Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:
Abbreviation [Read it]
Some of the abbreviated words and their
meaning you don’t know;
APC = Association of past criminals,
PDP = People Deceiving People.
IMO = I Must Obey.
IBADAN = Ibo Boys Are Dangerous At Night.
ABA = Agege Boys Association.
LAGOS = Love All Girls On Saturday.
ABACHA = After Babangida Another Criminal Has
GULDER = Girls Under Liquor Deserve Extra
FANTA = Foolish Ashawo Never Takes Advice.
WEEK = Women Education Ends in Kitchen.
NIGERIA = Never Investigate Great Executive
Robbers In Authority.
NEPA =Never Expect Power Always.
KOBO = Kill Obasanjo Before Others.
AIDS = America Invention for Discouraging s*x.
PHCN = Please Hold Candle Nearer.
NYSC = Now Your Struggle Continue.
GLO = Get Lover Online.
MTN = Maintain Total Nonsense.
GSM = General Street Madness.
OYO = On Your Own
Akpos teacher na Killer [Read it]
Akpors was in class one day when his
teacher decided to carry out an
interactive pop quiz to measure how fast
his students can come up with solutions
when faced with problems. Akpors was
the first student to be tested and the
following conversation ensued:
Teacher: If a lion is chasing you, what
would you do?
Akpors : I’d climb a tree.
Teacher: If the lion climbs the tree?
Akpors : I will jump in the lake and swim.
Teacher : If the lion also jumps in the
water and swims after you?
Akpors : Teacher, talk true, I don dey
suspect you; are you on my side or on
the lion’s side? Because you really want
make the lion eat me!
One word for Akpors?
Facts i know about you [Read it]
You will Laugh -
Five facts about You You
You You You You You You
You You You You You You
You You You You You You
1. You're so lazy You
didn't read all the You's.
2. You didn't notice I put a
3. You are now looking to
4. You are laughing
because you realise there
is no 'Yoo' and you've
5. You are laughing out
I know at least 13 things
about you now:
1. You are holding your
2. You are on Nairajokes
3. You just opened my
4. You are now reading it
5. You are human
7. You can't say the letter
"P" without separating
8. You just attempted to do
9. You are laughing at
10. You have smiles on
11. You skipped No.6
12. You just checked to
see if there is a No.6
13. You are laughing at
this because I caught you..
Hahaha is it true??
Bill Clinton and Al …. [Read it]
Bill Clinton and Al Gore were riding down a country road. Bill happened to look out the window and seen a goat with his head stuck in the fence. Bill hollers at the driver to stop the car. As the car stops Bill leans over and tells Al that he would be right back and then jumps out of the car. He runs up to the goat, drops his pants, and screws the goat for about ten minutes. As Bill walks back to the limo, he sees Al staring at the goat.
Al asks, “That looks like fun, can I try?”
Bill said sure and Al jumped out of the limo, dropped his pants, and stuck his head into the fence.Related
Present and past tense [Read it]
Teacher: Today we are going to learn Present and past tense. Are you all with me?
Students: Yes Anty!!!
Teacher: work > worked, want > wanted, walk > walked ..... Suddenly the teacher noticed that Joy is not in the class. "Gush!!! Where went Joy?" Asked the teacher.
Akpos: she wented to pee.
One word for Akpos
Naija police emergency [Read it]
Naija Police Emergency
Omo, police don upgrade oh, dis na d call center numba 112. There was a robbery in my neighbour's house and I called them... next thing I heard was.
Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center... for English press. 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3. Then I pressed 1... then another voice came up....For Car Accident press 1, for Armed Robbery press 2, for Boko haram please hang up...Den I pressed 2, another voice came up...If they're with knives press 1, pistols press 2, AK 47 press 3, machine guns press 4, bomb press 5, all of the above press 6...Then I checked and saw they were with all of them then I pressed 6... another a voice came up saying...
Hmmmm...! My brother, if your brother dey police u go gree make im come
ONE WRONG TURN ........Episode 41 [Read it]
ONE WRONG TURN
THINGS GETTING BLOODY
I lifted my head up slowly, to
figure standing in front of me. My
away when i saw the shock and
He gave me a cold hard stare,
waves all over my body. I tried to
words didn’t come out. There was
excuse for my presence here.
Ehis pinned his gaze at the bra in
my hand, it
was very obvious to him that i
had engaged in
some sexual activities. He let go
of me and
walked towards Mesode.
I turned around and looked at
mesode, it was
at that moment i recognised the
face. He had
a striking resemblance with ,
infact they must
I stood by the door in a state of
had no idea wh Odion at to do or
of tears began to roll down my
cheek. I knew i
was in big trouble.
Ehis simply walked up to mesode
him something from his pocket.
My attempt to abscond coupled
unusual chemistry between me
and Ehis must
have surprised mesode.
