Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


The perfect dress, the perfect hairdo,
face on fleek and bringing your A-game
and then out of the blues some spinach
stuck in between your teeth ruins what
should have been a perfect evening!
Food is important and here are 6 things
you should totally avoid on a first date!
1) Spaghetti!
Most people can’t eat spaghetti without
a slurp and that slurp splatters sauce all
over your mouth and chest not to
mention ruining your makeup. Forget
that romantic scene from Disney’s ‘the
Lady and the tramp’, spaghetti is not
romantic food!
2) Draw soup
A favorite among Nigerians and
guaranteed to leave a mark. Okra,
ogbona or mixed, anything that leaves a
trail from your plate to your mouth
should be avoided at all costs!
3) Shawarma
Show me a person that can finish a
whole Shawarma without making a
mess and I’ll show you the real MVP!
Most people can’t manage this small feat
which is why Shawarma is a no-no!
4) Suya
Suya is delicious and not at all messy so
you must be wondering why it’s on the
list, well it isn’t the Suya per se, it’s the
onions that go with the suya. Most
people can’t eat Suya without munching
on the onions and onions are almost as
famous as garlic for giving bad breath.
Bad breath does not a great first date
make! So say no to suya please!!!
5) Food with lots of garlic
Thankfully a lot of restaurants include
the ingredients for each dish in the
menu. Garlic oozes from your pores not
to mention giving you bad breath. I
don’t have to emphasize staying away,
it’s for your own good!
6) Experimental food
Any food that you have never eaten
before is not fair game for a first date
please! A number of things could go
wrong. I know a girl who ordered
calamari on a first date because it
looked fancy and ended up in the ER
with anaphylactic shock. Even if you
don’t get allergies, you just may hate it
and have to pretend to love it to save
face or there may be a certain way that
sort of food is eaten. Avoid the
embarrassment, stick to the familiar!
Your first date isn’t the time to show
him what an unrepentant foodie you
are, if you can’t eat it without making a
mess then pretend it isn’t on the menu!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-27 23:56:12

388 Views




It takes a long time to become young.

~ Pablo PicassoRelated

Teacher: What do you understand by definitive deficit equity?
Akpos: Lambta ighotobore amarkata.
Teacher: I don't understand you.
Akpos: Same here! 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-11 09:07:12

430 Views




Akpos who had reached the age of 105
suddenly
stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old
fellow's
absence after so many years of faithful attendance
is Pastor went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Pastor
asked, "How
come after all these years we don't see you at
services
anymore?" Akpos looked around and lowered his voice.
"I'll tell you,
Pastor," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I
expected God to
take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100,
then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must've
forgotten about
me, and I don't want to remind Him!" #Abi nahh,tru talk #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-20 23:10:32

756 Views



Young ones [Read it]


A woman sent her daughter to buy her something on her way home she saw some boys pluging mangoes and decided to help them by climbing the mangoe tree and plug for them the mangoes. She told her mama home about everything that happened and her mama told her not to do that again, the young girl asked her mama why and she told her that the boy will look at her pant the little girl nodded. The next day the boys were there again ad she also helped them again  when she got home she told her mama and her mama asked her what she did this time, she told her mama that this time I  removed my pant and gave it to one of the boys to keep it for me..




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-27 02:29:33

661 Views




ek gujrati bhagwan se kehta hai:-hey bhagwan tune ye kaisi zindagi di na paisa,na bachcha,na,na ghar aur ek maa hai woh bhi andhi.

to bhagwan uska dukh dekhke bole:-bachcha thik hai main tumhara ek wish puri kar sakta hoon maango kya maangna hai par yaad rahe ek wish.

to woh aadmi wish karta hai:-main chahata hoon ki mere bunglow me meri bachchon ko meri biwi diamond ke kade pehnate hue meri maa dekhe..smart gujju

dekha ek hi wish me kaise saare wish pure ho gayeRelated

appreciation [Read it]


