Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


MY FIRST PREGNANCY EPISODE 7


The calls kept on coming and coming,he even got tired of answering calls,because he was totally focused on thinking about his wife,he totally wanted to run to meet mrs faith his wife in the labour room,at the same time he wanted to wait,he was totally thorn apart...... like a piece of clothe divided into two halves.....(MR SAMMY):"what will I do now?",he asked himself."I wish I was in there to support and stand by her",he said to himself."If only I was a doctor,I would have been the one to help my lovely wife",he was still talking to himself."Ah ooo I can't stay here and do nothing".he said in his heart making a move to stand up...(MR SAMMY'S MIND):"hey stop",said a spirit in him."Where do you think you are going to?".it questioned him forcing mr sammy not to make a move .(MR SAMMY):"well I want to go and see what I can do to help her because I can't stand it anymore,staying here, doing nothing",he replied back his mind....(MR SAMMY'S MIND):"so you are telling me that you can do better than the doctor right?",it questioned him again.(MR SAMMY):"no but I will surely do something".he said to his mind.........(MR SAMMY'S MIND):"see let me just tell you",it said to him,"if you go in there you might end up loosing your wife because you might be more afraid than her and might discourage her",it said."Do you know the amount of pain she is going through?",it questioned him...(MR SAMMY):"no I don't but I feel it",he replied it.....(MR SAMMY'S MIND):"see if you don't know the amount of pain she is passing through then forget about the feeling,because you won't be able to understand her very well, you haven't gone and you will never go through it so having that feeling won't make you fully understand her pains ",it said to him."Remember why the nurse told you to move out in the first place",it said."Your face was full of fear and your voice was not so much encouraging,if you were there till now,I am sure you would have fainted because of fear and what you will see",it said to him making him cancel the thoughts of going to the labour room."So don't try to go into the labour room and cause sudden change,sit down here and pray and wait,don't give in so quickly,just wait for the doctor",it said to him."And you are not doing nothing,she needs you to be out here supporting her,telling people who calls that she is ok,you're even doing a lot because if you ain't here the worry level of your in-laws and family will increase,so just keep calm",it said to him..............TO BE CONTINUED......STORY BY DINDY.....WHATSAPP NUMBER:07087750433....FACEBOOK NAME:OSSY NNAMDI
PLEASE DO NOT SHARE WITHOUT TELLING ME


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school’s soccer team to an “away game”.


They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer.


“We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it’s doing by listening for it. They’re pretty good at it too.”


“Very clever!” remarks the other patron.


Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, “Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?”


“Yes,” says the teacher, stung by the way “his” kids are being referred to, “what about it? You got something against blind kids?”


“Nothing, ordinarily,” says the guy, still scowling out the window, “but you better get them rounded up quick! They’re kicking the hell out of my best milk cow!”Related

Advice For You [Read it]


If you know you live in Nigeria, Kindly go to the market tomorrow and buy food stuff as many as you can. This is because as from Wednesday, all establishments (MAD's, Markets, Schools etc) controlled by labour congress will shutdown until Federal government reverse the new price of patrol.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-15 12:28:34

378 Views



LETTER TO DADDY [Read it]


Hello Dad, I didn't tell mummy that you kissed her
friend, Linda, at the birthday party. I
didn't even tell her that you slept with
her in your bed... Anyway, you should thank mummy
because she helped me to write this
letter Your Goodboy
Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-02 08:00:21

1189 Views




Ronald beamed with joy as he caught sight of his brother-in-law at the front door. “Welcome, Jeremy.”

Jeremy stepped into the well furnished living room. He had his hopes up.

Ronald closed the door behind him. “Take a sit.”

“Don’t bother, I’ll stand. Where’s Purity?” He didn’t want to spend time there, just to get Purity and move to a quiet place where they would talk. He hadn’t seen her after the previous night and was so worried about her. He badly wanted to see her. He knew it was going to be really difficult talking to her after what he’d seen that night. The anger was there, however, he still wanted to be with her, he craved for her. Now he was the one going after her- it was women that usually come after him. It was very different with Purity, he didn’t mind at all. Love could really change people.

