Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Loveth: Vivian where are you (on phone)
Vivian: we are at the cinema
Loveth: doing what?
Darling: give me that (she collected the phone from Vivian) what do people normally do at the cinema apart from seeing a movie
Loveth: but we have an agreement that we suppose to go shopping for a shoe
Darling: yes but that contract is no longer valid. so take care
Vivian: and why is it that you are the one answering the phone
Darling: never mind and please cut your call (she end the call)
Loveth: what is wrong with this girls? does it mean i will have to go on my own (she turn to leave and bump into Luke) sorry; i'm really sorry
Luke: is alright (she move a little forward and fell down) miss are you alright (he rushed her to the hospital and administer treatment to her)
Alex: brother why did you leave
Luke: i'm so sorry i just bump into someone whom needed medical assistance urgently
Alex: and as usual you render the assistance
Luke: will you stop is my duty to save life
Alex: i have heard; so who is this person in question
nurse 1: doctor the patient in one warder 2 the one you brought in is up and she want to say you
Luke: alright tell her i will be there in a while
nurse: alright sir(exit)
Alex: i cant believe this you assuredly carried a lady on your arms; She must be very special
Luke: will you stop; its not like i have a choice
Alex: i know you; anyway how did it go
Luke: how did what go?
Alex: Yemi of cause
Luke: oh! that
nurse 2: doctor the patient in warder 5 is convulsing
Luke: what? where did doctor faith went to?
nurse 2:i don't know sir
Luke: excuse me (exit nurse 2 & Luke)
Alex: i just don't know if my friend would ever have a life of his home
Grace: madam where are you coming from
Loveth: hospital
Grace: what did you do there and don't tell me you skip your meal
Loveth: am afraid but its a yes
Grace: what is wrong with you? you know you not the kind of person that can stay without food for even a second
Loveth: mom; i know enough with the lecture. am not a baby
Grace: if you are not a baby then do what adults do
Loveth: mom this is the lest thing i need now
Grace: fine; go take some rest and remember is tomorrow
Loveth: i know; please excuse me
Darling: baby what are you going to do today?
Danny: hang out with friends and you
Darling: i will see a movie and then go clubbing
Danny: hmm (he walked towards the wardrobe) why is there so many dirty wears
Darling: is just that my washing machine is bad
Danny: and
Darling: the laundryman had refuse to come around
Danny: so
Darling: what did you mean by and; so... you kept acting like we have other option
Danny: of cause we do; the last time i check you still have your two hands
Darling: what? are you by chance implying that i do the washing
Danny: yes; are you too big to wash
Darling: i will never do that; i haven't done that in my entire life. i never did it in my mother's house
Danny: this is my house; so whatever ways your mom thought you i don't care
Darling: and i also do not care if this is your house (she walked away)
Danny: will you come back here. that is what you get when you give a woman too much freedom by letting her do what she likes (curtain)
Liz: oh my good friend; how are you?
Grace: i'm fine; long time
Liz: yes, its really long;like twenty years back
Grace: you really have a good memory; i remember then your son was just barely eight
Liz: of cause; but he is now a big boy
Grace: really
Liz: yes, just like Loveth; how are you
Loveth: good day ma; i thought you two are not going to notice me
Liz: so sorry my daughter (enter Jude)
Jude: mom;
Liz: oh son come and meet my childhood friend and her daughter
Jude: oh ma Grace; now i remember and this is Loveth. am i right
Liz: of cause; Loveth meet my son Jude
Loveth: nice meeting you
Jude: me too; you have really turn into a very beautiful girl; mom will it be fine by you if i just talk to you daughter alone
Grace: no problem (exit both) i just hope that they both get married
Liz: that shouldn't disturb you, i know my son
Grace: lets toast to more better time and future in-laws (back to those two)
Loveth: tell me about yourself
Jude: its an abomination for a woman to asked a man
Loveth: i don't get you
Jude: you are not suppose to asked; you are not in a position to. i should be the one to
Loveth: oh sorry if i offend you
Jude: is okay; so you tell me about what you?
Loveth: i'm a lawyer; i work for SAN John in his firm
Jude: don't tell me you don't have your own chambers; that is poor; can't your family provide one for you
Loveth: is not that; is what i love doing
Jude: that is bullshit; i don't know why poor people hid under the cloud of that is what i love doing
Loveth: what? you are insulting me
Jude: i am not; don't be too sensitive. where is that stupid maid (enter maid) what take you so long?
Maid: sorry sir
Jude: sorry for your stupidity; just pour this juice and get out
Maid: alright sir(she mistakenly pour the juice on him) i am so sorry
Jude: are you stupid? did you know how much i brought this shirt? even if you work all your miserable life (Loveth shook her head)
Maid: i'm sorry sir (he slapped her)
Loveth: what is that for? do you have to treat her less human because of a mere shirt
Jude: is she not
Loveth: you don't treat people that way because they are poor
Jude: don't tell me how to treat my slave; you don't have the right
Loveth: i know; if you don't want people to tell you what is right then don't do it in front of me. excuse me (she walked away)
Jude: you see what you cause;will you get out of here
Loveth: mom please lets go home
Grace: but why
Loveth: i have a client to attend to; i'm really sorry ma maybe next time we can really spent time together
Liz: no problem; take care and bye my friend
Grace: bye see you next time (exit both)
Jude: mom where is she
Liz: they left already
Jude: why did you let them go
Liz: don't let me laughed; was i suppose to tie them down
Jude: no mom that is not what i mean
Liz: don't tell me you have a fight with her
Jude: is it not that stupid maid of yours; she spill juice on me and you know how i behave when poor people get on my way
Liz: so
Jude: i slapped her and yelled at Loveth
Liz: you did what?
Jude: mom please; let just look for way out
Liz: fine; let me see if i can get her to come around. i will try and get her number for you
Jude: thanks mom; you are the best


(to be continued)



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Exam was here, i was able to prepare a bit this time around because i had nothing doing outside again as my sister was there for me in everything i need in any lady. Sex, care, love, romance, food, my sister was giving me everything. Result for our exam was out and i was able to push my result up back a bit to 3.59 which is second class upper.
It was almost two month into my last semester in the school when we saw a communiqué from school authority that one of the new generation bank will be coming to the school to employ students that are in second class upper. They said the modus operandi will be that all students in second class upper will be invited to come and write the bank aptitude test at the ICT centre in the school, if you pass, they will wait for your final result and once you still maintain your second class upper, you will be offered automatic employment. They will officially request from NYSC that successful candidate should come and serve with them. Since i was in 3.59, i was schedule to write the test too, i prepared very well for the test and when the result was out, i passed. The bridge to cross was now my final exam in the university.
The relationship between me and my sister was getting stronger and stronger, hardly a night goes without us relaxing with a nice fucck, it was just natural between us, i don’t have a girlfriend neither does she have a boyfriend in school, the only guy he knew was in Offa. The funniest thing was that the first day i brought Alcohol home, i was surprise that my sister drinks and the most amazing thing was that she drank almost half bottle of black label but she was not drunk, I later asked where she learnt all those things from and how she was disvirgined.
It was then my sister told me that i remembered she went to only girls secondary school, it was in the secondary school that she was introduced to girls, it first started from kissing and pressing of breast when she was in SS!. She said she has a senior in SS3 then that liked her so much because she had a rapid growth, initially she thought it was normal likeness until she will tell her to wait behind after close of school and they will go to the chemistry lab with some student after which individual girls will pich each other one after the other and start kissing, sucking each others breast and finger themselves but she didn’t alow them finger her because she was still a virgin then and she doesn’t want to lose her virginity that way. She said she used to satisfy that her senior very well.
She said i remembered that all of us are very scared of our parent because of their strict nature so she couldn’t talk to them when it all started as she was enduring it and there was no one to talk to. “what about our sister”? she was in school then so how will i talk to her, i was left for myself all alone to carry my cross. Then uncle Akin parked to our house (Akin was a banker i learnt rented a two bedroom apartment in our house), he was so nice to us and our parent trusted us with him because he use to teach me mathematics and Economics every Saturday and Sunday, along the line, he told me that he loves me and wanted us to start dating, that was how we started and it didn’t take up to a week i said yes to him that we had sex together. We started having sex together since i was in SS2, i will go to his house under the pretence of going to read rather what i went there for was sex. I got pregnant for him twice within a year and he aborted it for me. What separated us was when i caught our sister with him in his bedroom pant down having sex. She told me not to tell our parent even though she didn’t know i was also having sex with him and he has aborted two pregnancies for me before, he later parked out of our house when i was about rounding up with my WAEC.
Back to facebook, i was now a guru on the social media; i now have so many friends online that i do chat with. 80% of my friends on the social media are females, who has time for male friends? Wetyn i wan dey follow dem talk? I add anybody addable to my friend list so far you are a lady wit fine face and a nice body physique. Aminat later sent me a nokia 6630 phones with 512MB memory card which she sent through Cynthia.
I tried my best to boost myself in my final paper and i thank God at the end of the exam my result stood at 3.51. That is what Yoruba used to call Oriyomi. Our results were sent to the bank for those of us that made second class upper and when NYSC mobilization list was out, we were all to report to NYSC camp Yikpata.

