Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


MY DARK PAST(CHAP.9)=>STORY BY NELLY
Please do not share without talking to me or her personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story brought to you by Nelly aka Nnenna.
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I heard as his zip went downward (I knew what was going to happen next), I immediately started crying with pains in my heart knowing that my nightmare was once again real and active.
Suddenly a knock came at the front door making Jacob to stop his evil desire (he immediately paused when he heard the knock at the door but he still held up his hand on my mouth).
The knock came again making him to run out the bathroom door leaving me there crying (I cried with so much pain and fear, although his hand left my mouth I couldn't shout because I was so afraid), After he ran out I quickly washed off the soap off my body and eyes (still crying) and went to room to cry.
When I got to my room Glory was already awake, she saw how red my eyes were (due to the way I cried {which made soap enter my eyes} during the incident) then she asked me what was wrong, I didn't reply her instead I started crying again (i cried more and more until i literally had no tears again in my tear-dam).
That day went by with me being in a sad and bad mood, I was lucky to escape Jacob's evil desire that day but I knew in me that he would try again and again until he got what he really wanted from my body (which was not right because it was against my will and he was my cousin).
Days passed but I was still leaving in the past occurrence which affected my emotions badly (i never left the bathroom door unlocked each time I go in since after that day), Glory began to notice my mood (which didn't change for days), She tried questioning me but I pushed her questions aside.
I was also afraid to open up to her (it didn't seen right telling her about her own brother {who raped me twice and had attempted it just few days ago}, it was not something to say out, she might doubt me).
Later that same day I went for a walk with Glory (I was forcefully pulled by her to take a walk, she wanted my sad-bad mood to change), as we walked she started telling me things that would make me laugh but all I did was to give her a fake smile.
She got tired of my fake smiles and then she asked angrily, "What dah hell is wrong with yuh?.
"Nothing, I'm just not feeling to well", I said.
"Stop lying to me", she said.
"I'm not Glory", I said.
"Remember I'm your sis, please dear tell me what the problem is because I know this is not you", she said holding my hands.
Those words which came out her mouth made me all soft and free inside (my mind became free of fear to open up to her, to tell her all that happened and the evil things her brother did to me).
My mouth opened with my lower lip shaking (like a fish out of water), she noticed the way I reacted then she said.
"Please sis tell me what the problem is", she said as she hugged me.
Her hug made me feel relaxed forcing my fears to suppress and my courage to surface, I told her about everything that happened from the day it all started until the present day with tears coming from my eyes. She was shocked and couldn't believe her hears.
"I've heard my brother talk about this with his friends but I never knew it was real, I thought it was all a joke", she said as the words that came out her mouth sounded of that of a person in shock.
After I heard what she said I was very angry (she also said Jacob and his friends laughed about it), I then knew that I was nothing more than a toy used my Jacob to achieve his evil desire and deep down inside me I felt like killing him that very day.
She hugged me once more and said she was sorry for all her brother did to me (I still cried)...........to be continue....last chap.10 coming up soon so watch out.
THIS IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI JUST CALL ME NELLY
FACEBOOK USERNAME:NELLY NALLY
WHATSAPP NO;+22961804913



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1 Ladki ko Chai banani thi

Lekin uske pas dudh nahi tha,



Phir usne apne kapde uttare

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Or Dusre kapde pehan kr dudh lene chali gyi.

Apni Soch ko badlo Kmino.Related

I feel lazy when I’m not working. I learned all my business sense from my dad. He always believed in me, and I think the last thing he said to me before he passed away was, ‘I know you’re gonna be OK. I’m not worried about you’.

~ Kim KardashianRelated

The doctor continues “The infection is as a result of a serious bacterium that is spread
from the host down to the partner through sexual intercourse. Also, the infection doesn’t
show any symptoms, it just stays hidden and destroys the reproductive organs slowly.
It’s very good that she is here. We’ve been able to cut the risk. All she needs now is rest.”
A blood boiling Askaline comes out of the doctor’s office. If you manage to get closer to her, you would see an ethereal smoke emitting from her ears and nose. She is simply
agitated, on the verge of raising a public concern about the issue. I mean who doesn’t
get sexually defiled every day? Why should my case raise a public eye?
“Askaline, I beg of you, I don’t want anyone to hear of this. This would ruin me into a
million shreds”
Askaline scoffs “This is absolutely preposterous Merissa! How can you allow Brian to do this to you and you want him to go scot-free?” I sense Askaline trying to make a scene.
“Askaline please, you are raising your voice” She exhales and calms down.
“How do we catch this man now? He knows what he had done and would flee from the
senses of sight and senses of touch besides, the police would want a statement before
any kind of help would be extended to us and I don’t want my name in their books.
Please Askaline, let this go and if God want to repay him, Brian and I shall surely meet again.”
A stream of tears tries to break free from my eye walls. At this point, Askaline can’t help it
but to console me with her warm hug. While in my sobs, I give her my purse to fetch for
my debit card and use it to buy a blackberry z10 and also replacing my sim-card. I don’t
want to put my dear mother in undue worries.


>>

This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will eventually become seniors.


“WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!” the irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.


“Madam”, said the newspaper employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY!!!”


There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, “Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either.Related

Racism [Read it]


Racism is when you choose to wash your white clothes before the black ones


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Tujhe Chahte Hain Be-inteha Par Chahna Nahi Aata;

Ye Kaisi Mohabbat Hai Ki Humein Kehna Nahi Aata;

Zindagi Mein Aa Jao Hamari Zindagi Ban Kar;

Ki Tere Bin Humein Zinda Rehna Nahi Aata!Related

dear [Read it]


Wife: "How would you describe
me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful,
cute, delightful, elegant,
fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what
about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"


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Words of Wisdom [Read it]


Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.If you give her a sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.So, if you give her any aggravation, be ready to receive a ton of stuff in return.Related

Q: Did you hear about the two gay judges?

