Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Kissing you baby has always been my dream;

If I am strawberry, you are the cream;

To meet you soon baby, I’m really keen;

Let’s meet up and together take our passions to extremes!Related

Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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On one faithfull sunday after sunday sarvice,all the family garder together in palor washing TV. people that are insaid the house is,HUSBAND WIFE AND THEY ARE 2 SON.one of they are son named junior jst stand up and jump ontop of his mother,and starterd romance his mom.

Continues
She placed her mouth but nothing happened she placed it again and nothing happened she did it again and he poured out water and again forced her lips on his and kissed her.
Melissa: what was that for?
Presley: for pushing me into the pool if I had died how on earth will I be able to revenge my master.
Melissa: oh really? Now you kissed me what will I do to pay back?
Presley: you might as well kiss me also
Melissa: oh really (smiling )
Preston:yes
Melissa: I like it. It sounds nice. What a p-----t you are (punched him and left)
Presley: you punched me wait for my revenge
Melissa: I will feel more than privileged. Trust me
Presley: ahhh.. that punch was too hard(he said after she left)
Me:you better stop crossing lines with melissa except you want to die young
Preston: if you like her just tell her and stop bullying her
Presley: far from that I dont like her
Preston: now come and sit let’s discuss
They all sat down and I joined them as well..
Preston: brothers what made you all come to mourn our master with me?
Shadow: master left message that I should join my group with yours in case of his death. He told me of how brenden went there to threaten him. That was when brenden first left campus. He said brenden threatened him to register other cult groups that brenden found favour in like the WILD WOLVES,DEPRESSED TIGERS AND THE OBSESSED DEMONS but he refused and brenden gave him two years to think about it if not it will cost him his life and that of the P.P then brenden will be the overall beloved son and our leader as well then he will register the cult groups himself……….
Smith: same goes with me
Preston: but he never told me any of these
Shadow: because he knew you would break your promise.
Preston: whats the difference? I will be breaking that promise in no time…..
Me: baby do you mind if I insist?
Preston: how?
Me: my girls are available and dont forget brenden still has a lot of cult groups with him
Preston: and do yourself think girls can resolve that?
Me:what a man can do a woman can do it even better
Preston: this is not girls stuff
Smith: milly you will have to reserve your girls for cassey and belinda. They have joined forces together with brenden to bring you down
Me: really??
Smith: thats the information I got
Presley: yours girls are too lazy expecially Melissa.
Me: you wish! Can you go into a duel with her to prove your point?
Presley: why not?? I can (shouting)
Melissa: really? Why not now because when I am in this dress I have the spirit of fighting (everybody turned to see the direction of where the voice came from. It was melissa and the rest of the girls, dressed in full orange.
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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its called "CHURCH" not "CHECH"
its called "PASTOR" not "PASTAR"
its called "DOCTOR" not "DACTAR" MY FELLOW NIGERIANS
its called "BATH" not "BAFF"
its called "NAIRA" not "NERA"
MY DEAR EDO PEOPLE
its called "ARGUMENT" not
"AJUMENT" (4 wetin na)
MY DEAREST YORUBAS
its called "AIR" not "HAIR"
its called "EIGHT" not "HATE"
he is called "VAN PERSIE" not "FAN
PERSIN" MY DEAR IBADAN PEOPLE
hmmmmmmm
he is called "SEAN TIZZLE" not sin
tissu
its called "ZERO" not "SIRO"
MY DEAR HAUSA PEOPLE its called "FIFTY" not "PIPTY"
its called "FIVE" not "PIPE"
its called "GLO" not "GILO"
its called "MTN" not "AMTN"
LEST I FORGET
MY CLOSE IGBO PEOPLE (IGBO KWENU)
he is called "RICK ROSS" not "LICK
LOSS"
There is nothing like "THAASAND" its
called
"THOUSAND" its called "BED SHEET" not
"BAYSHEET" .lmao
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-14 14:36:08

353 Views




The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.Related

While examining a female patient, Doctor tells her:

“Your heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.

Woman immediately started taking off her jeans and underwear.

Doc shocked said:

“No! No! Please put on your clothes. Just show me your tongue…”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-03 19:31:00

355 Views




Hum Aap Ki Har Cheez Se Pyaar Kar Lenge;

Aapki Har Baat Par Aitbaar Kar Lenge;

Bas Ek Bar Keh Do Ki Tum Sirf Mere Ho;

Hum Zindagi Bhar AapKa Intezar Kar Lenge!Related

Boy: Hello angel. Nice to meet you here
Girl: same here
Boy: please can I have your facebook or whatsapp number so that we can chat faster
Girl: I use only twitter
Boy: oooo is been long I open my twitter I must have forgotten my password.
Girl: sorry
Boy: Baby where are you chatting from?
Girl: Borno state
Boy: which part?
Girl: Chibok
Boy: ha! What's that your full name
Girl: Rashida Shakarawo
Boy: what am seeing here is Rashy. Sorry is not you a wanted to chat with. Gud night

HAHAHAHA



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-15 13:20:07

1444 Views




Don't Laugh Plz.
3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that
they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it
off again. Then said, "We have reached your
destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd
guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver.
The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew
what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?".
The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time,
you nearly killed us!!!
If u are the driver what will u do to them......


