Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


One akpos went to man to ask his daugther's hand in marriage while the conversation was on between them akpos was chewin gum this are the following conversation MAN_u said u want to ask for my daugther's hand in marriage and u are chewing gum and akpos replied sir i only chew gums when i drink and smoke MAN_so u drink and smoke? And akpos replied i only drink and smoke whenever i go to club MAN_so u do go out for clubing?akpos replied i started goin out for clubin when i came back from prison?so u are a prisoner?asked the man and akpos replied i went to prison bcoz of one bastard and what did he do? ask the man and akpos replied coz he did not allow me to marry his daughter and the man wit fear said to akpos u are welcum to my house infact u are the right man for my daughter after the man finished sayin that he fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-08 15:21:09

584 Views




Husband: Mujhe Neend Nahi Aa Rahi Hai.

Wife: Jao, Ja Kar Bartan Saaf Kar Do.

Husband: Neend Mein Bol Raha Hun, Pagli!Related

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup ofrnpet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carryrnhim towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toiletrnand close both lids. You may need to stand on thernlid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.rnNever mind the noises that come from the toilet, therncat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This providesrna "power wash" and "rinse". 6. Have someone open the front door of yourrnhome. Be sure that there are no people betweenrnthe bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can andrnquickly lift both lids. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streakrnthrough the bathroom and run outside where hernwill dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparklingrnclean. Sincerely, Akpos Dog #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-10 19:19:42

750 Views




At a Wedding in a Church, the Pastor said to the Congregation;
"Is there any Man or Woman here who knows anything that will make
this wedding not to go on? You may say it now or forever remain silent."
A man quickly stood up frm the back and started walking towards the altar. The Bride fainted, the Groom ran out of the church.
The Pastor gave the man the microphone to say what hewanted to say.
He said Pastor, please show me the way to the toilet, I want to shit.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-14 09:28:11

665 Views




1 Handsome boy class mein aaya

aur

Sari girls dekhte hi deewani ho gai . ..

.

fir

Ladke ne aate hi kuch kaha To girls behosh…

.

Socho kya kaha hoga?

.

?

.

Thodi Jagah Dena, Jhaadu Lagana Hai ???? ????

“HAYE RE BEROZGARI” :’DRelated

Future Husband [Read it]


Finally I had the courage to ask this sexy girl to be my girlfriend. She agreed on Condition that we are not going have sex, that her virginity is only for her future HUSBAND!

Me being the gentle man I'm known for, totally agreed with her giving her my own condition; that I've vowed never to spend my money on any girl! My MONEY is only meant for my future wife!

She hissed and called me a WICKED guy!

Did I say anything wrong?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 10:36:40

565 Views




Wife: I should have married a devil. Even, he would have made a better husband than you.

Husband: But honey, marriage between relatives is morally considered wrong in our culture!Related

The garage [Read it]


A man was traveling in a bus,he was sitting beside a young lady.after sumtym the lady noticed dat his zip is open and said.'sir,close ur garage'.the man replied immediately.'oh d u c my range rover jeep parked their?'.the lady said.'no i only c one smal volve car inside there


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-08 23:43:14

435 Views




Akos went to church today and was sitting outside. The priest who was on
a patrol during the offering time meet Akpos sitting outside alone.
Priest: "Why did u chose to stay outside?"
Akpos: "I came late".
Priest: You this boy, Last sunday u where outside
last two sundays u where outside
last month u where outside
In short throughout last year u where outside.
"Holy Father!!!" Am sure u will be outside the heaven gate on the last day.
Akpos: "God forbid!!", Instead i will do what the members of house of rep did @ Abuja last year.
Priest: What did they do?
Akpos: Jumping the fence.
.
HAHAHAHA HAPPY SUNDAY TO U ALL


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-22 12:26:09

605 Views



kidnappers [Read it]


At the age of 44 you are still poor you now finally won a jackpot of 50 million naira at the age of 45,then your Mum was kidnapped for a ransom of 50million naira as well.....What will you do


