morning. The Governor and his
entourage would start their open air parade at
9am, starting off at Ajah, up until CMS bus
stop. Therefore the amount of security
provided was immense. There was a convoy of
police cars, a huge number of armed foot
soldiers and helicopters flying around. The
Ghosts had worked their magic and Sean had
been included in the Sniper team. There were
50 snipers in all. His designation was at the
top of the Civic center. Snipers lined almost
every high rise building on the Ozumba
Mbadiwe road. He was dressed in a police
uniform with “SNIPER” written boldly behind
and in front. He kept radio communication
with the rest of the team as he set up his
Sniper rifle adjusting the focus and scanning
other roof tops for similar weapons.
Earlier that morning just before the snipers
were dispatched, the Sniper Commander had
assembled them and gave them a harangue.
The order from the Sniper commander was:
“Make sure there are no infidels out there!” He
charged and continued
“The Governor is in full view of the public.
Make sure there are no smart as5es up on
that roof! You see a threat, you take it out!!!
Nothing and I repeat Nothing happens to the
governor on my watch! Copy that?!!!” The
Sniper commander yelled.
“Yes sir!!!” The snipers replied.
However, Sophia’s instructions were simpler:
“Take out the Governor”.

Are you enjoying this blockbuster novel If yes, show it by liking the story.


A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a terrible rainstorm, and no cars were on the road. The storm was so strong the guy could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car come toward him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door and only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel!

The car started to move very slowly.The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Petrified, he started to pray, begging for his life. He had not come out of shock when, just before the car hit the curve, a hand suddenly appeared through the window and moved the steering wheel. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time the car was approaching a curve.Finally, although terrified, the guy managed to open the door and jump out of the spooky car. Without looking back, the guy ran through the storm all the way to the nearest town. Soaking wet exhausted and in a state of utter shock the pale, visibly shaken guy, walked into a nearby bar and asked for two shots of rum.

Then, still trembling with fright, he started telling everybody in the bar about the horrible experience he just went through with the spooky car with no driver and the mysterious hand that kept appearing. Everyone in the bar listed in silence and became frightened, listening to this eerie story, hairs stood on end when they realized the guy was telling the truth because he was crying and he definitely was not drunk!

About half an hour later two guys walked into the same bar and one said to the other, "Hey, there's the arsehole who jumped into the car while we were pushin it!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-14 09:31:22

678 Views




A Ghanian girl, South African girl and Nigerian girl was on their way to savanna forest for a research. Suddenly a spirit appeared before them and intend to kill them. "Before i proceed to take your lives, is there any favour you want from me?" said the spirit.
Ghana girl: Please i want to call my parents and inform them that i won't be coming home again. Her wish was granted
South African girl: I want to say my last prayer and make my final confession. Her wish was also granted.
Nigerian girl: I want to update my facebook status. "Go ahead" says the spirit. She brought out her phone, login to her facebook account and type "What a sad day, DYING THINGS ON MY MIND"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-16 15:57:10

766 Views




Husband and Wife agreed that
whenever
they
want to have SEX, they will call it
'FONE
CALL'
so that the children won't understand.
One
day,Dad sends Son to tell Mum that he
wants
to make a 'PHONE CALL'. Mum
replies: tel
your Dad that the Network is busy
today.
Dad
replies: tell your MUM that if the
Network is
busy, then am going to a PUBLIC
PHONE
BOOTH. Mum replies: tell him that
if he
dares
to go to a Public Phone Booth, I will
OPEN a
Business Center and all 'PHONE
CALLS' will
be
Free.......


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-20 00:41:20

390 Views




RAPE EPISODE 10 (STORY BY DINDY)

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.

