Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


There is a conversation going on with Vendoreal and the Butcher

Vendoreal holding meat
Vendoreal: Goodmoring butcher
Butcher: how is your night
Vendoreal: Good sir
Butcher: okay
Vendoreal: please give me a pair of a meat
Butcher: only if u call me brother
Vendoreal: k, i will call you brother
Butcher: and am going to give you as much as you want not only a pair
Vendoreal: thanks sir,
(after long conversation the butcher give him almost all his meat remaining only two Pair)
butcher: you have collected my meat
Vendoreal: No bros u stil av two pair u can manage it
Butcher: okay let me also be calling you brother
Vendoreal: No bros it is not possible, am the one to be calling you brother and not you calling me brother. Goodbye bros

(butcher now started crying the boy has scope me)

one word for Vendoreal


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-19 09:14:56

719 Views




A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done.She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees.Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-07 07:59:57

1863 Views



Nigerians [Read it]


[4:21 PM]: If the children of Israel were Nigerians While crossing d red sea, they would've wasted the whole day in the middle of the sea taking 'pictures' and uploading on Facebook and Twitter with comments like: 1. Chilling with Moses. 2. Miracle things on point. 3. Crossing mode activated! 4. Cruising in the red sea. 5. Pharaoh no fit catch us. 6. Omo see fish flexing. 7. Fish for sale, ping for delivery. 8. Flexing with Uncle Aaron. 9. Swimming mode activated! 10. Me and my boo on fish hunting. True or False?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-16 00:24:39

611 Views




Santa goes to buy an underwear. On choosing one, he asks, How much for this?


Shopkeeper: Rs 500 only.


Santa: I need a daily wear so show me a regular underwear not the party underwear.Related



YORUBA MOTHERS!!! Yoruba mothers are one of the
best when it comes to upbringing. Yoruba mothers
produce the best range of slaps.
IGBATI, IFOTI, IGBAJU, IGBARUN, IFORUN, IFAKUN,
ILADI AND ABARA. These slaps will make you think
you were adopted. IGBATI will make you correct your
wrongs instantly. The beauty of IFOTI is you will
confess ur sins on the spot. IGBARUN IGBAJU and
IFORUN will make u expose those who committed
the crime with u without hesitation. ABARA and
ILADI will make u pee in ur new pants. Apart from
IGBAJU we have an advanced on which is IGBAJU
OLOYI when u receive these one you will lose balance
and your head will go into "auto search" as you will
be looking for what hit u. Oh!!! IGBAJU OLOYI it can
reset someone to 3d (deaf dumb and daft) u will be
told lets go home and u will say its in my pocket
LOL!!! God bless our parents for the good upbringing.
If u were brought up in Yoruba land regardless of
how caring ur mother was u would have encountered
these slaps I know u re now laughing unless u are not
a Yoruba but make sure u dnt laugh alone............


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 16:52:56

595 Views




Teacher: Akpos, assuming you
were at a bus stop and boko-
haram throws a bomb. What will
you do?
Akpos: i will stop assuming…..
Teacher; what is a verb?
Akpos; a verb is a valve in a
bicycle tyre
Teacher; what are u sayin?
Akpos; its a complete sentence
sir
Teacher; are u mad?
Akpos; its a question sir
Teacher; dont be stupid
Akpos; its an advice sir
Teacher; stop that nonsence!
Akpos; its a command sir
Teacher; U are an idiot
Akpos; its an insult sir
Teacher; get out of my class!
Akpos; its an order sir
Teacher; oh goodness!,,, what a
boy!,,,
Akpos; its an exclamation sir
Teacher; may God hav mercy on
U
Akpos; its a prayer sir
…. the teacher fainted!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-04 23:48:42

210 Views





1. Men love, but women love more
absolutely.
2. Those who don't cry often are
emotionally
and psychologicallyweaker than those
who cry, because letting out tears can give
one a
relief. Women let out the tears easier than
men. Maybe that's why they tend to live
longer.
3. In a relationship, women are more likely
to be faithful than men.
4. Women give all
and receive just a little.
They forgo their surname to take their
husband's. They have to please in-laws to
be called a good woman. They bear the
inconveniences of nine months, take some
cuts in the labor room and nurture the
child till God knows when.
5. At the death of any of the parents,
children are better taken care of by the
mum
than the dad. Dad quickly considers
getting
another wife, but mum stays, cries in the
middle of the night when no one listens
and wakes up every morning strong and
always
in defense of her children.
6. Mum looks at your face and knows
when
you are not alright.
7. Mum is a prayer warrior. She is a fighter.
A lioness. A good counselor. Educator. She
is the strength of her husband and
invariably, the pillar of her home. She is a
good cook, a good dresser.
8. If dad is bad, it would not influence his
children. But if mum is bad, the family will
be in a
mess...!!!!!!!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-23 19:41:35

160 Views




Fake hair, fake nails, fake b**bs, fake tan, fake smile. Girl, are you sure you weren’t made in China?Related

“This is interesting,” Jeremy said, flipping through a notepad in his hand. It was Purity’s notepad. It contained many scribblings written by Purity herself. What she wrote had to do mostly with her personal life. Her inner person, her very true self. It was a life not many people knew of. She wrote things about her day. Her whereabouts, her success and problems she encountered. The words were poetic and touching. She was very emotional. Jeremy named it ‘Her Life’s Book.’ He had known much about her and he was glad he had found it among her things.

While he and Darren and gone through her things at the office, he took what he could find with him. Her purse, books, notepads, and her cell which was already dead. He got this strange feeling that it’d lead to somewhere, something he had to unravel.

“What?” Darren and Allan asked in unison, out of sheer curiosity.

“Its private,” Jeremy quickly withdrew the notepad from the prying eyes of his friends.

They resigned and retreated to their former potions, sitting on the sofa.

“I have the record of Ernest Turner, indirectly confessing what he did to Purity. Its crystal clear he has her with him,” Allan informed Darren. “He didn’t hide it.”

“Even if he tried to, its out in the open,” Darren remarked.

“There was something I saw in his eyes. A gleam of uncertainty and remorse. I just can’t understand it. His words were in direct contrast with his gaze. He was battling to hide it, I still saw it.”

