Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

question [Read it]


There are 5 birds on a tree, 4 birds decided to fly, how many bird where on the tree..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 21:58:30

400 Views




For my wife’s birthday, I bought her a small bottle of exclusive perfume called ‘Ample’.

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I just hope she doesn’t notice where I scraped off the ‘S’!Related

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

~ Anthony BurgessRelated

That night I went to bed with a heavy and slightly battered heart. Grey's words echoed in my mind and kept me up for most of the night. Sometime around three in the morning I finally fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up late morning feeling hung over. I rubbed my eyes and sat up in my bed.  For obvious reasons I had no desire to see Grey today. I hoped he and my brother had already left.

I opened up my bedroom door and listened carefully for any sound that indicated Grey or my brother were still in my house but the house was quiet. Still dressed in my pajamas I wandered downstairs to see where my mom was. As usual she was busy in the kitchen. My mom didn't work and she'd stayed at home to look after my brother and I. She didn't like to be called a housewife; she preferred to be called a home executive.

Granted we were now old enough to look after ourselves it was still nice having mom around during the day. My father worked, as a chartered accountant and he tended to work long hours.

My mom was baking muffins when I walked into the kitchen.

"Mm smells nice," I said as I walked over to her. She smiled at me as she took off the oven mittens and I pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"I made your favorite," she replied with a warm smile.

Chocolate muffins were my favorite. Actually pretty much anything with chocolate was my favorite.

"Thanks mom," I replied as I sat down by the kitchen counter.

"o you want something to drink?" my mom offered.

"Coffee please," I replied. She gave me a raised eyebrow.

From the time I'd been diagnosed with migraines she'd been trying to monitor my diet to ensure I ate properly. She'd hoped that by doing that it would lessen the severity and the amount of migraines I suffered from. So far none of it had worked but I loved my mom for trying. She'd read somewhere that too much caffeine could trigger the headaches so she was always watching how much coffee I drank. With a raised eyebrow studied me for a moment before she relented and made me a cup of coffee.

I smiled as I watched her. I had an awesome mom.

"How are you feeling?" she asked as she handed the cup.

"I'm fine, just a little tired."

It was hard trying to get any sleep when my heart so badly. I took a sip of the coffee and savored the rich taste.

"The headaches seem to getting worse."

I remained silent and I dropped my eyes to the cup I held in my hands. I didn't want to face what that could mean. It would definitely entail a visit to the doctor and this time there would be scans.

"Stop stressing mom. Lots of people suffer from migraines," I argued trying to convince her that there was no need to worry.

She bit her lip as she contemplated what I said.

"Fine but you are still going for your check up at the end of the month," she reminded and I nodded my head. There was no getting out of that.

"What are you going to do today?" she asked.

"I thought it might be time to go and get a part time job," I replied as I took a sip of my coffee. I'd been spending the last few months taking a break and trying to figure out what I was going to do next but I still hadn't figured that out. A job would keep me busy and allow me to earn my own money until I could make up my mind on a career.

"That sounds great," my mom replied.

"What sounds great?"

My back stiffened at the sound of Grey's voice. It was impossible to keep my eyes from finding him in the doorway of the kitchen where he stood yawning. It felt like someone had hit me in the stomach when my eyes met his. I hated myself for my body's instant reaction to him.

Even though I was angry with him it didn't dampen the effect he had on me. Even first thing in the morning with his hair a mess. He was only dressed in his favourite Green Day shirt and sweat pants. Green day were his favorite band. The shirt was old but no matter how many holes it had he refused to get rid of it.

In the last couple of days he had put me through so many different emotions but the only thing I felt at that moment was hurt and betrayal. I pulled my eyes from him trying to ignore him. My mom gave me a curious look before she turned to Grey who'd walked into the kitchen and was about to sit down in the chair beside me.

"Lacey wants to find a part time job," my mom told him. I felt his eyes on me but I refused to look at him. It was childish but I couldn't help myself. He'd hurt me and I wasn't going to play nice.

"That's great," he said beside me and I gave him a stiff nod.  

I kept my eyes firmly on my mom as I tried to ignore Grey beside me. My stomach tightened as I held onto my mug.

"Are you sure it isn't going to increase your stress levels?" my mom asked.

I shrugged.

"It might but I have to do something," I replied. I understood my mom's concern and I didn't want to do anything that would increase the migraines but I couldn't just do nothing. I would have to learn to deal with my migraines while trying to move on with my life.

Maybe what happened last night had triggered something in me that was ready to move onto the next phase of my life and getting a job was the start of it.  The next part would be getting over my feelings for Grey.

At that moment Alex walked in stretching as he yawned. I was relieved because it took the attention off me. He gave me a nod as he took the spare seat beside Grey and my mom offered them coffee.

"So where were you thinking of looking for a job?" Grey asked and I wanted to ignore him but with my mom and brother were watching.

"I haven't really decided yet." I kept my answer vague before I studied my mug refusing to meet his eyes.

Besides I didn't know why he cared. He'd almost kissed me and then he'd gone out and gotten a girl's number. Just remind myself about it made my heart sore.

"So what's for breakfast?" Alex asked my mom still half asleep.

"Chocolate muffins," she replied and put a basket of freshly baked muffins in front of us.

The boys grabbed a muffin each and began to shove them into their mouths. I rolled my eyes at them. They could be so childish sometimes. My mom just shook her head at them.

My appetite had disappeared and the muffins did look as appealing as they had before. I drank the last of my coffee and got up to put my empty mug in the sink.

"Aren't you going to have one?" my mom asked as I started to leave.

"No, I'll have one later," I replied as I gave her a reassuring smile. "Will you give me a lift into town later?"

"Sure," my mom answered.

I went upstairs to get ready.

Tired of thinking about Grey and the girl who'd give him her number I pushed all thoughts of that from my mind and tried to concentrate on where I could go looking for a job. There were a few restaurants in town that I liked to eat at so maybe I would try there. I'd never worked as a waitress before but it wasn't exactly rocket science so I should be able to figure it out.

