Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

BB pin [Read it]


points, 522 views, Yesterday
The students of Warri Grammar School
went on excursion to Egypt. On the tomb
of Pharaoh was written “1102BC”. The
teacher now asked “who knows the
meaning of this?” Nobody except Akpors
raised his hand, but the teacher was not
comfortable and pretended not to take
notice of him. She asked the question
again and yet only Akpors’ hand was still
up. So she allowed him to answer. Akpors
said “Na Pharaoh BB Pin be that”
One word for Akpors this time??




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-16 18:17:49

816 Views




A doctor was really pissed off by the constant visits of Jeeto who wanted to lose some of her excess weight. She never showed any results as she couldn’t diet or follow the exercise plan.

Jeeto: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

Doctor: Cut your head off.Related

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex – they should draw the line at goats.

~ Elton JohnRelated

EPISODE 36

They started providing medical attention from the military’s moving vehicle before we got to their clinic for proper medical service. They injected me something and I slept off immediately; that’s when they did operation on me to remove the bullet without me knowing.

I dunno how long I slept but I woke up and the first person I saw was Vincent who was seated on a nearby chair reading a book and then Mirabel seated side by side with Nancy. None of them could see that I was awake and I couldn’t utter a word. I could feel the pain from where I was shot; so I was like that till Vincent sighted me.

Vincent: He’s awake
*Mirabel and Nancy instantly upstretched their heads facing me**

Mirabel: Victor?
Nancy: **Runs out of the room probably to call the Doctor**
Mirabel: Thank God you’re awake **smiling with tears in her eyes**
**The door burst open letting in the Doctor and a nurse with my Mother, Mirabel’s mother – the First lady and surprisingly my Father – The boss**

{The military Doctor examined me for a many seconds then injected me}

Doctor: He need to rest for now, please don’t let him speak much maybe for the next 12 hours so his wound will heal up fast
Momma: Ok Doctor; should we give him food? He hasn’t eaten for the past two days
Doctor: The drip is Ok for him now but if he would like to eat, no problem. Will you like to eat something Victor?
Me: **I nodded my head left and right meaning No**
Doctor: What about a drink?
Me: **Thinking about it in my head**
Doctor: Do you want a drink?
Me: **Nodded my head up and down meaning Yes**
Doctor: Ok Madam, you can make enquiry on what he’d like to drink and provide for him
Momma: Ok Doctor
Doctor: **Walks out with his nurse**
Momma: What will you drink Victor?
Me: **I turned my head facing Mirabel; she understood and smiled**
Nancy/Mirabel: *Both chorused* Hollandia yoghurt! (I just smiled)

Nancy and Mirabel ran out to get the yoghurt; My Dad talked to me a little then left saying he’d come back tomorrow; Frank came in with Jummy to check on me; Mirabel’s mother – the first lady kept thanking me for rescuing her daughter before she left; Cynthia came in as well, I managed to ask her about Lola, she said Lola is in the intensive care unit on life support battling for her life. She lost so much blood before the help came. Poor Lola, I pray she make it; she’s a great friend even with her little flaws and the issue we both had.

Mirabel and Nancy came back with the yoghurt and Mirabel fed me with it.

Me: Where is Ike?
Mirabel: Oh… he already left; he said something came up so he returned back to the states
Me: How long have I been here?
Mirabel: Two days
Me: Hhmmm…
Momma: Won’t you eat something?
Me: No
Vincent: Hero how far
(I knew he was teasing me)
Me: Not funny
**They all laughed**
Vincent: I’m serious, see for yourself **showing me a newspaper then another one**

Both papers headlined the happenings that took place. The first lady spoke on how Lola, Cynthia and I risked our lives to save her daughter. They pictured the lifeless body of Marcus and how Dorothy killed him and got detained by the Military.

Vincent, Cynthia, Frank, Jummy and Nancy left later in the evening while Momma remained with me and Mirabel; she (Mirabel) refused to go. Momma says she wants to go get food for dinner; Mirabel offered to go with her. I told her to stay back that I want to talk to her but she dissented and followed her.
I noticed she’s been trying to avoid my question, why? I dunno, all I know is that she can’t escape it. Her attitude tells me the answer I fear but I want to hear it from her mouth.
A Military Nurse (A lady) came after they left to administer drugs on me.
Nurse: Hi Victor
Me: Good morning
Nurse: Morning… how are you feeling now?
Me: Better
Nurse: Okay… lemme inject you so you’ll get well and strong sooner
Me: **Speechless till she injected me and changed the drip**
Nurse: You’re really brave to go into the den of the most wanted man in Nigeria to rescue a girl
Me: She’s not just a girl, she’s the President’s daughter and….
Nurse: And?
Me: Nothing, never mind
Nurse: Okay… would you consider joining the Army? The Army needs brave personalities like you
Me: **Smiles** Nah… **Sounded funny to me**
Nurse: Common… you’re great, just say you’re interested then boom! You got it. You will be scrolling past the ranks like pages of a book
Me: **Laughs**
Nurse: I’m serious, you saved the President’s daughter; do you have any idea of what that portends? You have earn yourself a great favor in the eyes of the President and the first lady
Me: Thanks for your concern Nurse, but I have my own plans
Nurse: Just have a rethink and volte-face about it dear
Me: Alright
Nurse: I’m Norah by the way
Me: Yea I know, it’s tagged on you
Nurse: Oh yea… just want to do the introduction myself
Me: Ok then… I’m Victor
Nurse: I know that **we both laughed** Nice meeting you
Me: Same here
Nurse: I’m hoping this clinic won’t be our last place of meeting **Smiling**
Me: I dunno… we’ll see