“You’re not a psychologist, Allan,” Darren reminded him.

Jeremy paid no attention to them. He continued to peer into ‘Her Life’s Book’ which he found so intriguing. He wasn’t willing to lift his eyes off it. He was definitely going to complete it that very night. He kept reading till he came across a very disturbing line. His brows creased as he read it over and over again. What the hell does this mean? What does she mean by this? “‘I struck a bitch on her face. The tramp tried messing with me. No one does that.’?” He mused for minutes over this. Who could this ‘bitch’ be? He went further to read more. “‘I took a picture’?” An idea hit him. “Get me Purity’s cellphone,” he said to no one in particular.

Darren got it and passed it to him. He powered it immediately. It requested for a passcode. “Shit!” he cursed under his breath. “What on earth is her passcode?”

“Do you mind telling us what’s going on?” Allan questioned, his curiosity increasing.

Jeremy couldn’t keep this from them, he had to make it known. “Its about Purity. Here, she wrote she slapped a bitch and she has the picture in her phone. I want to know who she struck and why. First, who? The phone’s requesting for a code,” he bitterly explained.

“You’re good at hacking into phones, right?” Allan asked the detective, hopefully. He wasn’t sure if he did the right thing, but he had to. A better part of him hoped for a positive answer.

“Um….,” the detective began. “I’m quite good at electronic gadgets. Hacking? I don’t think so.” He looked at the both of them. Their eyes gleamed of disappointment. Had he let them down? “I could still do something,” he assured them. He was not certain, however, he had to do something. “Let me have the phone.”

Jeremy obediently passed the cellphone to Darren. He was full of hopes. There was something in that phone that could lead them to the third person involved in her kidnapping. Darren couldn’t let them down, not now. The person must be taking revenge because Purity hit her. Who could that be?

Darren took the phone from Jeremy. This should be easy, right? He stared at it and it stared back at him, without blinking. He was confused; what could he do? He hid his confusion from his friends. He was gonna try his best. He got to work.

“Jeremy, try to remember. A password is something someone can easily recall. It must be a part of her. A word she always say or a number. Try to think back. We don’t want to put all our hopes on Darren, if you understand what I mean,” Allan propounded. He tried to sound so convincing and persuasive.

He was right. Darren had admitted that he couldn’t do it. He could really use some thinking. He left his seat and began shuffling from one corner of the living room to another. He tried recollecting all the words of Purity. What word did she always use? What would actually be that code?

To Be Contined...

I need like 30 comments to rush this story.


>>

Pastor Akpos [Read it]


A dog died and the owner took it to pastor Akpos.

He asked Akpos if he could organise a funeral service for the dead animal.

Pastor Akpos: No, we can’t hold a service for your dog in our church. But there is a church down the street, maybe they will do it for you.

Man: But pastor, will that church accept a donation of $ 1million?

Pastor Akpos shouted and asked, “why didn’t you tell me the dog was a Christian?”

A dog died and the owner took it to pastor Akpos.
He asked Akpos if he could organise a funeral service for the dead animal.
Pastor Akpos: No, we can’t hold a service for your dog in our church.
But there is a church down the street, maybe they will do it for you.
Man: But pastor, will that church accept a donation of $ 1million?
Pastor Akpos shouted and asked, “why didn’t you tell me the dog was a Christian?”
- See more at:

What I saw made me to stagger backwards. I saw Belinda with her girls. In their middle was Miranda beaten mercilessly. She was kneeling at their middle having her hands and legs tied and her mouth covered. She was in tears.
Belinda laughing). So you think I warned you for nothing huh. Haha but darling no! You should know that a cultist's warning is like that of the lecturer in campus.
Me: please belinda, please just leave Miranda out of this. You know we are roommates.
Belinda: you should have thought of that before crossing the line.
Me: I am sorry. I promise to leave Preston alone henceforth.
Belinda: I don't care what you do with Preston. All I know is that the more you get close to him, the more your loved ones get hurt.(laughing) so darling I want something else in exchange
Me: and what is that?
Belinda: I want you to kneel here and apologise for the slap you gave to me
Me tearfully) really?
Belinda: oh my! Are you now scared or what? Forget about you and Preston together. You can continue doing whatsoever with him. But know that your friend here will suffer for it. Now are you kneeling or what?
Me:I will but promise me you will leave Miranda as soon as I kneel?
Belinda: yeah of course. All I want now is seeing you kneeling down and pleading for Mercy.
Me on my knees) I am very sorry Belinda please forgive me.
Belinda: that's not enough. I hmmmm want you to crawl from that door step to this very spot.
Me crawling) belinda please forgive me I am truly and deeply sorry. I didn't know what came over me(now in the spot)
Belinda:good. So obedient like my servant (holding my cheek). Good good girl. But BE WARNED!
I felt really ashamed when she called me her servant but it was all for Miranda I loved her like my sister.
She left the room with her bunch of idiots. I was left to loose Miranda. She was badly injured. She cried half of the night. She didn't go to class the next day so I had to stay with her in the hostel.
*Knocks at the door*
To be Continued after comments..
Who will it be?


