Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Nyoso waz a patient at a certain mental hosptal wth mental disorder. One day he was going to a friend's room,while in de coridor he met de frend pretending driving a car wth a plate in his hands pretending ts a searing wth de sound in hiz mound 'wuuuuuum wuuuuuuuuu.. Nyoso; driver stooop! de frend stoped... Nyoso; where to?? frend; am going to lagos & i ll be back next week. Nyoso; ok see yu...frend; DI DI vuuuuuuuuuuu! Nyoso went 2 hiz friends room bt found no one..he slept on his frends bed while moving hiz body sexy til de doctr came in.. doctor; Nyoso wat are yu duing dere Nyoso; my frend went 2 lagos & he wil be back next week so am having sex wth his wife.. Doctor fainted!.. a word for Nyoso?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-05 11:16:14

680 Views




Continues..
As if Preston’s side was not enough, Cassey and Belinda joined cults together and dealt with me seriously. They left miranda out of the issue. There was a day both of the cults attacked me. They beat me up to the extent I fainted. I was saved by some students who took me to the hospital because miranda was not near me. I couldn’t imagine that the senate President’s daughter was going through all these. In a week I received three days beatings. They stopped the beating when I was hospitalized for a week. They thought they had taught me enough lesson. Two years passed Brenden and preston were no where to be found around campus. We all were in level 400 when something happened a fateful day. As usual I went to class and sat down. I was waiting for the lecturer when a person’s shadow appeared at the doorpost. At first I thought it was the lecturer but I raised my head and saw Brenden looking at me smiling. I looked away on seeing him. He came close to me. Brenden:wow you have really changed a lot. What happened?
Me:nothing happened(with a harsh tone)
Brenden:you might be wondering why I wasn’t around these last years. Well I went to see pedrick park. And secondly I visited my family in las Vegas because I was needed at my father’s company
Me:that’s where your father works?
Brenden:no. He owns a company there which he gave me as inheritance.
Mekay.
Brenden:wow seems you have been lonely
Meas he said those words I cried because I thought of preston)
Brenden:why the tears? Did you missed me?
Me:nothing(I cleaned my eyes and pulled out a fake smile).
Then the lecturer came in. My mind was not concentrating in what he taught. I just looked at him blankly until he left.
Brenden:now you will agree about me taking you home?
Me:nope never mind am back in the hostel.
Brenden:I haven’t heard of presley have you? I heard he went to see pedrick park.
Mesilent a while) nope I haven’t.
Brenden:then I guess I should walk you to your hostel.
On our way, behold I saw what almost had me like dying. I saw preston coming out of a hummer jeep classic. And behind the hummer jeep classic were two SUV black cars. He came down from the car with a lady who was light in complexion, had the same qualities as a foreigner. He held her as if they were married. From where I saw miranda running towards presley. She hugged him tight and kissed him. Presley was so happy to see her. I was shocked I just stood at the spot I was when Preston walked passed me acting as if he hasn’t seen me in his life. He didn’t even look at me. Immediately he passed with the lady, tears dropped from my eyes and I felt weak in my legs. I fainted but luckily brenden was behind me. I woke up in the hospital and saw miranda next to me.
Miranda:I understand your pain but you still have to stay strong
MeI was feeling better) I know Miranda. And I will start that now.(I laughed)
Miranda:what do you mean? Why are you acting this strange? Are u okay?
To be continued


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Without vision, we perish.Related

Angela was a lady that gets almost whatever she wanted
without heeding to advice.
Despite her parents advice to shun the idea of
bringing in a maid,she paid deaf ears.
“We are not trying to force you
my dear.If you feel like getting a maid,if your
husband approves of it,then go ahead.
We only want what is best for you.
You are our daughter. But my advice to you
when you finally bring this maid is to watch her
closely”Her father concluded.
***
“shine bright like a diamond”
“shine bright like a diamond”
That’s Angela’s mobile phone ringing.
She looked at the screen. It was Ebere, her friend,calling.
“Hello b.b” She answered the phone.
“Angel, are you at home? I got the maid and she is right here with me”
Ebere spoke from the other end.
“Really? I just got back now. I’m home”
Angela was excited.
“We are coming over.Keep something for me o”
Ebere cooed and hung up.
Angela nodded.
She was happy.
Now,she can fully concentrate on her business like other women.
The knock on the door an hour later, made Angela come out
from the kitchen leaving the rice she was preparing.
She knew it was Ebere and the most anticipated maid.
When she opened the door, Ebere entered,leaving a beautiful young girl carrying a
bag by the door for Angela to have a better view before she came in.
“Good Evening ma” She greeted. Angela beheld her.
She was indeed beautiful with her open teeth.
Fair in complexion. Angela let her in with her bag.
“What is your name?” She asked.
“My name is Sonia ma” She replied.
“How old are you?”
“I am 22 years ma” She replied again with a smile.
Angela introduced herself and showed her a room to move in.


>>

Money can buy:

A bed but not sleep;

A house but not a home;

Medicines but not health;

A companion but not a friend.

Money is dirty, it only cause pain and suffering.

Send me all your money and always be happy!Related

He who laughs, lasts!Related

Lol [Read it]


Girl: What’s the price of this shirt?
Boy: 5 kisses. 
?Girl: What’s the price of that dress?
?Boy: 10 kisses.?
Girl: pack both of them dad will pay ?
Boy : oh f*ck


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-01 17:44:23

720 Views



Be Good [Read it]


FATHER: Now son, be good while I'm away.

