Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Smart Wife to Husband…

Will you take me out for dinner in the evening….?

Your options are…

A) YES…

B) A

C) B

????????????????Related

Take Time [Read it]


Take time in life








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-28 14:49:19

569 Views




GRAND COMEDY HOUSE (STORY BY DINDY) LAST EPISODE 5
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.

I deserved that right? Well I know I over did it, but I was pushed to it, my mum and sis annoyed me that day, so my anger lifted for revenge.
I actually ended up eating that stew with the rice, although it wasn't that same day, but I ate up all the stew and the meat in it.
My dad is not a kind of person you joke with, when he says you are gonna do something, nothing will change his mind back.
No matter the amount of plead you plead, he won't change his mind.
I really suffered, tasting my own tricks and hand destruction. I guess I paid for my tricks.
Well that didn't make me stop at all, I kept on playing my tricks. I became the trick lord of the house, no one could compete with me because I was too tricky.
It got to a point when my dad could not take it anymore because he was totally frustrated and tired of a son like me.
He even went as far as saying I needed deliverance because I acted like someone with spiritual illness, but be sincere, do I act like a mad person reading like you? I got you again! , you fell for my tricks [laughs uncontrollably].
Yea yea, I know I'm insane, but what can a potential mad guy like I do? Go more mad?, well I guess yes! .
Believe me guys this part I'm about to tell you will make you so love me, but hi don't fall too deep in love with me because I might just be tricking you again .
Now enough of that, let me tell you how it all happened.
It happened.........
........STORY BEGINS.......
Dad: "[Angry] Dea dea I will kill you!!", screamed my dad as I escaped his presence.
Mum: "What is it again?", asked my mum as she entered the room my dad was in.
Dad: "Move out of my way, let me kill that boy", said my dad as he tried passing my mum.
Mum: "Wait, please don't kill him", she pleaded as she held him back.
Dad: "Oh!, let me go", said my dad trying to free himself.
Mum: "No, tell me what happened", said my mum still holding my dad.
Dad: "Ok you want to know what happened right?", asked my dad.
Mum: "Yes please tell me", she said as she left hold of him.
Dad: "Now smell my hand", he said.
Mum: "[Smells it] Jesus!", she shouted in disgust as she spat like a pregnant woman.
Mum: "What is that awful smell?", she asked.
Dad: "That smell is a fowl's excrete and your so called son made me dip my hand into it", he said.
Mum: "Jesus Christ!, Dea dea that boy won't kill me", she said.
Dad: "Thank God you see things my way, now excuse me let me go kill him before he kills both of us", he said as he tried passing my mum.
Mum: "No wait, if you kill him, people will say things and you will be jailed", she said blocking him.
Dad: "You're right, lets just poison him so that he would die silently, no one would suspect that way", he said.
Mum: "Stop that, just wait and listen to me", she said.
Dad: "Ok, but just know that your son has a spiritual illnesses and the only cure is death", he said.
Mum: "That is what I suspect also, but death is not the cure", she said.
Dad: "Then what is?", asked my dad.
Mum: "Let's bring a strong pastor here that would cure him of this illness", said my mum.
Dad: "Are you sure that would work?", he asked.
Mum: "Yes I am, we need to find a solution to his problems before it gets worst, he might even go mad with this character of his", she said.
Dad: "I won't mind if he goes crazy, at least people won't think I killed him", he said.
Mum: "Stop it, he is still your son you know", she said.
Dad: "The last time I checked, that boy was not in my plans", he said.
Mum: "You better stop that", she said.
Dad: "Fine, I have heard", said my dad.
Mum: "I will call the pastor to come tomorrow", she said.
Dad: "Ok, lucky him you are around if not, I would have kill him today", he said as he walked passed my mum.
Mum: "It's ok ah, please pass quickly don't touch me with that your chicken a*s hand [Laughs]", said my mum as she laughed hard.
Immediately I saw my dad making his way out the room, I took off like the speed of light to a corner to hide.
When I got to the corner, I began to back flash on what my parents were discussing about me.
Dea dea: "So these people think I have spiritual problems and they want to bring a pastor", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "So dad has the mind to say I'm not amongst his family plans, he even wished me madness", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "Ok no problem, let them bring the pastor", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "I will so show that pastor fire", I said to myself as I took a peak to check whether the place was clear for me to move out.
I saw no one around, so I made a run for it and went out to gather my plans together for the next day.
.........THE NEXT DAY.........
Dad: "When will the pastor come?", asked my dad.
Mum: "He said we should give him two hours, that he would be here.
Dad: "Please let him come fast because I'm becoming impatient", he said.
Mum: "Impatient? Are you still thinking of killing your son?", she asked.
Dad: "I am not thinking, I have planned it", he said.
Mum: "What is wrong with you, why do you want the blood of your son on your hands?", she questioned him.
Dad: "like I told you yesterday, the only way to free your son off his spiritual illness is to kill him", said my dad.
Mum: "Please dear, kill that thought, he is our son", she said.
Dad: "Point of correction, he is your son, when he dies then he becomes ours, I can't have a possessed human as my child", he said.
Mum: "It's ok, the pastor will come soon", she said.
.......MEAN WHILE........
I was out side my parent's room ear dropping on what they were talking about, to know when the pastor would arrive.
Dea dea: "So this man really wants me dead", I said to myself standing close to my parent's room.
Dea dea: "No problem, the pastor will be here in two hours", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "That is just great, in fact wonderfully awesome", I said smiling to myself, as I left their and went to my room to get ready for what was going to take place.
.....2 HOURS LATER.....
Anita: Someone is knocking at the gate", she said.
Sonie: "Let me go check who it is", she said as she walked out side to check who was knocking on the gate.
When she got there, she found the pastor Standing, then she let him in because mum had inform them of the pastor's arrival.
When Sonie and the pastor came in, everyone one was already there waiting for the pastor except me, i was still in my room.
Pastor: "Peace be unto this family", he said as he dropped bits of the anointed oil he held.
Everyone: "Amen", said everyone.
Pastor: "Where is Dea dea, the lord told me things about him", he said.
Hassan: "He is in his room, let me go call him", he said.
Pastor: "No don't go there", he said.
Pastor: "I would go myself", he said.
Pastor: "What you guys should do right now is to start praying because the spirit controlling him is a stubborn one", he said.
Mum: "Ok pastor", she said as she told my dad and my sibling to hold hands together.
Pastor: "No matter what happens don't stop praying", he said.
Everyone: "Ok sir", they said.
Pastor: "You may start now, let me goto his room", he said as he left to my room which was shown to him by my dad.
When he got to my room, he saw me sitting on my bed with my legs crossed and my back was what he could see. My entire body was pure white.
Pastor: "la ka ka ka sa ba kas", he spoke in tongues.
Pastor: "You evil stubborn spirit, I command you to leave in the name of Jesus!", he said as he dropped bits of the anointed oil in his hand on my body.
Dea dea: "uhn uhn", I moved my body like I was being flogged with a painful Cain.
Pastor: "Lo kakaka zuka, I said leave!", he said dropping bits of anointing oil on my back.
Dea dea: "uhn uhn, hahaha", I started laughing, then took the knife I kept beside me and stabbed my bed continuously to the extent that the foam inside it started jumping out.
Pastor: "Go go go!!, in the name of Jesus", he said.
I stood up standing on my bed, then I looked at him with my eyes which were pure red.
Dea dea: "Blood, blood, give me your blood", I said looking at him like a zombie demon, with the knife pointing at him and my mouth filled with red paint.
Pastor: "You don't scare me you spirit, I say leave this body in the name of Jesus", he said.
Dea dea: "I need your blood!", I said then jumped off my bed with the knife and miss stabbed his neck, then placed my teeth on his neck.
Pastor: "Jesus Christ!!", he shouted in fear as he bent his head and crawled out my room, then made a run for his life.
Pastor: "The devil is alive, the devil is alive", he ran straight to the parlour screaming with his red neck, making everyone in the parlour to reduce the speed at which they prayed.
Hassan: "[Opens an eye] huh what I'm I hearing?, he asked.
Mum: "[Eyes closed] close your mouth and pray", she said.
Pastor: "The devil needs blood oo", he said as he ran out side the house.
Mum: "Don't stop praying, remember what the pastor said", she said encouraging them not to stop.
Dea dea: "Blood, taste for blood", I said as i walked out my room with the knife above my head and my mouth dropping of red paint.
The prayer quickly ended and everyone looked at me.
Hassan: "Jesus Christ!", he said as he quickly took off following the pastor behind.
Sonie: "Pastor wait for me too, I left my life at the gate", she said taking off quicker than Hassan.
Mum: "Anita where is Veron, we need to stay together and pray harder", she said.
Anita: "Veron left when Sonie was still talking", she said moving backwards.
Mum: "Why are you going close to the door?", she asked.
Anita: "I think I forgot my life too at the gate, I better go.... Jesus he is already too close", she said as she took off quickly.
Only my dad and mum were there looking at me in fear, I then stopped.
Dea dea: "Your blood is mine for the pleasure of my desire", I said pointing the knife to my dad.
Mum: "[Afraid] Thank God it's your blood he wants, let me go check on the kids whether they've found their lives", she said as she ran out side.
Dad: "Honey, don't leave me here", he spoke in fear looking at the direction my mum ran.
Dad: "See, I'm not afraid of you", he said looking at me shaking like a fish as he adjusted backwards.
Dea dea: "I will drink your blood", I said walking closer to him.
Dad: "Jesus Christ, your eyes are extremely red", he said in fear.
Dea dea: "I need blood!", i shouted as I jumped on the sofa he was close to and pointed my knife in his face.
Dad: "[Extremely afraid] Jesus ooo!", he screamed like a lady and ran out side towards the gate.
Dea dea: "Come here I need your blood!", I shouted as I ran after him wearing only my boxers and my entire body painted pure white, with red paint coming out my mouth.
Dad: "Don't lock the gate!", he shouted for my mum who was about to lock the gate form the out side.
Dad: "Dea dea wants to kill me o, Dea dea wants my blood o, I'm too young to die!", he shouted in fear as he got close to the door and I got close to him....
........STORY ENDS.......
[Laughs] That was crazy right?, I'm totally the king of tricks right?, well I can't say because I'm still wearing my zombie demon look right now and they believe that I'm not a human any more.
They are out side the gate as I speak right now, the best part is that the pastor left his shoe, bible and anointing oil in the house [Laughs].
Maybe I should tell them it was a trick or maybe I should enjoy this while it last .
Wait I think someone is knocking on the gate, I better go get the cutlass in the kitchen, that would make me more scary , good bye guys, I have people to scare .
THE END