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 12

****Few days ago***
Doctor Allen regained his
strength after the power
draining encounter with Isaiah.
He can’t let Isaiah go with
this!
No he can’t just watch Isaiah
cheat him.
Rodelio once told him they
were at loggerheads.
This could be the perfect
opportunity to get back at
Isaiah.
He staggered to his seat after
dusting grims off his cloth.
He searched through his phone
hoping to find Rodelio’s
contact.
Alas! He did after minutes of
thorough search.
He phoned Rodelio, telling him
of his encounter with Isaiah.
Rodelio invited him over, and
he agreed to give a description
of what the new Isaiah looked
like only when he recieve a
check of 1million.
Rodelio obliged instantly and
they both went to a drawing
and painting artist who was
able to draw the new looks of
Isaiah from the description
Allen gave.
Rodelio uploaded a snapshot
of the pic on their secret
website so his men would
easily get Isaiah then hand
him over to the cops.
Apart from him, only 15 of his
men knew of the website, the
website contains details of all
their deals and next lines of
action.
Not everybody have access to
it, its protected by a very
difficult to decipher 25-digits
password
***PRESENT****
days passed by yet no positive
news about Ella.
Sometimes i wonder if getting
out of jail have earned me
anything.
I was hoping i’d meet Ella as
soon as i was out.
Its only now i realised how
much of a shallow thinker i
was.
I had greater peace being in
jail than staying in this hell of
a house with no phone
conversation, no free
movements!
All wrapped in the fear of
being caught.
As usual, i’m all alone.
Samuel left early this morning,
he went to er…..
I don’t remember where he
mentioned earlier.
I felt like going out today, to
the canteen.
Have some fun before
returning, afterall i still have
my ‘camouflage’ who would
know its me?
I took the bike and rode to a
nearby canteen.
I ordered for fishballs and
orange squash, the two taste
great together.
Soon the waiter delivered my
order……
A member of Rodelio top 15
was buying snacks in a canteen
when his sight caught a face
that looked more of the ‘new
Isaiah’
he rescanned his phone’
gallery just to make sure the
face matches with the picture
his boss posted on their site.
Hell yeah! It was a good
match.
**on the phone**
Gangmember: Isaiah Guidotti
in sight, boss.
Rodelio: good job! Keep a tab
on him, he’d push him to the
cops hahahahaha.
Gangmember: yes boss…….
I ate and drink to my
satisfaction! I paid and left.
While on the bike, i notice a
power bike following me.
The rider was all reds.
I increased my speed more
than normal and so did the
rider.
I shouldn’t be scared of
someone i didn’t know,
perhabs he wasn’t following
me so i slowed down.
And finally alighted, i got
taken aback when he also
alighted.
Me: are you following me?
Rider: (speaking throw the
helmet) are you asking me
that? Don’t you know you’ar
wanted?
Me: who sent you?
Rider: this…….
He meant to punch me, i held
his hand and twisted it, a
rough fight ensued.
I felt overpowered so i took
my bike to leave, when a
police van showed from
nowhere.
Before i could say Jack
Robinson.
Many officers corked their
guns, all pointing to me.
Officer: hahahahaha You think
you’ar smart huh? Get in the
god damñ car!!!!


>>

Episode 20

“hei come here” i pulled him from the corner. I gave him the stare of his life. I don’t like that, yeah that kind of stare. “why are you like this? Remember its the most important day in my life” i said to him while holding hands with him. “im sorry..” he said with a light voice. “let me introduce you to my daddy” i said with an expression of excitement. I turned to pull him away when they guy walked in. The one i bombed into, he stood beside the engineer and wished me happy birthday. I responded with a smile. I began to look at them in a strange way when the engineer realised he had to introduce us. “he is Alex, and this Mina” he said. “nice meeting you” he stretched his hand. “same here” i shook his hands, i asked him to escuse us since i want to introduce the engineer to my dad. He agreed and we left him standing. I noticed he was still staring at me with his seducing eyes, but i paid no attention to it. Fortunately we met my dad standing alone. “hi dad” i said to him when we approached. He had a drink in his hands, but wait ooO, i went to him right? But no, this man began his everlasting talk. For more than 15minutes he was talking about everything and nothing really. “dad, dad.. Please i came to introduce some one to you.” i prompted him. He kept quiet and glanced at the engineer, i didn’t like the way he looked at him but i had to do what to do. Right after introduction, my mum came for me, she was just taking me to her friends im sure. During all these moments food and drinks were been served.
I turned to look at the engineer and my dad and my heart skipped me instantly. What was going on? The engineer didnt look too happy and my dad was so serious, what could be happening? The next thing i saw was the engineer walking out of the room with anger and pain. Alex followed up and they walked out of the room. I couldnt stand, my heart was racing. I approached my dad with confusion. “dad whats going on?” asked with a stare. Asif there was something i needed in his eyes. ” don’t worry my dear” was the only thing he said. “dad please tell me what you did to him?” i raised my voice a little. I realised that most of the people attention came to us and i care less. I saw my mum staring with worry when i raised my head. I knew my dad would say anything. I went into my room, took my car keys and dashed out of the room. I really drive on a high speed that night, i couldn’t believe it my self. I heard my dad calling Hanson when i was leaving and i knew he will ask him to follow up. I went to my apartment and saw him parking out his things. Alex was standing outside with his car when i got there but as if he didnt exist, i just passed by. “what are you doing?” i asked him. He was so furious that he couldn’t talk. I guess he didn’t want to be rude to me. “please talk to me” i was trembling with tears. He got almost everything ready when i took his bag and poured everything down again. He stood still for sometime. Looked at me with so much pain and tried to walk away. I embraced him immediately he took the step.
“no no no.. Don’t leave please!” i begged him. I retrieved and saw him sobbing. ” your family doesn’t want a guy like me Hagan, please let me go” he found his voice back. “what are you saying?” i was more confuse. “im sorry if your father learnt about it first, but the truth… GOD” he turned away. ” please tell me, don’t scare me please” my heart, my heart. “im inlove with you Hagan” my breathing pace increased, the only thing i found was his lips.


>>








Akpos, in a drunken state, was staggering home one night

and decided to take a short-cut through the cemetery

and got shocked to see the place looking like a market

with dead people buying and selling.

He ran as fast as he could to a house close to the

cemetery and started banging on the door. A guy opened

the door.

Akpos, breathing heavily said, “Please, let me in! Let me

in! I’m just coming from the cemetery where I saw dead

people buying and selling!”

The guy said, “You passed through the cemetery at this

night? Don’t you know that in the night, nobody in

this town passes through the cemetery? Even when I was

alive, I didn’t pass through the cemetery at this time of

the night!”

If you were Akpos, what will you do?










NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-19 08:28:32

231 Views




Sometimes when you cry, no one sees your tears.

Sometimes when you are worried, no one sees your pain.

