Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Akpos was assigned to
the induction center
where he was to advise
new recruits about their
government benefits,
especially their GI
insurance.
It wasn't long before
Captain Taiwo noticed that
Airman Akpos had almost
a 100% record for
insurance sales, which
had never happened
before.
Rather than ask about this,
the Captain stood in the
back of the room and
listened to Akpos' sales
pitch.
Akpos explained the
basics of the GI Insurance
to the new recruits, and
then said, "If you have GI
Insurance and go into
battle and are killed, the
government has to pay
$200,000 to your
beneficiaries. If you don't
have GI insurance, and
you go into battle and get
killed, the government has
to pay only a maximum
of $6000."
"Now," he concluded,
"which bunch do you
think they are going to
send into battle first?"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-11 11:31:25

575 Views




Akpos and Esther were to get married in one week.

Two days to their wedding, Esther decides to stay in Akpos’s house. In the middle of the night, Akpos got aroused and started touching Esther’s breasts.

Esther got angry and told Akpos to stop saying, “My body is the temple of the lord.”

And just when she thought it was over, Akpos answered saying, “Then let me worship there.”




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-20 12:36:53

515 Views




It is best to act with confidence, no matter how little right you have to it.

~ Lillian HellmanRelated

embarassed. [Read it]


In a public Library,Akpos came in,and went bsyd one girl.
Akpos:pls may i sit beside
Girllouder).leave me alone i wil nt av sex wit u.
everybody turned and stared at Akpos.he got embarassed,and go and sat at another place.
After sumtym,the girl came over there .
Girl:im sorry,i knw u are embarased but i study psychology,so i knw what people thinks
Akposlouder).N50,000 for one night,ah is too much.
Every body looked at d girl.Akpos whisper 2 her.'i study law i knw how 2 make people feel guity.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-27 01:09:35

303 Views




Akpos comes out of their house crying.
His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?"

Akpos: "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,"

Mother: "That’s not so serious," soothed his mother.
"I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?"

Akpos (sobbing): "I did!".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-26 16:14:41

388 Views



Isaac Newton [Read it]


PHYSICS TEACHER: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Is'`t that wonderful?
STUDENT: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 10:34:09

1338 Views




Dad – “Pappu Beta uncle ke pair padh”



Pappu – *bows down* “Par papa inke pair pe kuch likha hi nai hai” ????Related

AKPOS: Buy this parachute and land safely On the ground during emergency.


CUSTOMER: What if the parachute doesn't open when needed?


AKPOS: You will get your money back whenever I See you.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-04 20:39:45

258 Views




Mujhe udaas dekhkar usne kaha,

Mere hote hue tumhe koi dukh nhi de skta;

`Phir aisa hi hua` zindgi mein;

Jitne dukh mile sab usi ne diye.Related

A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary.


That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night.


She looked at her husband and said, “Honey, do you remember this?”


He looked up at her and said, “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”


She said, “That’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”


He nodded and said, “Yes dear, I still remember.”


“Well, what was it?” she asked.


He responded, “As I remember, I said, ‘Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those big boobs and screw your brains out.'”


She giggled and said, “Yes honey, that’s exactly what you said. So, now 50 years later, and I’m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?”


Again he looked up at her, and he replied, “Mission accomplished.”Related

Bank deposit [Read it]


I walked into a bank
and saw Akpos causing
comotion in the bank.
I asked; What is his
problem?.
He replied; I came here
trying to see the
Manager
but this bitches won't
let me.
Alas! The Manager
walks in and said; Here i
am, what can i do for
you?.
Akpos said; Ok, due to
the insecurity, armed
robbery and kidnapping
in this country, i am
here to deposit myself
in the bank so that i will
be
safe.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-11 06:06:26

