Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

WHO Z DE MUGU? [Read it]


An Aboki man and an Igbo man went 2 an ATM machine 2 witdraw money....While de aboki man was witdrawing, de Igbo man said,"aboki u be mugu o!....I don see ur password, ur password na four X (****)". The aboki laughed at him and said, "na u be mugu, my password na 5298 no be four X!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 10:19:37

454 Views




Dedication
I dedicate this work to baba God who butter my life like bread and cook my head so that i go fit sit down to reason this interesting story, infact baba God i dust my cap for you.
I remember mumsy and popsy who worked relentlessly for the betterment of thier children, three gbosa for una.
For those of una wey go read this work and criticize and those wey no go criticize i love u all.
Prologue
Haqq comes from a family of seven whom all Reside in a small settlement in nagazi uvete kogi state, his life is full of complication by mere looking at haqq you will see the true definition of poverty. Although, haqq comes from a poor background he never stop dreaming and as the first child of the family he has a duty that cant be over emphasis.
One day things got from worse to worst his family can hardly feed and haqq in his final year at ABU zaria is always sad when ever he think about his family. and, he must find a way to help them out of this ugly predicament, but wen haqq taught he have been through alot neither did he know his problem are yet to unfold,... His biggest nightmare lies in the daylight.
Chapter 1 (coded savage )
After writing jamb 3times this useless school no wan give me admission and i dy always pass my jamb, ( haqq conversing with kareem his childhood friend who hate school with passion infact it took the intervention of angel Gabriel before this guy manage to complete his SS3)
Kareem: guy relax ur jaw nw when God's time come ur admission go shine face like thief man torch.. He said while he grin with his open teeth like kaduna express.
Haqq: hmmm. This one wey u dy talk sense today u dn chop iya happiness beans ba..haqq replied with a tone and smile dat define mockery
Kareem: as if u know, o boy d woman do me well today she full my plate
Haqq: may b she loves u infact am happy for u (they both laugh like drunkard however, haqq cant stop thinking about the fact that he is yet to gain admission and that, his father have been frustrating him seriously.)
Haqq: o boy u no say na my papa dy give me sleepless night nw ba?
Kareem: no b admission again nw na ur papa oya am all ears.
Haqq: my papa just dy fustrate me becos i no get admission, yesterday he came back from work and i greeted him he no even answer only for him to call me and started telling me that all his friends children have gained admission and he cant understand why my own case is different.
Kareem: did he also tell u that all u know how to do is to eat his food and sleep
Haqq: (hug his friend in agreement to the statement) i swear u b wintch how u take know?
Kareem: na wetn my papa sef dy tell me everyday b dat. so u see no b only u get problem, Nigerian fathers are like that and is because they want the best for u dats y they always do what dy did.
Haqq: (sigh in relief knowing that he is not alone in the battle).
Kareem: better go and prepare u no say today na our match between adavi united and net shakers.
Haqq: o boy me wey i dn prepare since today na today we go kill net shakers
Kareem: make we go my house from dia we go enter field.
(Haqq went inside to get his soccer kits and they both zoom off in d same direction)
The next day
It is quarter past 9 in the morning and a raging voice has been trying to wake haqq from sleeping,
Idiot... Will u wake up before i give a dirty slap says mr salawu (let me introduce to u mr salawu who happens to be haqq father, he is a tall handsome strict man, he is very generous and hardworking, he b electrician too.)
Haqq: ( rubbing his eyes and yawning like a child who have not be fed ) good morning sir...he said in a tiny voice
Mr salawu: what is good about the morning? Some of ur mate are dressed for works and some are already in the lecture hall by nw and u are here telling me good morning at this hour of the day. (he raged like a lion ready to make meal out of a poor antelope)
Haqq: but daddy today is sunday nw who goes to lecture and works on sunday?
Mr salawu: shut up there, u remember today is sunday but u didn't remember to get admission.
Haqq: dad i always do well in my jamb exam and u no it the fault is not from me and beside the admission is still in progress, the second list will soon be out and if God is really the one that created me he will not forsake me. (haqq said with tears in his eyes i guess his words touched his father becos he didn't say anything again)
Mrs aishat salawu comes back from the market and met haqq moody ( mrs aishat salawu is haqq mother a very beautiful woman and a full time house wife)
Haqq: mum am sick and tired of this life daddy is always frustrating me just because i haven't gain admission
Mrs aishat: son what doesn't kill u makes u stronger, ur dad is saying these things because he want the best for u but he is taking it too far and i will talk to him.
Haqq: thanks mum i will build u a beautiful castle and buy u cars wen i become rich.
Mrs aishat: thats the spirit. but b d best for urself and thats good enough for me. i will prepare rice and stew just d way u want it
Haqq: (smiling like a he goat who have just been gifted with fresh grass)
(Mrs aishat makes haqq sunday wonderful despite mr salawu effort to make it a living hell)
the day slowly fade away and it is already monday morning.
Mr salawu: haqq make sure u wash my clothes and wash it very well (he dip his hand inside his pocket and gave him five hundred)
Haqq: i go wash am well (smiling at the five hundred naira his father gave him just hundred naira soap will do the job and the remaining change will secure a better yoghurt and anehe bread.... Mr salawu love giving tips wen he want something done, so his children are not exceptional i guess dats the only good thing haqq loves about him.)
Haqq has washed the clothes they are not much and mrs aishat have prepared a spontaneous semo and egusi garnished with okporoko and pomo, fish and meat were not left out. Haqq eat the food with passion and reserve some for his friend kareem.
After a couple of minutes a knock greeted the door and haqq sister zuleihat a good looking teenager in her SS2 went to get the door however zuleihat was at home on Monday because it was teachers day. The door opened and it was kareem
Zuleihat: bros i salute ooo
Kareem: u just dy fresh every day make i cum pay ur bride price before is too late
Zuleihat: e b like say u dn get small money wey dy shark u ba
Kareem: haba no b say i get money but i fit borrow, anything for u.
Haqq: curse follow u, na my sister u wan use borrowed money marry ba yeye man (he said jokingly)
Kareem: my brother inlaw u dy fall my hand ooo (he teased back at haqq as they shake each other)
Haqq: poor man like u come make i feed u before ur neck go escape ur head
Kareem: (dancing around like mad man with 10years of experience) bros na me and u for dis life, me wey hungry dn finish
Haqq: u no need to tell me see ur eyez dn enter inside (kareem was already devouring his food like no man's business)
Car tyres screeches outside may be as a result of sharp match of break pad, could it b daddy ask haqq. Go check nw replied kareem. Before haqq could reach the door sonebody has first him and to his surprise it was his father, he wanted to ask if there is a problem because it is just 2pm and mr salawu always comes back from work after 6, but the smile in his father face shows that it could only be good news and rather he asked, daddy u look excited whats the news?
Mr salawu: where is ur mother?
Haqq: she is inside let me call her (mummy mum shouted haqq)
Mrs aishat: papa haqq what happen?
Mr salawu: i just received a call from ozigi the man whom i beg to help me secure admission for haqq, that the second list is out and haqq name is among.
Haqq open his mouth in anticipation waiting to be sure if he is not dreaming)
Mrs aishat hugged his son with happiness and the rest of the family were happy including Kareem
Mr salawu: haqq didnt you check ur phone u are supposed to receive a message or check ur email
Haqq: (quickly rush to get his phone in his room which he abandoned because there is no subscription and to his surprise, the message that confirms his admission status is there, and if only he checked it on time he would have first his dad to break the news. but nevertheless, God has done it and haqq scream with joy.
Haqq: now wey i dn get admission i hope am no longer wasting food and those my dad friends wey dy use admission Intimidate my daddy infact daddy go and tell dem ur pikin dn get admission the whole family bust into lafter and mr salawu the antagonist of haqq problem was antagonized in a coded way
To be continued........



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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One Night [Read it]


A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in, “Mother, where do babies come from?” 