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 12:16:55

295 Views




Zuriel: come on(he fan her)come on;please open your eyes(she open her eyes)are you alright?
Isabella: yes;i am fine;why are you sweating?
Zuriel: is nothing
Isabella: just admit it you are tense
Zuriel: what?
Isabella: you are;without being told,you such a baby
Zuriel: i am not a baby
Isabella::go on stay there;i am out of here
Zuriel: come on;wait up
Zippor: Isabella;thank God;you are save(he hugged her)what will have done?
Isabella: are you okay?
Zippor:yes i am;i was too scared;i wouldn't have been able to forgive myself;if something bad happen to you
Isabella: you worry too much;i can take care of myself
Zippor: really;come here(he dragged her closer)
Isabella: anyway;he was the one that save me;when i passed out
Zippor:what?you passed out?i told you;we should see a doctor
Isabella: its hasn't got to that
Zippor: thank you very much(zuriel phone ringing)will you like to drink something?
Zuriel:no thanks;i got to go
Zippor: will you be able to find you way out?
Zuriel: i can manage
Zippor: you don't have to;Isabella will show you;your way out
Isabella: brother(he pegged her)
Zippor: come on;be the princess you are
Isabella: alright;i will;after you
Zuriel: thanks bye
Zippor: bye(exit Zippor)
Zuriel: you and your brother are really close
Isabella: of cause;he is the best brother every sister;will dream of having
Zuriel: really?
Isabella: of cause;here we are
Zuriel: thank you very much;you can go home now
Isabella: don't worry;i will wait till you get a cab
Zuriel: you are kidding right?
Isabella: i am not;don't worry because i don't want someone to tell me;he got harass because of me
Zuriel: do you think;i cant defend myself
Isabella: i didn't say so;i just don't want people to start....

Zuriel: keep quiet(he press his hand on her lips)you talk too much
Isabella: alright;fine;i wouldn't say anything;my mouth are seal
Zuriel: (they stool without a word)don't you have sisters?(no answer) come on tell me
Isabella: what is it?you said i talk too much but you wouldn't let me be;anyway;i am tired of keeping quiet,my mouth might start smelling bad or is it smelling?(she open the mouth in his face)is it smelling?(he laughed)come tell me;so i brush
Zuriel: you are really funny;how old are you?
Isabella: now you are going to asked;i was born 2002;June 1 at saint Matthew hospital in horse land city
Zuriel: what?that is the same hospital i was born;same year but it just that mine was June 2nd (she laughed)why are you laughing?
Isabella: i thought as much;you are a baby;i am older than you
Zuriel: what?i am not a baby(he frown)
Isabella: please don't frown;you look funny and i may not be able to tell people that i am older than you(he laughed)
Zuriel: you are really funny
Cabman: Are you going
Isabella: go on;i got to go
Zuriel: alright(he turn)
Isabella: hey;remember to always put up a smile;don't be too grumpy;it makes people scared of you
Zuriel: i know
Isabella: better
Zuriel: please;wait can i have your number
Isabelka: no way
Zuriel: if you don't give me;that means you have a crush on me
Isabella: you wish
Zuriel: go on,prove me wrong
Isabella: fine;you can have it(she dialed her number on his phone)don't you ever think; i will have a crush on you,never
Zuriel: thank you(he cut his eyes for her)bye
Isabella: whatever;me have a crush on you;that is never possible
Melisa: where have you been?
Zuriel: mom; are you back?
Melisa: that doesn't answer my question;i said,'where have you been'
Zuriel: mom;relax
Melisa: don't you dare ;i said where are you coming from?
Mara: don't be too hard on him
Melisa: Mara; if you don't want me to be too hard on him;then tell him to start talking
Mara: i was here when he left;maybe he just want to see what the town look like
Melisa: that is not true;he is my son;he doesn't move unless something interest him
Zuriel: alright;fine mom;lets assume you are right
Melisa: is not assumption;that is the fact
Zuriel: okay;yes i went to see a friend of mine;the girl at the show family
Melisa: girl again
Zuriel: you want the truth;i am telling you but you don't want to listen;excuse me(exit Zuriel)
Melisa: come back here;you see this boy
Mara: relax; you are too hard on him
Melisa: i will tell His dad;to sent him back to the state;he hasn't really change
Mara: that is not true;he is a responsible boy,right since he was a baby;all you two did;was to tell him;what to do;just take things easy with him;he is not a baby
Melisa: alright;fine
Zuriel: hello;is Zuriel(on phone)how are you?
Isabella: fine;why are you calling?stop calling me;i am not your ....
Zuriel: my girlfriend?
Isabella: what?
Zuriel: isn't it what you want to say?
Isabella: no way
Zuriel: so;what did you want to say?
Isabella: um...nothing;go to bed;is too late to stay up calling girls
Zuriel: i am not calling girls;i am calling you
Isabella: am i not a girl
Zuriel: of cause you are;when am i seeing you?
Isabella: what?we are not dating;if you have plans of dating me;you have to come through my brother;if my brother approve then you will come to me;what am i saying?sorry; is all a big mistake. even if my brother approve;i will not because you are not my prince charming;my shepherd boy
Zuriel: shepherd boy
Isabella: yes;don't you read your bible?the shulammite girl is in love with the shepherd boy and not with
Zuriel: king Solomon
Isabella: of cause;you are right;his love for me is as strong as death;surging waters cannot extinguish my love for him nor can rivers washed away my love for him.he is the one and only one;i loved
Zuriel: who?
Isabella: my shepherd boy of cause(he laughed)
Zuriel: who is this shepherd boy of yours?
Isabella: the one and only loved of mine
Zuriel: i know;who is he?(enter Melisa)
Isabella: i haven't seen him but if i see him....
Zuriel: your heart will beat three times for him and your heart will speak his name also