A: They tried each other.Related

mad family [Read it]


Mum junior: junior!!! u won't go to school?
Junior: no no no
Mum junior: why why why
junior: because i'm 2 sharp...
Mum junior: that is my boy, can u tell a WORD that start with C
Junior: mum mum mum, the letter that start with letter is SEE.
MUM JUNIOR: u ar mad,C 4 CAT or C 4 C.A.C
DAD JUNIOR: shout out in birthroom,mama junior, u dey mad? why ar u causing my son.
MAMA JUNIOR: don't vex father of mad.
DAD JUNIOR: u called me mad? na ur father dey mad,
JUNIOR: dad please give me 2letter words
DAD JUNIORk 2letters word W E,ok
JUNIOR: mum give me 3letter words
MUM JUNIOR: i should give u 3letters word abi... ok A R E
JUNIOR: ok let me added another 3letter word MAD.
JUNIOR: DAD MUM,pls call it 2gether ( WE ARE MAD)


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On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

A man walks into his doctors office and is sitting in the waiting room waiting his turn to be seen by his doctor. A casual aquaintance sits down next to him and sturring asks “W w wahat are y y you d d doing hhhere?”
The man replies “I`m waiting to see the doctor.”
“W w why d do yyyou wwant to sssee him?”
The man replies, “Well if you must know, I have a prostate problem.”

“A ppprostate pppproblem, wwwhat`s ttthhat?” the man asks.

“Well, if you must know, I pee like you talk.”Related

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy.

About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time the farmer figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called his hired boy Akpos over, and together they put a tube up the cow's butt. The farmer put his lips to the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked Akpos to give it a try. Akpos removed the tube, turned it around, put it in the cow's butt and started to blow."What are you doing?" asked the farmer, horrified."Well, I can't use the side that YOU had put your lips on."


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ANGELS. EPISODE 3


The beast ran towards me like a charging male elephant.I smiled as I pushed my wings out.I displayed the power of my wings by pushing it back and front which made strong air that forced the beast to fall face down as it came very close to me.now it was faced down and confused.........(AME)our wings has this strong power to control air around.and each time we use it against any beast or demon.they always end up loosing there ability to do anything.they get confuse and loose their ability to focus right.but if the beast or demon is stranger than us it won't cause them any effect..........I rose my right foot and placed it on its back.
AME:"now will thou clear from my path?".I asked pointing my sword at its head
The creature:"thou shall never beat me down.you are nothing but an angel of foolishness".it said trying to stand up.
I got more angered then I pushed my sword through its head.I swung it left then right making its head fall off its body.it was headless but it was still moving.it was now powerless........(AME)beast like this are not fallen angels.they were actually made by demons to stand and guard there dimension or do their evil work.........I left it there and flu ahead.
I got to the forth dimension and I saw hike siting on a high tower like the king of the demons. with his dark eyes looking at me.I knew he was already there waiting for me.....(AME) he was the one that sent that beast to stop me and to try my ability and strength........when I saw him.he looked more different than I thought.he looks very big in size and height......(AME)I guess he increased in size when he saw what I did to his short minion through his dark ability of sight......his hands were far more longer than his legs.the length of his hands was below his knees.he had the face of a deformed clay.his legs was of that of a red panda.his whole body was full of hair.his body was not completely straight.from his waist upward was leaning forward while from his waist downward was leaning backward.I saw his creatures just like the one that faced me........(AME).....the beast I saw was the strongest of them all that hike created with his dark powers.........they were everywhere and some were a little bit different in colour and size.
Hike pointed at me and they all went after me while hike stood and watch.they were about ninety of them.but I could still beat them all.......(AME)remember that I am an angel of war.and I was made to be able to fight what so ever I face..........as they came closer to me.I closed my eyes and kneelt down with my left knee. my right knee was facing the warfront. my sword was standing in front of me and my hands were on it. with my head laying in between my hands.i started praying to my FATHER(GOD) to give me the grace to win the war I was about to face.
I had a scream close to my right ear.I quickly pointed my sword to the direction which I heard the scream.my sword spared the beast in its forehead making blood gush out.my sword was still on the beast's forehead when another came from behind.I push my sword upwards making its head to divide into two halves.then I used the same fast motion to push my sword downwards on the head of the other beast making it to divide into two halves from top to bottom.as the beast fell apart I saw another one coming.I quickly moved closer to it and cut of its head.as I turned four more came.I pushed my wings forward making all four fall.
I fought and fought but non of them could defeat or stop me from taking hike to the"PIT OF PAIN".I fought so much that I killed so many of them.they were now only 6 that remain.I looked at them and said to them with my sword pointing at them as a sign of last warning.
AME:"clear of my path you forbidden beast of hike".
Beast 1:"no"
Beast 2:"screams"
Beast 3:"thou shall die here"
Beast 4:"I shall break thou wings"
Beast 5:"how dare you weak angel talk to us in much manner.we shall kill thou"
Beast 6:"we shall eat of thou flesh"........they all said at the same time.
I looked at them all and smiled then I opened my legs and faced my sword forward.when they saw I was ready for battle they merge their powers together and formed something I have never seen before.they were even bigger than hike.they were as tall as Aso rock.
They took the form of a lizard snake head but its lower jaw was push outward exposing the sharp large teeth that look like that of a saber tooth tiger.it had a curved horn and its remaining body was like that of an ant.
I knew getting hike would be hard but I never knew that hike has become more evil and wicked and his beast has grown powerful too..........to be continue .....story by DINDY


