Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Kenneth mom joins Kenneth in the sitting room
to watch vampire diaries

Mom:- Jesus that guy is drinking blood!!!!

Kenneth:- mom he does that to give him strength

Mom:- don't he know that HIV his real

Kenneth:- he his a vampire so he won't contact
HIV

mom:- do you know what the bible says about
vampire?

Kenneth- it's just a movie

Mom:- why is that guy kissing her
Kenneth:- they are in love

Mom:- which kind yeye love....are they married?
they are just prostitute s

Kenneth:-its a movie na

Mom:- before I close and open my eyes change
the station to Emmanuel Tv

For more funny jokes that will make you laugh like a mad man visit www.laughkillme.wapka.mobi

Please if you can't handle the laughter as a result of very funny jokes then don't visit www.laughkillme.wapka.mobi


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-27 19:39:50

395 Views




Akpors attended america with his friend as dey reach america his friend takes him out everywhere they take him to the zoo as they reach it he saw that his enter the lion cage as the lion come to him he say bone no flesh the lion go back as akpors see this he say he is going to test it in nigeria as akpors come back he go to the lion cage in nigeria as the lion is coming he say bone no flesh the lion say dont worry i go manage am.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-29 16:46:27

1539 Views




Kanjoos(Miser) lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .Dear Sunita Darling,I can’t send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company’s performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.Your loving husband,TunaHis wife replied..TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don’t worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses andI hope I can survive the month using this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next month?Your Sweet Heart,SunitaRelated

Ek bar rajnikant ne ek cooking

champion me hisa liya

.

Unhe to jitna hi tha

.

Sochie rajnikant ne finale me kon

si diss banai hogi :-

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Sochie

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Lal mirchi ki mithi khir . . . .! !Related

In an external examination, the invigilator saw that Akpos had
written some mathematical formula on his hands. The following
conversation ensued:
Invigilator: Why did you write the formulas on your hand?
AKPOS: My teacher told us that formulas must be at your finger tips


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-22 07:37:04

254 Views




Ladkiyaan bhi badi ajeeb hoti hain.

Jis dost ko 5 saal se jaanti hain unhe BF bana ke 500 waar karengi us pe, shartein rakhengi aur vo hi ladki do din pehle mile aadmi se shadi karke Facebook pe janam janam ke sathi hone ka bhashan dengi.Related

David:pls can i have some Privacy with ur boss?
Cilia:no
Me:Cilia excuse us
Cilia:no forget say u don marry oo
Me:sorry abt that
David:its ok
Mek..
David:i've been wondering wat a Goddess like u will be doing with a wheelchair
Me:thats life not everybody will be like u
David:forgive my manners
Me:its ok
David:so can i help?
Me:sure
David help with the shopping,all Cilia can do is talk.
Me:thanx alot u made my day
David:its a pleasure,can i have ur digit
Cilia:which one come be dingin
Me:i don't give strangers my contact
David:am i a sranger?
Cilia:yes
Davidk here is my business card u can call me wenever u want
Ciliacollecting the card)thanks u
Me:hmm madam who asked u to collect it
Cilia:ssh talk small small him go hear u
Me:ur just impossible
***
Never knew i have a big surprise awaiting me at home.
Cilia:who are u?
Girl:i should be asking u that
Cilia:u no go answer me
Girl:where is Elfie
Cilia:ah who be Elefe
Me:Geez wat are u doing here?
Girl:surprise to see me....
Guest who was that....
TBC

>>

Bank Robbery [Read it]


Akpos went to rob a city bank. “Everybody down!” Akpos shouted.


 


Everyone laid flat on the ground. “Where is the bank manager?”


 


He asked. A young, scared man stood up and said, “Here I am.”


 


Akpos: Open the safe and bring out all d money.


 


MANAGER: (stammering) No,I can’t sir. Akpos; What?! Are you crazy?! You are lucky I’m with a toy gun, I would have blown your brains off!…


 


Akpos is currently receiving treatment at the prison hospital.


 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 18:25:20

363 Views



Wise Akpos [Read it]


TEACHER: anything you cannot see,touch and feel does not exist. Example, can u see God?
MUDA: NO
TEACHER: Can you touch God?
MUDA: NO
TEACHER: Can you feel God?
MUUDA: NO
TEACHER: This means There is no God. Can anybody give me any other example?
AKPOS: Yes Ma,
TEACHER: Go ahead
AKPOS (AKPOS faces the teacher)
AKPOS: Can you see your brain?
TEACHER: NO,
AKPOS: Can you touch your brain?
TEACHER:NO,
AKPOS: Can you feel your brain?
TEACHER: NO,
AKPOS:Therefore , YOU HAVE NO BRAIN.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-25 20:28:32

1069 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Destiny is simply the strength of your desires.

If you cry at your troubles, they grow double;

If you laugh at them, they disappear like a bubble!

