Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


D_lady b lyk
O_y do u make_me look like tiwa savage_n people_confuse me for her_geez!!







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 14:26:25

224 Views




Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai,

gam ke saagar me is kadar kho gayi hai,

tum kar do ek SMS yeh gujarish hai meri,

tumari SMS ki aadat si ho gayi hai.Related

Sex life [Read it]


An elderly man/woman went into a doctor. They told the doctor,
"We're having some trouble with our sex life. Could you watch
and offer some suggestions?"

The doctor replied, "I'm not a sex therapist. You should find
someone else."

The couple said, "No, no, we trust you."

After watching them have sex, the doctor said, "You don't seem to
be having any troubles. I wish my sex life was as good. I can't
give you any suggestions."

This was repeated the next week and also the third week. After
they had finished on the third week, the doctor said, "You aren't
having any trouble at all. Is this your idea of kinky sex?"

The man replied, "No, actually the problem is if we have sex at my
house, my wife will catch us. If we have sex at her house, her
husband will catch us. Hotels charges like N5,000 per night, and we can't
afford that. But you only charge N100 for permit card."

The doctor said "Yeah! I know your plans, that's why i invited your wife"

The man fainted.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-23 11:29:10

3053 Views




DATE:...14TH FEB, 2015
TIME: 10AM PROMPT
STADIUM:... STADIO D' POLLING BOOTS
REFEREE: ATTAIRU JEGA
TEAM FORMATION
#GEJ FC uses 5-3-2. Defensive option, in the bid
to defend their title.
THE STARTING LINE UP
(Patience, Iweala, Mark, Clark, Fayose, Maku,
Johnson, Jonathan(c), Sambo, Suswan, Franklin
Obinna and Mimiko)
#GMB FC employs formation 4-3-3 (diamond),
with attacking minded and prolific striker
leading the front three.
THE FIRST ELEVEN.
(Tinubu, Fashola, Rochas, Amechi, Ajimobi,
Buhari(c), Atiku, Tambuwah, Akande, Adams,
Osibanjo)
PREDICT THE SCORE CORRECTLY AND WIN A
RANGE ROVER SPORT.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-30 08:23:20

258 Views




BROKEN SEAL 2

I was beaten without mercy by
two dangerous looking men.
Then tranfered to another cell,
a more discomforting one.
It was so dark and dirty, it
stinks!!!
It even had some rodents in it.
The cell was welled by this
eerie sensation. perhabs ‘coz
twilight was fast approaching.
To top it all, the room was as
cold as an ice manufacturing
factory.
I almost caught fever during
the night.
It marked my worst night ever.
The long awaited morning
finally came.
I knew ‘coz of the gloomy
picture the cell assumed.
A kind hearted warder granted
me the opportunity to use his
cell phone for a brief phone
call.
I quickly inputed Samuel digits
and dailed.
Which he picked on the second
beep.
I told him about my
predicament…….
************************************
Samuel: Isaiah have been
recaptured!
Mark: yeah i know, its the
latest headline.
Samuel: shìt!!! Any news about
Ella? Have you figured out
anything yet?
Mark: you know Rodelio is very
discreet….but i’ve observed a
leaked end in his gang.
Samuel: what is it? Is it useful?
Mark: his gangmembers are not
that disciplined.
Thats one problem with
untrained civilians.
Samuel: you mean?
Mark: they move about
anyhow, they party and drink
mostly in only one joint,,,,we
can keep a tab on one of them.
Samuel: sounds nice.
*****************************
Guidotti heard of attorney Fred
from a friend.
He was told the attorney had
never lost a case before,
moreso, he seem to be
influential in the law world.
He decided to visit him,
hoping to win his heart…..
He arrived Fred’s home and
was directed to his ‘home
office’
Fred: hello….sir.
Guidotti: mayor Guidotti…..
Fred: attorney Fred….
*handshake*
Fred: how may i be of help to
you mister…..mayor?
Guidotti: i heard you’ar the
best, and you know what you
do.
I need you to handle a case for
me, my son’s actually.
Fred: whats the case all about?
Guidotti: its a case of
attempted murder, though
everything was a mistake.
Fred: is your son Isaiah
Guidotti?
Guidottiexcited) yes!
Fred: i can’t handle the case,
sorry please.
Guidotti: but why? Is it money
you want? Just mention the
amount and i’d give it to you
right away!!!
Fred: its not all abou the
money, i would be handling
the same case, Angelo is my
client.
Guidotti: Angelo? Your client?
Fred: yes sir…..
Guidotti went back home,
feeling very sad.
He’s last hope for a better
verdict for Isaiah was lost.
The thought of going against
Angelo even got him more
worried! If it were to be in the
past, this case would have
been solved amicably without
the court or police’
intervention.
But not anymore because he
and Angelo have become
enemies for political reasons.
Angelo believes he was
cheated by Guidotti and may
use this opportunity to pay
him (Guidotti). Guidotti
phoned their family lawyer,
asking him to get prepared for
the court sitting tomorrow.
To be continued

>>

Never ruin an apology with an excuse.

~ Benjamin FranklinRelated

AYOMIDE'S ADVENTURE EPISODE 22

I finally got a chance to stand up,
when a customer came in to buy something
It was a great chance to call
olamide,she was looking at me
throughout the time I was
attending to that customer
but I outsmarted her,I called
olamide's number in a way she
doesn't noticed,but I was in a more
difficult position when I heard that
His number is switched off,then I was
left with no choice than to make a
decision for myself,I decision that will
put me in a good condition,I went back
to meet her where she was sitting,she
was looking at me seriously,I was trying
to even dodge her eyes,I was killing her
her,but its all an assumption.
She later gave me a last chance
to answer her after about 5 minutes
of silence,she asked me to choose any
Option,if I choose No she would show
this video to my francisca,if I picked yes
then I am committing more sins against
Francisca,but Yes would be the most
lovely decision,after I think it over and
Over again,I accepted Esther's proposal,
she was so happy that I can feel it where
I was sitting,she gave me the phone,
and told me to delete it,I collected it from
her and do so,but now that I already deleted
What she was using as a threat against me,
I was thinking of freeing myself from the
promise I made to her earlier but I come
to think of it again,she Is very smart,
she might have another copy of this
Video somewhere else,I should act
wisely.....
After I accepted this troublesome
girl's proposal,she asked for a proof,I was
like is she crazy,why will she be asking for
a proof??...she was now behaving like
a loverboy which need a proof after his
crush accepted him..what am I going to
do now,we are in the supermarket,and
she needs me to prove that I accepted her,
I told her I don't really know what to give
her as a proof..
She stood up and approach where
I was sitting,I was sweating profusely,
I was scared,because my mum or francisca
Might enter anytime,but all those fears
ran out of me when esther sat on my laps,
Placed her soft lips on mine,and ate up
both my lips and my tongue...
I was unable to control myself when
this girl handle my lips,I was really kissing
her roughly like I never kiss someone for
the pass three years,hmm all those fears
was now something of the past,the girl is
really good at seducing someone o,after
about fifteen minutes,we were still kissing,
Luckily,there is no customer,na so something
came upon me as I remember there was a
a small room inside our supermarket where
my mum always rest her body whenever she is
tired,and I was really horny,I try standing up
with her on my laps,I positioned her very well
I carried her
as I walked towards the room,we were still
kissing despite the fact that we were walking,
I opened the door,place her on the bed,
I careless about the supermarket I
opened,all I can see right now is to
satisfy the s-x urge in me..
“Arrgh,take it easy now Mr. Lover boy” she
chuckled,as I hastily reached for the
buttons on her top.
Unbuttoning her top carefully and gently with our
mouths locked in a passionate
romantic kiss,
I led my right hand up her cleavages taking
Her right b---m as I caressed
and manipulated
Her hard and erect n----e.
Laying on the bed now and our
mouths still in a
hot passionate kiss, I began stroking her
hair with my left hand. Now
removing my mouth
from our kiss,I drew her closer,carressinq her
neck area as I layed forward
and started kissing
her neck,giving her the vampire
bites as my
tongue did magic in her sensitive areas,making
her respond with moanings
as my tongue licked
her neckline then downwards to her bosoms and
her hard erected n-----s.
“Arrrrh,yeee,feeeeels so good”
she moaned as I
continued sucking and licking
her n-----s like a
baby’s feedinq bottle.
Still on the bed, I slipped
my hands from her
bosoms down to her g---n area,as I felt her nicely
shaved pubic hairs. Carressing and playinq with
the lips of her love tunnel with my index
finger,I inserted it inside her honey pot while she
gave out a loud moan.
“Awwwsh,arrrhh”
I rose up from the bed with a satisfied
expression and went on my knees on the bed,
gently partinq away her two legs one to the east
and the other to the west, I
brought my tongue
down and dived into my jewelbox as I licked
and s----d.
In no time,her body began to erupt
violently,shakinq as her body warmed up for an
orgasm.
When she recovered and had qotten control of her
self, she requested I layed down on the bed while
She worked on me which I obeyed almost
immediately.
Taking my hard and standing d--k in her hands
rubbing it up and down gently,I had started
lettinq out some small decisive moans of pleasure as she smiled
to allow her to be satisfied that she was doing
a good job.
She brought her face down and took the whole thing
inside her mouth,workinq on it gently as my
moans filled the room.
This time around,its real moan
‘I’m cumminq,i’m cumminq’ I warned while she
removed her mouth immediately as my sperm
spew on her face and body.
I got hold of a condom carefully as I tore it and rolled it up
My fly.
Drawing her closer to myself with my D--k
directly opposite her honeypot, in one swift
action,I penetrated her.
“O-My-Gawd” she gasped, as I began ramminq
her, slowly at first,but I increased my tempo
with time.
Few minutes later…..
“That was out of this world!” I exclaimed as
we layed exhausted with her head on my chest.
Strokinq my hair gently,I kissed her on
Her cheek,while she smiled.
“Ayomide, I love you”s he muttered.
“I love you too” I replied decisively...
I put on my dress quickly before her,
No place to shower in our supermarket,
After I finished dressing up,I went straight
to the main hall of our supermarket..
I was really amazed at what I saw,
guess who was sitting at where I and esther
stood up from??...######

