Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


3 Facts of Life
Garib aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.
Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai.
Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.Related

Real love stories never have endings.

~ Richard BachRelated

A pastor announced, "If you know your wife is controlling you, move to the left". All the men in the church moved to left except Akpos.


The pastor was amused and asked, "How come your wife can't control you?" 


Akpos quietly replied, "Pastor, it's my wife who told me not to move"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-05 11:22:37

695 Views




Kanjoos(Miser) lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .Dear Sunita Darling,I can’t send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company’s performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.Your loving husband,TunaHis wife replied..TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don’t worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses andI hope I can survive the month using this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next month?Your Sweet Heart,SunitaRelated

3 weddin [Read it]


A mum was lucky enough
tosee her three daughters
wed in the same year, so she
whispered to each of them
"After your weddings,text me
your first night experience
and don't forget to text it in a
coded way!"
After a week, the first
daughter sent 'NESCAFE' inan
sms 2 her mum while a week
later, the second sent
'BENSON'. Their mum, as a 'soji
woman' picked upa tin of
Nescafe and read from d label
"fantastic till dlast drop!" She
also went to her husband's
pack of Benson cigarettes and
found written on it "Extra
long, king size!" she thought
aloud "not too badfor them at
their age"
A few days later, her third
daughter's text comes
in,"Arik: Lagos - Kano!". So
Mama calls Arik Air
information desk to
inquireabout their Kano to
Lagos flight. She was told, "Its
3 times daily, 7 days a week
and the flight duration is 75
minutes to and fro!"
Mama throws herself in theair,
lands, slumps and faints
shouting..."Yeeeeee! Eleyi ma
pa mi lomo O! ( this one will
kill my daughter!)"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 00:14:05

345 Views




CAMPUS BABE
Episode 5

I was so angry,I wanted to
approach
them,but something inside me
told me to
ignore them since they hadn’t
seen me.
After minutes of struggling within
myself
I decided to go and confront
Femi,especially when I saw how
they were laughing and holdIng
hands,I didn’t
notice any real intimacy between
them,but I just didn’t like the fact
that
another girl was hanging around
my
boyfriend at our most special
place,barely
a month after our break up.am I
that easy to forget?I asked myself
as I took a close
examination at the girl,she’s not
even
half as pretty as I am, Femi
doesn’t like to
hang around people(especially
girls)that
aren’t good looking. She was
putting on
designer wear all over,her
shoes,her hand bag,her jean and
her top looked classic.
She looked “expensive” . Could
that be
why Femi was with her,but femi
had no
reason to be a gold digger,his dad
was a
big time offshore worker in an oil
company,and his mom was a
banker,I thought to myself. I was
jolted out of my thought by the
sound of Femi’s voice,I didn’t
know when
I had walked up to where Femi
was,I was
too busy thinking. Hi,femi said in
a playful
voice,he seemed to be in a really
good
mood. Hi I replied with a sarcastic
tone in my voice,while eyeing the
girl at his side.
Meet mY cousin amy, before I
could
introduce myself, Amy jumped in
and said
wow! You must be prisi,his best
friend,he’s said a lot about you
already.
What!!!I exclaimed within
myself,so Femi couldn’t even teLl
his so-called
cousin about us,he had to lie to
her
(reducing me to best friend level
was so
low of him,how could he?).how
was I sure
he wasn’t even lying about her
being his
cousin. Do you mind joining us?
Amy asked, I saw a look on Femi’s
face that
implied that he didn’t want me
there,but
I ignored that look,feigned a
smile and
said : no,I would love to.
I joined them despite the fact that
I was
having a lecture, and we started
talking… I enjoyed the
conversation,but one thing
that struck me was the fact that
Femi
never mentioned anything about
us
during the entire
conversation,even when
we talked about relationships,I
didn’t
have much to say because I just
broke up with my first real
boyfriend and I was
expecting him to talk more on it.
He just
skipped anything about us,he
talked more
about his ex-girlfriends much to
my
anger.I had to pretend I didn’t
feel any
anger because of Amy,she seemed
so ignorant of any strife between
I and
Femi. I was lost in thought only
to be
brought back by Femi’s soft
voice”prisi…
erm,there’s something I wanted to
tell
you prisi(I felt some sweetness in
my
belly,his voice was d--n
cute,especially when he was trying
to be soft)” yes I said
casually with a warm smile. Well, I
was
planning to come see you at your
hostel,but since you’re already
here,lemme just say it…I’ve found
a girl
that I love and loves and can
RESPECT me (he made special
emphasis on the word
respect).Amy put on a great
smile,wow
bro,am happy for you..she hugged
him
and encouraged me to do the
same. She
didn’t even notice how shocked I
looked,my eyes were teary as a
result of what my ears had just
heard and what my
heart was still hurting over. Come
on
girl,give him a hug that’s good
news…he’s
your best friend isn’t he?awwww!
dnt tell
me you’re jealous, Amy taunted
(for a girl
looking so rich,she seemed nice
enough). It was going to be the
last hug ever,so I
made the best of it,buy holding
him
tighter than ever(at that moment,I
relinquished all the pain in my
heart),I
almost cried(I still dnt know what
force in
the universe held back those tears)
,I freed myself from his embrace
and that
was it. My eyes were too red to
remain
unoticed by Amy,why do you
wanna cry
she asked…nothing dear,I’m just
so happy
he’s found love again,they’re
actually
tears of joy. Femi couldn’t look
into my eyes,I bade
Amy goodbye and turned to
leave,prisi! I
heard Femi’s shaky voice,please
don’t
leave me(I felt like getting a
Knife and stabbing him to
death,all my
love had turned into hatred in
that split second….is he crazy?
What does he want
from me?).I hope you’re happy, I
turned
to look at him with tears running
down
my eyes,and I ran away from
there,I
heard Amy calling out,I didn’t
respond I
just didn’t want to see him
again..ever
I left that place wondering and
pondering
on how foolishly I had just
reacted,how
can I miss an important lecture
and
possible test just because of a guy
that
didn’t seem to care,he’s not worth
it
joor,I sighed…something has to be
done about this,and really fast,am
beginning to
lose it. I knew I needed to re-
organise my
priorities,my academics had
suffered a lot
because of one stupid love affair…
I made
up my mind not to ever love
again. D--n
guys! I hate them,they’re just
selfish
idiots.
TO BE CONTINUED…


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Every day holds the possibility of a miracle.

~Elizabeth David

Have a miraculous Day!Related

A friend doesn`t go on a diet because you are fat.

