Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.


The first thing Daisy asked was, “Do you have a condom?”


Donald frowned and said, “No.”


Daisy told Donald that if he didn’t get a condom, they could not have sex.


“Maybe they sell them at the front desk,” she suggested.


So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.


“Yes, we do,” the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.


The clerk asked, “Would you like me to put them on your bill?”


“Thit No!” Donald quacked, “I’ll thuffocate!”Related

Tunde sat beside his mother. Two days ago, she had woken up and the doctor had informed them her recovery was steady. Today, she was smiling softly with convalescence plastered on her elderly features but his mind was not with her, it was with his wife.

“Tunde”, his mother asked slowly searching his eyes. “How are you holding up?”

“Okay”, Tunde responded even though they both knew he lied.

“How is your father?” she asked with anxiety framing her fragile features.

Tunde let out a breath, “I don’t know, it has been a while since we spoke.”

“Did you have another fight?”

“Just a minor disagreement”, he gave his mother a reassuring smile. “It is nothing to worry yourself about.”

She sighed and looked away towards the window “I know how your father can be”, Mrs Ariyo replied in a shaky voice. “I can imagine.”

“It’s nothing to worry your head about. Besides, you shouldn’t work yourself over this.”

“My husband is in jail Tunde, your father. There’s no way I wouldn’t worry about that”, she touched his hand tenderly. “My son is hurting to.o”

“I’ll be fine mum” Tunde replied tempted to pull his hand away.

“Have you spoken to Priscilla?”

He hesitated a bit, reluctant to talk. “No” Tunde replied in a tight voice.

“Are you thinking of divorcing her?”

Their eyes locked at her question and Tunde could not find words to respond. His eyes fell away and there was silence for a few minutes, he looked up at his mother as she lay with a thoughtful look on her face.

“I think you should”, Mrs Ariyo said looking expectantly at her son; “We need to end this saga and focus on moving our family forward.”

“She’s part of the family too”, he replied almost defensively. She stared at him with a puzzled look on her face. “She’s my wife.”

“Yes, but she has caused you so much pain Tunde, she doesn’t love you in any way.” She turned a bit towards him staring intently at him with hollowed eyes “Cheating, what kind of woman cheats on her husband?”

His heart twitched a bit at her words, the pain was still painfully etched in his heart that he could not even look past it to decide what to do next. Tunde let out a deep sigh.

“Tunde, now is your chance to free yourself from this loveless marriage.” Her voice shook as she spoke from the depth of her heart. “I hated watching you so unhappy even though I never understood what drove you to marry her”, His mother shook her head sadly.

“We loved each other, I think she loved me” his tone was doubtful.

“She never did, she would say anything to continue living that way. Your marriage was on the verge of collapse, remember?”

Tunde nodded, knowing there was some truth in what his mother had said. The nagging feeling grew in his chest, trying to decide whether Priscilla had loved him or not. Why she would even cheat on him, break their vows…

“Tunde”, Mrs Ariyo continued quietly” Break out of it and start your life afresh, can you live with her again knowing she was dishonest to you or your marriage? I really can’t understand why people cheat in the first place”, she coughed.

Tunde patted her hand and held back a grunt in response to his mother’s statement remembering his father. “She’s pregnant mum, it makes everything complicated. If I decide to divorce her and the child is mine there’s no stake in the company for the child which is what she would probably want.”

Mrs Ariyo nodded in agreement and looked away briefly returned her gaze to her son.”There’s more of a possibility the child may not be yours Tunde”

He kept his tongue in cheek, the truth twisted in his chest deeper and deeper as hot as a knife. He looked down at their clasped hands closing his eyes for a brief moment and shook his head remembering the bleak night when they fought.

He was ashamed he missed his wife; he was more ashamed that he could not stop thinking about her. Always, watching his phone and silently hoping she would walk in through the door. He was ashamed he grew jealous thinking of her and him together, her soft moans and the way her fingers touched his skin. Tunde looked away trying to run from his chaotic thoughts.

They sat for a long time both of them buried in their thoughts until the sound of the door intruded the quiet. They both looked towards the door and Karen came in. She broke into a smile as her eyes rested on Tunde; she carried nylon with a juice box in it and walked to the bed.

“Karen”, Mrs Ariyo greeted her beaming.

“Good afternoon Mrs Ariyo” she replied smiling at his mother. “Tunde”

“How are you?” Tunde asked in a cool tone. He got up suddenly feeling the need to be away from the room.

“Where are you heading to?”, his mother threw him an accusing look and Karen stared beguiling at him.

“I want to get a meal at the cafeteria” he walked to the door and opened it. “I won’t be long.”

Tunde walked out before they could respond.



…IN a few minutes, he was seated at the cafeteria with a cold bottle of a soft drink placed between his hands. The saucer of sandwiches lay untouched, he found he had no appetite but was contented staring into space. Karen pulled the chair out and sat opposite him on the small table for two.

“You left my mum alone?” he asked with a disapproving look on his face.

“No, she’s asleep” Karen replied hastily “You look… bad.”

“I feel worse”, Tunde replied drily reluctant to speak.

“How are you holding up?”, she asked with concern “I’m worried about you, Tunde.”

He said nothing and Karen continued “Your mother told me a bit about what you discussed.”

Tunde scowled at her “You had no business knowing that.”

“Relax”, Karen replied throwing him a wounded expression. “We are all worried about you. What are you planning to do now?”

He hesitated not sure he wanted to answer that; instead he took a sip of his drink. “Aren’t you thinking of a divorce? Karen asked steadily, she peered cautiously at him.

Tunde groaned inwardly “Why is everyone preaching divorce?” he responded staring at her in annoyance. “Whatever I choose to do should be what is right for me.”

“What about your family? Are you going to leave them hanging and elope with her?” she asked sarcastically.

Tunde almost hissed, “My family will respect my decision.” It was his turn to peer at her seeing her hooded expression.

“I just want you to be happy and obviously make the best decision because she shouldn’t even appear in front of you again, she…”

“…and you are the best decision?!” he cut Karen short abruptly. He could do little to hide his irritation.

“Don’t put words into my mouth Tunde” Karen replied scathing.

He laughed at her response full of sarcasm and finally quelled his rising anger. “This is all a game to you, Karen” Tunde stated simply. “An acquisition to take your prize.” His tone was intent to bite.

“You’re not a prize, Tunde. You are a man I love”, Karen replied in a cautious tone.

He shook his head. “No, you have no idea what it means to love. It’s not one of these mind games you play, it is more infinite than that” , Tunde paused letting his words sink in “This is just a game to you, Karen.”

Karen was visibly shaken; her perfect make up did little to hide the torment lurking behind her cool facade. “Tunde I love you and I always have, it is unfair to say I haven’t. You got married, fell in ‘love’ with your cheating wife and I am still here!” she fought to speak in a hushed tone.

Her words calmed his displaced anger, his annoyance quickly turned to pity. “Karen I know the huge sacrifice you made waiting for me and I know that it is unfair for you to watch me become a mess because of my wife but I can’t help who I fell for in the end.”

Her eyes glistened with tears as she desperately fought to keep them back. “Then we can always grow that love back, Tunde. The love you had for only me”, she replied with her tone full of hurt.

