Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Chris you are the only guy i have ever known. If its
through s-x that i got infected, then its from youâ

Asabea said.
Chris quickly held Asabea’s hand and led her to the
compound of the house. He didn’t want his
mother
to hear anything about the test.
“Look, you need to keep your voice down yea!
My mother is in there†Chris said.
“Chris, I’m not in the mood for your mumâ
€™s drama,
I need answers Chris!!†Asabea said with a
louder
tone. Chris then took GHC500 out of his pocket and
gave
it to Asabea.
Take this, I promise to be at your end tonight so
we talk about it. Please do this for me, Chris said.
“Chris, if you don’t show up, you wouldnâ €™t like what
will happen next†Asabea cautioned him.
“This test result is equally important to me as
it is
to you so trust me on this, i will be there†Chris
reassured her. Asabea walked out on him still sobbing a little.
One amazing thing was, Chris never showed any
sign that he was surprised about the news.
Its seemed he was already aware of his HIV status.
He was actually not bothered about the news. All
he was worried of was how to keep the news away
from his mother.
As Chris was going back into the house he
suddenly saw Mansa running out of the house.
Chris tried asking where she was going to but
Mansa ignored him and went out of the house. Soon after, Mrs. Amposah came out but she was
too late to stop Mansa from running out of the
house, she had already gone by then.
“Prostitute, witch, come back here and you
will
see. Hypocrite.†Mrs Amposah shouted as she came out.
“Mum, what is it? Chris asked.
“Chris, can you imagine? That girl is
pregnant.†His
mother said.
“Mansa? pregnant? Chris asked †and who is responsible for her pregnancy? He
continued.
†That’s what she is refusing to tell me, she
just ran
out while I was asking.†Mrs Amposah said.
“Mum, lets wait for her to return. Kuu and I will talk to her†Chris suggested.
“You better do†Mrs Amposah said and went
back
into the house with Chris.
Chris again was not surprised that Mansa was
pregnant. Its seems he had a lot of things hidden in the dark.
Nothing seems to amaze him. Its either he was
already aware or he was just not bothered.
Mansa on the other hand, just ran into the church
room and knelt before the altar crying.
She looked up into the heavens and began praying.
Tears kept running down her cheeks.
Her prayer was so loud that Obed who was sitting
on one of the pews heard everything she was
lamenting about.
Mansa didn’t even realise that Obed was sitting
there. He was a new member in the church and an
organist.
He joined the church just about a week ago, but
in
no time, with his exceptional talent almost everyone knew him.
He was also there to pray, and was actually
reading the bible when Mansa ran in.
Obed was a regular guy but with a lot of
charisma.
It seems he was just perfect with everything he did.
No one knew where he came from or where he
stayed. However anytime his help was needed,
Obed was not hard to find. In a nut shell, Obed
was very secretive.
You are reading "THE TEAR OF A BLEEDING HEART (Mansah) episode 11"
Click here for more episodes www.facebook.com/ mrcouple4u He sat down and listened to Mansa. After some
few minutes, Mansa was totally silent. She had
stopped praying and was lying beneath the altar.
Obed stood up and went to her. He took her by
the
hand and said “God, has listened to your prayers, wipe off
your
tears and be thankful to him insteadâ€
His hand felt cold and there was something about
him that made Mansa feel that she had known
him for long.
As much as he is a total stranger to Mansa, there
was something about him that made him look
familiar. Mansa couldn’t just figure out what
that
was. His words were so comforting and assuring.
Those
words were enough to make Mansa involuntarily
smile, as if everything was alright.


>>

*****AYOMIDE'S AdVENTURE***EPISODE 26****
So what other plans can I
use for this girl??,
Should I also call olamide
about this minor
Matter?..was what I was
thinking...no don't
Let me call him,if
olamide come die nko,won't
I live my own life??..
.I finalized in my mind that
I would have a great
plan for her...
But what was francisca
thinking,leaving
Her little sister with
me..I guess she trust
me a lot,but I
don't think I deserve her trust...
mary wasn't a boring
girl,she really makes me
Happy,she tempted
me a lot,but I wasn't sure
If it was tempting or
just her own way of
associating with others...my mind wasn't at
Peace as my lower
joystick dey disturb my
peace,you guys knows that feeling now,when
your crush is alone
with you and you
have no confident
to touch her,its a bad thing that I
don't wish to experience
again in my life..
But I overcame it this
first day,I put on a
Man's heart,I ignored
any bad thinking
coming from my mind
,the first day with mary
was so sweet,I enjoy her company,so it was
around 8pm,we have
already packed anything
We wanna pack,I lock
the supermarket,
I and mary head home,but on our way we bought
Lots of useless things
that the mouth can
consume but it wasn't so necessary to
buy them coz we are going home to eat
something,a delicious
meal cooked by my
Francisca..all those suyas
,yhougourt,nutri milk
And we even branch an eatery that is along
our house and
I bought three chicken laps,
each costing #1,700,this mary ehn,she love
this things I
swear,I guess no man had
Done this things
am doing for her ever
before,o ga oo....I spend
nothing less than
5k when we were going
home,she consume
that suya on our way
home,I fear her o...but
the rest of what we
bought was taken home...
My francisca was busy with
Her phone when we got home
I don't know what she was
doing on it though,I really
wished to know but I don't
bother asking,you people
Should know why I don't
ask,I don't wanna form
loverboy,she welcome us with
A big smile on her face,I hugged
Her and gave her a kiss which
Lasted for a seconds,but I
really don't know this
spirit in me that doesn't let
me have the urge to sex francisca
whenever am with her,she is as
Beautiful as anything but I
don't always feel like sexing
her could it be that she
charmed me??,no it can't
be so I meditate inside my
WRITTEN AND COMPOSE BY ME AYOMIDE
Contact me via:+2348164465758
mind...but if na charm
I go spoil am one day...
After we were being welcomed
by francisca,I gave her own
share of the chicken laps and
soft drink that I package
Inside a white polythene
bag,she smile and thank me...
"What do you cook"I enquire
after I had settle down,I don't
feel like eating my own chicken yet,
am really hungry,meanwhile mary
was already in the dinning table
consuming her chicken laps leaving
I and francisca alone....
"I cooked fried rice dear"francisca replied..
"Wow!!...fried rice??..where is it??..."
"Hanhan see your mouth....you are behaving
as if you haven't eaten that for ten years"
"Lol...really??...but you know I haven't taste
yours before..that's why am eager to..abeg
where you put am?"
"Wait jor...I haven't set the dinning table,
You have to wait for the next ten minutes.."
"Oooooooo....be fast about it baby...am
really hungry"
"Okay okay.."
Francisca stood up and
head to the kitchen while she
Was setting the table??...I was busy
thinking about how to rock that
girl mary,I later thought in my mind
that have gotten her weak point...
Mary love guys spending for her...and
I think that's my best aspect..to
spend for girl is not my problem,am
WRITTEN AND COMPOSED BY ME AYOMIDE
Contact me via:+2348164465758
good at that,so how am I going to
execute this new plan of mine??...I was
carried away with this thought that
I don't know when francisca appear
Before me...I quickly sit up right and
pretend as if nothing had happen but
I guess she had been looking me for
so long,she insist that I should tell
her what I was thinking about...
"Nothing"I said..
"Hmm...maybe you ain't happy with
the presence of my sister"
"Ohh no now how can you say such
thing..am happy with her presence now"
"So what are you thinking about then or do I
Offend you?"
(Chai!!!...girls sha...wetin I go tell her now) was what I thought
"Okay I was thinking about
My mum...I am really missing her"I lied..
"Are you sure that's what you are thinking?"
"Yes now...am serious"
"Hmm..okay...don't worry...you will see your mum in the next one week so stop the thinking
Mummy's pet"she joked...
"Lol...thank you..."
"Get up and let's go to the dinning table,
Mary would have been angry since"
"Okay"
WRITTEN AND COMPOSED BY ME AYOMIDE
Contact me via:+2348164465758
I stood up and hold the ukwu of my francisca as she lead the way to the dinning table...
Mary was there already
typing on her phone,she was really
so serious about it that
even makes me
jeaulous,"she must
be talking with those
useless,stingy and poor boyfriend of hers"I siad
Inside my mind...but wetin be my own,shey
No be make I chop and go
be my priority??...I asked
myself...yes na so jare
I answered myself...
She quickly drop her phone
as she notice we were entering
because in our dinning room
their was a note on the wall
writting by my mum that
pressing phone is highly
prohibited here,there was
this day that my mum
Slapped me hardly because
I break this rule,I think that
was what mary saw that makes
her drop her phone quickly,hmm
this life ehn,she be my age and
Class mate o,and she still dey fear
and respect me as am her senior
brother,their are situations whereby
Someone would even prostrate or
Knee for someone younger than
Him/her all because of money or
Position,that's world for you...
we sat down gently and start
eating,wow!!!...the meal
was really delicious,I love it
I couldn't hide it...
"Wow baby I really love this food,its
really delicious"I commented..
"Yes its really good...keep it up sister"mary
also commented..
"Thanks sweethrt..thanks mary..."She replied
Us...
"Will you live with me for a year"I asked
Jokingly...
"You are funny...you want to send out
your mom from this house?"She replied..
we all laughed and concentrate on our meal...
TO BE CONTINUED