“whats going on here? Do you
know her? ” he
asked, alternating his gaze
between me and
Ehis looked at me with disgust
written all over
” yes, she was my girlfriend” he
replied as he
turned his eyes away from me and
towards the door.
The sound of those words fell on
me like a
bomb. My heart became heavy,
my limbs grew
weak, i felt like dying. I ran up to
knelt down beside him, crying and
I kept trying to explain that
things were not
exactly the way they seemed, i
was here by
accident and i wanted to escape
I swore on my life that i had
nothing to do
with mesode. But the bra in my
hand, and my
rough appearance made
everything i said
seem like a lie.
Mesode simply stood and
corroborating my story. Ehis tore
away from himself and walked out
of the room,
closing the door behind him.
I remained on the ground feeling
disconcerted, i was like a woman
in the early
stage of madness. I sprawled on
weeping. I was yet to count my
was busy sipping wine from a
glass cup, and
paid very little attention to my
“so shall we continue from where
stopped.? ” he asked, trying to
hold me up
from the floor.
” leave me alone, get out” i
pushed him away from me. I got
his help and reached for my bag. I
bra in two and squeezed it into
my bag and
headed for the door.
“come back here my friend, where
do you think
you are going? we are not
“i’m through with you, you just
ruined my life”
i replied, as i continued towards
“look here, you can settle you
issues with my
cousin later, that’s non of my
let me enjoy the worth of my
money, don’t you
know how much your friend
I stopped in my tracks and turned
needed to understand his last
hoped it was not was i was
“what do you mean? ” i asked
with an air of
” don’t ask me dirty questions, i
friend thirty thousand naira for
this runs, so
let me enjoy myself”
At that point, reality set in.
Hannah had sold
me to a man like a cheap
prostitute_. And i
instantly began to feel like one.
my broken heart, i was deeply
I spoke calmly to mesode, and
tried to explain
to him that i was not a party to
arrangement, in fact i was not into
or ‘runs’. My pleading and
explanation fell on
As i approached the door, he ran
grabbed me and threw me
towards the bed. I
knew what was going to happen
next, i wasn’t
ready to allow it happen to me.
My frustration turned into rage. I
protect myself with any means
grabbed the bottle of wine he left
on the stool,
emptied its content on the floor
“if you come close to me i will kill
you” i said
with a stern voice. Pointing the
of the bottle towards him.
He could sense the anger in my
voice, he knew
i was serious. I would have
stabbed him to
death if he came close.
He reached for his phone in his
dialled a number.
“come to my room now, i don’t
what is happening” he barked at
the person at
the other end of the call.
Few minutes later, the door
walked into the room, with only a
clothe tied round her chest. She
aback when she saw me holding
the piece of
“Ella what are you doing?” she
shock on her face.
I made no attempt to answer her
door was open, mesode was
from it. I put the fragment down
out of the room in a hurry.
Hannah ran after
me, and held my bag in an
attempt to stop
“Ella wait, why are still acting like
girl? Just allow him do his thing, i
you well. It’s me, you owe me this
” so because you housed me for
one night, you
feel you can sell me off like a
prostitute? Well i
don’t live an immoral life like you.
” i shouted
Hannah ‘s countenance changed
” hey, holy girl. You were sleeping
with a man
through out the night yesterday,
you have the guts to call me
is the difference between me and
your virginity don grow back?
Holy ashawo ”
She had barely finished when my
on her cheeks. She reciprocated
without prior hesitation. My anger
overwhelmed me, and a fist fight
I tore the wrapper off her body,
Unclad and exposed. She fought
on like a
shameless prostitute, not minding
crowd that had began to gather.
Someone pulled us apart, i
who it was. Hannah was busy
body, while i culled up on the
floor crying. A
feeling of regret surged through
PEN EPISODE 3 STORY BY DINDY [Read it]
THE PEN (EPISODE 3) STORY BY DINDY
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.
The set time came for the waiter (which was me), to be removed from its position to another level of higher ground of life.
It was a light-full day, my eyes (not real eyes) saw two creatures that were playing together on a tall wooden thing --I think you humans call it tree--, they looked smaller than the human.
They didn't wear clothes and I had no Idea what they were. I had seen so many things since I came to that dimension, but it was my first time of seeing such creatures of beauty.
I was still trying to figure out the names of the creatures, when a little human came in front of the cage, I was inside and was talking to the human (seller) at the back.
The little human pointed at the cage, while its lips were moving. The little human then picked me!.
I was so afraid but yet so happy, I was in a state of confusion. The little human opened up my cap (top cover) and fixed it on my butt.
When the human removed my cap, i felt cold air which i had never felt before because since I left the place I was made, my cap has never left my head.
The little human used my head to draw lines on the cage.
My blood (ink) came out my head, when he saw that my blood had stained the cage, he stopped drawing.
