Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:
naija music [Read it]
na only 4 naija i c say de dey repeat solo till 1min if u think say na lie check #take banana by dprince
THE THORN ON MY FLESH....EPISODE 3 [Read it]
“Ye-eh!” My voice breaks out.
“Oponu oshi” ( idiotic fellow) Titi says as she springs to her feet, jumping into her pyjamas, “you think you are wise abi.” She says as she opens the door that leads to the sitting-room.
I feel very weak as I grab where she has plugged her teeth just above my n-----s. My breaths run with pressure.
Her voice faints out from here. I can hear her mumble something inaudible; I am sure they are abusive words.
“Uncle, what is wrong?” An alarming voice comes from the doorway. It is my cousin, Lara. She is the last child of my Dad’s elder sister. She had come to stay with us since her school, MAPOLY, is not far from our place.
Lara switches the light on and moves close to me. I cunningly remove my hand from my chest and cover my body with the blanket.
“I heard your scream from my room. What is the matter? And where is sister Titilayo?”
Lara’s eyes divert to the wall clock and my eyes follow. The time is 2:45 a.m.
“Nothing, dear,” I manage a smile, “I was stung by a giant wasp … Titi just left the bed because she thought the wasp will also sting her.”
“Ah, ” Lara sighs, resting her palms on her chests, “I thought it’s something more than that … sorry, sir. Maybe you need to apply something on it. Should I get you an ointment to relieve you from the pain?”
“Oh, don’t bother yourself … I will get over it soon.”
Lara is on a pink pyjamas that, however, defines her well-shaped, chocolate brown figure. She is really a good-looking girl and that’s also applicable to her character.
“Okay, good night,” she says, waving her hand sleepily. She turns off the light as she makes her way out. The door creaks and closes gently.
This is not the same Titi I married two years ago … This is not the same lady that used to seduce me each time I felt tired to perform. She is the lady that knows how to stimulate me better than I do. So what is the matter with her now?
She started this naughty behaviour about thirteen months ago when I faced bankruptcy in my company at port Harcourt. I had to sell all my houses to recover my debt. I sold the remaining two cars I had to rent this two bedroom flat.
I inherited those properties from my late father. I started working as a driver for a hotel seven months ago – I would hunch behind the wheel from morning till nightfall with a hard labour of offloading the goods that are being conveyed. I’m not meant to do that, but the hotel manager said it’s part of my work. He said a tall, strong-looking man like me shouldn’t complain of double duties for the age I entered in my written application – I have aged thirty-five. I have to comply to his instruction if I don’t want to lose the job. I had been looking for work over five months before the driving job consoled me. My salary is thirty-five thousand naira, just like my age.
When I still had my own company, I wouldn’t wear myself out. I spent only four hours in the office, and my manager was competent enough to make sure everything was in order. Those times I noticed I could perform in bed for a longer period than now – ‘seven or eight rounds in bed no be play-play o’. She really respected me for that, and she would be the one to force me to action.
How on earth will that manager know that overworking is destroying my marriage?
The downfall of my libido is certainly the reason why Titi is behaving like this. Or what else could it be? The answer is obvious. It was two months ago I found out that my wife had bought a dildo. I found it by chance in her handbag. I guessed she forgot to keep it as soon as she arrived home from the shop. I didn’t tell her I found something like that … ever since then I realized I have become a loser to her – a dildo does my job better – isn’t?
Akpos and his girl friend [Read it]
AKPOS: I'm coming to see you honey.
GIRL: Alright baby.
AKPOS: I love you, I can't wait to see you...I'm getting ready to leave now.
GIRL: Okay but honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know incase.
AKPOS: My car just broke down, I can't come and see you.
GIRL: Get your friend to bring you, like he always does.
AKPOS: He got shot by armed robbers so I can't come, I'm sorry.
GIRL: Oh never mind, I'm not on my period.
AKPOS: My friend has just been discharged from hospital and he has said he's okay, he's fine and he will take me now. I'm coming sweetheart.
GIRL: sh*t! I'm really on my period, just did not notice.
AKPOS: Damn! He has been shot again. I can't come!
I DON DIE HO [Read it]
Ek Baadshah Ne Apni …. [Read it]
Ek Baadshah Ne Apni Poori Hukumat Mein Elaan Karwaya Ki
Jitne Bhi Shaadi Shuda Mard Hain Wo Baadshah Ke Darbaar Mein Jald Se Jald Pahunche.