**Door opens**

Nurse: Ok we’re done here
Me: Thanks Nurse
Nurse: **Walks away**
Me: Welcome
Mirabel: Thanks
Me: Where is my mother?
Mirabel: In the ladies room
Me: You’re yet to answer my question
Mirabel: But I just said she’s in the ladies room
Me: I know and I’m not talking about that one; you know what I’ve been asking you of
**Momma walks; we had to suspend the topic**
They both ate what they bought and gave me an energy drink which I drank.

**The following morning**
Momma left for the house to have her bath and change her clothes; she asked Mirabel to stay with me till Nancy comes around.
I noticed how Mirabel was roaming about in and out of the ward probably trying to escape my question. So I decided to confess mine so she’d feel even and confess hers as well.

**I told her immediately she walked into the room**
Me: Dorothy forcefully had $ex with me **Expecting her response**
*She stood still and faced me looking surprised for many seconds with disappointment written all over her face*
Mirabel: **Grabbed her jacket and vacate the room without saying a word even when I called her**

*I couldn’t understand why she reacted that way; I kept on thinking and wondering before the Military Nurse walked in*

Nurse: How are you doing today my hero?
Me: Much better, good morning
Nurse: Good morning… hope you slept well?
Me: Yea
Nurse: Did you urinate at night?
Me: No
Nurse: Okay… **She changed the drip, injected me and gave me some tablets to gulp** Seems you’ll be discharged anytime soon
Me: Thanks Nurse
Nurse: Norah please
Me: Okay…
Nurse: Call me lemme hear
Me: …Norah?
Nurse Norah: Yeah…**Smiling** so you will give me your number now just in case you get discharged when I’m on shift
**I called my number for her**
Nurse Norah: It’s switched off
Me: Oh… yea I forgot I lost my phone
Nurse Norah: When you went to rescue the President’s daughter I guess
Me: Yea
Nurse Norah: You will do a welcome back right?
Me: Yea
Nurse Norah: Okay… or give me your address
Me: Why?
Nurse Norah: In case you fail to do a welcome back
Me: I will do it
Nurse Norah: I still want to have your address, or you don’t want me to visit you sometime?

**I just gave her the address and she wrote it down**

Nurse Norah: Thanks, lemme go and attend to other patients
Me: Okay…

**She gave me a peck and left** seriously, this Norah is another person to be worried about oh… because I don’t understand all this her attitude. And I’m very sure she’s like 4 to 5 years older than me.

*Vincent came in some minutes later with Frank and Jummy; we exchanged pleasantries and natters*

Vincent: Where is Mirabel?
Me: Uhmmm… she left for a while
Frank: **Speaks into his official ear piece** Copy that
Vincent: Who’s that?
Frank: Your father’s personal security detail; he says the President is here to see the boy, that’s Victor
Me: **I was shocked, bemused, flummoxed, surprised, dumbfounded and speechless**


TO BE CONTINUED


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The light was on again and it was Aisha that put it on. She knelt down in front of me begging me to come and sleep beside her on bed as she was not comfortable sleeping alone.
I gave in to her demand after almost 30minutes with a promise that we had to back each other as i wouldn’t want any other mistake to happen again, the best thing for us is to wait till our wedding night before having sex.
We returned to the bed and there was so much temptation but i thank God that i was able to restrict it. She held me from behind at interval during the sleep but i always remove her hand anytime she put them over me.
Ismaeel called me the following morning to apologize about what he did to me, he said after so much thought he realized he fumbled seriously with the way he talked to me and he knew i would have been nursing the ambition of leaving the house for him. He begged me seriously and i made him understand the gravity of what he did that it was as if he never had any regards for me.
We talked for close to 10minutes on phone after which i asked him if i can start coming home and he said Amaka would have left before my coming. He said the plan was for Amaka to stay behind till weekend before but he realized it doesn’t worth it and the best he could do was to allow her go as he couldn’t let her ruin our friendship.
I went to school mosque to pick my bag later in the afternoon from Aisha’s house and headed home straight. I was surprised when ismaeel asked “where did you now sleep yester nyt”?
Me: Well i slept inside the mosque opposite zanrab filing station (I was wondering when i started lying after responding to the question because my answer was straight forward)
Ismaeel: Am very sorry my brother….you know sometimes even if you don’t want to do this thing body will surely ask for it
Me: Its okay, please lets forget about all that and move to another topic
“Ezekiel walks in”
Ezekiel: Yalufa, how far now?
Me: I dey fine…longest time
Ezekiel: Abi ooooo…How far now Ismaeel, Na Amaka you dey carry come next week Saturday?
Ismaeel: carry come where?
Ezekiel: Stop that now Ismaeel, Alfa na soji guy now for him to leave the house for you mean say he understand a lot now
Well Alfa, next week Saturday is my birthday and my guys are organizing small gig for me here so you can also invite your hajia come, there will be enough to eat and drink even though you no dey do like that but we will buy you what you are drinking
Me: How many years birthday are you celebrating
Ezekiel: I know no ooo..which kind question be that now Alfa, you want dey count my age for me ni
Me: No vex…..
Ezekiel: I don tell Elizabeth that Saturday is my birthday ooo and am sure she will be coming with Amaka so i just say let me inform you so that you wont go and bring another person and cause gbege for my party
Ismaeelkay…no problem now
I left them to continue with their discussion after a while. Everything return back to normal between me and Ismaeel and i couldn’t erase the fact that i had started having sex too. Even though i enjoyed it and feel like having it more, i felt it was not the right time and i will still get tired of it by the time am married. The only thing i need is my academics and graduate with first class. I later concluded that my instinct doesn’t fail me as what i had before on my mind was that relationship is always a distraction but i was in this already and there is no going back as i can withstand breaking a lady’s heart.