There came a day that my mum went to her shop leaving ruth blessing and I at home, my step dad was not at home so I was free to move around. Blessing, Ruth and i were watching tv in the parlour, after some hours i slept off.
When I woke up from my sleep I couldn't find Ruth and blessing, I guessed they went to my dad's grave because Ruth goes there from time to time since the death of my dad (after our dad died Ruth changed a little), --well I guess my dad told her something before he left us--.
I stood up and went to the bath room to take my bath, I was about to bath when I heard a foot steps coming to the bath room, I thought maybe it was my imagination but I was wrong.
The foot steps became louder and louder, I wanted to lock the door of the bath room but the key wasn't there it was at the other side, I was totally confused because the person that came into the house didn't knock, the person could be a robber or maybe a killer and I was half naked.
I moved from left to right in the bath room, i tried as much as possible not to make a sound. The person finally got his hands on the door handle, as I saw the handle moving down I wanted to scream but I managed to hold my mouth.
As the door was opening I quickly went to stay at the back of the door as to avoid being seen by the person, the person opened the door half way full then closed it back.
I felt calm and ok at that moment, but the funny thing was that I didn't hear the feet step of the person leaving, what do I care at least the person did not see me, I turned and the next thing that happened was that the door opened with full force and the person jump into the bath room like a monkey,I was shock to hear a sudden sound and noise,as I turned with that shock and fear.
I saw my (the stupid idiot) step dad, he was laughing and smiling, he was on boxers, I saw his clothes on the entrance of the bathroom (ah God will punish that man where ever he is), I started to wonder how he got inside the house without me knowing.
The next thing he said was "you think that I don't know that there is no one at home except you, when I came home you were sleeping, I saw the shadow of your sweet body when I opened the bath room, I'm here to bath with you".
I said to myself with tears "no wonder his clothes are on the entrance, no wonder he is on boxers, oh God how will I escape this demon of a man".
I was about to run when he said "Don't even think of running".
I ignored him and I ran to the door of the bath room where he stood, he wanted to grab me but I quickly bend down and passed in between his legs, from there I ran to my room but the door was locked and the key that was ought to be there wasn't there (I guess he locked it and took the key). I ran to the parlour but the parlour door was locked, I saw him coming to the parlour to catch me so I ran to the kitchen but it was locked and the kitchen was the only root to our backyard.
I was totally trapped, I had only one chance and that was to run to the bathroom and lock it with the key, I saw him coming my way again so I had to quicken up my speed. I ran to the bath room and he chased me, luckily for me the key was still there at the entrance of the bath room, I took it and went in and lock it very fast, his face jammed the door.
I moved backwards step by step, each step was like my heart beat, he started hitting the door, I stood one place with my heart in my mouth and was so afraid that I could hear the sound of my own breath.
Suddenly the he started banging the door,then I heard his foot step going away, I couldn't open the door even if he wasn't there because I was so afraid.
I sat on the ground of the bath room and I started crying and crying,I heard his foot step coming back to the door again, I could hear sounds of keys (at that point I remembered that he had spare keys of the kitchen, toilet and the front door).
He finally opened the door and I quickly jumped up, then the he (bastard) said "so you think you are smart right? you think you can run away from me like you always do but today you won't and no one will help you at all, so you better behave yourself and do as i say".
Immediately after he said those words, I started begging him but all he said was "no need for you to beg because it won't change anything, just do as I say", he said as he came closer to me (may God destroy him).
I moved back as he came closer, my back finally met with the walls of the bath, I had no where to run to so started crying and he was smiling.
The bastard raped me again, for the second time and the pain I felt before came back again, this time it was worst than before and it almost made me mad.
When my (bastard) step dad was done with me, he turned on the shower and left me there while he cleaned up the mess which he had made out of me.
He later carried me to my room (at that moment I couldn't think of anything, I was a complete dummy and i didn't know what a or b was), he was talking to me and laughing as he carried me to my room but I couldn't hear a word he said. He opened the door of my room and then dropped me on my bed and left.
My eyes were just looking at the fan as it turned round and round, I couldn't even cry again because my mind and soul were totally blank and everything around me seems to be on a stand still (I think I later slept off).
When I woke up everywhere was dark, there was no light, I could hear Blessing and Ruth's voice but I couldn't stand up from my bed because I didn't understand what life was...........................to be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi








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Sophia dropped the call and
looked beside her. Sean was
lying down on the couch,
breathing steadily. He had been
injected with valium and should
be asleep for 12 more hours.
Everything was finally back on
track. She had Sean. Eva was
secure in the Charge Room. All
logistics were finally getting back
into play. She was behind
schedule by 20 hours. Timing
meant everything to The Ghosts
Corporation. The General was
definitely going to chew her raw.
In their code of law, it was better
to excommunicate yourself, go
off the radar and hope you are
not remembered, than fail an
operation you were supposed to
deliver. The General gave Sophia
a 24 hour window and she got
the job done. She smiled to
herself, and then frowned. She
had worked with incompetent
fools and had trusted them to
come through. She would deal
with them later when she got off
the General’s whipping. She
knew the other attendees of the
General’s summon were already
aware of the proposed meeting.
But orders are orders.
She composed a text and sent it
to the Super Agents. Shina,
Ambrose and Tawo. Together
they were called The Deadly
Quartet. The four of them were
in line to succeed the General.
Ambrose was the Tactical Genius.
His specialty was planning
operations, attacks and
infiltrating impossible fortresses
with a very short deadline. If
there was a place that could
never be breached and you
wanted someone to go in and
come out unseen, give the job to
Ambrose. He never failed an
operation. He always worked
alone. He loved men and was
known to be in love with any guy
whose as5 could take his huge
d1ck. He was the highest paid
member of the four.
Tawo was the super spy. He was
the king of multiple personalities,
and the master of deception and
disguise. He had eight different
names, 5 different passports, and
was a citizen in 3 continents. He
spoke English, French, German,
Spanish, Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa,
Swahili and Italian. He was the
youngest of the Deadly Quartet
and also the coolest. He was also
responsible for bugging phones,
cars and people. He designed a
special application which could
make him connect with any
satellite he chose and track
anyone, anywhere in the world.
He was the General’s only son. He
was not close to his father and
secretly wished him dead. The
General knew this but could not
afford to have him silenced. He
was his only surviving blood.
Besides, Tawo was hard to
extinguish. He was the most
difficult member to find or reach.
You don’t find him. He finds you.
The Deadly Quartet was hard to
kill. Only the General knew all
their weaknesses.
Time was 9pm. Along with the
Deadly Quartet, the Tactics team
consisting of Bruno, Marshal,
Gbenga, Mark, Iyke, Francis and
Brenda was also invited to the
meeting at the Watch Tower.
They gathered in the large Oval
Office. Bruno, Marshal, Gbenga
and Mark sat on one side of the
room in a semi-circle, talking in
whispers. Iyke and Francis sat
together but were farther away
from the group. They were not
talking. Brenda was busy with
her blackberry phone. Sophia
was sitting at the top of the
conference table, cleaning her
nails. She looked so beautiful.
Ambrose was sitting 4 feet from
her, his legs crossed. He was not
smiling.
Tawo breezed in at 9:13pm. As
he sat down, a voice came in
from the speakers above. It was
the General.
“Thank you for coming late,
Tawo.”
Tawo nodded and waved to the
air.
“Welcome agents. I can see that
we have all been familiarizing
ourselves. There is cause for
worry. Our organization has
been infiltrated. This has never
happened before. Good job by
Sophia and Shina. The threat has
been nullified. However, this is to
warn you that you should be on
the alert now than ever before.
There could be others like her as
there is also a more desperate
detective who wants to get
behind the situation. Temporary
steps have been taken. Good job
by Tawo and Ambrose. Be on the
lookout. As from now, you will
resume normal jobs at various
offices assigned to you. You will
find a file under your pillows
when you get home. Show up at
your respective offices and live as
normal a life as possible. You
would be contacted if we need
you. That will be all.” The voice
went dead.
As the agents got up to leave the
room, the voice came back on
again.
“Super Agents wait behind.”
10 minutes later, each Super-
Agent had been assigned an
order. They also had identical
files under their pillows, but they
were instructions not job
descriptions. Operation
Subterfuge was activated.
Detective Ahmed woke up to find
himself in a very strange place.
White tiled walls, strange smell
and a very small and
uncomfortable bed. He tried to
move but he felt a sharp pain on
his left wrist. There was a drip on
his wrist and a small amount of
blood had formed at the tip of
the needed. How did he find
himself at the hospital? Which
hospital was he? He remembered
just a little part of the earlier
events. He was riding his Power
Bike. He had a collision. That was
all he could remember. He
pressed the emergency button.
“Nurse!!!” He called out. No
answer.
“Nurse!!!” He called again
screaming as loud as his
strength could carry and
pressing the emergency bell a
million times.
Seconds later, a young man in a
long white apparel came in to his
room. He was all smiles as he
approached his bed.
“How may I help you Mr.
Ahmed?” the doctor asked with a
smile on his face.
“It’s Detective Ahmed. Please
doctor where am I? Where are
my phones? How long have I
been here?” Ahmed said, trying
to sit upright.
“No no no pls Detective. You
need to relax.” He said pushing
him gently back on the bed and
continued, “You lost quite some
amount of blood and we have
been monitoring your condition
for a while. When you wake up
you will get all the answers you
seek. Please just relax.” He
finished.
He took out a syringe and drew
some liquid from a finger size
plastic container. He tapped
Ahmed’s free hand and found a
vein. He injected the contents of
the syringe inside Ahmed and
removed it from his body.
“That would help you relax” the
doctor told Ahmed.
“Thank you” Ahmed replied.
The doctor smiled, took his tray
and walked towards the door.
Ahmed’s eyes had begun to
close. He opened the door and
turned to Ahmed. He walked
back to him and spoke very
softly.
“By the way I am not a doctor. My
name is Tawo. You have been
poking your nose into business
that is bigger than you. The crash
should have killed you. You are
lucky to be alive. Ï just injected
you with a form of Amnesia
virus. When you wake up you will
lose all memory of the past five
weeks. I was never here. Good
day Ahmed.”
Tawo shut the door behind him
and left the hospital. He got to
the car park drove out and
headed towards Apapa Oshodi
expressway.
He sent an encrypted text to
Sophia.
“I’m done. Your turn to move.”