Shaadi Shuda Mard Baadshah Ke Darbaar Pahunche To Badshah Ne Kaha: “Saare Do Lines Bana Lo, Ek Line Mein Apni Biwi Se Darne Wale Mard Khade Ho Jao Aur Doosri Line Mein Wo Jo Apni Biwi Se Nahi Darte.”
Baadshah Ye Dekh Kar Hairaan Reh Gaya Ki Apni Biwi Se Darne Walon Ki Line Kaafi Lambi Thi Aur Biwi Se Na Darne Walon Ki Line Mein Sirf Ek Aadmi Khada Tha.
Baadshah Ne Us Ek Aadmi Ko Apne Paas Bulaya, Uski Peeth Par Haath Maarte Hue Shabaashi Di Aur Pucha: “Tumhe Aisa Kyu Lagta Hai Ki Tum Apni Biwi Se Nahi Darte?”
Aadmi Darta Hua: “Janaab Mujhe Is Baare Mein Kuch Nahi Pata, Mujhe To Meri Biwi Ne Kaha Tha Ki Is Line Mein Khade Rehna, Hilna Bilkul Mat.” ???? ????Related
Akpos and Sonia [Read it]
Akpos:who is hey don't cal me dat name again i hate it.
Sonia:im sorry,how are you.
Akpos:fine and you
Sonia:im fine.please would you send me 15k
Akpos;ah for what
Sonia:5k for my cloth 7k for my hair and 3k for my shoes.
Akpos:alright.(in text message).K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K. Are you okay.even take 2k.K K for your perfume
Marriage is a great …. [Read it]
Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet
???:- ?????? ????? ????? ?? ????? ??? ???? ?????,
???? ???? ??? ??? ?????? ????? ??? ?? ?????? ?? ???? ?????? ???? ??!!!????
?????:- ??? ?? ??? ?? ???? ????? ??? ??????!!!!!
Pati (phone par): Ka …. [Read it]
Pati (phone par): Kaha Ho..?
Patni: Ghar mein..!
Pati: Acha agar Ghar mein ho, To mixi
Patni mixi chalati hai…
gar gar gar gar…
Pati: Acha theek hai..!
Pati (phone par): Kaha Ho..?
Patni: Ghar mein..!
Pati: Acha agar Ghar mein ho, To mixi
Patni mixi chalati hai…
gar gar gar gar…
Pati: Acha theek hai..!
Pati ghar pahuch jata hai..!
Pati (Naukrani Se): Maalkin kaha hai..?
Naukrani: Pata nahi sahab, bahut der
se kahi gayi hai..!
Lekin sahab… ek baat samajh nahi aayi, saath mein mixi kyu le gayi..?Related
ONE WRONG TURN ........ Episode 9 [Read it]
ONE WRONG TURN
“Behind the house of Mary, please
wait till service starts”
I became impatient after reading
those words. I couldn’t wait for the
d--n service to start. I kept
adjusting myself on my seat.
Although there was no name on
the note, it was Ruth’s handwriting.
The “house of Mary” refers to a
small building at one corner of the
church compound. It had a statue
of Mary built inside. People usually
go there to pray.
The sight of the reverend father
walking up to the alter made my
heart beat faster. The time to leave
is gradually coming.
The reverend welcomed everyone
to the day’s service. People
scrambled to find their seats
around. The entire hall was rowdy
for a while.
Slowly, normalcy was starting to
return. Everyone sat down, and the
day’s service was opened with a
My heart and soul were completely
detached from the church. All i
could focus on was how to leave
the hall without arousing my
I got up from my seat, and moved
closer to my mum. I bent down
and whispered into her ear.
“i want to buy sanitary pad, my
period has suddenly started”
“didn’t you know it would start
today? Are you a small child, she
answered in a rather irritated tone.
“it happens unexpectedly
sometimes”, which was a lie.
My mum put her hands in her
purse, and brought out a #500naira
“hurry before you stain yourself”
I get to accomplish my mission,
and also get paid for it, I thought
to myself as I made my way out of
A feeling of eagerness, and
excitement coupled with a little
guilt dominated my heart. I
wondered if Ehis was waiting for
The church compound was much
quieter now. The walk way was
nearly devoid of people, save for a
few people who were probably on
a mission too.
I headed straight for the house of
Mary. I could see a car parked
almost behind the house, a black,
Toyota camry, it had tinted
Windows making it impossible to
see who was inside.
Ruth was standing right next to the
car as I approached. She opened
the door to the back seat, and
waved at me to go in.
My heartbeat raced as i saw Ehis
inside the car. A smile enveloped
my face. I could barely hide my
excitement. He smiled back at me,
and hugged me really tight.
