Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Aansoo Joh Beh Rahe Hein Inhein Behne Do,

Yeh Keh Rahe Hein Dil Ki Baat Kehne Do,

Bohat Bewafa Ho Tum Yeh Humko Hai Maloom,

Tum Apni Wafa Ki Baat,

Apne Tak Hi Rehne Do,Related

HEAR MY STORY
Final Episode!!!
Bode came back from Lagos on saturday.He passed two
nights in our house.
He was so surprised at how he was warmly received by my
parents & siblings.
He really didnt give me the details,but i knew he gave Pastor
the full gist.
With time,my dad became a loving dad to Bode.
They were always talking to each other.
Bode's 21st birthday met him in Lagos, & according to him,
my family marked it for him in a little way,which he really
appreciated.
He proposed to me, but i turned it down immediately. Not
because i didnt have feelings for him, but because of the age gap between us.
When i told mummy about it, her reply surprised me."Go &
pray about it my dear. Whatever God asks you to do,do it..but
about the issue of age difference, it has no meaning."
"But....Ma,even if God comes down to tell me to marry
him,i dont think i can.How can i marry someone i'm 4yrs
older than?.He's just 21 & i'm 25."
She laughed & said "Is there anywhere it is written in the
bible that the husband must be older than his wife?. The bible only
says that wives should be submissive to theiir own husbands, & as
a result of that, we have programmed it in our minds that the
only person we could be submissive to, must be someone
older than us. For your information, I'm 3yrs older than my
husband. If i didnt tell you now, how would you know? Go & pray
my dear, & let God's will be done".
I prayed & didnt have any restriction in my spirit.
I told my Pastor about it & they prayed for us.
My parents also agreed with the union & we got married at
Ikeja Registry in december, after which we went for
marriage blessings at my parents' church.
I had a bouncing baby boy on the 17th of January, named
Oluwadarasimi (Meaning God is good to me). I decided to
stay with the Williams until i had the baby.
When Bode graduated from school, my dad connected him
with one of his friends who employed him in his company.
With time, he became the manager of the company, & we've been
doing fine since.
We celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary last
december, & up till now, i'm still trusting God for another
baby.
Sometimes in my thought,i would imagine what would have
happened if i had aborted Darasimi's pregnancy.
I might not have had another issue. I would never recover from such guilt.
Also, I would have remained barren up till now, not having
any child at all.
I would have been a hinderance to Bode's destiny.
Lastly,i would have attracted the wrath of God upon myself
in a big way.
Looking at Darasimi,who is Bode's carbon copy, he has the gift
of singing & playing instruments. He had been composing his
own songs since age 5, there's no sentence he can't bring out a
song from, just say it, & he would turn it to a song. And by
now, he's becoming a Guru at playing keyboard.
I have no doubt God will still bless me with more children, He
had assured me of that & i know He would never fail.
My brethren,pls let us learn from this story. It doesnt matter
how tough what you are going through, one day, an end shall
come to it.
Even, if you have missed it in life, there is still Somebody u can
turn to, He Is The Way, The Truth and The Life. He will
surely show you the way out if you allow Him to lead you.Never cover
Your sin with another sin. If you do, you are only sitting on a time
bomb, and it will explode sooner than expected.
Remain blessed.
Avoid sin! Flee Immorality! Know this, the flesh is always weak - avoid being alone in a secluded place with the opposite sex, Live the Word but place all your trust in Jesus; we have no power of our own.
THE END.

Drop a comment if you red this story.



Joke of the month –

After Result – Girls Reaction

Ladki 1 (Rote Huve) – phir se sirf 91% ????

Ladki 2 (Bahot Rote huve) – 5baar revise karne k Baad Bhi sirf 93% kaisa Aa sakte hai Number ????

Ladki 3 (Bahot Jada Rote huve) – Mai mummy ko kya Mu Dikhaungi In 92% Number ke saath ????

Ladki 4 (Bahot Bahot Jada Rote huve) – sirf 94%?? kahan kami rah gayi ????



After Result – Boys Reaction

Launda 1 – Tere bhai ne fod diya is baar..poray 44% hain.. ha ha ha ????

Launda 2 – Papa to Naach Uthenge Jab Unhe Pata Chalega ki mai pass ho gaya by grace .. hahahahaha ????

Launda 3 – Wo to sir ne Copy karne di jo 41 % aa gaye …warna To band bajj gaya tha ..hahahahaha ????

Launda 4 – Main to baal baal bacha .. Border pe pass ho gaya pure 35% aaye hai na 1 mark jada na 1 mark kam ,Muje to yakin hi nhi ho raha ki me pass ho gaya ,,paper check karne wala devta tha .. hahaha ha ????Related

episodes 17

“im sorry” he said and dashed out of the kitchen. I gave a breath of relief, for a moment, i thought something would happen. “thank goodness i held my chest and said to myself. I drank a cup of water and rushed into my room. I couldn’t sleep, i began to think of how things would have been if he came close. ” don’t be silly girl” i said to myself as i began to imagine how kissing him would be like. I was fast asleep when i heard a knock on the door. I straggled with my eyes before i got it open. I couldn’t speak, i was so tired. “come in please,” i finally uttered but no one came in. ” please come in” i raised my voice but no one entered. I forced myself and walked to the door and guess what? My breakfast was waiting on a table before my door step. I smiled to myself in embarrassment. The engineer prepared a meal for me when i was suppose to be the cook. I walked to the hall with a smile on my face. I saw him watching BBC world news, i blocked his view with a stare.
“don’t you ever embarrass me again” i said with my finger pointing at him. He laughed and gave a nod “alright madam” “but thanks anyway” i thanked him whiles walking off in my gown. I enjoyed the meal anyway and i told him about it later on. ” i have two classes to attend today and i will be checking on a friend later on, so maybe i might arrive late” he said when he was about leaving. “same here” i responded. ” wait let me drop u” i said to him and followed me him out. The amazing thing is, we didn’t say anything to each other in the car. On my way to the class, i bombed into a guy. ” aw! Sorry” i apologised with a pleading face. ” don’t worry miss” he responded and handed my bag over to me after picking it up. He looked almost like my engineer, so Handsome and good looking. I doubt he will be a wealthy guy. He tried to engage in a conversation but i told him i was late for class. ” im a law student too,” he said and stretched his hand to greet. ” alright later” i said and left him standing. I went to Lindas apartment, later un the day. Fortunately most of my friends were present. I didn’t know how to go about the whole thing. ? ” come on girl don’t be stranded over there” maame ama said without looking at me. ” he isn’t what we think he is, i plead on his behalf and im begging you guys to know him for yourselves please” i pleaded. I didn’t know how i got the courage but i did what was suppose to be done. ” its your decision and your life” we respect that.” Carolina calmly responded to my plead. She is the most quite girl amongst us. ” beautiful, come over and relax” maame ama said to me in a nice tone. Well, we came back together again and the next thing on our mind was my birthday. During that moment there was one thing Linda said which still rings a bell in my ears. ” i like your engineer too, you know” she said.
The engineer wasn’t home when i got back. I prepared supper, refreshed up and went into my room to study. I heard a knock as usual and i asked the person to come in thinking it was my engineer. But it was Hanson! Hanson kwame entered into my room. ” what! What are you doing here, you didn’t tell me you were coming over” i stood up and faced him. “must i do that all the time?” he responded with a fake smile. Yes, he smile wasn’t real. ” you know what, lets talk in the hall, not here” i tried to by pass him but then, i felt his strong hands around me. I couldn’t breath. ” what do you think you are doing?” i yelled at him but i couldn’t free myself. ” what does it look like my dear” he said with a seductive tone. “hanson let me go! ” i demanded but he was trying to kiss me instead. I pulled my lips away but he had my body in his arms. He began to kiss my neck with so much aggression. I began to scream, yell but no one was coming. His strength, his strength favored him. But i was still fighting back, i was so frighten when the engineer walked in. “let here go” i heard him say. Hanson obeyed the voice behind him, he turned and realised it was it the engineer, he gave that smile again and tried to attack the engineer. The engineer bent down and landed him on the for, i was so frighten. ” my GOD stop” the engineer raised him on his feet again and punched him on the floor, Hanson pulled his leg and landed the engineer on the floor but he turned him over, i don’t know how he got to do all that but he was more or less a wrestler. He gave Hanson the beating of his life and drove him out of the room. I was only weeping during all this moments. ” come here” the engineer said and embraced me after driving Hanson out. We stayed clipped to each other for almost an hour when i felt his tongue in my mouth and mine in his. We were kissing without knowing. It ws so passionate and aggressive. We were chewing our lips if i should put it, the tears were still on my face but i had his lips in my mouth. I pulled back suddenly and rushed into my room, with tears. I had no idea how it happened, i ended up kissing for the first time.


