Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


If you wait for happy moments, you’ll wait forever…

But if you start believing that you’re happy, you’ll be happy forever!

Have a happy Weekend!Related



Akpos’ pastor added him on facebook and he innocently accepted.

Two minutes later his message came in:

Pastor: How are you?

Akpos: I’m fine, my daddy.

Pastor: May the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family.

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May God slash you with the axe of life

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May God stab you with the knife of riches

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May the World Trade Centre of happiness collapse on you and your family

Akpos (no reply)

Pastor: Are you there?

Akpos: Yes, my daddy

Pastor: You should be saying amen to claim the Blessings.

Akpos: Ok, May the over-speeding trailer of blessings jam and crush you and your family. May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members. May the sea of miracles drown you and your family members in Jesus’ name.

Pastor: (no reply)

Akpos: You should be saying ‘Amen’ to claim these prayers

Pastor: May thunder fire you! Idiot!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-22 15:11:08

820 Views




I moved on with my life the next day.
My busy office
schedule helped forget all about Mary
and her problems. Jboy couldn’t believe his ears after i
narrated how i sent
Mary away from my apartment. He was
extremely pleased
and according to his words ‘he wouldn’t
have done any better’.
I never heard from Mary for the rest of
that week and the next, which was a
very welcomed development. I equally
stopped attending her church and moved
over to catholic church which was my true church of baptism{where i was
baptized as a child}.
After laying low for a while, by keeping
to myself. I started another wonderful
relationship with a colleague, a very
pretty damsel who was just transferred to our office from Akure.
Chioma being a professional and an
experienced girl, refused to give into my
too many tricks, thus making our
relationship a boring but respectful one.
I slowly began to grow more fond of her much to Jboy’s surprise.
Two weeks later, precisely on a sunday
evening. I was relaxing in a quiet bar
with Chioma, Jboy and his new girlfriend
when a phone call from Mary came
through. I ignored the call, frowning slightly
while my mind flashed
back to the memorable times i had with
her.
“only if she never played that church
stunt on me, perhaps we would still have been together” I
reasoned.
Mary called four times which i carefully
ignored. She then
sent a text message which totally
shattered my mind. My eyes enlarged as i read it while my
hands shook.
“I’M PREGNANT. WE NEED TO TALK”
were the words she
sent. Very short and precise but enough
to send my nerves flying.
The evil that we guys do often lives with
us, but surely i
wasn’t ready to live with mine.
She was the least person i wanted as the
mother of my children. I was left with no choice than
to act fast, by doing what exactly??

•Watch Out For Episode 8•

>>

On Lagos-Ibadan express road, when a Pastor met a team of policemen who quite naturally wanted ‘something’ from him. Since he was not prepared to play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything without any offence with which to nail the ‘stubborn’ pastor, they now asked him to open the bonnet of his car.


A careful scrutiny of the engine number against what was on paper revealed that letter ‘U’ was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter ‘V’. That was all the officer-in-charge needed to shout “stolen vehicle!”


Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offence, the pastor called the 'OC' to say he was a pastor to which the officer replied, ”Please! Leave that pastor thing! In any case, if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a bible in your car, bring it.”


The Pastor did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered, “Please read Matthew 5:25-26 to me”.


The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read; “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.”


The man of God quietly made an “offering” of “just” 100naira to his newly found “preacher”.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-23 22:27:09

193 Views




I met a girl at elegant after a little conversation I
wanted to leave then I said to her
Me: sorry, I didn't catch your name
Her: ok, am Dike Sandra thelma Vera, you can call
me (DSTV)
in short if you like and you?
Me: ( I no fit carry last) well am Godwin Omoniyi
Tantolorun
Victor...
Feel free to call me (GOTV)
# Lolz..
If it were you what will your fake name be?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-27 17:41:17

1034 Views




Thank God! FaceBook and Twitter and whatsapp don’t run on Petrol!Related

The Rapers [Read it]


...Two guys raped a
princess, and when they
were caught and sent to
the king, he ordered them
to go and bring as many fruits
as they can to
bail themselves. The
first guy went and
returned with 15 mangoes.
The king ordered his
guards to insert all the
mangoes into his
anus so
he would feel the same
pain as the princess. The
guards did as they were
ordered and the guy
screamed and shouted in
pain.After
sometime, he
stopped screaming and
shouting and started
laughing. The guards then
became surprised and
asked him why he was
laughing despite all
the
pains. The guy pointed to
the road and said, LOOK
AT MYFRIEND, HE IS
BRINGING 30
WATERMELONS.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-25 20:29:10

673 Views




Cooking is like love; it should be entered into with abandon or not at all

~ Julia ChildRelated

i carry 3rd [Read it]


Akpos :- Papa, See my result, Na
me carry 3rd.
Papa Akpos :- Hahahaha, Akpos
Akpos! Na now I know say na me
born you.
Akpos :- Shey I tell you na. All
those time I dey carry 35th..Na
the teachers dey do ojoro, They
know say I too brilliant.
Papa Akpos :- I believe you my
boy. Na now I fit buy that Bicycle
wey you see for Papa Metus
shop !
Akpos :- Papa na u biko. You get
mouth pass BasketMouth.
Papa Akpos :- but, Who be the
two idiots wey pass u sef Akpos?
Akpos :- Na one WIZARD wey be
Isaac and one WITCH wey be
Patience.
Papa Akpos :- No mind them, You
go show them next term. But
who you come pass na? I no say
dem plenty and you no fit
mention all of them, I just wan
know how many of una dey
class.
Akpos :- Na just the three of us I
don mention so na… Isaac,
Patience and Me. Na just the
three of us PRINCIPAL put for
Elementary Class ‘F’ !!!
Na im Akpos papa just land for floor,gboosa and faint


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-04 23:58:26

282 Views



ANGEL WIFE [Read it]


One man told his friend, "My wife's an
angel!" The friend remarked, "You are lucky, my
own is still alive."
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-12 17:57:17

722 Views




Three sons left home, went out on their own and
prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able
to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our
mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third
smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed
reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a
remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the
church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name
the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."



Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Mike," she wrote
one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I
have to clean the whole house."



"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of
the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so
rude!"



"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to
know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-25 07:41:24

254 Views




Can u imagine So because Buhari is not in d country people
now think they can behave anyhow. How can
someone borrow my pen in the bank and just
disappear?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-02-10 17:56:55

570 Views




i think men’s great capacity for pain
proves his immortal birthright.i am
sure.
No merely human mind could bear
the strain of some tremendous
sorrows we endure.
Art’s most ingenious breakworks fail
lenght.beat by the mighty billows of
the sea.
Only the God formed shores.posses
the strenght to stand before their
onslaughts and not flee.
The structure that we build with
careful toil.the tempest lays to ruins
in an hour.while some grand tree
that springs forth from the soil.is
bended but not broken by its power.
Unless our souls had root in soil
divine.
We could not bear earth’s
overwhelming strife.
The fiercest pain that i felt racks
heart of mine.
Convinces me of an everlasting life.
The pain that i feel but can’t touch.
The pain i know of.but can’t explain.
A pain thats so feirce.that nearly
made me go insane.
The unknown pain that clutches my
heart.and burns my soul.i was so
weak to carry the pains that clouds
my mind.
That was the pain that i felt the
moment i loss concionsness.i felt like
a dead man while i’m still alive. will i
ever excape from the hands of those
beast in human form?only time will
tell.
I regain concionsness and woke up.i
looked around and found myself in
another environment.every were was
full with big trees.which tells me that
i’m inside a forest.it was early
morning already.how did i get here.?
i tried to think on what lead me
here.but my brain wasn’t
responding.after a long
thought.gradually.i started
remembering everything that
happen.startin from the time i heard
a voice thats says. you finally made it
mr fresh.before i could turn to the
direction of the voice. i was injected
with a syring.by unknown
guy.immediately.i loss
unconcions.and finally.i fould myself
here.but it was dark then.that
means i had been sleeping for the
past 8 hours.eeeh!what did they do
to me.what king of injection was
that?.Jc.it will never go well with you.
I wanted to move my leg.but i
couldn’t move.i tried again it was the
same.like wise my hand.what is
wrong with me.why can’t i move?.i
looked up and found out tha. i’m in
a cage.not only that.i was also tie
with a strong thin rope.that had
been drowing inside my flesh.i
couldn’t move nor shake.
I also found out that i was
clotheless.i only had my boxershort
with me.what.were are my clothes?
chai!those beast removed my clothe
from my body.what about the
gun?.eeeh!i’m finish.infact i’m
death.*crying* i wanted to sit down
on the gage.but the rope on my
hand won’t let me.i felt pains all
over my body.as if i was jam by
trailer.
U are awake boy.(a feminine voice
said from the other side of the cage)
i managed to look to the direction of
the voice.it was a lady’s
voice.probably in her late30’s.her
body structure and her shining
skin.shows that she is very rich.very
beautiful and fair in
complexion.wow what a beauty.at
her age she is still beautiful and
shining.hmmm.money is good
indeed. But what is she doing inside
the cage with me?thats a question
that she must answer.
Who are you?.i asked.i was here
before you so you should be the one
i should ask that question.she
replied.
*mitcheew* You are not ready to
talk.when you get ready.you tell.i
replied without looking at her.
You are very hash .you don’t even
have manners at all..any way.i’m mrs
folake.she said staring at
me.expecting me to tell her mine
own name.
I’m dube.
FOLAKE.what kind of a name is
that?.igbo name right.
ME.yea.chidubem but in short
form.dubem.
FOLAKE.alright.so what brought you
here.are you one of those gang?.
ME.*fool* is a long story ma’am.
FOLAKE.just tell me.who knows.we
might help ourselves.
I told her everything that happened
between me and them.without
hiding anything..
FOLAKE.is a pity.your story was quit
sad.but you were the one that made
the mistake.you wouldn’t have join
them at the first place.you brought
the mess on your self.and now you
are facing the consequency.this life
is full of lesson.don’t ever start what
you won’t finish.coz it might come
back to hurt you.well the deal has
been done.the best thing to do is to
find a solution.
ME. Yea.and you.what brought your
here?.
FOLAKE.hmmm.my dear.i was
kidnapped by those men yesterday
morning.on my way to the air port .i
don’t know what they did to me.i
loss concious.by the time i woke up.i
found myself here.i don’t even know
how i got here.
ME.eayah! is a pity.have they contact
your people.what about your
husband?
FOLAKE.my husband is a successful
business man.he has one of the
largest company in the country and
some part of the continent.
ME.that means. you guys are rich.
FOLAKE.well if you say so.yea we are
very rich.we lack nothing.i gave the
gang his contact.they called him and
they requested for two hundred
million for the ransome.that if he
didn’t get the money from two days
time.he will never see me again.
ME.what.two hundred million.Jc.you
will die young o.what is he going to
do with such amount of money.
FOLAKE*in tears* i’m scared right
now.i don’t wanna die.i beg them to
reduce the money.but they refused.

To Be Continued

>>

SIDE CHICK [Read it]


A Girl recognised one of her Boyfriend's
side chicks and approached her. The
following conversation ensued... GIRL: Never in your life talk to my
boyfriend again! We are now engaged
(shows her the ring on her finger). SIDE cHICK: (she laughs) That makes you
my girlfriend-in-law.