He held my chin, and drew me
closer to himself for a kiss. I closed
my eyes, anticipating the taste of
A hard knock on the car window
sharply interrupted our kiss. It was
Ruth, she was trying to warn us of
I looked around, and saw my
mother walking towards the house
of Mary, with fury and haste,
clutching on to my bible.
It suddenly hit me, i left the note
in my bible. My mum must have
found it. God, I’m in trouble again
I said to myself.
Ehis saw the troubled look on my
face. He smiled, and told me to
calm down. Ruth will take care of
I doubted him, my mum was quite
Please care to leave a comments
why I hate my Boyfriend [Read it]
GIRL: I hate my boyfriend!
GIRL: He is so cheap he cant even buy me a simple dinner, are all boys like that?
BOY: Of course not, I'm not like that.
GIRL: I'm going to break up with him.
BOY: Ok but know I'm available.
[Girl stands to leave]
BOY: Wait, where are you going?
GIRL: To break up with my boyfriend of course.
BOY: You can't leave.
BOY: Who is going to pay for the lunch we just had?
akpos the Thomas [Read it]
Akpos belonged to a society in the church. The society was expected to present a drama on the up coming youth talent day.
The leader of the society came up with an interesting drama and he needed people to act as the Virgin Mary, Joseph and Thomas. Since its a group responsibility, the members were given the opportunity to nominate the best people to partake in the drama based on their real life character.
First the leader asked, "Who will play the character, Joseph?"
All the members chorused, "Bro Frank can do it better!"
"Ok, Frank" said the leader, "come over here."
Frank obeyed and strolled out.
"Who do we chose to play the Virgin Mary character?" asked the leader again.
The members chorused again, "Sister Temi"
Sister Temi was asked to come out and she did.
Finally, "Who do we chose to play Thomas?"
The members quickly shouted, "Bro Akpos! Bro Akpos! Bro Akpos!"
Akpos, excited, came out quickly.
The Leader looked at Akpos and doubted if he could play the role of Thomas.
Akpos, noticing his leader's hesitance, asked, "What makes you people think sister Temi is a virgin and can play the role of the Virgin Mary?"
The leader replied, "Well, she dresses decently and I have never seen her with a man before. She is also very dedicated to God."
Akpos retorted, "No way! Until I put my finger in there, I will never believe!" Don't u think akpos has proved the role of Thomas? Who better to play the part?
Ek Baar Pappu Ki Kis …. [Read it]
Ek Baar Pappu Ki Kisi Baat Pe Apni Girlfriend Se Ladayi Ho Gayi.
Dono Mein Ladayi Karte Karte Baat Yaha Tak Aa Gayi Ki Breakup Ki naubat Aa Gayi.
Ladki Ne Gusse Mein Aake Pappu Ko Bhadva Kah Diya
Tab Pappu Ko Gussa Aya Aur Vo Apni Girlfriend Ko Bola
Pappu: “Sali Kuttiya Randi, Apne Lund Pe Ghungroo Bandh Ke Tujko Aise Chodunga Ki Tere Baap Aur Mohalle Walo Ko Lagega Ki Kirtan Ho Raha Hai“Related
Banished Part2 [Read it]
"O boy, Mr Kelly dy fuck up too much oo, why him go dy pursue my girl.? " Onome said angrily to Samuel." His close friend"
Hahaha, you don't mean it. Those lecturers ain't ashamed of themselves. Imagine Mr Kelly old enough to be her father. Nawa. Dis world don spoil.
Aahh, I swear if I get that Man, Ahh, Ahh, Onome said biting his fingers.
Calm down, you can't do anything bro, just accept she's gone. You know he's in a good position to frustrate your stay in this School if he finds out you're the one dating Lydia. Samuel said patting him.
Hmm, I'll show him the kind of stuff am made of. He replied.
Relax bro, drink your malt before it gets warm.
* * * *
I want to see you right away, come over to my lodge.
ah han I hope all is well My love.
* Phone call ends abruptly*
Sigh. This Onome of a person is so hot tempered. I've told him times without number, I've nothing to do without Lecturer Kelly.
Hmm hmm. Lydia said getting up to leave.
Onome dear, Lydia said wanting to kiss him..
Ohh, Lydia leave me, what're my ears hearing this day, that you were spotted with goddam Mr kelly? he said angrily stamping his feet on the ground.
Ooh, dear. how many times will I tell u to forget about rumormongers, I've been faithful to you right from the day i said yes to you, please believe me.. I know Mr Kelly is festering and pestering me, but I'll handle him....