To Be Continued....

>>

Santa and Banta apply for a job. Santa wants that Banta get the job, as he is less intelligent.

On the interview day, Santa says, “First I will go inside and answer all the questions except the last one and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. So you go and answer and you’ll get the job.” So Santa goes in.


Employer: “When did we get independence?”

Santa: “Efforts began in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947”

Employer: “Good. Who’s our PM?”

Santa: “It changes daily and these days it’s Atal Behari Vajpayee”

Employer: Ok. What is India’s population?

Santa: (He was not to reply last one) “Good question, research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.”


He comes out and tells Banta about all the questions and answers. Banta was really excited and he remembers all the answers but forgets all the questions. So he goes in now.

Employer: When were you born?

Banta: Efforts started in 1857 but we got freedom in 1947.

Employer: What? Who’s your father?

Banta: It changes daily and these days it`s Atal Behari Vajpayee.

Employer:(he is upset now) Are you mad Mr. Banta?

Banta: Good question sir, research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you.Related

Kanjoos(Miser) lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .Dear Sunita Darling,I can’t send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company’s performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.Your loving husband,TunaHis wife replied..TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don’t worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses andI hope I can survive the month using this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next month?Your Sweet Heart,SunitaRelated

Hi Uncle Tom,

I am a lady aged 26, I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home, I drove for just about 2 km from home & my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another car, when I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid, I don’t know what to do now please help me.
From Anonymous


Uncle Tom’s Reply:

Dear Anonymous,

Over heating of the engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the radiator, you need to check the oil and water level in your engine before you start your journey, you must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future hope this helps.Related

A young girl is about to go on a 1st date with her
boyfriend she has turtored by her Grandma.,
grandma: he will try to kiss you, allow Him
He will try to cuddle you, allow Him
He will try to lay u down and get ontop of you
don't allow Him
the girl asked, grandma why
Grandma said because if you do that you have
allow him to disgrace you and your family
The girl said ok, and left for her date.
Several hours later she returned and grandma said
how did it go?
Girl said exactly as you said except when he laid
me down and tried to disgrace our family, i turned
him over and got ontop of him and disgraced his
family
Grandma fainted
ONE WORD FOR THE GIRL


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-11 23:07:05

508 Views




Zindagi Dene Vale Marta Chod Gaye

Apnapan Jatane Vale Tanha Chod Gaye

Jab Padi Jarurat Hume Apne Humsafar

Ki

Vo Jo Saath Chalne Vale Apna Rasta

Mod Gaye… :'(Related

*****
I started the classwork immediately which I finished 10 minute before the break period ...I waited a little while for others to finish though some were busy talking instead of doing the work given,when it was time for the submission went in front of class " if you are through with your assignment ,come and submit " I shouted
only few came out to submit, some were still busy with the classwork while some were busy shouting at me to do my worst.
as a guy that fears cane I quickly gather the few that submitted to submit.
on my way out to the staff room ,a cool feminine voice stopped me
"kunle " she called ,I looked back and saw that it was no other person than Cyndy coming to meet where I stood ( so this gal can talk sha )
' how may I help you ' I asked harshly which got her a bit uncomfortable
" i want you to spare me more 3 minutes to round up the classwork " she stammered
' ehen ,so you can speak ..thought you were deaf and dumb ' I said looking at her,
she couldn't even face me " sorry kunle, I know we have not been in good terms but please help me out ''she begged
her pretty brown eyes really got me , I felt I was already tripping and being compelled by her to do her wish ( girls and their charms but devil is a liar o) . part of me wanted to help her but another part of me wanted revenge for the humiliation ..I gave in to the later I just hiss and walk out on her leaving her standing ..straight to the staff room I submitted the classwork
Mrs : Kunle ,why is this note few( pointing to the books on her table )
me : ma, some are still busy with the work while are not doing theirs
Mrs ajumobi : what !! ( she shouted ) didn't I make myself cleared in class...in fact go and call them now
me : OK ma
I was about going when she called me back
" wait am coming with you " she said standing up from sit...she followed me back to our class.
some were shock when they saw her as it meant one thing trouble as Mrs Ajumobi who was a no nonsense woman and can flog very well.
.." if you know you didn't submit ,stand now and follow me to the staff room " she shouted
it was when they stood up that I knew Nicky ,emeka ,wale and isaac were also victims. ' what have I done ' I said to myself
they all followed Mrs ajumobi to the staff room while I went to sit down praying that mrs ajumobi should please spare them coz both wale and Isaac were involved ,if I had known I wud have awaited a bit.
not too long ,they all came back with angry faces,it was then I knew my prayer didn't work.
Emeka came first to where I seated ,drew by the collar and threatened that he would deal with me which the intervention of few colleagues for him to release me ,followed by Isaac who just came pack his things and left for another seat without saying anything ,I know his hatred for me would have been doubled ... I later I heard they were being given 10 strokes of cane my Mrs Ajumobi.
my brother came in to his sit crying coz the pain was too much ,I felt going there to console him but I lack the strength as all those evil glares and stare would not let me.
unfortunately ,my revenge back fired as it later came to my hearing that Cyndy wasn't flogged just because she was a new student so she was pardon...' definitely that Cyndy girl is a witch ' I said to myself amidst my regret. it was that very day I made up my mind never to have any thought of hurting her again. ' she might be an angel not to be touch ' I thought .
throughout the class that day, I didn't talk to anyone till we closed and I went home disappointed ..