-Erma BombeckRelated

We spent a long night at the hospital. A very restless
night it was for us. I never slept because the place was
so uncomfortable and creepy to me. Moreover i had no
place to lay down my head. Very early the next morning, Chioma was discharged.
We returned to her apartment happy and relieved.
“Thank God the scare is over. You couldn’t imagine how
scared i was when i got a call about the accident” i said
and hugged my pretty queen.
“baby you know for a second i thought i was going to die. I thought it was all over as i saw the car heading to
my direction with full speed. I couldn’t do anything. I
just froze like a statue as it almost ran over me” she
recounted quietly. I held her tightly, caressing her back.
“but there is something you need to do for me” she
added, breathing deeply. “just mention it dear” i encouraged her.
“i really need to see a pastor. A friend recommended
one for me some days back, and you have to go with
me” she appealed while i kept very still. I hated such a
topic. I hated having anything to do with pastors.
“we have to go together. We need prayers above any other thing” she continued solemnly,
“i have heard you my love. Yes we will go but not today.
You need to rest and get your full energy back” i
answered calmly, forcing her to oblige.
___
I spent the greater part of the day with her before heading to the office where i got some files i was yet to
finish working on and took them to my apartment. I
really was lucky i wasn’t working for a private
establishment. I would have been fired with the lazy
way i was carrying out my duties which truly wasn’t
very tasking. Early the next morning, Chioma woke me up with a
phone call.
“my love i had a very terrible nightmare, we have to see
the pastor today. There is no need delaying, I have
already booked an appointment with him. I’m coming
over to your house” she informed me. I bit my lips and cursed.
I felt like declining to go with her but had no choice
than to respect her wish.
By 11am, we were at the pastor’s office, where a special
prayer was held for us. We prayed for about thirty five
minutes or more yet the pastor wasn’t ready to conclude nor stop. He continued firing one prayer point
to another while i halfheartedly closed my eyes and
moved my lips. I already had made all my pleas and
requests during the opening phase of the prayers and
couldn’t just start repeating them all over again.
“please madam, can you leave us alone for a minute” the pastor said to Chioma after the prayers. She
nodded, smiled at me and left.
“Dear brother in the Lord, i hope you know that as a
christian it is required of you to pray ceaselessly?” he
asked, while i nodded with guilt. It was obvious he
noticed my low morale during the prayer session. “besides you really need prayers sir because what was
revealed to me is quite disheartening. I saw a woman
shedding tears of blood for you” he revealed, sending
me into great panic with his revelation.
“so my brother, if there is any girl on your path or
anybody you have offended. Please try and make peace
with the person before proceeding with any plans you
are having for your fiancee. It’s important to avoid any tragedy” he advised while i nodded calmly.
Fifteen minutes later, we left the pastor’s office and
headed to Chioma’s apartment. My mind ran through
many directions as i drove. I couldn’t help but play back
the pastor’s advice over and over in my head.
“so what exactly did he tell you, because you look so withdrawn?” Chioma asked curiously,
“well he told me that a lady was weeping for me and
that i should seek forgiveness and make peace with
whoever i wronged” i answered slowly. She breathed
deeply and kept quiet.
“what’s wrong?” i asked, “nothing just thinking” she answered.
As we ate lunch an hour later, she brought up Mary’s
issue again.
“what are your plans. When do you intend seeing her
again?” she asked,
“i will pay her a visit later in the evening. Please let it not bother you” i pleaded. She shrugged and smiled.
“i would have loved to go with you” she offered,
“don’t think about it my dear” i winked at her.
I left for my apartment after the meal, took a little rest
and patiently waited for nightfall. At exactly 7pm, i left
my apartment and headed to Mary’s with a nervous mind.
I got to Mary’s apartment in no time and knocked
calmly. Her sister answered the door almost instantly
and stared at me with hatred.
“hey good evening. Is Mary around?” i asked. She eyed
me for a second and scoffed, “what do you want with her again?. Didn’t you send her
away from your house?” she asked scornfully,
unsettling me with the question. But before i could
answer, Mary showed up at the door.
“who’s it?” she asked her sister, freezing as our eyes
clashed, “what are you doing here. What do you want again?,
havn’t i left your life for good huh?. You know few days
ago i was willing to do anything to have you back, but
i’m happy to say that you aren’t worth it. So get out of
here” she barked with anger, sending me backwards
with the venom that came with the outburst. Their wasn’t any doubt she was now overcome with
hatred and perhaps revenge towards me. Her love
unfortunately has evolved into hatred.
“how do i seek peace with her in this condition?” i
wondered with alarm, as i reminded myself that my
happiness with Chioma was in her hands. I needed her forgiveness and preferably blessing in
order to avoid any unnecessary tragedy in my life….

>>

Ear Problem [Read it]


Girl: Buy Me Iphone6
Boy: Baby I Hav Ear Problem...I Cant Rilli Hear U Well


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-15 13:34:51

232 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


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It was getting dark. Angela seemed to be the
only human on that narrow bush part, because
looking forward, she saw nobody. Looking
back, nobody was in sight. She hastened her
steps before total darkness falls.
David had warned her about walking alone
through narrow paths.
She tried humming a tone but her instincts told
her to stop, for the fear of the unknown.
She halted and paid attention with her eyes. Her
heartbeat increased. She thought she saw
someone zoom out from one side of the bush to
the other side. She observed keenly but saw no
one. She turned back almost immediately but
saw no one. She forged ahead with increased
pace.
Few seconds later, two hefty young men
intercept her. One came out from the left side of
the bush while the other came out from the
right. The look on their faces proved they didn’t
come to play.
Angela turned with immediate effect and
started running for her dear life. They only
laughed and stood their ground. She managed
to look back at them, only to see them still
standing there but before she could face her
front again, alas, two men were already standing
in her way and so, because she saw them too
late, she couldn’t apply the brakes at her feet as
she hit them very hard and fell with a mighty
thud.
The other men joined them. Angela was on the
ground. Silent and motionless. One of them bent
close to her and chuckled.
“The babe don sleep” He announced.
“Abeg tow am for your shoulder make we
waka. No time. Delay is dangerous” Thunder, their
leader commanded and kissed his gun.
***:::::.***
Angela opened her eyes only to find herself in
an uncompleted building. She coughed out loud
and held her breath for sometime. She couldn’t
stand the smell of the marijuana the men were
heavily smoking, as they puffed out mouthfuls of
its offensive smoke towards her.
“Where am i? David!
What are my doing here?…..”Angela kept
asking but they chose to categorise her
questions as rhetorical. They only looked at her
and continued with their smoking business as if
their life depended on it. As if they would never
get another chance to have it again.
Angela remembered what happened and how
she fainted. She placed a palm on her forehead
as a slight headache decided to answer her
questions.
“I wonder what is keeping this lady” Thunder
spoke impatiently.
“I wonder o. Abi she think say na only this work
we get this night? Make she take her time
o” Chike added.
“Make she show naa make we waste this
woman” Thunder vibrated.
“Haaa, please o. Don’t kill me. please let me go.
I did nothing wrong. please. please i am begging
you in the name of God, please…..”Angela cried
as she fell down on her kneels holding one of
them by the leg, begging and pleading with
tears flowing down her eyes. She didn’t care
about the smoke anymore.
“Woman leave me or i go molest you here. make
your choice” Chike the one she had ran
to,warned.
“Please i am begging you people in the name of
God. Don’t harm me please. I am innocent. Who
is this lady that wants me dead?
Please spare my life. I will pay you whatever you
want. my husband will pay. please don’t kill
me…….”
“Quiet woman!. Go heaven and come back, you
are dying tonight. E no go pass dis
night” Thunder vibrated.
Angela covered her face in despair and cried
bitterly. She knew there was no way these men
would spare her life.
“Nooo.God please save meee”She sobbed on
her kneels.

>>

There was dis pastor who always steal from d church box offering everytime dey are praying one day d pastor was praying he want to take money from d box as usual na him he con notice one poor man dey watch he con change d prayer BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO SEE AND DID NOT TALK FOR DEY SHALL BE GIVEN THEIR SHARE one word for d pastor.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-20 08:23:24

407 Views




A newly married couple returned to their house after being on honeymoon.


