Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


akpos was fond of havig sex with a lot of girls beside his girlfreind,,,so one day as usual he was found having sex with a neighbour.
The girlfreind saw that and went crying to a nearby tree where she sat with a whip to hammer akpos,,the girl didnt notice that on top of that tree was a mad man so when akpos decided to look for the girlfreind he found her sitting under a big tree.without noticing that there was a mad man on top of the tree((the mad man was coverd by the leaves of that tree))he also sat next to the girlfreind and the follwowing conversation occoured:
girl;dont u hav a mouth to talk..talk now ahah,,explain to me the meaning of what i saw
akpos;you know darling dat i lov you with all my heart,,,even God in heaven knows((he said this while pointing to the tree.
mad,man:dont involve me in stuipid things,,,you rats,,,
they both ran thinking God had answerd akpos,,,..



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-02 05:44:40

953 Views





Akpos was on his way back home early one
morning when he came across robbers. They got hold of
him. He struggled and struggled but they over
powered him. When they searched him and found only
one
torn N20 note
on him, the following dialogue
ensued. Robbers: (Angrily) Wait, so it is dis
nonsense tear tear N20 dat is
makin u to struggle with us, are u nt afraid of
our gun, dere's bullet inside o. Akpos: No o, why wuldnt
i b afraid of u
people's gun wen
bullet is inside, I thought u all want to collect d
N10,000 i'm
hidin inside my socks on my
right leg shoe.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-10 12:39:05

1119 Views




Akpos walk into a bar and saw a beautiful lady sitting alone.
He went and sat on the same table with her.
“Baby girl, you look so worried” asked Akpos.
The girl replied “Yea, my boyfriend just dumped me right here after drinking”.
“Am sorry dear, but why don’t you give me a change, I love you and I will make it up to you”
“From today onward, I don’t want to have anything to do with men again because all men are the same” replied the girl.
“Try me and you will see that all men are not the same”
Just as they were discussing, the bar man came and say to the lady “Am about to close, so please may I have my money”
Akpos trying to impress the girl then said to the bar man “Why are you embarrassing my baby, by the way, how much is you money?”
“her money is 31,000 Naira only sir!”
“What! How come?”
“she ate one plate of chicken pepper soup (N5,000), 2 Fresh fish (N6,000)  and she drank 1 bottles of Golden label (N20,000).”
Akpos stood up and starting going out.
The girl said to him “I though you said you love me”
He replied “Wrong number baby, I just remembered that all men are the same”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-04 19:45:16

37554 Views




Continues..
Me: do you think brenden………(he cuts in)
Preston: I dont know I guess I will have to go and ask him
Me: baby stop endangering yourself and me
Preston: stay in the car..
He was filled with anger because according to him and presley he was the. Only loved son of pedrick park.
I held his hand dragging him to come back but as he walked, he dragged me along. We finally got to where brenden was and I hid behind preston..
Preston: whats that picture about?
Brenden: (laughing) its a birthday picture… are you that blind that you cant see your dead beloved father’s picture?
Preston: what!! (his eyes were now red) what happened??
Brenden: I dont know but bro I just fulfilled a promise I have been dying to fulfil yesterday. (he patted preston on his shoulder and walked away with the rest boys still shouting and singing)
Me:its okay baby I guess he might have left you a message before dying all foreigners does that.
Preston: but who killed him?
Me: I am in no position to know that but there’s something fishy about brenden. I mean he left for a very long time and then came back with the picture of Pedrick park claiming he is dead..and with all these kind of boys.. its a little confusing though..
We left campus and went back home in a confused state. As we drove into the compound and came down from the car, what we seem not to surprise preston but it got me more than surprised.
We saw some group of guys there were more than thirty but at minimum of thirty.
Some groups wore red throughout, some wore white throughout. The ones I fell in love with was the ones that wore yellow and black throughout.
Miranda,presley and the nobles were outside too.
The group of boys had sadness written all over their face including presley. They might have also heard of the news. As soon as preston came close all of them bowed their heads and crossed their hand at their backs leaving their legs opened.
Preston: I understand the pain of everyone here I just got the news from brenden and I suspect him a lot for the great loss of our master. I have been hiding my true self and allowing those I love get hurt because master once told me that strength is not show at the beginning of a fight but at the end. Wisdom is only used on the wise when they think you are foolish and same goes with brenden who thinks we are foolish. Now I wont keep the promise I made to our master because his death has killed us already. Brenden the leader of the B.B has deviated from the confraternities and has joined forces with cult groups.he is issue o longer the leader of B.B but B.W. We give blood for..
Confraternities(chorusly): blood
Preston: life for..
Confraternities(chorusly) : life
Preston: jugdement for
Confraternities(chorusly): judgement
All of them: if na heaven you run go we go follow, if na hell fire you run go we go follow, anywhere you run go our shadow go hunt you down o. Abeg our master support our fight confras oh oh oh confras, confras oh oh oh confras, we know whar we stamd for o confras we know what we live for o confras….
Preston: iron for
All: iron
Preston: steel for
All: steel
Preston: fire for
All: fire.
To be continued..