UP COMING STORIES FOR THIS MONTH
1). THE BUS.
2). TRUE LIFE STORY OF CHARLES THE SISI BOY.
3). THE WHITE STALLION.
UP COMING STORIES FOR NEXT MONTH
1). OREGUN BOYS.
2). THE LONE WOLF (TRUE LIFE STORY OF DINDY'S LOVE LIFE).
3). GEAR.
4). THE ADVENTURE OF C.P.M YOUTH CAMP.
MUCH LOVE FROM DINDY
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi



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...Two little boys,ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents known about it . If any mischief occurs in their town ,the two boys are probably involved, the two boys mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining childrens so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
...The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually, so the mother sent the 8 years old first, in the morning ,while the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
...The preacher ,a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and ask sternly, "DO YOU KNOW WHERE GOD IS",son?
...The boy mouth dropped open ,but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open, so the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,"WHERE IS GOD"? Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
...The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed "WHERE IS GOD"?!!
...The boy screamed and bottled from the room , run directly home and dove into his closet , slamming the door behind him when his older brother found him in the closet , he asked "WHAT HAPPENED"? The younger brother , gasping for breath, replied ," WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE THIS TIME"
"GOD IS MISSING" , and they think we did it.!!






NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-24 00:49:49

721 Views



Akpo again [Read it]


Some journalist were
interviewing children across the
world on what they would like to
become when they GROW up
The first person was an Indian
Boy.
What will you like to become
when you grow up ,
he answered - I wud like to be a
software engineer
second Boy from America - I wud
like to be a Neurosurgeon
Boy from china - I would like to
become a Pilot
.....the interview continue like that
until they got to akpors from
Nigeria.
Interviewer: Akpors why ain't
you talking, what would you like
to become when you grow up,
Akpors anwered -Person wey
never chop dey GROW?
give me food abeg!!! The journalist fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-01 12:36:38

460 Views



Dumb farmer [Read it]


A farmer caught a thief who had been stealing his yam and decided to drag him to the village square.


Half way to the square, the thief said to the man, "Please, I have forgotten my slippers in the farm, can I go and get them?"


The farmer obliged, "Hurry up! I would be waiting for you here."


He waited endlessly and realised he had been fooled. 


He went home and told his elder brother what had happened. His elder brother brutally slapped him and said, "You are extremely dumb! You should have told the thief to wait while you go get his slippers for him!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-03 22:06:18

272 Views



doctor [Read it]


Mr Agyare Francis: Doctor I think I have MALARIA should I chew mosquito coil??

Doctor : Drink raid insecticide spray instead.. It works faster.. Anomaa...



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-11 10:55:24

684 Views




PASTOR: Do you agree to change your Facebook Status from Single to Married? 


MAN: Yes! 


WOMAN: Yes! 


PASTOR: Congratulations! Your profile has been updated successfully. You are now husband and wife. You may now upload your wedding pictures and don’t forget to “Tag Me.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-21 18:51:23

236 Views




“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”

? Rita Mae BrownRelated

The Marriage Box
Most people get married
believing a myth that marriage is
a beautiful box full of all the
things they have longed for;
companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc.
The truth is that marriage at the
start is an empty box. You must
put something in before you can
take anything out. There is no
love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in
marriage. There is no romance
in marriage. You have to infuse
it in your marriage.
A couple must learn the art and
form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, keeping the
marriage box full. If you take out
more than you put in, the
marriage box will be empty. #HappyMarriage2peopleGettingMarried2Day #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Every sunset gives us one day less to live, but every sunrise gives us, one day more to hope! So, get up and hope and aspire for the best.

