Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

NEW BOYFRIEND [Read it]


A guy sent a Whatsapp message to his
ex-girlfriend... EX-BOYFRIEND: Hello my dear... I know
it's late and I know it's been quite a
while since we broke up. But I need to
get something out of my chest, I want
to tell you something very important. The new boyfriend saw the message
and replied... NEW BOYFRIEND: Easy there bros. She's
fallen asleep in my arms like she does
every single night for the past month.
But tomorrow when she wakes up, I'll
tell her, you miss her. Or is it that you
still love her? What is so important you want her to know at 2am in the
morning?
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-29 21:25:59

518 Views




To be a good professional engineer, always start to study
late for exams because it teaches you how to manage time
and tackle emergencies.

-Bill GatesRelated

longer sentence [Read it]


akpos is a student,and it take him much time to express himself in english language,so he decided not to say anything whenever he's in the premisis,so one day he decided to sneak out of the class,so his teacher caugth him,he was asked where he's heeding to,so he can't answer in a simple english,so he taught for some seconds so he replied....is me water my body is shararara,,,,so his teacher was disapoint by him,again his teacher ask him to make a simple english with yam,instantly he answered,Madam i chop yam o,make it a longer sentence again,Madam i chop yam oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ,his teacher faint,no be longer sentence he made,,,,one word for akpos







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-02 20:00:47

574 Views



Text message. [Read it]


A husband sent a text message to his wife saying, hi honey, i will be coming home late tonight, plz take care of the house. No reply, he sent another text, and plz prepare my favourite dish. No reply. Another text read, o i forgot to tell you, i got a salary increment of 45% by the end of the month, i will buy you a new car. The wife wrote back saying, o my darling, really? The husband replied, no just wanted to make sure you got my first two text messages.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-26 16:47:46

292 Views




in a primary school class...
TEACHER: Cynthia, stand up and tell us the
opposite of man.
CYNTHIA: Ma, the answer is ‘woman’.
TEACHER: Good! Akpos, stand up and tell us the
opposite of boy.
AKPOS: Woboy.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-14 16:04:30

435 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Yunus went to a bear parlour around 3pm during the fast... after taking 3 bottles, the madam asked if he will like to take more, Haba madam.... You are bent on making me break my Ramadan abi? God no go gree.
yunus don't drunk ooooo........


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-17 15:57:18

375 Views



Romantic Text [Read it]


Akpos’ wife sent her husband a romantic text message.
She wrote:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.”

Akpos texted back to her:
“I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”

Akpos’ wife sent her husband a romantic text message.

She wrote:

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite.

If you are drinking, send me a sip.

If you are crying, send me your tears.

I love you.”
Akpos texted back to her:

“I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”
- See more at:

On Behalf Of The "ANB" (Association Of Nigerian Boyfriends).I Would Love To Profound My Gratitude To The INEC Chairman For Fixing The General Election On The 14th Day Of February 2015,You Have Given Us The Best Valentine Gift Which Is To Go Out On The Day And Vote For The Best Candidate So That Our Girlfriends Won't Suffer Under Bad Leadership,Although They(Our Girlfriends) Are Not Happy With The Date.I Would Like To Promise That We Would Form A Cohensive And Indivisible Unit To Promote The Ideology Of Free And Fair Elections In Which Every State We Find Ourselves And To Also Vote In Our Girlfriends Interesting Also Use This Medium To Apologise To All Fast Foods Joints,Shop rite,Just rite,Just Events Centres,Restaurants And Every Spots We Usually Appreciate At Every Valentines Day.This Is For The Positive Interest Of Our Girlfriends Future..........Yours Faithfully........KASIEZE (NATIONAL CHAIRMAN)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-02 18:09:04

234 Views




A highly dangerious virus called.'weekly overload recreational killer'.(WORK).is currently going around.if you come in contact with this new virus.(work).you should immediately go to 'Biological Anxiety Relief'.(BAR) center,to take an antidotes known as 'Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract'.(WINE),or.'Radioctive Unwork Medicine'.(RUM).or .'Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter'.(BEER).or even.'"Vaccine Official
Depression Killing
Antigen" (VODKA).

Beware of this virus,create awareness


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 16:38:17

239 Views




Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain;

But you can’t have a rainbow, without a little rain!

Good Night!Related

A teacher told a primary five class that 2x+2x =4.


Akpos got up and said, "Its a lie!"


The teacher angrily said, "I have been teaching for past five year now, so I know what I'm saying!"


Akpos replied, "I have also been in this class for seven years now."




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-13 08:07:10

516 Views



Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.

Kanta: I don’t believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.Related

Kar Diya Hai Befikar Tune,

Fikar Ab Main Kaise Karun,

Fikar To Yeh Hai Ki Tera,

Shukar Kaise Karun!Related

Always start your day with a lot of S E X

S-mile

E-nergy

X-citement

so make SEX a daily habit, & u’ll always be SMILING!Related

Things have not been moving well for akpors, as things are blocked for him any way he puts his hands..
One day Akpors decided to go and find out how his future will be.. He made up his mind to go and see a magician...
AKPORS: Oga, i want to find out how my future will be?
MAGICIAN: Ok, I will do that for U..
The magician drew two circles and he brought out two chalks, one Black and the other white, he put black chalk at one of the circle and put the white one at the other circle. He told akpors to stand behind the two circle, he brought out a snail.. He told akpors if the snail moves inside the white chalk circle that means his future will be bright and good, but if it moves to the Black one that means his Future will be bad and Evil.. Akpors agreed. So after a series of incantations, by the magician, the snail started moving, to akpors great suprise it was moving towards the Black circle chalk. He immediatetly rushed and change the snail direction and face it towards the White circle chalk and forced it to stay inside the circle...
MAGICIAN: Y did U change the snail's direction??
AKPORS: I can't stand and watch my future run and turns Black and evil in my presence...