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Mr akpors [Read it]


Akpors made his way to the library.
Once
inside, he spotted a very pretty girl reading
quietly.
He quickly approached her and started
wooing her
right in the library. Oh akpos! After some
minutes,
the girl got angry and shouted"""""" will you
please
leave me alone so that i can concentrate?
Everybody turned and looked at akpos
so what did Akpos do? Akpos gazed her
intently and
replied in a loud voice-----> I will not leave
you #alone
until you accept Jesus as your lord and
personal
saviour
±


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-06 23:58:43

1410 Views




I got to the bank by 10am and
had everyone staring at me, well
I
thought it was bcos I looked
good.
Lo and behold I saw this pretty girl walking towards my
direction,
she keep coming closer and
closer I was beginning to think
she
wanna kiss me... she gave me a hug brought her
lips close to my chicks as though
she wanted to kiss me. Just wen
I was beginning to get excited,
she
whipers to my ear
.
.
.
.
BOY YOUR ZIP IS DOWN AND YOUR THING IS
OUT!
.
.
.
I FAINTED..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-16 11:22:03

283 Views



"I Knew It..." [Read it]


Akpos' sister married a Chinese man and they later had a baby boy.
Two year later the boy got sick and died. Akpos and all the relatives went to China for burrial.
When weeping, Akpos was muttering this sentence continually, "i knew it..., i knew it... i'm saying i knew it...". Some people were confused and they came to ask him, (while weeping), "what did you know?".
Akpos (amidst sobs): "I knew it.., i knew it.., i knew that china things do not last.
??One Word For Akpos Please


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-26 05:25:19

1356 Views




There is nothing as painful as being
beaten,pinned or caught in your own
game. I couldn’t believe my new prey
would be bold enough to announce our
outrageous affair to the congregation.
Of course she never mentioned my
name,but it wasn’t enough to prevent
most of the female church members from
throwing unguarded stares at me as if
they all knew about us. The rest of the congregation simply followed her eyes
which were well fixed on me as she
talked, clapping and nodding in approval
to all she said.
“i came to this church hopeless, helpless
and lost. But the Lord wiped away my tears,dragged me up and consoled me
with a perfect gift. A real man. I won’t
mention his
name for now, because our Daddy, our
great pastor is yet to sanction our union,
which hopefully he will do today. This is God’s church. My dear sisters your time
of
happiness is at hand. Never cease
praying” she happily poured out. Ending
her speech with a very touching song
which lit the whole church aflame with cries and prayers.
They were all happy for her.I knew i had
to leave the church for good before i
become the biblical Saul who was
converted on his way to commit more
crime against christians. I truly wasn’t ready to turn a new
leaf.Supposing i were, the big mouthed
Mary wouldn’t even fall in my 40th
choice.
At the end of church service. I quickly ran
out of the church premises with Jboy {myaccomplice}.
“o boy, e be like your hook caught wrong
fish ooo” he asked seriously as we rushed
to my car.
“my guy e worst than you think. Na d fish
swallow me and the hook” i murmured,shaking my head and
breathing deeply.
“don’t worry i have a plan” he assured
me,stopping and facing me with a serious
look.But before he could say another
word, one of the church ushers rushed up to us.
“excuse me sir. Our pastor is waiting for
you at his office. Sister Mary is there
already” he announced seriously. I felt
like
slapping the silly messenger, but couldn’t because i was still in the church premises
and some curious members were equally
looking and smiling at me.

To be continued.

>>

Akpos: doctor, am not well.
Doctor: wetin de wori u?
Akpos: na headache de wori me
Doctor: since when?
Akpos: since the day i saw my gal friend hugging one guy
Doctor: That's not a headache but jealous



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 23:31:00

679 Views



Igbo man wish [Read it]


An Igbo man had no child, no money, no home and a blind mother. He
prayed to God, and God, moved by his prayers, told him to make only one
wish which will be granted!



The Igbo man prayed thus, "God, I want my mother to see my wife putting
Diamond bangles on my children's hands in our new mansion!"



Then God said, "Damn! I still have a lot to learn from these Igbo people."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-06 08:28:07

264 Views




You may admire a girl’s curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

-Mae WestRelated

mcaas [Read it]