“Care to go upstairs and have a shag?” the husband asked.


“Shhhh!” said the bride, “All the neighbours will know what we`re about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we`ll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking Have you left the washing machine door open instead?”


So the following night, the husband asks, “I don`t suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?”


“No, I definitely shut it”, replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.


When she woke up however, she was feeling a little amorous herself and she nudged her husband and said, “I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?”


“No thanks” said the husband, “It was only a small load and I`ve done it by hand.”Related

I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.

-Robert Louis StevensonRelated

Because of the natural hormones released while a woman is ovulating, her boobs are most symmetrical between the 14th and 16th days of her cycle.Related

Bank Girlfriend [Read it]


I have been dating her for over four months now and everything was going fine until this morning when I decided to invite her to my place. And she came!

When we were together, her phone rang but she refused to pick her call, and I ask her why she didn't pick, she said nothing. I checked who was calling her, I saw 'Sterling Bank calling', and I begged her to pick, maybe the bank wants to give her money.

After that another call entered, 'GTB calling', she ignored it, UBA followed, and I picked it but the person didn't talk so I cut the call.

A minute later, First Bank call entered, she put it on hold, when Zenith Bank called, she shouted at Zenith Bank.

An hour later, one call entered her phone singing a Lionel Richie song, I check and I saw 'CBN', she picked it and answered the call sweetly.

Later when I asked her, she said that her Uncle who is working there was the one that wished to speak with her through the office line.

Few minutes later, World Bank call entered and she was so happy to pick the call. After she had finished receiving the call I picked up my phone to flash her number.

Guess what I saw? Community Bank.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 08:36:34

231 Views



MY AGONIES [Read it]


My agonies
(chapter 1) written by me, emerald.

All right reserved:no part of this publication should be re-posted in any page, group or timeline in facebook or other media without my permission.
Introduction:my name is jessy, i am a daughter of a rich man, we are a family of four, which is me, my mother, father and my brother, we live in a very big flat that one can mistaken it to be duplex, i am a jss3 student, am 14 years, am tall, chocolate in complexion and an average body size, am so beutiful that even seniors in my school doesnt beat me even am wrong, they normally do that just to win me but unfortunately for them i only choose one among them which is my classmate, his name is titus, i dont want my parents to know that i am into a relationship, if not i would be beaten and starv to death, my parents especially my mum is very strict, disciplined and a religious leader in the church thats why she doesnt joke with her children, but as for dad is case is different he womanize, smokes and drink to his satisfaction but nevertheless i love him as a father but hmmmm he is very strict, my family name is joseph williams.
Thats all you need to know about me, but dont worry you will get to know me more as the story will be going deeper and intresting.) (today is monday am back from school)
ME:mum good afternoon
MUM:afternoon my daughter, how was school? I hope it was fine?
ME: why not mum? Its still the usual, nothing its eventful, i dislike that school, i dont even want to think about it again let me just go and take my bath.
MUM:hahahahaha my daughter you always make me laugh, dont worry just write your junior waec and drop your pen then you are out of that school.
ME:mum thats what you normally say, am used to it already am just waiting for you to put that in action.
(my brother comes in)
LOVE: (run to come and hug me)sister je.......ssy...... good afternoon.
ME:my little darling i hope you are fine?
LOVE:yes sister
ME:how was school?
LOVE:fine.
MEkay let me go and take my bath am coming, mum please dönt beat my honey this time oh.
.
.
.
Like my page in facebook name university of stories.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Niky:so your getting married to her
Gerald:thats what my parents wants
Niky:what become of me
Gerald:i will divorce her
Niky:when will that be
Gerald:in a year time
The days are just too fast,can't believe it's just 2week to my wedding
Ellie:why show yourself as a cheap slot
Me:mum is putting me into this
Ellie:well i love Gerald
me:what?
Ellie:stay away from him
me:what
Ellie:i'll do everything i can to get him
Me:Jes can't believe all this is hapening
Ellie:bounce
Me:meaning
Ellie:don't want to see you,and call off the wedding
I cried out my heart but no one to comfort me
Gerald:is she in
ellie:who
gerald:elfie
Ellie:this marriage won't work
Geraldsuprised)why
Ellie:cause i say so
Me:what do you want
Gerald:we"re going out
Me:where to
Gerald:shoping
Me:give me 2min
Gerald was so nice to me,he's smile,the way he talks makes my heart beat faster.i feel some butterflies in my tommy
Gerald:so where do we go for our honeymoon
Me:i guest calabar
Geraldk
To be continued
Sorry its too short,its from my phone