"Hmm, Are u sure you can handle him?. If any day i see you and Kelly, I will kill the both of you, understand! he said aggressively his Neck vein popping out like an Electric wire full of current"
Terrified by what she saw in his eyes. Yes Yes. She stuttered.
* * *
" hold it where are your gate pass?" The fierce looking bouncer asked.
"did we say we ain't gona give you the ticket?.Mtcheww .. Onome quickly puts in whilst hissing louding "..
Lackadiastically, he offered the gate pass to him....
Inside the Club, Ear deafening sound could be heard.
Onome and his friends entered.
"Chiooo Omo see "ikebe" an acronym used to describe a woman buttocks". Onome screamed on Seeing different sizes,shapes ,length, and breathe of Club stripers buttocks and to make matter worst or better, the type of wears they wore made the "Ikebe" more visible to the preying eyes.
Onome's life at School has been of total shambles. He tasks his parent almost every week and threatens to return home if he's not given the requested money.
Hmm. Only Child, A boy.
Almost every well to do parent would fall for such unscrupulous activities of their ward even if knowing it's a cook up story to extort money from them...
Onome has been nicknamed Onoparty. Because of his carefree and social degrading lifestyle..
Abeg, Biko, Ejo,
U know d usual.
Watch out for Part3.
For the story had just begun!
Kitne Majboor Hain H …. [Read it]
Kitne Majboor Hain Hum Taqdeer Ke Haathon,
Na Tumhe Paane Ki Aukat Rakhte Hain Na Tumhe Khone Ka Honsla!Related
THE UN EXPECTED LOVE
(Tochi in school)
Esther is a very emotional girl but physically strong that even Jennifer cannot handle her beating if they are to test their physical abilities. But at this moment, Chester was only seeing the emotions in her eyes that made his heart sank into his stomach. From the way she looked, he thought, if only he could do magic or abracadabra for Wisdom to fall inlove with Esther, he would have done it immediately but he couldn't, and the whole thing rendered him speechless.
"Won't you say anything?" Esther broke the silence.
"Do you really want me to tell Wisdom that you love him?" Chester wanted to be clarified.
"No, i want you to use your influence as his best friend and make him understand that i love him indirectly"
"Oh, now i understand. Don't worry, i will do that"
"Thank you" she smiled.
Wisdom met Tochi at Mr Anuma's office with her own list too. But she was standing at the door.
"Good afternoon, senior" Tochi prostrated.
"Why are you standing outside?"
"Mr Anuma isn't in"
"Where is he?"
"In principal's office"
Wisdom looked around. He knew he couldn't just keep the list on his table, so he looked at Tochi and stretched the list to her.
"Hold it, i will be coming back. My friends are waiting for me"
Tochi gently collected the paper and he rushed out. But he suddenly stopped and turned when he heard Tochi murmured.
"What did you say?" he asked.
"I didn't say anything senior"
"But you soliloquized"
"Hey! Senior when did you become Mr Anuma again. I don't know the meaning of solilo..." she forgot the full pronunciation.
"I demand to know what you said now!" Wisdom cut out a flower as a cane and began to tie the branches together. Seeing that Tochi confessed.
"Senior, i said you want to go and meet your friends, that means me, standing here is your enemy"
Wisdom stared at her, the more he looked the more her beauty enters into his eyes, mind and body. He threw away the cane and said, "Kneel down"
"I said kneel down!"
Tochi gradually went on her kneels and raised up her hands, then Wisdom left.
wise quotes [Read it]
1). He who refuses to mix Agege
bread and akara as a type of
sandwich is a racist - Martin Luther
King jnr (178
2). He who completely unwraps
moimoi and gala before eating
cannot keep a secret - Abraham
3). Only a courageous woman can
fry a bunch of plantain without
tasting any - Albert Macauley (1872)
4). Drinking Garri doesn't mean u're
poor, but allowing the Garri to swell
before drinking is poverty - Queen
5). Any man who drinks Alomo
bitters without squeezing his face, is
capable of murder - Michael Faraday
6). Any man that uses his teeth to
cut shaki from pepper soup, with his
eyes wide open, is not afraid of
anything - Williams Shakespeare
7). Anyone who graduates from a
conventional school without
experiencing a strike, has never been
to Nigeria - Lord Lugard (1904)
. He who runs around looking for
scissors to cut indomine seasoning
sachet is not hungry - Dr Nnamdi
9). He who says nothing lasts
forever has never tried Hausa
perfume - Nelson Mandela (1973)
10). No matter how hot your temper
is, it cannot cook yam - Prof Jega
11). Anyone who reads this without
laughing, is either looking for job or
needs money badly - Barack Obama
1 Saasu maa Apne 3 D …. [Read it]
1 Saasu maa Apne 3 Damado ka pyar dekhne k liye
dariya me kood gayi 1 damad ne bacha liya…
Saas ne use Car di 2nd day fir kudi
2nd damad ne bachaya, to bike mili..