I wasn't sure what other options I would have other than waitressing but I was hopeful I would find something.

Later when I was ready to go I found my mom in her bedroom folding some washing on her bed.

"Can you give me a lift into town?" I asked, leaning against the doorway watching my mom.

"I can't today," my mom revealed. "I forgot about some stuff I needed to do."

I felt disappointed.

"But don't worry Grey offered to take you," she added absent-minded as she picked up a shirt and folded it.

"What?" I asked not sure I'd heard right.

"Grey said he will take you."

I was stunned. What the hell was he playing at?


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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böy: babe you never smiled at me since we started dating why?
girl:I thought you said you wanted a serious relationship ????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-21 10:50:43

763 Views



Tight pussy!!! [Read it]


Girl: My pussy is still tight
Boy: Big lie
Girl: Ok, come and test
Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She`s really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy`s like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can`t", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-23 17:58:57

2566 Views




The Colonel paced the Hotel room, deep in
thought. He was upset, angry but not
disoriented. His original impulse was to react
immediately. Follow the trail Ahmed had laid
down and eventually catch up with the
abductors. He had seriously been
contemplating taking rash action when he got
a delivery. It was a small pocket sized
package with no posting address.
“Who sent this?” The Colonel asked the
delivery boy.
“I have no idea. My job is to deliver what I am
given. Please sign here sir.” The delivery boy
replied.
The Colonel acknowledged receipt and locked
the door as the boy left. He scrutinized the
parcel wrapped in a pretty blue foil. He was
wary. He did not know what it was. Could it
be a bomb? He held the package close to his
ears, expecting the ticking sound of a
countdown timer. He heard nothing. As he
turned the parcel around trying to ascertain
the contents, something caught his eye.
He saw a very faint black ink. It looked like
some form of hurriedly scribbled words. Or
carefully concealed information. He got his
magnifying glasses and read the scribbled
information on the bottom right of the parcel:
“ ???????? ”
“Payback” in Russian.
Only one person knew ever used that with him,
The General. Immediately, he feared the worst.
He quickly tore the parcel open. What he saw
broke his heart into a million shreds. The toes,
eyes and heart of Ahmed were neatly arranged
inside the parcel. He fell on the chair, holding
the parcel in his hands. He could not believe
his eyes. Ahmed was dead. He felt like
opening fire on the Corporation. He had had
enough. First it was his only son. And now,
the just took Ahmed. He was done running. He
was done playing nice. He was done being the
victim. He made up his mind. They had taken
too much from him. Marcus was going to pay.
As he remembered all the loss he had suffered
from the hands of the Corporation, anger got
the better of him. He dropped the parcel on
the table in front of him, got up suddenly and
screamed at the top of his lungs.
“Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!”
With clenched fist and his teeth gnashing, he
walked forwards and punched the concrete
walls until his fists bled and the pain became
unbearable. Tears fell freely from his eyes.
Breathing heavily, his chest heaving, he
walked dejectedly back to the couch and sat.
He held his head in his bloodied hands. He
had to do something. He knew the General
was expecting a reaction from him. The
General knew everything about him. The
General taught him many of the things he
knew. There would eventually be a face-off but
when? He continued to think, raking his brain
for any possible subtlety that Marcus would
not see coming.
He found it hard to think. Anger, pain and
sadness made it difficult for him to plan a
proper course of action. He decided to take a
nap. As he lay on the couch, his eyes fell on
Ahmed’s newspaper clippings on the wall. He
began to feel bad all over again. He turned on
the couch, facing the west wall away from the
newspaper clippings.
Suddenly, there was a glint in his eyes. He
had a brain wave. The sadness in his eyes
immediately disappeared and was replaced by
excitement and anticipation.
He got up from the chair and went to the
newspaper clippings on the wall. He had never
given much thought about Ahmed’s obsession
with finding a mystery killer. For all he cared,
The Colonel believed that the slain political
officers were greedy criminals who deserved
their fate. But now, as he studied the clippings
he came to a shocking realization. Ahmed’s
work was actually his ticket to finishing off the
Corporation. He studied the patterns Ahmed
had drawn, improved on the inferences already
suggested and connected the dots Ahmed had
failed to see. He made calls and begged old
friends for favors and access into surveillance
archives. The Colonel traced calls, decrypted
emails and intercepted a few.
With each passing hour, he got closer and
closer to finding the target. He worked like a
maniac, working the phones, asking for favors,
eliminating possibilities. He followed up on
past leads and made reasonable progress.
Ten hours later, he was done. Cans of Coca-
Cola littered the room. He now had eight
different images on the screen of the computer
that he had been working with . One of the
images in the mix shocked him. He could not
believe what he saw.
He took his phone and dialed a number.
“Frankenstein. Its Da Vinci.” The Colonel said.
“You promised never to contact me again.”
Frankenstein replied with a cold voice from
the end of the line.
“Frank, you know I would never come to you if
it was not a matter of immediate attention.
My nephew is dead.” The Colonel said.
“What can I do?” Frank asked
“Remember those blueprints of the Ghosts
organization I gave you six years ago?” The
Colonel asked
“What about it?” Frank said
“I know what a curious mind you have my
friend. I intentionally sparked your curiosity
when I handed you that chip years ago. I gave
you very skinny details just to whet your
appetite. Although you showed no signs, I was
very sure you would dig. I know you have done
extensive work on that Chip. I want to collect
Frank.” The Colonel said.
Seconds went by. Silence. No reply from the
other end. This was a battle of wits. Whoever
speaks first concedes defeat.
Thirteen seconds later, Frank spoke.
“You had me bugged?”
“No my good friend. I had my chip bugged. I
need to collect immediately. How do I get it?”
The Colonel asked impatiently.
“I am going to deliver the Chip to you tonight.
Here is your passkey. Alpha Alpha Singleton
Open Zigabyte zero”
“Thanks Frank. Now we are even.” The Colonel
said.
“If you contact me again Da Vinci, the next
time you wake up will be in hell.” Frank replied
And the line went dead. The Colonel knew that
Frankenstein did not threaten. He promised.
He copied out the passkey that he had just
been given
ALPHA ALPHA SINGLETON OPEN ZIGABYTE
ZERO.
He scribbled the passkey and transcribed:
A A 1 O Z 0.
The Zero meant he had to take the passkey
from the back so he re wrote the key
0 Z O 1 A A.
He folded the paper he wrote the key on,
putting it in the inner pocket of his jean. He
took one last look at his laptop and shook his
head.
The pictures of Eva, Sean, Bruno, Sophia,
Tawo, Shina, Ambrose and the General starred
him in the face. He typed a code to initiate the
self-destruct option to permanently wipe away
all the contents of his computer. When that
was done he took down the newspaper
clippings, burning them in a small tray. He
had everything he needed. He carried his
knapsack and stepped out the hotel.
****************************************
Eva and Sean sat on the Veranda of the
penthouse. They had been talking the whole
day. They spoke about their missions, their
fears, what they had been through, how they
felt about the killings. They bonded. They took
a break in the afternoon to have lunch and go
at each other again. It was more explosive
this time as they now had more intensity
between them.
Eva’s head was on Sean’s chest. Her fingers
were picking the smooth hair on his chest. He
caressed the hair on her head. None of them
spoke but the chemistry between them was
evident. Sean wondered why he was so
comfortable with her.
“when do you think all this would end?” Eva
asked out of the blues.
“When would what end?” Sean asked feigning
innocence.
“Go jor. You know what I am talking about.
The Corporation. Will we work for them
forever? I don’t know about you but I think I
am tired of killing people. It used to be fun.
But now, I’m not just into it anymore.” Eva
lamented.
“It is what we signed up for. We have no
choice. Are you ready to live the rest of your
life on the run? Constantly watching your
back? Afraid of even your shadow? The food
you eat? The next person beside you? Is that
what you want? Sean asked.
“I don’t know. I just…” Eva started but was
interrupted by the doorbell.
“Did you call for room service?” Eva asked as
the ringing continued.
“No I didn’t. Let me see what they want.”
Sean said, kissing Eva lightly on the forehead.
Dressed in only his boxer shorts, Sean walked
to the door and peeped in the keyhole. He saw
a man in his early forties looking away from
the door. He wondered what the man wanted.
He looked very harmless.
Sean opened the door.
“Yes, is there something I can help you with?”
Sean asked.
The Colonel launched a fierce and powerful
kick to Sean’s ribcage. Sean spiraled to the
floor, holding his stomach. He was not
expecting such.
Eva heard the crash and ran into the sitting
room. As she entered, the Colonel brought out
two .45 semi-automatic silenced pistols from
his hip and pointed them, one at Eva and one
at Sean on the floor.
“Dad?” Eva said recognizing the man whom
she had only seen in pictures.
“Hello Eva. Our family reunion is long
overdue.”