>>

continues ......
I travelled to Adaobi’s place in Lagos. It was the house she brought me to when I first came visiting. When I got there, I met an old woman who told me that Adaobi and her family had packed out of the place. I was very confused when the woman was telling me that. “No be the person wey talk say dem no get money to treat her mama na im come get money to pack out. Abi the old woman dey whine me!” But she can’t be lying because when I got to the flat, it was empty and “flat to rent” sign post was at the door. I even saw a similar sign post at the compound gate. “Have I been scammed? Have I been made a fool by Adaobi and her people?” All that were my thoughts. I felt I had been played on. Something again came up in my mind. That “what of if they packed into a smaller and more affordable accommodation. As I was thinking about that, even if they were moving, she should have just told me, but she didn’t, and now her line was not going. So with that I believed I was defrauded by Adaobi. Infact, I believed that what happened at their house when I first went there was a staged drama. Everything was staged to make me feel compassionate and squeezed out my heart earned money to give to them. I was very bitter because of what I had in my Account at that moment was N950,000. The money wey I dey save to start a screen printing business. “My online business was no longer moving and Adaobi is defrauding me.”
I boarded a car going to Abeokuta from Oshodi. As I was in the car, I felt disappointed in Adaobi. I never felt she could do such a thing. I trusted her. The thing pain me so-te I dey find someone to confide in. I wished my two guys, Uchenna and Abisoko were around. Na dem for encourage me, infact they would hint me on how to get the money back. The incident spoilt my mood.
When I got back to Abeokuta, my house rent had already expired and I didn’t intend renewing it since I was no longer a regular student. My intentions were just to come for continuous assessment test, practical class and the exams I had for my carry over courses as a final non graduating student (FNG). I had already taken so many of my belongings back home to Ilorin. It was only remaining some electronics which I intend to just give them out.
Few weeks later after I had relieved myself from the worries and pains I went through with the Adaobi’s case, I was going into web designing which I had done the training. I want to start designing websites for people and cooperate organization. “I just wanted to have another source of income since my mini importation business had just collapsed. Nobody was doing any pre-order or asking me to order goods for them.”
“When I was in 300 Level, uchenna and Abisoko had encouraged me that after graduation, I should relocate to Lagos since I had flair for information technology, and that moving from Ilorin to Lagos would help my career. I had agreed but since my guys were no longer available, and I don’t know anyone in Lagos.” “If it was when I was into Yahoo yahoo, the money was there. I would just go rent house and start another life there in Lagos.” But money no dey again. I no know anybody for the Lagos wey I go just stay with till my hand strong for business.
It looked as if there was light at the tunnel because, my web design was gradually picking up even though the money being offered was pretty low. But I felt it was encouraging. I was becoming popular with the work and small organizations were still coming to me for their website management.
Few months later after I had finished my first semester exams in my Final non graduating (FNG) level, I travelled to Lagos for a one week internship program on Information technology. Accommodation and logistics were taken care of by the organizers of the program. Two days of the start of the program, one of our house keepers called to tell me that my mom was in the hospital. “What happened?” I asked. She said my mom was bitten by a snake in her shop. “Chaiiiii.” I called my mom to know how it really happened. She said she doesn’t know how snake got inside her office at the shop. The snake bit her left leg. But she said the doctors were treating her at the hospital. I really felt for her.
After the internship program, immediately I took my certificate of attendance, I rushed back to Ilorin. When I got home, my mom said she was gradually recovering from the pains of the snake bite. Because of the signs I saw, I was happy and encouraged by the health development.
As time went on, I and my mom realized the wound from the snake bite were not healing. We went back to the hospital. The doctors couldn’t diagnose her of any ailment. As time went on she started complaining about leg pains. Days and weeks pass and it was getting worse. The leg got swollen. We would go to the hospital, doctors would carry out tests on her and the leg but they won’t discover anything. We were losing much money going to hospitals. I was becoming restless. “My second semester exams were fast approaching. I never even get time to read.”
Days later, I decided to take my mom to a good private hospital in Lagos which was referred to us by one of her friends. We left for Lagos in a chattered car. When we got to the clinic, medical tests and scan were conducted on her. The doctors said the problem of the wound was an infection. It would require a surgery which would cost us N145,000. “Hmmm.” “Since I still had up to N475,000 in my account. Some jobs I had done, the clients were ye to pay me.” I asked the doctor to carry on with the surgery. But the doctor said we had to deposit N85,000 before anything can start and they have to admit her for one week at the hospital for some treatments which would help prepare her for the surgery.
So I had to leave my mom at the hospital on admission. I went back to Ilorin to get some of her clothes and some other stuffs she would need. I went back to Lgaos with one of the house keepers leaving the other two behind to take care of the house and other things.
When I got back to Lagos, I paid N170,000 for the surgery, drugs, bed space and other stuff.
The surgery was carried out and the area of the wound was bandaged. After a week later, it was loosened and we were told that she can be discharged. During all those processes in the hospital, we were regularly communicating with the house keepers on phone. My mom also communicated more often with her sales girls.
After the surgery, the medical team at the hospital asked us to be coming for medical check-ups regularly. After the discharge, I called the house keepers to inform them that we were coming back home, that they should prepare very sumptuous meals before we get back. We went back home straight to Ilorin. When we got to Ilorin, our house on chattered car. The door to our house was not locked with keys. We entered the compound and into the sitting room, it looked deserted. My mom called on the house keepers and no one was answering. The one with us went to their room because they share the same room. “I wondered were the 2 housekeepers had gone to, or maybe they are sleeping,” I thought to myself. Na so the housekeeper wey go check their room upstairs rushed back to us. She said she couldn’t find the other girl’s belongings in their room. We rushed to their room. All their bags were gone. “E be like say those girls done run oo.” “But I spoke with them on phone na that morning.” One of them picked my call and said they were waiting for us when I told her we were on our way.
“What happened?”
“Why were they running?”
I took my phone and dialed their both numbers and it was saying “switched off.” “Kaiii, or has any bad thing happened to them?”
As I was wondering, “Yay, owo me,” my mom screamed “her money.” She rushed to her room where she said she kept some money. I followed her to her room only to discover that the N50,000 she kept inside her table locker had disappeared. Immediately, my mom called the contacts of her friends who linked her up with the house keepers to update them of what was going on. As we were busy thinking and wondering what was really going on, there was a knock on the door. I rushed down stairs to check. It was one of the neighbours who came to greet my mom. Na from there other neighbours begin come greet my mama. Na there we ask if they had seen the other two housekeepers and they said they hadn’t. One of them said she thought all of us were at the hospital together. Na so I tell them say na only one them we carry and left the rest two. Two of the neighbours confirmed that they saw the two other housekeepers 3 days back and since then, our house had been locked. Na so we open up to them say we just dey come in and we never see them oo and the money wey my mama keep, them don carry am run away.
A week gone and we hadn’t heard anything from our two house keepers. It was glaring that they had ran away. My mom contacted the people that brought the girls for her to inform and update them on the issue. We even reported the matter to the police sef.
Few weeks later after forgetting the money that the house keepers stole. We had to try if we could locate were they were and we couldn’t. The people who brought them to my mom said they can’t pay the money. “And my mom’s business, Provision supermarket was no longer doing too well. The web design business wasn’t moving again. Some organizations I help manage and maintain their websites were terminating my contracts with them. Clients are longer coming.” It just looked as if things were just wrong in my family. To make matters worse, my mom’s wound on her leg that looked as if it was healing resurfaced again. Infact it started bringing out water which was smelling. The hospital we had the surgery in Lagos, we went back couple of times and they said the only thing was to amputate the leg from knee down which I felt was not possible. I rejected the advice but other hospitals we went to still said the same thing, “to amputate it.” And that if not, the infection would spread. All that made me weak that I began weeping as one of the doctors at one of the hospitals we went was advising us. Me sef I no come understand all the wahala again. Even my mom disagreed on the amputation. We believed in miracle and what God can do. We had been spending a lot on that ailment. Na only N243,000 come remain for my account. My mama provision supermarket, we even struggle to even pay sales girls that some of them began leaving. And my mom was no longer fit to be going to the super market. She had been feeling deep pains on the leg. Walking with the leg had become a problem for her. She couldn’t go to her shop to supervise. Me sef, I had abandoned my own work seeking for solutions to our problems. “The small jobs I was getting from clients sef, I dey even struggle to do am.” Thank God for our remaining house keeper who was ably available in the house.
This particular Monday, I had just finished cleaning off the surface of my mom’s wound. A client called me on phone that he would be needing 2 good laptops not more N200,000 for both of them. Well I gave him my account number to pay in which he did and told him that his goods would be ready in a week time. He agreed. I called the distributor who I normally buy laptops from in Lagos about the deal. He was able to beat it down for me for N93,000 for one. “At least make I get my own share na.” My distributor even said he would send someone to deliver the laptops. So I was to pay N188,000 into his account. After the call, I already have my distributor’s account number so I immediately went to the bank to pay in. I made the exact payments we agreed in the bank and returned home. I called my distributor to tell him I had made the payments. He said the laptops were packaged so once he gets the alert he would send the boy over to bring it to Ilorin to me from Lagos.
That evening, i took my mom to a popular prayer house that people had been referring us to. We went there for prayers. We met the pastor of the church and we explained everything to him. He laughed and told us that it was the enemy that was at work. As he was saying, my mom was nodding in affirmation to him. “The pastor said the plans of the enemies was to kill I and my mom.” He talk say na enemies wey dey follow us from village. Finally he said he would do 2 days fasting and prayer on our behalf and it would cost us N20,000. After that my mom’s wound will heal with immediate effect and we will regain freedom. I only had N5,000 on me at that moment. My mom had N3,000 with her. She asked if the pastor would start up the fasting and prayer that day so we give him N5,000 and the next day I come to balance him the remaining money. “Pastor no gree ooo,” he said we must complete payment before he starts prayers and fasting. Omo na so I rush go nearby ATM joint go withdraw money. I added to the one I had earlier and gave to the pastor. He told us to write our names down on a paper and gave us a bottle of water. He said every morning, we should use the water to clean our face, head and legs. And we should read psalm 23. He also told us not to panic that after 3 days, my mom’s wound will dry up and things would change for positive in our lives. We hoped and believed so, like our lives depended on it.
