Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. Akpos says, “Elephant.”

Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same Akpos says, “Two elephants.”

The teacher sends Akpos out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.

Akpos shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”

Lols, One word for Akpos....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-10 02:57:34

320 Views




Continues..
I cried and cried.
The fact that miranda is dead was still unbelievable.
I didnt wanted to leave the spot. Melissa carried me but she couldn’t preston had to carry me but I still struggled with him.
Presley carried miranda’s lifeless body on his arms with tears in his eyes. I got to realise that I would have been the dead one.
Since she saw brenden’s hand raised first, she smiled at me and stood in front of me and got hit by the bullet. What a true friend she is…..sacrificing her life in place of mine…
The drive was silent. I cried my eyes out already. We got home and placed miranda on her room and covered her, She was already cold.
That night preston received unstoppable calls thanking him for bringing the threat in campus to an end.
I regretted coming to Nigeria for the first time. Preston tried to comfort me but I couldn’t be comforted.
I kept asking him “who will be my chief bridesmaid on our wedding day?”
Melissa was comforting and mourning with presley which got both of them to be together all the time.
On graduation day, miranda’s aunt came she only recognised presley who later broke the news to her.
On hearing it she threw herself to the ground and wept.
This got me crying again.
I couldnt help but imagined how a woman who maltreated her niece would cry like this.
We wept so much that our eyes were bloody red. Even preston’s parent came and presley’s parent also.
Both mothers were the only ones who could hold miranda’s aunt when she cried. Presley’s dad comforted presley who rested his head on his shoulders like a baby. Soon they left having looking at how we graduated and how well our scores came out.
Later in the day they left after preston briefed both parents about our going to overseas in the next two days.
They prayed for presley and preston and I wondered how well and far the prayer would go I guess maybe because my dad never prayed for me that was why I faced so much tragedies…
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Prison [Read it]


I m at police station. The police caught me and filed a case against me of “POSSESSION OF GOOD LOOKS” . i M DOOMED, Need some ugly MOnkey 2 bail me out , Where r u?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-09 14:56:08

271 Views




Johnson: good afternoon
Nike: sir;do you want me in your office?
Johnson: no;i don't need you in my office;i have a complain about you
Nike: sir;i hope is nothing bad
Johnson: depending on the answer you give me
Nike: fine sir;if i know the answer to the question;i will give sir;the right answer
Johnson: i have been having report of the way you harass your female student sexually,so what will you say to defend yourself?

Nike: those are blunt lie;those girls after failing my course they we want a higher grade and when i objected they will decide to blackmail me by telling so many lies about me. especially that stupid girl Stephanie after failing her test,she came to my office and tell me,she is able to do anything in other to get her grade when i object to it,she said she is going to......

Johnson: here you go;i got your report about that girl from a reliable source that you want to be your girlfriend and when she refuse,you told her that you can find her test script and that she is also going to fail her exam on your course


Nike: that is a lie sir;they are trying to soil my good name. that particular girl is such a dull girl that is even ready to sell her body just to get a high grade
Johnson: all those words that came out from your mouth have proof you guilt because that girl had represented this school in a competition and had come out second best. so why do you think i will believe your lies?
Nike: excuse sir;you have to believe me that all i am saying are truth
Johnson: anyway with your reaction;i have found you guilt already;i don't want to hear any complain of such again. if i do;i will be force to hold a panel in order for you to be drop and i don't you to disturb that little girl again. if you?you know what i can do;do you understand
Nike: yes sir
Johnson: good day

Nike: thank you sir(he end the call)what kind of stupid words,he is using on me?as if i am his son. such nonsense because he is a rector,he think himself so high(knock at his door) come in;the door is not lock
Stephanie: good afternoon sir
Nike: what can i do for you;young lady?(with his head facing his system)and please be brief about what ever rubbish you have to say because i am not in good mood
Stephanie: please;i came to beg you so i can sit for another test anytime you want me to write it,i will(she knee)come and write it anywhere you also want me to write it,i will write it(he rise his head)
Nike: you again?are you are witch?oh!now i understand you came to tell me that you are having an affair with rector and that is why he called me to tell me,those rubbish anyway here is your test script;i have found it and get out of my office. i don't want to see your face again. foolish girl;get out and shut the door behind you
Stephanie: thank you sir
Nike: keep your thanks to yourself(curtain) (at Desmond's apartment)