Good Day and Good Luck!Related

BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 10

Samuel: you woke up so early!
going somewhere?
Me: uhm…yep, i’d be paying
the hospital a visit. I want to
get the DNA test result!
Samuel: just be careful okay?
Your name and picture is all
over Manila, you’ar wanted!!!
Me: i’d be careful.
Samuel: you can’t keep
wearing the pizza wear! I
bought some clothes, artificial
hair and moustache for you.
Get in them, hahahahahahaha
lets see our new old man.
Me: i’d still look handsome in
it!!!
Samuel: the prove of a pudding
is in the eating!
I got myself clad in a blue jean
trouser and a white t-shirt.
With my artificial moustache, i
looked d--n old! Like a forty
years old.
Me: gotta go now.
Samuel: be careful! Meet me at
Mark’s residence.
Me: got it!
I took my bike and rode
straight the the hospital i gave
the DNA test specimen.
On reaching there, i went to
the doctor’s office.
Doc: good day sir…please seat.
Me: i came for my DNA test
result!
Doc: sorry sir, but i can’t
remember ever meeting you.
I detached the moustache and
artificial hair, so the doc can
identify me.
Doc: Jeeeez! Isaiah? You were
supposed to be in jail!
Me: can i have the result now?
Doc: (in his thoughts)
This is a great opportunity on a
platter of gold! The authorities
are ready to give 3million peso
to anyone thats brings Isaiah
to them.
Meehn! Opportunity comes but
once! I gotta seize this
opportunity to get rich.
Me: what are you waiting for?!
I don’t have the luxury of
time.
Doc: i’d get it.
He replied and walked to a
shelve full of papers.
He turned swiftly, with a small
knife in his left hand.
He tried stabbing me with it,
but i dodged by whiskers,
moving backward rapidly.
He swerved his hand,
maneauvering the knife to my
stomach, i held his hand mid-
air and punched him on the
cheek.
I twisted the hand with a
knife, the knife fell off his
hand.
I picked up the knife instantly.
Me: i’m sparing you ‘coz we
have unfinished business!
Where is the result?!! (i
shouted)
Doc: (in a shaky voice) over
there.
I held him by the collar, he
gave me the result, i then
pushed him hard against the
wall before taking my leave.
Not after camouflaging!
************************************
Mark: how does it feel to be a
free man?
Me: unexplainable! It feels like
a was born anew
hahahahahaha.
Samuel: so, Mark….what do you
suggest we do about Rodelio
and Ella?
Mark: we have no lead for now!
What we need do is watch his
movements and follow him if
possible, perhabs he’d lead us
to where he’s hiding Ella.
Samuel: that guy is a real
crook! He leaves no traces.
Mark: snails always leave
slimes behind, we only fail to
notice atimes.
Samuel: that reminds me,
Isaiah, whats the DNA result
saying?
Me: i haven’t check it, i’m
nervous!
Mark: (snatching it from my
hand) even if you don’t check
it for the next hundred years,
would it change anything?
Samuel: lets see it, Mark!
Mark: what!!!!
Me: positive or negative?

>>

Saaya-e-Qasr-e-Yaar


Saaya-e-Qasr-e-Yaar Mein Baitha;

Main Tha Apne Khumaar Mein Baitha;


Uska Aanaa Tha Khwaab Mein Aanaa;

Main Abs-e-Intezaar Mein Baitha;


Koi Soorat Nahi Hai Us Jaisi;

Usko Dekhon Hazaar Mein Baitha;


Usko Khushyon Se Khauf Aata Hai;

Weham Kiya Zehen-e-Yaar Mein Baitha;


Hum Bhi Raston Mein Phir Rahe Thay Faraz;

Woh Bhi Tha Rahguzar Mein Baitha!Related

Akpos the drunk [Read it]


One faithful night akpos came back home very late nd he was very drunk his wife was shocked to see him drunk so she asked him what's wrong nd akpos replied "my girlfriend broke up with me."
 guess what will happen to akpos before daylight.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-15 16:31:02

1399 Views




Chinese authorities had to clamp down on people hiring Strippers to perform at Funerals!Related

I hate people who think it’s cool to take drugs. Like customs officers.Related

I entered a shop and bought a
pack with 3 condoms, looked
at them curiously for a while
wondering how on earth I could use
them. The lady at
the counter noticed my
puzzlement and asked
sincerely, ''Have you ever used
a condom? Do you know how
to put it on?'' l blushed said,"No!"
The lady took one condom
and opened it and wore it on
her thumb as an example. ''
This is how you wear it. You
have to make sure its tight!'' I was even
more puzzled by
this. I was just an innnocent
young man. She noticed how
shy and confused I was."You
must be a virgin," she said
teasingly. "Have you ever had sex?"
l said, "No!"
Then she looked around the
shop; there was no one but
just the 2 of us. She called me
behind the counter, opened the door
leading to the back-
rooms and invited me in. She
quickly locked the door, told
me to hurry up coz "..we don't
have time!"
She pulled her short skirt up, her panty
down, opened her
legs, and lay her back. on a
table. Then she told me to
wear the condom on just like
she had told me. I did, and she
pulled me close, and oh yes there I was
right deep inside
her wet sweet flesh. But Oh
My God no, in just 10 seconds
inside it was just too much and
I came tsaaa tsaaa tsaaa tsaaaa
twii twii tsaaa ziii. The lady feels it too, she
feels the hot
cremora inside her, and asks
me, ''Did you put the condom
on like I told you?"
"Yes I did. Just like you told
me!" I replied. She says, ''Lets see!"
I showed her.
"Oh shit!" she screamed. "You
are supposed to wear it on
your PENIS not on your
THUMB, you dummy


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 10:42:03

904 Views



Bone no flesh [Read it]


Akpos was given a leave from his office, so he decided to go and spend the leave with his friend in America. On getting there, the friend took him out to see places and the last place he took him to was the zoo. In the zoo, they visited the lions' cage. Suddenly, his friend jumped inside the cage. Akpos, stunned, wondered why he did that, but when the lion approached his friend, he said "Bone,no flesh." 


The lion was disappointed when it heard this, turned back and went to sleep. Akpos couldn't believe what just happened and he said to himself that he must try this in Warri zoo. So when he came back to Nigeria, he went to the zoo in Warri and jumped inside the lion's cage. As the lion approached him slowly, he said with all confidence, "Bone,no flesh!". 


But to his surprise, the lion cheekily replied. "I go manage am!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-01 09:56:27

260 Views



Church Wedding [Read it]


At a wedding in a church, the pastor said to the congregation 'Is there any man or woman here who knows anything that will make this wedding not to go on? You may say it now or forever remain silent'. A man quickly stood up frm the back and started walking towards the alter. The bride fainted, the groom ran out of the church. The pastor gave the man the microphone to say what he wanted to say. He said pastor; pls show me the way to the toilet, i want to shit.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 10:40:22

1154 Views



Akpos mistake [Read it]


Akpos wife caught him in bed with their house girl.
Wife: OMG! you cheat on me?
Akpos: Sorry
Wife: Sorry for yourself
Akpos: It was a mistake. Hand work of devil.
Wife: I know it didn't start today. she cries.
Akpos: I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-29 09:09:51

806 Views




God may exist, but science can explain the universe without a need for a creator.

~ Stephen Hawking, On GodRelated

Dear Politician,

This is just to inform you that i am also available in the colour white.