Enjoy ur day!


%Nazature...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-01 13:07:12

16386 Views




Gerald:you look extremely beautiful
Me:lets be on a lowkey 4 now
Gerald:exactly what i was thinking
Waitress:here is the menu
Me:i'll go for coconut rice& a fruit punch
Gerald:same here

Can't believe i just changed my name from Adams to Dowins
(Dialed Geralds no)
Gerald:helo
Me:where are you we just got married and your out of sight
Gerald:hey relax am on my way home with a suprise gift
Me:whats that?
Gerald:its a suprise

Me:welcome
Gerald:thanks
Me:and who is she
Girl:am Niky...Niky morgan
Me:Gerald what is she doing here?
Niky:relax,you toke my man away so am here to stay
Me:Gerald
Gerald:am sorry elfie i can't live without her
Mein tears)what about me?
Gerald:lets be on a lowkey
Me:am your wife
Niky:but he don't love you
Me:shut the f**k up
The next thing could get was a thundrous slap from Niky
Niky:i've wanted to do this
I followed Gerald upstairs only to see him packing my stuff
Me:what are you doing
Gerald:Niky will be staying with me
Me:where will i stay
Gerald:the quest room
Me:so?
Niky:get out.

>>

episode 2
“He has killed me!” he exclaimed, widening his eyes in pain
“Who?” I asked so surprised
“This man I called father as killed me o! He has frozen all my accounts! No money anywhere. Ah!!” he slapped the floor many times as he pursed his lips in regret.
I checked the phone he was holding and I saw Mike’s (His friend) message.
Adejare had sent him a text to make withdrawal for him immediately he realized that his father meant the business of disowning him but before Mike who was a banker could do so, the highest powers had connived and there was a painful deal!
I shook my head
“Ade mi, you have to return home. If they agree, better. If they don’t agree eventually, that means we were never meant to be together.” I tried saying
What was happening had really sapped my strength.
“I don’t like pessimists! When did you become one? Exactly when Ogo? We can scale through this together! We can!” he said as he dusted his shirt and we were set to go
“But we can’t get married without their blessings. We really can’t Ade mi” I tried to say so he could reason with me but he didn’t seem to at all
“Who said so? No need of their curses in disguise which they surnamed blessing. Let’s go” he said as he pulled me away while my heart grew hot with uncertainty.
Was there any glimpse of hope at all?
None of his father’s friends took us in that night- they were working based on instruction was what they kept telling us.
It was both embarrassing and painful.
We left for Lalupon, a neighboring town in Oyo state and we lodged at a motel overnight.
We didn’t speak to each other
The silence between us that day was huge.
It felt really weird and I wanted us to just end the relationship!
This was not the man I knew!
What was happening to him?
Was he now seeing me as a real stumbling block?
He occasionally patted me and squeezed my shoulders in a bid to comfort me but I knew it was not going to last.
I woke up to his sobs in the middle of the night and I could only clutch at my pillow and weep too.
If he was full of regrets and all, he should go back and apologize.
He really should!
“We can wait till their hearts become touched. Apologize. I will wait for you. Thank God we are still young” I muttered silently and he shook his head.
I saw the outlines through the faint illuminations from the candlelight
“I know these people more than you! Once they have said no, nothing or nobody out there can change it! They did it for Adejide too when he refused to study Medicine and chose Fine Arts and he is actually flourishing now in Kent’s. I will flourish too!” he said with such finality that I was so certain that his choleric part had taken the most of him.
I probably would have to go to his parents’ house tomorrow to tell them I would leave their son ooo
I can’t bear this for long!
I really can’t!







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The Internet is a telephone system that’s gotten uppity.’

~ Clifford StollRelated

Papa was discharged 2weeks later leaving him with bandages on both his ankles and knees having severed his limbs in the accident with little patches here and there on his face and hands.

The doctor have given us a ton of medicines for papa’s daily use and will be coming from time to time to check on his progress.

Getting home i helped papa into a chair. papa look more feeble now, his skin looked somewhat darker and his face seemed like it was getting older.

Their is nothing i hate more than seeing my papa this way. Jessy on her own part nearly died the day of the accident. * * *

“Sky what did you say happened to papa” she shrieked immediately i dropped the call.
Her eyes glowed with tearful sparkle, Her hands dropped stiff betraying the frightening horror that surged within.

Chioma’s mouth fell agape her gazes focusing towards me and Jessy at interval.

“What did you say happened”? Amanda questioned like she didn’t hear me the first time, her face wearing a look of uncertainty.

“The number that just called now said papa was involved in a motor accident” the words was saying me more than i was saying it. cold tears already formed at the back of my head.

Jessy’s shrieking scream startled everyone in the room as she came crashing down with a loud thud breaking into a resounding loud cry with the words
“my papa is dead” Flying out of her mouth.
Which sent a piercing scare into me.