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women [Read it]


This habbit of some girls wearing, Ear
rings, Nose ring, Plenty necklace, Belly
button ring, Leg chain, Bangles....Is getting
out of hand! imagine a girl fell down
yesterday and sounded like Stainless
Plate!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-14 21:02:10

383 Views




BROKEN SEAL 2
Episode 21

Kate: Julio?
Tomas tried hard to recall what
‘Julio’ mean and why it bangs
his head, he was getting hazy
flashes which made his head
hurt badly.
Tomas: i don’t know what
you’ar talking about, i have to
go now.
He dashed out of her presence,
luckily Nenita was done with a
round of the bouncing.
Tomas: lets go home.
Nenita: dad? I want to stay
here.
Tomas: i also want you to have
fun, but i’m not feeling okay, i
think i’m sick!
Nenita: sick
Tomas: yes, my head hurts.
Nenita: lets go. So you can
take some pills, i don’t want
anything bad to happen to
you.
They got into the black toyota
camry and drove off.
Upon reaching home, Tomas
fell to his bed and closed his
eyes in a trance.
“this tattoo represents my love
for you, it shows you are and
would always be engraved in
my heart”……..Julio (Tomas)
” always look after your kid sis
okay Martins?…..Kate
“i love you dad, hmuuuaah i
gotta go to school,,,,bye”……
Ella
“i would be visiting my brother
in Manila today”……Julio
“thank goodness you’ar awake,
you don’t know your name, so
i’d be calling you Tomas, from
today” ……ma’am Naomi
Tomas’ head hurts as he got
flashes of his memory while
still in a trance.
The images he was seeing
were’nt clear, but a woman had
a striking resemblance to the
one he met today.
He resolved to visit the part
tomorrow, hoping to meet her
again, she would be in best
position to answer all his
questions and also help him
regain his lost memories.
****KATE****
Julio’s new attitude towards
her today was very strange.
He went missing for years and
now he return only to give her
this attitude?
Perhaps he have another
family somewhere, yes! That
was the only logical
explanation to what happened
some minutes ago.
She felt really bad, oh! How
she missed him, she love him
so much and she would always
do.
Hot tears found heir way
down her cheeks as she stared
into the pictures they took
together- she, Julio, Ella and
Martins.
Now she’s left alone.
Ella was kidnapped, Martins
living with some unknown
brother of Julio and Julio
himself…..he….she don’t even
understand him anymore.
She thought of going back to
the park to ask of him, but
immediately kicked against it,
she would rather go there
tomorrow……
AT MARK’S RESIDENCE
From Mark’s laptop, we
watched as Adrian woke up
from sleep, did a little stuffs
before taking his bath, he wore
an all black trouser and shirt,
tucked two pistol by his side,
fixed a black shade to his eyes
before finally wearing a long,
black tux.
The screen went blank at the
instant he wore the tux.
We were all gobsmacked and
disappointed, ‘coz we wanted
to know where he was going
and what his next move was.
Samuel: What the…!!! What
happened?
Mark: its possible his tux had
an anti-bugger.
Me: what do we do now? Is
this Rodelio guy some sort of
god?
Mark: this is baaaad….. for
now, i don’t think we can get
Rodelio d--n it!
Isabella: on the contrary, i
have good news……