Hahashaha this is nice


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-28 13:25:38

387 Views




A padded bra is like real estate… the super built-up area is very impressive but the actual carpet area is disappointing!Related

Impossible [Read it]


Impossible things in dis world....
1 - You can't count your hairs
2 - You can't wash your eyes with soap
3 - You can't breathe when your tongue is out. Please put your tongue inside and STOP acting like a dog...? Lolzz I knew u were going to do that.Na everything una dey practise... dont stop the fun....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-10 10:47:24

356 Views




Sometimes… I think

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Sometimes… I don’t!

Aisa hi Chalta hai Mera. Koi fix Nahi hai…Related

unemployed [Read it]


Joke of d day
1st son : Degree in Economics.
2nd son: MBA.
3rd son : PhD
4th son : Thief

Neighbour: Why can't you throw the 4th son out of your house?

Father : He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.
????????????????????????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-19 18:55:24

352 Views




In India, a girl never expresses her liking for a boy thinking boy should express it first.

And a boy never expresses it with a fear of losing her as a friend.

That’s why love stories end before they even start!Related

It’s funny how you never think about the women you’ve had. It’s always the ones who get away that you can’t forget.

-Chuck PalahniukRelated

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07068803249,
08123037062.
Friends you all should rejoice with me o, cos
our
Lord has done it for me again! You can now
reach me on any of these lines above


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 04:34:24

285 Views



lazy! [Read it]


A recent worldwide survey showed that out
of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy
to actually read that number.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-17 21:43:38

497 Views




A good morning creates a good mood;

A good mood creates a good work;

A good work creates a good day;

A good day makes you happy;

And your happiness makes others happy.

Good Morning!Related

A farmer had 3 lovely daughters, all who had dates on Friday night. One by one the local boys came by to pick them up.

The first boy arrived and said: “Hi, I`m Eddie, I`m here for Betty, we`re going steady, is she ready?”

The farmer called Betty and she and Eddie went on their way.

The second boy arrived and said: “Hi, I`m Joe, I`m here for Flo, we`re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer called Flo and she and Joe went on their way.

The third boy arrived in an old beat up pickup, came to the door and said: “Hi, I`m Chuck”

The farmer shot him.Related

Guardian Angel [Read it]


Akpos was walking along the road and a voice shouted "Akpos! Akpos! Stop don`t move. If you move an inch you will die". Akpos immediately stopped and suddenly a block fell down at his front. So surprising to him, he continue moving.
when he was about to cross the road, the same voice shouted "Akpos! Akpos! Stop don`t cross, if you cross the road you will die". Akpos immediately stopped and a trailer with a high speed who nearly knock him passed.
Akpos got more confused and shouted "Who be that self!". "Its me your guardian angel", says the voice. Akpos got provoked and said "Guardian my foot, where a hell you dey when i was saying YES I DO in the church the day i married Azuka"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-04 08:00:25

515 Views




Husband buys a dozen panties of the same colour for his wife. Wife protests:


Wife: Why buy 12 panties of the same colour? People will think I don't change my panties and I wear just one every time!


Husband: Which People??


*Total Silence!!*


Pls help the wife answer.. Which People




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-26 21:55:46

539 Views




A conversation btw mum nd son . Son: mum why is grandma so wicked. Mum:leaue her u kw she is already 80. son:i pray she die b4 she clock 90. Mum:shut up my mum wil nt die cos i dnt au money 4 burial nw na ur mum go die naughty boy....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-04 20:31:14