#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-24 18:34:49

381 Views




Ek Engineer 2 Cigarettes Pee

RahaTha ……..

.

grl : 2 Cigarette Q Pee Rahe Ho ?

.

Engineer : Dost ki Yad Aa Rahi He, 1

Meri Or 1 Mere

Dost ki…

.

.

Kuch Din Baad Engineer 1 Cigarette

Pee Raha Tha…

.

grl : Dost ko Bhool Gaye kYa?

.

Engineer : Nhi BewaKoof, Mene

Cigarette

Peena chor diYa

H

.

Ab Sirf DosT ki Pee Rha Hu !!! ????Related

Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome you are, it is not your figure too, beauty is the inner self, so change your underwear daily.Related

Girl: (calling akpos)...........
Akpos: (busy the line)
two weeks later
Girl: (calling akpos)..........
Akpos: hello what is it
Girl: thank God at last you pick up ur phone i have been calling you for over two weeks now nd u are not answering the call
Akpos: now i have ans how may i help u
Girl: akpos ever since you slept with me you don't pick my call return my msg, why that akpos? Don't you love me again?
Akpos: (laughing laughing laughing) have you ever seen a president or a governor campaigning again after winning election....
A word 4 akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-01 20:24:09

1033 Views




A man worn 5 million Naira  in a lottery.
In the night, Akpos and his rubbery gang storm into the man’s house.
“Everybody should lie down!” ordered the robbers.
“Now! where is the money?” asked the gang leader.
“Which money?” replied the man as he shivers.
The gang leader points the gun on the man’s head and say &ldquooes it look like am here to play?”
“Akpos! Follow this man to his bed room and collect the money” ordered the leader.
As the man and Akpos gets into the room, he brought out the money and give to Akpos.
Akpos saw the money and his head busted.
He told the man, “See! I rather share this money with you than to share it with those  6 guys down there. So we will go out and tell them you took the money to the bank. Then tomorrow I will comeback only me and we share the money 50 50. And never you involve the police else……..”
The man node his head “Yeah! Yeah! Agreed”.
The following day Akpos appeared alone and demand for the money.
The man brought and they shared it 50 50 as agreed.
Akpos then removed his small pistol gun and point at the man “Idiot! Give me your share else I blow your fucking head.”
The man diligently handed his share to him.
As he opens the door to run out, behold there was policemen round the compound.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 23:21:35

40125 Views




The goblin shark is considered a living fossil since it is the only.Related

Akpos comes up to the Cameroon border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The Police stops him and says, "What’s in the bags?" "Sand," answered Akpos. The policeman says, "We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!" The policeman empties the bags and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Akpos overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The policeman releases Akpos, and lets him cross the border.
The next day, the same thing happens. The policeman asks, "What are you caring?" "Sand," says Akpos. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Akpos, and Akpos crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Akpos doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in bar at Cameroon. "Hey, Boy" says the policeman, "I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Akpos sip his beer and says, "Bicycles."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-24 21:12:24

2377 Views



POVERTY FIGHT [Read it]



PASTOR: Poverty is a disease, you have to fight poverty.

Akpos got up and started walking out of the church.

PASTOR: Sir, why are you leaving in the middle of the sermon?

AKPOS: Why are you telling me to fight a war I can't win?

PASTOR: What do you mean?


AKPOS: My parents are poor, my siblings are poor, the whole of Warri
town where I was born is poor. Now tell which kind weapon I wan take
fight Warri?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-09 21:32:53

130 Views




In a primary school...
TEACHER: Today children, we're going to talk about
the origination of human beings. As you ALL know,
we human beings come from Adam and Eve and . . .
(Interrupted by little Jim)...
JIM: My dad said we originated from the monkeys.
TEACHER: Jim that might be true, but we're not
talking about your family right now.

#BOLLY_SMART™



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-15 00:28:55

743 Views



my watch [Read it]


Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a streetlight, evidently looking for something. A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help, "What is it you have lost?" he asked.  


"My watch." replied the drunk. "It fell off when I tripped over the pavement."  


The passer-by joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch. "Where exactly did you trip?" asked the passer-by.  


"About half a block up the street." replied the drunk.  


"Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street?"  


The drunk said, "Because the light's a lot better here."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-07 10:01:16

234 Views




Light tomorrow with today.

~ Elizabeth Barrett BrowningRelated

BREAKING NEWS
Linda Thomas, the MTN STAFF who
use to say ''Your account is too low
for this call", has
been sacked!
You can now make free calls before
they employ
someone else. Be quick!
I have been calling since!.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 00:56:20

599 Views




Adaku was surprised to see so many people in the hall.

She had come as early as 8, yet she met no free seat.

She climbed a bench like other students at the back.

She craned her neck, but still could barely make out the slim woman whose thin voice saturated the hall.

The way she held the megaphone gave her more the impression of a Deeper Life preacher than a lecturer.

She was teaching GSS 101 and for the fifty minutes the lecture lasted Ada wrote down nothing.

The woman’s diction was odd already and the megaphone only made it worse.

When she got to Science Village for Physics 101, there was a bit of relief. Because she’d run all the way from Multi-Purpose Hall with the boys, she was able to get a space at the fourth row.

But the Physics lecturer did not make things any smoother. He taught like he was tired, like it meant nothing if he added a little zeal because they would still not understand.

Till they buy the ‘hand-out’ and the textbook which he co-authored.

At the end of the lecture, Adaku joined the other students hustling for past questions outside the classroom.

A slim man in shirt and trousers everyone called Voltage was selling the past questions.

‘Past questions, come and buy yours now!’ the man continued to scream, even as he’d already been swallowed up by a sea of desperate students. ‘Come and buy yours o! When you fail, don’t say I didn’t warn you o! Save yourself from carry-over with just N100 now! Don’t say Mr Voltage didn’t warn you o!’