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-01 08:01:44

474 Views



wicked akpos [Read it]


A salesman rings the door bell and Akpos answers.
Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"
Akpos: "No, he's in the shower."
Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"
Akpos: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."
Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"
Akpos: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-14 07:57:49

601 Views




Girl invited her boyfriend over for dinner at her home, so that he could meet her parents.
While they were eating, it started raining heavily.
The girl’s mother said: “Akpos, I think you should sleep over here because this rain shows no sign of stopping anytime soon.”
After eating the mom went to the toilet and the father went to sleep while the girl went to the kitchen to clean the plates, when the girl and the mother returned,
 Akpos was no longer there. As they were busy wondering where he was, he came back really soaking wet.
Mother: “Where were you and why are you so wet?”
Akpos replied: “I went home to get my pajamas.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-17 09:53:08

547 Views




Santa and Jeeto lying in a bed.Jeeto flings her one leg on Santa’s shoulder and whispers – Take me!Santa did not pay attention to that.Jeeto flings on her second leg and repeats – Take me!Santa: I’m not going anywhere!Related

First year UNILAG medical students were attending their very first anatomy class. They all gathered around the table which had a real dead body on it. The Professor, Mr. Akpos, started the class by telling them two important qualities of a doctor. "The first is that never be disgusted about anything in the body. For example", 


He inserted his finger in the dead body's anus, put his finger in his own mouth and tasted it. Then he told the students to do what he did. The students hesitated for several minutes, but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in the body's anus and tasted it. 


When everyone finished tasting their fingers, the professor looked at them and said, "The most important Second quality is Observation. I inserted my MIDDLE finger but tasted my other finger. Now learn to pay attention!!"


One word for Professor Akpos? 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-01 07:33:04

195 Views






Joke of the weekend: A young boy was working as a houseboy and one day his mistress (as in madam) asked him to go buy a dog.

The boy bought the dog and took it home, cradling the animal in his arms.

The mistress was incensed and shouted at him, &ldquoon’t you know that the dog can bite you? Next time, get a collar around its neck and lead it home.”

The next day, the boy was sent to buy the leg of a cow. After he bought it, he got a collar, put it around the piece of meat and dragged it home.

His mistress threw up a tantrum and screamed, ” You foolish boy! Why would you drag the meat through the dust like that?! Next time put it in a plastic bag.”

The next day the boy was sent to buy water. After he bought the water, he got a plastic bag and poured all the water in. Needless to say, the water got finished by the time he got home.

He was promptly fired and soon found work at a fufu chop bar. He had no idea how to pound fufu, but his new boss told him, “It is not difficult. wherever you see me put the piece of cooked cassava or plantain, just hit it with the pestle.”

The boy followed the instructions and was soon pounding the fufu very well.

One day, in the middle of doing so, the woman was feeling hungry and so picked a piece of cassava to put in her mouth.

Since the boy had been told that wherever she put the piece of cassava was where he should hit with the pestle………..you know the rest………..Happy weekend folks!!




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-06 18:29:34

221 Views



Nigeria girls [Read it]


WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
Chat between a white girl and her boyfriend:
BOY: Honey
GIRL: Yes sugar.
BOY: What are you wearing?
GIRL: A cute pink shirt, a pair of denims, and the pink sandals I got at the mall.
BOY: Aww ain't that cute? Can't wait to see my baby.
Chat between a Nigerian girl and her boyfriend:
BOY: Baby.
GIRL: Ehn?!
BOY: What are you wearing today?
Girl: Hahan! See question. Cloth of course. Mtchew!
BOY: Sorry didn't mean to annoy you. What exactly are you wearing?
GIRL: I said cloth or are you deaf? Wait, do I have to tell you everything I do? What's all these....
BOY: (angrily drops his phone)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-19 08:33:39

953 Views




A woman went to her priest with a problem.


“Father, I have two female parrots and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is ‘hi we’re prostitutes wanna have some fun?”


“That’s terrible!” Exclaim the priest. “But I think I can help, bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship”


The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.


His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots.


The female parrots said, “Hi we’re prostitutes, wanna have some fun?”


