Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Times-Episode 4 [Read it]


Kiitan and Fiyin celebrated their "sweet 16" as Bode called it,in style.Kiitan had one of her aunts make their birthday gowns while Fiyin did their make-up and hair.They both got alot of gifts but the best one Kiitan got was a black,strapless Valentino ball gown from Bode.She also had her first kiss after much prodding from Bode.It made her feel heavy at first but she liked it.
When she got home,she found a box at the doorstep and smiled."No name oh.It must be Bode,He is just so romantic",she said with a smile as she walked inside.Taking off her shoes,she yanked at the ribbon and opened the lid."Jesus Christ!!",she screamed as she saw the contents of the box.It was a red object shaped like a gourd.She noticed a note and read it aloud with her heart racing fast:
"Kiitan,
I have spoked like a normal person will and since you have refused to listen,I will make sure you paddle in your own blood and cook in your own fat except you leave what is mine.
Bolanle".
Kiitan could not believe her eyes.What had she ever done to deserve this?She felt the walls covering in on her,the air suddenly becoming thick,she passed out...


**Sorry it took me so long to post.Have been so busy.Accept my apologies and drop your comments.Thanks

>>

We pay for the violence of our ancestors.

~ Frank HerbertRelated

Zuriel: mother i don't;i am way too young to have one
Melisa: go on;tell your mother the.....
Zuriel: please;don't push it;i said i don't
Melisa: alright;i will leave you
Zuriel: thanks
Isabella: he is only fourteen and he is dating;i wonder if his parent know about it;is it really wrong to date at fourteen?of cause(enter Zippor)what will a fourteen years old boy know about dating?he is just same age with me;he is still young to date but dating is not that bad. it is bad
Zippor: Isabella what are you thinking?dad will kill you;if you know what is good for you,erase that thought from your head
Isabella: but brother what if i find my prince;will dad still say i am too young?
Zippor:stop fantasizing about an envision prince and you are not a princess
Isabella: so does it mean that i am not a princess?
Zippor: of cause you are my princess
Isabella: what about my beauty;i still have it right?
Zippor: of cause;you have eyes of a cat;face like the sun and your skin like the mirror;your foot like a duck
Isabella: stop it;i am not a duck;i know that you said my foot is like a duck;it show that you are indirectly saying i am walking like a duck
Zippor: hey;you are too sensitive;alright;you are beautiful;that is why you are my princess;the sun to brighten my day and the moon to lighten my night
Isabella: that is why you are the most handsome among the son of men;even more than our biblical Absalom
Zippor: come here;naught girl(curtain)
Mara: Melisa;why are you walking up and down
Melisa: my son has a girlfriend
Mara: what is the big deed?
Melisa: do you think there is no big deed?he is only fourteen
Mara: and so
Melisa: he is too young to keep girlfriend
Mara: what if he is keeping ;what can you do?
Melisa: wait and see;if he is keeping and see what i will do
Mara: suit yourself
Melisa: definitely (curtain)
Katherina: Lola;where is Zippor?
Lola: i dont know
Zippor: what?why are you looking for me?
Katherina: i think;we should have a conversation with dad;so that he should stop hurting Isabella
Zippor: dad is not sensitive;so he wouldn't listen
Lola: Zippor;you talk too much
Zippor: alright fine;i will do as you want(enter Joab)
Joab: why are you three standing like witches
Lola: dad;Katherina have something to say
Katherine: what?me
Joab: if you three dont have better things to do with your time;then go and read your book
Zippor: can we talk
Joab:talk about what?
Zippor: i am a grown man now;i am seventeen;Katherina is eighteen already;is just Lola and Isabella that are still very young;that are fifteen and fourteen
Joab: if you have anything to say;say it very fast;i done have time
Zippor: you really don't have to make decision on your own and impose it on us;whatever that should be done that affect this family;should be discuss with everyone of us
Joab: i hold you no explanation of how i run my house
Katherina: that is where you are mistaken,we are four sibling and we have just you,which is our dad,we need your love and protection,not someone that hurt us
Joab: will you keep quiet(he slapped her)
Lola: dad;what happen to you?where is the sweet and loving dad we have?you have turn into a wolf in sheep clothes
Joab: if it is because of that evil child Isabella(enter Isabella)you will leave my house
Zippor: you are kidding dad
Joab: i am not;i said get out(he pushed her)out
Zippor: stop this your foolishness,if there is anyone that is suppose to leave it should be you;this house is build by mom with her hard earn money;so all her kids are suppose to live here;be it legitimate and illegitimate. so dad if you are tired of her face then leave
Isabella: Zippor;will you stop;you are insulting dad
Zippor: i don't care;is high time someone tell him;that he is a monster,he doesn't deserve people around him;i wonder how he sleep and wake up comfortable in the same house of the one he murdered
Katherina: Zippor
Zippor: what?are you scared of him?(he slapped him)dad the true is bitter but there is nothing you can do about it
Joab: i disown you;now leave;leave this house and you two(he pushed both of them out)and you all;i don't want to ever see that boy and that girl inside this house
Lola: but dad
Joab: keep quiet;if you don't want to join them(exit)
Lola: Katherina;what do we do?
Katherina: i don't know;Zippor are you still there?
Zippor: don't worry we will be fine;come on lets go
Isabella: i don't want to;let's wait;i know dad is not a wicked person;he will not let us sleep out here in the cold,dad i beg you
Zippor: come on;dad doesn't love us any more;he wouldn't listen
Isabella: that is not true(she hit the door)dad;i beg you
Zippor: that is enough;lets go
Isabella: where do we go form here?i am sorry;i drag you into this;i am sure dad will listen to you;beg him so that.....
Zippor: i wouldn't and i am not going to leave you here
Isabella: what about Katherina and Lola?what if dad hurt them?who will protect them?(she ran back to hit the door) dad;please forgive Zippor
Zippor: stop it,i am not going inside;lets just go
Isabella: where are we going to?grandma is not in town;i just get fed up with everything. i wish i am dead
Zippor: don't say that;lets go to Joy's place
Isabella: i don't want to;i don't like her
Zippor: you don't have choice because that is the only hope we have
Isabella: alright;go ahead and call her
Zippor: hello
Joy: hey man;why are you calling?
Zippor: can i come and spend the night with my sister at your place?
Joy: oh sorry;i am not in town but i will be in town by tomorrow
Zippor: what?
Joy: go home now
Zippor: dont worry(he end the call)
Joy: what is wrong with this boy?
Isabella: brother;what is it?
ZIPPOR: she is not in town
Isabella: what do we do now?
Zippor: nothing
Isabella: what do you mean,nothing?