Good Night!Related

Once there was a little boy in church.
He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, "Mommy, I have to piss."
The mother said, "Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite."
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, "Daddy I have to whisper."
The father said, "OK. Here, whisper in my ear."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-08 09:47:18

661 Views




Akpos was abducted by kidnappers and taken to
an unknown location.
The kidnappers beat him for a while and asked
him, “Which of your family members should we
call to pay the ransom.”
A surprised Akpos replied: “I don’t have a family
now. All my family members ran away after I was
suddenly bugged down with fever, intense
weakness, muscle pain, headache and sore
throat. This was followed by vomiting, diarrhoea,
rash…
Akpos did not even finish speaking before all the
kidnappers jumped out of windows and fled


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-26 12:17:34

222 Views




Earlier yesterday, an anonymous lady reportedly sent a letter to BellaNaija claiming a long term sexual relationship with Starboy, Wizkid.

According to her: “I’ve been seeing wizkid for a long time. He always invites me to Lagos. We had an adventurous night at eko hotel. Very intimate, we had drinks, cuddled, got down and dirty, and he spoiled me with holiday treats and gifts.  I choose to stay anonymous so I am using a friends email addy to send dis in. You can see his starboy tattoo, his Rolex, his Porsche, and laptop. Please write dis on d post. ‘In my bed’ my baby Ayodeji. Me and Wizkid have been together for many months. I always have a lovely time wiv him in Lagos. @TaniaOmotayo, if he does this while u are in Lagos, imagine what we do when he comes to my city. He will nvr stop wanting my body in his bed. Lol. She should not disturb my life when I’m wiv my boo. Proof so she will not continue to deceive herself. We love ourselves. He picked me up in his Porsche, we stayed at eko, watched movies on his laptop. He loves to taste me so Tania, how do I taste on his lips?”

While responding to the report, Wizkid via his manager told YNaija that he’s got nothing to say about the allegation.

“No comment, I have nothing to say about it… I’m letting this slide,” he said.

So mum’s the word from Wizkid’s camp – for now.


Akpos found a bottle on
the beach. He rubbed it
and, sure enough, out
popped a genie.
"I will grant you three
wishes," said the Genie.
"But there's a catch."
"What catch?" he asked.
The genie replied, "Every
time you make a wish,
every politician in the
world will receive double
what you asked for."
"Well, I can live with that!
No problem!" replied
Akpors.
"What is your first wish?"
asked the Genie.
"Well, I've always wanted
a Ferrari," he said.
POOF! A Ferrari appeared
in front of the man. "Now,
every politician in the
world has two Ferraris,"
said the genie.
"Next wish?" "I'd love a
billion dollars," replied
Akpors.
POOF! One billion dollars
appeared at his feet.
"Now, every politician in
the world has two billion
dollars," said the genie.
"Well, that's okay, as long
as I've got my billion,"
replied Akpors.
"What is your final wish?"
asked the genie.
Akpos thought long and
hard, and finally said,
"Well, you know, I've
always wanted to donate a
kidney....

#B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-05 19:57:49

3186 Views




episode4

I stood at the gate early morning, waiting for him to come and repair my electrical problem. The switches were not working either. ” are you waiting for someone miss?” he asked. I stood there quietly watching, he was taller than me though, i look like a baby before him, not that much. I was looking at him asif something was wrong with him. ” did i say something wrong?” he asked while holding on to his bag, which ofcourse contained nothing but tools. ” goodmorning” i greeted him. ” i am so sorry miss Hagan, ” he apologised whiles following me. I never told him my name in full so how come? I stood still to think about it. “ofcourse he will surely know my name in full” i concluded. “no doubt i am your girlfriend,” i teased. I realised he was abit tensed but i didn’t pay any attention to that. He followed me to my room and i told him what to do. I mean where to work on. Ihe started working till it got to 1pm when i realised he was getting weak. I need to to ask why, he was definitely hungry and it sounded funny to me.
Why was it funny? Because he couldn’t ask me to give him a break or better still, get him something to eat. After his compliment, that i had a nice room, which i didn’t comment on, we didn’t say anything to each other and you could imagine how boring he would be. I decided to have fun with the situation, so i went to the kitchen and brought in some food and drinks for myself. Yeah i was going to eat it by myself, that is the fun. Some one else is hungry whiles another does the eating. Isnt it fascinating? He tried his best not to stare but he couldn’t help it. After id swallow one spoon, i invited him over. And guess what? I though this dump guy will be like, “thank you”, he jumped from the table and landed on the floor like super man. Before i could blink, this guy was already enjoying my meal with me. What the herk! There was no doubt i guessed right.
He was really hungry. I brought in some more after realising he wasn’t full. He thanked me later on when he was sipping his drink. “you are welcome” i replied with a smile. “you are smiling at me” he glowed his eyes. I felt shy, so i took the plate and walked out. What was i thinking? That he is handsome or what? Tat has never crossed my mind so why now? I delayed in the kitchen with thoughts running through my mind. “huh? Oh my GOD!” he was lying on the fluffy carpet asleep. This guy must be tired, i think so. I took one of my blanket and laid it on him and then i went back to study. Was i really studying? I couldn’t stop staring at him. With his curly hair, pointed nose, fair in complexion, oh GOD! What is wrong with me?
Story continues


>>

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.Related


One day death came to a Akpos and said. Akpos today is your day..!!!

“Akpos replied : “But I’m not ready to die….

“Then death said…. “Well there’s nothing I can do because your name is the next one on the list..

“Akpos said : “Okay why don’t you take a seat and I’ll get you something to eat before we go ?