SON: OK Dad. I'll be good for ten dollars.

FATHER: That's too much son! When I was your age, I was good for nothing!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-07 08:09:44

456 Views



SUCCESFUL WOMAN [Read it]


Teacher: akpos behind every successful man der iz a woman explain it
akpos: der iz no to narrate letz fnd d woman


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-13 20:54:45

308 Views




To verify if a lady loves u and is a marriageable material......... While u are in bed with her, cover each other completely with cloth and fart out a good amount of flatulence to spoil the air.......... If she gets out of bed, then it means she cannot stay with u thru hardship, If she takes out her head from the cloth, it means during hardship she might cheat on u small small, If she stays in the cloth but frowns, it means she will be a nagging wife, If she stays in the cloth and hits u with a blow, it means she can beat u when there is a problem,If she stays in the cloth and smiles, it means she is a pretender or a fool,If she farts back, give her the promised ring..........????????????????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-06 16:41:54

319 Views




In your life, you will love someone so much you could eat them! Then you will get married and wish you had.Related

“wow what a surprise. So pleased to see
you
pastor” i nervously murmured as i
ushered the
man of God into my sitting room. He smiled as
he settled down quietly, his eyes all over
me.
Chioma was in my bedroom arranging
my
stuffs. The last thing i wanted was her seeing
the pastor nor listening to our
conversation. It
really would mess things up because i
already
knew the reason the pastor was in my house.
“would you care for a little drink?” i
asked,
desperately trying to appear composed.
He
shook his head, smiling in a relaxed manner.
“don’t bother yourself ken. I actually was
passing by the neighbourhood, before i
remembered you live here, so i decided
to stop
by. However there are somethings i also intend
asking you” he said calmly, while i
nervously
threw a glance towards my bedroom
door,
staring at Chioma as she innocently showed up
smiling like a new wife.
“good evening sir” she greeted the
pastor, who
for the first time looked shocked and
surprised. I had to do a quick introduction.
“meet my good friend and a colleague
sir. Her
name is chioma”,
“Chioma meet my pastor. A wonderful
father and Man of God” i introduced quietly.
The
pastor was too stunned to say anything.
I
couldn’t help but wonder what was going
through his mind that moment. Chioma disappeared into the kitchen a
minute
later, while i nervously faced the pastor.
“so why did you stop attending church
programmes and what’s actually going
on between you and sister Mary?” he asked
curiously. I quickly stood up, forcing out
a
smile.
“i’m going through a whole lot of crises
right now sir. Please i will be coming to see
you
tomorrow afternoon. We can’t talk here”
i said
seriously. He breathed deeply stood up
and shrugged.
“make it thursday then. I won’t be
available
tomorrow” he said as he offered his
hand for a
handshake. “cool” i smiled as we shook hands.
Thankfully Chioma didn’t listen to the
short
discussion i had
with the pastor. After taking her home
hours later, i rushed over to Jboy’s apartment
and
poured out the day’s events to him.
“my man the worst is that i have tried
my best
to make Mary remove the unwanted blood, but
she has adamantly refused, citing some
religous
bullshit reasons” i concluded unhapply.
“mehn. Hmmm. We have to grab the
bull’s horn this time” he said seriously, biting his
lips while
i nodded anxiously.
“make up with her, act as if all is well.
After
probably a week, a small sleeping pill and a hot
injection will do. with the latest
happenings,
taking such a daring step is now
inevitable” he
suggested. I drew back with fear, swallowing
hard, but as his suggestion settled in my
head, i
relaxed and smiled. His suggestion made
perfect sense.
“it’s risky but i have to do it. I have no choice” i
agreed.

>>

A couple got tired of their marriage.
They both agreed to divorce.
So one day, the man went to pastor Akpos and said "Is it possible for you to divorce me and my wife"
"Yes sure, but you have to pay tight of 100,000 Naira" replied Pastor Akpos.
The man agreed and they both chose a date for the divorce.
On that day, the man and his wife kneel before the pastor Akpos.
Akpos started hitting the man with an iron on his forehead.
"Pastor, What's that for?" asked the surprised man.
Akpos answered "I need both you and your wife's blood to perform the divorce"
Akpos kept on hitting the man seriously.
After 5 min, the wife said "Can't you see the blood rushing out?"
pastor Akpos replied "Yes, but i need more blood".
After another 5 min, the angry husband shouted "You want to kill me?"
Akpos replied "Yes"
"Why?" asked the man
"Because that's the only way i can separate both of you"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-08 16:51:18

36846 Views




Hahahahahaha!
Do u know why I'm
laughing? I just
remembered some funny
names we (I and my
classmates) used to call
our teachers when we
were in secondary school.
Mehn! It was fun.
Sometimes when those
memories flash back to
my brain, I feel like going
back to school.
Let me give you the
breakdown of some funny
names we called our
teachers (can't remember
all, though).
CHEMISTRY teacher =
OXYGENATOR (Reason: He
always talks about
oxygen).
BIOLOGY teacher =
OSMOSIS (Reason: He love
teaching osmosis).
AGRIC teacher = BEAUTY
(Reason: Dis man ugly
pass devil).
ACCOUNT teacher =
BULALA (Reason: If dis
man flog u, you go hate
school).
MATHS teacher = ALGEBRA.
C.R.K teacher = GOOD
SAMIRITAN (Reason: Very
stingy man).
GOVERNMENT teacher =
PDP (Reason: He always
talk politics)
These are some I can
remember.
What about you? Did you
give funny names to all/
some ofyour teachers?
Please tell us.
Let's enjoy the thread!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-10 00:16:02