Alfred: boss;where have you been?
Desmond: nowhere;i have been around
Alfred: around?as in
Desmond: fine;i went to school
Alfred: to do what?
Desmond: what do people normally do in school?
Alfred: to learn but i know you don't have any class today
Desmond: i went to meet my course mate
Alfred: don't even try to lie to me because i know you don't keep friends apart from those in this house and Stephanie;you and i know that you and her are not in good terms
Desmond: whatever you want to think you can think
Alfred: am not saying those words because you went out;i am saying it because you look worried
Desmond: i am not worried;i an just stress up
Alfred: did you pay rector a visit and did he....
Desmond: no;not at all. why should i pay him a visit?
Alfred: you action has betray you
Desmond: fine;i pay him a visit
Alfred: so did he accept to help her?
Desmond: yes
Alfred: thank God but why the long face?you should be happy that you were able to help a friend
Desmond: i am happy that i was able to help her,even though she is not my friend(he turned to leave)

Alfred: Desmond;do you have to lie to yourself that you feel nothing for her(he turned and face him)
Desmond: that is the problem because even if i try to pretend that u don't want her friendship anymore and that i don't care about her and that i feel nothing for her(tears roll his eyes) like a sister;i just can't hold on to it because she understand everything about me and she is the only one that make me happy even when my own betroth don't know how to.
Alfred: be truthful to yourself,you love her;right?
Desmond: that was same question my uncle did asked me. i am fed up with life(he get a bottle of wine and drink the entire bottle that has alcohol)come on join me. don't just stand there and stare
Alfred: are you sure you know what you are doing?
Desmond: yes;am fine and i always know what i an doing;trust me on this;i really know what i am doing
Alfred: you know you are not used to taking alcohol(he open another and drink half)
Desmond: i am okay;you don't have to treat me like a baby(he try to stand up but he fall to the ground)i said i am okay;i am fine
Alfred: you see what i have been telling you(he hold him)
Desmond: young man,let me be;stop holding me like a baby. i am not a baby(he pull his hand from him)so don't hold me like that(he fall back to the ground)don't be a kill joy(he struggle to the sofa)i told you;i am fine
Alfred: you see what you are doing to yourself?you are hurting yourself for no just reason
Desmond: i am not hurting myself;i am celebrating that i am able to help the one i truly love
Alfred: the one you love?
Desmond: yes;i love Stephanie;she is the only woman;i truly love from my heart. i love her;yes i love her very much. i do. you all are right
Alfred: i know you are drunk just take my hand,so i can take you to your room
Desmond: will you let go of me?i am fine or are you going to tell me that you detest boys that drink?
Alfred: i am not going to tell you that
Desmond: then let me have more drink to easy my pain
Alfred: buddy;this action of yours;is not funny(he stand up and fall back to the ground but this time he didn't get up)guy;lets go to your bed(curtain)
(at Tosan's apartment)
Stephanie: i am so happy that God has answer my prayer. i am so happy that God never let his servant go unnoticed;he never sleep at all
Anita: what is going on?

Ann: and she is so happy. whats up with the happiness?
Stephanie: come on sit;i went Mr Nike office;my sociology lecturer to beg him to set another test for me and all he could do was to tell me that he had seen my lost script and that he doesn't want to see me again that means i am free from him;free to attend my classes and i am not going to fail my exams. i am so happy
Tosan: really?just like that?
Stephanie: yes just like that and he also mention that because rector is having an affair with me,that is why i reported him to rector and i never did any of that. anyway whoever told him about it is a darling and i am going to kiss the person for helping me out because i know i am not able to face rector and tell him by problem
Anita: are you sure you can do that?even if it is a boy?
Stephanie: yes i can do it
Anita: what if he is your enemy?
Stephanie: i don't have any enemy
Anita: what if its Desmond

Stephanie: don't be ridiculous after all i did to him;why do you think he will help me?
Anita: yes i know;he is the one that help you because rector his is uncle(enter Tina)and i told him that you are having problems with your sociology lecturer;at first....(Tina cut her)
Tina: who is rector uncle to?
Ann: all we are talking about did not interest you;who is rector's nephew that interest you
Tina: yes;now you know i like good things
Anita: anyway;is Desmond
Tina: i know that there is something about that cute boy
Tosan: are you okay?
Tina: yes i am fine;is it wrong to accept the fact that;that boy is handsome and wealth unlike some people that are poor and want to pitch their tent in a rich man's land. oh such a good boy
Tosan: if you have a problem with your head go cured it(phone ringing)
Ann: Anita;your phone is ringing(she pick it)
Anita: hello Alfred;whats up?
Alfred: i am sorry;i was trying to call Stephanie but her number is not going through
Anita: you want to call Stephanie,was going on?
Alfred: is she there?i want to beg her for something. can you please tell her to come to our apartment;i need to see her because Desmond is drunk and he just passed out for sometime now
Anita: but you know both of then is not in good terms. don't you think;she is the lest person he will like to see when he wakes up?
Alfred: don't worry i will handle that
Anita: okay;if you so,i will tell her
Alfred: goodbye
Anita: bye
Tina: what is wrong with Desmond
Anita: he is drunk
Tosan: since when did he start misusing alcohol?
Anita: that is one thing;i can't tell
Ann: so what we do now?
Anita: Alfred;said i should tell Stephie to come to their house(to Stephanie)that means you will come with us
Stephanie: don't even start;why should i go there?am i a doctor?
Tina: then if you don't want to go,you can stay at home
Stephanie: fine;i don't want to go. you girls can go am
Ann: don't be heartless this is the same person that help you from a very difficult situation not quit long. what am i even saying?just now and here you are refusing to help such a person. you are heartless
Anita: no body is forcing you;if you don't want to;you can as well stay at home. just have at the back of your mind that one good turn deserve another
Stephanie: alright;i will go with you girls to fulfil all righteous
Anita: so shall we (all move outside)(at Desmond's apartment)