Lying on our bed was my wife in her own pool of blood with kitchen knife stuck to her lower abdomen, i rushed to the bed, she was still gasping for life just little by little, i removed the knife from her stomach and tie cloth round it in order to forestall the flow of blood, i lifted her up straight to my car as i was shouting, my neighbour that were in the compound rushed down to me and help me out, in fact they didn’t allow me to drive.
We arrived at a nearby hospital in our area but she was rejected, we were referred to Ayinke House (Lasuth) in Ikeja, we arrived Ikeja by past 9 and luckily for us she was quickly taken to the emergency world, i didn’t even know what to do again, my neighbour collected my phone and had to call my dad that we were at the hospital, my mum arrived later in the night..
Mum : what happened? What is wrong with Biola?
Me: I don’t know mum, i don’t know oo
Mum: where is she now?
Me: She’s with the doctor at the theatre, they want to operate her
Mum: Operate ke? What happened
Me: I went to barb my hair this evening, i came back to the house and saw her on the bed in her own pool of blood with knife stuck in her stomach
Mum: who stab her?
Me: I don’t know mummy
Mum: Did she commit suicide?
Me: why will she commit suicide? For what? In fact she was cooking, i was the one that put off the cooker when i entered the house and heard the smell of burnt food
Mum: So, what could have happened? Abi iru kileleyi ke…..God please come to our aid oo
Me: Am tired mum..what is all this
“we were still at the corridor discussing with my mum when we saw someone that look like Biola’s mum approaching, she was actually the one, she was with Biola junior sister, i started wondering how she knew we were at Lasuth that night, Doctor approached us that same time”
Doctor: Why did it take you guys so much time before bringing her down here?
Me: we brought her immediately it happened
Doctor: well, we tried our best but its so unfortunate that we lost her
Biola’s Mum: Lost kini? What do you mean doctor
Doctor: Am so sorry, she gave up the ghost during the surgery ooo
Biola’s Mum: Mo ku oooooo……ina omo jo mi oooo…o ti pami lomo, you killed my daughter, now you have killed her, you have killed her abi, now its good like this, you have led me well….where is baba biola ooooo…..am dead ooo (she held my cloth so tight and was dragging me)
My mother didn’t even know what to say, every one of us was crying seriously, not quite long they took somebody on a bed which look like her corpse, i was still deliberating on what next to do when Biola’s dad arrived late that night with some policemen, “Officer, this is the killer” said her father, “Oga, you are under arrest for the murder of Mz Abiola, you need to remain silent because whatever you say will be use against you in the court of Law”…

TBC...



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Not swinging one’s arms when you walk increases the effort of walking by 12%, the equivalent of walking 20% faster or carrying a 10 kg backpack.Related

Confession! [Read it]


A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”Related

APC CHANGE [Read it]


A teacher in ogbomosho asked his students, 1+1= ?.
A student stood up and said 4. An old man passing by overhead the response, he shook his head and said: "This APC government will kill us in this country. Everything has increased, dollar, transport fare, foodstuff, beer, ...everything. Even 1+1 that used to be 2 has now gone up to 4..."???.....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-16 12:11:31

389 Views



Change [Read it]


Successful people have two things on their lips,
"smile and silence". Smile can solve problems,
whiles Silence can avoid problems. Sugar and salt
may be mixed together but ants reject the salt
and carry away only sugar. Select the right people
in life and make your life better and sweeter. If you fail to achieve your dreams,change your
ways not your God. Remember, trees change their
leaves and not their roots... #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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lost Wife [Read it]


Two guys are moving about in a Shoprite supermarket when their carts collide. One says to the other, "I'm sorry. I was looking for my wife." 


"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate." 


"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?" 


"She's tall, with beautiful long hair, long slender legs, firm body and a very nice backside. What's your wife look like?" 


"Never mind, let's look for yours!"  




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 15:32:46

306 Views




Continues..
He was about inserting it when he looked at me
Preston:are you sure?
Me:just go on. Please don’t stop even if it hurts
Prestonkay. But please don’t cry even if it hurts
Mekay
He slowly and gently inserted it. I gripped the sheets hard. I thought it wouldn’t hurt but it still hurts. I squeezed my face and closed my eyes to bear the pain. He noticed it and he reduced his pace from gentle and slow to more gentle and slow. Then the pain was dying slowly and I opened my eyes
Me:just go on. I am fine
Prestonkay
His pace was now fast and that sound like pta pta pta pta was now what I heard. Hr went on faster and faster. I moaned quietly and still closed my eyes. He was about to c-m when he came out of me and cummed on the bed. I was very weak and thought so this is how s-x is and some people want to kill their selves hmmm what a world. I was very weak on the bed. I checked again and saw blood but it was much it just covered a round spot.
Prestonstill on the bed) are you okay?
Me:yeah but weird
Preston:everybody feels that way after breaking their virginity
Mekay
Preston:and I am happy I broke yours. Am so proud of you
Mesmiling) thanks
We left the bed and went to the bathroom. I was able to walk like before by now. We took our bath together and dressed together. He wore red and white and I wore orange and lemon. I finished dressing before him so I took a leg of his shoes and ran out of the room so he would chase me
Predton:hey! Bring back my shoe. Be careful you might fall down
Me:catch me if you can!
Preston:alright then
He ran after me and caught me when I was already standing near his car
Mebreathing heavily) so you were running with a pair of shoe on huhhhh dirty dirty boy(I laughed)
Preston:and all thanks to you
I gave him his shoe and he wore it. As I was about going back to the house,he drew my left hand and I twirled and fell on body. My body was on him and his was on the car.
Preston:do you know I love you?
Me:hmmmm, really? How much?
Preston:enough to make me die for you
Me:and leave this beautiful life?
Preston:yes. What about you?
Me:as a truthful person I love you enough to make me disown my father but can never die.(I laughed)
Preston:funny. Okay then. I am very sure you will also die for me.
He kissed me which I responded to. We were still kissing until somebody opened the gate. It was Miranda. She was crying and breathing heavily.(I ran to her)
Me:what’s the matter Miranda?
Mirandashe looked at me and at the same time looked at Preston) Presley is battling in campus and he sent me to call you since you haven’t been picking up
Me&preston:what!!!..
To be continued after comments..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Little birdie in the sky;