The next day, early morning, we started what the pastor instructed us to do. We used the bottled water to wash our legs, head and face and read Psalm 23. Few hours later I called my distributor in Lagos to know if his boy was on the way to Ilorin to deliver the laptops to me. The man told me that he was yet to get payment alert. “Ahh ahh, which kyn thing be all these one nah.” I told him that I had sent the money. Maybe his bank hasn’t sent him the alert but he must have entered. He told me to exercise patience because he would be at the bank at noon so he would confirm if the payment had been made and he would get back to me.
Afternoon came and my distributor called and told me that nothing from me had entered his account. There was no credit made to his account. So I had to go back to the bank and there I discovered that I sent the money into someone else’s account. “Chaiii, see Gobe.” Na so we trace the person account and it was a male with the name Chigozie. The bank said they can’t do anything about it that it’s now between me and the Chigozie guy. I got the chigozie’s phone number and called the line but it was switched off. I called the distributor to inform him that I mistakenly paid into someone else’s account. I begged him to send the goods that I will send him the money before the next 5 days. He agreed and said he will send his boy to send me the laptop the next day. I was happy, thinking that I will be able to contact Chigozie so he could send me my money back easily.
I kept on trying Chigozie’s mobile number till finally it went through in the evening. He picked up and I explained to him that I mistakenly transferred N188,000 into his account. He said he was aware of it because he got the alert and was wondering how come that happened. He sounded so friendly and nice. He said he was a banker in Port Harcourt. After talking, he said he would transfer back my money the next two days. I come say “okay oo.” Even though I needed the money urgently. I just had to be patient with him
Two days pass and Chigozie never still send my money back. My mom’s wound was far from healing. Infact it was even spreading and opening up with smelly water coming out from it. “Na house she come dey stay now.” She doesn’t go to her shop again. Market sef no dey move. Na only 2 sales girls na im remain. Others had left because of non-payment of salary. The remaining two, na from my pocket I dey pay them. My mom had only N350,000 in her account. “It was far more than that some few months back but her ailment had eating all.” We spent money going to hospitals, visiting prayer houses. Pastors, Afas will tell us to give them money to pray for her. After everything nothing would still happen. Some will tell us to sow seeds and after sowing the seed, nothing happened. “When one has a problem, many would be advising and bringing suggestions for possible solutions. Na so we just dey take advises from people hoping that solution will come from them.”
Days past and Chigozie was yet to pay back my money. The laptops had arrived and delivered to my client sef. After the prayers and fasting from the pastor at the prayer house we went to, there was no positive outcome. “Now na me and Chigozie dey drag now.” The distributor had started disturbing me for his money. “I would call Chigozie on the phone to pay back my money and he would shout and abuse me on the phone.” Sometimes he won’t even pick my calls sef. It would ring ooooo. Sometimes he would pick and won’t even say a word. Na so my credit go dey burn. I went back to the bank again to complain, they were still insisting that they can’t do anything. I had to withdraw from my mom’s account to settle the distributor.
This particular Thursday, I called Chigozie again to ask him for refund of my money. The guy come dey para for me for phone. Telling me that my blood was too hot and if I continue like that he won’t pay me my money. Na so this guy come dey swear for me for phone. Me sef com start to dey hala for him. He had to cut the call. And that was the last time I heard from him again. Each time I try the number it would tell me “number not available.” I was just tired of everything. No money anymore. My mom’s sickness was getting worse.
Two weeks to my academic exam for my second semester extra year. I was gradually preparing even though it wasn’t easy for me. I went for a church program a female friend invited me. “Everything come be ‘try your luck.’ I was just trying and believing for a miracle.” I went with her and after the program I went to meet the invited pastor that came to program. It was my female friend that suggested I did. The Pastor said that God can heal my mom and our lives, bringing peace into our home. He said I should sow a seed of N50,000. “Kaiii, were I wan come get that kind money!” I thought to myself. Wetin remain for my hand na N45,000 and my mom’s account was N202,000. “Indeed the pastor was a good orator in trying to convince me to sow a seed.” “A seed that can move mountain and move Almighty God.” Na so I tell the man of God say I no get that kind money. “Then you don’t want God to heal your mom and prosper you,” the man of God said in response to what I told him that I didn’t have money. “Man of God sef dey para.” He said infact, that as he is looking at me, that he was seeing dangers around me. That infact demons accompanied me to the church that day and they want to kill my mom. And if they succeed, I will be the next. As the man dey talk, I come dey fear. He said even if I don’t have, I should go and borrow. Na so I go ATM go withdraw from my mama account come give pastor. He asked me to kneel down which I did, and he prayed for me. He said I should watch what would happen in the next 21 days. I was expectant to see what will happen and the numbers of people that are my enemies that will die in my family.
Few days later, mom was in pains, serious one that we went to the hospital. She was admitted to the hospital. She told me that she can’t bear it any longer and she was ready for her leg to be amputated. I began crying. She cried too. I never wished for that. I hoped and believed for a miracle but was yet to experience it. She had giving up. I told her to still exercise some more patience that God can still do it. But she said, if God had wanted to do it, He would have done it rather than her experiencing pains. After a week of begging and pleading with her for more patience. She refused. Her mind was made up. “The doctors were on her side, saying that the infection was spreading massively and if we didn’t do anything fast, it would take over her body.” I finally yielded to my mom. We were referred to a private hospital in Lagos were we went and they billed us N220,000 for surgery, drugs and bed space. She would remain there for 2 weeks after the surgery before being discharged.
Na so I go borrow money add to the one we get. We went to Lagos for the surgery. I had already forgotten about my exams. I hoped to write it the next year since I passed the two for the first semester. So na two for the second semester remain which I hope to do the next year.
Few days later, my mom was scheduled for the surgery. I had emptied our (my mom and i) account, borrowed some money to pay for the surgery. I even advised my mom to put up her shop for sale in which she agreed and did.
The day of the surgery came. They took my mom to the theatre room by 10pm. I and the housekeeper waited for 3 hours. Sleep don already carry me for the chair wey I sit down. When a nurse tapped me and said the Doctor wants to see me. Na so i follow her go Doctor office and she excused us. The doctor asked me to sit and I did. He asked me how old I was and I told him. He began asking me about my dad. For about 30 minutes we were just having a friendly chat as if we had known each other for a long time, until the discussion shifted to my mom’s issue. I started noticing the way he was sounding which I didn’t like. Na there the doctor come dey tell me say they didn’t complete the process of the surgery. And I asked why. He said during the course of the process, my mom died. “Chaiiii.” It looked as if I didn’t hear what the doctor said very well. “Doctor, you said she’s dead?” I asked to confirm what I heard. He stood up to calm me down, confirming it as he said mom was indeed dead. Na so I run comot for the office like mad man. The house keeper saw the way I was behaving as I ran to the place. She already knew that something was wrong. Na so security just come hold me. I was so devastated as I cried. I couldn’t hold myself as tears flowed. I was taken to her bed. According to the doctor, he said they had already started the operation, but midway, they discovered my mom wasn’t breathing. And they had no choice that to stop the entire operation. “She was gone from the face of the earth.” For hours I couldn’t get hold of myself. I cried heavily like a baby.
I called my aunty in Ofa to tell her what had happened. I also informed some of my mom’s friends and other relatives. I made arrangements and brought her body to a mortuary in a hospital in Ilorin. Na there another problem start.
When I got to the house, some of my mom’s uncles and aunties were waiting at the entrance of our house. Everywhere was moody. Even the tenants wept bitterly. Some of my uncles I didn’t even know neither have I seen them. They began querying me for daring to bring my mom’s corpse from Lagos. They said I should have waited for them to take decision before anything I do. They said I don’t have right to do that. I just ignored them. “Visitors were coming in and out of the compound.” Me no send any body. Mourning mood was activate.
The next day, one of my uncles called a meeting on burial arrangements of my mom. That was where he dropped a bombshell. He said that I should pack out of the house. “Which house?” I said to him. The house he built or his children built for him!’ “The house I suffered to build” He said I should move out that the family would inherit it. “I guessed he was high on paracetamol,” I thought to myself because he was complaining of slight headache before he started his speech. I even saw him taking paracetamol. Na the paracetamol dey make am high wey he say make I leave my house.
I laughed and told him that I wasn’t leaving the house. Even my aunty in Ofa was also supporting him. The whole family was on his side. Infact “I believed they had met secretly, ganged up. ‘For Christ sake, how can you chase someone out of his house.’ The one wey pain me pass be say dem say, my mom won’t be buried unless I allow them to decide and dictate what happens. “See me see wahala ooo.” ‘This people wey no dey wey me and my mama dey suffer, they just want to cut me off everything and be the ones to say what goes about the burial.’ Then I realize what one of the pastors we visited before my mom’s death had said to me. “That our enemies are within our family and they were seriously planning to kill my mom and come for me.” And I won’t allow that,’ I thought to myself.
The one wey vex me pass be say them fix date for burial come fix am for the next two month. So make corpse still dey mortuary! Then who will pay! I refused it.
One week pass, two weeks and the dragging continued. If I had the power, I would have just done it my own way but so many people advised me that I can’t just bury my mom like that without the consent of her family. After all I tried to convince them. Dem no gree.
As time went on, I had to allow my mom’s relatives to have their way in the burial of my mom. I didn’t even know how they got the money to pay for mortuary. I had to just humble myself and took insults just for my mom to be buried in peace.
A day after the burial of my mom, I just finished seeing off some visitors. When I returned to the house. I went to my room and everywhere looked scattered as if someone entered the place. Though my mom’s relatives are in the house but I don’t allow any of them to come to my room. “The last time I checked, when I was leaving to see off some visitors, I thought I locked the room.” Na so I go my bed locker were I dey keep my important files and discovered my international passport, the house document was no longer there. Na so I begin look for those things. I asked people in the house if they entered my room. Because I don’t trust any of my mom’s relatives. They all denied having anything to do with my room. “Na who come enter my room go take am?”
>