Read Episode 48

Fashions fade, style is eternal.

~ Yves Saint-LaurentRelated

A young girl comes home happily and informed her parent that she had met a man who would marry her 


MOTHER: Is he a catholic? 
DAUGHTER: No, he is not. 
MOTHER: Then try to convert him 
DAUGHTER: All right mum.


After some months she comes back crying 


MOTHER: Why are you crying 
DAUGHTER: He says he's not going to marry me anymore
MOTHER: Why!?
DAUGHTER: I succeeded in convincing him now he's joining the seminary, he says he wants to be a priest!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-05 11:29:53

272 Views




I surveyed the area for the last time, reached inside my black jacket and touched the pistol my brother gave me minutes earlier.

“it has only one bullet. You are not going in there to shoot anybody but i’m giving it to you because no knows what might happen when you get there” he said as he gave me the little weapon, equally giving me a quick lesson on how to use it.

With one quick breathe, i scaled the fence, wounding as barbed wires tore my trouser. But the injury was nothing compared to the wound in my heart. I pushed on, very determined to finish the task ahead.
In no time i was at the backyard. I quickly headed straight to the garden and stopped for a minute to take a look at the crime scene where the detective believed my husband was murdered. Tears instantly fell from my eyes.

“Damian i believe you are watching. I know you are right here. I know a murdered spirit is always at the spot where his life was taken away. Yes i believe in it. I believe in superstition. I can’t do this without you. Please help me” i cried quietly, picked up myself and walked into the building with determination.

All the security lights were glaring as i made my way into the big house. But instead of being caught with the help of the lights, i was guided to the guest rooms by the same wonderful lights.

However it really wasn’t easy knowing the particular room to check. I had to start from the first room downstairs, but luckily the first three rooms were locked, leaving me with no choice than to move over to the fourth room. I slowly opened the door but the room was very dark inside. I couldn’t see anything.
I drew back to the corridor, closed the door and checked my recorder which was in good working condition. I smiled with satisfaction, safely tucked it back into the b----t pocket of my jacket, pulled out a small touch light from my trouser and slowly walked into the room, flashing my torch light.

“who the heck is that?” a lady suddenly screamed from the bed, switching on the electric table lamp by her side, and revealing her face in the process.
She was no other person than Esther Hardey. The lady i came looking for.

I breathed deeply, drew back, locked the door and switched on the main lights of the room which equally revealed my face to the frightened lady.

“oh shi.t, you?? You got to be kidding me” she instantly smiled on seeing my face, equally regaining all her composure as if she was sure i wouldn’t do anything to her. I quickly pulled out my gun from the jacket while she scoffed on seeing it.

“oh please” she hissed, sat up on her bed, grabbed a stick of cigarette and lighted it.

“what the hell do you want?” she asked coldly.

>>

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows any one of them!Related

Akpors found a bottle on the beach. He rubbed it and, sure enough, out popped a genie.

"I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. "But there's a catch."

"What catch?" he asked.

The genie replied, "Every time you make a wish, every politician in the world will receive double what you asked for."

"Well, I can live with that! No problem!" replied Akpors.

"What is your first wish?" asked the Genie.

"Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari," he said.

POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. "Now, every politician in the world has two Ferraris," said the genie.

"Next wish?"

"I'd love a billion dollars," replied Akpors.

POOF! One billion dollars appeared at his feet. "Now, every politician in the world has two billion dollars," said the genie.

"Well, that's okay, as long as I've got my billion," replied Akpors.

"What is your final wish?" asked the genie.

Akpors thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-16 10:48:57

316 Views



The One Above [Read it]


Akpos Was On A Tree Relaxing When His Pastor And A Girl Came Under The Tree And Were Having Sex..After The Sex,The Girl Asked The Pastor That Did He Us Condom,the Pastor Said No,the Girl Now Said That If She Is Pregnant,what Should She Do.The Pastor Said Dont Worry.Leave That Matter To The One Above,Akpos Became Shocked.He Jumped Down From The Tree And Said "which One Above,i Follow Una Do Am" Abeg Free Me O


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 13:01:55

332 Views




PREVIOUSLY ON “AN EVENING WITH EVA”:
“This is code Amber. Gather all Super Agents
and the Tactics team at the Watch Tower. We
meet at 21:00 hours.” – Major General.
“This would only hurt just a little.” – Sophia.
“Welcome agents. Our organization has been
infiltrated. This has never happened before.
The threat has been nullified. However, this is
to warn you that you should be on the alert
now than ever before. There could be others
like her as there is also a more desperate
detective who wants to get behind the
situation. Temporary steps have been taken.
Be on the lookout. As from now, you will
resume normal jobs at various offices
assigned to you. You will find a file under your
pillows when you get home. You would be
contacted if we need you. That will be all.
Super Agents wait behind.” – Major General.
“I am coming home. Okay. I am fine. See you
soon.” – Detective Ahmed
“How may I help you Mr. Ahmed?” – Tawo
“Please doctor, where am I? Where are my
phones? How long have I been here?” –
Detective Ahmed
“You have been poking your nose into
business that is bigger than you. The crash
should have killed you. You are lucky to be
alive. Ï just injected you with a form of
Amnesia virus. When you wake up you will
lose all memory of the past five weeks. I was
never here. Good day Ahmed.” – Tawo
“I’m done. Your turn to move.” – Tawo
“Sean, we need to have a small talk” – Sophia
“I am going to ask only one more time. Where
is Eva?” – Thug
“The mouse is in the hole. Your move.” –
Shina
“Put your hands up. Who are you? Show me
your ID card!” – Guard
“It’s in my bag. Can I get it?” – Ambrose
“I’m done. Pick the exhibits at the mansion.”
– Ambrose
“Evening General.” – Sophia
“Initiate Operation Eva” – Major General.
AND NOW.