He shook his head and stretched his hand across the table to clasp hers. “Karen I can’t watch you also cling to something we are both uncertain of. I’m hurt and vulnerable but I will not be stupid enough to make promises I can’t keep after all you’ve been through”, he removed his hand.

Karen shook her head and gave a short painful laugh. “I miss you Tunde and I have been patient with you but my patience also has its limits.”

“Right now, Karen I’m a mess. I need to figure out a lot of things and Priscilla is one of them.” Tunde gently said, “I still love my wife”.

***

Priscilla walked through the hallway from the elevator, each step she took grew heavier than the last but she knew she could not back down and she had to do this. She had to confront Tunde. The walls of the company felt so unwelcoming and cold, she desperately wanted to cringe and go into hiding, scared of what would happen on the other end of the wall.

She arrived at the secretary’s desk who got up to greet her. “Good afternoon ma”, the woman greeted her with a well-practiced polite smile plastered on her face.

“Good afternoon Rose. Is my husband in?”

“Yes, yes” the younger woman replied “Let me call in to confirm.”

Priscilla nodded and sat down smoothing her custard colored dress. She paid no attention when the secretary spoke almost hearing her heart beat loudly against her chest.

“You can go in,ma”

“Okay, thank you”. Priscilla got up with rubbery legs and walked to the other door along the corridor; she paused and inhaled a deep breath before opening the door. The moment she walked in the familiar scenery flooded into her senses, for a second she had almost forgotten to look at the man she came to see.

She turned and found him staring at her, seated. A rush of emotions filled her heart and she had to stop herself from crying. Priscilla walked almost steadily to the large oak desk separating them and sank into the chair opposite him.

He kept staring; his eyes never leaving her face and her heart tingled. She had to look down at her fingers clasped on her laps beneath the desk, her head began a dull ache and she felt a little cramp in her stomach.

“Why are you here?” His voice was cold and but it did nothing to stop the little tremor that ran through her body.

For the first time, Priscilla looked at Tunde, God, she had missed him terribly. He had grown leaner and his eyes bulged a little as though he had not slept in a while but he still managed to look as handsome as always.

“We haven’t spoken in a while”, her voice wavered in her ears.

Tunde shrugged in response trying to fight off the rush of emotions, he looked down at the desk gritting his teeth as if to quell his raging heart.

“I wanted to give you time to…” she paused trying to find the right word “I felt you needed your space.”

Tunde looked at her and her heart almost stopped he gave her that familiar stubborn look he had sometimes. Priscilla swallowed back tears. “Tunde, can’t we work this out? It is killing me that we are this way. We can’t continue like this,” she almost wailed.

“You brought us to this point Priscilla”, he shook his head ” I can’t see myself looking past it no matter how much I’ve tried to”, he stated in a faraway tone.

Her heart sank further in her chest “Tunde…”

“Why did you do it?” his voice carried his weight of frustration “Why did you sleep with him, Priscilla?”

She could not help a tear escape from the corner of her eye; she got up feeling restless and walked slowly to the window knowing his eyes followed her. After a minute she sighed and replied, “I felt lonely Tunde” she turned around to face him “and I was very unhappy.”

He said nothing at her response but got up to his full height, Priscilla’s eyes scanned the length of him in hunger but she looked away mentally beating herself for it. She bit her bottom lip watching him walk to her.

Tunde stood so close to her that he could catch a whip of her perfume; he longed to brush her up against him and hold her fragile looking body in his arms. He did not know why he stood there or what he wanted out of it but there was this need to be close to her, to be one with her.

Priscilla’s heart fluttered in her chest, reality felt so far out of reach that all she saw was he, Tunde standing within a breath from her. Her chest heaved so slowly in her chest each rise and fall was almost painful.

“Where did you go?”

Priscilla raised her big brown eyes at him that was his undoing. They knew desire slowly crept in between them but neither attempted to move away.

“Mrs Bridget’s house”, Priscilla replied in almost a whisper “I missed you.” The words fell out of her mouth without her thinking. That was his undoing.

Tunde gathered her into his arms and planted his lips on hers; it knocked her out of breath the suddenness and urgency of it. They clung to each other in a kiss that spoke more of painful longing than passion. She kissed her husband back with reckless abandon, revealing at the way his body bucked simply at her touch.

All their time of making love in the home never matched up to this. This was different, a new understanding. Hazily she found herself on the couch with her husband on top of her fumbling with her dress; she tore at his clothes too. Passion for passion, fire for fire.



…SHE felt as though she had fallen into another world far better than earth just being in his arms, she felt joy bubbling within her and… As quickly as it begun, Tunde cursed and pulled away from her.

He got up with a scowl on his face leaving her in shock. Tunde adjusted his shirt and she took her cue to do the same sitting up on the couch, he had turned his back on her just the way he stood on the fateful day.

“Tunde what’s wrong?” Priscilla asked perturbed.

“I keep thinking of you with that man” his tone was savage. Tunde turned to face her “I think you need to leave now.”

“After what we just shared?” Priscilla’s heart sank slowly “We almost made love Tunde.” It was almost as though she was talking to herself confused.

“That was a mistake which would never happen again”

What was left of her little spurt of joy was reduced to ashes as humiliation took over. She got up in a robotic manner. “Tunde…”

“What did you come here for Priscilla?” he barked at her moving away from the couch “Did you want this, is that why you came?”

Hot tears of humiliation trickled down her face slowly replaced by anger “Don’t you dare say I came here for sex Tunde! We both know that is not true.”

“How can I be so sure?!” he responded with anger “How can I ever trust you again?”

“…because I suffered too!” Priscilla shouted at him in frustration “I suffered too! Lonely and unhappy while your family insulted me and you had your little fling with that woman!”

Tunde groaned, “I never, never cheated on you with Karen and we both know that!” he replied matching her tones. “You broke our vows, you broke my trust Priscilla!”

“For Christ’s sake it was before things changed between us,” she wailed at him in frustration “I stopped him before us Tunde. Why is it so hard to get that? I’m sorry it happened and I can’t understand how you feel but I love you and I’m not ready to let you go Tunde Ariyo” she stopped as her body racked with fresh sobs.

He kept quiet as if thrown off what to say, “How will I trust you again Priscilla? My family is in support of a divorce but…”

“A divorce?!” She walked up to him but stopped half way, her anger gave way to grief “A divorce” Priscilla repeated weakly “You are considering a divorce?” Fresh tears began to flow.

“I can’t live with woman I don’t trust or a child born from her affair while we were married!” Tunde rasped on “My family would never accept you back because you and your mother have caused us nothing but pain!”, he spat the words at her without remorse.

“This is not about my mother and I, Tunde and you know that. This is just your excuse to be with Karen.”

“Karen?” Tunde pursed his lips in disgust “I wish it was that!”

“Then what is this about? Because I love you and you love me. If its trust, we could build it back together,” Priscilla replied pleadingly, her eyes glistened from the tears.

“I’m not sure I do anymore”, Tunde looked at her. His heart twisted as he saw her flinch at his statement but he did not attempt to apologize for his speech. “Even if I took you back, what would you represent in my life with a child that is not mine?” he walked to his desk and stood beside it.