387 Views




If the children of Israel were like Nigerians while crossing the red sea, they would hv wasted the whole day in d middle of the sea, taking pictures and uploading it on Facebook, whatsapp, bbm, Twitter even on instagram with comments like:
(1). Chilling with Moses. (2). Miracle things on point. (3).Cruising on the red sea. (4). Omo
see fish flexing. (5). Pharaoh no fit catch
us. (6). Fish for sale, ping for delivery. (7). Flexing with uncle Aaron (. Swimming mode activated. (9). Me and my boo on fish hunting. (10). We don cross the red sea na... Thank God


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-28 12:47:31

370 Views




I believe that how you feel is very important to how you look – that healthy equals beautiful.

-Victoria PrincipalRelated

Last week i visited Afikpor with a friend of mine which is in ebonyi state, we went for a burial, as we were taking a stroll on a cool evening, I saw a bank along the road nd didnt see anyone or any security man around the bank, i didnt care to mention it to my friend bcos i have another thing in mind.
Later dat day, in the evening i zoomed off from the house and headed to the bank since i needed money, i got there and entered, although i saw no one earlier but i was still surprise how can a bank has no security in it, 'maybe its their way' i said to myself bt since i am a stranger here, i was ready to steal from the bank.
I searched all the drawer and all the bag there but i didnt see any money, i extended the search to the inner rooms but i kept on seeing bottles of yogurt i was disappointed and angry*
But since there were no money i decided to take some bottles of yogurt, i drank 5bottles and was about to open the 6th bottle, but bcos i was still full of surprise what kind of village is this?? how can yogurt be found in the bank instead of money?? I rushed outside and read the sign-board and I saw where it was written boldly on the sign board ''COMMUNITY SPERM BANK OF AFIKPOR''... up till nw i am still vomitting*** #B-goF... #AB


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-28 10:24:18

1234 Views




Men of the Nigerian Police Force arrest Akpos and they were checking his phone.
At that moment of checking his phone, a text message comes in.
It says, “Please, if you are coming, buy one Ak-47 with 6 bullets so we can be prepared for tonight’s operation.”
How would Akpos explain to the police that his friend meant Vodka (Ak-47) and Energy drink (Bullet)? To make matter worse, his friend’s name is Robert but he saved it as “ROB-1? on his phone!
What should Akpos do?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-17 13:06:02

559 Views




Pota: Dadaji Ye Condom Kya Hota Hai?

Dadaji: Chal Bhag, Mujhe Nahi Pata.

Pota: Main Janta Tha Buddhe, Tujhe Pata Hota Toh Aaj PROPERTY Ke 14 Tukde Nahin Hote.Related

Danny: you can have the money
Gift: thank you;i was really having doubt that you might become like your brother
Danny: if it wasn't that my brother's life is involve i wouldn't had pay the money because he is always getting involve in this
Gift: alright;it is nice doing business with you;more better time
Danny: thank you but there will be no next time(back to Darling)
Darling: i don't think this is right(she turn to leave and she saw her former car)this is my car(she walked towards the car and Danny and Gift walked in)
Danny: bye
Darling: Danny;you
Danny: Darling;is not what you think
Darling: what i think or what i am seeing
Danny: baby i can explain
Darling: so.....
Gift: please excuse me;go solve your issue with your wife(exit Gift)
Darling: Danny you kill me;you even have to give your girlfriend my car
Danny: let me explain
Darling: keep your explanation to yourself(she end her car and drove off)
Danny: David has killed me(he drove back to his house and find Darling packing her things and crying)babe let me explain
Darling: do you have to give her my car;you would had at least buy her another instead of giving her mine(she cried)i asked you;if you are having an affair with someone else and what did you tell me?no
Danny: Darling;i told you the truth because the truth is that;i am not having an affair with her;fine i lied to you that my mechanic damage your car
Darling: you are a bastard(he slapped him)i gave you my life and you pay me back with bad
Danny: i beg you please don't. i can't stay without you
Darling: don't worry i wouldn't deprive you of your kids;i will sent you the annulment letter to you
Danny: Darling;don't do this to me(he held her)i beg you
Darling: its over(she pull his hand from him and walked away)
Danny: no oh(he hit the chairs)i am sorry Darling(he screamed)forgive me(curtain)

