Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Continues…
It was raining and William was sitting by the fire, staring into it… He seemed lost in thought. I knocked “Who is it?” his voice called from inside. “delivery for William Amadi” I lied, to get him to open the door but to myself I thought, yeah delivery of bullets in your skull, at least two in your head, one in your stomach, three to your chest…. I had already imagined how I was going to kill him. I heard footsteps come towards the door, When he opened the door I saw him clearly for the first time since that night: he looked different, more reformed… He is not the William I pictured. An anger burned inside of me, how can he be at peace and live comfortably with all the things he had done. He recognized me I noticed, there was fear in his eyes but he was strangely calm “come in” he said. “good thing I didn’t have to introduce myself, I must say though that you’re a hard man to find, I had almost given up on you… But even the universe did not want you to go unpunished for your sins. That’s why you were delivered to me. You must know why am here don’t you” I asked him and he replied “yes, how could I forget such a night, I have always known you would come for me one day. I heard the vow you made to your sister, Vera.” “you know her name” I noted “the others didn’t even remember her; not until I had to painfully remind them”. “the others, Seun and the rest?” he said as if he had only just realized that he wasn’t alone that night. “yes, they are dead all of them. And it’s time for you to join them” I said “I understand” he replied. Although there was still fear in his eyes, he looked calm, he wasn’t like the others, he was ready for me to kill him, but why is he afraid then I asked myself. “Daddy?” an unexpected voice called from behind me. A child, a little girl, “I heard talking, I couldn’t sleep” the child was complaining. William replied “it’s okay, sweetie, daddy was just talking with his friend here who came to visit, go back to your room, I promise we will be more quiet”. I stood there transfixed, staring at the little girl, my hate for William kept me focused on him. It had not allowed me to take in the details of my surroundings. I did and I noticed the pictures on the wall; William and his family, his wife and this girl, their daughter, then it hit me: the fear in his eyes wasn’t for himself, it was for his family. He saw me looking at the pictures and said “I want you to meet my daughter, Vera.” “Vera” I repeated, “after her?” “yes, that night I didn’t want all that happened to happen, it was the first time that I saw something like that, I’ve seen people die but to see someone die like that much less a child up close, that was my first and it was something I never want to see again. But when the others fled into different directions, I made myself come back to look very closely at what had happened to show myself that what happened was my fault and mine only and thats when I heard the vow you made to vera.” he said. “you got that right” I told him, then continued “the others, when I found them, they had delved deeper lnto crime but you seem, different, what happened?”
He sat down, I did too, his daughter vera walked over to him and placed herself around his arms. “He found me” he said pointing to a picture of an old man on the wall. “Pa John, he was a preacher. After that night the group went back to normal, they didn’t care, to them people die everyday and vera’s death was one of the normalcy of life but to me it was my fault, because of that guilt, I left the group, but the guilt remained and for years it ate at me, I lost a lot of myself, I felt empty, less than alive, and one day I decided to end it all and thats when the preacher Pa John found me, He stopped me and took me in and I told him my story, then he told me something that changed my life for ever, he said ‘in life there are about five events that shape the course of a person’s fate, four of those five are as a result of the choices we make and the decisions we take. But there comes one ultimate choice, we are given at our weakest and most vulnerable moment that not only shapes your fate but the fate of the world at large. You can choose to let your guilt eat you up from the inside out or you can convert it to a conviction to never let anyone in your circumstances destroy himself or anyone else. You can choose to become an example of man’s ability to conquer darkness or you can choose to be the guy that let his darkness engulf and destroy him.’ so I made a choice. I chose to be the example he believed I could be. I made my peace with your sister, though I never forgot her and then moved on, we went on missionaries together, he would preach and I would tell them my life story and it helped. When Pa John died, I continued but not as a preacher, I became a motivational speaker, started to speak at gatherings and meetings, I helped a lot of people change their lives for the better. It was on one such meetings that I met my wife and together we got this beautiful girl you see here. The rest as people say is history” he concluded.
.
… “where is your wife” I asked. “she’s at work, she’s a nurse at the city hospital”. His story was good, but I have been nursing a hate and anger which have now mixed together to evolve into something else for this man for eight years. Such a feeling doesn’t go away with one story, I am still going to kill him I decided. He can’t be alive while vera is still dead, no matter how many veras he calls his kids it won’t replace my dead sister “send her away” i ordered him “you don’t want her to see this”. I brought out my gun and began to fix in its silencer. “vera honey, I want you to go up to your room” “what’s going on, why does your friend want to kill you.. Daddy?!” little vera asked, “vera go upstairs and lock your room, mommy will be back soon, everything is going to be fine”…. William assured his daughter.
To be continued


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The time comes upon every public man when it is best for him to keep his lips closed.

~ Abraham LincolnRelated

Who loves me most
Episode 2

Amara is now in the university premises, she was excited that her dreams are finally coming true,the day was so hot and Amara was so tried after the journey for a long hours ,without being told she knew she needed to find her apartment,after about some few hours of asking some students around the university premises for direction she arrived at a storey building,the open the gate and went in,the house was printed in white and up to 10 difference flats in it ,Amare search for the flat number that could match the on her paper and finally she arrived at flat 8,she knocked at the gate but no response, the third time she knock a voice answer from inside.

Voice :who is that

A tall ,beautiful,dark in complexsion girl came out.

Voice :yes how can I help you

Amara :good evening

Voice :good evening

Amara :my name is Amara please is this flat 8

just making sure she is at the right flat

Voice :yes any problem

Amara :not at all ,i just gain Admission into the university and I was told that I will be staying here

Voice smile )oh you must be our new room mate (she open the gate)am Sandra by name.