>>

so swagalisious








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-15 18:27:42

496 Views




Kanjoos(Miser) lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .Dear Sunita Darling,I can’t send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company’s performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.Your loving husband,TunaHis wife replied..TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don’t worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses andI hope I can survive the month using this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next month?Your Sweet Heart,SunitaRelated

My name is Bruno, I’m 22 years, I live in Lagos and I’m from a family of 5, 4 girls 1 boy.
I’m the only son in my family as a matter of fact the last born of the family. My mum is a teacher while my father is a lecturer.
Well, growing up in the midst of girls was a little bit fun but it can be frustrating tho, for the fact that I’m the only son in the family I was spoilt by my folks, something like a spoilt brat.
I’m from a average family, we all went to the best schools in Nigeria I’m presently a finally year student in Unilag studying Philosophy.
Like I said earlier growing up in the midst of girls can be fun, I enjoyed every part of it, how my sisters looked after me, how they make up for me, how I wore girls clothes and shoes *lol* I still remember those lipsticks back then, how my sisters used to discuss about their boyfriend, how they were disvirgined, they talk about sex which my favourite part was the dick/penis part.
I’m a very masculine guy, I have a very nice dick with a fat ass, nice lips, brown eyes, light skinned, curly hair and pointed nipples.
You can imagine how handsome I’m gonna be but the problem is I’m girlie; I mean I behave like a girl probably because I grew up with girls.
I remember how i used to act as mummy when me and my childhood friends used to act mummy and daddy, we kiss, romance and all those childish things, who didn’t do Daddy and Mummy as a child? Growing up as a boy I’ve always been attracted to boys even tho I don’t like that idea and I guess its also because I grew up with girls cos I don’t even understand myself.
Girls run after me, they all wanna date me cos I’m handsome, guys I mean gay wanna date me too. I remember how they approach me in public, the text messages *lol* Now let’s talk about how I started my homosexual life growing up, well its a long story oooo, so you’ve got to sit down and fasten your seat beat and fly with me okay cos I’m gonna tell you about the sex, the gay parties I attended, the guys I’ve dated and lots more. Well, I still remember vividly that I started my homosexuality or should I say gay life when I was just 9 years old and I was still in primary school. There was this guy that lives in the next compound, his name is Kamal; Kamal was 17 years old and was in SS 3 in Kings College.
Kamal is average height, dark skinned, with a sweet nice lips and I forgot to mention he has a very huge dick cos his dick is always obvious anytime he wears trousers especially boxers.
Kamal was the hottest guy in our street, every girls wanna date him, I can still count the number of girls he slept with in that our street, he even dated one of my sisters back then and I’m sure he fucked her sef, I also had a crush on him too. Yeah, now I remember I also have a friend too back then, her name is Matilda, she was my closest friend in my street back then.
Me and Matilda are like brother and sister, we walk together, we play together. Matilda is a very pretty girl and I am a very handsome boy.
to be c...


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Mother asks daughter, how is ur sex life? Daughter replies like British Airways.

Mother reads the ad and is shocked. “7 days a week,twice a day, both ways”.Related

BAD ACTS [Read it]


It's really sad that most of the guys on
Facebook have nothing else to do than
ask girls their phone numbers. Some will even go to the profiles of girls
to steal their phone number. For God's sake, it's a shame, a
disappointing and unworthy act! Why are you doing this? Why?! Well ladies, if you hate the act too,
please come into my inbox on Faebook
and give me your phone number so we
can talk about bad behavior.
#BOLLY_SMART ?? ? ? ? ? ??™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-29 21:23:22

474 Views




Chand pe kali ghata chati to hogi,

Sitaron ko hansi aati to hogi,

Tum lakh chupao duniya se,

Magar akele mein tumhe apni shakal pe hansi aati toh hogi!Related

Continues..
I decided to leave the class in a hurry avoid talking to Brenden. As I walked past him
Brenden:you don’t mind I give a lift home
Me:in order for Cassey to kill me right?
Brenden:are you telling me you are scared of her?I thought you were tough
Me:scared? I am not. I am just maintaining not to cross boundaries and besides she is not my type and class.
Brendenlaughing) you can’t beat her. Can you?
Me:leave that for the future. We will know in no time.(I started walking on my own)
Brendenfollowing me) look,look,I insist on giving you a lift. Trust me I won’t get it twisted.
Me:go give Cassey a lift and leave me alone
Brendenhe stopped following and stood still seemed he was out of words)
Cassey:there you are sweet pie. I have been searching for you
Brenden:what for?
Caseey:please just stop all these okay?I am in no mood for pretence. Stop acting as if you don’t ride me home
Brendenh I forgot little angel but right now I am not in the mood for Taking people home because am not a taxi
Cassey: what’s all these? Why are you killing me with your words?
Brenden:you better find a way of going home before this rain starts its wetness on you.(it was abiut raining after talking he left)
I kept looking back not caring about where I was heading to. I wanted to see if cassey would fight with brenden. But she didn’t. As I was about turn my face towards the direction I was heading to, I bumped into someone
Meh oh oh. I am so so sorry. I didn’t mean to bump into you(as he turned his back I saw it was preston)
Preston:its okay. Its nothing. What will I call you now? I guess I will call you the bumper because you always bump into me unfocused. Now what were you thinking?
.
.
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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#EPISODE 8

Christiana pulled juliet away to have a chat
with her since ishmeal always wants to sit
alone. Juliet was trying to explian something to
christy but she wouldnt listen. She was just
excited to have a chat with her and nothing
more. ” my dad came back today and we
will be leaving in two days time. I am so
excited about it. Tomorrow is my birthday and
i am inviting you guys over. Actually the big
party will be held in america but i want to
have a celebration with you guys. So tell your
friends about it. It will be in the evening
around 4pm. Even enemies are invited. I will
ask a car to pick up you guys at the field so
you can wait there.” christiana uttered
countless words. ” oh GOD…” juliet sighed.
“cant believe its your birthday tomorrow.
Today is his birthday too.” juleit said to
christiana. “who are you refering to?” christy
asked. ” him” juliet anwered and pointed a
finger at ishmeal. Christy was quite for a
moment as she stared at the boy from afar.
Ishmeal was so sad and it could be read on
his face and even with his actions. ” its running
late and i have to leave. Guess its our last
time meeting like this. I will forever remember
you, juliet.” she said to juliet and embraced
her. ” wait here,” christy said to juliet and went
to her car. She brought out a black puppy.
My dad bought me this when he came back.
Give it to him as a gift from me.” christy said
to juliet. “its beautiful” juliet commented.
Christy smiled and handed a book over to
her. “it contains my bank account and
anything you need to know concerning the
account. Let someone help you to know what
it entails. Any amount in that account is yours.
And not to forget and puppy aswell.” she said
with a smile. ” well thats if you dont mind to
take care of it for me.” she continued. She
embraced the dog and embraced juliet for
the last time and left to the car. Juliet also
went to ishmeal.
“ish she leaving?” were the first words which
came out of him when juliet got to him. “yes”
juliet calmly answered. ” happy birthday” juliet
said and placed the puppy on his chest. Tears
droped fom his eyes like streams. Juliet told
him it was a gift from christiana. Before he
could think of going to her car, christy had
already left. “dont worry, i will try my best so
that you can speak to her.” juliet assured him
after realising what ish intended to do. ” she is
an angel juliet,…. And.. And….” ish began to
sob the more. He couldnt even talk. Juliet
watched him as if she was looking at a ghost.
” you dont have to worry about feeding the
puppy, she gave money for it.” she said to
him but the 8years boy couldnt hold back his
tears.
It was january 9th and all the kids were
getting ready for christy’s birthday party
before they leave for school, the following
day.
STORY CONTINUES

>>

stock exchange [Read it]


Your father changes money and your mother sells stock fish
You now go around telling people that your parents are into stock exchange
Sister, ur also part of the pple doing dis country o ????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-19 09:16:08

254 Views




Monalisa: my daughter i missed you so much
Stephanie: i am so sorry mom
Monalisa: sorry for what?
Stephanie: sorry that i was gone for long
Monalisa: i am happy that you are back and who is the youngman
Desmond: good day ma;my name is Desmond