Brown: see who we have here?long time
Stephanie: good evening ma
Brown: evening my dear;how are you?
Stephanie: am fine
Brown: why haven't you come ever since or did you have a quarrel with your friend?
Stephanie: not at all;is just that i have been busy with school work
Tunde: are you sure?
Stephanie: yes i am sure;hey don't start with me
Tunde: come here;i really missed you(he take her hand)
Stephanie: hey let me go because i am not going to take those your jokes(he hit him by the shoulder)
Tunde: so Desmond has teach you to play like him?
Tosan: enough of that;were is Desmond
Tunde: i thought as much that everyone of you will not be here;if something is not wrong
Tina: don't be ridiculous
Tosin: but that is the fact;i really miss you(to Stephanie)
Stephanie: and i missed you also. in fact i missed everyone
Tosan: hmm;have you forgotten that i am here
Stephanie: sorry ma(laughed all)
Alfred: Stephanie;can you come with me
Stephanie: okay after you(at Desmond's room)
Alfred: i am glad you came
Stephanie: is nothing Desmond is my friend
Alfred: are you sure or maybe you want to pay him back for helping you out on your problem
Stephanie: not that but i will also like to pay for his kindness but not in this way. i want to help him because he is my friend and he is also like a brother to me
Alfred: if he really is your friend why did you hurt him?

Stephanie: there are sometimes;we get scared and want to withdraw but sometimes that fear is not worth it because we ended up hurting people feelings that care about us
Alfred: so does it mean that someone is threatening you?
Stephanie: no;not at all;the fear that i am talking about is that of my thought that i might end up hurting many feelings including mine
Alfred: i don't understand
Stephanie: never mind
Alfred: if you say so
Stephanie: yes;i say so(they both laughed)can you please help me with a small towel;it seems he is burning
Alfred: okay (he left and return with a towel and a bowl of water)here it is
Stephanie: thank you
Alfred: you welcome;excuse me

Stephanie: (to Desmond)i am sorry;i didn't want to hurt you that is why i did want to stay away from you but then i hurt you even more because i was selfish because i was thinking of just myself and my family. i was afraid of my safety;afraid that my family will loss someone;if i continue our friendship but i was wrong;i would had fight for our friendship(as she talked to sleeping Desmond she used the towel and water on him)fight for the happy moment we share;i am sorry and i hope you can forgive me for hurting you and embarrassing you in public. i also want to thank you for helping me. thank you very much(she smiled and used the blanket to cover him and walked away)

Alfred: how is he
Stephanie: he is okay but he is still sleeping
Alfred: thank you very much
Stephanie: is nothing;i should be the one giving you all the thanks. first of all;you calling me to attend to him show that you all still trust me even after all the bad attitude i have put up with and secondly you have given me the chance to tell him i am sorry for embarrassing him and also to tell him thank you for helping me;when i am in serious trouble. you see i am very grateful for what you have done for me;so i should tell you;thank you(to Alfred)
Alfred: you are such a funny girl



READ MORE.......



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Missing A

Missing B

Missing C

.

..



But I am missing U the most!Related

It is our dreams that energize us more than our abilities.Related

*guy behind Sarthak Agrawal during exam*



“Bhai bata kuch to bata de, thoda bohot hi sahi atleast starting hi bata de warna fail ho jauga please bhai”



Sarthak : i don’t know anything, i’ll fail too!



*result time Sarthak got 99.6%*



guy behind him must be like : bc! kahi tu mila gaya na bohot marr khayega, teri maaka kayam churan!!Related

Akpors and his friend went for interview when dey reach d place his friend went in first dey ask him who is d first head of state GEN.YAKUBU GOWON..dey ask himd second which year did he enter he say 1914...dey ask him d last question have they find d solution to hiv he YES BUT NOT SCIENCTIFICALLY PROVEN..as akpors friend go out akpors say wot is d question as he want to tell him dey say next he say tell me d answer as he tell him...he reach d place dey ask akpors what is ur name he say GEN.YAKUBU GOWON dey look at each other dey ask him wot year were u born he say 1914...d interviewer say are u mad he say YES BUT NOT SCIENCTIFICALLY PROVEN...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-23 12:57:36