Amara smile back )nice meeting you

Sandra :come in( giving her way to pass)

Amara :thanks

She entered and Sandra closed the gate behind her,Sandra showed Amara her room.

Amara :thanks

Sandra :you are welcome do feel at home

Amara key

Sandra left Amara, Amare likes her room so neat and clean, it seen like the first owner before her was good in tidying things, she quickly opened her luggage and started to put things in order,few minutes later her phone rang she took her phone and found the the caller was her mum.

Amara smiling )hello mama

Mrs uche :Amara my daughter

Amara :yes mama ,mama how are you

Mrs uche :am fine look,how are you

Amara :am okey

Mrs uche :are you in school now

Amara :yes mama I am even in my room now,Am arranging my things,mama the flat is a four bedrooms so am occupying one all to my self.

Mrs uche :that's good,hope you have eaten.

Amara :I will soon mama,how is papa

Mrs uche :he's fine ,he went to see his friend.

Amara key

Mrs uche :let me leave you since you are busy,I will call you later.

Amara key mama bye bye (she Huge up)

Amara continued with what she doing.
-------------------------------

Chidi was inside his room browser with his phone when Emma walked in.

Read next episode
leave your comments

Episode 3


>>

GREED=>WRITE UP BY DINDY
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this write up...
When greed gets into your head it locks every other sense you have out,all you think is how to get that thing or place or person you want.
Greed got into the head of lucifer and now he is the devil,greed is one thing that blinds you from every other visible thing in front and at your back,greed always ends you up in a position of no return.
It makes you a mad person when it gets into your head;you start seeing things in only one way,and all day and night your mind goes to that thing, you won't be settled until you have achieved what you want,and if anyone stands in front of what you wanna get,you will surely try all your best to take away the person,whether by killing or lying against the person.
You become foolish when it take control over you;you become more of a dummy than a human,it controls your sense of knowledge,it tells you what to do,it makes you see things in it's own way,it deceives you from actual things around you,it becomes your master,it orders you around but you won't know because it is controlling you from the inside,it clouds all your judgement,it covers your heart.
Greed becomes a problem when all you did to accomplish your wants comes to attack and frustrate you,your life be comes miserable,your life becomes a living hell,sleepless night creeps in,the feeling of death might probably run through your mind,lies keep flying through your mind because you won't wanna say the truth of what you did to get your greedy desire.
Greed as you come to know,is an obstacle in human development,greed keeps people from progressing,it is a brick wall against free flow of riches.
Greed is brought about when "SELF"comes to existence,when I said "SELF" I don't mean "SELFISH", SELF means when you don't care or think about any other thing except yourself,self aka self-centred is a feeling that blocks other feelings aside.
Greed take you from the top to the bottom,it makes you a demon,it makes you an outcast,it pulls you back,it hides your glory,it kills destinies,it covers the light in you,it takes away love,it gives you a new shadow,it changes your name.
"GREED IS A TOOL OF DESTRUCTION"
MY NAME IS NNAMDI AKA DINDY AND I WROTE THIS WRITE UP.LEARN FROM WHAT YOU READ NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.THANKS FOR READING................WRITE UP BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI.........whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected]
ook.com facebook namessy nnamdi.......Skype: 07087750433 or [email protected]@nnamdiossy......Instagram#ossynnamdi







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okoro was in the church when everybody was praying. The pastor now turn around and say tell your neighbor" it shall be permanent " everybody now start telling each other. It Shall be permanent. Okoro turned to tell his neighbor it shall be permanent he found out that she is an imbecile okoro simply say to her sorry ooo." she replied " u get luck I for just bite you. Guess what would have happened to okoro?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-14 01:16:37

636 Views



native doctor [Read it]


My neigbour was sick and invited a
native doctor. I warned him and he told
me that he can't. I pleaded with him and
begged him to wait for Gods time but he
refused he went
inside his house with the native doctor,
after the native doctor finised doing his
inchantment, he told my neigbour that
the sickness is incurable but can be
transferred to another person and my
neigbour greedily agreed, the native
doctor then told my neigbour that the
first person that will enter his house he
should shout "taarh" and the sickness
will transfer to the person and the
person will die, my neigboured agreed
and the native doctor left in a hurry
forgetting to collect his money for the
service he had offered. My neigbour sat
down in his parlour and kept his door
opened waiting for the first victim that
will pass through that door. The native
doctor then remembered that he forgot
to collect his money and decided to go
back and collect it. Immediately the
native doctor entered my neigbour
shouted "taarh" and the native doctor
shouted "retaarh" and my neigbour
shouted again "reretaaarh" the native
doctor replied "rereretaaaarh". This
noice started since morning and up till
now they are both shouting
"rererererereretaaaaaaaaarrrhhhh"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-04-19 22:14:58

170 Views



How to die [Read it]


Post Body 1000 ways to die in Nigeria*
No. 33
When your Dad is annoyed and he shouted at
you just wait until he calm down and
with that cool and sweet voice of yours then
begin to sing ...
_"EMPTY BARREL LO N MA N PARIWO, ARIWO KO
NI MUSIC O"_

You will know the Lord giveth and taketh
Sholo stupid lomo ni....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-01-13 13:43:44

551 Views




Your N500 fell out from your pocket and someone picked It, the person who picked it happens to owe you N100. So, the person paid you the N100 with the N500 and you gave Him Back A Change Of N400.

How Much Did you Lose in Total


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-16 21:09:06

508 Views





Akpos’ pastor added him on facebook and he innocently accepted.

Two minutes later his message came in:

Pastor: How are you?

Akpos: I’m fine, my daddy.

Pastor: May the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family.