>>

akpos was a cleaner cleanin an aeroplane and his dream was to fly an airplane. one day, as he was cleaning a particular airplane, he the book“HOW TO FLY AN AEROPLANE FOR BEGINERS“ he opened the first page said to make the engine start press the green button he pressed it the engine started he opened to the second page it said to make the airplane run press the red button he pressed the aeroplane ran he turned to the next page it said to make the airplane fly press the blue button the airplane flied when he was satisfied he opened to the last page which said “TO LAND AN AEROPLANE WATCH OUT FOR VOLUME 2“ one word 4 akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-19 22:47:18

673 Views




I Opened Gmail after 1 month

10 banks are giving me easy loans.

I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall & greying.

3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.

Approx.200 mails from Anita, reena, swati, megha, rita who are feeling lonely and want to meet me.

I am feeling so blessed.Related

[Punjabi on Titanic after seeing the iceberg]

“oh bc, inni baraf! Whiskey laao.”Related

Lies [Read it]


a man was at the hospital on his dying bed. The told the nurse who is incharge of him to call his family members to him. The nurse call the man wife and his three children. The man told his family he is about to die so he need to share his property among them. So he started with the wife and said since you are my wife am going to give u my hospital. The wife started crying. The man continue with his 1st child and told him he is going to give him his law court. The child also started sharing tears. The preceed on with the 2nd child and told him he is going to give him the airport and the child also started crying. The man went on with his last child and told him he going to give him the parliament. They all break into tears. The nurse was standing there and wondering why the man's family are crying upoun all the properties shared. So she ask the family members why are you people crying upon all the properties. They replies; WHAT PROPERTY. He is a zoomlion who sweep so he wanted us to sweep in his absence ......