3rd day fir kudi..
3rd damad ne socha “Cycle hi reh gayi hai, kya fayda” Aur saas doob gayi Agle din us damad ko Mercedes
Sasur ne di…:/ :pRelated
I think there was an …. [Read it]
I think there was an absolute, deep gap between consensual relations between adults, which people may like or dislike, and people who physically impose themselves on children or misuse their authority to impose on children.
MY FIRST TRIP TO ABUJA AND ZARIA (STORY BY DINDY) EPISODE 3
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...
The time was 6:15 am and the first bus hasn't left yet, although it was filled with passengers. The second bus I sat in was almost full. The man selling tickets to those who did not buy ticket on time was in the third bus selling.
Few minutes later after the bus was filled, a man came to arrange our bags. He told us all to come down, so that he could fix the bags under the seats. We did as we were told, obeying his words like loyal servants.
He started arranging it one after the other, each time he carried a bag, he would always ask who owns it then ask for money. It got to a point when he held a heavy bag.
"Who get this big bag?", he asked as he wiped off the sweat, on his forehead with his left finger.
"Na me get am", said the Yoruba woman walking fast towards him.
"Madam you go bring 1000 naira for the bag o", he said to the woman throwing his face away.
"Ah!, e too much na", said the Yoruba woman unhappily.
"Too much ke, shey you no know say person no dey carry load when im wan travel. Abeg answer me I get other things wey I go do", he said as he squeezed his face.
"Oga wetin sef, I don pay for seat", said the Yoruba woman with a little bit anger.
"When you know say you go carry load, why you no go hire bus, abeg when you done ready come call me", he said as he left there and went to another place.
People around talked to the woman to beg him, they advised her to give him something, that he would accept even if it's 300 naira.
The woman accepted and she called the man back. He came frowning his face like some poo. She begged him, then gave him 300 naira which he collected and forcefully pushed it roughly into his fat pocket, which already had money inside --His two pockets were very fat--.
After he was done loading the bags underneath the seats and the boot, he told us to enter so that he could load the remaining bags and close the door.
We all started entering according to our numbers, I sat back on my seat and a beauty lady sat beside me --She was very beautiful, in-fact if she's not older Than me, I for reason am oo, I swear--. The Yoruba woman sat beside the beautiful lady.
I sat down happily talking to my elder sister, who was close to the window side where I sat. We talked about things a little and other stuffs too.
The time was now 7:30am and the first bus had left. Our driver came and was ready to move, then a man came close to the window side where the Yoruba woman sat, he prayed for us --Which is a normal thing they do, when people are about to move on their journey--. I told my sister good bye, as the engine kicked off for the adventurous journey, then we left.
The driver, didn't switch on the air condition immediately we left because he wasn't having enough fuel in his fuel-tank. He drove to an NNPC fuel station, which was far away from the park.
After buying the fuel and over filling his tank, he entered and we drove on. When we got to Ojota, the car started misbehaving, so he switched off the ac for a while.
He later turned it on again, 35 mins after he noticed that the car was back to normal. At that time, we were close to Ibadan and I was typing "Angels story" with my phone --I write stories, jokes and write ups anytime I'm free-.
The bus started running slow and couldn't run again when we got to Ibadan. Lucky for us, were had just passed "THE YOUNG SHALL GROW" Ibadan park. He turned back and went to park there, to find out what the problem of the bus was..... To be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
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AKPOS AN HIS BABY [Read it]
Akpors: Yes, sweety??
Girl: Honey, i like this shoe a lot but i forgot my wallet at home,
could you pliz give me 2000 Naira to buy it?
Akpors: There is no Atm close here
but take this 100 Naira, go
home and bring your wallet.
Question: Is the Akpors=
Akpos and triplets [Read it]
Akpos who was at work was called and told that his wife has given akpos who was happy rushed to the hospital when he arrived the doctor told him your wife has given birth to triplets akpos said thanks but why did you and my wife name the child without my consent... the doctor fainted
Why are some girls this greedy?? [Read it]
I have been sending chat msgs to this
gal as in
“hi”, “hey”, “xup” …since 2009 but
neva replied me! Today i sent,
“232252536421162” to her and after 3mins
she replied “xup handsome, pls which
airtime is dis?” And i replied, “its a
torch light serial number” …. and she blocked
me immediately. Pls have I said
At a local college d …. [Read it]
At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”
She replies, “Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too.”
