Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


She calmly finished the drink, dropped the
cup and flashed a smile at me.
“thanks sweetie you are so caring. I wish
things will continue this way” she said
happily. I breathed deeply, drew close and kissed her.
“of course it will” i murmured as we kissed.
We fondled each other, kissed and joked for
about fifteen minutes before she stood up,
trying to head to the kitchen once again. I
quickly held her. “i have to go prepare something my love”
she said, trying to free herself from my grip.
“don’t worry dear. I’m heading out to get
something more yummy. Just relax sweet-
heart. I’ll take my bath first, then head to
the restaurant down the street” i appealed convincingly. She shrugged, returned to my
bed, grabbed the t.v control, and busied
herself moving from one t.v channel to
another. I smiled, undressed and headed to
the bathroom, praying for my plans to work
out without issues. I spent close to ten minutes in the bathroom
before coming out to see her half asleep. I
sat beside her, smiling to myself. She
turned, backing me as she murmured some
inaudible words. I dressed up, went to the
sitting room and called Jboy. “yeah it’s about time. We will be there in
ten minutes” he assured me and hung up.
Ten minutes really was a lot of time as i
waited for him to show up with the man
who was to give Mary the injection. I kept
staring at the clock until they showed up fifteen minutes later. Wasting no time, i led
them to my room where the man quickly
gave two injections to Mary without any
stress. Though as he gave her the second
dose, she tried to turn in her sleep forcing
me to hold her strongly. “so what’s next?” i asked as we returned to
the sitting room.
“just watch over her and wait” Jboy replied
as he left my apartment with his chemist
friend.
I really wanted them to stay with me, but couldn’t ask them for such favour. So
Reluctantly, i returned to my room, uneasily
awaiting the result of my deed. Such a
terrible night it was. I couldn’t even sleep. I
murdered my soul with a terrible crime, how
could i sleep.

>>

Afterwards I sat trying to take in what he'd said. Of all the reactions I'd expected that hadn't been one of them and even though I'd been prepared to let him go to protect him his words had hurt me. I looked to my mom unable to stop a tear from escaping and sliding down my face. "He'll come around," she assured me in a whisper. I wasn't so sure.

It took me a few moments to gather myself up and face the doctor with the determination to stick to my decision despite the reaction I'd gotten for Grey. His words had cut right through me and left me feeling vulnerable and hesitant. I had to remember that he was upset and angry. Maybe he needed time to calm down.

I hadn't gotten the nerve up to break things off with him and maybe this would be a blessing in disguise. He might ever want to see me again after this.

The doctor cleared his throat reminding me I was still in the doctor's office, which pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Mom I need to speak to the doctor alone," I said to my mom feeling nervous.

She frowned and looked from me to the doctor.

"Are you sure?" she asked sounding hesitant to follow my request.

I nodded my head.

I had something I needed to speak to the doctor about and it would be easier to do it without anyone else there. If they'd been upset before this would be too much for them to handle. I'd been unsure of how I was going to approach this but with Grey out of the room it had given me the opportunity to be able to approach the doctor about this without worrying upsetting the people close to me. It had to be done.

She studied me for a moment before she stood up. She gave my shoulder a squeeze and reluctantly left.

The doctor was quietly watching me as I clasped my hands together.

"I wanted to ask...there is a risk during the surgery," I began to say trying to find the right words. "That I might stop breathing or something like that."

The doctor nodded his head.

"If something like that happens I don't want to be kept alive by machines," I said shakily. It was hard to talk about my mortality but I didn't want my family to live me as a burden.

"Are you sure?" he asked straightening up in his chair.

I nodded.

"I don't want to become a burden for my family so if the surgery doesn't work and cannot breathe on my own I want you to let me die," I explained swallowing my emotion on the last word.

He frowned slightly as he studied me.

"There is a form you will need to fill out," he explained in a serious tone.

"That's fine," I said feeling relieved that it was going to be possible.

"But I think you need to think about it before you sign it," he advised.

I was already shaking my head.

"I've made up my mind and it's what I want," I said.

He was only doing his job and I understood that but I wasn't going to change my mind so there was no point in wasting any time thinking about it.

"Okay," he said. He picked up the phone and called someone.

"Please bring me a DNR form," he instructed before putting the phone down.

I felt relieved that I was getting this out of the way without anyone to argue and get upset. In my mind I was doing the best thing for myself and for my family even though I knew if they found out they wouldn't understand.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Mall me ladkia aur wineshop pe ladke same cheez sochte hai…

Ye bhi le lu, woh b le lu..Related

Facts [Read it]


There was a man who had four friends and he told them he could stay in the cold overnight and nothing would.But his friends doubted him and if he failed he would cook a nice meal for them,so the deal was strucked.
The next day,the friends asked him how did it go he told them he actually stayed in the cold but he litted a candle.
So his friends told him since you litted a candle,that one has kept you warm,so he was told to go and cook the meal for them.
So the man without mincing words,went to the kitchen,took a tripod stand and placed a pot of rice on it and placed a candle under it.
So after several hours the rice was still uncooked then the friends came to the kitchen and saw that it was just a small candle under the pot they were very furious.Then the man told them since you said a candle can keep me warm throughout the night then this candle will be able to cook the rice for you too.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 17:00:13

336 Views



The white child [Read it]


A White Missionary Man was sent to my community a long time ago before I was born.

He spent years with my people, teaching them to read, write, and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stressed was the evils of sexual sin, ''Thou must not fornicate or commit adultery!''.

One day, the wife of a chief in the community gave birth to a white child. The village was shocked and the spokesperson to the King was sent by the king and the people to talk with the missionary. "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet, here, a black woman gave birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what has been going on!".