Isabella: of cause how did you know that?and not only that;he will take care of me;carry me when i am sick;give me a kiss every morning and always tell me that i am a princess
Zuriel: you are funny;you must be looking for a perfect boy
Isabella: he is not perfect;he is just sweet;nice;lovely;adorable;kind hearted;truthful;patients and not grumpy(continued laughing) will you stop
Zuriel: i just cant help(he continued laughing)you are wishing for the impossible
Isabella: don't be mean;does it mean no such character will fall in love with me?
Zuriel: that is not what i meant
Isabella: then what
Zuriel: you are really not that difficult to fall in love with
Isabella: will you stop teasing
Zuriel: but that is the fact;to love you is....(coughed Melisa)Mom;good night my mom is here
Isabella: alright;good night take care(she end the call)
Zuriel: mom;did you need anything?
Melisa: no;i want to talk to you
Zuriel: what about?
Melisa: tell me;are you still dating Dedo?
Zuriel: no mom;we are just friends now;since dad said we are way too you for that
Melusa: that is good;the girl you went to visit;is who?
Zuriel: she is Isabella;fun to be with;when you are with her;it seem there is no problem in the world,every moment you have with her count;although crazy but she is caring and a talkative(he smiled)mom;if you meet her;you will like her
Melisa: why are you smiling?
Zuriel: i am not smiling mom
Melisa: so it had gotten to the extend;when you now smile and you don't know
Zuriel: sorry mom;i didn't realise i was doing that

Melisa: tell her;i want to see her
Zuriel: mom;she is not my girlfriend
Melisa: i said i want to see her;tomorrow;good night(exit Melisa)
Zuriel: what kind of problem is this?