380 Views




BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 19

I watched as Rodelio sent two
bullets into Nikky before
throwing her helpless body
into the water.
Poor me! I couldn’t do
anything to save her….please
don’t ask why.
Me: Noooo Nikkkky!!!
Two uniformed men came out
of nowhere, pointing their
guns to Rodelio.
Officer1: your gun down and
your hands in the…..
He couldn’t finish his sentence
when Rodelio took to his heels.
The two officers kept shooting
whilst chasing him, all to no
avail as he got into his car and
drove off……
Nikky’s blood stained the tar
road.
I wish i was able to save her
but its all too late.
In my sober state, i made to
jump off the bridge, perhaps to
rescue her.
Two hands gripped me tightly
when i was about jumping.
At that very moment, all the
sweet memories Nikky and i
shared right from grade1 days
came into my head like a
flash….
She was such a good friend,
dunno what polluted her mind
when she was in the states ‘coz
its after her return that this
whole idea of obsession kicked
in….
Voice: don’t do it sir…..
Me: leave me alone! Just let
me be would you?
Voice: if you jump sir, you
would end up taking your own
life.
Some senses started playing in
me, the person was right, the
bridge was damñ high, my fall
would have been fatal.
Voice: i’m officer Ricky my
colleague and i are guards here
in the resort and we’ve
deployed our Marine team to
do the search….do you know
that guy?
Me: yes i do, he is Rodelio
Crisanto.
Officer: hope you wouldn’t
mind following us for a few
questioning?
Me: yeah! I know how your
‘questioning’ goes.
Officer 2: we promise to keep
it cool….
Me: i can answer all your
questions here and now.
Officer: fine, lets have a seat
then.
We walked to a shade, in the
resort, where we occupied the
available seats.
Officer: why do you think he
took her life?
Me: i think he didn’t want her
to leak a secret….
Officer 2: what secret could
that be?
I went ahead to explain
everything i knew to them; the
love triangle, Ella’s kidnap and
so on.
Officer: thanks for your
corperation, mister?
Me: Isaiah,,,,,if you want, i can
take you to her house?
Officer: yes please.
We drove in my car, to Nikky’s
apartment.
We met Nenita and a man who
introduced himself as Tomas.
I left them there while i left
for my house.
Worst day ever!!!
Yesterday i was thinking by
now i might have been with
my Ella, and perhaps also know
who Nenita’s dad is, all is
nothing but empty hope and
wishes.
************************************
Samuel: its such a pity, i swear
if i ever get that Rodelio guy,
i’d strangle him to death!!!
Mark: you f----d up! You could
have atleast did something!
Me: i had no weapon you
dumphead…..
Mark: if you had memorised his
plate number, the police could
have planted gps tracker on
it!!!
Me: yeah i know….anyway what
brings you both here by this
time of the day?
Samuel: you’ve spotted a club
where Adrian loves clubbing
late at night, we want to plant
a bug on him today! Hopefully,
he’d lead us to Rodelio.
Me: great i idea, what are we
waiting for, lets go!
Mark: there’s a little hitch, its a
stripper club and we’d need a
stripper to plant the bug.
Me: i’m sure we can convince
one….
Mark: doesn’t sound
good,,,,,maybe Isabella can…..
Me:Isa…. what? No, i won’t let
that happen.
Voice: i’d do it!
We all turned to see Isabella
standing by the door adjorning
the inner hallway.
Samuel: how long have you
been there?
Isabella: long enough to hear
you…..
Mark: should we get you the
kits? So we can go now? Time
isn’t by us.
Isabella: i have what to wear.
Me: have you done this before?
Isabella: not really….guys, i’d
be right back, i’m off to get my
stripper wear!!!
To be continued
April 17 at 8:44pm


>>

Irony is when people post “Life is unfair” from their iPhones!Related

All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.

~ Zhou EnlaiRelated

Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail

~ Charles KetteringRelated

MONEY TITLE [Read it]


MONEY TITLE

Money has different names:

1. When you owe someone (DEBT)

2. In church it's called (OFFERING)

3. When you borrow from the bank (LOAN)

4. When you offer after a service (TIP)

5. In marriage it's called (BRIDE PRICE)

6. In divorce it's called (ALIMONY)

7. Boss to workers (SALARY)

8. Master to subordinate (WAGES)

9. When you pay government (TAX)

10. In court (FINES)

11. Government to retirees (PENSION)

12. Children (MAINTENANCE)

The question is "when a Boyfriend gives to his Girlfriend" what should we call it?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-01 18:19:40

149 Views



who dies first [Read it]


Who dies first







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-28 00:42:52

872 Views




Son; Papa Result Aa Gya.

Fail Ho Gya Me

.

.

.

.

.

Dad: Bc Tu Sirf Bathroom Me Hi

Hath

Chla Skta H

Exam Me Nahi :3Related

story of love [Read it]