The missionary replied, "No, no, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence. What is called an albino. Look over there to your fields. You see a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The spokesperson paused for a moment, and then said, "Let me tell you something white man. Don't say anything about the black sheep, and I won't say anything about the white child."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-06 09:23:45

488 Views




The thumbnail grows the slowest; the middle nail grows the fastestRelated

“Dele, tell me what is it? Why are you shedding tears?” Remilekun’s voice rings out again.
Slowly I shake my head and heave a distressful sigh. “Now I believe that not all preachers are ruled by what they preach.” I say, almost to myself.
“I can’t understand you.” Remilekun’s brows wrinkle with confusion.
I showed Titi’s image to Remilekun amongst the culprits on the news page. She had once seen the picture we both snapped together in my photo album; so she quickly recognizes her. Then I narrate what I read to her. She gently collects the newspaper from me and read through with a rapt attention.
I later relate the story Titi had once told me to Remilekun. She shakes her head with surprise. Then I see a mixed expression on Remilekun’s face – a sorry look beside a faint smile. I try to read her thought. She might be thinking that if Titi had not gone astray how would she have come across me.
“They said the culprits are going to be fired on the 23rd of this month.” Remilekun says while she uses her finger to trace the date on the paper.
“Really?” I hold the paper at the edge to verify it, “That is five days’ time … So, what am I going to do with the date?”
“I suggest we go there to witness the trial.” Remilekun says thoughtfully.
“Why do I need to witness that? I don’t think it’s necessary.”
Remilekun drops a kiss on my forehead. She insists that we should go together.
“Alright, we shall do just that.” I smile, kissing her lips softly.
****
On the trial day Omolara is also with us in the court to witness the sentence. After long arguments and appeals by the competent lawyers, those men are eventually sentenced to die from firearms. Before the Judge can pass his sentence on Titilayo he allows a dead silence to pervade through the court. He shakes his head and sighs heavily – the same way I did when I saw the shocking news.
The Judge then starts with a parable: “This would be a lesson to every woman like you outside there who are desperate for a pot full of cold water… and most of you do not care about the origin of such water… I am not saying that women shouldn’t marry rich personalities.…of course, apart from intercourse, money is the only means through which we can maintain our women and also take care of our children… But be wise in selecting the right rich men. Try to consult the right pastor or Imam – because we have fakes of them. Ask them to pray over it if the person is the right person for you or not. The desperate ones will never do that – nowadays, hardly can we find a woman who wants to strive with a man – maybe thirty percent out of hundred.”
Having said that, the Judge adjusts his broad-framed spectacles and points directly at Titi’s husband whose face had been brutally bruised by whatever whip they have used on him.


>>

akpos went to skul one day nd one of hs classmate ws absent. Akpos teacher den asked akpos to go to d house of d classmate as a representative of d klass. Akpos ws nt happy with d selection bcuz he didnt knw wat to say. Wen his teacher asked him d next day, teacher; akpos did u go to samuels house. Akpos; yes i go. Teacher; hw is he doing. Akpos; i go to his house he didnt dey.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-08 21:47:19

615 Views



Biggest lie [Read it]


Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-23 22:11:19

365 Views





Akpos was sitting in church and it was time for offering, so the collection bowl was passed around. He quickly pulled N10 from his pocket and dropped it in.

Just then, the person behind him tapped me on the shoulder and handed him a N1000 note. Akpos smiled, placed the N1000 note in the bowl and passed it on, admiring the man for being so generous.

He felt another tap from behind and heard the man whisper ”son” the man said, ”That N1000 fell from your pocket.”

Akpos, who had only N1010 on him when he was coming to church, collapsed.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-25 11:30:58

359 Views




During testimony service on Sunday
Akpos stood up and said:
Make una join me in thanking and praising Baba GOD for His blessings ?nd upliftment in my life. I tell you guys its good to have the fear of God and be honest. Last weekend as I was going home I came across a small bag and I opened it and behold what I found inside; 20,000 pounds!!!...
Fear first catch me, but I took the bag home and when I emptied it and found some documents, ID cards, ATM cards and some phone numbers. One mind told me to call the numbers and the other told me to throw the documents away and use the money. I made up my mind and called the numbers and lucky enough the owner picked up the call. When I told him about the bag he told me he was the owner and told me everything that was inside the bag.
We had an appointment and met, I handed his bag back to him and he gave me 2,000 pounds which I rejected and left.
Yesterday he called me and offered me a job worth 750k a month with Chevron, a 3 bedroom flat fully furnished and air conditioned, and a 2012 Toyota Camry.
-
-
-
-
- As I was smiling and testing the car I just woke up...
kai malaria dream to Bad!!!.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-30 20:04:17

590 Views



seriouseness [Read it]


Iam so seriouse,tht i dnt hve a single joke.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-16 15:58:19

388 Views




As i opened d gate my mouth nearly drop on the groud bkux she was d last person i was xpectin
Me:ahn ahn ahn joke wetin na
joke:wic 1 b wetin u no go let me enter?
i open d gate wide 4 her leanin on d other side of d wall, thank god all our neighbours has gone to work, i locked d gate followin her 4rm behind..mehn c dis gal cat walkin, she was jst walkin to our apartment wit confidence as if she is aware dat my aunty jst travelled, she jst entered d varandah without even lookin at me entered insyd parlour i was nt surprise by her confident because she usually come 2 our house 2 deliver messages even when i was still in d village.