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May God slash you with the axe of life

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May God stab you with the knife of riches

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success

Akpos: (no reply)

Pastor: May the World Trade Centre of happiness collapse on you and your family

Akpos (no reply)

Pastor: Are you there?

Akpos: Yes, my daddy

Pastor: You should be saying amen to claim the Blessings.

Akpos: Ok, May the over-speeding trailer of blessings jam and crush you and your family. May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members. May the sea of miracles drown you and your family members in Jesus’ name.

Pastor: (no reply)

Akpos: You should be saying ‘Amen’ to claim these prayers

Pastor: May thunder fire you! Idiot!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-09 12:59:03

721 Views




JOKE BY DINDY PART 37
The problem as a conductor is not when you call a small boy bastard.
:_____
:______
:_______
:________
The problem happens when two days later you call passengers, then you bend your head inside the bus to collect money and you see the boy pointing at you with his father wearing an army uniform looking at you with an angry face.
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 38.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-01 21:55:56

135 Views




Why I can't love


Episode 9


"What? where has my husband gone to? " I
asked myself in panic. I tried calling some of his
friends to check whether he was with them but
my efforts proved futile. I just couldn't imagine
what was going on. I became very worried. About
55 minutes later, we heard the the horn of his car
from outside the room. I jumped from where I
was sitting and straight to the direction of the car.
He was actually the one in the car. I even used my
leg against the tip of the door stairs. " honey
where have you been? I have tried all I could to
reach you but to no avail. I even went to the
extent of calling your father. " I said to him. " Sorry
dear, I only went out to see town. You know this
is my third time in this community so I just went
out to get used to the environment before we
leave. " he replied. " But why do you put off all
your phones? " I asked again. " never mind dear,
the important thing now is that am back to you. "
he said . "But promise me you will not put me in
such a worrying condition again. " I said to him. "
OK. I promised. " he concluded. When we entered
into the room, my mother came out and told him
how we were all feeling bad about his sudden
disappearance. He apologized to my Mon and
then we moved to our room where we are
supposed to sleep. I helped him to open his
buttons but he never allowed me to remove the
dress completely. He said he will do that by
himself. I tried my best to seduce him that night
but it didn't work. "What kind of person are you?
You can't even make me feel like a woman. After
all, the world knows am your wife so why are you
denying me of my rights as a wife? Why! are you
a saint or what????? "Angrily, I asked him
these questions as he still refused to touch me
that night. He never uttered a word to respond to
my questions. I became so embarrassed and
angrily, I slept off. We got ourselves ready to
leave the following day. Before we left, he gave
some huge sums of money to my parents and
siblings. That was more than a dream come true
to my parents. My mother was so happy and
asked him to be sending more of that when we get
there. Little did I know that he was just buying me
from my parents..aaww! Soon i saw myself at the
Kotoka International Airport ready to leave.
Should I say that was a dream come true?
Because I was very happy to see myself there. My
parents as well as my friends were all there to say
goodbye to us. To him, he knew that was my last
time seeing my family and friends. We took
pictures and it was all fun. Soon we were ready to
go. Come and see my gorgeous movement. Haha!
I used my dark shades???? to hide my eye
defect. I couldn't see the colours as best as it
should be but once I could make meaning into
what was going on, I was okay. We sat at the
same place in the plane. I heard everybody should
wear his/her seat belt because the plane was
about to take off and they added that we should
have a safe trip. Soon we were at the Atlanta
airport. Atlanta is a city in Georgia of the United
States. To be honest, the city is very beautiful.
Come and see layouts. From a distance, we could
see the Buckhea Theatre. The cars Francis used
while in Ghana remained there. So we needed to
use a public transport home. Just at the airport,
there was this three Decker bus which we joined.
In the bus, we bypassed the Georgia State
centennial Olympic park. Francis showed me all
these places when we got there. I felt very bad I
was not having my eyes complete. Atlanta
happens to be the ninth largest metropolitan area
in the United States which housed about
5,522,942 people. Francis found himself in this
city. In fact I felt very big when he told me about
the place. He lives in a very big mansion located
just opposite the Phoenix State. He has workers
that takes care of his house. Woow, I became
very convinced that our wedding was going to a
very big one. Because looking at things, he should
be among the top men in Atlanta. As usual, no
sex so I just have to enjoy the environment like
that. In the night around 12:30am, he woke up
and said he was supposed to go and clock at his
workplace to indicate that he was back because
he was supposed to be at work the previous day. I
asked him why he won't wait for the following day
and explain himself to his boss when he get to
work the following day. He said they operate on a
computerized system so there is nothing like
excuses over there. I had no option than to allow
him go. He actually went to his occult group to
report his presence and also tell them more about
me. At their meeting, he described me to them
that I was not totally blind. Even though that was
not the exact type of a disabled person they
needed him to marry, they decided to give him a
chance. They read out the rules to him again.
Before he sleeps with me, he was to submit a
bottle full of my urine, my pubic hair and also my
actual hair. They must use those things to start
the process for his promotion before he could
have sex with me. He was to sacrifice my first
born after I give birth to complete his rituals.
Francis returned at dawn and started being
extremely nice to me. He doesn't want me to do
anything in the house. He just made me a house
wife without sex. He will leave the house every
night and come back at dawn. There was a
washroom where I could easily pass urine but
Francis wouldn't allow me. He came back from
town one day with a container. He said his
doctors advised him to give that container to me.
He said I was supposed to urinate into it and when
it get full up, he will take it back for the doctor to
conduct his tests to see if I was fit for their
environment. Well, I knew those people are just
good at technology so I never struggled with him.
Francis became overly nice to me to the extent
that I thought I had finally met my true Prince
charming. We do bath together at times, he would
help me dress my hair and even at times request
to shave my private part for me. Upon all these,
there was no sex. Francis 'nicodemously'
gathered all that he needed to complete his
rituals. One night, I asked him when our wedding
ceremony would come off. He only said very
soon. He added that he was putting things in
place for that effect. One week into my stay in the
US, I never went out to any place than to stay in
the house. He presented the items to his people
and the embargo on sex was removed. He came
back to the house one day very happy. I never
knew the source of that happiness so I asked him
what the secret was. He opened his hands for a
hug. For the first time Francis held me
romantically. That hug led to a kiss. I became
very surprise at his actions. He carried me to the
bedroom and the kiss was becoming very intense.
My libidinal energy nearly exploded. Soon the
clothes were off and the heat was on. I just
remembered my days with Richmond. Francis
was more than a striker. "Sweetheart why have
you decided to have sex this time around? " I
asked. "I could no longer wait anymore. Anytime I
give a date to my pastor for the wedding, he will
only postpone it. So I have decided to do it. It has
not been easy for me but I just need to. " he
answered. " OK. But to be frank I really enjoyed
you this night. Am looking forward to more of
such" I said. Three months into my stay, the
wedding never came off. Eventually, I became
pregnant. With the presence of the pregnancy,
Francis became very happy because his dreams
were gradually becoming a reality. In the house,
there was this particular room that he never
allows anyone to enter. I have been thinking what
exactly was in that room that made him very strict
on that room. I decided to open that room to see
what was in there.
That room housed the skeletal remains of human
beings that they used for rituals. My challenges
began after I got to know about that secret.