The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” 


The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his p*nis in the mommy’s v*gina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” 


The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s p*nis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” 


“Money for clothes, my dear. Money for clothes.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-26 13:45:36

544 Views




MY SWEET AND
LOVELY HOUSE BOY
(Episode 3)
Everything happened so fast that day, I could still
see shock in his face as he was so puzzled how
i could give him such a warm kiss, you know I
haven't really given any chance to my Ex and i
think its all my fault we broke up, Tunde was
very surprised that a girl like me with high
standard and influence will bring herself so low
to that level, anyway, it wasn't really my fault i
felt strained and depressed following my hectic
and bad day that all started from my fathers
departure..
I moved to the refrigerator, brought out some
water and drank a bit of it, I went outside the
living room since facebook can be very boring
sometimes, I decided to put my headphones and
play chris brown song, the "Loyal" track is
always my favourite I listened to it for a while,
then I heard footsteps of someone approaching,
who else it was Tunde!
Tunde: Excuse me, can i talk to you for a
moment please?
Me: yes go on...
Tunde: what you did when we were playing
Chess, what was it for?
Me: I'm sorry, I lost control, I'm now starting to
feel I'm in love with you.
Tunde: Hmmm, your father will kill me if he were
to find out please I'd appreciate if you pretend
nothing happened..
Me: Chillax, its just me and you, No One will
suspect anything, you see, I'm a Virgin **on
hearing this, he looked calmed** and I just broke
up with my boyfriend, I love you, for your
uniqueness, gentility, and calmness.
Tunde: hmm, I love you too, but don't you feel
you will be taking a big risk!?
Me: ***I moved closer to him, I held his hand
and he felt a bit shy, and he couldn't resist me, I
had all the physical qualities of a diva, my curvy
shape, my nicki minaj butt and all that*** Tunde,
I'm in love with you can't you see that? Come
here let me show you something. ***i carried him
to my bedroom, he looked worried, I tried my
best to contain him and make him feel
comfortable.***
We sat down, and i told him how my previous
day had been, we discussed for a while, and we
turned on the television and watched a movie for
quite a long while, I told him how I broke up with
my previous boyfriend, and he encouraged me
and gave me some very good piece of advice, I
was beginning to feel comfortable with him, I
even leaned on his lap, and slept off, that night
we slept in the same bed, it was a warm night, I
really enjoyed his close relationship with me only
at that point in time, he's really handsome.
Early in the money, around 6am, I woke up,
breakfast was already prepared, and my friend
Tobi called and told me she'll be coming to visit,
Tunde was outside, doing some sanitation when
my friend tobi came in.
Tobi: wow, shade, you're looking good, what's
the secret?
Me: its God oh...
Tobi: okay sha, who's that handsome guy
working outside?
Me: its our house boy oh, he just watches over
the house...
Tobi: hmm, he's cute oh, for a house boy,
introducing him to me, I think I should hook up
with him he seems cool though'
***This made me irritated, if she wasn't my
friend I would have given her a dirty slap, but you
know, I had to pretend as if nothing was going
on between me and him***
She still insisted I introduced him to her... I felt
upset but i really had no choice than to do as
she asked so i allowed her to talk to him. And
she was getting too serious, she started touching
him and Tunde felt comfortable with it, he did
not even complain, they exchanged phone
numbers and i was just sitting next to my
popcorn pretending to be watching a movie, and
when ever they made a joke i will just put a
sacarstic look on my face ***i will pretend to
laugh*** until I felt so uncomfortable and jealous
I had to leave the sitting room, before my friend
had left, she came to my room and told me how
she admired tunde, I looked at her and I sighed. I
then wore something, and escorted her outside
the gate....
But she kept on coming, and these time with
new cloths she bought for Tunde...
WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 4


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Why I can't love ????

Episode 6

My time was due to leave to my new station and because I don't have a car, William decided to take me with his car. As we were in the car going, we did chat about a lot of issues some of which include how I was going to miss my prince charming and how the last night's experience was, in terms of how strong and skillful he was when it come to what you think am referring to????. We also touched on how bad I was feeling for Mr Robert. Occasionally you will see him rubbing his right hand on my thigh even as he was driving. It was all fun in the car. Out of the blue, there was this Ford driver who tried to overtake five cars at a go. Our car was the second in the lane. Unfortunately for the driver, it was a long vehicle in front that was causing the slow movement of the cars. Also the car just behind the long vehicle also didn't know that there was an oncoming vehicle that was on top speed coming from the valley and so he didn't allow the Ford bus to join it's lane. Unfortunately, there was a serious collision between the Ford and the oncoming sprinter bus causing the vehicle in front of us to lose control. The next thing I realized was that I was lying-in a hospital bed. My head including my face was covered with bandages. I was only allowed a space to breath through the bandage. With a faint and weak voice, I asked what happened to me. I heard one female voice, I think she was a nurse saying to me ",you were involved in a fatal accident. Oh my God????, "but how could that happen?, Where is my husband; William? " I asked her. The only thing she told me was not to worry. She added that William was fine just that he was also admitted at the male accident ward. I just wished I died instantly. " Madam nurse, please I hope you are telling me the truth that my husband is fine? " I asked her and she said yes. Not knowing William died on the spot but as professional as she was, she didn't want to worsen my condition and so lied to me. The following day after the accident, people trooped into the hospital to check whether their relatives were there. My parents too came but because my face was covered a with bandage, I could only hear their voice. They got to identify me by mentioning my name. Upon hearing my name I responded through the bandage. My mother cried to the fullest. The nurses needed to send her out because she was disturbing the Ward. My father came to encourage me and said we should rather thank God that I didn't die. According to him, I had some severe cut in my face that was why my face was covered. I asked him if he saw William but he only said William was fine. I asked him how serious his condition was but he said the doctor did not allow them to see him."OK " I responded. My ward was close to the OPD Where there was a television set there so I could hear whatever was being said on the TV set . On the third day around 7:30am, I was listening to the news paper review. It was there that the story about the accident was read out . According to the presenter, 45 people lost their lives out of the accident. It was reported that all passengers in the two vehicles that collided died. Some died on the spot and others upon arrival at the hospital. Also three other vehicles including ours was mentioned. In all, five vehicles were mentioned to be involved in the accident. I became more worried for William because I heard nothing like all those in the other three vehicles survived the accident . After a week, the bandage was removed from my face but they said I needed to go through a plastic surgery. One of my eyes was completely damaged because according to the some glasses broke into my face and damaged one of my eyes leaving the other one with refractive errors. I just knew my life has come to an end because how can young lady like me live without sight . My beauty was gone. I had my plastic surgery a month after the incident. It was then that I was told the gentleman with me in the car joined his ancestors on the spot, and his family members even came for the body and buried. " Oh my God!!!???????????? I killed my love!???? " I said with a shout and tears run down my cheeks. " But why didn't you tell me this earlier?" I asked the nurse who reported the issue to me. She said they didn't tell me becaus they feared my condition could worsen. I couldn't see my William even for the last before he was buried. "why always me?" I asked myself. I felt like taking my own life to the extent that it started affecting my mental faculty. After some weeks, I was referred to the counsellor of the hospital who took me through thorough counselling sessions. Had it not been for the good work of that counsellor, I don't know how my state of life will as of today. Oh yeah! Because all my hope was lost. "Who will advice me again, that care, love,patience, pampering, romance ...... hmmm ???? We need to appreciate our partners anytime they are around us because regardless of how he/she is, we will miss them should they die. My parents came for me after I was discharged. Ghana Education Service never left me behind. They sponsored everything of mine and even promised of giving me some managerial position when I become fit. The Ghana National Association of Teachers was also of tremendous support. This brings to the fact that there is a good human relation in the education sector. These people never let me lack anything. I was sponsored overseas for further treatment. There, they managed to resolve the refractive errors I became colour blinde. I want to state that by the grace of God, the situation is quiet better now despite the colour blindness which is not very severe . With all that social support, I still missed William. He was always concerned about how we could make a good future together. Little did I know that life was soo short. God knows best. That is the statement that kept me moving. Hmmmm????, may his soul rest in peace. It is said that good people never last. I went to his family and they showed me where he was buried. I paid my last respect to his grave and left a rose flower on the grave before leaving. It was a very sad moment for me. At times I do think I was dreaming. Though my identify was distorted the surgery and not withstanding the fact that I now have only one eye, my looks was not that bad. After three years, GES gave me an appointment to become one of their administrators. Hmmm, the disabled in society are really suffering. The discrimination, stigma and social rejection I went through even from my co-workers was mind blowing. It was at this office that I met my next guy, Francis. Francis hmmm... I can't stop mentioning his name.

