Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


The exams started that monday as
scheduled and I was busy writing jargon
in my scripts.
I hadn’t been reading so there was no
way I would know what to write. The
students sitting by my sides didn’t help
matters too as they both closed their
answer booklets from my prying eyes
making it relatively impossible for me to
copy.
“Please let me see the ones you’ve
written,” I pleaded with one of the chaps.
The guy didn’t respond. Instead he
behaved like he didn’t hear what I said
and continued with what he was writing.
I never knew such behaviour was
obtainable in a university where getting
first position or last position wasn’t
relevant.
After that response, I kept to myself and
continued writing my jargon.
For one week we wrote the exams one
after the other till it finished. Then the
second phase of the hustle began. I went
from one lecturer’s office to the other
sorting my way out by cash and kind
depending on the one the lecturer
demanded.
There was this particular lecturer that
gave me hard time. He had refused to
collect money from me and wouldn’t grant
me audience till the day I barged into his
office unannounced.
He had stared at me with fear not
knowing what gave me the impetus to
barge into his office the way I did. I
locked the door behind me and instantly
reminded him of why I came.
“I have told you that your proposition is
impossible,” he said sitting back in his
chair.
“How I wish you know what you’re
missing sir,” I replied pulling up my skirt
and turning around for him to see my well
shaped asset. “All these would be yours to
enjoy free of charge if only you would
help me.”
The man remained silent for sometime.
Then I heard him mutter some inaudible
words and pointed to a white piece of
paper in his left hand.
“Write down your phone number here,”
he commanded… “


>> Episode 5 -

Facebook status original hona chaiye..

.

..



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Copied to yeh wala bhi hai!Related

The wise never marry – And when they marry they become otherwise.Related

Episode 7

The finale )

At this point, i knew there was no escape….. This was when the beating and kicks in Episode one started…

Everything i was trying to explain fell on deaf ears, The last thing i remember was daddy tina coming towards me with pestle.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

i woke up after a three days coma
in the hospital…. According to stories i was told, i was brought to the hospital after i stopped breathing and they thought i was dead….

It was mummy chiomobi that insisted i be treated as every other person left me for dead…

My parents were called in…… My father refused to show up blaming it on transport fares as only my mama showed up….

That day, despite my sick nature, i heard the history of my birth and thousands of advices from my mama who caused a scene with her tears….

All my attempt to rope in Atele failed as the police claim there was no evidence and he left scot free,,,

the shame was so too much in school even tho i managed to escape expulsion due to the pleas of my mother…..

My Father disowned me and warned me never to step in his house again and claimed i must be a b-----d… This almost caused a divorce btw my papa and mama.

All in all, i dropped out of school in the 2nd year, and left with no option as i could not return home , i travelled to the big bros aka Kasadim the Money house in the next city…. Kasadim was that my elder brother who was into yahoo yahoo and there with him… I started a new chapter of yahoo and drugs…

Which brought more dire consequences than i could ever bargain for….

As an adage says. Dog wey go lost no go kuku Hear Hunter Whistle..

THE END



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Detective Ahmed opened his
small gate and entered his house.
He was wearing a Manchester
United Jersey and joggers. He
was sweating lightly as he had
just finished a 40minute jog. This
had been the psychologist’s
prescription as a way to get
some of his memories back. It
had been four days since he was
discharged from the hospital. He
was angry for his inability to
recall events from the past five
weeks. He had a terrible feeling
that it was not as a result of the
accident as the doctors were
trying to make him believe. They
told him he was suffering from
partial amnesia. What bugged
him most was the fact that it was
only five weeks of memory loss
he suffered. Why not more? Why
not total amnesia? He was not
satisfied with the mere fact that
his past five weeks were blank.
No matter how hard he tried to
recollect, he simply did not find
any headway. This to him was
more annoying than being alive.
The jogging cleared his head.
Made him think.
He sat down on his long couch
and closed his eyes. He felt good.
He was getting back in shape
and he was feeling alive again.
He was almost drifting into sleep
when his phone beeped. It was a
text message. He did not know
the number.
“We want to thank everyone
who was present at the burial of
our beloved sister, friend, aunty
and daughter Miss Mercy Etiebet.
May God continue to guide and
protect you and your family.
Thank you. Felix Etiebet for the
family.”
He could not believe his eyes. He
read the message again. His own
Agent Mercy? She was in an
undercover assignment. He
spoke to her a few days ago.
What was happening? He called
his Boss. She did not pick. He was
very distressed. What was the
cause of death? What other thing
happened in his absence? He had
to find out. He had a quick
shower and change of clothes.
He got his keys and got into his
black Toyota Corolla. He was
going to the office. He needed
answers and he had to find out.
His instincts were never wrong
and he had a very strong feeling
that something was just not
right.
A ‘red cab’ taxi was parked two
houses away from Ahmed’s
residence. Brenda and Iyke were
on duty this time. They had
watched him every day since his
discharge from the hospital. They
always came in different cars to
avoid suspicion and never
parked at the same spot twice.
Ahmed’s whole house had been
bugged. Every sound coming
from his house could be heard.
His phones were bugged too.
They listened in on every
conversation and saw every text
message and email. They knew
when he got the condolence text
message. They were supposed to
keep an eye on him and report
anything unusual to Shina. They
were aware that he tried to
reach his Boss but was not
successful. So when he got in his
car and drove off, they followed
him making sure they were far
behind not to be noticed and
close enough to monitor him.
When Ahmed slowed down and
turned to enter his office at
Osborne Foreshore Ikoyi, the red
cab sped off, the two agents
inside acting out a heated
discussion at the back while the
driver acted uninterested. Ahmed
did not suspect a thing.
When they got on Third Mainland
Bridge, Iyke called Shina and
informed him about all the things
that happened that evening.
Ahmed was at his office on a
Sunday and was acting weird. He
was also freaked out by the
news of his ward’s death.
Shina called Ambrose. Ambrose
did not pick.
He sent an encrypted text:
“The mouse is in the hole. Your
move.”
Ahmed put on his computer. He
entered his password and
another window opened. He
typed his special code and was
granted access. He clicked on
Agent Mercy’s profile. A red
branded mark appeared on her
profile “DEACTIVATED”. He could
not believe his eyes. He clicked on
the cause of death. He saw his
own report on the page. The
picture of the bullet and the
finger print reports submitted by
Tunde. All that information was
too much for him to handle. He
quickly shut down his computer
and rested his head on the table.
He was not emotionally and
mentally ready for this. He got his
keys and left the building. He
promised himself he was going
to get to the b0ttom of this early
Monday morning. He got in his
car and headed home.
Ambrose was at a bar drinking
when Shina was calling. He was
not in the mood for any work. He
just wanted to drink, and drink
and get a babe and go home. So
he ignored the calls. He was
already on his third bottle of beer
and already eyeing a dark
skinned plump girl when the text
got in. He opened the message, it
was encrypted. He decoded it
and read the content. He was
fuming. His fun had been cut
short. He exited the message and
his phone reset itself to factory
settings. He was prepared for
this. He had his plans already
mapped out. The file under his
pillow had given him just one
simple message:
“Be prepared to wipe out the
Intelligence Operation”. Since
then he had always carried his
kit in the trunk of his car. And
now, the time had come. It was
his time to move.
He left the bar and got to his car.
He drove to Bar Beach and
parked. The ‘rude boys’charged
him 200naira as parking fee. He
paid 500. He changed into his full
black ninja costume and wore a
hat. He reversed and faced the
freeway heading towards The
Intelligence Operations Head
Quarters in Osbourne. He parked
five minutes away from the
entrance of the office. He got out
his briefcase and crossed the
road. He walked to a restaurant
that stood directly opposite the
Intelligence headquarters. There
was a building undergoing
construction. He took the steps
to the 6th floor of the unfinished
building and placed his briefcase
on the floor beside him. He got
out his binoculars and scanned
the Intelligence Premises. There
was a guard just outside the
gate. He was not armed and was
half asleep. Easy to take out.
There was an armed guard
parading the open space just
inside the premises. He would be
the tricky one. He noticed that
the armed guard went out of
sight for 15seconds before
appearing again. He was
probably on patrol, checking out
the other parts of the open
space. The guard spent another
50 seconds before he was out of
sight again. He turned on the
thermal view of the binoculars.
He scanned the whole three
floors of the building. Not a
single soul was in. It was going
to be an easy job.
He took off his black ninja
costume and wore a tight black
shirt, black jeans and black
gloves. His army boots were still
on. He reset his stop watch. He
calculated his movements
carefully. Once the guard went
out of sight he initiated his stop
watch. He got off the 6th floor of
the uncompleted building and
walked quickly down the steps.
He crossed the road. 15 seconds
gone. The guard was now in the
compound. He waited and
watched his stop watch. After 50
seconds, he moved fast. He
walked in the shadows till he got
to the sleeping guard outside. He
put his hands around the guard’s
head and snapped. There wasn’t
a sound. The guard was dead.
10seconds. He carefully dragged
the guard’s body to the side of
the building and put him in a
sitting position. 55 seconds. He
made it back to the gate in time
to see the armed guard moving
to the other part of the
compound. He opened the gate
silently and stepped in. He hid in
the shadows, following the route
he had already memorized from
the plan of the building he
already had.
He got to the server room and
entered inside. He inserted a USB
drive and copied all the
information according to Tawo’s
instruction. He removed it and
put another USB drive. He left
that USB inside the main server.
It contained a deadly virus.
He left the server room and went
upstairs to Ahmed’s office. He
opened his computer and
yanked out the hard drive. He put
it in his sling bag. It was time to
evacuate. His stopwatch read 20
seconds. The guard was still in
the open space. He had to wait
10 more seconds. He was relaxed
and calm. 10, 9, 8…
He was counting. Suddenly an
alarm went off in the server
room. And there was only one
entrance! He had no weapons!
He heard footsteps. He backed
himself up on the wall. There was
nothing he could do. Once the
guard turned he would see him.
The armed guard saw him and
corked his rifle.
“Put your hands up. Who are
you?” He said looking at
Ambrose suspiciously, especially
his black gloves.
“I am the new IT person. I was
just leaving.” Ambrose said.
“Show me your ID card!” the
guard yelled.
“It’s in my bag. Can I get it?”
Ambrose asked
“Okay. But don’t try anything
funny.” He said pointing the gun
threateningly at Ambrose.
Ambrose took off the sling bag
and pretended to search for his
ID. Suddenly he threw the bag at
the guard’s face, at the same
time moving very quickly to the
side. The bag hit the guard’s face
as he screamed and shot at
Ambrose. Ambrose moved away
just in time to avoid the shot. The
gunshot pierced the night air.
Ambrose was fast. He moved very
fast behind the guard and kicked
his ball5 from behind. The guard
dropped his gun as the pain tore
through his whole body.
Ambrose kicked the gun away
from him and twisted the
guard’s neck.
He dragged the guard behind to
the back and left him there, his
gun on his body. He picked up
his sling bag, confirmed the
contents and hung it on his neck.
He got out of the compound,
shut the gate behind him and
walked to the other side of the
road.
He got to his car and called Tawo.
He picked at the first ring.
“I’m done. Pick the exhibits at the
mansion.”
He pulled off his gloves and
started the ignition. As he got
onto the expressway he began
to whistle
“Oh happy day…”.


