Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Tell you what...this world is not meant for anyone. Sowhy should waste your time racing to outlive everyone? Our destination is out there, it's where we should spend our energy for.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-20 14:21:40

336 Views




Three business associates, an Igbo man, a
Yoruba man and a Chinese man, went to eat
lunch together at a restaurant in Surulere.
While in the middle of their meal, a fly came in
through the window. It flew across the table
to where the Igbo man was but he just
waved his hands to chase it away.
The fly then went to where the Yoruba man
was, he also chased it away.
Finally, the fly then went to where the Chinese
man was and was flying close to his ears. The
Chinese man looked at the fly for sometime
and then grabbed it, put it in his mouth and
swallowed it.
The other men saw this but just kept on
eating.
About Five minutes later, another fly came in
and flew to the Yoruba man who just chased
it away again.
It then flew on to the Igbo man but this time
he did not chase the fly, he looked at it for
sometime and then grabbed it. He then
turned to the Chinese man and asked “how
much you go buy am?”



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-05 04:40:15

170 Views



MARA episode 8 [Read it]


my doctor's point of view:

I adjusted the intravenous lines and looked at my patient.
She looked so blue!
What is it about this woman oh Lord that she would be going through turbulent times all in the name of marriage?
Exactly what was wrong?
What I didn’t understand well was how a man who had for countless number of times had sleepless nights because of a lady would turn her into a punching bag shortly after saying ‘yes’
If this was what marriage entailed, I’d rather just stay single and happy for my Father in heaven.
I moved to the table to check her case note for her name and I saw it so clearly ‘Glory Olowo’
Darkness seemed to hang in the air.
I sensed there was absolutely something wrong.
All I see whenever that woman entered into my office was darkness.
Darkness was what filled her eyes
She breathes out darkness.
I wonder what it was but I felt so pulled to her side whenever she came by.
Why would I be pulled to darkness?
There must be something interesting about her that I had not unraveled yet.
And it is time to do so.
She had not recovered from her shock yet and it was long over three weeks now.
It was very painful that her husband wanted the baby dead!
What some are looking for badly!
I took her hands and she shook a bit as if a cold chill ran through her spines
“Lord Jesus, thank you for this lady. I know nothing about her but if I could be of help, use me because I can smell a rat as regards her. Something is definitely wrong oh Lord!”
I walked to the window side and drew the curtains. I opened the louvers and moved from one corner of the room to the other.
“I plead the blood of Jesus!” I repeated all of over and over again as I moved from one place to the other.
She moved a hand and I smiled
Something was just so fishy!
“Father, Your word says that the stranger shall be afraid and shall with fear come out of their hidden closets. Every stranger here, I command you to hear the voice of the Lord, leave in Jesus’ name.” I prayed loudly.
I was so lucky that no other patient was in the ward with her so I could pray loudly.
“Are you not afraid?” something told me from somewhere that I could not even decipher
I laughed
“Afraid? Not at all. For the Lord God will help me, therefore shall I not be confounded, therefore have I set my face like a flint and I know that I shall not be afraid” I said boldly
In my ten years of practicing gynecology, I had seen a lot of diabolical displays of dark powers
A little wonder most medical personnel rely on one or more powers.
But I had chosen the greatest power of all!
The power of Jesus!
She sneezed for three good times
And darkness I saw again!
I looked up at her as she rubbed her face and attempted to sit up.
I paused.
She flinched as she sat up and returned to her sleeping position, breathing hard
“Good morning Mrs. Olowo.”
She looked at my side and looked away
“Good morning” she said curtly
“You might have difficulty in sitting up for a while. You have bruises on your tummy, waist and pelvic so you will manage to still be okay”
“Thank you” she said as tears ran down her face.
She looked so weak
“What about the baby?” she asked and I looked at her intently the more
She looked pitiful
“Your baby is growing Mrs. Olowo” I said and she sighed deeply
“What about my husband?” she asked and I smiled
“He should be fine although we have not seen him since you were rushed in here about a month ago” I tried to say as I calmly as I could
She shook her head weakly
“Ok.” She said again
But she was not looking into my face- at all!
“Mrs. Olowo, are you a Christian?” I asked and she nodded in the affirmative
“Are you born again?” I asked again and she nodded
“I attend The Believers’ Gospel Church”
I smiled
“Church going is different from being born again. By being born again, there are some things you wouldn’t be doing which you used to do before. Do you insult?” I asked and she smiled
“Is it possible not to insult?” she smiled and I smiled too as I held her hands
She tried to get her hands off mine but I insisted
“You don’t like looking into my face whenever you are speaking to me. Why?” I asked
She shook her head
“I look into your face” she said and I smiled
“Ok, look into my face now” I said and she tried but squinting, she looked away again
“It’s kinda painful. The ray of sunlight is disturbing my eyes” she said and I looked through the window panes
There was no sunlight- it was still very early in the morning.
I moved to the other side of the ward
“Look at me now, the rays should be gone” I said but she shook her head more vigorously.
“It’s even more” she said and I walked towards her.
“Would you love to tell me about you?”
“No!” she replied bluntly
“Ok. But are you into any occult group?” I asked so plainly and she looked into my eyes, squinting
She looked flabbergasted
“What are you saying?” she asked and I patted her back
“It was just a question madam. I don’t appreciate everything you are passing through” I replied, calmly
She shook her head as fresh tears flowed.
“I am not a cultist, neither am I a witch. I am just a woman of many sorrows and I don’t appreciate anyone prying into my privacy”
“I am sorry if that is the way you feel madam but I am just your friend”
“Ba na so” she said in Hausa meaning she didn’t like the idea one bit.
She was obviously disappointed in me
I had to win back her trust so we could get to the root of the matter.
There is no smoke without fire
There is no problem we go through without a reason for it- either good reasons or the bad one-
Either man-induced or Divinely-arranged!
I gave her a very large smile and held her hands again
“Ina so n ki sose” I said and gave her a very large smile
She didn’t reciprocate.
My heart suddenly yearned for her as tears rolled down her face
“You think I am weird too?” she asked and I smirked
“No. I think you are interesting and really amazing.” I said and her face glistened
“Then, why have I never had a moment of happiness, ever!”
My heart broke
“It’s about starting” I said and she looked at me questionably
“Really?”
“Really!” I nodded and bent over her on the bed in a bid to hug her.
She put her hands round me too though being careful of her intravenous line.
Oh Lord!
I had a mixed feeling- I felt a very huge darkness yet my heart opened and yearned for her.
As we disengaged from the hug and I placed her right hand by her side, I saw the cause-
The cause of the darkness I felt.
I held her right hand and studied it well.
“What are these?” I asked her and she withdrew her hand from me.
“I don’t know” she said and I sat down
“Of course you do. How many are those?” I asked again and she looked at me, really baffled
“Why do you care to know?”
Because that might just be the path to tread to your deliverance woman!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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SMARTNESS!!! [Read it]