..........



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Words of Wisdom [Read it]


Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.If you give her a sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.So, if you give her any aggravation, be ready to receive a ton of stuff in return.Related

"Behave lyk christ" xo i was taught ryt 4rm childhood...
My dad always say, "be lyk christ"
My mum always say, "adopt a christlike attitude"
My pastor always say, "think and reason like christ in all ur doings"
Up till today i neva see were in d Bible it waz recorded jesus went to pry skul o...I ova-luk dat 1 sef...
Yet they still tuk me to sec. skul... Jesus neva attended any... Dat 1 pass o...
Waec wey Jesus no write, me write am o...
Jamb com put head again... I do am o, even though Jesus neva did it...
Nw post-jamb don com, i talk sey i no do bcos am nw BORN AGAIN... They were all tellin me to do it o... Na xo my pastor ask me wetin i wan do if i dnt go to d university...
My answer simple o, i jst said i wanted to preach d gospel 4 33 yrs, then on the 33rd year, i wuld die on the cross of calvary...
U no go blive am, I dey psychatric hospital nw... Bounded wit chains...
Abeg shebi na them tell me sey make i b lyk Jesus...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-15 10:47:53

401 Views




boy : Mai apki beti se pyar karta hu .. usse shadi karna
chahta hu

Girl’s Fatherr – Tumhari salary se tum meri beti ke liye
toilet paper bhi afford nhi kar sakte

boy : Agar itna hagti hai to rahene doRelated

Mr. President







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-16 21:15:48

3291 Views




One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hand.

The teacher says, “See it`s long neck? What animal has a long neck?”

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.

“Very good Sally,” the teacher replies.

Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands.

“See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?”

Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra.

“Very good Billy,” the teacher replies.

Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand.

“See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?”

Still no one guesses. “Let me give you another hint, it`s something your mother calls your father.”

Johnny shouts out “I know what it is, it`s a horny bastard.”Related

Hi Akpors,
somebody tried to login
to your account from
india, but we couldn't
give the person access
to your account
because you haven't log
in
from india before and
there is no way you
can be in India. You
logged out of your
facebook account from
a location in Nigeria
(Lagos) 1 hour ago,
while the person tried
to
access your account 30
minutes ago
from India. So to be on
a safe side go and
change your password.
From Facebook Team.
Akpos reply,
Dear facebook team,
how can you say i can't
go to India. That is an
insult to my personality.
I have the right to
visit my account from
any location i want. So
i demand an apology.
Their Reply
Hi Akpors,
we are sorry for that.
But we can only open
the account if the
person can be able to
answer some security
questions to enable us
know that he is the real
owner of the
account.
Akpos Reply,
Ok go ahead and do it
abeg. I'm the one, i'm
in India right now.
So do it abeg. Their
reply,
Hi Akpors,
what is the meaning of
ABEG?
Akpos reply,
it means you people
should solve my
problem PLEASE.
Their reply,
Hi Akpors,
it's okay but always
use the language we
will
understand, not that
Nigerian language. Akpos
reply,
Dear facebook team,
this is the second time
you
people just insulted me.
You said earlier that i
can't go to India and
now you people just
said that i can't speak
English.
What is your problem?
Their reply,
Hi Akpors,
your problem is that
you lack understanding,
infact we pity your
wife. Akpos Reply
Una yansh for there.
Their reply
Hi Akpors, lwkmd.. Your
head dey there
From Facebook Team.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-02 01:21:11

1107 Views




Akpors just buy new lexus and he take it to office to show his mate but before he come out one trailer hit his car he now call d police when d officer arrivied akpors was shoutin my lexus canot be d same again d police man say u are after possension ur left arm has remove akpors shout again wher is my ROLEX wrist watch.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 23:35:10