story of real lovern Red roses were her favorites, her name was alsornRose.rnAnd every year her husband sent them, tied withrnpretty bows.rnThe year he died, the roses were delivered to herrndoor.rnThe card said, "Be my Valentine", like all the yearsrnbefore.rnEach year he sent her roses, and the note wouldrnalways say,rn"I love you even more this year, than last year onrnthis day.rnMy love for you will always grow, with everyrnpassing year."rnShe knew this was the last time that the rosesrnwould appear.rnShe thought, he ordered roses in advance beforernthis day.rnHer loving husband did not know, that he wouldrnpass away.rnHe always liked to do things early, way before therntime.rnThen, if he got too busy, everything would workrnout fine.rnShe trimmed the stems, and placed them in arnvery special vase.rnThen, sat the vase beside the portrait of hisrnsmiling face.rnShe would sit for hours, in her husband's favoriternchair.rnWhile staring at his picture, and the roses sittingrnthere.rnA year went by, and it was hard to live withoutrnher mate.rnWith loneliness and solitude, that had become herrnfate.rnThen, the very hour, as on Valentines before,rnThe doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting byrnher door.rnShe brought the roses in, and then just looked atrnthem in shock.rnThen, went to get the telephone, to call the floristrnshop.rnThe owner answered, and she asked him, if hernwould explain,rnWhy would someone do this to her, causing herrnsuch pain?rn"I know your husband passed away, more than arnyear ago,"rnThe owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you wouldrnwant to know.rnThe flowers you received today, were paid for inrnadvance.rnYour husband always planned ahead, he leftrnnothing to chance.rnThere is a standing order, that I have on file downrnhere,rnAnd he has paid, well in advance, you'll get themrnevery year.rnThere also is another thing, that I think yournshould know,rnHe wrote a special little card...he did this yearsrnago.rnThen, should ever I find out that he's no longerrnhere,rnThat's the card...that should be sent, to you thernfollowing year."rnShe thanked him and hung up the phone, herrntears now flowing hard.rnHer fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to getrnthe card.rnInside the card, she saw that he had written her arnnote.rnThen, as she stared in total silence, this is whatrnhe wrote...rn"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I'vernbeen gone,rnI hope it hasn't been too hard for you tornovercome.rnI know it must be lonely, and the pain is veryrnreal.rnFor if it was the other way, I know how I wouldrnfeel.rnThe love we shared made everything so beautifulrnin life.rnI loved you more than words can say, you werernthe perfect wife.rnYou were my friend and lover, you fulfilled myrnevery need.rnI know it's only been a year, but please try not torngrieve.rnI want you to be happy, even when you shed yourrntears.rnThat is why the roses will be sent to you forrnyears.rnWhen you get these roses, think of all thernhappiness,rnThat we had together, and how both of us werernblessed.rnI have always loved you and I know I always will.rnBut, my love, you must go on, you have somernliving still.rnPlease...try to find happiness, while living outrnyour days.rnI know it is not easy, but I hope you find somernways.rnThe roses will come every year, and they will onlyrnstop,rnWhen your door's not answered, when the floristrnstops to knock.rnHe will come five times that day, in case you haverngone out.rnBut after his last visit, he will know without arndoubt,rnTo take the roses to the place, where I'verninstructed him,rnAnd place the roses where we are, together oncernagain.rnSometimes in life, you find a special friend;rnSomeone who changes your life just by being partrnof it.rnSomeone who makes you laugh until you can'trnstop;rnSomeone who makes you believe that there reallyrnis good in the world.rnSomeone who convinces you that there really isrnan unlocked door justrnwaiting for you to open it. This is ForeverrnFriendship.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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a plane crash [Read it]


A plane carrying politicians crashed into a
farm.
When the police arrived, they found out that
AKPORS had
already buried them.
The following conversation ensued :
POLICE : Are you sure they were dead ?.
AKPORS : Yes, I'm very sure, though I heard
some screaming
"Help me! I'm still alive o!", but you know
these politicians,
they lie a lot!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-06 11:26:04

940 Views



PHONE TYPE [Read it]


YOUR FATHER: OCCUPATION: Civil Servant.
SALARY: N50,000.
PHONE TYPE: Nokia Torch. YOUR MOTHER:
OCCUPATION: Secretary.
SALARY: N30,000
PHONE TYPE: Tecno Dual Sim
(China) YOU:
CCUPATION: Nothing.
SALARY: NIL.
PHONE TYPE: Iphone6. Now tell me the secret behind
your own success?
#BOLLYSHOW™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-27 08:35:20