How was life with Francis? Why can't I love again? Follow me to the next episode.

Episode 7 loading.....



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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“Her secretary’s not in. This office belongs to her.” Jeremy closed the door behind him.

“Aren’t you glad?”

“No. She was going to give us information. I’m sure she know about Ernest visits here and what they talked about.” He took a deep breath, “Let’s go in and see what we can find.”
*
*
*
Ernest smiled at the doctor’s thoughtful diagnosis. He might be right. He must have gotten it. But he couldn’t agree with that. He would not accept the fact that he was unhappy without Melisa’s love. He had gotten her and she was gonna love him back. More than anything she felt for his cousin. The doctor had judged Jim perfectly. That was not what hear. “I don’t think you have the right diagnosis. I would take my leave now.” He stood up.

“Its always difficult and might seem impossible for a patient to accept his illness especially when it is really bad. But in time, you’ll come to terms with that. Why don’t you just let her go? Love can’t be forced.”

“I am waiting patiently and I’ll keep waiting.” Ernest insisted he was right.

The doctor shook his head. “Then what would she be doing? Waiting to love you back?” Allan chuckled. “Make her happy. Let her go. That’s when you’d be acting in love. Give her what she really wants, her desire.”

Ernest wasn’t going to let those words have any impact on him. He wasn’t going to get emotional. He was not going to think about it. Having Melisa was what he wanted, and whatever he did, he was doing for love. “It was nice seeing you,” he replied, concluding. He had to go.

“Its only going to be nice if you heed my advice,” Allan responded, unambiguously.

He turned his back to him and shuffled to the door. On getting to it, he paused. “Tricia, the daughter of Sept. Cayson came crying to me. What exactly did you accuse her of?”

That’s the reason he came visiting, Allan thought. If they were going to try anything, they were too late. “I can’t remember.”

“Nice try,” Ernest said, a smile on his lips. “Be careful what you say to her. You might wanna swallow your words. Good bye.”

He was too fast. He left before giving Allan any opportunity to make a sound.

Allan smiled mischievously, tapping a pen on his desk. He paused for a few minutes, seriously meditating on what he had just discussed with Ernest. He shook his head pitiably and pressed a red button on his recorder.
*
*
*
“Where is the secretary of Purity Theodore?” Jeremy asked, hastily.

The young lady raised her head in hearing that voice speak to her again. She considered him more sexy as he hurriedly spoke. She never failed to flash him her best smile. “She’s not in,” she quickly sent him a look of apology, “I couldn’t tell you before you left my presence. I’m sorry.”

“Why isn’t she at work?” he demanded. Just as he would, if it were his company.

“Um, she’s on vacation.”

“What? Does she has to do that?” That was totally the wrong time she chose. Not when her boss was missing. This wasn’t good news.

“Miss Theodore approved of it. It was her proposal and she consented. You know it-”

“When is this vacation going to be over?”

The miss frowned at Jeremy’s rude interruption. She didn’t like that. “I think two months.”

“Damn it!” he exclaimed. “Lemme have her contact, now.”

She sighed. I guess he isn’t a patient person, she thought silently.
*
*
*
“I hope its to your delight.”

She looked around her surrounding once more. It was tidy. Been tidied up by the man who had forcefully taken her away from her life. The floor was neat. The windows were cleaned. No trace of spiders nor their webs anymore. The entire room gleamed. A small comfortable bed was put in place for her to rest and get a good sleep. He had even provided food, water and beverages. But most of all, he had untied her and brought clothes, toothbrush and other feminine items. Should she be grateful or not? The room was tiny, it couldn’t compare to her little palace at her papa’s mansion. “Its not exactly what would be my taste or quality. But what can I say? Its far more better than its old state. I’d have to adjust.”

Ernest smiled. “You don’t have to worry. I’m taking you out of here, soon.”

She scowled. “And where will you be taking me to?” She let her weight drop on the only available chair.

“Its a surprise.”

“Its a surprise,” she muttered.

Her thoughts travelled back to when she first rode in Jeremy’s car. It was a surprise. He took her to his home and she met his dad for the first time. At that moment, her face grew pale, she felt pangs of loneliness. She so much missed him – his voice, his sweet talks, his piercing hazel eyes, his smiles, the deep roll of his laughter, his kisses and being in his arms. She longed to see his face and hold them in her slender arms; even for a minute. That was how badly she wanted to be with him. She wondered if he was alright. She smiled sadly. “How is Jeremy?”

Wasn’t she ever going to forget him. “I have no idea.”

“Tricia,” she painfully pronounced the name, “Tricia Cayson. Did she not contact you? Tell you about his health?”

“Nope. We no more contact eachother.”

She hung her head, unhappy. She was playing with her fingers. “I guess you two finally got what you want.”

He had an urgent meeting to attend to. If it were in his power, he’d have called the meeting off and spent a great deal of time, chatting with his Melisa. “I have to get going now.” He drew himself to her and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek.

Purity didn’t flinch, neither did she resist his lips touching her right cheek. She only closed her eyes and pictured Jeremy kissing her.

“Don’t do anything funny. Stay put,” he instructed, lovingly.

Purity smirked. “What makes you think I’ll try running away?”

“You’re a strongwilled woman.” he stroked her hair, “Its easy to tell what you can do.”

She held his gaze. “There’s hope. A glimmer of hope. I can feel it.” she closed her eyes and sucked in a breath. “I’ve never felt this way all my life. Its a new feeling and I’m so sure of it. It brings me joy. I have no reason to escape,” she reopened them. “Jeremy’s going to get me from you.”

That sent a shiver down his spine. He shuddered slightly. He was relieved she was not able to notice his little fears and insecurity. “You sound so confident. Why is that?” Jeremy had not contacted her in any way. He was too careful, no one most have seen him or followed him. He made sure she gets no contact. Why was she speaking with so much conviction?

“I believe he has feelings for me. Even if its not love, I’m sure he’ll search for me and would not spare anyone who messes with me,” she boldly informed him, sounding courageous.

“Suit yourself,” he mumbled and walked out of the room, locking her in.

Purity plodded. She plodded round the room in deep thoughts. He had to come. Jeremy was to rescue her. She believed in him. She hoped in him. She had faith in him. Before it all goes bad, he’d do something. She had love in him. She had given her heart to him. She was sure of it this time. Purity Theodore’s no more afraid to love. She had a big grin seated on her pretty face.
*
*
*
Her words troubled him. It told him something was wrong. Something bad could happen. He had to act fast. It had to be urgent. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her again.

Her dug his hand into his pocket and brought out his cell phone. He quickly dialled a number. “I’m heading to your place.”
*
*
*
“Aaron!” Prudence called, she sounded worried and tensed. She had not heard from her only daughter for five days now. She could not take it anymore. She had to see her, hug her, talk to her, know how she’s doing. It couldn’t happen because Purity had gone missing. Something had to be done. Its not like her daughter to just disappear that way. No matter how crazy Purity was, she’d never go away for days. She was always scared, away from her family. She never really liked staying all by herself.