523 Views




“there is hope dear. There is still hope for us” i lied
feebly. She stared into my eyes, trying to read me.
“but you shouldn’t expect anything for now. I need
time, i need a little space to pick my life together” i added convincingly.
“i’ll give you all the time you need but just don’t
disappoint me” she said with a heavy tone which
showed how pained she was.
I left her apartment minutes later, furious with myself. I
couldn’t believe i ended up not doing exactly what i visited her to do. I was still battling with my thoughts
when my phone rang. It was Chioma calling.
“hey, how are you?” i greeted,
“fine, where are you?” she asked,
“driving home” i answered.
“i called to remind you that my birthday is tomorrow. I know you have forgotten huh” she said with a lively
tone while i gasped.
“of course, i forgot dear. Thanks for reminding me. I
love you” i said with joy. She simply laughed and hung
up.
I quickly changed direction and headed to a bank closeby where i withdrew some money, bought a bunch
of flowers from a shop down the road before heading
to a jewellery shop to get something big for her. I
ended up buying an expensive necklace and matching
ear rings. I equally bought a very cool ring which i
intended to use as an engagement ring. I planned giving her a whole lot of surprise the next
day….
As normal with most guys, i had a very restless night
thinking about my future, thinking about Chioma and
asking myself if she was the best girl for me. I kept
tossing around on my bed till 6am the next morning, when I quickly dressed up and headed to her apartment
without notifying her.
The shock in her eyes showed how surprised she was
when she opened her door for me.
“happy birthday” i greeted with a sweet smile, as i
handed her the well scented bunch of flowers. “oh my God” she gasped with joy, held the flowers with
her right hand and hugged me with the other.
“thank you she whispered” before taking the flowers to
the center table in her sitting room where she carefully
dropped them. As she turned to face me, i brought out
the jewellery case and gave to her. “you deserve much more dearest” i murmured as i
handed the case to her. She quickly opened it, screamed
with joy and hugged me again.
“i have never had such a surprising birthday” she
exclaimed as she went through the precious stones i
bought. Slowly she fetched out the engagement ring which i cleverly added into the case, brought it up and
stared at me with a curious surprise.
“so my love, what do you have to say about that. Do
you agree to be with me till the end, do you accept
being the mother of my children? WILL YOU MARRY ME”
i proposed with a nervous smile.

NEXT EPISODE COMING UP

>>

Joke by Dindy [Read it]


JOKE BY DINDY
Boy:please can I see your pix?
Girl:kk
.
.
Picture sent??
.
.
Picture received??
.
.
Boy:wow you look beautiful....you look so 24....how old are you?
Girl:I am 18
Boy:huh?.....i said your age not your junior sister's age.........lol
#DINDY WROTE THIS=> facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-30 21:20:43

423 Views




Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earthRelated

ONE WRONG TURN
Episode 33

About three minutes later, Hannah
emerged from the side of the
building, and hurried straight to
the car.
She opened the door to my seat,
pulling me slightly out of the car.
“Ehis bye bye,” she said, waving
hurriedly at Ehis.
He started the engines and drove
away. I took a careful look at
Hannah. She did not look like had
slept at all.
She was putting on a pair of
trousers and a t-shirt, with a small
bag tied around her hips.
The perfume from her cloths and
the make up on her face clearly
painted the picture of someone
who had been outdoors, probably
partying.
“lets go, be quiet” she said, as we
tiptoed towards the side of the
fence.
She stood on her toes and
stretched across to observe the
compound.
“follow me” she ordered, as she
climbed over the fence into the
compound.
I followed her lead, and we were
both inside the compound. The
house was fairly big, probably a
four bedroom flat. It had the
design of a church, with several
doors at the side.
We tiptoed to a door at the side
of the house. Hannah searched
through her bag and brought out
a key to open the door.
As soon as we were in, she closed
the door gently, and put the key
back into her bag.
She flicked a switch, and a light
bulb came on. We tip toed into a
bedroom close to the entrance
and made our way in.
Hannah collapsed on the bed
instantly. She must have been
exhausted. It was almost 5 a.m.
I crawled up beside her on the
bed and laid still. There was no
way i could sleep, i had no idea
what i was doing here.
The six o’clock alarm buzzed, and
Hannah sprang up from her bed.
She tapped me lightly probably to
wake me up.
“If anybody asks, we both slept in
this room” she said, pulling her
ear with her hands.
I nodded sheepishly, like the
naive little girl i was. The plan had
gradually began to make sense to
me.
“wait I’m coming”, she said as she
walked gently out of her room.
I laid back on the bed, just staring
at the ceiling. It would be much
easier for my parents to swallow if
i told them i slept in Hannah’s
house. It made more sense to me.
Elsewhere, i could hear slight
arguement between two people.
One voice was Hannah’s, i
couldn’t quite figure out whose
voice the other was.
I sat up to and tried to listen to
their conversation, but i got
nothing.
Moments later the door to the
room flew open. Hannah entered,
followed closely by her elder
sister.
“good morning ma” i stood up
immediately to greet.
“morning, hope you slept well”
she responded
I simply nodded my head in
answer.
“Sorry for what happened, its not
easy to have such parents, i hope
you can talk things over with
them if they let you in” she said
in a friendly tone, parting my back
slightly.
I had no idea what Hannah had
told her, but what ever it was glad
she bought it.
Hannah motioned me to the
bathroom, i took a shower
hurriedly and dressed up. I put on
Hannah’s cloths. I couldn’t walk in
day light with the cloths i came
with.
She offered me some money, and
saw me off to the gate. I waited
patiently for about fifteen
minutes, before flagging down a
taxi heading towards my house.
I could almost hear my heart beat
ad we approached my house. I
kept wondering what the
reception will be like. I had no
idea what had happened the
previous night after my “prison
break”.
HMMMMMM WELCOME BACK TO SHOOT ON SIGHT AFTER PRISON BREAK



>>

Who's d baddest among these guys?
1. the guy who washed his clothes n dried it on a live
naked
wire.
2. the guy who refused to pay house rent for 10years
n still
impregnated his landlords daughter.
3. the guy who drives a truck with his legs n pings
while
driving.
4. the guy who robbed a mopol barracks with just
bow and
arrow.
5. the guy who goes to picnic at sambisa forest
6. the guy who played alone against a full football
squad of
players and still won 90-0.
7. the guy who looked into his gf's eyes n tells her he
sleeps
with her sis n mum and still convinces her that he
loves
her....
Who is the baddest guy among them?#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-21 15:06:10