689 Views




Back at the bar,,the fight was still on and jack
was still killing the “cobrans” while alberto
was busy throwing his pocket knives from his
hideouts too. They had noticed each other and
they knew one of them would have to go
down.
Then alberto made a swift move. He stood up
fast and started to walk fast. He threw two
pocket knives at his left and right side killing
two “cobrans” then he ran,,climbed a table
and jumped behind and another “cobran”
slashing his neck with his big dagger. He
threw another pocket knife at an incoming
attacker then he bent down behind the table.
The table was just opposite jack’s.
Jack had seen him and was re loading.
They were both looking at each other from
their hide-outs. This was between a sharp
shooter and a swift knifer. Now alberto quickly
stood up,, pulled two of his big daggers and
threw them at jack’s direction. This was his
greatest mistake. The two daggers flew fast
like planes towards jack’s direction but one
hit the table while jack managed to dodge the
other one but it got his left arm. Jack was in
pains. Immediately he stood up and fired
sporadically in quick succession giving alberto
no chance at all. Alberto kept dancing as the
bullets pierced his body then he looked at
jack,,knelt down,,slumped to the ground and
died.
Back at the club,,zick was still lying down on
his belly. It was obvious he had some broken
bones so he couldn’t move. Obaz rushed
outside leaving the two other wing men inside.
He saw zick lying on the floor and walked
towards him.
“We meet again finally,,zick” he said with a
smile.
Zick turned over and looked at him. He was
writhing in pains and he knew it was the end
of the road for him. But he was not
remorseful.
“Do what you came to do quickly. I need to be
in reunion with your brother in hell” He
said,,trying to force a dry smile.
His face was bruised and there were cuts and
glass particles all over it.
Obaz was angry and he shouted.
“Shut up! My brother is not in hell. His soul
has not rested yet and when I avenge his
death he will find himself happy with God in
heaven. Say “HI” to my brother for me when
you pass the gates of heaven on your way to
hell.”
“Pow!! Pow!!!”
Zick’s body lay lifeless on the ground. Obaz
looked up in the sky and a tear dropped from
his eyes.
Then came the police with their sirens blaring
all over. There was a loud voice from the
speaker.
“ATTENTION! ATTENTION!! THIS IS THE BCPD
SQUAD FORCE. YOU ARE WELL SURROUNDED
WITH FULLY ARMED MEN. DO NOT MAKE A
MOVE. DROP YOUR WEAPONS,PLACE YOUR
HANDS ON YOUR HEAD AND MOVE IN ONE
SINGLE FILE. I REPEAT! DO NOT MAKE A
MOVE.”

To Be Continued…

>> Part 8 -

Rahul couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Ana looking at him and Ria. He has been lost since morning, when he asked Ana to move to Boston. The thought of never seeing her again made him so sad, that he felt like his heart was getting crushed under a thousand pound boulder, but he believed strongly, that it was best for both of them and was sure that within a few days everything would be back to normal.

After seeing Ana, he felt the weight lifted and his heart lighter again, but at the same time he got angry that she was disobeying his direct order to take vacation and move to Boston. Also he didn't like her witnessing Ria kissing him.

He moved angrily towards her and almost shouted "What are you doing here?"

"I .. I .... was .. just" Ana was still in shock and stammered.

"I told you to take vacation and move to Boston and you disobeyed my instructions." She was the last thing he was expecting to see as he tried to control his emotions. He was more angry with his body for wanting her.

"arling ..... what happened? Who is she?" Ria asked him, linking her arm through him and giving Ana a death glare.

"She is Ana, works in our corporate office." Rahul replied trying to control his emotions.

"Hi Ana, I am Ria, Rahul's close friend and would be fiancée. You must be here to cover for Ruby and help to get this party going. Common I will show you the party room." She said moving towards her left.

Ana opened her mouth, but couldn't hear her own voice, so she nodded her head and followed Ria.

"What happened to Ruby?" Rahul asked. Ruby was supposed to be the party organizer and a known person to Ana as they worked on other projects together.

"She ran into some personal emergency and couldn't make it, so she probably sent Ana to cover for her." Ria replied. Ana just stared at Rahul and Ria had to nudge her to move.