“My darling,” Aaron answered, trying to ease every bit of concern out of himself.

“Can’t you see its getting up to a week?” she raised her voice at him – a thing she hardly does. She couldn’t help it. “I need my daughter back. My Purity! Let her come home.”

Aaron took his wife by the hand and led her to a couch. He sat her down and gently rubbed her shoulders, placing her head on his laps. “She’s fine, my darling. She’s okay. I promise she’ll get home. You will see her,” he comforted his wife in a soothing tone. “Be strong.” He took a deep breath, trying to swallow his forthcoming tears. The truth was that he wasn’t strong. When it came to Purity, he was weak. He was trying to be brave for his family. He hoped that Jeremy was rescue her soon. That hope kept him from going crazy.


>>

What’s the time now? It’s the time when

Falguni pathak is getting replaced by

Honey Singh at Durga Pooja Pandals.Related

Banta: Kindly loan me 2000 bucks. It being Sunday, banks are closed.

Santa: Why don’t you use an ATM? It’s like 24 hour banking.

Banta: I don’t have that much time!Related

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing! Talking about my “doing something useful” seems to be her favourite topic of conversation.


She was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior Center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.


She replied, “Are you nuts? You are about 73 years old, and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”


I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.


She immediately telephoned me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”


“Oh man, I’m in trouble again; I really don’t know what to do… I signed up for five jumps a week.”


The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that she had fainted.


Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun…Related

Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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My joy knew know bounds when Lia agreed to follow me to church on Sunday as my birthday gift which was coming up tomorrow. I thought initially that she will act numb but she surprised me with the way she blended so well. One would never think she was a Muslim. It was time for praises before the message and Lia was dancing so well like I’ve never seen. Who wouldn’t be proud of such a girlfriend and may God punish any devil who will even nurse the thoughts of destroying our relationship.
congregation singing...


Heaven came down and glory filled my soul
When at the cross my Savior made me whole
My sins were washed away and my night was turned to day
Heaven came down and glory filled my soul
Oh, what a wonderful, wonderful day
Day I will never forget
When I was wandering in darkness away
Jesus my Savior I met
When Heaven came down and glory filled my soul
When at the cross my Savior made me whole
My sins were washed away
and my night was turned to day
When Heaven came down and glory filled my soul
Oh, what a tender compassionate Friend
He met the need of my heart
The shadows dispelling, with joy I am telling
He made all the darkness depart
When Heaven came down and glory filled my soul
When at the cross my Savior made me whole
My sins were washed away and my night was turned to day.
When the Heaven came down and glory filled my soul
singing stops while the service moderator, Bro Godson came forward...



“Church praise the Lord”, shouted the moderator.

“Hallelujah”, the congregation chorused.

“Let every living soul in the house praise the Lord”, shouted the Brother Godson again.

“Hallelujah”, came more shouts from the congregation.

“Ohhhh.. You’re not impressing me, you’re not doing it for me, Brother Godson, neither are you doing it for our pastor, but for God Most High, now if you know you’re in the sanctuary and not in the mortuary, stand up and shout a thunderous hallelujah”, screamed Brother Godson.

“Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!”, the congregation screamed so loud that the evil forest of Sambisa could crash.

“Yes!, you’re blessed!, the Lord is good.”, Brother Godson recited.

“All the time”, the congregation chorused.

“Who did this?”, shouted Brother Godson pumping his fist to the sky.

“Jesus! Power! Oh my God! Oshe!”, I said along with the congregation especially the youths exclaimed as there were shouts of joy everywhere. Lia was confused. I didn’t blame her since it was her first time here and the slang was used mostly by us the Redeem Christian Church of God youths. I just held her hand tight nodding my head signalling its okay and we smiled at each other.

“Now we have come to the centre point of our being here today, the time to hear the Lord’s words from His servant, all movement should seize from this point as the Lord is about to speak to us and I pray we won’t be hearers alone but doers of His word in Jesus Name!”, Brother Godson recited.

“Amen”, chorused the crowd.
“The man who the Lord is going to use to speak to our hearts this morning is no other person than this very powerful anointed man of God, our very own Pastor Feranmi”, Brother Godson revealed.

There were claps and shouts from the crowd as Pastor Feranmi walked to the pulpit.

I loved Pastor Feranmi preachings so much because he loves telling stories a lot to make his preachings more understandable. He could preach for three straight hours without anyone sleeping or wanting him to stop. He was really a man filled with the auction of the Holy Spirit.

“Let’s pray church”, Pastor Feranmi said.

“Father Lord, I have come this day to give your Word to your children. Father Lord, I’m just a small boy who knows nothing, Lord guide me to say only what you have sent me, and grant your children a open heart to be doers and not hearers alone in Jesus mighty name i have prayed”, Pastor Feranmi prayed.

“Amen!”, we chorused.

“A long time ago when I was a cops member”, Pastor Feranmi began while I smiled since i knew I’ll hear many interesting stories today because I love gist, “we always fight a lot and snub each other’s greeting most of the times, but whenever we needed something from each other, that’s when we will know we are brothers, that’s when I’ll remember to ask of my neighbours family”, Pastor Feranmi continued, “In the same way, in the Book of Judges in the Bible, the Israelites turned their backs on God a lot times and only remember God when they are attacked by enemies”, Pastor Feranmi added, “this same thing is applicable to us as a church, most people come to church only when they need help from God, especially our youths, who mostly come on order to charge phone”, explained Pastor Feranmi.

“This brings me to the topic of our sermon today, DON’T MAKE GOD A SPARE TYRE”, declared Pastor.

Feranmi, “what did I say our today’s sermon is” asked Pastor Feranmi.

“Don’t make God a spare tyre”, we responded.

———————————————–
30 minutes later…

I walked out of the church with Lia and Franco.

“How was the service today baby mi?”, I asked Lia smiling from all sides of my face.

“It was stupendous! Ele Boje,Mo gbadun ara mi baje baje(I really really enjoyed myself)”, Lia remarked smiling pleasantly.

“I’m glad you love it baby mi, I told you it would be extraordinary”, I said feeling proud of myself.

“Franco baddo baddo, how was it?, I saw the way you were looking at my baby’s bum when she was dancing, better no think am, I nah dey joke with my bae o, next time I’ll pluck out your eyes”, I turned to Franco feigning anger.

“Ele Ele, Ele boje, why you go pluck out my eyes?, fruits don finish for world nii?”, the ever sassy Franco asked smirking his face.

“Franco baddo sneh, you sabi whine person nah be small”, I said laughing
“Why I go whine you?, you be grinding engine or radio?”, Franco said making another funny statements.

“You’re so funny Franco, you never seize to make me laugh”, Lia would had been laughing for a while said laughing and holding her stomach.

“I’m more funnier!”, I blurted out frowning my face.

“Jealousy!”, Franco said with his tongue out.

“Werin concern me with jell and lux?, I be girl?”, I asked Franco in sweet revenge who wanted to playfully blow me but Lia intervened.

“If you want to touch my Ele Boje, you have to go through me”,she said hugging me tight.

“When, naso abii?, I’ll go and search for my own Lia.”, Franco said sounding defeated.

“Dont forget to take a map”, I mocked Franco who gave me a deadly look why Lia and I laughed out our a-s as we departed for home on foot since Franco and i don’t attend the same church with our parents.

**********************
Franco narrates

I was sitting in the varendah of Ele’s house waiting for Ele arrival from DSTV”s office where he went to subscribe. Dija came by and asked after Ele and I made her understand Ele wasn’t around.

“Wow, what a fresh fish”, I remarked as she attempted to leave.

“You say what?”, Dija replied given me a deadly look.

“I wasn’t referring to you”, I replied putting my phone on my hear feigning a call.

“Better!”, Dija remarked

“Fresh bottom shaking by force, no respect, sofri sofri” I couldn’t help it but laugh out so loud to the anger of Dija.