Follow me to the next episode to find out the
adventure I went through. Not all that glitters is
gold.


Episode 10 will come now .



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Mega confusion [Read it]


A man just received his 6 months arrears. he handed it over to his wife to go and pay into his account while he is out.
H - "Hello?"

W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

H - "Yes."

W - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are.
I just saw a
beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

H - "What's the price?"
W - "Only $1,500.00."

H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the
2001 models.

I saw one I really liked.
I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and
since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

H-"What price did he quote you?"

W - "Only $60,000..."

H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."

H - "What?"

W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account
and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house
we had looked at last year.
It's on sale!!
Remember?
The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront
property."

H - "How much are they asking?"

W - "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that
much in the bank to cover..."

H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

H - "Bye...I love u too..."


The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while
holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who
this phone belongs to? i picked it down here"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 09:04:28

1395 Views




I seat down quitely pretending
to be listening to what
Mr Aigbegun was teaching but
all my attention was on
her body fragrance, gosh she
smells so nice,it was the
sound of the school bell that
brought back my attention,
Mr Aigbegun was done with his
time "okey see you all later
and make sure you submit your
assignment to me next time I
come ,bye" we all response
wishing his a pleasant day,as
soon as Mr Aigbegun left the
classroom and once quite and
clam class became a market place,
students were walking
from one desk to another,
some where arranging their
books,just then I sighted
osazee whispering into
osaretin ear,he looked at me
smiling suddenly they both
blust into laughter, i wondered
why they were laughing
and why that funny look on
their faces.
Time passes so fast and the teachers
came to offer us what they have for us,
she was speechless all through, calm
and gently, the only time she will make
a sound is either when she is unzipping
or zipping up her school bag,i wonder
why she was so quite maybe because it
was her first day at a new school,
it was 12:30 pm and it was lunch time,
the bell rang and all the students
was seen going out of my class, osayewenre,
osazee and osaretin walked up to be
"be first oh,we are waiting for you"
osayewenre said,"just give me a second "
i replied, he went and joined osaretin and
osazee who were standing close to the classroom
door waiting for me to join them,i quickly arranged
my bag and stood up,i so wanted to invite her along
but the words wouldn't seems to be found in
my mouth, i didn't understand why because
am not usually a shy person, i looked back
at her hoping see will raise up her head
to even observe if every one was gone but
she didn't,she was so busying with the note
she was writing, i went to join my friends
and we all went to have something to eat.

Leave your comments
and Read the next part

>>

I went for an interview at a big ICT company for the #position of ''Computer Hacking Investigator''.
.
Manager : ''So what makes you suitable for this job? .
.
Hacklord : ''I hacked into your computer and invited #myself for this interview.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-03 17:56:31

555 Views



vote of thanks [Read it]


During a wedding reception; The
groom was called upon to give his
vote of thanks to his guests and this
is what he came up with:
1. I want to first of all thank the Lord
Almighty for creating my wife and to
also thank the pastor and his wife for
lending us their wedding rings.
2. Special appreciation to my
landlord who lent us his car.
3. I am most grateful to my boss for
approving the loan I used for my
wedding suit.
4. Big thanks to the committee of
friends for the appeal fund they
raised on my behalf.
5. Also to my brother's wife, thank
you for lending us your wedding
gown and to my sister for lending
her shoes to my wife.
6. Am so grateful to the cake
designer for the cake. I promised to
return it tomorrow morning as agreed
without cutting or
eating out of it.
7. Special thanks to my friends who
brought food from their homes to
help me feed you
all. Please for those who were served
food good luck and for Those who
didn't get any, well we will make it up
to you during our
child dedication...
Describe him in a word..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-24 14:52:28

392 Views




When you see a woman sitting with her legs open, never tell her to close them, because you do not know her source of fresh air.