{Mum} Jennifer You Don`t Want To Tell The Truth ,
How Did You Get Pregnant??
{Daughter}Mum It Was An Accident?
{Mum} You Mean You Were Crossing The Road And
A Penis From Nowhere Eventually Hit You??
.
A lady lied to a guy dat she is a graduate. D guy
asked "do u ave NYSC certificate? She replied "No
seriously I don't like the course. Because all the
subject is calculation ...."
.
Son asks his father softly; ''Dad, why is this
electricity bill so low this month?''
Dad looks at the boy & says '' Fusek!!!! THIS IS MY
PAY SLIP!!
'I'm finished' is when your girlfriend starts arguing
with a bouncer in a Club...and ends up saying..."My
boyfriend ain't scared of you"....That moment my
brother it's either you become John Cena or you
become Usain Bolt.
WARRI AGAIN!!!!*A man caught a thief at night in
his kitchen at Ugborikoko area of Warri. Just when
the man was going to raise the alarm,the thief
said:"Do you remember what I said in the Bible?I
said "I will come like a thief in the night"."I have
come again. Blessed are you among men that you
have stayed awake as I told you." Then the man
looked at the thief, smiled and replied, "Sir, you
have fallen into the hands of Pontius Pilate again!"* I
will nail u today!!! The thief fainted. loooool
It's not like i can't afford that - i phone 7
It's just that the colour they have is not my taste
If they have colours like acid green, cockroach
brown, paw paw orange, bloody red, ewedu green
Or a little touch of ojuelegba yellow
Just let me know let it not look as if i cant buy it
for myself ...that is d Saying of a Poor Asshole
I saw a joke in another group but it was posted by
someone I don't like so I decided to come and
laugh here?
The way girlz smoke dis days i just pray they don't
give birth to firewood


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-28 21:20:38

239 Views




This story is sorely written and fabricated by the author Johnysky as a continuation of the first part.
It’s a pure work of fiction so any similar events in real life is sorely coincidental.


Episodes:

smart kid [Read it]



STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% lN AN EXAM
I would have given him 100%! Each answer is
absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.
The teacher had no sense of humour.
Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle.
Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence
signed?
* at the bottom of the page.
Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid
Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage
Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams
Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7.. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea
what will it become?
* Wet
Q9.. How can a man go eight days without
sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has one
hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in
one hand and four apples and three oranges in
other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a
wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
*No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete
floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard
to crack.
Spread some laughter, share the cheer. Let's be
happy, while we're here!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-10 05:20:36

561 Views



3 BULLET KIDS [Read it]


A woman pregnant with triplets was
walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and
shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily the babies were Okay. The
surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She
gave birth to two healthy daughters
and a healthy son. All was fine for sixteen years and then
one daughter walked into the room in
tears. "What's wrong?" asked the
mother. "I was taking a pee and this bullet came
out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and
explained what happened sixteen years
ago. About a week later the second daughter
walked into the room in tears. "Mum, I
was taking a pee and this bullet came
out." Again the mother told her not to worry
and explained what happened sixteen
years ago. A week later her son walked into the
room in tears. "It's okay," said the Mum,
"I know what happened. You were
taking a pee and a bullet came out. ''No,'' said the boy, "I shot the dog."
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-03 17:57:45

386 Views




Humans are mortal. So are ideas. An idea needs propagation as much as a plant needs watering. Otherwise both will wither and die.

~ B. R. AmbedkarRelated

The cops quickly climbed out of their car and went over to Jeremy’s. Jeremy surrendered to them. He unlocked the doors of the car. When they officers got to Jeremy’s one of them flung the door open.
“Can we see your licence?” One of them questioned. He was hefty. A very bushy mustache hung above his lips. He had little eyes. He wasn’t smiling.

Jeremy opened the glove compartment, took out his licence and handed it over to the cop that asked for it. He rested on his seat and placed his hand on his head. Edwin Broderick worried him. Why should he do something like this? He kept it from his only son. Who does that? Why carry a burden, an overwhelming problem alone? Why? Why? He loved that man so much? After his mum had passed away, his father had always been there for him. He reminded him of his mother- whom he’d never forget. They were still healing and this happens? Life’s so unfair. It couldn’t even think about him, how he’d feel and handle the situation. God!

Jeremy was so engrossed in his thoughts and the challenges he was going to face. He didn’t realize that he had been dismissed. The first cop tapped him lightly. Jeremy was startled. He almost jumped out if the vehicle. The officers held on to him. They settled him in.

“I can see you’re not okay.” the small officer observed.

The other hefty one returned his licence to him. “Don’t drive when you’re not okay, Mr. Broderick. Where are you headed?”

Jeremy pointed to his house. “I’m there already.”

“Good. Next time, listen to orders from the cops and don’t break the law. You might not get so fortunate next time.”

“Thank you.” Jeremy was delighted. He had never done what he just did and didn’t want to spend even a night in a cell. He really appreciated the fact that he was set free.

The officers nodded and moved back to their police car. Soon enough, the road was cleared for Jeremy. He started the car and safely drove to his father’s gate. On getting to the gate, he honked and it opened on its own. When he drove into the compound, he stopped the vehicle few inches away from the huge iron gate. He pushed the door open and jumped down.
“James!” he called the guard.

A young man of about thirty came, running out. He was dressed in a blue uniform and boots. He caught the key Jeremy threw in is direction. What to do with it, he knew it well.