“It seems you’re yet to know me, if not, you would have known the stuff I’m made off by now” , Dija said in a threatening way.

“Aiggoo!, I’m scared oo”, I said mocking Dija who by now I’ve gotten d--n angry.

“I’ve been a fool wasting time with this nincompoop!, go and learn how to talk to a lady”, she screamed out loud.


“You and I will live as one,
Dija and I will live as one
Dija and i
Dija and I will live as one
Our love will last forever…”


I couldn’t believe I sang for Dija, it was rare for me to have fun time with ladies but she just makes me to extraordinary things. No!, I do know its not love, but I’ll love to make her my.best friend.

“This is the first time you would say sth that makes sense o, thumb’s up”, Dija smirked her face in mocking revenge.

“I’ll just let you to today because you’re a girl but i won’t go easy on you next time baby girl”,,I said given a wicked smile.

“Whatever nitwit!, just inform my Ele when he returns that I asked after him”, Dija said buy quickly covered her mouth like something has slipped out.

“Your Ele?”, I asked Dija smirking my face,

“imaginations are allowed, but delusion is a malady, you better wake up!”, I added laughing out loud.

“You’re just impossible!”, she said surprising accepting her defeat for the first time before she left.

Is she having something for Ele?, was my thought bit whether she has something for Ele or not, one thing is definitely sure, my heart beats abnormally whenever I sight her.

************************
Medina narrates

After that scary dream which happened for the umpteenth time, I had no other choice but to pay a visit to Alpha Sule. I was sitting in his living room patiently and nervously waiting for his arrival.
“Salamaleikun” Alpha greeted. “Waleikun Salam”, i responded with a smile.

After we exchanged pleasantries, I proceeded to explain all the contents of the dreams I’ve been having. After patiently listening to the dream, he prayed then asked questions before giving a heavy sigh.

“Your daughter will be shine Insha Allah”, Alpha started assuring me, “but there’s one thing you must do”, he quickly added.

“What must I do Alpha Sulu?”, I quickly added impatiently

“You must imbibe the spirit of giving, give to people when necessary, everyone has one or two needs, even a rich man do borrow pen in the bank, the law of given is just natural, you give then you you’ will surely receive, the most powerful countries in the world gives scholarships and in return receives the best brains from Africa, a student gives hardwork and receives good grades in return, a man gives a woman honesty and gets trust in return”, Alpha Sulu explained.

“Hmm,is that all I need to do Alpha”, I asked really surprised

“Yes Alhaja Medinat, learn to give to the needy for they are the lack that take our lack away, and mind you, always give something could not bad else you will receive something bad in return, give most times when it’s inconvenient for you”, Alpha Sulu elucidated.

“I now understand Alpha, thank you so much, I’m really grateful, I’ll do as Allah desires, Allah bless you for me”, I remarked in notable appreciation before I stood up and left feeling a bit lighter and confident now.

**********************
Ledan narrates

I was in my favourite Bar at Mokola rocking my favourite Brukutu waiting for Jango to show up because I was not going to let a little girl of my son’s age to control me, I had plan to eliminate Lia and Dija together on Lia’s birthday. I finally got a call from Jango who’s call I have been expecting for close to an hour now. I picked it up full of excitement, but a more masculine voice was on the line and I quickly checked my phone again to make sure it was Jango, yes it was him. “Yes?, who are you?”, I tried to sound brave as many thoughts crossed my mind.

“Mr.Ledan, you’re wearing a purple shirt and a dark trouser with an Italian shoe, if you know what’s good for you, you better look to your left and join crowd of people you see”, the voice said in a commanding tone.

“How dare you tell me what to do?”, i managed to sound brave.

“I’m not telling you, I’m ordering you, stop looking around and go now before I blow your brains out”, he screamed on the phone.

I didn’t think twice before heading out to the said crowd. There and then to my greatest shock, I saw the great Jango’s severed head. I became instantly scared for my life.

“Why didn’t you trust me to take care of things my own way?”, a female voice spoke softly to me from behind.


Employee : Sir, you called me?
Boss : Yeah,go to the rest room and masturbate.
Employee : (After few mins) ,done sir
Boss : Do it again.
Employee : Done again, sir.
Boss : Do it once more
Employee : Now I don't have
stamina for it, sir.
Boss : Very good,here are my car
keys, drop my daughter at home.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-20 13:39:11

1067 Views




Which one do you think is not true
1. Woman is the last thing God created and
the only thing he did not plan to create.
2. Woman is the first creature to disobey
God.
3. Woman is the cause of all the problems,
troubles we are having in the world today.
4. Woman is easily used by the devil.
5. Woman is like alcohol, if you take it too
much, it will destroy you.
6. Woman is like cell phone, any day you
press the wrong number, you will not make
calls.
7. For woman marriage is business.
8. Woman is naturally wicked.
9. Don't take it for granted when a woman
threatens you.
10. Woman likes money more than anything.
11. For woman,marriage is for better for
stay, for worse for run away.
12. Woman is like flower, today it blossoms,
tomorrow it fades away.
13. If you became poor, woman will give you
only one year to recover.
14. You will never know the true nature of a
woman until you become broke.
15. Woman can smell money from 1000
miles away.
16. Woman is like chameleon, she brings
different characters.
17. Woman thinks straight.
18. Woman is unreliable.
19. Woman is proud.
20. Woman doesn't want to hear that you
will be rich tomorrow, she want to hear that
you're already rich.
21. Women like reaping where they did not
sow.
22. Most times her Yes is No and her No is
Yes.
23. No matter what you tell a woman, if
someone tells her something better than
what you told her, she will abandon you.
24. If your vehicle breaks down woman will
jump out, watch you repair it, then
afterwards she will come in and enjoy the
ride.
25. Woman enjoys retaliation and revenge.
26. Woman becomes wise @40
27. Ordinary animal, snake deceived woman
in the Bible, some people say it was Satan
that enter the snake, that's a big lie,read
that chapter, Satan was not mention.
28. Woman likes jollying.
29. Woman is fashion conscious.
30. Woman is material conscious.
31. Woman wants you to marry her
completely so she can have right over your
property, when you divorce her, she will go
with 30 or 50% of your wealth. There is no
truly born again woman.
32. Woman cannot do anything perfectly
without the help of a man.
33. Woman enjoys telling lies.
34. If you don't take rubbish, please learn to
take rubbish before you get married,
because woman is full of fun rubbish.
35. Woman like cheating.
36. Woman is a perfect pretender.
37. Bible says you should not give yourself
to woman otherwise she will destroy you.
( proverbs 31 vs 3)
38. Woman is shameless.
39. Woman will cause problems between
you and your blood relatives
40. Woman take things for granted.
41. Woman finds it difficult to say sorry.
42. Woman finds it difficult to say I love you.
43. Woman doesn't believe she has to love
her husband.
44. Woman is easily angry.
45. Woman hardly forgives and forget.
46. Woman can store more than 200 phone
numbers in her brain.
47. Woman likes attention.
48. Woman likes gift so much.
49. Woman has no respect.
50. Woman can be very insulting.
51. Woman has shallow understanding.
52. To woman visitation is a business, she
expects package whenever she visit your
house.
53. Woman is very greedy.
54. Woman likes public opinion.
55. Woman don't like an intelligent man, she
likes a man she can cheat.
56. If woman cannot kill you, you are a
strong man indeed.don't get it wrong....
I strongly believe their are good women my
mom is a good example.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-20 12:49:27

203 Views




AWKWARD MOMENT JOKE BY DINDY (PART 4)
That awkward moment when you laugh without knowing what was actually said, and then you were asked to say what the person said.
:____
:_____
:______
:_______
Girl: What did he say that made you laugh?.
Dindy: Hmmmm__I don't even know.
Girl: Then why did you laugh?.
Dindy: Because your dad is a virgin.....
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 5.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-10 23:32:12