>>

Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

A woman was having sex in an apartment 20
floors high with her concubine, .She
then heard her husband coming.. She told her
lover to stay like robot and not to move.
Husband : What is this ?
Wife : This is a robot i bought to have sex with
when you are traveling....
Husband : Okay.. Lets have sex now....
Wife : No sweetheart..Yes terday i saw my
period, so i will go and make a cup of coffee for
you.. After she left the husband said damn it!!!
i'm so horny,
i will fuck this robot...
He tried fucking the robot and akpors started
talking in a metallic robotic way.. "System
error, wrong hole! System error wrong hole!
Husband :what the fuck,this robot is not
working properly.. I am throwing it out of the
window now.. Akpors realized that he was on
the 20th floor he shouted ''SOFTWARE
UPDATED,PLEASE TRY AGAIN"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-03 19:40:51

408 Views




Funny Nigerians
1) When they loot money, they
keep it in
Switzerland.
2) When sick, they go to
Germany.
3) When investing, they go to
America.
4) When buying Mansions, they
visit London.
5) When shopping they go to
Dubai.
6)When on holidays, they visit
Paris or
Bahamas.
7) When educating their children,
they select
Europe.
When praying, they go to
Saudi Arabia or
Jerusalem.
9) BUT,when they DIE, they all
want to be
BURIED in NIGERIA.
Please, help me ask them,
NIGERIA NA
CEMETERY?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-06 00:07:10

356 Views




laugh..with....Me... * 90% of UNILAG
chicks has aborted a minimum of 5 times
before their final year.
* Only 20% of Nwafor Orizu College of
education girls have actually seen an
aeroplane. * 60% of UNN chicks can open their legs
for you if you offer them okpa and coke.
* 82% of IMSU chicks doesnt wear
panties
* 77% of Fed. Poly Oko chicks have never
seen a BB before. * 96 of ESUT babes has galaxy S5 bt never recharge it.
* 88% of IMT chicks has yam legs.
* All the chicks in covenant university hide
their phones inside their panties to avoid
detention. * 79% of DELSU chicks have orgasms as
soon as they hear gun shots.
* 98% of UNIZIK chicks have hair in their
chests and Nipples.
* 80% of UNIPORT chicks carry their
panties in their hand bag because they don't know where whey will spend the
night.
* 90% of FUTO chicks look like Weird MC
* 71% of ABSU chicks wear second hand
panties.
* 67% of UNIJOS babes howl like witches during sex.
* 90% of EBSU chicks wear pant for one
week.
* 74% of UNIILORIN chicks guzzle sperm
like cold beer.
* 80% of ANSU chicks doesn't sleep in their hostels during weekends.
* No UNICAL female student is a virgin.
* 70% of UNIBEN chicks live with their
school boyfriends.
* Its like the gates of HADES has just
been flooded open when abt 66% of UNIABUJA chicks open their legs.
Abeg, na true....write your comments.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-25 12:44:58

443 Views




Manzilon Ke Gham Mein Rone Se Manzilein Nahin Milti;

Haunsle Bhi Toot Jaate Hain Aksar Udaas Rehne Se!Related

Banta got a taaweez to control his wife. After 1 month, he reports to BABA, “No change on wife but d neighbor’s wife is in control”.

Baba: This is called a side effect.Related

There is no point at which you can say, “Well, I’m successful now. I might as well take a nap.”

-Carrie FisherRelated

I could feel myself getting ready to c?m again. I placed my hand on top of hers and helped her rub her own p?ssy. She threw her head back, biting her lower lip. She looked so good right now.
She began playing with her floppy br?asts with her free hand, while furiously massaging her p?ssy with the other. Her soft moans turned to screams as she began to come again, and it sent me over the edge…I f?cked her harder and faster, and at the last second withdrew my c?ck from her wetness, just in time to send the first stream of my hot ssplooge shooting across her belly.
She grabbed my c?ck and jerked me off, my splooge flying all over the place. She milked every ounce of salty goo out of me and then rubbed the head of my c?ck into her pubes. I sat back exhausted and watched as she gathered my c?m with her fingers on her stomach. She played with it, and even brought some to her mouth to taste it. She looked up at me and smiled, her stomach covered with c?m, both of us sweating from the intensity of our mating.
It wasn’t until now that we heard a car door slam on the other side of the house. Faster than I ever thought possible I had my shorts and shirt back on. Dammy was having a harder time. She found her shorts but not her panties. She quickly jumped into her shorts, and then threw on her t-shirt. But my sticky c?m was still on her belly and the wet spots were visible under her t-shirt. At almost the last second I kicked her bra underneath the bench. Suddenly her mom came around the corner of the house carrying a bag of charcoal.
“Well, it looks like you kids got alot of work done today.” she said smiling.
Dammy was frozen, staring at her panties which were on the other side of the bench.
“We decided to take a break, to get our
heads clear.” I responded, trying to divert her mother’s attention.
“Well you might as well stay for supper…you guys get started while I go have a shower.”, she said as she went back into the house.
Dammy immediately dove for the panties and tucked them into her pocket. The whole front of her white shirt was stained with my c?m.
“I think I should go get cleaned up a little too”, she said with a sigh of relief.
“Yeah…I think I’ll just take off too.”
We embraced each other and kissed softly, and then she ran into the house. I got the charcoal stove going and was ready to leave when I remembered something. I reached underneath the bench and got her bra. 36DD. Wow, I never thought they would have been that big. But it was still a nice memento I thought to myself.
And I went home.
Dammy and I went out for the rest of our secondary School, and I didn’t care what anyone thought. Somehow having someone care about her made her more beautiful, and she cared more about her appearance. We did have some more wild sex, but I’ll never forget the first time we did it on that bench.