Sometimes when you are happy, no one sees your smile.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
But fart just once…Related

People vanish, people die;

People laugh and people cry;

Some give up, some will try;

Some say hi, while some say bye;

Others may forget, but never will I.Related

We lasted close to two hours, Aminat was not able to stand up after the sex, she was extra ordinarily tired, i laid beside her too because i couldn’t move, just after like 30minutes then i heard
Aminat: You can kill someone rahman….Kilode
“i did as if i didn’t hear what she said”
Aminat: How many girls have you handled like this? I thought you are an Alfa, when did you start having sex?
Me: Shut up jhoor…..
Aminat: uhmmmm Ekun, so since when have you been having it in mind to have sex with me because i know you were not drunk and definitely something gave you the courage to kiss and sex me
Me: I should put the question to you first…when have you been having it in mind to have sex with me
Aminat: Stop using question to answer question jhoor
Me: That shows you am a typical Nigerian..tell me yours first and i will tell you mine
Aminat: lailai…i asked first
Me: Then forget it if you don’t want to answer me..
Aminat: okay, i will tell you
Me: The truth and nothing but the truth….
Aminat: Okay, i started dreaming of having sex with you since our 100level days
Me: 100 level ke? That was like almost 3 years ago?
Aminat: Yes…
Me: What brought the thought into you…….?
Aminat: Since i mistakenly saw your deek one early morning like that while you were taking your bath in your bathroom, i was wowed with what you have under you. You see am the kind of lady who love to explore and i like doing the uncommon thing.
Me: so, all these while you have always been thinking of having sex with me, so what stopped you
Aminat: You know the kind of person you are now, you that doesn’t even touch lady talkless of coming close to one..even when you were dating Aisha, am always jealous but i was sure that nothing like sex was between you guys as you always leave your door open anytime you guys are in your room.
Initially, i thought i will be able to manipulate your emotions but i was scared and find it so difficult, i thought it could happen this afternoon when i came to your room but i realized it was not the right atmosphere
Me: Was that the reason why you got me drunk?
Aminat: drunk ke? Me? How?
Me: You think i don’t know Smirnoff has alcoholic content
Aminat: If you knew, why did you take it…
Me: I only wanted to experience what it looks like for the first time………
Aminat: Definitely not me then because you already had it in mind to one time taste alcohol
Me: If you said so……
Aminat: But i never expected it will happen today until you grabbed me and started kissing me…so, tell me about yours
Me: Sincerely, i never thought of it until i came into your room this evening, i couldn’t stand your beauty…i was mesmerized
Aminat: You cant tell me you have not seen a naked lady before..what am i even saying, you handled me like a professional…..so how many girls have you had sex with
Me: How many bi ti bawo? You should trust me now…Aisha was my one and only lady i ever knew
Amina: Yepa!!..so, despite the fact that you guys always open door anytime she was here, you guys were actually doing it
Me: Shut up jhoor..
Amina: So, you were still a virgin when you started dating Aisha?
Me: Shut up jhoor…
Aminat: Aisha was the one that took your virginity..was she also a virgin?
Me: Virgin….uhmmm, actually she was not and i never thought of it all this while
Amina: Olobe….if am not mistaken, you were the one in love with Aisha and she was not in love with you…Now i understand the reason why you find it so hard to forget about her…it was all about the love you have for her and the sex she was giving you..she was more experienced than you, she gave you the forbidden fruit to eat and ever since then you have not been yourself…Did you miss sex
Me: To say the truth, Yes……
Aminat: But anybody will not know that you are this bad..Alfa olorun
Me: Shut up jhoor…..you have achieved your aim now, so what next
Aminat: Nothing else but who would taste this and wont want to have it more and more all over again
Me: uhmmmmm
Aminat: But don’t get it twisted, we are not dating……we are just friends
Me: why? Kilode?
Amina: i have my own boyfriend now, and i cant date you because am your mother, you will die if i take you as my boyfriend, its better for us to be friend like this…..had it been it was two years ago when i was not in any relationship and has not wise up it would have been better, even by then i cant date you with your big beard…Do you know you are a very handsome guy? Even more handsome than Ezekiel that calls himself fine boy
We talked about so many things, her relationship and mine too with Aisha, i explain to her how disappointed i was with Aisha and what she caused me. We later stood up, took our bath together in the toilet and she prepared rice for us that evening. I couldn’t go to the kitchen with her because she shares the kitchen with her flat mate. Her flat mate noticed there was someone in her room but they didn’t know who it was, we later crashed on bed and had another round of sex before sleeping and very early in the morning. I totally forgot about prayer for the first time.

To Be Continued...

>>

Tunde got out of the shower feeling refreshed as he wrapped the towel sarong wise on his hips. His body glistened with the humidity and he walked into the sun lit room. His gaze caught his wife, staring outside the window. She was beautiful, standing there with the light framing her pretty face. He smiled to himself still looking at her profile, whom was he kidding? He had fallen in love with this woman, a woman he may never grow to trust. The stabbing thought brought him back to reality, was this what he wanted? He was living with a woman whom he may never trust, with so many unspoken words between them. He could start with something, a three-letter word. He opened his mouth to speak but he found himself unable to say what he wanted to say most in his heart.

“What are you staring at?”

Priscilla turned around in shock, “I didn’t hear you come out of the shower.”

He walked to the wardrobe pulling out a drawer; he picked his black underwear and slipped it on cautious of her gaze boring into his back. “Your mind has been far away these days.”

“There’s a lot to think about”. She looked at him: Like their future. Priscilla walked to him wrapping her arms around his waist. She placed a soft kiss on his back; he stiffened with response and turned to her placing a kiss on her temple.

“What’s with the hug?”

“Nothing” she whispered uncertainly “I believe it’s nothing.”

Tunde sighed, “You keep staring out of the window, is it because of the get together on Saturday?”

Priscilla bit her bottom lip anxiously, her mother’s last words echoed in her ears. She fought back tears and eased herself from his embrace trying not to feel guilty; she turned her attention to arranging the rumpled bed.

“Come on Priscilla, I think I know you well after these past months. There’s something on your mind.”

“It’s nothing” she replied pulling the edge of the bed sheet.

Tunde took of the towel laying it on the dressing table stool; he reached for his slacks with his mouth twisting in growing irritation. “We’ve been good since”, he continued, watching as Priscilla smoothened the big bed; finally she stopped and straightened up expelling a ragged breath.

“What’s wrong?”