206 Views




Guys..the best ever Five perfect ways to make your woman happy

1.Give money

2.Give her money

3.Just give her money

4.My bro i said just give her money

5.Hmm My bro!! Is the only way ooo hmmm just give her money


Yoo!! You think am lying... okk you can try the other way and see



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-02 14:37:50

720 Views



BLIND SEX [Read it]


A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and
found her bathing. since he was blind, she let him
in. After bathing, she came out naked with legs
spread and shaving in front of him and tried to
make a conversation by asking him, brother John,
what brings you here? is everything fine at home?
he replied, yes ooh, very fine. I came to tell you that
I have done the eye surgery and I can see very
clearly now. .... lolzzzzzzzz If you be the guy, u go tell her say u don dey see?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-13 16:54:57

572 Views




RAPTITUDE 1 By DINDY
THE FREESTYLE RAP BY DINDY
My signature move is bugatti.
They say I suffer from success, but all I see are niggas trying to impress.
Niggas always putting mouth in my struggle, da*n man! that ain’t gonna make you bubble.
You gonna taste like half way lemon.
When niggas see me they dock tape.
Niggas are bring the heat on me, but they don’t know I’m a snow weather.
I’m playing my gulf skitter.
They say the young shall grow up, but now that they are all grown up what remains is to spoil them.
#Dindyonthemic.
I hope you guys like it? , more coming.
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 2.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-19 23:46:59

159 Views




Another funny Akpos Joke – Akpos and johnny were shortlisted and invited for an interview. The interview was for job employment. Johnny was the first to enter the interviewing office.. (the manager
military head of state in Nigeria.. Johnny: General Aguyi Ironsi.. Manager: when was the North and southern protectorate in Nigeria Amalgamated. . Johnny: 1914. Manager: That is good of you.. Question no 3, is it t rue that the cure for HIV/ aids is discovered.. Johnny: eehm.. yes but not scientifically proven… Manager: good way of answering questions, please can you wait for us outside and we will attend to you later… (when johnny got outside akpos asked him).. Akpos : Johnny, what are the questions and please tell me the answers??.. (as johnny was about to tell akpos the questions and answer, the manager shouted from inside `NEXT’.. Akpos then said to Johnny).. Akpos. Ok tell me only the answers.. Johnny: answer to number 1 is: General Aguyi Ironsi, number 2 is=1914, number 3 is=yes but not scientifically proven. (mu-mu Akpos got to d interview, after exchanging greetings, the manager told him to sit down) Manager: What is your name? Akpos : General Aguyi Ironsi (manager became confused) Manager: Please what year where you born? Akpos: 1914 Manager: (angrily, he shouted at Akpos)!! are u mad?!!! Akpos: Yes, but not scientifically proven. Hit the Tweet and Share buttons if you this made you laugh!
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-12 10:31:38

498 Views



Not so funny [Read it]


-Funny how #50 looks so big when u take it 2 church but so small when u take it 2 market. -funny when a couple of hours spent in the church seems so long but how short they r when watching a movie. -funny how pple scramble 2 get a front seat in a football stadium but scramble 2 get a back seat @ church service. -funny how hard it is 2 read a chapter of d bible but how easy it is 2 read a 1000 paged book. -funny how hard it is preach d gospel but how simple it is explain gossip abt sm1. -funny how we get happy when a football game goes into extra time but complain when sermon is longer than d regular time. -funny how every1 wants 2 go 2 heaven but so unprepared 2 go. PERHAPS NOT SO FUNNY BUT QUITE SERIOUS.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life.

~ Shah Rukh KhanRelated

My ass [Read it]


The following discussion ensued between Apkos and his sister, Cynthia: 


CYNTHIA: Akpos, I need your dic for my ass. 


APKOS: Whatttt! I"ll tell mum! 


CYNTHIA: I mean I need your dictionary to do my assignment.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-09 06:24:44

113 Views



Confession! [Read it]


A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”Related

When Rajnikanth asked to kill someone he doesn`t know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.Related

AoN Keys To Glory This Week
(1)Work hard in silence, do what you have to
do, and ignore the drama and negativity
surrounding you. Let your success be your
noise..
(2)Never judge. We all have struggles, and
you never know what someone is going
through..
#StayBlessed #HappyNewWeek #HaveaFruitfulDay&week # www.facebook.com/9jastudentforum # www.nairajokes.com #Aboderin oludele Nomolos(AoN)


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Naija the only place where
Where a man Happily meet a lady and
when she
goes back to her friends, their only
question was "Is
the guy loaded?
Where a blind beggar will reject a
fake naira note.
Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles
& Waters
sold in Satchets.
Where You Can Be A Driver For Years
Without A
'DRIVER's LICENCE'
Where Presidents and other
government officials
don't know the national anthem.
Where the Police on a road block makes
more
money a day than motorist and their
owners.
Where you are jailed for stealing
Maggi and yam
and others given a chieftancy title for
stealing billions
and Front row seat in churches.
Where we fight for everything. To
gain admission
to university, to get a job and to enter a
bus!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-14 08:45:24

388 Views




Akpos decided to follow his friend Osas on a
hunting trip deep in the forests of Okomu reserve
at Iguobazuwa.
Akpos has never gone hunting while Osas has
hunted all his life.
When they get to the middle of the forest, Osas
tells Akpos to sit by a tree and not make a sound
while he checks out an antelope trail.
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away,
Osas hears a scream which scares away nearby
antelope. He rushes back to Akpos and yells; "I
think I tell you say make you quiet?"
Akpos replied : "Shuo, I try o, I really try. When
green snake waka pass my leg I no shake body or
make peem sound. When gorilla come de breath
hot and smelly smelly breath for my face, I no
shake body or make sound. But when two squirrel
waka enter my trouser leg, one come tell the
other one say, "Chei, see as this two palm kernel
big like coconut, we nor go fit chop dem finish for
here, so make we pluck and carry dem go home",
if u u wetin u go do?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-23 09:28:50

542 Views




Episode 6

By Awaljnr

” i couldn’t stop staring at your lips” it read. I paused. What! Kwame Hanson, he added his name. Is this guy thinking of making love to me already? But… What the herk! Parents give the best but seriously, atimes they can give the worse. I didn’t reply the message, i just didn’t want to be rude. He called later on because i dint reply. What was he going to say that i didn’t know of, give me words i guess. ” im still thinking about you and have a goodnight” i heard his Male voice in my ears. “alright sir” i responded and hanged up. I didn’t know how far this guy could go in my life and i just hope this call could be it. But no, he kept on visiting every now and then. I couldn’t do anything about his visits because my add entertained him. I decided to hang out with my friends to avoid him, and instead of them being of help to me, they end up shouting his name in the phone as if he was some kind of celebrity. ” can’t you guys understand that i don’t want him?” i yelled out of hanger.
As if i was talking to myself. They didn’t stop. They never did and after three months, kwame became part of me. I got used to him and he became my friend. Yes, just a friend and nothing more. He could take me to the restaurant, cinema and all that but hei it was just friendship even though he wanted more. My long vacation was over and school was all that i thought of. I thought school will give me a break concerning this kwame issue. All the same he didn’t stop bothering me, he kept on paying me visits on Campus. ” aren’t you schooling or working?” i asked out of curiousity. ” are you trying to get me off your head?” he replied with a question. “not that, i have to know you right? Or you don’t want that? And people will take notice of us since you always come on campus. So what information will i give if my friends ask about you MR?”
don’t i have a point? Well, his question was actually the reason for my question. As a lawyer, you must be smart if you always desire to win. ” i am done with school, i studied outside the country and i am not working yet but i will soon” he answered. I had a feeling he was depending on his fathers wealth and that has gotten into his skull. As a lawyer you also need to have evidence and facts in order to push through with your actions. With all that aside, i was coming back from a date with kwame. It was a valentines day, my girlfriends also attended so there is no big deal here. I saw someone walking on campus and it 11pm by then, i couldn’t believe my eyes. He had so many luggage to handle as well. He was walking as if he was lost in the world. He was all alone, i felt pity and drove closer to have a look. Who could it be?
Story continues