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-01 17:29:21

333 Views




Mirabel: What do U want Victor?
Me: I thought maybe we should hang out and
maybe get to know each other
Mirabel: Not interested
Me: Oh… I thought U wanted to talk all this
while, why the sudden change?
Mirabel: What do U take me for Victor? what are
u thinking?? That I’m some kind of girl U think
U can be turning around like I’ll always be
around !
Me: I dunno what you’re talking about
Mirabel: Yea right how’d U know
Me: I’m really sorry about all that, I know i’ve
been on a distance I’m honestly here to make it
up to U
Mirabel: And how do U intend to do that?
Me: We could go to a nice place. U know, where
they got a swimming pool, nice views and even
good food what do U think?
Mirabel: I think, instead of ‘We’, how about U
take me?
Me: Huh?
Mirabel: U drive?
Me: Yea
Mirabel: Come pick me up by 7pm
Me: What? But…
Mirabel: Shhh… No but.
Guys…!!!*They came, she walks into her car as i
watch her*
Mirabel: Don’t keep me waiting…
That’s the last thing i heard her say through the
car’s window before they zoom off.
Wait wait wait… she mean i should come with a
car? How do i do that when i don’t have one??
Or i should go home and take my dad’s Tarr!
Not a chance!! My dad will never let me take his
car. He’d think i would sell it ‘coz my dad don’t
trust me the way everyone else does. U know
why?? ‘Coz i took after him and he knew it. As
in, being a big time pretender, doing stuff
secretly without the knowledge of anyone,
physically gentle and shy but what is in my mind
is greater than what anyone can imagine. So…
only my dad knows me a little but on a second
thought, am i still bad? I don’t think so, that
was then.
Maybe i should rent a car. But renting a classy
car for her type would cost me a lot and i hate
spending money like that.
Does she want me to spend on her? No na, its
totally absurd. I mean, by looking at her, she’s
got everything she want. Abi na runs girl? No
na, it sounds crazy, i saw how she reject those
big boiz with flashy cars and what does a runs
girl needs bodyguards for? Not just one but two.
Wait, bodyguards? Is she sh… wait a minute,
what? Is she doing Politicians?? Maybe they
provided her the bodyguards, got her first class
apartment at VIPI. Maybe thats why she don’t
have time for those boiz hmmm… but she’s
intelligent na. Lemme not jump into conclusions
yet, i should get to know her first.
I left school and left for Titus’s place to get
back what they took from me. It’s not a crime
to get back what is mine is it?
?????
I got there but he wasn’t around, where could
he be? Its either the brothel or at the bar. I
can’t go there, so… i hit the road.
I remembered when i was bringing nextangel to
the game when he was still a learner, i took him
to the brothel to do ugh u know…
We got there, i arranged one for him while i took
the next one closest to nextangel’s. During the
sampling, i heard a loud yell from nextangel’s
room and it says…
Girl: Get out ****** my friend!
After i was done, i got out and saw nextangel
already out. On walking out of the place, the
following conversation took place…
Me: Guy wetin happen that time na?
Nextangel: Omoh no be small tin o…
Me: Wetin happen??
Nextangel: Guy! I dey do the girl dey do her with
all my power o..
Me: Eh hen…
Nextangel: U know wetin she dey do all those
while?
Me: Wetin?
Nextangel: I dey do with all the power wey i get
and she busy dey chop rice.
I burst into laughter…
Me: U see? Na’im make i dey tell u make u dey
learn from me
Nextangel: E no finish there o…
Me: Continue na
Nextangel: When i dey do, she go dey ask me
every seconds whether i never finish?
Me: hahahaha… why na?
Nextangel: I no know o.. e be like say i no
reach. She ask me the question for like 13 times.
The last one na’im she provoke. I just hear ‘Get
out on my toto my friend’! . Na run i run comot
from there o…
Me: That means u no pay her?
Nextangel: I pay before i start na
Me: Next time, u no go take fat ashe..
Nextangel: Omoh… i must sabi ‘am or die
trying…
I laughed that day like mad, but now he’s the
baddest no thanks to me.
I took a bike to my room, to rest and think of
how i’d take Mirabel out with a car. I got there,
i saw a car parked in front of the building not
familiar at all but it was the type of car i’ve
always admired “Range Rover Sport” I went
close to my door, i didn’t see no one. I opened
my door and got in, i off my clothes and jumped
on my bed to relax before preparing what to eat.
On resting, i saw an unusual piece of paper
beneath my door. I took it and opened it, what i
saw shocked me.
It read…

“CHECK UNDER THE LEFT SIDE OF THE CAR’S
TIRE TO GET THE KEYS…

REMEMBER, DON’T KEEP ME WAITING”
Wow! This is Awesome!!

To Be Continued.... #B-goF

>> Part 13 -

Someone who collects teddy bears is technically called an ‘Arctophile’.Related

Three university guys dodged exams because they did not
study. They came up with a plan, got themselves dirty
using grease, then went to see the lecturer .
GUYS: ”Sir we are sorry we couldn’t make it to the exam.
We attended a wedding and on our way back, the car broke
down thus we became so dirty as u can see”.
The lecturer understood and gave them three days to
prepare. After three days they went to the lecturer very
ready for the exams because they had studied.
The lecturer put them in three separate classes with only
four(4) questions in the exam paper;
1. Who and who got married? (25marks)
2. Where was the reception held?(25marks)
3. Where exactly did the car break down?(25marks)
4. What type of car broke down?(25marks)
Marking scheme: your answers must be the same. How you doing guys.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-23 19:14:34

585 Views




Tum Takalluf Ko Bhi Ikhlaas Samjthe Ho Faraz;

Dost Hota Nahi Har Haath Milanay Waala!Related

slim lady [Read it]


Oh men it went this way >> i saw her she saw me she is slim and white(bleachin tinz) i cant believe she is advancin toward me. Omo i took a stick nd began to chase her shoutin " u most die today" ah ah piple ave began to follow me oo shoutin "she must die" see stick, cee cutlass, see iron ah na wa oo just becus of one lady. Na him she stop fear come catch me i com dey run back niyeoo just as i was runnin back that bros just hit her for back "kpooow" omo na him the snake cut into two: na him me self i come hear anoda "kpooow" dat one na my broda slap me oo guess wat he said "y u dey drqw my dick up and down dey shout say i go die abi na whick kind night mare be dat wey u experience"







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-25 01:22:05

467 Views



Need airtime [Read it]


BABE: Hey cute guy.



GUY: Hey babe.



BABE: Honey, send me some airtime, it's raining here... I can't go out into the rain to get it.



GUY: *606#, *665#, *458#, *327#



BABE: What's this for?



GUY: Codes for borrowing airtime from different networks. Use any of them.



BABE: (angry)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-14 23:12:23

969 Views



Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

I know come understand Nigerians again o,,,,,,,
No money! No money!!
Yet there's alwayz a long queue @ the ATM!
Are they withdrawing their Sin?
.