338 Views



Beliver [Read it]


Akpos entered a mosque carrying a brand
new cutlass and asked:
"Who is a muslim here?".
The whole mosque went as silent as d
graveyard. Akpos asked again: "How can a
full mosque have no muslim?". No one
replied. Akpos den grabbed the nearby
young man and goes out wit him and told
him, "son come help me kill my goat for i dnt
knw hw to do it". After the young man had
killed the goat, he told Akpos dat he didnt
know how to skin it and dat Akpos should
go
back to the mosque to get someone else to
help him with dat. Akpos
returned to the mosque wit the cutlass
dripping wit blood. When the
IMAM saw this, he immediately shouted: "MY
BROTHERS IN CHRIST
PRAAAISE THE LOOORD!".
The whole mosque responded:
"Halleluyaaah!! !"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-20 16:08:26

332 Views



Shoot Me! [Read it]


James was returning home with his salary and was
ambushed by an armed robber on a deserted street.
"Take my money, take my money!!" said James, "But
do me a favour. Shoot a bullet through my cap here
otherwise, my wife won't believe I was robbed."
The robber obliged. He threw James's cap into the air
and shot a bullet through it.
"Let's make it look as if I ran into a gang of robbers,"
said James, "otherwise, my wife will call me a
coward! Please shoot a number of holes through my
suit."
So the robber shot a number of holes through James'
suit. "
And now shoot...…"
"Sorry," interrupted the robber. "No more holes. I'm
out of bullets."
"That's all I wanted to hear!" said James. "Now hand
me back my money and some more for the cap and
suit that you've ruined or I will beat you black and
blue!"
The robber threw down the money and took to his
heels.
#BOLLY_SMART™



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-07 15:32:01

446 Views




God told Abraham that he was going to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of the evil ways of their people.
Abraham, a special friend of the Lord, began to bargain with God to spare the cities if there were righteous people in them.
First Abraham asked if the Lord would spare the cities if 50 righteous people lived there. The Lord said yes.
God checked and there was not up to 50 righteous people among them.
Boldly, Abraham bargained down to 30 righteous people. The Lord said yes.
After another search, God discovered that there was not up to 30 righteous people among them.
Abraham went down to 20 righteous people and yet there weren’t up to that.
Finally Abraham said to God “Master, if you find 10 righteous people, will you still destroy city of Sodom and Gomorrah?” God said “No”.
At the end, God could not find up to 10 righteous people in the city. So he went ahead and destroy the city of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Moral: In our offices, homes, schools or any place we find ourselves; we should learn how to allow the righteous people to live so that if God have the thought of destroying the place, we will have enough righteous people that can change God’s mind.


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See Gobe [Read it]


A Lady enter's a barbing salon:
AKPOS: Wow! I haven't seen such beauty
before! Do you come here often?
LADY: Not really.
AKPOS: I would like us to know each other
better.
LADY: Can't you see my finger (showing
Akpos a ring on her finger).
AKPOS: It doesn't matter. I'm married too.
LADY: But my husband will...
AKPOS: Oh cut that crap about your husband,
we can go places he has never dreamt of
taking you to.
LADY: Wow! Sounds nice, so what will I tell
him?
AKPOS: You'll tell the dumb man that you are
going for fellowship.
LADY: Good, but I think you should tell him
yourself, because he is the one barbing your
hair.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-08 08:17:16

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On hearing that, my feet glue down. My ears must be deceiving me. It’s been long I heard that from her.
“I am sorry I didn’t tell you about the phone.” She says in a soft, apologetic tone.
I turn back gently and I am surprised to see her on her two knees.
“Firstly!” My voice raises high to the ceiling, “Tell me where you got money for that phone. Secondly, you have to account for the useless text message I saw on it!”
Having said that, I match to the bedroom and return with the phone in my hand. I read out the message to her.
“Oh, that should be one of my customers,” she says confidently, with her left hand scratching her hair, “ She must be talking about a particular hairstyle”
“You are a liar! why didn’t you save the number with a particular name? And besides, how could a customer text you in the midnight, telling you she is unable to sleep – for what? Finally, you need to explain where you get the money for this.”
“I can’t lie to you, Dele … Okay, okay,” she says with outstretched hands, “I can explain … I gave a new customer my number yesterday, and I forgot to have hers. She is a rich woman. You can re-read where she texted that she could give me any amount for the style… I believe she is talking about a beautiful hairstyle she had seen on another customer.”
I re-read the message … Yes, I think she is right. I must have thought otherwise because of her selfish altitude lately. My voice calms a little and I demand how she got the expensive blackberry.
She explains to me that her friend, Pricilla, gave it to her yesterday. I know the lady she is talking about quite well. Her husband is very wealthy. She had become Titi’s friend in one of the uptown clubs we used to attend when there was affluence. Out of all her rich friends I think Pricilla is the only one left with her.
“Okay, I have heard you,” my shoulders drop with my voice, “You know I’ve always trusted you. You are giving me that unnecessary suspicion when you won’t give me what belongs to me. Now Promise me you will stop your naughty behaviours in this house.”
“I promise, dear.”
I ask her for my phone, and she hands it to me from under the throw-pillow. I dip her phone in my trousers pocket. I head towards the door.
“You are not giving me back my phone?”
“Of course, I will … Let me see your character for some days. ”
“I am sorry, baby,” she says, and moves close to me after standing up. She leans her body gently on my back. I can feel the caress of those succulent boobs. As if enchanted by that, my mind changes right away.
I bring out the phone and gave it to her, “Take it and behave yourself.”
“Thanks, dear,” She pecks me on my cheek.
“You’re welcome.” I smile..


