Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


If u take better hungry beat Lagos rat, dem go go where ur foam dey chop am. Warri rats dey very educated o, go take hungry beat dem now! U tink say na foam dem go chop? Dem go dey find ur certificate. If u be graduate dem go draw de certificate come, dem go read am, Delta State University, Abraka, dem go chop de Bra commot remain A--ka, dat time na u know wetin u wan use am do.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 10:42:07

685 Views



Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

Breast-fed babies whose mothers smoke are exposed to nicotine through their milk, often up to half a cigarette’s worth a day.Related

I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

~ Garry ShandlingRelated

CONTINUES..
Just as I came out of the bathroom I saw miranda.
Miranda:girl you are bad o. Why did you leave preston alone in the kitchen
Me:hahahah he started it so he will finish it.
Mirandakay o. Let me go an take my bath. Wait for me o
Me: no problem.
I was drying the hair with my towel when Preston came in.
Preston:so you didn’t wait for me(he came close to me held my waist and kissed me)
Meopps. I am so so sorry I wanted to get ready before you.(I sticked my tongue out at him to tease him)
Preston:what’s that look huh?(still coming close to me)
MeI ran around the room) go and take your bath.
He pursued me and caught me. We laughed over this little play.
Preston:let me go take my bath
Me:better(he still kissed me before he left).
I wore a lemon jean, an Orange tight turtle neck sleeves top. I tucked in and used an orange belt. I wore orange hustlers and a lemon shore. I packed my hair a donut style and tied it with a lemon coloured band. I tied a coloured mixed lemon sweater around my waist. Just then preston walked in. He looked flabbergasted when he saw me.
Preston:wow! Are you a leader of some cult or what?
Mesmiling) why do you say so?
Preston:seriously you look like one.(he came close to me and kissed me)
Me: I am going to serve what you prepared on the dinning.
I walked out and he was still looking at me until I shut the door. I smiled at him as I closed the door. I arranged everything on the table. Soon everybody came out of the rooms. Preston and Presley wore the same coloured dress as usual red and white. The difference was that Presley wore a red hustler while preston wore a white hustler with red lace.
Miranda:wow!Milly are you a cultist?
Me:nope(laughing) why?
Presley:you look enticing I must say.
Me:thank you
Preston:my girlfriend is the beauty of today.
Presley:not near my miranda
Preston:really?
Presley:yes
Preston:I don’t want to argue with you. You know the truth within you.
We all laughed and fed each other. We gisted and laughed more. Soon we were all ready to go. I was so happy that I was with someone I loved and the someone loves me back. But I never knew all these things was going to end sooner than I thought.
We left for 9:00 class but left the house 8:25am. Preston played Celine Dion I drove all night as we were heading for school.
We got to the parking lot and preston parked the car and we all alighted from the car. Students in campus admired my dress especially the girls. To be truthful I was a very bad girl in Europe. I was just calm in Nigeria so I won’t cause trouble that would lead to exposing my real identity and putting my father in a state if jeopardy. Preston threw his arm around my neck and mine was around his waist. We soon departed and he pecked me
We all headed to our various departments. As I entered into mine a log of eyes stared at me including brenden. He stared at me until I sat down on my seat.
TO BE CONTINUED…


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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timed gas [Read it]


I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me...

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to the music on my Samsung phone with an ear-piece.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-15 10:46:37