Then death said : “All right” The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it. Death finished eating

and fell into deep sleep.

Akpos took the list and removed his name from the top of the list and put into the bottom of the list.

When death woke up, he said to the guy”mmmm well because you have been so very good to me, I will

start at the bottom of the list..




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-28 08:14:09

272 Views




Sumbody please help me pray 4 my neiqbours dauqter cuz she has jux swallowed 4GB memory card n she is sinqinq all de sonqs on d memory card, i dnt knw wat is qoin to happen wen she qets to the vedios..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 15:33:55

136 Views




An elderly couple are in church.
The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart."
The husband replies, "Wha! you forgot your hearing aid"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-11 16:35:07

522 Views




Continues..
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months which gave us holiday but we didn’t go home. A lot of things happened during those space of time.
We trained with the spare times we got. Melissa trained us. We were getting prepared because since the last encounter with brenden he hasnt showed up anywhere. So we used it to get prepared.
Miranda refused to join the trainibg she only learnt how to handle a gun and shoot from annabella. She threw up always when we first started training but its been two months now she is getting lean and no longer throw up getting me confused.
I trained hard and overcame the fear in me. I learnt how to do everything. Preston and presley were not left out. Both of them trained more.
Melissa and presley became very close during those times..
We were through with the final exams they do at 500level. Even preston had proved himself worthy of been marine engineer..still brenden was still no where to be found and neither has his gangs been seen around..
Everybody were getting ready for graduation..
Miranda’s case worsened. She cried more and was also more distant from us. She moved out of their room and went to her own separate room. She was different,rude and arrogant. She insulted people both in the campus and in the house. She downgraded anybody who unintentionally hurts her. Nobody understands her now. She hopes out of the house every morning and come home late at night..presley’s attempt to persuade her to stop her doings fell on deaf ears..instead she insults him and call him names.. the worst nobody expected she breaking up with presley.. it made him so angry that he sneaked into Melissa’s room and did the undoable.
Melissashouting)milllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy
I heard someone shouting my name so did Preston so both of us ran to check. We found presley on Melissa’s bed sleeping soundly…
Melissa: what the heck is he doing here?
Me: calm down Melissa look at him.. its obvious he meant no harm.. we all knkw what he has been through earlier..
Melissa: I see. You now act like Nigerians. The fact that you have stayed here for a long time doesnt mean you should act like one okay??
Melaughing) yes I know..
Melissa:whats funny?? Why are yoz laughing??
Me;nothing..
Melissa: continue laughing..if not that he is a friend, I would’ve have taught him a lesson.m he wouldnt forget in his life time.
Me: dont forget he defeated you severally dont you think he can still do that outside training??
Melissa:aaaaarrrrrrrrrgggghhhhh(she left the room)
I and preston went back and continued sleeping till day break.
We woke up in the morning and went to the sitting room to find presley sitting opposite miranda while melissa sat on the chair at preston’s right hand side sharpening he two knives she held with eachother…..as soon as Miranda saw me she was attempting to go to her room but I blocked her..
Miranda: milly please move aside
Me:no you go back to where your coming from whats your problem lately?
Miranda:i have no problems instead you shouls be the one having problems right now..
Me: what do you mean?
Miranda:well you should think about that yourself because I am not the one who got abandoned by her father..
Memy legs were weakened) what! I cant believe you just said that to my face…
Miranda: whatever! She hissed and walked away…
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I love you not because you are perfect;

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Prayer is as natural an expression of faith as breathing is of life.Related

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Hug them because life can be very difficult for the blind.

Have a great day!Related

Akpos d driver [Read it]


Akpos had an accident.and after some days d police decided 2 discharge him,this is the conversation b/w d police and Akpos. Police:what makes u 2 kil as many as fifty people in d accident. Akpos:i was driving 180 km/h in d road unfortunately i say 2 men crossing on d road at my right hand.on my left were people dat are wedding celebration what shall i d in d case. Police:u kil d 2 to reduce casualties. Akpos;exactly i wantd 2 kio d 2 bt 1 escape and ran 2 d weding venue so i went after him so i wil balance d equation.on d process many ppl lost dr lives. Wot d u thnk d police wil do


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2015-06-12 23:46:30

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By 8am the next day, my brother showed up with my old father and detective Jeremiah. They all look very serious and tired. My heart bled as i saw tears form in my old man’s eyes.

“my darling you shouldn’t be here” he breathed painfully. I forced out a smile to assure him that i was alright.

“don’t worry sir, we are coming close to solving this case. I’m working round the clock to make sure i solve the puzzles in the case. In no time your daughter will be out of here” the detective said to him.

“Officer please tell us what you have gotten so far. Tell us how far you have gotten” my brother asked anxiously.

“you know it isn’t in our conduct to be revealing our investigations to people but nevertheless i will tell you guys how far i have gotten” he answered, while my brother nodded desperately.

“i worked on this case all through the night and i came to a conclusion that two people were involved in the murder. Moreover one of the security men in the house admitted seeing a white lady head to the garden at the exact time the crime might have been committed” he revealed while i jumped up hopefully.

“you should arrest the lady right away, isn’t the testimony enough to vindicate me?” i asked breathlessly. The detective shook his head and looked down.