Monalisa: oh!you are Desmond
Desmond: yes ma
Stephanie: mom please help thank him for protecting me
Monalisa: i will;just wait at the car i just want to talk him
Stephanie: alright ma;good bye
Monalisa: what ever happen my baby;just know that u love you
Stephanie: no problem mom
Monalisa: my son;i really have to thank you for those times the you were there for her those time you treated her with love and care;i really appreciate but my son;are both of you still just friends up to now?cause i just saw you almost kissing her
Desmond: i am sorry ma;i didn't mean for this to happen but i didn't kiss her;yes;i wanted to but something just got into her eyes and that is what i want to get out
Monalisa: but you haven't answer my question
Desmond: yes;we are now couples
Monalisa: just what i am afraid of
Desmond: am sorry ma;i really did not mean to make it know to you in this way. i promise i will take good care of her

Monalisa: that is not what i am saying,you don't get me
Desmond: i cross my heart;i will protect her from my mother. if that is what you are thinking and i will never hurt her
Monalisa: you don't understand;i don't want you for my daughter;break up with her
Desmond: but ma; she just accepted to be my girlfriend. what will i tell her?i truly love her. please ma;don't do this to me
MONALISA: tell her anything and please don't act like you are been force
Desmond: i cant do such an evil thing
Monalisa: if you don't want to do it;i will do it for you
Desmond: alright;i will tell her some other day. i cant face her
Monalisa: i don't expect you to tell her face to face;i am not that heartless. i always go with a note. i will give you to write it down
Desmond: ma please don't do this to me,i will just stay away from her
Monalisa: and be fast about it. i will delay a little so that she doesn't suspect
Desmond: no ma;i cant do it
Monalisa: will you rather continue seeing her in school or have me move her to another?
Desmond: i will break up with her
Monalisa: good boy;can i get a hug
Desmond: alright ma(he hug her with tears) i am sorry my love

Stephanie: mom;what keep you long
Monalisa: i was just tell him,he is such a nice boy
Stephanie: alright;i can't wait to see Vina
Monalisa: don't you want to see Nancy and PEACE?
Stephanie: please don't start,they probably think i elope with him
Driver: hey ma;my boss said i should give this to you
Stephanie: alright thanks
Monalisa: read it

Stephanie: no;i will just read it when i got home
Monalisa: my daughter is now a big girl;i know she will soon start entertaining boys
Stephanie: mom
Monalisa: what?tell me;is he courting you?
Stephanie: will you be mad at me,if i say yes ?
Monalisa: tell me the truth
Stephanie: yes mom;i love him(tears roll her eyes)why are you crying?
Monalisa: i am sorry
Stephanie: you are sorry for what?
Monalisa: that i haven't really be able to protect you
Stephanie: is not your fault
Monalisa: just know that i love you very much
Stephanie: i know

Driver: master;why are you crying?
Desmond: will you shut up
Driver: sorry master;dud that woman and her daughter do anything to you
Desmond: i said shut up and stop talking
Driver: if the woman don't want you for her daughter let them be
Desmond: do you want me to get off the car?
Driver: no sir;i was just trying to help
Desmond: i don't want your stupid help. just drive
Driver: alright sir


Beauty: mother;ma Roseesmond is here (she jumped on him and kissed him)
Desmond: young woman;get hold of yourself i am not your boyfriend
Beauty: sorry
Desmond: better
Faith: welcome son
Desmond: thank you
Blessing: my cutie brother;welcome home
Desmond: thank you
Jackson: how are you and where have you been?
Desmond: what do you want me to tell you
Rose: thank God you are back son(she try to hug him)
Desmond: will you stop acting. you think i don't know you are not happy to see me
Mercy: Desmond;that is mom,you are talking to
Desmond: i know;birds of the same feather
Blessing: Desmond;what have come over you?
Desmond: nothing;stop calling me like we are mate
Jackson: are you not happy to see us?
Desmond: of what good are you all to me when i lost everything in one day because of you all
Blessing: you are putting us in confusion
Desmond: why will i confuse you?
Blessing: welcome anyway;how is Stephie?
Rose: yes;how is she?i know her mother will be very happy

Desmond: will you stop acting like you care and stop with the pretence if you know you are good at acting then go register with the movie industry
Rose: i know i have not been a good mother to you bur please forgive me. i love you(she hug him)
Desmond: will you stop prophesying love to me?i don't love you (he push her and walk away)

Mercy: what is wrong with him?
Blessing: why is he so cold to us?
Faith: did they tell that we were the one that sent the kidnappers?
Beauty: did he think that we did not look for him?
Rose: you all should stop. please tell him to forgive me
Jackson: don't worry when mother comes;she will talk to him
Rose: what if he doesn't listen to her?did he not love you all but he is so cold to those he love
Jackson: he wont
Rose: i just hop so


Stephanie: i am home Vina
Vina: yes my baby;thank God you are alive
Stephanie: i missed you
Nancy: welcome back home
Stephanie: is this for real
Peace: cake for my baby
Stephanie: thank you all;i did not elope with him;it just so happen that some boys were after me and i called him and both of us happen to end up in a remote village. i swear this is the truth
Peace: is okay;you don't have to explain. we believe you and we love you
Nancy: of cause
Stephanie: really
Monalisa: yes;come on;go and take your bath
Peace: i brought you new clothes
Vina: i brought you new shoes
Stephanie: who gave you money?
Vina: have you forgotten that i was suppose to complete my education last year
Stephanie: pardon me and don't tell me;you got married without me because i can see you are wearing a ring
Vina: i am sorry;we all thought you were dead
Stephanie: i understand(she went into the bathroom and came out)
Vina: hey young lady;something fell from you
Stephanie: what is it?
Vina: is a letter;let me read it
Stephanie: no;i will do it myself
Vina: alright;is it from Desmond
Stephanie: no
Vina: no telling lies
Stephanie::will you stop looking for trouble and go to your husband
Vina: he is not around
Nancy: are you two couple now
Stephanie: what?
Peace: tell us;we wont get mad at you
Vina: that means we will be planning for another marriage
Stephanie: no we are not(she cry)he broke up with me
Vina: we dont understand
Stephanie: he doesn't like me;he just wanted to make me feel better after that worthless boy try to rape me
Peace: you are getting us confuse
Stephanie: yes;we were few hours ago but not anymore because he broke up with me and i hate him
Vina: Stephanie;don't tell me;you make that boy did it
Monalisa: yes;i did but i am sorry
Peace: you did what?
Nancy: that is heartlessness

Vina: what if she find out?
Monalisa: i don't care;i did it because i love and she will understand
Nancy: understand what?that you made the one she love hurt her
Peace: i thought we are the only ones with the bad character. i don't know you are also involve
Monalisa: you all should stop it;i am just protecting my daughter
Vina: you are protecting her for what?
Monalisa: from getting hurt
Vina: you are the one hurting her. i am out of here;i wish for the day that everyone of this family will treat her well
Nancy: go back and tell him to take her back
Monalisa: i cant and i will never do it
Peace: suit yourself


Janet: so my son is back? i told you he is not dead. where is he?
Blessing: grandma;i think you should go and eat before you see him
Janet::nonsense;i want to see my son
Mercy: grandma

Janet: Desmond

Desmond: grandma
Janet: my son(he hug her)i miss you
Desmond: i mussed you too. what are you doing here?
Janet: you are missing and you are asking me what am i doing here?
Desmond: am sorry;i thought you stop loving me like everyone and you also disperse me
Janet: life is different now my son;things are falling into place and all that you wish for
Desmond: it is easy for you to think so but in a real sense this is beginning of my trouble
Janet: son;you are getting me confuse
Desmond: i just hope grandma;some day you will be able to understand the full knowledge of what i meant
Janet: i hope you will be able to allow us make up for all our shortcomings towards you
Desmond: i know you meant well for me and i love you
Janet: I love you too