As soon as they were out of there, Ria stopped "How long have you been with the company and do you work closely with Rahul?" Ana could sense hostility in her voice.

"Almost two years, but I worked at a different branch. I just moved here and I don't work with him or know him well." She finally found her voice.

8">"Ok, better stay away from him, he is in a bad mood since morning." She introduced Ana to the house staff and head cook Ahmed.

"Hello Ana" Ahmed started updating her on the party prep details.

Ana started listening and making notes, though other part of her brain was trying to figure out the situation to limit the damage. She realized the peculiar situation she was in. She decided to put the things in place so that the party can go on, then escape, after borrowing cash from someone for the cab ride back home.

She liked Ahmed. He was very professional and friendly with her. She decided to find out more about Ria and Rahul and the link to the mysterious lady who invited her to the party. She should have taken down her name, but she was busy to get to the office and forgot about it. Now she had no idea who invited her to the party. She was also afraid that she might get the poor lady into trouble if Rahul gets to know about it, so she decided to keep her mouth shut till she gets more information.

"Ahmed ... so when is Rahul's wedding with Ria." She asked trying to sound casual.

"I hope never." He came close and whispered. "Stay away from her, she is very cunning lady"

"Then why is he marrying her? Is he a bad guy too?"

"No, he is a very good guy, but he really doesn't care whom he marries, because he is in love with someone else."


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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EPISODE 2

Cynthia continued to call. He held his
phone and pressed hard on a button by the
side. The phone’s screen turned blank
black.
‘Who calling you, Sir?’
He was so tempted to lie, but he didn’t. He
was surprised the call interruption hadn’t
quite calmed his desire and his organ
stood ever so upright, slamming at his
zippers like a burglar at a door.
‘That was my fiancee, my dear,’ he said.
‘Your fia-n-sea? What is a fia-n-sea, Sir?’
‘I Told you to stop calling me sir.’
‘But I not calling you sir, what you want
me to calling you?’
‘My name is Richard. Or you can call me
Nnanna.’
‘I knowing your name is Nnanna, Sir. I uses
to come fetching borehole at your father’s
house in Obeagu. You and your brother
chasing people away when they making too
much noise outside the gate.’
He chuckled. The smile lingered on his face
as he stared at her.
Her face turned curious. Her beauty seemed
highlighted in the expression.
‘Why you looking at me and smiling like
that, Sir?’
A feeling sprouted within him, driving his
lust to a dangerous height. He bent, swiftly
pressed his lips to hers and straightened up
again. The deed was done before she could
utter any protest.
She didn’t. She threw one hand to her
mouth as though his lips had burned her.
He saw no emotion in her eyes as she fixed
them on him.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked and instantly felt
that was not the right thing to ask.
She didn’t say a word, her palm still
covering her mouth and her blank eyes still
on him.
‘Mma?’ Remorse came over his face. ‘Mma,
I’m sorry, it’s–‘
‘Doing it again.’
His eyes flew wide. ‘What?’
‘I said doing that thing again.’
‘You want me to kiss you again?’
‘Yes, doing the kissing again.’
His heart gave out a pound that was near
audible. He inhaled deeply. He was amazed
that a kiss would excite him this way. He
kissed Cynthia frequently, she did him too,
but the kisses were different, brief, light,
majorly communicative, lacking of their true
purpose — this wonderful excitation.
He leaned towards her and gently planted
his lips in between hers.
She sucked his upper lip in and held it firm
underneath her teeth. He felt a delicious
pain.
Slowly he reached to the central line of
buttons on her long flower gown, gently
pulling out a button out of a hole one at a
time, careful to know if and when she would
protest so that he’d stop immediately.
But she didn’t.
But when he lowered his head and took her
left boobs into his mouth, she slapped his
head so hard his urge momentarily left
him.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘It sweeting me to
much.’
His desire came back with force and what
they had, though brief, the quickest he’d
ever arrived, was hot, mad and wonderful.
As they lay together on the sandy ground,
even the tingle of sharp sand particles felt
sweet on his skin.
His other phone rang this time.
‘Is that the fia-n-sea again, Sir?’
He checked. It was Cynthia again.
‘Yes.’
‘He wanting to tell you something?’
A thud hit his heart. He rose to a sitting
position on the sand and she copied.
‘Mma.’ He took her hand and folded it in
his.
‘A fiancee is the woman I’m going to marry.
Her name is Cynthia.’
The slap that landed on his shaved head
this time was hotter, scorching, and hadn’t
been spurred by ecstasy.