U look up and it shits in your eye;

U don’t mind and U don’t cry;

U just thank God that cows don’t fly.Related

Abi I Lie [Read it]


The Best Way To Know A Nigerian Who Entered America Illegally Is Just To Off The Light And On It.The Next Thing Them Go Hear Is Wetin


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-25 19:26:09

846 Views



Rub it [Read it]


A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance,
say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-16 18:46:12

551 Views




The liver, not the heart, is the sign of romance in northern Morocco. When a Moroccan girl falls in love she says, “Darling, you have stolen my liver.”Related

Remember how those bodyguards of Mirabel
use to be mean to me?
Now, I am like their boss.
According to what Mirabel told me about
some of the rules and policies in their home
and to their workers; There shouldn’t be any
form of relationship between every
employees working together for the family.
As in, a gateman can’t go out with a maid,
like that. Or they will be punished
accordingly and might even lose their jobs.
*** RECALL ***
There was a day when Mirabel and I went to
a shopping mall to purchase some stuffs
with the guards. We got to her place quite
late after the shopping.
On getting home, she dropped the stuffs
that she got for herself; then told the
guards to watch the house that she’d be
leaving with me to my apartment. They tried
to object but she overruled their objections.
She followed me to the car which is my
range rover sport. I drove out of the gate
from the building before she told me to
stop…
Mirabel: Oppss! I forget my PJ’s please turn
around honey
Me: Ohhhh…! Sweetheart but I told U to
keep some at my place
Mirabel: I know, thats why I bought three
pairs from our shopping earlier. Please
please please turn back honeyyy…
Me: Ok, alright! but I don’t need to turn
around, we haven’t gone far na, so… we
should walk back.
Mirabel: Fine, lets go
We alighted from the car headed back to the
building.
On walking briskly into the house, we heard
splashes of water from the pool.
Mirabel: I thought Lola isn’t home? Who is
swimming in my pool??
Me: It could be Cynthia
Mirabel: Cynthia doesn’t swim that much,
besides she don’t like swimming alone
unless people are there to make it fun.
Me: So… No one else is allowed to swim
there?
Mirabel: No other people swim there. There
are two other pool where they swim.
Me: Lets check it out sweetheart to stop
your worry.
We got closer to the pool. Lo and Behold we
saw two naked humans kissing and
romancing at an angle of the pool.
Mirabel: Frank?! Jummy??!!
It was her guards…
Frank: Ma? Sorry Ma we can explain I swear
Ma
They immediately rushed out from the pool.
The female one Jummy quickly grabbed a
towel to cover herself.
Mirabel: So this is what U guys do when I’m
not around?
Frank: Its not what U think Ma
Mirabel: Don’t be stupid! Answer me!! Is this
what U guys do when I’m not around??!
Me: Relax sweetheart, take it easy
By then, I didn’t understand why she was so
mad at them.
Mirabel: Stay out of this Victor!
Answer me now! Jummy?
Jummy: Ma, Actually…. we.. we… we..
Mirabel: What?! Are U guys dating right
under my nose?!
**Silence**
I didn’t say anything again, she just shouted
at me and I’m not cool with it.
Mirabel: Huh?! Are U guys dating??
Frank: Yes Ma
Mirabel: Since when?
Frank: Ma?
Mirabel: Since when have U guys been
dating?!
Jummy: For five months now Ma
Mirabel: What?! That long??
Jummy: I’m s… we are sorry Ma
Mirabel: U don’t have to apologize to me, do
that to my father tomorrow
They both went down on their knees to beg
Frank: Ahhh Ma… please Ma. We would get
into trouble if U do that
Mirabel: U should’ve thought about that
before U started what U’re doing now
Jummy: It just happened Ma, we’re very
sorry Ma please don’t tell your father I beg
U
Mirabel: **calmed** so U guys love each
other?
Jummy: **Uncomfortable** Yes ma
Mirabel: Hhmmmm…
Frank: We will do anything U want us to do
anytime, anywhere Ma
Mirabel: Oh really?
Frank: Yes Ma
Mirabel: OK. Is not that I’m gonna make a
deal with U guys ‘coz U guys are answerable
to me and its your obligation to do whatever
I say.
Frank/Jummy: Yes Ma
Mirabel: Now lemme make something clear
to U guys,,,, Victor here and I are dating.
And U must respect that Ok?
Frank: Absolutely Ma
Mirabel: Never question my moves especially
when I don’t want U guys to follow me,,, Is
that clear?
Frank: Yes Ma
Mirabel: U guys are also answerable to my
boyfriend Victor Ok?
Frank: What?
Mirabel: Got a problem with that?
Frank: Not at all Ma,,,, all clear
Mirabel: Good!
Frank: Yes Ma
Mirabel: **Smiling** Well, looking at U,,, I’m
happy for U guys
Frank/Jummy: Thanks Ma **shyly**
Mirabel: Alright, just came back to pick up
something. Enjoy yourselves!
She went in, got her PJ’s, then we got out
to the car heading to my place.
I was so silent in the ride. She tried to make
a conversation but I didn’t gave in till we
got to my place. We got inside.
Mirabel: Alright, I understand,,, Sorry I
yelled at U earlier it wasn’t intentional
I didn’t say anything.
Mirabel: C’mon sweetheart… don’t be like
that **Hugging me from behind** U know I
wouldn’t do anything that would hurt U
Me: But U did
Mirabel: And I’m so sorry about it. It would
never happen again I promise… honey
pleaseeee….
Me: OK, I’ve heard U
Mirabel: Not enough dear
Me: What do U want me to do?
Mirabel: Do U love me?
Me: U know the answer to that
Mirabel: Just answer it please,,, do U love
me?
Me: Yes I do
Mirabel: U do what?
Me: Love U of course
Mirabel: Alright Kiss me
I no dey form for that kind thing at all…
I smiled on hearing that, I slowly turned
around to face her.
Mirabel: So? Are U gonna keep staring at me
or….??
I drew her head closer, we kissed and did
other stuffs except s£x and we cool with it
for the main time.
*** NOW ***
One week more to round up our exams. We
didn’t slack up our reading sessions.
Promise got to know my new place as she
visited and even cook alongside Mirabel.
The first time she visited, she took her time
in surveying the environment and then did
some questioning.
Promise: Nice place U got here
Me: Thanks,,,, Promzy
Promise: She tried
Me: Yea
Promise: This is something you’ve always
wanted. Living by yourself in a beautiful
house with all U need.
Me: ***laughs*** yea, thats true
Promise: Is this the reason why u’re dating
her?
Me: What do U mean?
Promise: Do U love her?
Me: Of course I do, I love her very much
Promise: For who she is? Or for what she
is??
Me: What’s all this about Promzy?
Promise: I dunno,,, I feel like she’s buying U
over
Me: How do U mean?
Promise: U always happily accepts whatever
that she give to U. Look at you Victor… look
around…. U want this, every other guy would
love this as well… why should I believe that
U are different from other guys when U
accept everything from her?
Me: U just have to believe me,,, I thought U
trust me?
Promise: I did,,, but…
Me: But what?
Promise: I dunno what to think anymore
Me: Its Ok,,, I want to assure U that I really
do love her and that’s all that matters
Promise: Before U fell in love with Mirabel,
did U have anyone in mind that U would’ve
love to date?
Me: Uhhmmmm… I don’t think so. See
Promzy, U have to trust me… I’m a good
guy
Promise: Its not about trusting you Victor
Me: Then tell me what it is
Promise: Or never mind, its cool
Me: U were going to say something
Promise: Nope, its nothing…
Me: Are U sure?
Promise: Yea, I’m sure. Why not go in and
offer me something to drink?
Me: This way please **ushering her in**
But when Lola came to my place by
herself…. the story was different.
TO BE CONTINUED.