Ruth: grandma;where is mom?
Muriel: i don't know(enter Loveth/Lucas)
Ruth: grandpa
Lucas: baby
Muriel: come on in;don't just stand here
Lucas: i came with someone
Ruth: who is that grandpa?
Lucas: come in(to Loveth)come on
Ruth: ma Loveth(she hugged her)i missed you;come talked to dad maybe he will hear you(she dragged Loveth close to Luke)go on(Muriel slapped Loveth)grandma
Muriel: what are you doing here?(she pushed her)get out of here
Loveth: i just want to see him
Muriel: for what?to cause him more pain or to see if your husband did finish him?for five complete years my son has been hurt all because of you. you are evil;everywhere you go;is bad luck;i was happy at first that my son had find someone who made he smiled after a very long time;i thought you were the best for him and i even pray that my son get married to you(tears roll Loveth eyes)but i was mistaken you are a flirt;a monster that takes people happiness away
Loveth: i am sorry;i didn't mean for this to happen;i am sorry(enter Joan)
Muriel: keep your sorry to yourself
Loveth: i beg you;i am sorry ma(she pushed her on the floor)
Muriel: every bad omen that had be fallen my son;is all cause of you
Loveth: you can inflict pains on me if you want to but i didn't mean to
Muriel: really(she kick her)even if i cut you in piece it will not be equal to the pains my son is going through. no one will ever love you because you are evil(Ruth cried)just leave
Lucas: stop it Muriel
Ruth: grandma;stop it;you are hurting her
Muriel: baby;keep quiet(she continued hitting her)get out
Ruth: grandma stop it(she held Loveth and they both cry)i am sorry
Muriel: will you let go of this witch
Lucas: you are hurting her
Muriel: get lost;if you want to leave with her then leave
Loveth: i am sorry;Luke forgive me
Joan: Ruth;come on
Ruth: let me be;grandma;dad will not be happy with you(Luke shake his hand)grandma stop it
Loveth: i will leave;i am sorry; Luke(Loveth walked away with tears)
Lucas: you are unbelievable(he ran after Loveth;Joan sees Luke shaking his hand again and tears pour for his eyes)
Muriel: useless people
Joan: mother;Luke is awake
Muriel: son;go on and call the doctor
Joan: don't worry i can remove it(she take the the oxygen away from his mouth)Luke
Luke: Mother;where is......(he held his head)
Truth: Luke
Luke: Truth
Truth: is a good thing that you remember
Luke: thank you but....
Joan: relax;is a good thing that you are awake
Luke: i was with someone when i passed out
Ruth: dad
Luke: Love;yes i was with Loveth. how is she?
Ruth: dad;grandma was hurting....
Muriel: stop it baby;do you want dad to get sick again
Ruth: no
Joan: Luke
Luke: Mom;Jude is a monster;i need to get Loveth from him(Tears fall from Joan's eyes)Joan
Joan: excuse me;come on Ruth lets go Ruth: dad;i will be back(she kissed him and leave with Joan)
Muriel: son;i am happy that you are alive
Luke: i am sorry mom
Muriel: is okay(curtain)


Lucas: Loveth;stop crying
Loveth: am i that bad
Lucas: i am sorry
Loveth: is not your fault(enter Jude/Liz)i go ahead
Jude: where are you coming from?
Loveth: excuse me(she turn to leave and he dragged her)what again
Jude: have i not warn you not to walk away from me
Loveth: Jude;i do not have the strength to fight
Jude: can you even fight with me(he slapped her twice)
Lucas: don't you dare(he slapped Jude) rise your hand against her again
Liz: are you going to hurt my son because of this flirt
Lucas: if you know you don't want her set her free
Jude: you think i don't know that you want your son to be with her but that wish you wish for;i will never grant because she will never be happy and if i can't marry her no one will
Lucas: you are a monster
Jude: yes;i am. i do anything i want because i get anything want. yes;i know she doesn't love me;i forced her into marrying me. she only got married to me because i threaten her. if she doesn't get married to me,that son of yours must have died a long time again. i thought all woman are same selfish bitch but i see one woman who is ready to forsake her happiness for one unlucky man;who happen to be my brother. i was hoping that she will love me but she never did
Liz: son;why?
Jude: for this;she will never be happy;i will make her miserable. i will be her god;not a kind one but an evil one(he dragged Loveth by the hair)don't you ever let a word to anyone
Loveth: stop it;you are hurting me(he dragged her away)
Lucas: Jude
Liz: you see what you have curse(exit Liz)
Lucas: what kind of a man i am?(he hit the table)dammit(curtain)



Vivian: Darling;i am sorry
Darling: why are you sorry?i should be the one telling you that because you were right. i was such a fool(she cried)
Vivian: is he cheating on you too(she nod)all man are monster. i spent seven good years in lies. Jose is my husband's son
Darling: they are all cruel(to Loveth) hey why are you quiet are you enjoying your marriage or enduring it(she laughed)why?
Vivian: is it not obvious;does she have to tell us
Loveth: it seems like three of us are curse;cheating husband and woman beater
Vivian: i hate it(she screamed)
Darling: i hate my husband for fooling me(Loveth stand up)where are you going?
Loveth: i just want to get away from all my problems(she kissed both of them)goodbye;look for me by this time tomorrow and you will find me in the grave(she ran out)
Vivian: what is she saying?
Darling: suicide
Vivian: oh my God;come on,we need to inform her parents
Darling: come on(they ran to Loveth's parent apartment)


Ruth: mom;i want to visit dad
Joan: go on and visit him alone
Ruth: mom;i can't go without you mom
Joan: baby;if you were your dad's mom,what kind of a woman will like for him?
Ruth: mom;i don't understand
Joan: okay;if i am not there;who will you want to be your mother?
Ruth: alright;if i were to choose a wife and a mother apart from you who will i choose?
Joan: hmm...
Ruth: ma Loveth
Joan: what(tears pour her eyes)
Ruth: mom;are you okay?
Joan: i am fine
Ruth: i am sorry mom;i will not replace you
Joan: is not your fault
Ruth: i just pick her because she make dad smile and dad love her and i love her too
Joan: so it is okay with you if your dad married her
Ruth: mom(she open her mouth but no word came out)
Joan: you don't have worry yourself(enter Muriel)mom
Muriel: come on;shall we
Ruth: of cause grandma
Muriel: okay;are you not coming?
Joan: No;you two should just go ahead(she hugged Muriel)i love you mom
Muriel: are you okay?
Joan: yes;i am fine
Muriel: you sure of that?
Joan: of cause(she peck Ruth)whatever happen know that i love you
Joan: i love you two mom
Muriel: bye(exit Joan/Muriel)
Joan: even my daughter prefer Loveth(curtain)




SEE MORE.....