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Stupid fellow [Read it]


I met a young guy on the street crying,I asked him what the problem is.
He answered, my mum sent me to buy sugar
and groundnut with this money. I saw him holding two N10
note, I then ask him why he is still crying?
He ans, I don't know which 10N is for sugar and which one is for groundnut.
You see mumu boy.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-30 20:11:44

1647 Views




“Oga didn’t come to my room,” I replied with a
trembling voice determined not to betray myself.
Madam stared at me from head to toe with visible
venom in her eyes.
She seemed to be sure that her husband had
been to my room the previous night.
But then there was no way I could admit such
fact even if a knife was put to my neck because
the situation was more or less like an individual
standing between the devil and the deep blue
sea.
All the options before me spelt disaster.
Admitting that I slept with Oga was a very big
offence on its own therefore denying the offence
was the better option.
Secondly, it was possible that madam could just
be playing on my intelligence in a bid to find out
the real truth by putting up that allegation to
know what my response would be.
Admitting the truth would mean giving myself
away cheaply.
So I hung on.
“What did my husband come to do in your room
last night?” Madam continued.
“Oga didn’t come to my room ma,” I replied
hanging on tenaciously.
Madam snapped.
Like lightening her right hand flashed across very
fast from left to right and landed with a loud thud
on my cheek.
I cried out in pain and made to escape to the
kitchen but madam sprang after me energetically
and furiously and drew me back to herself to
continue the assault.
More slaps landed on my cheek and my wailing
doubled. Yet madam continued unperturbed.
She gave me a sharp push on the forehead and I
hit the back of my head very hard on the wall
behind me.
The pain was very excruciating.
I screamed out so loud at the top of my voice
begging madam for forgiveness but madam
wasn’t done yet.
I had made up my mind not to admit that Oga
came to my room even if it meant losing my life
because if mere denial could fetch such
punishment, only God knew the magnitude of
punishment admitting the crime would fetch.
So I hung on.
And madam continued with the beating.
It wasn’t yet upto one hour Oga drove out and all
these were happening.
I knew I was in big trouble.
The aggression and brutality was much and
unbearable, coupled with the fact that I still had
more than seven days to stay with and endure
the terror.
Madam’s hands soon started aching and she
dashed into her bedroom and came out
brandishing a long piece of twisted wire.
Three lashes of the wire on my shoulders sent me
out of the house and into the environ with severe
pain.
I couldn’t endure the pain, not even for one
second, so I ran out of the house and out of the
compound and into the neighbouring white
woman’s compound…

Drop your comments below








NAIRAJOKES.COM




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dammyto me)are you blind?? me:am not blind you bitch! dammy:do you just call me bitch? me:yea! dammy:then you must be crazy(then she attacks me and we started fighting,dapo also begin to separate us)dammy:i get get back to you,be ready! me:am always ready!(she leaves angrily)dapo:let's go. me:you can go.dapo:why?because of dammy? me:no(i go went back to the class while dapo went towards the snacks shop) when i got to the class i saw something like a letter, opened it,behold it's from dammy"the battle line has been drawn" after reading it i tear the paper then i saw fikky (the girl that saved me from dammy on my first day)fikky:hi me:hello fikky:i heard you fought dammy,is it true? me:yea fikky:am sure she will be the one to start me:i dont even know.(we did not even notice dapo who has been standing there for a while dapo:hey have it(giving meat pie to me) me:i did not ask you to buy this(giving it back to him)dapo:am giving it to you me:free? dapo:yea fikky:i will be going me:bye(i saw dammy smiling evily)


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Do you Know? [Read it]


The meaning of ABCDEFG








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-09 08:07:32

476 Views



NARMASTEY [Read it]




WATCHING FOOTBALL with
some
Girlfriends can be very frustrating
and
stressful!

Girlfriend : Temmy, who's that guy? Is that
Chris Brown?
Temmy: Chris Brown bawo?
No na,
that's Theo Walcott!!

Girlfriend: Hey! What's that yellow card
for?
Temmy: It's a warning to a
player;
and red means the player must
stop playing and leave the pitch.

Girlfriend: Ohhh! It's something
similar to
a traffic light: Yellow -
warning, Red -
Stop.
Temmy: Yeah, yeah sure.. You
are
right!!

Girlfriend: What about the green
card?
Temmy: Ohhh! there's nothing like
that in football.

Girlfriend: Which teams are these?
Temmy: Which kind wahala
be this
na?!! God! It's Arsenal and Chelsea.
What again?!

Girlfriend: Ok ok ok! What colour is
Arsenal
putting on?
Temmy: You no get eyes? No be red
jersey be that?

Girlfriend: Ok..which team is putting
on
blue?
Temmy: (upset)...Omg! Haba! Wetin
na? Don't you know its
Chelsea?

Girlfriend: Hen hen? Wow! I want
Arsenal
to win the Nigeria premier league .
Temmy: Wetin concern Arsenal with
Nigeria premier league? Where you from
sef?

Girlfriend: Take am easy na! No vex u hear. Please
who's that old man?
Temmy: Hmmm... that's
Arsenal's
coach, "Arsene Wenger".

Girlfriend: Oooh Ok..... I understand
now. Sooo that means the other
coach is
"Chelsea Wenger"?
Temmy: You are silly. Wo,
arabirin free me jare!!! (Changes Channel to
Africa Magic and left the house
for a
viewing center nearby!)....

Girlfriend: (Smiling and said to herself) If I
don't do that, I won't be able to watch
my
favorites Telemundo and Zeeworld... Now the ball is in my court now. Wetin go first watch sef oo.... ohhh yes ZEEWORLD{extra ordinary everyday} make I quickly watch wetin dey happen for SALONI,DESTINY,LAALI and THE PROMISE bfor dis my guy go come back frm viewing center. "NARMASTEY"

One word for this GIRL
#?Temmyt88


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-24 12:17:54

512 Views





Rat: (with tiny voice) hello.
Man: hello, who am i speaking wit?
Rat: na Mr John be dis abi?
Man: yes u are speaking wit Mr John, who is
dis pls?
Rat: so u no recognize my voice abi? Na me ur
room mate.
Man: u say what?.
Rat: ur room mate Rat. I dey ur room now..
Man: i beg ur pardon?
Rat: which yeye beg u dey beg me. i never
chop since yesterday wey u waka comot. I
check that place wey u dey put food i no see
anything. I check d kitchen nothing. I even
check ur fridge no single food there. E be like
say u wan kill me abi.. No problem, i jux say
make i let u know say That ur certificate 4
inside your wardrobe wey dem write LAGOS
STATE UNIVERSITY I don eat the "LA" comot.
Remaining "GOS" STATE UNIVERSITY. Let me
see which work u go take "GOS" state
university find. Nonsense....
(rat ends call)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-11 13:59:17