Sincerely,

Black Money!Related


What is e-Cooperative.online?
E-cooperative is a simple system that enable members raise the money they seek for any business project, make money from their venture, show them ideas on how to manage the money they have made, and of course show them how that money can be multiplied using various financial instruments. There are two sides to ecooperative and you can choose which one you want to be involved in. The first side is the multilevel part of ecooperative. The second side is the business part.
Some of the services that ecooperative renders are – Fundraising through cooperative, Online and offline business development, Internet marketing and training, Online Advertising, Agro-economic ventures, Financial Empowerment services, Hire purchase service, Micro-credit, eCommerce/Online Shopping and Skill Acquisition training.
The e-Cooperative MLM Dimension
It works with a 4 x 4 forced matrix and is very simple to get involved in. It is a transparent, member to member payment scheme or cooperative that enables you raise the money that you need for your business.
What the 4x4 forced matrix means is that you have to invite four persons to join you in e-cooperative. Those four persons have to invite four persons each, making it 16. The 16 persons have to invite 4 persons each summing up to 64. The resultant 64 have to invite 4 persons each, making 256. The matrix is thus - 4, 16, 64 and 256.
NOTE: You begin the business with just ?1,000 . Want to register click here

A guy named Bob receives a
free ticket to the Superbowl
from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob
arrives at the stadium he
realizes the seat is in the last
row in the corner of the
stadium -- he is closer to the
Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the
first quarter, Bob notices an
empty seat 10 rows off the
field right on the 50 yard line.
He decides to take a chance
and makes his way through the stadium and around the
security guards to the empty
seat. As he sits down, he asks the
gentleman sitting next to him,
"Excuse me, is anyone sitting
here?" The man says no. Now, very excited to be in
such a great seat for the
game, Bob again inquires of
the man next to him, "This is
incredible! Who in their right
mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not
use it?" The man replies, "Well,
actually, the seat belongs to
me, I was supposed to come
with my wife, but she passed
away. This is the first
Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married
in 1967." "Well, that's really sad," says
Bob, "but still, couldn't you
find someone to take the
seat? A relative or a close
friend?" "No," the man replies, "they're
all at the funeral."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-11 22:17:30

487 Views




Akpos, a movie director, was determined to make the greatest war movie ever filmed and the film was to contain the greatest battle scene ever filmed.

“I will use two armies.” he said “They’ll be huge twenty-five thousand extras on each side.”

“But how will we pay off the fifty thousand actors?” murmured his assistant.

“That’s the best part of my plan” replied Akpos. “We’ll use real bullets.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-10 06:52:32

218 Views



Confession! [Read it]


A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”Related

?
During the testimony period in church
service; The 16-years old Pastor's daughter
stood up and said....
"Praise the Lord!"
Everybody shouted with joy, "Hallelujah". She
continued: "since the age of 13, I've been
experiencing serious pain and bleeding
every month and it was unbearable. At times
it would last for 3-5 days.
But now, after a series of Bible studies and
prayers with brother Solomon in his house,
the monthly pains and blood flow have
stopped for more than 3 months now. No
more pain, no more bleeding. You can see
I'm even getting fatter and prettier.
And I'm believing God to perfect my healing
as we have started to pray seriously about
the small problem of vomiting, especially in
the morning. Praise the Lord".
The whole church was silent!
Brother Solomon fainted behind the piano.
The mother was like "mogbe" .



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-28 19:06:36

317 Views



How High? [Read it]


Akpos was drunk then a police officer arrested him.

Officer: How high are you?

Akpos: it is not "How hi are you; It is "How are you?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-27 10:03:37

104 Views




On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

Pundit: ‘Aaj se aap dono pati aur patni hue.’

Bride: ‘Acha hua bata diya. Mujhe laga itni der say hum ring-a ring-a roses khel rahe the.’Related

The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm every morning is the fact that it’s my phone.