One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered.”Related

Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

Me and my sister had sex on Saturday and there was also good bye sex on Sunday afternoon when i left for park. I went to Unity to board a bus going to Lagos at Kasmag, i have the details of the hotel we will be lodging at with me and i was told once i get to CMS, i should take a bike to the hotel around the area. The kasmag driver drops me at Ijora and was magnanimous enough to put me on a bus going to CMS around 5pm.
I arrived at the hotel and it was then i realized we were much. Then come Monday, there was a staff bus waiting for us as early as 7pm because they already told us the previous night that we will be leaving by 7:30am. We left the hotel exactly 7:30am and classes started by 8:00am. Organization in the training school was top notch as we had tea break by 11am and launch by 2:30pm, the launch break was always an hour. There was always much to eat and drink but nothing alcoholic.
That was how the training was going, it was always a week we started the induction program when i remembered that i have someone call Joke in Lagos. The last time we spoke was on our POP day but i didn’t tell her i will be coming to Lagos. I wanted to call her on Saturday but decided not to because i believe she might be beside her husband and might not be that free to talk to me.
I called her number during my breakfast break on Monday, we talk about so many things and he said its been more than a week we spoke last, i apologized that not calling her was not intentional that i will make it up to her, she joked maybe i now have a new girlfriend that was why i don’t have her time and i said No. I asked where she was serving and she said she was working with an investment firm on the island. She said she was working full time but NYSC did not know about it, i asked where the office was, she said her office was on the 3rdfloor of one f the high rising building in Broad street, Marina. “Why are you even asking this question” she inquired. I told her i was only asking because i care about her a lot. She asked about my own banking job too and i told her that we have not resumed fully.
Upon going for launch break that day, i quickly eat my food within 15minutes which means i still have close to an hour to go. I stepped out of the training centre, asked of the high rising building she told me and a bike took me there for N50. I got to the entrance of the building and the receptionist asks me to take the lift to the 3rdfloor. I came out of the lift and saw another security guy asking where i was going to, i told him i was looking for Mrs Adejoke, a guy was passing and the security guy asked him if Madam Adejoke is in the office and she said Yes.
She led me to the corridor and pointed at the door of her office, i knocked at the door and heard her voice said who is that? I opened the door and she shouted “Ahhhhh, Rahman what are you doing here”, she jump at me and gave me a hug but i kissed her back even though she responded, she quickly released herself from me.
She asked what i was doing there and how long have been in Lagos, i told her it was just a week that i was in Lagos for 6 weeks induction training for my banking Job. She argued i came over a week and am just seeing her, i told her that i wanted to surprise her and that was what i just did. I told her about the program and the hotel we lodged in, I told her i just came to see her since it was not far from the training centre. Didnt spend up to 5minutes there when i told her i wanted to be going, she said we will call me later in the day after close of work if there is still time for us.
She called me around past 6 and i told her i was in the hotel, she said there was serious traffic and everywhere was blocked. She said she will need to chill in the office for a while for the traffic to reduce. I convince her that instead of staying back in the office, she can just take bike to the hotel where i was, spend some time together maybe like 30minutes or an hour and by then the traffic would have come down, initially she didn’t want to come feigning she will use the opportunity to do some left over work but i was able to convince her.
She arrived like 10minutes after the call and i led her to my room, it was individual of us in each room, she sat on the bed, i made a move to touch her but she rejected my advances. I tried all i could but she rejected too, i thought it will be that easy but it was none. She made me understand that she cant have sex with me again, what happened in camp belong to the past and we should leave it there. She said i should respect her decision. I don’t want to force it so that it wont turn to something else but i was seriously hard, her cloth was already roughen and there was sweat all over me.
I pull off my cloth because i didn’t like how i was looking, i proceeded to the bathroom for shower, i came out of the bathroom naked with the towel round my neck, i started moving all around the room packing my cloth from the bed to the wardrobe inside the room, i stood in front of the wardrobe looking for cloth to put on.

Read Episode 54

Akpors’ father accompanied him to his school end-of-year
awards/party. As they sat watching amidst loud ovations,
the beneficiaries were called to the podium for their awards.
The following conversation ensued:
ANNOUNCER: Best student in sciences, the winner is Inem.
FATHER: (Applauds and eyes Akpors scornfully) See correct
children!
ANNOUNCER: Best student in commercial studies; the
winner is Ajoke.
FATHER: (Hisses and eyes Akpors) See correct children.
ANNOUNCER: Best student in Arts and the winner is Helen.
FATHER: (fuming with anger) See correct children!!.
And so, all the awards were presented without any going to
Akpors.
At the end of the event, they left and went to the car park
but as his dad got ready to start the car, the engine refused
to respond. He opened the bonnet and touched a few things
but his efforts did not yield any response so they resorted
to pushing it. Just as they got to the exit of the school, the
rickety car sparked up.
Exhausted and profusely sweating, Akpors rested on the
gate just as his mates were driving off with their parents in
Hummer, Jeep, Sequia, Infinity, Escalade, Bentley, Lincoln
Navigator, Range Rover and other exotic cars.
All of a sudden, Akpors burst into laughter. His puzzled
father asked,’what’s so funny?’ Amidst teary eyes, Akpors
responded, ‘SEE CORRECT FATHERS!’.
ONE WORD FOR AKPORS THIS TIME?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-14 11:06:00

683 Views





******
***** Cyndy's house******
Cyndy was busy watching a TV program in their living room when her brother john who was playing outside came in

john: (running in) big sister ,you have some visitors
Cyndy : really ?...from where
john : I think they from your school, coz they were wearing the same school uniforms with yours
Cyndy : wow ( excited )...where are they?
john: they are outside the gate
Cyndy : pls little bro, usher them in .
after her brother went out to usher her colleagues in, she quickly dash in to her room to change because she was just tying a wrapper..that was her way dressing when she was all alone at home.