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.”
She replies, “Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a kiss too.”
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich.”
She says, “Yaaah in Sweden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”Related
Be the type of perso …. [Read it]
Be the type of person you want to meet.
Total exposure [Read it]
A driver was driving his boss to airport, the boss realized that he forgot an important document at home, so he went back home.
His wife was bathing with a soap on her face, he tip-toed and touches
her boobs, the wife responded, “you’ve dropped my stupid husband so
fast? Don’t rush we have the whole weekend to spend together, I’m
praying that the plane crashes so that I can enjoy you till the end of
She notice the person was quiet, she washed her face and saw her husband standing in front of her.
If your the husband wetin you go do?
Get Rich Or Try Dieing [Read it]
I don laff tire today Abeg Check dis out:-----------+++++You wanted to be rich by all means so you went to a native doctor he said u will be the richest man on earth in one condition, that you will be mad for one full year, you agreed and you have been mad for eleven months and thirty days, remaining just a day, a pastor from no where came and cast the spirit of madness out of you. What will you do?. #Share with others and remember to use the tag # www.nairajokes.com & # www.facebook.com/9jastudentforum #B-goF #AoN
Santa: What’s going …. [Read it]
Santa: What’s going on at neighbours?
Pappu: It’s someone’s birthday.
Pappu: Yes. I heard them distinctly singing in chorus, “Happy Birthday Tuyu!”Related
scientists [Read it]
Three scientist went on a discovery tour to the
sea, a biologist, a physicist and a chemist.
Reaching the sea, a very big ugly fish swam to the
shore and then swim back into the deep sea. The
Biologist said he needs to find out the phylum to
which the fish belongs so he dives into the sea.
After a long time, his friends didn't see any sign of
him, the physicist said he must have been carried
away by the waves, he therefore decided to go in
and measure the wavelength and frequency of
the wave so that they can be able to locate the
location of the biologist. He went in and
After a long period of waiting, the chemist started
going home. A man nearby watching the drama
stopped him and asked, "Why should you just
walk away when two friends of yours are
drowning in the sea?"
The Chemist replied, "We just came for discovery
and I have discovered something; both of them
are soluble in water
Akpos: My ass [Read it]
Akpos was staring at Cynthia`s throughout the English class.
He was startled when she showed up beside him when the class was over...
he taught maybe she had come to warn him to stop staring...
CYNTHIA: Akpos, please can I have your dic for my ass?
AKPOS: (surprised) what?
CYNTHIA: I said "can I have your dic 4 my ass?
AKPOS: (having been crushing on Cynthia for years) Of course! But, we can`t do it here! Erm... at least... let`s go to the toilet (he stutters as he feels his manhood rise). He takes hold of her hands and smiles but then Cynthia looks down at his pants...
CYNTHIA: Jeez!!! Let go of me! (she snatches her hands from him, looks him in the face and gives him a resounding slap) I only meant "can I have your dictionary for my assignment" Fool!!!
I DEY VEX [Read it]
lets take things serious in this
SITE ...... I know we ar friends here but we
must have boundaries......
Who gave President buhari my phone
number? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? ????
one for me one for u [Read it]
There were 2 boys very bored then they decided to still a bag of oranges in their naighbour's yard.They quickly ran to a nearest grave yard nd they jumped the gate so 2 oranges fall while they were jumping ng the decided to live them coz they had enaugh. They went in nt far nd started sharing 1 for me 1 for u... While still sharing a drunkered man passing by heird that a voice in the cemetery 1 for me... 1 for u and he quickly ran to the nearest church shouting at a paster. Paster...paster quicky come nd weakness the Davil nd God sharing corphs in the cemetery and they quickly ran to see that when they got there they heard that voice 1 for me 1 for u...1for u 1for me then suddenly the voice stoped meaning the oranges r finished the they hear a voice again saying what about those two at the gate then the paster ran shouting with the drunkered man no no nt us we nt dead yet lols we not dead yet.
Previously on An Evening With Eva. [Read it]
PREVIOUSLY ON “AN EVENING WITH EVA”:
“Do I have a choice?” – Sean.
“There is actually a choice. You can walk out
that door and call the police. You will not be
alive to finish the call. And they will never find
your body” – Sophia
“I know I am supposed to be scared right now.
But the funny thing is, I am not.” – Sean
“Thomas.” – Sophia
In one very quick motion, she pulled her pants
(Trousers) up at the ankles and brought out a
small gold embroidered pistol. From her
sitting position, five meters from where he
stood she pointed the gun at Thomas and
pulled the trigger. Blood splattered on the
wall behind him as he fell down in one heap,
the tray falling from his hands. He was
breathing softly and was in pain. He groaned.