Good Morning!Related

She: Happy Rakhsha Bandhan

Me: I have a sisterRelated

“Is not what you think, Kuu, Mansa is not your
foster sister as you think. She is actually your step
sister” Obed revealed.
Kuu was shocked by the news from Obed. “You can’t be serious Obed, what are you saying?
Kuu asked.
“You heard me, a lady was betrothed to your
father
before she actually met your mother. Your father
impregnated that lady but she disappeared when she heard your father was going to get married to
your mother”, Obed said.
“….but how sure are you that that child is the
same
girl I’m in live with. It can’t be Mansa ” Kuu asked.
” Your father was secretly seeing her until she gave
birth to Mansa. She died during deivery but
because your father couldn’t bring the baby to the
his home, he personally took the baby to the
orphanage home and entrusted her into their care
with the hope of later adopting her.” “Oh no! This is unbelievable! What have I done to
myself? So Mansa is actually my sister” Kuu said.
“Yeah she is. As a matter of fact, she is your
elderly
sister” Obed confirmed.
“Does she know about this? Kuu asked. “No Kuu, and that’s going to be our little secret
until probably you make amends of your mistakes
and ask God forgiveness” Obed said.
Kuu couldn’t believe his ears. Mansa was actually
his sister. The girl she had raped and
impregnated. ” What an abomination! Will God even forgive me
of my sins?” Kuu asked.
“Kuu, only if you openly admit it and ask for
forgiveness, He is a merciful God so He will forgive
you” Obed said.
“But how do you know all these things? You are a stranger, how do you know?” Kuu asked.
” You ask so many questions. Lets get back to the
OPD. At the right time, you will know” Obed said
and headed straight to the OPD.
Kuu followed him closely as they went.
Mrs Amposah and Riri were watching Mansa as she slept at her ward, when Kuu and Obed got
there.
Mansa while asleep, had a weird dream.
In her dream, she was walking down the isle with
Obed to the alter to get married. Unfortunately, no
one was at the church, not even a pastor to preside over the wedding.
Before Obed could say his vows, an elderly
woman
whom Mansa could not recognize came with a
broom and swept around where Mansa and Obed
stood. You are reading "Tears of a bleeding heart episode 18" to read more stories from stable of
Mr Couple click here www.facebook.com/ mrcouple4u Mansa tried stopping her but she was pushed
down by the lady.
Mansa fell heavily on one side and she couldn’t
move her left arm and feet.
This woke Mansa up from the sleep. There she
saw Obed, Kuu, Mrs Amposah and Riri.
Obed rushed to her side, held her by the hand and
asked how she was feeling.
She tried to sit but she couldn’t.
Obed realized that something was wrong.
“What is it Mansa? Obed asked. “My legs, i can’t feel them, i can’t feel my legs,
Obed” Mansa cried out.
Riri quickly rushed and called the doctor to
Mansa’s aid. They were all asked to wait outside
the ward while the Doctor went about his work.
Mrs Amposah acted awkwardly. she was putting the blame on Obed for Mansa’s misfortune.
“You are the cause of this, Obed or whatever you
call yourself. What have you done to my child?
You
should have listened to me. If you had married
her, all this wouldn’t have happened. God is punishing both of you for that”, Mrs Amposah
said.
“Mum, you can’t be saying such things in times of
this” Kuu said.
Before Kuu could finish talking, three men came
towards them. They were unknown people.
“Are you Mrs Amposah? One of them asked.
“Yes, how may I help you? Mrs asked.
“We are after your son, Kuu”, he said.
“I’m the one, who are you? Kuu asked.
“I’m Inspector Nii from the regional police headquarters. You are under arrest for allegedly
assaulting and raping Mansa” said Inspector Nii.
Kuu was immediately handcuffed and led away by
the policemen.
Mrs Amposah pleaded but they ignored her
completely. To be continued
Mrs Amposah pleaded but they ignored her
completely and took Kuu away.
Mrs Amposah got furious again. She made claims
that Mansa was framing up against her son Kuu.
She didn’t care the fact that Obed was there, she kept on accusing her.
Obed had enough of what Mrs Amposah was
doing. She was exaggerating too much.
Obed then decided to put her on her toes since he
now stood face to face with her and Riri.
“Mrs Amposah, you always amaze me when you talk like that, perhaps since Riri is here, i guess
this
is the time for you to explain the churches money
you have been paying into her account” Obed
said.
Their faces changed right away but they were saved by the bell.
The doctor came and interrupted their
conversation.
“Mrs. Amposah” The Doctor called.
“Yes Doc, how is she? She asked.
“unfortunately it was quite unpredictable, we didn’t
see it coming, but we will do the best that we
can”
The Doctor said.
” Doctor, i don’t understand you, what are really
saying” Obed interrupted and asked. “Somehow, Mansa’s have a spinal cord problem
which has affected her movement. We are still
monitoring her situation, to see what we can do”
The Doctor said.
“Doc, can i see her now, please? Obed asked.
“Am afraid no, but you can come around tomorrow morning, am sure it will have been
better by then” The Doctor said and left them.
Obed was so hurt upon hearing Mansa’s
condition.
Mrs. Amposah and Riri appeared to be concerned
but Obed made it obvious that he does not trust them.
“Are you happy now, you two did a very good job,
but always remember that there is no place for
darkness where light prevails” Obed said and
walked out on them.
Mrs Amposah and Riri began to fear him, they planned on digging into his personal stuff,
background and where he really comes from.
“Riri, i think you should follow him and get to
know
where he resides, he is on foot so you can catch
up with him, hurry and follow him, i will meet you up
at my house. ” Mrs Amposah instructed Riri.
Riri did as she had said but to her surprise, Obed
was no where to be found. She asked some of her
nurse colleagues but they said they haven’t seen
him pass by. That was strange, because Obed just left their
presence less than 3 minutes ago, how is it
possible that there was no trace of him.
Both Mrs Amposah and Riri left to their separate
houses.
Mrs Amposah called Chris to work out on the case of Kuu with their personal lawyer.
Obed on the other hand went to the station that
evening to check on Kuu. It was past visiting
hours
but somehow the authorities gave him the
chance to see him.
From the look on Kuu’s face you could tell that he
had been crying thoroughly.
As soon as Kuu saw Obed, he was surprised to see
him come alone. If anything at all, it should have
been his mother. However he was just concerned about how Mansa was faring.
That was the first question he asked.
“Obed, thanks for coming, how is Mansa doing?
Kuu asked.
“She is going to be fine, her situation is quite
complicated, but trust my words, she is going to be
fine, we just have to keep praying hard” Obed
advised and assured him.
“Hmm, its all my fault, its all my fault. I don’t
think
i’m worthy to come before the Lord, even to ask for
forgiveness” Kuu said.
“Kuu, i know you have regretted your mistakes,
just pray to God and ask for forgiveness. I think
you should rather worry about the one who
reported the case to the police” said Obed. ” I really don’t know, i don’t know the people
who
Chris may have told this to, i don’t trust him so
much when it comes to keeping secrets” Kuu
said.
” what if he was the one? ” asked Obed ” Oh, that won’t be possible, i can bet my life on
it.
My brother can never do such a thing” Kuu said.
“You think so? Be very careful, anyway, i will do
my
best to get you out of here in no time, all you need
to do is to pray, and i’m certain everything will be
ok” Obed assured him and left the station.
Kuu was however strengthened by the words of
Obed. He spent that praying and asking God for
forgiveness. Early next Morning, a young lady arrived at the
hospital before visiting hours.
She was made to see Mansa since she was
bringing her breakfast.
Mansa was awake when she came. She had never
set her eyes on the lady before. “Good morning Mansa, my name is Abena, your
mum asked me to bring you your breakfast” she
said.
“How do you know my mum? Mansa asked.
“Am in the same church with you, you really don’t
know me but i’m a very good friend to Kuu and Chris” she said.
Mansa was very easy to convince. The lady left the
food there and went.
Mansa took the basket containing the food,
opened
it and began eating, forgetting to even pray. Before she could think of finishing the whole
meal,
her tummy began grumbling. She was in severe
pain. She shouted for help that got the attention
of
the nurses. Before they knew it, a white foamy substance was coming out of her mouth. Its
seems
Mansa has been poisoned

>>

Woh Zindagi hi kya jisme Mohabbat nahi,

Woh Mohabbat hi kya jisme Yaadein nahi,

Woh Yaadein kya jisme Tum nahi,

Aur woh Tum hi kya jiske saath Hum nahi.Related

Georgina: is Gina
Desmond: am sorry
Georgina: is alright;i am fine,am used to always hurting you with my action and i am used to you always hurting me with your action
Desmond: i am sorry
Georgina: i hear that all the time from you. i was hoping that when you wake up;i will be the first person you wish to see but i was wrong but its okay. i know right from the start you never did live me and things became worse when she appear in the scene. maybe we were not just made for each other. even if it hurt like a piercing knife in my heart;i will let you go. goodbye
Desmond: wait;i know i hurt you too;physically;emotionally with my action and even with my words;i may not love you the way you love me but that doesn't mean you are not good enough for me or any other. you are one perfect girl that is ready;to do anything in other to make your marriage work but is just too bad that you have to waste them on me but know this;you will find the one that will love you whole hearted

Georgina: i hope so;i hope so

Desmond: Tunde;what are you doing in town?
Tunde: when you always think about yourself;you hurt others unknowingly but then those times you hurt them is like you drive a nail through a wall and when you go back to remove the pains and right your wrong;it will never be the same just as the holes in the wall when you remove the nail. it hurt to see those that love you;you are hurting them. i was such a fool to hurt my own not even for once did i thought of your feelings,even when you are in trouble,i always felt you eloped with her. please forgive me for not been a good friend and a brother

Desmond: you don't have to;i just want you to forgive me too
Tunde: you did me no wrong;forgive me
Desmond: thank you;please find it in your heart to forgive me for not keeping my promise

Tunde: is alright;i know right from the start;she love you and you do love her also,right from the beginning i know you two are meant to be together
Desmond: what?
Tunde: i saw it in your eyes;when you look at her at the party
Desmond: what?