Jeremy stomped out of his presence towards the mansion. On getting in, he briskly climbed the stairs. He met his father sitting on the arm chair and his eyes glued to the television in front of him. Jeremy walked over and stood, facing his father, obstructing his view.

Edwin scanned Jeremy. The look on his face was sad and filled with anger at the same time. The last time he saw his son that way was when Emily passed away. What had happened this time around? Who was going to die or dead already? Was it Purity? He got off immediately. “Son, what is the matter?” He hoped he was totally wrong.

Jeremy stared at him. He could not make a sound. This man was still going to die. He was going to leave him soon.

Now, Edwin was starting to worry. His brows furrowed. “Talk to me, son.” he insisted Jeremy tell him what the problem was.

His fists clenched. “Father,” he decided he was going to take things slowly. “What are you hiding from me?”

“What? Hiding from you?” Edwin was confused.

Jeremy wasn’t gonna fall for that.
“You are keeping something serious and very important from me.” He took a step forward. “Why did you have a heart attack? Why were you looking so sad today? I need answers!” he demanded firmly.

Jeremy? Was this the Jeremy he knew? His son? Why was he acting this way? Talking to his father that way? “Will you stop that? What is wrong with you? Are you drunk?” he shook his head. “I can see that you are not yourself. Go to bed, we’ll talk tomorrow.”
He began walking out of the living room.

Jeremy turned to watch his father. “Heart disease?” he blurted out.

Edwin froze where he stood. His mouth dropped.

“Cardiovascular disease? Your heart has a permanent damage? It could lead to stroke and then death?”

Still where he was, tears slid down his cheeks. How did he find out? He wasn’t gonna let him know till he was married to Purity. He had plans, he wanted to reveal it to him, himself. Edwin slowly turned to face his son. He didn’t know where to start from.

>>

bad luck [Read it]


good luck day big problem o







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-22 22:15:06

969 Views




EPISODE 11

‘Are you okay?’ Cynthia turned the car CD
player
on.
Mma nodded. ‘I okay, ma.’
But she still appeared not to be, the way
she
folded her arms on the strap of seat belt
crossing
her.
At Maryland Junction, the lights blinked
yellow and
then turned red. Cynthia slowed the car.
She
looked at Mma.
‘Do you like the song?’
Mma moved her head ever so slightly in
something that looked like a nod.
She felt nothing about the song. A female
voice
was singing in a happy tone, telling
someone, her
man obviously, not ever to think that he
was
irreplaceable, that she could have another
him by
the next day.
Finally Mma concluded the woman was a
good
singer only her English was too
complicated. She
wished she would render, with the same
smooth,
joy-filled voice, Chioma Jesus by Sister
Amaka
Okwuoha.
She thought about her mother now, how
she
always sang along to the song while
sweeping in
the morning, her voice sometimes towering
above
the original singer’s. Sometimes she held
the long
broom still in one hand and danced around.
She thought about her younger brother, the
way
he would run to call her to come and see
the way
their mother was dancing.
They would stand aside, watching, smiling
and
cackling. Onyiudo Ekemma looked at her
children
and winked at them, her waist still moving
to the
song.
A fluffy lump formed in Mma’s throat and
she
struggled to push it down.
Cynthia looked at her.
‘You don’t look ok. What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing, Ma. I fine. Thanking you.’
Cynthia pulled a face and turned back to
the
wheel. The car was moving now.
They didn’t talk again till she parked at a
corner of
the round space in front of Bimacs
Specialist
Hospital.
Inside Dr Hope’s office, she examined
Mma’s face,
asked her some questions before she called
in a
nurse.
Mma followed the blue uniformed lady to
get a
urine sample.
Dr Hope first used the rapid U-check test
and the
result came back positive. She ran a
confirmatiory
using another test equipment and it was
the same
result.
‘It’s positive,’ she said, turning to Cynthia.
‘She is
pregnant.’
Cythia nodded, her lips compressed in an
expression that meant she wasn’t very
surprised.
‘Your house girl?’ Dr Hope asked.
Before Cynthia could answer, Mma nodded
quickly
in response to the dark-skinned doctor’s
question.
Dr Hope had large white eyes, made bolder
even
by the penetrative, quick-judging character
familiar to those in her profession. Her
black-
rimmed glasses did not mask anything.
‘Mma, wait outside the door, please,’
Cynthia said.
‘Yes, ma.’
The door closed behind her and she turned
to the
doctor.
‘How safe is it for her to have an abortion?’
Dr Hope twisted her lips in reflection. ‘We
didn’t
run any definitive but she is obviously still
in her
first trimester. What did Richard say?’
‘She has to have an abortion.’
‘What of her parents?’
‘She’s got none. I will sign the documents
if there
is any.’
A small knowing smile walked past the
doctor’s
face. ‘Is your fiance somehow involved?’
Cynthia didn’t say anything.
‘As long it’s safe, Doc, you must get rid of
that
pregnancy.’
Dr Hope stared at her and then scrunched
up her
mouth. ‘At least we will need the girl’s
opinion.’
Cynthia inhaled deeply. ‘Ok.’
When Mma walked in, she didn’t allow the
doctor
to finish before she said, ‘Yes. I doing it.’
If Dr Hope was surprised she didn’t show it.
The
people with her kind of profession tended
not to
show much emotions.
‘Do you not want this baby, Miss Mma.’
‘I not owing the baby. The people owing
the baby
not wanting it and I not stopping them.’
‘People?’
Mma didn’t talk. Cynthia turned away.
Richard had told her not to do anything
rash. ‘If it’s
confirmed she’s really pregnant, bring her
home
and we will know what next to do,’ he’d
said to her
that morning. She’d replied him only in her
mind.
‘I want you to know you have other
options,’ Dr
Hope said. ‘You can consider –‘
‘I not want. Removing the baby so that I
going
back to the village.’
Dr Hope’s eyes stayed on Mma a little
longer. She
removed her glasses and tapped her thumb
with
it.