to be continued AFTER SOME COMMENTS

>> Episode 3 -

A Marwadi man is on his death bed:

With his sight failing, he turns to the doctor and asks is his wife there?

The doctor assures him she is.

“And my sons, my beautiful sons, are they here?”

“They are.”

“What about my sister?”

Consoling the poor man, the doctor tells him:”Don’t worry, she’s here, along with your brother in law, and all the rest of your family, you can die in peace.”

With his last breath, the old Chinese man, struggling to make his voice heard says:

“If everyone is here, then who the f**k is minding the shop?”.Related

Akpos was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them:

1. Bride’s relatives
2. Groom’s relatives

He entered the groom’s door and found two doors again.
1. Ladies
2. Men

He entered the men’s door and found two doors again.
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts

Akpos entered the second door (people without gifts) and
He found himself outside the hotel.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-05-25 21:15:43

437 Views




During a robbery, the
bank robber shouted to
everyone in the bank:
"Don't move. The
money belongs to the
State. Your life belongs
to you." Everyone in the
bank laid down quietly.
This
is called "Mind Changing
Concept” Changing
the conventional way of
thinking.
When a lady lay on the
table provocatively,
the robber shouted at
her: "Please be
civilized! This is a
robbery and not a rape!"
This is called "Being
Professional” Focus
only on what you are
trained to do!
When the bank robbers
returned home, the
younger robber (MBA-
trained) told the older
robber (who has only
completed Year 6 in
primary school): "Big
brother, let's count how
much we got."
The older robber
rebutted and said: "You
are
very silly. There is so
much money it will
take us a long time to
count. Tonight, the TV
news will tell us how
much we robbed from
the bank!" This is called
"Experience.”
Nowadays,
experience is more
important than paper
qualifications!
After the robbers had
left, the bank manager
told the bank supervisor
to call the police
quickly. But the
supervisor said to him:
"Wait! Let us take out $
10 million from the
bank for ourselves and
add it to the $70
million that we have
previously embezzled
from the bank”.
This is called "Swim
with the tide.”
Converting an
unfavorable situation to
your advantage!
The supervisor says: "It
will be good if there
is a robbery every
month."
This is called "Killing
Boredom.” Personal
Happiness is more
important than your job.
The next day, the TV
news reported that $
100 million was taken
from the bank. The
robbers counted and
counted and counted,
but
they could only count $
20 million. The
robbers were very
angry and complained:
"We risked our lives and
only took $20
million. The bank
manager took $80
million with a snap of
his fingers. It looks like
it is
better to be educated
than to be a thief!"
This is called
"Knowledge is worth as
much
as gold!"
The bank manager was
smiling and happy
because his losses in
the share market are
now covered by this
robbery.
This is called "Seizing
the opportunity.”
Daring to take risks!
So who are the real
robbers here?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-02 01:30:28

1295 Views



Ugly baby [Read it]


A woman got on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver said; That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!

The woman went inside the bus and sat down, angry.

She turned to a man Akpos sitting next to her, and said; The driver just insulted me.