Tunde: yes;you think i don't know?tell me;when those feelings started?
Desmond: Tunde
Tunde: come on
Desmond: fine;i fall in love with her right from the first day i spoke with her
Tunde: what?
Desmond: yes it is;but i was not sure about it until i.....that incident that happen between me and her at the canteen(Tunde laugh)why are you laughing?
Tunde: is because Alfred refuse to tell us
Desmond: he was just protecting me
Tunde: i am happy for you;i know we cannot be like the way we were but please accept me back
Desmond: we will always be the way we were
Alfred: happy reunion
Tunde: how long have you been there?
Alfred: as long as this conversationesmond;you are a bad boy. so that day you admitted to it was true;is not because you were drunk?
Desmond: no but when i became sober and i realise i have let the cat out of the bag,i decided to pretend and lie on the fact that i was drunk because i know you all will tease me with it
Alfred: funny boy
Tunde: crazy boy
Desmond: thank you both for always been here for me. can i go home now?
Alfred: of cause;you can;your family are waiting for you. the police also called that Tina was arrested that she was behind the kidnapping of you and Stephanie
Tunde: what?
Mercy: yes;is the fact. lets go home
Desmond: is okay

Warder: Beauty;you and Tina have a visitor
Beauty: who is it?
Desmond: i am;how are you?
Beauty: i am sorry;after all i did to you,you still find it in your heart to forgive me
Desmond: i hurt you,i admit it. i wont had used you to get over Stephanie. please forgive me. i pushed you into this
Beauty: is fine by me;i am happy you forgiven me. goodbye

Tina: i don't want interfere when you were talking;i know all this time i wasn't thinking straight because i thought i love you and i always wanted to see Stephanie suffer;i even wanted her dead but i was such a fool to think that even if i kill her;you will learn to love me. please forgive me
Desmond: i have done that already. if i haven't i wouldn't be here
Tina: please tell your brother to forgive me
Desmond: he has done that also. he gave me this to give to you,he is ready to wait for you
Tina: tell him i am sorry;i meant it and i still love him


Tunde: you really look great
Stephanie: did i change?
Tunde: yes;back then you were slim but now you are a little fatter than then and you look more beautiful
Stephanie: don't be ridiculous. i am just the same girl you know. excuse me(she try to stand but miss her step)
Tunde: careful(he held her)sorry
Desmond: what is going on?
Stephanie: welcome
Desmond: i said what is going on?
Stephanie: nothing;i just missed my step
Tunde: brother don't tell me;you are suspending us?
Desmond: i am not(he raise his voice)
Stephanie: you are shouting?
Desmond: i am not
Stephanie: yes;you are(he slap her)oh my God
Tunde: will you stop
Desmond: just stay out of this(he pull her to his room)
Stephanie: i am leaving and i am not coming back to you
Desmond: is it because you saw me?
Stephanie: no;i don't love him,i am tired of you treating me like a trash
Desmond: i am sorry,don't leave me
Stephanie: is okay but please stop hurting me
Desmond: i promise i wont do it again(he hold her)am sorry
Stephanie: is okay;stop making me look like a prostitute. it hurt that you don't trust me
Desmond: don't worry;i wouldn't hurt you again. i will go ahead and apologies to my brother
Stephanie: alright;can i come with you?
Desmond: no
Stephanie: but why?
Desmond: i said no
Stephanie: are you scared that i might end up with him
Desmond: what did you just say?
Stephanie: you heard me right;stop acting like you are deaf
Desmond: you are driving me crazy
Stephanie: suit yourself(she walk towards the door)

Desmond:are you walking out on me?(he pull her back)
Stephanie: stop it;i an tired,i want to go home and i know you need rest too
Desmond: if you walk out that door then it is over
Stephanie: then so be it,just let me go. maybe it wasn't meant to be


Anita: six months is like yesterday;times fly so fast and even the second and minute we don't know how we spend them
Alfred: yes;i just cant believe that we are going to the wedding ceremony of our friend

Blessing: brother;are you nerves
Desmond: i can't say i am not. i just don't think i will be doing this
Mercy: get used to it;you are either doing it now or later
Desmond: i know;i just need a cold drink
Rose: son;here is a cold juice
Desmond: thanks mom
Jackson: mom's boy;you are here,go get ready so we can go. you know a bride is not suppose to wait
Desmond: what if she doesn't show up
Mercy: oh brother;you are really a baby
Desmond: i am not a baby. let's go

Peace: after all this years;our beloved is getting married and we have to look good
Vina: of cause;we have to
Nancy: get dress(Monalisa cry)
Stephanie: mom;why are you crying?are you not happy that i am getting married?
Monalisa: which mother will not be happy that her only daughter is getting married?i will really miss you
Stephanie: come on;stop crying. i am not dying i am just going to get married
Monalisa: i just feel the vacuum in my heart but i am happy that my little girl is all grown
Stephanie: i promise i wont leave you and i will always come visiting
Nancy: that is enough mother and daughter. hurry up;so we wouldn't keep the groom waiting and a bride is not suppose to cry on her wedding day
Peace: says who?
Nancy: says i
Vina: is aright;shall we(at the wedding)

Georgina: i know everyone will be surprise to see me here;but don't get it twisted i am not here to cause any animosity but i am here to share in the happiness and see that which my best friend wish for come to passed and i have learn a lot from this two;that in love one doesn't have to act too big;get to understand the other person and love is friendship

Rose: i never knew that i could ever accept her as part of my family even when they were just friends;i was so mad at them but one thing i fail to know is that everyone should be allow to make his/her decision. even God as put it right in our heart. i am so happy that after so many years my son is happy and that make me glad;now that i know my son is in good hands
Jackson: of cause;nothing can give me greater joy then seeing him getting married to the one he love
Janet: yes;for three complete generation our choice of who to get married to has always been made but as form now everyone will be allow to marry whomsoever they wish to get married to

James: of cause;as form now it is freedom of choice
Johnson: we are never going back on that
Blessing: here comes the long await day that the entire family is waiting for and for every child of the family as finally comes
Mercy: all of this as been made possible all because of Desmond. you are good brother
Desmond: thank you

Monalisa: looking around i never felt that i could hurt my daughter even for once but then i did. we all are too quick to misjudge others attitude without putting ourselves in their situation but in a real sense,if we were in such a situation we might even reacted more than them,that was the same thing that happen to me. i never thought that i could hurt someone else child;even if he was dating my daughter but then i did but i am glad that i was able to retrace mine step and that is why i am here. congrats Desmond
Desmond: thanks ma;can i call you mummy?
Monalisa: of cause;my son
Desmond: thank you mummy
Rose: where is the bride?Lisa
Monalisa: she will soon be here
Blessing: mom;look here they comes


WEDDING OFFICIAL: having adhered to the following facts that a man will leave his father and mother and we stick to his wife and they will become one fresh. he who find a wife as find a good thing and that a wife is an helper not a nag. this two young ones have decided to get married. so you say this words after me. when i say u you put your name after it and when i say take;you put his name after it;alright?
Desmond: yes

Wedding official: i take
Desmond: iesmond Jackson take Stephanie Dave
Wedding official: as your loved wife and to cherish
Desmond: as my loved and cherish wife
Wedding official: in sickness and in health;for good and bad times
Desmond: in sickness and in health for good and bad times
WEDDING OFFICIAL: till death do you part
Desmond: till death do us part
Official: do you concur
Desmond: yes;i do
wedding official: you can now place the ring on her finger(he place it on her) you say this after me;say i,your name take him to be
Stephanie: i Stephanie Dave take Desmond Jackson to be my
wedding Official: loved and wedded husband to love and to cherish
Stephanie: my love and wedded husband;to love and to cherish
Official: in sickness and in health for good and bad times
Stephanie: in sickness and in health for good and bad times
Wedding official: till death do you part
Stephanie: till death do us part;i
do
Wedding official: you may now fix the ring on his finger. with the power bestow on me;i hereby pronounce you husband and wife. i know present to you Mr and Mrs Desmond