>>

Solid beezatti on Facebook Chat

Conversation:

.

.

Boy:”Hey!

..

Girl:”What ??

..

Boy:”Hi

..

Girl:”Bye!

..

Boy:”Why ??

..

Girl:”Didn’t heard What I Said??

Get Lost!

..

Boy:”Okay As you Wish!

But I Wanna Say Something to

You!

..

Girl:”What ?? Say Fast, I don’t have

Time!

..

Boy:”*Laughing*

If I Ever Wanted to Commit a

Suicide,

I’ll Definitely Jump from your Ego

Level to your IQ Level!

..

Now Get Lost Saali Chudail…Related

I feel more confident than ever that the power to save the planet rests with the individual consumer.

-Denis Hayes, director of the Solar Energy Research Institute (1979-1981)Related

We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.

-Frank TiboltRelated

What a Contradiction:

If a wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable.

And if a husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy!Related

Santa: Banta, how is your love life?

Banta: Terrible! The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty!Related

I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.

-Rita Mae BrownRelated

A student failed JAMB 5 tyms. 1 day, she travelled 2 visit her frnd in UNILORIN, she fell sick & was admitted to an hospital there. She later called her mum & said...
SHE: Hello ma
MUM: Dat place is silent, where ar u?
SHE: I'm in UNILORIN
MUM: Oluwa o se o
SHE: I was admitted
MUM: Jesu o se o, Olorun ti doju ti ogun ile wa ti ko fe ki okawe (laughing & dancing)
SHE: Malaria ni
MUM: Malaria ni course ti won fun e, course gidi ni o,kawe e daadaa o
SHE: i would ben discharged 2moro
MUM: Olorun ma je, 4 yrs lo ma lo loruko Jesu.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-15 11:03:07

442 Views




ah branch one chemist mek ah buy paracetamol 4 dis headache wey dey disturb me 4 almost 2 weekz now
i passed one dirty mad man standing outside d chemist..wetin folo was an 'abeg folo read scene'
ME: ehn nurse abeg u get medcine wey go fit cure dis ma crase 1nce n 4 al...(immediately d mad man jump in)
MAD MAN: shby d tin dey mek ur body very hot
ME: yes..
MAD MAN: sum tym e b lyk say dem play army drum 4 ur head
ME: (surprise) na so na
MAD MAN: and ur eyes go b lyk say ur house dey turn
ME: jeez...na true u talk
MAD MAN: ur body go kum b lyk say na fire dey burn u
ME: goodnez me.! guy no be lie
MAD MAN: cieling 4 ur house go kum b lyk cabin biscuit N ur waste bin go resemble paradise
ME: (astonished) guy na me tel u
MAD MAN: and u go dey say sum tinz u no fit interprete
ME (exclaming) u b winch?
MAD MAD: oboy na we we
ME: wetin dat 1 kum mean ...how u tek sabi al dis tinz
MAD MAN: na so my own tek start..
{omoh i fainted immediately)

ONE WORD 4 DIS MAN MAD PLZ







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-28 14:02:03

354 Views



Akpos as a baby [Read it]


Akpos and his mother went to church one Sunday, and the pastor said "it's offering time" and the whole congregation walk to the alter and pay their offering and the pastor said "may we all close our eyes and pray for the offering", and the whole congregation closed their eyes, Akpos as a child was on his mother back, as the pastor was praying, he open his eyes and found everyone eyes close so he decided to take the USD from the LD, as he was was doing it Akpos as a child on his mother back clip his hands and the pastor turn to he and said "blessed are those who have eyes but can't talk" and Akpos as a child on his mother back said "blessed are those that take and need to share". The pastor fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-05 11:10:44

863 Views




I say I dont sleep with married men, but what I mean is that I dont sleep with happily married men.

-Britt EklandRelated

Interviewer : tumko excel aata hai?