“Purity’s not home.” Ronald flatly told hm, dragging him from his reverie.

Ronald’s words hadn’t sank into Jeremy’s head. He waited for few seconds to let the words sink in. “She’s not home?”

“I just said that.”

Jeremy was beginning to get angry. It was her fault, all her fault. They were to meet. She was the one to come to his office, but she hadn’t; he was at her home for her only to be informed that she wasn’t there. Purity Theodore, what is wrong with you?
“Where can I find her?”

“Um,” Ronald was confused. He had no idea what was going on between Jeremy and his sister. Purity was worse, she was acting strange and going back to her former self. “Should be at the company.”

“Thanks.” He could have gone there first. He turned his back to Ronald and went straight to the door.

“Wait.”

Jeremy stopped walking and turned to face Ronald. He sent him a questioning look.

“What’s up with you two? Purity is weird.”

He smirked. It had to happen. “Normal crisis in a relationship. We’ll get it fixed. Bye.”

Jeremy found his way out of the house before he be interrogated by Ronald. Those inquisitive eyes and his puzzled look. Jeremy knew that if he started answering his questions, he’d never leave and his pending conversation with Purity would be post-poned and that would make matters even worse. Thank God he escaped. It’d be up to the brothers to figure out the whole thing for themselves. If they really wanted to know.

Hastily, he slid into his car and drove out of the Theodore’s duplex, going straight to the Theodore’s Enterprise. Purity, Purity, Purity. This woman was making him go crazy. He left his work just for her. How many women make him do this?
*
*
*
“Good afternoon, sir.” Heather greeted Jeremy.

Jeremy smiled in return. He took his time to examine Purity’s secretary. He remembered the first day he was there, it was really an ugly scene between them both. He hadn’t seen her since then. She was pretty and well mannered. He felt sorry for her, knowing she was putting up with Purity and all her crazy acts. Maybe the secretary wasn’t all that bad, but her big mouth was what made Purity treat her that way. His smile turned into a grin as he recalled that day’s event.
“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, sir.” She replied, looking down.

Jeremy observed this, “Are you scared of me?”

She looked up at him and held his gaze. “Of course, not. Why should I be?”

He laughed loud. “You still remember what happened the first day I was here?”

Heather cursed that day. It was a very embarrassing day for her. She hated to remember it.^”Sir, why are you here?” Heather didn’t want to discuss that day.

Jeremy understood. “To see my fiancee of course.”

That statement surprised her. “But sir, she’s not here.”

“What do you mean by that? Didn’t she come to work this morning?”

Heather nodded. “She did. But left thirty minutes after she arrived. She was acting awkward.”

Oh, no. This can’t be happening. “Did she tell you were she was going?”

“She didn’t.”

“Holy shit!” he exclaimed, enraged. “What is wrong with her?” He couldn’t quite place his fingers on it. Something was wrong with that woman.

Still enraged, he went into her office. The door was unlocked. The room was neat and in order, as if she never came in. But the desk was disorganized. Seems she left in a hurry, as if running away from something, he thought to himself. He got to the desk and laid his hands on it. He saw a piece of paper in her writing and read it. “Country house?”


>>

1. U smile alone just because u re chatting on social
network. YOU ARE INSANE
2.if u shout a-goal just because
u score 2:1 for chelsea in ur phone ps game. U ARE
INSANE
3.U did enough calculation on how u can
romance ur gf wen u cant even solve simple
arithmetics in maths. U ARE INSANE
4.U gave #2000
to ur gf yet u went to meet ur mum to collect
hundred naira for recharge card.
5.If u dey cook for ur bf and ur mother dey cook for
u @home, u ar insane.
6.If u dey call ur gf trice a
day but u call ur sister once a week, den u need
more dan a prayer.
7. If u buy bb, ipad or android
tecno for ur gf or bf and ur mum no get phone @
all, u ar insane.
8.If u no dey comment wen guys post online but u
dey comment for ladies alone, u ar partially ins....
9.If u spend more dan 12years in school only to tell
me [email protected] u dont understand mathematics, u are ins..
10. if you read this thing finish and you no like am or comment u are partially in...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-22 13:10:25