Tunde: whoa! applaud the newly wedded
Wedding official: you may now kiss the bride
Stephanie: what?
Vina: go on baby sister
Stephanie: fine(he kissed her)
Desmond: did you remember the first day i kissed you at the canteen
Stephanie: of cause;i do. it was crazy(both laughed)
Desmond: but today you are not going to yelled at me because it is right
Stephanie: of cause
Wedding official: you can now express your own personal words

Desmond: i wish for all this to be real and it is actually real. all my life i have always prove my worth to people;do what they asked me to do and say things they really want to hear but with you;i don't have to think of what to say or prove my worth to you. i was just free with you;i felt so at easy with you right from the start;down in me i really don't know what to say;at first i though of writing it down and read it to your hearing but i wanted it to be the wat i want my life to be with you. i know i may not be a perfect husband but i want it to be honest ;real;is not going to be perfect but is going to be real. i can't promise anything but i will try not to make you cry because i love you

Nancy: wahoo!that is so sweet

Stephanie: people say love is friendship;love isn't perfect;it isn't a fairytale or a story book;it doesn't come so easily but mind is different because is like a fairytale;when a princess meet a prince on a faithful day and they fall in love and they over come all obstacle;that is why love is overcoming obstacle;facing challenges;fighting to be together;holding on and never letting go;it is a short word;easy to spell but difficult to define and impossible to live without. love is realising that every hour;minutes;second and days of it was worth it because you did it with the one you love. you have shown me all that;you don't have to prove anything to be because you are not worthless;i promise i will always give you my shoulder;i will try my best not to make you feel lonely anymore and i cross my heart that nothing will ever come between us cause you are my rainbow in every dark cloud;you are my sunshine by the day and my moon and star by night. i will always love you. i promise one thing for sure break it i won't dare
Anita: what a sweet love?
Brown: people say not all fairytale end in sweet note but that of Desmond and Stephanie were more than fairytale even if it wasn't



Desmond: (a year passing)i can't believe we are both sitting here
Stephanie: everyone had their moment;that of hatred;anger;resentment;bitterness;envy;jealous and love but it is all a test of faith and with time it all passed. God as given us a long rope and always forgive us whenever we make mistake and show repentant. yes;i know you maybe wondering what happen to Tina and Beauty;they are both out of jail and Tina is now happily married to Tunde;Ayo eventually got married to Ann and even Tosin and Tosan are married;our friendship bond as been rekindle;Georgina and i are now close friends and she is planning her wedding. God as blessed us in our own different ways and as given us the strength to do what is right. in all God as blessed me with two lovely parents and two lovely grandparents ma Janet and MR Kenneth and Mrs Sarah. i now i have a large family

Desmond: the road we travelled maybe be full of thorns and many obstacle but what will really help one to move on,is the people you travel on that road with;if they have love;willing to forgive and willing to accept others back when they made mistake;the road will seems smooth. in our journey of life we have learn to always make room to forgive and to open our heart to love unconditionally because no one is prefect
Stephanie: that is what we will teach our loving son Wealth
Desmond: we are not going back on that


THE END THANKS ALL FOR YOUR TIME;COMMENT AND FOR NEVER STOP READING EVEN WHEN IT TAKE LONGER TIME TO BE COMPLETED



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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It was a fine summer evening at the local pub in Dublin. The bar was about half full. In one corner two fellows sat drinking pints. One fellow asks the other “Now where are ya from, me lad?”

The second fellow replies “County Cork.”

The first fellow is amazed “Why that`s were I hail from too! What may be your family name, then?”

The second chap says “It be none other than O`Brien”

“Why that is my clan, too. What a small world. And to what school did you go?”

“I went to St. Brigits.”

“My God, So did I!!” exclaimed the first fellow loudly.

“So then, in what fine year did you graduate?”

“1954” “Incredible, so did I!…”


The local bobby (are they called that in Ireland?) stopped in around then to say hello to the bartender. “Every thing OK, Michael?”

“Yes,” the bartender replied, “things are pretty normal – the O`Brien twins are drunk again!”Related

Dreams are, by definition, cursed with short life-spans.Related

Emeka and Akpors lived close to each other. One day
Emeka started an argument and the following is what
transpired between them.
Emeka: You be fool, you no sabi anything.
Akpors: Ahhh…haba guy, you harsh oo.
Emeka: Na so. I fit prove am sef. If na night and you see
two light for road, na wetin be dat?
Akpors: Na motor be that na!
Emeka: Ehen, but which kind? Mercedes Benz, Peugeot or
Lexus?
Akpors: I no come know dat one,oh!
Emeka: You see am? Anyway, second proof. Na night, you
see one light for road. Na wetin be dat?
Akpors: Na okada!
Emeka: Ehen, which one? Suzuki, Yamaha or Kawasaki?
Akpors: Ahh….how I suppose to know?
Emeka: You see am? I don show you say you be fool.
Akpors: Na wa 4 you o. This your question sef. Oya make I
ask you my own now. If na night you see woman for
roadside….miniskirt, big frontside, red lips, big backside,na
wetin?
Emeka: Na ashawo!
Akpors: Ehen, but which one? Your mama, your sister or
your daughter?
Guess where Akpors found himself?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-14 19:31:19

944 Views



Family Comand [Read it]


Dad put laws when its time to eat one of these laws was "no talking while eating"

one day they were eating as the family it was a hot after so they were all out of the house where the fresh wind was browing

lunch lunch started taken and quite was kept only birds were producing sound

"Dady!! Dady!! Dady!!" bruno his son called him
the dad's appearence turned into anger and his face was written ~~~~www showing anger immediately he slapped bruno & bruno cried til the end of the meal

"now talk!! what u wanted to say the time we were eating"
"I__ I__ I wanted to tell you that 3_greened flies sinked into your plate and mixed with the food and the time you were eating i saw them so i wanted to warn you but you swallowed & chewed them"