joke:wow ur aunty has really change everytin d chairs,television infact everytin
standin hand akimbo examinin d room as she is wit an agent tryin 2 buy a house..i was already seated in d dinnin table eatin my indomie..my planned was 2 ignore her bt 4 d fact da she spoke good english i have to answer her lol.

me:u knw tell me say u b english teacher 4 una skull ooo
Joke:mtcheew
coming to d dinning room.
Joke:stingy boy u no ft say com join me abi
me:com join me
joke:thank u{wit bedroom voice}
all dis while i hav nt look up talkless of lookin at her face and when i did i saw her lookin at me bitin her lower lips..and i was like cha! nollywood no go kill our gals oooo..ah jst pretended as if i did nt see her still scoopin my noodles with my spoon,{ yes i don eat noodles with folk or fake lol},wen i finish eatin took d plate insyd d kitchen open d refrigerator and bring a satchet water for easy digestion, i dont even mind d a gal is wit me i brought my tooth pick even though i did not eat any tin wey b like meat na my way b dat oooo. wen i enterd insyd dinnin room NEPA has brought lite but i couldnt find my visitor,b4 anytin i went back 2 d kitchen 2 on all d electric appliance. i enterd parlour and i saw joke waitin for d DSTV 2 load. i sat on a couch opposite her without utterin a word she also did d same immediately d DSTV activated.
Joke:wher did ur aunty travel 2
me:east
Joke:is there any problem
Me:nop
Jokek
she changed d chanel 2 africanmagic their were showin a corrupt nollywood or should i say ghallywood movies wit editin bt she claimed dat she has watched d movie tellin me evry part edited, we continue watchin d movie wic i was not enjoyin i later asked her about who was at d shop she replied me her junior broda.immediately NEPa took their light everytin jst got borin i started playin assasins greed with my nokia 2700...joke is a big gal she was usin a tecno screen touch phone wic i dont even know d model.
joke:wat are u doin
me:playin games
joke:lol wit da scrap
me:I no blame u na u gt boiz or rather men wey dey buy 4 u
Joke:wat did u js say
me:wat u heard
immediately she gt angry{1 tin with gals is that their will like 2 make jestof u buh if u try ur own hmmmmm}
joke:is it bkuz i came 2 your house{standin up walkin towards d door}
i rushed her
mek am sorry
she ws stil angry and i was holdin her hands at d same tym,i dont knw hw it appnd she flung my hands aways and tryin 2 hold d door knob i have no other choice but 2 grab her waist from behind immediately i did it my d!ck was pressin her ass nd it signaled immediately,she turned back without allowin me 2 say anytin an roughly put her lips in mine and started suckin it..my head began 2 sspin....





NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Dad-which one do u love more? papa or mama.. Akpos- both Dad- if i go to America n mama go to Paris.where wil u go? Akpos- Paris Dad- that mins u lyk mama.. Akpos- i lyk paris Dad-if i go to Paris n mama go to America,wher wil u go? Akpos- America Dad- y? Akpos- coz i went to paris b4 **How Many Like For Akpos **


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-05 20:32:29

164 Views



baby mosquito [Read it]


It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?" The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-09 09:47:27

443 Views




Our lips was about to touch the other before one
mumu is it Frank or whatever the name Mirabel
called him interrupted the mood…
Frank: Miss Mirabel, your father wish to speak
with you (handing her a phone)
We adjusted ourselves when we heard his
horrible voice. He really doesnt like me neither
did i like him, he really s?cks.
Mirabel: (collected the phone, looking at him
with an angry eye)
*Hello dad
I can’t hear the caller, just Mirabel
*I Just went for a walk
*No Dad, i don’t walk with them, besides i didn’t
go that far
*With my friends
*Yes Dad
*OK Dad
*I Love U too Dad
*Hangs up*
Mirabel: (handed him the phone) U may leave
He left without saying a word, but the way he
looked at me says it all.
Does he think he can scare me? This guy no
know me oh… make him forget say he huge
anyhow and i small. Small body no be sickness
at all, i go i go i go just hmmm… the guy too big
sha.
Mirabel: Sorry about that
Me: No its nothing, U had to speak with your
Dad I understand
Mirabel: So…??
Me: Its getting late already, i guess i should hit
the road now
Mirabel: Its not that late, or u can crash here if
u want
Me: That wont be necessary, I need to take care
of some things at home
Mirabel: Ok*Sad face*
Me: So uhmm…. i will return the car tomorrow?
Mirabel: U can keep it longer if u want
Me: (I looked at the car) No no no, i will just
return it tomorrow
Mirabel: C’mon i insist*Smiling | holding my
hands*
Me: Really?
Mirabel: Yes of course
Me: What about the owner?
Mirabel: Lemme worry about that
Me: Alright, thanks for this…
Mirabel: Its Ok
Me: Yea, so urrmm… good night?
Mirabel: Seems so
I moved my head closer to her, she closed her
eyes drawing her lips closer, i just gave her a
kiss on her cheek.
Me: Good night
Mirabel: Good night
I walked backwards facing her while moving to
the car. I faced the car, got in, started the
engine then got out. So many thoughts popping
around my mind…
-Did i acted too gentle to her?
-Would she be pleased with it or get bored?
-What if i had slept in her apartment?
-Did she get disappointed when i didn’t kiss
her?
-Am i moving too slow?
-Is she still testing my integrity?
I have got to know about girls but this one is
really something else, i can’t understand
Mirabel. She’s different, there is something
about her which i need to know, my heart beats
when i’m around her. Is it that i’m shy? ‘Coz
my heart only beat when i’m scared, but never
beat because of girls.
I branched a store to purchase some items ‘coz
my packaged water (pure water) butter, air
freshener, yoghurt, detergents and some other
things are almost exhausted. I got them then
headed home direct.
I got home, parked the car very well i even put
some heavy things around the car before going
into my room.
I opened my fridge and got myself a bottle of
Yoghurt then laid on my bed to rest while i
reminisced on how my day went…
***BACK IN THE RESTAURANT***
Mirabel: I love U Victor
Me: (to distract the mood) Wow! This food really
taste good, what do u think Mirabel?
Mirabel: Yea, its good.
Me: Go on keep eating…
We continued eating speechless,,, she excused
herself going to the rest room, then came back
to eat after spending a couple of minutes.
After eating, the attendant came to pack the
dishes…
Me: How much is the bill?
Attendant: Its been taken care of
Me: By who?
He faced Mirabel, I also face her, she just
smiled… well, that answered the question. I
guess she paid it when she excused herself.
Me: Why did u do that?
Mirabel: I don’t want u to spend all your money
on me
Me: But i wasn’t complaining
Mirabel: U didn’t have to
Me: Hhmmm…
Mirabel: Shall we leave now?
Me: Yea, hmmm…
We left the there, got to the car, i opened the
door for her then we left.
I got to the fuel station to get some fuel.
Attendant: How many litres?
Me: 8 litr…
Mirabel: 20 litres (she interrupted)
I looked at her, she faced another direction
smiling. I didn’t say anything. After the
refuelling, she still paid for the fuel. This girl is
really something, thats how we got back to her
place before that human animal spoilt the mood.