The little human then fixed my cap (top cover) back on my head, then the little human gave the seller something coloured in green like a leaf. --I guess that was what they regularly use to buy us--
The little human walked away with me still under its hold.
I then knew how it really felt like to be carried by a human. As the little human walked, I got the opportunity to see how other humans relate and how things were.
I saw so many things, that I had no idea what it was or how to explain them at that point. I even saw another level of human fashion and style, but what got me more excited was been held by the little human.
It was as if I was high up in the blue colours above (sky), It was totally fun until the little human left hold of me by mistake.
I fell as my cap landed first, then my remaining body on the rough hard ground. The impact was very high and the pain was intensive to my whole body.
I began regretting why I was picked at first, making so many other thoughts to run through my little mind of wonders.
The little human bent down and picked me up, then the little human continued walking with its hold on me more tightened than before.
We got to a place where they (humans) all dressed the same way, even the little human that held me wore the same thing like them (they wore uniforms).
I wondered what that place was, I wondered maybe it was another factory where humans made Stuffs.
As I continued wondering and thinking, the little human made its way into a big building.
The little human brought down something, which it carried at its back (bag), then opened it and threw me inside it and closed it.
When I was inside, I saw stuffs I had never seen before. I saw an empty body of my kind, with no cap or head or tube and the body was different from mine. It was as if something attacked it because it was broken.
After looking at the pen, I became afraid that the little human was going to use me the same way he used the pen I saw.
My mind fell back to what happened to me, when the little human was holding me, which made me regret ever been picked.
I was still pondering about how hard my life would be, when i noticed that there was blood (ink) of my kind on a book --I came to learn of the word "book" and how it looks like, when I was in the place of the human who sold me--.
The book had both writings and drawings on it. I guess the little human likes drawing and writing.
I was still looking at the things that I saw on the book and was trying to understand what it was, when it (bag) opened and I saw the little human's face.
The little human picked me up with a book, then the little human dropped the book on a wooden table (desk) that was in front of it (little human).
The little human then removed my cap and wore it on my butt for me.
After that, the little human began to use me to write. It was fun for me, when I was used to write.
The little human had a very good looking handwriting. I didn't understand some of the words the little human wrote.
When the little human stoped writing, I had the opportunity to see other pens that were around with humans and the place I was in.
As time passed by, I came to the understanding that where I was, was not a factory where humans made stuff, but a school where people came to learn.
The little human's name was "DANIEL", I got to know his name and gender (male) when he used me to write it.
I later learnt so many other things when he used me to write.
I later understood that what he carried at his back was called a "Bag" and the blue area above is called a "Sky".
I also learnt that the white stuffs up there are called "Clouds". I learnt so many, many, many other things.
I guess school is really a place for learning, but not only for humans, but also for us pens too...... To be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Email: [email protected]
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: [email protected]
AYOMIDE ....... Episode 2 [Read it]
By Haryhomidey Enitan Komadan
(Still thinking about my dolapo)...in my deep thought,I promise never to love any woman again in my life,I decide in my hrt dat dey don't deserve my love,I promise to turn ladies into games and play them,you know I have enough handsome face and money to do that,what pains me most in my relationship with dolapo was the fact that
I was unable to sex her due to the love I have for her,I promised not to sex in her..you know whenever guys have sex with a gurl..she will no more be valuable like how she always be well am still a virgin but I have always hear that whenever my friends dey gist me..no be say me also be one pastorish-like guy o,before I met dolapo I am a player but after I met her I stop living all those fake life which makes my friend unhappy but who sends..once my dolapo is happy with me I want nothing more...I am crazily in love with DOLAPO...
As my girlfriend,dolapo always received #10000 from me per month,apart from other useless money I give to her,I always send her #1500 airtime every two days and at the same time she no dey call me at all,don't know what she use the airtime for anyway...
When I told OLAMIDE about my new update with my DOLAPO,he was really laughing out loud and endlessly,he is making jest of me,saying all sort of things which seems to be rubbish to me and insult me a lot,I was like beating him up due to how does words are hurting me but I can't just do anything because all what he was saying was the truth...
Olamide is my best and childhood friend,he has been warning me about my relationship with dolapo a long time ago but I don't like listening to his words because I really love dolapo,I just can't explain how much I love her.I come dey realize how much loving too much dey hurt too much,I just dey pray make you people no fall in love with the wrong person,e no good at all.
Still thinking about my dolapo when this young lady come in to our supermarket,she is very light in complexion(but I think na bleaching things jare,this one no fit be natural)all the same her complexion is still is still very nice,I come dey reason and imagine how her underneath go be lol..no mind me jor..I too get dirty mind...anyway she is a very well dressed lady,she would rather be in her early twenty's,this young lady is very beautiful that I have to forget thinking about my useless though beautiful dolapo so fast.*********
Na by force [Read it]
Don't advertise ur man if he's not advertising
you...If he's acting single,my dear act like a
widow too.Life is too short to be fooled.