“i’m sorry but it isn’t enough. The security man admitted seeing a woman head to the garden. He never said he saw her kill your husband, moreover the knife cut in your husband’s chest was strong and deep. I doubt if any lady can strike so hard. A lady equally can’t be able to drag your husband’s body from the garden to his bedroom unless of course she was assisted. The fracture on his noise equally brought up another fact that the murderer might have sneaked from behind, strongly cut off his breathe by covering his nose and mouth with one hand while burying the knife in his chest. Something a woman will find very hard to do. Anyway we are still running DNA tests which will help us put more things together” he concluded, while i sighed with desperation.

“c’mon can’t you just drill the woman that was spotted at the scene instead of wasting the time we don’t have. Who is the woman, who is she?” i asked curiously. The officer shrugged.

“the security man unfortunately couldn’t identify her. According to him all the white women in the house that night looked the same to him” he answered, shook hands with my brother and left.

My father came forward and stared at me for some seconds, tears blinding his vision.
“i’m going to the village today. I’m going to visit the only living soothsayer in our clan. He can reveal the murderer for us” he informed me slowly. I couldn’t believe my ears.

“dad noooo, you can’t do that. You can’t abandon your Christian believe for my sake. You are a strong catholic dad. It hasn’t gotten to that” i pleaded.

“i can’t sit, watch and do nothing. Your mother barely managed to survive the night. I must do something, i’m still the head and protector of my family” he said strongly. I bit my lips and looked at my brother for support, but all he did was just shrug.
It was obvious they had all agreed on it before visiting me
...........


To Be Continued

My question is, How possible is it for the murderer to drop the dead body on the same bed she was lying without waking her up?


I need like 20 comments.
This 2000 views with 8 comments is not encouraging at all.

>> Part 8 -

School seemed like an alien planet to me as i entered with a moronic frame of mind that was only fixed on Amanda.

The rabbles and dabbles and market like environment and behaviours students exhibited;
some could be seen gisting and laughing shouting with reckless abandon.

Many were busy ingesting reddish brown buns washed down with bottles of pepsi or other mineral drinks.
I just wonder if those guys dont eat breakfast at home or they just like eating buns and mineral drink.

Girls clad in different exotic dresses with over exaggerated make-ups that helps some become even more uglier still leaving them with the impression that they look beautiful…

“Sky! Sky!!” heared my name being yelled obviously not too close from me, it was a silky voice exhibiting sleek feminism.

I turned round and saw Enem walking briskly towards me almost running, she was on a black jean tight leggings tucked into a rose like flowery top, her hips would make Nicky Minaj jealous

Enem and i have been in one or two this and that, she was like a best friend to me in school but we have engaged in some sexual escapades which was where i learnt never to mess with a calabar chick.

She was dark complexioned with a face that would be awarded a C6 in beauty rating, but the things she lacked in facial beauty she made up in body beauty. those round boobs that never dropped even when freed from a bra, her hips that can be mistaken for fake resting on a leg we term as K-leg.

“Sky this quiz might start anytime from now, come lets go in” she announced without even greeting me, giving me a slight wink as she pulled me by the hand and headed toward class.

The quiz got little or none of my attention, i continued mopping blankly at my paper without seeing anything.
Amanda sat at the center of my thought like a queen on her throne making me see her kiss me, the feel of her boobs on my chest tormented me.

I managed to scale through the quiz, God knows what i will score in this d--n quiz.

Had lunch with Enem at MAMA ONYI restaurant in school, i knew thats what she wanted from me all the while she clasped her hands around mine and followed me about school like a police proudly taking a criminal to cell.

I rushed home after discharging Enem at last cus she actually seemed she was never gonna let me go… **That girl shaa**

Through out the bus ride back home i could see myself meeting Amanda in the guest bathroom again but this time the things that would follow were very clear in my mind.

“Oga Sky i am back? Ahmed asked with a smile obviously happy to see me.
“No Ahmed i am not” i replied sarcastically making him let out a laugh that still sounded hausa-ish to me, exposing those yellow teeth evidence of consuming plenty white kola (goro).

Hitting the compound with high speed of my legs, a strange white lexus jeep packed before Papa’s car pack, it certainly wasn’t papa’s.

I pushed the door open as i was greeted with resounding laughter of two women in our sitting room.
A lady seemingly in her early 30’s sat with Amanda, she was beautiful but her body structure was in current mercy johnson’s category when it comes to size.

Both women fixed their eyes on me as my facial expression was drifted from that of anxiousness and horniness to disappointment.. **Who dah f--k brought this woman here**

“Good afternoon” i threw a cold greeting at both the women, eyeing Amanda who smiled at me.
“Nancy baby.. thats Johnysky my husbands son” Amanda announced.

“Hey Johny how are you?” Nancy asked running her eyes all over me with slow interval blinks.
“Am fine ma” i muttered almost to myself taking my leave of both as i walked to my room “which kind winch be this one na, just spoil all my plans” i hissed..

“Hmmm this your step son is handsome” i could hear Nancy tell Amanda who just laughed.

Annoyingly Nancy stayed till almost 4 in the evening which left me no choice but to pick up my ball and kit and head out for my basketball practise, leaving them at home still gisting like it is not two of them gisting for more than 2hours now,** nonsense.