>>

White kid: Shut up Dad!
Dad: (keeps quite)
..
Nigeria kid: Shut up Dad!
*Kid was up asking*
Where am i
Doctor: You are in Surulere Hospital for
6 days with 16 drips
Try And Die


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-19 21:56:41

186 Views



Dis z serious [Read it]


Akpors called a Computer Assistant on the phone to complain and this conversation took place:
Computer Assistant: May I help you?
Akpors: Yes, I am having trouble with WordPress.
Computer Assistant: What sort of trouble?
Akpors: I was just typing along and all of a sudden the words went away.
Computer Assistant: Went away? Akpors: They disappeared.
Computer Assistant: Hmm, so what does your screen look like now?
Akpors: Nothing.
Computer Assistant: Can you see the C prompt on the screen? Akpors: What is the C prompt?
Computer Assistant: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around the screen?
Akpors: There isn’t any cursor. It won’t accept anything I type.
Computer Assistant: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Akpors: What is a monitor?
Computer Assistant: It is the thing with the screen on it that looks like a T.V. Does it have a little light that tells you when it is switched on?
Akpors: I don’t know.
Computer Assistant: Well then, just look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Akpors: No, it’s too dark in here.
Computer Assistant: Dark?
Akpors: Yes, my room’s light is off, so the only light I have is what is coming from my window.
Computer Assistant: Well, you had better turn on your room’s light then. Akpors: I can’t.
Computer Assistant: Why?
Akpors: Because there is no NEPA.
Computer Assistant: No NEPA? Okay, do you still have the boxes, manuals and packing stuff that the computer came in?
Akpors: Yes, I kept them in my cupboard.
Computer Assistant: That is good. Go and get them and unplug your computer and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Akpors: Really? Is it that bad? Computer Assistant: Yes, I’m afraid it is.
Akpors: Well, alright then what do I tell them?
Computer Assistant: Tell them, you are too silly to own a computer.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-29 15:59:32

722 Views



Is it by force? [Read it]


The following dialogue ensued between Rita and her Dad at home after school hour.

Rita: Daddy is it true that we must all die?

Daddy: How do you mean?

Rita: Our aunty taught us that in C.R.S today.

Daddy: Yes, death is a must for everybody

Rita: But sir, does death has no respect for individual opinions ? Because our Civic teacher taught us to respect individual views







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-24 00:43:21

605 Views




Part 1

It was a total relief that the storm was over, after my
parent left my place, I drove to Biola’s house but
instead of staying at home, she said she will like to
follow me back home all in the name of she wouldn’t
want to leave another space for something to happen
again. We got home later in the evening and we renewed our vow and I promised her never to
misbehave again, infact I promised her that my phone
and everything will be totally accessible for her going
forward and hardly will I go to anywhere without giving
her feedback of all my where about. It was late in the
evening in the bedroom and we recounted all what happened in the past 9 months…..
Me: So, what are we going to do now baby
Biola: Do as how? Me: Regarding your parent
Biola: uhmmmm…that’s a serious issue that have been
thinking of since yesterday, I don’t even know how to
break everything to them
Me: We will explain to them now Biola: You think its that easy?
Me: Whats hard there..atleast Mary that caused all this
problem is no more there and the truth is now open
that she wasn’t even carrying my pregnancy
Biola: To my parent, its not Mary that caused it but
you..There was a day I was discussing it with my mum
and her opinion was that if you can cheat on me while
we are not married then what will happen when we get
married
Me: And you couldn’t defend me?
Biola: Defend you? How will I do that at the thick of the
storm
Me: I understand sha…but I can never do that when am
married, I can never cheat on my wife
Biola: Uhmmmm…but you cheated on Mary with me
now
Me: That’s not cheating now but true love, its because
my heart has always been with you
Biola: the same way your heart with be with any of your
ex if you guys mistakenly meet each other again
Me: which of my ex will I do that with
Biola: How will I know..just be careful, what happened is
a serious lesson to both of us Me: Definitely and have learnt in a serious way, I
thought am a player not knowing that so many people
are master player
Biola: But that biatch get mind sha…I cant even do
quarter of what she did Me: She’s definitely a criminal
Biola: We will find a way to tell my parent Me: Am thinking maybe we should involve my parent..I
know my mum will definitely want to follow me to your
parent house even if dad will not want to go
Biola: Yes oooo…that’s a good idea
Me: then maybe you should try and be clearing the
ground bit by bit before our visit so that it will be a
smooth ride for us anytime we arrive
Biola: How will I clear the ground ooo mr planner
Me: By talking to mum alone first and playing the video
for her to see Biola: Ohk ooooo….i will do that sha, so when do you
suggest we can do this? Me: as early as possible, if possible I and mum should
come to your house next week and I will love a situation
where we can at least get done with our marriage in a
month time
Biola: Month ke? Hope that’s not too fast?
Me: Too fast bi ti bawo? What else are we waiting
for..the best thing is for us to conclude on time and
avoid sily mistakes again abi you still want these useless
gehs to collect your guy again?
Biola: Lailai..thats impossible..lets wait and see how it
goes sha, first thing is my parent
Me: Definitely…I love you so much baby
Biola: I love you too




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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He who teaches children learns more than they do.