She closed her eyes; her mouth was heavy with uncertain words. She wanted so desperately to say she was pregnant with him as the father, but she also had to believe it to remove the endless nagging that kept drumming behind her ears reminding of her failures. Her eyelids fluttered open, the room smelled of his bath soap.

Slowly she spun around to look at her husband: at his worried expression and she forced herself to smile. “I think…. I think…”

Tunde took a step towards his wife. “You think what?” he asked in an encouraging tone.

“I think I’m pregnant.” Priscilla replied in a small voice and watched him turn still.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked as if he could not understand what she said.

“I took a test and I went to the hospital and sat a while then he…”

He laughed. He was shaking. Tunde was shaking; Priscilla stared into his eyes trying to make sense of everything, his emotions. Tears brimmed round her eyes and she laughed too, they both laughed happily.

“You were mumbling” he clasped her head in his hands and placed a lingering kiss on her lips. A tear slipped from the corner of her eye: no, she was not happy. She was hurt watching him fall for something that was a fraud. Maybe, just maybe it was for the best. This would bring them together no matter how controversial it was, what mattered was only she and her mother knew until death.

She snaked her arms around him again and placed her cheek on his bare chest listening to his heartbeat and he said it, stroking her back closing his eyes, he said what she desperately wanted to hear.

“I love you Priscilla”

She stiffened and wanted to pull back but his arms tightened around her. He was ready, ready to give up everything to follow this woman his wife…and their baby. His baby, he closed his eyes placing his chin on her head “God, I love you”

***

The wind howled outside but the family did not mind. It was going to rain again for the third time. Everyone sat in the sitting room chatting but she felt left out as always, only this time, it was different. It was different because Tunde sat next to her with his arms around her bare arms enclosing her with his warmth. The family members stared questioningly at the message her husband was passing across.

Priscilla bent her head a little embarrassed. Demilade walked to where they sat and she sat by the stool beside Priscilla making her look up at her.

“Tunde, won’t you come and join us?” Demilade smiled coyly at him. The insult was clear enough and Priscilla felt him stiffen beside her.

“Priscilla and I were having a conversation”, Tunde replied with a disapproving gaze

“An actual conversation?” This time she looked at her. Her gaze ran coldly over Priscilla’s body.

“Hello Demilade”

“Hello”, she hissed back batting her fixed eyelashes at her in irritation. “Can I speak to my brother alone for a second?”

Priscilla got up without saying a word and walked to the other end of the room wondering for the first time where her mother was.

Tunde stared after his wife as she walked in those heels; he made a mental note to throw them away the moment the pregnancy began to show. He expelled a breath; he was already behaving like a paranoid father before even knowing the sex of the baby.

“Tunde…”

Yes?” Tunde replied looking at his sister, “I don’t like the way you spoke to Priscilla.”

Her face registered shock “I honestly didn’t know she had gotten this far under your skin.”

“You can’t just treat her that way Demi, she’s also human you know? She’s my wife too.”

“Now she’s your wife?”, she snickered. “Do you understand exactly what you are saying that the opportunist whom we had a mutual dislike for is now ‘your wife’?”

“Things have changed quite a lot since we last spoke but I don’t have to give you an update on who I like and don’t like. I’m just saying you should respect her a bit more that’s all.”

“Someone who seems to have gotten under your skin?” , she sounded perturbed.

“It’s our business Demi.” Tunde touched her hand lightly and she flinched in anger “Demi, let’s just see how things go.”

“Go? Is it not clear she is using you? Very soon she’d get pregnant in a bid to save herself and her mother, not the marriage.”

A cord struck in his heart and he looked down at his feet letting the aftermath of her words subside. Tunde sighed; his sister had every right to be worried. “I believe you shouldn’t worry yourself about things like that, whatever happens between Priscilla and I is our business from now on.”

She gave him an unflattering look. “Is she pregnant already Tunde?”

He didn’t reply and merely sipped his drink from the champagne glass, this time Demilade shook him with growing anger. “Tunde, is she pregnant already?” Her tone was cold.

He nodded and watched her expression darken with unconcealed rage. Demilade drew in a ragged breath trying to calm her anger “How could you let that happen Tunde? Do you understand what your marriage is all about or you have allowed her get under your skin just because she changed her wardrobe?”

He gave her a murderous look “Don’t talk like that, I know fully well what the situation around our marriage is, but it doesn’t mean we won’t welcome a child between us”, his eyes followed his wife’s mother when she stepped into the room. Tunde’s lips twitched cynically.

“What about Karen? Have you thought of her at all?”

He bent his head remorsefully at the thought of the woman whom he had loved once and bit his bottom lip not trusting himself to speak.

“Does she know?” Demilade pressed on. “Do you know how much this would affect her? She has waited for you for so long Tunde, how can you just toss her aside this way? Your wife could just be doing all this to sink her claws further into your pockets.”

“No”, he replied getting up. He had heard enough. “We are done having this discussion, Demilade.” With that, he drank what was left of the drink and walked away as her words hung down on his shoulders.



…PRISCILLA watched her mother walk up to where she stood waiting for her husband. She stopped to discuss with the celebrant and his wife. She had watched Tunde and Demilade talk, she could bet he told his sister about her pregnancy and obviously, the news did not go down well with her. Who could blame her? Who would believe she had fallen in love with him?

Her mother stopped in front of her, clutching her latest purse to the collection of purses she rarely used; she wanted to go home. Her mind was clucking, screaming for peace, it felt as usual like everyone was against her, each staring daggers at her.

“Good afternoon, mum.” Her tone was clipped.

“Good afternoon dear”, Her mother looked around smiling gaily at her surroundings, her eyes settled on Priscilla’s still flat stomach. “How is the baby?”

Priscilla drew in a frustrated breath “I am going to the hospital tomorrow.”

“That’s good news then.” The house cleaner passed with a tray of drinks in her hand and her mother took a glass lifting it to her lips. “He doesn’t know anything, right?”

She let out a breath in exasperation “No mother, but I’m not doing it for any selfish reasons, it’s for Tunde and I.”

Sola gave her a look before she spoke with a daunting note. “Is that what you think? You think it’s for the both of you?” This time she laughed. “We both know you are scared of telling him, whether it’s for him or not. You are scared of the way he will react when he eventually hears about your little fling.”