~ Ethiopian ProverbRelated

I went to a cinema with Akpos, on getting to the cinema we saw a bald guy, I showed the guy to Akpos and said “Look at fresh
head, this one is good to slap, but I’m afraid of the guy’s face”. Akpos then said to me
“Baba T, you fear a lot. I will slap that head and nothing will happen”. I dared him to do it and he went to where the guy was sitting and gave him a HOT SLAP on his head. The guy was surprised, and wanted to react, then Akpos said
“Baba T, so you are here, and we have been looking for you at home!” The guy responded
“I’m not Baba T, maybe we look alike”, Akpos murmured “maybe.”
After some minutes In the cinema, Akpos called me again and said “Baba T, I will slap that guy again and nothing will happen.” I
answered “ok” He went to the guy, gave him a hot slap and said “BabaT stop lying, I said you're the one, didn't I recognise you?…” The guy said to him angrily “I’m not
Baba whatever, please, let me be”. The guy then left that seat and went to the front seat. After some minutes Akpos called me and
said “Baba T, I will slap that guy again and nothing will happen.” This time I told him that “if anything happens, I will pretend I
don’t know him.” He stood up, went to the front seat, gave
the guy a very hot slap and said “Baba T, so this is where you are, I have been slapping another
person at the back !”GUESS WAHT HAPPEND TO AKPOS !!!
HIs Now In The Hospital


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-31 17:59:06

3208 Views




The moment you realize you’ve been used more than Google, get out of the friendzone. :/Related

Banta: What is the similarity between doing sex & doing surgery?

Santa: Skill is more important than the instrument…Related

Tark-E-Takaluf Par Bhi Hogi Unko Nadamat Humse Zyada;

Kisne Ki Hai Kaun Karega Unse Mohabbat Humse Zyada!Related

Wife texts to her hubby: Please come home early. I have cooked a wonderful meal. We shall spend the time alone and have a wonderful time.

Husband reaches home and finds the usual stale food.

Hubbby: What’s this non-sense?

Wife: Koi “April Fool” Bhi Cheez Hoti Hai!Related

CONFESSION
EPISODE 3

We never got tired of watching the television
except maybe
when ‘Mr Sleep’ came calling; and
we never
stopped cursing the National
Electric Power
Authority(NEPA)whenever they
put a period in our
adventure by cutting power
supply.
I enjoyed the movies so
much and was fascinated
by almost everything in the
movie: the enchanting
voices of the actors, the perfectly-
made faces of
the actresses, the action, and of
course, the
scenes where the actors and
actresses kissed,
and the rare sex scenes.
Although I was just a ten-year-
old kid, I enjoyed
the sex scenes so much and
always looked
forward to them.
A movie where
the actors and
actresses never kissed or made
love ended up
very disappointing to me. I knew
it was wrong for me to enjoy
such a
pleasure, but I could not bear the
pain of not
savoring it. I always pretended to
look away or
cover my eyes when such scenes
were on scenes
were on just to make my elder
ones believe I was
still a good boy, but I had a way
of still seeing what was going on
on the TV screen. I always
wondered why my elder siblings
never fast-
forwarded those scenes, or
removed the movie
completely since they hammered
always that such
scenes were not good for our
viewing. Day after day, viewing
such scenes in several
movies, I could not help but get
overwhelmed by
the unclothedness of total
strangers. My mothers
never knew the king of movies
we fed our virgin
eyes with. They spent their
evenings peeling
melon seeds and gossiping.
Whenever I got to be alone in the
house, I would slot in the disc
just like Kenneth always did and
would speed it up to the scenes
where the actors and actresses
kissed or made love. It was not
difficult learning how to use the
remote control. I would mute the
TV, sit close to it and bath in the
pleasure emanating from the
scene into my body. It was
enthralling then, but now I have
realized that I was feeding myself
with a poisoned chalice.
So, as every day passed by, I
could not stop thinking of people
making love. Every night on the
cold mat I slept then in my
mother’s room, the Unclad
bodies of those I bad seen in the
movies would run through my
mind and I wanted more daily.
I remained a good boy to
everyone, but I was healing dirt
deep within. Even while in class, I
was always thinking about the
sex scenes in the movie of the
previous night. Unclad pictures
were running through my mind
all the time.
I knew I was into a deep mess,
but I loved it. If I had known then
that a little leaven leavens the
whole lump, I would never have
smelt the leaven in the first place.
WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 4

>>

A crocodile can’t move its tongue and cannot chew. Its digestive juices are so strong that it can digest a steel nailRelated

People who have sex once or twice a week tend to have stronger immune systems.Related

Akpos one day shouting b4 a medicine store dat give me condom,give me condom about six times an it was a woman in de store and de woman told akpos please can't u respect your self an stop shouting give me condom when akpos enter d store an he open his zip and he remove his penis dat woman give me de clothe of dis thing.if your de woman wat will u do to akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-27 00:19:54

599 Views




JOKE PART 17 BY DINDY

In a room with low light and the dvd player playing cool music, making the atmosphere cool and and nice.
Girl: (breathing heavily and talking softly) Oh Dindy put it in well.
Dindy: (sweating seriously) i never knew it would be like this, just cool down i will try harder.
Girl: (talk softly) c'mon dindy move in more more more.
Dindy: (sweating more) see you will kill me o, wait let me drink water.
Girl: Ah Dindy you can't even do it properly, you are not a man.
Dindy: You are mad!, did you pay me to do it? you were even begging me to do it.
Girl: Idiot you can't even carry small refrigerator into the room.......lol
#DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 18.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-28 01:26:37

162 Views



Times-Episode 5 [Read it]