she was really excited ,but why was she?...she couldn't answer the question but she knew she was so so eager to see him...her beloved kunle, her pearl as she do call him in her thought. she had really missed him badly.
she had really fell for him since they became close ...it was love and yes she knew.
those three days without seeing rays of his cute face has been life torture. if not for her dad who insisted for her to rest at home ,she would have gone to school in her unhealthy state ,all just for her kunle.
" I want him to see me good " she said while trying to searching for a normal wear as her plan was dress to kill ,so she later opted for her blue short not up to knee length with a white top.
" kunle, here I come " she shouted smiling while staring at her standing mirror,,she was impressed with the way her curved bloom out in her jean short more like bum shot.
being impressed with her appearance she quickly dash out to her colleagues in the living room.

' hi guys ' she greeted smiling as she met them already sitted on the solfa chairs that were neatly arranged in the living room
" hi Cyndy " they all chorused .she was was impressed with the effect she had on most of boys as they all kept on staring but something was missing ,her kunle was no where to be found ..this made her a bit disappointed and sad.
she saw wale his brother among her colleague so why wasn't he with them. she felt like crying but held herself.

Nicky ran towards her for a hug followed by some other female colleagues.. some of the boys including Emeka went to her for a hug for their bad aim of feelings her skin and boobs that looks so tempting because she looks so beautiful and sexy in her outfit. Nicky felt inferior seeing her in that state but she wasn't ready to loose the fight not without giving a fight even if cyndy's has to go down.
' kunle was her's alone ' she thought..

nicky was beautiful no doubt but in terms of shape and endowment she was still a learner ( lol..pls pardon my use of language ).
it was Cyndy's tap that brought her back from her thought
Cyndy: are u okay ?
Nicky : yea sure...how are you, we heard you were sick.. how you feeling now?
Cyndy : am now strong o, I would have come to school today but my dad said I should rest
Nicky : okay..its really good you are strong
as the normal routine, they sang few worship songs before praying thanking God for her health ,even while praying Emeka and few others were still peeping with one eyes as if they were about to devour their prey( abeg who no go peep ).

after the prayers ,they started gisting about school and note she missed when Emeka brought up my issue
Emeka : Cyndy, you no get beta boyfriend o ( others laugh )
Cyndy : (surprised ) who ?
Emeka : your guy na kunle , why una sabi pretend
Cyndy : ( happy inside giving out a smile ) no o Emeka, we are just friends o
Nicky : una sabi pretend o ( others laugh )
Cyndy : why didn't he come with you guys
wale : ( dat has been silent all this while ) he quickly went to do something at home but sent me to greet u on his behalf dats why am here
Nicky : that's a lie joor coz I went to him to know why he doesn't want to come, he said since you guys were just casual friends dat it wasn't dat necessary
Cyndy : ( angry ) really ?
wale : Nicky ,that's a lie o..he is.
Emeka : (cutting him ) shut up wale... you are just trying to defend him ,how many time have you seen kunle visit a sick colleague at home before
wale : ehm ehm(stammering )
Emeka : you see ( facing Cyndy ) dear dats her how the selfish guy behaves jawe
some other colleagues supported Emeka , Cyndy kept on smiling but deep in her she was all torn up as she was doing her best to fight back her tears.
all this while Nicky was just smiling as her plans were working.
" now let's see how u get out of dis one kunle " she said with a wicked grin


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The blind man [Read it]


A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits
down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks
up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the
menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous
customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the
dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He
returns to the blind man's table and hands it to
him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and
takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and
mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks
towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the
owner's wife. He tells her what had just
happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the
owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a
dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to
the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says,
"That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and
salad with sausage."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the
blind man is screwing around with him and tells
his wife that the next time the blind man comes
in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the
owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your
panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the
owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you
and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a
deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that
Mary worked here..."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-22 18:43:04

516 Views




Nigerian Police and their wahala
1: why is ur laptop bag empty,u want to steal laptop and
keep it in the bag abi, oya enta motor!
2: The victim committed Suicide, but we just arrested
the person that killed him.....
3 Oga, dis ur Range Rover Sport fine o. oya use am take
jam dis wall mek we check weda ur airbag dey work. u
no gree? oya park!!!
4 why ur car no get A/C? u wan use heat kill
yourself...u wan commit suicide?.. Oga Park well!
5: the picture in your license you carry Afro, y do u Now
carry low cut? Ogbeni Abeg come down.
6: why do u have fertilizer in your boot? You dey grow
weed abi? Follow us to station.
7: ur car radio is playing "ema dami duro" young man, if
u want to say something, you better say it directly!!!
ANYWAY POLICE IS STILL YOUR FRIEND!
ONE WORD FOR OUR 9JA POLICE!
ABI U NO NO



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-10 22:30:27

200 Views




I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today, love comes to those who flirt!Related