Akpos replied; You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-24 06:44:25

189 Views




Jane was called by an Unknown number.
UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?
JANE: Yeah.
UNKNOWN: So you have a boyfriend. Its your dad. I’m coming so that you’ll tell me when you grew horns!
Next five minutes later, another Unknown caller.
UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?
JANE: No.
UNKNOWN: I see you don’t love me. I’m your boyfriend.
JANE: Oh Sweet heart, I love you. I thought it was my stupid Dad!
UNKNOWN: It’s not your boyfriend. It’s still your dad, just wanted to confirm you really have one. Wait for me! I’m on my way!!!

Jane was called by an Unknown number.

UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?

JANE: Yeah.

UNKNOWN: So you have a boyfriend. Its your dad. I’m coming so that you’ll tell me when you grew horns!
Next five minutes later, another Unknown caller.

UNKNOWN: Hi, do you have a boyfriend?

JANE: No.

UNKNOWN: I see you don’t love me. I’m your boyfriend.

JANE: Oh Sweet heart, I love you. I thought it was my stupid Dad!

UNKNOWN: It’s not your boyfriend. It’s still your dad, just wanted to confirm you really have one. Wait for me! I’m on my way!!!
- See more at:

dinner prayey [Read it]


Never force children to Pray.
At
dinner, ...
A little boy was ordered to lead in prayer...:
BOY: But i dont know how to
pray.
DAD: Just pray for your family
members, friends and
neighbours, the poor, etc
BOY: "Dear Lord.."
he started
Thank u for our visitors and
their children, who finished all my cookies and ice
cream.
Bless them so they won't come
again.
Forgive our neighbour's
son, who always remove
my sister's clothes and wrestle with her on her
bed.
Anytime Chyboy our first soon sends me out to
buy biscuit only in a particular shop which is too
far from d house because chioma visited , let
dem remain asleep on d bed until daddy and
mummy arrive
This coming Christmas, please
send clothes to all
those poor naked ladies on my daddy's
Blackberry!
...and also provide shelter for the homeless men
who use
mom's
room when daddy is at work!
°°°AMEN°°°°
………Dinner was cancelled!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-26 11:43:51

797 Views




The arrival of Sonia gladdened Angela heart. She was delighted.
Sonia on her own part played not only the role of a maid.
She felt much comfortable around her madam; she just took
Angela as her elder sister.
Sonia took charge of the household chores.
She took charge of preparing the meals.
She even offered to wash the clothes instead of taking them to the dry cleaner.
She was in desperate need for money to support her mother’s failing health.
She was able to finish her secondary school but couldn’t go further to higher
institutions because of lack of finance.
So, since then, she has been looking for money through any possible
means in order to keep living and support her mother who was always sick.
***
David bumped into Sonia as he hurried out of his room with his briefcase.
He was getting late for work. She fell down as his body brushed her.
“Oh. i am sorry. get up, give me your hand” David reached for her hand to help get her up from the ground.
“Good morning sir. I was actually coming to tell you that your breakfast is ready” She
announced as she got up from the ground.
“I don’t think i can still have breakfast.
I have to attend an important meeting this morning and i am running out of time.
Where is your madam?” David was in a hurry.
“She is still sleeping” Sonia replied.
She had a way of talking that made her outstanding.
Talking slowly and pronouncing every word to the end.
David made to Angela’s room to notice her of his early leaving because of an important meeting.
As David drove, he thought within himself how Sonia handles the house duties as if
she was actually a member of the family.
She was in good terms with both husband and wife.
Angela had been right about bringing her in, he thought.