110 Views




Before he could open his mouth to talk, a whole
bunch of police men started coming out from
their
hide out. He was surrounded by the policemen
who were all along in ambush. “Obed, whats the meaning of this? Chris asked.
“The law is just taking its course” Obed said.
Chris was immediately handcuffed right after they
had taken the illegal drugs from his possession.
It was now difficult for him to even defend
himself, cause this time around he was caught right in the
act.
It will only take a very powerful and influential
person in the society to come to his aid. But as it
stands now, Chris will be put in jail for a long time
after he has been found guilty. They led him away and placed him behind bars
with the illegal drugs kept as an evidence.
Mrs Amposah had scheduled a meeting with Riri
at
a restaurant which was away from their town.
At least, with this location, it was difficult for anyone to find or even trace them.
Riri got there before Mrs Amposah arrived. She
was late.
“What took you so long? Riri asked.
The relationship between Riri and Mrs Amposah
had changed over the few months ever since they began engaging in such unscrupulous deeds.
Riri had virtually lost all the respect she had for
Mrs Amposah.
“Sorry, Kuu was a hard nut to crack” Mrs Amposah
said.
“Do you think he knows anything? Riri asked. “I can’t trust him, but i know what to do. ” Mrs
Amposah assured her.
“Ermmm, don’t you think this is the time you
have
tell him about me? he has not noticed me and he
just sees me like any member of the church. ” Riri asked.
“Not yet, but you know I always keep my promise.
Besides i have a plan. He is my son. I know him so
for this reason, don’t worry.” Mrs Amposah said.
Apparently, Mrs Amposah had promised Riri that,
apart from her being paid for her services, She was going to make sure Kuu marry Riri.
Riri was all along in love with Kuu right from
when
he arrived from the states with Chris.
She had tried everything in her power to get
noticed but Kuu on the other hand Kuu never looked at her direction.
This was actually part of the reasons Riri was
helping Mrs Amposah out with her deeds aside
the
money she was earning.
You're reading "TEARS OF A BLEEDING HEART" for more story click here www.facebook.com/ mrcouple4u “Mrs Amposah, can i ask you a question? Riri
asked
” Sure, go ahead” Mrs Amposah said.
” At least you know why i’m helping you out, you
know my intentions and everything. But i don’t
understand where you’re coming from, why are you doing all these things? ” Riri asked.
” Young girl, don’t forget your boundaries, you do
what i ask of you and pay you for that. I don’t
expect such questions….. ” Mrs Amposah said but
was interrupted by a phone call from an unknown
number. It was from the police, they informed her about
the
arrest of Chris her son.
She had to postpone all other matters that was
pending to be discussed with Riri and attend to
her son Chris.
It was amazing how Mrs Amposah handled this
issue. Kuu was arrested right in front of her
however she never took the risk to visit him. But
with Chris, she had to stop whatever she was
doing and go to the police station.
Chris has always been her favorite. She has always
treated him specially, than Kuu.
Mansa on the other hand was returning from her
mother’s place. Her mother had told Mansa not to
reveal whatever she knew about herself and her maternal existence to anyone.
Mansa felt complete. For the very first time she
was happy. She was happy that Kuu and Chris are
actually her siblings.
What actually got her worried was the fact that
Obed was no where to be found. She thought of him and the support Obed had given her. What
would have happened if Obed never came into in
her life. She would have still remained in
darkness.
She then decided to go to where Obed and herself
had been staying before her miscarriage. She found it very difficult to locate the place, but
after several hours of looking, she was successful.
To her surprise, she found a gate man at the
place.
“wow, Obed has finally decided to get a gate
man” She said to herself as she approached the house.
Another thing that amazed her was how the gate
man welcomed her too when he saw her, it
seems
he had known her.
“Madam welcome” Said the gateman. “Thank you, i’m looking for your boss” Mansa
asked.
“Oh Madam, you are my boss, i don’t know how
to
answer you again oo Madam” said the gate man.
” You are very funny, i’m looking for Obed, the one
who lives here” She asked.
The gate looked confused and said.
” Madam, i am the only one that lives here oo, i
have lived here alone for the past three years until
you showed up last two weeks” The gate man said.
“How come i didn’t see you when i came? She
asked.
“Your mother told me you will be coming, i was
in
my quarters when you arrived. That’s why you didn’t see me. I wanted to introduce myself to
you
but i later on realized that you had left without
me
noticing. Forgive me madam, it won’t happen
again” The gate man said. ” So you mean, you were all along in this house
and i never set my eyes on you? Mansa asked.
“Yes madam, myself i was surprised that you
stayed indoors all the time” The gate man said.
” Anyway, the man i came here with, he is the one
am looking for” Mansa asked again. “Madam, you came here with someone? I didn’t
see any one with you oo” The gateman said.
As much as the issue seemed strange to Mansa,
the gateman was smelling of alcohol, so Mansa
didn’t take him serious. She thought he was
drunk.

>>

stingy [Read it]


There are some stingy human being in dis country ooo


There was a man I saw in bank 2day, he came 2 deposit #100 in his account, I was nw like #100 wey I no fe use chop self, I kan go ask am say y he kan deposit #100 he kan tell me say he get #6,900 and he wan collect everything, he even bring cheque self, ah stingyness


So u too Dnt b stingy try 2 share 2 odas


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-19 21:50:56

283 Views




A P C = All Political Criminals
P D P=people decieving people
*IMO = i must obey
*IBADAN =Ibo Boys Are
Dangerous At
Night...
*ABA =Agboro Boys Association
*LAGOS =Love All Girls on Sunday
*ABACHA = After Babangida
Another
Criminal
Has Arrived..
*GULDER =Girls under linguor
deserve extra
romance.
*F.A.N.T.A =Foolish Ashawo
Never Takes
Advice.
*W.E.E.K =Woman's education
ends in
kitchen
.
*NIGERIA =Never Investigate
Great Executive
Robbers In Authority.
*NEPA= Never expect power
always.
*KOBO=Kill obasanjo before
others.
*AIDS=America invention for
discouraging
sex.
*PHCN=Please hold candle near
*OYO=On your own
*NYSC=National Year of Sex and
Comfort
*Glo=Get lover online
*Mtn=Maintain total Nonsense
*JONATHAN=Just ON Ambition To
Hurt All
Nigerians...
what you do you think "kasieze" will be?
kasieze -


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-15 06:49:12

161 Views



Akpos wan marry [Read it]


Akpos approach a lady on his way 2 restaurant.the folowing conversation ensued.
Akos:marry me.
The lady:do u av a flat.
Akpos:no.
The lady:do u av suv car.
Akpos:no
the lady:how much z ur salary.
Akpos:no salary.
The lady;out of my way u dont av anytin n u wan 2 marry me.
Akpostalking 2 him self).i have one villa,3 properties in dubai,3 ferraris.why should i buy suv car.and collect salary y i be d boss or av flat while i had already have a villa.dis girl self.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 13:11:30

834 Views




Hi, keep messaging me and win exciting prizes:

3rd Prize: Lots of Luv.

2nd Prize:Longlasting friendship.

1st Priz: Free stay for Lifetime in my heart.Related


Some madmen in Lagos were to be transfer to another facility in Calabar so a private jet was used for the transfer. While in the air one madman went to the pilot cabin and asked the pilot to teach how to fly a plane 
Madman:Oga abeg you fet teach me how to fly this thing?
Pilot:why do you want to know how to fly a plane? 
Madman: nothing oo I just won know 
Pilotkay I will teach you but under one conditions 
Madman:what?
Pilot:go and tell your fellow madmen to stop making noise
Madmankay 
The madman left and within some seconds he came back.
Pilot:wow what did you tell them that made them not to make noise anymore?
Madman:I just open door then tell them make them go play outside. 