>>

David came out from his room and headed to the dinning to
have breakfast. As he sat down, he glanced at his wristwatch
and muttered something,shook his head and stood up.
Sonia saw this and edged closer.
“Sir, you are leaving. you didn't touch your food”Sonia said gently.
“I’m running out of time. I need to be at the meeting this
morning in the next fifteen minutes” He explained.
“But,sir, missing breakfast is not actually good.
It is always advisable to eat breakfast in the morning ,no matter
what.Please sir, eat your breakfast ”Sonia sounded like a
newly married wife. Just then, Angela emerged and
went up to her husband. “Darling. She is right. please
come and eat your food. The office and meeting can wait.
your health is more important to me” she said as
she took him by the hand like a baby and led
him back to the dinning table. Sonia watched carefully as he
chew and swallowed the food.She smiled and left.
David ate in a hurry and left for the meeting.
:::::.***:::::
“Sonia. i hope you are doing what the baba told you to
do?” Sonia’s mother asked over the phone.
Sonia had called to tell her how the plans has
been going.
“Yes mum. for these past two days,i made sure i put the
liquid into his food and i always ensured he ate
them” she replied in a low
voice, to prevent even the walls from hearing.
“Good. don’t make any mistake o. Be careful o.
Remember the baba said it will back-fire if you
don’t do it well as he said” She clarified.
“I know mom. that is why i called. Today is the third
day. Remind me the things he said i must do
today. I dont want to make any mistake o. It’s like i forgot some of the
things he said i should do”Sonia explained.
“Haa omo mi o. listen very well.make sure you
put it in his breakfast and dinner.and then
pour a little of it into his
bathing water.Then apply it on your palm
and rub his head with it. That is all.please be
careful o” She instructed.
“Alright mom. I will try my best” Sonia finally said and dropped the call.
She had succeed only in
putting it into his breakfast this morning.
She wondered how she can rub his head with her palm.
The bathing water case can never
be a problem. She prayed to get lucky.
But she was scared. The thought of everything
back-firing was even scarier but she was determined to
play this game to the end. She was beginning to
reasons why she should do it. She needed
money. If everything goes as planned, money would be hers.
And moreover, the thought of the revelation of
paul’s death was another thing she never
wanted another person to hear.
:::::.***.::::::
“Honey i’m hoooome”David’s voice echoed as
he returned that evening from work.
Sonia’s heartbeat increased as she was set to
carry out her final operations.
She successfully applied it into
his food and bath water.
Now, the only thing left was to
rub his head with her palms.
She applied the liquid on
her palm and stayed in a place
where she knew David would
pass through after bathing.
As David approached,she
composed herself and started looking at the
paper in her hand as if she was reading it.
As he came closer,she look at
his head and said.
“Oh sir, there is a little soap on
your head” She came closer and David
stopped, lowering his head for her to clean out the
soap as she volunteered to.
She smiled within herself as
she rubbed his head with the liquid. she rubbed
it all over slowly,with pleasure.
“Its okay now” she said. David left. She felt like jumping up out of excitement
but controlled herself. She remembered Angela
and how she took her like a junior sister.
“Oh lord, i didn’t mean to do this. I am so sorry
for whatever happens next” Sonia murmured as
she ran to her room with tears running down
her cheeks.

>>

1) A guy asked u for sex and u asked, "Do u Love me?". What do u expect him
to say or Are U a LEARNER ?
2) Half naked girls are hot, while well dressed girls are beautiful...Hell is hot,
while heaven is beautiful...the choice is yours.
3) You have been engaged to him for 2 years and no wedding is forth coming.
Please kindly remove the ring. Is your finger a key holder?
4)You have slept with over 10 girls without protection yet you go to the
barbers shop with your personal clipper. What are you preventing
5) Guys always know who their heart belongs to, so if you like cook chicken in
diamond sauce or do monkey style in bed, if its not you, It can't be you.
6) In America wen a couple go to bed dey say "Good nights my love" In Britain
"Sweet dreams darling" In Nigeria "Did u lock d Gate, doors & windows?
7) You cannot say "I can't date you, I have a boyfriend" and be asking for
money from him. GT-bank staff cannot receive salary from UBA bank!
My name Anita, I used my friend to set up my boyfriend to c if he'll cheat on
me. Now they've sent me wedding Invitation. What AM I? (A) Learner (B) God
sent (C) Fool
9) No Guy will ever tell a Lady "i have a Girlfriend when asking her out. Their
National Anthem is "we had issues & we've broken up".
10) Welcome to Nigeria where the government is responsible and blamed for
every damn things. if mosquito bite you, you will blame the government.
11) No guy is single, you either snatch him from someone or share him with
someone, the most important thing is to be the highest Shareholder.
12) 35yr old first class graduate without job and u dey follow Lil'Wayne sing 'I
Ain't Got no worries' ... your life is on SOS.
13) Idiot girl said: "I dated him for GOOD 10 years and he broke my heart"
fool, what's GOOD in the years?
14). Sex won't make him love u. A baby won't make him stay. If you're
doubting me, kindly ask TUFACE...
15) No matter how nice you are to a goat, it will still eat your yam.
16) You make his 'Dick' hard, u carry him enter room, he don off shirt, then u
shout April Fool... My sister, he will RAPE ur Destiny!!
17) What shall it profit a girl to have all the Brazilian hair in the whole world
and still lose her boyfriend to a girl on low cut
1 Kill an American citizen and 1
million policemen will be deployed to search for u but kill 1 million Nigerians U
will be invited for amnesty
19) Don't act like you have it all, even rich men beg for pen in the bank.
20) No matter how big ur house is, How recent your car is,or how huge ur
bank account is, Our grave is still gonna be the same size, stay humble.
21) No Matter How Pretty Or Cute your Face Might Be, you Will Still Be the
Food For Worms....Set your Arrogance Aside and Remember 6 Feet. No one
lives for Ever.
22) I woke up today, someone somewhere just took their last breath am about
sleeping someone somewhere is crying.. Always thank the lord no matter the
situation



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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This Guy leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to piss his wife off for drinking after work.