how do I rectify things, this question I kept asking myself till I got home


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

Change is the end result of all true learning.

-Leo BuscagliaRelated

WHO IS WISER [Read it]


Akpos paid a girl to climb a tree" after some minit,the girl ran to his mother and told her dat Akpos paid her money to climb a tree,the mother now say dont mind him he just want to see the colour of your pint,she now laugh and say don't mind him momi,I am wiser dan him i remove my pint bfore climbing the tree


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-26 11:09:55

407 Views




MY FIRST TRIP TO ABUJA AND ZARIA (STORY BY DINDY) EPISODE 1

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...

"Dindy Dindy wake up, go and bath, the time is 3.20am", said my elder sister tapping me on my medium size head.
I got up with a lazy eyes and walked from my room to the bath room.
Let me tell you what brought about the early morning movement. My name is Dindy, which you already know, I'm a nerd (kinda) and I like cartoons. --ok I think I'm going to deep in that part, let me go back a little.--
Days ago, I got a message from Zaria college, to come write an entrance examination, which I had been waiting for (for months ago). When I saw the message that day, I was happy because I was going to travel alone and experience the world more on my own.
The day I got the message was a monday and I was to be there on Tuesday of the following week, which was too soon.
I had to take an excuse from work and properly arrange all I needed to travel. I also used the few days I had to study really hard, using past questions and text books to refresh my memory.
My dad told me that, I would leave on Sunday morning to Abuja first, then I would goto zaria. It was going to be a very stressful thing, but I had no choice because I was going to give my uncle something, who lived in Maraba, Abuja.
At that time I was writing the story 'ANGELS", which most of you have read. I had little doubts within me, whether I would fit with the sort of people over there. I won't lie, I feared alot, each time I opened a book to read, I thought to myself "I have to really really read this, I have to pass this examination".
I never for once let the fear eat me up, to the extent that I won't read, instead I used the fear to read more and more.
Saturday came and I had to go to buy some stuffs I need for the examination (calculator, pen, pencil....) and also book a ticket. My elder sis (Chioma, who I love so much), was going to accompany me.
Later in the afternoon, we prepared and left for shopping in iyanaiba market. --Won't lie, that place is one hustling and bubbling place with cars, buses, and bikes everywhere.--
When we got there, we decided to first book a ticket for my trip to Abuja, so we entered another bus which took us to mile 2, where "THE YOUNG SHALL GROW" park was --I totally like them--.
After passing the rough and bad roads, we finally got to the place where the park was, it took I and my elder sis a little time, to find out where their main park was.
When we finally did, we were relied. I luckily got a spot in the first bus, which was leaving very early the next morning. We did all the things we ought to do and left the park.
We went to the market and got all I needed to travel the next day --That place is one busy land, with both human and spirit walking everywhere--.
Later that evening, my big naughty bro (Ugonna) and one of my Aunty (Chibuzor) came back from work.
After eating night food (dinner), my elder sis and Aunty (Chibuzor) came to our room to chill with us.
The main reason why they came to our room, was not only to chill with us, but also to ask I and my big bro to share our data with them --Free wifi things--. My big bro was using a BB Q10, so his sub was 1000 naira for 3GB (on Airtel).
He shared his data with them, but I didn't because my phone was a killer of data (Microsoft). They mocked me for it, but I didn't care.
We all stayed awake for hours until 12:00 am, then they slept off in our room. Somehow I didn't feel sleepy, I couldn't sleep and I had no idea what caused it.
I finally managed to sleep by 1:20am, having only few hours to sleep before my long trip to Abuja.....to be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Ex-Girl Friend:

Hey, How are you doing These Days ?

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Boy: Haath Se !!! ????Related

Santa leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. A mile down the road, he`s stopped by a police officer.

The officer walked up to the driver`s side window holding a Breathalyzer and said, “Good evening sir. We`re testing for drunk driving. Would you please blow into this machine?”

Santa replied, “I`m sorry, I can`t do that. I have asthma. If I blow in that machine, I will get out of air.”

“In that case, I`m going to have to ask you to come back to the station for a blood test.”

Santa said, “I can`t do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death”.

The officer said, `Then you`ll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line.”
“Can`t do that either,” said Santa
The officer was getting irritated. “And why not?”
“Because I`m dead drunk.”Related

Baba Saxidas Ne Apne Bhakto Ko Muh Dikhai Ki Asliyat Batate Hue Btaya



Suhaag Raat Aksar Dulhan Ko Dulha Ek Gift Deta Hai Muh Dikhai Ke Toar Se.