Santa: aa to jaayega, par bohot dheela lagega.????Related

“i don’t know what ive done wrong, im trying everything possible to please him but he still cant see it.” i wept out
, immediately he opened the door. “why? What did you do?” he asked, following my steps. “like i said i don’t know” i said with tears rolling down my face. He embraced me and consoled me. After several minutes of being quiet, i finally asked what we weren suppose to do next. ” happy birthday dear” i said with a smile whiles handling my diary over to him. He was amazed and i didn’t know why i did that. Maybe its because i trusted him now. ” are you serious? U don’t mind if i find any secret in there?” he asked with an amazement. I shook my head without a word. Cant believe you trust me this much Mina. ” you have been a wonderful friend to me and him… But its okay.” i responded. ” just don’t betray this trust and friendship we have.” i added. Later in the day, i prepared his favorite and then we both ate. Yes we ate together. He made me laugh the whole time, we watched tv and soon enough, it was 6pm. I was seated at the hall alone when he came to meet me sobbing. “what is the matter?” he asked. I told him i didn’t want spoil the engineers day. “i will talk to him” he offered his concern.
He embraced me once again and this time it was so tight, so tight that i could feel his breath, we withdrew and the next thing… Hhm i don’t how it happened but we were kissing. My tongue was in Alex mouth and his in mine. It was really deep and it was a desperate kiss. Im sure the guy was already dreaming about we making love. His kiss was so aggressive, touched my b----t and began to caress it. I cant tell how long we went, but i stopped him. “no we cant do this” i said and stood up. I took my hand bag and dashed out. “Mina wait, Mina…” i heard him calling when i was running out. I felt so guilty, i betrayed him, what have i done? They are friends. I never knew anything about relationship and now this? I really wept on my way to my apartment. Why didn i do it? What do i feel for Alex. Do i truly love the engineer? Why is the engineer like this now? Yes why was he behavingthat way.
I didn’t meet him when i got home, i went inside, took my bath, wept for a while and came back to normal. I went outside to receive some fresh air. It was around 10pm when he walked in. I was quiet when i saw him coming, i thought he will pass by but he didn’t, he sat right beside me. He didn’t say anything. We sat for 10minutes without a word and suddenly he broke the silent. ” i love you Hagan, i really do, never doubt that, no matter what happens” that was it, just that then he left. What did he mean? What was he trying to say? I followed up later on, some minutes later. I realised he was taking his bath, after that he came back with a towel on his waist, walking to the other end of the bed to sit. I got hold of his hand and he stopped moving. I let go of his hand and drew down my night gown. My GOD, i couldn’t believe i could do that, i was totally nude. I was naked. He stared at my naked body in disbelief.
He couldn’t stop staring down there. Yes i mean down there. He was blinking non stop. I held my n----e and uttered, “make me your woman” he was still stranded. Seriously some guys can blow chances. I don’t know where i got the courage from. I held his towel and pulled it off. He grabbed me instantly and the kissing began. It was rough, he kissed me like he was hungry and i replied his kiss anyway. We kissed and caressed. I could feel his d*ck striking my tigh. We withdrew for a moment and stared each other with our hearts racing. ” you are my first” i said with my voice trembling. He raised me and placed me on the bed. We began the four play once more. He was pressing my a-s and my b----t, sucking my n----e. Then i realised his hand was moving down, i was really scared, i haven’t done it before. He place his d*ck right at the tip and and placed his palms in mine as he stared at me with so much love. Then i felt a sharp pain beneath me. “ah!” i moaned. Tears dropped from my eyes. I felt it more as he went in and out of me. I was wailing. He didn’t stop, he kept going in and out as he kissed me, it continued until he finally groaned and fell on me. I couldn’t believe what just happened as i stared at the ceiling with tears in my eyes….
What do you think? Please say something, cause i am not myself

>>

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.


The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”


The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”


Then, the lawyer spoke up. “Yes,” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”Related

I am a fitness freak.










Yes I freak out when anybody talks about fitness.Related

Types of Slap [Read it]


TAKE AWAY SLAP
When someone gives you a dirty slap, and all you can do is hold your face and walk away.


RESOUNDING SLAP
This is after you are hit, you keep on hearing some funny sounds in your brain like "wiiiiiiiiiii"! And voices in your head will start singing Christmas Carol.


FORMATTING SLAP
This is the slap that makes someone forget instantly what he or she was doing. You find yourself asking questions like, "What did I do?"


EXPLANATION SLAP
When someone gives you this kind of slap, you find yourself explaining the situation to the nearest person on your own accord e.g. Bros! Are you watching? I didn't do anything o!


FIX DEPOSIT SLAP
When you receive this kind of slap, all you will do is just stand right where you are and watch the person walk away with your mouth opened widely.


RHETORICAL SLAP
The moment you download this slap, you start asking questions that don't need reply. Like, "John, YOU SLAPPED ME?!"


SWEET SLAP
This is the type of slap a girl gives you sweetly on your cheek and, whether it's painful or not, you start blushing.


MATHEMATICAL SLAP
This simply has to do with the physical reconstruction of your face when given to you; the length of your face will be raised to power two, your eye socket will calculate its circumference.