When she regained conciousness,she looked around and saw Fiyin."How did you get here?I thought...ai,my head ohh.""Stop talking,I stopped by to give you your birthday gift from me and i had to use the spare you gave me.I already called my mum and told her i will be spending the night here.Dont look so shocked;I didn't tell her about all this",she said,pointing to the box on the floor.
Kiitan jumped up at the mentiion of the box,pushed it out of the house unto the porch and locked the door."I don't know what I did wrong that my birthday gift na charm oh."Fiyin chuckled and said,"I told you,boys are not worth all this,It is better you break up with him before she starts packing the firewood for cooking in your own blood abi what did she say again?""But I love Bode now.""Love ko,when you die,he will bring another girl to your funeral.Gbagbe yen,I always knew he was a bad boy.Where is your dad?I have not seen him this month oh!"
Kiitan sighed and said,"He travelled out and left me 'in care'",she said sarcastically and continued,"of my older cousin and that one has gone clubbing for two days straight.""You dey enjoy oh.I wish my parents and 5brothers can just disappear."Kiitan giggled and said,"Am even surprised that she even allowed you to spend the night outside your house"."You should have heard the long sermon 'You people should not drink,don't club.Kiitan is responsible so I am sure you won't do anything bad.'I just dey laugh say which Kiitan is responsible.Abeg am hungry,biko,I dey go kitchen."
Kiitan watched Fiyin's receeding figure and wished she had the same "I-dont-Care" attitude as Fiyin did.

* * * * *
Kiitan's phone rang noisily for over 5minutes before she struggled to keep her eyes open and picked the call,"Hello,who is this?""Kiitan!Am calling you for the last time.If you don't leave Bode...",said the voice on the other end before it was interrupted rudely by Kiitan."Are you crazy ni.Bolanle abi Bolade.Do you think it is polite to call people by 6am on a monday morning and shouting for one boyfriend.See,I am not the kind of girl who fights over guys.When next you try this kind of rubbish,I go show you where the rail track really leads to.",she hissed as she hung up."Why will I be scared of one silly black monkey.Just disturbed my beauty sleep.Oshi",she thought as she went back to sleep.
Kiitan did not know much about her mother but her grandmother once told her she was a love child and that her mother got pregnant for her dad in 300level.After her mother delivered her,she left her at her father's doorstep and travelled out of the country.She never bothered to look back.Kiitan's father was a big-time club owner and a prestigious power biker.He rarely had time for Kiitan which gave her the freedom she did'nt really desire.Fiyin onthe other hand was the last born and only girl with 5 older brothers.Her parents,Chief and Dr Haastrup were over-protectiveand did not allow her keep friends except for Kiitan and few other friends.Her 5 older brothers were worse;each formed a brick wall around Fiyin which prevented other boys from approaching her since the few ones who dared it always got spied on and reported to her brothers.
Things took a toll however when a particular boy asked Fiyin out and for the first time sinve the inception of love,Fiyin was truly in love.She burst the bubble few weeks to their WAEC examinations in their final year of secondary school."Kiitan!Kiitan!!Guess"."You win lotto?".Fiyin hissed,"Lotto ko,Baba 'jebu ni.Don't tell anyone especially my brothers",she warned,putting a finger on Kiitan's lips and whispered,"am in loveeee!!!".Kiitan's eyes bulged out and said,"Kiini?Fiyin?In love??!I go die ni.Who sef?".Fiyin pulled Kiitan to a corner in the library and continued,"Oya guess".Kiitan put a finger in her mouth and said thoughtfully,"I don't know your idea of a dream guy oh.Is it Remilekun in 3B or Michael in A'levels Class that is always eyeing you?"."Olohun maa je.That half-cast.Promise you won't tell anyone oh.""I won't jhor."
Fiyin took two steps forward and mumbled,"Don't worry sef.""If i slap you,you know how much I hate suspense,oya I "pinkie swear".Fiyin then whispered into her ear,"It is Dimeji".
Kiitan looked at her and hissed,"Dimeji?Don't deceive me.I know there is no Dimeji in our set now."Fiyin then giggled,"Did I tell you he is in our school?".She covered her eyes and continued,"Dimeji a.k.a Baron.Yikes.I said it"..


**Watch out for the next episode.

>>

My Advice. [Read it]


ADVICE 2 ALL CHURCHES
Pls buy projectors and display lyrics of
songs for your church members, it will help
reduce the damages we (especially ladies)
do to most of these gospel songs we sing
in
church.
Imagine these few;
1. Jehova is ur Name x2,
19 Warriors, 8 in Battle, Jehova Is Your
Name!.
In some cases sef,
90 warriors, ate in battle, Jehovah is
your name.
2. Be thou exhausted.. Exhausted..
Exhausted Emmanuel…. Haba!
3. You are hamsom in this place mighty
God
(yorubas are guilty of this one)
4. We go de hee, hee haa hee, debade,
holiday holiday
5. Email email her, email her Jeho
email her.
Ayinekele gymnastic email her email her
Jehoemail her.
6. Owerri to Calvary He went for me,
Jesuswent for me, my Lord He went for me
7. Gloria, gloria gloria I miss u eh, gloria,
gloria, gloria I miss u eh…
Hmmmmmm….. May God forgive us sha…
But most importantly, when next you’re
singing
this song in your church “the most
excellency
is Jesus, shout halleluyah amen”….
Pls try and sing it correctly, it is
“the most excellent king is
Jesus, shout halleluyah amen”
Thank you!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-06 07:56:30

433 Views




There are these three girls and their boyfriends all have the same name. So in order to keep them from getting confused, they decided to give their boyfriends nicknames.


So they asked the first girl what she called her boyfriend.


And she says, “I call my man 7-up.”


They ask her,” Why do you call your man that?”


She says, “Because he’s seven inches long and is always up.”


They ask the second girl what she calls her man.


She says, “I call my man Mountain Dew.”


They ask, “Why do you call your man that?”


She says, “Because he likes to Mount me and to Do me.”


They ask the third girl the same thing and she says, “I like to call my man Johnnie Walker.”