-German ProverbRelated


AKPOS AGAIN...
Teacher: Prove that 2/10 = 2!
Japanese student: Wrong question.
Chinese student: No Way
American student: It's strange, how is it possible !!
AKPOS: I can solve it very easily sir,
Two / Ten = wo / en
( T with T cancel )
w = 23rd letter
o = 15th letter
e = 5th letter
n = 14th letter
So, 23+15 / 5+14
= 38 / 19
= 2
Answer is 2.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-28 09:41:15

580 Views




Mark Zukerberg invited 5 people to his Harvard dorm room 12 years ago to discuss a business opportunity - "Facebook"

Only 2 people showed up and they got in.
Today, those two people are billionaires: Dustin Moskovitz ($10.7 Billion) and Eduardo Saverin ($7.4 Billion).
I wonder what it will be like for the other three that were also invited but didn't show up.
There is nothing more expensive than a closed mind and a missed opportunity.
*OPEN YOUR MIND TO OPPORTUNITIES TO EARN WITHOUT STRESS*
While many people dream of becoming better persons than the previous years, only a few actually do it.
WHY?
While many people dream of quitting their jobs and start their own businesses, only a few actually do it.
WHY?
Why is it that some people are more successful than others?
BECAUSE the power of their dreams is more stronger than their excuses.

1) FEAR
2) I don't have the money (ei paddy who has?)
3) I don't have any contacts to start with (Really?)
4) I'm not smart enough (sorry but you just crowned yourself as mumu ????)
5) I can't talk (Are you dumb?)
6) I don't have the time (Yet you have the time to wake up by 5am and get dressed to be in traffic)
7) I'm too busy (Doing what exactly?)
It takes too long to build a business ( But you envy Despite group , Dangote etc)
9) I'm afraid. Building a business is too risky for me (Is eating not risky? Is sleeping not risky? People have died in their sleep)
10) I don't like dealing with people (Mr Island...I greet your Excellency)
11) I'm too old (Age is never a barrier)
12) Waiting for all the lights to turn GREEN (Lights turn GREEN when you press the button)
13) My husband,my wife, my parents don't support it (They don't support you being broke either but you are????)
14) My job is too demanding and I travel a lot (Eiiii Ethiopian Wings of Africa)
15) I'm not good at marketing (Yet you are too good at forwarding numerous WhatsApp posts)
16) No,it's network. I can't do it. (But you spread gossip like wildfire but can't spread a business that will better your life?)
17) I'm not a professional (Who was born a professional?)

But if these were the deciding factors, nobody would ever succeed.
For every reason why it's not possible, there are hundreds of people who have faced the same circumstances and succeeded.
Lots of people overcome these so-called limiting factors, so it can't be the limiting factors that stop you but it's *YOU that stop YOU*.

DONALD TRUMP should be a lesson to some of us that nothing in the world can stop a determined mind. I'm still recovering from the shock that ppl say ~I can't !! I can't !! I cant~.

In this 21st century We have a better way.

Situp.

#GONATION
#BILLIONAIRMINDS
NATIONTON HAS ALL IT TAKES TO MAKE YOU A BILLIONAIRE,,,,,, Click here????????

Wahala [Read it]


Please come and see fight ooo.
A man was in a public transport wanted to see the reaction of others.
So he took his phone, dialed a number, placed the phone to his ear and said in a low tone:
"Baby, I can't come to you today because I'm in the same public transport with your husband. I'll call you later okay? I love you!" ????
All the men in that bus demanded, "Excuse me mister man, I want to see the number you just called....????
As I am writing to you, it's hot and heated in the bus even the driver wants to know the last number the man dialed! ????????????????????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-31 07:40:26

377 Views




Oh Bewafa Hoke Vi Bekasoor Hoge;

Assi Wafa Karke Vi Badnaam Hoge;

Oh Dil Tod Ke Sada Begunaah Hoge;

Te Assi Begunaah Hunde Hoae Vi Gunaahgar Hoge!Related

Faith Game. [Read it]


A group of Catholic priests were due to play a group of Anglican pastors to an important inter-faith game. A few days befor the match disaster struck. The catholic team's star player broke his ankle and the doctor said he wouldn't be able to play again for at least two months. What are we going to do? Moaned father Matthew. "well," said father Thomas, it so happened that Christiano Ronaldo is a good friend of mine. We could ask him to play for us. But that wouldn't be fair said father Matthew. No, but if we call him father Ronaldo, no one needs to know" replied father Thomas. Eventually father Matthew agreed to let the devious plan go ahead but then, as luck would have it father Matthew was suddenly called away on official church business and was unable to watch the match. As soon as he could, he phoned father Thomas for the result. I am afriad they beat us 6-0 said father Thomas. But how could that happen queried father Matthew. We had father Ronaldo in our team. "Yes" said father Thomas, but they had pastor Rooney and pastor Lampard playing for them. One word for these dudes?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-12 10:57:14

439 Views



breaking news [Read it]


BREAKING NEWS!!! Just yesterday on BBC news. A very dangerous snake has been discover by some sciencetist which they claim it has an enhance done in the world. According to BBC news, the strange snake keep on increasing in length by 0.5cm every second where ever it is and it cant be killed by any weapon unless it bites itself, and dies immediately. Researchers claimed that it the only way it can be kill for now. This is the world most deadly and poisonous snake forever. This kind of snake can only be found in Nokia torch light mobile phone under game, option, snake xenzia. Lols..... Thanks for taking your time to read carefully... Abeg no vex say i take your time... Share and make your friends laugh. ?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-21 10:55:44

722 Views




When Swami Vivekanand was studying law at the University College, London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely. One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room when came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, "Mr Vivekanand , you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat." Vivekanandji looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, "You do not worry professor. I'll fly away," and he went and sat at another table. Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge. The next day in Class he posed the following question: "Mr.Vivekanand , if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with money, which one would you take ?" Without hesitating, Vivekanandji responded, "The one with the money, of course." Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom." Swami Vivekanand shrugged and responded, "Each one takes what he doesn't have." Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Swami Vivekanand's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Swami Vivekanand . Vivekanandji took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.
A few minutes later, Swami Vivekanand got up, went to the professor and told him in a dignified polite tone, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-27 08:12:01

721 Views




You don’t need to attend every arguement you are invited to!Related

Rahul couldn't sleep that night. He tried burying his head under pillows, but it didn't help. The moment he closed his eyes, her sad face showing how disappointed she was with him, covered his vision and made him think again and again, his decision to send her out of the mansion.