384 Views




“He will not let you fall; your protector is always awake.
The protector of Israel never dozes or sleeps. The lord
will guard you; he is by your side to protect you. The sun
will not hurt you during the day, nor the moon during
the night. The lord will protect you from all danger; he
will keep you safe. He will protect you as you come and
go now and forever…” I fell asleep as soon as I finished
reading the psalm and had a terrible dream. In the
dream, my mother was crying profusely over the loss of
her daughter. It was reported that the daughter died
mysteriously of an illness no one could explain. My
mother was rolling on the floor and screaming at the top
of her voice. Then I woke up. My entire body was
covered with sweat and my temperature was high and I
had headache as well. I got up from the bed and went
and drank two tablets of paracetamol. Then I lay back on
the bed. The time was 5 o’clock in the evening and the
sun was hurriedly going down. I didn’t know if there was
a link between my dream and my current ill-health till
baba’s words flashed across my mind. “…On no account
should any other eye see this soap and for no reason
should any other body bath with this soap. If they do, all
the diseases that were washed off would return and
engulf you…” The baba’s words were as clear as anything
I could think of; most especially, the part that said: “…If
they do, all the diseases that were washed off would
return and engulf you…” It was obvious that the increase
in temperature and headache I was having weren’t of
natural causes but were signs of bigger health maladies
to come. I grabbed my bible and swept to psalm 69 in no
time. “Save me O God!” I read. “The water is upto my
neck; I am sinking in deep mud, and there is no solid
ground…” A knock on my door interrupted me in the
middle of my prayers. “Who is that?” I asked sitting up
weakly on my bed. “Its me Mirabel,” came the reply. I
stood up and went to open the door for her. One look at
me and she knew I wasn’t fine. “What’s the matter this
time?” She asked peering into my face. “I’m falling sick,” I
replied. “My body is hot and I’m having headache.”
“Have u taken any medicine?” She asked. “Yes I took
paracetamol,” I replied. “Ok that’s good. You will get
better,” she said. “Just came to check on you.” “Please
stay with me,” I pleaded. “If you leave me here all alone
I might die before morning.” Mirabel stared at me with
fear written all over her face. “Alright no problem,” she
replied. “Let me lock my door; will be right back.” She
left to lock her door and few minutes later, I heard a
knock on my door. “Come in,” I responded thinking it
was Mirabel. My door clicked open and a fat woman
walked into my room with dagger in hand…

>> Episode 46 -

I looked around the compound, but it was too dark for me to picture our way out..Toun and i had our phones on us, i wondered if i should call the police…
I decided to talk to him to while away time till Abayomi picks..
Me : What year are you?
Eli : Year 2000…
He started laughing again. Toun, who was beside me didnt share in the humour..
Me : what about your girlfriend?
Eli : Spirit man doesnt need a girlfriend….
So it is to rape girls that you need abi, idiot…
Me : oh,…You never had one?
Eli : E get one girl like that, Favor…chai…that girl worry…Na her toto be the sweetest wey i don ever taste…e be like honey…
The imbercile was smacking his lips…
Me : So where is she now?…
Eli : Ah…she don graduate since ’05…married to a pastor…
Me : im sorry
Eli : hehehe…you dey form caring Tanatolo?..Favor dey always complain say my thing too big…say i no dey do foreplay…tell me…man wey don shayo dey remember foreplay?
Me : i get your point Eli…
Eli : Abi Jafar dey do foreplay before him hammer u?
Me : Jafar is not my boyfriend…
Eli : so u wan tell me say na only your boyfriend you dey straff?…fine girl like you…
I kept quiet..The discussion wasnt going as planned…
Me : whats up with you and Jafar?
Eli : Jafar?…that boy na b-----d!..na me bam the idiot for this school..him come dey carry chest for me now…na the idiot commot my eye….emi!…oju olorun…infact as i dey remember the guy i dey vex…
Me : but you look nice like this o…bad boy nice…
Eli : you dey crase…maybe i go chuck your own commot too…
Me : if u initiated Jafar, why are you people not brothers…?
Eli : Oya shut up…E don do…I no knw why Orisa dey tey like this…
I called Abayomi’s number, it was switched off…
Eli brought out a stick if cigarette and smoked….
Eli : who be your boyfriend for this school..
ofcourse i couldnt tell him i was dating Timi, but i kindha suspected that he knew…
Me : i just broke up with him…
Eli : oh.. mean say ur toto go don dey wither now.? i will bring it to life…
Me : Eli, i am ok…
Eli : Tana friend, i know say na Abayomi be your bobo…i go leave remain for am no worry….
He was getting impatient so he called Orisa again…He didnt pick up…
Eli : Oya make we go inside….
He turned to face Toun and I….we hesitated until he unleashed his pistol again…
Eli : Abi make i call those boys make dem join us?…i must warn you, most of their p---k na shakabula o..
I tried to make eye contact with Toun, but she was looking down dejected…i wanted to make a run for it…i doubted if we would escape but we had to try…
Eli’s phone rang…
Eli : Orisa, u don go drink Shepe forget wetin i send you abi?
i didnt hear what the other person said, but it was clear it wasnt Orisa…
Eli : Wetin u do with my guy?…i swear you get mind o…
……..Ehen…inside Ijebu-Igbo?…ur territory reach here abi…
…….You go kill am if i touch the girls?
.,…….your papa na rapist!…
……….Oya release Orisa…
i dey bring them come now…
I have never seen a guy so angry before…Eli went inside to wear his clothes…already 12 guys were at his side…He told them to go to Oru, and wait for him at Ajebo…
Two guys pushed us into his car…then he drove towards Oru/Ago axis…
On getting to Ajebo, He and his crew met infront of a buckateria.. Some came with cars,others were with bikes…The students and indigenes around the area fled to safety when they noticed the congregation…
Then i saw the Hilux from a distancs, then the volvo, Jafar’s Benz was inbetween, it was like in the movies. Guys started joining from all over…there was a wide divide between the two groups….
Eli led us out…with two guys by our side…Uche brought Orisa out, with his hands tied…Jafar came out of his benz, dressed in a shirt and pant like he was on official duty….
Eli looked at him with venom….Jafar stared back…the other guys looked alert like a single gawking could seperate life from death….
Eli : Jafar, you get mind come Ijebu Igbo, carry my guy?
Jafar : Eli, u took my girls…..
was this the time for impeccable English? eh Jafar?…i said to myself…
Eli : So you for kill am if i touch this things?
He was pointing at us with a gun,choi….
Jafar remained mute….Eli signalled to the guys to step back….He told us to go…
Walking from Eli to where Uche stood was like North Korea to South…Scanty led us into the Benz…Orisa moved the other way, with a Nylon of amala and boxed plate of stew….He looked pathetic…
Eli : Jafar, tell your people….una don price marker o…and una must pay…
Jafar : things don change mehn….this is 2007….We rule this skul now…..
Eli : we go see….U go regret say u enter Ijebu-Igbo….walahi!
Jafar : which eye you go take see?….oh…d right….
Jafar’s guys laughed….the divide became smaller….
Eli signalled for his boys to fall back…Jafar had chosen Oru because he had the advantage…He turned back and enteredhis car….Jafar joined us in the benz…
The two grouos faced each other, even after Eli drove towards Ijebu-igbo and Jafar turned towards Ago-iwoye…
The cold night added to the chills i felt in my body as we approached Ago. I wanted to thank Jafar yet again for the timely rescue but his face didnt look inviting, he had a frown on his face like he was concentrating on an invisible problem…
Jafar : You guys would not be safe in ur house until after the elections…
His left hand was on the steering wheel, his right hand caressed the gear stick.
Me : whats your suggestion?
Jafar : Lime-light hotel…Abayomi, you and Toun would be have to stay there..Sparrow and Aji will have the adjourning room..
Toun : Have you told Abayomi?
Jafar : He is already in the hotel, with your things. Tana, Timi is waiting for you there with your things also.
Me : You had everything planned…
Toun : Jafar, Abayomi and i are no more together…
He turned to look at her for a split second…
Jafar : It doesnt matter, you are still valuable to Eli…
Toun : Thank you for everything Jafar, i dnt knw how i can ever pay you back…
i dont know why but it sounded sexual..
Me : Jafar i am very grateful too…
Jafar : its nothing…
Getting to the secluded hotel, We were led to the rooms. The happiness in Abayomi’s eyes on seeing his ex was beautiful..He approached her to hug her but she gently pushed him back. Timi lifted me off my feet, i was equally glad to see him but i felt Jafar’s eyes on me. I wondered if he felt bad…i wanted him to feel bad..i loved Timi but i wanted Jafar to love me…i admitted that much to myself..
Timi : Jafar, thanks
Jafar : Just take care of her…
Toun was at the corner talking to Naetochukwu, apologising for the rain-check…Abayomi could hear it all…
Jafar : I gotta bounce now, you guys remain on the lowkey…
As he stepped out of the premises to his car, i followed…
Jafar : You should be with your peeps inside
Me : Jafar i am scared…
Jafar : You are protected…dont be scared..
Me : Not for me….for you…
He smiled lazily with that well groomed goatee of his…
Jafar : I am guarded…dont be scared…
Me : Jafar ?
Jafar : Tana….
Me : can i hug you?
I met his outstretched hand and fell into his embrace. It should be brief but i held on a little longer, i felt him…smelled him…my head on his chest…his right arm was around my shoulder…
Me : You are cool…
He laughed gently, freeing me from his arms. i tiptoed and quickly pecked him on the cheek..
Jafar : Goodnight Tana…
Me : Stay safe….for me…
I watched his car drive out, i didnt like the feeling….i was scared…
Getting back to the room, i saw Abayomi, Timi and Toun standing with unease…
Me : whats happening?
Abayomi : I told Toun to come with me to my room,but she refused…
Toun : Tana, i dont want to sleep in the same room with him, Timi can stay with him, either i stay with you or i stay alone!..
Timi : Toun relax na, its just for a little while…
Toun : Na konji dey worry you Timi? i will excuse you guys if u want to straff….
Me : Toun small small…
Timi : ma binu…
Abayomi sat down, looking lost….
Toun : Tana, help me lets pack my things together from this room to your…
We lay in bed silently, or i thought it was silent until i heard Toun mutter Abayomi’s name, amidst being choked with tears..
To be continued