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In a sunday school class one sunday morning after a very interesting topic the teacher asked, ''Any question?''. I raised up my hand looking very confused. The Teacher asked me, ''What is your question?''. I said, ''Teacher you said the children of Isreal escaped from Egypt.'' The Teacher said, ''Yes.'' I said, ''The children of Isreal crossed the red sea.'' The Teacher said, ''Good.'' I said, ''The children of Isreal sinned against God?''. The Teacher said, ''Yes.'' I said, ''The children of Isreal fell down the walls of Jericho.'' The Teacher asked, ''What exactly is your question?''. I asked, ''When the children of Isreal were doing all these, where were the adults of Isreal?''


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-26 12:57:50

381 Views



Gym method [Read it]


One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM, seeing an ad for
a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5,
10 or 20 kilograms on the first day.
So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a
huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and
ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and
out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you
catch me, I'm yours." He starts running, and just as
he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he
knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the
ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars,
here and there. And just as he's about to catch the
blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes
the management who led him to the showers, and then
weighs him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.
"chai!!, I was so close to catching her. If I had a
little more time, " So he races back to the gym and
says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's
standing by the
door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.
"If I catch you, you're mine."



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-01 18:08:10

177 Views




Nigerian women and how they address
their husbands with pet names. When he gives her N500,000 upward:
She calls him Sweetheart. When he gives her N400,000: She calls
him Sweety. When he gives her N300,000: She calls
him Honey. When he gives her N200,000: She calls
him Dear. When he gives her N100,000: She calls
him by their first child name... e.g
Daddy Junior. When he gives her N50,000: She calls
him Mr. John. When he gives her N25,000: She calls
him Mr man. When he gives her N5,000: She calls him
by name; e.g Johnny. When he gives her N500: She calls him
This man. When he gives her lower than N500:
She calls him with a sound... e.g
"wooosi", "phuuuuu", "hissssss".#BOLLY_SMART®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-15 23:47:30

206 Views




This days Nigerians be like, oh my God see rat, see rat, run for ur life, oh thank God, ( sigh of relief ) its just a snake. Rats are now more dangerous than snakes.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-31 09:23:58

319 Views




An Important Notification:


A man who eats chicken from his own poultry is actually a vegeterian…

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Kunki “Ghar ki Murgi Dal Barabar”!Related


1. My future wife is not allowed to have
more than 3 male friends: Me, her dad
and her brother (if you have two brother
you better pick your favourite)
2. My future wife is
not allowed to pray
silently. I wanna know what's going on
between you and God
3. My future wife is not allowed to die
because she might go to hell and be with
devil, Can't let that evil man steal my girl."
4. If
my future wife wants to comment on
any guy's post we must first discuss
about it.
5. My future wife is not allowed to work..
Cause being with me is a full time job"
6. My future wife is not allowed to hide her phone
from me. As long as we're
together it's not an iPhone it's a
"wePhone".
7. My future wife is not allowed to sleep
unless I'm watching her. If she laughs in
her sleep I'm coming into her dreams to see
what's so funny.
8. My future wife is not allowed to hug
another man with two arms


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-30 08:20:02

1214 Views



Sunday!!! [Read it]


Hapi sunday to u all! Av fun 4 today is Unique!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-16 10:45:08

85 Views




Two kids was playing in the village, they came across shit.
The 1st kid said “Hmm see shit oooo!!!”
2nd kid: “Lire! That’s not shit”
The 2nd kid match the shit and shouted “Hmm that’s dog shit”
1st Kid: “Lier! That’s not dog shit”
The 1st kid touched the shit  with his finder and then smell it with his nose “Hmmmm!!! Its cat shit”
Akpos who was observing them from a far, came, touched the shit with his finger, test it with his
tongue and then shouted “Tufaaaa!!!! Tufaaa!!!!  You people are playing with human shit. I will tell you mothers”