>>

inlaw [Read it]


Father-In-Law : Young man, U’re
coming to seek my daughter’s
hand in marriage and u’re
chewing gum.That’s a sign of
disrespect! .
Man : Sir, I only chew gum when
I drink or smoke. .
Father-In-Law : You mean u drink
& smoke and u’re here to seek
my daughter’s hand in
marriage? .
Man : Sir I only drink & smoke
when I go to the club.
Father-In-Law : U club too? .
Man : I’m sorry sir, I started
clubbing when I came out of
prison.
Father-In-Law : U’ve also been in
prison before? Oh my God! .
Man : Sorry sir, I went to jail
when I killed somebody!!. .
Father-In-Law : What!!! U’re a
killer .
Man : Sir, It happened out of
anger. It was a certain man that
didn’t allow me to marry his
daughter so I killed him. .
Father-In-Law : U are highly
welcome my son. U are on the
right track. U’re absolutely the
right Man for my daughter. Do
you need money to buy the
engagement ring and the other
things?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 00:23:54

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Love me! Love me!! baby Love me! Love me!! baby







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-28 18:29:19

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Pappu: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.

Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!Related

She took a deep breath. The pains she felt were really agonizing. It had spread from her head to the other parts of her body. Something had to be done. The need for her to feel her temperature surged through her entire being. She had to do it.

Her hand didn’t move. It was stuck. She tried again and that hurt her even more. She turned her neck to see why her hands refused to cooperate, it was then she realized that she – not just her arms – was fastened to the chair she sat on. Her hands were tied behind her with a rope – which caused her lots of pains. Her entire body was tied to the chair, so were her legs. That was why she ached all over. What was she doing? Jeremy had been the last person she saw till. . . . . . . .
“Oh, no,” she whispered.

Ernest fastened his eyes on her face. He’d been watching her every move. He noticed the shock on her face having realized that she was captured. Those expressions made her look prettier in his eyes. His desire and cravings for her intensified. This is the woman of my dreams, I’d do everything for her, he thought, silently. It hurt him to hurt her, but that was the only way he could make her his. “Sweet, welcome back.”

Purity raised her head to gaze at him. She was weak, exhausted. She yearned for a good rest, food and water. She couldn’t fathom why she was all tied up and how long she had been that way. She just wanted to be set free. “Please, untie me. I need to be released.”

He smirked and moved closer. “Of course darling, I’ll release you. But, under one condition.”

“Let me hear it.” The urge to rip that disgusting smirk off his face seeped into her blood. She so much wanted to have her revenge, it wasn’t the right time. She just had to act cool.

He was directly at her front. He dropped to his knees so as to see her eye to eye. “You have to call off the marriage with my precious cousin,” he snickered. “And you’ll be my wife.”

Purity coughed and spat on his face. “I’ll never choose you over Jeremy! You’re a stupid, arrogant demon! You’ll die waiting for me to ever become yours.” The energy she used in speaking to him, suddenly evoked her. He was being unreasonable. She’d never betray Jeremy that way.

He quickly mopped up the liquid from his face with a towel. “Melisa, you have done this before. I won’t take it from you this time around.”

In a blink, he stretched out his right arm and held her face tightly. He trusted his head forward and fiercely devoured her lips. He forced his way into her mouth, sucking her tongue and licking her lips. It was what he badly wanted and he had finally gotten it.

Purity didn’t know what he was thinking or what he was about to do when he violently took hold of her precious face. He kissed her demandingly. Ah, she hated this much more. She groaned, trying to free herself from his hungry kiss. She struggled with all her might, but it was all in vain. Her hands and legs were not active to help her out of the situation she was in. An idea struck her! She shook her entire body violently, with all her might, hoping to get his lips off hers. Her head was not an exception. She shook it too.

Her idea seemed to work. Ernest was very much preoccupied with tasting her lips. He didn’t give attention to anything else. As she had her way, she bit his upper lip, fiercely.

Ernest shrieked, painfully as he let go of her and staggered backwards. He touched his lip which Purity had bitten hard. It hurt but it didn’t bleed. He was thankful for that. He rubbed it. “Why did you do it?”

Purity grunted. If she had her way, she’d have bitten his entire lips off and made sure he wouldn’t force his revolting lips on any woman ever again. “This would be the very last time you’d kiss me again.”

He laughed. “You’re still full of energy, huh?”

She didn’t say a word to his taunt. Her angry eyes just stared into his – warning him.

“Oh, my dear Melisa,” he moved closer to her, “I sure kiss better than Jeremy. I think that’s why you had to stop yourself. You were going to fall for my very touch and me, only me clouded your mind.”

“He’s a better kisser!” she retorted.

Ernest chuckled. “Then, maybe I have to go and do some more practice. The next time, perhaps, we might end up tearing each other’s clothes. I’d make sure Jeremy hears of it.”

“When you have me tied up here? You’re sick Ernest! It’d only happen in your dreams. You’ll never have me.” She was visibly scared and shaking. Her effort to put up a brave front wasn’t easy. She was deeply terrified.

He laughed bitterly, “I have you now.” He caressed her face with his right palm.

“How did it go?” Darren questioned Jeremy with his hopes high. He was standing right in front of Jeremy.

Jeremy breezed past him and found himself a seat. He rested fully on it and let out a loud breath. “It was good,” he drawled.

“What exactly happened?” Darren was already seated beside Jeremy.

“It was really difficult for him to come to terms with the fact that his one daughter’s missing. I felt his frustrations and pains. I told him not to worry, things are gonna get better and we’d do it quick. Real fast,” he paused, reminiscising the event, “The good things is that he trusts me and is going to provide all I need to get his daughter back. I have his support.”