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-28 10:23:42

638 Views




It was my sophomore year! I never really had
hopes for this year. There is this saying ‘Be careful
for what you wish for or you might just get it’. I
had my mouth sealed for any wish I might crave
for and savoring the little I got. A month into classes; I had taken my Range rover for repairs
several times I couldn’t count. I relinquished all
my interest for the car. I wanted to swap it with
the Infiniti FX35 that was lying idle at home. I
planned to take it home on Friday as it was my
free period. I could even spend the weekend at home – I mused. I bid farewell to my roomie
Askaline and told her to be a good girl. We
engaged in silly talks and telling her to be a good
girl while I am gone. Askaline cooed that she is a
big girl and can take care of herself.
My handbag was my companion as I got most of my clothes at home. It was about the late hours
in the afternoon when I got home. I went straight
inside walking through the portico leading into
the main security door which was opened. The
first room I got into was the guest room where
we entertained visitors. I found two glasses of whiskey slightly emptied on the side table and
the TV made a cacophony sound of disrupted
reception. I went on cussing the antenna dish for
any slight weather changes which tampers with
the view reception.
It was dawned on me that mother could be around so my first hunch was that; probably she
got a visitor and she had gone to see the visitor
off. I relished having a cold bubble bath in my
room, and then looking for something to eat;
probably make dinner. So I planned to first go
have a shower and hurry down stairs to cook a delectable meal. I switched the TV off and took
the glasses and the almost empty whiskey bottle
to the pantry.
As I scurried to my room, I heard sounds-
incessant sounds as it continued without a pause.
I treaded slowly with curiosity to find where the sound may be coming from. It got even clearer
when I got close and I thought for a moment,
“This is a sound of a woman moaning in ecstasy”.
I wondered who that might be as my father has
sailed out of the country. “Who is having an affair
with my mother?” I mulled. My second hunch was that mother could be at
home but my trepidation was alarming. The mere
thought resurrected spiders in my stomach. I
skittered closely to the door where the sound was
coming from and forced myself in.
Being shocked was an understatement. I screamed. I covered my mouth with my hands as
I thought it would drop to the floor. “What on
earth is this?” I let out a shriek voice. They gazed
at me with despair. I ran out of the awful scene
and drove out of the place and just continued
driving. I didn’t know where I was going but I never stopped. I freed my defenses from the wall
of tears as they came with no mercy. I cried. How
could the ones I cherished most do this to me
without a conscience? That minute, that instant, I
knew I was lost in this wilderness called earth.
My legs hit the brakes and brought the car to a halt. There was a bang sound. I had hit a child
that was crossing the road fixating in my thought
and worries. I stepped out from the car and saw a
boy of about twelve to fourteen years of age lying
helplessly on the ground.
“Oh my God, what have I done” I shrieked. Eye witnesses came running to help me. They
carried the boy from the ground into the rear seat
I opened for them. I hopped in and drove with all
the speed the car could muster. There was traffic
build-up on the highway. I murmured when I
needed a free road as there was a pressing matter on my hands, hence this traffic holdup. I almost
wanted to curse the day Traffic Light was created.
Within a while, the cars moved slowly but my
hooting never seized.
I tried to pave a shorter route out of the traffic
with success and got to the hospital. I whizzed in the Emergency Unit. The nurses were alerted as
they came running with the gurney to drive the
child into the emergency ward.
Then I was left stranded and unattended to whilst
I meandered the lobby for many times. “God,
please don’t allow this child to die” The alarm that my name would be
associated with a murder case was ringing in my
head with a ‘Tot Tot’ sound. As nurses came out
from the theatre room, my stance got firm. I tried
asking questions but none seemed to answer my
barrage of questions. I searched through my bag and got my phone. I dialed Askaline.
“Hello Askaline, I just knocked down a little child
on the Spintex road” Askaline gave a shriek
sound.
“What happened? How come?” She asked.
“Please just come to New Hope hospital right away”
I hung up the call when I saw a doctor coming
out from the theatre room. I quickly stood up and
alerted to hear his prognosis.
“Hello doctor, how is he doing?” I asked with my
hands in the air. “Are you the lady that rushed the little child in?”
“Yes” I replied quickly.
“You need to bring the family of the young boy to
the hospital immediately. We need blood from
his father. He has lost so much blood”
“Doctor, I don’t know the boy from Adam. I knocked him down on my way to the hostel.”
“This could be difficult for us em?
“Merissa Sir”
“Yes Merissa, his blood is a very rare type to find
in our blood bank so we would need his father to
come immediately to give out blood to his son.” The Doctor left me speechless as I sunk in my
world of endless pain. I didn’t know I was on the
ground until after a while, I got a tap from behind
and it was Askaline who had arrived at the
Hospital. “Oh my Goodness, it’s great you are
here” I said while standing up. I tried cleaning myself.
“What happened?” Askaline looking worried
“Askaline, you won’t just believe what my eyes
saw today”
“Tell me please” Askaline eyebrow rose.“I found Kofi and my mother courting on the bed”
“WHAT? You must be kidding? That is insane”
“Exactly Askaline that was the exact word that
came to my mind. Kofi is insane to do this to me
and not with anyone but with my mother. “So what are you doing here?” Askaline asked.
“I knocked down a child on my way back to the
hostel and now the child needs blood. Where will
I find his father now?”
Askaline quickly asked “Was he wearing a
uniform? “Yes he was. Oh my goodness! Why didn’t I think
of that?”
We told one of the nurses to get us the boy’s
uniform which she did. Askaline made a request
with the doctor for our blood to be taken and
sample should be run to see if there is a match. It didn’t take Askaline long enough to solve the
puzzle. She knew the school the boy attends so
we decided to drive to the school immediately to
find out about the guardian of the poor child. My
roomie snapped the boy’s face on her phone for
easy identification. All I did was just to follow her lead and allow her journalism skills come into
play. In less than twenty minutes, we got to the school
gates and we began drumming the gate for
someone to beckon unto us. It was getting dark
and I was very sure wherever the parents might
be, they would be worried and frightened just like
me. After several banging, a young lad came out to
attend to us. Askaline hollered to him that a pupil
from this school was knocked down on a road
accident while on his way home. His reply made
us to realize he was illiterate.
“Oh na accident happen to the boy? The parent and Headmistress don make noise tire for here.”
“So where are they now? I asked with my both
hands clenched on the gates.
“They don go Police Station”
“Which of the police station?” Askaline asked
“I don’t know Madam” “Okay thanks”
“Askaline which police station might they be”
“Well considering the area where we are, I am
thinking of the central police station across down
town.
“Okay, let’s go there immediately.” ***************
We both got down from the car and hurried into
the station as if someone was chasing us.
“Officer, please we are hoping the headmistress
of Crown-well School is here and the parent to a
lost pupil of the school as well” Askaline asked. Then all of a sudden, a woman in her thirties clad
with wrapper over her waist and buba came from
nowhere and held my dress at the top causing
creases to them shouting at me where her boy
was? “Where is my boy Kwame”
Askaline tried all she could to calm this woman but she didn’t jibe. I asked her “Madam, where is
your husband?”
“What husband” she responded swiftly. “I don’t
have a husband oo” she shot back.
“Oh my goodness” I exclaimed. What is
happening to me today? What do I make of this? The woman continued yelling “Where is my son?” We told the police officer to follow us to the
hospital including the mother and the
headmistress as we all hopped into my car. We
got to the hospital and went straight to the
theatre room but got the shock of my life. The
boy was no longer there. I called on a nurse and asked her where the boy was and she replied I
should have a word with the doctor first. I began summoning, calling all deities I knew but
my heavenly father was the only one I could think
of. So I prayed. “Please heavenly father, I hope
nothing happens to the boy else my face would
be on the dailies and every social media on the
internet.” These days, news like these spread like a fire via
the internet courtesy of chirping birds called
twitter tweeps. I might just be rusticated from
school. We got into the doctor’s office and he was
surprised with the influx of people in his office at
the same time.
“Doctor, where is the boy?” I asked quickly.
“The boy is fine in the intensive care unit” The
doctor said. The ship in my heart that was causing it to beat in a trembling way finally capsized.
“One of your bloods was a match for the boy” The
doctor added.
I had wanted to shout, laugh or dance but I could
do none. I swallowed my happiness in me and
praised God for minutes for listening to my prayer. Then the mother asked the doctor that she
would want to see her son immediately. At that
moment, I heard my phone ringing. I knew it was
Kofi. The dejection and disgust formed bitterness
in my mouth. I wanted to hit the phone on the
ground and continue hitting it with my legs until it is completely destroyed. But I changed my
mind. I added him to my block list and deleted all
his contacts.
After the mother rushed to see her son, it finally
registered on me what the doctor said that our
blood was a match. Whose blood is the doctor referring to? Is there any link to the boy as the
doctor claimed his blood was a rare type? I swam
in a pool of questions but no answers waiting for
me.

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