352 Views




Hear Akpors narrate what he
went through at a
restaurant:
AKPORS: E get this particular
restaurant wey i dey chop
for wuse. E get one oyibo
wey dey always come chop
there
too. Any time dis oyibo chop
finish, him go shout “heey!”,
so i dey wonder wetin dey
always make am shout. I
decide to chop wetin the
oyibo dey always chop so
maybe me self go follow
shout too. When i reach the
restaurant last week friday, I
order wetin the man dey
chop, them tell me say na
chicken and red wine, so i
chop am. I surprise say i no
shout, i even collect extra
plate, but i still no shout. Na
then i just vex ask 4 my bill.
The waiter tell me say one
plate of chicken and red wine
na N45,000, then d extra
plate na another 45,000 na
then i come begin shout
heyyyyyyyyy! heyyyyyyyyy!!
heyyyyyyyy!!! heiiiiiiiiiii!!!!…
Till i reach house i still dey
shout”
ONE WORD FOR AKPORS THIS
TIME?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-14 17:53:54

1829 Views



The wet pant [Read it]


There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk
and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between
his feet and the front of his pants are wet.
He thinks his heart is going to stop because
cannot possibly imagine how this
happened. It’s never happened before, and
knows that when the boys find out he
never hear the end of it..
When the girls find out, they’ll never speak to
him again as long as he lives. The boy believe
his heart is going to stop; he puts his hands
down and prays this prayer, “Dear God, this is
an emergency! I need help now! Five min
from now I’m dead meat.” He looks up from
his prayer and here comes the teacher with
look in her eyes that says he has been
discovered.
As the teacher is walking toward him a
classmate named Susie is carrying a gold
bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips
front of the teacher and inexplicably dumped
the bowl of water in the boy’s lap.
The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while he
is saying to himself, “Thank you, Lord!
Now all of a sudden, instead of being
object of ridicule, the boy is the object
sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs
and gives him gym shorts to put on while
pants dry out.
All the other children are on their hands and
knees cleaning up around his desk.
sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have
it, the ridicule that should have been his has
been transferred to someone else – Susie
She tries to help, but they tell her to get
“You’ve done enough"
Finally, at the end of the day, as they
waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie
and whispers, “You did that on purpose, didn't
you?”
Susie whispers back, “I wet my pants once too


Moral: All of us go through all good and bad
things in life. We should always remember how
we felt when we were in same condition and
should not mock others for being in it. Always
try to understand their situation as if you are in
it and help much as possible praying to God.
Today you are in a condition to help someone
who needs it.
Davidloaded#


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Banta is lying across the rail tracks with a bottle of Whisky and a tandoori chicken within reach.


A passerby asks, “Banta ji, why are you lying on the rail lines? A train may comee any moment and run over you.”


“Precisely!” answers Banta. “I have no desire to live any longer. I want to kill myself.”


“Then why have you this bottle of liquor and the tandoori chicken beside you?”


“Why not?” demands Banta. “You can’t rely on trains running on time any more. You don’t expect me to die of hunger and thirst, do you?”Related

???? : ? …. [Read it]


???? : ?????? ?? ??? ??..
???? ?? ?? ?????? ?? ???-??? ????? ??? ???? ????? ???? ?? ???? ???? ‘????? ????’ ??? ???? ??????
??? ????? ?? ?????? ??? ?? ??? ???? ??? ????? ?????? ??????? ?? ?????-????? ?? ????? ?? ????? ?? ???? ?????? ?? ???? ??? ?? ????? ??????? ?? ???? ???? ?? ?? ?? ??? ?????? ????

????? : ?? ??? ??????, ???? ???? ??????