>>

Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on d road. Traffic inspector stopped him.

Banta: I’m learning car driving.

Inspector: Without d instructor?

Banta: Correspondence Course!Related

I got to my room, the guys are gone already
leaving my room tattered like a robbed place. I
no blame them sha, na me want friends.
Seriously this kind of thing piss me off, i can
never do anyhow in someone’s room, Some
people are just stupid.
I re-arranged my room and discovered some
items are missing. Two pairs of shoes, cap, my
expensive wrist watch and my reserved
yoghurts. Chai! See why i don’t make male
friends, this friendship must stop after i retrieve
my stuffs,,, i will only dash them the yoghurts
with red eye sha.
??????
The next day in school, i went early and read my
books as usual preparing for any unplanned test
as i hate to fail.
No test was conducted just normal lectures.
Other test scores was announced and i did
perfectly well especially in accounting that
caught the attention of everyone towards me
because its very difficult for them mostly the
quantitative part. The accounting lecturer walked
in and announced that he’s done with the
lectures for the semester and…he shared the test
scripts one after the other but i didn’t hear my
name. He shared all its only one paper
remaining in his hand. I was expecting him to
ask *If u didn’t hear your name put up your
hand* but he didn’t which got me scared… of
course i wrote his test what is happening?
Lecturer: I’m very disappointed with your
performance in the test. U only did well on the
theory part but the quantitative side…. very bad.
*Murmuring*
Lecturer: Its only one person that saved this
class and i urge you all to find a way to
understand it before the commencement of the
exam. Because if u fail, i will fail u that’s the
truth. I wont help one person and leave the
others, if i should help i will help all of you.
Students: Thank you sir
Lecturer: Where is Victor?
Me: Sir!
Lecturer: Come out here.
Me: (walking to his side with my heart beating
with questions -what did i do? -why is he
calling me out? Chai! In front of everyone? Lord
Jesus help me o as U always have)
Lecturer: Class this gentleman here scored
30/30 which i think nobody else scored above
20.
Wow! I was like not even Mirabel? Awesome!
That moment eh… my head was floating on my
shoulders, my heart was beating faster than the
best drummer, my teeth was shaking like i’m
deep inside the pacific ocean, my legs became
soo weak like i was going to collapse, my eyes
was facing everyone but i wasn’t seeing anyone.
The Lecturer advises me in front of the class to
keep it up, that i should not slack this and that
bla bla bla…
After that he gave me my script and ask me to
go back to my seat, he also advises the class
using me as a point to encourage them. He
wished us best of luck, bade us goodbye then
left.
I noticed some girls eyeing me, some guys hailed
me and shake hands with me. One girl walked to
me open my hands and buried something in it,
she didnt say anything, she just smiled and left.
I opened my hands immediately and saw a small
piece of paper, i unfold it and saw a number
with an inscription ‘Call Me’. All this while i
remained on my seat I couldn’t stand up that
moment because of fear of collapsing. I have
been waiting for Promise to come and rescue me
by walking me out of here but she was nowhere
to be found, she followed the accounting lecturer
out, why? I dunno. I don’t know what moved my
head as it turned 190° and guess whose eyes i
jammed? You guessed right maybe not but it
was Mirabel. She was frowning at me in an
unfriendly manner,,, next thing i saw was her
standing up hissing then went out. That made
me feel bad, i never wanted anyone to hate me
or dislike me in any manner,,, i now have the
urge to make peace with her so my mind would
be at peace. But, how do i do that??
?????
Me: Where did u go and what kept u so long?
Promise: Ah ah…As your girlfriend or what? see
me o…
Me: So we’d leave here together na
Promise: Alright lets go, shall we?
*Walking out*
Me: So… when would u prepare the meal u said
u would prepare for me?
Promise: Don’t worry, soon
Me: Still looking forward to that
Promise: Hhmmm
Me: U will prepare it before me, so maybe i’d
learn. That means u are coming to my place.
Promise: No no no
Me: Why?
Promise: I dunno but no
Me: Ok
Promise: I will just prepare it and bring it to you
Me: No no no
Promise: What? why?
Me: Prepare it at my place or no deal
Promise: Ok sir. I just hope say no girl go warn
or harm me
Me: Which girl? i no know for you o
*Laughs*
We got to a place where we took our different
rout.
Now walking alone to my house abi room sef…
*Phone rings
Me: Hello
Caller: Hi handsome how u doing?
Me: I’m doing well,,,,,sorry who is this?
Caller: Its Lola
Me: Oh Lola, i didn’t know its u
Lola: Yea, u don’t have my number
Me: Right
Lola: So… do you mind coming over?
Me: Ok, i’m on my way to my lodge now, i will
be there in an hour or two is that OK?
Lola: Perfect!
Me: Alright then
Lola: We will be expecting u handsome byee…
Me: Bye.
Chai! this one that she’s adding handsome, hope
i’m save.
Getting closer to my lodge i saw a familiar car
parked in front of my lodge… getting more closer
i saw two familiar people leaning and discussing
around the car. I closed up the distance to my
room and found someone standing in front of my
room… next thing i heard was “Hi Victor” i was
damned surprised.

Now guess who??

To Be Continued.... #B-goF

>> Part 9 -

Family matter [Read it]


A married man with one kid traveled out for an official meeting.
He told his wife that he will be coming back the next day.
Unfortunately the meeting couldn’t hold, so he has to return home that same day.
On his way home, he saw his little kid in a game house.
“What a hell are you doing there?” asked the man.
The son replied &ldquoaddy am playing game”.
The angry father ask “So you stole my money to play game. I will kill you today. Is your mummy aware you are outside?”.
“Yes!  It was even uncle Akpos that gave me money and asked me to go and play game”.
 “What! Who is Uncle Akpos and were does he stay?” asked the angry father.
&ldquoaddy, I don’t know him but he is in mommy’s bed room right now” says the son.
"Them it! either HE or SHE must drop dead today"




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-02 22:27:01

24462 Views




It is time for a sustainable energy policy which puts consumers, the environment, human health, and peace first.