read more



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Stephanie: you maybe every girls dreams but not mine because you are not even my type
Desmond: i am not your type then why do you accept my proposal
Stephanie: nothing maybe i wasn't thinking
Desmond: are you sure?
Stephanie: yes;i am(she frown)
Desmond: is okay;good night
Stephanie: good night
Desmond: Stephanie
Stephanie: yes
Desmond: loosen up;a lady is suppose to be smiling because you grown old faster when you are not smiling
Stephanie: really
Desmond: yes(exit Desmond)
Stephanie: (to herself)God! i really thought he was this descent and respectful but no he is not even close to that;he is arrogant;full of herself and he like teasing people. gosh. so pathetic (the next morning)
MRS Ophelia: welcome today segment
MR Unbelievable: i hope;you did your home work very well
MR IKE: and in this segment anyone can be disqualified and that is the end of the road for you and your school
MRS Ophelia: so lets start with number one
Melisa: good morning ma
MRS Ophelia: morning;there is your question for the day;if you were to advice a person on the type of account to open in a bank;what are the things you will say and the reason why he or she should open such an account?
Melisa: since there are different type of account and people varies also. if a parent was to open an account for little child;i will prefer they open a deposit account because in deposit account it earn higher level of interest than the other account since the money on the account are likely to be kept for a long period of time;till the child is grown. by putting money in such an account;the bank will not let them withdrew money whenever the parent wishes even big businessmen or wealth people that has a lot of money that they may not have budget for immediately. if a small scale businessmen or lower income earner;i will advice them to go for saving account;since they need someone to keep their money;which they can withdrawn anytime they wish. they are issues with a passbook;atmcard in which deposit and withdrawals are recorded;even if they need money earn small interest on their money but the bottom line is they need money almost at all time. a student can operate a current account because mist times make payment by cheque even if his money doesn't earn him any interest but he has to pay bank charges for operating this account but he can also withdrew money on demand at any point. i think that should be able to make someone makes its choice
MR Unbelievable: thank you;that means i have to consider those things before opening an account?
Melisa: yes sir
MRS Ophelia: next
Rita: morning sir
MR Unbelievable: since you study business management;how will you advice someone whom want to start a business about how to deal with risk management and insurance
Rita: our daily activities are full of risk;whether we like it or not;as long as we live;risk are inevitable. a home maybe destroy by fire;flood;income can stop coming into a family due to death of the breadwinner of a family;injuries sustained by accident;ones vehicle can be stolen all in a twinkle of an eye,all are liken event;that too can happen in a business;since risk are generally inescapable. every business is something of gamble;that has the possibility of loss and the prospect of profit also. going with the risk associated with life and business;human has at one stage or another of development;continue to look for solution to reduces;if not to eliminate all despite all these; risk are more difficult to guild against and we have risk like bad weather;natural disasters;strike;death;lawsuit and accident;all are economic risk which involve loss of property and earning power. no matter how lucky or careful we are;we cannot eliminate economic risk completely. i will like to mentioned risk that are common to our day to day activities and how to manage it;since we know risk can be defined as the uncertainty that exist in the occurrence of some events or the possibility that the actual return will deviate from that which is expected;it can also be seen as a double chance of loss or injury that arises from business variation. business risk can be measure by assigning probability distribution and employing statistical measure of dispersion like the range;the variance;standard deviation. risk management is the only way to reduce the uncontrollable event by application of general management concept teaching her to a specialised area which requires drawing up of plans directing;organising of material and men for the undertaking;maintaining of activities among people for objectives involved;coordinating all the activities involved and controlling;even to be able to set our objectives. having a good communication between the workers and the firm;establishing a means of effective implementing decision made;monitoring and evaluation of the decision reaches. since there different types of risk like business risk;political risk;liquidity risk;purchasing risk;market risk e.t.c we can be able to protect then by insuring them in any insurance company. that deals with such risk and the loss must be definite;the loss must be accidental;it should be financially serious. this are some of the things i could say
MRS Ophelia: thanks;so if i want to open a business and i need to reduce the risk those are some of the things i should do
Rita: yes ma
MR IKE: next
Nando: good day sir
MR Unbelievable: if you are to plant a crops after sometime you plant another crops in same field;you plant the first one;how will developed the old ones and the new ones without anyone dying as in improvement crops
Nando: since every farmer want to improve its yield of crops better;that is where crops improvement method is applied. crop improvement can be describe as the development of existing crop varieties;in order evolve new varieties which will perform better than the older one. when i say better performance;i mean in terms of protein quality;higher yield;disease resistance and some main aim of crops improvement;including increasing the yield of crops. to increase the quality of produce;to meet the need of grower;to adapt to climatic condition. to increase resistance to disease and pest;to produce crops that mature early. which bring us to the application of the mendelian laws;which is divided into two;Mendel's first law;it can also be refer to as law of segregation and Mendel's second law;also the law of independent assortment. the first law state that when two pure or true bleeding organism with pair of contrasting character are close;only the dominant character is express in the first filial generation;while both character segregated over in the first filial generation;in the second filial generation tallness is dominant over dwarf ness;so only tallness is express in the first filial generation;the second filial generation the phenotype expression is three tall plant having a genotype TT and Tt. i develop plant with the genotype tt;this give a monohybrid ratio of 3:1. the TT plant has their genotype has pure homozygous. Tt ones are heterozygous tall plants;which are capable of preventing dwarf plant while tt are pure homozygous dwarf. the Mendel's second law state when two pure true breeding organism which two or more pairs of contrasting character are closed;the character assort independently in second filial generation,this laws was based on inheritance. he found out that when pure bred tall pea with coloured flowers crossed with a dwarf variety with white flower all the first generation plants were tall with colouring flower. since time we not permit me;i will just mentioned them;Allele;gamete;filial generation;homozygous;hybrid;zygote etc there is also process of crop improvement which include introduction;selection;cross breeding. since you know that everything that has advantages also have disadvantage likewise this process. with this words of mine;one can be able to improve its crops with this without damaging either the new ones or the old ones
MR Unbelievable: thank you
MRS Ophelia: next
Desmond: good day sir
MRS Ophelia: has a medical student;although you have not being trained into one specific field of medicine;you have being trained on general medicine;so if a patient was to come to you with a problem what step will you take?





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This one is a killer..

Sardar won an English quiz by writing the opposite word of
“manchester united” !
Guess what he wrote?
.
.
.
Woman chest are divided!Related

“Hey sky, why haven’t you been picking up my calls or replying my messages. I want to see you again babe”
Won’t this woman just leave me alone, haven’t you caused me enough problems already “Hapunum aka (leave me alone)” I hissed dropping my phone again after reading a text from Nancy.

Early morning text is now the daily routine for both Amanda and Nancy.
I just need to recollect myself back, i need a break from both of them and even Joy. Have had enough of the problems they are riddled with.

Giving out a loud yawn with that normal involuntary total body stretching that always accompanies first morning yawns and a lot of cracking sounds ringing while i stretched.

Early morning boner was visible making my scooby doo boxer look swollen. My eyes were drawn to Chioma who was still sound asleep on the bed, she was clad in a black bum shotz and pink tank top, her face looked innocent while her exposed thighs looks guilty. **View of inner thighs gets junior sky going**

From the very first day i arrived nsukka, chioma’s behaviour have betrayed the fact that she must have something plotted out for me and jessy was involved in it.