He gets home and finds his boss in bed with his wife. Later, back at the bar, the guy tells the bartender the story.


“Wow, that’s awful, what did you do?” the bartender asked.


“Well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and came straight back here. Shoot, they we’re just getting started, so I figure, I got time for a couple more beers.”Related


Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a
neighbor & decided to go to a calm place to
share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the
cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag
but they didn't bother to pick them since they
had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from
a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a
voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For
Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he
could to a church nearby, for the priest.........
..............
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness
God & satan sharing corpse at the
cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the
voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One
For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
Come see marathon race!.........
The priest almost ran pass the church
gate..shouting: "We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".
....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-04 13:06:35

350 Views



Wrong sex [Read it]


A man came from work and went straight to his bedroom to make love to his wife, he went under the blanket and had a quick one with his wife, when he was through he went to the kitchen where he saw his wife getting somethings from the fridge.
Surprised as he was he asked his wife ,how did you get here so quick when we just finished making love? Alarmed the wife shouted; that was my mother, she came today and was very tired and i allowed her to sleep in our bedroom.
The woman went to her mother and asked.
Why didn't you stop my husband from doing what he did? The mother answered, you know your husband and i don't speak to each other and i don't intend to start now, i am too old for that.

QUESTION: who is to blame?

1. Husband.
2. Wife.
3. Big mama


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-31 12:06:35

1290 Views




a very successful man called Akpos parked his new lexus in front of his office ready to show it off to his collegues, as he got out a trailer passed too close and completety tore off the door, the man immediately grabbed his cell phone, called the police, and they arrived. before the officer could say anything
Akpos was scereaming hysteriacally, my lexus!, my lexus!, will never be the same again no matter what the panel -beater did to it, the officer just looked at Akpos in disgust and shook his head, i cant beleieve how materialistic you are, he said, you are soo focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else. how can you say such a thing? asked Akpos. dont you know that your left arm is missing from your elbow down, it must have been torn off when the truck hit you..........., oh my God replied Akpos, "MY ROLEX" wrist watch.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-17 17:06:49

469 Views




“Sit.” Jeremy beckoned to Purity, pointing at the couch.
He took her there and she sat down. “Relax. I’ll go get my dad.”

She mumbled some words and he went out.

Purity relaxed on the couch and studied the living room. The walls were painted white, very tidy. On the wall were portraits, large ones. The first was a depiction of a couple on their wedding day. She could tell that was Mr. Broderick and his late wife. They looked so happy together. Her striking hazel eyes reminded her of Jeremy, that’s where he got his from. The next, late Emily Broderick dressed in a designer gown, ears, neck and wrist decorated with gold. Chin held high and a sweet smile. She must have been a fashionista. And she’s so pretty. Too bad she’s gone. Good she can’t be forgotten. The last pictured Edwin Broderick, Jeremy Broderick and Emily Broderick. A happy one. A happy family. Jeremy must have been close to his parents especially his mama. She’d gone now and he’d do what he never dreamt of just to make his papa happy. Could she really do that? She wasn’t all that close to her parents. She never was. Jeremy was and is happy. She could try that too. She’d let him teach her. She wouldn’t wait anymore till they were sick and at the brink on death. No. Her eyes never left the portrait.

“Beautiful, isn’t she?”

Edwin Broderick’s voice brought her back from her day dream. She stood up at once and tilted to the direction the voice came from. “Um..yes sir. She’s very pretty.”

He moved closer. “Oh, no. Don’t get up. Sit down.”

She remained standing. “Uh, sir? You’re in your pyjamas already. I came at the wrong time. I’m sorry.” True, she acted like a heartless bitch at times, she knew when to behave.

Edwin gave a soft laugh. He got to where she stood and pulled her to the couch, he sat too. “Don’t worry. I wasn’t really in bed. I really wanted to see you. How are you?”

She shook her head. “No, how are you? Heard you’re sick. How are you feeling now?”

Jeremy cleared his throat loudly. “I’ll go change, then join you guys.” He bowed and smiled at his father. Purity had forgotten Jeremy was beside his dad while they had been talking. Edwin caught her attention. She watched him bow, taking permission from his dad. So respectful. He turned to her, grinned and winked at her. Her heart lurched with excitement. She returned his grin with a mock salute. Then, he disappeared.

“He’s really a nice guy.”

“He’s your son. That’s why you think he’s nice.”

Edwin wasn’t surprised. Only Purity could dare make a statement like that about Jeremy. He admired her courage and boldness. Others may call it rude but it wasn’t to him.
“You’re the first female actually to degrade my some to my face. You even say I know it but concealing it because he’s my son.”

“No. I didn’t really mean-”

“Don’t worry, dear. You can say the truth always.”

Purity kept quiet. She nodded in response to Edwin’s remark.

He tapped her. “What’s going on in your mind?”

She stared at him with sadness. “How did it feel to lose her?”

He shrugged, then rubbed his forehead. “It was so painful. A lethal blow. I hadn’t believed she was dead. It took a week for me to accept the fact that she was gone and never coming back. I mourned her for a year. She was the source of my happiness. I never thought she’d go so soon. She had fought and fought. I had always wanted to take away her pains but I couldn’t. She’s now resting, relieved from the sufferings she went through.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I haven’t thought about it that way. How did you cope and Jeremy?”

“Jeremy surprised me greatly. He was so close to his mother and I felt it’d be hard for him. But he acted more matured than I ever was. He was there for me. We supported each other and got over it together, though he healed before me. He’s really strong.”

“And he still misses her. I saw the pain in his eyes when I asked about her, didn’t know she’s dead.”

He brightened up. “And he needs you. Needs you in his life.”

Purity waved her hand. “I don’t think so. What could I actually do for him?”

“With time you’d know. Wanna hear her last wish?”

“Sure.”

“That you marry Jeremy.”

:::
She gazed at him, her mouth gape. “You…you…she actually wanted that?”

He nodded. “Jeremy is not aware. If he’d known, he would have forced you to marry him.”

She agreed. “Yeah. He would. Know what he did today?”

“What?”

“He barged into my office. Pleaded with me to get along with him all for you. I bet he’ll do some other crazy things when he hears his mum’s last wish.” She smiled at the thought of Jeremy kneeling, seriously begging her to marry him. Frowned at the thought of him handcuffing her hand to his, forcing her to marry him.

“I agree with you. Will you marry him?”

She never expected that question. “I had said yes before. But I’m not sure.”

“Carry out her last wish. Please.”

“What if its a loveless, unhappy marriage?”

“That’s why you’re courting now. You’ll get to love him-”

The footsteps of Jeremy could be heard, interrupting Edwin. He appeared. He’d had his bath. Dressed in a white cotton shirt and black denim. Slippers covered his feet. Purity marvelled at how good he looked. Her eyes roving all over his body. Her gaze met his. Those piercing eyes penetrating her soul. She became still. His charming smile overwhelming her more and more. Butterflies sprang to life in her tummy. Purity, what’s this unfamiliar feeling?

Edwin observed the young children in his presence and smiled to himself. They were gradually falling for themselves. He was glad. He got on his feet. “Don’t forget what we talked about. Good night.”

Purity watched him leave and muttered ‘good night.’ She was sure he didn’t hear it. He briefly patted Jeremy on the back before strolling out of the room. Jeremy nodded.

“Hey, can I sit here?” he pointed at the spot his father just vacated.

“Yep.”

She perceived his masculine scent as he filled the space next to her. “You’re really fast.”

“Sad that I didn’t give you enough time to talk with my dad?”

“Uh, kind of. Was getting to enjoy our conversation.”

“My father’s never boring. Just like me,” he boasted.