So this local FM Radio station was running a
contest, and I phoned up. The Radio presenter
said, "Congratulations on being our first caller,
all you have to do is answer the following
question correctly, to win our grand prize."
"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight. "Feel
confident?" she asked. "It's a maths question."
"Well, I am an Engineer and have been teaching and practising maths for almost 3years, " I proudly replied. "Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 return tickets for an adventurous trip to sambisa forest and an
opportunity to meet Shekau and the chibok Girls Face to Face, What is 2+2?" I replied, "12" Gobe!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-18 20:01:40

192 Views



Gone so soon [Read it]


Akpos dad asked his son akpos.DAD:hw do u stop ur anger whenever i beat u? Akpos:i start cleaning d toilet. Dad:hw does dat help u my son? Akpos:it helps me bcos i clean d toilet with ur toothbrush.d Dad fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-23 17:31:04

366 Views




Later in the evening, i thought over my
plans, rehearsing every step and praying
for it to work out well. Commiting a crime
is never easy, no matter how small it is.
On rechecking the sleeping drugs Jboy gave me in the morning. I noticed that the small
container in which the pills were stored had
no label. I quickly called him on phone. I
knew how bad sleeping pills could be and so
wasn’t willing to take silly chances.
“of course the pills are 95% risk free. Three tablets will be perfect for her. It
disolves instantly in any liquid solution. My
young cousin brought the drugs from
Ireland last christmas. You have nothing to
worry about moreover the chemist and i will
be around the corner waiting for your signal. Just sleep tight bro, we have a
long night tomorrow” he assured me
strongly. I finally hung up and slept with
my hopes up.
By 12noon the next day, Mary showed up at
my house looking happy and excited. I couldn’t help but wonder how miserable she
would be after my plans have been carried
out.
We played, kissed, romanced and joked till
3:30pm when we headed to the stadium to
watch a much anticipated football match. We ate no lunch, which equally was one of
the sacrifices i endured. However we had a
great time at the stadium, whispering
sweet nothings to ourselves all through the
duration of the match.
7:30pm we returned to my apartment, very tired and hungry.
“thanks sweetie for everything. I guess i
have to head to the kitchen to prepare
something” she said to me with a smile. I
shook my head before kissing her.
“no my dear. Just relax in my room, I have another surprise for you” i whispered to
her. Her eyes brightened with joy, she
turned and headed to my room without
another word.
I rushed to the kitchen, brought out the
pills were i hid them, opened my fridge, brought out a fruit juice which i poured in
a glass cup, quickly mixing the juice with
three tablets of the sleeping pills just like
jboy directed. I murmured some quick
prayers before taking the cup of juice to
her. “where is the surprise my love?” she asked.

>>

I nervously opened my door and came face
to face with the hostel president, a policeman
in uniform and the S.U.G president.
I stared at them with panic. “Please can we
come in?. The officer has some important
questions to ask you,” the S.U.G president
explained while my heart froze.
My guilty conscience was at its worst that
moment.
I fearfully allowed them into the room, my
heart pounding furiously as the policeman
took a sharp look round my room before
settling down on the only plastic chair I had,
while the two students with him stood and
stared at me. I knew they all noticed my
nervous behaviour.
“I’m here to question you as a result of the
body discovered in your lodge. The dead girl
found under the stairs”.
The serious looking officer said to me as he
brought out a small notebook which he
opened. “So what’s your name?” he asked. I
breathed deeply and looked at the hostel
president who nodded to me in agreement. I
slowly murmured my name, repeating it
twice. “You saw the girl’s body right?” the
officer asked.
I swallowed hard and nodded. Nmeka’s
image quickly appeared in my head. “yes I
saw her” I answered weakly,
“do you know her?” he asked, sending my
heart flying with the question. “um no, not at
all” I replied, “are you sure?” he asked again,
“yes I’m sure” I answered,
“you mean you have never ran across her
even in school premises?” he asked. “Yes I’m
sure, I haven’t seen her anywhere” I
answered a bit boldly.
He marked something in his book, closed it
and stood up.
“thanks for your time, but I may be back” he
grinned before leaving.
I locked my door, fell on my bed and
covered my head with a pillow. “Liar, damn
you liar” i heard Nmeka’s voice scream in my
head, sickening me.
I laid awake all night, scared and afraid. I
was scared of Nmeka’s ghost, scared of the
police and scared of being discovered.
A very terrible wind equally blew that night
as if rain was about to pour, but there came
no rain, instead the wind kept making strange
noises on my window which seriously
terrified me.
Early Tuesday morning i packed some of
my clothes in a small bag and headed to my
friend Gideon’s lodge. I just couldn’t stay all
alone in my room anymore.
Unfortunately Gideon and his neighbours
were all too eager to hear the dead girl’s
story, especially how she looked, who was
being suspected and
so on.
They wanted to hear everything without
knowing
that they were upsetting me with their
questions.
The more I managed to answer, the more
questions they asked to the extent that I
almost lost the remaining part of my mind.
Early Wednesday morning I headed home to
be with my surprised parents who were very
astonished to see me return home in the
middle of the week. I managed to mutter
some lousy explanation which I believed they
never truly bought.
But then it was as if the devil had so much
interest in my case, because by 8:15am the
next day, the hostel president called me on
phone, asking me to show up at the lodge.
“The police needs to search your room”. He
ended up saying.