They look at her puzzled and say, “Why do you call your man that? Johnnie Walker is a Hard Liquor.”


Se says, “Exactly.”Related

money matter [Read it]


Sandra : dad i hv gotten ma husban oo.
Dad : Whats d name
Sandra : muhamed
Dad : God forbid,u want to marry bokó haram
Sandra : no dad hè is a cousin to dàngote
Dad : really, Anyhw sha shebi we r all human beign..
Lolz


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-11 08:34:46

363 Views



Scared driver [Read it]


I was on a taxi, and wanted to ask the driver a question, I touched him on his shoulder and he screamed, lost control of the car and almost hit a bus. The taxi went up on a footpath and stopped few centimetres away from a shop window.

For a second, everywhere was quiet in the taxi.

Then, the driver shouted at me, Guy, don't ever do that again, you scared me.

I apologised and said, Ah, ah, I didn't know that a slight touch will scare you like this na.

The driver said, Guy, sorry, it is not really your fault. You see, today is my first day, driving a taxi. For the past 30 years I had been driving a van, carrying dead bodies. I thought a dead body was the one that is touching me.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-19 06:50:30

375 Views



moral message [Read it]


him that he have only 30 years to live on earth.
The man was very happy that he still have more years to live.
He divided the 30years in three parts, and said that he will use the first 10years to commit all sorts of evil, he will use the second 10years to drink, fornicate and commit all sorts of sins and he will use the last 10 years to serve God and he will make heaven.
So he started, the first day in the first 10years, he went out with friends and committed all sorts of sins and evil,
The second day, he went out again and came back successfully, then the third day, after enjoyment and drinking of alcohol, on his way coming back, he was hit by a vehicle and he died and went to hell.
Moral: 30years in the eyes of devil is just 3days on earth.
Devil is the father of all evil, the young man in the story was so foolish and didn't understand what devil meant, when he told him that he has only more 30years to live on earth.
The devil meant that his days are numbered on earth.
Note: nothing good comes from devil, his plan for your life is just to destroy you and make sure that you went to hell.
The reason why is because, devil has been to heaven and he knows how beautiful and handsomely heaven is, that's why he swore with is blood to take many souls to hell, and he has infect many people with the spirit of committing sin.
Now let's pray a short prayer: O Lord, may I never be a cast away after the journey of this earth, please help me to make heaven at last.
Comment 'help me Lord' if you are touched.
Devil will tell you to ignore this prayer because he knows how important and how powerful it is to you.
Now press the like button and type....'Help me Lord'
Don't ignore.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-24 22:49:59

122 Views




HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye.

Another day

HUSBAND: My wife where are you?
WIFE: At home love
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love goodbye

The next day, the husband decides to go home without notice, and finds his son alone and he asked him son where is your mother?
SON: I don't know, she went out with the blender.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-05 09:21:56

861 Views




Banta: “My grandfather’s watch fell in a well and when it was found after 30 years, it was still keeping correct time”

Santa: “So what is so great about it? Once my grandfather himself fell into a well, and after thirty years when he was taken out, he was still alive.”


Banta: “How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years?”


Santa: “Why not? He was winding your grandfather?s wrist-watch.”Related

HERD OF COWS [Read it]


A couple was on a journey. As the
husband was driving, they saw a herd of
cows and this was the conversation... HUSBAND: Hahahaha, hey honey. WIFE: What is it? HUSBAND: Did you see those cows? WIFE: Yes, what's wrong? HUSBAND: They are your brothers and
sisters. WIFE: (she smiled) Yah... they are
definitely my in-laws.
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 00:09:55

217 Views




AYOMIDE EPISODE 8

by Haryhomidey Enitan Komadan

After the second day of my stay in
Ibadan,everything was now set,I was
about leaving for my town when
I remember that I have to buy something
Along for my francisca,it will be really
disappointing if she heard that I traveled
to ibadan without bringing anything for
her and besides it will also boost my
chance of winning her over to my
side,I might finally gain her heart if
I can buy something that worth so
much for her but what can I buy??
I don't know,na so I come dey think,
Chai!!!,,,this thing wey I dey tok
No be small thing o,I was really
sweating profusely thinking about
What to buy for her,I can't really think
About something that makes sense
At first I wants to buy her many pants
And underwear but I come think say shey
I dey craze?,will it even make sense??...buying
Her underwear looks very disgusting to me,
What if I buy her like five cartons of noodles,
She be student now,won't she like it?,I come
Reason on the other hand that if she
Finish eating all this noodles won't she forget
Me??...I have to buy her something she
Go use dey remember me...but what can it be?
At last my mind finally raced back to my
First meeting with Francisca in our
Supermarket..and that was the only day
I have ever seen her...I remember she was
Using one kind rubbish phone
that's nokia asha 200..as beautiful and
big as she is na that kind phone she
dey use..if I change her phone for her
Won't she be very happy??...I can
even use this to fully gain all
Heart..though am not looking
for heart o,but you know now...
If I really wanna enjoy f*ucking
Her she must first love me with
great passion and our s#X go
Dey very smooth,there will be
A great passion in it..but on the other
Side of my mind,my mind dey tell
me say this thing am doing is
For a guy who already fall in
Love with a girl and is finding
All means to satisfy her girl but
I think that side of my mind is
lying jor
How can I fall for a girl when I already
made up my mind of not falling in love again
I murmured inside my mind....
Na so this MR NICEGUY spirit
jump Over me once again for the
second time on the day I finally
wanna leave Ibadan I already made
up my mind to buy her the
type of phone wey I dey use,
that's blackberry bold5..I think
Na #16,000 dem dey sell am for
Ibadan,so as I enter the shop
Na so this INFINIX hot 2 come dey
Do eyes contact with,I can't take
my eyes off that phone,then I finally
remember ladies prefer ANDROIDS phone
to BB,I also love this INFINIX,so
I finally bought TWO,both of it cost me
#48,000,na my mum's money I dey spend
like this o,but my mum can't know maybe
I steal her money sha.lol..abeg no call me
thieve o,na my mama's money o...
Lolz...