*****THE END*****

PLEASE COMMENT IF YOU ENJOYED THE STORY

Read Part 2

an arm robber went to robbed in the bank and he hold a gun and tell everybody to bow down but one man raise his head and the arm robber saw him and say if no be say this gun na toy gun i for break your head the arm robber enter soup who go save am from lagos boyz.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-14 23:02:50

340 Views



A stressed Man [Read it]


A stressed man was
in his office thinking
deeply. Suddenly a
man ran inside
shouting, "Peter!!
Peter....!!! Peter!! Your
daughter Tonia just
had an accident and
died."
Shocked and confused,
he jumps out of the
office window. As
soon as he jumped, he
remembered his office
is on the 7th floor, as
he descends lower he
remembered that he
doesn't
have a daughter called
Tonia. Still descending
he remembered he is
not even married. Just
two floors before he
hits the ground, he
remembered that his
name is not even
Peter......
Luckily, he wasn't
injured because he fell
on
top of the lorry
carrying mattress.
MORAL LESSON:
stop thinking too
much, try and live a
stress free life. Pray
everyday and God will
help you overcome
stress.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos Community [Read it]


A White Man visited a Village in Southern Ghana and saw the people carrying blocks on their heads from a far distance to a building site, they were building a town hall. The White Man felt pity on them, donated a wheelbarrow and travelled back. One month later, the white man came back. He was surprised to see that the work was still slow, even with the support of a wheelbarrow. He looked around and was shocked to see an on-coming wheelbarrow with a Kwame pushing it, and another guy, Akpos sitting inside it smiling and carrying a block on his head.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 10:13:44

500 Views



Peter and Paul [Read it]


Peter and Paul were friends and great hunters. They hunted and killed animals which they skinned and sold in the market. This time they decided to skin a lion. They went to the deep forest and built a house because they figured it was going to be a long hunt.


Early the next morning Peter woke up and said to Paul, "bro it's morning and we need to get two lions to skin, so we should get going". But Paul told him he wasn't feeling well. So Peter set off to look for the lion alone. Peter had not gone very far from the house when he met a huge lion in the forest. He turned and ran for his life heading back straight to the house with the lion in hot pursuit. 


Peter ran and ran and then he saw the house at a distance with the door wide open. He was determined to get to the house and lock up the door behind him. But just a few yards to the house, he tripped and fell, the lion was so close behind that it couldn't stop. The lion ran head on into the house and paul was still in bed. 


Peter quickly got up and locked the door from outside and said to Paul through the window "hey bro, here's the first lion, you skin it while I go look for the second one." 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-21 21:41:09

210 Views



Jews in Nigeria [Read it]


Akpos friend, Kwame who is from
Ghana, asks Akpos if they have any
Jews living in Nigeria.
Akpos replies, "Definitely! We have
orange jews, apple jews, grape
jews... etc


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 01:00:49

607 Views




Akpors and his wife were arguing about man
and woman,,,who is greater. These are there
conversations... Wife: men are the head but women are the
neck, without the neck, the head cannot
stand, men where
created out of dust but women were created
out of
flesh. and flesh is stronger than the dust. also....."anything man do.......woman
can do it better.
And in the life
of any successful man there must be a
woman. Akpors: a woman is not complete without a
man because you cannot spell "woman"
without "man".
You cannot spell "she" without "he".
Nor "mrs" without "mr" Nor "madam" without
"adam". and why is it that we say "Amen" in the
church instead
of "Awomen". Vote akpors and his wife. Who won?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-06 07:55:55

409 Views



Foolish akpos [Read it]


Ochuko was busy sharing food and drinks to the people that attended his mother's burial.

But he Ignored his friend Akpos.

He did not serve Akpos food and drink.

Akpos was very hungry.

With annoyance he stood up and said; Ochuko, remember that my Mother will soon die.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-04 18:57:02

150 Views



Bible Prayers [Read it]


Bible Emergency numbers:
When in sorrow, call John 14
When men fail you, call Psalm 27
When you have sinned, call Psalm 51
When you worry, call Matthew 6:19-34
In danger, Psalm 91
When God seems far away, call Psalm 139
When your faith needs stirring, call Hebrews 11
When you are lonely and fearful, call Psalm 23
When you grow bitter and critical, call 1 Cor 13
You feel down and out, call Romans 8:31-39
You want peace and rest, Matthew 11:25-30
When the world seems bigger than God, call Psalm 90
When you want Christian assurance, call Romans 8:1-30
When you leave home for labor or travel, call Psalm 121
When your prayers grow narrow or selfish, call Psalm 67
When you want courage for a task, call Joshua 1
When you think of investments/ returns, call Mark 10
How to get along with fellowmen, Romans 12
For great invention/ opportunity, Isaiah 55
?????For Paul's secret to happiness, Col 3:12-17
?????For idea of Chrisitanity,call 2 Cor 5:15-19
?????Depressed. Psalm 27?????To be fruitful, John 15
?????If your pocketbook is empty, call Psalm 37
?????Losing confidence in people, 1 Cor 13
?????If people seem unkind,call John 15
?????If discouraged about your work, Psalm 126
?????If you find the world growing small and you great, call Psalm 19.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 09:00:12

754 Views




Chodumal Khan Sahab Ne Ek Mushayara Mein Aaj Ki Generation Ko Samjhte Hue Ek Sher Arz Kiya.



Phool Banke Bhi Kya Jeena Dosto, Ek Din Murja Jaoge Or Dafna Diye Jaoge,



Waah Wah Waah Bhai Waah



Phool Banke Bhi Kya Jeena Dosto, Ek Din Murja Jaoge Or Dafna Diye Jaoge,



Jeena Hai To Paani Ban Ke Jiyo, Kam Se Kam Kisi Ki Gand Dhone Ke Kaam To Aaoge.Related

Full Bed Bath [Read it]


The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath. She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack. As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I’ll wash possible?”Related

Stolen goat [Read it]


Akpos stole a goat, he was
arrested and taken to court.
Judge: Gentleman are you
guilty or not guilty??
Akpor: My lord, i'm not guilty.
Judge: how come you were
arrested and brought before the
court for stealing a goat??
Akpor: my lord i was just
passing by Mr. Ibu's house and i
saw a very big rope tied to a
tree. I said to myself maybe the
tree is trying to commit suicide,
so i rescued the tree and took
the rope home. My
lord... I swear i didn't realise
there was a goat tied to the
rope until now. Moreover my
lord, i think i have eye problem.
1. DESCRIBE AKPOS.
2. IF YOU ARE THE PRESIDING
JUDGE, WHAT WOULD YOU
HAVE DONE?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-23 13:59:34

1114 Views




Ana's POV

Three years later in New York

The alarm went off again. If I had any intention, to make it to office on time, it was my last chance to get up, as I had already hit the snooze button twice. Without opening my eyes, I checked, if I could move my left hand freely, then right hand, then left leg and then my right leg. I couldn't move my right leg, so I reached down slowly with my hands till I could feel the love of my life and trace his face with my fingers.