317 Views




Episode 23

voice: freeze….your hands on
your head. The voice was
familiar, yeah its Isabella’s
what is this girl up to? I think
am game in! In a swift left
turn, i used my left hand to
grip her armed-hand and my
right hand to point the gun
upwards.
Me: whats this about?
Isabella: hahahaha i never
knew my bro is a pro.
Me: wrong answer.
Isabella: i found this gun in
your room when you left for
work…what are you doing with
a gun?
Me: none of your
business….hey i got great
news! We’ar in custody of
Adrian!!!
Isabella: best news ever! Can i
see him? I can kick an åss you
know.
Me: hey kid am hungry! Any
food?
***************************
Samuel called earlier, saying
Adrian was now conscious. I
took my bath one more time
and drove to his house.
Samuel: welcome man.
Me: hey buddy…..uhm can we
see him now?
Samuel: yes but no need of
going there, we can watch him
from this (pointing)
laptop….the electric chair is
also remote controlled. Here,
have this, when you speak into
it, its gonna echoe in Adrian’s
place.
Me: where did you get all these
from?
Samuel: a Russian friend.
Me: (speaking into the micro
mic and watching the laptop)
Adrian!!!
Adrian: (confused, searching
round the room) who are you?
Let me go!!!
Me: wanna know who I am?
Isaiah Guidotti, you beat up
my sis…whats your fúcking
reason?
Adrian: you’d regret this!
Samuel: wrong answer. Two
buttons were on the remote, a
red and a green one. The
chair’s electrical wave are
activated by pressing the red
button. Samuel clicked on it,
we watched as Adrian kept
jerking involuntrily, for
minutes before he finally
spoke.
Adrian: båstards, do your
worst, i rather die!!!! I got
furious on hearing this. The
intensity of the electric shock
was 60% i increased it to 100%
torturing Adrian for several
minutes.
Adrian: (in a very weak voice)
please stop it, i’d speak.
Samuel: good boy, lets hear it.
Adrian: I won’t mention his
name…he’s my boss and he
sent me to do that to your sis,
then give her this message;
“tell your brother to let go of
my girl or else, your whole
family would go down for it”
Me: we know your boss’ name,
you don’t need to tell us…..who
told you about my sis? He
went on with his flimsy
explanation, saying he planted
a bug in my remote and also
went through my dairy. Soon,
he blacked out, he untied him,
it was getting darker. So we
dumped him off the sea shore.
If he’s lucky, someone might
rescue him. Samuel drove me
home.
Samuel: I think you should be
careful around Rodelio, we
don’t know more about him
except his name. He may be a
dangerous guy.
Me: yeah i know, but he’s a
loser! He can’t get Ella back.
Samuel: lover boy, i gotta go…
bye.
Me: bye. I walked inside while
Samuel zoomed off.
************************
wow! I’ve never been this
happy after work. Do you know
why? My company nominated
me to attend the PHILIPPINE
TRADE FARE. Its an annual
fare, where all local industries
would come together to
showcase their products, have
fun and enjoy wonderful
seminars from
great business tycoons.
I called Ella, Isabella and
Samuel.
Telling them i’d be away for
seven days starting from
tomorrow.

>>

GOOD MAN [Read it]


I used N4,000 to buy fuel for my car. I
decided to use the remaining N1,000 I
had left in my pocket to get some food
in a restaurant before I face the Lagos
traffic. As I ordered the food and sat
down to eat, a well-dressed man in a suit sitting beside me said, "I love the
way you eat, try their snail, I will pay." I hastily added four pieces of snail at a
cost of N2,000 and continued eating. He
said again, "You eat so well, please get
a bottle of wine so that you can drink
after eating." I hastily made the order and was having
fun. My total bill came up to about
N10,000. I thanked him for accepting to
pay. As I stood to leave, my car key fell down
and I bent to pick it. I discovered that
the man was bare-footed! I thought the
man was attending a certain church but
3 hefty guys immediately busted in and
grabbed him by the arm. One of them said to me, "I'm sorry if this man has
been disturbing you, he just escape
from our psychiatric hospital this
morning...'' I fainted!
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-14 15:33:07

1561 Views



nigerian hell [Read it]


A man died & goes to hell. There he finds
that there is a different hell for each
country and decides he’ll pick the least
painful to spend his eternity. He goes to
the German hell & asks, “What do they do
here?” He is told “first they put you in an
electric chair for an hour. Then they lay
you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips
you for the rest of the day”. The man does
not like the sound of that at all so he
moves on. He checks out the USA hell as
well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all similar to the
German hell.
Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and
finds that there is a long queue of people
waiting to get in…Amazed, he asks, “What
do they do here?” He is told “first they put
you in an electric chair for an hour, and
then they lay you on a bed of nails for
another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in
& whips you for the rest of the day.” But
that is exactly the same as all the other
hells, why are there so many people
waiting to get in?” asks the man.
A concerned fellow calls him aside and
said, “Because there is never any
electricity so the electric chair doesn’t
work. The nails were paid for but were
never supplied by the contractor, so the
bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the
Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so
he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes
back home for other business!!”….that day,
that man was finally proud to be a
Nigerian.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-11 12:47:58

582 Views




Meanwhile, somewhere in space….

Jaadu from koi mil gaya is again confused …whether he gave his power to rohit mehra or rohit sharma

(Rohit sharma scored 264 Runs in 173 Balls v/s Srilanka. India’s Final score was 404 and Srilanka was Allout for 251)Related

burning fire [Read it]


Akpos and his friend, Kwame where coming from school. Suddenly, they saw a burning fire. Akpos thought of something stupid and said:

AKPOS: Kwame. If you can put your ring finger in this fire, I will give you 200k.