I knew Papa would be home by the time i get back.
“Mtcheeeeew stupid day”……

…To be Continued…

If you are happy to see this story again, pls drop your comments



>>

Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!
Six! Five! Four! Three!
Two! One!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Loud cheers splashed in the air as everyone raised their bottle of champagne with fire crackers in the
air to welcome a dawn of a New Year. We were all
celebrating the birth of a New Year. Bottles were
popped and we all drank to stupor.
Earlier in the day at Trasacco Valley, my Mom and
Dad were out so I was all alone at home. I was transfixed with the news on CNN and to the
current happenings in the other continents. I got
a call on my phone and the number was private
wondering who might be calling with the strange
number so I picked as it could be some friends of
mine across the globe. “Hello Girlfriend!” The voice from the other end
enthused in her voice
I shook my head. “You are not serious Shantel.
Just because of modeling jobs; you have left
school for months, you have missed taking your
quiz and test” “What about the Exam? I hope they haven’t done
that” She asked
“Due to the two weeks strike we had, we shall be
having our Exam next week immediately we step
into the brand New Year”
“Girlfriend, The reason why I called you is I am coming today. It’s the 31st and I will love to
celebrate this day with my friends”
“Really! You will come today?” I exclaimed raising
my eyebrows.
“Yes Girlfriend, I am at the Airport this minute
doing my check-in” “Okay, then it will take less than an hour to see
your damsel face”
“Sure, so kindly pick me up at the Airport”
“I will Shantel, in the next 15 minutes, I will go to
the Airport and wait for you; will go early so I can
skirt around the traffic on the road” “Okay, see you soon. Bye”
Then she hung up. I have not really made plans
for this New Year eve but since Shantel would be
around; we definitely need to rock a party. By this
time; Askaline had tried several times to reach her
precious father to even explain or to hear him out but the man was unreachable.
I quickly called Askaline to ask of her
whereabouts. “Hello Askaline, Where are you?”
“I am at Tema” she replied
“What are you doing at Tema?” quizzically asked
“I am looking for Sarpong” “Dear, you shouldn't have, that man doesn’t want
to be found. Why are you stressing yourself?” I
cooed. “You know what? Why don't you come
straight to my house and we figure out a plan to
track your father. I promise to help you look for
him” “Are you sure?” Askaline questioned
“Yes, I am very sure. What are friends for?”
I actually thought she getting to know that her
father did those ungodly things to my body will
make her see the true monster her father is but
instead it had worsen the matter and all she could think about is to see the man. I guess blood is
thicker than water inversely in all situations.
I clutched my purse and hopped in my Infiniti and
drove straight to the Airport. I got there and head
straight for the International Arrival department
and waited patiently. After about thirty minutes, Shantel heads out from the departure inspection
point and after she was through we hugged each
other for minutes. "Why? Don’t you want to come back to Ghana
anymore? It seems Lagos have had an indelible
spot in your heart" I razzed
“MM, It not what you think my Dear”
“It's a long story which I can't tell at the moment
until we get home” “Take me to your home”
“Why? Don’t you want to go to your home?”
“No, I have lied to my parent that I have been
busy with school work and school trips.
“Hmm Shantel, this your ways won't lurk you into
somewhere you will hate for the rest of your life” “Amen!” She concluded
We hopped into the car and drove home. "Where
is Askaline?"
"She will be coming any moment from now" I
replied
“Okay, is there any fruit juice in this house?” Shantel asked teasingly
“Oh sure, what is your favorite; Apple, Pineapple
or Orange fruit juice”
“Do you have the Multi-Fruit?”
“Sure, I will get that for you immediately.”
I head to the kitchen to get the fruit juice for her while she took her bags to my room
I was kinda surprise “Are you going to be my
roommate here” Shouting from the kitchen. I got
back to the room with her drink.
“Here is your drink”
“Thanks girlfriend” We chat and rambled about everything she had
missed “Oh my god! Brian Williams did that to you and
what! Brian is also Askaline’s father”
Shantel jaws went wide open swimming in the
awe of surprisal.
“Yes Girlfriend, I for one never believed my eyes
and I even passed out through the process” At this time, Askaline came in. “Hello Girlfriend” Shantel making noise in the
house and running to catch a hug with Askaline.
“How are you doing?” Askaline asked
“I am good and I am back. I don’t think I will ever
travel for any job in Africa again”
“Why?” We all asked “The ordeal I went through with the Agency in
Lagos was very bad. The Agency was a sham. The
Agency only set up to transport young girls to
Uzbekistan for prostitution"
"Were you part of the young girls?" We chorused
"Never and God forbid, my head shines like a star and it follows me wherever I go.
You know I told you that my friend who was also
into modeling called me from Lagos that I should
come to Lagos immediately that there was a hot
job for models and they won't even mind having
a mixture of races in the girls to spice up the billboard ad they were about to promote and the
income was very fat. So girlfriends, I packed my
bags and headed to Lagos and my friend waited
for me at the Airport and she took me to the
Agency and had me properly introduced. That
night, Police raided the Agency and it wasn't an easy thing. We were all packed like sardines in the
police van and transported to the police station
for series of questioning. I explained severally to
them that I am not from there, only came into the
country for a contract which I thought might get if
I make myself available to them for a billboard advert. They laughed at my ignorance and they
explained everything to me what the Agency had
been dealing all this while and how they have
been having reports internationally about a ghost
agency engaged in human trafficking." "So what made you stayed there for long?"
Askaline asked
"The Police men didn't release me"
"What?" I exclaimed. "Yes, my passport was seized and I was held
against my will. Apparently, since I didn't had
anyone to bail me out from the Station, I was
eventually pardoned and released after all this
days" "Wow that was something. I have heard Nigeria
Police to be the most corrupted people before
their leader themselves" I said.
"It’s good you are home now" Askaline said.
“Guess who I saw on my way here”
“Who?” “It was Kofi”
“Which Kofi” Shantel asked
“That guy that wanted to take us out to the