>>

On the first day of their marriage,
wife and husband agreed not to
open the door for ANY visitor!
That same day, the husband’s
parents came to see them, and
knocked on the door.
Husband and the wife looked at
each other... the husband wanted
to open the door, but since they
had an agreement, he did not, so
his parents left.
After a while, the same day, the
wife’s parents came visiting.
Wife and husband looked at each
other, and even though they had
an agreement, the wife with
tears on her eyes whispered:- "I
can’t do this to my parents", and
she opened the door!
Husband did not say anything.
Years passed and they had 2
boys.
Afterwards, they had a third child
which was a girl.
The father planned a very big
and lavish party for the new born
baby girl, and he invited
everyone over.
Later that night, his wife asked
him what was the reason for
such a big celebration for this
baby, while we did not do so for
the brothers!
The Husband simply replied:-
"because she is the one who will
open the door for me!"
Daughters are so special... your
little boy will hold your hand for
only a little while... but your little
girl will hold your heart for a life
time....
May our daughters grow to be all
that we can ever hope or think to
ask God for their lives in Jesus name.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-23 19:32:17

230 Views




Vivian: baby;welcome
Abraham: thank you
Vivian: baby;food is ready
Abraham: am not hungry
Vivian: baby;did i do anything wrong?please tell me
Abraham: no
Vivian: then why don't you want to eat my food?
Abraham: is simple;i am not hungry
Vivian: but baby
Abraham: please
Vivian: baby;if i did something to you,please forgive me
Abraham: what is your problem?i said i am not hungry and you kept nagging me
Vivian: i just want you to forgive me
Abraham: what did you do that i should forgive you?
Vivian: i don't know but please forgive me
Abraham: if you don't know then let me be(he walked away)
Vivian: i am sorry(curtain)

Muriel: oh my sweet son;i know you will come
Luke: mother;can we not go through this?
Muriel: don't worry son;you will get used to it
Luke: i wish i have a choice
Muriel: don't worry;you have(enter Monica)
Monica: welcome Luke
Luke: thank you;mom;i will go to my room
Muriel: alright;but come down stair for dinner
Luke: no problem(he walked away)
Monica: ma;what is wrong with him?
Muriel: i don't know but go and call the rest of the girls,so we can prepare dinner
Monica: alright;ma(curtain)

Loveth: good day ma;how are you?
Liz: i am cool my dear;do you want anything from me?
Loveth: mother;i was just checking on you
Liz: that is so sweet of you;that is why i want my son to marry you
Loveth: mother;please stop
Liz: why?are you shy because of me?
Loveth: no i am not
Liz: i know you are;you are just the opposite of your mom;your mom back then in school;she is very outspoken and she is always in the midst of boys
Loveth: oh my God
Liz: of cause;she is every boy dream girl
Loveth: and she never told me(enter Jude)
Liz: why?
Loveth: maybe she is not comfortable able with it
Liz: i don't think so;just maybe,she haven't really thought of it
Loveth: hey Jude;have you been standing there for long?
Jude: not really;what are you doing here?
Loveth: i came to see your mom
Jude: alright;you would had at least inform me
Loveth: sorry;about that
Jude: that is enough but just don't do it next time because i don't like it
Liz: please;just let her be
Jude: mom;i am just telling her;so she wouldn't do it again,we are living in twentieth century were you call before visiting someone
Liz: Jude
Loveth: mom;is okay i understand him perfectly well
Jude: i am glad we understand ourselves,where in God's name is that stupid girl?
Liz: which stupid girl?
Jude: the maid of cause
Liz: she is not around
Jude: where did she go?
Loveth: what did you want from her?
Jude: i want pineapple juice
Loveth: alright;don't worry i will get it for you(she exit and return with the juice)here it is(she mistakenly pour it on her)
Jude: are you crazy?(he slapped her twice)do you have to pour juice on me?
Loveth: i am sorry;i am really sorry(she try to wiped the juice from him)sorry
Jude: are you sick?what do you think you are doing?
Loveth: i just want to wiped it off you
Jude: you are really stupid;you just ruin by clothes and i have important meeting to attend(he stared at his dress and saw the mess on it)you really are stupid(he slapped her and pushed her)
Loveth: i said i am sorry
Jude: if you know you cant do simple things then don't try to do them
Liz: is a simple mistake;anyone can make such a mistake
Jude: mother;please don't justified her mistake,in fact get out(he pushed her)i said get out
Liz: son;that is enough
Jude: mom please
Loveth: are you asking me out of your house
Jude: yes;leave(he pushed her again)
Loveth: you don't have to pushed me;i am leaving already(she walked away)
Liz: what is wrong with you?
Jude: mom,please don't teach me what to do;you of all people know that i don't like my wears been mess up
Liz: what is wrong with you?you are no longer a baby;stop acting like one. what if you start bearing kids and they jump on you?
Jude: they won't dare
Liz: son
Jude: mom;let me be(he walked away)
Liz: what is wrong with this boy?(curtain)



Luke: mom;i am starving
Muriel: don't worry son;we will soon be there
Luke: alright;i am waiting
Muriel: oh dear;just put it there(to Yemi)and please go get the water(to Monica)son is your favorite dish
Luke: really mom?
Joan: good day ma;
Muriel: good day;are you back from work
Joan: yes ma;i came in just now.
Muriel: alright;just go in and change and make sure you come down to eat
Joan: no problem ma;Luke;how are you?
Luke: i am cool;mom;where in is the food?
Muriel: here we are(eating)son;are you enjoying the food?
Luke: mom;please
Yemi: go on;tell us,how is the food?
Luke: is okay(he chew stone)
Yemi: are you okay?
Luke: yes;i am okay(he stood up)excuse me mom
Muriel: is everything alright?
Luke: yes;i am fill
Muriel: but you said you are starving?
Luke: yes;but i just became filled all of a sudden;maybe the aroma filled my tummy
Muriel: alright(he walked away)
Yemi: ma;please excuse me
Joan: and me too(exit both)
Monica: i am sorry ma
Muriel: is enough;you would had told me,that you don't know how to prepared it
Monica: is embarrassing
Muriel: me teaching you like your mom or you letting everyone know you don't know how to cook?
Monica: i am really sorry
Muriel: you don't have to be sorry;just go on(curtain)

Joan: Luke;you can have this(she hand him milk and cheese)
Luke: thanks but i don't drink milk and i don't eat cheese
Joan: oh sorry;i really don't know
Luke: is okay;is not your fault(his stomach made a huge noise)
Joan: you are hungry right?
Luke: yes;i wish mom;did made it herself
Joan: who in this modern world doesn't know how to cook?
Luke: she did her best
Joan: her best in cooking rubbish
Luke: please;
Joan: why are you begging me?she is not wife material
Luke: so you think(he walked away)
Joan: what is wrong with this boy?(curtain)

Luke: hey(he touch her)
Loveth: hello(she wiped her tears)what are you doing here?(he give her an handkerchief)
Luke: you are sad again
Loveth: i am not
Luke: then why are you crying?
Loveth: nothing
Luke: really
Loveth: yes;everything is.....(she cried and hugged him)




TO BE CONTINUED


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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This Party Getting Hot – Yo Yo Alok nath Version



“This Aarti Getting Hot” Alok nath Version



Ghantiyaan Baja lo jee,

Aashirwad Pa Lo jee

What I say just follow ji

This Aarti getting hot

Ghantiyaan Baja lo, hoy

Aashirwad Pa Lo, hoy

What I say just follow

This Aarti getting hot



Ghadi dekh time ho geya

Beti twelve thirty

Ghar Jakar kanyadaan karunga

That is why I’am in Jaldi

Gangajal manga lo jee

Samdhi ko bula lo jee

Mood Bhi banalo Jee

This aarti getting hot.