>>

‘Hero ko muu se khoon nikla. Ab

villain gaya

kaam se’ – One of beliefs I had as a

child. ????Related

QUARREL [Read it]


A man and his wife quarelled,after the fight,the wife into the bedroom.A few minutes later, the husband also trooped into the bedroom only to find the wife busy packing her things,he asked; You are packing,where are you going? She answered,to my mum. The man also started packing his cloths, his wife asked where are you going? He replied I'm going to my mother. The wife replied: To your? And what about our children.who is going to look after them? The man replied,you are going to your mother, I'm going to my mother our children should go to their mother too...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-26 12:12:23

690 Views




Height of respect-

ham sirf ye soch kr paper khali chhod

dete h,

ki kahi teacher ye na khe:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

dekho ye bachhe badon ko jawab dete hai ????Related

Ladka propose mare toh ladki k
5 jawab ho sakte hai –
1. No
.
2. Yes
.
3. Main apko sirf dost smajhti hu
.
4. I m engaged
.
5. I love someone else…
.
.
.
Ladki kisi ladke ko propose kare
to ladke k 5 jawab
.
1. Haa
.
2. Yes
.
3. Ok
.
4. Alright
.
5. Me 2 .
Moral: Ladko ka dil, dil nahi dariya
hota hai…!! :Related

The original Ebola was African that went to India and got mutated.

Isne Bola

Usne Bola

Kyon Bola

Kaise Bola

Kahan Bola

Kab Bola

Tu Bola

Wo Bola

Main Nahi Bola

Yeh BolaRelated


After Akpos submitted his story to the teacher, the following conversation ensued:

Teacher: What did you write in your story?

Akpos: At the beginning, I wrote a man was riding a horse and at the end I wrote he reached his destination.

Teacher: You idiot, what did you write in the middle?

Akpos: The horse was running, ‘tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik’…




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-06 15:30:08

298 Views





On their wedding night, Akpos’  young bride approached him and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.

In his highly aroused state, Akpos readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with Akpos thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, the wife was surprised to find her husband, Akpos, in a very drunken state.

During the next few minutes, Akpos explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down-sizing, and he had been sacked.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.

She explained that she had ‘charged’ him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Akpos  was so shocked that he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, ‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.’

That’s when she shot him.

You know, men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-23 09:08:13

436 Views



Words of Wisdom [Read it]


Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.If you give her a sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.So, if you give her any aggravation, be ready to receive a ton of stuff in return.Related

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No, no, no,” you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks the man. “Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s breast.”The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. Straight up the fairway.

The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.” “What can I do?” asks the wife.”Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s penis.” The wife listens carefully to the pro’s advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft.

“That was great,” the pro says. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you’re supposed to!” says the pro.Related

Have you ever imagined a fairer version of you?’ he asked, staring softly at her.

They were on the bed, naked and exhausted, when he raised his chin on one hand and asked the question.

At first her eyes rolled up at him as if a little surprised, then her lips curved slightly in a tiny smile. ‘How do you mean?’ she said.

He shifted closer and rubbed the top of her arm. Her ebony skin appeared to shimmer in the bright light of the bulb above. ‘You are very pretty, Ada,’ he said, ‘I just wonder how gorgeous you’d have looked with a lighter skin.’

Now she burst out laughing.

He was surprised, and confused.

She stopped laughing and asked him, almost with teasing eyes, ‘Would you have liked me more if I was lighter?’

‘You are the first dark-skinned woman I ever developed feelings for,’ he answered.

‘But you think I’d be more beautiful if I wasn’t very dark-skinned?’

‘I know it,’ he said. ‘For you to be this pretty in a dark skin, I just imagine how gorgeous you’d look if you are a little fairer.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes.’

She shook her head, almost sympathetically. ‘Ekene,’ she called him very quietly, ‘there are a couple of things in this world you can enhance, but sadly beauty is not one of them.’

He was still for a while, unable to understand. ‘I don’t understand,’ he finally said.

‘You can’t improve how beautiful you are, not by any cosmetic or surgery, or the likes.’

‘I don’t believe you,’ he said.

‘You don’t have to.’

‘So are you saying things like makeup and artificial hair and others don’t make a girl more beautiful?’

‘No.’

His brows rose higher. ‘No?’

‘A beautiful girl who doesn’t realize she is beautiful when finally on makeup believes it. And that’s just what makeups do—to make people believe they are now beautiful. There are still a whole lot of girls who don’t need to paint their faces or fix artificial lashes to achieve that state of mind.’