The over pampering i get from both her and jessy, but from her most of all can make any man forget his troubles in a whim.
Her constant flirting and Jessy’s nudging when ever she’s around made the conspiracy plot very evident.

Jessy have always wanted me to date this girl and i am beginning to think her plans are working.
Who would say ‘NO’ to such beautiful good angel who is yet head over heels with you, am not Jabez.

The compound can be termed “Girls quarters” because all of the inhabitants are girls with most of them reaching up to 4 in one house, only Jessy and Chioma could boast of being only 2 sharing theirs.

Different categories of girls flocked round, the tall and slim ones, short small ones, fat ones, busty girls and churchious girls with skirts that help sweep the compound.

Seems chioma wants to create an impression to all of them that i am dating her with the way she clings to me, showed me off among the girls but seemed she only managed to instill interest in most of them.

Like the girl staying in house 4 who have gone as far as engaging me in a conversation on a moonlit silvery night, the bold cleavages she rocked from her cyan coloured top looking interrupted by the silvery beams the moon cast giving it a more greyish look.

Her legs hugged tight in a white leggings that showed all the contours even her yam leg.
Her name was Cynthia as she introduced herself to me during our conversations.

“Sky food is ready, where are you” Chioma’s whatsapp message interrupted me while i pretended to be interested in cynthia’s long boring stories applying little laughs when i think she meant to be funny.

“I deh outside, talking with one of ur friends cynthia” I typed back still trying to look interested in cynthia’s season film long tales.
Chioma now even worry about my whereabouts more than my own twin, in fact Jessy now even seem to leave me to her care cus she doesnt even miss any chance of living us alone. **This girl already sold me out gan**

“What! She’s not my friend.. ok am coming” Her message followed almost before a jiffy.

Chioma popped out to where i sat with in two opposite white plastic chairs.
The scratching sounds her slippers made on the floor as she walked to where i sat, a white flay skirt with a red top described her nomenclature bringing her figure nearer.

I can pay anything to get a replay of Cynthia’s facial expression as Chioma sat on my lap and announced that food was ready with her hand going across my shoulder.
I did well to hide my surprise but Cynthia whose face now sagged with a her facial expression giving out her contempt tho she tried to hide it, i noticed it anyway.

“Chi baby how far na” Cynthia threw at chioma who decorated her face with a broad grin.
“Cindi i deh ooo ” Chioma smiled back.
**Am sure this una smile no reach for una stomach**

I excused myself from cynthia and followed Chioma inside, with her leading the way like a victorious war lord, saw cynthia’s resigning figure in a moment before i fully disappeared into the room.
** ** **

Watching Chioma’s figure now sprawled on the bed in a blissful unconscious abandon.. i smiled to myself as i rushed off to the bathroom for the morning duties..

Nsukka is so gonna make brainz.

..To Be Continued..


>>

Akpos came late to school and his teacher asked
him: "akpos, why are you late?"
Akpos: "because my father was looking for his
money at home."
Teacher: "were you helping him to look for it?"
Akpos: "no, I was standing on it until he left."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 17:36:17

689 Views



IRonY OF Life [Read it]


IRONY OF LIFE! (strange but
true...)
.
1.The lawyer hopes you get in trouble
2.The doctor hopes you get sick
3.The police hopes you become a criminal
4.The teacher hopes you are born stupid
5.The landlord hopes that you don't build a
house
6.The coffin maker wants you dead
7.Only a theif wishes you Prosperity in Life!
Clap for thieves,Abeg Hug a thief next to
you!!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 19:21:55

510 Views




No one in this world is rich enough to buy his own childhood and youth back.

Only friends help to recreate those moments from time to time at no cost!Related

The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.

– Albert EinsteinRelated

A man called ojc 2 repair his electrical appliance.as he was he repairing it,nepa brought light nd d electric was shocking him.d man's daughter came out shouting.wow,he can dance.1 word 4 d gal