I off my clothes and put on something light then
I checked my phone that has been silent all this
while and saw missed calls, from Promzy, Titus,
Esther and Mirabel few minutes ago. I guess she
wants to know if i’ve gotten home. What does
that idiot Titus want? I will just call Mirabel
today and talk to the rest tomorrow ‘coz i’m
really tired now.
I dialled Mirabel’s number, it rang and she
picked it almost immediately.
Mirabel: Hi
Me: Hi
Mirabel: Are u home already?
Me: Yea
Mirabel: I called but i guess u were still driving
then
Me: Yea, i actually stopped by a store to get
some stuffs
Mirabel: Its alright
Me: Yep
Mirabel: Ok I just called to know if u got home
save
Me: Okay… Goodnight then
Mirabel: Goodnight
Me: Alright
*About to hang up*
Mirabel: Wait! Victor Wait!!
Me: Yes?
Mirabel: Its seems like You’re not comfortable
around me
Me: Why’d you say that?
Mirabel: Yes na, you were just somehow,
behaving like i’m new to u
Me: Its not like that
Mirabel: I dunno what else to think Victor… wait,
do u like know anything about me?
Me: How do u mean?
Mirabel: U know… like my personality,
relationship, family background and all that
Me: Well,,,no, none that i know of…
Mirabel: Okay…
Me: Or is there anything i should know?
Mirabel: No, not really,,, not yet actually
Me: Alright if u say so
Mirabel: Yea, but u can ask questions about me
if u want
Me: Ok, that won’t be a problem
Mirabel: I mean anything at all
Me: Ok, Alright i will
Mirabel: Ok cute! Just know that u can feel free
to ask me for anything and be very comfortable
around me Ok?
Me: Yea, Ok
Mirabel: Good…! Ok, Bye Cute, Love ya!!
Me: Ok thanks Bye…
*I hang up immediately*
I can’t tell her that i love her na, what if its a
lie? Like how i use to play the game before, no,
no more lies, but would it be a lie? She is the
first girl that made my heart beat. Doesn’t
matter, i need to be sure.
Any dirty-minded guy would think that when a
girl say such things as ‘U can ask for anything’
their mind would directly go for s£x, yea i know
that ‘coz i was one of them. Go meet Nextangel
and tell him that na, your ***** will never remain
the same.

To Be Continued..... #B-goF

>> Part 15 -

*****AYOMIDE*****EPISODE 3****

By Haryhomidey Enitan Komadan

I swear this young lady is very beautiful,she can't be a yoruba lady I think,she looks and dress like she is from PH,if you see this lady you would neglect this story and ran after her..lol..as a lady if you see her you will like to be a friend with her****she walks slowly and gracefully to the direction of where I was sitting,I can't take my eyes off this young damsel as she reach the position I was sitting,at that moment I feel like I should hug and kiss her but wetin I dey think sef,this lady go old pass me now,and I don't even know her...so I just stop imagining all those rubbish and I concentrate on attending to her,she is her to buy something I think.
"Hello sir,pls can you attend to me?,I am here to get for my self provisions and I hope you don't give me high prices and don't treat me harshly"she said jokingly..wow!!
!,I was really carried away with the way this young lady speaks formally to me,some others would have speak informally to me but she is really different,I was like oh my God is this an angel sent from heaven?,my face was full of happiness,see how this sister speaks formally to a seventeen year old boy like me,though I was taller than both my age and this young lady,so this my stature dey freak some people also?,I also on the other hands don't wanna form street boy like I always be,see as I dey form porche for this young lady..LOL..
I come dey speak orally...thanks to my proprietor in my secondary school,he taught me lots of things in English..oral english was the main thing he teaches us then...so I reply this young lady...
"Ohh you are welcome to our supermarket my dear lady!can I know what your needs are?,I will surely treat you well like how I did to other customers and our price are not really high..you will be comfortable with it"...I replied...na so we start dey communicate o,she buy everything she wants to buy summing up to #5,000.then she was about paying for her bill when this spirit jump on to me to form MR NICEGUY for this girl.You are free to go my lady and don't bother paying for all you buy...I said
Na so this lady look up surprisingly,do you mean I shouldn't pay for this things?? She asked...I nodded my head in agreement smiling at her.chai!!!...girls too like free things sha..come see how she dey thank me with a very happy look...she left with a happy look sha...
SISTER! SISTER!! SISTER!!! I shouted as I ran after her...