>> Page 9 -

Jeeto: I saw the most beautiful portrait at a store the other day.

Preeto: Interesting. Which store was was it?

Jeeto: A hardware store.

Preeto: That’s weird!

Jeeto: Not really, I realized pretty late that it’s a mirror.Related

clever boy [Read it]


A teacher asked a boy a simple question.... What is the country next to USA..boy answered with confident.. USB..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 01:26:12

406 Views



change [Read it]



A man woke up from sleep today shouting
holy
ghost fire!!! The wife asked: 'was lion
chasing
you in your dream?
Man: That would
have been
better.
Wife: What happen then?
Man:
I nearly
voted for buhari again in my dream.
Wife
shouted:
blood of Jesus!......hahahahahaha . Happy nw month 2 u all ...Enjoy ur day


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-02 05:51:59

281 Views



learn [Read it]


You learn to walk by putting one foot
in front of the other. You learn to live
by putting one day in front of the
other.#olusustain


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-17 21:08:05

196 Views



Hearing Aids [Read it]


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with excellent new hearing aids. 


He returned a month later for a check-up, and the doctor said "Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." 


The gentleman replied "Oh, I haven't told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly; but now I listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-30 21:21:31

290 Views



The Fuckers [Read it]


the story of 2 fuckers..
ONCE A FUKER MET A FUKER IN A FUCKING TRAIN.
THEN THE FUKER ASKED THE FUKER WHATS UR FUKING NAME..?
THEN THE FUKER TOLD THE FUKER , FUCKER IS MA NAME..
THEN THE FUKER FUCKED THE FUKER IN THE FUKING TRAIN..!!!WWWWOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-20 13:28:14

322 Views




BREAKING NEWS!!! Easter May Be Postponed!!! Report says that Judas is refusing to
betray Jesus this year. He claims that 30
pieces of silver is too small due to the
current economy situation and high rate
of US dollar. He is demanding 100%
increment on the amount. Negotiations are still ongoing. You are hereby
advised to free your cows, goats,
turkeys and chickens awaiting
crucifixion during the Easter season,
pending
when he will receive alert from his bank. He has already done his BVN. Meanwhile, Judas and his entire family
duly apologize for any inconveniences
this may cause you
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-15 22:36:24

319 Views



Big pot [Read it]


One day, a lady was dressing up for work. Then her husband comes up and says, "Baby, you have a very big butt! I don't like it! It looks like big pot for cooking soup!"


The wife keeps quiet.                                     


At night, the husband asks for sex and the wife replies, "My big big pot doesn't want your teaspoon!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-19 14:24:17

186 Views




The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: “What part of the human body increases to 10 times it`s normal size when excited?”

Jessica responds: “That`s disgusting! I don`t have to answer that question!”

So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: “That`s easy…the pupil of the eye.” “That`s correct, Johnny. Very good!”

And turning to Jessica, she says: “I`ve three things to say to you, young lady… first, you didn`t do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you`re in for a big disappointment!”Related

Teacher: who will pronounce 999 in words?
[teacher points Little Jonny]
Little Jonny: Sir, its nine hundred and ninety nine!
Teacher: wow! Clap for him..who will try and tell me 777 words?
Kamau: Sir, it`s seven hundred and seventy seven!..
Teacher: wow! U guys are awesome.. An applaud for Kamu..
Teacher: finally, who will pronounce 111 in words for us?
[At the corner, little Akpors shouted,"I sirrrr!..Sirrrr I]
Teacher: yess Akpors!
Akpos: Sir! It`s ONE HUNDRED AND ONETY ONE


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-23 22:25:03

1073 Views




10 STUPID QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK IN NIGERIA.
1. You see identical twins, you
still dey ask 'na twins be dis'?
No bros, na picmix...lol
.
2. Nepa brings light and
everyone in the neighborhood
shouts 'up Nepaaa'! My guy ask
me, O boy na light be that?
No oh, Na burn fire Lol!
.
3. You see person dey vomit, you
still dey ask am 'you no well'?
Em well, e juz dey practice how
to vomit.
.
4. You just wake up from sleep
person come ask you "you don
wake?"
No oh, I come buy bread wey I go
chop for dream.
.
5. You see woman wey born new
pikin u ask her "madam u don
born? " No ohhhh, she buy am
for OLX...
.
6. You greet person "good
morning ma" ! She ask, my pikin
you don wake?
no ohhhh, I dey sleep walk...
.
7. My guy ask me "O boy where u
dey?" I tell am say i dey bank, nd
him ask me "Wat is happening
there?"
Nah new yam festival.. *LMAO*
.
8. My neighbour sees me
opening the gates to drive out
and asks me, U dey comot?
Not at all... I be the new
gateman...
.
9. I dey watch film… my guy enta
come ask me "Guy na film u dey
watch?
No naa... I dey discuss with
Osuofia...
.
10.U see me dey chop indomie
come dey ask me, O boy, na
indomie u dey chop so?
No ohhhh... Na fried rubber band
mixed with Gum.
.
As it stands now, abeg i need to
ask u one question, no vex abeg.
Shey na nairajokes i post this thing so?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-01 09:37:40