Tears brimmed round Priscilla’s eyes but she managed to keep her head up as Sola spoke.

“I have lived too long on earth to be fooled by your martyr games. Your father did worse than you and I dealt with it Priscilla, so don’t play smart with me.” Sola placed a hand on her daughter’s pale skin “If you were so righteous then why you aren’t telling the truth, that you are not sure of who has the child growing inside you? You are a little coward, that’s what you are.”

Priscilla stared at her mother fighting back stubborn tears. “Mum”, her voice was forced and she shook her head at a loss for words. “Whatever I do now is for my marriage. I am tired of how you make everything into a game of power.”

Sola smiled at her in-laws who cared to throw a glance their way, they turned away without any remorse for being caught and she turned back to her companion with a faint smile plastered on her lips and a dangerous sparkle in her eyes. “Priscilla, everything is about power, it is power. Don’t you understand that all this is for you?” She had changed from a danger to sultry. “Think of what life you would have if I had not pushed you into this- which you are clearly benefitting from.”

“At least, Ima is happy where she is”, Priscilla bit back, satisfied with the darkened expression on her mother’s face. “She has no one calling over her shoulder telling her what to do.”

Her mother forced a sardonic smile and walked away towards the open patio. Priscilla’s eyes found her husband is inquiring gaze and she looked away not having the strength to smile.

“Time for dinner everyone!”

People walked towards the dining room at the sound of Mrs Ariyo’s cheerful tone, she followed suit and Tunde came up behind her hooking his arm into hers.

“What’s wrong?”

“What?” she looked at him feigning ignorance

“I noticed the conversation with your mother didn’t go down so well.” Tunde gently rubbed her back whispering into her ear. She shivered a bit with his soft warm breath next to her “Is something the matter?”

“No, nothing” They both knew she was terse but he pressed on no longer and she was grateful for his silent understanding. Everyone was seated around the long glass table when they arrived. She could feel their cold gaze on her; it always made her cringe under their scrutiny.

Four seats were empty, almost in the centre of the table, which was already filled with dishes of different delicacies and cutlery. Tunde pulled the chair out for her and she lowered herself into it slowly while he sat on the one next to her.

The remaining two seats remained vacant and Mrs Ariyo began to bless the meal while everyone closed their eyes except for her, Priscilla’s eyes burned open as her mind refused to stay calm. At last, they opened their eyes at the close of the short prayer. The food was served and chattering grew louder.

“So, when is Karen arriving?” Chief Ariyo asked as his wife poured spoons of rice into a plate for him, he poured red wine into his glass and sipped.

“She said she was almost here, thirty minutes ago.”

Priscilla looked down at her empty plate feeling tense, Tunde patted her knee under the table in understanding, and she looked up again at the two empty seats opposite her.

“I heard from Yinka a few days ago.”

Mrs Ariyo looked up at the mention of her youngest born “He called this morning wishing your father a happy birthday; he’s doing great in Amsterdam.”

Tunde nodded “It’s getting cold by this time of the year, I would have thought he would come back by now”, he served his wife absent mindedly feeling cool gazes settle on the both of them, her head was bent again, she was embarrassed. His mind went to the night before, the way she had hung close to him after throes of passion, he shook himself mentally.

“Priscilla…Priscilla…”

Her head snapped up with all eyes pierced at her, her mother smiled at her with a malicious tinge in her eyes “Yes mum?” she choked in a small voice, her head reeled a little.

“I said you were looking pale today.”

She stared at her mother and then everyone in the room, she knew the game she played to form the concerned mother “Yes, I’m not feeling so well.”

“You didn’t say that at home”, Tunde remarked looking at her with concern.

“It’s nothing serious” Priscilla replied hastily “I haven’t eaten much today” she picked up a spoon and painfully swallowed a little of the jollof rice Tunde poured out for her, she heard Demi grunt irritated. Priscilla forced herself to swallow another spoon lost in her own world amidst the chattering round the table.

The chattering continued as dishes where passed along on the long table but she was lost in her own dilemma, each time she looked at him, the guilt seemed to swallow her up some more. She knew there would always be that little voice behind her telling her the child was not his.

“Karen!”

Priscilla looked up at the sound of Chief Ariyo’s voice. The woman walked towards the table with a lazy smile plastered on her face. She wore a green bandage dress, knee length and a little too much make up for the occasion.

Everyone at the table greeted her as she walked up to Tunde’s father with a pocket-sized parcel in her pink tipped fingers.

“Thank you”, he replied cheerfully staring at the gift. He placed the gift on the table and Karen walked to an empty seat opposite Tunde, everyone studied them and it was clear. Priscilla swallowed a muffled sound, was that for her? Was it a sign from God that she had lost him from her mistake?

“Hello, Tunde” Karen smiled and him, a seductive little smile, “And your wife”

“Karen”, he replied, his tone was smooth. “I had no idea you would show up”

“Why?” her mother-in-law cut in, “Karen is as much a member of the family as you are.”

Priscilla’s eyes met her mother’s, who had a hooded expression on her face.

“Where is your escort by the way?”

She cut a piece of the steak “He had some calls to make outside” she replied staring at Tunde “He would soon be joining us.”

Priscilla almost fainted, feeling the tension between the three of them. It was clear the woman wanted him; she had made no effort to hide it at all.

“So this man”, Demilade said after a second of silence “Is he serious?”

Karen smiled and her eyes met Priscilla “I believe he has someone already.”

Priscilla felt a cold shiver down her spine for some odd reason; she cut a piece of her steak. Tunde had grown still beside her and she tried not to conclude on the obvious reason, he had said he loved her! The steak was hard to swallow; he had shown so much love to her. Were things falling apart because of her little secret?

Tunde cleared his throat “I’m glad to know you are good Karen, we haven’t spoken in ages.”

“Whose fault is it?” Karen asked, softly

All eyes turned to Priscilla, and her cheeks turned warm. “I’m not against Tunde maintaining his friendship with anyone”, the words rolled out of her lips before she could stop them. “Not that I have a right to”, she added, hastily.

“But that is the reason he has been so cold lately”, Karen replied with a coy smile. “Tunde and I have been close” she emphasized the word “for a very long time and I know him better than anyone would.”