who is more foolish



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 18:40:32

707 Views




No human is so perfect that challenges won’t come his/her way. We need wisdom and courage to overcome any kind of challenges or trials. Get wisdom and boldness, be a Victor over challenges and trials that comes your way and your life will be successful. WE NEED WISDOM AND BOLDNESS!
???CONTINUES???
Me: Mirabel, the videotape should be our 100% privacy until we’re clear to take our relationship public. Our Parents needs to approve our relationship so that, whenever anything as such gets to the internet, it will be a news and not a scandal.
Mirabel: Baby, what can i do?
Me: Tell me where u keep the videotape
Mirabel: It’s in my iPad, my computer and i backed it up in my external drive.
Me: Your friends have access to your iPad and computer right?
Mirabel: Yeah
Me: Mirabel there are things that i need to tell u about,,, but that’d be when we meet. For now, U should delete the video from your iPad and computer then hide the external drive in a secret place.
Mirabel: Okay
Me: Or u can back it up with your genius cousin Ike and get rid of the drive.
Mirabel: Okay….
Me: Sweetheart, please watch your friends closely,,, they might be something else
Mirabel: Why did u say that?
Me: We’ll talk about that when we meet,,, do u trust me?
Mirabel: Of course! and with all my heart
Me: Good, and u know i will never do anything that’d hurt u
Mirabel: Yes i know,,, what’s all this about dear?
Me: Nothing much, just investing my innocence and good intentions towards u, just in case something comes up in the nearest future
Mirabel: Is that so?
Me: Yep
Mirabel: I hope u are not doing anything illegal in the course of our relationship?
Me: **Laughs** illegal?
Mirabel: Yes illegal, and u know what that means
Me: I know dear, I’m very clean
Mirabel: I know my love
Me: Thanks again for the gifts, i really appreciate it
Mirabel: Thanks for accepting it
Me: She’s even thanking me again, woah,,,, what a lovely girlfriend I’ve got, I’m so lucky to have u
Mirabel: I’m happy to have u too,,, Mum knows about u already
Me: Your mum the first lady?
Mirabel: Yea
Me: How? when? is she Ok with it? what did she say?
Mirabel: Relax love, Mum is the best, and so my Dad
Me: U haven’t answered my question
Mirabel: I guess we’ll have a lot to talk about when we meet at school
Me: What does that mean?
Mirabel: I will answer your question when we meet, or we should shift it to tomorrow?
Me: No, I’m not prepared for tomorrow, i will wait till we meet
Mirabel: Its Okay…
Me: So,,, goodnight?
Mirabel: Alright dear, lemme take a shower
Me: May i join u?
Mirabel: Only if u can
Me: Yea i can’t now, maybe when we get back to School
Mirabel: Good night sweetheart, love u…
Me: Love u too
**Hangs up**
Well, well, well,,,, Little by little our relationship is going forward. Both our mothers knows about our relationship, now remaining the bosses, our fathers.
I took my new iPad and wireless modem and started browsing immediately, It’s so fast. I set everything in the iPad, my google account, whatsapp, Facebook among others. I downloaded more than 15 applications and over 20 games.
I spent my night on the internet browsing and downloading till dawn. After the morning activities, Momma and Nancy left for the shop leaving me and the boss at home. The boss was in the parlor working with his laptop, he goes to his office anytime he likes because he is the boss and he can work at home using his laptop. I called Mirabel, recited a poem for her and professed my love for her. I silence my phone before i went to my bed to have a cool sleep. I had a daymare, I saw myself getting married to Lola, and i wasn’t happy . It was as if i was forced to marry her. Something was about to happen when the minister asked if there’s anyone here that have a reason why the two of us should not be together, I saw someone like a figure from afar,,, i felt some kind of feeling instantly before i was interrupted by the boss (my dad) he called me to open the gate for him that he’s going to the office.
After he left, I tried to sleep again but i couldn’t sleep anymore. I kept thinking about the dream, why did i dream of getting married to Lola of all people, and who was the one that wanted to crash the wedding?
I had to pray seriously that moment using Isaiah 7:7 to terminate the dream from ever coming to pass. I struggled with courage to wash my clothes as i will be leaving the following day,,,, i so much hate washing. Why? because i started washing my clothes when my elder sister Joy got married last year and left our house. Thank God there is a washing machine at the house Mirabel gave me to live in. After washing, i spent the rest of my day on the internet, without even checking the games and apps i downloaded. I met new cool friends online especially at coolval22.com i love online friends better than close ones.
Later in the night, the Boss called me to his room to talk as Father and Son.
Boss: U are my son, and i expect to see myself in u,,, but it doesn’t seem so yet. Why I’m trying to trust u now is because, many youths of our society start doing wayward life on higher institutions but instead, u got better. Your mother has been very happy and pleased with u recently, she says you’ve really changed, that u are now a good sensible boy and all that. For me, its your grades in school that will make me to trust u completely. If your first semester result comes out, and u performed well beyond my expectations,,,, Then i will purely understand what your mother has been telling me, I will surprise u, I will provide for u whatever u will need, i will support u in any way that will enhance your motivation. I thank God for blessing me with those jobs, with it and other connections from it will make me fulfill my promise. For these jobs has increased my level, professionals higher than me were dropped because of me. I don’t know how it happened but i know its a favour from God. So please, make me believe in u, so that i can trust and know that u won’t cause any trouble, then i can fight for u no matter what to prove my son’s innocence. Are u following?
Me: Yes sir
Boss: Good,,,, as u are going back to school, do not keep bad companies, be prayerful, study hard and make me proud. Stay away from girls,,, Victor stay away from girls,,,, that’s the area that i don’t trust u with…. i know what I’m saying,,, abstain from them completely. It’s better to keep one than be flirting around,,, but I’m not telling u to be in relationship yet. U may probably get my blessing and the go ahead to have a girlfriend on three conditions. First and fore-most, your first year results must please me, both first and second semesters,,,, secondly, u must introduce her to me and your mother, which means,,,, you will have her as your future wife and that’s if i find her suitable and worthy. And thirdly which is very important even to God,,,, U must not have s-x with her and to anyone else. For it is only for married couples. Do I make myself clear?
Me: Yes sir
Boss: Do we understand each other?
Me: Yes Boss,,,, sorry, sir
Boss: So u will go and write down everything u need, sum it and bring it to me
Me: Ok sir
He then prayed blessings for me before i left his room to write down my needs.
I didn’t even know what to write, i feel like I’m okay. My bank account is still intact, i didn’t use the money that was sent to me when i was in school. I just wrote down some things with a total of #6,800 and gave to him. He looked at the paper and looked at me, he looked at the paper again and then went inside to his room and came with some Naira in his hand and gave to me.
Boss: That’s 20,000 you’re holding, U may need it for other expenses
Me: Thank u sir.
Boss: Its okay…
Momma also gave me her own piece of advice, both morally, educationally and otherwise. She asked how much my Dad gave me, I told her the amount,,, she then gave me #25,000 and promised to backup some money in my bank account. I tried to resist it but she insisted and left me with no choice.
I felt like too much money, i gave Nancy #5,000 and she hugged me crazily and happily.