The more he thought about the events of before night, the more convinced he was of making a grave mistake. He should have given Ana the chance to explain her side of the story.

He couldn't believe Ana was capable of any violence. It was her innocence and honest behavior, that made her so attractive to him.

"What must have happened to force Ana to become violent?"

This question started bothering him all through the night. He decided to call Miso, first thing in the morning, to make sure Ana and prince were safe.

After his morning routine, he went straight to the kitchen and sat in front of Ahmed, for his usual breakfast. Just then Alia entered the kitchen, but turned her face away from Rahul.

Rahul bent a little and tried to catch her hand, but she made a angry face and moved away from him. He treated her as a sister and usually made fun of her and she too treated him the same way. He realized, she was behaving differently today and was obviously mad at him.

He tried to think, if he did anything to make her mad, but nothing came to his mind. He realized the only reason could be yesterday's incident.

He quickly turned towards Ahmed, but he too turned his face away.

"Hmm .. everyone here likes Ana and now they are mad at me. Yesterday, I supported Ria, because she was my fiancée and I gave her the benefit of doubt. There is no basis for our marriage, if I doubt her everytime there is a problem in this house. But now, it is crystal clear that the house staff is not in Ria's favor and she would have tough time living here, after our marriage. I can't kick out everyone. I need to find out the real drama behind yesterday's incident and prove Ria was right, else she would have a difficult time in this house. Looks like mom is not aware of this yet , else she would burn me alive." Rahul woke up from his thoughts as Ahmed placed his breakfast and orange juice in front of him.

"Alia, please go and get Miso immediately. I need to talk to him." He asked Alia, who was standing by the wall and watching him angrily.

"No! I won't." She replied angrily.

"Alia! behave .... go and call Miso." Ahmed shouted at his daughter.

"Hmph ..." she wagged her tongue at Rahul and left the room in search of Miso.

"Ahmed, I know everyone is mad at me for yesterday's incident. Please don't fault Alia, everyone else is hiding it, but she is expressing it, for my benefit, else I would never know."

"Its ok Mr Shah. You did what you had to do. I am only worried about Ana and prince."

"Tell me what happened." Rahul asked Ahmed.

Ahmed explained the entire episode in detail. The moment he described Ria hitting prince, Rahul stood up and came close to Ahmed. "What are you saying? She hit prince for spoiling a stupid dress!"

Ahmed was taken back seeing Rahul so angry, "yes, I think it was a special order and obviously cost lot of money. Also one of Ana's assistants was recording the event, she got it on tape." He replied trying to defend his story.

"That's stupid, no matter what, she can't hit a child. I am going to kill her." He threw the orange juice glass away and stomped towards Ria's room.

Half way through he stopped and turned back," ask the assistant to send me the video asap".

Ahmed stared in disbelief as Rahul hurried towards Ria's room. He never saw him so angry.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Jab Gabbar paida hua to uski maan ne us se 3-4 thappad lagaye



Gabbar’s Father: Kya baat ho gayi?


Mother: Kambakht paida hote hi pooch raha tha KTNE AADMI THE…Related

A girl's mother was strict on her because she got pregnant on her youthful age

Mother: why did do this 2 me, didn't i inform u dat if a man want to touch your body, u should shout DON'T and if he want to touch your  breast u should
shout STOP
Daughter: mother i did as u informed me bt just that the
man touched my body nd my breast at the same time dats y i shouted DON'T
STOP


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-11 15:02:07

150 Views




Santa came home to find evidence that his wife had been unfaithful.

Santa: Was it my friend Banta?

Jeeto: No, it wasn’t.

Santa: Was it my friend Bhupi?

Jeeto: No, it wasn’t?

Santa: Was it my friend Joginder?

Jeeto screamed, “No it wasn’t”. “Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?”Related

I want to piss [Read it]


Akpos was in church one Sunday. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, "Mommy, I want to piss?"

The mother said, "Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite."

The next Sunday, the little boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom. He told his father, "Daddy I want to whisper?"

The father said, "OK. Here, whisper in my ear.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-15 09:17:47

526 Views



BACK FROM CHINA [Read it]


My fellow nigerians, i hav cum bak 4rm china to fight boko haram 2 last with my kung-fu skills. Abeg wot name fit d flim?







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-16 21:30:49

320 Views




HAPPY NEW YEAR NAIRAJOKERS
i
want to use this
opportunity to say a
very big am sorry to
those i ve commented
badly on their post' to
those i read their post
without commenting
and not liking as well... And
den tnx to all dat
commented... Liked my
post and as for those
who don't like and
comment on ma post ..
I ve forgiven u all...
Den tnx to u all for
reading ma post nd like
it o so i don't ve to
forgive bt to say tnx
much.
Den ma advice to u all...
Dnt enter 2016 with ur
worries...forgive and
forget those who hurt
u badly... Leave dem with
2015 ... God is aware ...
Believe dat all is well...
And dnt forget to say
a very big THANKYOU Lord for bringing
ur only son to die for
our sins nd To Jesus
tnx dear for dying for
our sins...once again HAPI NEW NEW year NAIRAJOKERS,I LOVE Y'ALL,don't worry i Knw y'all love me.don't ask me what 2016 have for us,ofcourse it's blessing,favour,breakthrough,divine connection etc,i'm still that Centee b;lover of Nairajokes,ur friend,so all u av to do is just
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Cheers!!! .#B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-01 06:55:14

396 Views




Akpos traveled to America. He was drinking in a bar when a huge guy came from nowhere and hit him on his head.
With so much shock he asked "Man! what was that for?"
"That's Karate chop from China" replied the huge guy.
Akpos moved to another table and continued his drink.
Few minutes later, the Huge guy came back again and hit him on the back.
Akpos shouted "OOOO!!! whats that for again?"
The huge guy replied "Thats karate chop from India".
Akpos left the bar. He came back later and hit the hug guy on his testicle.
The huge guy fainted.
Akpos walked to the bar man and said "When this idiot wakes up, tell him that's karate chop from naija"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-28 12:00:13

31516 Views




On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

hw's ur day hope all is well, i just
want to let u knw that there is
something i want to ask u now
which i,ve been hiding from u for
a very long time, sometimes
when i want to tell u i feel
discouraged cos i dont knw if u re
gona respond negatively, i just
want to let u knw dat what i,m
about to tell you has been a
burden to me for a very long tym
n i jst can't keep it in my mind
any longer, so pls don't feel upset
when i say dis to you, just knw
dat it's from my heart and it's
real, pls pls pls be sincere and tell
me the truth How much is cabin
biscuit in your Area?.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-23 05:01:32

1205 Views





From her earliest years Bakhita felt the efficacy of that " light which shines upon everyone who comes into the world "(jn.1:9)

Now it was incredible but true :Bakhita was about to become a child of God in Baptism. Up to this point everything went according to her ardent desires then suddenly an obstacle cropped up! Mrs Michieli returned to italy and Bakhita stated " she came to reclaim her right on me"

She put forward her claim to possession and that she was the mistress of her slave Bakhita. She forced her to follow her to Africa where she would have a permanent place in Michieli Hotel,Bakhita absolutely refused to go and for three whole days she had to endure a bitter struggle.