#hacknation


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-20 09:56:16

360 Views



Happiest Person [Read it]


THE CROW AND THE PEACOCK
A crow lived in the forest and was absolutely
satisfied in life. But one day he saw a swan.
“This swan is so white,” he thought, “and I am
so black. This swan must be the happiest bird in
the world.”
He expressed his thoughts to the swan.
“Actually,” the swan replied,
“I was feeling like the happiest bird around
until I saw a parrot, which has two colors. I now
think the parrot is the happiest bird in
creation.”
The crow then approached the parrot. The
parrot explained, “I lived a very happy life until
I saw a peacock. I have only two colours, but
the peacock has multiple colours.”
The crow then visited a peacock in the zoo and
saw that hundreds of people had gathered to
see him. After the people had left, the crow
approached the peacock. “Dear peacock,” the
crow said, “you are so beautiful. Every day
thousands of people come to see you. When
people see me, they immediately shoo me
away. I think you are the happiest bird on the
planet.”
The peacock replied, “I always thought that I
was the most beautiful happy bird on the
planet. But because of my beauty, I am
entrapped in this zoo. I have examined the zoo
very carefully, and I have realized that the crow
is the only bird not kept in a cage. So for the
past few days, I have been thinking that if I
were a crow, I could
happily roam everywhere.”
MORAL: That’s our problem too. We make
unnecessary comparison
with others and become sad. We don’t value
our God given gift.
This all leads to the vicious cycle of
unhappiness. Learn to be
happy in what you have instead of looking at
what you don’t have.
There will always be someone who will have
more or less than you
have. The person who is satisfied with what he/
she has, is the
happiest person in the world.#B-gof


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos and kwame [Read it]


The following conversation ensued between this two friend Akpos and Kwame.

Akpos: I will make you to say 'Brown'.
Kwame: You will not make me to say brown.
Akpos: Ok, what is the colors in Nigeria flag?
Kwame: Green white and green.
Akpos: You see, I told u that I wil make you to say white.
Kwame: Is a lie, you said, you wil make me to say brown not white.
Akpos: Hahahaha, you have already say brown.

One word for akpos.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 20:51:37

498 Views




EPISODE 15

He grabbed her hand. ‘Mma, sit.’
Mma hesitated.
He nodded reassuringly. ‘Sit down.’
She sat down on the tall bed, a sizable
space
between them.
‘You are not going back to the village. Not
now.
When the time is right, I will take you. I
need to
speak with your mother personally.’
‘Even if I wanting to stay, I fitting not.
Madam
saying–‘
‘Ssh.’ He dropped his hand on her
shoulder.
Mma did not shift any closer. He did.
Mma felt uneasy.
‘Don’t worry about Madam. I will talk to her
and
she will come around.’
He smelt masculine, the stimulating scent
you get
when body scent mixed with applied scent
on
clean skin.
He wore grey shorts below a white shirt.
Mma
caught the sight of the sprinkling of curly
hair on
his thighs and looked away quickly.
‘But–‘
He held her face, each hand to one cheek,
so that
their eyes met.
‘You will stay, do you hear?’
The heavy seriousness in his eyes was
stirring.
Mma nodded.
‘Good,’ he said.
When he left the room, Mma cancelled her
earlier
decision to leave in the morning but she
did not
unpack yet.
The Monday morning that followed was
different.
Everything about it was wrong, not
morning-like. It
did not come with the usual joy that
mornings
brought.
It was unusually dark, swollen dark-grey
clouds
filled the sky.
There were occasional wind gusts, the
curtains
billowing each time they came. Once it was
strong
enough and the cans and bottles of soap
and
related items on the window wall of the
bathroom
fell to the floor.
Richard was gone. He left quite earlier than
usual.
The new project they were working on
belonged to
a Lebanese and those people tend to get
quite
finicky…when they are rich.
Cynthia did not go to work or neither for
her usual
morning walk which she did on days she
did not go
to work.
Stella knocked on the door.
‘Who is that?’
‘Madam, it’s me.’
‘Stella, what is it?’
Her voice was low, almost muffled, like one
talking
with piece of plastic bag over her mouth.
‘Madam, I want to tell you something.’
‘Not now. Come back later.’
‘Madam, it’s serious o.’
There was a long pause. Stella stood there
waiting.
‘Madam?’
Finally the door opened a notch and
Cynthia’s face
poked out.
‘What is it?’
Something was not right about her face. It
wasn’t
as smooth as it has always been. Her
cheeks
appeared swollen and her eyes seemed to
have
sank deeper into her face. There was a
large
pimple on the lower part of her left cheek
near her
lower lip.
‘Madam, it’s about Oga.’
Cynthia left the door and Stella walked in.
‘What about him.’
‘He slept in Mma’s room the whole night.’
‘What?’
‘Yes. I saw him enter and he did not come
out.’
Cynthia’s face took a whole new
transformation,this time nothing suggesting
exhaustion. Only one word was close —
frightening. It was like where one put fire to
a
lump of petrol-soaked foam material.
She banged on Mma’s door with what
seemed to
be all the energy she could muster.

>>

....just greet an old woman and she will tell
you
the story of ur generation.
"Good mornin Mama."
"Morning nwam..bia is this not okechukwu
the
son of ebube the man who raped two girls
before getting married to obianuju the
daughter
of the
wine tapper who fell from a palmtree while
staring at the buttocks of juliliana the village
famous prostitute who aborted sixteen
pregnancies before getting married to
okohia
the dibia from the...