# Be_wise !
jb koi friend bahut …. [Read it]
jb koi friend bahut time baad fb pe aata h
old friends k comments is tarah hote h..
abe tu zinda h.
itne din kha tha be
jail se kb chuta kamine….
gf ki shadi me gya tha kya ….
friends kabhi nhi sudhar skte.Related
Dear Dollar [Read it]
Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
She: Do you like me …. [Read it]
She: Do you like me ?
Me: Kyun? Tum Facebook status ho kya?
DNT LIE 2 URSELF [Read it]
ugly girl are getting married
the pretty ones will be buying
ASO EBI, looking
glamorous in the wedding
pictures, who are you
waiting for, Dangote's son?
2. Shout out to all the girls who
feel they need
wash noodles before cooking it. I
3. I bet Messages from mobile
operators in 2019
will say “DEAR CUSTOMER, GET
PREGNANT TODAY WITHOUT
'CHILD' TO 131”
4. You are 20 years old and
dating a 52year old
man and you call him your baby,
is he your
or ancestor? Somehow, your
matter dey Shiloh.
5. One good thing about been
ugly. At least you
would be least considered for
rituals. Dem no
use JUJU do JUJU na!
6. You dey snap Facebook
pictures for another
person Hummer; don't worry
go find you come, dem go nack
7. At the age of 40, you still dey
dey drag Head of fish with your
The witch wey dey your village
carry your picture
dey fan herself,
8. You be housemaid and you
dey sing "I'M THE
BOSS" BY RICK ROSS Mehn you get
case for Cele
9. Bossy girls be like '' before I
think of dating
he must TOAST me for at least
worry, 25yrs from now.. You will
be in Shiloh for
10. You are a first class graduate
without any job and you dey
follow Lil Wayne
sing "I AIN'T GOT NO WORRIES".
My Dear, even
the devil is weeping for you.
11. Opportunity knocks but once,
sister, If you hear a 2nd knock,
Sister, check well, na Jehovah
—Don't laugh Alone
Akpos caught red handed [Read it]
Akpos, a married lawyer, had sex in his car and forgot
the girl’s panty on the car seat.
His wife found the panty in the back seat and tore it
apart screaming “What is this”? “What is this”?
Akpos calmly replied, “You just destroyed the
evidence of a rape case which was worth millions of
dollars that I was handling”.
She quickly went on her knees apologizing, ‘babe, l’m
sorry’. Hahahahaha one word for akpos
It is the mark of an …. [Read it]
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.Related
Turtle: Nothing is s …. [Read it]
Turtle: Nothing is slower than me.
Snail: Are you sure?
Internet Explorer: Hello?
IRCTC: Keep yor voice down!Related
intergrated science exam [Read it]
WAASCE 2015 Integrated Science
Q2(a)(i) Mention 3 differences between Livestock A (Goat) and Livestock B (Sheep)
Check the answer that Akpos gave:
The goat when you use it for soup it taste waaaaooow but the sheep when u use it for soup it does not taste waaaaow.
Goats give soup perfume expecially the boy goat but sheep don’t give soup perfume.
A goat can cross a road wisely but the sheep is very foolish and walks slowly on the road.
A goat has a sharp brake but a sheep don’t have sharp brake.
Goat head is smelling but sheep head is not smelling.
Goat is on left side of God but sheep is on right side of God.
Goat is stubborn but sheep is humble.
Goat can jump and turn 360° but sheep cannot jump and turn 360°.
real Confession [#B-goF ] [Read it]
Guys be like... thank God this year's Val is on Sunday so I will attend 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and evening service #B-goF
Another crazy wedding picture [Read it]
Mugabe Quotes [Read it]
"Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that
wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow."
We are living in a generation where people "in love" are free to
touch each others' private parts but cannot touch each others'
phones because they're private" Mugabe 2016
"Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather
than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real."
“If you are a married man, and you find yourself attracted to
school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform." Mugabe 2015
YOU CAN ADD MORE BELOW...
Chintu:Aaj sakali sa …. [Read it]
Chintu:Aaj sakali sakali chukun mi blade gilale?
Pintu:Mag kaye zaale?
Chintu: Kaahi naahi, electric razor ni daadhi keli!Related
Drop of solace episode 7 [Read it]
I haven’t visited any Chinese cuisine since my arrival into the country. The Chinese
attendant welcomes us from the entrance gate and usher us to a table reserved for us.
Brian made reservations before bringing me to this place. Somehow he knew I wouldn’t
say ‘No’. The attendant cross-checks our ID’s and checks with her Ipad. Brian tells the
attendant to serve us Moet champagne first before while we take our time to peruse the menu book.