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-18 11:26:32

352 Views




I started my job as a sales boy.my first day at work
wasn’t that interestin.only that i saw my
colleagues.two girls probably there age might be 23
and 22. they introduce there selfs wit me.while i did
the same with them.my work was as a bar man.doing the break.one of the girls came to me.and we
exchange pleasantries.
GIRL.hi.
ME.hello.how are you doing?.
GIRL.am fine.welcome to our restaurant. Hope you are
enjoying the work?. ME.(enjoye kee).not really but i gat no choice na.i have
to do the work.
GIRL.alright.my name is.charity.and you?.
ME.ooh!call me dube.
CHARITY.okay.uncle dube.
ME.noo.just dube. CHARITY.i can’t call you dube.you are older than me.
ME.but i insist.
CHARITY.alright.if that is what you want.please can you
tell me more about yourself.atleast lets know each
other better.
ME.dear.i don’t wanna talk about that.lets leave the topic.
CHARITY.please uncle dube.i mean dube.please i care
to know.tell me.
ME.okay.charity i will tell you but not today.next time.
CHARITY.okay.
That was how i and charity became friends.she was such a lovely girl.so caring and intelligent.i started
developing some likeness over her.which i know she
like me too.
I was paid my first salary for the month.a sum of
12k.the following month.work continue.everything
was moving well gradually.i was doing my work pure and neat.without adding or reducing an amount of
any drink.i know i wasn’t satified and happy with the
job.but i tried my best to be happy.i was a bar man
like i said before while charity was a sales girl.she was
the one that always do the cook of the food we sale to
the customers.she always give me food for free. You promise to tell me about yourself since a month
now.but you havn’t.that was the voice of charity when
we were together.
ME.you have already known much about me na.what
else do you want to know.
CHARITY.do you have a girlfriend?. ME.charity.you ask alot of question.why do you want
to know?.
CHARITY.please tell me na.i thought we are friends.
ME.okay fine.i had a girlfriend.we broke up.
CHARITY.am sorry.but what happen.why did you guys
broke up?. ME.is a long story.(but still charity don’t want t give
up).
CHARITY.tell me.am ready to hear.
I told her everything she want to know.including my
life story.everything.charity really felt for me.after i
narrated my story to her.tears was dropping from her eyes.
CHARITY.is a pity dube.indeed life isn’t far to you.the
girl doesn’t love you.if she loves you she wouldn’t have
left you .no matter your condition.please just don’t
give up.God will surely answer our prayers one
day.okay. ME.thank you dear.thanks for your word.your are a
friend indeed.
CHARITY.you are welcome.i will always be there for
you.but there is something i want to tell you.
ME.what is that.hope no problem.
CHARITY.no.no problem.hope you won’t be offended.(i gave her the sign of go ahead).
CHARITY.i i i don’t know how to say it. I love you dube.
ME.(suprise)what.for how long.i mean how.
CHARITY.from the very first day i saw you.the feeling is
very strong and special.i can’t hide it any more.please
dube. ME.i have heard you .i won’t lie to you.i like you
too.but you don’t deserve me.i can’t take care of
you.am not doing a better job.charity see.you are a
beautiful girl.some day some rich handsome guys who
are better than me will come to you.and by that
time.you will leave me and go to them.let just be friends okay.
CHARITY.nobody will take me away from you.and
beside i didn’t come for your money or material
things.am here because of the love i have for you.the
love is pure.i will never leave you for any other
person.am here to stay..dube i love you. ME.(i was silent for some seconds before i was able to
force the words out)i love you too charity…..she came
forward and hug me tighly.
That was how my new relationship with charity
started.although we worke at the same place but we
always behalve ourself. The second month came and pass.as usuall i was paid
my 12k.
One faithful day.my madam came out complaining
that her money was missing.the sum of 50k.she said
that she has search every were.but still she havn’t seen
it.and the worst thing she did was.she pointed her fingers at me.accused me that i was the one that steal
the money.that she has been suspecting me for a long
time.thief thief she called me.i tried explaining to her
that i wasn’t the one that took her money.but she paid
deaf ear to me.finally i was disgraced and throw out
from the restuarant.i was sacked again.all this while.charity was busy criying and sheading tears.but
the damage has been done already.life goes on.
On my way going.she ran to me.and promise to visit
me.
CHARITY.baby i know that u didn’t take the money.you
are innocent.but just believe that God will surely see us through.i will forever love you my prince.
ME.thank you charity for standing by me.i don’t know
what to say.i love you too.i have to go.just take care of
yourself.
I will visit you.was her last words she said to
me.before i left.LIFE START AFRESH.

To Be Continued

>>

cheat [Read it]


MTN think say Dem wise pass us..Anoda cheat is out if u no want make MTN deduct ur Mb/Credit,then text "Abeg to 131"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-08 19:37:28

360 Views




INSECT EPISODE 3


(WRITER TALKING):"a full grown red long horned female grasshopper of 3 to 13cm, was jumping happily from grass to soil and soil to grass,with its antennae extend beyond the hind end of the body folded back,the female grasshopper was looking for the right place to lay her eggs.she suddenly spotted a crevices in the bark of a tree,but unknown and unfortunate for her,she was handing for her doom ".
(WRITER TALKING):" Their were hundreds of foraging ants looking for food.she jumped and landed into their middle,an ant immediately grabbed her hind right leg in self defence,and 3 ants followed the other ant and grabbed her left leg,the ants used their mandibles to grab onto the grasshopper's hind legs so tight that it weaken her hind legs".
GRASSHOPPER:"no I can't die like this",it said to itself.
(WRITER TALKING):" Before it could make any other move ,They attacked her forelegs, where her hearing aid were located, casing her to loose her ability to hear".
(WRITER TALKING):"They didn't let go of the grasshopper,the grasshopper was totally out numbered and out matched, her only way of escaping was now for her to use her wings to fly away, and she really needed to lay her eggs,which she was carrying"....