514 Views




Monday is here again, a day I have planned to go
see Madam Tawiah and forfeit going to class. I
want to narrate my ordeal to her and God bless Dr.
Larbi for taking me through this that I am doing
the right time in handling the culprits to the authorities. As I rouse from bed, the first sound
echoing in my head is that of Dr. Larbis.
I get myself ready and drive to Madina Police
Station. I park my car at the parking lot then
switch off the engine. I walk straight for the
counter and sight two police officers. “Good day Officers” I greet with a smile.
“Yes Madam, how can we help you,” One of the
Officers speaks in a rough accent. He has this
awful set of teeth painted with black or so to
speak.
“I have an appointment with Madam Ama Tawiah.” I reply but their faces get lost as they
both look each other frisking for answers and
chorus “We don’t know any Madam with such a
name.”
The other officer asks “Which department is she
at?” “Domestic Violence and Victims Support Unit” I
reply
“Ah! DOVVSU; that is Madam Mighty” The Officer
beam. “Her office is upstairs. Just take your right
outside and look for a staircase. It the very first
office you will see” I follow his description. I find a door plaque sign
on the door with inscription of the full meaning
of DOVVSU. I glance at my wrist watch and its
noon already. I knock twice on the door and walk
straight in.
“Madam Tawiah, Good Afternoon” “How are you doing Merissa?”
“I feel like a bird that just regained its wings to
fly,” with smiles plastered on my face.
“That’s a wonderful feeling Merissa and I am glad
you are here. At the very moment, I am rushing
out for lunch, do you mind we go have lunch together and you could tell me everything”
“OK, that would be great. I can do that. Which
restaurant are we going as I would like to use my
car?”
“Do you know the Asanka Delight?”
“Yes I do” I remember Kofi taking me there on our first date and afterwards profess his undying
feelings to me but had told him to give me time
to think about it as I was
obviously swooning over Brian.
*******************
We order our meal and sit on a wicker-chair waiting for our meals to be served.
“Narrate the whole story to me Merissa” She says.
“Where do I even start from?”
“Start from when it all started” She replies.
“Brian Williams is in his late thirties and he drives
a Mercedez G-Wagon. He rescued me one day when I had troubles with my car and henceforth
we became more than friends. He invited me one
day to this party which he and his friends had
organized.
At the party, our champagne drinks were
drugged.” My eyes wells up and makes way for my tears.
Madam Tawiah brings out a fresh tissue paper
and hands it to me.
“Don’t cry my dear, young ladies like you are out
there; oppressed, used and raped and don’t even
know their right from their left. You are doing the right thing pinning down those culprits and I
promise you when they are found, they won’t
harm you in any way. Nevertheless, I have some
questions to ask”
“Please ask” I respond in my faint voice.
“Did you recognize anyone at the party?” “No, I don’t know anyone”
“Can you describe how Brian looked like?
“Yes, he is six feet tall, a bit chubby, coffee
complexion and has a smudge on his temple”
“Okay, this information will be useful. I will start
working from the Tema Yacht Club. If those men could host a party over there, it
means they are regular members of the club and
hopefully, their CCTV camera could capture the
scene for us to watch. We
would be able to pull and run scans on their faces
with the face recognition software that our new administration had been able to provide us with”
I nod to the ideas springing up to Madam Tawiah.
This exact moment, I am happy that this can
somehow be easy for the police to deal with.
“You see Merissa; life is not always as rosy even to
the wealthy men. We all go through a phase of some kind; some are unprecedented, normal
phase and also I believe this phase is meant for
us to be strong as the popular saying goes ‘If it
doesn’t kill you, It only makes you stronger.’ It is
as simple as that. If we don’t have this
experience, we won’t have a story to tell our children.”
“Yes Madam Tawiah, you are right” I add.
“I don’t know my biological parent. I grew up in a
Christian church as the Preacher and his wife took
me as their child. Can you imagine that the
preacher that was seen in the public eye as a mentor to many was actually a fake one?” Madam
Tawiah says.
“WHAT! You don’t say” I reply in disbelief.
“What can I say Merissa, he told lies to his
congregation. He would come to my room every
fortnight and do ungodly things to my body and promise me the world if only I kept quiet. What
did I know then? I was young and naive. It was
until I got older then I knew my left and right,
what was civilized and uncivilized and what was
of pure in the sight of God. Then, I stood on my
ground and decided to make a change by being part of that change.”
“Oh! Madam Tawiah, you went through all that?”
“Yes Merissa, I went through hell in the hands of
men”
“Thanks for this eye-opener and giving me the
confidence.” Our bowl of Fufu with assorted Aponkye meats is
served. We eat and exit the place after saying our
goodbyes.


>>

Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, “Your thing doesn`t have any skin on it!”.

“I`ve been circumcised.”, the other replied.

“What`s that mean?”