Ghantiyaan Baja lo, hoy

Aashirwad Pa Lo, hoy

What I say just follow

This Aarti getting hot



Nachde ne sambhi samdhan , mandir ke gate pe

Mai unko milke dunga,aashirwad head pe

Oye jagraate karalo jee,agarbattiyan jala lo jee

Sanskaar bhi paa lo jee

this aarti getting hot

Ghantiyaan Baja lo, hoy

Aashirwad Pa Lo, hoy

What I say just follow

This Aarti getting hot



samdhi ji meri ek gal sun

meri beti me hai sab gun

damad ji me bhi koi kami nahi hai

jise liya hai maine chun



Rishte mere jab ban jate hai

Sab sankaari ho jate hai

Mandir Guru dwara jaate hai

Tab Pavitra Sab Ho Jaate Hai



Dilli wali Samdhan kehti thi ki

Gangajal Kam piya karo

Jab Jyada pee lete ho to

Mutra Visarjan Kiya Karo



Itne Bhajan tum kyu gaate ho

Aankho me aansu kyu laate ho



Koi alok ko samjhalo

Ise number one trend pe la lo



Karta hu vidai teri,Sang Dj ke

Aankho se aansu aaye,Tere babu ji ke

Oye Chandan Tilak laga lo jee

Khana Bhi sab Kha lo jee

Saare milkar ga lo jee

This aarti getting hot



Ghantiyaan Baja lo,

Aashirwad Pa Lo,

What I say just follow

This Aarti getting hot (x5) ???? ????Related

A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide.


The pharmacist said, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”


The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.


The pharmacists eyes got big and he said, “Lord, have mercy – I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license, they’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You can NOT have any cyanide!”


The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.


The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.Related

One stone [Read it]


There once was a Nigerian who had only one testicle and whose given name was Onestone. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that anymore.

Then one day, a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?

You can't kill two birds with one stone!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-06 09:55:54

307 Views




The DJ is crazzzzzzzzzzzzzy








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-25 09:42:37

299 Views




One Wrong Turn
Episode 15

As we all alighted, i kept turning
from side to side, i could not risk
being seen by someone who
knows me or my parents.
One would have to look closely to
recognise me though, because the
make up and trousers made me
look different.
This part of the city was
unfamiliar, i have never been here
before. It was somewhere around
sapele road.
I turned around and saw a big
sign board it read “kada plaza”.
The building was large, and
booming with activties.
It is one of the numerous places
to have fun in Benin. A really
magnificent building, containing a
cinema hall, hallmark supermarket,
a gaming center, and different fast
food joints.
I was quite excited to be here, i
knew i would have fun without
doubt, but what would happen
afterwards, i wasn’t sure.
We made our way into a section
of the plaza, it was a fast food
segment.
We occupied a table for four.
Ehis and i sat side by side, facing
Hannah and Odion. A waiter came
around, and we made our orders.
I waited patiently for everyone to
make their orders first, i wanted to
be last because i had no idea what
to order. i was quite lost. I have
not eaten at a fast food before.
The orders came eventually, i had
a plate of fried rice and chicken
with five alive.
Hannah ordered the same, but
with a bottle of smirnoff ice. The
guys opted for local dishes.
Odion requested for a bottle of
alomo bitters, while Ehis took a
can of lacasera.
As we ate, we discussed various
topics. I was starting to feel a
little more comfortable.
Odion dominated the
conversation, he spoke quite
fondly of his university and NYSC
days.
He was a graduate of Ambrose Alli
University. He wasn’t shy about
admitting that he was a “rugged”
man
In school.
I became a little scared of him.
For once i noticed his “rugged”
appearance. His red eyes and dark
lips gave me the impression that
he is a smoker.
I stole a quick glance at Ruth, she
had been actively involved in the
conversation, asking questions and
laughing when there’s nothing
funny.
She didn’t seem scared of Odion
as i was. But i could tell from the
conversation that both of them
had only met today!
Occasionally, Odion would run his
hands through Hannah’s lap. She
would simply look at him and
give a smile of approval.
I was irritated every time i saw
this, they were in public for crying
out loud. It made Hannah look
like a prostitute. But she didn’t
mind.
My displeasure was written all
over my face. Odion must have
noticed this as he turned attention
to me.
“So Ella, how old are you?”
” I’m 16,”
“ah! you are a big girl na, just
relax and enjoy yourselve ok?
There’s money to be spent. You ll
go home loaded”
As soon as he mentioned money,
Hannah gave him a peck. I started
wondering, is it all about the
money?
If she will let him do those nasty
things because of money, does
that not make her a prostitute?
And what about me?
I turned my attention to Ehis, he
seemed quite indifferent. He took
my hand and told me to relax.
We finished our meal, and Odion
took care of the bills and we
headed out of the restaurant.
We took the stairs upwards, and
entered hallmark. The entire
complex fascinated me.
The store offered all kinds of
consumer items, there was a lot to
desire. I stood for a while, looking
round and round. Not knowing
exactly what i was suppose to do.
Odion and Hannah walked
towards a different direction, out
of sight.
Ehis put his hands around my
waist, and pulled me forward as
we continued walking. I felt
special, but i was still a little shy.
I wasn’t used to such public
display of affection.
“so what will you like to buy?”
Ehis asked, pulling me closer to
himself.
I wasn’t sure what i wanted, i
have not been out shopping
before. My mum buys everything i
need.
” thanks, but i don’t think i want
anything, I’m ok” i replied politely
“oh come on, i have to buy
something for you today,
something to prove how much i
love and adore you”
Seeing he wasn’t going to give up,
I looked around the section we
were standing in, trying to pickout
anything that may interest me.
“there,” I said, pointing towards a
glass shelf containing wrist
watches.
We both walked towards the
shelve.
There were different brands of
wrist watches carefully arranged,
with price tags on them. I
examined each price tag carefully,
the cheapest was #4500.
I looked up at Ehis, and shook my
head, indicating that i didn’t want
the wrist watch anymore. I
thought they were too expensive
to buy.
“what?” Ehis asked with a puzzling
look on his face
“They are too expensive” i replied
“oh, don’t worry about the price
baby, i can do anything for you,
even if it means paying with my
life”
I blushed a little and thanked
him, his words made me fall in
love with him more.
I pointed at the cheapest wrist
watch, he open the shelve and
brought it out.

>>

Insist daily on

1 Tulsi leaf, no Cancer:

1 Lemon juice, no Fat;

2 cups of Milk, no Bone problems;

3 liter Water, clear Skin;

And daily my SMS, no Stress.

Have a nice day!Related

A cosmic year is the amount of time it takes the Sun to revolve around the center of the Milky Way, about 225 million years.Related

Akpos Vs Ekene Episode 6 Season 1
Cast :
Ekene : Grand Pa
Akpos : Grand Son
There was a little boy who lived with his grandpa named Akpos.
Every day after school the grandpa would take his
grandson to the store and he would buy himself a
beer and the boy would buy a scratch ticket.
One day the boy asked his grandpa if he could
have a drink of his beer, the grandpa said "Does your pecker reach your asshole?" The little boy said
"No". Then the Grandpa said, "Well then you still
have to grow".
The next day the little boy asked his grandpa if he
could drive, the grandpa said "Does your pecker
reach your asshole?". The little boy said "No". And the grandpa said, "Then you still have to grow".
Then one day they were walking out of the store
and little Akpos had bought a scratch ticket and
he starts yelling, "I won ten thousand dollars! I
won ten thousand dollars!" The grandpa said,
"You're gonna share with your favorite grandpa aren't you?" little Akpos said, "Does your pecker
reach your asshole?". The grandpa said, "As a
matter of fact it does".
Then Akpos said "Good, go fuck yourself!" #AoN








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