>>

To mess for public dey sweet
but if dem
catch u, no be small
embarrassment o! Just
follow dis guidelines & u are
on ur way to
being a star in dis
profession.
1. Wen u enter a hall, check
d wind direction,if na
closed hall wit air condition
or fan,beta 4 u.
Maximum impact.
2. Make sure say u sidon
face d wind
direction. ... 3. Make sure say
u get enof leg space. U go
soon knw why!
4. Form ajebo by crossin ur
legs
every now &then.
5. U don ready 2 execute,
try hold am until
time wey
d hall dey noisy incase
ur mess na d type wey dey
sound like AK47.
6. Now carefuly cross ur leg,
right over left.
7. Elevate d right yansh.
8. Release small (sound
check) 9. If no sound, allow
make d mess flow
steady.
10. Allow time 4 proper
circulation.
NOTE:
1. Make sure say no be u be
d first person
to complain. 2. Wen pple
begin dey shout "Jesus" who
do
dis
wan.
E no go better for d person
wey do dis kind
thin," simply ask "why som
persons no fit
respect demselves 4 public
places?na wa o"
3. No shout pass odas if not
u go become
suspect.
4. Take style disengage from
d
area, relocate to another
zone and
repeat d exercise!trust me,u
will go places wit dis
profession.d world must hear
of u
more dan Micheal Jackson..



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-25 18:01:45

438 Views



Smart thief [Read it]


A farmer caught a thief in his garden, plucking and packing vegetables in a sack.
FARMER: what the hell are u doing here?
THIEF: A strong wind blew me here.
FARMER: Then what are those vegetables doing in your hands?
THIEF: I was holding unto them so the wind will not carry me any further.
FARMER: OK! So why is that sack on your back?
THIEF: That was what I was wondering before you came.

What would you do to this man?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-12 19:45:32

588 Views




he let it drop to the
floor. I was left in just my lace panties
but it didn’t last two seconds before he
tore it off leaving me naked.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“What do you think, I am showing you I
don’t need a d--n pill to get it up or
last long enough,” he said placing
hands on my shoulders, he was gentle
now. Caressing my shoulders, his
smoldering gaze holding mine as he
gently pushed me till my back touched
the cabinet.
His breathing became quite ragged as
he stared down at my lush b-----s,
peach hued n-----s perked up
invitingly. I had always known how
easily my body affected him, like it held
some unspoken power over him.
His hands cupped my heavy b-----s as
he came closer. His breath fanning my
neck as his lips brushed over the curve
of my neck. His tongue and teeth gently
nibbling my left ear, he whispered,
“your body is an overdose of pills in
itself.”
I shivered, not from being without
covering but the tingles his burning
kisses behind my ear and down my
neck created all the while he gently
kneaded my b-----s.
“You are so beautiful and you don’t
know what you do to me every single
day of my life…..left to me I would f--k
you crazy every chance I get.” He said,
his voice gruff and I moaned at the
thought of being crazily sexed by him
clinging tightly to him as my legs felt
like mush because of his sweet torture
upon my skin.
His kisses led him to my mouth, and he
took my lips with such vigour and
gruffness that it registered in my core,
the sweet ache below my belly
deepening.
As we kissed, his hands ran all over me,
kneading my b-----s, caressing the
curve of my back, my belly, my inner
thighs and even running over my a-s.
It was like he couldn’t touch enough of
me, he wanted all of me.
I wanted to touch him, I wanted to feel
his his firm member in my hand, run
my hand up and down his hard length
but he still had his jeans on.
“Take off your jeans..I want to touch
you.” I instructed.
“Not yet he murmured against my
lips….I fear if you touched me right
now, I just might prove you right and
come in your hands.” He said with a
smile and I chuckled.
“You’re only allowed to come after I am
fully sated, Babe.” I warned.
“Yes ma’am.” He replied taking my lips
in his again.
I ran my hands over his taut body as he
assaulted my lips, my tongue and my
cheek before he stopped. Leaning his
forehead on mine, his breath in short
gasps, he asked, “are you ready for this
ride, Noms?”
Not waiting for an answer, he placed
his hands on my hips lifting me to sit
on the cabinet, pulling me to the very
edge, opening my thighs wide apart so
that my p---y was in his full view.
With a ragged groan, he bent and and
went to work.
His hands massaged my inner thighs
while his lips slowly left a trail of more
burning kisses that seemed to be
leading to my crotch. I shivered with
anticipation as I felt his breath on my
skin, impatiently needing him to get to
‘my place’.
“Ohh….. Kevwe….” I moaned as a wave
of unfamiliar sensations hit me, he was
there now, at my womanly place his
tongue bringing me so much pleasure. I
ran a hand through his hair, urging him
as his tongue created spirals of pleasure
in me.
I had never been a screamer but if he
went on like this, the neighbours would
definitely know his name by morning.
His tongue teased, flicked, tweaked the
sensitive bud and all I could do was be
helpless to my body. Oh…I suddenly
realised I had been missing so much
pleasure all this time. I would be
sexually adventurous with my husband
from now on, I vowed.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Sumbody please help me pray 4 my neiqbours dauqter cuz she has jux swallowed 4GB memory card n she is sinqinq all de sonqs on d memory card, i dnt knw wat is qoin to happen wen she qets to the vedios..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 15:33:59

274 Views



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