“It means they cut the skin off the end.”

“How old were you when it was cut off?”

“My mom said I was two days old.”

“Did it hurt?”, the kid asked inquiringly.

“You bet it hurt, I didn`t walk for a year!”Related

Ek Fauji Ki Nayi Nayi Shadi Hui, Suhagrat Se Agle Din Usko Emergency Ki Vajah Se Vapis Border Pe Bula Liya Gaya.



Jane Se Pahle Fauji Ne Socha Ki Mere 3 Bhai Hai, Kahi Piche Se Meri Biwi Ke Sath Kuch Galat Na Kare.



To Vo Unhe Bulata Hai Aur Kahta Hai: “Main Border Pe Jaa Raha Hun, Yaad Rakhna Babhi Maa Samaan Hoti Hai”



Fir Bhi Use Apne Bhaiyo Pe Yakeen Nahi Thha, To Usne Apni Biwi Ki Choot Mein Ek Blade Rakh Diya.



Fauji Chala Gaya Aur 2 Months Ke Baad Vapis Aaya Aur Apne Se Chote Bhai Ko Bulaya Aur Bola



Fauji: “Chal Sare Kadpe Utar?”



Bhai Ne Kapde Utar Diye To Fauji Ne Dekha Uske Lund Pe Ek Cut Laga Hua Thha



Fauji Gusse Se Bola: “Madhar Chod Harami Kutte, Bahan Ke Lund Babhi Maa Saman Hoti Hai, Fir Bhi Tune Esa Kiya, Chala Ja Door Ho Ja Meri Nazro Se”



Fir Us Se Chote Bhai Ko Bulata Aur Uske Bhi Kapde Utarvata Hai, Uske Bhi Lund Pe Ek Cut Laga Hota Hai



Fauji: “Salo, Babhi Maa Saman Hoti Hai Aur Tumne Uski Ijjat Pe Hath Dhala, Maa Chuda Yaha Se Chala Ja”



Ab Vo Sabse Chote Bhai Ko Bulata Hai Aur Usko Bhi Nanga Karta Hai, Par Uska Lund Bilkul Saaf Hota Hai.



Fauji: “Tu Hi Mera Asli Bhai Hai, Tune Apne Is Bhai Ki Ijjat Rakhi Aur Babhi Ko Maa Ka Darja Diya”



Chota Bhai Apne Dono Haatho Se Ishara Karta Hai Aur Bolta Hai: “Lai Lu Lya Leh Lha Lai“Related

Funny jokes [Read it]



Its always the fineguy who walks up to
you,looks at you with charming
eyes,then whispers to your ear "my
friend likes you while he points at a
monkey with a bigforehead like rabbit



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-01-11 11:56:11

502 Views




A young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village. Once she`s inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement.

After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her. She`s really pleased to have met this guy.

At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla. Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance.

The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter. Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion!

After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid. Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN.

The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can`t properly see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the effect! More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself.

“Just a minute,big boy,” she whispers to the panting bald-headed Aussie. “I think I need to try some of your tonic!” She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid. She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-Cola. Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed – only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay team.Related

BOY: Do u have a boyfriend?
GIRL: Nope, I don`t have one.
BOY: Gen2:18 The Lord God said, It is not good for a man to be alone. I willmake a helper suitable for him.”
GIRL: But I don`t love you.
BOY: 1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because Godis love."
GIRL: & how do I know you mean those words.
BOY: Matthew 12:34 For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
GIRL: But how can I be sure that you`re loyal & honest?
BOY: Mark 13:31 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
GIRL: But why me? There are a lot of girls out there.
BOY: Proverbs 31:29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
GIRL: But what is in me that you like?
BOY: Song of Solomon 4:7 "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."
GIRL: But I`m not all that beautiful, u`re exaggerating.
BOY: Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
GIRL: What happens if I say yes.
BOY: Genesis 2:24 "Therefore man shall leave his father and his mother & hold fast to his wife, & they shall become one flesh."
GIRL: How come you know the scriptures this much
BOY: Joshua 1:8 " This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous and you will have good success."
GIRL: wooow, I can see u really love God.
BOY: Psalm 34:8 "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.
GIRL: mmm. Ok please give me time to think about it.
BOY: Philippians 4:8 "Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
GIRL: oww I love you already BOY: Revelation 22:21"Amen!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 20:42:40

521 Views




as i was getting out of the school gate, i heard a voice calling me,iturned to see the person calling my name as if i fainted,the person i see is dapo.dapo:hey,you forgot your note.me:thank you so much dapo.dapo:you are welcome,which way are you going bamy.me:ringroad,and you?dapo:am going to mobile let's go together.mek.we entered a bike,i dropped at ringroad when i get home i eat my meal hungrily, do my assignment and take a nap.when i wake up i noticed someone is inside the kitchen,i go to the kitchen to check who it is. i saw my mom cooking already.me:welcome mom.mom:i have arrived since but i did not want to wake you up.how was your first day at school?me:not bad. mom:gist me daughter. i told her everything that happened at school.mom:what do you call the boy's name?meladapo diamond.mom :wow he is my friend's son! me:your friend's son? mom:you know what? tell him to give you his mother number.me:but we are not that close.mom:i dont care,just do it. aw will i do dis? i dont know how