I am amazed to see Brian having Brian selected the complete grilled duck thinking to
myself he might be frequent here because he wastes no time in selecting at all. I am
delighted to see chicken soup so I settle for that with rice. He toasts his champagne glass
with mine while we say cheers to that.
While we wait as minutes passed, our meals were yet to be served. Brian is a good host as he unleashes his jokes and compliments on my beauty. He goes on rambling how he
has searched, traveled far and wide but haven’t found a rare gen beauty as bestowed and
endowed as I am. My blush gets vulnerable and starts glowing. I reply coyly that he
should ease up on his flattering warning my head might tend to swell and burst if he
choose to continue.
His voguish and talented wits emancipate every norm and beliefs restrictions I have. He simply breaks and unshackles my defenses completely. My fantasies is compounding
and overwhelming as it craves my body to be in his arms and on top of him feeling the
rhythmic beats of our heart and the inkling that we are meant for each other.
I hear a scream “Merissa! Merissa!!” I batter my eyes and come back to reality. He asks if I
am alright. I reply, “Yes I am good.” We enjoy our meal and he drives me back home
safely to my door step. At the entrance to my room, I implore for him to seize his chivalric acts and grab me in a
dirty way and take me in and throw magical and astounding shower of kisses on my
shaking body. You know that awkward moment when a man has taken you out for
dinner and walks you home and you just wish you can invite him in or he can just break
your walls and plant a long lasting kiss on your trembling lips and not on your cheeks?
Deep sigh. Well, I wait for that exact moment but it never springs forth as Brian only words are, “Have a lovely night and stay safe.” With grave disappointment, I jump on my
bed and sleep off to quench my insatiable thirst.
Imaging [Read it]
A stressed man was in his office thinking deeply about the new fuel price increment in Lagos Nigeria.
He was worried about NEPA and price of tomatoes and onions. House rents and school fees.
Suddenly one man ran inside. shouting
"Paul, Paul, Paul your daughter Swanta just had an
accident and died" Shocked and confused, He jumped out of his office through the window. As soon as he does, he remembered his office is on the 7th
floor, as he descends lower, he remembered he
doesn't have a daughter called Swanta, still
descending, he remembered he's not even married, just 2 floors b4 he hits the ground, he remembered his name is not Paul...!
Luckily for him, he fell on a Lorry carrying foams.
Stop thinking too much in this world of troubles..let PMS go #250:00. God is always in control...
Relax, Grab a glass of
chilled Juice (if at all 5 litres of chilled Zobo or kunnu), and also...... Keep praying and believe that something great would soon happen to favour you...
The blood that was shed at Calvary on your behalf is not in vain..
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR BOYFRIENDS HAPPY [Read it]
GIRLS TAKE NOTE!! 5
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR BOYFRIENDS HAPPY:
(1) Don’t ask for money!
(2) Never ask him for money!
(3) I say forget about asking for money!
(4) Don’t even think about money!
(5) Reject when he gives u money.
ladies do you understand?
GUYS, TRUE OR FALSE?
I 4uk up [Read it]
JOKE.................I don jonse like seriously..........; i saw a gal last
and decided to give her a lift in my car wen i was going to a
movie location. As the car was moving, then i
placed my hand on the gurls's laps pretendingi was looking for
gear lever. The gal cast a glance at me and said;
7 verse 7" and I quickly removed my hand.After short time,I
placedmy hand again on the gurl's lap and the gal said to me
again "matthew7 verse 7" i nervously removed my hand.The gal
reached her destination and gotoff the car, cast another glance
meand said "So u don't read your Bible!" Andwhen i got home, I
opened my Bible to Matthew 7verse7 and it says "ASK AND IT
SHALL BE GIVENTO YOU"....Suddenly, i shouted; Oh! I don
Dnt allow fear and wot pplel said or will say to stop u from doing
or wot u wana bcom in life,most of dem ar indirectly wishing dey
''GOOD MORNING PALS'' RESPECT
AYOMIDE'S ADVENTURE EPISODE 5 [Read it]
Later in the evening when I was less busy,I opened my whatsapp which was already full of unread messages,I ignore them and concentrate on adding up francisca to my whatsapp contact..I message francisca immediately after finding her.."Hi" was the only message I send and after some minutes I got a reply from francisca.."hello please who is this" was what she said...I open up the message quickly to see what is there..then I smile after reading it...I quickly remember I don't put my real pic on my dp..its was a flower...so I hurriedly change my dp to my real self..
I was really looking good in that pic..one of the best pix on my phone...so I went to chat with my francisca after performing that operation that only me and you knows about...then we started an instant messeging convo..
ME: hi, I am Ayomide as you can see me on my dp(I am only trying to let her notice the changes dat occur on my dp lol..looks childish right?),we met in the supermarket some hours ago and we exchange numbers,I was really occupied with works since mawin that's why I haven't give you a call yet..is this francisca??..I asked foolishly after knowing she is the one but you know now..normal thing...