KWAME: Really.

AKPOS: Yes.

(Kwame put his finger in the fire)

AKPOS: Take, here's your money. Give me my change.

KWAME: What? This is just N5! Where's the remaining 195,000 naira?!

AKPOS: I said I was going to give you 200 kobo.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-31 08:10:01

155 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


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sharp girl [Read it]


mother is in the kitchen making dinner for
her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?” The
mother thinks for a few seconds and says,
“Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love
and get married. One night they go into
their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have
sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the
mother continues, “That means the daddy
puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s
how you get a baby, honey.” The child
seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the
other night when I came into your room you
had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do
you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my
dear. Jewelry.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-24 17:33:27

999 Views




“What do you mean you’ve come to take me ‘to where I belong?'” Purity tried her possible best to hide her excitement. She was filled with joy. Jeremy had come to take her, not to fight with her. Her heart leapt with joy.

“You belong to me, with me. You are my wife, Purity.” Jeremy was very happy to see her. If he had not seen her, he might have died. The anger was there, but when he saw her, it all vanished. He really loved her.

“I’m not your wife. It was just want engagement party.” She grinned.

“And that means we’ll get married. Wait a minute,” he gave her a puzzled look. “Are you thinking of changing your mind?”

She made a face.^”I never said that.”

He heaved a sigh of relief and scanned her intently. “You’re crying. Why have you been crying?”

Hadn’t she wiped away all the tears? Oh, he had been watching her, silently. “Its nothing.” She became moody.

“Are you feeling guilty? You feel bad?”

Purity rolled her eyes. “Please don’t remind me of that. I deeply regret it.”

His heart went out to her. He really had to hear her out. He moved closer to her and took her hand. “You want to talk about it?”

She bit her lips hard and the tears fell. “Jeremy, please give me a hug.”

Jeremy took her into his arms and held her tight. He cuddled her like a baby. He wanted to protect her and make her his forever. She was so vulnerable. He was sure no man had ever seen her like that. He felt good being the first. “Sweetie, you don’t need to ask,” he whispered.

She didn’t reply. Her hold on him tightened. She felt warmth, inner peace and comfort in his arms. This was her place, where she belonged and where she wanted to stay forever. She smiled to herself.

“How are you feeling now?” he affectionately ruffled her hair.

She sighed deeply. She loved the feel of his hand on her hair. “Much more better. Thank you.”

“Aha! My princess has learned to say thank you.” His eyes twinkled. “What is this place?”

“It belongs to my father. Haven’t been here in years.”

He let her go. “Are you running from something?”

“I need to tell you something. Its important.”

He nodded. “I’m sure it is. Lets go in, then you can tell me all about it.”

Purity agreed with him. She guided him as they walked into the country house.

Jeremy admired what he saw. “Its beautiful in here.” He found himself a seat.

She sat beside him. “I’m glad you like it.”

“What you have to tell me, is it about what I saw last night?”

“Yes, it is. And a lot more.” She sighed.

Jeremy carefully squeezed her hand. “Honey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Its really troubling you. Tell me when you’re ready. Please.”

She faced him and let her fingers run under his. “I’m ready. If I’m not able to tell you now, I don’t think I’ll ever do it again.”

A smile formed on Jeremy’s face. He really wanted to hear her story. “I’m willing to hear it. But first, lets drink something, I’m thirsty.”
*
*
*
“What are you planning to do next?” Tricia questioned Ernest. She could not wait anymore. Jeremy, she wanted him on her side, she would forgive him for all the pain and embarrassment he had caused her or he would pay.

Ernest snickered. “Something I can’t disclose to you or anyone yet.”

“You can’t even give me a clue, an idea?”

“Nope. That’s not possible.” he wasn’t willing to risk a thing. He didn’t trust Tricia that much. She was obsessed with his cousin.

“Well, is it dangerous?” She had to get something out of him. She wanted to be involved.

He chuckled wickedly within himself. “I’m not telling you a thing,” he insisted.

She tossed her head this way and that. “Its obvious you don’t even trust me. I don’t blame you, but you have to. They are both experiencing a tough time and we did it together. We could trust eachother.” She sounded persuasive.

“Alright, fine. Its a little bit dangerous.”

She frowned. “Hope its not going to take lives, especially that of Jeremy. I won’t let anyone hurt him.”

“I have to go.” He walked out on her.
*
*
*
“Here is your drink.” She handed him a glass of white wine.

“Thank you.”

She closed her eyes and heaved a deep sigh. “This is my story.”