??? TO BE CONTINUED ???

>>

My heart desire [Read it]


Post BodyPLEASE READ FIRST:
*** This story is “NOT EDITED” so the readers are expected to understand the spelling and grammatical errors.
*** This story is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.
*** The uploading, scanning, and distribution of this story in any form or by any means – including but not limited to electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise – without the permission of the author is illegal and punishable by law. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
MY HEART DESIRES BY ANCHORLANIOUS © 2017
Am confusing can anyone tell me the truth yesterday was 2016 and today 2017 does that mean that tomorrow 2018?
No no I can't believe it
Hahahaha *HAPPY NEW YEAR 20177777777*

Session one episode 1


I sat down on a cemetery when this angel was passing by holding one blue band rubber and some shirts on a huger.
Anchor: Did you have her number?
Amé: Yes I do, why? did you want to rone her?
Anchor: I just dey feel her waaaa, but she has a boyfriend if am not mistaking?
Ame: No that boy is related to her but still trying to decode her
Anchor: Who am I referring to?
Ame: Isn't not Felix?
Anchor: Yeah how did you know that
Ame: That's whom we all know, but did you know something
Anchor: No
Ame: If she returns back asks her her digit pretend as if you do have and let see her reaction
Anchor: Okay I will do that, so are you sure she do have any pen drive?
Ame: Master look sharp, we dey for market where everyone is looking for what you are looking for, so pari make ward and get your own.
Anchor: No problem,
If I get this young girl ah hmmm I will scan, decode, format and that all.
Ame: Eiiii please don't spoil the girl and leave her ooo
Anchor: Here she comes
Anchor: Rosaline where from you?
Rose: My father's place
Anchor: Can I have your number
Rose: I don't have my number in mind
Anchor: Okay let me flash my line using your phone.
She handle me her Samsung Gi198... To me I flash my number and her name appears on my screen cox I've I've store her number before she arrived
Anchor: Waoo wonders shall never ends my number start with 054423 and yours also stated the same so let put everything in one plate
Rose: I don't get you can you through more light on that for me?
Anchor: I said let us do it as one family
Rose: Okay am not getting you but can you call me, cox am in hurry
Anchor: No problem
Ame: Hmmm Rose where is your boyfriend?
Rose: I do have any?
( phone ring)
Rose :hello am coming home, okay yoo
( referring to me)
I've to go my mum just call so call me when you reach home
Anchor: Okay I will
(After she went)
Ame; if you make ward you can get this girl ooo
Anchor: Ebi market let me try, niga we have to get out of here
Ame: Okay, tomorrow make sure you come early.
@ 5:40pm according to my time.
I went to the nearest vendor and get some airtime of GHc 1 before going home, I reached home took my bucket move to fetch water while I roll down the mini bucket to fetch water from the well I remember making call at 6:00pm is better than, on my screen it writing * 0% discount to MTN. Text start to 146 for daily romance story*
I quickly dial Rose's number, to my surprise.....guess what happened
TBC




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Akpors got admission into UniLag. Half way
through the semester, he had foolishly
squandered all his money. He called his father at
home.
AKPORS: “Dad, you won’t believe what modern
education is developing! They actually have a
programme here in UniLag that will teach our
dog, MONKEY-BOY how to talk!”
DAD: “That’s amazing, how do I get Monkey-boy
into the programme?”
AKPORS : (smiling) “Just send him down here with
N10,000, i’ll get him in the course dad.”
So, his father sent the dog and N10,000. About
two weeks to the end of the semester, the
money ran out again.
Akpors called home again.
DAD: “So how’s Monkey-boy(the dog’s name is
monkey- boy) doing son?”
AKPORS: “Awesome! Dad, he’s talking plenty
these days. But you just won’t believe this;
they’ve had such good results that they have
started to teach the animals how to read!”
DAD: “Read? No kidding! How do we get monkey-
boy into that programme?”
AKPORS: (smiling) “Just send N20,000, I’ll get him
into the class.”
The money arrived almost immediately. But
Akpors had a problem. At the end of the year, his
father would find out that the dog could neither
talk, nor read. So he shot the dog.
When he arrived home at the end of the year, his
father was very excited.
DAD: “Where’s monkey-boy? I just can’t wait to
see him read something and talk!”
AKPORS: “Dad, I have some bad news. Yesterday
morning, just before we left to drive home,
monkey-boy was in the living room, lounging,
reading the Punch Newspaper, like he usually
does. Then he turned to me and asked, “So, is
your daddy still messing around with that Calabar
girl, Ekaette who lives in town?”
DAD: (Exclaims) “I hope you shot that son of a
bitch before he talks to your Mother!”
AKPORS: “Dad!of course I did…you should trust
your son.
ONE WORD FOR AKPORS THIS TIME?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-03 16:17:14

431 Views




Three friends Funnymouth, Galamouth and Akpos went to a bar. Funnymouth, Galamouth are arguing about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third drunk, Akpos says nothing.