???? : ?????? ????? ???? ???????
????????Related

BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 8

Grace: Isabella and I went to
visit Isaiah today, but were
told he escaped while in the
hospital.
Guidotti: what!!?
Grace: whats with the long
face? Shouldn’t you be happy?
Guidotti: how sure are you he’s
safe?
Grace: i believe so.
Guidotti: even so, should he
get caught, he’s punishment
would be augumented. Do you
know he’d be having his first
court sitting next week? What
would we tell the court?
Grace: that question should be
directed to the police! i hope
we see him before the police
do, so we’d have him flown
abroad.
Guidotti: thats close to
impossible! If the police are
really out for him, they’d make
sure all routes out of the
philippines are under
surveillance.
*************************************
The guard didn’t want to shoot
‘coz Rodelio had given them
strict warning not to touch her.
Ella was fast enough to pull
the trigger before the guard
did.
His blood spilled all over her
face.
She pushed him aside and
continued her walk out of the
big house.
She was practically wandering
within the house.
The gunshot alarmed the
guards.
One of them had already
sighted her, he hid behind a
pillar, and struck her hard with
the butt of his AK47 just when
she was about walking past
him.
Ella fell to the ground,
unconscious.
The guard took her to the room
she was kept, and locked her
up.
He then called someone to
clean up the mess she created.
*********************************
It wasn’t an easy ride at all,
the heck leading device kept
leading me to a very isolated
area.
I obeyed, guess thats the
safest hideout Samuel could
figure out.
Soon i arrived a very very very
deserted place, full of rocks
and all.
The only building here was a
dilapidated hut-like structure.
Damñ i can’t be staying here!!!
I’d only spend the night here
and leave early tomorrow!
I had samuel’s digits off hand,
i inputed it in the device he
gave me, his phone ranged but
he didn’t pick.
I tried it six more times yet no
response.
This got me worried.
***********************************
Inasmuch as he tried to keep
calm, he couldn’t help but
worry.
He banged the elevator’ hard
glass walls to no avail.
He gave up and sat on the
elevator floor.
Minutes later, the elevator
drop down with great speed.
Samuel didn’t know if he
should be sad or happy.
He pressed a yellow button
and the elevator flung open.
He was greeted by five
policemen, each pointing their
guns to him.
‘Shìt!’ He said silently.
He threw both hands in the air.
The officers surrounded him,
he gave them his hand which
the shortest among them
gladly cuffed.
They kept muttering some
words which he didn’t hear, his
mind was far away from his
body at that moment.

>>

granny advice [Read it]


A young girl about to go on a 1st date with her
boyfriend was been tutored by her grandma.
"He will try to kiss you, allow him."
"He will try to cuddle you, allow him."
"He will try to lay you down and get on top of
you, don't allow him".
The girl asked : grandma, why?.
Grandma said : "because if you do that, you have
allowed him to disgrace you and all your family".
Girl said : "okay" and she left on her date.
Several hours later she returned and grandma
asked "how did it go?".
Girl : "exactly as you said except when he laid me
down and tried to disgrace our family, I turned
him over, got on top of him and disgraced his
family"
Grandma fainted.....!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-14 20:18:14

639 Views




Check out this conversation :
Boy: What's up?
Girl: I ham (am) fine
Boy: I heard you bought a
student visa to London.
Girl: Yes , i want to go to
Rundon and Studry Raw
Boy: You mean you want to go
to London and study law?
Girl: Hoffcourse (offcourse)
Boy: What did you have in
English and Literature?
Girl: i have forgeted
Boy: Is it A1
Girl: Nooo, God forbid ,how fine
girl like me got A1
Boy: F9?
Girl: Yes, i pass 9 peoples for
my class,we dey 10 for class and
i got F9 na Ayo got F10
Boy: ( confused) You are happy
Girl: Yes,na i even call party.
self..
**Boy fainted**
lolzz
Which Country is this girl from...