298 Views




HOW I GOT SACKED


EPISODE 3


I suddenly felt a strong pain on my shoulder, I swiftly got out of my slumber as soon as my eyes pictured my madam standing in front of me.
“Darlington! What’s the meaning of all this rubbish?” she quarried in anger. How would also react meeting your shop in ajar and your sales boy fast asleep. Not only that, the whole shop was littered with empty bottles of juice which was obvious they were from your fridge and also polythene bags. Angry I guess.
“Madam, what are you doing here, you said you are travelling na?” I said unclearly
“and so what if I travelled, did I tell you I won’t return? And does that gives you the effrontery to turn my shop into a dump ground and open it to thieves. Only God knows how many hours you have being snoring?” she flared, her voice increasing in volume with every spoken word she pronounces. The neighbors were attracted and they poke nose, their reaction furthered added salt, pepper and ginger to the injury I already caused myself.
After all the insults rained on me by the women, I was asked to pay for the juices I drank. The sum total was five hundred naira. I reached into my pocket to withdraw the two thousand naira but I was cut short of breathe when I pulled it out of my pockets.

Instead of bring out two thousand naira, I brought out two bet9ja papers.
“Yeeeehhh!, I don die” I wailed, collapsing to the ground
“What happened, kilo n shey e?” my madam asked
“ah, ye! Ye! Ye! Ooo, ah madam, money don disappear o” I kept on wailing still rolling on the floor, my madam and two other neighbors were just staring at me like watching a mad man’s show.
After few minutes, my madam asked me to calm down and explain everything in details. On the floor there where I sat. I started narrating everything. Beginning from when I seriously felt very hungry and how I miraculously found the money up till the moment I fell asleep.
“Ah, oponu omo jati jati” my madam insulted meaning “useless stupid child”
Just then, a young boy walked in. I recognized the boy from Mama Risi’s shop. He was her son.
“Uncle, my mother said I should come and collect her money.” He said without greeting any one. One of the neighbors wasted no time in giving him a hard whack on the head telling him to do the needful which he adhered to.
“Eh, uncle, he is talking to you, oya answer him o” my madam said
I was just looking at the boy in anger, for my mind I was like “If I slap that your head enh, your sense will upgrade” can’t he see that he came at the wrong time? Yet he still stood there
“Won’t you answer him” my madam barked at me
“Tell am going to come and give her myself” I barked at the boy instantly and he left.
“Chai, see how the stupid boy just left without thinking twice” one of the neigbors said
“That one is none of my business, let this stupid boy give me my money first before I pound him to paste right now” my madam replied her
It was like the ground should swallow me when I heard the voice of the bread seller greeting “Ekale o”
I began to think of the perfect excuse to tell in order for her not to cause a scene as she was not like the young boy who I could just back at.
She came into the shop and enquired about her money, I tried tpo speak but everything that came from my mouth were gibberish em – I you em the the mo I mean the
“Shut up” my madam intruded “Ewo, ko ni owo kan kan, oti lo ogbon fun yin” my madam informed the bread seller. In Yoruba, meaning “See, he doesn’t have any money o, he has duped you”
The bread seller reacted immediately by squeezing my shirt. “Imgbo, where is my money, owo mi da”
I was just begging her to be calm that I would pay them but they were not going to listen to that as both of them began to rain heavy punches on me, when I say both of them, I mean my madam and the bread seller. They were raining punches and curses on me simultaneously. They were intruded by the unannounced presence of mama Risi. As I saw her. I just fainted.

Splash! Came the water on my face. I was fully revived. The first thing I set my eyes on where the figure of the three women; My madam, the bread seller and mama Risi, I was about to collapse to the ground when I heard my madam’s voice “Heys! oga Ade, don’t faint in my shop again, oya get out of here” she instructed me pointing to the door.
I knew they have reached the decision to free me and I didn’t hesitate. I quickly scrambled to my feet and ran towards the exit. On my way, I recieved two hot back slaps from my madam and mama Risi simultaneously but that didn’t stop me, I quickly ran away.
And that was how I got sacked o. very bad way to get sacked. I couldn’t tell anyone the reason I stopped going to work at the juice shop. I am also still trying to fathom how the two thousand naira turned to bet9ja papers. When I later looked at the betting, I saw that I won one bet and it was two thousand naira. I was happy and then the thought of using the money to settle the debts I had incurred on my head crossed my mind but something in me told me that I still won’t be accepted by my madam even if I pay it. What will I do? I need your advice right now.



Thanks for reading this story.


NOTE: THIS STORY IS FRICTIONAL. IT WASN’T WRITTEN TO DEFAME ANYONE, ANY PLACE OR ANYTHING. RELATION TO ANYONE WAS HIGHLY COINCIDENTAL. THANKS YOU. @mc_dahmie




For more stories; check us out @ www.dahmie.wordpress.com

To be added to my WhatsApp group for stories; message +2347088259350

Please share not copy.







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.