Adaku was relieved when she finally bought one.

At BIO 101 later on, she finally was able to jot down something.

It was after the lecture, as the crowd filed out through the door that she heard someone screaming, ‘All Zoology students come to the back! All Zoo students come to the back!’

At the back of the building, Ada saw about forty students; the boys were loud and chatty while the girls all looked lost, as though they were yet to believe that they were in UNIZIK, to study Zoology, with these boys.

Mary saw her and came and hugged her.

‘Nne, kedu?’

‘Fine,’ Ada said. She adjusted the arm of Mary’s blouse that had slipped below her shoulder.

Mary pulled her cheeks down. ‘I came late o.’

‘I came late too,’ Ada said.

After they had introduced themselves, the tall, slim boy that had called the meeting, told them a lecturer would like to meet them later in the afternoon to talk to them about their induction.

It was at this meeting that Ada first met Felix.

***

This would be the second night the boys would be sleeping in Ore’s room.

Ore on her own has been nothing but nice.

Yesterday, she’d made them noodles in the evening. While Obinna was trying to be nice, telling Ore she shouldn’t have bothered, Ahanna picked his fork, dug out a high heap of pepper-garnished noodles and then threw into his mouth.

Obinna ended his goodwill message abruptly and picked his own fork.

Ore hasn’t complained of anything—even, Obinna was sure she might never, even if they stayed for months.

But he wasn’t really comfortable living with a girl.

When he talked to Ahanna about it, he nodded and told him that he too wasn’t all that relaxed and that they’d leave as soon what he was planning worked out.

‘What are you planning?’ Obinna didn’t hesitate to ask him.

‘Nwanne, we need to find a place, somewhere to keep our heads in the night. We can’t just carry our things and enter the street.’

Obinna stared and then nodded.

He heard a knocking sound from the corridor now. Someone had dropped a bucket.

Soon, the curtain parted and Ore entered the room. A faded-blue towel covered her damp body from the chest down.

Obinna was beside Ahanna on a mat near the wall opposite the bed. Ore slept on the bed— a small rectangular mattress covered with a flower-patterned sheet.

Obinna shifted her legs for Ore to pass, though there was actually no need.

Beside him, Ahanna, face to the wall, was already snoring.

He hated that he was still awake, seeing Ore now apply cream to her skin. He closed his eyes and decided not to open them again till morning.

But when Ore turned off the light, he opened his eyes. Great darkness has stuffed the room now.

He inhaled and closed back his eyes.

The night far gone, the feel of a hand on him called him back from sleep. He twisted and opened his eyes.

He saw nothing; it was thickly dark still and the hand was gone.

He lay back to sleep.

Some minutes gone, he felt something again. For a second, he thought it was Ahanna and wanted to smack his head.

But Ahanna’s snores were real, and Ahanna, he knew, was too straight to touch a fellow man in the night.

He quietly lay back to the mat, but this time kept alert.

Soon the trespassing hand came on him again and he caught it. From the softness of the skin, he could already tell who it was.

Ore.

He held the hand, not knowing what to do with it.

Ore left the hand for him and started using the other.

She reached into his boxers and covered his organ in her palm.

Obinna’s heart beat a little quicker as his mind worked fast to think of how best to handle the situation.

Then the worst happened.

Ore pulled out his organ, slid down to him and buried all of it inside her mouth.

A chill sped down Obinna.

His response was quick and in a matter of seconds, his organ was rock-stiff in Ore’s mouth.

Ore started sucking him like a baby at the mother’s nipple— soft, gentle and wet.

He hated that he responded, hated that another woman was able to arouse him so swiftly.

A Lagos woman, to say the least.

Sugary sands of pleasure spread round him as Ore continued to work on him, ever so wetly, yet so silently.

The pleasure soared. He was near there when he quickly reached and pulled his hard self out of Ore’s mouth.

Allowing himself to climax would mean complete betrayal to his wife.

He pulled up his boxers and walked out of the room. He stayed outside till morning.

Ore’s greeted him with discomfort in the morning. He saw it all over her, that uneasiness caused by guilt.

She did things hastier that usual and left earlier than she usually did.

Obinna talked to Ahanna in the afternoon.

‘Did you pour in her mouth?’ Ahanna asked him.

Obinna knocked his head. ‘Be wise for once, my friend!’

Ahanna continued to laugh. Then he quietened and told him he ‘fucked up’. ‘Nwanne, you fuck up o! Ordinary mmicha, wetin dey there na? It’s not like you did the main thing.’

‘When are we leaving?’ he asked Ahanna.

‘This evening,’ Ahanna said.




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Never be the first to arrive at a party or the last to go home, and never, ever be both.

~ David BrownRelated

Yoruba people [Read it]


You will never steal from a Yoruba person and
get away with it, Today Someone stole a white
goat and painted it black!!! Then the owner
came claiming he knows the smile of his goat.
#Yorubapplsha


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-27 22:01:26

296 Views




Aaj fir raste me kuch tutey hue Sim card pade mile..

Lagta hai fir kisi ka Breakup hua hai!!Related

FIRST BAD DAY CONTINUES..
10:44pm
Ritualist Den of Congo

Lia narrates

“Sir Guard!!!”, we chorused happily after he had expertly slashed the two men simultaneously with two cutlasses in both hands. Sir Guard really looked like General Jumong in his hey days.

“Shhh…Bring down your voices”, Sir Guard replied, “I knew you guys has a rebellious mind, so i had to wait behind, guess my instinct was right”, he stated.

“What do we do now? we don’t even have a map with us”, I told Sir Guard.