>> Part 30 -

funny mama [Read it]


One word for her







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-28 06:41:48

195 Views




Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

~ Oscar WildeRelated

Ladkia market main patakhe khreeed

rahi

hai…..!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

And boys market main patakhe dekh

rahe

hai…….!!!!

njoy with patakhas boyz nd galz ???? ????

Happy Wali Diwali !!!Related

Prison Of Life [Read it]


PRISON OF LIFE
Kwame Nkrumah came out from prison and
became a president.
Nelson Mandela came out from prison and
became a president.
Obasanjo came out from prison and became
a president.
Theodore Orji from prison and became a
Governor.
Omisore Iyiola from prison to Senator.
Even Jerry Rawlings from prison to Head of
State.
My dear, spending five years in prison is far
better than spending five years in university
.. even Jomo kenyatta from prison to
president.
Joseph came out of prison and became a
prime minister... be wise pals..its real..go
to prison nd become something in life... By [email protected] #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-17 22:31:14

887 Views



Sperm [Read it]


The Sperm!
.
Out Of A Bunch Of Millions Of
Sperms,There Was This One Sperm Named
Caphas Was Always Trying To Keep His
Fitness,Jogging,Lifting Weights And Even
Swimming. When His Friends Asked Him
Why Was He Doing These Things He Said,"Only
One Of
Us Will Meet The Egg And Make A Baby,And
I
Want To Be That One When The Time
Comes." His Friends Would Just Laugh At Him And
Pass.
The Time For Them To Go Out Came And
Caphas
Outran All Of Them(I'm Talking Million Of
Sperms)To The Exit,As Matter Of Fact,There Was
A Huge Gap Between Caphas And The
Rest.All Of
A Sudden,The Other Guys Saw Caphas
Running
Back As Fast As They Have Never Seen Him Before.As He Went Past Them In The
Opposite
Direction. They Asked,"Caphas,Why Are
You
Running Back,Didnt You Say You Wanted
To Be The One?"And Caphas Breathlessly
Replied,"Heh
Heh Heh Heh.......
.
This Fool Is Masturbating!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-07 16:41:16

1008 Views




"We are going home to our parents "
"You seem very tired,come and rest and tomorrow i will lead you to your parents! ".

Bakhita and her companion thought they have reached the village of their dream,their new guide took them to his hut and gave them something to eat and drink, then he led them to the fold behind inside the hut and pushed them brutally inside among the sheep,he used a heavy chain to tie the girls to eachother by their legs and left them there.