Ab Ise Muh Dikhai Kyun Kehte Hain? Asal Men Yeh To Chut Dikhai Honi Chahiye.



Kyuki Munh Dekh Ke To Shaadi Pakki Ki Thi.



Ye huyi na baba ki bakchodi ????Related

Simple Question [Read it]


During a Mathematics class, the teacher
asks, "Class, who knows what 2 + 2 is?" Realising how simple the question,
Johnny raises his hand, but the teacher
pointed to another student. Johnny was
upset. The teacher asks again, "Who knows
what 5 + 5 is?" Johnny raises his hand again, but the
teacher still didn't point at him. The teacher asks his third question,
"Johnny, What's X if 40X + 30 = 120X?" Johnny replies, "But sir, I did not raise
up my hand."
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-27 01:40:42

398 Views




HR Head addressing employees:


This year too, increments will be as per the Bell Curve.


One of the Employees: What is that?


HR Head: Let me put it in Hindi, “Ghanta Milega!”Related

In 1962 an outbreak of contagious laughter in Tanganyika lasted for six months and caused schools to be closedRelated

Ana stood dumbfounded for a second unable to believe that the guy doing the presentation was the Mercedes guy.

Miss Ana, glad you found time to join us. Please take your seat." The presenter spoke in a sarcastic way.

OMG! He knows my name." She got confused and then walked over to the only empty chair around the table and sat down. Then she noticed her name written in bold letters on the table in front of her. "Ha!" She thought.

The meeting continued for three hours, but Ana was worried about the turn in events and the impact it would have on her role in the project and her relationship with the project lead because of the morning incident.

Also something about his eyes was bothering her. She looked at him while he was explaining and realized he had the same color eyes as the guy who stole her virginity, hence the reason she went into flashback in the morning. For a second, she thought if he could be the same guy, but maybe not, this guy was behaving rudely with her, where as the other guy was very respectful. Even if he is, she was sure he wouldn't recognize her as she was in costume and looked completely different on that day.

Once in a while the presenter's eyes would travel round the table, but would linger on her, as if he was trying to read her mind. She felt uncomfortable whenever he did that. She had no clue about his role as she missed the start of the meeting.

She looked around and saw a few senior executives, but she recognized only one - Sam. Sam selected her for this position and transferred her from Boston to NY. She liked Sam, as he was friendly to talk to and at the same time very professional.

Finally the meeting came to an end and Ana wanted to bolt out as soon as possible. She got up from her seat along with others and tried to move towards the exit.

"Miss Ana, please stay behind, I need to have a word with you." She immediately realized, he was going for revenge.
"Sure" she said and waited for everyone to leave.
"Miss Ana, this is a very important project for the company and only the best people have been chosen to work on it. Please make sure to be on time next time." He spoke firmly looking at her.

"Actually what happened. .."

He cut her off "I am sorry, I am not interested in your reasons. You are supposed to be here during business hours and if that is something you cannot do, you need to let me know. I want people who can deliver, not give reasons."

Ana was fuming with anger for cutting her off. She wanted to scream at him, but decided against it because Sam was still there and she didn't want to fight over this in front of him. She pressed her nails into her palm to control herself.

"You can leave now" he said after looking at her fuming face.

Ana immediately left the room and went to join Uma, her lunch buddy from HR, who was also part of the project. She found her in the cafeteria waiting for her.

"Ana... what happened? Why were you late."

She told Uma her story since morning and then asked her "Who the hell is he? I had so much hopes about this project and about escaping from Jason, but now this guy is worse than Jason. I am going to complain to Sam about him and ask him to move me to another department. I am not going to work for this a$$hole."

"Hey ssh...talk slowly. Sam cannot help you in this matter."

"Really, why not? Is this guy senior than Sam? If so I will go to the CEO directly."

"Ha..silly girl. Looks like you have no idea who the CEO is?"

"I know, his name is Rahul Shah."

"Oh really! How does he look?" Uma asked Ana.

"I don't know. I never met him. I just came here. Probably some old guy, but hoping he is reasonable and can help me out."

"Ok, sorry to burst your ball, but the guy you gave a finger in the morning is our CEO Rahul Shah." She tried to control her laughter.

"OMG Uma! Don't laugh, it's not funny, I am in deep shit" Ana face palmed.

"on't worry, he is not a bad guy. I think you are taking this too seriously. "

"No I am not, I could sense the hostility in his voice. I better update my resume and start looking for other jobs." I really didn't want this to go that far as I liked the pay and benefits here.

Meanwhile in the conference room ..

"Rahul, is everything okay? I am not sure why you went against that girl for being little late." Sam asked Rahul after Ana left the room.

"I am not sure she is the right person for this project." Rahul replied. He was still angry at her for giving him the finger in the morning, but he didn't want to tell Sam about the episode.

Rahul likes his cars and was testing his brand new Mercedes and knew he was in total control when Ana ran across the crossing in the last minute. He was sure she entered the crossing after the light started blinking and was mad at her for giving him the finger. It spoiled his whole mood and he really wanted to chase her down, but she vanished.

When he saw her enter the conference room, he knew he had the upper hand and almost wanted to fire her, but decided to torture her instead. Also something about her eyes was bothering him.