Samini concert” I said
“So what does he want” I added
“He was begging and crying that I should have a word in your heart for him”
“What did he do?” Shantel asked
“Well, we dated for a while and in the end
Shantel, you won't believe it. That guy Kofi slept
with my mother”
“Oh my god! What sort of drama did I really miss? What? What kind of insult and insanity is that?”
“Shantel thank you. We all thought of that”
Askaline said.
“Gosh! Enough of all this drama, we need to rock
tonight New Year eve girlfriend”
“Yes you are right but where do you think will be the best. At Askaline home or we should hit a
club”
“A club will be fun” Shantel suggested. “It’s a
beautiful feeling approaching a bright New Year
and I am never this happy to be with my friends”
So we hit the Club at exactly 10:45 pm and we all danced sipping baileys shots. After a while, we
were all alerted that it barely ten seconds to a
bright New Year then the
countdown begun.So I finally helped my friend in searching for the
monster but this wasn’t a family reunion. I had an
ulterior motive other than that of Askalines’ which
was to have a closure or perhaps continue the
relationship with her father. I just wanted to tell
him I had forgiven him and it’s all over and gone. We had planned that we shall go to Tema on a
Monday morning and seek for information at his
company or chain of other business in that area if
anyone could share any grapevine information
about his whereabouts. I drove to Askaline’s house to pick her up and
daring and risky escapade began. On the way,
“Can I ask you a question?” Askaline asked.
“OK, shoot”
“Can you find it in your heart to forgive my father
for the things he had done” I was shocked. I had to stop the car and process
what she just said.
“I know at the very moment, I am being the less
of a best friend to you. In times like these, you
need me to be on your side solely” Askaline
continued. “Askaline, if my father raped you, how will you
feel? If it were just two people, there would
definitely be a consensual agreement but my case
was a gang rape. He brought all his friends to
rape you at the same time as if you were born
mistakenly and a thrash. How would you feel?” My emotions took over my words. Tears find their
way to stream down my cheeks. “I know blood is
thicker than water and for the sake of our
friendship we share and our parents bond which
will be tampered with, let sleeping dogs lie.” I
said while wiping the tears with a pinch of my handkerchief.
“I know there will be a stigma that can’t be
washed off easily” Askaline cooed. “I haven’t had
the affection of a true father all my life and if you
can forgive my father, I will be very much
delighted. I stared into her eyes; so pure and impeccable. “I
have forgiven your father” I replied
without even realizing.
******************** The traffic was light probably because workers
were already at their offices. It barely took us
some few minutes and we saw the Green Holding
Logistics. I told Askaline to wait for me in the car
because she had frequent the office and I don’t
want someone to recognize her. I walked straight to the reception then sighted a beautiful lady; she
looked so beautiful, I had never thought I could
even compliment on a lady like that, her buttoned
shirt was tight as she unveiled her cleavage with
her brassiere pushing her bust to the top. Her hair
was dangling around her shoulders. She had a crest which had her name embossed. “Good morning Ma” Kafui greeted.
“Hello Kafui, Good morning” using my British
accent.
“Welcome to Green Holding Logistics and how
may we help you”
“Yes, I have a 20ft container which I think should have arrived from Panama by the look of things
and I will like Green Holding logistics to handle
the clearing for me”
“Please do have a seat” She replied I took a seat while she did her thing on her PC
which was facing her and printed out a form and
stood up and helped me filled the form. I chipped in asking "Is your boss around? I will
like to have a word with him so we could discuss
formalities.” I had disguised my name to be
Cynthia Laryea on the form.
“Yes he is around. I will call him on the intercom”
She replied Bingo! She walked to her desk and dialed a
number and she began speaking to the person on
the other end of the call. Then she hung up.
“My Boss will be with you shortly. Kindly be
patient”
I waited for about fifteen minutes. My patience was running thin then a call came in on the
receptionist desk; after a few chat, she hung up
again.
She stood up and walked me to the office. I had
deduced from watching every corner of the office
if there was any camera but there wasn’t. He will definitely have no clue who was coming to his
office. She showed me his office and left me to myself.
After knocking slightly, I was told to come in from
inside. Then, I walked straight in opening the
doors with a screechy sound.
My eyes and Sarpong eyes met at a tangent and
he was confused as to what to do next. I had no super-powers but I could tell he was sweating. He
gazed as if I was a ghost that had come to haunt
him. He began pleading and all. All I did was to
watch him giving him a deadly smile like that of
the Monalisa’s. I reclined on his chair languidly. "Merissa, I am very sorry for what I did, please find
it in your heart to forgive me, and please forgive
me. I have repented and change from my old
ways. I am no more that
horrible person I was when I first met you. I have
change Merissa. Please forgive me" He continued begging as I just watched him. Then I said to him "I have forgiven you Sarpong
or what is your name anyways?"
He quivered "Sarpong"
I stood up and left his office. He cuts me on my
way out and said “Thank you”
At the reception, I took Sarpong’s complimentary card from Kafui and thanked her for her service.
Having the complimentary card that had all his
contacts on it just really made my day and I was
teasing in my mind "Where can you run to?"
I told Askaline that her father will always be
available henceforth to receive her calls. We left there and drove straight to Shantel’s
apartment. We had called her earlier on that we
on her way so she should prepare us a meal for
two or three if she wants to join. While at her
place, we all finished eating and Askaline took her
leave and we teased her for leaving so early but she said she had some stuffs to do.
The room was left with me and Shantel. “Shantel,
you are truly a hustler! Look at your room,
exquisite of its finest nature. This modeling job of
yours is really paying. I am beginning to get lured
to join your career or what do you think?” “You look beautiful and any agency will need you
for their services but please don’t come and spoil
my business” We both laughed gaily.
“I have a deal for you dear. I don’t want Askaline
to know anything about it” Shantel gave a serious
look and nodded in affirmation.