The patriarch of Venice, Cardinal Domenici Agostini,was informed of the case and immediately called a meeting at the institute of the Catechumens. Somelegal and religious authorities were present as well as Mrs Michieli, Bakhita and mimmina. The patriarch spoke first then Mrs Michieli spoke angrily stating her supposed right.

The procurator of the king responded.
"In Italy there are no slave trade, as soon as a slave sets foot on Italian soil he or she Is automatically free. Now here I officially declare that Bakhita is free.therefore she can decide to go is stay as she likes"

Bakhita with her eyes fixed on the crucifix on the wall in front of her said. "I love Mrs Michieli and I felt great sorrow at having to abandon mimmina but I can't leave this place because I don't want to lose God"

It was November 29,1889. Bakhita had made her choice of life. She left everything for God alone who is EVERYTHING.

"When I completed the time of institute i received Holy Baptism with a joythat only the angels could describe. It was January 9,1890.
I was given the name of Josephine, Margaret Maria and Bakhita which in Arabic means lucky one"

Bakhita, confirmation and communion were administered by Cardinal Domenico Agostini, Patriarch of Venice, the cream of the Catholic nobility in Venice raced to offer themselves to be the young African God mother.

Mrs Giulia Fella Fonts, a friend of Bakhita from the time she arrived in Venice and present at her Baptism, stated: "Josephine was blessed! That air of sadness which usually veiled her face disappeared and her face was joyful bright and transfigured"

We must now give some space to the one who had played a determining role in procuring Bakhita the cause of this joy which was indescribable in human language. We are referring to Mr Cecchini.

When the great day was over he wanted Bakhita all for himself and his family and this brought great joy to the Checchini 's home. Mr Illuminato seriously asked Bakhita :" Josephine would you like to become a member of our family?
In other words I will be your father, my wife will be you mother, my home will be your home on my death you will have part of my inheritance ".

Bakhita didn't accept but why not?. Because another had come before the good Manager with a proposal that allowed her to realise "those BETTER THINGS" that God had reserved for the young sudanese girl.

Josephine Bakhita hoped to become a Daughter of charity in the Canossian institute. She sent in her request to enter the institute and much to her surprise, The response was prompt and favourable. The superior of the Mother House in Verona , Sr.Anna Previtali, wanted to have the sudanese postulant and later she received her vows in the house where the foundress,St. Magdalena of Canossa, began her work lived and died.

Here,on December 8,1896, Sr Josephine Bakhita consecrated herself to God in order to give herself to her before and sisters, on that occasion she thus expressed her desires :
"I Lord if only I could fly down to my people and preach in a loud voice to everyone of your Goodness! Oh what a lot of souls I could win for you Among the first would be my mother my father my brother's and my sisters who is till slaves.
Jesus let all my African brothers and sisters come to know and love you.

NEXT PART
PART 12


Men deal with life as children with their play,
Who first misuse, then cast their toys away.

~ William CowperRelated

Purity trembled on hearing that voice. Did she even share a thing with this Ernest? Why was he bent on ruining her life? No man could ever manipulate her like that, she wasn’t going to give him any pleasure of him troubling her. She was gonna deal with him. Let him know no man controls her life or tells her what to do. He wasn’t Jeremy or her father.
“Let go!” She ordered. Her two hands gripped the sink tightly.

Ernest hardened his hold on her waist. He gently sniffed in her scent. “Oh, how much I’ve longed for this touch. To feel you, to want you again. Oh, my Melisa. I’ve missed you so much. Why don’t you come back to me? I know how to treat you. Please.”

A word Ernest uttered didn’t move her. She was used to men pleading with her-even Aaron Theodore-so why should this one make any sense? She only met him once and it was one night. So why should she become his wife or be indebted to him forever? That was the biggest mistake of her life. He should be asking for forgiveness not asking to be with her again. He doesn’t feel guilty?
“Let me go! If you don’t release me right away, I’m gonna scream. What is a man doing in the ladies room?” She rhetorically asked. “Let go!”

He couldn’t risk being caught. Not by any woman or man. He had to admit it – he’d prefer it if Jeremy walked in find them that way. It’d please him to watch the young couple fight especially when he’s the reason for it.

Satisfied with the sent of her, he freed and forcefully turned her to face him. He was much more powerful.

Purity did all she could to fight him. She was scared at that moment, she thought he was gonna rape her. She never wanted to be a victim of rape. She’d rather die a virgin. “What are you trying to do?” She asked immediately Ernest turned her to face him. He was very close to her. She perceived his cologne which brought ugly images to her head. They reminded her of a past she’d forgotten. Damn this man! She hated him so much.

Ernest chuckled wickedly. “Darling, we can’t take here. I’m taking you out.”

Purity was slightly relieved hearing her didn’t want to rape her. He was taking her out? But to where? Maybe he was scared. Didn’t want any woman to meet him there. “You find it dangerous if you’re caught here with a woman against her will?” She laughed nervously.

“Shut up!” Ernest took hold of her right hand and made to drag her out of the rest room.

She violently resisted his hold. “Where are you taking me?” her eyes blazing with anger.

“Keep your voice down. I want us to go out and talk in a more conducive environment.”

Purity stubbornly shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere with you. This is my engagement party. My fiance and brothers are waiting for me. I have to go join them.”

Hearing her call his cousin her fiance got him upset. He wanted to be her man, her everything and not that damn Jeremy. How could they even be related? “I hope he comes and finds us this way.”

She glared at him.

“Where do we go to talk?” he demanded fiercely.

Purity sighed. She too didn’t want Jeremy or anyone to find them that way. “Lets go out, through the back door. We can stay under the trees close to the pool.”

Ernest smiled triumphantly. “Lets move, my princess. We need to be extra careful, so as not to be seen by anybody.”

“What is it you want to talk about?” Purity threw at him as soon as they were safe and out of earshot under the trees. It wasn’t easy getting out there. The many servants, they had to escape them all. Well, they made it. “And please, make it snappy.” She added. All she needed was to be with Jeremy and not an idiot.