“You don’t really need a thing from him. You’re a billionaire.”

“Its the only way I can get him involved and to show I really value him as I do my father.” It took several pleadings and expressions of trust and secrecy for Jeremy to accept the help of Mr. Aaron Theodore.

“Have you told your dad?”

“What? Do you want him to die? I’m not revealing a single thing to him. He shouldn’t find out. Aaron Theodore swore never to mention it to him.”

Darren didn’t agree to that. “What if the information just pops up and he gets to hear of it? He has to know.”

“Oh, no brother,” Jeremy refused to be persuaded, “He’ll only get to hear of that when she’s found. I’m warning you.” Jeremy was firm and definite. He knew that Darren would want to involve his father and if possible, the whole world to save Purity. It was his kind of person – the more people that knew, the problem was getting solved. Jeremy was not going to accept that.

“Fine, if that’s what you want.” Darren accepted defeat. “What’s my mission here?”

Jeremy straightened up and cleared his throat. “I want this to be a private investigation. Involving you, Allan and I. You are a great detective and I could really use your help.”

“What do you and Allan know about detective jobs?” Darren jokingly asked.

Jeremy smiled. “That’s why you’re here. We should not alert the cops. I don’t want the abductors to know we’ve alerted them. They could harm my precious, do something horrid to her. And I need to catch them unawares.”

“Hmm.” Darren mused over Jeremy’s words, silently. “I see your point, I get what you’re driving at. But this is a dead end. We don’t even know where they are or who he is? How do we go about this?”

A pleasant smile creased Jeremy’s face. “I have two suspects and I’m sure of it.”

“Yeah?” Darren was loving this. “Who are they?”

Jeremy let out a breath. “My cousin – Ernest Turner and my ex – Tricia Cayson.”

“Cayson? David Cayson’s daughter?” That name rang a bell.

“Yeah. That’s right.”

Darren was dumbsruck beyond any doubts. David Cayson had once been his boss. What in the name of God was Jeremy talking about? The daughter of a superintendent? His suspect and ex girlfriend? “You don’t know what you’re talking about. That guy is in one of the forces. He’s a law man. How can you suspect his only child? He’ll rip your head off your body.”

“I didn’t know her father was a cop when I started dating her. It was later on she revealed that to me. She too is part of it, but not active yet.” Jeremy glanced at his friend, “What’s getting you jittery? No one’s above the law. She’s gonna pay for what she has done. One reason its better private.”

“Good point, Jeremy. But he was nice to me when he was my boss.” Darren was suddenly confused. He couldn’t conclude whether to chase the daughter of his ex boss or not.

“Show your appreciation by making the man realize who his daughter really is. She has been stalking me and stuck to me even after I made it clear to her that we’re over. She has this intense hatred for Purity. She warned me that she’ll never share me with anyone again and if she can’t have me, then no other woman would.”

“A jealous woman’s talk,” Darren remarked.

“I had thought so too. She’s not just jealous. She’s obsessed with me. And my cousin’s helping her ’cause he’s into Purity. They simply won’t let us be.” A look of disgust was clearly seen on Jeremy’s face.

Darren laughed. “Why don’t they just get together? They’re the same.”

“That’s the problem. They’re alike. They don’t attract each other.”

To Be Continued..

Make sure you drop a comment if you want it to keep coming.
Don't deny me your comments pls


>>

Ugly man [Read it]


Ochuko and Akpos were fighting on the street.

A man saw them from afar and rushed down to separate them.

They stopped and started staring at the man.

Ochuko turned to Akpos and said; Akpos you see. I told you.

Akpos apologised to Ochuko.

The man asked, what was the matter.

Akpos
explained; Sir, we saw you coming from afar. Ochuko said you are ugly,
you are ugly. I said you are handsome and we started fighting but thank
God you came, i can now see that Ochuko is right, the difference is
clear.

The man shouted; How dare you insult me. I need to see your parents.

Akpos replied; No sir. You need to see your mirror.

One word for Akpos.


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2014-12-19 19:17:07

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akpos and his classmate was given assignment by their fine-art teacher,asked them to draw goat that is eating grass.
so,following morning all the student have submit their assignment,and teacher started marking it.
TEACHER:who get this book?
nobody answer....again
TEACHER:i said who owns this book?
all the student started answering chorusly
STUDENT:am not the owner o.
teacher look at the back of the book and see the name that was written there.
TEACHER:akpos are you not of owner of this book?
AKPOS: make i check cos john get this type of book.
TEACHER:who is john?
AKPOS:my brother son.
TEACHER:but your name was written there!
AKPOS:that means am the owner.
TEACHER:where is the assignment i gave to you?
AKPOS:it's there sir.
TEACHER:what am seeing is grass,where is goat?
AKPOS:siR as i want started drawing the goat just runaway,i waited for the goat to come back so i can draw it but i can see it again till this morning i left home and there is no another goat in our compound again to draw.
TEACHER:#you dey mad


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-30 12:42:17

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Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.Related