“How are you sure the child isn’t yours?” she replied quietly too weak to numb the painful wound in her heart.

“I don’t want child from my wife’s affair with another man, neither do I want a child that would remind me of my wife’s infidelity.”

“It is my child, Tunde,” she cried at him. “An innocent child! If the child was yours, would you hate him or her for my mistakes?”

He shrugged feigning indifference. “I can forgive you for the cheating Priscilla, you were depressed then and I fully can relate to that but a child…” Tunde spoke with such venom. “A child is a different matter, Priscilla”

She shook her head. “Are you suggesting I abort the child?” Priscilla looked at him perturbed.

“I’m suggesting if you want this marriage as bad as I think I do, then do what is right.”

She wiped her eyes letting her pride take over her broken heart. “You are suggesting I kill my baby for you Tunde” she scoffed “Isn’t that too much?”

He shook his head sideways “I want you Priscilla but…”

“No words of love?” Priscilla replied suddenly feeling numb. “I can’t kill my baby please understand. I can’t kill my baby”, she placed a hand on her stomach “I love my baby no matter who the father is and I’m sure it’s you.”

“I’m sorry, Priscilla but that’s the only way out of it aside from a divorce. If you choose to keep it, then I’m afraid I’ll have to leave.”

“You are blackmailing me with a divorce”, she stared at him hurt and disbelieving. “Tunde please don’t do this…”

“If you really love me you’d do it, because it’s my heart that needs mending. If it ends up in a divorce, you would be adequately compensated more so if the child is mine. I can’t turn my back on my child.”

“You already did Tunde”, she replied shaking her head in despair. After a minute of gathering what was left of her pride she turned and walked to the entrance door, her hand held the door knob for a while. “I don’t want your money Tunde, you can keep it.” With that, she walked out of his office, leaving him with his raging feelings.

>>

Husband=”???????? ???????? ??? ??? ???? ????? ?? ??? ???? ????”.

???? ???????
Wife=”?????,?? ???????? ???? ???? ?????? ?? ?? ?? ??? ?? ????”???
????????????Related

JOKE PART 72 BY DINDY


Teacher: What do you call a female lion?.

Pupils: Aunty I!, aunty I, aunty I.

Teacher: James.

James: lioness.

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: what do you call a female chicken?.

Pupils: Aunty I!, aunty I, aunty I.

Teacher: Linda

Linda: Hen.

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: what do you call a female elephant?.

Pupils: Aunty I!, aunty I, aunty I.

Teacher: Dindy.

Dindy: The head mistress!!........

DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 73.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-19 21:54:19

281 Views




JOKE PART 57 BY DINDY

Girl: Dindy I really need you.
Dindy: Really?.
Girl: Yes I really need you here.
Dindy: That was what a banker told me years ago and now I'm bankrupt.
Dindy: Babe I ain't gonna be your ATM!........
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 58.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-26 21:46:22

143 Views




Little Johnny is visiting his Granddad on the farm.


He races into the farmhouse and yells excitedly to his Granddad: “Hey Granddad, the bull is fucking the cow.”


Granddad informs Johnny that he won’t tolerate this sort of playground language on his farm and that in future if Johnny wants to inform him about such things he should say something like: “Granddad the bull is surprising the cow.”


A few weeks later Johnny is again visiting the farm. Once again he comes racing in and yells: “Granddad the bull is surprising the cows.”


Granddad says to Johnny: “I’m pleased to hear that after my with you a few weeks ago you have cleaned up your language. However, your grammar is not quite correct. It is not ‘The bull is surprising the cows,’ it’s ‘The bull is surprising the cow.’ The bull can only surprise one cow at a time.”


Johnny replies: “No Granddad, the bull is surprising all the cows because he’s fucking the horse.”Related

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:


“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined Rs. 50 the first time.”,

He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined Rs. 75. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of Rs.150. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: “How much for a season pass?”Related

One day, thieves came to Akpos` house. His father quickly noticed them and asked Akpos to bring his gun.

After Akpos brought him his gun, he told him to hide in the room. As the thieves entered, his father brandished his gun at them and they began to tremble.

Suddenly, Akpos came out of the room. His father, surprised, commanded, Go inside!

Akpos shouted back, Dad, you forgot to put water into the gun.

Akpos` father is currently in the hospital receiving treatment.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-23 11:23:11

176 Views



Nivea company [Read it]


Nivea company produce a very good ice cream







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-26 21:41:27

3000 Views




Boy: hey I’m Tiger shroff

.

Girl: just fck off!

.

Honey singh: arrey wah!

Ye to Mere naye song ke liye lyrics ban gaya!Related

“Your roommate is jealous of you,” the spiritualist revealed
as soon as I entered the temple. “And not only that, she
also wants you dead.”
“Why? How?” I asked looking terrified.
The man took his bell and rang it intermittently as he spun
round and round.
His overflowing white robe spun along with him as his
dreadlocks spluttered about.
“She doesn’t want you to outshine her,” the spiritualist
replied after his spinning had come to an end. “She knows
you’re more beautiful so she had to charm you.”
“You mean my roommate charmed me?”
“Yes she did.”
“How?”
“She put the charm into your bathing water without your
knowledge.” He explained.
I nearly urinated in my pants as the spiritualist divulged
these piece of information.
“Please what do I do now?” I asked wiping my brow.
“The only way you can neutralise this charm is to bring the
egg of a virgin tortoise.”
“But I don’t know where to get such from,” I pointed out
immediately.
“I can get it for you but it would cost you a hundred and
fifty thousand naira,” the spiritualist said. “You know the
egg of a virgin tortoise is very rare. I will have to travel as
far as Benin republic to get it.”
“Ok let me rush and get the money for you as fast as
possible,” I said rising from my seat.
The major thing that mattered to me at that point in time
was to get the charm neutralised and not even the amount
of money involved.
Because if business flowed smoothly, I would recover
every single amount I spent in no distant time.
I quickly rushed to the bank and withdrew the money and
brought it to the spiritualist who told me that I should go
and continue my business that my problem has finally
been solved.
I thanked him immensely and left feeling greatly relieved.
“My roommate wanted me dead and I didn’t know,” I
thought to myself as I journeyed back to our hostel. “The
battle line had been drawn. Let’s now watch and see who
would outdo the other in the game…”

>> Episode 14 -

He opened his door to an embarrassing sea of darkness. ‘Please stay still,’ he said to her. ‘Let me quickly pull on the generator.’

‘Okay.’

Outside, he walked to the other end of the lodge where all the students’ generators clustered together like brooding birds.

His stood out because he had used the largest chain to secure it. The chain would weigh nearly as much as the small Tiger Generator.

Once, one of the boys in the lodge had teased him saying, ‘O boy, why you come use this heavy chain chain this small gen na?’

‘How e take be your problem?’ he’d returned.

‘Abi na,’ the boy said. ‘Na you wey go buy 9K generator come use 20K chain chain am get big problem.’

The other boys around burst into laughter.

Without so much as a look at the boy that had teased him, he said, ‘And na person wey no even know where they dey sell generator plug dey talk o.’

The laughter died briefly and was restarted again. He then smiled to himself, knowing that the victim of the mockery has changed.