She snorted. “Stop dreaming. You’re probably the most boring man I’d ever met. Always fighting with me.”

Wow. He was suddenly interested to know more about the men she’d dated. “Tell me about the one you liked best.”

She tossed her head. “There’s no one.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I actually mean that I’ve never dated. A romantic date. Never had one.”

He wasn’t going to buy that big, fat lie. What did she mean that she’d never dated? She was rich, pretty and had the body that men would fight over. Even if she really didn’t go out, there must be at least, one who had been in her life. This is the twenty-first century. She should come up with another lie cause he wasn’t gonna buy this one.”

“We’re friends. Tell me the truth,” he pleaded.

She laughed. “Why don’t you tell me about you? I’m beginning to bore you. There’s nothing interesting about me.”

He grumbled. “No. Do you really mean it? You’ve never dated? Gone out on a date?”

“Yep.” She crossed her legs, “Tonight was my first.” she was twisting her fingers.

He’d never met anyone like this before. He’d dated and discarded so many women but never came across one like this. He glimpsed at her, then at the 42inches television before him. The T.V. stared back. “You’re, you’re a-”

“A virgin,” she calmly said it.

His eyes drifted to he once more. Here was a woman who was so different from other women. She was really a virgin? He’d never met one, even once. Tricia who had been a little bit responsible had lost her virginity at the age of sixteen. Sitting beside him, a woman who had never dated and at the age of twenty-five, a virgin. He was intrigued by her. She was pure. Really pure. At that moment, he vowed to protect her. He’d never let any guy harm her. He’d marry her as pure as she was- a virgin.
“What about kissing?” he wanted to know more.

Her eyes dropped to the ground. “That was my first.”

“Really?” And she was good at it.

“Yeah. Weird, right?”

“Not at all. Its cool. Glad I stole that kiss.”

She blushed. “I’m not ashamed of it.”

“You shouldn’t. Um, did you actually think of losing your virginity?”

“In my head. I don’t see myself getting married. There’s no one who could take care of me like my parents, especially my father. I’m feeling dizzy. Drive me home.”

“Its past nine. Sleep over.”


>>

i love you [Read it]


A man escape from prison where he has been for 15 years.he broke into a house to look money and gun and finds young couple in bed
he ordered the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair then tie the girl to the bed get on top of her kisses her neck then gets up and go into the bathroom.while he is in
there the husband told the wife now listen this guy is an escaped convict look at his cloth and has spent a long time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years I saw how he kiss your neck if he want sex don't resist don't complain do whatever he tells you this guy is probably dangerous if he get angry he will kill us be strong honey I love you
his wife response he wasn't kissing my neck he was whispering to me. he told me he was gay.thought you were cute and asked if we have any Vaseline. I told him that it is in.the bathroom. be strong honey I love you
BABYFACE


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-24 18:28:57

870 Views




****EPISODE 2**********
****THE LIFE OF A PROSTITUE(ASEWO)*********
I was really amazed
at the sudden
change In my life,I
remember those days
when my dad was
still alive,I have always
been boosting around that I am
going to attend a
WRITTEN AND COMPOSED BY UR
BOY AYOMIDE
CONTACT ME VIA:+2348164465758
university outside the
country,but in my
present situation I
have to sit down and
plan before I can
even enter a government
university here
in Nigeria,how I wish I have a mother
who cares about my
future,my mother
doesn't care about me
but rather she
care about herself,despite
our situation
my mother was still
shinning...one could
even mistake her for the first lady of
Nigeria if you see
her,she always dress as
If she was just looking
for a man to date
but actually I don't know
everything about
her,but I know my mum
had some prostitute-like
friends that she moves out with,my dad
had been warning her
to stay away from
them when he was still
alive but my mum
had always been turning deaf hears to
his warnings,but I was only praying in
my mind that she wouldn't join does
people in engaging in
such a dirty act.
On a sunday evening
like this,I was
sitting inside the room
watching tv when
my mum came inside,she was coming from
somewhere but I can't
really say,I took
a little glance at her and
saw something
that looks very surprisingly
to me,she
wasn't herself,she began
to staggered
as she moves towards where I was sitting,
"Mum...I shouted...what's the
problem??,why are you like this??"I asked
as I moved closer to her...
"WHAT!!!...mum what's all this??,you
are smelling alcohol,where are you coming
from?"I enquired once again...
It was just as if I
was talking
to a standing pole,she
was busy saying
all sort of rubbish,I
later realized that
no matter what I say
that evening,she
won't hear any of it,I helped her in,and laid
her on her bed,I was
really ashamed...
"Is this my mum??"I asked myself...
If it was that someone
else told me what
I saw that day I would
have disagree with
the person,but what
will I do with all this
one am seeing now??...hmmm I was
dumbfounded and
confused....I wasn't
Myself throughout
that day till I went to
sleep....
The following morning which was
a monday morning,
I was unable to
woke up early I guessed
it was becaues of
last night commotion
that I carried to bed,
After I woke up,I headed
to my mum's
room but to my greatest
surprise I couldn't
find her,"where could she
have gone to
early this morning,I checked
my watch,it was
already past 9am,then
I branched the kitchen,
I found her cooking,she had became
a normal human being
again....
I approached her and I
don't even greeted
her,I questioned her straightaway....
"Mum??,what's with that
disgusting
Show you performed last night??..as in
can you explain why you
are like that?"I asked
angriliy forgetting she was
my mother...
"Daughter,you have to
listen to me okay?"
she replied trying to calm me...
"Listen to you??...ohh mum am really
disappointed In you,how could you
behave that way??,the
thing that
someone like me should
do and be scolded
by you was what you were
doing...mum that's
Shameful"...I
lamented angrily and leave for
my room...
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BOY AYOMIDE
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I believe I
haven't said much,I said
nothing bad...I was saying the right
thing.I was happy
with myself that I had
the confident to
confront her that way
probably she might
change,coz I believe
it is a disgraceful
thing for a mother
to be scolded by her child....
About 15 minutes later,she
came to my room,she knocked but
I refused to open it for her,she opened
It herself and enter
a little bit...
"Oyin your food is ready and
It is on the dinning
table let's eat
Together daughter"...she said while I turn
a deaf ear to all what
she was saying...
she later felt sober
and approached me
And sat at the tip of
my bed and began to
recite all sort of eulogy
just to calm me
down but I wasn't moved,
then she finally
Open up to me what had
happen earlier...
"Hmmm....oyin omo mi,
it wasn't that
I intentionally turn to a
drunker you know,
the thing was that one
of my friends,em em,
Iya thompson,you should
know her,that woman
that owns a filling station
along your school,
she was celebrating her
birthday today,so as
a friend I was invited to
the party,but on
getting to the party,she
doesn't provide
normal wines for we ladies
WRITTEN AND COMPOSED BY UR
BOY AYOMIDE
CONTACT ME VIA:+2348164465758
but everybody was
to take alcoholic drinks so
I have no option than
to take it...that was
how I became drunk,I
think I took too much
quantity of that wine"she
explained...
"....but must you take it??...why can't you
just leave and come back
to your house??"
"You know it doesn't
sounds right...
My friend invited me and I refuse to stay??,
won't she sees me as a bad
person?"
"She won't...you should
have just leave the
place"
"Okay I won't make such
mistake again,am
sorry..."She said looking serious...
"Hummmm"I muttered with
an unsatisfied
mind...
"By the way I have a news
for you"she said
trying to get my attention...
"What's it?"I replied as if am unbothered
with the so-called news...
"You should gain admission
this month,
so which school do you wish to attend??..she said...
On hearing school,my
attention was taken
By her straightaway,I was
forced to forget
any other thing troubling my mind,"what??!!!,did my
mother just mention school?" Was what echoed inside my heart...
"Wow!!!...really??...do
you mean that mum??"
I said with a smiling face...I believe that was
what she needs...
"Yes I do mean it and
by the way do you
want to keep staying home here with me?"..
"No mum...by the
way I would love
to seek admission in jambaze university in
Jambaze state"...I replied...
TO BE CONTINUED*******

The new teacher [Read it]


A Nigerian teacher was sent to China to teach. Thefirst day he entered class, he began by roll-calling.He said "Sheng."A student said, "Present."He called the second name, "Chu Muon."Another student said, "Present."Suddenly, he sneezed,"Hatchia!"One student seated at the corner stood up andsaid,"Present."He then exclaimed and said,"hmmmm..."All the student shouted, "Absent."He got confused and said, "Shaa..."Three students stood up and said,"Which of us?"The teacher became more confused andhe asked,"What is wrong?"A student stood up and he said, "Sir, I'm not Wrong,I'm called Wong."The teacher now laughed, "Hahaha!"A girl said, "Present sir."The teacher came closer to find out what was goingon, as he moved his pen fell on the table and madethe sound, "Ping chung chong!"A certain boy said, "Present sir."The teacher now more confused and annoyed,decided to move out. As he was moving out, a groupof around 15 students stood up and shouted,"Teacher, what about us?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-28 14:47:09

997 Views



Exam time [Read it]


During the exam, Akpos kept looking under the table, then he would write on the answer sheet. His teacher saw him doing that & thought he was copying.? When collecting the paper after the exam..