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-10 11:11:42

399 Views




The following WhatsApp chat ensued between Akpors and his boss.
Akpos: Boss, I won't be able to come to work today.
Boss: Why not?
Akpos: It rained heavily in my area and the whole place is flooded.
Boss: You listed ^swimming^ as your hobby in your CV. so hurry up and come to work! I'm expecting you!
Akpos: Jesus christ!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-19 16:19:13

152 Views




JOKE PART 69 BY DINDY

Dindy was making noise in class while his teacher was teaching. The teacher saw him and got angry.
Teacher: You naughty boy
Dindy: Yes ma
Teacher: [Angry] Dindy stand up!.
:......
Dindy stands up slowly.
:......
Teacher: I'm going to ask you a question and if you fail it, I will give you twenty four strokes of the Cain and you will be sent out of my class, non sense!.
Teacher: Now Dindy explain the features of a famer.
Dindy: Your real daddy.........
:......
Dindy was expelled from school......
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 70.









NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-16 22:38:23

189 Views




GRAND COMEDY HOUSE (STORY BY DINDY) EPISODE 2
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.

[Laughs] That was funny right? He fell like a log of wood for my little trick.
I know you guys might wonder what happened to Hassan that day, well let me just say he had luck and my dad left him.
As for me, i was caught and punished badly by my dad.
I know I'm a bad guy, but I only act that way if provoked or if I wanna teach you a lesson.
Ah!, That reminds me of a day when Veron took what was mine.
............STORY BEGINS..........
Veron: "You're too small to own this", he said as he took it from my hand.
Dea dea: "Give it back Veron", I said as I reached for it.
Veron: "Back off small kid", he said provoking me.
Dea dea: "Give it back, stop it bro!", I said trying to get it from him.
Veron: "What're you gonna do if I don't give it back?", he said changing the position of his hold on it.
Dea dea: "Stop it bro!", I shouted angrily.
Veron: "Answer my question, will you cry huh", he said lifting his left hand higher than my reach.
Dea dea: "I hate you!", I said angrily.
Veron: "Hy guess what?, I hate you too", he said then placed his right hand on my face and pushed me to the ground.
Dea dea: "You will pay for this, I promise you", I said to him angrily as I sat on the floor.
Veron: "News flash street rat, the only thing I will be paying for is your hospital bills, if you try anything with me", he said pointing at me.
Veron: "You got that?", he said then walked away from where I was.
After he left, I spoke within myself.
Dea dea: "So Veron has grown wings abi?", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "Veron, my little senior brother is forming king for me", I said to myself as I stood up from the floor.
Dea dea: "He called me a kid ba?", I said as my hands beat my chest.
Dea dea: "He had the mind to take my iPod that uncle gave me", I said to myself.
Dea dea: "I will show him fire I promise and we shall see who will pay who's hospital bills", I said to myself.
.....2 WEEKS LATER.....
Veron had already forgotten what he did to me, but I hadn't because I always saw him using the iPod he took from me forcefully.
Veron had plans the next day, to go watch a movie in the cinema, so he went to tell Dad.
Veron: "Dad I'm going out tomorrow", he said to my dad.
Dad: "Where're you going to?", he asked.
Veron: "I'm going to the cinema", he said.
Dad: "To do what there", he asked.
Veron: "To fry akara for grand ma", he said in a low tone for my dad not to hear it.
Dad: "What did you say?", asked my dad.
Veron: "I said, I wanna watch a movie", he said.
Dad: "Ok, but take Dea dea along with you", he said.
Veron: "But dad", he said.
Dad: "Not buts, I and Hassan are going somewhere tomorrow, and your mum and sisters are going to the market", he said.
Dad: "So it's either you take him along or you stay at home with him", he said.
Veron: "Dad, I don't like it at all", he said as he stood up and walked out from the parlour.
Dad: "That is your own piece of roasted chin chin, if you like eat it, if you like refry it!", he said aloud wanting Veron to hear his voice well enough.
......THE NEXT DAY......
The next day, Veron told me that we were going to the cinema to watch a movie, I was happy and I mean very happy --That kin evil happiness --.
I went to bath quickly and dress up quickly because I knew who Veron was, he could do crazy things --But not more than me--.
As we got closer to the cinema, Veron warned me not to misbehave or he would deal with me badly. I looked at him and said nothing.
When we got to the cinema, Veron told me to wait, so that he could get tickets for two (me and him). I went to stand in a corner, looking around and seeing different people.
He later came back with two tickets in his hands and a popcorn for only him with a soft drink.
Veron: "Let's go watch the movie", he said.
Veron: "By the way, don't hope on this soft drink and popcorn in my hand, if you want yours go get it kid", he said provoking me, but I said nothing.
30mins into the movie, I was very angry and upset because of all the things he did to me.
Dea dea: "You took my iPod forcefully from me, you refused to share this cinema popcorn that has being hungering since and the soft drink I love the most", I said within myself.
Dea dea: "Today I will so disgrace you ehn, that you will look like a fool", I said as I looked at him with a smile and he looked at me smiling back with his mouth full of popcorn.
Dea dea: "The idiot is even smiling, I will so show you fire ehn", I said within myself as I slowly pulled out the thin small-long plastic which I regularly use to cause commotion.
As the movie continued, I slowly moved the plastic forward touching the lady who sat in front of him. The lady, thinking it was some insect, used her hand to make it flee.
I stopped and continued, she then got really fed up by what was happening, so she turned back to see who was doing it.
Immediately I saw her turning her head, I stopped and acted like I was being serious with the movie.
She looked at Veron who was right at her back, Veron noticed that she was looking at him, so he looked at her and gave her a smile.
She said nothing and turned back to the movie she was watching. As I saw that she was back to her movie watching, I continued my trouble, but this time, I poked her on her bum and waist.
She got really angry this time and stood up, then looked angrily at Veron who was looking at her with a smile.
She then gave him a dirty slap that caused his head to fall backwards.
Lady: "[Angry] How dare you touch me, are you mad!?", she shouted angrily.
I began to laugh heavily, as I raised the plastic stick up and moved slowly away from Veron.
Veron looked at me and saw me laughing with the plastic stick in my hand.
Veron: "Dea dea!!, so it was you that caused this, I will so kill you!!", he shouted then stood up and ran after me.
I being a smart boy, I ran out side the hall and Veron ran after me very fast.
He had almost caught me, when I noticed that he had almost grabbed my hand, I quickly stopped and bent down. He flu over me and fall to the ground with his knees and his legs apart.
Immediately he fell, his trouser tore apart from the middle of his ass and displayed his black underwear.
Dea dea: "[Laughs] See black Ipod in 3D ooo!!", I shouted laughing as I drew people's attention.
Veron: "Dea dea!!! I will kill you!!...", he said standing up and running after me, with his torn trouser which was now like a separated piece of jeans........ To be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi


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Awesome Weather


Singles Are Dreaming,


Lovers Are Dating,


And


Married Are Thinking


Kapde Kidhar SukhauRelated


Q: Why are condoms
transparent?
Akpos: So that sperms can at
least enjoy the scenery
Q: What is the new AIDS
awareness slogan?
Akpos: Try different positions
with the same
woman instead of same
position with different women.
Q: What will happen if earth
rotates 30 times faster?
Akpos: Men will get their salary
everyday
and women will bleed to
death.
Q: Why do 90% girls have
left boob bigger than right?
Akpos: Because 90% boys are
right handed.
Q: What is the difference
between a PANTY & a STAGE
CURTAIN?
Akpos: When you pull down the
STAGE CURTAIN, the show is
over,
but when you pull down the
PANTY.. it is SHOWTIME!
Q: what does a Signboard
outside a prostitute’s house
say
Akpos: Married MEN not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the
greedy
haha!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-27 06:53:35

325 Views




Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.


“I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says.


He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.


“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little x where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”


The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.


“What did the doctor say?” the victim asks.


“He says you’re gonna die.”Related

My heart desire [Read it]


Post BodyPLEASE READ FIRST:
*** This story is “NOT EDITED” so the readers are expected to understand the spelling and grammatical errors.
*** This story is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.
*** The uploading, scanning, and distribution of this story in any form or by any means – including but not limited to electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise – without the permission of the author is illegal and punishable by law. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
MY HEART DESIRES BY ANCHORLANIOUS © 2017
Am confusing can anyone tell me the truth yesterday was 2016 and today 2017 does that mean that tomorrow 2018?
No no I can't believe it
Hahahaha *HAPPY NEW YEAR 20177777777*

Session one episode 1


I sat down on a cemetery when this angel was passing by holding one blue band rubber and some shirts on a huger.
Anchor: Did you have her number?
Amé: Yes I do, why? did you want to rone her?
Anchor: I just dey feel her waaaa, but she has a boyfriend if am not mistaking?
Ame: No that boy is related to her but still trying to decode her
Anchor: Who am I referring to?
Ame: Isn't not Felix?
Anchor: Yeah how did you know that
Ame: That's whom we all know, but did you know something
Anchor: No
Ame: If she returns back asks her her digit pretend as if you do have and let see her reaction
Anchor: Okay I will do that, so are you sure she do have any pen drive?
Ame: Master look sharp, we dey for market where everyone is looking for what you are looking for, so pari make ward and get your own.
Anchor: No problem,
If I get this young girl ah hmmm I will scan, decode, format and that all.
Ame: Eiiii please don't spoil the girl and leave her ooo
Anchor: Here she comes
Anchor: Rosaline where from you?
Rose: My father's place
Anchor: Can I have your number
Rose: I don't have my number in mind
Anchor: Okay let me flash my line using your phone.
She handle me her Samsung Gi198... To me I flash my number and her name appears on my screen cox I've I've store her number before she arrived
Anchor: Waoo wonders shall never ends my number start with 054423 and yours also stated the same so let put everything in one plate
Rose: I don't get you can you through more light on that for me?
Anchor: I said let us do it as one family
Rose: Okay am not getting you but can you call me, cox am in hurry
Anchor: No problem
Ame: Hmmm Rose where is your boyfriend?
Rose: I do have any?
( phone ring)
Rose :hello am coming home, okay yoo
( referring to me)
I've to go my mum just call so call me when you reach home
Anchor: Okay I will
(After she went)
Ame; if you make ward you can get this girl ooo
Anchor: Ebi market let me try, niga we have to get out of here
Ame: Okay, tomorrow make sure you come early.
@ 5:40pm according to my time.
I went to the nearest vendor and get some airtime of GHc 1 before going home, I reached home took my bucket move to fetch water while I roll down the mini bucket to fetch water from the well I remember making call at 6:00pm is better than, on my screen it writing * 0% discount to MTN. Text start to 146 for daily romance story*
I quickly dial Rose's number, to my surprise.....guess what happened
TBC




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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“A married man is a happy man.
All husband wife jokes are bullshit.
And I love you.”    Lo Likh diya darling, ab to khana de do please.Related

My sleeping schedule is totally dependent on

.

..