‘Wow,’ he said.

‘Yes, my boy.’

‘But you wear makeup.’

‘Of course I do. It’s just the same way I wear clothes. Or a fragrance. I do not think I’ve become more beautiful when I apply a little face powder or put on some lipstick. I just think I’m all dressed up and ready to go. If I can’t achieve beauty with my naked dark skin the way it is, no amount of powder or lipstick or lightening can make me achieve it.’

He drew in a very long and slow breath, his narrowed eyes fixed on her. Then he came nearer her and folded her up and for a brief moment felt the urge to eat her up.

***

Some days later, she walked in on him and two of his friends laughing out hard over the story of one other of their friends who had recently been ‘duped’ by a fake virgin girl.

‘Wait, so finally the gate is not intact after all,’ George had said, initiating another bout of laughter among the boys.

Someone knocked then and Ekene got up and walked to the door.

He opened it and she said ‘Hi’.

He bent and kissed her and said welcome.

The laughter was dying on the boys’ faces when they greeted her.

‘What’s the cause of the much amusement?’ she asked. ‘Heard your roaring from many yards away.’

Ekene had winked at George not to say, but he still did.

‘Na one of our guys wey just fall mugu like that o,’ George said.

Confusion glistened in Adaeze’s eyes. ‘I don’t get.’

Ekene stood aside, winking and signalling all he could, but George still went on.

‘Our friend carry his school fees give him girl wey tell am say she be virgin. Finally yesterday when show finally click, e come be say the girl sef na well.’

Ekene exhaled, shook his head and wondered why he’d remained friends with a nutcase like George.

But Adaeze only felt amused and chuckled. ‘Well, your friend acted very unwisely, I must say,’ she said.

‘It isn’t entirely his fault though,’ the other of the boys whose name was Ayo said. ‘You need to see the girl in question, she looked and acted every inch a virgin.’

‘I still insist your friend acted very stupidly,’ Adaeze said.

‘So you think the girl is not to blame?’ Ayo said.

‘Whatever for would you blame her?’

‘She lied with her virginity. She took advantage of a guy’s generosity.’

‘No. She merely played to circumstance. Your friend’s kindness would have been admired if not for the condition he based it upon.’

‘She told him she was a virgin,’ Ayo said. ‘What if he had wanted to marry her?’

‘And he can’t marry her now again that he’s discovered that she is not a virgin?’

Ayo didn’t respond quickly enough.

‘See, we own our sexuality. Anybody whether man or woman should have sex when and anytime they feel like it. Sex is not something to be sold or bought or sacrificed. It’s not something to determine the value of a woman with.’

The boys were now quiet, just staring.

‘Ekene, please, inside,’ she said and started toward the kitchen.

Ekene stood up from the chair and followed her immediately, almost giving the impression of obedience.

Inside the kitchen she said to him, ‘Dad is having a little occasion, I’d like for you to come.’

‘You will?’

‘Yes. I want you to meet him and Nnanna.’

‘Oh-ok,’ Ekene drawled.

‘Are you alright?’

He nodded.

‘You don’t want to come, do you?’

‘It’s going to be a big men’s thing, I may not fit in.’

She slapped his shoulder. ‘Don’t say that, I invited you. Personally.’

‘Have you ever mentioned me to your father?’

‘No.’

‘You see.’

‘Is that it?’

‘What?’

‘Is that why you are refusing to come?’

He took her hand and gripped it tight. ‘It’s your dad’s party, Adaeze. You invited me not your dad.’

‘I see.’

She left that evening only come back two days after and tell him, ‘I told my dad about you and he’s asked you to join us for a private dinner this Sunday. Time is 6 p.m. and please know that Daddy keeps to time.’

She kissed him and was gone before he could say anything.

The words of protest already forming in his mouth melted back into air and he exhaled out.

>>
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