FRANCISCAhh yes this is francisca,I can vividly remember you,thanks very much for the other time,I am really grateful,God will continue to bless you..you are such a nice man..
MEnow am really feeling important meanwhile what I gave her earlier was not mine..it was my mother's market lol..but who cares?..I spend more than that for my ex-gf dolapo when we are dating)...lol its nothing my dear sister,I just feel like helping such a pretty lady like you and besides I really like your beauty..you are really beautiful...
FRANCISCA:thanks so much dear,you are not bad either,you also look so handsome
MEeven if you don't tell me I know for myself that I am so handsome,not until you say so,I am even planning to contest for this year MR NIGERIA if there is anything like that lol..you people know that Ekiti guys is always very handsome now but I don't know about EKITI LADIES OOO lol...but truthfully am really blushing permit me to use that english not correct though but I think you understand it)lol me??..handsome??...you are really teasing me right...how can you tell me I look so handsome when the opposite is the truth...
FRANCISCA:awww!!!...you are not bad looking at all,who says so?..you look very good..let me say you are the most handsome guy I have ever seen since I came to this state...
MElol..you see??...no be only me know that am very handsome...she even confirm am..so no doubt me anymore...u ve hear am from francisca)...anyway thanks very much for your compliments...by the way,I want to know more about you,where are you from?,which school do you attend?,what level are you there?,how old are you?,where did you live?? And are you single...(Chai!!! See as I pour down does questions on her but I really want to know all this)
FRANCISCA:lol..You are too inquisitive,anyway my name is francisca once again,a native of benin in EDO state,I came to EKITI STATE UNIVERSITY(EKSU) to school and currently am in 300 level studying LAW and I will be 22 years old this year,I live in this town(IKERE-EKITI)..and about me being single I think I am single...
TO BE CONTINUED....
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Star lager the leader [Read it]
Pastor jeremiah was caught by his church member in a bar drinking a bottle of STAR LAGER BEER,so the member said haaaaaabaah!!pastor jeremiah,u should be taking malt,fanta,and coke,not star lager beer,u are not doing d word u preach oooooo.then d pastor replied saying!shaaaattaaap joor,where was malt,fanta,and coke when STAR led the 3 wise men to the place where jesus was born...........
Talking to my wife [Read it]
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad.
The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”.
The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”.
The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”.
The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”?
The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.
Akpos exam [Read it]
Before Akpos begins his WAEC exams, their principal, Mr Ibu gave them an
orientation that if an external
supervisor catches you with an expo, u
it and swallow it 2 destroy evidence.
One faithful day,
They were writing Biology, an external
coming from back and Akpos knew he
had caught him already, he shouted
From d back "Hey! U, stand up, bring and
surrender what is in your hand"
Akpos mates were signalling 2 him calling
AKPOS!! Chew it and swallow it!
Chew it and
swallow it!! Even the principal was
signalling 2 him 2
chew it and swallow it, immediately he
showed the principal what he was
holding, it was MODERN BIOLOGY
Which page will Akpos start the chewing from?
Funny question [Read it]
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Answer please.
Happy Valentine’s to …. [Read it]
Happy Valentine’s to all of you who just got dumped.
Remember, there are at least 364 more days in a year.
May be God has someone better in store for you and you may across that person on one out of these days!Related
3 virgin girls [Read it]
Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question."
"Which is ...?", they replied in unison.
"Have you been a good girl?" he asked the first girl.
"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married."
"Very good" said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden key."
"Have you been a good girl?" he asked the second girl.
"Oh, quite good" she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married."
"Very good" said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key."
"Have you been a good girl?" he asked the third girl.
"Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime."
"Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... my room key."
what i learnt in Nigeria [Read it]
Nigerians are naturally
racist. Yes I said so. I
was at Ikoyi some few
weeks back and a
chinese man stopped by
the road side to buy
corn. The corn seller
was like ''chinko wetin
you wan buy''. Similarly,
I was at maitama also
and I boarded a taxi
with an asian man. The
Nigerian sitting next to
him was like ''ching
chong cho''. Looking
confused, the asian guy
replied him in english
what he meant and the
Nigerian said ''I just wan
tell you sey make you
shift for me''.
If not that things are a
bit getting better in
Nigeria is one of those
few countries in the
world where you can
get electricity for just
five minuites and you'll
be satisfied that at
least ''NEPA'' brought
One thing I like Nigeria
for is that they value
education a lot. They
even go ahead to say
education is the best
legacy . But
remember, 70% of the
most successful people
in the world today don't
even have a degree to
If you want to be
treated like a God,
change your skin color
to white and travel all
the way to Nigeria.
They'll treat you like
The Nigerian film
industry is highly prolific.