~ Dennis KucinichRelated

THE DEADLY MARK.
(Love hunters)
Season 1
Episode 3
(Good Night)
SAME NIGHT
The darkness of the room and the dream got Cassandra worried. Therefore she put on a candle which brought light to the quiet room. Her white pant and naked breast were visibly seen. So she walked toward the window looking at the lonely and quiet city of Kali wondering what Her dream was all about.

"It is just a delusion, i guess" she thought and went back to her bed. She found herself staring at the ceiling and smiling at the lovely party she had.

On the other hand, Lawson had romanced Ruth which actually made her gave up, feeling like a debauched person.

She laid naked on the bed with her two legs opened widely. Her breast dangled around her chest as Lawson felt his dick in and out her vagina. Only a hissing sound was heard in the dark quiet room.
"Aassh" Ruth screamed when Lawson moved faster on her.

She practically brought his head closer to her face with her two hands kissing him passionately.

Sooner did she placed her two hands across his back holding him very tightly and screaming aloud which signaled Lawson that she was about to orgasm. Then he moved faster groaning like a farmer tilling the soil under a bright sunlight.

Few seconds later, Ruth untied her hands from his back and collapsed them on the bed breathing heavily and smiling. Lawson also climbed down from her body breathing heavily. They slept off.

THE NEXT MORNING
Cassandra's room looked scattered with flung clothes at all corners of the room. She stretched her hand beside her to open a chest of drawer. From it, she took a pencil and a paper. Then she began to put her dream on the paper. She made a sketch of the deadly mark without knowing what it was or means.
"Cassandra?" her step-mum opened the door. She wore a brown gown which covered her whole body. And she parked her black hair backward.
"Good morning, Mother"
"Morning my child, I'm off to work"
"Okay, mother, i will be there later to join you"
"Okay, make sure you prepare and eat breakfast before coming"
"Alright, i will"
Mrs Jonas, her step-mum gradually began to close the door. She stopped and turned looking at the drawing.


Click the link below to read full story and seasons and episode 4

This is a true story that occured in 1892 at
Stanford University:
An 18-year-old student was struggling to
pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not
knowing where to turn for money, he came
up with a bright idea. He and a friend decided to host a musical concert on
campus to raise money for their education.
They reached out to the great pianist
Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager
demanded a guaranteed fee of $2000 for
the piano recital. A deal was struck and the boys began to work to make the concert a
success.
The big day arrived. But unfortunately, they
had not managed to sell enough tickets. The
total collection was only $1600.
Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the
entire $1600, plus a cheque for the balance
$400. They promised to honour the cheque
at the soonest possible.
“No,” said Paderewski. “This is not
acceptable.” He tore up the cheque, returned the $1600 and told the two boys: “Here’s
the $1600. Please deduct whatever
expenses you have incurred. Keep the
money you need for your fees. And just
give me whatever is left”.
The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.
It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly
marked out Paderewski as a great human
being. Why should he help two people he
did not even know? We all come across
situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think “If I help them, what would
happen to me?”
The truly great people think, “If I don’t help
them, what will happen to them?” They
don’t do it expecting something in return.
They do it because they feel it’s the right thing to do.
Paderewski later went on to become the
Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great
leader, but unfortunately when the World
War began, Poland was ravaged. There
were more than 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them.
Paderewski did not know where to turn for
help. He reached out to the US Food and
Relief Administration for help.
The head there was a man called Herbert
Hoover — who later went on to become the US President.
Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped
tons of foodgrains to feed the starving
Polish people. A calamity was averted.
Paderewski was relieved.
He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski
began to thank Hoover for his noble
gesture, Hoover quickly interjected and said,
“You shouldn’t be thanking me Mr. Prime
Minister. You may not remember this, but
several years ago, you helped two young students go through college. I was one of
them.”
The world is a wonderful place.#What goes
around comes around! #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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1. When girls refuse to
hug you, only hand shake.
.
2. When you upload your
best pictures on facebook and
nobody comment on it after one year.
.
3. When girls only demand
money from you for
recharge card and other
goodies and when you try
to touch them they shout on you.
.
4. When you are having
an
argument with a girl, and
all of a sudden she says
you are ugly.
.
5. When you look at the
mirror every five minutes.
.
6. When your mother say; "My son try to put small powder on your face and
try to smile small".
.
7. When you read this
post, and start beefing
me for no reason


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-03 13:18:21

1213 Views




BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 11

Angelo drove both Nenita and
Lana to “Summit memorial
school” he had Nenita enrolled
in grade 4, same as Lana.
She was given all the school
wears, necessary writing
materials and a prospectus.
Angelo: okay kids, daddy have
to go now.
No fighting okay? You both are
sisters you shouldn’t pick on
each other, especially you,
Lana.
Lana: i’ve heard you dad, we’d
just be the perfect sisters you
want us to be, right Neni?
Nenita: hmmmn-hummn.
Angelo: see? Its so easy
getting along.
Won’t you kids give me a good
bye kiss?
….mhuuah….mhuaaa
they pecked him one after the
other, before waving him
goodbye.
Lana: hey where are you
going? Take my books will
you?
Nenita: but i’m also holding
mine!
Lana: i don’t care!….. Do as i
say!!!
*********************************
Ella woke up with a heavy
headache, her whole body
ached.
She wish she had escaped
earlier! Gosh she’s now back to
Rodelio’s prison.
She regretted ever having
something to do with that
bastård.
She managed to get her åss off
the bed, she meant to open to
door, perhabs she would
succeed this escape attempt.
Unfortunately the door was
locked.
She collapsed on her bed in
frustration.
Hot tears flowed freely from
her green eyes.
“common girl there’s always
light at the end of the tunnel,
don’t let this get into you…yes
yes be strong, fight till the
very end” she tried
encouraging herself as she
wept bitterly.
She got up all of a sudden,
walked to the bathroom and
washed her face, she wouldn’t
cry anymore, the best she’d do
now is to be strong.
She returned from the
bathroom only to meet Rodelio
seating on the bed.
He wore this happy expression.
Rodelio: heeey! Aren’t you
happy to see me?
Ella: what do you want?
Rodelio: that sounds rude…
anyway i’ve got good news!
Ellascoffs) from hell?
Rodelio: look at these papers! I
just got us an international
passport! We’d be travelling to
canada by next week.
There we’d start a new life, just
us -me and you.
Ella: you jerk! You’ve got some
nerves huh?
Rodelio: thats why you love me
right?
Ella: you think i’d thank you
and start falling in love with
you simply because you got me
an international passport?
I’m going no where! Let me be.
Rodelio: we are going to
canada period!!!!
Ella: are you forcing me? Thats
not love, Know what they call
that? Its called human
trafficking! You’d pay for all
your crimes, i promise you
that!!!
Rodelio: you use to love me,
we use to confess our love for
each other, what happened to
your love promises? What
happened to the moments we
shared together? Don’t they
mean anything to you?
Ella: yes i loved you! But you
never reciprocated my love,
what did you do instead? You
went about lying to me. Is that
how to love? You love with
secrets? No Rodelio. No.
Rodelio: you trust Isaiah more
than me? Are you aware that
he’s hiding something
important from you?
Do you know Isaiah had a
child with Nikky? Now tell me,
is that the kind of person you
should choose over me?
Ella: child? You aren’t serious
are you?
Rodelio: i’m more than serious.
Didn’t you notice his strange
behaviours ever since Nikky
came into your lives?
Rodelio’s word took Ella aback!
Yes she noticed the changed in
attitude in Isaiah from the
period Nikky came into the
picture.
She remembered his change of
countenance anytime she
brings any topic concerning
Nikky.
Ella: noooo how could he be
keeping me in the dark all
these while!
Rodelio: he made a fool out of
you, think about it.