>>

MY FIRST PREGNANCY EPISODE 5


he was ready,so were the nurses,but mrs faith wasn't so ready because she was afraid and she had doubts of surviving the labour.....mean while.... sammy was out side,and he was totally not himself,he was in a state of confusing,his heart was telling him different things,his soul was far away from him body,all he could think of is his wife,all he wanted is for her to come put fine,he was praying inside him,he was in a situation of no rest,all his mind was about his wife,he knew what she was going through,isn't an easy thing,he knew only God could help her in this situation.....mean while in the labour room....Mrs faith had an unstable mind because of the way the lady at the other room screamed and shouted,mrs faith wanted the pain to stop but she was too afraid to let it go...( mrs faith):"ahhhh doctor I can't do this,I can't doctor please I just can't",she begged and begged the doctor because she has never felt a pain so much like what she is experiencing right then,...(doctor):"mrs faith please try,remember your family,don't give up so fast,I know its hard but would you like for your baby to remain inside you when it is ought to come out?",he asked her to see if she would come back to her senses.(Mrs faith):"doctor please is there no other way?",she asked the doctor while still in pressurized pain.(Doctor):"would you like for us to do operation on you?",asked the doctor.(mrs faith)"no sir,I don't want operation",she answered.(doctor):"then please try,just try,i know it won't be easy for you,but you need to try,i know the noise you heard from the other room is what got you scared,but your system is not the same with the other lady, your grace is different from her own,so don't think that it will be the same for you,remember your husband is hoping on you,and it will be a painful thing for him, if you let him down",he spoke words which lifted her spirit up....(mrs faith):"ok sir".she said.... TO BE CONTINUED......STORY BY DINDY.....WHATSAPP NUMBER:07087750433....FACEBOOK NAME:OSSY NNAMDI
PLEASE DO NOT SHARE WITHOUT TELLING ME



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?Losing your virginity to impress your
friends is not an
achievement. .
?Dating more than 2guys in 2015 is not
an achievement. .
?Sleeping over at yourboyfriend’s places 1,2,3or
more
days is not an achievement. .
?Dating famous and rich guys is notan
achievement. .
?Badlydrawn tattoos on your body
makes you look cheap and having them is notan-
achievement.
?Twerking and drinking Guarana at
clubs every weekend is
notan achievement. .
?And having a baby just to make a
nigga stay with you is also not an-achievement. .
.
.
Finally---->
.
. ?Going to school;getting your degree
and chasing
yourdreams.. Now that's an
achievement!! . ButThe
greatest achievement a man can achieve
in life is to love God



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.

~ SocratesRelated

I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who overcomes his enemies.

~ AristotleRelated

He gave his opponent a ‘close line’ and his
opponent fell down, knocked out. He looked at
the crowd and waved his hand before his
eyes. The fans shouted, “You can’t see me!!!”
He picked up his opponent and launched his
trade mark finishing move. His opponent lay
on the floor of ring, dazed. Not moving. No
one was yet to survive this deadly finishing
move. The champion went on top of his
opponent and raised the left leg. The referee
rushed to their side, and began hitting the
ring floor:
“One. Two. Three!!!” and the bell rang.
John Cena had just defeated The Undertaker
to retain his crown as the WWE Champion. He
crawled away from the body of his opponent,
stood by the ring side and posed for his fans.
They were chanting his name and raising
placards which had boldly inscribed on them,
“WE LOVE YOU JOHN” “YOU CAN’T SEE ME”
“JOHN CENA, SIMPLY THE BEST.” Sean was
delighted. He had been counting with the
referee and jumped when John Cena won. He
loved wrestling. John Cena was his Idol. What
made it more special for him was that The
Undertaker had previously defeated John Cena
during Royal Rumble when they were the last
two people in the ring. There had been a cheat
when John Cena’s rivals came into the ring
and hit him with an iron chair. This gave the
Undertaker an advantage which gave him the
victory. It was payback time.
He was still basking in the euphoria of this
victory when there was a knock on his door.
He turned down the volume of the plasma
television on the wall and listened again. The
knock came again.
“The door is open.” Sean said as he half
guessed who it was.
“I need some help with the door please.” A
female voice replied.
It was Sophia as he suspected. He got up and
opened the door allowing her to come in with
the tray she had in hand. She dropped the tray
on the small bedside table and opened the
contents of the covered china glass plates. He
closed the door and joined her on the bed
keeping considerable distance.
“I brought dinner Sean. Let’s eat.” Sophia
said. It was more of a command than a
request.
They dug into the Amala and Efo riro eating
the Amala from one huge plate and also the
Efo riro from another huge bowl. After the
meal, they took turns washing hands in the
sink in Sean’s bathroom. Sophia went first.
While Sean was washing, she called someone
to bring them refreshments.
Sean broke the silence.
“How did you know that I like efo riro and
amala?” He asked smiling.
“We know everything about you. We have been
watching you for quite a while. Have you read
the files I gave to you?” She asked.
“Yes I finished reading last night.” He
answered.
“So you know what you are in for?” She
queried.
“Do I have a choice?” He replied.
“There is actually a choice. You can walk out
that door and call the police. You will not be
alive to finish and drop the call. And they will
never find your body” Sophia said with a
deadly smile.
Sean was scared but did not show it. He had
somehow gotten tougher by all the events that
had happened to him and eventually landed
him here. His next statement was a mistake.
“I know I am supposed to be scared right now.
But the funny thing is, I am not.” Sean
boasted.
Sophia shined her pretty teeth.
“No one is asking you to be afraid boy. You
see in …” Sophia began but was interrupted by
a knock on the door.
A young man came in with a bucket
containing a bottle of McDowells, two bottles
of Vodka and many cans of Power Horse. He
had ice in a smaller bucket. He served the
contents and took away the tray with the
plates of food. He was leaving and almost at
the door when, Sophia called him back.
“Thomas.”
“Yes ma’am” He replied.
In one very quick motion, she pulled her pants
(Trousers) up at the ankles and brought out a
small gold embroidered pistol. From her
sitting position, five meters from where he
stood she pointed the gun at him and pulled
the trigger. Blood splattered on the wall
behind him as he fell down in one heap, the
tray falling from his hands. He was breathing
softly and was in pains. He groaned. Sophia
got up, walked to the body and stood in front
of Thomas, looking at him. She aimed at his
heart and shot him again. He was dead.
Sean was shocked. He had already peed on
himself. He was scared and afraid. He was
shaking visibly. Sophia slowly put her gun
back in the holster strapped to her ankle and
covered it up with her pants. She smiled very
warmly at Sean.
“Lesson number one: Be Ruthless. Be very very
ruthless. Be as gentle as a dove and as
dangerous as a shark. Stop shaking and clean
up this mess. You have two hours to scrub
this room clean and get rid of the body. Chop
it into pieces and feed it to the dogs in the
fortress. Bring the head to me. See you at
11pm.” Sophia finished and walked out of the
room.
Sean was speechless.
Eva woke up in a very strange room. She got
up slowly from the bed as she squinted at the
lights that were almost blinding her. Tzhe
room was painted in white. Everything was
white and clean. The sheets, the bed, the
curtains, and the walls were all white. Was she
dead and in heaven? She thought to herself.
There was a man sitting a few meters away
from her, legs crossed, and watching her. He
was dressed in a black suit, white shirt and a
black tie. He had slippers on. What kind of a
bush man is this one? She thought. The man
was incredibly handsome though. She sat
upright on the bed. She yawned.
“Hello Eva.” Shina greeted
“Where am I? Who are you?” What’s
happening?” Eva asked.
“You have been here for two days. My name is
Shina. You are at The Mansion.” Shina replied.
“A lady took me from the Dinner and Award
party. I want to speak with her. Please.” Eva
begged.
“She’s dead.” Shina replied and got up.
Eva moved into her bed, folded her arms
around her legs and looked scared. What was
happening? She thought to herself. She was
promised a safe return by the woman who
took her away. Now she is dead? He must be
bluffing. As she thought about all these, she
began to recall the events of that evening. She
remembered the woman in the bathroom at
the Hall and how she got out. She
remembered stopping at Law School by the
Lagoon. Then she gasped. Everything was
coming back to her now. She remembered how
Shina had ordered everyone to come down and
how the agent was killed. She remembered
how her body was dumped in the lagoon.
These people were not jokers. Her heart began
to beat fast. Shina walked towards her and sat
at the edge of the bed. He was calm. He
smiled.
“Beauty was a double agent. She was a spy. I
had to take her out. And just so you know, I
was glad to. This is a huge corporation and
we will not allow anyone to foil its operations.
If I got an order to kill you Eva, you would be
dead. I do not know what The General has
planned for you, but I am sure you mean a lot
to him for him to use his Lieutenants in
missions as these. Everything you need has
been provided for. You have everything you
might need in the wardrobe. We got you new
clothes, shoes and underwear from your
favorite store, Kinky Women. We also got you
a pack of Tampon because we know your
period is starting tomorrow. Your special
cream, soap and shaver have also been
provided for. If there’s anything else you need,
just dial *345# for the list agents at your
command and their designations.” Shina said.
“How do you know all these things?” Eva
asked. She was shocked and inwardly
impressed.
“We know everything about you Eva. We do
our homework well.” Shina replied.
“But I have to be at work. My mother would be
worried sick because I see her every day. I
have a fiancé. He would have started a search
party by now.” Eva said.
“Your Boss received your letter of resignation
last night. Your fiancé is out of the country for
4 months. He got a promotion at the Dinner
Ceremony and resumed immediately. Your
mother is safe and taken care of. She has been
getting text messages from you and your
fiancé telling her not to worry and that both of
you are together. We have your phone. We
hacked into Kunle’s phone. Not a big deal. We
have made him so busy; he doesn’t even have
time to suspect a thing. Your mother’s phone
is controlled too. We interrupt her outgoing
and incoming calls to any suspected number.
We are everywhere.”Shina replied.
Eva was shocked. She wanted to speak but
Shina asked her to be quiet. He brought out
his phone and dialed a number. It rang once
and the line clicked. Someone was on the
other line. Shina put the phone on speaker.
“Francis, what’s the target’s status?” Shina
asked.
“She’s preparing Aditan soup in the kitchen.
Wearing a long blue dress over an Ankara
wrapper. She just finished her daily
devotional. She is singing and cooking in the
kitchen.” Francis replied.
“I need visual confirmation. Initiate video.”
Shina commanded.
Shina placed his phone on the bed in front of
Eva as she watched the camera zoom in on
her mother. She was convinced beyond doubt.
She was looking happy and was dancing at
intervals while slicing the Aditan leaves. Tears
welled in her eyes. Shina grabbed the phone
and spoke to Francis.
“Stay alert, Francis. Good job.”
“Oga mi, I want some real action. This woman
is boring. Can I go in and kill her? I really…”
Francis was still speaking when Shina cut him
off.
He smiled at Eva.
“Please I would do anything you want. He
should not harm my mother.” Eva sobbed.
“He won’t touch your mother. No one will. As
long as you behave yourself, everything will be
fine.” Shina assured her. He held her right
shoulder and shook her a little.
“Can I speak with her? Please?” Eva begged.
“We have arranged for you to visit her tonight
and spend the night with her. You can
convince her you are travelling or anything.
Just let her know you won’t be seeing her in a
long while. Don’t try anything funny sweety.
We will take you out. Trust me. We have back
up plans just in case you try anything funny. I
won’t think twice about killing your mother
and leaving you in the hands of Francis. He
loves dead pretty women.” Shina said, getting
up from the bed.
“Thank you so much.” Eva replied. Shina
ignored her.
He looked around the room, wore his slippers
and grabbed his ‘panama ‘cap from the chair
he was sitting on.
He faced her. She was still sobbing. She will
get over it, he told himself.
“If you need me for anything, just press and
hold 0. It’s my speed dial number.”
Eva nodded.
He was halfway across the room when he
turned.
“One more thing. Breakfast is at 8am.
Someone would like to meet you.” He looked
at his wrist watch and continued, “You have
less than two hours. She hates to be kept
waiting.”
He walked out and shut the door.
Detective Ahmed was woken up by a very loud
bang in his compound. It sounded like a
gunshot. His dogs were barking frantically
and all of a sudden went quiet. He was
automatically alert and reached under the bed
to get his pistol. At the same time, his right
hand traced the wall above him and found the
light switch. He turned it on. There was a
huge white paper on his door with a message
written in red ink:
“BE CAREFUL AHMED. YOU WILL NOT BE
WARNED AGAIN.”
He got up and inspected the ink. It was blood.
He checked the door. It was not forced. It had
been opened from the outside. He got out of
his room and went to the sitting room. He
turned on the lights. The same message was
on the left wall of his sitting room. He smiled.
He went outside and found his two dogs dead.
He was angry. He knelt beside his best friend,
Jimmy. The dog had been with him for 5
years. It was his best friend. He got up. His
eyes were red.
These guys had just messed with the wrong
cop.
He paced for a while, circling his dead dogs.
He moved them beside each other, sat down
on the floor beside his them in a yoga
position and closed his eyes. He put his
hands on his laps and said to himself.
“THIS IS WAR"