We rushed down to the scene of the accident met only with the view of what could be called Papa’s car. The black chases of black toyota avalon were reduced to a crumbled piece of metal.

The white hilux it crashed into was also in a bad shape. Wonder how anyone could possibly survive that.

Amanda was the first to break down in tears as we were shown a visual of papa through a transparent glass window demarcating the emergency casualty unit.

All we could make out was a team of doctors surrounded by a stream nurses as they worked and tried to revive two unconscious bodies covered in blood and wounds.

Nurses running aimlessly around in their annoying habit, some would come out of the unit and zoom past us paying deaf ears to our desperate questions we riddled her with, only to zoom back again with nothing tangible in hand. *keep wondering what she went to bring*

Identifying papa was almost impossible from the two unconscious figures being worked on, their faces being covered in blood and bruises.

Jessy already rushed into the changing room, jumped into a light green theater coat and other kits gaining access into the casualty room with her Identity card.

Watched as Jessy joined the doctors on their work, turning back every now and then to cast a gloomy look at me through the glass.
If ever their was a time i was proudest of Jessy being a doctor, it was today.

And am sure papa will be too, this was the kind of situation you’d be thankful you have a doctor in the family.
* * *

“Am still wondering how a brake my mechanic fixed, failed one week after” Papa addressed me raising an eye brow as i guided him to a cushion in the sitting room on getting home after his discharge.

“Papa these things happen, besides your driver is on leave” I countered, “just be thankful you survived”.

“Am sure what am saying Nnam, that brake was in perfect shape, something must have tampered with it” Papa aired out wincing while he raised himself a bit to seat up.

“Eheee Nnam, this accident made me think about many things, one of them being that i have not seen your child so am not supposed to die now” Papa blurted out with a funny but yet serious face.

“Haaa papa, you should concentrate on getting better, my marriage is not relevant now” I chuckled out trying to discard the topic and my surprise.

“Nnam i know what am saying, you are my only son and i need to see your grand children soon” it wasn’t so surprising he insisted being a very strong willed man as i can recall.

Amanda walked pass the sitting room clutching papa’s hospital provisions in a black polythene, she had been just right on the door when papa raised the topic of my marriage.

Throwing a slight wink at me with a smile that pushed her lips to the right side of her mouth, she swayed pass us disappearing up stairs.

“Ok papa i will look into it” I said partly to close the topic but part of me was serious about it.

But deep within me, Papa’s suspicion that someone might have tampered the brakes haunted me.
..To be Continued.


>>

A movie producer was using
someone's house to shoot a
movie.
They needed someone to act
the role of a GateMan.
The HouseBoy of the house Akpos was offered
some
money to act the role.
The director gave Akpos a
brand new cutlass and told him to
act the part where he'll chase the
star actor who was acting the role of a thief. The
Director said; If you hear
me
say "action" you should run
after
him, just do as I say. Did you hear me?.
Akpos nodded in affirmation. The Director shouted;
"Action".
The star actor took off.
Akpos started chasing him round
the compound.
When they got to the fence, the
director shouted; "Cut, cut,
cut". what do you think happened next?
and who
is to blame?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-07 10:23:04

561 Views




No matter How Pretty or cute your Face Might Be, you will still Be the Food for Worms...... Set your Arrogance Aside and Remember 6 Feet. No one lives for Ever.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Status original hona chaiye …

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Copied to yeh walaa b hai..:-DRelated

Why are men like bank accounts?

Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest!




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-24 09:15:49

498 Views



Great mistake [Read it]


Brother james, a blind brother in the church choir went to visit sister pat the choir mistress. When he got there he knocked on the door sister pat answered from the bathroom and said come in when she heard it was brother james knocking. After taking her bath she came out and started shaving her pubic hair as she was chating with him. How is life with you? she asked, fine he answered, how is the family? They are fine thank you. What brought you to my house this morning? She asked, i just came to tell you that i still went for the eye operation as you adviced and can now see very well.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-22 14:35:26

533 Views




MRS Ophelia: thank you very much for saving our time
MR IKE: please may the rest of the contestant join us on stage
MR Unbelievable: so far it has been a battle field;a real battle between elephants;not just two but three,but one thing for sure there is always a winner in everything
MRS Ophelia: yes;it seen like yesterday;when it all started we were five contestant;that reminds me;when we started we said;it was six contestant but one school drops out but that shouldn't bothered you all now because we have cone to the end whatever position you found yourself take heart;like MR IKE said,'there is always a winner'
MR Unbelievable: there is the winner;so far Miss Rita Luke;you have done a great job;you have proof to us that your parent are not wasting their money;Stephanie Dave my small daughter;the youngest in the midst of the mighty which automatically make one in fact;my son will marry you;you have been a rare character;although at first;you have stage fright but then you pick up yourself and brave up. that's good;keep it up and Desmond Jackson;you take up my time but you didn't do that for nothing because you gave us to a good break down of Nigeria history right from independent to the different level of military and civilian rules in Nigeria to show that you thoroughly know your country;well done once again. so now the third place goes to Rita Luke from All state university. applaud her and the winner is ......(he paused ;Stephanie stared at Desmond and smile) the winner is Desmond Jackson(shouting and excitement) congratulation my friend
Desmond: thanks ma and sir
MR IKE: and that is the end of the competition;i pray you save till we meet next time. goodbye from now(after so much shouting Desmond and Stephanie left)
Stephanie: (she stretch out her hand)congrats for a job well down
Desmond: thank you(he shake her hands)(at home receiving different calls)
Tunde: hello man;oh man;you have done it again
Desmond: everything is the hand work of God
Ayo: we are celebrating here at home
Tosin: you finished work
Alfred: you given our school another name;best among the best
Desmond: thank you very much
Tunde: i have told them to pay you money to stay even if you have graduate because you are so rare to found
Desmond: who told you that?they are up coming ones that do better than me
Tunde: okay;when you come back;we pon champion
Desmond: thank you later then(he cut;another call)hello dad;good evening sir
Jackson: evening my son;i have just finish watching news;i saw you;you just proof that you have not been wasting my money;congrats my son
Desmond: thank you dad;were is mom?