Days and nights passed,suffering and anguish seemed to be inseparable companion of the poor children, one morning a slave traders, passing through the village gave the master the awaited chance,he took the chains off the feet of Bakhita and her companion and presented the children to the merchant, right away they were sold,bought and led away

After a long walk,without knowing where they were being led,the two children reached a caravan on its way to a huge centre for the collecting and distribution of slaves:El obeid.

With trepidation Bakhita scrutinized the faces of the women in the hope of catching sight of her sister,but unfortunately she was disappointed.

The public market was a spectacle never seen before,slaves coming from all parts,put on sale and ,like any other merchandise, sold the highest bidder,when it was the turn of the two little slaves,a distinguished gentle man came forward and said " i will buy these two",and he led them away with him

The children followed their new owner and we're led into the room of a big house, they were amazed at the splendour and advanced hesitantly on the soft carpet, oh what feet,with evident sighs of the stones and briars and long forced marches.

Timid and uncertain, they found themselves in front of two pretty young girls sitting on a large sofa among soft cushions, they were wearing dresses embroidered Ingoldmells and pearls which glittered in the sun shining through the window

The little mistresses turning their eyes from the two little slaves to their father's face,exclaimed "beautiful, very beautiful ".
"They are both beautiful, but this one has something more gracious ",added the eldest pointing at Bakhita, "well,daddy,we will keep them for now at our special service and we know how to train them well,then when our brother gets married, we'll give them up to him as a wedding present "
"Wonderful! " approved the father

Bakhita had unknowingly marked another stage of her life which would determine her present and her future, Bakhita immediately took her place near the master's daughters "you will be out little slave",the youngest daughter said to her and ordered her to sit at her feet.

For a good part of the day Bakhita spent for time crouched down near the sofa fanning the sleepy faces of her mistresses in the summer heat,on the whole life was easy enough, her little mistresses like her and she repaid every act of goodness with kind and prompt obedience.

NEXT EPISODE

>>


1. Why count your money in front of the ATM? Will you return it if it’s incorrect?
2. It amazes me that people are afraid to talk in the exam room when the question clearly said “Discuss”
3. Some girls are looking for tall guys with pink
lips and six packs when their fathers are short, potbellied with black protruding lips…..Can’t you be humble like your mum?
4. If People Can Use “LOL” Without Even Laughing, Surely They can Use “I Love You” Without Even Loving You.
5. You’ve been Engaged since 2010, till today you’re still ENGAGED. MY girl, you’re not LORD OF THE RINGS.. please return that “key holder”!
6. Why are babies in the womb for 9 months and aren’t 9 months old when they are born?
7. Stupidity is when u have a Land Rover Land Cruiser and still have a Land Lord, the landlord will surely not allow you to PARK your lands on His Land………..Wise Up!!!!!!!




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-26 08:41:46

394 Views




BROKEN SEAL
Episode 22


Samuel: we have to get out of
the car!
Me: lets go ahead, i’d pretend i
didn’t hear that.
Samuel: dummy! Thats the only
option, the car is a mess, this
lead bullet hurts my arm, we
can’t fight them or escape with
the car! Don’t you get it….
*another bullet hits the rear
windshield*
Me: okay okay whats the plan?
Samuel: you jump out when i
say so…. I really don’t know
how he did it…he fixed an sub-
machine gun (SMG) to the car’s
AC. Such that the SMG would
release bullets automatically.
He tied his wounded arm with
a brown hanky, then he
switched off the headlamp. I
lifted Adrian’s heavy body,
placed on my right shoulder
and we jumped out of the car,
leaving the car to travel on its
own, we found refuge in the
bush along the roadside. With
the car moving on its own and
the SMG shooting
automatically, the scumbags
after us kept wasting their
bullets, thinking their harming
us.
Sparkies!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“kpaaoooh” the car exploded!
Is it the bullets alone or they
used a flame thrower? Only
google knows. Samuel was still
bleeding uncontrollably, and
Adrian still unconscious.
Luckily, a cab wandered our
way, i quickly flagged it down.
Me: hi buddy! M, de santos
street, three passengers. You’ar
good?
Cab man: what happened? Why
is that guy bleeding? And the
other lying dead?
Me: would you take us?
Cab man: i’m sorry….i….i can’t.
Me: (pointing a pistol to his
head) you either take us and
save your life or i blow off
your skull and take your cab.
Cab man: (shivering) get in……
Me: now that sounds like
it…..samuel? Within minutes,
we found ourselves in front of
Samuel’s mansion. I paid the
cab man a fortune, he thanked
me and zoomed off.
Samuel: my store room is over
there…….(pointing) lets take
him there. Samuel led the way.
The store room looked more of
an empty cell. I dropped
Adrian on the floor “oouuch”
my shoulder hurts.
Me: what next ‘boss’
Samuel: lets tie him to that
electric chair, he would still
remain unconscious for hours,
tomorrow, we continue from
where we stopped.
Me: how the…..what are you
doing with an electric chair?
Samuel: dìckhead! Its meant
for special days such as
today!!! We tied Adrian to the
chair and also glued his mouth
with a ducktape. I helped
Samuel in removing the lead
bullet stucked in his flesh,
believe me the sight was
horrible! Soon i was done…i
picked one of Samuel’s cars
and zoomed off.
**************************
I came back from work pretty
late today, we had a board
meeting which almost chopped
my time.
Me: anybody home? Isai?
Isabella? Isabella!!! I called
out but got no response, she
(Isabella) isn’t in her room
either! Where could this girl
have gone to? I reached to
pick my phone from my side
pocket, probably to call her. It
was then i felt a cold iron
against my head. I rolled my
eyes sideways lo it was a black
pistol.
Voice: freeze don’t move! Your
hands on your head!!!