Ahmed was happy to see his Uncle after quite
a while even though he was hoping it were
under ‘prettier’ circumstances. He opened the
gate and tried to hug him. The Colonel backed
away, shaking his head slowly. Ahmed
understood and stepped aside for his Uncle to
come in. They walked into his house making
sure that there was a wide gap between them.
He opened the door allowing his Uncle to
enter the house first. He followed soon after.
As soon as The Colonel was in the house, he
saw the white paper with the inscriptions in
blood on the two opposite walls of the sitting
room. He walked up to one of them and
smelled the ink.
“Blood. Probably from a cow or a goat” he
thought to himself.
He motioned Ahmed to come close to him. He
hugged him tightly and whispered into his
ears,
“Is there a room you hardly ever use?”
Ahmed nodded and led the way into a small
corridor. There were two rooms at the end of
the small corridor. He opened the one to his
left and flashed a torch. A rat ran across the
floor. There were a few cobwebs on the ceiling
and the room was dusty and dirty. It didn’t
look like anyone had been here in months. The
Colonel took off his disguise clothes to reveal
the sparkling white linen he had earlier worn
from home. He spread the large t-shirt he just
removed on one of the stools he found and sat
on it.
“This room is perfect.” The colonel said.
“It is so good to see you Uncle.” Ahmed said
rushing to his uncle and hugging him.
“Sometimes, I wish I lived a normal life Uncle.
Being a cop is a difficult life. I keep looking
over my shoulder. I wake up every day not
knowing which of my enemies is close to
taking me out. It freaks me out sometimes
and there is always no one to talk to.” Ahmed
said looking at his Uncle.
“Son, our profession is a dangerous one. Till
we die, we are always going to be wanted by
the bad guys. You know that. And if you say
you are scared, what should spies, double
agents and people like me say? Each day you
wake up is another opportunity you have.
Look at the bright side. You are better than
the average man on the street. Your senses
are sharper, you have strong instincts, you are
trained in hand to hand combat, martial arts,
and you have excellent skills in weaponry. You
cannot be taken down by just anybody. So
son, use this amazing skill set you have to
make a difference in the lives of the people
you have sworn to protect.” The Colonel
finished.
“Always Uncle, always.” Ahmed said.
Typical Colonel. He never misses an
opportunity to give his ‘son’ a lecture. Ahmed
was used to it now. They caught up on old
times, telling each other about what has been
happening in the past few years. The Colonel
loved to play video games just like Ahmed.
They talked about what games they were
currently playing and the stages. The Colonel
said he just stumbled on HITMAN SUICIDE
MISSIONS. Ahmed was going to try it out.
Recently a lot had been happening around
him. He had not had time for himself let alone
video games.
“So what brings me here son? Let’s hear it.”
The colonel said.
Ahmed cleared his throat and began to narrate
the story. He started with waking up in a
hospital, and losing his memory of the past
few weeks. Doctors said he had slight amnesia
and may recall the things he could not
remember over time. He also talked about how
he found out about the death of Mercy, how
his office was burgled and the guards were
killed. The Colonel raised up a hand to stop
Ahmed.
“Your office was burgled? What was stolen?
What really happened? Describe every detail.”
He questioned Ahmed.
“I had just left the office and was about to
drive into the Estate when I got a call from
Sheila that I should come back immediately…”
Ahmed said.
“Sheila still heads the Combat Department?”
The Colonel asked, interrupting him.
“No Uncle. She is now the Head of the
NIGHANA Intelligence Operations department.”
Ahmed said
“Hmmm. Go on son.” The Colonel said.
“So I got to the office and found an
ambulance, a few coroners and Sheila. Sheila
said that there were two guards dead, a
corrupt file system on our database and a
missing hard drive. Mine. The alarm from the
disrupted servers sent a signal to the local
police and they were here in 6 minutes. They
did not see anyone as they came in. The
guards’ necks were twisted from behind. There
was no trace. There were no clues”
“Any fingerprints, hair strands, blood, bullet
casings?” The Colonel asked.
“None. The only bullet casing was from the
gun of one of the dead guards. His finger
prints are the only ones all over it.” Ahmed
finished.
The Colonel sighed. He was rubbing his
temples. Ahmed had seen this a lot of times.
Whenever he did this he was getting some
ideas and thinking seriously.
“These guys must be professionals. And they
must have been watching you. What have you
been doing on your computer during the days
before the hard drive was stolen?” The Colonel
asked
“Just monitoring Agent Mercy. Following up
on her leads, and matching finger prints. When
I got a message on my phone that she was
just buried, I rushed to the office to confirm. It
was true as her file had been deactivated. I
could not continue with it so I left the office.