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A guy was in love with a girl but never
had the guts to tell her. One night
around 10,
he gathered some courage &
sent her a text with these
honest words... "Doreen, I love you, Plz reply & tell me
how you feel." A few seconds later he
received a
message alert on his phone.
He was so scared and too tensed to
open it that night so he decided not to check the message
until the next morning when he's less
tense and in better senses.
So he went to sleep. When he woke up
the next day he prayed seriously about
the message for good news, went about doing his morning chores, brushed his
teeth, ate his breakfast
took a bath, dressed himself up then
climbed into bed and picked his phone
to read the message on his phone.
This was the response he read: "Dear customer you have
insufficient balance to send this
message. Please recharge your account
and try again".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-26 11:24:01

991 Views




A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. 


About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" 


"Of course," the wife agrees, and they do it again.


Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die." 


She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.


After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.


The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."


At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-13 19:48:04

134 Views




If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him and getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
What shutter speed would you use?Related

dating [Read it]


Let me put it dis way , you and ur girlfriend have made an oath in a shrine dat u will not betray each other, dat who ever do so among should die a hot death , and d future now comes for both of u to marry each other , u went to a doctor to do some test and later d result for the test came out and u discover that ur girlfriend u wanted to marry to, i mean d one u both made an oath is having (HIV) . as a man what will u du? will u leave her alone so dat u can die a hot death? or u will marry with her condition? pls think wisely before u comment ...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 08:03:35

1425 Views




Continue******

The doctor left me after administering some drugs to me,I was asked to come back the next day to check on the girl,and I was also warned not to donate blood with an empty stomach, but seriously whose fault was it me or the doctor,I got home at about 6:pm, I immediately went to the kitchen to prepare something to eat,in not time I was done then I took my bath and served myself a plate of jallof rice that I prepared.

I sat on the couch after I was done eating,I put on the TV to see if there will be any interesting movie to watch, just then the event of the day came fleshing on my mind,I couldn't believed I was dead,is that how death is,only God knows why he allowed me to live, I picked up my phone and dialed mimi number but she wasn't responding, I tried some more but till no response I angrily throw my phone away, I just want mimi back and I will get her at all cost.

I woke up the next day,I have sleft on the couch while thinking, I check the time it was 8:45am again I missed work,I wasn't use to missing work but all this problems are really getting to me,I was about to leave the sitting room when I had my phone ringing I quickly try and located where it was and luckily for me I found it,it was an unknown number.

I pick at once,"hello", "please am I speaking with mr uyi"said the caller, "yes how may I help you" I don't know if I recognized the voice. "I am caller from the state police headquarter,your presence is needed", the caller said, I told him no problem and he ended the call,I immediately call Barr Wilson to inform him of the update, I quickly took my bath,ate some food because I won't want anything that happened yesterday to repeat itself, I drove to the police station as soon as I finished my breakfast.

I try not to think because that got me into trouble, thank my stars that the little girl was fine,I got there in not time and waited for Barr Wilson who said he will be with me in a short time,I waited in my car because I don't want to go in without my lawyer. Barr Wilson arrived some minutes later then we both went in,as I entered the D.p.o office I almost lose my balance on seeing lmade,she has really grow into a full woman,she is really beautiful, I didn't have time to assets her the first time we saw,at her left was mimi,she didn't bother to look at me,and there was a man with them,that was her lawyer.

I was there but my spirit wasn't with me,two things was going through my mind, mimi and lmada,but I really can't believed mimi will stand with her sister to put me in jail, is it that easy to hate someone you once loved,that is life for you. Barr Wilson did all the talking I wasn't really myself to say or answer any question, I tried to talk to lmada but she gave me the don't dare look, the meeting later came to am end, now for the concluding part,the D.p.o asked lmada if she wanted to take the case to court which she gladly wanted,the the D.p.o asked me the same question, I really don't know what to say at that point but I knew they wanted an answer,barr Wilson whisper to me to think of my decision very well before saying it out,I looked at mimi who turned her face away then to lmada who looked at me with hatred and disgust,just then I knew what to say.