They produce more
than 200 movies a
week. Thats even more
Nigerians love football
alot. They watch the
game and they play the
game. Little wonder I
saw an owner of a
viewing center buying a
SUV. Well at least when
I asked him how he
managed to do so, he
told me it was from his
hard earned money. As
per playing the game,
you don't need a field or
a goal post to play
football in Nigeria. All
you need is the round
leather ball, a surface
you can run on so far its
not water and anything
can make up for the
goal post be it slippers,
tyres or rocks. Not to
mention the no rules
policy, don't even try
playing the ball just an
inch above ground level,
its not gonna count.
Never try to annoy the
owner of the ball coz its
game over and
everybody will go back
to their respective
In Nigeria, once you are
rich and you have a high
status in the society,
you can get away with
anything yes and I said
anything, even murder.
Nigeria to me is the
most religious nation in
the world after Jamaica
I've always wondered
why 'naming ceremony'
is always done 7 days
after birth. Does it
mean the child is
nameless within those
Nigerian parents are
known to have a high
level of discipline which
they try to embed on
their children. I was at a
friends house one day
and this man
threatened to 'stone'
his son in the eye with
the 'eba' he was eating.
Not to mention
mothers beating their
kids with this
and that stick they use
in making 'amala'
Despite the country
having a very poor
academic system, I still
wonder why their
lecturers are being
treated like a semi God.
I was at one of their
universities one day and
a lecturer told a guy far
older than him to carry
his bags for him into his
car. Their students fear
these set of people alot
and I keep wondering
Should I call it jealousy
or what but if you are a
young Nigerian and you
became suddenly rich,
they tag you as a
'yahoo boy'. If you are
much older and you are
rich they say you did
There is a scheme they
call NYSC. Someone once
boasted to me that he
was very excited going
to the camp because he
was sure he was going
to have s*ex for the
first time. They see
this as an avenue to
explore and enjoy.
Just like the lyrics of
that chris brown's song
said, everywhere I've
been to in Nigeria, I saw
beautiful people. they
have a very vibrant
youth life too.
Nigerians are very
intelligent and smart
too. They'll always find
a way to cheat you no
matter how you try to
resist. Just be smart
have the highest piracy
rates in the world. I
watched a world cup
final between germany
and argentina some
months ago and when I
woke up the following
morning, I saw the CDs'
of that match being
sold around in shops.
How they managed to
do still baffles me till
No doubt, Nigerians are
the funniest set of
people in the world.
Their 'pidgen' language
just puts the icing on
The Diary Of Dube ...Episode 11 [Read it]
Charity came in the evening as she promise.that was
one of the reason i love her.she always keep her
She came and sat down on my bed.i wasn’t looking
happy because of Jc’s threat.she notice that and asked.
CHARITY.dear.you aren’t looking happy.what is the matter.are you not happy to see me?.
ME.why not.i’m happy to see you.
CHARITY.then what is wrong.talk to me.this is not dube
i use to know.
ME.i’m fine dear just that i’m very hungry.*i lied*
my problem now is i don’t know how to start explaining.i was very confused.i started praying to God
to save me from the mess i brought upon myself.
CHARITY.*smiled*is that why you look unhappy?.don’t
worry i will get you something to eat.oya smile for me
I force out fake smile.minutes later.she brought a place of rice for me.i wasn’t hungry but i just force
myself to eat the food.after eaten the food.
ME.dear thanks alot.you have save me from the
boundage of hunger today.thanks.
CHARITY.you are welcome sweetheart.i’m glade that
you are happy again.*smiling* i love you. ME.i love you more dear.
She came closer to me and relax her head on my
shoulder. Ooh God.i don’t want to hurt this girl. After a
long silent.i asked her.
ME.so baby tell me.how many siblings do you have.
CHARITY.only one.my elder sister. ME.*clear throat* what is her name.were is she and
what is she doing for a living?.
CHARITY.well.presently she is leaving at the main
town.she is working and her name is SEYI.
Heey i don die.so seyi is truely her sister.what am i
going to do now.my enermy now is my girlfriend sister.
CHARITY.honey.you aren’t saying anything.are you
ME.yes yes i am okay.you said she is working now.what
type of work is she doing?.
CHARITY.i don’t know o.she never told me.but she once told me that she is working in a big company.that was
long time ago.
So robbery is now a big company.may God save us all.
ME.okay no problem.
I check the time and it was 6:30pm. I have no time
again.and charity said she will leave any moment from now. I was still thinking of what to do.is either i tell
her the whole scene and save her from Jc and his
gang.or i leave it.but what of if i tell her and at the
end she will get annoy and end our relationship. i’m
afraid.i don’t want to loss charity.what do i do now. I
was carried away with my though.that i didn’t know when charity was calling my name.
ME.did you call my name?*i asked*.
CHARITY.dubem.what were you thinking?.