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A man was in his jeep stuck in a traffic, he saw a man flying over him in a plane. He started praying to God that God should make him fly like this to avoid all the traffic jam and when he turned back, he saw a man in his small car praying to God to give him a jeep like that of the man to avoid all de heat he was experiencing. This man also turned back and saw another man on motorbike praying to God to give him a small car to avoid the direct sunlight over his head. This man also turned back and saw another man walking across a bridge praying to God to give him a motorbike to avoid the long distance of crossing the bridge. This man turned back and saw a handicapped praying to God to have given him legs to cross the bridge without a wheelchair. The handicapped turned and saw an ambulance with a sick person praying God to give him life even if he has no legs. Moral lesson. No matter what your condition maybe, always remember to be grateful to God at all times, because what others go through is worst than yours #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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FEAR OF THE MIRROR=>{WRITE UP BY DINDY)
do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this write up...



The mirror has never been my friend, it has always tormented me. Any time I look into the mirror, I see a reflection,I see someone who is not where he is ought to be,I see a glory not yet finalised, I was not sure if the reflection I saw was mine, I was ashamed of my reflection,I saw marks of the darkness within me, I saw a reflection of my old age,I saw a reflection of my low self esteem ,I saw a person who couldn't be loved by anyone,I saw a downing life,I hate the reflection I saw.
When I looked into my eyes,there was no fire,no light, what I saw was only darkness. I was crying in pain but there was no tears not even a droplet of tear came out,seeing my reflection was like looking at a person who killed the one i loved the most. The pain within me was; like a kid that lost his mother in a war front, and seeing how other people and kids where murdered caused the kid (me) more pain. That was the type of pain I felt.
The more I looked into my reflection the more ashamed I feel,I wish shame was death (the thoughts of a frustrated person because they don't fully know what death gives).
But a voice came to me right from my heart, telling me things like 'look at you,you look so useless,see what you look like,see how stupid you look'.The voice hammered me so badly, causing a bridge of angry,pain and emotional swings.
With anger I broke the mirror and it shattered into pieces. Right there I stood, and looked at the broken mirror on the floor.
Still looking at my shattered reflection,what I saw was a monster, which made me to wonder how I became a monster of hate and anger.
Another voice came to my hearing saying, 'A SHATTERED MIRROR, IS A MIRROR OF OPPORTUNITY TO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN DIFFERENT WAYS AND SIZES'.
Then I looked at myself on the shattered mirror and said, 'NO MATTER HOW I JUDGE MYSELF, IT WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING IT WILL ONLY MAKE ME A MONSTER OF MY OWN LIFE'.
After saying that,I became happy looking at my reflection..(well I guess the voice was right, I look more good looking on a shattered mirror)... Then I pick up the pieces, and tried to put it back together, I know the mirror can never be the same again, but It made me realise, that no one can come between you and your life except you.
Now I wake up every morning looking at the mirror.. (the shattered mirror I tried to fix)...which gives me hope, and makes me smile everyday.
The once known mirror of pain and anger is now my best friend of immeasurable happiness,life is sweet and fun with a best friend like mine.
MY NAME IS NNAMDI AKA DINDY AND I WROTE THIS WRITE UP.LEARN FROM WHAT YOU READ NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.THANKS FOR READING........WRITE UP BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI.........whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected] facebook namessy nnamdi.......Skype: 07087750433 or [email protected]