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-08 20:53:56

267 Views



Men Will Be Men [Read it]


Men Will Be Men
One day a woman wanted to know how
the husband would react if she left
without telling him where she had
gone. So she decided to write him a
letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore
and after writing she put the letter on
the table in the bedroom and then hid
under the bed...When the husband
came back home, saw the letter and
read it, he replied on the same paper and then began to sing and dance
changing his clothes. He got his phone,
dialled someone then said: "Hey babe,
am just changing clothes then will join
you, as for the other fool it has finally
dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was
wrong..really wrong to have married
her, I wish I had known you earlier. See
you soon honey!" The husband walked
out of the room and left. In tears and
very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and
read what the husband wrote on the
letter. When she got the letter, it said: "I
COULD see your feet under the bed, I
didn't make any phone call.. I am going
to buy bread. Stand up, stop your silly games and prepare me a meal....
I LOVE YOU!
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-04 18:57:01

724 Views



guys can form [Read it]


Some guys b lyk:
(avin N32.00 on d phone nd mtn charges 12k/sec)
Guy: hello gal wotssup
Girl: m gud nd u
Guy: I've bin fyn even witout u
Girl: (frowned face) ah ah y say so?
Guy: because......(Stop talking)
Girl: u say wot
Guy: (don't talk)
Girl: elo....?
Guy: (don't talk)
Girl: are u dere?
Guy: hangs up
........................
........................
(Phones rings)
(Guy picks up)
Guy: wot made u silent d other tym?
Girl: I was talkin bt nt hearin u
Guy: mayb network den
Girl: yea mayb
Guy: k
Girl: so wot were u sayin den
Guy: I was lyk, even witout hearin frm u since daybreak I culd stil cope witout u
Girl: (angry again) wot du u mean cope witout me?
Guy: jes dat ur memory in ma head alone z wot tinkin abt

Hit like if u get dat


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-23 23:30:18

261 Views




BROKEN SEAL
EPISODE 34

Nenita managed to open her
eyes slightly, she felt weak and
lazy.
She tried getting off the bed
but felt sharp pains in the
process.
A drip was fixed to her right
hand, it then dawned on her
shes in a hospital.
He sight caught someone
she’ve never seen before.
Who is this lady? Where is dad
and ma’am Naomi?
She asked silently then let out
a loud groan.
Nikky: baby, you’ar awake!
Nenita: (in a weak voice)
where is dad? Why am i here
with you?
Nikky: calm down baby….i’d
answer all your questions but
not now okay? You need to
rest for now.
Nenita: hmmmm.
*************************************
Ella unfolded the pink piece of
paper, it reads:
“I love you very very much
Ella. I’d never leave you or
stop loving you.
I’d always be there for you. I
admit i wronged you in the
past, please give me a second
chance? I’m willing and ready
to change, just for you, Ella.
Can we meet somehow? I’d
pick you up after work.
Love you…..
……RODELIO”
yuck! Ella spat after reading
the note.
Yes Isaiah made a føøl out of
her, yes he was a cheat, a liar.
But Rodelio is in no way
better, she won’t meet up with
him…never! She won’t. Pooh!!!
He’s already her past, he’s out
of her life for good!!!
*************************************
Nenita got discharged today
and was taken home by Nikky.
She (nenita) wasn’t for a
moment happy or comfortable,
she kept asking questions but
wasn’t getting direct answers,
the strange lady (Nikky) was
only beating round the bush.
She need vivid explanations!
Nenita: when i’m I seeing my
dad?
Nikky: who told you about
him? Smart girl (smiling).
Nenita: i don’t need anyone to
tell me about my daddy, Tomas
‘coz i see him everyday, its just
so sad he can’t see me
physically.
Nikky rolled her eyes, who is
Tomas? Mtcheeew.
Nenita: aint you saying
anything?
Nikky: (pissed off) you know
what? Just shut up and eat!!!
Nenita: no way, i’m not eating
until i see my daddy.
Nikky: you’ar such a stubborn
brat huh?
Nenita: (at the top of her
voice) get me out of here, i
don’t wanna be here, let me
go.
Nikky: sshhh stop screaming,
its late already. Tomorrow, we
shall visit your daddy….Tomas
okay?
Nenita: no its not okay, i want
to leave this moment!!
She replied and walked out of
the dinning room, crying.
Nikky: Nenita?
Nenita: don’t call me!!!
She ran towards the exit door.

>>

A Hot Sexy Chick Walk Into Doctor Akpos Office Crying.Then Dr Akpos Started Asking Her These Questions
Dr Akpos: Whats Wrong Lady
Hot Chick: Its My Boyfriend.He Pull Off My Shirt In His Room
Dr Akpos: [demostrating] Is It Like This.
Hot Chick: Yes.Then He Pull Of My Skirt
Dr Akpos: [demostrating]Like This
 Hot Chick: Yes.Then He Pull Off All Other Cloths I Have On.
Dr Akpos: [demostrating] Like This
Hot Chick: Yes.He Then Made Love To Me For An Hour.
Dr Akpos: [demostrating] Like This.This Should Not Make You Be Crying Now Baby.
Hot Chick: [wearing Her Clothes]thatz Not What Is Making Me To Cry..After The Sex.He Then Told Me That He is HIV POSITIVE.
Dr Akpos: [Fainted]


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-16 00:54:20

829 Views




I can’t believe I’ve missed Balika Vadhu yesterday.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

That’s the 1579th consecutive episode I’ve missed till now!Related

The teacher asked Kofi,Kofi 1+1 what is the answer Kofi replied sir the answer is 4.A man is also passing by the school heard the answer and got angry and said Hmm Mahama will kill us oo everything has increased even 1+1 which is 2 has now become 4.Whose fault?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 21:17:45

305 Views




There’s a few guys who always get together on Fridays after work for a drink.


One Friday, Jeff showed up late, sat down at the bar, and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp… Then he turned to Bob and said, “Times are getting tough my friend, I mean, just today my wife told me that she’s going to cut me back to only two times a week… I can’t believe it.”