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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MY AGONIES......(episode 2)story written by:emeraldr MUM:ha my jen you are so funny oh, how can i beat my daddy boy nah.....rn ME:mum is because you ALWAYS like to beat my daddy boy oh, thats why am telling you so that when i enter the bathroom i wont be hearing daddy boy shouting.rn(as we where discussing we heard a knock on the door)rn ME:mum is like there's someone at the door.rn MUM:yea am hearing it also go and open the door.rn MEkay mum.rn(i open the door and behold it was my dad with two policemen standing beside him, he was handcuff)rn POLICE:i hope you can recgonise who is this?rn MUM:jenny whos at the door tell that person to come in.rn ME: sir come inside(all this while i was looking straight into my father's eye but he kept putting his face down shamely)rn MUM:jesus me, darling what have you done again this time, oh God(start crying)rn POLICE:madam your husband was found in an hotel room with another man practising gay(homo sexaulism)rn MUM:jesus, is that true you also indulged in homo sexualism? Hmmm its a pity we cant take this from you anylonger, sir you may take him and go all the way to jail him he is an outcast in this family.rn (i didnt remember to tell you this, my mum is a no nosense woman)rn POLICE:actually mam when we caught him he denied it so we came to confirm it from you and this family, does this man standing here womanise?rn I turn and look at dad he was eyeing me indirectly telling me to say no, but i turn and look at mum, there was utmost silence in the room.rn POLICE:are you okay dont you hear me? Or do you want me to take you with him.rn MUM:actually he does(my mum broke the bombshell to the police men)rn ME:sir, sir, please dont take my father away(i pleaded but the police men paid deaf ears to me i was very very angry, ashame and pitiful because of what my father just did, how would i face my friends when this news spread across nations and states oh God help me)
To be continuer.
Like my facebook page name university of stories.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Three contractors are bidding to fix a
broken fence at the white house, where Barack obama. Lives.
The 1st from INDIA, the 2nd from
CHINA & the 3rd akpors from Nigeria.
They go with White House official
to examine the fence.
The Indian takes out a tape & did
some measuring, works some figures "Well", he says, "I figure the job
will cost $900. ($400 for materials,
$400 for my teamv& $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese does some measuring &
figuring, says,"I can do it for $700.
($300 for materials, $300 for my
team & $100 profit for me)".
Akpors did not even measure or
figure out anything, but he walks around the White House & whispers
"$2,700."
The official says, "You didn't even measure, how did you come up with such a high figure?"
Akpors whispers "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, & $ 700 to hire the Chinese to do the job."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-24 15:19:13

1254 Views




“You’re an imbecile to think I’d agree. As a pretty princess that I am, you are not up to my level and not even my class. I wouldn’t stoop so low to get married to you! You disgust me! I hate you! You did so many unreasonable things to me last night. You’re the devil! An incarnate! Get the hell out of my office! Tell your father that I kicked you out. I don’t want to marry you. I, Purity Theodore said so.”

She was breathing heavily by the time she was done. Perspiration formed on her fore head. She had looked Jeremy in the eye, she saw flashes of anger in them. He stared murderously at her. Her hear skipped a beat. Oops! She had gone too far. No, no she hadn’t. Its him who crossed the boundaries. She wasn’t scared. She took a deep breath.

Jeremy moved towards her. When he got to where her two legs were planted on the floor, he didn’t stop.

Purity was about to fall. She didn’t know what had gotten into him. Why wouldn’t he stop walking. And the way he looked at her, very dangerous, deadly. God! had she said too much? Should she apologise? A million thoughts ran on her mind. She was alone with this man. Heather must have left. She had never been a alone with a man before, what was going to happen? Was he going to hurt her? Shouting for help was the last thing on her mind. She wasn’t going to appear so vulnerable to the people who worked under her. She’d deal with this devil on her own. But how?

In the twinkle of an eye, Purity moved back. She continued till she was trapped between her desk and Jeremy. She sniffed his cologne and was starting to feel dizzy. This man had lots of effects on her. Gazing at his lips, she wanted to taste them again. Purity!
“W-What is wrong with you?” she asked in a hoarse voice.