Barely an hour later was the theft discovered.”
Ahmed finished.
“What agency was she infiltrating?” The
Colonel asked.
“Something about a ghost organization. She
was still a rookie in their ranks so she was not
really privy to any confidential stuff.” Ahmed
finished.
The Colonel bowed his head. He should not
have resigned. He closed his eyes. Everything
began to make sense. The stealth, the
perfection, the absence of clues. No mistakes.
That was their style. Now he understood why
Ahmed had called him. The Colonel had been
doing preliminary tracking of the Ghosts after
his time with The Marine Cartel but dropped it
after the General’s warning. He could sense
Ahmed watching him. This was too much for
Ahmed to handle. Sheila was a fool. She
should not have sent Agent Mercy in. What
was she thinking? Just because Mercy was an
excellent spy did not automatically translate
to invincibility. She still had a lot to learn
physically and psychologically. Mercy did not
have the slightest idea about the Ghosts. The
name alone said it all. They were invisible.
And only someone who could be invisible
could undertake such an infiltration. Ahmed
was a fantastic detective. The perfect cop. But
he was a terrible spy. He always allowed his
emotions get in the way. He did not know how
to mask feelings. That was the number one
criteria for a double agent.
“Are you okay Uncle?” Ahmed asked.
“I am fine son. Tell me what happened in this
house. I saw the banners.” The Colonel
replied.
Ahmed narrated how he wasn’t comfortable
that night. His instincts told him to get up but
he felt reluctant to. He was tired from a busy
day. A loud gunshot woke him and he got up
to see one of the banners on his bedroom
door. He got to the sitting room and saw
another two banners. He opened the door to
the house to find his two dogs dead. His
instincts told him he was being watched. His
doors were not tampered with. They were
opened from outside, which meant that the
criminal had access to his home. He
immediately cut the electricity to the house
and has been in darkness since. He did not
know what else to do so he called.
“I think I have an idea what is going on. But
first we need to do some work. You will get
out of the house now. Go to any mobile phone
store. Get a new phone and a new sim card,
preferably a very low tech phone. The cheapest
Nokia phone or China phone would be perfect.
Do not register the sim card. If the attendant
gives you trouble, get it somewhere else. You
would be followed right from the time you step
out of this house. I think you are being
watched. Do not take your car. Enter a
commercial bus. Do not head straight to your
destination. The nearest shop is 15 minutes
from here. Get there in one hour. Zig zag your
way across town. Come down at any random
bus stop then start walking. Turn back after 2
minutes of walking and start jogging. Look for
shops with mirrors and stand in front of them
abruptly while walking. Look behind you
through the mirror. You should see the agents
tailing you trying to catch up. Since they are
following you, it’s going to take a while to
shake them off. It is not going to be easy but
try and enjoy yourself while at it. Be sure to
have them lost before you get the items.
Repeat the same thing on your way back to
the house. The whole journey should normally
take you about 30 minutes. Make sure you use
over two hours. When you come back to the
estate there will be agents already around the
gate watching you enter. You won’t see them
but believe me they are there. Not to worry.
They don’t know where you were and what you
got. You will have them guessing at where you
have been. These guys hate guessing. So they
would be tighter next time. But that’s not a
problem, son. I know what to do.” The Colonel
said.
“d--n it. Uncle, this is what I have to do
every day?” Ahmed asked.
“Yes Ahmed. This is just the beginning. If
these people are who I think they are then we
still have a lot to do.” The Colonel said
getting up.
“Who are these people Uncle?” Ahmed asked.
“Son,” The Colonel said, putting a hand on
Ahmed’s shoulder
“Just do as I say for now. You would know in
due time.” He finished.
They walked towards the door of the dirty
room. As Ahmed stepped out into the corridor,
the Colonel held him by the collar and drew
him back inside. He shut the door.
“What the hell is wrong with you son!!??” The
Colonel barked through clenched teeth.
“This is no longer your house. I am sure this
place is bugged! Until we get out all the
devices that have been planted here, you
behave as if there are land mines at every
step! You have to calculate every step, be very
alert and always be patient!!!” The Colonel
finished.
“Noted sir.” Ahmed replied. He was scared.
“Let’s go to your bedroom.” The Colonel said.
They moved to his bedroom very quickly
without saying a word. The Colonel pulled
Ahmed close and asked him for a DVD disc.
Ahmed rummaged through a drawer and found
one. He handed it to the Colonel. The Colonel
took a chair from the sitting room and stood
on it. Carefully, he placed the disk on the top
left edge of the bedroom wall and began to
scrape. He was scraping gently and moving