Ernest stared at her with love written in his eyes. “Can’t you see I can’t forget you? You have always been in my head since that night. In my heart, you’ve always remained.”

“We never had a relationship. We never did anything. I want myself that night. I was drunk. All that happened, I regret deeply. Its a wound that has healed. I don’t want to remember it anymore. You can’t have me. Its not possible.” Purity felt nothing but pity for him, but she wasn’t going to let her feelings control her.

“Do you really mean that?” Ernest was crushed.

>>



Akpos cheats on his girlfriend Lucy with a woman named Clearly.

Lucy dies suddenly.

At the funeral, Akpos stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lucy is gone."

one word for Akpos




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-08 07:47:24

428 Views




David's knock came on the door impatiently.Sonia did not hesitate in opening the door for him.
David quickly entered and closed the door behind him immediately,drew Sonia close and wrapped his lips over hers,interrupting her greeting.
Sonia's heart throbbed mightily as he kissed and sucked her lips hungrily as if his life depended on it.She was to weak to stop him or even say anything as he fired on eagerly,exploring almost every reachable part of her with his demanding caresses.She knew without being told that it was the charm at work.
With great effort,she pulled him back,holding his palms tightly,restraining them from making those dangerous moves.
"Please sir just stop.please this is dangerous.Lets just stop all these"Sonia pleaded in despair knowing she was only wasting her saliva.He was yearning for her like someone being intoxicated with wine.Of course he was intoxicated.The charms really got him of his wits that he no longer cared if Angela caught them together.
"Sonia,i love you.i need you.i just dont think i can survive without you"He said and overpowered her again with his strenght,this time,taking Sonia off the ground in his arms like a baby into the bedroom.
Sonia knew she had to do something fast to end all these as soon as possible.Her greatest fear and only prayer at that moment was that Angela should not by any means show up.If it happens,only heaven knows what the outcome would be.
She had thought of running away to another country to start her life anew without the police having to find her for killing somebody but there was no money.Besides,she never had the heart to leave her harsh and ungrateful mother alone.They would hold her if she dissappears.

**Sonia's mother's place**
"I have a plan.A perfect plan which will see your daughter take over as David's new wife"Ebere whispered to Sonia's mother.
She nodded,drawing close.That was all she wanted to see.To see sonia take over that rich man so that she would be sending her money on regular basis.
"But what about the man's wife.What do we do about her?"She asked.
"I came prepared.I have here with me some of her pictures,old identity card before she got married and some other things that belonged to her.There is one powerful baba who will help us get rid of her.Once we show him these things,whatever he tells us to do,we would do it.All we want is to see that Angela leaves that house and never return for good.The baba will also make Sonia play along with ease"Ebere was convincing with her words.
She got the greedy woman this time whose face lit up.She has seen the perfect opportunity to make Sonia supply her money all the time as if she was her employee.
"We are going immediately"She assured Ebere and requested to see the pictures of this lady. Angela had come to see her with Sonia only once but she wasn't able to get a better view of her because it was getting dark when they visited.
She kept staring at Angela's smiling face. Ebere handed her the identity card and some other laminated papers that contained vital informations about her.
"Miss Angela C.Uwa.
Hometown, Isseke in Ihiala local government area....Uwa. Isseke..."She stopped and scanned the pictures again.
"What is wrong?"Ebere who noticed something asked.
She shifted uncomfortably in her chair,stared at the name again,the pictures and her details again.
"Tell me all you know about this lady"She demanded in a low voice.
"We used to be good friends back in school but...."
"That is not what i mean.Tell me do you know her parents well?"She interrupted Ebere.
"Of course i do.Her father is the famous Chief livinus Uwa and her mother,emmm,i think,yes..Mrs Ngozi obidiya Uwa"Ebere who was beginning to feel uncomfortable with her questions replied.
"What? Are you serious?"She asked,fear gripping her.
Ebere kept quiet and observed her for sometime,wondering what was wrong with her,and as if she got the signal,she played down those looks from Ebere and told her a rooster and bull story to make any rising thought in her about the way she suddenly started asking questions to die down.
"I think tomorrow or next would be perfect for this journey"She added.Ebere stood up,gave her a detecting look and left without mincing any word.
"Angela? The daughter of Livinus Uwa? Ngozi's daughter?
Soniaaaaaa"She wept.

>>

What had happened to her mother, father and her eldest sister who was also a slave,all alone she gave into her sad memories And started crying.

Later when the light of Faith had enlightened her she relieved these sentiments and never ceased to pray: "...that they may all know God and go heaven ".

In the meantime mimmina father returned to suakin where he bought a luxurious hotel and decided to move his family there,as well. His wife had to go to him to decide on what terms to sell their property in mirano.

Where would mimmina and Bakhita stay during the absence of the lady,Mr illuminato Checchini,the Michieli 's good manager had already provided for this. The two of them would be lodged in Venice at the institute for catechumens run by the Canadian sisters.

Accepted at the institute was guaranteed by a legal declaration between Mr checchini and the c anossian sisters in which he assumed responsibility for the payment should Mrs Michieli fail to keep her commitment.

On this occasion he gave Bakhita a silver crucifix.
"As he gave it to me he kissed it with devotion then explained to me that Jesus Christ, son of God had died for us.I looked at it almost secretly, was filled with a mysterious force and felt something inside me that I could not understand ".

Later she said:"if I had known the Lord during my slavery how much less I would have suffered ".

Bakhita was now on a major road which she would take with courage and constancy right to the end, at every step the extraordinary intervention of divine providence is evident.

Mother Maria fabretti was in charge of the catechumens, Bakhita noticed immediately that something extraordinary existed between teacher and pupils. She felt it but didn't know how to explain it,on he own initiative she approached Mother Fabretti.

"When the sister heard that I wanted to become a Christian and that I had come to the institute with that intention she jumped with joy and so I came to know the God whom I had felt in my heart since I was a child without knowing who he was, I remember that when I saw the Sun, the moon and the star's and the beauty of nature I said to myself, who is the master of these beautiful things, I felt a great wish to see him to know him and to pay homage him.

Next
PART 11

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ATM [Read it]


Akpos went to the bank and withdrew all his money from the atm, and on the same day he went and deposited the same amount of money in the bank, when asked why he did that he said that the way people are withdrawing money from the atm these days,The may end up withdrawing his own money so he as to put it there where it is safe.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-27 09:08:58

580 Views




March 27, 2020.
FIRST BAD DAY.

Ele narrates

We arrived at Kano National Park Hotel yesterday night and I must confess, it was one of the best experiences I have ever had. The food, the hospitality, the hotel conditions and what have you were just wow! I was in Paradise on earth. Dija and I had a great time together but we couldn’t do much of our usual smooching because we slept in the same room with the remaining 98 members whom the church paid for an all expense trip to Kano. I was indeed lucky. The journey I had feared about was very smooth with no dull moments as th clowns among us wanted to smash our ribs with of unearthly jokes.