~ Henry FordRelated

ABBREVIATIONS [Read it]


#back #from #deepWeb
Abbreviations you need to know
#APC = Accepting Past Criminals.
#PDP = People Deceiving People.
#IMO = Idiot Must Obey.
#IBADAN = Ibo Boys Are Dangerous At Night.
#ABA = Agege Boys Association.
#LAGOS = Love All Girls On Sunday.
#ABACHA = After Babangida Another Criminal Has Arrived.
#GULDER = Girls Under Liquor Deserve Extra Romance.
#FANTA = Foolish Ashawo Never Takes Advice.
#WEEK = Women Education Ends in Kitchen.
#NIGERIA = Never Investigate Great Executive Robbers In
Authority.
#NEPA =Never Expect Power Always.
#KOBO = Kill Obasanjo Before Others.
#AIDS = America Invention for Discouraging Sex.
#PHCN = Problem Has Change Name
#OYO = On Your Own.
#NYSC = Now Your Struggle Continue.
#GLO = Get Lover Online.
#MTN = Maintain Total Nonsense.
#GSM = General Street Madness. Add yours


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-21 23:37:32

346 Views




Don’t worry about old age – it doesn’t last that long!Related

??? ???? ??? ?? ???? ?? ????? ??? ??? ???? ??? ?? ????:
???? : ???? ?? ???? ????? ????
??? : ???
???? : *????*
???? : ???? ?? ???? ????? ????
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???? : ???? ?? ???? ????? ????
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???? : ???? ?? ???? ????? ????
??? : Depend ???? ??
???? : Oh! ?? ??? ???? ???? ?? ?? ??? compare ?? ??? ??
???? : ???? ?? ???? ????? ????
??? : *silence*
???? : ???? ?? ???? ????? ??? ???? ????
Related

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service, Getting Screwed.Related

akpos went to a party with his friend.his friend drank fanta and akpos drank coke and someone asked his friend how is the party?his friend said it is infantamagloriously awesome akpos on hearing this wanted to speak so he ask the guy u havent asked me and the guy asked akpos hw is the party? akpos said it is incoketamagloriously awesome


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-20 21:17:11

1123 Views



THE WISE DOG [Read it]


A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees
this from a distance and says with caution
"this guy looks edible, never seen his kind
before". So the
lion starts rushing towards the dog with
menace.
The dog noticed and starts to panic but as
he's about to run he sees some bones next
to him and gets an idea and says loudly
"mmm...that was some good lion meat!".
The lion abruptly stops and says "woah!
This guy seems tougher than he
looks, I better leave while I can".
Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed
everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes
that he can benefit from this situation by
telling the lion
and getting something in return. So the
monkey proceeds to tell the lion what
really happened and the lion says angrily
"get on my back, we'll get him together".
So they start rushing back to the dog.
The dog sees them and realized what
happened and starts to panic even more.
He then gets another idea and shouts
"where the hell is that monkey!? I told him
to bring me another lion an hour ago."
The lion stopped and ate the monkey for
dinner.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-17 16:33:57

499 Views




THE MISTAKE OF MY LIFE

EPISODE 10

Alfred oponed the door and behold, it was Felinda. I made to come out from my hiding but i decided to stay where i was, to find out her mission.

She was panting “Dagger, there is problem. A girl who refused to play along with Edwina has escaped. Edwina is on her way to this place to tell you to mobilize your boys and search for her. This is her passport…..” I Peeped and saw her bring out a passport. I knew it’s my passport. I saw Alfred stare at the passport. Shaking his head.

“Please don’t hurt her when you eventually find her. Rather save her life. The poor girl is just helpless and innocent. The baby under your care to be sold to the ritualists is hers. I gave her a number to reach me…” On hearing this, i came out from my hiding.

“My daughter.. my daughter…” that was all i was
saying.
Felinda was so shocked to find me there. Alfred told her what happened and added that i used to be a good friend of his back in school.

Alfred told me that he would help me on one condition, being that i must tell nobody about Edwina and the kind of business she does. I agreed and he made me swear. I wondered why he was trying to protect the evil woman. Perhaps they are all into the business together. The same doom awaited them.

He arranged a room for me in a distant hotel for the mean time. He brought my daughter to me that very day. I was so grateful to him and Felinda. Perhaps he decided to help me because how good i used to be to him back in our school days. Even Felinda. Another Godsent i don’t know how to repay her but i know God will see her through somebody.

Alfred gave me a huge sum of money to travel to another region and start life afresh. I owed him alot. I never got any information on what transpired after Alfred and Felinda saved me. I didn’t also know anything about Reginald’s whereabout. Even Mama Theresah and my parents.

But i knew and believed that i would see them again someday. What gave me the greatest joy was my Akosua, my daughter.
.
.
Years later.
.
.
I struggled hard to further my education and train my daughter in school too. After everything, i graduated as a lawyer. I got enough money from my clients. My daughter was living a good life and doing well in school too. I bought a car and owned a house.

God really blessed me after many years of hardship.
An idea struck my mind to visit home with my daughter to know the situation of things.