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-07 09:00:45

393 Views




AWKWARD MOMENT JOKE BY DINDY (PART 5)
That awkward moment when you are asked to spell something in class, but you spelt something entirely different so that your classmates won't think you don't know how to spell.
Teacher: Dindy stand up and spell "FISH".
Dindy: [STANDS UP] W-A-T-E-R.
Teacher: Are you ok?.
Teacher: I told you to spell fish, you're spelling "Water".
Teacher: Why did you spell water?.
Dindy: Because FISH lives in WATER.... .
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 6.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-20 14:59:02

189 Views




Teacher fell Asleep in Class and Akpos walked up to him,
AKPOS: “Teacher are you sleeping in Class ?”
TEACHER: “No I am not Sleeping in Class.
AKPOS: “What were you doing Sir ?
TEACHER: I was talking to God.”
The next day Akpos fell Asleep in class and the same
teacher walks up to him
TEACHER : “Akpos, You are sleeping in my Class.”
AKPOS: “No not me Sir, I am not Sleeping.”
ANGRY TEACHER : “What were you doing. ??”
AKPOS: “I was talking to God.”
ANGRY TEACHER: “What did he Say ??”
AKPOS: “God said he never spoke to you yesterday.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-04 08:42:06

619 Views




a teacher is teaching his pupils different between hot water and cooled water so the teacher said a water that is put on the fire is called COOLED WATER and the water that is in the clay pot or refrigator is called HOT WATER so when akpos reach house his father told him to get him COOLED WATER and poured it on his head akpos now remeber wetin their teacher told him and he saw a water that is put on the fire he poured it on his father head na 4 hospital his father wake up....
Pls who as fault btw AKPOS and the teacher.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-18 22:54:45

406 Views




This is a story about a brilliant but naughty guy who becos of is unseriousness and overconfidence could not achieve his dream stay tuned.

>>

An enemy will agree, but a friend will argue.Related

First Date [Read it]


During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael?"

Michael: "Just a minute, I have to go pee." Teacher: "That would be rude and impolite!!! Teacher: "What about you Peter? How would you say it?" Peter: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny: "I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after supper. " The teacher fainted!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-22 08:53:40

500 Views




A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She`s laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready.

A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.

The second man comes over and does the same examinations.

When a third man starts examining her body so closely, she grows impatient and says: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?”

The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea. We`re just painting the corridor.”Related

Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

A man entered a mosque carrying a brand new smooth machette and asked "Who is a muslim here?" 


The whole mosque went as silent as a grave yard. The man asked again, "How can a full mosque have no muslim?". No one replied.


The man then grabs the nearby young man and goes out with him and tells him, "son come help me slaughter my goat for I don't know how to do it". 


After the young man had slaughtered the goat, he tells the man that he doesn't know how to skin it and that the man would have to go back to the mosque and get someone else to help him on that.The man returns to the mosque with a machete dripping with blood.


When the Imam saw this, he immediately shouts "Praise the Looooooooord! The whole mosque responds,"halleluyaaaah!!!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-04 21:43:35

273 Views




Three couples marry and stay at the
same hotel for their honeymoons where
they are taken care of by Dave the
bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave
thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to
be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone
operator. Dave thinks to himself,
"Telephone operators have sexy voices." The third man married a school teacher.
Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy,
teachers are frigid." The next morning, Dave reports to work
and gets a room service call from the
nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't
ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was You're not sanitary, you're not
sanitary." Then, the telephone operator's husband
calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry
a telephone operator. All I heard last
night was 'Your three minutes are up,
your
three minutes are up." Later that afternoon, the teacher's
husband calls and happily says, "When
you marry, be sure to marry a school
teacher. All I heard last night was 'We
are going to do this over and over until
we get right!"
#BOLLY_SMART ?? ? ? ? ? ??™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-29 14:03:34

459 Views




This morning, she and her husband had a really bad argument. He came home after work still mad at her, why is she is so difficult to be with sometimes?

He walked in the house, ready for another fight....

He walked in and found her cooking his favourte meal: chapati with beef stew. Worship music was playing in the house...

"Hi honey" she greeted him...

"Hi" he said back...

He leaned on the kitchen wall expecting the argument to continue, she is a woman who speaks her mind...