Nike: oh young lady;yes i remember. please sit down(he stood up and walked towards her)do you have a boyfriend?
Stephanie: i am sorry sir;depending on the type you are talking about
Nike: don't play smart with me because i know you understand what i am talking about
Stephanie: am sorry sir;i don't have
Nike: fine;do you know you are very beautiful
Stephanie: thank you sir
Nike: do you know if you are my girlfriend;you will enjoy the benefit of having a good grade(he touch her by the shoulder)
Stephanie: i am sorry sir;i cannot,i am still a small girl
Nike: now get out of my office;mark you;your test script i can't find it. that means you fail
Stephanie: please sir;i can sit for the test again sir
Nike: am sorry i don't have that time and that automatically means you fail your exam. now get your stupid self out of here;stupid girl(she went home with tears in her eyes)
Anita: madam why are you crying again?
Stephanie: nothing
Ann: don't just start with that your stupid nothing. it is so obvious that you have a problem;so let it out
Stephanie: what difference will it make if i tell you that this is my problem?
Anita: it will make a whole a lot of difference because we can solve the problem
Stephanie: you can?(she smiled)you can't
Ann: yes we can
Stephanie: then fine;tell Mr Nike to act set another test for me since he said he misplace my test script instead of asking me to be his girlfriend
Anita: oh my God!is that what he told you?
Stephanie: yes;now do you have a solution to my problem?no;let me face my predicament alone(exit Stephanie)
Anita: this is a huge one to battle with but why would Mr Nike of all people choose Stephanie?
Ann: is such a shame we cannot help her
Anita: i wish i know what to do

Ann: likewise me
Anita: anyway i am going to meet Ayo
Ann: take care(at Desmond's apartment)
Anita: was going on?
Ayo: nothing;we are just taking little bit of relaxation and was up with you
Anita: nothing i am just stress up
Desmond: you wouldn't say it is because of stress that made you have a long face also?
Tunde: you are always seeing people that have a long face(to Desmond)
Desmond: but that is the fact;i am lying?(to Anita)
Anita: not at all
Desmond: you see i am right but whatever it is take it easy because life is too short to worry over nothing
Ayo: see who is talking?you that carry the entire world worry over anything that happen;that is not even important
Desmond: everything i feel sad about or worry about is nothing less important to me
Tunde: so does it mean that Stephanie is important to you?
Ayo: Tunde;will you stop.
Tunde: what?is a simple question
Desmond: yes;is that what you want to hear?excuse me(he walked towards the staircase)
Ayo: you wouldn't have asked that question? (to Tunde)
Tunde: i didn't know it will annoyed him
Anita: talking about Stephanie;she is in a big problem with her sociology's lecturer
Tunde: how come;she is not a dull girl;that she will go to lecturer for assistance?
Anita: she didn't go for help;the lecturer want her to be his girlfriend
Ayo: what nonsense
Tunde: is he out of his mind(enter Desmond)is he stupid?
Desmond: why are you screaming on top your voice?
Ayo: just sit;our ears cannot hear this alone
Desmond: what is it?did anyone died?
Tunde: no;Stephanie sociology lecturer want to have an affair with Stephanie?
Desmond: is that the big thing that you are screaming about?
Anita: sometime;you make me laughed with the way you say things. you and i know that Stephanie will never accept and her refusers as make the lecturer to tell her;he id going to fail her examination and you all know that any lecturer that want a girl for his girlfriend and he was reject by the girl,the girl are always frustrated not only by him but also other lecturer
Ayo: what do we do?

Anita: i have no ideal
Tunde: but Desmond you can tell rector about it
Desmond: why should i help her?
Anita: is simple because she is your friend
Ayo: i thought she is important to you?
Desmond: will you stop pushing me around?i am not helping anyone because i just cannot stand in front of rector and bring an issue about a lecturer and a girl without any proof;what is my business with it
Ayo: you are not just going to talk to school rector;you and i know that he is your uncle
Desmond: he is my uncle and so?is he not also Tunde's uncle?why should it always be me
Tunde: you know both of us are not close
Desmond: really
Anita: is the more reason why you should help her
Desmond: i am not helping anyone not even..... (he pause)
Tunde: just complete it to show you don't care
Desmond: yes;i don't care and i don't want to be confronted with this issue again(he walked away)
Anita: i just can't believe that Desmond can abandon Stephanie in times of need
Ayo: don't start judging him because you and i know that Stephanie started it first because she was the one that kept shouting at him

Anita: and he is the only one that kept embarrassing her in public
Tunde: what did he do?
Anita: ask your friend
Ayo: i really don't understand him(curtain)(at rector's office)

Desmond: knock knock
Johnson: come on in
Desmond: good morning sir
Johnson: how are you young man?
Desmond: am fine sir
Johnson: can i help you?
Desmond: yes sir
Johnson: then go ahead
Desmond: i am sorry sir;is just that.......
Johnson: young man speak up
Desmond: i am sorry sir;i don't have anything to say;i am really sorry i don't have anything to say. excuse me sir
Johnson: hey Desmond;come back(he stopped and say a silent prayer)apart from being your school rector;i am also your uncle. i told your dad to make you school here because want put an eye on you. so if you have a problem;i am here to solve them which you know
Desmond: i know sir
Johnson: so tell me what is bothering you?
Desmond: uh....um...is just that a friend of mine is in trouble with her sociology's lecturer Mr Nike;he asked her to have an affair with her and when she refused;he told her that he is going to fail her during exam
Johnson: you know girls of nowadays they like to have an affair with lecturers and when it get to some extend they will want to pull out of the affair
Desmond: i am sorry sir but she is not a bad girl unlike other girls in campus sir
Johnson: how well did you know her?
Desmond: she is a nice girl sir
Johnson: fine;so what do you want me to do;young man?
Desmond: i am sorry sir;i don't have.....(he pause)
Johnson: don't worry i will talk to him
Desmond: thank you sir;i am so grateful sir;i will be on my way
Johnson: not so fast young man;now lets discuss like uncle and nephew. what is going on between you and the girl?
Desmond: excuse me sir;what girl?
Johnson: don't start with me
Desmond: she is my fiend and that was then
Johnson: what kind of friendship?
Desmond: just some one i can confide in
Johnson: but now you are in love with her?
Desmond: no sir;sorry uncle;sorry sir;no sir
Johnson: your reaction as betray you Desmond: i have no feelings for her apart from being just a friend
Johnson: shit your mouth even if you tell others lies;you don't have to lie to me as well because whatever you do in this school i know and the day you kissed her at the canteen i know also. those time you pretended to be dating her i also know but you never did kissed her back then why do you decide to do it now;that you break up?are you in love with her?