But i never knew what awaited me back home


What happens next?
WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 11


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He started asking me series of questions, what happened to me? Why i was crying? Did anybody die? What was it that was making me cry?i couldn’t respond to any of his questions, he had to go and call Ezekiel, that one too started asking series of questions, the most annoying part was that Aminat coincidentally walked in and met me crying around 7pm
Aminat: What happened to Rahman..why is he crying?
Ismaeel: we don’t know ooo..he has been crying for the past two hours
Aminat: Did someone die for him
Ezekiel: we don’t know oo….even if someone died for him, it shouldn’t be up to this now, we have been asking him for the past 2 hours but he is just crying without saying anything..
Aminat: You guys should leave us alone, maybe he doesn’t want to talk to you guys ni
“Ezekiel and Ismaeel left the room and i was left with Aminat”
Aminat: What happened to you rahman? Please talk to me dear, you can talk to me…did anybody die for you?
“i shake my head to show that nobody died”
She asked so many questions which i nodded know to then she drop the bombshell,
Aminat: I know what happened…Aisha disappointed you, she jilted you..tell me, what exactly happened between you guys? Did she call it quit?..Talk now, sincerely i don expect all these from you, a problem shared is half solved jare….
“Aminat used her hand to wipe away the tears on my face and i couldn’t even stop her, after pestering my life for so much then i busted out”
Me: Aisha is with another guy, i met a guy in her place that came from Lagos
Aminat: Ehn..ehn, what now happened?
Me: She introduced me to the guy as a brother who gives them tutorial and introduced the guy to me as her fiancée
Aminat: where was that?
Me: Just now..in her house, the guy is still in her house and am sure he has been around since yesterday and not going anytime soon
Aminat: Wow..this is serious but irrespective of that, you don’t need to feel disappointed like this, you are a man…If a lady leave you, its another lady you will marry now and if you kill yourself because of a lady, so many lady will pass by your grave and spit on you. Do you realize exam is coming and you need to be strong, not for yourself alone but for the people that always rely on you.
Another thing is for you never to show your weakness to people as they will mock you behind your back. Please brace yourself up abeg..do you have exam tomorrow?
Me: yes….
Amina: what time
Me: 8am and 3pm….
Amina: Then you need to take this out of your mind right now so that you can prepare for your exam Rahman…and mind you, you don’t need to let your friend know about all these as they will definitely mock you
Ismaeel: we don hear already..so na because of a lady you come here dey cry abi? These girls are not loyal now that is why am not in love with any one of them and i can never be in love with any
Ezekiel: If no be say this happen to someone close to me, i can never believe Alhaja’s used to do like that too
Amina: Make una shut up jare..no be all girls jhoor
Ismaeel: I hear you…so, she was using my brother as school boyfriend while she has a fiancée at home..what was even her gain there
Amina: academics of course because i don’t think they ever had sex because even all the time she use to come here that have seen them, this door is always open so that people will be seeing them…sebi we dey always mock the now
Ezekiel: Abi ooo..the babe eff up no be small, but Alfa, all in all you need to take it out of your mind oooo
All of them tried to talk me through my predicament and i stopped crying after a while. Amina tried a lot as she make sure i eat dinner before leaving our room. She left our place around past 9. Ismaeel said he was going to one of his course mate house to read for the following day exam as he also has paper for 8am.
I prayed later in the night seek for forgiveness from almighty Allah and even think maybe it was because of my fornication God punished me. I tried to read later in the night but all i was reading was not even entering my head, didn’t know how i slept off around past eleven and woke up by 5am for morning prayer, i tried to see if i can still read something but it all prove abortive. That was how i went to school without reading anything till i went for the exam.


>>

Three friends Ibu, Okon and Akpos were highly drunk and they stopped a taxi.

The guy man taxi driver figured that they were high and not in their minds so,
he just
switched on the engine and switched it off and told them: "we have
arrived".

Ibu gave him money.
Okon paid and thanked the taxi driver.

Akpos gave the taxi driver a hot dirty slap.

The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them had
realized that the car didn't move an inch, but he faked surprise and
asked Akpos: "what was that for?".

Akpos replied: "Idiot! next time you will learn how to control your speed! Do you know u nearly
killed us!!!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-01 08:30:33

2830 Views



Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

Rat dignity [Read it]


Few months back we heard d rumour of lassa fever which is said to b cause by an animal called Rat.To my greatest suprise while am asleep,I had a dream where all d rats ar protesting and singing(we no go gree ooo we no go gree wrong acquisition we no go gree)while am stil dreamin all d rat surmone dem selfs to army barrack to lend army cloths and war tools.Hunters beware of ds as u ar goin to d bush go along with a helmet.#Nesta







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-01 13:36:46

531 Views



whose fault [Read it]


WHOOSE FAULT
WRITTEN BY RANDLE EZEKIEL OLUWATOBILOBA
bolu parents were very rich they hardly have time for her today they will travel tomorro othey will travel too and bolu just passed out from secondary school [;leeland college]
After her jamb she was preparing for her university so her grammar called her to give her some advice....
in her first year in university she was very hard working always reading her book and at d end of dat semester she has d highest grade in their department ..
in her 2nd year in university one of her course mate fell in love with her and some other bad girls in dat university were disturbing her to join cult so when she did not know what to tell dem she den decided to travel back home that evening she got home she meet her dad and her mum at home since her parent did not even bother to ask her what brought her home den decided to tell dem but they did not listen to her her parent thought all what she needed was cash but it was not
that nyt they travel out of d country she was crying when they left....;
The following two days she travelled back to school because she was having test it was immediately after d text her course mate that was disturbing her den finally ask her what is her reply she then said yes to d request that evening d bad girls that has been disturbing her finally forced her to join them since she does not have anybody to advice her on what to do shew finally join....
when she was in 300level her bf cletus told her to move into his apartment so she told him to giv her 2days to pack her property..
3months later she called her dad again all because she was confuse the guy want to ave sex with her when she was not sure of what to say she said yes she called her dad before d sex her dad pick d call and tell her dat i will call u back am in a meeting now i will call u back.....
stay turned for next chapter
comments to encourage d writter