At which point Bob put his hand on Jeff’s shoulder and said reassuringly, “You think you’ve got it bad, she’s cut some guys out all together”Related

OYA ANSWER [Read it]


Guys let's say you are arrested and the judge
gives you 2 options
Option 1: 40 years in jail
Option 2: Stay in jail until Arsenal win Uefa
Champions League
What will you choose?
???????????



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-18 08:58:19

361 Views




Sharabi :- Garam kya hai ?

Waiter : Chowmein.

Sharabi :- Aur garam ?

Waiter :- Soup.

Sharabi :- Aur garam ?

Waiter :- Ubalta pani.

Sharabi :- Aur garam ?

Waiter :- Aag ka gola hai saale.

Sharabi :- Lekar aao , ciggratte jalani hai.Related

Three contractors are bidding to fix a
broken fence at
the white house, where Barack obama
Lives.
The 1st from INDIA, the 2nd from CHINA &
the 3rd akpors from Nigeria.They go with White
House official
to examine the fence.
The Indian takes out a tape & did some
measuring,
works some figures "Well", he says, "I figure the
job
will cost $900. ($400 for materials, $400
for my
teamv& $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese does some measuring &
figuring, says,"I can do it for $700. ($300 for
materials, $
300 for my
team & $100 profit for me)".
Akpors did not even measure or figure out
anything,
but he walks around the White House & whispers
"$2,700." The official says, "You didn't
even measure
how did you come up with such a high
figure?" Akpors
whispers "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, & $ 700
to
hire the Chinese to do the job."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 10:40:12

1014 Views




Nurse 1: good morning doctor
Joan: morning;how are you?
Nurse 1: fine;ma
Lady: good morning my friend
Nurse 1: morning ma;how is your baby today?
Lady: my baby is okay now;we will be going home today
Nurse 1: alright
Lady: i want to thank that young woman for saving my child
Nurse 1: sorry ma;she had left
Lady: oh i really wish i go thank her more. do you know her house?
Nurse 1: no
Lady: oh no....
Nurse 1: i think you should asked doctor Luke;she is his friend
Joan: what?my husband?
Nurse 1: yes ma
Lady: alright;i go look for that doctor
Joan: no need;he is in the hospital and he is my husband
Lady: alright;please help me tell him,to help me thank his friend and please give him this to give her(she gave her a necklace)tell her,'i am grateful(she walked away)
Joan: which girl was here with my husband?
Nurse: a dark tall lady
Joan: did both of them come together
Nurse 1: yes ma;they both spent the night here
Joan: what?
Nurse 1: yes;patient that saw them together said they look like a couple deeply in love
Joan: that is enough(she walked away)
Nurse 1: what is wrong with doctor Joan?is she jealous?is her business but in a real sense i haven't see doctor Luke this happy for a very long time. i should go finish my work.(curtain)


Gatemen: ma;your husband is here to see you
Grace: go tell him to leave;my daughter is not going to meet him
Loveth: i really don't know what he want from me
Grace: just go tell him to leave(back to Jude)
Jude: open this gate(he hit the gate)Loveth;open this gate;i know you are in here
Gatemen: sir;please go home
Jude: i will not
Gateman: please;they don't want to see you sir
Jude: Loveth;come out(back to Loveth)
Loveth: what is wrong with him?
Grace: i will go talked to him
Loveth: mom
Grace: don't worry(he walked outside)young man;go home and leave my daughter alone
Jude: ma;please...
Grace: if i were you;i will go home because if my husband meet you here;he will be so mad at you
Jude: just let me talk to my wife. Loveth
Grace: don't worse your breath. go home
Jude: fine;i will but i will come back
Grace: good for you(Jude walked away)this boy is something else
Loveth: is he gone?
Grace: yes
Loveth: thank goodness;i am sorry mom;for causing you embarrassment
Grace: is nothing,you are my daughter and i will do everything to protect you
Loveth: i love you mom
Grace: i love you too(curtain)

Ruth: dad;is story time
Luke: fine;where did i stop?
Ruth: when the prince found his first love after so many years?
Luke: oh!dear
Ruth: so dad;what happen next?did they get married?are they still in love with each other?(enter Muriel)
Luke: Love;life is not that easy. when the prince find her;she was already married and the prince can't go close to her because if he does everyone will be mad at him
Ruth: the poor prince
Luke: but one day an opportunity give way for both of them to be together through out an entire night
Ruth: oh dad;did the princess tell the prince why she left him?
Luke: no but the prince was happy because they both spent time together and the prince was able to tell the princess;he was still in love
Ruth: dad;is the princess still in love with the prince(he smiled)dad;why are you smiling?
Luke: is nothing;the princess is still in love with the prince but...
Muriel: Luke;can we talk
Ruth: grand mom;welcome
Muriel: thank you;my dear,can i borrow your dad?
Ruth: sure ma;i go ahead dad
Luke: later;mom
Muriel: son;are you still seeing that girl?
Luke: what girl ma?
Muriel: don't play smart with me
Luke: mom;i don't know what you are talking about(he turn to leave)
Muriel: you spent the night with her(Luke coughed)is a yes right?
Luke: no mom
Muriel: i heard the story you were telling your daughter and the person in your story is no other person but you
Luke: mom
Muriel: you are my son and i know you too well and i know when you are happy and the things that make you happy
Luke: mom;you act like you know me
Muriel: son;since when did you start talking to me in a rude manner
Luke: sorry mom;excuse me
Muriel: Luke(he walked away)how do i get this boy to sit before it is too late?(curtain)