>>

Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?"
"
Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns.
"It is not polite."

"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "These are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"

"Those are enough questions, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "All you need to do is look at her drivers license.
It's like a report card; it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks.
"Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-06 10:13:52

1042 Views



Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

A man was doing morning exercise when the son saw him & said dad what do they call this thing that you are doing. Man: gym or u can call it weightlifting.
Son: why do you normally do it every morning?
Man: so that I can be strong.
Son: no wonder why mummy is not strong because she don’t use to gym.
Man: hahaha! Why do you say your mummy is not strong?
Son: I don’t like the way that our neighbor Akpos  use to bit my mummy in our bedroom anytime you are not around.
Man: Did you say "Beat!!!!"?
Son: yes, Akpos use to climb on top mummy and beat her and my mummy will be begging him to take it easy. That is not all, later he will tell mummy to kneel down in front of him while he stand & be watching .
Dad: what!!! Dem it! Akpos is a Dead man.

Akpos is now at the General Hospital



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-09 10:20:50

15040 Views



HEAVENLY EXAMS [Read it]


When Akpos died, he stood in front of
St. Peter at the Heavenly Gates. St. Peter
said, "Welcome, Akpos. We've heard a
lot about you." He continued,
"Unfortunately, it's getting pretty
crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance
examination before we let them in." "Okay," said Akpos. "I hope it's not too
hard. I've already been through a test.
My mummy used to say, ''Life is like a
final exam. It's hard." "Yes, Akpos, I know. But this test is only
three questions. Here they are." 1) Which two days of the week begin
with the letter 'T'?" 2) How many seconds are in a year? 3) What is God's first name? "Well, sir," said Akpos, "The first one is
easy. Which two days of the week begin
with the letter 'T'? Today and
Tomorrow." St. Peter looked surprised and said,
"Well, that wasn't the answer I was
looking for, but you have a point. I give
you credit for that answer." ''The next question," said Akpos, "How
many seconds are in a year? Twelve." "Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and
confused. "Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd…" St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what
you mean. I'll have to give you credit for
that one too." "And the last question," said Akpos,
"What is God's first name? It's Andy." "Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How
did you come up with 'Andy'?" "I learned it in church. We used to sing
about it." Akpos broke into song, "Andy
walks with me, Andy talks with me,Andy
tells me I am His own."
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-15 23:49:26

413 Views



Girl or Boy [Read it]


A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? 


B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter. 


A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father. 


B: I’m not. I’m her mother.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-26 21:28:42

196 Views




Teacher: A doctor that deals with the health of the female reproductive systems (vagina, uterus and ovaries) and the breasts is called what?
Eze: Gynecologist!
"That's correct, lets clap him." says the teacher
Teacher: A doctor that deals with the health of male reproductive systems is called what?
Akpos shouted from the back "Galnecologist!"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 12:47:34

425 Views




Who love me most episode 15

The voice of Mr uche keep echoing in Amara head,there was lots in her mind as she was seated at the back sit of the taxi heading to maxwell place, her phone began to ring again it was chidi,she silence the phone, chidi calls continue to enter the phone but amara didn't even notice because it was on silence, she got to maxwell place, payed the driver and told the driver to wait till she return promising him to add to his money when she comes back,the driver agreed and amara came down from the car and went to maxwell door and knocked,she was knocking at the same time calling out maxwell name,maxwell ran and open the door,he saw amara who was standing at the door looking angry.

Amara :how dare you

She slapped maxwell, maxwell on the other hand was so shocked and surprise,he couldn't believe amara just slap him,he gaze at amara with slience

Amara at the top of her voice )is that how you look at me,so cheap,i thought you were my friend but how can you do this to me

Maxwell was lost and confused

Maxwell :i don't get you,what is it,what did I do

Amara :why will you go to my parents to discuss marriage with them,why

Maxwell :amare

He raise his hand to hold her

Amara :don't you dare touch me,why would you hurt me this way

Maxwell :Amara, whatever i am doing is for the good of you

Amara :it for the good of me,you are froceing me to marry you and you say it for the good of me

Maxwell :Amara you and i know that chidi is not the one for you,chidi is not worthy to be with you

Amara :and you are,when did you became a judge over my life,you have no right to tell me who to love and who i will spend the rest of my life with

Maxwell :Amara,i love you and i can't just stop myself from loving you.

Amara:and i told you that I can never love you not in this life or the next,and i thought you were cool with that

Maxwell :i was not cool,do you know how it is to love someone

Amara h maxwell i do, because right now I am so in love with chidi,and i will better marry thousands of chidi before thinking of marring just one of you,

Maxwell :don't say that

Amara h i will,yes chidi has all the negative attitude you can think of but he is better then you,at least he is not a lier and a pretender like you,
maxwell this marks the end of our friendship,so what ever you and my parents has discussed about marriage will never work,not with me, do you hear me.

Maxwell :Amara (drawing close to amara but she push him back )

Amara :get away from me, i don't want to ever see you again,you better stay away from me.

She said those words and left,maxwell tryed to say something but he couldn't find any words to say, he was so mad with both himself and amara, Amara entered the taxi who has been patiently waiting for her,she try to hold her tear but she found herself crying,she couldn't believe that was the end between herself and maxwell she was so hurt inside, she open her phone and saw chidi missed calls and a message from chidi,she opened the message and saw"YOU LIED TO ME"she then knew he knows she want to maxwell place, she told the driver to take her to chidi house,she paid the driver as she has promised and entered chidi house ,she opened the door,she didn't bother to knock because she has the key,chidi gave one of the key to her,chidi was seated opposite the door, an open bottle of remi-Martins was on his table and a packet of Benson on the table, he was holding a glass of drink and a cigarette,

Amara surprised )what are you doing

But chidi didn't give her any notice,he continued to drink and smoke, Amara could feel the pain in his eyes,she was standing looking at him.

Amara :i know you are angry with me,am sorry that I wasn't picking your calls and i know you already knows i went to maxwell place, and am so sorry.

Chidi:do you love him

Amara :how can you ask me that,you know i don't

Chidi :hmmmmmmm (he smile)when did you leave your house

Amara :this afternoon

Chidi:so what was stopping you from answering my calls,Sandra calls, even if you lie to me that you were sleeping, fine you woke up and you didn't bother to call back but went to your so call childhood friend place, and even if you said you were in an hurry,i called again, so tell me,why didn't you pick your phone.