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ONE WRONG TURN
Episode 42

DISSAPEARING ACTS

I had lost the man i love, i’ve
been tricked by
my friend, i didnt even know who
i was
anymore. It all seemed my whole
life was
falling apart before my very eyes.
Other than
the fact that we made a lot of
noise, no one
really cared about us
I picked my self up from the floor
and walked
away slowly. As i stepped outside,
i felt a
peppery sensation around my face,
so i looked
at my face in a mirror. Tiny
fingernail marks
spattered all over. It was obvious i
had been
in a fight.
I boarded a taxi and headed to
Ehis’s hostel. I
told myself that if i explained the
situation to
him and pleaded profusely, he
would forgive
me.
My heart throbbed as i alighted
the taxi. I
took several wobbly steps towards
Ehis’s
room. I was thirsty and tired.
The hostel was in its usual state,
loud music
and jobless boys strolling in their
singlets and
boxers. This time i paid no
attention to their
whistling and cat calls. I walked
straight up
the stairs towards Ehis’s room.
I stood right outside his door,
drew in a lot of
air and knocked on his door
repeatedly, there
was no response. I could here
some
movements within the house, i
knew he was in
there.
I called out his name, and the
movement in
the room came to a halt. Few
seconds later,
Ehis opened the door. He wasnt
wearing any
shirt, his boxers hung freely from
his hips. He
was sweating profusely.
He planted himself at the doorway
to prevent
my entering. I looked down at the
floor, and
discovered a female footwear. I
looked up at
Ehis in disappointment. The look
of
indifference in his eyes tore my
spirit.
He was definitely with another
girl.
“Ehis why? ” i asked coldly, with
tears running
down my cheek.
” why? Ok lets see. I wanted to
take you out
this morning, but you said you
were busy with
school. Only for me to find out
you were doing
my cousin” he replied mockingly.
“its not like that, you are the only
guy i have
ever been with please believe me”
i fell on my
knees and intensified my tears,
hoping to
soften his heart.
“really? If i didnt catch you today
i would have
believed you. You are a cheap
prostitute, go
and continue your runs, i’m
through with you.
I have replaced you” Ehis
slammed the door
close, leaving me helpless on the
floor.
I remained stationary for about
five minutes,
before i could get up and walk. I
struggled to
my feet and made my way out of
the
compound. I had to go back to
school.
The ride back to school was
exhausting, it felt
like the longest ride i had ever
been on. My
whole appearance was a mess. I
was dirty and
sweating, with finger marks on my
face. But i
could care less.
Different thoughts surged through
my mind, i
kept wondering what would
change after
today, as one fact had become
obvious. I
wasn’t the girl i used to be.
I arrived in school at the nick of
time, the bell
signalling the end of the break
had just
sounded. I rushed into the
gatehouse to
change quickly into my uniform.
The gateman
kept staring at me with a surprise
look on his
face.
I dragged myself all the way to
my classroom.
Hannah was already seated, but
Ruth was no
were around. She looked at me
with contempt
and hissed. I couldn’t care less.
I rested my head on the desk and
slept off. My
whole body ached. I had no idea
how long i
had slept, but a stray thought
woke me up. I
hadn’t seen Ruth.
I pinged her repeatedly, but the
messages
were not read. I called her phone
repeatedly,
without response. At this point, i
grew slightly
worried. But my sadness and aches
prevented
me from seeking further measures.
Hours past, and the closing bell
rang. Ruth
still wasn’t back. Anxiety
overwhelmed me, i
feared something bad might have
happened to
Ruth. I was convinced she had no
prior
knowledge of Hannah ‘s plot.
Could she have
met a more bitter consequence
than me? I
wondered within me.
HMMMM IS RUTH DEAD OR ALIVE?KIDNAPPED OR TAKEN TO RITUALIST?SEXUALLY ASSAULTED OR TORTURED?WAS HANNAH THE BETRAYAL UP TO ANOTHER SMART GAME WITH ANOTHER FRIEND OF HERS?WHERE THE HELL IS RUTH?GONE TOO SOON?MORE SHOCKING SCENES ABOUNDS


>>

omo see gbege o [Read it]


See me see trouble ooo! Wanted to
buy a book in
a bookshop, then saw some books
with these
titles.
1. How to look beautiful /handsome
by Obasanjo
2. The secret of a successful
marriage by Chris
okotie
3. Food dat will make u grow very
tall by Osita
Iheme (pawpaw ). I was confused.
4. My luv for Nigeria by Abubakar
Shekau
5. The joy of poverty by Aliko
Dangote
6. Tips on how to pass ur english
language by
Patience Jonathan
7. How to pass WAEC by Buhari. I
became more
confused.
8. How to zip up till marriage by
2face Idibia. I
became dumbfounded
Abeg I need help. If na u which one
you go buy?.
Pls send fast am in d bookshop.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-11 19:53:31

563 Views




INSTRUCTIONS:

All questions carries equal mark;

Time- 1hr;

Show ALL Workings:

(1)- If ACN + ANPP + APGA + CPC = APC

&

EFCC + ICPC + NPF + GEJ + JEGA = PDP

Find:

ai) Using Pythagoras theorem, prove that

PDP > APC

aii) Using Almighty formula where

JEGA is constant, what is the power value of PDP?

If Tinubu & Buhari remain constant & Okorocha varies,

what is the coefficient value of Okorocha in APC?

c) If PDP is constant, what is the cube root of rigging

coefficient?

Where Pi = 16 > 19 & 7>19

d) Use the Do or Die theory to explain the possibility of

Atiku dropping his presidential ambition

e) will GEJ ever agree to drop his 2015 agenda

I) if yes, how?

and

ii) if not, why?

time starts now…. GOODLUCK but you need to have

PATIENCE.Don’t forget THERE IS GOD OHHHH..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-13 21:59:18

219 Views



The school days [Read it]