Jeremy lovingly patted her shoulder, urging her to carry on.

She hesitated for few seconds. A lot of things were running through her mind. She was about to share her dark secret with someone, a man. It was something she had to do. She couldn’t lose Jeremy now or let their parents down. Her rules and promises no longer mattered, carrying out Emily’s last wish did.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jeremy was already disappointed. She had always hated him. She’d never trust him. Why didn’t he remember that? His feelings just took control over him.

“It was my prom night.” Those memories came back to her, gradually. One piece ar a time. “My two best friends and I planned to be alone that night. While the rest had their dates and would be dancing, the three of us would be together.

“Before then, I had never had a date. Never had anything to do with boys. My two friends had and they were used, the boys they had relationships with toyed with their feelings. They were badly hurt-took them a great deal of time to recover. I didn’t want to feel that way. Never wanted to be heartbroken, so vulnerable and lost. That being the case, I ruled boys and men out of my life.

“On that night, I dressed beautifully. I was so gorgeous that men asked me out that night. I snubbed them all. I got to our school hall feeling confident and very happy. My aim was to make those other girls jealous of my friends and I. I got to the hall to meet the greatest shook of my life. My two friends betrayed me. Each of them had a date that night and they arranged a guy for me. They hurt my feelings so much. The reason they gave me was that I behaved like an old fashioned girl; a man could change my life and make me normal like other girls.”

A tear slid down her cheek. She really didn’t have to, didn’t need to, but she wanted to. She could bear the pains for now, soon it’d be all over. She dried the tear and continued.

“I really felt bad that my friends considered me abnormal because I refused having anything to do with boys. They went ahead and brought one for me. It hurt me so much. I felt betrayed, deceived and enraged at them. I was bitter, bitter at boys because they caused the rift between my friends and I. I poured out my feelings to them, how hurt I was. But still, they chose the guys over me.”

Purity’s voice was beginning to shake. The hurt and betrayal, she was feeling them again. The healed wound was opened and she let the tears fall freely.

“Stop. I don’t like seeing you cry.” Jeremy pleaded with her. He couldn’t take it anymore. A woman’s tears was what he could not stand. He felt her pain, it cut him deep.

“No,” she whimpered. “I have to tell you.” Nothing was going to stop her. “Infuriated, I stomped out of the hall. I got into my car and drove. I was very angry, I didn’t know where I was driving to. I was weeping bitterly as I drove. Then, I passed a bar. I reversed and went back to it. I smiled on seeing it. I wiped away my tears and applied more make up. My lips were coated with red lipstick-signaling danger.

“I grinned and went in. I was going to show those girls that I wasn’t old fashioned, I wasn’t gonna let a man hurt me, I’d be the one to break his heart. I began hating men more, for they were the reasons my friends left me. It was noisy, the music was very loud. Men and woman were on the dance floor enjoying themselves. It was disgusting to me. All forms of immoral acts were going on. My feeling of anger restrained me from leaving. I got to the counter and asked for drinks. I started drinking. I drank up to four bottles and was beginning to feel tipsy. That was when your cousin came to me.”
*
*
*
*
FLASHBACK.
*
*
*
*
It was her fifth bottle. The feelings of despair was beginning to disappear. She was starting to feel normal, but in a different way.

Slightly drunk, but still knew what was going around her. She abandoned her drink on the counter to face the men and women. Silently, she searched for a victim, she was to break his heart.

“Hello pretty,” a masculine voice greeted her.

Sixteen year old Purity was excited. That was the first time she was called pretty by a guy besides her family members. Others referred to her as hot or sexy. She smiled broadly and invited him to join her. “What’s up, handsome?”

To Be Continued...

Please a comment for me.

>>

One day, an employee rushed into the the office with both of his ears bandaged.His boss asked him '' what happened to your ears?'' He replied, '' i was ironing my cloth when my phone rang. I answered the iron instead of the phone''. Well that explains one of the ears'', said the boss, ''what about the other ear?''.
''The idiot called again'' he answered.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-13 21:26:17

293 Views




Zeal: woman;wash your tongue
Obedient: when he call;please tell him to call me;his line is always busy.
Zeal: i wonder why and he is always asking me to sent him card
Alice: or maybe he is calling girls
Zeal: girls?he doesnt have a crush now or does he?
Obed: no dad;he doesn't
Zeal: alright;i will go ahead;take care of yourself
Obedient: you too dad(curtain)
Isabella: Zippor;do you think it is a good ideal for us to be here;dad might still be angry
Zippor: i am not sure(enter Joab)good morning dad
Joab: can i help you
Katherina: thank God;you came back;where did you sleep?
Lola: are you alright
Joab: will you two get inside and you;I thought;you are man enough;why did you come back?now get out of my house
Zippor: dad;stop those your joke
Joab: you think i am joking;wait until i tell you;i am not(he went inside)
Isabella: where is he going to?(he came back with their bag)dad
Joab: you stop calling me your father;get out now
Isabella: alright;fine,please forgive Zippor;i will leave;i wouldn't bother you and your family any more but please i beg you let Zippor stay;i can bear not to have a roof over my head but i cant bear to see my brother suffering because of me;i will leave
Joab: good girl;now leave(he pushed her)leave
Zippor: dad stop it