Sophia got up, walked to the body and stood
in front of Thomas, looking at him. She aimed
at his heart and shot him again. He was dead.
“Lesson number one: Be Ruthless. Be very very
ruthless. Be as gentle as a dove and as
dangerous as a shark. Stop shaking and clean
up this mess. You have two hours to scrub
this room clean and get rid of the body. Chop
it into pieces and feed it to the dogs in the
fortress. Bring the head to me. See you at
11pm.” – Sophia
“Hello Eva.” – Shina.
“Where am I? Who are you? What’s
happening?” – Eva.
“You have been here for two days. You are at
The Mansion. Breakfast is at 8am. Someone
would like to meet you.” – Shina
“I have a situation here Bruno. Two dogs.
What do I do?” – Marshal
“I can see that. Take them out” – Bruno
“Shiittt! He is awake. Get out of there, now!!!!”
“BE CAREFUL AHMED. YOU WILL NOT BE
– Banner with Blood.
“Hello Uncle. There is something going on I do
not understand.” – Ahmed
“I will see you in 2 hours son.” – The Colonel
“The Colonel has finally come out of hiding.
Dispatch some of your guys at Berger and I’ll
be at the other entry point to Lagos. Ready
some of your best buggers. The Colonel is
coming to town.” – Tawo
“I changed my mind. I will drive myself. You
can take the rest of the day off. I will call you
when I get back.” – The Colonel
“He decided to drive himself. I had planted the
tracker in the car he asked me to wash. He is
currently driving a black Honda Accord with
plates AA106SMK. It is a very ordinary and
plain car. His rims are alloy and gold plated.
He just left.” –James.
“Where are we?” – Tawo
“The situation is dicey sir. He is driving a very
common car and he is going to be hard to
pick out.” – Agent Ope.
“Merge the connection between Saturn –U134
and Mecury-00A. Now, bridge them and
combine their transitions. Use the WSPTA
protocol to rewrite the imagery and log into
all CCTVs, mobile phone and every fuccking
device that has a lens and is in proximity.
Launch a new search.” – Tawo.
“Zoom in on that.” – Tawo.
“The Colonel is about to pass through Mowe.
Set up your guys at the MFM area. This
should be as easy as taking a pee.” – Tawo.
“Target was not in the vehicle. He somehow
maneuvered his way and we lost him. I put a
tracker on his decoy. Trace it and have a man
on him.” – Shina.
“Don’t you recognize me son?” – The Colonel
“Are you okay Uncle?” – Ahmed
“I am fine son. Tell me what happened in this
house. I saw the banners.” – The Colonel
“Don’t!” – The Colonel.
“After installation and boot up, these devices
must never be handled with bare hands. They
have been designed to be sensitive to the
touch of the skin and would immediately inject
the skin surface with a deadly toxin that
would paralyze the handler if held for more
than two seconds. If you had touched it, you
would have become a ‘vegetable’.” – The
“Oh my God! Who the hell are these people?”
Akpos Joke: Swimming in the dam [Read it]
One day, three girls went swimming in a nearby dam. They undressed and went on with their business.
Twenty minutes later, Akpos came and stood next to where they left their clothes.
The girls said, “what have you come to see? You are unlucky because we won’t get out of this water till you leave!” and they started drifting towards the deepest parts.
Akpos replied, “I’ve got nothing to do with you, I just came to feed the crocodiles in here!”
The girls jumped out of the water!
Yunus and His Mom [Read it]
Ojejen jejemi i sat down in the parlour i was watching television momy now came she now did like this hmmm take this 20# YUNUS go and call ur father find out what he want to eat for dinner i collected the money i started calling my dady's number dady did not pick it is one aunty that is picking it i cut the phone i call it again, The aunty pick it again i cut the phone i now went home, Momy dady is not picking the call ooo is one aunty that is picking it, Momy now started crying ayemi oo ayemi oo this man is chiting on me after all the investment we have been face he is chiting on me, Dady now came back they now started fighting one woman in our house Iya Filomina amebour i don't like am iya filomina ask them what cause the fighting my momy now said is me that went to call my father that woman now pick it and my fada was now saying my phone has been with me since in the morning no one is picking the phone, no one pick the phone my father now even said it again that my has been switch off since in the morning na so iya filomina now cought me put me in the middle ehem omodaleru daleru what did woman said to you i now i nowwwww said that the woman said that the number you are trying to call is not RECHEABLE AT THE MOMENT PLEASE TRY AGAIN LETTER ---------MGBO is it my fault is not my fault now is it my fault pls fans tell me if it's my fault THANKKK YOU VERY MUCH AS U COMMENT AND GOD BLESS my name remains Yunus the Comedian!!!