He held the generator handle and drew the rope again.

Again, it squealed and then died back. He tried again and it was the same thing.

After the fourth time and it was still the same result, he groaned and straightened up, his hands on his waist.

Then he bent and opened the fuel tank. It was half full, enough fuel to get them through her stay. He didn’t think she was going to stay any longer than an hour anyway.

He tried the generator again and it still would not come on.

Angered, he kicked it hard, but only injured his toe. He glared at it and murmured that he would sell it off the next day.

If the generator had been with life, it would have giggled hard in amusement at that time, because that would not be the first time he’d be threatening to sell it and never actually did.

Back inside, he turned on his phone’s light and apologized. ‘So very sorry, the generator would not come on.’

She nodded. ‘Don’t bother about it, I’m sure we can survive without it.’

He half smiled to the way she’d used we and survive together, as though they were a couple going through some hard time.

‘Moreover your phone’s light is quite bright,’ she added.

Not knowing if that was a compliment or an insult, the smile on his face turned crooked.

Ten or so minutes later, the issue of light was a gone case.

They sat together on the floor, legs crossed and facing each other. The chicken tasted excellent with the wine. There was that soothing sensation cool alcohol gives on the throat when it’s washing down pepper.

She told stories while they ate and she often mentioned her father.

So very often.

‘You seem to adore your father a lot,’ he asked as she ended yet another daddy story.

Just that night alone, he’d heard how her father had taken them to Academy Theatre at Lighthouse on a very special Monday and they paid just $5 each for a ticket.

Thereafter they went to a restaurant called Narcissa still in New York City where she ate Carrots Wellington for the first time.

Of course, he dithered from asking her if Carrots Wellington was the name of a dish or the chef that served it.

Instead he’d smiled along, as if he too, had always eaten and liked Carrots Wellington.

She didn’t answer his question about her father immediately. The way she paused, staring softly at him made him feel he shouldn’t have asked.

‘I’m sorry for asking,’ he said.

‘Oh no, you needn’t apologize for anything. You see—’ she sipped a bit of wine and swallowed hard ‘—Daddy has always been there for us. He is the only parent we’ve always known.’

‘I get,’ he said. ‘I live with just my mother too.’

She smiled.

He wanted to ask about her mother but hesitated. Like the case of his father, he feared it was going to be a sad story too. He didn’t want anything to spoil the present mood they were in.

‘You don’t eat chicken bones?’ she asked him.

He felt suddenly embarrassed. He’d seen the way she cracks off her own bone heads, noiselessly enough not to cause any disgust—a perfect way to eat chicken bone, if you ask him.

And he actually likes chewing on the bones himself, only his pretence had gotten quite a good portion of him.

He stared at her now. Before him was a lady living so independently it felt sweet to watch.

He ditched his pretence and picked the bone he’d earlier dropped unharmed. He put it in his mouth and cracked off the rounded head.

She smiled and said, ‘Hmm.’

And so began the bone-cracking contest.

Eventually she won. He stared at the big smile that lit up her face as she celebrated her victory.

She caught him staring and their gaze held briefly.

He pulled out first, hating himself for it.

‘I like you,’ she said, bending to pick the bone pieces scattered on the carpet and putting them into the plate.

‘I like you too,’ he said.

For something like half a minute, he contemplated whether to kiss her or not.

A foolish angry thought barked within him: Kiss her now, you fool!
Can’t you see she is craving to be kissed?

And then finally he decided.

He is going to kiss her and wait for the reaction. It is not going to be so bad, he was almost sure of it.

Just as he was about to lean forward for the act, she stood with the plate and empty glasses.

He pretended to pick the wine bottle instead and the torch and followed her.

Inside the kitchen, she dropped the plate on the gas burner and picked a bar of soap.

‘Oh, don’t worry,’ he said. ‘I will wash the plate later.’

‘I don’t want to wash the plate,’ she said, turning the tap on to wash her hands.

‘Oh.’

‘I just wanted to wash my hands. It’s not like I know how to wash plates anyways.’

‘You don’t know how to wash plates?’

She shrugged. ‘Never had to. Hated it as much as I do cooking.’ She turned off the tap. ‘Can I get something to dry my hands with please?’

He passed her the towel.

‘Thanks.’

‘So you don’t know how to cook?’

He puffed out a smile. ‘I can cook whatever I want to cook, my own way of course, but it’s not a chore I’d readily jump at.’

‘So what chores can you do?’

‘I love to launder. A lot.’

‘With your hands or machine?’

‘Hands. I would tie a wrapper and sit on a chair in the bathroom while my washing hands moved in the direction of my song.’

‘You sing?’

‘Terribly. Even worse as my voice echoes round the bathroom walls. But the joy of it all is in knowing that I have succeeded in disturbing anyone around with my noise.’

He imagined her doing all those things and smiled to himself.

Back in the room, she sat on the bed.

The silence separating them made his heart thud. He feared she would stand up to leave.

He didn’t want her to go.

Not now. Not ever.

But just then she said the sweetest thing. ‘Why just stand there, come sit with me on the bed.’


To be continued

>>

Don't rob the bank while disguised as yourself.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-27 18:02:16

463 Views




Every new day is a gift. The longer you wait to open it, the smaller it gets.

Good Morning!Related

HEAR MY STORY.. :
Part 10
I was a bit relieved,at least,after hearing what Mrs
Williams said.
"Now,tell me....how did it happen?." She asked.
I told her everything i could remember without hiding
anything intentionally.
Whenever i said something she didnt understand,she would
throw a question to me,and i would answer.
After our discussion,she said "Do you know what?"
I said "No ma".
She said "I will take you to your house now, to go and pick some
of your dresses and things you'll need for a few days after
which you will come with me to our place.
I agreed.In less than one hour,i found myself sitting in d
small,beautiful living room of the Williams.
I was taken to the visitor's room,where i put my bag.
What am i going to do next now?....I had no idea.
Thank God for the way everything happened, maybe i would
have thought of abortion,but now, that's out of the way,except i
wanted to offend God more.
We didn't meet Pastor Williams at home when we got
home,he was away to attend a meeting,i learnt.
He came back around 8pm.
He was surprised to see me in their house.
I only greeted him,he answered me,and went straight into
their room.
His wife followed him immediately,i guess she was going to
tell him why he saw me in their house.
About one hour later,they both came out of the room.
Pastor Williams was unusually silent,but i could read from
his face he didnt like what he heard..of course,i didnt
expect him to like it.
Then,Pastor Mrs came to my room after dinner and asked
"Sis Sewa,what do you want to do now?".
"I dont even know ma."
"Have you
informed Bode?"
"No ma.I didnt even know i was pregnant."
"I learnt he has gone back to school....Send a message to
him to inform him,let's hear what he will say.Dont let him
know i've known about it o".
"Okay ma.I'll do that."
.
.
.
What was Bode's response?.

>>

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar.

“Hey bartender” said the Engineer, “I`ll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there.”

The bartender responded, “I`m sorry sir but that guy`s a communist and we don`t serve his kind around here.”

“Well, you`d better because if it weren`t for that guy, I wouldn`t be here. You remember that mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don`t believe me, look at the top of his head and you`ll see that it`s flat from holding the roof up.”