Teacher: I'm gonna minus 10 marks.


Akpos: Hiiaaa!! Why sir?


Teacher: For copying.


Akpos: How do you know that I was copying?


Teacher: I saw you looking under the table.


Akpos: *laughing* Question 9 said, STUDY THE TABLE BELOW.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-06 01:07:04

159 Views



Blind akpors [Read it]


Akpors was blind bt u cant cheat him wen it cums to money.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 22:39:28

447 Views




Who love me most episode 11

It was the next day and max decided to go look for Amara at her house since her line wasn't going through, ever since he left amara house they haven't spoken to each other ,he was driving to her house when he saw her along the road ,he park his car.

Maxwell :Amara, come in

Amara entered the car and he continued driving, maxwell was happy to see her,it doesn't even seen like anything ever happened,Amara on the other was just not ready to face maxwell but now that she was with him, she have no choice but to explain everything to him.

Maxwell :how have you been

Amara :am okey and you

Maxwell :i have been trying to reach you but it not going through, why

Amara :well I changed my line

Maxwell :why

Amara :nothing, just didn't want to use it any more

Maxwell : oh okey.

Amara :maxwell, am really sorry about what happened the other day,and for the way I walked out on you,am really sorry.

Maxwell smiling )it's okey, that was nothing, i have already gotten over that

Amara relieved )does that mean we are good

Maxwell : of course we are,you know i can't get mad at you.

They both laughed, Amara was now happy that at least maxwell understood.

Amara :maxwell, there is something I need to tell you.

maxwell :what

Amara :that guy the other day,he is my boyfriend

Maxwell heart was now beating so fast,and made him feel like exploding

Maxwell :then why did you lie to me

Amara :no i didn't lie to you, i actually accepted him yesterday

Maxwell mistakenly hit the break of the car and the car stop,Amara was so scared while maxwell was looking at the wheel confused, he couldn't believe what just happened, he looked at Amara who was starring at him too,suddenly he gave out a loud laugh

Maxwell :look at you face,hahahahaha

Amara gave a deep breath )you got me scared

Maxwell :am sorry, so you finally have someone

Amara surprised on his reaction )won't you get angry

Maxwell :no i mean why should I, or aren't you happy with him

Amara :yes I am

Maxwell :if you are happy so am I. Okey

Amara :thanks

Maxwell start the car and drove off,maxwell was boiling inside but he really needed to stay clam,not for long they arrived at Amara house.

Amara :thanks for the ride and your understanding

Maxwell :isn't that what friends is all about

Amara :i will call you later with my new line okey

Maxwell key I will be waiting

Amara key you take care now

Maxwell :you too (they both huged)you have a nice day

Amara came down from his car

Maxwell :make sure you call me

Amara :i will.

They both wave good bye and she entered her house and close the gate,maxwell angrily hit the starring of his car screaming out loud in pain,he rested his head on the sit breathing heavily.

Maxwell :i must have you back, i must,i swear to God i will kill him,f**k

He starts his car again and angryly drove off,maxwell was trying so hard to control himself, he was driving very fast and countless time hit the car starring, he arrived home and parked the car,he entered his sitting room and went to open a bottle of drygin and started drinking up,his body was on fire ,he was so lost in thought, he didn't know what to do,he pick up his phone and called his mum.

Mrs ada m :hello maxwell

Maxwell :mum mum (shouting) mum

Mrs ada m was so confused and worried

Mrs ada m :maxwell listen to me,why don't you clam down and tell me what the problem is

Maxwell :mum,Amara is daring me,she is so pushing me

Mrs ada m knew from the tone of his voice that he is really angry and maxwell has a bad temper that he can't control, he can end up breaking things or even kill.he has been hospitalised for lost of control, he is now going through medical treatment, and he is also on medical drug that can help him to maintain his metal balance.

Mrs ada m:maxwell relax okey

Maxwell :mum i am relax

Mrs ada mkey now tell me what happened

Maxwell :how could she choose him over me,is he better them me

Mrs ada m :choose who over you

Maxwell :you know i told you everything that happened at amara place the other day,that is the guy am talking about, she told me today that she has accepted him as her boyfriend,mum amara now has a boyfriend, that fool.

Mrs ada m :hope you didn't do anything stupid to her

Maxwell :mum i tried mum,i know i did (he began to cry)but how can she do this to me,you know i love her,mum.

Mrs ada m heartbroken )maxwell that shouldn't be a problem, Amara will be yours okey just relax and everything will be fine

Maxwell :mum come on she is leaving me mum,and i can't let her go.

Mrs ada m :maxwell are you in your room

Maxwell :no

Mrs ada m :get up and go to your room ,okey just go to your room

Maxwell did as he is told

Maxwell:am in my room

Mrs ada m :now I want you to lay down and have some sleep.

Maxwell :mum,i don't want to sleep

Mrs ada m :i know but trust me on this okey get some sleep and when you wake up you will feel much better,i your mother knows what to do, just sleep.

Maxwell clamed down a little bit,he laid down on his bed ,just few minutes he slept off,Mrs ada m later ended the call,she was not happy about what happened,she knew she needed to do something to help her son who is madly in love with amara, she knows she has to act fast before he losses it.

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Ana ran out of Rahul's apartment and started walking in a random direction. She was hurt by Rahul's declaration of marriage to Ria. She knew she had no right to be angry at him, it was she who rejected him, denied having any feelings for him, but she wasn't prepared for his sudden declaration and it really hurt. She could feel the pain in her heart and sadness overwhelmed her.

She tried her best to stop crying, but couldn't stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. She knew he did it to hurt her for rejecting him, but Ria was the worst person he could marry. He was hurting himself by marrying Ria.

She got home after a long walk and spent rest of the day rolling on bed trying to shake away the sad feeling in her heart. Cynthia tried to talk to her about it, but Ana didn't mutter a word to Cynthia about Rahul. Cynthia was leaving for DC to be with her fiancée and Ana didn't want Cynthia to worry about her.

Later in the evening, prince made her take him to the park and only after spending some time playing with prince, she felt better. She thought whatever happened, happened for her own good, because she and Rahul were incompatible. He was successfull, rich, handsome and came from a very respectful family, whereas she was poor and an orphan. Also both have their own baggage, he was still searching for his first love and she had a two year old son. She wasn't even sure if Rahul would accept prince or treat him well and for her prince's wellbeing comes first.

Next few days passed very quickly, Cynthia packing her stuff to leave for Washington DC and Ana packing to move to the mansion. Rahul didn't talk to her much and Ana kept her distance with him. Both started behaving like cold war enemies, circling each other, but ignoring other's existence.

Mandy didn't take the sudden marriage news well. Her blood pressure went up and she was ordered to bed rest by doctors.

Mandy was sure Rahul and Ana had feelings for each other and hoped they would get close at some point, but the sudden move by Rahul confused her. Even though earlier she agreed in principle for Rahul's marriage to Ria, she felt Ria was wrong person for Rahul, their family and business interests. She agreed only to change Rahul's earlier obsession with his mystery girl, whom he met only once and in costume. She wasn't even sure if the mystery girl really exists or is a figment of his imagination.

It was Saturday and Ana took prince to Toys "R" Us store in Times Square. After she and prince took the indoor ferris wheel ride, prince held onto her tightly as it was his first time and he was thrilled and scared at the same time. Just then her phone started buzzing. It was Ahmed.

"Ana ... where are u? Can you come over? Mandy had a seizure, we called 911 and they just arrived." He sounded worried.

"OMG! I am in the city, will start right away. Did you call doctor Ozha?"