>>

The story of Easter is the story of God’s wonderful window of divine surprise.

-Carl KnudsenRelated

A married woman came back home
so drunk and she needed some
satisfaction but her husband
traveled.
She couldn’t bear it. So she begged
their house boy Akpos to make love
to her.
After that Akpos told the woman
“From today on you will be
answering me sir”
“For what nah! Are you insane” .
Akpos said “See if you talk too
much I will tell your husband”.
The woman regretted her foolish
act.
Since then Akpos no longer respect
her nor obey her orders.
So one day she called Akpos and
say “Please what should I do or buy
for you so that we live as nothing
happened between us”.
“Ehmm! Now you are talking. Just
give it to me one more time and
everything will be over” replied
Akpos.
“Again! That’s too hard for me”
“I can see you are not serious” says
Akpos
“Ok! Fine. Tomorrow when my
husband goes to work you come to
my room.”
As the man step out of the house
the next morning, Akpos
immediately sneaked in.
When his done removing his clothes
the woman started shouting
“Rapist! Rapist!”.
The husband rushed in from where
he was hiding outside.
“Honey! You see what I had been
telling you” says the wife.
Guess what happened to Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 09:42:30

429 Views



father [Read it]


is it posible for one to be a father BUT not a husband


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-27 15:33:16

321 Views




Pls hlp me pray 4 my naghborhs dugther we ar on our way 2 d huspital she swallow memory crd 8gb nd nw she is singin all d song in side we dnt knw wat will happen wen she get 2 d videos nd pictures


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-24 19:29:51

496 Views




SOME LECTURERS FROM A UNIVERSITY IN NIGERIA, FACULTY OF ENGINEERING BOARDED A PLANE. WHEN THE PLANE WAS READY TO TAKE-OFF, THE PILOT SAID......
"WELCOME ON BOARD
LADIES & GENTLEMEN. MAY I PLEASE INFORM YOU THAT THIS PLANE WAS MANUFACTURED BY YOUR
STUDENTS IN THE UNIVERSITY AND THIS IS
THE FIRST TIME OF FLYING".
IMMEDIATELY THEY HEARD THAT, EVERYONE RAN OUT OF THE PLANE EXCEPT ONE PROFESSOR IBRAHIM, WHO SAT COMFORTABLY.
PEOPLE WERE SURPRISED AND WENT TO HIS SEAT TO ASK HIM WHY HE DID NOT RUN OUT OF THE PLANE LIKE OTHERS?
HE SMILED AND REPLIED..."THERE IS NO NEED TO RUN OUT BECAUSE IF IT IS TRUE THAT THIS PLANE WAS MADE BY OUR STUDENTS, THEN WITH WHAT WE TAUGHT THEM, AM VERY SURE THE PLANE WILL NOT. EVEN MOVE".
Pls don't laugh. Just to put a smile on someone's face.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-07 21:27:57

367 Views




The trouble with my girl is that she has a weight problem.

Every time I want sex…

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she says, “Wait.”!!Related

I was taken from the court straight to
ikoyi prison, i started counting down
to two weeks from the first day i got
there, there were different section of
prisoners inside Ikoyi prison, there
was section for foreign nationals,
sections for criminals were there too
while they have section for bankers
that committed financial crimes.
There i met my colleagues both old
and young, everybody narrating one
story or the other.
After a week i arrived at the prison
and i was expecting to go to court
the following Wednesday, my sister
came to visit me at the prison when
she broke the news to me that we
won’t be going to court the following
week again that magistrate court
judges are on indefinite strike
because of some demands from
government or their agency. “so,
when will they call off the strike i
asked”, we don’t know ooo we are
praying to God to them them resolve
the issue on time.
She left that day and i was
devastated, i started thinking and the
usual headache i used to have way
back then was back again. There was
this headache i used to have that
whenever it started, it always worry
me but i always use paracetamol or
anti malaria drug to cure it and it will
go the following day. Another thing
was that over the last one year plus i
had started losing my hair and i was
becoming bald but i never see it as
anything as there were so many guys
even below my age that already had
bald hair.
The headache had started again and i
believe it was from the news i just
heard, did i forget to add that over
the past 6 month or so, i use to
urinate so often, during the night, i
can urinate more than 5 times. Days
was going into weeks and the strike
was not called off, they eventually
called off the strike after like six
weeks and that means i have already
spend close to two months inside the
cell.
I was happy when my sister tell me
that hearing for my bail application
has been fixed, the day arrived and
that was after spending more than
two month at the cell, the judge later
granted me bail to the sum of
N10million naira and a surety in like
sum, i was asked to be remanded at
ikoyi prison pending when my bail
condition will be met. I was happy
that at least i will be free in a matter
of days or so but how is my parent
going to raise N10million.
I had over N3million naira in one of
my personal account with another
bank, i asked them to help me call my
account officer so that i can talk to
her that i will be issuing a transfer
instruction to my sister that she
should help me attend to it as a
matter of urgency, i told them that i
have two properties, one in sango,
two virgin lands in Ilorin town and
the other in Tanke, i asked them to
sell one of it which i know one alone
worth up to N15million naira.my dad
said getting a surety was not really a
problem that he will sort that out,
my sister said i was seriously looking
lean, who wont look lean after
spending two months in prison.
I started counting days waiting for
my parent or sister to come but none
of them was forth coming, weeks,
one month and two month even the
trial date they gave me at the court
was just approaching, i was in the
prison this early Monday morning
when they called me out, there was
my sister, my parent and another
lawyer entirely waiting for me, they
said my bail conditions have been
met and i can go home now to start
preparing for my trial.
I was looking extra ordinarily lean, I
asked why it took them so long
before coming to get me out of the
prison and my dad drop the
bombshell. He said they were able to
get the money from the bank with the
help of my account officer even
though it was difficult initially but it
was a surprised when they got to my
house and met some people in the
house who said your house has been
sold to them by one Mrs Adejoke, she
sold off all your properties, your
main house, the one in sango and
Tanke including the virgin lands..
The only option we had left was the
hostel in Offa that you built for us
that we should be using the house
rent to eat, we hand to sell it off for
6million naira, your sister’s husband
gave us N700k and we sourced for
the remaining N300k. I fainted
immediately.