ONE WRONG TURN ....... Episode 10 [Read it]
ONE WRONG TURN
My heart almost came to a stop as
my mum approached the car. I was
quite uneasy. Ehis put his index
finger across my lips, telling me to
My mum walked up to the house of
Mary, and began to look around.
She went inside the building and
came out. She came around the
back, towards the car.
She headed straight for Ruth, who
was leaning on the car. I bent
down quickly, to avoid her eagle
eyes. Ehis assured me again that
my mum couldn’t see us from
“where is Ella”, she asked, looking
” I don’t know ma, i haven’t seen
her today” Ruth replied.
“young lady, don’t tell me lies, are
you not the one she is planning to
” me? No ma , i don’t know were
she is o”
” who wrote her this note?” My
mum asked as she handed the note
over to Ruth.
“Oh, ma its me, but i gave it to her
last week. We were suppose to have
a rehearsal here during service. You
know she is in the legion of Mary,”
“so what are you doing here now”?
My mum probed further.
” we just finished another rehearsal
here just now, i’m about to leave
“so were are the others then?”
“they have all gone, i was just
checking myself in the mirror, that’s
why you met me ma” she said,
pointing at the car’s side mirror.
My mum looked at Ruth, with an
expression of disgust on her face.
Frisking her from head to toe with
Ruth was heavily made up, she
owned every single make up
accessory a woman can have, and
she had no restraint about using
them. My mum hated make up.
“oya, get inside the church, mass
has started” my mum ordered.
My mum stood, as Ruth began to
walk away slowly. Ruth was a
talented liar. Whether her lies were
premeditated, or spontaneous, it
was hard to tell the difference.
When Ruth was out of sight, my
mum took a walk around the car,
perhaps admiring It’s beauty. I
could see her through the tinted
windows. My heart sank when she
bent down, and adjusted her
headtie, using the side mirror.
Perhaps she would have seen me if
As my mum walked towards the
church hall, i knew it was time for
me to leave. I have been gone for
nearly 15minutes. The longer i stay
here, the closer I am to getting
As soon as my mum was out of
sight, i told Ehis I had to go.
“But common, she is gone now, we
can spend a little time together, i
really miss you Ella.” Ehis said, in
his usual gentle and pleasing voice.
As tempting as those words
sounded, i knew i really had to go.
If i take long, i don’t know which
excuse to give my mum. I have
never been good at lying.
“Ehis, I’m sorry, i have to go, my
mum will come looking for me
“but when can i see you again? I ll
like to hang out with you” He
asked, with a sad look on his face.
AWKWARD MOMENT JOKE BY DINDY (PART 8) [Read it]
AWKWARD MOMENT JOKE BY DINDY (PART
That awkward moment when your crush ask you whether you know how to do something, but you quickly answer back without letting her finish up her statement.
Girl: Dindy do you know how to suck......
Dindy: [cuts in] Yes I know how to suck.
Dindy: I have being sucking since I was a baby.
Dindy: I was called king sucker by girls.
Dindy: My landlord's wife loves the way I suck.
Dindy: My ex-girlfriend called me suck champion.
Girl: Jeez Dindy.
Girl: What I meant was, do you know how to suck fuel from a keg?...... .
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Watch out for part 9.
therapy session with three young mothers [Read it]
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Akpos and Landlord [Read it]
This morning, Akpos' Landlord was complaining that Eazy had impregnated his daughter. .
As Akpos over-heard the landlord shouting, he came out of his apartment and asked the landlord.
AKPOS: Landlord, what has Eazy done this time?.
LANDLORD: Eazy got the mind to impregnate my only daughter.
AKPOS: Oga landlord, are you sure of what you are saying?
LANDLORD: Yes, this morning I saw my daughter vomiting, when I noticed that she is pregnant, I asked her who impregnated her and she said that Eazy is responsible.
AKPOS: Abomination! Eazy is a fool. Oga landlord since I have been sleeping with your wife, have you got any report that I have impregnated her?
What do you think happened to Akpos?
Mohabbat Ka Koi Rang …. [Read it]
Mohabbat Ka Koi Rang Nahi Phir Bhi Woh Rangeen Hai;
Pyaar Ka Koi Chehra Nahi Phir Bhi Woh Haseen Hai!Related