CHERUBIM AND SERAPHIM SLAP
When you receive this slap (it proves effective when it's given to you all of a sudden), you will be able to speak all sort of languages like Spanish, Greek, Arabic, Hindu, etc together. 


COLOUR RIOT AND BIRDING SLAP
You will start seeing different colours and your head will turn to a nest whilst the birds will be flying all around you. 


Share the kind of slap you've received before in the comment box below...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-07 09:22:13

255 Views




Chibuzor kept saying incoherent words at the back of the vehicle. His girlfriend was still crying while Toun laughed and drove.
I was not happy about the Volvo tailing us. So I texted Jafar. “Oga tell your boys to stop following me” I wondered if weed was indeed this powerful. I had never smoked one before.
Chibuzor: I want to swim
We all acted like we didn’t hear. I wondered what Timi was doing when I called him. I wondered if my calling him was just an excuse to see him. My phone beeped, signaling a message.
“Night Ma’am”, Jafar’s message said.
I looked at the side mirror to see if the Volvo was still following us, there it was..all big and Ugly. I was cursing Jafar under my breathe when I noticed the Volvo slow down to take a right turn. “thanks”, I texted Jafar.
“lol”, he texted back
Chibuzor : I believe I can fly
Once again we ignored him. Getting to the hospital, we held Chibuzor and forcefully took him into the reception where some members of staff checked him in. while Toun and I remained in the reception, Timi and Chibuzor’s girlfriend followed him inside. As they led him in he shouted “PDP”, the people around the hospital laughed in return.
I saw a figure limp toward me, I felt bad for whoever it was that had the broken leg. Until I noticed it was Acho. Beside him was Yewande, holding him has he limped on. I felt very bad, the normally proud Acho that walked with swag looked pitiful.
As soon as he saw me, he looked in the other direction, but Yewande looked at me and hissed. She left her boyfriend and came to me.
Yewande: have you seen what you have caused? When I am finished with you, you will regret ever being in this school.
I kept quiet but Toun was having none of it.
Toun: You cannot do more than a hanging pant!
Sometimes I wondered if Toun’s father was a judge or she was adopted.
Yewande: Mrs PA, na bottle we go use tear your mouth
Toun: Razzo! Bottles aint for fighting dear,its for drinks. Stooping to your level is pretty ridiculous mehn..
Chai, if they beat me because of Toun’s mouth, our friendship is over.
Yewande: Ehen, because your people get money, you think you are all that?
Toun: f--k off jor! You and your messed up boyfriend.
Yewande smiled, informing us we would hear from her soon.
Timi came out some minutes later, informing us that Chibuzor had been admitted and his chic would be spending the night with him in the hospital. Timi got a call.
Timi: Hey Annie….
…..sure, I am on my way
…..no problem.
He hung up.
Timi: Nkem…I have to leave you guys..Annie needs a lift
Me: No problem , thanks for coming at such short notice.
Toun: thanks dear
Toun hugged him, he came to me for a hug too, I blanked the heart robber.
Timi: I can give you guys tfare thou
Me: don’t worry, we have enough with us.
Toun: my regards to Annie.
I might just end up poisoning Toun, I thought to myself.
Now, the truth was that we didn’t have tfare back to the house. We left our purses in the room. Toun called Abayomi to come pick us up at Bele. So we walked to Bele to chill for him. As usual, the place was filled with students drinking different brands of beers. Toun spotted kofo and told me that we should walk up to her.
Kofo: hey Toun, Tana, babes howfar?
Toun: we dey o
Me: Kofo howfar. Are you here alone or you came with a friend?
Kofo: I came with a group of friends. It’s a friend of mine’s birthday
Toun: oh, so how is the campaign going?
Kofo: It is going well, I think Timi is doing a good job
Toun: what of Abayomi, you think he will be a good president?
Kofo stammered abit, like her, I didn’t know what Toun was up to.
Kofo: I think so, but I should be asking you, you be him babe na..
Toun: but we are both straffing him na?
I wished the floor would swallow me. Something told me she knew I was aware of the ‘fuckage’.
Kofo: what do you mean, what kind of accusation is that? We are just friends o..
Toun smiled and turned to me.
Toun: Tee lets leave here, she disgusts me.
I quietly followed Toun. I wanted to apologize for keeping it from her but I kept my mouth shut.
Me: isn’t Abayomi supposed to pick us up here?
Toun: I will text him to meet us at bebe
Me: how did you find out about Kofo?
Toun: I found out a while ago, and I know u knew about it
Me: Abayomi has ended it
Toun: I know that too, rememnber those geeks that came requesting you drop kofo as the campaign manager?
Me: yes
Toun: I told them to put it in the contract.
Me: you are dangerous o
Toun: I am not dangerous; I am just protecting what’s mine
Me: why didn’t you break up with him?
Toun: whats the probability that I would find someone better who wouldn’t cheat? Atleast when I deprive him of s-x sometimes, I don’t feel guilty.
Me: oh
We were lost in our talk that we didn’t see a car pull over beside us. Before I could say jack, Toun and I were bundled inside the car.
There was two guys at opposite sides of the door guiding Toun and I, the glasses of the car was tinted while the stereo was at full blast.
Guy in front : Na you wan be vice-president abi?
We were driven around blind-folded for a long time before the car stopped. When my eyes were opened, I realized we were in an incomplete building. Toun and I were tied down to a chair on sitting position. I started thinking of my parents and my sister. Is it worth to lose my life just because of University presidency? The person I was doing it for was probably enjoying himself somewhere now. The guys that brought us in left us alone for about fifteen minutes before another guy came in. he was an albino…a scary looking albino.
Albino guy: Tana, Toun welcome
Me: what are we doing here, people will realize we are missing and you will be in trouble
Toun: serious trouble o, do you know the daughter of whom I am?
Albino guy: my name is Skanty..
He smiled exposing very ugly yellow looking teeth.
Skanty: what are you looking for in SUG?
Me: what is the big deal that you are kidnapping us?
Skanty: its not a game for people like you and Abayomi, why not face your studies and graduate?
Toun: why not release us before you get into trouble?
Skanty smiled again, this time he brought out a metallic object that looked like a gun…was a gun
Toun: Jesu….
Me: what do you want from us?
Skanty: You will call Abayomi and tell him to step down, tell him u and Toun’s lives are on the line. If he tells the police, you are in trouble. As soon as we verified that he has stepped down, you are free..its that easy
Me: you can’t be serious
His eyebrow shut up like I just said the most stupid thing possible. He got our phones and left the compartment.
Me: Toun are you scared
Toun: not really. Abayomi will step down and we will be free
Me: but I dnt like blackmail. It’s not fair
Toun: I am just tired, its trouble every time since he declared for this position
Twisting my neck, I looked at town as she looked helpless sitting on the chair.
Toun: I want to pee
Me: me too
We kept quiet for a while, and then I started laughing for no reason. Toun looked at me like I was mad, then she started laughing too. After a while my laughter turned to crying, as expected..Toun started crying too. It just dawned on us that we might be killed.
I didn’t know the time it was, but it was morning when the Albino came around. He brought us slices of bread and tea.
Me: we want to Pee
Toun: and take our bath
Skanty: to pee is okay, but taking your bath?… not possible..
Skanty scratched his head like he was wondering how he was gonna make us pee. He brought out his gun and told loosened Toun from the chair. He did same with me.
Skanty: now pull your clothes, everything…
Toun: we just wanna pee…no need to pull all our clothes
He started shouting..
Skanty: pull all your clothes now!
I started pulling mine; it took Toun a few minutes to join me. When we were stark naked, he told us to pee.
Me: we should pee here?…isn’t there any toilet
Skanty’s attention was on my boobs and shaved V. he didn’t bother answering me. Toun faced the wall, squatted and peed. The sound of her pee triggered mine. I spread my legs and peed standing…I noticed Skanty’s erection..p-----t !
Me: give me the phone let me call Abayomi
Skanty: so soon? I was just enjoying myself…
When he gave me the phone, I made the call..
Me: hello..
…Toun and I have been kidnapped..
….you are to step down so they can release us…
…please hurry..
He didn’t say anything as I spoke..all I heard was a hmmmm…then Jafar hung up.
To be continued