>>

Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

Continues..
Me: we shall see not. By the way did Belinda agreed? I mean did she accepted the fact that they were no more?
Miranda: I pray o! Belinda sometimes don’t attend classes. She will be weaving off her time monitoring preston to see if he has hooked up with another chick. She can do almost anything for him. If na to kill self she ready.
Me: unbelievable! Is this one love or madness?
Miranda: you can call it whatever you like. Have you heard of the other team?
Me: another team!? And who can these facades be?
( I do have a problem in the way I talk I talk like as if people offended me and I must say I talk anyhow)
Miranda: this your mouth will land you in trouble. Have you forgotten you are in the university not in the secondary school?
(She was quite right and I was having a problem in controlling how I talk but its as if the words elected to come out of my mouth on their own).
Me: it’s okay na. So the ll me about these other teams
Miranda: they are called the brand bellers.
Me:hmmmmm are they doing it rhythmically? I mean P.P and B.B
Miranda: na you sabi just dey there they bla .
Me: wait a minute! But how come you know All these things?
Miranda: who come university come loss?? Someone putted me through just like I am putting you through now. It pays to be friendly.
Me: yeah exactly that’s right. Thanks for keeping me company.
Miranda: you are welcome. I have been bored for two weeks. Don’t know whom to talk to. Belinda is such a boring and uninteresting pseudo finally I get to talk to someone.
Me: okay if you feel the same.
Miranda: good night dear
Me: same bae…
what will happen next?
To be continued after comments..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Dolphins swim in circles while they sleep with the eye on the outside of the circle open to keep watch for predators. After a certain amount of time they reverse and swim in the opposite direction with the opposite eye openRelated

Older women are best because they always think they may be doing it for the last time.

~Ian FlemingRelated

A desire changes nothing;

A decision changes something;

But a determination changes everything!Related


A man had only one daughter.
When the daughter was of marriage age,
the father sent news around town that all the eligible young
men should come to compete in a test which would
determine who was fit to marry his daughter.
On the set day, all the able-bodied young men came out.
Some came with paper and pen and others with cutlasses
and swords.
The rich man took them to his swimming pool
and addressed the men: “Any of you who can swim from
one end of this swimming pool to the other would marry my
daughter.
In addition, I‘ll give him 15 million naira, a car and a house
so they can start life well.
I shall be waiting to meet my son-in-law at the other side.
Good luck!”
As the young men, all very excited at the prospect of
winning, started taking off their shirts, a helicopter
came over the pool
and dropped snakes and crocodiles into the
pool.
Immediately, all the men turned back and started wearing
their shirts again.
Disappointed, some of
them said, ''That's crazy, no one will'.
All of a sudden, they heard a splash in the pool.
Everybody watched in amazement as one gentleman
struggled his way across, avoiding the snakes and
crocodiles.
Finally, he made it to the other side.
The rich man could not believe it. He asked the young man
to name anything he wanted but the man was still panting
uncontrollably.
Finally, he got himself together and made a
request saying, ''SHOW ME THE PERSON WHO
PUSHED ME INSIDE THIS POOL!''
Moral Lessons:
You don’t know what you are capable of doing, until you are
PUSHED!!.
Sometimes it takes going through the bad moments to bring
out the BEST in us.
Trials are raw materials for Triumphant Testimonies...
The push might take different dimensions:
some people needed to be sacked before realizing their
potentials and reaching their goals in life.
I PRAY SOMEONE OR SOMETHING WILL
PUSH U TOWARDS YOUR SUCEESS.
GoOd mOrNiNg tO yOu friends......
HaV3 a fUlFiLl3d dAy.
-camposblues.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-20 09:56:22

1329 Views




JOKE PART 46 BY DINDY

Mum: Dindy go water the plant at the backyard.
Dindy: Ok mum.
:___
:____
2 minutes later light goes off.
:____
:____
Mum: Who switched off the generator? let me go check it out.
:___
:____
Dindy's mum gets to the backyard.
:___
:____
Mum: Oh my gosh!!, Dindy!, what are you doing?.
Dindy: I'm watering the plant like you told me to.
Mum: No!! i meant the flowers not the generator!!...........
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 47.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-12 00:10:37

118 Views




Check out this pic yourself and drop your comment.....









NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-18 13:57:48

151 Views



Grandpa [Read it]


GRANDSON:baba am warnin u oo. must u do evri tin i do.GRANDPA:sharap!was sagin made 4 u alone or was cigar made 4 u 2 drink alone


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-19 22:11:26

422 Views




RAPE EPISODE 14 (STORY BY DINDY)

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.

.....JULIET TELLS ESTHER HER STORY.....
After that day, my life was never the same again, everything was up-side-down for me.
My dad and mum came back without joy the next day, he said she was taking treatment. My dad and my mum later left for work, and I went to do the dishes.
I heard solomon, asking my junior brother to go buy bread for him, on hearing that I got scared because I realised that I was going to be alone with him. Solomon came to the kitchen, I couldn't look him in the eyes because i was disappointed.
He held my waist, then started saying trash like "Juliet I love you and I'm sorry about yesterday night, I just wanted to show you that I love you"
After he said that I became speechless, in my mind I thought "how could this be possible, my cousin telling me he loves me? It's insane".
He started touching me again, so I threatened him to leave me or I will injure him with the knife which was in the sink, he laughed --he knew that I couldn't do it which was why he was laughed--.
A knock came to the front door, making him leave me quickly --oh thank God he left me--, I was so happy that the knock came in, at the right time.
When he opened the front door, it was my brother. I am sure my little bro didn't hear or see anything through the window. My dad came back home (before my mum) with joy.
I was so happy seeing her, I knew that as long as she was going to be around me, solomon won't have the chance to get me.
My cousins were on long holiday, so they stayed with us through out that holiday. It was a week before my cousins went back to school, when one evening, we all (me, Joy, Solomon, John and my junior brother) went out for strolling.
We walked-teased each other and laughed, then Solomon stopped after minutes of short-walk and he said "Oops!, I forgot something at home and I need someone to volunteer to follow me back home to get it".
We all started arguing on who will follow solomon back home, finally solomon said "You guys should wait, wait let me choose who will follow me home, mmmmm I choose Juliet".
I was like; why me? --I thought everything was back to normal--, he just said "[Smiles] Shut up and let's go". We both went back home to pick up what he forgot.
When we got home, the door was locked --my parent went to work that day--, then we opened it and went straight into his room. When we got to his room he stopped, I asked him what was wrong and why he stopped.
He said nothing, then he held me, that was when I realised it was one of his plans to get me --[crying] the only person I truly trusted--.
The next thing he did was to drag my skirt up, then he carried me to his waist level and faced my back to the wall, he began to have his way with me and said stupid words like "I love you Juliet, I really love you Juliet".
I cried and hit him, but he didn't seem to react to what I did, so i started cursing him heavily, then he let me go. I ran to my room and locked the door, he came to call me in my room, but I told him that I was no more longer going out.
I couldn't, I just couldn't, I didn't have the courage to tell anyone. As long as it started with us, he kept on trying to get me til the holiday was over. Whenever I heard that he was coming for holiday, I would feel heartbroken, I'm glad he didn't even come this holiday.
....ESTHER CONTINUES HER STORY....
After she told me her story, I saw tears coming down her eyes. When I saw her crying, I joined her crying too because I understood her pain, we cried like for 8mins then I said "Why didn't you tell your dad or mum?".
She replied "The last time such type of thing happened to me, i told my parents, but they said it was only temptation that caused it and they didn't believe me, well fu*k them all for not believing me".
We both laughed after she said that, I told her that I haven't told my mum because I was too afraid to open up to her and I was not sure whether she would believe me or not, she looked at me then she said "At least your mum ain't rude like my dad".
I looked at her and said "If my mum was rude I would love it, but she is not rude, she doesn't care about her kids, all she cares about is her business and her market.
We both held our hands together, then she said "Thank you for understanding my feelings and pain".
I looked back at her and said "Thank you too for sharing your secret, feeling and pain with me, and thank you for listening to my own story".
She started crying again, then I asked to her "Why are your crying again?".
She replied "I am crying because someone finally understands me very well, even more than I understand myself",
We both hugged.......to be continue
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi







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Kejriwal reminds me of a

childhood friend who after

coming out from exam hall

said ‘Phod ke aaya hai paper

tera bhai’ & got 3 marks in

mathsRelated

Forming big girl:::::
1 Halima says, waiter, please, i like my
Salad very hot and also, can i have 2
bottles of SHAWARMA
2 Nneka says, Ori me, give me your
PIN let me call you,
3 Mabel says, I'm so tired; I just made
my hair in shop-rite today
4 Kemi more replies, Really? I want to
spend my summer in London this
Xmas period
5 Cynthia explains, I just bought my
blackberry (BB) but i haven't collected
the PIN
6 Ronke brags, When I'm flying, I
always like the window seat cos i
open it for fresh air
7 Tade says, i prefer London to UK
during winter
8 Fatima, you can't even imagine, i
bought a G-string, and the thing i like
most about it is the double back
pocket.
9 Abbey Orders, please if you don't
hAve meat pie, doughnuts or scotch
egg, just give me snacks
10 Amaka laments, in our house eh,
we used to have 3 swimming pools,
until armed robbers stole one. #B-gof


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-04 08:28:57

476 Views




ONE WRONG TURN
TRUE LIFE STORY
PROLOGUE

Episodes:

A student failed JAMB 5 tyms. 1 day, she travelled 2 visit her frnd in UNIBEN, she fell sick & was admitted to a hospital there. She later called her mum & said...

GIRL: Hello ma
MUM: The place is silent, whr r u?
GIRL: I'm in UNIBEN
MUM: Wooow finally, thank God o
GIRL: I was admitted
MUM: Thats great o. God has disgraced the witches in ur father's house dat don't want you to go to school (laughing & dancing)

GIRL: Mama na Malaria o
MUM: Malaria is a gud course o my daughter, plz take it serious o
GIRL: I would b discharged 2moro
MUM: God forbid my daughter!!!. U go complete ur four years over there in Jesus name.
Girl: God punish Illiteracy!!!
Mum: Amen..... coz I heard dat d lecturer is very wicked.

Please don't laff alone, send it to your friends and make their day be fun.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-22 21:42:18

462 Views




YOUR FATHER:
Occupation: civil servant.
salary: 20,000.
phone type: nokia torch.

. YOUR MOTHER:
Occupation: seamstress.
salary: 10,000
phone type: tecno dual sim(china)

YOU:
OCCUPATION: NOTHING.
SALARY: NIL.
PHONE TYPE: Iphone6.

. whats the secret behind your own success?
Buhari is looking for u!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-31 00:10:42

350 Views




A man met a lion in d bush, he knelt down, closed
his eyes & started praying. When he opend his
eyes, he saw d lion kneeling in front of him & was
praying too. He was shocked. He asked d lion
"Are u a Christian"? The lion replied "Mumu. Dn't
u pray b4 u eat"? D man fainted. Dn't laugh alone.
Pls put a smile on someone's face by sharing...
Good day pals


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 14:24:19

333 Views





The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his wife, Ekaitte, one afternoon:
Ekaitte: Why do you go out to the balcony each time I start singing?
Akpos: Because I don’t want people to think I’m beating you.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-24 15:12:50

189 Views



my uncle's Wife [Read it]


My uncle's wife suspected my uncle was sleeping with their house help. She sent the help to the village for weekend without telling my uncle, and laid a trap for him. That night, they went to bed. He woke up later on, gave his old story "Excuse me dear, I want to watch TV in the sitting room". She quickly sneaked into the help's bedroom, switched off the light, stripped and laid on the bed naked. 


While lying down, she heard him come in silently and started making love to her. When he finished, she said to him "God has exposed you today, you didn't expect me on this bed, did you?". She switched on the light and was shocked to see the gate man. The gate man said "Madam, I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you too o."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-16 06:07:49

260 Views




on sunday the pastor in akpos church preach repent for the kingdom of God is at hand.when akpos got home he REPAINTED his house white.when his girl friend came he asked akpos why he painted the house white and white.akpos said that the pastor told them to REPAINT for the kingdom of God is at hand and that the kingdom of God is in his hands which he used to REPAINT.On monday he went to adult school he was asked to spell executive akpos started E-X-E-C-U-T-H-I-V-E-S.the teacher fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-26 20:36:31

956 Views




"Aaagh please beg you, I know n'ting I swear! William just dissappeard on us few weeks after that business with your sister, no calls, no text, no nothing, it's like the muthaf*** just cut us off, tis all i know I swear... please don't kill me " the last guy on my list of revenge killings cried out after I had cut off his feet and hands. It was the same thing he said when I asked nicely so I believed him. Raising my gun to his head, he begged me not kill him, bewildered I asked "dude, how exactly do you hope to live a fulfilling life with your hands and feet gone". Do not wound who you are not going to kill Don piccolo had warned. There was absolutely no way I was going to let him live, so I shot him, multiple times and he died. I guess that about wraps it up, i thought to myself self... I give up, William whom I've wasted considerable amount of money to search for may already be dead, it's the only logical explanation for my lack of results and if he isn't I hope he dies. One last job, something simple but enough to help get away as far as I can from this place and all its bad memories and start over was all I needed .
For a year I laid low moved underground, waiting to get a contract call which be my ticket out of the city which didn't come until summer that year. "hello, is this Smith's do it all consultancy" "yeah, Smith speaking". "got a job for you, how fast can you get to Martinsville" "uuuh two hours" "good, I will be expecting you. I went to Martinsville, met my client. "you want me to what!" I exclaimed a bit annoyed at his job proposition. "I know it's not your Forte but you are the only one I can trust to do this for me, i know my wife cheats on me, hell the whole fuckin' town knows, but I need Hard proof to present to the court" how could she not I thought, you look like a cross between a walrus, a worm and a shark. " look sir" I said out loud, "I know my business card says do it all, but I don't get involved in this kind of jobs, I major in captains of industries, CEOs, Politicians." "I know, your reputation precedes you, that's why you are perfect for this Job. You are very thorough and my wife covers her tracks well". I replied "sorry sir am gonna have decline this contract". sighing deeply he said "look I will pay the exact amount it would cost you to do one of your hits, money is not a problem for me, she wants a divorce and if she gets it on her own terms, the court will give her half my assets and I am as sure as hell not ready to give that woman a single kobo." I did not really want to do it, but there is the irresistable amount of money to consider so finally I replied "fine, I'll do it", how hard can it be to take a few pictures. " I am going to need 80% of my money deposited up front". "Done" he assured. Three days later, pictures of his wife and her lover sleeping together were with me and are on their way to my client. Showing it to him I said "There you go, full proof of your wife's infidelity, now you can divorce her with rest of mind knowing that she won't be getting anything." "I don't want to divorce her" he said, I could sense the cold fury in his voice. "I want you to kill her, and that ruddy lover of hers" . He was hurt by looking at the pictures, "did you know I picked her up from the slums, from nothing I made her the woman she is, sent her siblings out of the country to study, established her father, built a big house for her mother, gave her everything she wanted in this world and this is how she repays my love! " he tore in half the photo he was holding, " I want you to kill her for me " he really loved her, men like him, in his state of mind would kill me if I refused. At the same time would agree to anything to get their wishes carried out. " killing is gonna cost extra. In the next three days you will hear from me, until then, I want you to act normal, go to functions, act as if you are on the best terms with her, buy her gifts, you make sure you look like everything is normal, not too happy, not too sad, just be you till you hear from me three days from now". "Understood" he assured me. Three days later, I followed her to a local hotel, where she met her lover. I followed them up to their room to get their room number, then I went back down to the bar, after about an hour I went back up straight to their room, as I got close I could hear moans of pleasure coming from within. It's the Las of those you will be getting, I thought to myself as I slowly and quietly opened the door. I stalked in, they were both clothed but entangled in romance with each other . Just getting started are we, I thought to myself but aloud I said "sorry to cut your little play Time short but I've got a plane to catch, so am kind of on the clock here." the woman said to me "do you know who I am, my husband will find you, and make you wish you were never born, leave now and and I will forget any of this ever happened." laughing at her weak threats, I replied "sorry to bust your bubble honey but, your loving husband is the one that wants you dead" her Face dawned a look of horror" Don't tell me he- he-", "yeah he knows you are, cheating on him" I helped complete her sentence. "he has asked me to come show you how he feels about it" and with that I shot Her, she dropped dead. Then i turned to the guy she was with, his phone started to ring. " a word of advice" I said to him "in your next life, cut your bloody coat according to your size" BANG! BANG! I shot him too and he crumpled. Called my client, "it's done" i told him. From here I thought to myself, It's straight to the airport to catch my plane and fly to somewhere far far away, where I can forget about this life and the misery it brought me. I had given up on finding William, he has gone to wind... Hope he is dead, I thought. Then the ringing from earlier went into voice-mail and I could not believe what I heard, I was making my way to the door but I was stopped in my tracks : William's voice was coming from the phone.... There is no mistaking it, it was his voice "hello Gbenga, you there, pick up dammit, your sister is worried about you, Gbenga! Gbenga! Are you with that woman again, Gbenga, I warn you, that woman will be the death of you one day, you know her husband is a dangerous man. Call me immediately you get this" I stood there in excilliration, just when I had given up on him the universe delivers him on a platter to me, couldn't thank fate6 enough, I picked up the phone of dead Gbenga, called some people who helped me run a trace on the number that called and within days, I was at William's house. A pretty innocent place for a monster like him, I thought. Peering through the window I saw him, WILLIAM : the source of all my hatred for the better part of eight years was before my eyes and nothing was gonna stop me from killing him.... Or so I thought.