But instead, she sang along to the worship song playing as she cooked...

"You had a good day?" She asked as she added oil in the pan...

"Why do you do this?" He asked...

"Do what?" She asked smiling...

He stared at her saying, "You make it so hard to stay mad at you"...

"It's not me, it's God" she answered...

"That explains the worship music. You surround the house with worship" he said...

She fed him a portion of the cooked chapati. He chewed...

"I learned the power of worship. Worship humbles both of us, it calms our spirit. I cannot stay mad at my husband when the presence of God fills our home. I cannot continue fights when God's peace lives in our home"...

She went back to the pan to cook some more "When you come home. You shouldn't come home to a wife whose face and tone is ready for war. You should come home to my face glowing because of God's glory. Worship keeps me in check"...

He moved to her, held her by the waist and kissed her neck then said, "Worship reminds me that I am loving God's daughter. Worship cuts off my ego because there can be no worship without humility and submission"...

She turned off the cooking heat and turned to face him, she giggled, "Look at us, just this morning we were shouting and mad, now you're holding me so close" she told him and kissed his lips...

"That's what happens when my wife is my fellow worshiper" he kissed her lips...

"A man who has submitted himself to God is so easy to love" she told him...

"You asked how my day was. I didn't have such a good day, after that fight with you earlier today. But the day will end well with you"...

He knelt down beside her...,

"What are you doing Honey? Asking me to be your wife, again?" She wondered...

He smiled and answered, "Every day I choose you to be my wife. I am kneeling down because I want to worship God, please join me"...

She knelt down next to him, his hand holding her, she said "Every day, I say yes to being your wife. Let's worship"...

"Sorry for shouting at you" she told him...

"Sorry for being difficult sometimes" he told her...

Him and the wife worshiped.

No marriage that is led by and anchored in God will fall, is your home/relationship full of the presence of God?

Think about it..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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family quarrel [Read it]


A husband and his wife had a quarrel...

WIFE: Tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out from the other.

HUSBAND: Tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out from the mouth.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 09:51:05

316 Views




A plane was about to crash and there were only four
parachutes in the plane. Meanwhile there were five
people in it. The first person was Cristiano Ronaldo
and he said: I'm the best footballer, I cant die now".
So he took one parachute and left. The second who
was Aliko Dangote said "I'm the richest man in
Africa and I'm too young to die". So he took the
second parachute and left. The third was Gen Buhari
and he said: " I'm the smartest in the world so I
can't die now, my people still need me". So he took
one and left. Then it was left with Pope Francis and
a little school girl. The Pope said to the little girl "
take the last one, I'll sacrifice my life for you". The
little girl replied no need for that "there are two
parachutes left. The Pope asked her: "how come?"
The little girl replied: "Buhari took my school bag"
thinking it was a parachute. Please don't laugh
alone ooooo. That was bcs Buhari Is a stack illiterate hahahahahahaha


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-31 14:01:58

1270 Views




Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing – your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roomates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.


Q: My husband continuously asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interstingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is thank him by performing it twice a day, then cook him a nice meal.


Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. Man is a hunter and needs to prove his prowess with other man. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than spending a few days away from home (plus it’s a great time to clean the house). Just look how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing for you to do when he returns home is for your and your best friend to perform oral sex on him, then cook him a nice meal.


Q: My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it during your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.


Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing this up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband at all times without any strings attached. What this probably means is that you do not love your husband as much as you should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you could make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking a nice meal.


Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I’m not sure I understand your problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.Related

Akpors went to the United States of America and
had a one on one meeting with Obama, the
following conversation ensued:
OBAMA : “I want to show you how much
advanced we are, Come with me”. He took him to
a forest. “Dig the ground”.
Akpors did it.
OBAMA : “Keep digging… Keep digging”.
Akpors dug deeper, up to 100 Feet.
OBAMA : “So now, try searching for something”.
Akpors : “I got a Wire”.
OBAMA : “You know, it shows that even about
100 years ago we had telephones”.
Akpors became frustrated. He invited Obama to
Nigeria. That year, Obama visited Nigeria.
Akpors : “I want to show you our advancement.
He took Obama to a forest”.
Akpors : “Dig it….” Obama did.
Akpors : “Dig faster and deeper”.
Obama dug up to almost 400 feet.
Akpors: “Try to find something”. Obama tried.
Akpors: “Did you get anything?”
Obama: “No,there is nothing here”.
Akpors: “You know, it shows that even 400 years
ago, we had WIRELESS mobile”.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-04 10:38:33

161 Views




A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I
will make it very fast.
I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down
to pick it I'll be done.
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and
told him the story.
Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for
$2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even
have enough time to undressed himself."
So she agrees.
Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call
girlfriend, he asks, what happened?
She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and
he is still fucking!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-14 17:00:45

1555 Views



Stolen cow [Read it]


In Sokoto, a man named Dalhatu bashiru was arrested on a charge that he stole a neighbor's cow.

His attorney maintained that he was innocent and filed that the case be dismissed through lack of evidence. The judge agreed and the case was dismissed.

Bashiru then thanked the judge and asked, "But do I have to give back the cow?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-22 08:48:48

118 Views




BACHELOR – A man who missed the opportunity of making some woman miserable!Related

Smiley Puzzle [Read it]


How many Red colour can you see?

. .










NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-20 19:54:23

617 Views




Which one is the most painful? 1. Studying for 7 years in a
University, then stay home for
10 years unemployed! 2. Raise a child for 20 years,
then find out he/she is not
yours! 3. Work hard for the whole
month, then go to the ATM and
get robbed! 4. Going to school for
11months, then get your
report written failed... 5. Being faithful to the person
you call your Soulmate, then in
return, you get AIDS! 6. Study for the whole night for
a test, then fail the test. 7. Being in a very good
relationship with someone and
then end up marrying
someone else. 8. You're downloading a video
of 5gb and when it reaches
98% your phone dies!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 23:58:34

696 Views




******AYOMIDE*****EPISODE 4*****
She stopped and look back to see who is calling her..and I wave my hand so that she will see who is calling her,then she saw me and come back to meet me where I was standing.I guess you people should have know what is going to happen next,as she was leaving earlier,na so this olamide(my friend)word ring into my ear again,he always told me to wise up and not to be dulling myself whenever am with girls.
When she got to where I was standing na so we begin dey chat...
Convo****
Me:I am very sorry for calling you back I just want you to spare me some seconds...I was thinking it won't be okay if we don't try to get along with each other more than this since we've know ourselves today,pls what's your name?,I am Ayomide ...
Franciscah I think as much also but I don't want to be too forward you know as a lady I have to keep my pride also,my name is francisca..
She said in a cool voice which makes me more interested in talking with her,she is really friendly..all those fears inside me vanish without any traces,I come be like I don take some alcohol...I am now speaking with boldness...I ask if she is on whatsapp,..she gave me her number straightaway without hesitating when I finally request for her number...omg! I was so happy when she gave me the number,na so dbanj's "am on top of the world" dey ring inside my hrt..so na me this beautiful lady just give out her number to??...I ask myself rhetorically
Now at this point I was really confused,I can't really say maybe francisca was so easy on me because I am so handsome or maybe its becoz of what I did for her earlier...well am really unconcerned about that..(Remember I don't wanna fall in love again but don't you think I am falling in love again now?)...after we finish talking she left and I return to my mama supermarket,then I pick up my blackberry bold5 to call my friend OLAMIDE to tell her about my new friend FRANCISCA.....
I reach for my phone and I called OLAMIDE and gist him about all what happen between I and FRANCISCA,chai!!! Come and see how olamide dey praise me,he was really happy with me for the first time in 1 and half years though we are really close and bestfriends..he told me this is what he is expecting from me since all this while..he has already been telling me to always try and approach ladies...hmmm...Olamide told me to reason her very well and make I woo her,he even told me if she dey do rubbish make I link her with him..that means he go help me because he get much scope than me...I hang up and drop my phone to. Concentrate selling in my mum's shop...
TO BE CONTINUED********


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Santa was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife, Jeeto, so he went to the doctor for advice.