"I cannot turn back time to undo what I did,I can't say it was an act of foolishness that made me do it, I was stupid yes and I can give anything to change what has happens,but if taking me to court will make you satisfied them am ready to go,lmada" on saying this I got up and left,I got to my car and wait for barr Wilson to come,I didn't know what went wrong with me but I wasn't thinking straight anymore,I was till waiting when my phone started to ring it was Anna that was calling "good morning sir" she greeted which I replied, "sir where are you I tried calling you since morning but your number wasn't connecting" she sounded worried,well she has always been like that, "oh don't worry i am okey how is work",i really wasn't in the mood for long talk, "sir you should be here by now the contractors are here and they have been waiting for you for the past 30min sir" o my God,today is Tuesday, I lost count of days, I have a meeting today and a very important one at that,losing this will cost me my job,I pleased with her to keep them waiting for some few minutes that I was on my way,I quickly entered my car and didn't bother to wait for Barr Wilson, I called him and informed him of the new development,he told me to get my work seetle first then we will talk about the case later,I got home,got ready and took the documents that was needed,I was driving at a high speed that I didn't see on time a school bus that was coming out the school compound,by the time i saw it,it was already too late for me,I quickly gave a round turn to avoid hitting the bus with the fear that they might be children inside,the turn was to much that my car round over.

I could here people shouting, my hand was weak to move, I could feel my heartbeat increasing, I thought of my parents, my sisters and brother,I thought of mimi and the wonderful time we have spent together, I thought of lmada, how I wish I didn't listen to my friends,I prayed in my heart that God will forgive my sins,I could feel myself bleeding, my eyes was slowly closing then I knew the end of my life has come,I tried to stay awake but I was to wake to battle with death,then I closed my eyes and went to a long sleep.

Next part




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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NICE [Read it]


It is nice for u to be important but it is important for u to be nice to people around u


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"The man replied, "Yep, sure do."Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?""Nope, sure ain't," said the man.Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-13 15:11:31

287 Views




If anyone wants to leave the country for good, they are free to go anywhere they desire.

.

.

.

.

But… no one dare leave this group!Related

dere was dis boy who love asking questions.one day a conversation with his mum went lyk dis:
BOY:mum i observed dat ur stomach is getting big,what is dere?
MOTHER:ah,it is ur younger brother dere.
BOY:My younger brother?
MOTHER:YES!!
BOY:mum,u know d bible tell us to love each other.
MOTHER:yes Of Course.
BOY:mum,do u love me??
MOTHER:Yes naw
BOY:MUM,IF U LOVE ME WHY DID U EAT MY BROTHER?
#THEO~HACKER# B-Gof


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-26 23:12:08

396 Views



Funny story [Read it]


A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her
for $500.

So they did.
Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but
that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."



On the way to his office he regretted what he had promised, deciding
that the whole event was not worth the price.

So, he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the
following note:



Dear Madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment.

I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the
apartment I was under the impression that:

1) it had never been occupied

2) that there was plenty of heat

3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and feel at home.

Last night, however, I found it had been previously occupied, that there
was no heat, and it was entirely too large.



Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$250 with the following note:

Dear Sir,
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful
apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.


As for the heat, there is heat if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is, indeed, of regular size, but if
you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please don’t blame the
landlady!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-25 20:15:57

4011 Views




Har Shakhs Nahin Hota Har Shakhs Ke Kabil;

Har Shakhs Ko Apne Liye Socha Nahin Kartey!Related

How to know a MAD man.

He wakes up in the morning, put on his
clothes and without washing his face and
brushing his teeth, heads straight to the filling
station.
On getting there, he saw an unprecedented
multitudes queuing up for fuel. He spent
about 7hours on the queue before it got to
his turn and eventually bought PMS for 200/
litre.
Heads back home, fuel his Generator,
charged his phone and then posted
#iStandWithBuhari on Facebook.
Typical MAD man.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-06 11:23:14

324 Views




Banta: When a woman arouses a man and leaves, she is known as a cock- teaser. What is a male called when he does the same to a female?

Santa: A moisturizer.Related

Santa: Why do prostitutes charge per hour?

Banta: Dunno! Why this question?

Santa: I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?Related

Mornin! [Read it]


Good mornin to all nairajokers!!! Lol, Hope u all slept well?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-10 07:09:16

108 Views




Alok Nath covers his head and takes his slippers off before playing Temple Run!Related

A good date ends with dinner, but an excellent date ends with breakfast ????Related

Cows breast [Read it]


A man wanted to buy a cow, so he holds the cow's udders (breasts) and at the same time caresses them. 


His son asks, "Dad why are you doing that to the cow?"


The man replied, "Son, I have to check if the cow's breasts produce milk in other for me to buy the cow." 


The son, dejected said, "I'm afraid the neighbour wants to buy mum too."