….

the remaining battery power of my phone!Related

philay d fool [Read it]


(1.) Police;- Where do u live?.
Philay; With my parents.
Police; Where do they live?.
Philay; With me.
Police; So where do u all live?.
Philay; we live together
(2). Teacher: Who are the IDIOTS talking oya
stand up, only philay stood up..
Teacher; So u are the Idiot?..
Philay; No Ma, I just can't bear u standing up
alone.
(3). Papa Philay; How did your exam go?..
Philay; They gave me questions that I don't
know so I wrote answers which they won't
know
(4). Teacher; If i have 16 Sweets & I licked 14,
what do I have left?..
Philay; Diabetes Ma
(5). Philay: Went to the hospital to complain; "
Doc i play football in my dream every nite..
Doctor; Take this tablet, u ll be ok..
Philay; Can I take it tomorrow, bcos 2nite is
the final game
(6). Presenter; Mr Philay, what advice do you
have for your fans in 2014
Philay; If Two wrongs don't make a right, try
three.
(7). Teacher; Name the types of wood we
have..
Philay; Fire-wood, Nolly-wood, Bolly-wood and
Holly-wood
(. Madam; Hope junior has eaten?..
Philay; Yes Ma, I even added small dettol
inside his drinking water to kill the germs...
bcos if I don't take care of him who will
Madam: Fainted...
(9.) Teacher; Why do you always see
lightening first and hear the thunder later?..
Philay; Because your eyes are in front of your
ears.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-19 21:51:52

497 Views




Chris was not fast enough, Asabea noticed what
he
was trying to do instantly.
“So you are at it again Chris? Asabea asked. Her voice woke Mansa up. She didn’t realize that
her button was opened.
“what is going on here?” Mansa asked.
“Go to your room Mansa, sorry for disturbing you,
we will talk later. “Chris said. Mansa didn’t
hesitate and went into her room.
“who is she? Asabea asked looking very furious.
“That’s my sister. Anyway why didn’t you tell me
you were coming here? Chris said.
“Must i tell you before coming here? Anyway am
here for a different purpose” Asabea said. “what is it? Chris asked.
“well, i have missed my period. She said.
“Meaning? Chris asked.
“Chris, am 2 months pregnant” Asabea revealed.
“Look, why do you always get yourself pregnant
and get me involved all the time, deal with it girl” Chris angrily said.
” i suppose the Holy Spirit descended on me and
got me pregnant right? listen to me carefully, am
not ready for another abortion. You better be
ready to be a father or else the whole world will
know about this” Asabea cautioned him. You are reading "Tears of A Bleeding Heart
episode 2"
You can click here for more stories www.facebook.com/mrcouple4u Chris found it funny and said
” listen, you are going to get rid of that baby,
whether you like it or not”
“Oh really, watch me” Asabea said and walked
out
on him. “Asabea, Asabea, Hey Asabea come back here”
Chris called but Asabea ignored him completely
and went away.
Chris stood there lost in his thoughts and was
wondering what Asabea was up to.
Now, ever since Mr. Amposah passed away, though he was wealthy and left a lot of property
behind, some how the financial status was
awkwardly dropping.
Apparently, Mrs. Amposah had been spending
alot. she had sold Two mansions that Mr.
Amposah had left behind. As to what she was spending her money on,
became a question without an answer. Within a
few month, she had sold 3 cars and yet the
returns
of the selling never reflected on her in anyway.
Kuu became suspicious of this and wondered what
her mother was using all those money for.
As if that was not enough, monies were been
taken
out of the church’s coffers without any form of
accountability. It was obvious that Mrs. Amposah was clearly
behind this.
This spending was becoming too much that Kuu
decided to ask his Mum of what was really going
on.
The only answer his mother could give was that she was making an investment which required a
lot of deposit.
That was an obvious lie.
One faithful day, Kuu found GHC5000 withdrawal
from his mother’s check book. This prompted
him that his mother was up to something.
He then became very determined to find out what
was going on.
One night, Mansa had a strange dream. She saw
Mr. Amposah standing right on his grave dressed
in black suit and a white clerical. He was in tears.
In the dream, he wanted to communicate with
Mansa, but it was very difficult for Mansa to hear
him out.
All she could hear was
“it wasn’t my time, it wasn’t my time” Out of fear, Mansa woke up with goose bumps all
over her. It was midnight by then and everyone
was totally asleep.
The whole place was quiet. However Mansa felt
she was been watched.
All of a sudden, she was over shadowed by fear and began shivering.
Coincidentally, she felt like throwing up but
ignored it initially.
Before she knew, she had already gone to the
washroom vomiting.
She instantly felt different. She then suspected that
she was pregnant.


>>

Bonanza!!! [Read it]


Bonanza! Bonanza!! Bonanza!!! Fairly Used rams and goats for sale... Sallah promo is here again!: Tokunbo goat - Buy 1 & get 1 free. *London used He-goat - N1,200 *USA used white ram - N1,220 *Stolen ram - N850. *1 eyed ram -N820 *Blind goat - N800. *ram wey dey hear wit 1 ear - 650 *Deaf and dumb ram - N610 *Crippled goat - N380. *Wrinkled ram - N250 *Sick goat - 150 *HIV He-goat - N25 *Ebola ram - free Order Now.. Its SALLAH Season. Happy Sallah in Advance to all my muslim friends......... From #Temmyt88


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-24 12:37:37

413 Views



a week seminar [Read it]


A man who just got married, fell in love with a lady next door. He wanted to have time with his lover. So he told his wife he was going for a seminar in a city nearby and will back in a week.
So he quickly packed his belongings, said goodbye to his wife and left. When he saw that his wife had entered the house, he sneaked into the lady's house next door where he had fun and spent the whole night with her. Early next morning, he peeped through the window and was shocked by what he saw. He saw a man moving around his yard, wearing his pyjamas.
Angry, he went out and said to the man; "hey! You! What are you doing there?"
The man answered; "I am the lady's lover. I will be here for a week. Her husband is out in another town for a seminar. So I will be with her till he comes.''
Getting angrier, the husband said, "You are an idiot! l will deal with you as soon as I return from the seminar!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-30 00:08:35