slowly sideways. He was almost half way when
a small cork sized object fell to the ground.
Ahmed bent to pick it.
“Don’t!” The Colonel stopped him.
The Colonel got down from the chair and bent
to examine the object. He took a pencil and
flicked the object over a few times.
“This is a very high tech digital surveillance
camera for enclosed spaced usually installed
in pairs, called ‘screw and knot’. You can
install one called the ‘bolt’ which works well,
but is not as efficient as the pair. After
installation and boot up, these devices must
never be handled with bare hands. They have
been designed to be sensitive to the touch of
the skin and would immediately inject the skin
surface with a deadly toxin that would
paralyze the handler if handled for more than
two seconds. If you had touched it, you would
have become a ‘vegetable’.” The colonel said,
turning the device around with the pencil.
“Oh my God! Who the hell are these people?”
Ahmed said putting both hands on his head.
The Colonel looked up at Ahmed from his
crouching position. He pitied the poor boy. He
had not even seen anything yet.
“Get a plier, a small plastic bag and another
DVD disc. This is a ‘screw’. The ‘knot’ should
be opposite this wall, beside your bed. The
Colonel climbed the bed and began scraping
the wall gently with the disc in his hand. He
was scraping gently and moving slowly. He
was almost at the center of the wall when
another object fell to the ground beside the
bed, similar to the one before. Ahmed picked it
up with the plier in his hand and added it to
the one that fell initially.
“Now, your bedroom is clear. I have to do the
other rooms. Go and get the items I told you
to. I expect you in not less than two hours.
Let’s synchronize our watches. Stop watch
timer should be set to 2hrs and 5minutes.
One. Two. Now!” The Colonel said.
They synchronized their watches as Ahmed
got out of the house and the Colonel moved
to the sitting room with a chair in one hand
and a disc in the other.
It was home cleaning time.
After breakfast, Sophia asked Eva to wait
behind. She beckoned her to the huge 4-
seater leather sofa in the sitting area of the
big parlor. After getting drinks from the bar,
she came to Eva sitting opposite her in a
small reclining chair. Eva took the offered
glass of red wine.
“I know you must be wondering why you are
here Eva. You really want to be with your
loved ones. Your mum and your fiancé. That
has been arranged. We have huge, huge plans
for you sweetheart. Believe me, with time you
would be glad with what we want to do with
you. Meanwhile, you are seeing your mother
tonight. I am giving you an extra day to be
with her. We have made plans for Kunle to
spend three days in the country. He is coming
in tomorrow. In your own interests, utilize the
time well and do not raise suspicion. Out of
the goodness of my heart, I am going to let
you be with Kunle till he travels back. I am
usually not this nice. You will see him off to
the airport. When he has boarded, someone
will pick you from the airport. If I smell any
foul play I will kill every single person that
matters to you. Every single person.”
Sophia was talking and smiling so pleasantly
at the same time. Eva used to have a Boss
like that who was so deadly, so she knew
Sophia was not bluffing. Eva simply nodded
and gulped her drink. The threats suddenly
made her throat dry. She swallowed.
“Oh, silly me. I forgot to introduce myself. My
name is Sophia. Just call me S. Few people
do.” Sophia finished.
“When can I leave for my mum’s please?” Eva
asked meekly.
“Your escort would be ready for you at 3pm.
Be ready then.” Sophia finished
Although she did not feel comfortable around
Sophia, Eva was in love with her finesse. She
had class, and looked like a runway model.
She loved Sophia’s light use of make-up, her
beautiful way of combining colors and the way
she carried herself. She was lost in admiration
of the physical qualities of this powerful
stranger.
Sophia’s laugh brought her back to the
present.
“Do you do girls?” Sophia asked. Sophia
already knew the answer to this question.
“I used to. But I stopped since I started
working. I haven’t felt the touch of a woman
in a long time now.” Eva replied.
“Would you like to have a taste of me, Eva?”
Sophia asked batting her eyelids and giving a
sexy smile.
Her dimples went even deeper and she bit her
lower lip. Eva blushed. She did not know if it
was the alcohol or her secret admiration of
the woman before her but she felt herself
tingle down below.
“Ermm…Ermm… I really don’t know.” Eva said
looking down at her glass. She was holding
the glass with two hands now, her heart
beating fast.
Sophia dropped her glass on the table beside
her and walked to where Eva sat, taking
calculated, sensual steps. She sat beside Eva,
took the glass from her hands and dropped it
on the floor. Sophia stroked Eva’s fine natural
hair with her hands, slowly and passionately.
Eva’s legs shook. Sophia bent to kiss her ear,
flicking her tongue in Eva’s ear in quick fast
succession. Eva closed her eyes and her body
shook with lust. Eva licked her lips.
Sophia held Eva’s hand in hers. Eva opened
her eyes.
“Let’s go inside. Follow me.” Sophia said