"Yes, he is on his way. Come soon."

Ana picked up prince and rushed out of the store to catch a cab to the mansion.

She rushed through the main entrance towards Mandy's bedroom. She saw the ambulance was still out and medics rushing in and out of her room. She didn't want to take prince inside, so she went back to living room, where she saw Alia, Ahmed's teenage daughter reading magazines.

"Alia ... can you keep an eye on prince? I will be in Mandy's room, if you need me."

"Sure, I will take care of him." She said excitedly taking his hand. Ana then went to check on Mandy.

As she entered Mandy's room, she saw doctor Ozha talking to the medics and going over her test results. Mandy saw Ana coming into the room and immediately her face brightened.

Ana sat by her side and held her hand and started talking to her to divert her mind. She talked to her about Neha and her pregnancy. She knew baby talk would cheer her up.

"Ana what do you think about Rahul's marriage? " Mandy asked, taking Ana by surprise.

"Mandy don't worry about Rahul. Everything is gonna turn out fine. You need to stop worrying and concentrate on your health." She replied choosing her words carefully as Mandy's health was at risk.

Before they could continue the conversation further, doctor Ozha interrupted them and started explaining to Ana and Mandy what they found and her treatment plan.

Ana started asking questions to make sure she understood fully Mandy's treatment and nutrition plan. As she was discussing the details, Alia came running into the room.

"Ana ... prince is crying and is asking for you. He is rolling on the floor, I can't handle him. Can you please come?"

"Alia I am busy here, just stay with him for few more minutes and I will be there."

"Sure Mandy, but not now. He is gonna mess up everything around here. I will bring him up once you are settled down." Ana replied, feeling bad for disappointing Mandy.

"First go and pick ...", before Mandy could finish Rahul stepped in with prince holding him tightly, his hands around his neck and face buried in his shoulder.

"Whose kid is this? I don't know why people have kids when they can't take care of them. Poor boy was crying and rolling on the floor in the living room." His eyes boring into Ana as he was almost positive it was her son.

Ana glared at him back with boiling anger, for commenting on her parenting skills.

"Its prince, Ana's son." Mandy replied. Prince turned around hearing his name making Ana and Mandy burst into laughter.

Ana was really angry at Rahul, but she couldn't control her laughter as prince turned around.

"What is so funny? Why are you guys laughing? " Rahul was surprised.

Ana came over and took prince from Rahul and put him down. It was then Rahul noticed, his suit was all messed up because prince rubbed his crying face on his shoulder leaving his DNA all over his coat.

"I am really sorry about your coat. Remove it and I will get it dry cleaned. Alia can you take prince to living room again, I will be there in ten minutes." She started unbuttoning his coat.

"Its ok, it is just a coat. I see .... you are busy with mom and I don't think prince feels comfortable with Alia. I will take care of him till you are done." Rahul removed his coat and extended his hand to prince.

Ana looked in surprise, as prince took Rahul's hand and walked out slowly holding his hand. It was then she felt a sudden pain, realizing she made a big mistake rejecting Rahul.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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BOMB PRANK [Read it]


Lets laugh..
I Enterd a bus from Kwara to Enugu. After som
mins, i
decided to scare d passengers. So i brought out
my
fone.. And startd fakin a call.'' hello oga, i don dey
press dat button since but d bomb no gree blow.
Na d
blue one i go press or d red one? Ok d red one? I
go
do am now'' come and see reactions. Igbo man:
(picks his fone to make a call) '' hello Chuwkud,
run
now to apapa and wait for my container. Its like i
will
die today but make sure u collect my money from
chiroki.. Yoruba woman: '' driver wêré,. So u cant
stop for sombody to come down? Oloshi.. I was
just
laughin inside until d hausa man sitin close to me
said
(to me). Hausa man: '' oga abeg dat time wey u
dey
make call, wher dem say make u press so dat d
bomb go blow? Coz i don dey press my own sef
since and d tin never blow. I jumped out of the
luxurious through window.! Me wey dey play


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-27 15:01:24

536 Views



Funny kid [Read it]


Few weeks before xmas, two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW SHOE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW CLOTH..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Dad is!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-04 08:00:29

680 Views




Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.

~ Swedish ProverbRelated

esfectation [Read it]


A guy was in love with a girl but never had the
guts to tell her. One night around at night, he gathered
some
courage & sent her a text with these honest words...
"Doreen, I love you, I wonna date you. Plz reply & tell
me how
you feel." A few seconds later he received a message
alert on his phone. He was so scared and too tensed to
open it that night so he decided not to check the
message
until the next morning when he's less tense and in better
senses. So he went to sleep. When he woke up the next
day he prayed seriously about the message for good
news, went about doing
his morning chores, brushed his teeth, ate his breakfast,
took a bath, dressed himself up then climbed into bed
and picked his phone to read the message on his phone.
This was the response he read: "Dear customer you have
insufficient balance to send this message. Please
recharge your account and try again".
Don't laugh alone. share!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 00:51:28

1380 Views




This “Aarohi” is an

economical Girlfriend

.

coz all she wants

.

. .

“Kasme De, Waade De,

Mujhko Iraade De,

dil ko sahare De”

.

. .

there

is no demand of

. expensive Gifts .

????Related

Mallika was invited to “KBC”

Amitabh: Which part of the show you like the best?

Mallika raised her skirt and said, “FASTEST FINGER FIRST.”Related

"That is beautiful," my mom said when she saw it a little later that morning.

"It is," I confirmed as I touched the delicate necklace. My heart fluttered every time I thought about what Grey had so thoughtfully chosen for me.

We were sitting in the living room painting our nails. Alex had left to take Grey back home earlier and my dad had gone out so it left me alone with my mom.

"Who got you that?" she asked while she concentrated on painting her toenail a deep red colour with nail polish.

"Grey," I answered trying not to sound breathless. I was pretty sure my mom already knew that I had a thing for him but it wasn't something I wanted to admit out right.

She stilled and looked up to me with a smile.

"That was nice of him," she said and I nodded my head as I surveyed my painted toenails. Instead of red I'd gone for a baby pink colour.

"Are you going out later?" my mom asked as she closed the nail polish bottle and set it down on the coffee table.

"Yes, I'm going to Reece for the night," I said.

We were planning a sleepover. We were going to watch all our favourite romantic movies while eating too much junk food.

"She'll be picking me up soon," I informed my mom as I finished painting my last toe.

"Okay baby."

I was surprised she hadn't said anything more about Grey and my necklace. A slight pounding in my head made me rub my forehead. I was starting to get a slight headache.

In the kitchen I got some headache tablets before I heard Reece hooting impatiently outside my house. She was so impatient.

By the time we got to her house my headache had eased slightly and I looked forward to an nice evening with my friend.

"Who got you that?" she asked when she finally spotted my new jewelry hanging around my neck.

I smiled at her as I touched it.

"Grey?!" she asked not quite believing it while I nodded.

She touched the small pendant with a finger.

"It's beautiful."

Her eyes lifted to mine. "He totally likes you," she stated. I rolled my eyes and pulled away from her.

"No, he doesn't," I told her as I dumped my overnight bag on her bed.

"A guy doesn't buy a girl jewelry unless he cares about her," she argued as she plopped down beside my bag.

"I didn't say he didn't care. I'm the little sister of his best friend, of course he cares about me," I said with my hands on my hips.

Remembering all the times he'd defended me and looked after me when someone had tried to bully me, there was no doubt that he cared for me. He just didn't care for me in the way I wanted him to.

Reece smiled in response and shook her head at me.

"If he liked me in that way why hasn't he ever said anything?" I asked her feeling like we'd had the same conversation over and over again. "And why did his have his tongue down the throat of another girl?"

That had hurt the most. I'd seen so many photos of him with another girl that it didn't hurt as much anymore but seeing him kiss another girl had nearly broke my heart in two. The intimate connection between him and someone else had been enough to make me see the situation without my fairytale glasses on."That is beautiful," my mom said when she saw it a little later that morning.

"It is," I confirmed as I touched the delicate necklace. My heart fluttered every time I thought about what Grey had so thoughtfully chosen for me.

We were sitting in the living room painting our nails. Alex had left to take Grey back home earlier and my dad had gone out so it left me alone with my mom.

"Who got you that?" she asked while she concentrated on painting her toenail a deep red colour with nail polish.