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-11 09:04:46

368 Views



Lies [Read it]


a man was at the hospital on his dying bed. The told the nurse who is incharge of him to call his family members to him. The nurse call the man wife and his three children. The man told his family he is about to die so he need to share his property among them. So he started with the wife and said since you are my wife am going to give u my hospital. The wife started crying. The man continue with his 1st child and told him he is going to give him his law court. The child also started sharing tears. The preceed on with the 2nd child and told him he is going to give him the airport and the child also started crying. The man went on with his last child and told him he going to give him the parliament. They all break into tears. The nurse was standing there and wondering why the man's family are crying upoun all the properties shared. So she ask the family members why are you people crying upon all the properties. They replies; WHAT PROPERTY. He is a zoomlion who sweep so he wanted us to sweep in his absence ......


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-01 17:29:21

332 Views




A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse or sexual activity.
Virginity In Yoruba Culture
During the traditional era and before the advent of colonialism, virginity was held at high esteem among the Yoruba people. A lady is expected to get married as a virgin as having sexual intercourse before the wedding ceremony is a taboo. This is the reason why the intending couple are not allowed to have close contact or be in the same room with each other before the D-day: thus, the need for an intermediary (Alarina).

Virginity to them is known as ‘Ibale’ and it is the pride of any Yoruba lady to keep hers till her wedding night.The wedding night is usually seen as a frightened day for the bride and her parents. In those days, mothers were fond of asking their daughters about their virginity so as to prevent the shame and disgrace that come with not been a virgin.
On the wedding night, a white cloth is usually given to the couple and the cloth will be spread on their bedding, mostly mats. The parents of both families sometimes stay at the entrance of the house waiting for the cloth to be brought out of the house while some parents will be in their homes expecting result. In this culture, the white cloth is expected to be stained by blood and after the sexual intercourse, if the cloth is stained, it means that the new bride is a virgin. If it turns out that the white cloth is not stained with blood, it signifies that the new bride had been promiscuous and slept with a man before.

A bride that is met as a virgin by her husband will be celebrated while the one that is not will be disgraced and banished from the village. The white cloth (stained or not) will be sent to the bride’s parents. Other items like rotten yam, half-filled matches or empty box of matches, half keg of palm wine will also be sent to them meaning that their daughter was rotten and not complete before she was married. The parents will be publicly blamed for not training their daughter. Grief, sorrow and loud cries will follow suit. Such bride that will sweep the whole village, dance naked in the market’s place before she finally leaves her village. The groom also has the right to divorce such a woman.
On the other hand, if the newly-wed was met as a virgin, the groom’s family will send a full keg of palm wine, full matches box to the bride’s parents indicating that their daughter was complete before the wedding night. She will be praised publicly and her parents will be happy. It is believed that virgins have self-discipline and are well-trained by their parents.
This custom and virginity has many advantages as it prevent the rate of fornication and helps the married women to be faithful with their husbands. Also, many lives have been lost to the act. Some young ladies have committed suicide because of the shame. Highly respected or elders can also commit suicide if their daughter was found to have lost her virginity before her marriage. This tradition is no longer in practice and has eaten deep by colonilisation.

IBALE(VIRGINITY)....ITS ALL ABOUT A MAIDEN FROM HER VILLAGE TO THE UNIVERSITY, SHE KEEPS HER VIRGINITY THROUGHOUT HER LIFE, BUT WHEN SHE GET TO THE UNIVERSITY SHE HAVE TO FIGHT VERY HARD IN ORDER NOT TO LOSE IT BECAUSE IT'S A LAW AND AN OAT MAKE BY THE ANCESTORS AND MUST NOT MISTAKENLY BE BROKEN BY ANY HOW GUY IF NOT THEIR HUSBAND

WILL THE MAIDEN LOSE HER VIRGINITY?
WHO WILL DISVIRGIN HER?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF HER SEAL HIS BROKEN?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE GUY WHO BREAK IT?
WHAT'S IS BEHIND THE LAW AND THE OAT?
WHAT CAUSES THE LAW AND THE OAT?

STAY TUNE FOR IBALE(VIRGINITY)







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Khoobsurat Hai Zindagi Khwaab Ki Tarha;

Jaane Kab Toot Jaaye Kaanch Ki Tarha;

Mujhe Na Bhoolna Kisi Baat Ki Tarha;

Apne Dil Mein Hi Rakhna Khoobsurat Yaad Ki Tarha!Related

exams [Read it]


Edem always fails his exams and one day de father Mr.Avu sed to him My son dis tym if u fail any ur papers I will nt pay ur school fees agai.....imediately de boi replied :dad den dis one u will kill me cos I failed all de papers



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 11:04:30

444 Views



giraffe [Read it]


Teacher: how do I look?
Akpos:giraffe
Teacher: (with a smiling face)why did you say so?
Akpos:because your neck is too long
.teacher fainted..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-29 00:30:10

723 Views




Kanjoos(Miser) lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .Dear Sunita Darling,I can’t send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company’s performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.Your loving husband,TunaHis wife replied..TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don’t worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses andI hope I can survive the month using this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next month?Your Sweet Heart,SunitaRelated
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