Amara:please don't get mad at me

Chidi angryly stood up

Chidi :you are making me lose my mind(noticing how reddish was amara eyes)have you been crying

Amara :no

Chidi :amara am not that stupid, what did he do to you,did he touch you(drop the glass of drink and put off the cigarette then Went close to amara, holding her two arm's)answer me (Amara started crying )i swear amara if he has done anything to hurt you i will kill him,so tell me did he hit you

Amara :no,my father

Chidi key what happened

Amara :my father wants me to marry maxwell

Chidi was dumbfounded

Amara :i was getting ready to leave the house this morning when he called me saying that maxwell came to ask for my hand in marriage, that was why I went to maxwell house to comfort him,i didn't pick up your calls because I was devastated

Chidi looked at Amara like someone who a lot was going on in his head

Chidi :that bustard, what did you tell your father

Amara :i told him no, i can't marry maxwell, it's you i love and i will want to spend the rest of my life with,i don't just know what to do

Chidi :then let's get married

Amara looked at him and seat down

Amara :we can't, not now,

Chidi :why not,do you want them to take you away from me

Amara :no one will,nothing will make me leave you.

Chidi:i could just kill him

Amara :chidi

Chidi :what,that will be much better

Amara :please don't do that,don't kill anyone for my sake, we will work this out i promise you

Chidi sat close to her holding her hands )i don't want to lose you,i love you Amara like craze.

Amara :you won't, i have told maxwell to stay away from me,so you won't be worried about him anymore

Chidi :he better do that

Amara rested her head on his chest and he held her,Amara didn't know how to go about the whole thing but she knows everything will be better very soon.

*********************************

Maxwell tryed everything possible to apologise to amara but all prove abortive, mrs ada Marcus even tryed calling her but she didn't pick neither of Their calls,maxwell needs to do something, so he decided to go pay chidi a visit, he got to the house and press the boor bell that was placed on the gate side.

Leave your comments and
Read next episode

>>

Luke: of cause
Joan: which of your friend?
Luke: how many friends do i have?
Joan: the last time i check is just one but i know you are not coming from his
Luke: then where am i coming from?
Joan: don't be too defensive;lets say you are assuredly coming from his,who do you spent the night with yesterday?
Luke: i was at the hospital yesterday right
Joan: i said 'who do you spent the night with'
Luke: no...
Joan: a lady said 'you should should give this to your friend,who save her daughter life' (she throw the chain at him)this friend was with you through out the night and she is a woman(he stared)and her description fit no other person than Loveth. don't stared at me,just answer the question
Luke: is like this....
Joan: go on and explain everything to me
Luke: i was on my way home when i saw Loveth;she was alone in the dark,she was running from her husband and it look like she was going to commit suicide. so i decided to help her
Joan: so you now render help to another one you see on the road.
Luke: i can't leave her here,what if something happen to her?what if she commit suicide
Joan: i wouldn't careless if she die
Luke: Joan
Joan: please;stop flirting with another man's wife because i don't want my family to end up like your miserable family
Luke: are you sick?
Joan: is your family not miserable?what kind of a man will have a wife and still run after other woman?like father like son
Luke: must you compare me with my dad?
Joan: yes because you are no different from that stupid father of yours(he clenched his fist)
Luke: i am not like him;yes i love some other woman but i have never made the mistake of kissing or doing anything stupid with her not because I don't want to but because i respect this bondage i am in that i called married(he walked towards her)
Joan: go on and hit me and prove me right. you just called our marriage bondage?
Luke: Joan;truth be told this is not a marriage;a marriage that there is no trust is no marriage. with your constance nagging;i will have long left but because of my daughter
Joan: you can still leave me;go with your daughter,after all she like your mistress
Luke: Loveth;is not my mistress;it just so happen i have feelings for her but i respect the fact that she is married and its one thing i hate(he hit the wall and walked away)
Joan: don't go;come back and battle words with me. i know what to do;i will never lose(curtain)


Lambert: friend;what brought you to my house
Lucas: a toad does not walk in a day for nothing. a man does not go to sleep when his house is on fire
Lambert: you talk in riddles;!what is it?(enter Grace)
Lucas: i know what my son;did was bad but i have no ideal about it but because a bathing water used for a baby is dirty;we can not throw away the baby and the water
Lambert: that i know
Lucas: please;let your daughter come back to her matrimonial home
Grace: my daughter is not coming back in fact we are coming to get her stuff. that prison of my daughter has been broken
Lucas: please;i beg you my son really like your daughter. since she left he has not been himself and i don't want anything to happen to him
Lambert: nothing will happen to him. if my daughter comes back i will tell her
Grace: honey;my daughter is not going back
Lambert: that is enough;Lucas,i will talk to her and get back to you
Lucas: thank you(exit Lucas)
Grace: i have said my own my daughter is not going back
Lambert: the decision is left for her to make
Grace: alright
Lambert: yes;talking about that little girl where is she?
Grace: i should be asking you that;are you not the one that give her permission
Lambert: yes;she said she want to see the sun and she doesn't want me to come
Grace: alright;i am sure she just want to be alone
Lambert: alright;come here(curtain)

Danny: David what are will doing here?
David: relax
Danny: what do you mean relax?what if someone sees me here in a hotel?
David: the man that i borrow money from me as given the car to his wife
Danny: how is it my business?my wife have long forgot about that car. so i wouldn't care less if he give the car to a prostitute
David: you will because i don't want to ruin your marriage
Danny: how will ruin my marriage?
David: what if someone sees her with the car(enter Gift)hey
Gift: my husband;said you will give me the money you owe him
David: but i don't have the money now
Gift: when are you paying?
David: i do not have and i don't know when i am paying it. while disturb me when you are making used of the car already
Gift: yes;but the car is not up to the money you borrow and he said if you do not pay his money he will not only take the car but your life also
Danny: young lady;please don't my brother will try and pay the money(enter Vivian)i promise we will pay you
Vivian: is this not Darling;former car. i am sure it is
Gift: i take you for your word
Danny: yes;i promise(they walked outside and Vivian saw them)take care
Vivian: oh!my eyes,does it mean that Darling's husband is having an affair with another. i will tell Darling(she snapped them)i am sure this is there gang out(she walked away)
David: thank you brother
Danny: don't thank me(curtain)


Loveth: Luke;why did you want us to meet here?come on talk to me
Luke: i am sorry i bother you,you can go home(she stood in from of him)what?
Loveth: you have a problem?go on and tell me. you are always listening to me whenever i have one.
Luke: don't worry;i can fixed it
Loveth: stop been proud;go on and tell me. you are having an issue with your wife because of me;she find out that you spent the night with me and she is mad at you(Luke stare at her)don't give me that look because i know that is it
Luke: how come you everything in my life?
Loveth: we kind of have same life;we both have a nagging mother,get married to those who don't trust us;our life is just one complicated story
Luke: but then you are still there,how do you cope?
Loveth: when life get too tough for me;i do this two things
Luke: which is?
Loveth: i write out my problem and cry my eyes out or i scream them out. maybe you want to try
Luke: what?
Loveth: go on;
Luke: i can't
Loveth: let me help you
Luke: what?
Loveth: assuming i am superman
Luke: really
Loveth: hmm. i am tired;i am tired of everything;i want to be free;free from my wife(he laughed)free like the bird,i just want to get away from everyone,i want to be left alone;no mom to get mad at me and no wife to nagged me.
Luke: stop it
Loveth: i want to be free. set me free;i beg you(she cried)
Luke: stop
Loveth: free me
Luke: you are no longing talking about me. stop crying please,you are making me feel like a monster now
Loveth: i am sorry but in a nut shell;i made you a little relief of your problem (he stared at her)what?
Luke: do you know you are something else?
Loveth: why?
Luke: although;it work but i am a little curious are you a witch?
Loveth: what?
Luke: only witches knows everything
Loveth: are calling me a witch?(she frown)
Luke: stop that;you would had asked me why i said so?
Loveth: i don't want to asked(she turned to leave)
Luke: hold on;fine i am sorry(he walked up to her to stand in front of her)i am sorry
Loveth: just leave me alone(he dragged her back)let me go. i am a witch
Luke: i am sorry;maybe i used the wrong words
Loveth: keep your sorry to yourself maybe i also made a mistake of....(he press his hand on her mouth and draw closer to her)Luke(enter Jude)stop it
Luke: just relax
Jude: she should relax?so what?you can misused her body
Loveth: what are you doing here Jude?
Jude: i should be asking you that. what is a married woman doing with another man?thank God i came on time,only God know what you two have been doing
Luke: watch it
Jude: you are so shameless
Loveth: just leave this clown(Jude slapped her and Luke pushed him)stop it you two(two boys walked in)thank God;please help us
Jude: foolish girl;go on and deal with him(to the boys)i said teach him a lesson(they punch Luke and he fight back)
Loveth: stop it(she try separating and Jude held her)let me go;stop it. i beg you stop it(they continued)let him go(Luke bleed as a reason of the irons they they were using on him)Jude;tell them to stop it.
Jude: why?
Loveth: he is your brother
Jude: he is not my brother;if he had thought of that then he would had stay away from you(one of the boys hit him on the head and he fall down)
Loveth: Luke(she screamed and flee from Jude grip)Luke;please don't die on me
Luke: Loveth;i love you....
Jude: you are stupid;finish him
Loveth: hold on;let him go;is me you want;i will go with you but let him go
Luke: no Loveth
Jude: you serious
Loveth: yes;i will go with you(she cried)but set him free
Jude: good;let him go(the boys walk away)come on lets go
Loveth what?lets take him to the hospital
Jude: you are sick(he dragged her)come on
Luke: Loveth;please don't leave me here(he collapse)
Loveth: superman(she try to run back to him but she couldn't and Jude force her into the car)you are a monster(she hit him)monster;that is what you are. i hate you
Jude: the feeling is mutual and for now on i will give you hatred as your breakfast;pain as your lunch and sorrow as your dinner because you have made me worthless in front of him and because you have treated me with such dismay(he dragged her out of the car)useless girl
Loveth: Jude;where are you taking me?
Jude: don't asked(he pushed her into a dark uncompleted building)
Loveth: take me out of here(she cried)i want to go home
Jude: you want to go home right
Loveth: yes
Jude: fine;you will go home(he dragged her up and torn her dress)
Loveth: Jude;stop it,please don't rape me again
Jude: why?
Loveth: i beg you;please don't do this to me
Jude: i will do whatever i like to you because you are my wife(he try to force himself on her and she pushed him with all her strength)come back here. if you think you are going to be with that stupid boy of yours
Loveth: i am not an home breaker. i have no plans of destroying his family;just as i have no plans of loving you because you are a monster;a beast without a heart. i will save all my love for him. i will never love(he be became angry and hit her and she passed out)
Jude: useless girl...