The way she looked at him made his heart skip a beat. In last three years, he changed completely and never looked at the ladies anymore. His eyes were always searching for his blonde sweetheart, he met on Halloween day, three years back, but lost her next day. But this girl looked nothing like his sweetheart, though she had the same eyes and looks. She is also mean and rude. He wanted to punish her for making him weak. No one can replace his sweetheart.

"Sam, I need more details about this girl. I want to make sure, she can handle the project work load."

"Sure Rahul. Are you sure nothing else is behind your interest in her?" Sam looked deep into Rahul's eyes for some hidden answer.

"No" Rahul replied trying to keep a blank face.

Earlier he watched Rahul's face closely when he was talking to Ana and saw something which surprised him. For the first time in three years his close friend and buddy was showing some interest in a girl and that was positive news for him. In spite of spending lot of money and resources, their search for his blonde sweetheart was a failure and he was worried about Rahul. For the first time he saw a flicker of hope.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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HEART CODE [Read it]


Prologue
“Before I met you, I was so scared of relationships”, i started, “having heard stories of broken relationships everywhere and the consequences the hurts that comes with it, I vowed in my heart to be celibate, because then I thought love didn’t exist anymore”, i said.
“All my perceptions changed when I saw you”, I continued “because when I first saw you, I saw love and the first time I held you I felt love, after all we have been through together, you’re still the one I love”, I confessed. “That’s why I gave you all I had..what you asked for and didn’t ask for, I gave you…I gave you my wealth, I gave you my trust, I gave you my heart, as it those things wasn’t enough and now you still want my life, I’ll give you without any flair, because I love you without reserve”, i lamented and collapsed in her hands.


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sex [Read it]


After picking her son up from
school one day, the mother asks
him what he did at school. The
kid replies, "I had sex with my
teacher." She gets so mad that
when they get home, she orders
him to go straight to his room.
When the father returns home
that evening, the mother angrily
tells him the news of what their
son had done. As the father
hears the news, a huge grin
spreads across his face. He walks
to his son's room and asks him
what happened at school, the
son tells him, "I had sex with my
teacher." The father tells the boy
that he is so proud of him, and
he is going to reward him with
the bike he has been asking for.
On the way to the store, the dad
asks his son if he would like to
ride his new bike home. His son
responds, "No thanks Dad, my
butt still hurts."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 23:10:04

342 Views




Akpoa and his date traveled to a far distance for love.

After sex the girl said, "I really should have mentioned this earlier,
but I'am actually a hooker, and I charge N10,00 for what we just did." Akpos retorted, "And I should have mentioned this before, but I'am
actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is N15,000."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-14 09:54:30

1777 Views



Sunday Wishes [Read it]


On behalf of the Nairajokes management team, i want to use this opportunity to thank all of you guys for contributing in one way or the other for the progress of this site.
Thank you so much and may God continue to bless you as you do more.

H*A*P*P*Y S*U*N*D*A*Y

CEO Nairajokes.com



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-18 12:21:48

209 Views




Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the first day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders.

It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn’t what’s on your head but what’s in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped.

I immediately filed Tommy under "S" for strange... very strange. Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in residence" in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father-God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a slightly cynical tone: "Do you think I’ll ever find God?"

I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I said very emphatically.

"Oh," he responded, "I thought that was the product you were pushing."

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out: "Tommy! I don’t think you’ll ever find him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!" He shrugged a little and left my class and my life.

I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line: "He will find you!" At least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful.

Then a sad report, I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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1. Success is not
sexually transmitted;
so stop sleeping with
successful men and
work hard.
2. Please do not wear
the same weave for
nine months, its not
pregnancy.
3. Half naked girls are
hot, well dressed girls
are beautiful, hell is hot,
heaven is beautiful.
4. Stop saying you
cannot date a man who
lives with his mother
when you are dating a
man who lives with his
wife.
5. Do not look at what a
guy drives but what
drives him.
6. Before you call a guy
ugly, remember 95% of
your beauty can be
removed by a towel.
7. When you were on
campus you dated
married men, when you
get married you say you
can't share a man, relax
ma sister its pay time.
8. Lastly learn to call and
consult God and not
your neighbour....
#CTB #B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-22 22:16:41

521 Views




Akpos went to an electronic store, he asked
the storekeeper "what is the price of this TV?"
The storekeeper answered "we don't sell our
products to Akpos." Akpos again came next
day by cutting his beard and asked "what is
the price of this TV?" The storekeeper replied
"we don't sell our products to Akpos". The
next day Akpos came with a different face
and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The
shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our
products to Akpos." Finally Akpos got irritated
and asked the shopkeeper "how do you
recognise me every time?" The storekeeper
replied "because this is not a TV it is
Microwave Oven!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-01 14:50:58

484 Views




CHIBOY went to bed very HUNGRY he had a dream, in the dream he saw a bread, he ate the bread, happily after that he saw a coconut, when he was about to eat the coconut, his Younger Brother shouted BRO's you don chop pillow finish nah my HEARD you won CHOP


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-08 15:45:11

594 Views




A guy is in the bathroom taking a piss when this huge man walks in and starts pissing in the urinal next to him.


The guy just happens to look over and see the other guy`s dick is huge.


Then he walks over and says, “Hey man I’m not gay or anything but what is your name? Because you have the biggest dick I have ever seen!”