>>

A young girl said to Akpos (their gateman) "My dad is so annoying. Just few weeks that we buried my mother, he has started having an affair with girls".
Akpos said to her "Stop crying, tomorrow i will take you to a magician that can help"
The next day, Akpos took her to the magician.
As the girl finish explaining her problem the magician then said
"Its a pity. so what do you want me to do?"
The young girl replied "Blind who so ever he is having affair with. i don't care"
"Consider it done" says the magician.
The next morning, her elder sister went blind.
She ran back to the magician and said "Noooooo! you made a mistake. You have blinded my only sister"
"I don't make mistake" says the magician.
"Are you trying to tell me that my own father is having an affair with my sister?" asked the young girl.
The magician ans "No. your biological father is your gate-man and he is having affair with your sister"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-30 16:29:33

40724 Views




Olamide was rappingn Phyno kept quiet until
olamide blew an atomic lie…
“i buy motor i dey travel go obodo oyibo
na private jet remain 4me baba u no
okwudili biko bia na eba take me photo,
e no easy to dey chillwid Governor Ambode
na fada figure d gov e be to me o
since ah lost my daddy na him e don adopt me
o
a say gone are d days wey owo dey hug
me
right about now all d chicks dey chew gumme
i thank jehovah agu ne eche mba aka nchawa o
NA POUNDS AND DOLLARS ME AND MY GUYS
DEY
TAKE SHOWER O..
Phyno couldn’t with hold the lies anymore and he
shouted#JESUS!!!
#How many of u noticedthat? #RespectToBothOlamide&Phyno #nahJokeOoooo #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-02 09:34:04

455 Views



the engagement [Read it]


Akpos' babe was on the balcony of the second floor of there houx chattin wit her i pad.....den she saw him coming down from a brand new range rover sport den she threw d pad away nd rushed down the stairs.... Akpos told her dat he used ol d money in his account to buy d car so he dont want to see her near d car. He went bak to d car nd brought a little box knelt down nd said she should plz wash one of his shirt cos he have a very important show dat night .. The babe asked him wats in his hand....... Den he laughed and said its his new cufflinks "oooo abi u tink say i wan propose to you" ahh u don fail............guess wat happens nxt


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-18 03:39:27

799 Views



The Visit. [Read it]


A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. since he was blind, she let him in. After bathing, she came out naked with legs spread and shaving in front of him and tried to make a conversation by asking him, brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home? He replied, yes o, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now.
????????????????????????????????????... Don't laugh alone.
????enjoy d rest of d week????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-29 20:39:41

348 Views




RAPE EPISODE 2 (STORY BY DINDY)
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...
My home wasn't like every other person's home; we were five in our home (my dad, mum, elder sister, me and my little sister), I have always wished for an elder brother or a little brother but that never happened (if I had an elder brother I am sure what happened to me won't have happened). We leaved in a compound filled with boys which made me a little bit of a boy.
My mum was always busy with her job and my dad was busy too but he always saves time for me and my little sis. He loved me and my younger sister so much; he took us out, buys us alot of things and stuff (I miss those times). As time went on my dad and mum started fighting and fighting, my dad was fighting so that my mum could give us attention but my mum never understood or cared (and that lead to me and my sis nightmare---crying).
They both ended up separating after years of being together and so did the good and wonderful memories I had of them together.
My mum after months of separation from my dad got married to another man, i and my younger sister never went to their wedding but my elder sister went. I never liked the man, he was not even more handsome than my dad and he doesn't even look as tall as my dad.
After the wedding my elder sis went to leave with them while I and my little sister stayed with my dad. My dad always told us about the world and the lovely things in it, he even told us about his mum and dad (I never had the chance to see them but everytime I think of them and wish they were with me when life was hard on me).
After some months my elder sister came to send time with us (that evil being), she told my dad that she would stay with us for some months before she goes back. I was happy to see my elder sis so was my little sister, my elder sister had this kinda character of not knowing how to care for her younger ones.
One day when my dad went out, my elder sis went to the landlord house to see the landlord's son. She knew him for a very long time but I had no idea why she was going there, (we had already paid our house rent).
After 10mins my elder sister came back and told us that she was going out and we are going to stay in the landlord's house. She took us there and she said these words to the landlord's son "take very good care of them, don't let them go out, hold them very well". He smiled as I and my younger sister went into his house while my senior sister went out.
I never really understood what that meant because I was 6 going to 7 and my little sister was 5 going to 6, I didn't know the full meaning of that until----crying---......to be continued in episode 3.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi
>>

Akpos; nock ..kokoko
lizy;it me akpos
akpos;am just kming 4rm d mountain
lizy ;ok wat hapen
akpos;i Told God dat i nid a wife
lizy;wat naw hapen
akpos ;God show me dat u ar gona be my wife so i came down straight 4rm d mountain 2 tel u dat u ar gona be my wife
lizy;NOOO
AKPOS;YES ;if God say yes who cn say no
lizy ;it true nobody cn say no
lizy;i want 2 tel u my story
akpos;an so i stil lv u dere
lizy;wen i was eighteen i slept with 64 men
akpos;ahhhhhhhh
lizy;i aborted 34 times
akpos ;{speaking in tongues }
lizy;doctor told me that i just ve 9 month 2 live
akpos ;SHA GOD NO BE MI O
lizy; if god said u ar my husband no problem dn
akpos; {door slamded}
lizy ;foolish guy na mi he wan slap with is lie
Who wise pass