Jackson: she is fine;she sent her greetings
Desmond: thank you dad
Jackson: bye(he end the call and notice that Stephanie looking at him)do you need anything?
Stephanie: no

Desmond: do you have anyone you want to call?you can used my phone(she walked away and start crying)baby;why are you crying?did i say anything bad or do i offend you?

Stephanie: no;i just admired you;that you have a lot of people who cared about you and show sincere concern about you
Desmond: there are also people who cared about you like your mom;dad and sibling
Stephanie: if i do have them all;i would be happy(phone ringing)
Desmond: don't worry;they will definitely call you
Stephanie: am so sorry for boring you with my problem
Desmond: is okay;we are friends right?best friend
Stephanie: yes;best friends
Desmond: you such a baby (phone ringing)
Stephanie: am not
Desmond: you are my baby(he dragged and nose and his phone continued ringing)come on my baby;i have something to give you
Stephanie: Desmond your phone is ringing(he picked it)
Desmond: oh! my girl is Georgina;please don't say anything
Stephanie: okay;i won't say anything my mouth is seal
Desmond: hello;am sorry that i haven't being picking up your calls. i am really sorry
Georgina: apologies is what i hate because you find it very easy to say sorry and you expect me to also accept everything;what were you doing;that make you to ignore my calls?
Desmond: um....uh....i went to take my bath
Georgina: for all i know;you are seeing other girls;that is why you are not picking
Desmond: like who
Georgina: who else;if not Stephanie
Desmond: i don't know were you get that ideal from and how come you know her?
Georgina: you think i don't know that;she is the friend to your flatmate fiancee and.....
Desmond: is alright;before you will start drawing lines when they are not needed
Georgina: anyway enjoyed yourself;good bye
Desmond: hey don't hang the phone on me. she just end the call;she just cut off
Stephanie: then call her back
Desmond: i will never do that
Stephanie: two wrongs can never make a right;pride never did add a cubit to your height or life. come on call her and show her;you are a man;that show concern for her and not the one that doesn't cares(he stared at her)come on stop looking at me;just go ahead and do it
Desmond: (he pick up his phone and call her;phone ringing)hello;are you there?(no answer)hello;please talk to me;i said i am sorry;come on
Georgina: i thought you don't want to talk to me
Desmond: why would i?are you not my......
Georgina: go ahead and complete your words
Desmond: never mind;but then how are you?i really do missed you
Georgina: fine;i do missed you really bad. when are you coming?
Desmond: by tomorrow
Georgina: too many talks;i forget to tell you congratulation
Desmond: thank you;take care
Georgina: bye;i love you
Desmond: bye;me too(he end the call;Stephanie look at him)why are you looking at me?
Stephanie: nothing;i am sorry
Desmond: is okay;come sit;you can now talk
Stephanie: did you pause me before now?that you are telling me;that i can now talk?
Desmond: no i didn't;why would i pause my angel?
Stephanie: am not your angel
Desmond: come;go take a rest because we are going back tomorrow
Stephanie: is that so;oh!am so happy that at least i will see my friend again;i really do missed them
Desmond: you are such a girl
Stephanie: and you such a boy also
Desmond: naught girl(they playing together;he scatter her hair)
Stephanie: now you are going to make up because you have rough my hair
Desmond: don't worry;i will (he brought out a comb)baby;come and sit;let me combed your hair
Stephanie: you can't combed by hair
Desmond: and who said i can't?
Stephanie: i did
Desmond: just don't dared me;you will see;i can
Stephanie: i know you can but please i don't want you to
Desmond: now you are talking
Stephanie: am tired;i think i need to sleep
Desmond: go ahead then;hold on
Stephanie: what?(he take her hand wear her a bracelet)thank you
Desmond: this is our friendship bond
Stephanie: alright;good night(she turn to leave)
Desmond: good night best friends(she turned and smile)
Stephanie: good night
Desmond: thank you Stephanie(the next morning on their way back to school)
Desmond: Stephanie
Stephanie: yes
Desmond: do you know what came into my mind?
Stephanie: no
Desmond: the first day;we were on our way here;that we were quarreling. i never thought we could still sit and talk and you would even smile at me
Stephanie: well;the only constant thing in life is changes and we should always learn to forgive one another;by viewing why the person at the other end offended you;the circumstance surrounding the action
Desmond: i know but not everyone will see it from your own point of view
Stephanie: come off it;lets forget about that?before i change my mind
Desmond: silly girl;you really do know;how to act
Stephanie: i have always been acting and i know that if i did go into movie industry i will make it big time
Desmond: you such a girl;do you want some ice cream before;we continue the journey
Stephanie: no;am okay(he step down from the car and came back with ice cream and meat pie)
Desmond: here is your share
Stephanie: but i said,'i don't want'
Desmond: are you rejecting my gift
Stephanie: am not;why should i?
Desmond: but you just did or are you scared that i am going to put something inside;if you want i can taste it(he lick from it)
Stephanie: its alright;just give me;thanks
Desmond: you welcome(she lick the ice cream with joy)why do you like ice cream?
Stephanie: i don't know but i just like the juicy taste of it;the way it melt in my mouth;so sweet(she smiled)i just like it
Desmond: crazy girl;do you know when you smiled;you look more attractive than when you frown
Stephanie: will you focus on your wheel and saying things that are irrelevant
Desmond: you right