Katherina: i beg you dad;please stop hurting her(enter Julia)
Joab: leave(he continued hurting her and she kept crying)
Julia: let go of my grand daughter;you this ungrateful man after all my daughter did for you;you still pay her back with evil
Joab: your daughter is a prostitute
Julia: my daughter is a prostitute for protecting you from the hand of your wicked mother and brothers;who wanted you dead;by planning with your village priest to cast a death sentence on you in order to kill you.if my daughter put to birth a male;so that they would say that she exchange you for her son;yes she gave birth to a male but in order for you to live;she exchange her son for a daughter with a woman.that is the only way she can you live and you sit and call my daughter a prostitute and the girl that made you live;you hurt her also;yes she is not related to any of us but she had brought life to you. so learn to love her
Isabella: grandma;are you saying i am not related to you;Katherina;Zippor;Lola and even mother?Isabella what are you saying?that is not true,i look like Lola right?yes;we both have same character
Julia: no matter what happen;you are still my grand daughter,please find it in your heart to forgive us;forgive me and your mom.we never knew things will turn this way,we just wanted to save the situation because if it is a girl;no one we kill your dad
Isabella: he is not my dad(she ran out)
Julia: i am sorry my grandchildren;i am also happy that i was able to remove this burden from me. please when you find my grandson tell him to forgive us for depriving him from knowing his root;tell him to always take care of Isabella as a sister;just as you have love and take care of her as your sister and tell Isabella to find it in her heart to forgive us and please never stop loving her(she held Zippor's hand as she breath heavily)
Lola: grandma,who is her parent?
Julia: i don't know;but just give her this words,i have spoken and when you find my grandson tell him;i love him;i love him very much.
Katherina: how do we know him(she took her last breath)grandma;no oh
Lola: grandma;dont leave us we have no other person
Katherina: i hate you dad
Joab:Lola
Lola: i despises you sincerely;grandma please wake up





......dont stop reading


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U open ur facebook and found 2 english group
on ur scrèen, d first group admin is (PATIENT
EBELE JONA) and d second admin is (PROF WOLE
SOYINKA) which one will u choose? #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-31 13:57:27

663 Views




Girl : Hacklord am not feeling fine think i am sick again
.
Hacklord : Ah! Am sorry bae, have taken any drug?
.
Girl : Drug like wot?
.
Hacklord : like coceine