>>

Worms [Read it]


A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his
5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,
so he produced an experiment that involved a
glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class, closely observe the worms," said
the professor while putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy
as a worm in water could be. He then put the
second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and
writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to
the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we learn from this
experiment?"
the professor asked. Akpos, who naturally sits in back, raised
his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink
whiskey and you won't get worms."#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-06 09:33:39

712 Views



Girls Wahala [Read it]


THE WAY GIRLS COMMUNICATE....!

BOY: Good morning..

GIRL: Morning

BOY: This GSS class if i knew i would have eaten before coming.

GIRL: Like seriously, Are you serious?

BOY: Yes i am

GIRL: You can Joke oh. Like seriously see your big stomach and your saying you have not eaten.

BOY: I cannot Joke laa. You can see my stomach is so flat that i cannot even put on belt this morning, cus the trouser might fall off.

GIRL: Like seriously, i don't blame you (laughing)

BOY: (IN EXAMS) Please do you know number one answer?

GIRL: Like seriously i don't know.

BOY: This your "like seriously" too much oh

GIRL: Like seriously, is it too much?

BOY: Na wa oh!

GIRL: Like seriou..... oh i mean i don't blame you
...seriously!!!

WRITTEN BY ??JOVI??


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-20 17:45:40

498 Views




When u have to make a hard decision, flip a coin.

Why?

Bcoz when that coin is in the air, u suddenly know what you want.Related

#New_ABC [Read it]



If we are not careful, Our next
Generation
Kids will learn A,B,C,D... this Way:
A is for ATM Card
B is for Bluetooth
C is for Chatting D is for Download
E is for Email
F is for Facebook
G is for Google
H is for Hotmail
I is for instagram J is for Java
K is for Konga
L is for Laptop
M is for Mtn
N is for Nokia
O is for Opera mini P is for Pixmix
Q is for Quick time
R is for RAM
S is for Skype
T is for Telemondo
U is for USB V is for Vista
W is for WhatsApp
X is for Xender
Y is for Yahoo! and
Z is for Zuma
#?BOLLY_SMART? ?? ? ? ? ? ??™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 07:06:24

208 Views




Indians are progressing. Earlier, we used to throw shoes at politicians, now we have moved to Ink!Related

QUESTION TAGS [Read it]


The english teacher walked into d class nd d following conversation ensued:
Teacher:wot we av 2day is question tags.Examples:
1:She is coming;isn't she?
2:They are eating;aren't they?
Now,can any of u give me anoda example?
Abul:Na yam we go chop 2day;chopn't we?
Teacher:wot kind v sentence is dis,can any1 correct him?
Akpos:Na yam we go chop 2day;yamn't we?#lols#



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-17 21:22:51

1053 Views





Behold it is written in the book of February
chapter 14 verse 1
"And it shall come to pass that on val's
day,excuses shall arise again, ; my battery died,
my credit got finished, my DP refused to change
,
my boss selected me for the trip, traffic jams
etc... When thou seeth this signs, be calm, fear
thou not, keep thy peace and know that verily
verily..thou art not thy boo's boo , thou art a side
chick. #NECS #B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-01 18:25:45

360 Views




People who masturbate regularly are less likely to be depressed.Related

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

-Robert BlochRelated

?? ?? ?? …. [Read it]


?? ?? ?????? ????? ??? ?? ????? ?????? ?? ???? ???? ???? ???, ?





??? ?? ???? ??? ????????? ?? ??? ????? ???Related

I AM RICH [Read it]


BOY: Hi
GIRL: What?
BOY: How are you?
GIRL: Do I know you?
BOY: I am RICH.
GIRL: OOh! My name is Mary but you can call me "BABY". Am 19  and I stay in Lavington. I love short, dark men especially like you, am glad to meet you. So when are we going out?
BOY: No! No! No! Rich is my name. I meant short form of Richard.
GIRL: Sorry I don't talk to strangers.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-28 08:26:17

235 Views




FACTS ABOUT MEN !!
.
1. They Can never love one girl.
.
2. They Love sex more than love.
. 3. Are Talented in lying.
.
4. They Talk softly while conning ladies.
.
5. They Are Heart breakers.
. 6. They Can promise girls heaven on
earth.
.
7. They Love you before sex, when you
do it they hate
you. .
8. They Fear pregnancy, but hate
protected sex.
.
9. Are Specialists in confusing girls.
. 10. 80% of conning Men are broke.
.
11. They're wicked.
.
12. Using and dumping girls is their
hobby. .
13. They want to bear the title am the
one that
disvirgined this girl.
.
14. Many of them are jobless. .
15. A lot of them are pretenders.
.
16. To Them I love you means I want to
have sex with
you. .
17. Men don't believe in
relationship without sex.
.
18. All they want is sex. No sex no
dating. .
19. They HAVE girlfriends, on 2go,
facebook and
whatsapp but still they'll keep asking
out girls out.
. 20. They love doing sex through out
their life.
.
TRUE OR FALSE


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-22 20:36:20

602 Views




A movie producer was using
someone's house to shoot a
movie.
They needed someone to act
the role of a GateMan.
The HouseBoy of the house Akpos was offered some
money to act the role.
The director gave Akpos a
brand new cutlass and told him to
act the part where he'll chase the
star actor who was acting the role of a thief.
The Director said; If you hear
me
say "action" you should run
after
him, just do as I say. Did you hear me?. Akpos nodded in affirmation.
The Director shouted;
"Action".
The star actor took off.
Akpos started chasing him round
the compound. When they got to the fence,
the
director shouted; "Cut, cut,
cut". what do you think happened next?
and who
is to blame?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-05 22:32:15

733 Views




Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind mite be dangerous coz people say… I’m MIND BLOWING.Related

Boys don taya [Read it]


*I am missing those friends in primary school that used
to say "if i give u one dirty slap, u will fly to America"
Please am available now. Come an slap me........Nigeria
don taya me*


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-20 10:03:10

459 Views



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