>>

Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants moreRelated

_________
1.16 Missed Calls? You Killed My Battery so
you’re Capable of Killing Me... It's Over!!!
_

2.You don't even respect me. I'm talking
and you are busy breathing? It's over!
_

3.I called you and you picked up
immediately. You lack patience. It’s over!!
_

4. I told u I love my food hot but you
refused to warm the ice cream. You don't
care about me. It's over!
_

5.I gave u 2 eggs, to boil one and fry the
other. You fried the one you were supposed to boil and boiled the one you were
supposed to fry. You are not obedient, It’s
over!
_

6. I messaged you at 11:59pm and you
replied me at 12:00am. why did you reply me the next day?... its over!!!!
_

7.I call u DARLING and you called me
HONEY. Indirectly, you’re calling my mother
a BEE. No respect for in- laws, pack your,
bags. its over!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-10 11:29:44

339 Views




A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips.

“Are you the friar”, he asks.

“No. I’m the chip monk”, he replies.Related

Funny Pastor [Read it]


PASTOR: Today, I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is we have enough money to build a modern church.

(Everyone just cheered, clapped and screamed!)

The Pastor went on, “The bad news is that the money is still in your pockets.”



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-11 15:57:31

359 Views




In bus – A girl comes and sits next to me.


She receives a text – Baby agli baar pakka hug dunga.


I asked – “constipation patient ?”


*Gets slapped* ????Related

Stephanie: see who is talking,you made me feel like am nothing also,in front of your family and even my friends,everyone see me like a cheap girl. they regard me as someone who is money conscious and even that of my family,they don't even trust me a little now. they always feel i am doing something bad
Desmond: what about me?(he screamed)
Stephanie: don't you dare raise your voice at me because am not your child. you are the one whom had done me wrong;why making it seems am the bad one here?
Desmond: you are so impossible to please
Stephanie: please?have you ever in your life please me?all you do think is about yourself

Desmond: it has always been easy to let go of me because you feel nothing for me but you always forgive Tunde freely without stress because you love him
Stephanie: now i get it,is because i told you,'am in love with Tunde' that is why you are mad at me
Desmond: yes;am mad at you because you are in love with him,am mad at him also because of you,i am envies of him because of you;you despise me because of him
Stephanie: but that is not true because i was willing to do everything just to see you happy;even to sacrifice my own happiness just for you. i just want to see that you are happy. what more can a girl do for a boy?that is to show how much i care about you and am concern about you
Desmond: just that?
Stephanie: yes;i did everything for you,i valued our friendship
Desmond: you never did;you never really care
Stephanie: i do care about,when ever you did me wrong;i always do forgive you
Desmond: that was then,when we first met but when you began to get involve in love you never really care (she laughed)was the laughter?now you are going to make jest of me
Stephanie: never;you thought me how to love,is just that i never did fall in love with you because i see you as a brother
Desmond: do you really see me as a brother?
Stephanie: yes
Desmond: fine;i agree with because you see me as a brother;the one you detest because if not,you would not have hurt me so deeply;you would not had be mad at me for a very long time;you would had care about my feelings and the pains i am going through but no;you don't. am such a fool to let my love for you overshadow my thinking.
Ann: (outside)Desmond is in love with Stephanie
Alfred: keep quiet lets listen,you don't know the type of love he is talking about
Stephanie: do you love me?
Desmond: i do;yes i really do love you(he became aware of what he said and try to correct himself)what i meant is that i love you as a sister
Stephanie: i know you love me like your sister and care for me and you also protect me
Desmond: yes i love you like a sister but you don't love me
Tosan: oh my God!this boy scared me

Stephanie: i do that was while;when i got denial by Tunde and you;i thought i was hurt by Tunde words because i love him but then to be sincere;it was your words that hurt me not his;to you it was easy for me to forgive him because you felt i love him but not at all. i just see Tunde as an imperfect person that is band to make mistake but you;i see you as someone that understand me and that is more manure in his thinking;i tell you everything about me;even when i am in love;when am in pains;i even have to share tears in front of you. i have never done that in front of anyone. you were the first boy i did everything in my life with;so i expected you to protect me and you are suppose to be grateful

Tunde: what did she mean by i did everything with you?
Anita: i don't know
Tina: maybe;first boyfriend or should i say fake boyfriend;first kiss and other stuff
Ann: you crazy

Desmond: fine;i am grateful that is why;when you don't talk to me i felt like a part of had died. am sorry(he move close to her)lets just still be friends
Stephanie: is alright;i am sorry too. i wouldn't had reacted that way. please forgive me and i promise i won't hurt you again
Desmond: you really not going to hurt me again
Stephanie: yes
Desmond: how are you going to do it?
Stephanie: i won't fall in love with anyone so that i won't hurt you
Desmond: naught you;you can fall in love with anyone
Stephanie: what if i fall in love with your brother?
Desmond: Dan
Stephanie: no;Tunde
Desmond: i will kill both of you(they both laughed)
Stephanie: are you still jealous of him
Desmond: yes;i am(he hugged her)am just kidding
Stephanie: is okay;i just said so;am no longer in love with him. he is in my past
Desmond: really?is it....
Stephanie: no;i just realise that i was just lusting over is kindness and that was the only thing that draw him to me
Desmond: hmm(he smiled)
Tunde: i missed this part of your happiness
Desmond: naught boy;have not always be happy
Alfred: never;you and i know your happiness lies with Stephanie
Desmond: i have always been happy without Stephie
Ayo: hmm
Desmond: yes;do you want to tell that;it is only her that make me happy?
Tosin: yes;whenever she is not here;you are either drinking or frowning. you are so scary