Stephanie: can you do me a favor?
Desmond: anything for you
Stephanie: when we get to school;please drop me there before you go to your house
Desmond: what if i drop you at your house
Stephanie: no;no;no
Desmond: slow down;why don't you want me to take you to your house
Stephanie: i just do not want anybody to start talking about me
Desmond: are you scared;they are going to say,'we are back together again and that we settle our differences'
Stephanie: no;we were never together but i wouldn't want you to drop me at my place;that is all
Desmond: alright;if that is what you want
Stephanie: yes that is what i want
Desmond: fine by me(after some hours of driving she fell asleep unknown to her that Desmond has driven her to her house)you are beautiful and so calm(to sleeping Stephanie)thank you for everything(Stephanie friends were outside;so they saw her inside the car and Desmond horn and she wakes up;only to find her friends surrounding her)you up?we are at your place
Stephanie: what?you are mean(he smiled)just stop it
Tosan: congrats you two for making our school the best among the best
Tina: did i just hear you say,'you two' you are given Stephanie hope;when you know she is not the winner
Stephanie: i know i am not the winner;you don't have to rub it on my face
Anita: come on my baby;you did your best
Tina: and her best wasn't good enough(she turned to Desmond)anyway you are so ingenious(exit Stephanie)
Desmond: thanks but behind every successful man their is a woman. i go ahead now(he drove off and they all walked into their house)
Tina: (Tina dragged Tosan back)does it mean they are both back together?
Tosan: i don't know (curtain)



SEE MORE......


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I love the way you make me happy, and the ways you show your care. I love the way you say, ‘I Love You,’ and the way you’re always there.Related

Akpos sat down at a bar and told the bar man, "I bet you N5,000 that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the
other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bar man said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you N5,000." Akpos then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing.
He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and on the bar man, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bar man starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe
me N5,000." Akpos then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts
laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there.
He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bar man and
hands him the money.
The bar man asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there N25,000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you
would still be laughing when I was done."


one word for Akpos

HAPPY WEEKEN



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-07 15:37:52

2380 Views




May this Valentine bless us with the cupid of love and warmth of romance.

Happy Valentine’s Day!Related

Xmas Gift [Read it]


The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his girlfriend, Ada:

Ada: When am I getting my Christmas gift?

Akpos: What do you want?

Ada: It might be expensive, so just give me anything from you heart.

Akpos: Just mention

Ada: Tablet

Akpos: Which one… Vitamin C Or Paracetamol?

Ada: Samsung Galaxy Tab 2015

Akpos: Samsung Galaxy-what? It is Jesus’ birthday, not yours.



The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his girlfriend, Ada:
Ada: When am I getting my Christmas gift?
Akpos: What do you want?
Ada: It might be expensive, so just give me anything from you heart.
Akpos: Just mention
Ada: Tablet
Akpos: Which one… Vitamin C Or Paracetamol?
Ada: Samsung Galaxy Tab 2015
Akpos: Samsung Galaxy-what? It is Jesus’ birthday, not yours.
- See more at:

EPISODE 21

After much thoughts, I decided to call My Uncle to greet Him and there I can also know if He's the one that sent the money or not,,, afterall, He told me to call Him whenever I get to School. I dialled His number... and He picked up.
Me: Hello Sir
Uncle: How are You Victor?
Me: I'm fine Sir
Uncle: I spoke with Your Dad, He told me Joy has delivered a baby
Me: Yes Sir, We thank God for the save delivery
Uncle: Yes,,, and I'm made to understand that You're in School already
Me: Yes, We've resumed Sir
Uncle: I told You to call me when You get to school right?
Me: Yes You did, I apologize for not calling
Uncle: Did You get the alert?
Me: Yes I did, thanks a lot Sir,,, I really appreciate Your support and kind gesture
Uncle: Its okay,,, make sure You study hard, We need a better result in the Family or don't You want to beat my record?
Me: **Laughs** Sir We're trying
Uncle: Don't just be trying, ensure that You get to be sure of Yourself
Me: Okay... thank You Sir
Uncle: Alright, I just got home from work,,,, so bye lemme rest a little
Me: Ok bye Sir.
Woah,,, I came to School to study, but I'm balling in School!
I went to the Parlor, Nancy was there watching TV
Me: Now You're tired of browsing and chatting abi
Nancy: The thing just stopped working
Me: How do You mean?
Nancy: I don't know oh,,, its connected but not browsing and the network is ok
Me: Chai! You have finished My MB
Nancy: What?
Me: Quiet jare! Msteeeew chai! exausted 10 Gigabytes of data in less than three weeks,,, Great!
I left Her in the Parlor, went inside my room, grabbed my notes and went to the house library to read. That's my secret for answering well in class and also performing well in tests. I study whatever that I was taught in School later in the evening and also raed it again in the early morning of when We have the Lecture again. All what We were taught from Monday to Friday, I studied them at home on Saturdays and sundays. So don't think that I'm so intelligent or calling me a genius for my intelligence,,, Its because I studied hard.
My Uncle wants His record of having Second Class Upper to be broken, I thought for a little. He was the one with the highest result in the family, My Dad had Second Class Lower which put him in the Second place after My uncle. That day was the day I officially set My goal of beating My Uncle's record. And You know what that means, First Class things.
I left the library after for almost two hours, I dropped my notes in the room before walking to the Parlor, Nancy was still there watching TV, Although I perceived something coming out from the kitchen's direction.
Me: What are You preparing?
Nancy: Spaghetti
Me: Again?
Nancy: We ate rice in the Afternoon, what's again?
Me: Are they not the same thing? Can't You cook something else rather than these starchy foods? If not rice its spaghetti or noodles or yam sometimes
Nancy: But there's nothing else in the kitchen
Me: What about Semo or pounded yam
Nancy: There are no ingredients for soup in the kitchen
Me: Can't You buy them and other things from the market?
Nancy: With which money? and things like what?
Me: Things like Platein, both irish and sweet potatoes, like that
Nancy: Bro just give me money and I will get them tomorrow
Me: No problem, but You will use Your money to buy meat and fish
Nancy: Why?
Me: Are You not the one that eat it more? See how You're getting fat here
Nancy: I am Your responsibility na, You're my senior bro and I'm in Your place so You will have to take care of me
Me: Na true, go check wetin dey fire jare... I'm hungry
Nancy: Yes boss
She went to the kitchen while I took the remote to the channel to either music or sport channel. She came back a couple of minutes later with my food, I ate and rested before calling Mirabel and then retired to bed after praying for the night and the new day I'll be entering.
The next day in School, I met and chat with lola, Mirabel and promise with some quarter-friends that we only greet each other or talk about lectures only. Lola and Cynthia came to our Department when we were free,,, We all had lunch together, that is Lola, Cynthia, Mirabel, Promise and I.
Our first semester result came out and I did great except for Maths that I had "C", I really needed to work very hard on Maths. Mirabel and Promise did very well too,,, And surprisingly, Lola and Cynthia's result wasn't bad at all. I guess they have their way because,,, those girls ain't really serious with their studies.
As time goes by, Lola and I became close friends. I snatched her from Mirabel same way She snatched Promise from Me. I got to learn the other side of Lola, She's fun to be with, full of exciting stories and experience.
I couldn't take it anymore from Dorothy, so I brought the situation to Lola not telling Mirabel about it. She told me to play along with Dorothy, that instead of giving her my house address, I should give her another address where she (Dorothy) would meet me and She'll take care of the rest. I did what Lola told me to do,,, I pretended to give in to Dorothy's pleas and made her to meet me in a certain place. She came at the appointed time and I drove her with the car Lola gave me to use to the address she provided. I didn't know what she wanted to do, and my mind didn't even think of Lola killing Dorothy at all.
We arrived the location, an uncompleted building and I horned as Lola directed me to do.
Dorothy: Victor don't tell me You live here
Me: No I don't
Dorothy: Then what are we doing here?
Me: Just came to check on someone
Dorothy: Victor I'm not comfortable with this place, let's go
Lola: Nobody is going nowhere,,, yet
Lola showed up with Cynthia and other two girls looking weird and dangerous, I was scared myself.
Dorothy: Victor what's going on here? Is this a set up?? You want to kill me,,, Victor You want to kill me
Cynthia: Shut up b!tch!
Dorothy: Victor please don't do this to me I beg You **Almost crying**
I didn't know what to say or do, I couldn't even understand what was going on
Lola: So You're scared huh? **Lighting a cigeratte for herself**
Dorothy: Please don't harm me...
Lola: Shut up! Now tell me, why are You even begging?
Dorothy: What?
Lola: Why are You begging for Your life? Do You know me from somewhere??
Dorothy: No
Lola: And why are You begging? I'm not even holding any weapon
Dorothy: I'm sor-ry
Lola: Now listen and let this be clear to You, Victor is my boyfriend and I'm not sharing his d!ck with no b!tch,,, You got that?
Dorothy: Yes yes yes (Shivering)
Lola: Stay clear of his d!ck, is that understandable?
Dorothy: Yes I understand
Lola: Good girl,,, just make sure that the next time You and I get to meet again, It shouldn't be like this okay?
Dorothy: Yes pleaseee...
Lola: Victor darling, take this girl to where You got her from (Walked back to where she came out from with the girls)
Me: Okay.... D'thy lets go
I felt pity on her, She was so scared and terrified. She stood up walked out in a hurry, I ran after her.
Me: D'thy wait
**She kept on moving**
Me: D'thy wait lemme drop You
Dorothy: So this is how wicked and heartless You are? How dare You put me in this kind of situation?! How dare You do this to me?
Me: I never wanted this to h...
Dorothy: **Cuts in** You're very wicked! I was too blind to realize it all this while,,, I was so stupid and foolish geez!!
Me: Please hear me out
Dorothy: What for?
Me: Please just hear me out,,, it wasn't my...
Dorothy: **Cuts in** Cut the crap You bastard! I will never forgive You for this, Never! **Walks away hastily**
Me: D'thy! Dorothy!!
She left without looking back. I felt so horrible.
I kept dialling her number from that day but she kept rejecting my call till her line stopped going through, I thought she had blocked my line so I tried using another line but it still didn't go through.
*******************
In School on a Wednesday afternoon, Lola announced that her birthday was coming up on Friday but she's going to celebrate it on Sunday evening. One talk led to another and they came up with an idea to have a dinner in respect of Lola's upcoming birthday at Mirabel's lodge. That would be the first time Nancy will be going there. I begged Lola specifically not to involve Nancy on any act, because Nancy claimed to like Lola on their first meeting and always want her around. She promised to be cool and friendly with Nancy and nothing else. Promise said she can't come and didn't give any suitable reason for not coming. Mirabel tried to talk her in but she still declined.
When I got home, I told Nancy about the upcoming birthday and she appeared to be very happy, I causioned her to behave herself for I won't tolerate any misbehaviour from her.