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-03 15:01:46

373 Views




Why I can't love

Episode 5

Mr Robert, the head teacher never got any conscience. He insisted on his request. I said OK I will do it. He stood up and came to lock the door. He came came back to me and started fondling with my breast and squeezing it. From the breast he zoomed into unzipping my dress. There I held his hands and I said that was an office so we should continue when school is over. So he should sign the letter for me. He said OK but he would do that after school when we complete our task. I dressed up and left the office. I quickly called William when I got to out of the office. I wished you saw how my heart was racing when I was making the call. I nearly allowed myself to be used by Mr Robert, because I became aroused when he started fumbling with my breast. I never knew I could escape that trap. William said "my dear is everything ok? " I said with the racing heart " William this will be your very last time of sending me on such dangerous adventure. Do you know that man nearly had his way through me? " " Oh my God! but I hope he didn't succeed? " he asked. I remained quiet.
William: " sweetheart, hello are you there? "
Me: still silent.
William: "sweetheart but I thought we planned this together so why would you stoop so low?"
Me: still silent I just cleared my throat for him to know that I was still on the line.
William: "Hello "
Me: "do you really love me? "
William: "yes I love and am always there for you. Just talk to me babe "
Me: "so what will you do if I should tell you that Mr Robert had his way? "
William: "well! I will take full responsibility because I asked you to do it so I will still love you. "
Me: "you are such a darling. I love you soo much. I just wanted to see how caring you are and with this response from you am convinced. I'm safe for you. He didn't sign the letter but he tried romance with me. I promised of giving him the real food after school so please I want you to get back immediately and complete the deal before school closes. " that was our conversation over the phone. Within 30mins William was on campus. He managed to remove the camera from the office without the head teacher's knowledge. He called me to his car and played back the tape. I realized he got upset after seeing him fondling with my breast. He said he was not going to let this man go Scott free. I told him he should handle this case with the highest level of professionalism because without that it will mean that the tape will go viral for other people to see just for evidence. He said I shouldn't worry. He asked of the letter and I told him it was with him. William transferred the video file to his phone by the help of his laptop and straight he moved to the head teacher's office. When he got there according to the report he gave me, as soon as he entered, the head teacher asked him whether he left something behind and he said 'yes'. He said he left his phone on his table the last time he came and wanted to see if it was still there. The head teacher said probably he left it at a different place because he would have seen it. William said he wanted to check maybe someone might have seen it and placed it on any of the shelves. William started searching and and then secretly removed the phone and said he has found it. The head teacher was happy and said that was good. William went to seat and when they were chatting he started playing the video. He increased the volume so the head teacher could also hear. The head teacher started showing some facial expressions of surprise. He became uncomfortable even as he was seated in a fully air-conditioned office. Then William gave him the phone to explain the video. The head teacher said he could explain. " I'm listening, go ahead. Is that what you do with your female staffs over here? " William asked. Mr Robert started sweating. He said " boss please it is not what you think. Please let's fix this matter here. I know your relationship with the lady in question but please I will do everything you want me to do just to let this case remain here I beg of you. " Mr Robert pleaded with William. William asked him why he did that and he said it was just because he has a weak ego and that led to that. William asked him to sign the letter for me with immediate effect. Mr Robert quickly signed the letter. After that William asked him to call me to the office. When I got there I felt the tension in the room. Mr Robert gave the letter to me and asked me to sit down. Then William said for his punishment, he will make sure he is axed from GES completely for sexual harassment of his female staff. After passing the judgement he said I should stand up so that we leave the office. I felt bad for Mr Robert so I asked William to reduce the punishment because it was too harsh for him. Besides he has children to take care of but William said " if he struggled before getting food on his table, next time he will know how to protect his reputation". He walked out of the office, straight to his car and away he was gone. The secretary was even calling him but he wouldn't mind anybody and away he went. I called him on phone and he said I should come to his house after school so that we talk. I also came out of the office without saying anything and straight to my class. I went to William after we've closed. I pleaded with him to reduce the punishment for the head teacher. He accepted my offer and said, instead of total dismissal, he would make them demote him to become a class teacher. Now my transfer letter was ready so I was to leave that school to my next new station in the following term. My joy was that I won't be there to be seeing my head teacher become a class one teacher or something else just because of me. My conscience won't allow me. I spent the night with William that day. It was all fun. The video he watched also increased his libido. I made him your actually feel like a real man that night. In fact I gathered the experience from Richmond to satisfy my prince charming. William was just the type of man I needed in my life. He has that patience for ladies. He do advise me on many issues, he makes sure that I was always happy. We stayed happily eventhough we were not legally married but my parents were aware about his presence around me. Before the term went to an end , the disciplinary committee consisting of the director of education at the district level, other head teacher's, William and other stakeholders of the school sat on the issue and the final punishment was read out to Mr Robert. He was made to teach class two (2) and his rank in the education field was also reduced three levels down. Anyway I will say it serves him right because you don't eat your cake and have it back. My time was due for leaving to my new station and because I don't have my own car, William decided to take me with his car. On our way to my new station something mystery happened. We were involved in an accident. The tragedy of my life. Hmmmm life.

Did we survive the accident? What was the cause and what happened to me. Let's go to the next episode.

Episode 6 loading........



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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THINK TWICE [Read it]


Hol up! Wait
Have a rethink
Have you?
Is it right?


You don't think so?
So?
Why do you want to do so?


Stop it,
Think again
No, not the same way
Another way
Yeah, the other way
Now, which looks like the right way



Did you say the other way was tight?
And this is right?
Yeah. That's it
Always think twice to know the right.

Thumbs up friend.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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WHAT'S 19-1? [Read it]


In an International Mathematics
Competition... QUESTION: Show that 19 - 1 = 20. CHINESE: Do I look like a magician? AMERICAN: You must be daydreaming! JAPANESE: There's no common sense in
this? NIGERIAN: Simple! Simply write 19 in
Roman Numerals and remove I to get
20.
That is, XIX - I = XX = 20.
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-15 23:40:26

310 Views




Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.

-Thomas JeffersonRelated

A seven years old akpos was ask how old is his father.......
Teacher...akpos how old is ur father
akpos....he is 7years old...
Teacher....very angry ,,,,how possible is that?
Akpos....because he just become a father 7years ago....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 13:06:37

417 Views



Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

FIFA world Cup 2104 at Brazil would be the first ever with goal-line technology.Related
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