Dija made the right choice after all. Since she came into my life, everything as been so perfect that I sometimes wonder if she’s a goddess reincarnate.

Kano National park was anything beyond the most intelligent humans imaginations. If someone had described Kano National Park the way I was seeing it now, I would have told such a person to go for check up ASAP. The wildlife, the archaic rocks, the beautiful landscape, fauna and flora, and the likes were just a cynosure to behold. I bet even Yankari National Park in Bauchi wouldn’t be up to this. Who says Nigeria cannot be a world centre of tourism?. If it is well broadcast to the world, it would become as popular as some of the best National Parks in the world such as Serengeti and Yosemite National Parks. The sounding of my phone message tone jolted me from my reverie. It was a message from my mom which surprised me though because she only called always. I didn’t tell her I came to Kano because she would never have allowed me and I felt so bad about lying to her but I couldn’t disappoint Dija either. I opened the message to read what mum sent. It reads:



Good morning my son,
I saw this message on Facebook and decided to bless you with it
.
.

AYO is JOY in Yoruba This prayer of AYO is for you today. Every endeavour of yours will surely DAYO. When you go out you will RAYO. When you come in you will KAYODE. Every place u go u shall BAYO. When people visit you they will MAYOWA. You and your friends in school will continue to SHAYO. Everyday of your life you will LAYO. God will make everything that concerns you to DAYO and its gonna be TITILAYO for you by the grace of God Almighty.
Do a have AYOFUL day and be careful in all you engage in today.
Mum loves Ele...


I was moved to tears, I began to regret not telling her about my trip to Kano, but I was sirei everything would be fine.

“Ele!!!”, I heard a voice screamed my name in front of me. It was no other person than Diva herself, “what are you thinking about?”, I’ve been calling your name for about a minute now but you were so carried away”, she frowned.

“I’m sorry Nkemo, I was so carried away by the resplendent beauty of this tourist centre that I got so engrossed to notice the presence of Her Grace herself”, I replied flattering her as she gave me a soft pat on my chest.

“Sunshine, let’s go over there, there’s a dance competition, I would love to partake in it, come and watch your Nkemo have a flawless victory”, she said smiling confidently while pointing to the place the dance was taking place.

Without further ado, I followed my Nkemo to the place as we held hands like the perfect lover we her.

——————————————————————-
Lia narrates

It was the fifth time I was going to the toilet today and the programme hadn’t started yet. I had taken a lot of sugary substances and the result was toileting at least thrice per hour. Now I know all that glitters is not gold. I quickly entered one of the toilets to ease my self. I tried closing my mouth so as not to cause commotion as the deification process was tough. Then I heard sth strange from the adjoining toilet. A man’s voice. I became scared that a rapist might have infiltrated the females toilet.

“Yes sir… The bomb is set to go off at 10:00 hours when the programme officially commences… Yes sir… everything is ready..”, the strange man who had a polished English accent was supposedly making a call.

I checked my time and it was 09:47 am, just 13 minutes more. I let out a slight scream and suddenly the man in the adjoining toilet became so silent, I knew I was in trouble. I didn’t know what to do since I came alone. Then a thought suddenly came to my mind. I had to try my luck. I unbolted the door, the man came rushing in but I was fast enough to pour the toilet water full oft faeces on him as he struggled, I ran as fast as I could while I checked my time, it was 9:52 am, 8 minutes before the time bomb is detonated. I was confused of who to tell, I just kept on running so hard until I almost fell, but someone caught me before I could fall, I thought my end was here.
I looked up to see Ele looking at me in confusion, so was the entire crowd including Dija my besty who was standing on the podium. I was short of words to find them also in Kano to attend the Easter Fiesta. I then remembered the bomb and knew I had to say something before we all died here.

“I was being chased by a terrorist….. A bomb…..a bomb …. A bomb will explode in five minutes time”, managed to say before looking up only to find out everyone had already started running helter skelter. I didn’t dull o, I tore race at once, I wasn’t ready to die now.

I was running so fast in a way even Usain Bolt won’t catch up with me even if he uses PED. I was getting tired when a Benza suddenly parked in front of me.

“Get in kiddo” a young man in suit said with a serious expression. Without thinking twice, I hopped into the car thanking God for saving my life and using me to save others. Just as the car zoomed off, we heard a loud bang. I looked back and saw flames everywhere. The bomb was not an hoax, it was real, God is really merciful, I appreciated Go inwardly, just then, my vision became blur, as I drifted slowly into a state of unconsciousness.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I woke up in fairly lit room. I looked around and saw some other people I recognised from the Easter Fiesta. I checked my time and it was 1:34 pm that same day. I wondered what had happened, I was about asking a girl sitting next to me when i noticed a familiar figure sleeping on the floor. It was Ele, my Ele Boje.

“Ele, wake up”, i said tapping him. He did wake up as he cleaned his eyes.

“Lia, where are we?”, he asked looking confused.

“Welcome to Congo, the number one Human Part Merchants in Africa”, A middle aged revealed as we all put on a frightened look. It was then I knew what true fear meant as I urinated in my pantss. I looked around and saw skeletons and bones around the floor. I hadn’t seen them before. A huge man came in holding a bloodstained knife. He picked up a boy. He was the first boy who talked to me when I arrived the hotel in Kano. There and then it downed on my we were in a ritualist den. The ritualist den of Congo. I began to cry as Ele was face was also filled with fears and tears hugged me tight.

—————————————————————————-
Ledan narrates

I was sitting down in then living room watching the midday news with my wife. They are reporting about an averted bombing in Kano National Park.

“This is the first time in history a female would become a superhero”, I said playfully prompting Imabong to give me a deadly look.

“Oya nah vex nah, my calabar love, haba sey your husby fit play with you again nii?”, I said feigning rrepentance.

“I know you weren’t joking, you’ve always underestimated women from time immemorial”, Imabong countered.

“When did you become a feminist?”, I asked feigning seriousness.

“Hubby, did you hear that, Ele and Lia’s names were mentioned as missing after the bombing incident.

“Are you alright I.D, Ele is in Ilorin, when did Ilorin become Kano?”, I asked really angered. Just then, my phone rang including my wives phone. The callers confirmed they heard Ele’s name on T.V.

Akande also called to confirm he heard both our children’s name on T.V. I was so flabbergasted. Is the First Bad Day really becoming a reality?.

Another call jolted me from my reverie. I wanted to ignore it at first but something pushed me to pick it.

Stranger: hello

Me: yes

Stranger: I’m certain I’m speaking with Mr.Ledan?

Me: yes, that’s me.

Stranger: good, your son Ele Ledan is here with us, you have seven days to produce the sum of ten million naira for the release of your boy.