To be continued


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I jumped up startled by a strange sound. I
looked over and Beth was sleeping next to
me, the room was beginning to darken. I
looked at the clock, it read 3:50 PM. Again
the sound, it was a cell phone and it was
not mine. I shook Beth gently. She opened
her eyes and I am sure it took a second for
her to remember where she was and what had
happened.
“Your phone is ringing.” I told her.
“Oh shit, what time is it ?” she replied
startled.
She reached for her phone and answered it
and as I suspected it was Lance. He was
about to leave the Country Club and he had
called home to see what Beth was doing. He
received no answer at home so he called her
cell. She told him she was shopping but
would be home soon. They talked for a few
seconds more then she hung up.
“I have to get dressed and go home.” she
said, with a most disappointing look on her
face.
“I know.” , I replied, “ I’m sorry I fell
asleep.”
“It’s ok, I just have to get home before he
gets there.”
She got up and put her panties on and went
to the bathroom vanity. She stood in front
the mirror and began to clean herself up. I
watched her and could not help but feel
wonderful and awful all at the same time.
She was absolutely breath taking. I guess I
had never really looked at Beth as a woman
before, only as a sister. But here in the
bathroom light, I really saw her for the
first time. She was about 5’5” tall and
weighed maybe 120 lbs. She had a tiny waist
and full firm thighs. I am awful at breast
size, but she was just right for her
height. Then it dawned on me that we had
been together twice and she had never
removed her shirt.
“I will call you later.”, she told me as
she walked toward me.
She bent over and kissed me. Not just a
quick peck but a long lingering, deep kiss.
Her tongue slid between my lips and quickly
found mine. I reached up and pulled her
close, returning the passion. Soon I felt
myself stirring again. She broke the kiss
and pulled away slowly.
“We keep this up and I will be undressing
again.” , she whispered to me.
“That would be a good thing.”, I replied.
She smiled and waved at me and walked out
of the room. A few seconds later I heard
the front door open and close.
Beth text me later that night that Lance
was watching her every move so a phone call
was out of the question. She had to go to
the bathroom just to message me. I decided
not to reply in case he would be close.
Although, it was not unusual for me to talk
to Beth, I just though any increase in our
normal pattern might be bad for her. Less
is better, especially now.
I went to work the next morning and was
soon deep in paper work. About 10 o’clock
that morning Beth called. She had been at
work only a few minutes that morning. She
told me that Lance was being particularly
interested in her every move. She told me
that she woke in the middle of the night
and saw him checking her phone. Thankfully
she had deleted the message to me and I had
not sent a reply. I told her maybe we
should hold off on any more contact for a
while and let things go back to normal. She
agreed that might be the right thing to do
at this time. We said our goodbyes and hung
up.
The week trudged on and I could not believe
how bad I missed Beth. It was not just the
sex, it was the companionship. I had been
alone for so long but never realized just
how lonely I was. I guess no matter what
situation you find yourself in, you begin
to adapt. I was looking forward to the
weekend thinking that maybe I would get to
see Beth again. Soon it was Friday evening
and I was on the way home. As was my normal
ritual, I stopped and picked up dinner on
the way. I passed Beth’s but saw no car in
the drive so I continued home. Several
times that night, I thought about calling
but decided against it. I just sat there
half watching TV constantly checking my
cell phone. Soon I decided to just go to
bed early and put myself out of my misery.
The next morning I got up about seven
o’clock grabbed a bite to eat and went out.
I went to the grocery and drug stores,
returned home and put up the groceries. I
went out again to wash and vacuum my
vehicle. All day long I was hoping for my
phone to ring, but it never did. Again I
went to bed that night longing for Beth.
The next morning was Sunday and again it
was my standing dinner engagement at my in-
laws. I dressed and arrived at about noon
as usual and went around the rear of the
house. I entered through the kitchen door
to the familiar sight of my mother in law
standing at the stove cooking. As soon as
the aroma hit me, I knew she was cooking
chicken and sausage gumbo, one of my
favorites. I kissed her on the cheek and
sat down at the table. We made our usual
small talk to pass the time. Then if by
after thought she added that Beth and Lance
were coming over today as well.
I was not sure how to take that news. While
it would be great to see Beth finally, I
would have to see her with him. Suddenly I
realized that I really disliked Lance a lot
more then I really had the right to. After
all, Beth was his wife and no matter how
poorly he treated her, I was still the bad
guy here. I was going to have to be very
careful how I reacted to both him and Beth
in public from now on. This was not going
to be every easy. About twenty minutes
passed before I heard them pull into the
drive. Here goes I thought, this is going
to be awkward.
Lance walked in first followed by Beth. Her
eyes met mine but she quickly looked away.
I could see the panic in her eyes. They
both went over to mom and kissed her. Lance
came over and shook my hand and gave me his
normal, you should be happy to see me face.
Beth followed and leaned over, kissed my
cheek and gave me a quick hug. It was
extremely unpleasant to say the least. Not
the contact, the situation.
They both sat at the table and made small
talk. I made a real effort to look at Beth
as little as possible. Lance was going on
and on to my father in law about how he was
supposed to be playing golf today.
Apparently, two of the four members he
normally played with could not make it this
morning so it was called off. Soon my
mother in law was finished and we were
moving to the dining room to eat.
“Jeff, would you help me bring the food
into the dining room ?”, she asked me.
“Sure, Mom, no problem.”, I replied.
When everyone had left the kitchen for the
other room, she touched me on the arm and
looked at me with a very troubled look on
her face,
“Are you ok, Jeff ?”, she asked, “You seem
very quiet today. In fact you haven’t said
a word since Beth and Lance arrived.”
“I’m ok Mom.”, I answered, “He just gets
under my skin sometimes.”
“I know, but he is family.” she said.
If you only knew I thought, as she handed
me the large pot of gumbo. I carried the
pot to the dining room table, returned to
help her with the bread and drinks. My in
laws took their usual seats at both ends of
the table. Lance and Beth sat at the two
chairs across from me. I took a chair
across from them and made sure I was
directly across from Beth. I sat down and
began to eat. As was usual when Lance was
around, he was the center of the
conversation. I only joined in when I was
asked a direct question. I replied as
quickly and briefly as I could and would
return to my meal. I noticed that Beth was
extremely quiet as well in spite of her