The bartender skeptically served the communist his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: “I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn`t help noticing the bruising under his chin. What is that all about?”

The engineer responded: “Oh…that`s where we put the jack.”Related

Akpos and his wife left the wedding reception and entered a cab to take
them to their romantic boutique hotel.
The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so he told Akpos he
would ask directions when they got closer to their destination.
Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to
business in the back seat.
During the couple’s moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a junction ahead, and said, "I take the next TURN, right?"
"HELL NO, get your own woman," said Akpos, "this one’s all mine! IDIOT! FOOL!". The wife replied "Honey easy, the turn he meant is the road to take not to have me"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-07 15:23:48

911 Views



where is 5 [Read it]


during mathematics lesson,the teacher asked Akpos 2 count from 0 to 10
Akpos:0,1.2,3,4,6,7,8,9,10
Teacher:where is 5
Akpos:i heard yesterday in the news dat 5 died in motor accident


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-24 08:22:30

498 Views




ONE WRONG TURN
Final Episode

I was still deep in thoughts when
the nurse
returned, with a bunch of keys.
She signaled
me to follow her. Hannah simply
refused to
follow us. We climbed down a
flight of stairs
leading to the exit. Her car was
packed in
front.
“were are we going?”she asked, as
we both
took our sits in the car.
“new Benin” i replied.
She started the engine and our
journey
started. As it progressed, i placed
my head on
the dash board, thinking and
sobbing. A lot of
thoughts flashed through my
head.
Ruth was pregnant, she was sold
by our friend,
drugged and Molested. I imagined
the horror
she went through, and her
eventual
hospitalisation.
I wasn’t left out of the suffering
either. I had
lost my virginity to a boy who had
moved on
very quickly. I was caught in a
hotel room with
a boy, like a common prostitute. I
also
wondered what would have
happened to me if
i didn’t have the courage to
escape from the
hotel.
In all, my life had taken a
negative turn, i
hated who i had become. Is there
any way
back for me.? I wondered, as tears
fell freely
from my eyes.
I felt the car slowing down and
pulling over. I
knew we hadn’t gotten to new
Benin yet. I
lifted my head from the dash
board to see
what was happening.
It all seemed clear in front of me,
there was no
reason for us to stop. I turned
towards her
with my tear filled face,
wondering why she
stopped.
Her attention was solely focused
on me. She
had a look of sadness and pity
registered on
her face. Her gaze provoked more
tears, as i
started sobbing loudly.
“here, stop crying ” she said,
handing over a
white handkerchief.
” i can tell that you are different
from your
friends “she continued.
” how did you get involved with
them? ” she
asked
” i don’t know, i thought we were
friends “i
replied in between sobs.
I couldn’t control my tears
anymore, i was
already crying bitterly. The reasons
for my
tears were many, sadness and
sorrow
overwhelmed me. I just felt like
dying. I
opened the door quickly and ran
out of the
car, i had no idea where i was or
what i was
doing.
I came to a stop a short distance
away from
the car and fell on the shrubs. I
felt i was
going mad. The nurse walked up
to me, and
held me up. She hugged me,
holding my head
tightly to her shoulder.
“it’s ok, i know this must be
difficult for you,
just know I’m here for you.” she
said, in the
kindest voice i have ever heard.
I laid helplessly on her shoulder,
crying
profusely. My tears soaked her
white uniform.
We were beginning to get
attention from
passers-by.
She held me by my waist and lead
me back to
the car, and held the door open
for me to sit.
“Ella, talk to me, what have you
girls been up
to”? She asked again.
I felt a little bit more comfortable,
there was
nothing else to hide, the truth will
soon be out
and everyone will know. I
revealed all the
events of the past few weeks,
including all the
minor details.
I told her about our regular
escape from
school, and how we usually pay
the gate man.
She did not seem shocked to hear
any of it,
not even the escapades with Ehis.
She listened
patiently and quietly to my story.
“but why Ella? Why did you
choose to follow
this path, why ignore your parents
discipline?
” she asked, looking straight at my
eyes.
” i just wanted to be loved, i
wanted someone
to understand me. He was just
there for me,
he……. ” i stopped to wipe the tear
from my
eyes and control my weeping.
She held my head up, and turned
it towards
her.
“I’m sure your parents love you,
just give them
a chance, you can be a better
person”
“they don’t, no one has ever
spoken to me like
this. ” i replied coldly.
She let go of me and turned
towards the
windscreen.
“no one is a perfect parent, my
daughter was
about your age when she gave
birth. ” she
said, as a feeling of sadness
overwhelmed her.
I wiped my tears when i heard
those words. I
simply decided not to cry
anymore, knowing
that it could have been worse. She
looked at
me again and said” you can be a
better
person, don’t give up on yourself ”
She started the engines, and our
journey
continued. Few minutes later, we
were at
Ruth’s house. It wasn’t exactly a
mansion, it
was the habitat of people who
earned decent
wages.
Ruth’s mother’s car was parked
outside. The
nurse pulled over at the side of
the road, and
we walked a short distance yo
Ruth’s house.
The front door opened before we
got to it.
Ruth’s mother came out of the
house, well-
dressed with a bible under her
armpit. She
looked set for evening service. We
hurried
quickly to catch up with her, while
she was
struggling to lock the door.
“Excuse me ma” the nurse called
out, to
Ruth’s mum, as she hurried
towards her. I
stayed back at the gate, fearing
the reaction
from Ruth’s mum when she hears
about her
daughter.
I was too far out to hear the
conversation that
ensued between them, but Ruth’s
mother’s
countenance changed, she looked
worried and
began to panic. She got into her
car in a hurry
and drove off. While the nurse and
i got into
hers, and headed towards my
house.
I still managed to get home a
little early. My
mum had returned from work, she
was
watching a movie in the sitting
room. I
greeted her and walked towards
my room
quickly to avoid being noticed. My
eyes were
swollen, and my face was a mess.
I threw my school bag on the
floor, took off
my uniform and tied a towel. I
wanted to wash
off the day’s events from my body
and mind. I
needed to rest badly.
As i headed for the bathroom, my
room door
opened. My mum walked in. I
tried to hurry
into the bathroom to avoid any
confrontation
with her, i did not want another
fight.
“Ella wait ” she called out, halting
me in my
stride.
I stopped, without turning around
to look at
her. I anticipated a question and
answer
section.
” what is wrong my daughter, you
don’t look
happy”she said in a rather nice
tone .
I was quite shocked, my mother
doesn’t
usually speak to me in such
manner. I turned
around to make sure it wasn’t
someone else.
My eyes met my mum’s. She
noticed my
swollen eyes and battered face.
“have you been crying? ” she
asked, moving
closer to me.
I paused for a moment, it was
quite obvious.
There was no use denying.
” Ruth is in the hospital ” i
muttered
” oh what happened to her? ”
” she fainted” i replied, convinced
within
myself that i haven’t told a lie.
My mum tried comfort me. Her
attempts were
lame but duly appreciated. I went
into the
bathroom, as she left for the
sitting room. I
bathed slowly, wondering what
would transpire
between Ruth and her mum.
I stepped out of the bathroom
after fifteen
minutes. I wore my night cloths,
and retired
for the day, hoping to fall asleep
as quickly as
possible. However, sleep eluded
me. My eyes
remained wide open. I
continuously replayed
the day’s events in my head,
wondering how it
would all end.
The sound of my door handle
turning
interrupted my thoughts. My mum
walked in
again, with her placed on her ear.
She spoke
for a while with the person at the
other end
before turning her attention to
me.
“that was Ruth’s mother ” she said,
giving me
a suspicious look.
I sat up on the bed, knowing fully
well that the
game was up.
” she gold me a lot of things i
don’t
understand. Ella, what happened?
Who did
you go to see in a hotel? Is what
I’m hearing
true? ”
I looked at my mum’s face, i
could feel her
disappointment and frustration . I
bowed my
head slowly and began to shed
tears again. I
knew i had let everyone down, i
was a bad
person.
” so it’s true? This is what you
have become?
“she said, with a shaky voice. She
too was
close to tears. She sat on my bed
and buried
her head in her palm. She seemed