729 Views




Announcement from Akpors: This for all eligible bachelors,
here is the approve list of my requirements for anyone who
wants to marry my daughter:
1) 3 cows
2) 16 bags of rice
3) 78 litres of red oil
4) 15 iphone 6
5) 15 bags of salt
6) 98 holandies wrappers
7) 3 range rover black and white
150 imported Uk bags
9) 700 versace shoes not ABA made oooo
10) 7 apple laptops new ones
11) 9 ipads
12) 16 set of boxes from Dubai
13) 45 washing machines
14) 50 bags of Semovita and 45 bags of wheat
15) 1 big sack of kolanut
16) 20 dozen of bra and panties
17) 90 carton of frozen chicken
1 98 crate of coke and fanta
19) 21 make up kit must be of a Tara product and must be
500 thousand
20) Must build a mansion for 8 members of her family and
sponsor their kids to study in Oxford university.
21) Must open a shopping mall for her mother in UK
22) You must treat her like a Queen
23) Her bride price will be 100 naira cos we’re not selling her
out.
My people, if you check well you will see that I and my wife
are very considerate and we are not asking for too much.
So, who wants to marry my daughter?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-01 07:28:19

638 Views




MARRIED COUPLE, this is worth reading.
My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love
him for his steady nature, and I love the warm
feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.
Three years of courtship and now, two years into
marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before,
has now transformed into the cause of all my
restlessness.
I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive
when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I
yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete
opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of
bringing romantic moments into our marriage has
disheartened me about love.
One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision,
that I wanted a divorce. “Why?” he asked, shocked. “I am tired, there are
no reasons for everything in the world!” I
answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to
be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all
times. My feeling of disappointment only
increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?
And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change
your mind?”
Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a
person’s personality, and I guess, I have started
losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : “Here is the question, if you can
answer and convince my heart, I will change my
mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face
of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that
picking the flower will cause your death, will you
do it for me?” He said :” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by
listening to his response.
I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and
saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting,
underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near
the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to
explain the reasons further..” This first line was
already breaking my heart. I continued reading.
“When you use the computer you always mess up
the Software programs, and you cry in front of the
screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the
house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to
rush home to open the door for you. You love
traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I
have to save my eyes to show you the way. You
always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my
palms so that I can calm the cramps in your
tummy.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will
be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my
mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and
that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to
save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help
to clip your nails, and help to remove those
annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand
while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the
color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on
your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure
that there is someone who loves you more than I
do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. ”
My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading…
“Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if
you are satisfied, please open the front door for I
am standing outside bringing your favorite bread
and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and
saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….
Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me
as much as he does, and I have decided to leave
the flower alone…
That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by
love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between
the peace and dullness.
Love shows up in all forms, even very small and
cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could
be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and
romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the
pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life…
Love, not words win arguments…
#NairaStories #B-goF #AoN


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Define contraceptive pill?

It’s the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.Related

conductor to lady … ha madam baccho ki umar kitni h



lady …. 4 saal 4.5 saal 5 …saal …



conductor …. Teri ma ka inderdhanush ….. bc kiraya de na de. gap to maintain rkh….. bhosdi ki bacche h ke pilleRelated

TD writing for Chad:
.
"You never stood a chance, Dr. Tango. Never".
.
If i was nursing any hope of getting out of this whole ordeal alive, it just became certain that i was kidding. Now, it was only a matter of when the end would come. I could only pray it be quick and painless. I made that conclusion a few minutes before i was in an office that had what most offices have. I sat on a chair facing the boss in his swivel chair. Swarthy (by now i knew his real name. Ken) was behind me ominously holding a heavy steel pipe. Mary-Anne was standing behind the boss chair. Omobolanle was on the seat next to me. There was just the five of us in the office.
.
Let me rewind to a few hours to that time...
.
Seeing Mary-Anne in that place and hearing how she addressed me was like seeing Oprah Winfrey (i used to be a very big fan of hers) announce i would be her next guest on show. I was overjoyed and nonplussed all at once. She walked past me to stand in a corner of the theatre. I was still staring at her perplexed when a nurse informed me it was time. I tore my gaze away from Mary-Anne with great effort and faced the woman in labour. What to do i had no idea what it is even. The atmosphere of the room was cool but i was sweating profusely.
"What is the matter, Doc? You seem what confused? Come over here". It was Nightmare.
I went to him and he took me by the hand and half-dragged; half-led me out. I wondered where he was leading me. I looked back and saw Swarthy close behind me. He led me to his office. It was tastefully furnished. Portraits of Nigerian and Hollywood movie stars were on the wall. It gave an informal look to the otherwise formal office. He pointed to a chap facing the executive office table and swivel chair and i sat. Swarthy produced a pair of cuffs and secured my hands behind the chair. Nightmare went out and left Swarthy with me. I saw from the ornate wall clock that it was a half-hour before midnight. It was exactly an hour when the door to the office opened again. The one hour alone with Swarthy was the most apprehensive one i had ever lived through. I expected the worst to happen to me at anytime. The thought of Swarthy using the steel bar he had picked up from behind the door of the office on me never left my mind. The thoughts of what was happening in the operating theatre where Mary-Anne was coursed through my mind also. My mind was a highway of crazy thought traffic. I barely stayed sane for that one hour.
.
When the door opened, it was Mary-Anne that walked in. Tanganyika Ilevbare came in seconds after. I wish i could see the look on my face when my gaze fell on what he was carrying. A spandex-like bulk was in his arms and i immediately recognized it as the Nightmare 'skin'. Mary-Anne was laughing hysterically as Tango dropped the pile on the table before me and sat on the swivel chair behind it. Tango joined in the laughter. I just stared at the duo. I was totally perplexed. My mouth was agape. This wasn't happening. I blinked rapidly to clear the bad dream but it didn't go away.
"Tango, Mary-Anne, whatevar this is, i need an explanation. I was surprised that my voice sounded calm.
Tango made to say something and burst into another round of hysteric laughter. I was becoming furious.
"Tango!" I yelled.
He paused and stared at me in a queer way. I remembered i'd seen that look on his face somewhere but i couldn't remember.
"What you need is not an explanation, Tango. It is a story. Relax and listen". As he spoke he watched my face for a reaction when he called me Tango. I made an expression, obviously, for he seemed pleased with what he saw.
"It is an interesting one. Who lives happily ever after is up to you to deduce. Let me say this now, so i won't forget. When you see Dad, tell him i won and that he lost". He paused. I didn't know what to say and it was obvious for he continued.
"We were born as twins, or so i had always wanted to believe. Father made me understand otherwise. He always treated us seperately. You were his favorite, i was simply his child. He believed in you, he defined my life for me. He gave you a cool name, 'Chad', and of all the lakes, he could only think of Tanganyika for me. Who does that? He encouraged you to be whatever you wanted to be. He never for once wanted to know what i wanted to be even though it was always clear what i should be. You became an Engineer. He made me a Doctor. Brother, i've lived all my life envying yours. But you know what the good Book says, all things work together for our good? Yeah. It's very true.
"It was in my first year of studying Medicine and Surgery that i attended a theatre and African acts show. It was a life-changing experience for me. I knew that evening what i wanted to be. Why didn't father see the way i'd dress up like him and mom, imitating the way they walked and talked for what it was? A performing arts son! Why? Did it never cross his mind that i was the one who should be what he wanted to be and not you?
.
TO BE CONTINUED