Sometimes I thought about going easy and cool with Nancy, because she might rebel against me later in the future when she realizes some things. And I also thought about something, if Nancy should go out and start doing bad things now,,, what can I even do to her?


TO BE CONTINUED

>>

THE BROKEN SEAL

A tale of love, obsession, crime and secrets.
Except for the locations used, every other thing; the people and events do not exist outside the world of fiction

Author: Isaiah Atabo {Invincible}

Episodes:

Akpos walked into a hotel and
ordered
Jollof rice and meat.
He finished eating his food and
was eating his meat when he
suddenly shouted
and called for the manager.
MANAGER: Sir, what's the.
problem?.
AKPOS: The meat you people
gave me is very hard.
MANAGER: But sir our meats are
well cooked.
There is no way it will be hard.
AKPOS: Okay. Eat it yourself and
tell me how it is.
MANAGER: [Eating the meat] But
sir this meat is
very soft. I don't know why
you are complaining.
AKPOS: Why won't it be soft?oga na u go pay 4 d meat cos na u finish am.

The manager fainted !!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-30 13:29:23

724 Views




MY DARK PAST (CHAP.1)=>STORY BY NELLY
Please do not share without talking to me or her personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story brought to you by Nelly aka Nnenna…
My name is Amazu Blade, I’m a girl of 14 and I have two brothers, I’m actually the only girl.
I was born in a happy family before my dad got arrested in Dubai.
Before this happened, I was the closest to my dad, he loved me more than everything, even while in prison.
My mom sent him my pictures Which he drew and sent back, the drawing was very nice in fact I loved it than my real picture.
Things kinda changed when he called us and told us to move to his sister place in Nigeria.
His sister wasn’t so nice, and her daughter was a bully to me, it seemed like I was a charming little girl because I gained everyone trust and love, the dad of the so called bully even prefered me to his daughter.
Well, days passed and my dad was back, he took us to another place to stay where we got a housemaid, her name was jane, i didn’t really like her because she was damn ugly.
As weeks passed by I saw that jane was a lesbian, I always stayed away from her since then, everyone wondered why but they saw it as a kids’ thing.
Finally she left us for good and we travelled back to ghana…………….to be continue…..watch out for chap.two.
ITS STILL YOUR GIRL NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI.
. THIS IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI JUST CALL ME NELLY…..STORY BY NNENNA AKA NELLY….FACEBOOK USERNAME:NELLY NALLY.WHATSAPP NO;+22961804913


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mouth issue [Read it]


My mouth is small .because I am use to small spoon from my childhood.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-12 04:44:05

505 Views



funny grandma [Read it]


Armed Robber : We are going to rape u all.
.
Girls (crying) ls u kan rape us but pls
leave our grandma out of it.
.
Grandma (shouting) : you idiots why will i be left out? Do u knw when my husband
died?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-14 22:33:00

267 Views




A boy returns a missing purse to d
owner in a market.
The lady was so grateful but when she
looked inside, she got confused & said,
"but I had a single one thousand naira note, now there are ten pieces of
hundred naira note, how come?
The boy said,
"na me change am, the last time wey I
help person find purse she say, she for
give me something but change no dey." So, dat
kind thing no go happen again !!
change don dey !! Have a wonderful week!
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-12 18:09:23