Desmond: uncle;please don't tell dad what happen?please uncle;if they find out they will be disappointed in me
Johnson: but you haven't answer my question?
Desmond: no uncle;i am not in love with her
Johnson: here you go again;you are telling lies,i don't know where you learn that rubbish from

Desmond: no uncle;she is just a friend
John: is okay;if that is what you say but be very careful with whatever your heart is telling you so that you don't end up getting married to someone that you feel nothing for and been shy of telling the one you truly love that you love her;all because of your parent
Desmond: thank you sir but i am contented with what i have
Johnson: if you say so;you can leave
Desmond: thank you sir(exit)
Johnson: he think he can fool me?i know he is in love with that girl(calling Nike)hello Nike
Nike: hello sir;Good afternoon sir




TO BE CONTINUE.....



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Our attitude towards life determines life’s attitude towards us.Related


Two young boys were plucking oranges from a tree belonging to an old man, they heard him coming their way and ran away with the ones they had. While the boys tried to run into the cemetery, they found that the gate was locked and they decided to jump over the fence.

While jumping, two oranges fell from their bag and they left it. When they were safely inside the cemetery, they began to share the oranges.

The boys started counting: One for you, one for me.

A drunkard passing behind the cemetery heard their voices and ran as fast as he could to the church to tell the priest that he has heard God and Satan sharing Corpses. Then the priest came with the drunkard to the entrance of the cemetery to hear for himself.

The boys were still busy counting: One for you, one for me.

After they had shared the ones they had, one of the boys asked the other, “What about the two at the gate?”

Immediately the drunkard and the priest heard this, they took to their heels.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-14 13:58:54

221 Views




A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-17 19:31:40

376 Views



My Day [Read it]


On 16 march, in a small town in Enugu State, I guy was born.
That guy happens to be the Founder, Developer and Manager of NAIRAJOKE.COM
Yeah its me Eze Louis Kasiemobi
Thank You Lord for adding one more year to me today.
To all my family members, friends and fans out there, I Love you all.

Cheers and celebrate with me.

If you love nairajokes, pls make sure you drop a comment










NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-16 12:06:46

523 Views




'After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: [email protected] or call him +2349055637784 you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS'


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-09 17:05:40

299 Views




President Buhari's meeting with Chinese officials has brought so many benefits to Nigeria, and some of the agreements signed include:
1. ???????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????
2.???????????????????????
???????????
3.?????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????
?????
4.?????????????????????????????
?????????????????
And additionally?????????????????????
?Lagos??????Calabar??????????
Its a positive development and one will be glad as u read through the points????????????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-13 22:25:12

1450 Views




Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

“????? ? …. [Read it]


“????? ??? ?? ????? ???? ???? ?? ??”,

???? “????” ?? “??? ???? ??? ????” ?? ???? ??!!Related

Primary skul shoutout
*Shoutout to all doz girls dat begin 2
cry wen de
call a boy ur husband,i hope u are still
single
*2 all doz boys dat brings ball 2 skul and decides
who they wants 2 play wit, i hope u
guys are now
gud decision makers *2 Doz pple who
do not allow odas to use thier
water bottles, makin us feel our mouth are dirty, i
hope u pple are now working wit CLOSE
UP.
* 2 all doz pple who lyk sitting beside d
window,
i hope u are still recievin d fresh air * 2 all doz pple
who sets pen on pples chair so dat de
can seat on it, i hope u are now
terrorists
* 2 all doz pple who says dat if u eat
beans and egg u are likely 2 fart, i hope u now
medical
doctors
*Shoutout to doz boys and girls dat
tears oda pple
notes for test rather dan tearing thier own, i hope u guys are stil smart
*To doz pple who cant use thier pen
without its
cover, i hope u pple are stil with d
covers
*2 doz clean pple who dont allow thier bag to
touch
d ground, i hope u guys are still neat. *2
doz pple who don't buy anything during
breaktime but wud wait at d food shed
and start begging 4rm pple who bought, i hope u
guys are
now real beggers
*2 all doz boys who used bobo or viju
milk
containers 2 play ball, i hope u guys are now footballers
* 2 Doz smart ones who do not allow
thier
classmates 2 copy thier homework, i
hope u are still
d best. *2 doz pple dat sang diz song, u guys
didnt kno
hw it feels 2 B a victim of diz song.. Who
mess am na Ojo
Ojo say na teacher
Teacher say no wori, Na my class pple na im mess Am
Poooo! I hope u guys are now musicians
*And finally, 2 all doz class captains who
wrote our names as noise makers, i
hope u are now
leaders. Dere are lots of memories we had 4rm
our Primary
school days.....It was d best.
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-15 01:59:05

689 Views



the phone [Read it]


Ochuko:nice phone
akpors:yea i won it in a race
ochuko:with who
akpors:me the police and the owner.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-28 08:00:57

790 Views




A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing.


The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What’s so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?


So he tells his clerk, “If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes.”


Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy. About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.


“Did you follow him? Where did he go?” asks the pharmacist.


The clerk replies, “Your house.”Related

Man pass man [Read it]


When a strong and rich man takes your wife, just
call him your in-law. This is the best way to still
have access to your wife. Abi? #lols


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-16 19:49:02

196 Views



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