>>

A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress.Related

Which kind Governor go give people
helmet before election and seize their
okada after election?
1. APC
2. PDP
3. LP
4. ACCORD
5. OTHER (specify)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-02 00:28:46

385 Views




chizi started as a road side trader to a boutique owener nd rose frm a servant to a master, through d old market master chief philippe dessauve who assisted him with finance. He took people by their words, nd had more coustomers than his colleagues in d market. He was popularly known as 'ECLIPSE' because his wares were one in town. He kept record of his customers nd was willing to grant them credit facility anytime. The rich women ordered in advance nd this created a serious competition in the village. Some preferred the indian silk George to local prints nd hollandaise. "hello madam, goodmorning" "hello dear, goodmorning nd how are you" "i am fine. madam, i admire your green wrapper" "thank u, i bought it locally at d big market, frm a man called eclipse"


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

~ Mother TeresaRelated

what&what to do [Read it]


1-kissing ur man is not a problem d problem b say stop shouting like a car crash 2-shouting during sex is not a pro infact is very sweet d problem is u shouting names like JESUS,OH MY GOD,HOLY MARY u are having illegal sex 3-wearing ur mini is not a problem infact is sexy d problem is u seeing guy and forcing it 2 b long are u not d owner 4-u bleaching is not a problem d problem is u having brown lip yellow face black leg are u a zebra 5-calling ur husband sweet,honey, d problem is dat did u want ur husband to get pregnant 6-reading dis jokes is not a problem d problem is u reading without droping comment.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-21 09:44:31

298 Views



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