Priscilla smiled “So why didn’t you marry since it’s obvious you would still like to be close?” she returned the other woman’s smile “I believe still trying to get close to a married man is just distasteful or don’t you agree?”

Karen’s lips thinned in response.

“I will not have you two taking jibes at each other on my dinner table”, Chief Ariyo cut in sharply.

“I believe Sola, that at least you would have taught your daughter to bridle her tongue.”

Her mother eyed her sharply and looked at her father-in-law with a smile plastered on her lips.

“Priscilla has had a little too much on her plate considering she has been under a lot of pressure lately”

“What pressure might that be?”, Demilade asked mockingly “I think its Tunde that has given her a lot of courage to speak in that manner. It’s unbecoming.”

“We shouldn’t judge her” , Karen replied sweetly “I may have overstepped my boundaries”

“By saying what?”, Demilade retorted and looked at Tunde “look at what your wife, she has become… Tunde and it’s your fault”

“I swear if I hear one more word coming from you again I’ll…”

“Richard!”

The room went quiet and the whole family looked at the guest. Priscilla looked up and her face turned white in shock.

Karen got up and smiled looking at her, their eyes clashed and small tremors of fear and shock began to race in her heart.

“This is Richard, a close friend of mine.”

Their eyes clashed at the knowing glint in Karen’s eyes.

Priscilla fainted.

>>

WAR SERVICE [Read it]


in a sunday service, a pastor wanting to impress his members with his sermon, screams, "turn to your right! say to your neighbour, today is a happy day!!!". an old woman sitting in the church, turns right to see a pretty young woman, and with her shaky voice, she smiles and says, "m....m..my pikin, today na happy day o". the pastor screams again, "turn to your left!!, say to your neighbour, today is war!!!". the old woman turns left, to see a hefty, dangerous-lookng warri boy, and turns to the pastor nd says "hmmm ppastor, na wetin u talk o" the pastor repeats, " i say turn to your left, say to ur neighbour, today is war!!!!" the woman looks at the warri boy and says "mmmma pikin, no mind am, nobody dey fight for here o"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-20 17:56:43

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Who love me most
Episode 4

Mrs uche :Maxwell I don't think i remember that name.

Maxwell :am Maxwell Marcus , second son of Ada Marcus

just then she began to recall

Maxwell :the one that left for the UK 14yrs ago.

now she remembered the little max that use to run around with Amara all over the house playing hide and seek but now that little boy has because a man.

Mrs uche gland at him amazed )maxwell.

Maxwell smiling )yes mam

Mrs uche hugged him)may the good Lord be praised,look at how you have grew so big ,when did you returned.

Maxwell :just yesterday

mrs uche :how is everything

Maxwell :everything is fine

Mrs uche :I saw your mother some day back but she didn't tell me you would be coming back too.

Maxwell :even my mum was not aware of my coming, she was even surprised to hear I was at the airport in Lagos where she came to pick me.

Mrs uche :how is studied

Maxwell :studies are fine but I am done now.

Mrs uche :you don't say

Maxwell :yes mam,please where is Amara I have missed her so much.

Mrs uche:Amara is now in the university

Maxwell happy)nice,that's good please mam I could really love to see her

Mrs uche :that's not a problem let me go inside and get you the address to her place.

Maxwell excited )you have it

Mrs uche :yes I have it,the last time my husband sent Money to her she sented the address to us,Am coming let me bring it

she went into the house,Maxwell waited impatiently as he wanted to see the first girl he has fallen for all this years,just then he remembered all the promise he made to her before he left for UK,after kissing her that night,Amara hide her face with her hands ,she was only 8 and Maxwell was 13,he removed her hands from her face and ask if she liked it she nodded which means yes, he has always keep that memory in his head,he came to reality when he heard his name been called, mrs uche brought out a piece of paper there was an address number written on it.

Mrs uche :this is it (gave the piece of paper to Maxwell,he collected it)

Maxwell :thank you mam

Mrs uche :there is no problem

Maxwell;:I will take my leave now.

Mrs uche :no problem greet your mother for me ooooo

Maxwell :I will

Mrs uche :drive safely.

Maxwell key mam

he immediately went inside the car and drove off,Mrs uche waved Maxwell goodbye.

Mrs uche;:look at max,children of now a days,they grow up very fast,we thank God ooooo

and she continued with her sweeping.

In the school campus students where busying with different activities, Sandra was in the class reading when Emma walked in.

Emma gave Sandra a big kiss on her cheek )my baby how are you doing

he sat beside her placing his hand round her ,Sandra smile back at him.

Sandra :am doing fine.

Emma :what are you doing

Sandra :I am trying to complete this assignment I need to surmit it today.

Emma :is it difficult for you can I help.

Emma was an accounting student he wasn't that brilliant but he was ok unlike chidi who was so intelligent.

Sandra :no,Am just copying it,Amare helped me with it I just need to rewrite it with my hand writing so that the lecturer won't suspect a thing.

Emma surprised )Amare did it for you ,but both of you are from different course so how come.

Emma :that is what amazed me about that girl,she is very brilliant and well behave.

Emma :nice, and talking about Amara I think chidi likes her and want to have her.

Sandra didn't buy the idea at all

Sandra :listen Amara is a different kind of girl that won't be easy to play to his tone.

Emma :come on,just try I mean you never can tell.

Sandra :even if I decide to help,hope he will treat Amara differently not like all those girls he hang out with cause she is too nice for that,and I won't forgive myself if he breaks her heart

Emma:don't worry about that okey.

Sandra keep quite for a while then spoke.

Sandra key I have heard you I will try to talk to her.

Emma :that's my baby (he huged her and kiss her again)thanks, so now let's go have lunch

Sandra :I need to finish what I am doing.

Emma he got up and started packing up her books.)You will do it at lunch (he smile at her she smile back)

Sandra ooooo why don't I always refuse you.

Emma :that's because you love me (They both laughed )

Sandra :get away from here (got up and push Emma away )

Emma key come on let's go.

they both left the class both holding hands.

It was the same day that evening Amara came back from lectures , she entered the sitting room ,Sarah, princess and Annabelle was sitting on the couch all were busy with different things.