greatly
pained, and i knew it was all my
fault.
I knelt down beside her and
began apologise
profusely. I tried go explain the
day’s event to
her as accurately as i could
remember, while
tactfully leaving out anything that
had to do
with Ehis.
“you see why i told you not to
associate with
those girls? Imagine yourself in
Ruth’s
situation” my mum said after
listening to my
story.
“promise me you won’t tell daddy”
i pleaded.
My mum obliged, as she left me
to continue in
my thoughts. I heaved a sigh of
relief as she
left, believing that it was all over.
I made a
resolution within myself never to
return to this
way of life. I wanted to be a
better person.
***************** *********************
Ruth resumed school after about
one month of
absence. She was looking quite
different. She
was much more withdrawn and
anti-social
than she used to be.
The news of her miscarriage and
apparent
molest had been on everyone’s
lips. Though
there were different versions of
the story, they
all seemed to have emerged from
one source,
Hannah.
She had made new friends, and
never seemed
to care about what happened to
Ruth. I was
the only person Ruth had. She
never failed to
express how much regret, pain
and
embarrassment she had caused
herself and
her family. I could feel her pain, i
was just
thankful it wasn’t me.
We watched with keen interest as
Hannah and
her new found friends
continuously absconded
from school and returned
unsuspectingly. It
surprised me how easily she could
influence
people. Each time i saw her
friends, it was like
seeing myself all over again.
Two weeks passed, as we neared
the end of
the term. It was a typical monday
morning.
The last lecture before break had
just began,
Hannah and her friends left the
classroom
with their bags hanging from their
shoulders,
heading towards the gate house.
Ruth and i went straight to the
principal’s
office, to alert him. The principal
was a stout
old man, known for his extreme
punishments.
He was angered by our news. He
walked
hurriedly towards the gatehouse at
the back of
the school, hoping to catch
Hannah and her
colleagues.
Ruth and i walked briskly behind
him,
struggling to keep up with his
pace. Halfway
through the journey, i felt thirsty
and
exhausted. I was panting heavily.
It had been
going on for quite a while now, i
waved it off
as stress.
As i struggled to keep pace, my
vision became
blurred, eventually turned dark, i
felt
weightless and powerless. I tried
to call out to
Ruth, but my vocal cord produced
no sound.
From that moment, i had no idea
where i was,
or what was happening.
.**********
I opened my eyes slowly, trying to
figure out
where i was. I knew i had passed
out, a while
ago, but i couldn’t guess how
long. I turned
my head sideways to look
properly at the
figure sitting in front of me.
My vision was inaccurate and
blurry at first.
As it began to brighten, i could
see my mother
sitting close, with tears flowing
from my eyes.
I looked around the room
carefully, it was
obvious i was in a hospital.
Fear gripped me as i saw the
sadness on my
mum’s face. I was scared that
something bad
may have happened.
“what happened? “i asked, trying
to prop
myself up on the bed.
My mum handed me a piece of
paper. I
snatched it from her, and perused
it’s content.
It made no sense to me, it was
mainly medical
jargons.
” i don’t understand, what does it
say? ” i
asked as i handed the paper back
to her.
” you are pregnant “she said, in
between sobs.
My heart skipped a beat, my head
felt lighter.
If i were standing, I’d have
fainted again. I
broke down in tears, thinking it
was not
possible. I remember i swallowed
the pills
Hannah gave me.
” no no it has to be a mistake “i
screamed.
” blood and urine tests have
confirmed it” my
mum replied
I held my head in my palm,
utterly confused
and dejected. I had no idea what
to do or say.
I felt like dying. I could feel my
energy
draining away. I wanted to cry,
but It seemed
my tear glands had dried up, or
my pain was
more than tears.
My father burst into the room, and
screamed
at the top of his voice.
“so you have disgraced me finally,
you have
brought shame to me”
He tried to hit me, but my mum
held him
back.
“she is pregnant, don’t hit her
please”.
I just laid motionless on the bed,
at this point
i couldn’t care less if i was dead.
My life was
empty and meaningless.
“who is responsible for this “my
father shouted
” Ehis” i blotted out without
hesitation.
“Ehiagwina’s son?’
‘yes’
“get up, we are going to his
father’s house”.
My dad dragged me roughly from
the bed, he
led me out of the door, not
minding my
current state of health. My mum
tagged along,
as we headed for Mr Ehiagwina’s
house.
*****
The atmosphere was tense, the
reception was
hostile. Mr Ehiagwina had labelled
my dad a
failure for not being able control
the “small
prostitute” he had in his house. He
was
convinced that his son wasn’t
responsible for
my pregnancy, even before
hearing his side of
the story .
He ordered us out of his house,
but my dad
insisted on hearing from Ehis first.
Mr
Ehiagwina called him over the
phone, and
ordered him to come home
immediately.
We sat and waited quietly for
about 30
minutes. I stood behind my mum
who was
weeping profusely. My face was
devoid of
emotions, i had cried myself to
the limit.
Although i was falling apart
inside, my
countenance didn’t reveal much.
Ehis arrived no sooner than
expected, he
entered the living room
unannounced, perhaps
expecting to find his father alone.
The faces
before him threw him back. He
paused for a
while and examined our faces
closely.
No doubt, he must have deduced
the situation
appropriately. He reorganised
himself and
greeted everyone. His father
pointed a finger
at me.
“do you know her?”he asked
“we attend the same church” he
replied
calmly.
“she said she is pregnant for you”
“Jesus! “Ehis exclaimed, putting
his hands on
his head.
” daddy, i don’t know what she is
talking
about” Ehis denied
“shut up, the catechist caught
both of you in
church the other time” my father
cut in
“that was then, she was my
girlfriend, but we
broke up when i caught her in a
hotel with a
man” Ehis continued.
” i told you she is a prostitute ”
Mr Ehiagwina
contributed.
” she has been sleeping with
odion’s brother,
what ever she is carrying there
must belong to
him,” pointing at my abdomen.
” did i not catch you with him in a
hotel? ”
Ehis asked
The entire scene was inhuman and
embarrassing for me and my
family. Being
called a prostitute with
circumstantial
evidence made me want to die.
Who would have believed that
Ehis would ever
treat me like this? Few weeks ago,
he took my
virginity, he was my knight in
shining armour.
Today he is the one labelling me a
LovePeddler.
I bent my head in shame, as
everyone turned
towards me, waiting for a
response . Any reply
i give would make no difference,
I’d be damned
anyway.
“Odion’s brother has returned to
Malaysia, you
can take your prostitute daughter
and b-----d
grand child to him there, but for
now get out
of my house” Mr Ehiagwina
barked.
My dad jumped to his feet and
hurried out of
sight. My mum and i walked
slowly towards
the door. I walked closer to Ehis
and
whispered to him.
“you ll come looking for your
child someday ”
He totally avoided eye contact
with me, he
knew deep within himself that he
was the
father.
My dad’s car was not parked
outside anymore,
he had left us in anger. My mum
and i took a
cab home. We cried all the way
home, other
passengers looked at us in
amusement,
wondering what was wrong.
We got home, me and my mum
went in
separate direction. I went to my
room and
continued my tears. Ighalo joined
me in my
room, and cried along.
About 10pm, a sharp knock on the
gate
awakened everyone. Ighalo went
outside to
open. My father staggered into the
compound,
towards the house. I came to the
seating room
to have a good view of him.
The stench of alcohol and vomit
escorted him
as he staggered along. He began
to utter
several senseless words
“you disgrace me you disgrace
yourself. I’m a
failure, but your education is over,
you and
your b-----d. ”
I knew he was referring to me, i
was grieved. I
had never seen my father drunk
before. As i
watched my father throwing up,
and my
mother weeping, i felt terrible. I
knew i had
brought shame and disgrace to my
household,
and myself. I had made mistakes
that would
change my life forever. All it really
took was
one wrong turn.
No matter what we do,there is repercussion for everything,the intent of this story is to make parents and young girls learn,bad friends corrupt good manners,so also being a good child doesnt come at the end of beating them,show them parental in advicing them,beating them hardens their hearts the more,no matter how long,law of karma must be fulfilled,u reap what u sow,hope everybody has learnt his/her lessons frm the story,Extinate cares and says goodbye
@@@@@@@@@@@@@
THE
END
@@@@@@@@@@@@@