"Grey," I answered trying not to sound breathless. I was pretty sure my mom already knew that I had a thing for him but it wasn't something I wanted to admit out right.

She stilled and looked up to me with a smile.

"That was nice of him," she said and I nodded my head as I surveyed my painted toenails. Instead of red I'd gone for a baby pink colour.

"Are you going out later?" my mom asked as she closed the nail polish bottle and set it down on the coffee table.

"Yes, I'm going to Reece for the night," I said.

We were planning a sleepover. We were going to watch all our favourite romantic movies while eating too much junk food.

"She'll be picking me up soon," I informed my mom as I finished painting my last toe.

"Okay baby."

I was surprised she hadn't said anything more about Grey and my necklace. A slight pounding in my head made me rub my forehead. I was starting to get a slight headache.

In the kitchen I got some headache tablets before I heard Reece hooting impatiently outside my house. She was so impatient.

By the time we got to her house my headache had eased slightly and I looked forward to an nice evening with my friend.

"Who got you that?" she asked when she finally spotted my new jewelry hanging around my neck.

I smiled at her as I touched it.

"Grey?!" she asked not quite believing it while I nodded.

She touched the small pendant with a finger.

"It's beautiful."

Her eyes lifted to mine. "He totally likes you," she stated. I rolled my eyes and pulled away from her.

"No, he doesn't," I told her as I dumped my overnight bag on her bed.

"A guy doesn't buy a girl jewelry unless he cares about her," she argued as she plopped down beside my bag.

"I didn't say he didn't care. I'm the little sister of his best friend, of course he cares about me," I said with my hands on my hips.

Remembering all the times he'd defended me and looked after me when someone had tried to bully me, there was no doubt that he cared for me. He just didn't care for me in the way I wanted him to.

Reece smiled in response and shook her head at me.

"If he liked me in that way why hasn't he ever said anything?" I asked her feeling like we'd had the same conversation over and over again. "And why did his have his tongue down the throat of another girl?"

That had hurt the most. I'd seen so many photos of him with another girl that it didn't hurt as much anymore but seeing him kiss another girl had nearly broke my heart in two. The intimate connection between him and someone else had been enough to make me see the situation without my fairytale glasses on.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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She had first been to a restaurant to have dinner all by herself. She’d seen Jeremy and the so-called Purity Theodore. What did Jeremy see in her? She was so green with envy. How could Jeremy be so happy with another woman? And she, she’d been crying over him. The anger she felt pushed her to follow Purity, as she trailed behind, a vehicle was ahead of her’s, it went the same direction as Purity’s. And it belonged to this man who wouldn’t let her go. He too had followed Purity, hadn’t he?

He poured the non-alcoholic drink into the two glasses. He pushed one forward. For the lady sitting before him. Nathan had left already.
“Lets take things slowly. First things first. I’m Ernest. Ernest Turner. And you are?”

She scoffed.

“Listen, I’m not going to harm you. If I was going to, I’d have one that a long time ago. Just be sincere and free with me.” Ernest assured her.

Hmm. There could be no harm talking with this guy, she reasoned.
“Well, I’m Tricia.”

He broadly smiled. “Nice to meet you.”

“We didn’t meet under normal circumstances. What do you want me for.” She was trying to be at ease with him.

He took a very deep breath which lasted for several seconds. “What is your relationship with that woman?”

What was his business with that? Is he a cop or something? “I don’t know her. Simple.”

“I don’t believe you. You were spying on her. Its possible you wanted to harm her.” All he needed at that moment was patience.

She folded her arms. “I was there for a reason.”

“I want that ‘reason’!”

Tricia wasn’t stupid. She was not going to let a complete stranger know that jealousy drove her there. That the woman is engaged to her ex boyfriend whom she loves dearly. It’ll make her feel rejected. “Don’t want to talk about it.”

“Come on. I could really use your help. I need to know.” he pleaded, his eyes joined the plea.

She smiled in contentment. Now, this was the kind of attention she loved. For men to keep begging her, like she owned their lives. Jeremy never begged her. She was the one that always went back to him. She only told him what to do. Now that she had it, she should enjoy it. Enjoy it while it lasts. She unfolded her arms and placed them on the table. “I’m going to help you in one condition.”

He shot up a brow. This was good. She was ready to talk. “And that is?”

“You tell me your own side of the story. I saw that you followed her too. You are as guilty as I am. Then, you threatened me with a gun. What was all that for?” She was getting the upper hand.

He had to surrender. He didn’t even know who she really was. “We have met before. ‘Twas a long time ago. I followed to see if she could recognize me. I don’t think she did.”

“Where did you meet her? And how long was it?”

“This very place we are. Nine years ago.”

Her eyes dilated with shock. “What? At a bar?” She looked at her surrounding with a treacherous smirk on her face. The virgin visits a bar like this? Yet she was acting so holy. Jeremy was gonna hear this. Her interest had intensified. She wanted to know more. “At a bar.” She repeated herself. “Nine years. What do you care? She’d have forgotten you by now. Unless you two shared something?” She was grinning now. Yeah, yeah. She wasn’t a virgin, but she was definitely not a liar.

“Its your turn.” He tried his possible best to ignore her rude question. He knew they almost shared something till she…. He frowned, didn’t like remembering that. “I’ve told you all I know.” That was a lie. A miserable one at that.

“Okay.” She was going to answer him truthfully and find out more about this virgin. It’d so much interest Jeremy. “Like I said before, I don’t know her. I only got to hear about her when my boyfriend broke up with me just to marry her. They are engaged. Curiosity plus anger made me trail her, just to know more about the bitch who had stolen what is mine.”

Not a single word did he believe. His Melisa engaged? That wasn’t possible. Had she changed that much? Nine years was enough to do that. Was it the man he was with her? Did she love him? NO! He had to stop that. She belongs only to him.
“What is her name?”

This man must be crazy. “How do you not know her name? You two -”
She hated the way he glared at her. She sighed. “Purity Theodore.”

The shock she felt when she met with Ernest a second time hadn’t gone. She still felt it. She recalled everything. Ernest Turner. Her night wasn’t so good. She’d bad dreams of both Ernest and Jeremy. Both of them fighting over her. Jeremy had lost, Ernest won. She hated that dream so much. She’d choose Jeremy over Ernest. Ernest wasn’t her dream man, he never was. Jeremy was the kind of man she wanted, she wasn’t sure, but he could take care of her. Ernest couldn’t. He was a drunk. A really bad one. He played a significant role in getting her drunk that night. Why did she do it? She felt remorse over that. It wasn’t gonna repeat itself. She hoped that one mistake wouldn’t ruin her life.

The ringing of the telephone on her desk jolted her back to reality. She swore as she picked it up. “What!” Damn! Her mood was something else.

“You have a visitor, ma’am.”

No. She didn’t want to talk with anybody. She wanted to be all by herself. Talking would do no good. Also, she didn’t look presentable. She was all weary. “Tell the person to come another day. I’m not taking in any visitors.”

“He’s insisting. I don’t have the strength to fight with any man. Please.”

Oh, God. What was Jeremy doing here? He’s got more important things to do. It wasn’t a bad idea all together. She might get to tell him the truth. She let out a breath. “All right, Heather. Let him in.”

There was a clanking sound as she dropped the receiver. She relaxed on the chair and swivelled it to the back door. She faced the window. He could come in any moment. He had to. She was expecting him. The few seconds it took seemed like forever. Then the door creaked. She smiled.
“Jeremy, why not call when you want to come see me. I don’t want another scene with Heather.” At last. She was delighted.

“What a pleasant way of receiving your guest.”

The smile on her face melted into a shock. That wasn’t Jeremy’s voice! It was…. It belonged to…. She turned the chair to face him and she was him again. The third time.
“What are you doing here?” She sounded tense and angry. She got up from the chair.

He grimly smiled at her. “You didn’t invite me to sit. I’d invite myself. Please, sit its your office.”

This was serious. No jokes. No lies. No games. “Get out of my office! Leave at once?” She ordered. Her eyes were blazing.

“I came to ask about Melisa.” she had guts.

She placed both hands on her desk and met his gaze. “I do not know who Melisa is. It was just last night you asked about her and I do not know her.”

“Will you stop pretending and speak the truth? I hate lies.” Could she be the Melisa? She was so different in character. The woman glaring at him was full of herself. His Melisa wouldn’t do that. Nevertheless, the resemblance was there. Her eyes, lips, voice-all similar with Melisa. It had to be her.