SEE MORE....


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You don’t marry one person, you marry three:

The person you think they are;

The person they are;

And the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you!Related

Book of Mac [Read it]


The Book of Mac Chapter 1 verse 10 (NIV) says..
"For what shall it profit a girl to die a virgin and still
go to hell fire??"
Verse 11 says..
"For what shall it profit a guy to have all the 6packs,
Abs and all the muscles and still be IMPOTENT??"
verse 12 says..
"For what shall it profit a girl to wear the most
expensive Brazillian Hair in the world and still loses
her guy to a girl on low-cut??"
Verse 13:
"For what shall it profit a girl to own iphone6, BB Z10
and Q10, Apple laptop and still don't know how to
cook simple Indomie??"
The final verse says..
"For vanity upon vanity, all is VANITY"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-19 09:21:54

333 Views





Akpors, a farmer in a small village ordered a high tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. 
So, he inserted his “manhood” into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn’t remove the instrument from his manhood.
He read the manual but didn’t find any useful information on how to disengage himself.
He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank
God for cell phones!).
“Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?” &ldquoon’t worry,” replied the customer service rep, “The machine will release automatically once it’s collected
two gallons.”
Akpors  collapsed.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-15 16:50:56

584 Views




Reality of Life!

Sometimes people are nothing. You make them something and when they become something, they feel that you are nothing.Related

GRAND COMEDY HOUSE (STORY BY DINDY) EPISODE 4
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.


[Laughs] I over did it and I was a good guy right? Well that was a lesson for her not to try me again, which she understood very well.
I was punished that day, I swept the house and the compound three times, it was not easy, I had no choice but to obey because if I didn't the punishment would be more worst than that.
Well I still got all the money from Anita because I explained to my dad why I did what I did.
I sometimes win and loose other times, but never the less I always have fun with what I do and feel no regrets for doing them.
I know some of you will think I'm nuts, but guess what? I'm nuts [Laughs].
I'm a psycho right? I'm insane right? I need a doctor right? I need help right?, what's your name? Right?. [laughs] I got you there, you just said your name is "right" :p .
Ok enough of my madness, let me tell you guys about another trick I pulled that got a massive impact.
It was a lovely day, full of promises......
.....STORY BEGINS.....
Dea dea: "Sonie, Sonie", I called my sis.
Sonie: "What is it?, she asked.
Dea dea: "Mum said you should add salt in the stew", I said to her.
Sonie: "Why is mum disturbing me na", she said frowning.
Sonie: "But she is there, why is she still calling me?", she asked.
Dea dea: "Mum is not there that's why she sent me to call you", I said.
Sonie: "ooo, mum won't let someone rest for just one minute", she said as she stood up from where she sat, heading to the kitchen.
Dea dea: "Mum also said you should add enough salt because she forgot to add salt, when she was cooking", I said to her smiling.
Sonie: "I've heard", she said as she left where I was and entered the kitchen.
....WHILE IN THE KITCHEN....
Sonie: "[Grumbling] I don't know why mum can't do this by herself before leaving the kitchen", she said as she picked up the salt can.
Sonie: "She just want me to enter the kitchen", she said throwing salt into the hot boiling stew.
Sonie: "I'm just tired of her troubles", she said keeping the can of salt back to its position.
Sonie: "Everytime, Sonie do this, Sonie do that", she said as she picked up the big steel spoon.
Sonie: "am I the only lady in this house?", she asked herself as she dipped the steel spoon into the stew.
Sonie: "Anita is always doing nothing, only me, but yet mum will still complain that I'm too lazy when it comes to work", she said as she used the steel spoon to steer the pot of stew.
Sonie: "One day I will just get annoyed and leave this house", she said removing the steel spoon from the pot of stew.
Sonie: "And when I leave, I won't come back", she said as she left the kitchen without tasting the stew.
.......FEW MINUTES LATER.......
Mum enters the kitchen to check on what she cooked.
Mum: "Ah, the stew must be ready by now", she said as she took a small towel to bring down the stew.
Mum: "It smells so good", she said.
Mum: "Sonie!", she called my sis.
.....MEAN WHILE......
Dea dea: "Sonie mum is calling you", I said to Sonie who wasn't interested in what I said.
Sonie: "Shut up, I didn't hear it", she said to me.
Dea dea: "But didn't you hear her?", I asked.
Sonie: "I said you should shut up, I'm not the only lady in the house", she said.
Sonie: "After all Anita is not a man, she's a lady like me", she said.
Dea dea: "ok, since that is the way you see it", I said smiling.
Dea dea: "[Shouting] Sonie mum is calling you!!", I shouted so loud that everyone could hear my voice.
Sonie: "[Angry] You're mad Dea dea", she said angrily.
Mum: "[Shouts from the kitchen] come quickly Sonie!", shouted my mum.
Sonie: "have you seen what you've caused, I will show you", she said snapping her fingers in front of me.
Dea dea: "Mumu, we will see who will show who", I said within myself.
........BACK AT THE KITCHEN......
Mum: "My husband is gonna love this", she said as she dished the stew in a cooler.
Sonie: "[Frowning] Mum you called me", she said as she approached mum.
Mum: "What took you so long?", mum asked her as she continued what she was doing.
Sonie: "I was busy", she said to mum still frowning.
Mum: "Ok, help me take those plates to the dining table", she said to Sonia.
Sonie: "Ok ma", she said as she took the plates.
Mum: "When you're done with that, come back and take this coolers", she said to Sonie.
Sonie: "Ok mum", she said frowning.
......FEW MINUTES LATER......
After the dining table was set, my mum called everyone to come down to the dining table, to eat their dinner.
Everyone walked down to the dining table except me because I knew what was going to take place.
Mum: "Where is Dea dea?", asked my mum.
Hassan: "I'm sure he's in his room right now planning a trick", he said.
Veron: "Yes sure, he is a little trickster", he said.
Anita: "I better go call that little demon", she said.
Dad: "Leave him, if he is hungry he would come here, you know how much he loves food", said my dad.
Sonie: "You're right dad", she said.
Dad: "Please honey dish out the food, let's eat", he said.
......MEAN WHILE.....
As I heard them talking about me, I laughed heavily, knowing that they all were going to pay for every single word they said.
Dea dea: "You guys should glow now", I said to myself smiling.
Dea dea: "You guys are mocking me", I said.
Dea dea: "Sonie, you wanted to show me? Now you will see who shows who", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "[smiling wickedly] RIP tongues", I said.
......BACK AT THE DINING TABLE......
Hassan: "This food smells good", he said putting a full spoon of rice and stew into his mouth.
Dad: "It's gonna taste really good", he said as the food entered his mouth.
Anita: "For sure, mum cooked it", she said as food entered her mouth.
Veron: "Mum is the best cook ever", he said putting the food in his mouth.
Mum: [Smiling] Thanks dear", she said as she dished her food out and Sonie's own too.
Immediately Hassan, dad, Anita and Veron started to chew the food, they all spat out at the same time.
Dad: "Jesus!", he shouted as he spat like a pregnant woman.
Veron: "No no no, what's this ooo, my teeth!", he shouted using water to wash it off.
Anita: " My tongue o!", she shouted spitting out the remaining particles of the food in her mouth.
Hassan: "Mum you cooked raw salt for us o!", he shouted as he poured back the rice which was in his mouth on the plate.
Mum: "[Confused] Cooked salt?", she asked confused.
Sonie: "[Confused ] How is it possible?", she asked.
Dad: "Yes salt, Sonie taste it and see for yourself, chia my tongue oo", he said as he pulled out his tongue and used his fingers to scratch it.
Sonie picked up her spoon and tasted of her unknown deeds.
Sonie: "Jesussss, salt o!!!!", she shouted spitting out the food.
Mum: "[More confused ] How is it possible, i only added a little salt before i left the kitchen", she said.
Sonie: "Ehn mum, you added salt before you left the kitchen?, she asked mum.
Mum: "Yes I did", she said.
Sonie: [Puts her hand on her head] mummy is Dea Dea o, it is him oo", she said as her hand was on her head.
Dad: "What did he do", he said as he used a handkerchief to clean his tongue.
Sonie: "He told me that mum said I should add enough salt oo", she said.
Mum: "Jesus!, I never said so o!", she said.
Harran: "Sonie you have killed me oo", he said as he used the spoon to scratch his tongue.
Veron: "I can't take this anymore", he said as he stood up and went to kitchen to wash off the salt.
Anita: "Me too" she said following Veron at his back.
Hassan: "Chia my tongue o", he said as he stood up pulling out his tongue and walking to the kitchen to wash it.
Dad: "Woman, you see what your bast*rd son has done again?", he said still cleaning his tongue.
Mum: "Yes your bastard of a son has done his tricks again", she said.
Dad: [looks at my mum] see this woman o", he said.
Mum: "[looks at my dad] I'm looking at her right now", she said.
While they were there talking and complaining, I was there in my room laughing like a mad man because of the different types of shouts I heard.
Suddenly my door opened with force and the figure that stood in front of me was my dad, with the pot of salty stew. He looked at me, then locked the door behind him.
Dad: "Dea dea!, now sit-down very well", he said to me.
Dea dea: "Yes sir", I respected myself because I knew I had no where to run to.
Dad: "Now start licking this stew", he said angrily placing the pot of salty stew right in front of me.
Dea dea: "Dad, can i have bread to wash it down?, I asked.
Dad: "Shut up and lick that thing", he ordered.
I had no where to run to, so I dipped my finger into the pot to have a taste of how it really taste like.
Dea dea: "Chia oo I'm dead oo", I said within me as i squeezed my face and tears ran down my eyes because of the excessive salt.
Dad: "My friend will you lick that stew finish", he said as he gave me a heavy knock on my head".
Dea dea: "[Crying] Ok sir", I said.
My brain started breathing because of the knocked my dad gave me, I looked at him once more as I dipped my hand into the pot of salty stew.
I looked at my dad and looked at the pot of salty stew, which i was about to lick. When suddenly I fainted........ To be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi




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The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. Akpos says, “Elephant.”

Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same Akpos says, “Two elephants.”

The teacher sends Akpos out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.

Akpos shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”

Lols, One word for Akpos....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-10 02:57:34

318 Views




WEDDING TEST!!! –Adults Only-

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating 4 over a year and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective 21 year old sister-in-law, always wore very tight miniskirts, and often times was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me,and I always got more than a nice view.

One day her little sis called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived,and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I get married and commit my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said, I’m going upstairs to my room, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me. I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go upstairs.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and headed straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Behold, my future family were standing outside, all clapping!.

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter Welcome to the family!”.({})

I smiled and heaved a sigh of relief because I was actually heading to my car to get my condoms …NA GOD SAVE ME O!..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-17 09:47:51

636 Views




In America, when a policeman stops you
and you try to put your hand in your
pocket, you get shot! But in Nigerian, when you're stopped by
the police and you put your hand in
your pocket, the policeman starts
smiling


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-16 10:28:24

536 Views



9JA WAHALA [Read it]


• U collect babe number u use
"chick" store am.
Shey her mama na fowl ?
• U buy suya ur woman chop
all
the meat finish u con dey smile dey chop the
onion, u be
vegetarian?
• U dey wit ur guy & u dey
recieve diff kinds of phone
calls every 5 min, yet u dey
claim say u no dey cheat on ur guy.
My sista, u be MTN customer
care agent?
• U ask a girl for what she
wants, she tells you money
and you are angry. Were you expecting
her to say wisdom &
understanding?
• U dey carry ur girlfriend go
club, after u marry her finish u
want stop her frm goin to club. My broda u think
say
miracle fit happen?
• Ur gafrnd dumps u for a rich
man u say she b gold digger,
bt ur sister do d same to
anoda guy, u giv testimony for Church saying na
grace
of God. Bros park well
• Your babe get F9 parallel for
WAEC, she still dey ask for
Brazilian Hair of #150.000 .
Abeg Were she wan fix am?, ontop that
coconut head?
• U have 8 tribal marks,
stretch marks scattered all
ova ur body yet u still want a
tattoo...ah! my friend u be zebra?
• U are 6 feet tall, u still com
wear 6 inches high heeled
shoe...she u wan
whisper to God?
• U dey snap inside different type of cars yet u
expect ur
man to believe u are not
cheating. .aunty, u be
mechanic?
• U gather different gals
picture for ur fone & yet u xpect ur gal to believe
u are
not cheatin..
uncle, u be photographer?
• He gave u an engagement
ring for over five years, he
never marry u, my dear u be lord of d rings?
•you they pay your babe
wey dey university school
fees and yet u never write
JAMB, u be scholarship board?
•U are 18yrs and ur sugar daddy is
70yrs old and u stil dey call
him BABY, my sister he
should be ur ANCESTOR.
•Your babe is licking ice
cream...u're drinking pure water...pls guy
Are u diabetic?
•U claim say u eat rice and
stew, but u come vomit fufu
and egwusi soup. Omo u be
magician? •u dey read dis post and u no
laff, abeg u be WITCH? Add
yours......


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-11 20:38:36

452 Views




EPISODE 26

‘Good afum, mas,’ Mma finally produced.
‘How are you, Mma?’ Cynthia said.
Mma opened her mouth to respond but Vanessa
cut her off.
‘Oya, you, carry this box inside.’
Mma rolled the box away. Vanessa didn’t stay for too long. She had a glass of
water and picked her handbag. Cynthia walked her
to the door.
Vanessa hugged her. ‘Babe, hope you remember
all I told you?’
Cynthia nodded but there was a tinge of hesitation to her eyes.
‘Good.’ Vanessa left. She knew it’d be tough for her
to do but she trusted the conviction she’d
presented. She had but little choice.
Some minutes later, Cynthia joined Mma in the
kitchen. ‘What are you making?’
‘Onugbu, Ma.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Onugbu soup.’
Cynthia made a face. She gestured around the
items on the surface. ‘And you using all these stuffs?’
Mma began to point. ‘That one ede, ma.’
Cynthia nodded. ‘Cocoyam, I know it.’
‘That one okporoko.’
‘Stockfish.’
‘Yes.’ ‘You using so many.’
‘Oga saying we buying plenty. Four thousand
naira.’
‘He followed you to the market, I see.’
‘Yes, he driving me but I using keke to come back.’
‘Ok. What’s that?’ Cynthia’s long, purple-painted nail was pointing at two wrapped pieces.
‘Oh, that one is ogiri, ma.’
‘O-gi what?’
‘O-g-i-r-i.’
‘What is it used for?’
‘You adding it to the soup and it giving it wonderful scent.’
Mma picked the green piece and started to unwrap
it.
Cynthia watched intently.
‘This it, ma.’ Mma showed the darkish paste to
Cynthia. She covered her nose and ran out of the kitchen.