“That’s why I’m here to help you, because you’re currently walking into your death”, Sir Guard revealed as we sighed, “you have to hurry up, before you are caught, this way!”, Sir Guard said as we followed after him.

Sir Guard took us through a tunnel which was big enough to contain a human being standing up. We continued for 20 minutes before we got out. Though we were all looking worn out. No one dared compared of tiredness. Who on earth would want to collect fresh air in a ritualist den, I thought. We finally got to an open space where we saw a ladder.

“Here we are!”, Sir Guard said as we heard footsteps coming our way.

“We don’t have much time, this ladder will lead you to the top of the building”, Sir Guard revealed to us.

“An Underground?”, we all said simultaneously with the exception of Sir Guard.

“Yes, its an underground 50ft below the earth surface”, Sir Guard replied shocking us at this revelation. No one would ever know such a thing exist in this place.

“No time for questions please, you have to start going now, climb this ladder up, it would take you a minimum of thirty minutes and maximum of an hour to reach the earth surface where you will come out in front of a forest, take right and go straight on, you will see a village, you can find your way from here”, Sir Guard explained shocking us the more.

“Thanks much Sir Guard, thank you very very much, may God bless you and have mercy on you”, Aarti said with a glint of hope.

“I’ll distract the men by making a decoy to the other side, but I don’t know how lonh I can hold them so you guys have to be super fast”, I explained without replying Aarti prayers.

“Go now!”, Sir Guard ordered almost screaming when we were still looking like zombie. We started climbing one after the other. We were eight in number. Ele was the last to go on the ladder after I had gone.

“You must not fall, try to endure the pain and stress, if by any means you fall to the ground mistakenly, you’re as good butchered, I think I’ve done my best here, do not fall! Don’t stop halfway! May your God see you through” Sir Guard said his last words to us and left th floor of death and began climbing the ladder of life.

——————————————————–
Khadiija narrates

Ele’s dad had received an anonymous tip from a message which told us where Ele and company were. The message had told us we didn’t have much time.
I had managed to get Auto and Manual look out for my dad’s engagement. I later found out dad had orchestrated the abduction of Ele and Lia because he saw them as a threat to his Governorship aspirations with elections coming up in five months time. To be a Governor’s daughter is a lifetime opportunity but for her dad to involve Ele in his dirty game was the biggest mistake he has ever made in life. She promised within herself to make sure her father loses the governorship election.

“Its ready ma”, Auto and Manual said after coming in.

“Very good, i was afraid you wouldn’t pull through, that’s our only hop of getting there in record time before it’s too late”, I exclaimed excitedly.

“You really love him a lot, Manual said, but he’s with Lia right now, don’t you think…”, manual was saying as I cut him short.

“Shut up!, I’m Ele’s number one girl, and yes I heart him more than love himself, I’m obsessed with him, that’s why I went so low to have him all to my self and no one dared come between us, not even my father, and if Ele betray my love for him by breaking my heart, I’ll kill him then kill myself”, I shamefully poured out my heart contents to my boys who knew better than to shut their traps.
Just then, Ele’s dad came into the building all dressed up armed with a gun.

“What took you so long?, its your son’s life in danger”, I said

“It was because I had company”, he smirked his face as Lia’s dad and Franco came in.
I gave Ele’s dad a murderous look.

“We volunteered to come, its my daughter life in danger”, Akande said, “and its my best friend life in danger, we need all the help we can get, since we don’t know how much they are”, Franco added.

“Yes, Franco is right, we need all the help we can get, what’s more?, Akande is a veteran in using guns, we both fought side by side against dangerous smugglers with sophisticated guns, we could use some experience”, Ele”s dad said convincingly.

“What are we waiting for?, we don’t have much time, this is Operation Liberation, let’s go!”, i acted like a commander as they all followed after me, ten in number including five of my boys.

————————————————————-
Imabong narrates

I Lord come down and manifest your power,
Jesus come down and manifest your power
God of David
God that delivered the Israelites from the red sea
God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego
God of Adeboye
Jehovah of Kumuyi
You’re that same God. Yesterday, today and forever.
Jehovah Elohim
Oluwa Adonia
Omnipresent God
I call on your Holy name
Save my son God.
I don’t know any Babalawo I can go to


I was praying fervently when a dog attacked me, it chased me around the empty and dark house, I ran and ran till it caught up with me. It bit me in my arms as I screamed. It wanted to bit me again but I held its mouth and with a strange strength from no where, i tore the mouth into two as blood splashed on my face whole the dog groaned with pains and disappeared. I felt relief and the same time pains in my hands since I held the tooth of the dog.

I suddenly woke up. It was a dream after all. I had slept off while praying. I checked my time and it was 11:27, and yet i was yet to hear any news from my husband, Ele abductors or the the Akande’s. But there’s one thing i was sure of, my son will not die because i had conquered devil in the dream. I began singing in a pre-victory mood..


The wall of Jericho fell down flat
The wall of Jericho fell down flat
As the people of God
Were praising the Lord
The wall of Jericho fell down flat
The wall of Soka den fall down flat
The wall of Soka den fall down flat
As Eleojo is escaping the den
The wall of Soka den fall down flat.


—————————————————————–
Ele narrates

Two of my fellow hostages had already fallen down the ladder due to tiredness, I mange to escape being dragged down when the second one fell down, that was because the ladder was wide enough and it was strong and stuck to the ground.

We had almost gotten to the top of the ladder but I was so tired I wanted to give up but Sir Guard word still kept ringing in my hear “you fall, you die!”.

“Ele, I’m so tired, I don’t think I can make it anymore, all my strength has been stuffed out”, Aarti cried out weakly.