He smiled evily. The last thing on his mind was to battle words with this pretty witch. He had a more better way to deal with her. He drew his head towards hers. Their faces were inches apart. He could hear the thumping of her heart.
“What do you think?” he drawled.

Purity didn’t want to think. She had lots of things on her mind. She prayed she was wrong. She just had no strength to fight this man. He made her feel weak.
“You want to kiss me like you did last night? Please don’t.” She wasn’t sure if she just did that? Purity was pleading?

He grinned. “Like you didn’t enjoy it. Oh, my. Purity, please stop acting all innocent like you are pure- just as your name says, Purity. I know you are not.”

Of course, I’m pure! That’s why I was given that name. I am pure! She tried defending herself, he didn’t give her the chance.

“Uh-uh. Its my turn to speak. Please listen.” He drew closer to her.

Purity placed her hands on his chest and pushed him. “Go back. Give me a breathing space. You are too close.”

He obeyed. “You must listen to me.”

“I promise.”

The tension between them was reduced a bit. Jeremy also felt relieved. Being so close, he had withheld himself from tearing her clothes and taking her. She made him go crazy with desire. What other woman had gotten him this way? Her lethal mouth and eyes set him ablaze. He enjoyed watching her.
“Sit.”

“Nope. I’ll stand.”

“Let me get straight to the point. I really don’t want a wedding with you.”

That hurt. Why would that hurt her? She didn’t want to wed him either. But it hurt. The reason, she didn’t know.
She forced a smile. “That’s a relief. So, why are you here?” she sucked in a breath.

“My father reminded me of you. Two days ago, he brought up this idea that I marry you. I felt he was joking, but he meant it. You know I was late for our first date. It was because my father had a heart attack the very minute I was about to escape from the house. He pleaded with me to meet with you. I did so. Last night, after you left me, I went to the hospital to see my father, he wants the marriage. If it doesn’t happen, he’ll die. Please help me.”

She stood akimbo. “Wait. I don’t get it. Your father is sick? And his getting better depends on us getting married?”

Purity couldn’t believe what she heard. Mr. Broderick was sick. He wants her to marry his only son to get better. What connects them both? How is that even possible? Does he even know her? Seen her? Doesn’t he have a wife? Her papa. Now she knew why.
“He doesn’t know me? Or our fathers? They are close.”

“I guess so. I can’t lose him. Please.”

“Your mother. She should be the one to help him.”

He looked away. The pains, feelings of despair came back. How could she? Why did she bring up his mother into this? How could she not? His mother had to stand by his father but she was dead now.

“She’s dead. Four years ago. Cancer took her.” he painfully explained.

She gazed at him with shock. Oh, he must have felt really bad. It must have been very difficult for them to cope. She couldn’t imagine herself without her parents even if she acted as if she didn’t value them. She felt his pain and felt very sorry for him.
“I’m sorry. Very sorry. I never knew.” she trudged to meet him and embrace him, patting his back. Purity, when did you take consoling lessons? You never do this.

He was amazed on seeing her open her arms for him. He welcomed the hug and felt secure, felt at ease in her arms. She was good despite her tongue filled with curses. She had human feelings.
“Thanks.” he mumbled.

She broke free and looked into his eyes. “You say your father will get better if we marry?”

“Yeah. I know you hate me. I can’t force you against your will-”

“Its alright Jeremy. I agree to help him. Its not a real wedding, but helping your dad.”

He grinned. “Thanks. I appreciate.”

“Its gonna be hard.”

“It will. Lets start by being friends. Agreed?”

She smiled sheepishly. She held out her hand for a handshake.

He shook it firmly.

“Friends.”
*
*
*
“Papa. I need to talk to you. Mum, you too.” Purity solemnly requested.

Two heads went up simultaneously. Aaron and Prudence Theodore’s eyes peered at their daughter- Purity Theodore. They must be thinking the same thing. And had Purity spoken on a calm manner.

Prudence smiled.

Aaron beckoned to Purity. “Come. Come sit with us. We’ll listen.”

Purity consented.
Seconds later, she found herself seated in the middle of both her parents. This is what she hadn’t done in a very long time. She doesn’t even give them the chance to speak with her, feeling they’ll always control and manipulate her life. Hearing of Jeremy’s loss, she had to show her parents that she loved them. Tomorrow might be too late. Not that she hadn’t heard of someone losing a parent before, but she had not been really close to such people. So, their pains, she never really felt. No close friends. Just her. And Jeremy coming into the picture, seeing how hurt he was about his mother even if it had been four years, taught her something. A lot.
*
*
*
“My darling,” Prudence held Purity’s hand firmly. “What do you have for us?”

Purity was brought back to life by her mother’s question. She smiled weakly. “Papa,” she looked at her father. “Mama,” she turned to look at her mother. “I want to know why. Why you chose Jeremy Broderick to be my husband.”

Aaron frowned. “Are we back to this again?”

“Baby, its what’s best for you.” Prudence assured her.

“Its all I’ve been hearing. I’m sure there’s more to that.” Purity argued.

“About the company?” Aaron raised his brows.

She shook her head. “There’s more to that.”

Prudence sighed.

Aaron lifted his hands, a sign of surrender. “Fine. I’ll tell you. I’ve noticed you don’t have or rather you’ve never had a boyfriend. Am I right?”

Oh, yeah. He was right. Boys, men. She’d never had time for them. Always kept them at a distance. Scared of them. But there was a time she met one and…

“And you are twenty-five years old. I hate to live to see a time when you’d be going crazy, searching for a mate. And I would want to see my grand kids.”

“Then you’d have let me made my choice. We talked about this once and we decided I’ll choose my husband. Didn’t we, mum?”

“Yes, dear.” Prudence stroked Purity’s hair with her other hand. “But at that moment, your papa and I had already chosen Jeremy for you. We just told you to find yourself a mate to end that discussion. You were all mad and you know…” she trailed off.

“I know you too well. I knew you would not be able to provide a suitable marriage mate.”

What? Was she that careless? Not being able to find a marriage mate? And her parents had already picked Jeremy even before they had discussed marriage. She had thought they chose Jeremy because of her inability to bring one at the due date. Even if she had, her parents would reject him. Purity resisted the urge to get angry. Calm down, calm down girl.
“So Jeremy’s the right guy for me?”

>>

Hunger won kill me ooooooo!!! as garri Don
cost now I no sure maybe anybody can send
garri to me via messge to my inbox!!!!
try be your brothers helper
garri please!!!! #messageSentToMeByAnairajoker #HappySunday #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-05 12:29:09

256 Views




True freedom is impossible without a mind made free by discipline.Related

Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

The following conversation took place between Akpos and his mum on a Sunday afternoon:

MUM: Akpos what were you taught at Sunday school today?

AKPOS: How the Israelis crossed the red sea.

MUM: So how did they cross sea?

AKPOS: Moses called Julius Berger to construct a bridge and they crossed red sea.

MUM: AH!!! Akpos, is that what your Sunday school teacher told you?!