Fowl and qOAt [Read it]


One day a fowl n a qoat were walkinq alonq d road wen suddenly a bike man ride carelessly pass dem' the fowl said thats how the drIve stupidly like qOAt, the qOAt said yes o' thats how d drIve stupidly like qoat n dIe like fowl..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 15:21:53

287 Views




Susan: ( at the hospital) come in lara, I've been expecting you.
Lara: father said I have to come for medical check up.
Susan: yes, we need to carry out some test on you to make sure you are fit. You need to be in good health if you would be travelling.
Lara: I'm not a child doctor. The only reason you are conducting test on me is because you also think I'm crazy.
Susan: I'm sorry but it's not like communicating with the dead is something a sane person would do. why didn't you tell me your sister passed on?
Lara: my sister is not dead! She lives....in me.
Susan: so, if she's been calling you to come back home, then, how has she been doing that? Does she appear to you?
Lara: well,sometimes, I hear her voice in my head; other times, I just see her in my dreams.
Susan: she talks to you in your dreams? Can you narrate one of the dreams you had about her and how it went?
Lara: can we just go on with the test? I want to get back to the house.
Susan: please Lara, I want to help you get to the root of this but you have to help me to help you.
Lara: you won't tell anyone?
Susan: you are my patient,what ever happens his here doesn't get outside the four walls of this room. You can sue me if you hear anything we discuss here from anybody including your father.
Lara: fine, I had this dream two night ago. She was standing in front of me, all dressed in white and she was crying and screaming. She was trying to tell me something but I couldn't hear her clearly.
Susan: so you don't hear anything she was saying?
Lara: I heard her say to me just before I woke up. She said, ' don't let him touch you'.
Susan: don't let who touch you?
Lara: I don't know myself.
Susan: back in Nigeria, before your sister died, did you notice anything unusual happening to his her? Was she acting strangely at any point?
Lara: well I remember she always wanted to get out of the house, she didn't like staying at home. She was always said the house was choking her...........(her memory flashback...........she was trying to recollet one of there discussion............).....







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Great News [Read it]


The day after his wife disappeared in a
car accident, a man answered his door
to find two grim-faced Nigerian
Policemen, "We are sorry Mr. Maxwell,
but we have some
information about your wife," said one of the Policeman. "Tell me! Did you find her?!" Maxwell
shouted. The Policemen looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news,
some good news, and some really great
news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. Maxwell said,
"Give me the bad news first." The Police said, "I'm sorry to tell you,
sir, but this morning, we found your
wife's body in the sea under the
Bridge." "Oh my God!" exclaimed Maxwell
swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the
good news?" The Police continued, "When we
brought her out, she had five fishes and
three tortoises clinging to her." Stunned, Mr. Maxwell demanded, "If
that's the good news, what's the great
news?" The Police said, "We are going to bring
her out again tomorrow."
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-15 19:27:28

411 Views




Q: What is the difference between a woman and a fridge?

A: A fridge does not moan when there is meat inside.Related

Heart surgery [Read it]


Akpos went for his heart surgery, having earned enough money through his pay-off after his retirement.
The following conversation follows...
Akpos: Doctor, i'm so scared, i've never done this before and i heard it has killed lots of people.
Doctor: You shouldn't be worried at all. (the doctor said courageously).
Akpos: but why doctor (akpos asked anxiously)
Doctor: because of all the surgeries that has been carried out in my hospital, it's only one person that has been recorded dead before.
Akpos: (feeling a little bit relieved) if i may ask, how many have you done so far doctor?
Doctor: yours will be the second...
Akpos fainted immediately!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-06 10:52:59

492 Views




akpos girl friend is having a relationship with a soldier and akpos want to go to the army barack to warn the soldier please should akpos go.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-04 12:07:42

382 Views



Pastor Problem [Read it]


A 45 year old woman n her 4 year old daughter went to church 1 sunday morning. The child sat on a chair on the 1st row direct to the pupit playing. The pastor noticed that the child is not wearing a pantie. After church service, the pastor went to the girl's mum and gave her 20gh to buy some panties for her daughter. The woman was not aware that her daughter did not wear a pantie b4 coming to church. On their way home, the woman said in her mind wow. A 4 year old child did not wear a pantie and she got 20gh, if I dnt wear a pantie next sunday, I will get 10 times more than her so she did not wear a pantie the next Sunday. She sat at her daughter's previous place and exposed herself for the pastor to see. After church service, she saw the pastor walking towards her so she was smiling. When the pastor got there, he whispered into her ears and said, take this 20 pesewas and buy yourself a BLADE...
hahahahaaa!

Don't laugh alone forward it to your friends


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 20:07:47

395 Views



River jordan [Read it]


Akpos and his wife went to Israel and decided to pick a boat to see the beauty of river Jordan. 


When Akpos asked the boatman how much it will cost them, he said $500. 


Akpos shouted, "No wonder Jesus decided to walk on the sea."