The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have sex, to stick his finger in his wife’s pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the smell would cause his hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection.

That night, he decided to make his move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger in her pussy, and then rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began to stiffen.

Amazed, he decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them in her pussy, then rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4 erect.

He decided to try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all around under his nose. Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember.

He said, “Jeeto, quick turn on the lights, and check this out!”

Jeeto turned on the lights, and with his dick standing tall, Santa proudly asked, “What do you think?”

Jeeto looked at him and said, “Looks like the worst nose bleed I’ve ever seen!”Related

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.

I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: (swallowing)
- Me: Hello
- AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
- Me: May I ask who is calling?
- AT&T: This is AT&T.
- Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

- Me: Hello?
- AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: May I ask who is calling please?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: Is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
- Me: This is AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
- Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: The phone company?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
- AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
- Me: I already have a phone.
- AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
- Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.

- AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
- Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
- AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes
- sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
- Me: 7 days a week?
- AT&T: That's right.
- Me: 365 days a year?
- AT&T: Yes sir.
- Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
- AT&T: We think so!
- Me: That's quite a sum of money!
- AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
- Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
- AT&T: Excuse me?
- Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
- AT&T: What are you talking about?
- Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
- AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
- Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?
- AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
- Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
- AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
- Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
- AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
- Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
- AT&T: What?
- Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
- AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:

- Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
- Me: Yeth?
- Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
- Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
- Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

- Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
- Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
- Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

- AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
- Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
- AT&T: (click)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-26 20:31:36

1525 Views



about myself [Read it]


The is the full story of my life...
Name: AKPOS
HOBBIES: Collecting Teeth from live
lions,
catching bullets with bare hands, jogging
up and down mount everest.
MY RECORDS: Fought with a dinosaur
and broke its neck, skinned a crocodile
alive, held
my breath under the water for 2 months,
3 weeks, 6 hours, 5 minutes and 45
seconds...
Traveled around the world in a Day.
GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS: Went to
heaven to charge my phone, fluent in
10,598 languages, first male to land on the
sun.
SILLIEST THING I'VE DONE: Ate a bowl
of
fruit on a Saturday morning.
EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Couldn't kill
100 bears with a single punch, though 99
died
instantly and the last one is now an
imbecile. PROUDEST MOMENTS: Firstly,
ate a cobra
after biting me and secondly, when I roasted a
dragon at the backyard with a lighter.
SOMETHING ABOUT ME: I really don't
like
bragging


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-05 12:36:33

446 Views



WHAT IS GOBE? [Read it]


GOBE is when u give a beautiful girl a lift and she
faints in your car.
You take her to the hospital and when you get there,
the doctor says she's pregnant and congratulates you
that you are going to be father very soon.
You then shout that to I are not the father and the
girl says you are the father....
Things are now getting GOBEFUL..
You require a DNA test to prove you are not the
father...Things are now getting GOBESTIC
when the doctor comes with the result saying you
can not be a father because you are infertile...
You are relieved, but on your way home you
remember you are married with three kids at
home!....
Now you are extremely GOBECIOUS..
Now, you begin to ask yourself who is the father of
those kids...
You get home to find out that the gateman is their
real father. You are now GOBEDED..
U decided to travel home to complain to ur mother
about the latest development.. And ur Mum with
tears running down her cheeks tells u,my son..I'm
so sowie... Ur Dad ain't really ur Dad...
Then u know that things are now
GOBESTICATED... #lols


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-17 15:06:25

469 Views



Joke by Dindy [Read it]


JOKE BY DINDY
Boy:please can I see your pix?
Girl:kk
.
.
Picture sent??
.
.
Picture received??
.
.
Boy:wow you look beautiful....you look so 24....how old are you?
Girl:I am 18
Boy:huh?.....i said your age not your junior sister's age.........lol
#DINDY WROTE THIS=> facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-30 21:20:43

412 Views



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