Stephanie: is alright;lets go inside
Tunde: shall we
Tosan: sure we can(Tunde take Stephanie hand)
Anita: will you let go of her hand and take hold of Tina's
Tunde: am sorry;i did realise that it was your hand
Stephanie: is alright;you are my friend
Desmond: fine;let me hold you(Tunde look at her hand on his)come lets go

Brown: young man;what is going on?
Tunde: (drinking alcohol)nothing;i just want to flex myself
Brown: are you sure?
Tunde: yes(he continue drinking)
Brown: alright
Ayo: what are you celebrating?
Tunde: love
Tina: love
Tunde: yes baby
Tina: i still don't get you
Tunde: (he drunk some more)what don't you understand?
Alfred: Tunde;why are you in that mood?
Tunde: celebrate love for myself and Stephanie and Tina love for Desmond. come join me
Desmond: Stephanie love for you?
Tina: and my love for Desmond?
Tunde: yes;don't you like it that way?(to Tina) i know you like it
Tosin: i thought you are okay with the new arrangement
Tunde: what arrangement?i am fine with whatever arrangement
Tina: tell me the truth;you are still in love with her
Ayo: what kind of stupid question is that
Tunde: is it not obvious that if am not in love;i wouldn't be celebrating love
Tosin: he is just drunk,i know that when he is sober he should be fine then
Tina: i know he is drunk and because he is drunk he is able to pour out his heart
Alfred: i just don't get it and i don't understand you sometimes
Tina: you don't understand me,fine. i may have been acting weird but that doesn't mean am just stupid;i have brains and i am making use of them
Tunde: come off it everyone should stop talking,is it that you all are going crazy
Desmond: i thought you don't love her?
Alfred: yes;he was even hurting her
Tunde: yes;i hurt her because of you(to Desmond)every time i see her with you together;my heart break in piece. sometimes i wish that you are not there but then you are always in my life;you are like my shadow;you are a parasite. i wish for everything you have;even your dad;the love my uncle had for you;the money your parents have but then i was ready to give all that up for you because they don't matter most in life but then the only thing that i have truly love and care for and even pray for;was right in front of me but i still have to share it with you
Desmond: but i am not sharing any of that with you

Tunde: you don't know?i will tell you;first you know i love her but you have to make her your best friend
Desmond: but you are the one she love not me
Tunde: fine;she say she love me but all the care;affection and concern she had all for you but what she had for me is just a little bit not to be compare with yours. that is what we call love. i was so scared that even if i accept her,she is still going to care more for you;i am nothing to her compare to you(he fell down and slept off)
Alfred: hey young man;stop that(to Desmond)and lets get him to his room

Ayo: here is a glass of water(he hand her a glass of water)
Tina: thanks but i wasn't thirsty
Ayo: i know you are not but you need it. it hurt for someone to watch the one she is in love with;be in love with someone else
Tina: it does hurt right?
Ayo: yes it is
Tina: i sacrifice my all for Tunde even my feelings i let go all for him
Ayo: am sorry;we all sometimes fall in love with someone who is not ready to catch us and give us the happiness we deserve
Tina: i know i once had a crush on Desmond but i let go of my feelings all for Tunde because i realised that he is the one made for me
Tosin: i am sorry if i am intruding;is just that i still think that he said those words because he is drunk
Tina: can you please don't get me pissed up
Tosin: i am sorry if i am
Tina: excuse me


Jackson: was going on
Frank: is nothing that we can't handle. we have always handle bigger contract than this
Jackson: i know but sometime a contract doesn't have to be huge before it becomes difficult to handle
Frank: alright then;lets go for lunch we will discuss it when we return
Jackson: why don't we have it in my house?
Frank: fine;is your treat then
Jackson: no problem




READ MORE.....


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If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose,
.
where would you go
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
to lunch or to a movie?Related

Teacher: Akpos, if you had N10 and you asked your father for N5 more, how many dollars would you have?
Akpos: I would have N5
Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic Akpos
Akpos:You don't know my father, Madam



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-12 11:36:33

242 Views




CAST-: Teacher-:Ekene
Student-:Akpos
Akpos vs Ekene¤Episode 4 Season 1

Teacher-: Behind every successful man
there is a woman. Class what do we learn
from this?
Akpos-: We should stop wasting time in
studies and find that WOMAN.

Teacher-: Whoever answer my next
question correctly can go home. Upon hearing this, Akpos threw his bag
outside through the window.
Teacher-: Who threw the bag?
Akpos-: Me, can I go home now? #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-22 14:04:03

1037 Views




Roses are nice, Violets are fine;

I’ll be the 6, if you be the 9!Related

I think it’s a major epidemic in women, faking orgasms. So many women in this world feel like they are put on this planet to please men, that they have to fake, and they never worry about their own pleasure.

-Jenna JamesonRelated

Don’t pray to escape trouble. Don’t pray to be comfortable in your emotions. Pray to do the will of God in every situation. Nothing else is worth praying for.

~ Samuel M. ShoemakerRelated

After sex [Read it]


The following is a chat conversation between Akpos and his girlfriend on Whatsapp:


Girlfriend: Hey


Akpos: Hey


Girlfriend: Hope you are fine.


Akpos: Yeah.You?