“Your God will give you the strength of Samson” I mockingly replied her. Suddenly Aarti hand left the ladder as she was about to fall but I caught her left foot with my right, I pleaded with her to hold to the left side of the ladder which she managed to do. Then with the little strength i had i held her on my shoulders while we both held the ladder with one hand as we proceeded upward. Aarti who as been pompous to me was leaning against my chest, how time changes.

We soon got to the top one after the other. As Aarti and I got to the top, she was so happy that she screamed, “the Lord is good!”.

“All the time!” we heard voices said from the top laughing hysterically.
Aarti and I climbed up to the level ground and saw about a dozen heavily-built looking men standing with guns.

Lorile, odi gobe!, I cried out!
.
.
END OF SEASON ONE!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Do you think Ele, Queency and and the other hostages will make it?
If Ele makes it, what do you think will happen in the second and third bad day?
Do you think Ele and Lia will be together again?
Will Ledan be punished for his crimes?
Will Dija’s father win the upcoming Governorship election?
How did Dija manage to escape the ritualist abduction?
what do you think is QUEENCY’S HEART CODE?
This and more will be answered in SEASON TWO OF HEART CODE coming soon.
Stay tuned to Nairajokes.com .


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The purpose of life is a life of purpose.Related

Later in the evening my brother came visiting with a flask filled with food, but food really wasn’t what i needed that moment.

“i’m sorry for coming late, i really was held up with work. Dad is now safely home. I spoke with him few minutes ago” he said pleasantly while i ate slowly.

“so what’s up, any breaking news?” he asked when i was done eating. I forced out a smile, thanked him for the food before telling him all that happened earlier in the day. He listened eagerly, frowning when i got to the suicide part of the plan.

“no no no i don’t support that. What’s the detective thinking by suggesting such nonsense. No that’s bad” he said seriously, but before i could answer, detective Jeremiah showed up that moment with a heavy frown on his face.

“i’m afraid i brought more bad news” he said as he stopped before us.

“the Americans are now pushing for the case to be moved to their country” he calmly announced. My brother and I gasped with shock.

“i got a call few minutes ago to prepare and document every thing i have on the case. We don’t even have the two days anymore” he explained seriously.

“but that’s impossible!. The murder was committed in Nigerian soil. The trial should be here” my brother protested seriously.

“I think you should take that up with the federal government if you have the right connections. I really had the feeling such a thing could happen but kept it to myself. Our leaders hardly deny the American government anything and this case is nothing different. Seriously many things has been happening which are swept under the carpet without the public knowing” he summarized with resignation.

“but i can go to court. I can stop them legally?” my brother asked seriously. The detective breathed deeply and shrugged.

“well if you can get the court to sit before your sister is moved out of the country. Then yes you can. But she’s married to an American citizen which somehow makes her an American as well, moreover i learnt her dead husband already procured all necessary travelling papers for her before his death, which makes everything a lot easier for the Americans” he answered.

“d--n” my brother cursed.

“but we still have till morning to come up with something new” he added while i cleared my throat and spoke out for the first time.

“i think i have a plan” i suddenly announced, surprising my brother and the detective with the cold smile which appeared on my face with the revelation.
Of course i had a new plan in my mind. A plan which was nothing close to the suicide attempt the detective proposed earlier in the day.

So what kind of new plan came to my mind that crucial moment?? Hmmmm

>>

Banta: What is the definition of a husband?

Santa: A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted!Related

A professor drove into a petrol station in his sleek state of the art range rover sports.


Professor: guy, abeg, give me full tank.


Fuel Attendant: Sir, I don't speak pidgin, I only speak English


Professor: Ok! good morning, I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propelling of my motorized automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.


Fuel Attendant: Oga na play I dey play o, how much fuel you wan buy?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-25 21:09:37

396 Views




Mr driver, please take
me to
MONEY junction, close to
SUCCESS avenue, near
the
PROSPERITY bustop
behind
CHAMPION street.
Before then,
please stop me at
GRACE estate
near LONG LIFE layout so
I
could say 'hello' to a
friend
living at No. 10 WINNER
lane by
CONQUERORS building
before
DOLLAR house and don't
forget
to buy fuel at GLORY
filling
station before WISDOM
city just
by the EXCELLENT SUPER
market, then we will
drive some
few yards accross
POUND
STYLING roundabout
before
MERCY iceland.
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!
DO YOU CARE FOR A
RIDE?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-12 17:35:24

631 Views




Choose neither a woman nor linen by candlelight.

~ Italian ProverbRelated

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped
at the door to speak
to the minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a
person to profit
from the mistakes of another?" "Absolutely not!" replied the pastor, disappointed
that Frank would
even ask such a question. "In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if
you'd consider
returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry
my wife and me last
July."#happyNewMonth #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-02 00:19:36

1025 Views











A friend of mine Akpos wrote WAEC last year but this was the
outcome of his result and he seriously needs your suggestion on what to
do next
1. English F9
2. Mathematics F9
3. Biology F9
4. Chemistry F9
5. Physics F9
6. Economics D7
7. Agriculture A1
8. Geography F9
9. Yoruba C6
10. Further Mathematics F9
But seriously, he wants to be a doctor, like desperately, what should he do?
Your opinions are worth millions of dollars — Save a life





NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-06 08:52:07

112 Views




Me watching TV alone.!!

.

.

.

Ads: Cycle Agarbatti, Maggi, Noodles, Ultratech

Cement, etc etc

.

.

.

.

Suddenly Parents enter.!!

.

.

.

.