I knew Prince was around somewhere, but he moves so much, that I need to search for him daily morning. I ruffled his hair and then pulled him up onto my chest. He was still in deep sleep, but it didn't stop me from kissing and hugging him. He is the sole reason for my existence and gave meaning and purpose to my life.

After hugging, kissing and cuddling baby Prince, best part of my life, I finally woke up to face another busy day. Prince wasn't feeling well since the last two days, but looked fine today morning, so I decided to drop him in the day care and head to office. I had a very important meeting and didn't want to be late for it.

After getting myself ready, I woke up baby Prince and got him ready along with his baby bag and favorite toy, and headed towards the day care center. My roommate Cynthia was still sleeping as she worked the late shift yesterday, so I and prince, sneaked out of the apartment quietly.

As I was dropping prince at the day care, he coughed lightly. Immediately his teacher handed him back to me. "I don't think Charlie has recovered fully, so it's better you take him home. I don't want other kids to get sick."

I tried convincing her that he was absolutely fine, but she didn't budge and I was in trouble, as I can't take the day off, because it was first day of the special project I was assigned to and I need to go to the office.

I had no other choice but to call Cynthia and wake her up and ask for help.

"Honey, don't worry, I can take care of prince, bring him back." She said. I didn't know what I would do without such good friends.

I hurried back home and dropped prince to stay with Cynthia and was back on my way to the subway station to get to the city. I was already running behind schedule, because of the day care fiasco, but if I could make the next train, I should be able to make it to the project meeting on time.

I had to cross the main road to get to the underground subway station and knew the walking signal would start blinking any second, so I pumped my legs and ran to get to the zebra crossing in time. As I was running to get to the other side, a red Mercedes car appeared out of nowhere, almost running me over and came to a screeching halt, just 2 inches from me.

I got so mad that I stopped and glared at the driver. The driver glared backed at me and honked his horn forcing me to move over. I got so mad that I banged his car hood and gave him the middle finger. That made him so mad that he tried to get out of his car to confront me.

I would have taken up his challenge any day, but on this occasion, I was running late. So I gave him the finger and quickly crossed over to the other side and disappeared into the underground subway. However I missed my train and had to wait for the next one. I was so mad at the idiot for making me miss my train.

I hopped onto next train, sat down and closed my eyes thinking of the events that happened since Las Vegas and wondering what triggered the flashback.

Ana's flashback

I came to New York immediately after the Las Vegas incident. I worked for only two months in NY and was then transferred to Boston branch.

I moved to Boston and before I could settle down fully, I started noticing weird changes in my body. I usually am very healthy and hardly got sick before, but something was going on with my body and I felt sick all the time. After a month, I couldn't take it anymore, so took an appointment for a doctor visit.

The doctor was very friendly and after checking my blood test results, she asked me about my personal situation.

"Ana, your application says unmarried, do you have a boyfriend? "

"No doctor, I don't. Too busy with my work. Anything serious? " I got nervous and scared, afraid to hear her diagnosis.

"Nothing serious honey. Congratulations! You are pregnant!"

For a second, I thought she was talking to someone else, then realized I was the only one in the room. I just stared at her dumbfounded, unable to respond in any meaningful manner. I felt like a meteor struck me.

"Its okay honey, if it is not what you are expecting, then take a week to think about it and we can discuss options." She said trying to make me feel normal.

"No, I am keeping the baby." I said firmly, surprising myself. "I just need to figure things out." I said and walked out of the hospital.

I didn't know how long I walked as I kept on walking in a random direction, until I was so tired, that I took a cab back home and cried myself to bed. I wasn't sure if I could handle the situation and wanted to hug someone so badly and cry. I felt very lonely, depressed and sad, as I didn't have anyone at home to share the news with.

There was only one person I could share the news with. I called Sally and told her and I was crying the whole time. She immediately flew to Boston to cheer me up.

"Baby..honey..we can't change what happened, so please look at the positive side. You always wanted your own kids, someone with whom you can spend the next eighteen years, love and share life with." She wanted me to be happy and not worry about how I ended up pregnant, but move ahead with my master plan for life.

"But I don't know if I am ready for such a huge responsibility. What if I can't manage work and baby at the same time?"

"Don't worry honey, I am sure you will have lot of help from our friends. I am not saying it is going to be easy, but you can do it. We all will chip in."

"What if something happens to me? I don't want my kids to go through what we went."

"I promise you honey, if anything ever happens to you, I will take care of your kids like my own." And she hugged me tightly and we both cried holding each other.

Sally's visit gave me strength and purpose to begin a new phase of my life. My pregnancy moved smoothly and with the help of friends, I welcomed baby Charlie after six months.

It was a huge life changing moment for me. Charlie was everything for me, not only he made me a mom, but filled the huge void in my heart, that I have been carrying since childhood.

I started calling him prince and soon that became his unofficial name. My life changed to being happy and cheerful, with prince around, that I stopped regretting the Vegas incident. To stop people from asking prying questions about my personal life, I made up a virtual boyfriend who travels a lot.

My expenses went up after I started sending prince to daycare. To cover the gap, I started looking for jobs with higher benefits and pay. Luckily for me a position opened up at Shah group of companies and I took it.