>>

You will laugh-
Four facts about you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you
1. You're so lazy you didn't read all the Yous
2. You didn't notice I put a yoo.
3. You are now looking to find out.
4. You are laughing because you realise there's no yoo and you've been tricked.

I know at least 13 things about you now.
1. You are holding your phone.
2. You are on nairajokes
3. You just opened my msg.
4. You are now reading it.
5. You are human.
7. You can't say the letter p without separating your lips.
8. You just attempted to do it.
9. You are laughing at yourself.
10. You have smiles on your face.
11. You skipped No.6.
12. You just checked to see if there is a No.6.
13. You are laughing at this because, I caught you...
Hahaha is it true
If u smiled then forward
Now that you've smiled, don't be stingy With the smile, share them with friends just for laugh. Laughter is the best medicine.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 15:28:44

284 Views



Lost of weight [Read it]


A fat man saw an
advertisement,
"Lose 5kg In A Week."
He called and said, "I
would like to join!"
Lady: Ok! Be ready
tomorrow at 6
am.
Next morning, he gets
to the office and was
taken to a room.
He opens the door and
finds a hot babe in only
a
shirt and underpants.
She said,
"if u catch me u can
sleep with me!"
The girl starts running.
The man starts running
after her but couldn't
catch her.
During the whole week,
he
tried to catch her but
couldn't and lost 5kg.
He then ask for the
10kg program.
Next morning at 6am,
he opens the door and
finds a hotter babe in a
bikini who said,
"if you catch me, you
sleep will with me."
He lost 10kg that week.
So, he thought this
programme is
awesome.
He then requested a
25kg program.
The lady said, "Are you
sure? It's really tough!!
"Why not!"..Said d man.
The next day at 6am,
he opens the
door expecting to see a
Unclad girl but finds a
Unclad MAD MAN
who said;
"If I Catch U, I Will Sleep
With You!!!!" That
week, the man lost 40
kg.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-11 06:01:33

315 Views




*Some Girls Will Never Change.*
A lecturer walked into a
class room and told all the students that there will be
an emergency test...
He Went straight to the black board and wrote the
instructions which says:
1) Time is 15mins
2) No copying
3) No cancellation of answers
4) once it's time walk away from
Your desk. He told the students to get
ready...that it will be a simple two
questions test
(1) List four of your best foods
Immediately students started
writing...
Boys were writing Eba, pounded
yam, rice, beans, fufu etc...
The girls were busy writing
Hotdogs, pizza, shawarma, burger,
vanilla iced cream etc....
All the ladies were happy until they saw the final
question
(2) Explain how to prepare your
favourite meal as listed in
question 1.
"Yawa come gas"
See girls and cancellation
Dey cancelled all their first answer and start changing
it to:
yam and beans, white rice, egg, tea, akamu, indomie,
dodo

#BOLLY_SMART™



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-14 23:56:59

515 Views




A married woman came back home so drunk and she needed some satisfaction but her husband traveled.
She couldn’t bear it. So she begged their house boy Akpos to make love to her.
After that Akpos told the woman “From today on you will be answering me sir”
“For what nah! Are you insane” .
Akpos said “See if you talk too much I will tell your husband”.
The woman regretted her foolish act.
Since then Akpos no longer respect her nor obey her orders.
So one day she called Akpos and say “Please what should I do or buy for you so that we live as nothing happened between us”.
“Ehmm! Now you are talking. Just give it to me one more time and everything will be over” replied Akpos.
“Again! That’s too hard for me”
“I can see you are not serious” says Akpos
“Ok! Fine. Tomorrow when my husband goes to work you come to my room.”
As the man step out of the house the next morning, Akpos immediately sneaked in.
When his done removing his clothes the woman started shouting “Rapist! Rapist!”.
The husband rushed in from where he was hiding outside.
“Honey! You see what I had been telling you” says the wife.

Guess what happened to Akpos




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-08 20:52:31

73868 Views



MARA episode 14 [Read it]