HOW MEMORABLE WERE YOUR
SECONDARY SCHOOL DAYS?
Some days in school would
best be described as totally
unforgettable.
………………..……
JSS1………………………..
1. You feel like you are in
another world.
2. When seniors enter your
class they will call you little
frog & tell you they will cut
your tail.
3. You don’t joke with your
break-time.
4. When you hear the school
bell for dismissal you shout
“School dismiss, AWAY!! Now
the day is over!, etc ”
.
………………… JSS2……………………
1. You begin to grow wings.
2. You start going to school
late instead of 7.00am it will
be 7.40am.
3. You start missing lessons.
4. You start mixing with
people from other classes
and prefer to play with them
instead of going to class.
…………………….
JSS3……………………..….
1. Omo level Don change now.
2. You dey see your self like
a final year student in the
University.
3. You start to insult seniors.
4. After Junior WAEC you
destroy some school
properties.
.
………….………. SS1
……………………………
1. Omo levels don high.
2. You don enter the planet
of Apes.
3. You begin dey carry cane
dey flog any junior student
way no greet you as ‘senior’
4. You begin to dey write
love letters for class.
5. You don dey rock your
trouser/ skirt, so you no
dey hear word again.
6. You can officially talk back
to any ‘senior’.
………………………. SS2
…………………………
1. Omo you don become
principal.
2. You begin dey go school
by 9.30am and start to dey
hold late comers for gate.
3. No more school sandals or
cotina. You go start to dey
wear pam slippers go school,
while sagging/wearing short
skirts.
4. You start to dey carry
phone go school.
5. When you give junior
student #50 you tell him or
her to buy you La casera #
120, gala#100, pure water #
10 bring change #50.
6. No more hair cut/plaiting
hair.
.
……………………….
SS3………………………..
1. You don become Mr
lecturer.
2. You begin dey go school
only 3 times in a week.
3. You dey go school
10.00am & come back
12.30pm.
4. You begin dey scope your
sexy female teachers, girls
will begin to fix dates with
their male teachers.
5. Girls go dey carry make-
up go school.
6. You begin dey write
rubbish everywhere for the
walls of your class-room like
“Don’t forget the days of
queen mary, Forget me not,
Lord Zeus was here,
Khaleelu Rahman liveth etc”
7. School authorities are now
your class mates no need to
fear them again. ETC.
…it was Really Fun BACK IN
THOSE DAYS…..
If u Agree 0ya Add urs…



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-14 17:51:57

561 Views




“I am sorry Kevwe…I was helpless to
stop him and even more helpless not to
enjoy it…..he never said a word to me
but he seemed to know the right
buttons to push…..I enjoyed it so much
that I haven’t been able to free myself
from the thoughts.” I said pausing to
wipe the tears again.
“Noms..baby…” Kevwe called me by his
pet name for me ‘Noms’ which was a
short for my name and I knew he
understood, he wasn’t angry anymore
but still I had to come totally clean. He
tried to say something but I cut him off.
“I’m not done, Kevwe, please let me
confess and get it all off me…. I wanted
to tell you when you got back the next
day but didn’t know how to without
upsetting you.”
“Upsetting me? You were the one who
was raped,” he reminded.
“I don’t know if that’s what to call it
since my body wanted it, I wanted it….
I couldn’t get it off my mind for two
weeks so I came up with a foolish idea
that if you f----d me just as hard I
would forget about the incident…..no
offense to you Kevwe, you are a good
lover but you don’t last long enough for
me to reach fulfilment…….”
“What?…. but you are…”
“Baby please let me finish before you
begin…. I will give you enough time to
tell me what you think about my
despicable actions but please let me
finish…..I asked Abby to help me with
something that would boost your
performance and …..”
“So you went to Abby, but you couldn’t
talk to me?” He asked, his frown
returning and I saw he hated the idea
that I had talked to my friend about
this instead of him.
“I didn’t tell her I was raped, just that I
needed a performance enhancement
pill for you.” I tried to explain but it
made it worse,
“Jeez, so you carried our s-x life to your
friend?…. That’s something I’m not
comfortable with Onome…. I don’t like
being discussed by you and your
friend.”
“It wasn’t like that Rukevwe, I just
needed her professional help.”
“Like hell you did.” He scoffed.
“Wait, I told you I was raped…by a
stranger and you freak out because I
told my friend who is a pharmacist that
I needed a pill?”
“A pill because I can’t seem it get it
up…. you should have come to me.
Besides what are you saying about my
performance when you are the one
with excuses everytime I try to touch
you? It’s either you are tired or busy
and whenever I manage to get you, I
have to hurry it up because you are
almost unresponsive and in a hurry to
sleep or work.”
Opening my mouth I meant to say
something but I couldn’t, he was right.
We had been married for almost a year
now and I had never known any man
before him, I had never given him free
rein over my body because I had
believed there wasn’t much to enjoy in
it.
I sighed now looking at him and
knowing he was right. “Yeah I should
have come to you, I am sorry.”
“You should be sorry! What were you
thinking going to Abby? Now she would
believe I am one of those men with
erectile dysfunction or something.”
I bit my lip as I recalled she had asked
me the same thing.
“You probably think I have that, don’t
you?”
“What? No…” Kevwe was a virile man
and got turned on easily, some times
even too easily. “You get it up, it just
doesn’t last.”
“It doesn’t last?” He asked quietly
holding my gaze for a moment before
he gestured for me to get up. “Get up
on your feet, Onome.”
“What?” I tried to ask when he reached
down and dragged me up none too
gently.
Reaching for my shirt, he tore it open,
its buttons scattering about the floor. I
became quite scared as I had never
seen him this way before but I didn’t
stop him. I trusted him enough to know
he would never hurt me.
Unzipping my skirt,

TBC.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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SON: Mummy, today on our way back on the bus daddy told me to give up my seat for a woman.
MOTHER: Well that's responsible of your father. I hope u stood up. 
SON: I tried not to but daddy insisted. 
MOTHER: Well you shouldn't have hesitated, am sure he felt embarrassed. Next time don't do that...OK? 
SON: But mummy I was seating on daddy's lap!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-22 17:45:32

222 Views




If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.

~ J.M. PowerRelated

which part [Read it]


Interviewer: Where were you born?
Akpos: Punjab.
Interviewer: Which part?
Akpos: What do you mean which part? The whole body was born in Punjab.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-17 20:01:33

231 Views



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