Luke: good day young man
Gateman: good day sir;how may i help you?
Luke: i am looking for Loveth
Gatemen: oh!let me inform her(he turn to leave and saw Grace)ma;someone is here to look for ma Loveth
Grace: that stupid boy is here again (she open the gate)hey
Luke: good day ma
Grace: how are you my son
Luke: fine ma;i wanted to see your daughter
Grace: she is not....(enter Loveth)
Loveth: Luke;what brought you here?
Luke: i....uh..um....
Loveth: come on in(she dragged her in)sit(they sit)let me get you something(she walked away)
Grace: young man;do you realise my daughter is married
Luke: i know ma;i just want to check on her
Grace: alright;i won't deprive you for been friends with my daughter but i won't also want you to make my daughter commit adultery
Luke: thank you ma;i promise nothing of such
Grace: how are you sure of that?when you two are lusting after each other. i know my daughter still love you because you are the only one she love. that is why i....(enter Loveth)want you to limit your friendship with my daughter
Loveth: mom;i am not a baby
Luke: is okay;i understand
Loveth: you can have it(she give him the Juice but her mom kept staring at him)mom;i thought you are going out?
Grace: yes;but i want to stay till your friends leave
Loveth: mom;just leave;i am not a baby
Grace: i can't take that risk because the last time you were left alone with a boy;he almost raped you(Luke stared at her)
Loveth: mother
Grace: i am sorry but it is the truth
Loveth: mom;can you please excuse us
Grace: alright;careful(she walked away)
Loveth: this woman;can really be hell of a case
Luke: she is just protecting you
Loveth: you scared of my mom?
Luke: not really(he drunk the juice)thanks for this
Loveth: you welcome
Luke: how did you escape from him?
Loveth: from who?
Luke: the boy who almost raped you
Loveth: is not like he wanted to rape me;he was coming too close to me and i was scare he might do something to me and i screamed...
Luke: what happen next?
Loveth: you don't want to know
Luke: of cause;i want to
Loveth: dad walked in and pull him away from me and beat hell out of the boy,i pity him because the way dad treated him
Luke: he deserve it
Loveth: he might had deserve it but it also affected me
Luke: how?
Loveth: after that incident dad is always with me;no male friends
Luke: your dad must really be strict
Loveth: yes but he just want to protect me;if he was the one you met here;he will never let you sit close to me or talk to me alone
Luke: really
Loveth: of cause and because of that i was scared of boys
Luke: but you weren't scared of me?
Loveth: no;i just like you right from the very first day i set my eyes on you(he stared at her)i was comfortable with you and when i got my first kiss from you;i couldn't think of anything else but you. i really don't know why i love you
Luke: you love me(she stared at him)go on and tell me(phone ringing)i think i have to go
Loveth: alright take care of yourself
Luke: you too
Loveth: hold on(she give him her number)that is my number
Luke: alright(curtain)

Liz: son;you are drunk
Jude: i am not mom;i just want my wife back
Liz: she has left you
Jude: no is not possible;i want my wife
Liz: Lucas;tell your son;to stop drinking
Lucas: son;are you alright
Jude: yes dad;they have refuse to give me back my wife
Lucas: relax;your wife will return to you
Jude: she wouldn't come;dad please talk to her dad
Lucas: alright but please stop drinking
Liz: my son
Lucas: don't worry;he will be fine(curtain)






Lambert: little princess;what is wrong with you?
Loveth: dad;i want to go out
Lambert: where do you want to go?
Loveth: nowhere on my mind but i just want to see the sun
Lambert: alright;i come with you
Loveth: no dad;i want to go alone
Lambert: why?
Loveth: nothing;i jus want to be alone
Lambert: okay be careful
Loveth: i will(curtain)


Joan: where are you coming from
Luke: from a friend
Joan: really?



SEE MORE....


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Plantain [Read it]


Teacher: Kola, spell plantain
Kola: whish one? the lipe one or the unlipe one?


He asks "Which one? The ripe one or the unripe one?", some people (like me) have trouble with the 'r', and with some people, it sounds like an 'l'


Teacher: what difference does it make? Just spell plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe one na 'DODO',
if you fly the unlipe one na 'SHIPS'
if you loast am, na 'BORLI'
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan make I spell? 




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 18:14:39

445 Views




Parts: >>

Hit Me Harder [Read it]


akpors was taking a walk when he heard a woman screaming hit me harder,he quickly took a huge stick and rushed into the house,then to the bedroom and hit the woman on the head and she fainted,now akpors is expected to pay N5,000 for her treatment.
WHAT IS HIS FAULT?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-04-29 15:01:00

376 Views



Finest Girl [Read it]


You won't believe what happened to me yesterday night.


I was coming back from somewhere around 9pm when I saw this beautiful damsel approaching me. 


She has the the beautiful face of Beyonce, the sumptuous lips of Angelina Jolie, the backside like that of Kim Kardashian. The curves were like that of Mercy Johnson. She's got the height like that of Juliet Ibrahim. Her eyes were as beautiful as that of Ini Edo.


She got the forehead of Rihanna, with bumper front package like that of Cossy Orjiakor. She was looking innocent like Genevieve Nnaji. 


I knew I had to talk to her, it will be the greatest mistake if I allow her pass without talking. So I said "Hi."


She didn't reply but she smiled. So I continued, "My name is Tunde, I will love to talk to you but I'm in a hurry right now. Can I please get your contact so that I can call you for us to meet again?"


She smiled again and said, "Ok. ZERO (0) HATE ( ZERO (0), TIRI (3) TIRI (3) HATE (, SEFUN (7) TWO (2) TIRI (3), NOI (9) NOI (9)... NA MY HENTIHEN (MTN) LINE BE THAT. YOU WANT MY SAIN LINE?"


I fainted!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-07 09:24:44

129 Views



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