AKPOS: NO, if I tell you what he said you wouldn't belief it.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-03 07:11:01

104 Views



SUN Of My LIFE [Read it]


Akpos: Do You Want To Be The Shining Sun Of My Life. Ebube:[Excited] Awww,yesss. Akpos: Then Stay 9,995,887.6 Miles Away From Me


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-30 00:13:25

249 Views




An American tourist was in
Kenya on an expendition. He
entered a boat and midway
into the journey, he asked the
boat guy a question, "Do you
know Biology, Psychology, Geography, Geology, or
Criminology?" The boat guy
said, "No. I don't
know any of these." The tourist
then said, "What
the hell do you know on the face of this Earth? you will die
of illiteracy!" The boat guy said
nothing... After a while, the
boat
developed a fault and started
sinking. The boatman then asked the tourist, "Do you
know Swimology and
Escapology from
Crocodiology?" The frightened
tourist said,
"No!" The boat guy replied, "Well
today you will Drownology and
Crocodiology will eat your
Assology. I will not Helpology
and you will Dieology. Because
of your Badmouthology." #BOLLYSHOW™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-15 00:34:43

1019 Views




Did you ever notice:

Everything on a woman’s upper body starts with a `B` . Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & the lower body with a `P`. Petticoat, Pants, Panties, Pussy?


No wonder men suffer from high BP.Related

question [Read it]


There are 5 birds on a tree, 4 birds decided to fly, how many bird where on the tree..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 21:58:30

398 Views




When playing with female puppies, male puppies will often let them win, even if they have a physical advantage.Related

Akpos, who had been struggling to cope
financially,
found a bag of money on the ground, and
called into an FM radio station
Akpos : “Hello, I found a bag belonging to
one Mr.
Amankwa of Plot 4
Park View Estate. The bag contains
$100,000.00, an
I.D and a master card .
Radio Presenter: you are such an honest
man! Do
we still have honest people like you in this
country?
It is honest people like you who are the
future of
this country. So, I believe you want to return
the
bag?
Akpos: (Angrily) Whaaaaat? Am I mad? I just
want
to dedicate a song to him. Please play him,
“you
saved me” by
R-kelly…


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-04 08:21:07

338 Views




If Gurgaon becomes Gurugram then,

Kolkata: Kilogram

Mumbai: Milligram

Chennai: Centigram

Telangana: Telegram


And soon India will be Instagram!Related

SHOPPING FOR BRA 
A girl went to a shop to buy a bra.
GIRL: Show me a pair of Bra.

SHOPKEEPER: Here is size 36.
GIRL: Smaller please
SHOPKEEPER : Size 34
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: Size 32
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: Size 30
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: 26
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: Ok...size 24
GIRL: Smaller
SHOPKEEPER: Size 20
GIRL: Smaller Again
[Shopkeeper now Annoyed]
SHOPKEEPER: Madam please just go buy some cream may be they were just Pimples!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-28 08:18:04

1255 Views




ADVANTAGES OF FUEL SCARCITY IN NIGERIA

1) My compound is noiseless because `I pass my neighbour` generators are on sabbatical leave.
2) Wives are happy because husbands who like hanging out are now staying at home with the family because drinks outside are not cold and no fuel to drive out.
3) All the housewives are cooking good food because no more Telemundo/Zee world. Chai!
4) Kids are reading there books since watching TV needs fuel.
5) No more congection in network since many peoples phones are off.
6) Browsing & downloading is fast...no one wants browsing to kill his or her battery.
7) Everyone sleeps very early now.
9) There are MORE PRAYERS & less distractions lolzz.
10) U even know its true...that u wia reading dis so fast so u cud log out b4 ur battery goes off that u didnt notice that there is no number 8, now u just found out, U r laughing lolzz


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-07 00:25:52

681 Views




Aderonke is so hungry that she decided to go and chek farm, maybe she can find something like cocoyam or pawpaw to eat. The farm is two hours journey when of walking.But on her way to the farm ,the cloud suddenly become dark, there is a wind storm, there is clapping of thunder, Aderonke noticed she is the only one remaining on the road, she started noticing some droplets of water falling on her body, it is now sure that there is going to be heavy rain fall. Aderonke has almost spent hour of the journey, she don't know what to do again, there is no house, every where is bush, she still at a spot and her heart was troubled,she almost burst into tears, the heavy rain start suddenly, fifty seconds later a light appear on the road to farm, the light is aproaching , ho! it is a light of motor-bike she exclaimed. The young man on the bike quickly stop when he caght sight of her, he offer a ride which she quickly accepted. When they reach the man's house, they both enter the house.
WHAT HAPPEN INSIDE THE HOUSE?

>> Episode 3 -

An illiterate Father(akpos) with his Educated son went on a camping trip.
They set up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, Akpos wakes his Son up and asks ”Look up to the sky and tell me what you see?”
son: “I see millions of stars.”Akpos: “What does that tell you son?
Son: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of Galaxies & Planets.”
Akpos slaps Son hard and says, “You idiot! Pesin don thief our Tent (meaning,Someone has stolen our tent)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-31 11:58:08

725 Views




THE UNEXPECTED LOVE
(Tochi in school)
SEASON 1
episode 8
:
:
All the students within that vicinity, even Wisdom began to laugh at both the grammar and how Tochi reacted to it.
"Abeg, sir, just speak that grammar again" Tochi requested.
"No, do not agitate" Mr Anuma began. "I just complimented on your incomparable outfit" he added.
"Hey! Sir, you are making it worst oh"
Mr Anuma smiled and began to walk away but he suddenly turned to Tochi.
"What are you doing with a marchet?" he asked.
"Sir, they want to give me a nefarious punishment"
Mr Anuma smiled remembering that he was the one that taught her that particular word. He was actually loving being around her.
"And what punishment could be so nefarious?" he asked.
"They want to give me the whole field to cut"
"Oh Lala! That's actually a wicked punishment" "Wisdom!" he called.
"Yes, sir"
"Please, pardon her. You know she's still a green horn"
"Okay, sir"
"And you Desmond!" he turned to Tochi. "This school isn't for lazy people. You must come to school on time if you are serious to learn. Understood?!"
"Yes, sir!" Tochi exclaimed.
"You may go inside now"
Tochi gave a mockery smile to Wisdom and dropped the marchet. Then she followed Mr Anuma. Wisdom and other prefects watched her walked semutanuoisly with Mr Anuma. They also saw how attractive her buttocks looked, then Wisdom walked out angrily.
"Thank you once again, sir" Tochi began.
"You are welcome, Desmond" Mr Anuma replied without looking at her.
"Sir, what is... i have forgotten the word eh"
"Which of the grammar?"
"I don't think is a grammar. It is.. Eaheh!, i have remembered it. It is O Lala. What does it mean?"
"It is not actually an English language. It is a French way of saying Oh my God!"
"Oh Lala!" Tochi repeated and smiled out. Even Mr Anuma couldn't stop smiling.
"Thank you sir!" her voice echoed from a distance.
:
:
Everybody stared at Tochi as she walked into the assembly ground looking like every other beautiful students around. She quietly sat beside Linda and they smiled in a way of saying; Good morning. She looked at the girl leading the assembly-Esther. Their eyes caught together and they smiled too.
Jennifer wasn't looking happy at all!!
"Where is your hymn book?" Linda asked Tochi.
"I don't have oh"

A ring on a good woman’s finger is no good without a blouse on her back.

~ Irish ProverbRelated
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