Girlfriend: I’m good, dear. Ever since you slept with me, you don’t call any more, text or even give me money.


Akpos: Have you ever seen the President campaign after winning the election?


 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-24 19:22:52

541 Views



ROBOT FOR SALE [Read it]


A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son reply and said that 'I did my homework'. The robot slaps the son, the son said 'OK, OK, I was at a friend's house watching movies'. Dad asks, 'What movie did you watch?' Son said 'Tom and Jerry'. The robot again slaps the son, son said 'OK, OK, we were watching porn'. Dad says, 'What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was'. The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and say, 'Well he is certainly your son', the robot slaps the mother. ROBOT FOR SALE...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-20 15:07:41

886 Views



GUIDANCE [Read it]


A middle-aged man kneels beside his
bed in prayer... ''What are you praying for?'' asks his
wife. "GUIDANCE." he answered. "Just ask for STIFFNESS, I will guide the
thing myself." the wife retorted!
#BOLLY_SMART


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-03 17:54:18

375 Views



Anxiety [Read it]


I woke up dat day d earliest of my life,have a bath quickly and head 2 d airport about 20 kilometres 2 my auz.H had won an american visa lottery and so overjoyed.I got dere at around 5.30am waitin 4 my flight scheduled 4 8.00am.I was so overjoyous nd didnt realise d amount of time i wil waste by sitting down in d air conditioned rum.By 7.45am pple av arrived and my heart started 2 beat fast cuz i wil b going 2 a place wer i knew nobody.We were told 2 queue and i was d 18th person on d queue.But alas when it was about 3 persons 2 me i realized i 4got my ticket at home!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-04 15:01:00

464 Views




What Is a " Kiss " .
In Maths :- " Kiss is the
shortest distance
between the 2 Lips "
_______________ ____________
In Biology :- " Kiss is just
the exchange of
germs
from one mouth to
another"
_______________ ______________
_
In Chemistry :- " Kiss is
a process of testing
the ph of the lips "
_______________ ______________
_
In Physics :- " It's a
process of charging a
human body "
_______________ ____________
In Computer :- " Kiss is a
local area network
in which 2 bodies are
connected without a
data cable "
_______________ _____________
In Economics :- " Kiss is
an equilibrium point
as you are
demanding u agreed wit
d quantity she/he is
supplying.
_______________ ___
In English:- "Kiss is a
touch or caress with
the lips "
_______________ __
In Commerce:- is what
we call trade-by-
batter
_______________ ___
In accounting:- is a
balance-sheet where
debit side
and credit side are
equal
_______________ _
WHICH SUBJECT
DEFINED IT BEST?
USE THE COMMENT BOX



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-03 23:54:49

2332 Views




I went to buy Suya this evening at a junction along my street. I saw
many guys and babes waiting for their turn to be served Suya by the
Northerner. I noticed the following kinds of people:

1. 'Give me test' Northerner
These
persons take seriously in collecting a small piece of Suya from the
seller. They hardly know that it is part of their own suya they are
eating.

2. 'Put More Onions'
These persons are onions addict,
they like oniins. They will tell, the Northerner to make sure that more
onions are added to their suya.

3. 'Northerner Put Jara'
These
class of people like to be given something more to what they paid for.
They do not mind if they buy only N50.00 worth of suya.?

4. 'People Who come to Smell the Suya.'
These
are the "long throat " class. They follow friends to just feel the
smell of the suya, in some cases, they are the ones that will shout
"Northerner the suya too small "

5. 'The Big Boys'
They come
usually remain in their cars and order the Northerner to put suya worth
N2000.00 in five places and that means many people have to wait for a
long time.


Please add your experiences


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-19 18:45:29

286 Views



Two Friends [Read it]


Two friends were walking home and a lady happened to be blowing a kiss to one of them from the window of a storey building.
Their conversation went as follows:
1st friend: Omo e b lyk say na me dat babe dey blow kiss
2nd friend: Guy leave dat one jare, no mind am
(then d lady signaled to him to come)
1st friend: Omo d babe dey kal me sha
2nd frnd: Ogbeni, no go
1st frnd: Y u go tell me make I knw go. Fyn babe lyk dat dey kal me, u say make I no go
2nd frnd: Guy abeg no go, no go(feeling pity)
(The friend ignored him and went over to d lady, she went to meet him nd dey both went upstairs. Suddenly as dey were abt to have fun, dey heard a car honking)
Ladyon opening d window) ha! Dats my husband
1st frnd: Yeh! Mo gbe
Lady: Dnt worry, jst pretend lyk u re d laundry man nd iron these cloths (pointing at a heap of cloths)
(dis guy spent d whole day ironing clothes cos d husband Neva left ome dat day again.
The next day he went over to his friend's place)
1st friend: Omo, shey u knw say na cloth I iron thru out yesterday
2nd friend: Shebi I tell u make u no go. All dat cloth wey u iron so, na me WASH AM


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-21 10:49:03

466 Views




BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Kindly accept the fact that, no matter how you struggle and strive, I am assuring you that you can never be like the other person who is your competitor.
Never believe in competition, the sky is large enough for people to reach and shine. Even though, you are not the best in that aspect of yours where you find yourself be it your academics, business, movie industry etc
Take solace in the mere fact that your brains are differently and uniquely configured by the supreme to differently perform and be good in different tasks.

Dear Friend, have a rethink of mind today and get to your giant strides in which God had indeed prepared for you.
No worries.
Get yourself motivated and never underestimate yourself.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Musa vs Akpos [Read it]


After writing a maths examination, a fight ensued between Musa and Akpos. Classmates gathered around to watch the the two students exhibit their boxing skills. A teacher separated them and asked them why them were fighting...