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

MY DARK PAST(CHAP.=>STORY BY NELLY
Please do not share without talking to me or her personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story brought to you by Nelly aka Nnenna.
:
:
School holiday came again after months of waiting patiently (for others not for me, I prefer school to home), that very day was not easy for me (It felt like my life was going to be lost again and the worst part was that there was something and someone awaiting me in the holiday).
My dad came that day with Gad (my little bro) to pick me up (my school was a boarding school), I left my friends literally crying that day.
As we approached the front gate of my house my dad said something that made me happy and sad at the same time, he said,
"Nne your cousins are coming over for holiday".
Those words which walked-out his mouth cause an anxiety-combustion to take over me swinging my mood from fine to down-sad-bad. When we got inside the house I went straight to my room with my luggage (my little bro Gad did not assist me to carry my load which was a normal thing for me).
When I entered my room I left the old feeling once more (as if I was going to be raped again), I felt clutched in pain, my mind started playing different types of tricks on me causing me to fold; like a squeezed piece of paper.
Then suddenly a knock came to my room door causing me to come back to real life, I quickly stood up and went to check who was knocking.
It was my senior bro; he smiled when he saw my face so did I when I saw his face, we hugged each other then we spoke for minutes before he left my room and went to his friend's house (he hardly stays at home).
Two days later my cousins came for holiday, I wasn't happy because i saw Jacob again (i just hate that guy like seriously). Glory was so happy to see me again after a long period of months, we hugged each other and did our slang-dancing-step with both our hands and legs.
Three days into the holiday with my cousins something happened;
Glory was sleeping in my room while I went to the bathroom to take my bath, after some minutes (with soup in my eyes and allover my body) I heard the handle turn and the door of the bathroom open, I thought it was Glory so I said,
"Glory naughty girl you can't even knock".
(between me and Glory we usually enter the bathroom freely once we know it's us.)
The person said nothing and I also said nothing, i continued bathing because I thought it was glory (I thought maybe she didn't reply me because she just wakeup from sleep and she still had her sleepy eyes), the next thing I felt was manly hands around my naked body.
That was when I knew it was not glory but Jacob, I was about to scream when he held my mouth and push my back against the walls of the bathroom.
I was trapped again with no where to go and I couldn't fight back because of the soap I still had in my eyes (he was now more stronger than I).
I was surly going to be raped again for the third time and this time I was naked, and he could do whatsoever he wanted to do with my naked body..........to be continue....chap.9 coming up soon so watch out.
THIS IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI JUST CALL ME NELLY
FACEBOOK USERNAME:NELLY NALLY
WHATSAPP NO;+22961804913


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Painful thought

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Somewhere someone is flirting with my future wife ????Related

JOKE PART 65 BY DINDY

Injustice is not when you take her out then buy her gold and diamond and yet she refuses to sleep with you.
.
.
.
Injustice is when she introduce you to her family as "just a friend".
My brother that is pure wickedness....... In fact your case dey beer parlour........
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 66.









NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-11 22:33:15

99 Views




A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.

~ Henry Ward BeecherRelated

Igbo Man [Read it]


Three business
associates, an
Igbo man,
a Yoruba man
and a Chinese
man, went to
eat lunch
together at a
restaurant in
Surulere.
While in the
middle of their
meal, a fly came
in through the
window. It flew
across the
table to where
the Igbo man
was but he
just waved his
hands to chase
it away. The fly
then went to
where the
Yoruba
man was, he
also chased it
away.
Finally, the fly
then went to
where the
Chinese man
was and was
flying close to
his ears.
The Chinese
man looked at
the fly for
sometime and
then grabbed it,
put it in his
mouth
and swallowed
it.
The other men
saw this but
just kept
on eating. About
Five minutes
later, another fly
came in and
flew to the
Yoruba man who
simply chased it
away again.
It then flew on
to the Igbo man
but this time he
did not chase
the fly, he
looked at it
for sometime
and then
grabbed it. He
then turned to
the Chinese man
and asked
“how much you
go buy am?”
Hahaha…Igbo
man just like
him money sha


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-05 21:12:42

686 Views



The cannibals [Read it]


An hausa man,an igbo man nd a yoruba man went deeeeeeeep in2 d forest nd missed their way so they were captured by cannibals. The king of the cannibals said they would live if only they would do wot he wuld tell them to do. He asked each of them to go in2 the forest nd bring ten fruits of the same kind nd all of them dispatched and went in2 the forest to look 4 fruits........the yoruba man came with ten apples nd the king asked him to swallow them without any expression on his face..the first one went in but on the 2nd on, he exclaimed;"hmmmmmmm"nd he was killed......the igbo man came bck with ten berries nd he was asked to swallow them without any impression on his face,12345678 went in then on d 9th he burst in2 laughter nd was killed.........the igbo man nd yoruba man met in heaven,,nd the yoruba man asked the igbo man:"why did u laugh? U were almost there" then the igbo man said to him;"i just could'nt hold it when i saw the hausa man coming with watermelons"


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2015-06-05 15:57:48

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Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

Ek aurat apne bachche ko liye ro rahi thi.


Ek vakil ne rone ki wajah puchi, toh us aurat ne kaha ki mera beta bimaar hai or dawa ke liye paise nahin hain.


vakil ne us aurat ko 1000 ka note dia aur kaha ki jao dawa le lo, Rs 100 ka doodh bhi le lena, baaki paise mujhe wapis de dena.


Aurat thodi der baad dawa aur dudh le aayi aur baaki Rs 650 vakil ko wapas kar diye.


vakil khush hua aur sochne laga ke Neki kabhi zaya nahi jati,

Doctor ko fees mil gayi, bachche ko dawa mil gai aur……

mera nakli note bhi chal gaya !!!Related
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