Rajnikanth knows who let the dogs out.Related

TEACHER: Johnny, why didn't you complete the homework you were given yesterday? 


JOHNNY: Ma'am, do you know the problem with the world? The problem is that 90% of people in the world want to work.


TEACHER: So?


JOHNNY: I'm a part of that remaining 10%


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-26 21:29:34

237 Views




Akpos went to a native doctor
and requested to know
how bright his destiny would be.
The native doctor
drew a circle with a white chalk
and another circle with
a black chalk.
After that, he placed a dead
millipede on the floor and
asked Akpos to watch carefully.
He said he would
recite some incantation to make
the dead millipede
start crawling. He told Akpos that
if the millipede
crawls into the white circle, it
means that his destiny
will be bright but if it crawls
inside the black circle, it
means his destiny will be dark.
Finally he started his incantation
and the dead
millipede started crawling. When
it got in between the
two circles, it turned and started
crawling towards the
black circle.
Akpos watched and immediately
it was about entering
the black circle, Akpos picked it
and gently dropped it
inside the white circle.
The native doctor who got
furious asked Akpos why
he did that.
Akpos replied, “I won’t fold my
arms and watch my
destiny crawl into darkness
because my destiny is in my
hands.
May your destiny never crawl into
darkness in Jesus name.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 06:17:09

444 Views




Three men were at the FBI Building for a job interview. The first man walked into the office.


The interviewing FBI agent said, “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.”


The man took the gun, hesitated, and said, “Sorry, I can’t do it.”


The next interviewee came into the office.


The agent said, “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.”


The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked back out.


“Sorry,” he said.


The last man came into the office. This guy really wanted the job. The interviewer said, “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.”


The man took the gun and went into the room. The agent heard 6 shots, silence, and then a lot of screaming.


Shortly, the man came out of the room and said, “Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!”Related

I overheard 2 guys in the bar the other day. I couldn’t help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar.


One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man you look tired.”


His buddy says, “Dude I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don’t know what to do.”


A fellow about my age (42), sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the conversation.


He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, “Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that shit!”Related

Are you a 45 degree angle? Because you’re acute-y!Related

Justice is a temporary thing that must at last come to an end; but the conscience is eternal and will never die.

~ Martin LutherRelated

In secondary school, I was
very poor in
Maths and Chemistry.
During exams,
I'd
get between 2% and 8%.
The results
used to be announced out
from the
lowest to the highest
marks, So I would always
be the 1st Or 2nd
to
be
called out. One day, the
Maths results were being
released and
my name wasn't among the
first to be
called out. The teacher got
to 30s, 40s,
50s, 60s && 70s. Still my
paper had not been called
out. Everyone
kept looking
at me asking " Guy wats
up?
How you take do am?" And
the
teacher went on to the 80s
And when
he got to 88%, He had one
paper
remaining. I then asked
myself, could I have
scored a 90% in
maths? I
was
feeling very anxious and
happy now
that I knew I had proved
the so called
genius wrong, Could I have
gotten
88%? I thought my dreams
have been
answered... The whole
class was amazed as
every one
kept looking at me. It was
Unbelievable. Finally the
teacher
looked up and said,
"There is a cow
that did not write his name
on the paper that scored
0%. If you have not
received your paper come
and get it
now... I FAINTED!
If u were the one, what will
you do?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-17 05:21:32