AKPOS: This idiot copied me during the maths exam!


MUSA: Copy? He’s lying! I didn’t write anything! My answer booklet was blank before I submitted!


AKPOS: You copied my blank answers! Because I didn’t write anything on my answer booklet too before I submitted!


One word for Akpos?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-19 20:46:13

552 Views




FAST FORWARD TO MONDAY.i woke
up early in the morning.say some
little prayers.i took my bath.brushed
my teeth.no food to take.coz i don’t
want my mother’s wahala.
I zoomed off to MK DONX hopefuly
to start work.coz i strongly believe
that i will pass the interview.i got to
the company and met the same
people i saw the othe day. Some
were coming out smiling while some
kept a straight face which shows that
they didn’t qualify.
It finally got to my turn.i got in and
sat down as the MD commanded.
MD.you are erm.chidubem john?.
ME:yes sir.(i said smiling).
MD.we have concluded the
interviews.and the results.
MEkay sir.when am i going to start.
MD.we are sorry.mr chidubem.you
are not amoung the people that we
selected for the job.you are not
qualified for the job.we are sorry
once again.
MEhot tears from no were started
dropping from my eyes.the MD saw
it but didn’t say any word.i became
frustrated.i nearly gave up at that
moment.coz that job was my hope.i
wanted to shame my so called
mother that i can make it in life.but
look at me now.hopeless and
confused
ME:thank you sir. I said to him and
left his office.i stood at the road
looking left and right.were am i
going to go from here.i decided to
visit my uncle.who is very rich and
working at one of the biggest
company in town.although i knew
my uncle is very stingy but i kept the
feeling aside.let me go and see
whether he will help me with work or
money.atleast if he help me with
money.i will use it to start a better
business.i concluded.
On my way.i started feeling hungry.i
brought out my wallet and open
it.chai!i only have 150 naira with me.i
took the hundred naira and bought a
galla and one sachet of water.total
of sixty naira.i gave them the
hundred naira.i decided to put the
wallet back inside my pocket.i looked
up and i didn’t see the galla seller
again.he ran away with my fourty
naira balance.i search and looked for
him.i didn’t see anything that looks
like him.then i gave up and continue
my journey to my uncle’s house.God
go judge that guy wey carry my
fourty naira change run.*i curse
under my breath*i ate the galla like
a hungry lion.till i consumed all of
them.
30 minutes later.i got to my uncle’s
duplex.i knocked and his gate man
open the gate for me.not without
some questions.
I went inside his house and found
out that my uncle wasn’t around.his
wife asked me to wait for him that he
will soon be back.she asked me
whether i have eaten anything.i
sincerely answered her NO.minutes
later.she brought some food for
me.rice and some chicken.before i
could spell my mother’s name.i have
consumed the food and chilled it
down with some cold juice.wow!life
is good if you have money.i forgot
my sorrow instantly.look at how my
uncle’s wife is shining because of
money.my uncle’s wife wey no fine
before.now look at what money has
done to her.she is now looking fine.i
must make money o.whether good
or bad.she saw me staring at her.
and she smiled and said.
U.WIFE.why are you staring at me.do
you like me?.
MElook at this woman) noo.i wasn’t
looking at you.
U.WIFE.is a lie.i saw you looking at
me.what were you thinking?.
ME:alright i agreed.am sorry.i wasn’t
thinking anything.
U.WIFE.hmm.hope is not what a
thinking.let my husband not catch
you looking at me that way you
did.other wise..hmm.(she said
smiling).
MEkay.i have heard you.
My uncle finally came back.i
agreeted him.he shook me and
ordered me to sit down.her wife was
busy staring at me.(i wonder what
she was thinking).
UNCLE.dube.this one you came to
my house today.hope all is well.
ME:not really sir. I narrated the
reason i came to him.after my long
speech.i beg him to help me with job
or money.(of course he is very
rich.he has his own company).
UNCLE.dube.i have heard you.i wish i
can help you.in my company there is
no vacancy again.every were is filled
with workers.you can’t work in my
company.you are not qualified to
work there.
My uncle knows that i came out in
the university with first class.(no be
moi moi na)he still insist that am
not qualified to do the job.his wife
begged him on my behalf.but all her
pleading didn’t move my uncle.
He only offered me a job to be his
wife driver.that he will be paying me
twelve(12)thousand naira every
month.i wanted to reject the offer
but his wife begged me to accept the
job.i looked at myself.a graduate like
me.doing a house driving.i got no
choice.my mother is always on my
neck.i just want to leave the house
for her.i know that i need a job.but
not as cheap as this one.well half
bread is better than non.i finally
accept the job.my uncle’s wife was
very happy. i can see it on her face.i
don’t know what is making her
happy.only time will tell.
Today is monday.They asked me to
resume work on thursday.i will be
leaving with them.
UNCLE.you will resume work on
thursday.but for now.take this for
yourself.(he handed me a naira
note).
Guess how much my rich uncle gave
me?just five hundred naira note.was
all my uncle could offer me.WHAT A
LIFE.

>>

A plain was about to crash when the pilot told the passengers that he is no longer in control of the plane and any moment from now the plane will crash that every body should take a life guard and not to open it in the plane. So everyone started saying his last prayer. A husband sitting with his wife told her "i have a confession to make before the plane crash, i am not a good husband i have many children outside our marriage"and the wife said i have something to confess too, she said" out of the 5 children we have 3 are not yours. Abeg na who sin pass?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-05 22:15:53

1213 Views



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