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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FUNNY NAMES ABBREVIATION
Gift Chioma Emeka =G.C.E
David Victor Denis =DVD
Hope Innocent Vincent =HIV
Love Grateful Ada =LGA
Nathan Tim Aboh =NTA
Amanda Ino Daniel Sera =AIDS
Nwankwo Elochi Peter Agnes=NEPA
Veronica Ifeoma Peter =VIP
Rapuruchuku Iheanyi Paul- RIP
Benjamin Bony Maduako =BBM
Mukaila Tunde Nurudeen =MTN
Deborah Sarah Tiffany Veronica (DSTV)
Bode Raji Tafa (BRT)
Nike Emmanuela Cosmas Orlando (NECO)
Waziri Ahmed Ebenezer Concordis
(WAEC)
Jamiu Alaba Mailaka Bakare (JAMB)
Usman Maduka Emmanuel (UME)
Oya add your own join and let's go there



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-31 00:24:54

385 Views



work problem [Read it]


Akpos is coming back from work. As he enters
the sitting room, his wife asked:
WIFE: Darling! Why are you looking so sad?
AKPOS: Sweetheart, I have a problem at my
office.
WIFE: Don't say you have a problem. You
should say we have a problem because we are
now married.
AKPOS: OK, we have a problem in our office.
WIFE: And what is the problem darling?
AKPOS: Our secretary is pregnant for us.
WIFE: Whaaat!!!
The wife fainted!
.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-26 10:10:48

575 Views




Two Boko Haram members,
Habib & Akpos were
making a letter bomb.
Habib: I'm not sure whether I
put enough
explosive in this envelope before
I sealed it.
Akpos: Well! open it and confirm.
Habib: But if I open it, it will
explode!
Akpos: Don't be stupid, It wasn't
addressed to
you!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-31 13:33:21

419 Views




I will be travelling for a conference tomorrow
morning to come back on saturday,” I overheard
Oga telling Madam the next morning.
I was mopping up the toilet and bathroom when I
heard Oga telling madam about the travel.
I felt bad.
The fact that Oga didn’t deem it necessary to tell
me about his impending travel last night when he
sneaked into my room to enjoy my
honey pie made me feel humiliated and
insignificant.
I felt real bad.
With annoyance and subdued fury I continued
with the toilet I was mopping.
It dawned on me that even though Oga sneaks
into my room every night in pursuit of my honey
pie, he had no regard for me.
The thought alone villified me. But then that was
by the way.
The main matter on ground was the fact that Oga
was travelling which meant that madam now had
the entire house to herself and woe unto me I
was in big trouble.
From what I overheard, Oga was going to be
away for about one week and that for me meant
one week of agonizing terror.
With me and madam alone in the house with the
kids, revenge was not far-fetched.
It was an ideal opportunity for madam to do
whatever she wanted with me and I trembled as
the thought crossed my mind.
I was scared.
Madam was capable of anything not to talk of
when Oga wasn’t around.
But I had no other options than to face my fate.
That night, Oga sneaked into my room once again
as usual but this time I refused to open for him.
He was surprised and asked me what the problem
was of which I instantly told him that I wanted to
travel with him.
Oga laughed cupping his mouth with his left palm
to block off the sound.
He informed me that it wasn’t going to be
possible for me to travel with him because of
obvious reasons. Rather he advised me to be of
my best behaviour so that madam won’t see
reasons to punish me unnecessarily.
I informed him that I wasn’t happy with the fact
that he didn’t tell me about his travel the other
night that he came to my room and he apologised
saying that it escaped his mind.
I didn’t know what else to say again than to open
my legs for him so he had his way.
By the time I woke up the next morning, his
luggage had already been packed and was
waiting for me to carry them into the car.
By 9am that morning, he left.
“Adaeze!” My madam called me as soon as Oga
zoomed off.
“Yes ma,” I answered with immediate urgency.
“Will you carry your dead decaying body to this
place before I close and open my eyes,” she
commanded.
I ran into the master bedroom to answer in
obedience.
“As you can see,” she began. “Oga just left for a
conference and will not be back until next two
weeks,” she continued. “If you want this house to
accommodate the both of us atleast until Oga
comes back, I think its high time you started
telling me the truth about what my husband went
to do in your room last night that I don’t know
about…”