“So do I. I do not know her. Wait a minute. How did you even get here? How do you know I work here?” If he had found things about her, she needed to know. Things must not get out of hand. She had to handle him.

“Who hasn’t heard of the all mighty Purity Theodore-”

She had lost it. “My name! How-” She was short of words. Oh, man! What has the past come back? She felt frightened.

He laughed loudly. “‘I don’t give my name to strangers.’ The same statement you made after I told you mine at that bar, nine years ago. It was your prom night.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” she denied furiously. “I will contact you when I find your Melisa.”

Great liar. The best. “How nice of you to give me a fake name, Melisa. I love that name and I’m sticking to it. You never loved that name, ‘Purity’, you wanted something sexy, that will endear men to you.” His eyes danced with laughter.

Purity was trying to hold herself. This man was tempting her, making her lose her mind. He should quit trying to make her recall the past she’d forgotten and buried. She wanted to have nothing to do with it. She had to deny it. “Stop this rubbish. Stop this nonsense. Stop-”

“We drank alcohol together. We danced so romantically. You were all over me. You didn’t want to let me go. You clung on to me. We almost made lo-”

This was it. All her manners were sent to hell. “Will you shut up! You lying, disgusting bastard. Who gave you the right to bring up my past? Who gave you the right to judge me? I want you out of my office and life for good!”

>>

BROKEN SEAL
Episode 15

I opened the door only to
meet a kid who shouldn’t be
more than 16. He was wearing
teary eyes. I seem to be a cry
fuel to him ‘coz immediately
he saw me, he bursted into
another cry session. I tapped
him gently on his shoulder.
Me: hey kid, whats wrong?
Kid: sorry for disturbing, my
dad is at it again, he’s treating
momma like a punch bag
again!
Me: what!!!
Kid: can you help me stop him?
Me: sure! Why not? I hate it
when men bully their wives, its
so annoying! And you know
what? 95% of those men can’t
stand a fight with their fellow
male!!!
Me: where do you live?
Kid: about 3 houses from here.
Me: okay, lead the way lets get
going. As we walked out, he
muttered some words i didn’t
comprehend, probably he said
“thank you”
_____
Adrian saw them passing by,
mission1 accomplished! He had
paid that kid to put up the act.
Adrian was still clad in his
black bike suite, with black
handgloves. Swiftly, he jumped
over the fence and found
himself in a fairly large
compound. He turned the door
knob, which suprisingly
opened, great!!! He succeeded
in planting a bug in one of the
remotes he saw on the table.
But the bug won’t help right
now! He need a tangible
information. Yes a dairy would
be perfect for that! He located
the bedroom, with the hope of
finding a dairy.
______
We walked briskly past four
houses, didn’t this boy say his
home is only three houses from
mine?
Me: hey kiddy, aint we there
yet?
Kid: (pointing to a path off the
main street) this way…. I
followed him quietly, we
walked for few minutes, i
didn’t hear any strange sound
that would tell someone is
being bullied….
Kid: (pointing) thats our home,
it seems the neighbours have
intervened, she isn’t screaming
anymore.
Me: are you kidding me? Lets
go in and find out!!!
Kid: thanks for your help!
(jogged away)
Me: aaaaaarrrgghh so
annoying! I just wasted my
time mtcheeeew! This kid must
be stupid.
_____
Adrian finally found a black
grimy dairy on the mini-book
shelve. Fliping through its
pages, he found nothing
interesting, until a write up
caught his attention…. “oh
dairy! I’m so tired today, guess
what, we dropped Isai in her
dorm, room 25A san sebastian
college. Hahahaha i won’t
forget dad’s warning -protect
my princess blah blah blah. Of
course i would protect her, why
not? #feeling drowsy
goodnight dairy!!!” Adrian
grinned after reading that…
ahah! He’ve found something
useful. No in the living room,
he turned the door knob, only
to see Isaiah. (i knew his name
from a write up in the dairy).
Isaiah was already in the
compound. WTF! What should
he do? The house have only
one exit, should he use his gun
or better still start a fight?
Many thoughts ran through his
head.


>>

It was the feast of the Holy Spirit in Akpos Church.
The pastor said "If you are HAPPY say Amen!!"
The whole congregation shouted "Amen!"
Akpos replied "Hmmm!" shivering.
The pastor again "If you are VICTORIOUS say a louder Ameeeeeen!!!!"
Akpos replied "Hmmmmmmmm!!!".
Pastor "Tell the person beside you, 'you are BLESSED!!'"
On hearing that, Akpos fell down.
After the service, Akpos was going home with his friend Okon discussion.
"My man, is like you were carried away by the Holy Spirit. I saw you shiveirng and shouting `Hmmmm! Hmmmm!`. I couldn`t believe my eyes when you fell down." says Okon.
Akpos replied "My guy, is not what you think, the mouth odor of the person beside me nearly kill me. I guess he chewed onions last night without brushing mouth this morning"
Okon "hahahahaha now i know why you were saying 'hmmm!' 'hmmmm!. So why then did you fall down"
Akpos "I rather remain on the floor than to see that man talk to me"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-24 18:32:14

21734 Views




When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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1 Pinjre me kuch Totey 1 Toti ko ched rahe the…

Jabki dusre pinjre me 1 Tota puja aur dusra Tota Namaz pad raha tha,

Maalik ne socha “kitne nek Tote hai, inke pinjre me Toti ki ijjat safe rahegi.”

Usne Toti ko nek Toton k pinjre me daal dia.

Toti k aate hi puja karne wala Tota bola:

“Utho Khan Sahab dua Qubool ho gayi…Related

When you move your focus from competition to contribution, life becomes a celebration.

Have a nice weekend!Related

fun time [Read it]


Hy palz fun tym, pls put dis sentense in a simple
n correct english # water don pass garri# d ogbono soup dey draw #let go
there!don't spoil d fun


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 15:23:47

421 Views



teacher [Read it]


Teacher: What is a Verb?
Aboki : A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre.
Teacher: What are you saying?
Aboki : It is a complete sentence sir.
Teacher: Are you mad?
Aboki : It is a question sir. Teacher: Don't be
stupid.
Aboki : It is an advice sir.
Teacher: Stop that nonsense.
Aboki : It is a command sir.
Teacher: You're an idiot.
Aboki : It is an insult sir. Teacher: Get out of my
class.
Aboki : It is an order sir.
Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a boy!
Aboki : It is an exclamation sir.
Teacher: May God have mercy on you.
Aboki : It is a prayer sir


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-19 21:25:57

353 Views




Don’t fear the enemy that attacks you, but fear the fake friend that hugs you.Related

Naraz Q hote ho

Chale jate hain teri mehfil se

Jahan Biryani aalu ki ho

Wahan hum ruka b ni krteRelated

Aah Ko Chaahiye Ik Umar


Aah Ko Chaahiye Ik Umar Asar Hone Tak;

Kaun Jeeta Hai Teree Zulf Ke sar Hone Tak;



Aashiqee Sabr Talab Aur Tamanna Betaab;

Dil Ka Kya Rang KarooN KHoon-e-Jigar Hone Tak;



Ham Ne Maana Ke Taghaful Na Karoge, Lekin;

KHaak Ho JaayeNge Ham Tumko KHabar Hone Tak;



GHam-e-Hastee Ka ‘Asad’ Kis Se Ho Juz Marg Ilaaz;

Shamma’a Har Rang MeiN Jaltee Hai Sahar Hone Tak!Related

sex scandal [Read it]


A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.


From inside, they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"


So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex."


Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them. He was satisfied with things they way they were. The Jamaican quickly figured out the wife felt like she was getting the short end of the stick, so to speak. 


The wife asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" 


The Jamaican replied, "Tell him to just try them on, Lady." 


So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.


As soon as the husband slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes. There was a level of excitement his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.


The Jamaican began screaming, "You got them on the wrong feet! You got them on the wrong feet!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-13 10:39:12

179 Views




Question: What is the difference between ‘hard’ and ‘light’?

Answer: You can get to sleep with a light on.Related

??? ?? ??? ?? [Read it]


??? – ??? ?? ??? ?? ?

???? – ????? ??!

??? – ?????? ??? ??? ??? ??…

???? – ???? ????!

?? ??? ?? ?????…Related
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