>>

DESTINY FOR SALE

A SHORT STORY

“Maaami ..Maami Maaami ooo”
Pelumi shouted on a full scud
faster than that of Usain Bolt,
sweat dripping heavily from his
burrow while holding a white
sheet of paper tightly but thrifty
enough to prevent it from going
rough. He knew definitely well his
mother should be the first to hear
the good news.
“Ma’aami maami ni bo le
wa ?” (Mom where are you) He
called again as he reached their
home. Home was an uncompleted
building where Pelumi and his
crude looking indigent mother
shared together. After the death of
his father some years, their
poverty life had accrued to grade
1 almost making them top the
Forbes list of poorest people in
the world. Pelumi and his mum
had been saunterers who
sauntered about the slummy in
search of anything that has shelter
to call a home.
“Oluwapelumi mo wa ni
bi” (Oluwapelumi i’m here) came
the reply he got from his mom as
he scudded to where his mother
was.
“Mami won ti fun mi ni
scholarship lati lo university lo ka
Medicine kin ba le di
doctor” (Have been awarded a
scholarship to study medicine in
the university ) Pelumi broke the
good news to his mum while his
sallow mother bristled to
uncontrollably tears of joy. So his
son would eventually go the
university to become a doctor?
Pelumi mother was extremely
happy and gave thanks to God for
giving such a sublime opportunity
to ciphers like them.
On the set day for resumption in
school,
Pelumi and his mother had long
lusty talk between each other.
While his mother advised him to
stay away from bad gangs as it is
widely known that spate of
mobsters and scamps dominate
every school premises. His mother
asked him to face his studies and
never for once give their
sponsorer any reason to withdraw
the scholarship. Pelumi nodded
flagrantly as he promised his
mother to hold on, that after
seven years he is returning as a
full-fledged doctor to eradicate
their mendicancy.
Few weeks in school, Pelumi had
become popular due to the fact he
is super brilliant and intelligent.
His brilliancy c-m his passably
handsome nature had spumed
fleet of girls to flock after him
hankering to be his girlfriend. But
Pelumi had always tried to stave
them off him and sometimes
converted the stubborn ones
among them to his platonic
friends.
However, as Pelumi managed to
cope with his female admirers, he
found himself getting more
attached to a particular girl called
Oluwateniola. Teniola was a
beauty to behold and one thing
that got Pelumi enchanted was
her debonair nature and
reservedness. Pelumi found
himself loving her so much that
he braved himself up to ask her
out in which she accepted.
Thus Pelumi first relationship
started with Teniola while Pelumi
was oblivious of the fact that
Teniola was just a pawn to lure
him to the Sagutarys confraternity.
A very lethal cult group that
specialized in initiating the
brilliant student in school. Pelumi
didn’t know Teniola was a pundit
of a deadly group and also the
girlfriend of O.J- the capo of the
cult group.
Months into their chancy
relationship, while Pelumi was
busy playing the good boyfriend
part, while Teniola on her own
had successfully played her own
faux girlfriend part and fed O.J
the needed information to initiate
him. Pelumi and Teniola were on
there way to school one morning
when O.J and some of his crook
accosted them. Later they were
kidnapped to their lair while
Pelumi was tied to a tree.
O.J made Pelumi know that
Teniola was his girlfriend and the
punishment for snatching away his
girlfriend was death. Because
according to their mantra that
says “Forgiveness is a sin. Mercy is
a taboo” there was no way of
escaping the death unless he
paved way for his redemption by
joining the group. At that moment
Pelumi remembered the warning
his mother gave and the promise
he made to her, but right now he
just couldn’t afford to loose his
life over a flimsy warning. Pelumi
accepted to become a member of
the Sagutarys confraternity much
to his consternation.
However, Pelumi’s life became
more cranky after sometime in the
group. Not sooner he began to
smoke, drink and partied. He
became a full-time philanderer
and a top notorious rapists in
school. Pelumi was in his last year
in school when the school
authority decided to wipe away all
the cultist in the school premises,
and unfortunately, Pelumi and O.J
and Teniola was among the
student that was expelled.
Now after their expulsion, Pelumi
was left alone to carry on in his
cold-bitter world. He couldn’t
locate O.J and Teniola, moreso, he
couldn’t also muster enough
courage to go and face his sallow
indigent mother, then Pelumi
opted to be a full time thief to
make a living.
Pelumi was enjoying his life as the
most popular and dangerous heist
in the city. His astute intelligence
had earned him the position of
being the head of his gang. While
he had managed to keep the gang
atop and most feared by the
police officers and their victims.
But as the locution goes “everyday
is always for the thieves, but
definitely a day is always set for
the owner.” The locution caught
up with Pelumi and his gang the
day they attacked in one of their
operation. The outcome of the
maraud had left all of his
members dead in the fierce battle
living only him alive. Then it
dawned on Pelumi that he had
reached the terminal of his life.
Some days after his arrest, he was
in his cell when he was informed
he had a visitor. Pelumi was
shocked to meet his mother who
was crestfallen immediately she
saw his son for the past years. As
Pelumi wobbled to meet his
mother, he knew he had failed. He
had failed his mother.
“Oluwapelumi.. Ki lo de to fi di
bayi ?” (Why are you like this ?)
The sallow woman asked on
sighting the handcuffs on his son
wrist, and the big fetter cleaved
on his ankle in other to restrain
him. His legs was strewed with
sores from bullet hole during their
last operation.
“Maami. E ma binu” (I’m sorry)
was all he could spilled before he
demanded to be taking back to
his cell.
The next day, Pelumi was to
appear in the court for his
hearing. Little did he know that a
greater shock awaited him. On
stepping the dock to await his
judgement. Pelumi eyes almost
popped out on sighting who the
presiding judge over his case was.
It was no other person than O.J;
his former capo in the Sagutary
confraternity back then in school.
It was then Pelumi realised he
had sold his destiny.
“O.J!!! You!!!!!!!!!!” He screamed
out to Justice Ojoade who by that
time as well had started crying.
The audience in the court room
could feel the tension and the
bubbling connection was just to
palpable for the Justice Ojoade to
keep quiet in explaining what he
had to do with a hardened
criminal like Pelumi. The audience
hummed signals that they
deserved an explanation.
It was then O.J with teary eyes
and broken voice explained how
he coerced Pelumi who was a
super brilliant aspiring doctor to
joining their confraternity. He
explicated further how they were
later expelled from school, but
being that he had wealthy parent,
his parent sent him and his
girlfriend Teniola to Harvard
University in England to study law
while his girlfriend studied
medicine. And after they returned
to Nigeria, they both got married.
So Teniola was now his wife.
“So you Teniola is not your wife ?”
Pelumi screamed out again.
“Yes Pelumi. And we now have a
son too” O.J replied him. “I’m
sorry Pelumi. I am so sorry for
disrupting your suave ambition
with my selfish motives. Trust me,
I’m deeply sorry but there is
nothing i could do to help you
now. Absolutely nothing!”
“Now this is my judgment” O.J
announced as the court grew a
patent silence to listen to the fate
of Pelumi. A drop of pin would
sound like raging thunderstorms
in the room. They all want to
know if there would be bias or
blunt judgment on him.
“According to section 47 of the
constitution. You are guilty of
robbery through the use of
unlicensed firearms and the mass
murder of all your victims. Law
shouldn’t allow a dangerous
person like you to walk away
freely after all these your vicious
acts. And more so, you need to be
a lesson and scapegoat to any one
out there trying to emulate a
dangerous being like you. So
therefore, i sentence you to death
by firing squad. I arise!” O.J
pronounced his judgement with
the gruelling effort he could make
albeit it was obvious his
judgement totally contradict what
emotion and his prickly
conscience wanted him to
pronounce.
As Pelumi was led to the van
taking him back to the cell, his
mother called on him.
“I am sorry maami. I failed you”
he said but his mother didn’t wait
to hear his pleas as she slumped
immediately and died right in
front of his him.
“Maaaaami maaaaaaaaami”He
yelled out as he made to go and
carry the cadaver of his mom but
he was pulled back by the warders
restraining him and hauled into
the van to the cell. He watched
the dead body of his mother on
the floor as the van disappeared
from view down to the cell.
Awaiting his death.
“I sold my destiny” he muttered
to himself in sadness.
THE END.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Continues.
I left with preston leaving brenden behind. I felt so guilty. The other members entered a Volvo and left
Me:why does those members enters into another car and leave why not your car? Why not your house?
Preston:because they live in the main house. I sometes go there. I will take you there with me next time.
Me: okay(we entered into the car and drove out of campus)
Preston: miranda hope you are fine?(still driving)
Miranda:yeah I am okay.
Presley:chaiii! Look at how that idiot designed your face for me
Mirandacrying) so you are telling me I am ugly for you
Presley: why the tears? No I was just joking okay
Mirandacrying increased) but you said it
Presley: okay fine I am sorry.
Mirandasuddenly changed into a happy mood) now that’s better.
I just looked at them laughed. We got to the house and everybody alighted from car.
Miranda:please you guys should go on I want to talk to Milly.
She dragged me from Preston’s side and pushed Presley to take my
My position.
Me:what is it?
Miranda: what’s all these drama?are you now Preston’s girlfriend?
Me:yes
Miranda:wow tell me nothing but everything. Did he do it?
Me:do what?
Miranda:you know na. Did he sleep with you
Me:uhmmm yes
Miranda: I knew it! That night you shouted I just felt it was it. So you are no longer a virgin?
Me: yes
Miranda: good you tried. So what about the girlfriend part?
I explained everything to her
Miranda:hmm brenden go cry tire.
We both laughed and went into the house. Miranda went straight and sat with Presley. It was as if their love was unbreakable. I also went to sit with preston. She exchanged glances with me smiling, I also did the same thing to her. It was it was 7pm already we all went into our bedrooms, took our baths and came back to the sitting room again. I rested my head on Preston’s shoulder and soon Presley and miranda walked into their room.
Preston:so tomorrow you will be going to class right?
Me:yeah. What about you?
Preston: yes I will. Am I
permitted to come pick you up?
Mef course yes. That’s what boyfriends do right?
Preston:OK ma
Me:goodnight. I love you
Preston: sweet dreams. I love you too
I fell asleep on his shoulders as he played with my hairs.
It was 6:12am when I woke up. I didn’t see preston against I decided to look for him. I found him in the kitchen. I wrapped my hands around his waist and he turned back at me. I kissed him.
Me:good morning sunshine(we called ourselves funny names)
Preston:and also to you lollipop.
Me:wow this smells nice.(he was preparing toasted bread and orande fried eggs alongside with orange juice)
Preston:thanks.
I didn’t bother to join him I left the kitchen and went back to the room. I rearranged the room and went to the bathroom to take my bath.
To be continued after comments ..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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“Yes,” Allan said to his phone as he continued to scribble words on a white file on his table. “Have a great day.” He took the phone off his ear and tapped the red button. That was Darren. He had informed Allan that their plan was working and he should not forget to record any conversation he was going to have with Tricia or her accomplice if he meets with any of them.

Allan did not think he needed that reminder. He was a grown man and not a baby. Besides that, he sure knows how to pull his own stunt. He always knew what to do. The telephone on his desk rang, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yes?”

“Doctor, there’s a man here to see you.” the voice of a lady said over the receiver.

“Does he have an appointment?”

There was silence the next seconds that followed.

“No, he doesn’t.” the voice came again. “Sir, he’s a new face and strange.”

Allan smiled to himself.
“I’ve got nothing serious doing and I’m bored. Let him in.”

He put down the receiver, switched on the recorder and composed himself; awaiting the presence of this new and strange face.
*
*
*
Darren quietly watched Jeremy as he furiously gripped the steering wheel and driving very fast. This wasn’t part of the plan but Jeremy had insisted they visit Purity’s office. He had his way. No one could actually control Jeremy. The absence of his fiancee was really driving him crazy. “Drive more slowly. I’m not prepared to die. Drop me off if you want to.”

Jeremy scowled.

“What exactly are we going to do there?” Darren questioned.

He sighed. “Anything.” He raked his hair with his right hand. “I remember she left all she had in her office the very day she was abducted. Purity’s very good at keeping secrets and hiding things. She must have something that connects, something that relates. Just anything for her to know she was going to go through something like that.”

“Then she would have alerted you.”

“I just said she did not!”

“What kind of woman does that? She sees danger and keeps her mouth shut?”

“Purity Theodore,” Jeremy solemnly answered.
*
*
*

The door flung open as Allan has expected. A man walked in, confidently. His face was familiar and he had a smirk on.

“Welcome,” Allan said in the most polite way he could, “Please make yourself comfortable.”

The young man nodded and immediately occupied a vacant chair which was on the opposite side of the doctor. He looked the doctor in the eye. He was very observant. This doctor had decided to pay an unexpected visit so much believed in himself. It must be part of his personality that he radiated – an aura of confidence. “Good day, doctor,” he greeted with an expressionless tone.

Dr. Allan smiled in return. His voice was all he needed to confirm who he really was.

“What can I do for you, Mr . . . ?”

“Let’s leave the introduction out of this,” he bluntly answered.

Allan did not see that coming, he was going to be very careful with this guy. He was really smart, he couldn’t underestimate him; especially after seeing how he handled Darren the previous night. “Alright, sir. What help can I offer?”

He pressed his palm against his face. “I’m seriously ill. Been ill for the past nine years.”

A frown creased Allan’s handsome face, “Have you been treating it?”

“Could it really be treated?” he shot at him.

“I guess so,” Allan honestly replied. He was confused as well. Where was this man driving at? He wasn’t going to be so easy as Tricia. “The symptoms?”

He cleared his throat. “My heart begins racing for no good reason. It did that the very day I caught a glimpse of her. It hasn’t stopped racing for her. I always get nervous around her, but I try to keep my cool.” He paused, gazing at the doctor. “Shall I proceed?”

“Please, do,” Allan urged him. His interest had been aroused.

“I searched for her nine years. I finally got to find her. But she was to be given way to another man. My heart lurched, it couldn’t bear to take it. It couldn’t bear to see the woman it beats for given away.” He paused again, allowing the words to sink into the doctor’s head. “What exactly could be my problem?”