CHARITY.how did you mean by nothing. i have been
calling you for the past two minutes.but you weren’t responding.since i came in here.your mood has been
dull.please talk to me what is the manner.is it about
the job or money or whatever?.just talk to me.i hate to
see you in this mood.eeh.you know you are my one
and only.(she peck me)
ME.(i wish i could tell you).come on charity.i said nothing.i’m fine.
CHARITY.*straight face* when did you start hidden
something from me?.if you can’t share your problem
with me. your girlfriend.i wonder who you will share it
with.if you don’t wanna talk to me.then count me
out.i will never come back here again.and you will never see me again.(she threaten.took her bag and
made to go.i stood up and held her back.my hand was
ME.eerm am sorry dear.don’t be offended.but can i
trust you.(she nodded) i want to tell you
something.but you have to promise me that you won’t be mad at me.and we will run away together.
CHARITY.alright i won’t be mad at you i promise.but i
don’t understand what you meant by runaway
together.can you please explain.and why did you
suddenly change your line.
ME.yea.that was the reason why i broke my old line.you see.that my friend that i told you that
promise to connect me to his business.
CHARITY.yes i remember.but you havn’t told me how it
all went.what is the business all about.do you
suceed.bla bla bla(please allow me to finish na.sweet
mouth). ME.that is what i’m saying.he took me and introduce
me to his business.and*i pause and became silent*.
I got to his house.hoping that it was a good
business.but i was wrong.to my greatest suprise.my
friend is a notorious robber.he is a high way criminal. (immediately.charity fell down and tears was seriously
dropping from her eyes).
He asked me to join them.i refused and wanted to
move out from his house.but i was stopped by the
other of his gang.he threaten me to join them or i will
never see the earth again.i had no choice than to…(she cut in ).
CHARITY.*sobs tone* you had no choice than to join
them right.so you are now a wanted criminal.my own
boyfriend is now a notorious robber.ooh God.i can’t
believe this.but i warned you earlier.didn’t i?.i warned
you not to go but you refused.saying the business is not illegal.now look at you.please pardon me to say
this.i can’t date a criminal.i need to go please.*she
cried out loud.more tears dropping from her eyes*.
ME.before you go.can you please allow me to finish
what i started.*i beg her*.
One Sunday morning S …. [Read it]
One Sunday morning Santa`s son burst into the living room and said, “Dad, Mom, I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Priya.
After dinner, Santa took him aside, “Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She`s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Priya is actually your half-sister, and I`m afraid you can`t marry her.”
Son was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, “Sonu said yes! We are getting married in June.”
Again Santa insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. “Sonu is your half-sister too, I am very sorry about this.”
Son was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother, Jeeto, with the news.
“Dad has done so much harm. I guess I am never going to get married”, he complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister.”
Jeeto just shook her head. “Don`t pay any attention to what he says, dear. He`s not really your father.”Related
HOW TO BUY FUEL [Read it]
Do you want to buy petrol? Here are
few tips for you: 1. Go to any major expressway and wait. 2. Identify any moving petrol tanker
suspected to be loaded with the
product. 3. Follow it, non stop, to its destination
even if it is going to another state (you
would probably be the first on the
queue) 4. Wait for it to discharge. 5. Then buy and leave. These steps worked out yesterday for
my friend when he followed a tanker
from Lagos to Benin to buy fuel. On his
way back, he followed another tanker
from Benin to Lagos to top up his tank! Don't thank me. What are friends for?
Hungry man [Read it]
A man comes back from work so tired and hungry.
He went straight to the pot and could't find the food he left there.
Knowing fully well that its his cat that ate the food, he killed it out of anger.
Since he was hungry and there was nothing else for him to eat, he prepared and cooked the meat.
Just for him to go out and by water he will use to digest the meat, his hungry dog desended on the food.
He came back and meet an empty pot and shouted "Abasi Mbok!".
Out of serious anger he killed the dog and prepar it to eat. After preparing it,
He realized that he is sweating so much and needed to freshen up before eating the meat.
As he was taking his shower, his girfriend entered his house went straight to the kitchen and opend the pot.
The man heard the pot noise, ran out from the bathroom and shouted "Don't touch else i kill you".
Funny maid [Read it]
One day oga decided 2 surprise his wife.
He took all day to bake a cake in the shape of a
with the help of the
The maid asked oga what the shape meant and
Madam came back shouting at the maid who
Madam: will u get up now! Stupid girl what hv u
Maid: Madam no vex abeg.
Me & oga dey make LOVE since morning na just
we finish I say make I lie
down rest small."
The woman fainted.
Jee Bhar Ke Dekhoon …. [Read it]
Jee Bhar Ke Dekhoon Tujhe Agar Tujhko Gawara Hoo;
Betab Meri Nazrain Hoo Or Pyar Tumhara Ho;
Jaan Ki Fikar Hoo Na Zamaney Ki Parwa;
Ek Tera Pyar Hoo Sirf Hamara Hoo!Related