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-03 08:18:41

144 Views





DEFINITION OF WAHALA:
.
¤When the person interviewing you at your
new job
is the same
guy you insulted in traffic. "Bro, u go
apologise tire.!"
.
¤When you abuse your friend "your
mama!!!" and
then u turn around
to see his/her mum staring at you.
"Egbon, u go collect plenty slap!.!"
.
¤When Mosquito lands on your father's
bald
head
and u try to kill it
with your bare hands.
"You must provide d proof ohh, or else..."
.
¤ When you update "salary things" on
Facebook and your landlord comments "on
point"""
"U go travel go villa by
force."
.
"When you're in a bus and you throw away
your #500
note instead
of gala wrapper.
"Chai! E don do be dat!"
.
¤When ur Dad works at NEPA and they take
light and
you shout "God
punish NEPA"....... And he's there with u.
"Na ur mama go start to
pay ur school fees."
.
¤When u dey on top okada and the okada
man dey
ping... # Lol. Na
automatic ticket to Baba God be dat.
.
¤ When you finish eating in an eatery and u
find out
wallet fell out
in a taxi... Start to prepare ur grammar.
.
¤When Usain Bolt chases u with a Cutlass...
O boy, just stop beg am, cos ur own don
finish.
.
¤When u give beggar #500 note instead of
#50.
.
¤When soldier punish u
finish come release u make u dey go, u
come climb
ur bike come shout "officer thunder fire u"
and ur bike no come gree start again.
.
¤When u dey inside bus,
buy 1 gala and the seller
run wit N950 change...
#CryNogoDoAm
.
¤When you post on Facebook "My boss is an
idiot"
and ur boss like ur
post. "No just go work tomorrow."
.
¤When u read this, laugh and didn't drop a
comment
or like...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 18:29:27

137 Views




To me, it seems a dreadful indignity to have a soul controlled by geography.

-George SantayanaRelated

WHO WAN DIE [Read it]


WHO WAN DIE?
Police: Paaarrk! Wey ur particulars?
-
Me: Here they are.
-
Police: They are incomplete.
-
Me: Check them well, they are
complete
-
Police: Do you want to teach me
my work? By the
way where you dey come from by
this time of the
night?
-
Me: I go burial
-
Police: Who die?
-
Me: Na one Policeman
-
Police: Wetin kill am?
-
Me: He collect juju money from one
driver for
check point and him hand come
swell he come
die.
-
Police: Na your friend?
-
Me: No
-
Police : Your relation?
-
Me: No
-
Police: Wetin you come go do for
the burial?
-
Me: I go remove the money from
the dead man
hand.
-
Police: Wetin concern you for the
matter
-
Me: Na me be the native doctor
wey do the juju
(The policeman was staring at me
now)
-
Me: Oga police, I beg I don tire,
make I find you
something make u let me dey go.
-
Police: Police is your friend, we no
dey collect
bribe again. Have a nice day.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-10 07:07:13

388 Views




If he kisses U for more than 20 minutes
without
reaching for ur panties.. marry him, he is a
HUSBAND
MATERIAL 250 YARDS
.
If she enters ur house n sees U drinking garri
without
sugar n she runs to the kitchen to grab a
spoon
shouting "wait for me o, no finish am"... bros
marry
her, na WIFE MATERIAL 300 YARDS.
.
If he spends on U only because he is
expecting
something from U.. my sister dnt marry him,
he is a
HUSBAND MATERIAL 0.5 YARDS.
.
If she is on twitter, facebook, bbm, eskimi,
badoo,
skype, instagram, 2go, WhatsApp, Mxit,
Nimbuz,
foursquare n others... my broda run for ur
life! U are
alredy single dnt marry her, she is a WIFE
MATERIAL
0.000005 YARDS.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-07 10:01:57

517 Views




Did you miss the Previous Episode?

Click the link below for Episode 1


Three alter boys (Man servants) Ibu, Okon and Akpos decided to commit one sin each and after they will go to their parish priest for confession and forgiveness.
So, they went to do their sins and goes to the priest for blessing.
The priest asked Ibu what his sin was.
He said, "I had sex with one alter girl."
The priest cautioned him, blessed him and said go drink some holy water.
So he did!
Akpos saw him drinking the holy water and was laughing.
The next one was Okon, and the priest asked him what his sin was.
He said, "I was the one that stole last Sunday offering"
So he cautioned him, blessed him and told him to go drink some holy water.
So he did.
Akpos kept laughing more and more
The priest asked Akpos who was laughing what his own sin. And as he was laughing he said, "I pissed in the holy water!"
The priest asked him to drink the holy water 3 times daily for one month
Akpos collapsed



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-31 10:00:38

8233 Views




Height of Possessiveness:
.
.
A boy is dying of cancer..
.
.
Friend:” Why do you keep telling people you are dying of AIDS ??
.
.
.
.
.
Boy:” when I die,
No one will dare to touch my Girlfriend.. ;-))Related

Nursery Rhyme in 2020:

Jack and Jill went up the hill,

To have lots of sex n thrill

Jack fucked Jill and Broke her seal,

And Jill came down Shouting

i-pill i-pillRelated

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint
Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”


Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a
blackboard and some chalk?”


Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk
instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane
mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.


Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!”
he says. “Welcome to heaven!”


The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks
for credentials.


Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”


Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”


Picasso erases Einstein`s equations and sketches a truly
stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.


Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim
to be!” he says. “Come on in!”


Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint
Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso
both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove
yours?”


George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein
and Picasso?”


Saint Peter sighs and says, “Come on in, George.”Related

me and toilet [Read it]


boy ;honey i hav a question
girl ;ok u can ask baib
boy ;btwn mi and toilet who is more important?
girl ;of course u are important honey
boy ;and why is it that when i tell u to take(remove) your pant for me you refuse while when you go to the toiled you remove without being asked??


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-01 08:20:42

1966 Views



HALLELUJAH [Read it]


**akpos walked into a mosque with a new cutlass in his hand..then he shouted "who is muslim here?",the whole congregation was silent,he asked again "who is muslim here?",no answer..then he grabbed a young boy and went outside,..AKPOS:boy help me kill this goat for I don't know to..**after killing the goat,the boy then said "I don't know how to skin it,just go back to d mosque and get someone to..alpos went back to the mosque with the cutlass in his hand and blood dropping from it,immediately the IMAM saw this he shouted "my brothers in christ,praise the lord",the congregation answered "HALLELUJAH"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 07:52:22

323 Views




*She* walked into the banking hall, her
pointed shoe announcing her arrival
minutes before you saw her.
*She* wore that kind of dress that
convinces you that heaven is missing an
angel.
The aroma of her perfume would easily
finish a bowl of eba for its sweetness.
And the phone which she gingerly held to
her ear, without minding the security guy
frantically waving at her that calls are not
allowed in banking halls, will cost a small
fortune.
*She* stepped forward, picked a deposit
slip and searched frantically for a pen.
About five guys offered her their pens but,
(power of a woman) shame to bad people,
she took mine maybe because I was closest
to her.
After a while, or a long while because time
stood still, she stood up and inched closer to
me.
*She* whispered: "Please can you spell
'thirty' for me?"
I looked down at her deposit slip in
surprise.
She'd written: *'tarty tausanh'!*
*Blood of Zachariah!!!!!*



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-02-27 06:31:18

620 Views



Talking parrots [Read it]


A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-31 08:52:07

394 Views



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