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-09 12:15:34

802 Views




ONE WRONG TURN
Episode 21

Monday morning came with it’s
usual excitement and rush, but
this one held something different
for me.
Extra lectures will begin today, ss3
students will stay in school till
5:30pm.
It was supose to help us prepare
for waec and UTME examinations.
It would afford us time to cover
our syllabus in all subjects.
But my friends and i had different
plans. It was going to be fun all
the way. Over the past week, we
have been busy perfecting our
plan.
Fifteen subjects were taught in
ss3, but every student had the
liberty of picking only nine.
Whenever it was time for a lecture
we do not offer, we are allowed to
leave the class.
The timetable for the extra lesson
was arranged in such a way that
we would receive three lectures
between 2:30pm and 5:30pm.
But here is the catch, since we
don’t offer all the subjects, there
were free periods in between.
Sometimes we even have one or
two lectures only, leaving us a few
free hours before 5:30.
My parents won’t be expecting me
home till 6pm, so i could be
anywhere i wanted to be.
The six o’clock alarm brought me
back to reality. I have been
awake, but a little lost in fantasy.
I looked at my door handle, to
make sure it was properly locked.
As i reached under my pillow for
my phone.
I had been in possession of it for
a few days now, and devised a
means of hiding it from everyone
in the house.
It was always on silent mode, i do
not make or receive calls around
the house.
The people who mattered were on
bbm and whatsapp. I simply
locked myself indoors, and chat
away.
Whenever anyone knocked, I
tucked it back under my pillow
before opening the door.
I rarely made calls, but when i
had to, i move out of sight, a little
far away from the house.
Recharge cards weren’t a problem,
i had Ruth and Ehis. All i had to
do was ask. No one knew i had a
phone in the house.
I grabbed my phone and looked
through my whatsapp and bbm
application, there were loads of
messages.
I scrolled to the one from Ehis,
and read it in a hurry
“looking foward to tomorrow,
hope we would have fun, don’t
forget your promise……love you”
I smiled to myself after reading it,
it was sent the previous night. I
must have fallen asleep while
chatting.
“Love you too” i replied, and
tucked the phone back under my
bed and joined my family for
morning devotion.
Again, i was only present in body.
My mind and heart were far
removed from the prayers. I had
plans today.
At the sound of the final Amen, i
headed straight for the kitchen to
do my chores.
The excitement i felt was familiar,
it reminded me of the previous
Monday. Much like it, i was going
to take another big step.
I had promised Ehis i would have
s-x with him. Although i was still
a little scared inside, i wanted
know what it felt like. Ruth had
infused a lot of confidence into
me.
I took my bath quickly, and got
dressed for school.
I looked through my wardrobe,
and picked my favourite blue
gown, folded it carefully and
tucked it inside my bag along
with my phone. I was good to go.
My mum was already seated in
the car waiting for me. I took my
seat next to her, and we headed
for my school.

>>

When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.Related

For those of you guys That Needs wife Materials
How Many YARDS Do u need??..
It's now on sale
Just shoot me#JUSTsAYING #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-31 00:46:19

722 Views




Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.Related

Death once had a ‘near-Rajni’ experienceRelated

MY FIRST CONDOM
(An Essay by 18yr kid)

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb.

She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused.

So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.

‘Do these excite you?’ She asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.

She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her.

I inserted my penis into her hole it was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and,

Phachhak ! I was done.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’, she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

She gets angry and shouted at me,

????????? !! ????????

????????????????????Related

Dora:maxwell, i don't think i can continue with this mission any more

Maxwell was surprise

Maxwell :and why is that

Dora :how do you expect me to start a battle without fighting

Maxwell :i don't understand you

Dora:i want to do more than just talking and threatening, i need to put a little action, so that our plans will work perfectly

Maxwell :i till don't get you

Dora :you want me to work with you but don't want me to play by my own rules and it's killing me,i really can't tolerate any nonsense from that bitch that calls himself amara,

Maxwell was not happy with the way she was referring to amara he quickly interrupted her

Maxwell :watch your mouth if you don't want to have a problem with me

Dora :well I just can't hold myself, she is really getting on my nerve

Maxwell :you have meant her

Dora :yes I did today,and you need to see what happened, that girl isn't someone you will handle with easy hand,i need to teach her a little lesson so she will know am serious.

Maxwell :what do you have in mind

Dora:i can think of something good,and i have to do it secretly cause I don't want chidi to suspect me,he almost killed me today when he found out I comforted her.

Maxwell :he was aware

Dora:yeah,i think she told him,

Maxwell thought for sometime

Maxwell :don't do anything stupid to her,i will fit her myself, you just try your best to stay close to chidi,and till continue to pay amara visits, i know amara,your continue visit will make her double minded that is all I need okey.

Dora:just pray all this work cause if it doesn't i will do what I intend to do and you won't blame me

Maxwell :lay your hands on her and chidi will be the one to pay for it

Dora was speechless, she knew maxwell was serious.

Maxwell :we will talk later

Maxwell ended the call, Dora wasn't pleases she wanted to do what she wants but now she is having threat from both maxwell and chidi,she needs to act low but she intend to do something.

*************************
It was later that even as chidi has promised he went to amara house, he knock on the door and amara opened, they were both happy to see eachother, amare ushered chidi in,chidi sat down while amara sat close to him,Amara tryed to look happy but in her she knows she is not,what happened earlier on was till bothering her.

Chidi :ah,are you thinking about what happened

She looked at chidi who was looking at her with concern, that was one of the things that made her love chidi,he always knows when she isn't okey and try to cheer her up,she smiled weakly.

Amara :should i be happy

Chidi: Amara, you do believe me don't you.

Amara :do i really know everything,

Chidi wasn't expecting that answer from her,all this time she till doesn't trust him but he couldn't blame her,chidi took her hands.

Chidi :i have told you everything you need to know about me but I till can't figure out why you till doubt me,i don't think there is any secret i am hiding from you, i am trying to make things work out here,all I need is your trust and confident in me,i hate it when you doubt my love for you.

Amara felt touched by chidi words she knew then that she has offended him.

Amara :am sorry chidi, am really am,i don't know what is wrong with me,i know you love me so much and i appreciate that,please forgive me for doubting that.

Chidi smiled

Chidi:just know that you are all I ever want in this life,and i am always here with you no matter what happens, and i need you to promise me that you will always stick by me on whatever happened

Amara :i promise chidi,nothing will make me walk away this time

Chidi kissed amara and she response,

Chidi: i promise she won't bother you again

Amara :she won't even dear not after how i gave it to her

Chidi smiled

Chidi :really

Amara f course, do you really think i will let her intimidated me come on,i am strong enough to take care of her,just leave that for me,even if she comes back i am ready for her.

Chidi laughed

Chidi :wow,super woman

Amara :that's your cup of tea,do you think I will want to allow one girl that came out of no way to steal you from me,hell no,or will you watch someone else come take me away from you

Chidi:please don't go there,i will kill that person,

They both laughed

Chidi :you are wonderful, and you are the best thing that has happened to me and i bless the day i meant you.

Amara felt loved, she was happy that chidi came back to her,like what they say,whatever is yours will locate you no matter how long it takes and she is happy to be with chidi.

She later prepared something for chidi and they both ate together,they had one round of sex which will make it the second time,after which chidi left to his house, Amara wanted him to stay but he couldn't because he have something important to do at home for his dad that day.

It has been up to two day and amara hasn't seen or heard from dora,she was really preparing for her and was hoping to come across her again,it was 10: pm in the night, she was in her bedroom when she heard her door bell rang, she was surprise, who could be looking for her at this time of the night, she knew it wasn't chidi because chidi was out of town that day and definitely not Sarah,or maybe it was the girl in the next compound who is trying to make Friend with her,it could be her because that is the only person that her Gateman will open the gate for at this time of the night,she got up and went to the door,she then opened the door

Amara :jesus

She stared at the person in front of her,fear was all over her,she then regretted ever opening her door,what is she going to do know,oh God help me she prayed.

***TO BE CONTINUED ***
DROP YOUR COMMENTS AND
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EPISODE 17


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