The big guy says, “Well thanks man. My name is Ben Rover.”


Then the guy passes out.


When he wakes up he says, “Whats your name again”


“Well it’s Ben Rover,” the big guy says!


Oh what a releif I thought you said ‘bend over’.Related

Full Bed Bath [Read it]


The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath. She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack. As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I’ll wash possible?”Related

Marriage Software

This is what a guy wrote to a Systems
Analyst -
(Marriage Software Div);
Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help! I
recently upgraded my
program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0 and found that the
new program began unexpected Child
Processing and also
took up a lot of space and valuable
resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product
brochure. In addition
Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other
programs and launches
during systems initialization and then
it monitors all other
system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out
2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no
longer run, and crashes the system
whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected
"Soccer 6.3" always fails and
"Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot
seem to keep Wife 1.0
in the background whilst attempting
to run any of my
favorite applications. Be it online or
offline.
I am thinking of going back to
"Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall
doesn't work on this program. Can
you please help?
.... The Systems Analyst replied:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem
resulting from a basic
misunderstanding of the functions of
the Wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a
UTILITY AND
ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually,
Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its
Creator to run
everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge
Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife
1.0 was not designed
to do this and it is impossible to
uninstall, delete or purge
the program files from the System
once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install
Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0
but have ended up with even more
problems. (See manual
under Alimony/Child Support and
Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I
recommend you keep it Installed
and deal with the difficulties as best
as you can. When any
fault or problem occur, whatever you
think has caused
them, you must run the.........
C: APOLOGIZE FORGIVE ME.EXE
Program and avoid
attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it
will freeze the entire
system.
It may be necessary to run C:
APOLOGIZE FORGIVE ME.EXE
a number of times, and eventually
hope that the operating
system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high
maintenance programme, can
be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider
buying additional
Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and
"Chocolates 5.0" or
"HUGS KISSES 600.0" or
"TENDERNESS UNDERSTANDING
1000.0" or even Eating Out Without
the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child
processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances
install "Secretary
2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One
Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood
Version), as this is not a supported
Application for Wife 1.0
and the system will almost certainly
CRASH.
BEST WISHES


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-07 03:45:28

597 Views



Women and money [Read it]


Akpos: Hello sweety, its been long. You don’t care to call, text or even flash.
Girl: Its because I had no airtime to call.
Akpos: Its ok darling, I thought as much. I bought 1500 airtime for you but…….
(Phone cut)
After waiting for 20min without a call back from Akpos, she decided to call him.
Girl: Baby, how are you doing?
Akpos: Am fine.
Girl: Baby, you were saying something before the phone cut.
Akpos: Saying what? Please remind me, I have forgotten.
Girl: About the airtime.
Akpos: Ok!! Yah, I bought 1500 airtime for you but I can’t find it again.
Girl: Gusshh!!!
She cut the phone with anger.
Akpos “HAHAHAHAH you have no airtime but you called back. She thought am johnny”



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-07 12:39:15

2764 Views




An ad in the paper: Come Via_Agra… and see man’s greatest erection for a woman. The Taj Mahal…!Related

There waz a boy called, uche, had a girlfrd called ebere, uche did all he could do to make his woman happy, but he is not equal to the task, but a ebere had a boyfriend who is equal to the task, his name is Henry, there comes a time where, ebere told uche she will going to a frd house, it happens that uche is also traveling a frds house in town. When he got to his frd his frd told uche they will club tonight, it happen to be that is the same place where Henry is takin ebere too, when uche nd his frd got there, ebere nd Henry, when uche saw his girlfrd with a man he shouted!!! My girlfrd oo am lost tell me is not true what am seeing, my true love now my big enemy


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 10:58:02

1684 Views




A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote o n a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only y to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-14 20:09:26

508 Views




A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor`s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don`t do the following, your husband will surely die.”

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don`t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don`t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”