Ads: Manforce Condms, Whisper Choice, Set

Wet very very sxy etc

etc :/Related

Desmond: alright then;i will if i find her;i will inform you and if i can't find her,i will also let you you know but have you called her friend chioma?
Anita: no we haven't and we don't have her number
Desmond: don't worry;i will call her myself but if she is not there,we will have no other option than to report to the police
Anita: alright thanks
Desmond: bye(he end the call)
Ann: so did he agree to help us
Anita: yes i did
Tosan: at least we are heading somewhere
Ann: i just hope he can find her
Desmond: (calling Chioma)hello
Chioma: good evening
Desmond: good evening;how are you?
Chioma: i am fine;am i safe now that you remember me?
Desmond: you are safe(he laughed)
Chioma: alright then;so what can i do for you?
Desmond: have you see Stephie today?
Chioma: yes;i had seen her
Desmond: so does it mean she is with you

Chioma: no;is she not in their house?
Desmond: no;her roommate is looking for her
Chioma: that means he is still at the park
Desmond: what park?
Chioma: when we both met;she doesn't look happy but she say,she is going to the children park
Desmond: alright then;thanks for the information. hold on;what is she wearing?
Chioma: she is wearing a white t-shirt and black skirt. you are welcome anytime. bye(he end the phone)

Desmond: good evening miss
Miss: good evening;can i help you
Desmond: have you seen any girl that is wear a white t-shirt and black skirt;she is tall and a little bit light in complexion and not too slim
Miss: no i haven't seen her
Desmond: thanks(she walked away)excuse me;miss;did you see any girl that is tall;not too slim and not too fair
Mrs: sorry good evening but i am not a miss;i don't know and i haven't seen anyone like that
Desmond: pardon my bad manners;good evening
Mrs: you are better be and next time don't go about stopping people asking them stupid question. knowing fully well this a park;anyone can fit into that description
Desmond: thank you Mrs;i have heard(exit) where could this girl has gone to;but that lady was right. i wasn't suppose to be asking people that way. oh my God!how will i be able to look for her now
MR: good evening MR
Desmond: good evening
MR: how you looking for somebody
Desmond: yes;i am looking for a girl
Mr: how did she look like
Desmond: she is slim;tall and not too light
MR: oh!she is at the lonely place;that private area
Desmond: thanks ma(at the private area)Stephie;Stephie
Stephanie: yes;what are you doing here
Desmond: i should be asking you that;everyone is worried sick about you;don't you want to go home;is getting dark
Stephanie: i don't want to go home because i will see Tina
Desmond: alright then;follow me;lets go to my house
Stephanie: i don't want to also;i don't want Georgina to get mad at me
Desmond: then;what do you want to sleep
Stephanie: don't worry;i will sleep anywhere;i can sleep here
Desmond: you and i know they will not allow you to sleep here. since they are going to lock the gate of this place
Stephanie: don't worry;you can go home;i will fine
Desmond: how can you say you will be fine and i know that you are not
Stephanie: don't worry;i will definitely be fine
Desmond: i will only be at peace;if you go home
Stephanie: i don't want to
Desmond: lets do it this way;i will take you to Chioma's place. so you can spend the night there
Stephanie: i don't want go there also because i don't want to be a burden to her
Desmond: then what do you want to do
Stephanie: go home and leave me alone
Desmond: what?you know i can't do that(he sit close to her)come on;lets go home
Stephanie: i don't want to(Desmond phone ring)your phone is ringing
Desmond: hello Anita
Anita: hello;have you seen her?
Desmond: yes;i have seen her(he stared at her)
Anita: how is she?are you both coming home now
Desmond: she said, 'she doesn't want to come
Anita: but why?give her the phone please
Desmond: Anita;want to talk to you
Stephanie: i don't want to
Desmond: she said she doesn't want to talk to you
Anita: then fine;put the phone on speaker,so she can hear me(he put it on speaker)Stephanie;please come home;no matter how many people hurt you;it doesnt count,what count us how many times you hurt yourself and even if you feel no one like you or cares about you,there are still many people that does like your sister and mom;you know they will never want to see you get hurt or torturing yourself like the way you are acting now. i remember you always say, 'no matter how many times people say bad things about you;it shouldn't bother you but what you should be concern with;is that what you are doing is good' i know you are strong;so please come back home and face your fear. goodbye if you don't want to talk to me(Stephanie talk on the phone)
Stephanie: Anita;i am sorry;i am really sorry that i kept you in the dark. i am sorry
Anita: is alright;so does it mean you are coming home?
Stephanie: yes;bye
Anita: bye(she end the call)
Stephanie: hey young man;why are you staring at me
Desmond: i am just happy that you have decided to go home
Stephanie: is that why you are looking at me
Desmond: yes;come on lets go
Stephanie: do you want to take me home?
Desmond: of cause
Stephanie: don't worry;i can take care of myself
Desmond: don't stress yourself;cause whatever word you used on me;i am not going to leave you here. come here(he pull her closer)don't be a naught girl. lets go
Stephanie: will you stop making me feel like a baby
Desmond: don't you know;you are my baby
Stephanie: i am not your baby;lets go
Desmond: shall we
Stephanie: after you(at Stephanie's apartment)thank you for helping me out and i am sorry for the inconveniences. good night
Desmond: hey not so fast;i am coming with you
Stephanie: alright then (they walked in)i am sorry(to Anita)i would have....
Anita: is nothing;i am glad you are home now. thank you Desmond for bringing her home
Desmond: i should be the one thanking you for making her come home
Anita: anyway;i still want to say it(enter Tina)
Desmond: i have heard
Ann: i am happy that you decided to come home
Stephanie: young man;you can go home now;am safe(she pushed him)
Desmond: are you chasing me?
Stephanie: of cause not
Desmond: so does it mean;that i can stay?
Tina: so if she was to asked you to stay with her;you will gladly do that?
Desmond: you know what?if my cousin wasn't dating you;i will never had to talk to you because you are so rude and you don't have manner at all
Tina: is that how you think of me?
Desmond: if no one tells you that you have a bad attitude,i will tell you
Tina: so by telling you the true;it makes you piss up
Desmond: what truth are you talking about?
Tina: that you are...
Stephanie: is alright Desmond;don't worry;you can go home now;it is getting too late
Desmond: good night all
Stephanie: good night(exit Desmond)
Tina: so does it mean now;that i am saying rubbish;especially you(to Stephanie)don't get on my way
Stephanie: i am in no mood for all those your rubbish
Tina: so i am talking rubbish?anyway;there is no way i will accept that i am talking rubbish
Stephanie: if you don't want to accept that you are talking rubbish;is fine by me;all i know is that all your words have no effect on me
Tina: who said so?if it doesn't then why did you refuse to come back home
Stephanie: i refusal to come back home is not because of you
Tina: then who?