“Now, for real, Gun Ju Pyo stood outside the Namsam Tower from evening till dusk…not in the sun or rain or….but in the snow!” he said firmly, a small knit of frown on his forehead.
I pouted my lips as I hugged his left hand firmly.
I knew what he was driving at.
“I ordered for the strawberry flavor which they didn’t have. So I had to wait till it was freshly mixed. My mind was on fire as to how worried you would have been. I was so shocked that looking at you from the back view, you didn’t look worried but angry! Is that our love? No patience?” he asked and that was when I knew that he meant business.
“Are you angry?” I asked and he shook his head
“If in the movie you recommended for me, a proud, arrogant rich kid could wait for hours in the extremely cold snow for an ugly duckling as he did call her, I don’t know why you beautiful lady couldn’t patiently await your sweetheart for some minutes” he said and I smiled ruefully.
“I am so sorry dear. It was intentional. Forgive me” I said, touching his small beard playfully.
He looked away
“No problem. Take your ice-cream before it thaws” he said as he placed the big bowl into my hands
“Thanks” I said, smiling but he looked away still.
I had to do something to save the situation before it got out of hand.
“Please smile and tell me you have forgiven me” I said and he gave a little smile
“I have forgiven you” he said curtly
“Add darling jhur. I have forgiven you my darling” I said and he smiled largely.
“You can’t be for real!” he said
“I am for real. Say it”
“I wont”
“Say it jhur”
“I wont say it jhur” he said on.
By now, my playful frustration had made his smile to grow larger but I wont let go until he added ‘my darling’
I moved to his side and started to tickle him hard.
He fell upon me in a fit of laughter.
I didn’t let go
“Say it”
“Darling”
“Say it loudly”
“Darling…I have said it” he said, gasping for breath as tears strolled down his face from the forceful laughter.
“Say it in full. Smile and say I have forgiven you my darling” I ordered again
I intensified the tickling
“I have forgiven you my darling” he said and I tickled him the more as we both laughed out loudly.
It took some minutes before we became sane again.
“Eat ice-cream with me please” I said to him but he shook his head and held my hands softly, stirring deep into my eyes
“What have you eaten today?” he asked
“Nothing. I was about preparing food when you called me” I said and his face lightened up
“What delicacy were you trying to prepare?” he asked sweetly and I smiled
“Garri. I got some freshly made groundnut. It would really be a good combination” I explained and he shook his head
“Garri! I wonder why your eye sight is still as good as this when all you take is nothing but garri! I just wonder!” he said, so worried
“I will be fine. I just love it” I said and he shook his head
“You like garri or there is no money? Which? Would you stop lying! You wouldn’t allow anyone to help you even in the slightest way and it’s tiring. You have become so lean and I really don’t know what to do to you again. I just want this service year to end so I can marry you shaperly” he said and we smiled
“I can’t wait too. But as much as I love you and wanna spend my life with you, the big obstacle on our way wouldn’t give me real joy” I said with mixed feelings even as I sadly inserted few scoops of ice-cream in my mouth.
“My parents?” he asked as he nodded knowingly
“Whether my parents like it or not, it is you I want, not another! You are my wife” he said authoritatively.
I nodded like a chicken and took in more spoons of ice-cream
I looked into his face
He looked pained
“I just don’t want to be the cause of any problem between you and your parents. I don’t want wahala for you” I said again when I realized that he looked so withdrawn and sad that I had not said anything sensible since.
He shook his head.
He took the bowl of ice-cream from my hand and placed it on the mud bench with a bang.
I looked into his face with shock etched on my heart.
He held my hands and pulled me up
“We have to do something important now.” He said as he pulled me away
I was mum as he pulled me on till we got to his car.
He opened the door of the front seat and made me to sit down.
He turned to enter through the driver’s seat.
I was so patient.
He sat for a few minutes after he had put on the regulator in the car to regulate the temperature in the car.
“Erm…” I said after I became bored of the silence.
He looked at me.
Tears flowed down his face
I was shocked
“What is the matter?” I asked as I held his hands in amazement
He wiped his tears with the back of his palm and looked outside.
“I am scared” he said and I became more scared
“Of what?” I asked and he turned to look at me
“Of you! I am scared of you!” he said firmly and my mind was in serious disarray.
“Of me? How? Why? What do you me?” I pressed his hand the more
What could be wrong that he would be scared of?
“You are loved! Many men love you so much. They look at you and even come to you at all times” he said and my heart was muddled
“So?” I asked and he scratched his head
“I am scared that you won’t be able to scale through my parents’ discouraging comments on phone even without meeting you. I am scared that you would one day tell me that you had reconsidered our relationship and that you are backing out. I am scared” he said, bursting out into tears the more.
I smiled
“Adejare! You almost killed me with your words. Is that all?” I asked, still pressing his palm softly
He too his hand off mine and wiped his face
“You don’t just understand. Not at all do you understand!” he said and I held his two shoulders and shook them gently.
“I love you. I will stay by you. I will always love you. I will not leave when you when you need me most. I won’t. I promise!” I said and he looked into my face
“Are you sure?” he asked as if he was a baby
“Yes I am sure” I replied like his mother as I wiped his tears.
We had been friends for years and I understood clearly that he didn’t want anybody between us.
He jealously wanted me for himself only!
“Swear” he said, seriously
I smiled
“I swear!’ I replied him.
I didn’t believe in swearing but since that would make him ok, I decided to do it.
He smiled and gently pushed me aside as he hurriedly checked his drawer for something I didn’t even know.
He brought out a razor blade.
“What’s this?” he asked, raising it to my face
“Razor blade” I replied, still unsure of whatever he was driving at.
Before I could stop him, he had cut himself on the left thumb
My eyes widened
“What was that for?” I asked as I held my chest in horror
He panted quietly
“Lick it” he pointed the finger at me
“What!” I exclaimed and he urged me with his eyes
“Only if you love me, Glory. If you sincerely do” he said and I shook my head
“I love you Adejare. But what’s all these for goodness’ sake? What?” I lamented and tears gathered in his eyes.
“I will lick yours too. It shows you love me unto death do us part. There is no side effect” he said again and I sighed deeply as i licked his salty red body fluid.
He smiled and then picked my right thumb, cut it a little bit and licked my blood
I cringed!
He smiled again, looking satisfied
“Please repeat after me…” he started and I nodded as I turned to look at through the window
I was never going to leave this guy!
I wonder why he was wasting his time doing something fetish and unbinding as this
“…the day I go against this bidding, let the ground receive me” he said and I repeated after him
He hugged me afterwards and that was how our relationship became strengthened till we finished our service in Nasarawa state.
Was that the blood covenant the pastor was talking about?
It couldn’t be anything other than that though!
Because I had never killed anybody…not even a fowl!
I just needed this God!
The God that saved my Doctor from the devices and enterprises of the enemies….
I need that God too!
—-urgently!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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