Till two months back, I was working at the Boston branch, but got selected for a high profile project to be executed from the corporate headquarters in NY and was asked to move here. The project got delayed and today was supposed to be first day of the project.

These two months, I was temporarily assigned to the logistics department reporting to Jason, who has been mean to me. He was good at first, but when I told him that my boyfriend stayed behind in Boston, he started making unwanted advances and asking me for dinner dates. When I made it clear to him that I was not interested, he turned mean. I was looking forward for the project to start, so that I could get away from working for him.

*****End of flashback ****

Finally I made it to office and hurried to the meeting room, where the project members were meeting for the first time.

I opened the door and stepped in. All the project members turned towards me, but I stopped in my tracks as my eyes locked in with the gentleman doing the presentation.

It was the guy driving the red Mercedes to whom I gave the finger earlier today.

*********

Stay tuned for Episode 7

Nairajokes warned to drop this story if its not rated well. Please if you want me to continue this story to continue kindly rate. I know it won't take your time. Love you all


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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You Are Drunk [Read it]


AY the drunkard was stumbling down
the street with one foot on the road
and one foot in the gutter. His friend,
Danny, saw him
and said, "Dude, you are drunk!" AY looked surprised and said, "Danny,
are you sure I am drunk?" "Yes!" Danny replied. "You are drunk!" Breathing a sigh of relief, AY said,
"Thank God! I thought I was a cripple!"
#BOLLY_SMART ?? ? ? ? ? ??™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-18 02:08:18

1714 Views



mouth of Africa [Read it]


Describe this mouth with one word







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-26 14:26:31

308 Views




Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.

~ Dean Ray KoontzRelated

valentine day [Read it]


Thank God say no valentine this year , na only God go bless INEC and this na the only good thing government don do to help Nigeria men since democracy start.. Lol.... So all the happy valentine messages and guy take me out are all carry over to 2016... On dat day make una just wish una babes/guys HAPPY ELECTION DAY ND WELCOME TO A CHANGE NIGERIA... Keep the fun movin by sharin to all ur contacts


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-14 08:35:01

226 Views




The sexual life of adult women is a “dark continent” for psychology.

~Sigmund FreudRelated

“What am i doing?”
“Am i not going deeper into this than i should?”
“Can i ever free myself from this sweet poison that have corrupted my entire being in the shackles of unbound lust and desires?”
What about my papa?”

This questions ladened my heart as i mopped at a crisp wad of 1000 naira notes 30 in number as it rested on my bed looking back at me with the two heads of those guys seeming to smile directly at me.

“Why don’t you just forget all this useless guilt and nack this lady maga since she is ready to give money, open office for im head” an alien thought countered the rush of guilty conscience that swayed around me.

I picked up the money, waved it a bit and smiled to my self, how many people gets this in a month but i just got it within a few hours even after getting a b-----b and a sexy goddess riding my s---t. I think i have to play this game to the fullest.

My phone blinked and vibrated snapping me out of my money gripped smirk.

A whatsapp message from an unsaved number stared back at me.

number: Hello sky
me: Hi
**viewed the pic, it was a lady with a strange and familiar face that i couldn’t even recall where i have seen before**

me: Goodpm, please who is this?
number : lol.. so you cant remember you dumb boy… its me nancy ur step mothers friend.

Me: oh sorry ma. ** and why is she sending me a whatsapp message, where exactly did she get my number or could it be that Amanda gave her my number**

Nancy went on to explain how she stole my number from my step mum’s phone without her knowing, that she just loves me naturally and would want to be close to me.

Strangely i already knew what she wanted, and am sure Amanda must have relayed to her my escapades with her.
And now another married lady wants me to come and bleep her, the worse is that she is not even as beautiful as i want.

“Nnam.. bia (come)” i heard papa’s voice call out to me, surely from the sitting room.

Papa was adorning a green crisp flowing agbada, that shimmered and made crispy noises when he moved his hands to take the over sized flowing hands upwards to the top of his shoulder.

A cap that goes to one side of the head made from the same material as the cloth hung on his head, making me look harder to see if i can notice any yoruba tribal marks on him too.

Amanda was adjusting the clothes and stretching it here and there and papa’s big fat hands found solace at her back resting on her bumz and a familiar mumu-like grin covering his face.

“Good morning dad” I announced, papa didn’t even see me when i joined them. ** how could he, when his hands are resting on top of heaven itself**

“Nnam you are here… ” he retorted casting a lustful look at amanda who didnt even move an eyelash to show she knew i was there. “i thought you are talking to me, why look at her” i queried papa in my mind. it was obvious enough that those a-s have got papa chained too.

“Good morning ma” i threw at amanda amanda making sure my eyes met hers.
Her white satin-like short dress that was a bit too tight at the waist region and flowwy just at the thighs like a miniature version of ballerina dress with full red rose designs, but a greater part of her those one million thighs were visible.
**no wonder this man open teeth like mumu**

“Good morning sky” she replied casting a lustful look at me buttered in a smile.

“Nnam i am going abuja now, the state governor is going on a trip to see the president………….**The rest i heard was governor this and president blah blah blah, senators, chairman bla bla and blah**
what made this man think am interested in any political mumbo jumbo.”

“We will be there for three days so i will be home on monday” Papa continued.
“Please take care of your mum for me” aaaah now this one i heard clearly, i smiled to myself.
“am gonna take real good care of her” my heart leaped and shouted… and we the expression on Amanda’s face am sure she wasn’t from what i was thinking.

Hitting my room with full speed i landed on my bed with a thud making the bed groan .
“This three days is gonna be heaven” i said out loud with an evily laugh, raising two clenched fist in the air like C.ronaldo when he scores a fantastic goal.

My phone shrieked in a loud ring, looking at it am sure it was the same number that sent me a whatsapp message making me shrug and roll ma eyes.

“Hello ma”
“Sky please dont call me ma, just call me nancy” her overly exaggerated slim voice sang back from the ear piece.
“ok nancy” i said blushing even tho she wasn’t with me.