“You`re going to die,” she replied.Related

She felt good to be at the CEOs’
Awards dinner. Her boyfriend
was Regional Manager at one of
the top banks in the country and
she felt so happy to be privileged
to be a part of the event. There
were a lot of distinguished
personalities from 12 different
countries around the world. It
was a dinner that admitted
people strictly by invitation. She
knew she looked stunning. Why
wouldn’t she be? She had been
preparing for weeks. Kunle had
told her a month ago about the
very huge dinner and award
night and that she would be
going as his partner. She had
carefully searched the internet
and viewed catalogue after
catalogue of dinner gowns. She
saw a design she liked on a
show on Dstv and had her
designer make something
gorgeous for her. From the
moment she walked into the hall
in Oriental Hotels Lekki, she felt all
eyes on her. Kunle beamed a
wide smile. He looked handsome
in his Tuxedo as he strolled to his
designated seat, hand in hand
with his adorable girlfriend. He
knew she was stunning. This
could get him a raise, a
recommendation or best of all a
promotion.
She was dark skinned and very
beautiful. She measured 5ft.
7inches without the heels. Now
donning a 3-inch heeled shoe,
she was almost the same height
as Kunle. They had been dating
for almost 7 months and already
looked the couple. She was busty
and a little chubby with an as5
that made heads turn, both male
and female alike. Kunle was in his
mid30’s. Already climbing the
ladder of successful banking
business, he had very little
worries. He saw this as an
opportunity to invest, market,
show his class and get to meet
his superiors whose only contact
with him had been via emails. He
also hoped he would have the
courage to proceed with his
plan. He wanted to propose. For
her it was a night of pictures for
updates on instagram and bbm.
It was a night to flaunt her
beauty and her body. It was a
night to make her boyfriend very
proud. She knew it was a long
shot, but she did not mind being
whisked away by one of the
money bags present. She was
amazed at the caliber of people
she saw. She knew it was a big
night. She did not envisage that it
would be this big. He followed
her to her seat, pushed back her
chair, waited for her to settle in
and helped her tuck in before
going to his seat opposite her.
The table already decorated with
assorted wines and drinks had
his name and designation
already written boldly on a fancy
looking cardboard: MR KUNLE
BALOGUN – REGIONAL MANAGER
SOUTH WEST NIGERIA. They were
seated in the middle of the hall,
close enough to see the activities
happening on stage. She smiled
at him. He smiled back and held
her hand across the table. She
was so happy to mean this much
to him to be brought here. He
wanted so much to pop the
question to her right there and
then. He felt the ring casing in his
pant pocket.
“Soon,” he said to himself
tapping the pocket with his free
hand.
Outside Oriental Hotel, the venue
of the party was a parked dark
Nissan Armanda jeep. Shina was
in front in the passenger seat.
There was a white earphone in
his left ear which he held in place
with his left hand. Iyke and
Francis were at the back
smoking white London. Francis
wound down his side of the
glass and threw away the butt of
his finished cigarette. He wound
up and closed his eyes. Iyke hit
him playfully with his elbow. He
dipped his hand into the insides
of his faded brown leather jacket
and brought out a silenced .45
revolver. He smiled wickedly as
he brandished it before Francis.
“Baba, relax. As long as this baby
dey here, no shaking.” Iyke
boasted.
“Shhhh!!!!” Shina said from the
front suddenly looking sharp and
continued. “Brenda is going in.”
he finished.
All three men were suddenly very
sharp and alert. The two at the
back were looking at Shina and
watching his facial reaction. If he
felt or heard anything he did not
show it. He was the best at
masking how he felt, no matter
how good or bad. That was why
The Ghosts hired him.
Inside, an announcement was
made for everyone to order
appetizers. Kunle and his
girlfriend picked up the menu in
front of them and chose their
appetizers. There was an
attendant for every table. When
they had made their decision,
Kunle signaled the waitress.
When she was close to them, he
looked at her name tag. BRENDA
“Brenda, could you please get
item 17 for my beautiful princess
and item 3 for me?” Kunle asked
smiling.
“Fantastic choice sir” she said
scribbling on her pad. “I’ll be just
a minute please.” She finished
and left.
She got into the kitchen area and
presented the piece of paper
where she had written the
couple’s order to the chef. She
quickly went to the side of the
room and whispered into the
collar of her suit.
“I’m going in.”
Three minutes later Brenda came
back with a tray containing the
ordered meal. She placed Kunle’s
in front of him and then the
girl’s. She opened the red wine
and poured two wine glasses
half full. She straightened up.
“Is there anything else you may
need sir?” she asked smiling at
both Kunle and his girlfriend.
“No, thank you Brenda.” Kunle
replied.
“Your fiancée is really beautiful
sir. Lovely gown too.” Brenda
said smiling wider.
“Oh yes she is. Eva is the queen
of my heart.” Kunle said.
“Have a good evening sir and
ma’am. And please feel free to call
me if there is anything I can get
you.” Brenda finished.
“Thank you Brenda.” Eva said.
As Brenda made to turn around,
she deliberately used the tray to
hit the wine bottle such that it
spilled on Eva’s dress. She made it
look like an accident. She had
rehearsed this move for days.
She was a pro. A few eyes turned
to look at their direction. But the
gazes did not last for long.
“Oh my God! I am so sorry. Please
forgive me. Please, let me get u a
napkin.” Brenda said begging
and apologizing as the liquid
made a little stain on her dress.
Eva looked horrified. Kunle was
worried but calm. She quickly
composed herself and accessed
the damage. It was not much.
Nothing a little dab could not
clean up. She asked for the rest
room. Brenda pointed at the
ladies, apologizing as she
directed. As Eva got up, Kunle
tried to get up too but she gave
him the “I’ll be fine my love” look.
“Please excuse me baby, I will be
right back.” She said to Kunle
smiling.
Brenda led the way as they took
a door to their left, went behind
the hall and entered a corridor to
the rest room. Just about the
same time, a fair skinned lady
with glasses got up from her
chair in the hall, kissed her
boyfriend lightly on the cheeks
and headed in the same
direction as Eva. As she stepped
out of the hall, she tapped her
collar and spoke softly into the
collar,
“I’m making my move.” She
walked towards the ladies.
Brenda was still begging Eva. Eva
was getting irritated and asked
her to leave, saying that it was
okay. She could handle herself,
she told Brenda. Brenda
apologized again and left the
bathroom. As she left she passed
by the fair skinned lady in glasses
and winked at her. The lady in
glasses just nodded. She did not
smile back.
The bathroom was deserted, just
Eva.
The lady in glasses took out a
glass container and sprayed the
contents on her handkerchief.
She opened the bathroom door
and went in.


>>

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2015-05-20 00:46:19

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