Stephanie: i owe you no explanation;excuse me(exit Stephanie)
Tina: no;come and talk
Anita: your character is so questionable (exit Ann/Anita)
Tina: if you want to walk out on me and i don't care because i am saying the truth(curtain)

Desmond: hey;young lady;what are you doing here?
Stephanie: i should be asking you
Desmond: how are you?
Stephanie: am fine
Desmond: can i asked something form you?
Stephanie: go ahead
Desmond: will you like to have lunch with me in canteen
Stephanie: do you usually ask me before taking me to anywhere you want me to go with you?
Desmond: no;but i thought you wouldn't want to go out with me
Stephanie: you are my friend that is what count
Desmond: does it mean you will go with me?
Stephanie: i will
Desmond: shall we
Stephanie: after you(Stephanie and Desmond drove to the canteen)
Desmond: sit and stop turning backward like you are hiding for someone(to Stephanie)please cone take our order(to the canteen girl)
Stephanie: can't you see how those boys at the last table is looking at both of us and they are making comment and pointing at us
Waiter: good afternoon Desmond
Desmond: afternoon;how are you?
Waiter: is been long you came here;did you travelled
Desmond: no;i didn't;is just that i have too many things to attend to;you know everything(laughed both)
Waiter: what is your order?
Desmond: the regular
Waiter: what about her
Desmond: what will you eat?(he touch her)
Stephanie: what?
Desmond: what are you thinking about?
Stephanie: nothing
Desmond: anyway;what will you eat?
Stephanie: anything
Desmond: alright then;give her same with me
Waiter: but you know yours is Eba and....
Stephanie: no;just give me rice
Waiter: alright(exit and return with the order)here is it
Stephanie: thank you
Desmond: eat up(he continue eating)why are you not eating?
Stephanie: who said i am not eating?
Desmond: even if anyone did not know that something is wrong with you;i will always know
Stephanie: i am just not comfortable with those boys are looking at us
Desmond: maybe;they are aware of our stupidity the last time we both were here
Stephanie: but is that why they are making side comment?
Desmond: i thought back then;you don't care about what people say;why do the sudden change?
Stephanie: is nothing;lets just eat fast and go home
Desmond: alright then
Desmond: thanks for your understanding(few minutes later)
Desmond: are you done?
Stephanie: yes;am done
Desmond: shall we(curtain)
(at Desmond's apartment)
Alfred: was going on with you?
Desmond: nothing much
Ayo: guy;where have been
Desmond: nowhere of important
Ayo: like
Desmond: i and Stephanie had gone to the canteen earlier but we realise that some boys;were talking about us
Ayo: but why would they be talking about us?
Desmond: that is one thing;i can't figure it out
Alfred: maybe those boys are at the canteen the day;you and Stephanie had a quarrel
Desmond: that was what i told Stephie also but deep down in me;those boys are up to to something bad
Alfred: what do you mean by that?
Desmond: what i mean is that those boys are been paid to harm either i or Stephie
Ayo: you are just been suspicious
Desmond: even when we were leaving;they were still looking at us and i notice that they were following us
Alfred: i hope Stephanie is not their main object
Desmond: i just hope so
Alfred: anyway;your mom called she said you should come home by weekend
Desmond: i don't want to go home now
Ayo: but why?maybe she is very much missing you
Desmond: i pray so;missing me(he laughed)
Ayo: why the laughter?can't she missed you?
Desmond: no;she can't oh!i know her only motive for me to come home;is to talk about Georgina and i because that is her only priority
Alfred: don't talk like that about your mom
Desmond: hey stop acting like a stranger to me because you and i know that my mom doesn't care about my welfare
Ayo: she might surprise you
Desmond: don't worry;today is already Thursday by tomorrow i must have gone home and i will break the good news to you or should i say the bad news

Ayo: don't think so bad of your mom
Desmond: i have heard you;pastor Ayo;excuse me. i want to freshening up(curtain)

Anita: girl increase the volume of the television
Stephanie: so what you are saying is that;the volume of this television is not enough
Anita: oh God!increase the volume
Stephanie: don't you know when you are in school;you are not suppose to watch home movie
Anita: barrister Stephanie;under which constitution
Stephanie: under my constitution(both laughed)
Anita: will you increase the volume before i forget my hand on your face (she increase the television)(phone ringing)madam;your phone is ringing

Stephanie: my sister Vina(she pick the call)hello
Vina: my baby;how are you?
Stephanie: your baby that you forget;is fine
Vina: why would i forget my baby?there is no way i will do that
Stephanie: are you sure;you haven't forget me?when i had problem with my......
Vina: come on;go ahead and tell me,i am all ear
Stephanie: promise me;you won't tell anyone
Vina: you know your secret is save with m
Stephanie: don't worry;when i get to town i will tell you
Vina: if you day so bit how are you now?
Stephanie: i am fine now
Vina: are you sure?
Stephanie: i am hundred percent sure



READ MORE.....


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