350 Views




WhatsApp: 2347060981481
Email: [email protected] gmail.com
Author: VictVames

I opened my eyes slowly, my sight was kinda blurry at that moment. I heard a voice calling doctor, it was my mother’s. I couldn’t recognize or understand what was going on until a special voice called my name, then I got back to my senses and realized that i was in the hospital.
Mirabel: Victor? Can u hear me? Victor?
Me: Mirabel…
Mirabel: Hi, what happened to u? U got everyone worried
Me: What am i doing here?
The doctor walked in with my mum and my sis. The doctor examined me using his stethoscope.
Mum: How is he doctor?
Doctor: He will be fine madam, u don’t have to worry. He just need a little more rest and something solid to eat in order for him to regained his strength. I advise u get him his favorites
Mum: Okay doctor, thank u very much
Doctor: U are welcome madame
**The doctor walked away**
Mum: Nancy?
Nancy: Ma…
Mum: What can we get him?
Nancy: Errmmm… I dunno, maybe beans
Mum: Be serious, U know he dislikes beans
Mirabel: Ma, He needs fried rice and chicken with cool hollandia yoghurt, trust me
Mum: Sorry, U haven’t told me who u are
Mirabel: I’m his friend from school ma
Mum: His girlfriend i suppose
Mirabel: Ma?
Mum: **Smiling** don’t lie to me, are u guys dating or not?
Mirabel: We’re dating ma **with a coy smile**
Mum: So,,, he loves fried rice?
Mirabel: A lot ma especially with hollandia yoghurt
Mum: Woah,,, I didn’t know… I don’t really prepare it at home. Nancy, u will go and buy it,,, come take the. money
Mirabel: Don’t worry ma, I will go and get it for him.
Mum: Ok my dear
Nancy: I will go with u Aunty
Mum: You’re not going anywhere
Nancy: But mummy…
Mirabel: Please let her ma
Mum: She’s going to delay u with her talks that has no limit
Mirabel: Don’t worry ma, we’d be fast i promise
Mum: Hhmmm… okay oh…
Nancy: Thanks mummy **hugs mum** Aunty lets go lets go
-They left-
All this while i pretended to sleeping, it wasn’t intentional though because i was so weak and sore. I opened my eyes minutes after Mirabel and Nancy left.
Mum: Victor?
Me: Ma…
Mum: How are u feeling now?
Me: Very weak
Mirabel: Its okay, Nancy and your, your friend went to get u something to eat. I heard u like fried rice and chicken with yoghurt, they’re going to buy them for u so u regain your strength. Don’t force yourself to talk if u can’t, u will take your medicines after u eat. Maybe u will be discharged today, that’s if u respond well. U better respond well so that u leave this place or do u want to remain here?
I shake my head in a gesture that means no.
Mum: Good, so u better eat enough and take your medicines ok?
Me: Yes ma
Chai! My mother can talk eh… that’s why i’m not surprised about Nancy. She took after my mother, talk talk talk and talk,,, geez! I won’t lie, it really irritates me, i don’t like too much talk especially with repetitions. Imagine, if Nancy starts talking, mum would complain that she talks too much and vice versa.
**Door opens**
Nancy: I’m telling u Aunty, even when i go to the saloon its the same thing, I rememb…
Mum: Nancy! Nancy!! Ah!!!
Nancy: Mummy what nau
Mum; U talk too much, give yourself a break ah
Mirabel: How is he ma?
Mum: He’s fine, he just woke up. Victor oya seat up
Mirabel came to help me seat up. Seeing her gives me joy, i feel happy around her and forget my worries. Talking about worries, Ah! Mr. President oh… he saw the video of me kissing his daughter, i’m sooo gone. I forgot about it again when i saw Nancy shaking the hollandia yoghurt meant for me…my another source of joy.
Mirabel arranged a plate of the fried rice for me, i saw her smiling while putting it.
**Phone rings**
Mum: Its your father.
My Dad wasn’t around by that time, he travelled to Ekiti for business.
She put it on speaker
Mum: Hello sir
Dad: Ab’ele? (How u doing?)
Mum: Olafia sir (Fine sir)
Dad: Abu ‘ola Victor de ajoi? (How is Victor doing now)
Mum: e da che chi me, e mo’lu ji me (its getting better, he has woken up already)
Dad: Ok, has any drug been administered to him?
Mum: Not yet, he’s about to eat now. He would do so afterwards
Dad: Alright, any outstanding payment to be made?
I knew it! If my Dad doesn’t mention the word ‘outstanding’ then he hasn’t concluded his speech yet.
Mum: We haven’t made any payment yet
Dad: Okay, u have money on u right?
Mum: Yes, but I don’t know if it would be enough
Dad: It should be enough na, afterall,,, how many treatment was carried on on him.
Mum: Okay sir
Dad: I still have a meeting tomorrow morning, so i dunno if i would be able to come tomorrow
Mum: Hhmmm… okay
Dad: Gwo ma chaka (greet them all)
Mum: Ma’a gbo (they will hear)
Dad: Ok bye
Mum: byee…
Nancy: Daddy byee
Dad: Ok bye, is it Nancy?
Nancy: Yes sir
Dad: Ab’ele (how are u?)
Nancy: Fine sir
Dad: Take care eh… I will be home soon
Nancy: Ok Dad, byee…
Dad: Alright
**Hangs up**
I trust my Dad but sometimes i couldn’t help but suspect if he’s doing it out there. By ‘doing it’ u should know what i mean.
? ? ? To Be Continued ? ? ?

>>




Akpos who was always up to no
good decided he needed to ‘turn up’ for the weekend and wanted money; 
after contemplating for a while, he decided to rob the local bank in his
community.

Everybody down! Akpos shouted.
(Everyone quickly laid flat on the ground)
Where is the bank manager? He asked.
A young gentle man stood up and said; Here I am.
Open the safe and bring out all the money! Akpos requested.
The young man kindly replied; Sir, this thing you are doing is not good oh. It is a crime against society and humanity.
Shut up!! Akpos angrily retorted. Chei, look at this stupid small
boy manager telling me nonsense, you are calling me a criminal now abi?
If not because it is a toy gun I’m holding, i would have blown off your
brain.
(Akpos is currently receiving treatment at the prison hospital)




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-23 07:37:41

419 Views



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