Me: what?, where do you want me to get such a huge amount of money?

Stranger: how dare you ask me such questions, it seems we have been to generous to you, now ill teach you a lesson, for everyday you fail to provide the money starting from today, your son will loose a finger, and if you fail to provide it after seven days, your son’s severed head will be sent to you in a parcel

Me: please sir.. I’m very sorry sir, please don’t hurt my son, I’ll try my best to do as you require..

Stranger: I don’t need you best but you money, remember you have seven days and don’t even risk informing the police because they are one of us.

He hang up the call before in would say another word as my wife was already on the floor crying, she gave me a deadly look of “I warned you”. I was at fault, I didn’t take to my wife’s advise. Grandma’s Prophecy indeed came true.

“God of Daniel, please save my son from the lion’s den”, I prayed.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Rajnikanth killed a terrorist in Pakistan `via Bluetooth`.Related

God call me [Read it]


See one day as i see dat god dey call people i started praying god should call me like MOSES but god did not call me i went to buy a radio i pray god call me all na because of money god did not call me i now decided to buy a very big plasma i pray god call me suddenly i see God holding petrol and matches as i see na for dat plasma he won pure am god now say i want to call u like moses i say pls God dont call me through d plasma call me through d radio...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-23 01:00:10

424 Views




Alcohol: The anesthesia by which we endure the operation of lifeRelated

Do you want to go to heaven?
Father Murphy walked into a Palm Wine bar in Akwa Ibom, and said to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then leave this bar right now!" and approached a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest, as he walked up to Akpors.

"Do you want to go to heaven?"

"No, I don't Father," Akpors replied.

The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

Akpors smiled, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now cus I haven't finish my fresh wine yet."
one word for Akpors!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-23 17:11:16

433 Views




Akpos went for a birthday party. He sat close to one beautiful girl.
Suddenly a guy came to the girl and started toasting her. “Hello angel, Am Dav. You look so charming. You are my spec. Please can I have you phone number?”
“Am sorry I don’t give out my numbers to strangers. That’s final” replied the girl.
Akpos smiled inside himself.
Few minute later, the same guy returned again. “Baby I mean no harm, just give me a chance to show you how much I can care for you. Your phone number is just ok for me”
The girl shouted “Leave me alone! Am not interested”
The guy felt so embarrassed and left.
Akpos smiled again and thought of making business with it.
Akpos approached the guy outside and say “Just 10,000 Naira and the girl’s phone number will enter your phone”.
“Really?”
“Yes”
“Ok! Am in” says the guy
Akpos collected the guy`s phone number and went back to his seat. “You know what, I must say you are such a decent girl. I just wish all girls are like you. Says  Akpos to the girl
The girl felt so happy and say “Thank you dear.”
“I think you deserve a gift for that”
“Really?”
“Yea, just give me your number and I will send you the gift”
“There you go again.”
“No! no! I mean your bank account number. I will like to transfer N20,000 to you”
“Waoooo! You mean it?”
“Yea”
“ Thanks you so much. May God reward you.”
“Its ok, Just text your account number  to this phone number ”
He gives the girl the guy’s phone number and goes outside to collect his N10,000.

One word for Akpos



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-05 22:19:40

77994 Views



spanish Romance [Read it]


Angelina and her anti gay campaigner boyfriend named Akpos went on a supposed romantic holiday to Spain. After four days in Spain, Akpos suddenly stopped caring and giving her attention because he met an endowed damsel named Biru with whom he has started having sexual relationship.

They were so into each other, Angelina grew very jealous, heartbroken and so pained. She decided to confront him with it.

When she confronted him, he instantly broke up with her and told her he has found a someone.

The next day, Akpos took his new girlfriend to Angelina's apartment to introduce her. The girls screamed when they saw each other, they hugged with delight to the surprise of Akpos who became very curious to know how they knew each other.

Without hesitating, Akpos says, "I can see you both know each other. How possible?"

Angelina replied, "Yes, we know each other. She is my ex boyfriend Kabiru. She was the last person I dated before I met you.

Akpos, angry, asks, "Are you are a lesbian?"

Angelina, almost irritated, replies, "No! She was a man when we were dating before he surgically changed his sex from male to female. That was why we broke up."

Akpos instantly fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-04 07:48:47

111 Views




I have been reading about a young man who was arrested for drugs and human parts trafficking. The man and his wife were apprehended together because the man points out that his wife knows about his job. According to the report, the obnoxious man says that the day his wife caught a human part with him they both take an oath – If his wife ever leaks the story she would run mad. More so, he had given her a condition that if she wouldn’t take the oath there and then he would add her to his victims. He further says that the fetish he used for the oath wasn’t potent, but he had to fake it because it’s hard for a woman to keep a secret.
Report states that the man had murdered up to twenty infants and seventeen grownups. At first I skimmed through the content, but when I began to pay attention on the details I discovered that the names of the couple are mentioned. The wife shares same name and surname with my ex-wife. When I examined the images of the criminals, a cold shiver ran down my spine as I realized that Titi is in their midst. in fact I can see her weeping profusely amongst five men. I guess the others are the accomplices.
The reason for my irresistible tears is that this same Titi told me a similar story about her roommate in the university.
The girl is Naomi by name and she had a boyfriend called Harrison. The both lovers had been together right from 100 level. Harrison had come from a rich home, and of course Naomi was proud of him. He would buy Naomi the latest clothes, shoes, jewelries, perfume and the likes. Naomi became one of the biggest girls on campus for her dazzling beauty and her latest-in-town wears. But when they got to 300 level Harrison’s parents were duped of a multimillion naira which consequently subdued their wealth to a drastic level. Thenceforth, Harrison hardly fed himself let alone catering for his girlfriend. Naomi was disappointed, but she coped with Harrison for two semesters, hoping that everything would come back in place.
At a time she couldn’t bear it any longer. Her high status was beginning to fall on campus. When the shame was too much she began to engage in prostitution in order to keep up with other big girls. She would follow other big girls to clubs where they would meet big men. She didn’t give Harrison much attention again, and she scarcely picked up his phone call.
One day Naomi went out as usual and she didn’t return on the next day. Her roommates believed she had gone home on her way. They tried her three numbers, but none of them responded. On the third day a shocking news spread through the campus that Naomi’s corpse was sighted by the bush around Idumota. Report came that all her private parts were gone… And funny enough, it was that same day Harrison received a phone-call that her Dad had received a billion naira contract. Harrison’s parents therefore became richer than ever before.
The man I’m seeing on this paper would have killed and sold her private parts the day she caught him. Has she not leant enough from the true life story she told?
According to my late grandfather, “Learning is solely meant for those whose minds and ears have not been padlocked by the doom-seller.” Grandpa would always call Devil the doom-seller who sells his goods to the adamant; especially those who are not governed by the words in the holy books.


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