805 Views




Episode 7

I had no choice but to help him. I had to, because he needed help. I sent his luggage into the boot and asked him to join me in the car. “you?” my heart began to beat when i saw his face. “not again” i sighed. I began to ask so many questions without waiting for the answers. I couldn’t believe id met him again. Why him? What is an engineer doing with his luggage on campus by this time. ” where are you going to?” i asked with so much care. I saw a sign of sadness on his face. ” i have no where to go, im only walking” he calmly answered. “what! So what are you doing in my car then?” i asked within me and gave him that horror look. I stay alone in my apartment, taking him with me is gonna be a whole lot. But i couldn’t leave him all alone at the moment. Oh GOD what do i do? I kept thinking whiles staring at him. I knew he wished, he could read my mind but he couldn’t anyway. That is one of the uniqueness of every human. What ever you think belongs to you and yourself alone.
Wait! Was i cheating him? He’ll no. I couldn’t read his mind too. ” so what do we do now?” i asked. Come on! Hagan why do you care so much? I ended up saying we instead of you. Since when did i become his mother that i got myself involved in his situations, since when did his burden became mine. As if he read what was running through my mind, he uttered, “drop me off, guess its my fate” i felt some kind of sorrow in my heart. As i kept on staring, i knew he needed me. Omg! Hagan, come on he needed anyone. Why am i connecting myself to him? “look, engineer i will take you to my apartment and you will spend the night there. Please promise me you won’t hurt me.” i proposed to him. ” i need not to make any promise to someone who is willing to save me, in order not to hurt her, but if you have doubts then drop me off” he said.
I gave him another look then i drove him off to my apartment. “wow, its a full house on its own” he commented. I wasn’t normal, i wasn’t myself, i was sweating! As if iwas coming back from the hockey pitch. It was the first time being with a man, under the same roof, all alone. I was tensed and to avoid him from making any mockery of me, i decided not to talk so that my voice wouldn’t betray me. What am i even saying? The poles in my flesh had already betrayed me. They allowed the sweat to come out. Id wanted to cry, i couldn’t stare at him. I got busy, lifting something and nothing in particular. What do i do? I offered him and seat and brought him a drink. ” are you hungry?” oh GOd my tone failed me. I spoke like a baby before him. Was this not the same guy i was having fun with when he couldn’t talk? What is wrong with me now? Have i done the right thing or a mistake i will forever regret.
Tell me what you think, story continues.


>>

Honest Mistake [Read it]


A little boy is in a cemetery with his mother.
" Mommy" the boy asked her, " do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Why do u think that?"
"Well," says the boy. "The tombstone back there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man'."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 10:29:10

354 Views




What Is The Height Of Customer Care?



Swiss Banks To Open An ATM In Tihar Jail.Related

Pleas kindly judge this matter.....I was in a
taxi,chatting with my friend on whatsapp and
suddenly discovered that the man sitting beside
me was reading my conversation. Since I did not
want to embarrass the man, l decided to change
the topic, I wrote: "Abeg oga, please tell Kabiru
Sokoto or Abdullahi that I only took two of the
bombs we just manufactured for this operation.
Let them know as well that I may find it difficult
to get to the target place before the bombs
explode because there is terrible traffic jam now
but nevertheless, I am sure casualty figure will
be high since we are five in our taxi and all the
vehicles in the traffic will be affected too. We
have less than 3minutes for the bomb to go off.
Bye and take care of my parents and siblings as
agreed. The Man, without allowing the taxi to
stop suddenly opened the taxi door and jumped
out. He was knocked down by a passing truck
and eventually died. Pls who killed him?..Me or
Amebo? Don't laugh alone o. Share with others
to help judge d matter too but remenber to add the#nairajokes. #Happy sunday# www.facebook.com/9jastudentforum #do yall miss me #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-24 18:10:42

407 Views




JOKE PART 50 BY DINDY
Girl: If you were going to die at midnight, what would you be doing at 11:45 pm?.
Girl: Calling people?.
Girl: Asking for forgiveness?.
Girl: Going to church?.
Girl: Praying to God?.
Girl: Doing things you have never done before?.
Dindy: Non.
Girl: Then what?.
Dindy: Checking my facebook updates....... .
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 51.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-15 22:59:45

148 Views




At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.

“Don’t you want her name engraved upon it?” asked the jeweler.

The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
“No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.”Related

Number 1: A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife`s nipples while she was asleep. The next day their driver died of poisoning.

**************************************
 Number 2: A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked his Dad why. He answered, "so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum."

**************************************
Number 3: A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said "sir. you are my witness you know I never wear panties!"

************************************
Number 4: Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!" Mother fainted!!!!

************************************
Number 5: A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered, "You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn`t pay.

*************** *********************
Number 6: An 8 year old boy is accused of rape. In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, "Your Honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?" The boy whispers, "Don`t shake it, we`ll lose the case!"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-03 13:00:59

1512 Views



maths class [Read it]


In a Maths class:

TEACHER: If you multiple 2196 by 15 and subtract it by 772 and divide by 11, what will you get?

AKPOS: (he stands up and answers) I'll get it wrong!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-05 09:21:17

97 Views




While eating lunch, Papa AKpos, his wife and their son Akpos,
Akpos was eating roughly and the following conversation took place between the father and Akpos
FATHER: You're eating like a small pig.
AKPOS: OK daddy.
FATHER: Do you know what a small pig is?
AKPOS: Yes of course, son of a big pig.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-12 19:05:37

222 Views




Music, not sex, got me aroused.

-Marvin GayeRelated
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