Galamouth: My wife fan me when am sleeping
Funnymouth: My wife brush my teeth every morning.

After a while, Funnymouth turns to Akpos and says, “Well, what about you? What sort of control have you got?”
“I’ll tell you,” Akpos replies. “Just the other night my wife came crawling to me on her hands and knees.”
The other two were absolutely amazed. “What happened then?”, Funnymouth asked.
“She said, ‘Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!!!”.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-10 00:02:10

696 Views



Argument [Read it]


A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-01 15:48:30

816 Views




Too early to blame president
Muhammed Buhari Administration.
Here are the reason, talking abt 16
years of Pdp VS 10 month of Apc
1) Pdp met a bag of rice at less than
2500 in 1999 but left it at 11000naira wen dey ar leaving
2)Pdp met Dollar at 20naira wen dey
came into power in 1999 but left wt
220
3)Pdp met petrol pump price at 11naira
wen they came in 1999 but left it at 87naira
4)Pdp met a bag of cement at 400 naira
left it at 200 naira.
5)Pdp met only Opc in 1999 but left us
with Niger delta, military, massob, Ipob,
Bekasi, and Book Harram. 6,)Hmmmmmm,even life expectary for
Nigerias was 59years wen dey came in
power but left it at 42years l think we
have to stop Blaming Buhari govt, lf you
want to be a good citizen just pray for
dis govt. May God help Buhari to bring back our
lost glory in Nigeria, Amen
God bless Nigeria
God bless PMB
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-06 09:01:34

325 Views




Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

-St. AugustinRelated

Nahi Aati To Unki Yaad Mahino Tak Nahi Aati;

Magar Jab Yaad Aate Hain, To Aksar Yaad Aate Hain!

~ Hasrat MohaniRelated

EPISODE 4 CONTINUES......when I heard what it said.it angered me very much.I held my sword and open up my wing in anger and force.I thrust my wings forward and backward making a turbulence of wind toward the beast.the wind was so heavy that it destroyed the throne hike sat on forcing hike to stand on his hideous feet......(AME talking)remember when I said that our ability to control air won't work on demons who are stronger than us.while hike was stronger than me but he was not better than me in fight).......... The beast lost focus but was still standing.I flu forward placing my sword in front of me with My right hand.the beast began to gain focus little by little.but my sword was already close to its head.It saw me and tried to use its hands to block me from striking.it was too late for it.my sword cut through the middle of it's mouth to the back of its head while my eye were focus on hike.making a division between its upper and lower jaw.the beast fell forward making a very loud noise like a thunder storm while its halve head fell backwards.i landed very close to hike on the tower where he stood with my knee slightly bent down while my hand and sword was beside me. and my eye still fixed on hike.
Hike:"hello AME".he said with his two hands at his back
AME:"I am not here to chat with thou.I am here to take thou to the "PIT OF HELL".I said standing up and adjusting myself for another battle
Hike:"c'mon AME we were Friends before.we can still talk just for old time sake.remember the time when we stood beside each other in time of training.I didn't allow him finish his talk because I knew what he was doing.....(AME talking)he was trying to waste more time so that he would find my weakness and use it against me.all demons are like that.......
AME:"enough!"I shouted with a commanding voice.thy time has ended
I raised up my sword to hit he with it.but he was quick so he weaved it and gave me an uppercut.I fell backwards from the tower and landed with my wings.hike jumped from the tower and came down to where I was.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Words of Wisdom [Read it]


Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.If you give her a sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.So, if you give her any aggravation, be ready to receive a ton of stuff in return.Related

a boy slept hungry in his dream he saw bread n decided 2 eat it nt long he say a coconut nd decided 2 eat it bt dere waz no knife xo he decided 2 use his teeth imediately his room mate dn shouted "oboy u don turn 2 witch? u chop pillow eh no do u na my head u wan com chop"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-14 11:21:59

392 Views




Continues..
Preston: wow this is bad. Looks like she gave you another skin texture. Wait here lemme go get something.
He came back with a bucket of water filled with ice and a white towel. He helped me cleaned my face. When I checked the time it was 9:13pm already.
Me:OMG! I have to be on my way like seriously(I was late though but I also said it to distract him from staring at my face lustfully)
Preston: oh! Yeah right. Should I drop you or do you want to walk yourself?
Me: I will have to walk don't worry.
Preston: are you sure? Aren't you scared if Belinda?
Me: hahahahhahaa! Dear, it will take me more than that sh*t to get me scared. I patted on his cheek and was heading for the door, he held my left hand and drew me close to him. I thought it was gonna be a kiss)
Preston: I insist. let me drop you off.
Again we left for his car the same way we came. He dragged me and opened the door which I entered. And he drove off. He escorted me to my hostel door and left. I thought even brenden and preston were heads over heels for me. I continued remembering the moments together with Preston until I opened the door and saw something else entirely.
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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