Drop your comments below








NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I can fit the whole thing in my mouth, but I can’t blow it while it’s in there… (Oral Sex)

-Sarah O’Brien, in reference to her pitch pipeRelated

Subjects [Read it]


Post Body maths is a modern art with wiggles and squiggles.physics signifies a heart attack with its numbers and units.chemistry is death,beware of solutions that explode! Geography is inquisitive,leave our earth alone! History is the birth of your memory for dates. English is a language who doesnt know that? Biology is you,diagrams and all. Oh,subjects as a whole are enough to make you mad








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-13 18:29:18

315 Views



Silent P [Read it]


Stolen!!
When u spell knife, theK is silent. When u say
Psychology, It's pronounced "sykology"
therefore the P is silent. There are many
instances like that inEnglish Language. When
I first heard the word PSYCHOLOGY. I spelt
"Sychology". I didn't know there was a
'silent' letter "P". What am I really saying?
Don't be confused.
When President Buhari and APC promised?45
as pms pump price.
We also didn't know there was a 'silent'
hundred naira
before it!
.
.
Abi....?? #HappyNewWeek #HaveaFruitfulDay #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-05 10:20:49

300 Views




Mandy picked up Ana's phone and put her on speaker, so that Neha could also listen on their conversation.

"Thank God Ana, you are safe. You don't know how worried we were about you. I am really sorry about what happened. How is prince doing?" Mandy and Neha spoke at the same time.

"Mandy, I have to say sorry, for leaving everything and running away. I was worried about prince. I am also really sorry, that because of me Rahul's marriage got cancelled." Ana added the last statement to check Mandy's and Neha's reaction.

"No, it turned out to be a good thing. We are kind of happy that Ria is out of Rahul's life. She is very manipulative and cunning lady." Neha replied.

"I know, but am not sure how Rahul feels about it and is probably angry with me for meddling with his personal life."

"Not at all Ana. Give Rahul a chance to understand you better. He is not angry with you. He is angry at himself for prince getting into trouble with Ria. He really likes you and hopefully both of you can work out your differences and be friends. Also I  am bit worried about him, so keep an eye on him and make sure he is ok." Mandy spoke choosing her words carefully.

"Thanks Mandy, don't worry about Rahul. I will take care of him. Take care of Neha and your health."

"Ana, I am going to be here with Neha for few more weeks. Also look into the files that have been piling up, since you left. Take care honey and don't hesitate to call me in case of any issue, even if it is Rahul. Also call me and update regularly. Bye now." Mandy kept the call brief to keep Ana from knowing their emotional status. Mandy wanted to get back with prince as soon as possible. She was finding it difficult to stay calm after knowing the truth.

Ana didn't get much from Mandy, other than, that Mandy wasn't aware of the Rahul's blackmail. She was on her own, in her battle with Rahul. She made a determination to stay alert and not give in to any of Rahul's demands, until she figures out the real truth behind the contract.

Ana went back to her room to take a small nap. When she woke up, she realized it was almost evening and prince didn’t return to her. He was still with Rahul. She immediately went towards Rahul's room wondering 'what one of the busiest billionaire CEO' was doing with a two and half year old kid, since morning.

She knocked on his door, waited a few seconds and then entered his bedroom. She was surprised looking at the scene in front of her.

Rahul and prince were sitting on the bed, side by side, with their backs against the bed board and legs sprawled in front. Rahul had his laptop in his lap and was working, prince sat with a iPad and was watching cartoons. Both looked busy and alike.

Both lifted their heads and looked at her at the same time and Ana looked confused unable to decide whom to look at, so she kept on switching between them.

"Mommy!" Prince shouted, breaking the silence in the room.

"Mr Shah, thanks for taking care of prince. I am sorry, if he caused any trouble to you. You should have sent him to my room. I know you are very busy."

"First thing Ana, starting now, you will be calling me, by my name 'Rahul' , not Mr Shah. It's an order. Ok?"

"Ok..ay" Ana replied taking time to digest the command.

"Second, prince and I, had a good time, so no worries, you can leave him with me anytime. Also, we did come to your room, but you were sleeping, so we came back to my room and he has been a very good boy." Rahul said, looking at prince and raising one of his eyebrows.

"Oh! I am so sorry Mr Shah ...."

"Its Rahul" he corrected her.

"Hmm .." She didn't expect him to be nice to her. He not only let her nap, but also took care of her son.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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GUYS THIS IS FROM A BABE....SHE IS VERY ANNOYED....WHAT
DO YOU SAY...PLEASE READ....WHY SHE IS ANNOYED....

Can u imagine? I cant believe this. He deleted me from him BBM, can't
reach him on his phone, he moved out from his house, removed me from his
friends on facebook, blocked me on whatsapp just because i gave him the
list of things i want for VALENTINE.
1, Brazillian hair 120k,
2, Gucci bag 350k,
3, Louis vuitton wallet 80k,
4, DKNY wrist watch 70k,
5,Prada shoes 140k,
6,Aldo sandals 30k, and an Iphone6 320k.
Please friends I only asked for six (6) items o!.......
Did i ask for much?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-06 21:52:09

536 Views



Mr lion [Read it]


A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-04 14:06:11

527 Views



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