“Can you come to Confidential hotel in ogui road tomorrow morning being saturday” her voice blurted out sending an electric wave of slight tingle down my spine.
**Hotel kwa!!**

“Just come to room 213 by 9am, please dont keep me waiting unless you wouldn’t want the iphone6 i just got for you” she said with a slight chuckle.

Just the mention of iphone6 made me feel like throwing my iphone4 away or smashing it against the wall.
“What? an iphone6?” I asked her back to be sure it wasn’t something else she said.. only for her to laugh and say “yes babe, just saw it and thought you would love it”
**Babe kwa!!!**

“Ok i will there ma.. sorry nancy” am sure it was the iphone6 that said that and not me.
I am well aware of what nancy wants but even if nancy is not too hard to resist, iphone6 definately is impossible for me to resist.
I will be the first in my group of friends to have one …

“Should i go for the iphone6 or not?”

..To be continued..

Pls drop a comments, that's the only fuel i need.


>>


Akpos came back from church one Sunday and lifted his wife up.

His surprised, but excited wife said: “Honey this is new. You’ve not done this before. This shows you love me the more.

Akpos replied:  “Our Pastor said we should lift our problems to God.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-21 22:18:51

210 Views



Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

Lol [Read it]


Girl: What’s the price of this shirt?
Boy: 5 kisses. 
?Girl: What’s the price of that dress?
?Boy: 10 kisses.?
Girl: pack both of them dad will pay ?
Boy : oh f*ck


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-01 17:44:23

718 Views




An old farmer comes running across the field screaming. The farmer`s wife was at the kitchen window wondering what the hell?

He rushed in the house and says, “Ma, get in bed! I got a hard on!”

She slowly gets undressed and gets in bed. To late…its gone.

“Next time I come a screamin` Ma, you be in the bed ready. Ya hear?”

2 months later here he comes screaming across the field. She sighs and gets in bed.

He rushed in and says, “Ma, you damn sex maniac get out of bed…the barns on fire!”Related

There was nothing i could do and he was probably right. I had just seconds to act. The smell of the costume was overpowering that my stomach turned. I didn't mind. It was my salvation.
.
When i reached for the office door i had almost collided with Mary-Anne. She gasped when she saw me and i grabbed her hand. I placed my other hand over her mouth because it was obvious she was going to scream. In the turn of events, i felt powerful. Ken was on my side. For the second time in the space of two minutes, Ken slugged a woman. The guy was very fast. I couldn't stop him. Or maybe this time around i wouldn't have stopped him. Mary-Anne deserved all the pain she could get. And some more. He dragged her slumped form into the office and cuffed her to the seat i had occupied. Tango was next. I had learnt a crucial lesson in human nature in the few minutes i'd had Ken on my side. When a man's survival is at stake, there are no friends - only partners. At that moment Ken was my principal partner though i was under no illusion that our partnership was rock-solid. It could change any moment.
.
I strode confidently as Ken led me to the ward where Tango would be. He had picked the steel pipe again. At the door, Ken waited for me to go in first. I did. The room was empty except for Tango who was at the opposite end of the room. He had a gun in his hand and it was pointing at my chest. Ken was still outside, invisible to Tango.
.
"Dad told me everything about your special gift the year he died. He wanted me to know why i was subjected to the treatment i got. He wanted me to understand. But it was too late. I was already who i am. That was why i said earlier that he lost and i won". His gun hand was steady. And his voice too.
"I chose to stay away from you because i wasn't sure if you would keep your promise to him. I trained my mind to hide my thoughts whenever i am around you. I also avoided eye contact with you as much as i could. I kept all thoughts about Mary-Anne out of my mind. It worked, obviously. Like i said, you never stood any chan-". He didn't complete the statement when something from the doorway flew towards him with lightening speed. His head jerked and the gun went off. I screamed as a searing pain hit my shoulder. He had shot me. It was Ken from outside the doorway that threw the steel pipe in his hand at him. I wondered what he couldn't do. I was sure he was the one that punched me in the car on Saturday morning. The pipe had hit Tango on his forehead. His finger had tightened on the trigger at the moment of impact. He was on the floor, unconscious.
.
I was still wincing in pain, my hand pressed over the gun shot wound when i saw Ken walk to an intercom on the wall of the room.
"Garba, come to L4 right away". He hung up.
"This should work for now". He picked a roll of gauze and tied it around my shoulder.
.
A fair, bulky man came in ten minutes later. He stiffened when he saw Ken.
"Get one of the trucks that we brought in on Saturday ready immediately. The one with the car inside its back cabin. I need to get Master out before the sun comes up and i need to take some guests with me. Get some of the boys to come carry the guests. Now."
"Yes sir!" Garba left.
"Come." Ken said after Garba left. He took me back to the office and opened a cabinet. It contained a black tarpaulin.
"Cover yourself with this. It's how he goes out whenever it isn't night."
.
I was doing that when three hefty, mean-looking men came into the office. Garba was behind them. He pointed to the two unconscious ladies. One person to each. He instructed the third to go to L4 to pick the one there. I couldn't see after i'd finished wearing the tarpaulin, so Garba and Ken held me and led me. I felt them hoist me into what was obviously the back of the truck. I was made to seat on what felt like a cushioned stool. I heard it when the three unconscious bodies were dropped and i could guess they were each strapped like i had been. I wondered why none of them thought to ask why Mary-Anne had to be handled that way. Then it dawned on me that my costumed presence was all that counted. Nightmare was all to them. No one. No one questioned anything as long as he was there. The door shut and a few seconds later the truck started moving.
.
After what could have been an hour or a year (for that matter) later, the truck stopped and the door was opened. I heard Ken call at me that it was ok to remove my coverings. I couldn't wait to do that. It was already daylight. I could see the car inside the cabin. It was wedged at the four wheels. The wedges appeared to be bolted to the floor. The glass was still broken where the punch had come through. I saw the three people on the floor. They were still unconscious. I felt they should be awake by now.
"Stay where you are. I am the only one with you. When we get to where we are going, you'll come down." I nodded assent at Ken's instructions.
.
#TO BE CONTINUED...#


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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