Allan chuckled. He needed no sorcerer to tell him that the gentleman seated before him was Ernest, Ernest Turner. The cousin of his dear friend – Jeremy. “Your story is a captivating one indeed. I am not specialized in psychology, but I can offer some assistance.”

Ernest smiled widely. “I do need that.”

“You say for over nine years, you couldn’t let go of her?”

“Not me, my heart,” he corrected.

“Oh, your heart. Does the woman in question have the same feelings as your heart does?” Allan asked.

“I do not think so. She chose a different man. She is confused. Incapable of loving any man.”

“Is she happy with this man?”

“I mentioned that she’s incapable of loving.”

“Does it mean she can’t be happy with whoever she choose to be with?”

“That’s the problem,” Ernest quickly remarked. “She’s making a poor decision. She can’t be with any other man. I am the only one that can make her happy and feel secure.” Now, he was going to hit the nail on the head. “The other man whom her parents are forcing her to marry isn’t worthy of her. He shouldn’t even be given the opportunity to see her or get close.”

This man must be definitely crazy, Allan thought. The fact that he’s in love as he claims he is doesn’t mean he should badmouth Jeremy. He wished to cut his tongue off so he couldn’t utter any other word. He couldn’t, he just had to keep his calm. “Did the woman agree to this?”

“Nope. I concluded.”

Allan quietly did some calculations in his head. He sighed deeply. “I think I’ve gotten a diagnosis for your ‘strange’ illness.” He tapped his pen on his mohagony desk. “You are completely besotted with this woman. That is why you seem to be making conclusions for her. Only she should do that. Under that love you say you have, its mixed with anger and hatred; for she chose a different man over you. Its not complete love. You are a love-lorn. To relieve yourself of that pain, you do crazy things. What do you think?”
*
*
*
“Good day, Mr. Broderick,” a young lady seated behind a desk greeted Jeremy as he and Darren stepped into the Theodore’s Enterprise. She had a cheerful smile on her face.

Jeremy walked up to her. “Very well, sir,” she replied, still smiling.

“I believe Miss Purity Theodore isn’t on seat,” said Jeremy, getting to the point.

“That’s right,” she concurred. “Its getting up to four days, presently. We have neither heard from her nor seen her. Her papa says she’s okay and he’s taking care of things now,” she explained further.

“Please, do not let Mr. Aaron Theodore know I was here.”

She nodded, willing to obey Jeremy. He was attractive to her and she never stopped smiling.

Jeremy smiled back at her, for the first time. “I want to go up to Purity’s office. Need to get some things. Are her things still in order?”

“They should be. No one goes up there without her consent. Just Heather is permitted.”

“Thank you for the information.” Jeremy turned to Darren. “Lets go.”

“Heather isn’t in….” the receptionist blurted out, it was too late. Mr. Broderick and his friend already headed to the elevator. “If I had the opportunity to be engaged to this man, I’d marry him immediately. I’m not going to give it a second thought. He’s so handsome; he’s voice is soothing and he’s rich,” she dreamily thought out loud. “I don’t know why Miss Theodore is delaying?” she concluded with a slight frown on her face and focused on her work.
*
*
*
“Did you notice that young lady undressing you with her beautiful eyes?” Darren asked his friend.

“Did something like that happen?” Jeremy threw at him.

Darren laughed. “You’re so into her that you don’t even notice when other women are wanting your attention.”

Jeremy coughed. His only response to Darren’s taunt. “We are here,” he informed Darren as they got to a huge door. He reached for the done knob and turned it.

The door responded and opened silently. They walked in and were greeted by an empty office. The small room was clean and smelt nice as it always did, but Heather was missing. Where could she be? Or had she relocated till Purity returns? He couldn’t tell.

To Be Continued...


Drop your contributions....

>>

pure madness








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-16 15:37:28

452 Views




For two weeks I took the doctor’s drugs as prescribed but
there wasn’t any improvement in my symptoms. The itching
refused to stop, the rashes refused to disappear and the
genital sores refused to heal. I was greatly disturbed and
uncomfortable and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go to
the babalawo because of known reasons not to talk of the
spiritualist I once visited. So my next line of action was to
start going for crusades and deliverance in different
churches. I hadn’t heard from senator clifford since that day;
maybe he was busy, I didn’t know. The woman who had
been tormenting me hadn’t appeared for sometime but I
still had the fear that she could appear anytime. If only
returning her money would make her leave me alone, I
didn’t mind returning it. No new job had come my way. The
few that came I turned them down because there was no
way I could go and service a client with the disease I was
carrying. I hadn’t heard from my mum since my last visit
home and I wasn’t even planning to cos I didn’t want to
throw her into panic. The first church I attended their
deliverance service was one pentecostal church close to my
school whose name I wouldn’t want to mention. I had come
very early about one hour before the service started and sat
in the centre row waiting for the prayers to begin. The
prayers soon began in ernest and everybody started to fire.
The entire congregation began to bind and cast and I joined.
I needed solution to my ailment and I was willing to do
anything even giving up my runs girl business. All the money
I made from the business was gradually being drained by
hospital bills so I needed a cure and needed it fast. I had
made God a promise that I would never go back to runs girl
business if he cured me but I guess he was yet to answer
and I was ready to continue begging till he answered. I had
grown so thin like someone with HIV even though I didn’t
have it. I looked like bamboo stick and was now a shadow of
my former self. Infact if I had happened to turn up before a
client in my present condition, the client would have jumped
from the window and run for dear life. I needed divine
intervention and I needed it quick and was willing to seek it
from anywhere including the church. So as the prayers went
on, I fired on. During the altar call I went to the front and
presented myself to Christ in repentance. I was willing to
accept him in my life so far I got well. And so I jumped from
one church to the other in search of a cure. I met the pastor
of the church after the service and told him my predicament
of which he asked me whether I had accepted Jesus into my
life to be my lord and personal saviour to which I responded
yes and he prayed for me and gave me some bible-psalms
to read. All the while Mirabel continued to be of great help
to me. The sickness had so much changed me to the extent
that all the beauty I once radiated all faded away. Í
continued to hope and pray. That God would have mercy on
me and save me. And it was asif God wasn’t listening. So I
continued to jump from one church to another till
something remarkable happened one Sunday.

The last 2 Episode will be published tomorrow on or before 7pm
#B-goF

>> Episode 50 -

Advice to guys....”""""""!!!!!!! If you have money to marry now,do it as fast as possible because dollar will soon affect bride price////// it affected crayfish,rice, oil, bread, even pure water I rest my case ...... I don talk my own?????????Everything in Nigeria has increased even the voice that usually say "to copy this tune press one" is now to copy this tune press eleven.....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-22 01:17:43

219 Views



9ja_w0men [Read it]


9ja_w0men b_lyk!!







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 13:09:40

181 Views



3 Niggas [Read it]


3 guys walk into a bar
The first guy says "I have got the smallest arm
in the world"
The second guy "I have the smallest head in
the world"
The third guy "I have got the smallest dick in
the world"
The 3 guys go to the Guinness World Records.

The first guy comes back and says "I really do
have the smallest arm in the world"
The second guy comes back and says
"Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the
world."

The third guy comes back angry..."Who the
FUCK is JUSTIN BEIBER?''


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-20 13:21:56

281 Views




Biola: Thank God you are alive baby…….
Mum: Olohun o seun oooooo
Dad: We thank God for everything…..
Biola: What happened? How did you end up in benin
Me: I didn’t end of in benin, they took me to one town called Naoka
Dad: How did it happened, it was police that came to arrest you now, how did you end up in kidnappers den
Me: Those people were not police, they were actually kidnappers
Mum: Yeh…mogbe
Biola: Ahhhhh
Me: They injected me immediately we left our street, the next thing i saw was founding myself in a room with Mary and her gang member..they said have been unconscious for 3days
Biola: Same Mary
Me: Yes of course…….
Dad: You see, did you see what adultery has brought upon you
Mum: We shouldn’t be saying that again rather we should be thanking God
Me: She said i posted her video online, i embarrassed her, since she couldn’t marry me again then nobody will
Biola: That is serious…….
Me: I was drugged and raped severally by Mary and her girls, they attempted to kill me two weeks ago but God intervened when they called Mary that her mum had an accident…Her plan was to kill me and come back for Biola…
Mum: Ahhh……This Mary is a bad girl ooo
Dad: This is more than Bad…..
Me: She was ready to kill everybody involved….
Biola: uhmmmm….Do you know that i heard Kayode was assassinated?
Me: It was Mary and her gang that killed her as he denied the baby from her
Dad: Ahhh….awon omode yi ma buru ke..iyen mary na
Me: That is how i see it oooo……I never believe i will make it alive from their den
Dad: It was a surprise when we got to the hospital that night and we were told that they didn’t carry any operation like that we didn’t believe them
Mum: in fact we wrote petition to the commissioner and they still maintained that police were not the one that came to arrest you, it was the second day we realized it might be a kidnap, the police has been on the case since then
Dad: Everybody was confused, your wife nearly killed herself…she just resumed work this week
Biola: I hope you see me during the past week, i was running mad already, i started screaming to God if i was the only one in this life that am witnessing all this…I thank God all the same sha, at least it all turn out in happiness
Me: I thank God for my life..it wasn’t easy at all…..i was raped severally by those girls, i was naked in their house for more than a week, they will give me food and the next thing will be to drug me and force themselves on me……
Mum:What can we say than to Thank God for finally answering our prayer
My parent later went to meet the doctor, they discussed and were told that there was no problem if i was to be taken to Lagos to continue my recuperation, they certified that i was okay though but the final decision rest with the police and they will call the police to come tomorrow so that we can sort the remaining part with them….

To Be Continued.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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BETA: PAPA meri teacher kitni pyari hai na,PAPA: BETA teacher maa ke barabar hoti hai,BETA: aap to hamesha apni hi setting karne ki sochte ho… =))Related
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