Dad’s best attempts to get her in the
conversation. I looked up a few times and
caught Beth glancing over at me. I would
quickly look away as to not let everyone
know with my eyes, what was apparently
written all over my face. I had fell head
over heels in love with my wife’s younger
sister. Soon it was time to head home and I
said my quick goodbyes and made for my car.
On the drive back I began wondering how
long this charade would play out. The more
I thought about it, the more I became
convinced that there was no way we could
effectively have an affair and keep it
quiet. And to be honest, I realized that I
wanted much more than an affair. The more
thought I gave this situation the more I
realized it just could not continue. By the
time I arrived home, I made a decision not
to pursue Beth any longer.
The next two to three weeks passed and I
made no attempt to contact Beth and she
made no attempt to contact me. I figured by
that time, she pretty much felt the same as
I did. As good as it was, it was just not
something that could continue.
It was the beginning of December and
Christmas was almost here. I really had
grown to hate holidays these past few
years. Everyone was always so happy and
surrounded by family. With Susan gone and
no children, Christmas was just depressing
as hell for me. The extent of my Christmas
shopping was a present for mother and
father in law and one for Beth and Lance. I
had no family since I was an only child and
my parents were both deceased. I always
waited till the last minute to shop and
this year was probably going to be the
same. About a week before Christmas I got
the usual call from my in-laws inviting me
for Christmas Dinner. I told them that I
might not be able to make it this year, I
may have other plans. In fact I had no
plans, but the thought of spending hours
that close to Beth again was something I
did not think I could handle. It was better
to stay home and have a quiet day.
On Christmas Eve I stopped by my in laws
and dropped off gifts for them and Lance
and Beth. I told them I had been invited to
a friends this year and wished them Merry
Christmas. My mother in law walked me out
to the car. I knew she wanted to talk to me
about something.
“Jeff, what’s going on with you lately ?”,
she asked me, “And don’t tell me your just
tired.”
“Mom, you know, its just this time of
year.”, I responded.
“No, its more than that.”, she replied.
I tried my best to reassure her nothing was
wrong but as most mothers can do, I think
she saw right through me. I continued to
make excuses as I got in my car to leave.
Once again, I wished her Merry Christmas
and pulled out of the drive.
Christmas morning arrived and felt like any
other day. I got up, looked out in the
front and saw a few of the neighbor’s
children out playing with their new toys. I
made some breakfast and settled in front of
the television. A few hours passed and my
cell phone rang. It was Beth. I answered
the phone.
“Where are you, Jeff ?”, she asked, “We are
at Mom’s, she told me your not coming
today.”
“No, I have other plans Beth.” I replied.
“Jeff, are you avoiding me ?”
“Not at all. I was invited to a friends
this afternoon and I decided to go.”, I
answered, trying my best to sound
convincing.
“Ok.” she said, “Have a nice day, I miss
you.”
“I miss you too, sweetheart.”
The next week was just about done and New
Years Eve was approaching. Again I had no
plans, and figured I would spend the
holidays alone watching TV. Friday night
was New Year’s Eve, on Wednesday, I
received a call from a longtime friend of
mine. We had went to the same high school
together and both had played ball later at
the same college. I had heard he had just
opened up some sort of night club in the
city, but never really heard much about it.
We quickly caught up on each other’s lives,
not that I had much to tell. He told me
that he was having a huge party on New
Year’s Eve at his club. A sort of grand
opening, he explained. He invited me to
come, adding that, I would be his VIP Guest
and everything would be on the house. I’m
not much of a drinker and I definitely am
not the club type. I started to make my
excuses but Riley would hear none of it.
“You know you have absolutely nothing to do
but sit home and be miserable.”, he said,
“You will be here or I will come and get
you, period.”
I knew Riley, he never bluffed. He would
come and get me. I agreed to go for a while
and he gave me the address to the new club.
He told me the party would start at about 9
p.m. and last till who knew when. He told
me to bring anyone I wanted as a guest and
he would VIP them as well.
Thursday morning at work, I went online and
typed in the address for the club and saw
it was only a block off Bourbon Street. In
fact there was a website for the club. I
clicked on the link, it took a while to
load. When it did, it began apparent, this
was just not a club. It was a very high end
Gentleman’s Club. I had never been to strip
club before so I had no idea of what to
expect. All that day, I really wanted to
call him back and give him some excuse for
not going. But knowing Riley, that would
not fly. Soon it was time to leave and head
home.
I arrived home a bit later and saw the
recorder light flashing, I had a message. I
clicked on the machine and heard Beth’s
voice. She asked if I would call her at
home when I got in. I picked up the phone
and dialed her number. She answered the
phone quickly.
“Hey Jeff.”, she said, “I want to invite
you out with us tomorrow night. We are
going to a huge party at one of Lance’s
friends house.”
“Thanks Beth, but I already have plans.” I
replied.
I told her about my invite to Riley’s new
club for the Grand Opening. I was now glad
I had accepted the invite. A night of Lance
getting drunk and hanging all over Beth was
nothing I wanted to see. The only time he
paid her any attention is when he was
drinking. And after a few drinks, he
usually became rude and obnoxious to her.
“You’re going where ?”, she exclaimed, “You
know what kind of club that is ?”
“Yea.”, I told her, “But I really have to
go, I have known Riley forever.”
“OK, I understand, but if you change your
mind let me know.”, she added.
We hung up and I made dinner and sat down
to eat. The phone soon rang again. I
answered and this time, it was Lance. He
told me Beth had just informed him of where
I was going tomorrow night. He was very
excited.
“You know that is the hottest new club in
the city ?”, he asked.
“Not really.”, I responded, “I grew up with
the guy who owns it, he invited me.”
“Can you bring us with you ?”, he quickly
asked.
Great, now I am back to square one. I get
to spend the evening watching him get
plastered and Beth get abused. What a great
way to usher in another year.
“I guess so, if you both really want to go.
You sure Beth is ok with a strip club. I
mean I have never been to one, but I am
sure there won’t be many non working girls
there.”
“Oh its ok, she will be fine.”, he said.
We arranged to meet there about 9 pm, I did
not want to ride with them, I knew I would
want to leave long before Lance did. And
you could never convince him that he was in
no shape to drive at the end of the night.
We agreed to meet in a parking lot next to
the club that had secure parking.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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