Amara passed them)hello girls.

they all response.

Princess :you are back

Amara:yeah am back

Annabelle :how was lecture

Amara :it was fine,I need to go in and freshen up.

Sandra :Amara please can you sit down i will like to have a word with you.

Amara key (she sat down )what is it.

Sandra smiling )do you remember that guy who came with Emma here the other day.

Amara:yes I remember him

Sandra:well he told me he likes you and wants me to let you know of his intention

Annabelle curious )who are you bebes talking about.

Sandra :chidi

the sound of chidi shocked both Annabelle and princess.

Princess :chidi,are you serious.

Sandra :yes I am and I think he is serious about it.

Amara was a little bit confused.

Amara h God, any guy could walk down to me and say he is serious about me but deep down he is lieing.

Princess :no,no (surprised )not chidi, you know he can never get serious with a girl even if she was the most beautiful being on earth but I can credit him for knowing his ways around a woman he sure know how to make a woman feel special.

Annabelle :and he is handsome too he is so intelligent,that guy is something.

Princess :how I wish he could just look my way I won't wait a second to say yes.

Amara was now confused the more.

Amara :you guys are getting me confuse,awhile ago princess was condemning him,and now this.

Sandra :what princess said are true I won't lie to you he can't get serious with any girl because he haven't found any one he loves, all girls are either going for his money or because of popularity so he can't have anything to do with people like that.

Princess :Amara, I nevered condemned him,I only said what was called the truth but I didn't mention it was his fault,Who know he might be your God sent

only her knew the meaning of the word,as Amara was trying to figure out what princess meant Annabelle walk up to her and seat close to her.

Annabelle :ah baby girl,let it not seem like we are begging you to date him but we are just trying to help you get a guy that will be good for you not those stupid young students that cannot even feeds themselves.

Amara :the chidi has not even approach me yet.

Sandra :are you giving him a go ahead.

Amarasmiled)I don't know

Annabelle r are you already inlove with him but you are keeping it from us.

Amara h please don't say that.

Sandra :so what do you say

Amara :I don't know if I am ready for guys now.

Annabelle :see you ooooo we are trying to help you make a future partner here.

they all laughed

Amara :you are not serious (she got up and walked to her room)

Sandra :Amara you haven't given me an answer.

Princess :leave her she will soon know what she is missing.

They couldn't stop themselves from laughing.
---------------------------------

THE NEXT DAY

Amara was about going out as she passed a young man close to the gate,amara didn't even notice she passed some one cause she was last for her lectures, she didn't wake up early cause of the late night reading she did.

Maxwell saw her walked pass)good morning miss(she stoped and looked at him,she was surprised to see a boy at that place that early cause the hostel was only for girls ,maybe he is one of the girls boyfriend she thought)

Amara :good morning (she turned to take her leave)

Maxwell :sorry to disturbed you (she stoped to answer him)but I am looking for some one.

Amara :who may that be

Maxwell :please is this address correct (showed Amara the address number )

Amare was surprised to see it was her address that was written on it

Amara :yes you are at the right place I actually live in flat 8 who are you looking for.

Maxwellh am looking for a girl by name Amara uche.

Amara felt some coldness in her,hope nothing has happened to her mother or father God please let this be a good new she prayed in her heart.

Amara:hope no problem

Maxwell :no not at all I just want to see her.

Amara :am Amara uche.

Maxwell was speechless he couldn't fine words coming out from his mouth,Amare just look at him with confusion that was killing her,"o my God "Maxwell shouted out with excitement"you are grew big"

Amara :excuse me

Maxwell laughing )oh am so sorry forgive my manners I am over excited, it's me Maxwell, don't tell me you don't remember me please.

Amara could not control her excitement as she jumped on Maxwell.

Amara :Maxwell, look at you

Maxwell :no you take a good look at yourself what have you been feeding on.

Leave your comments here
and read episode 5

Episode 5

>>

Continues..
Me:stop begging okay i will give him another chance. Happy now?
Miranda&Presley:yes
I was smiling at them when the door opened it was Preston. I looked at him he was smiling at me and I also smiled back. Miranda left the bed and Preston came to sit on it. I forgot about being angry with him I was so happy
Preston:I am very sorry for what happened earlier(holding my hands)
Me:its okay I understood what you were going through
Preston:am I really forgiven?
Me:yes I forgive you
Preston:even the harsh reactions and insults I said to you
Me:forgiven and forgotten
Preston:thanks a lot. Does that mean we are still together?
Me:yes we are. You are my boyfriend and I am your girlfriend.
Preston hugged me as if I was a treasure he will never let go off again. Hugging turned into kissing. A tear dropped from my eyes. Preston cleaned my eyes and smiled at me
Preston:am I permitted to take your things back to where they belong?
Mef course
We both laughed as we we took my things to his room. The room was still how I left it. I arranged my things in his room. Presley and miranda were already in their room. It was 7pm when we all ate like married couple and retired to our respective bedrooms. I and preston was on the bed,he was playing with my hair while my hand was on his chest
Preston:I am so happy right now. I missed you so much
Me:yeah me too. It was very hard for me
Presley:I couldnt bear the fact that Brenden was always kissing you and when I heard he raped you twice I almost wanted to die and take the b-----d down with me
Me:really?but you never showed any sign
Preston:yeah but I was dying inside and that was exactly the reason I kisses you then. Every time I hurt you or avoided you killed me inside
Me:its okay. Let’s talk about your family and fees
Preston:its embarrassing
Me:it’s not embarrassing. It proved you love your family I would also do that for my father
Preston:that reminds me. Who was those girls that wore orange and lemon Dressed like you the other time? They came to your rescue when Belinda attacked you
Me:tell me what you are going through first then I will tell you the truth about me
Preston:truth?
Me:yes
Prestonkay. My father spent all his money on Laura’s father to help him secure a job by the time his tenor expires in the house of assembly. But instead took the money and travelled to Australia to secure a job for himself. That was years ago. The little my father had was as a result of the little he earned before his tenor finally expired which got him into a fatal accident. Laura’s dad always made false promises of paying back my father in full one day but later on changed his mind and bargained with my father that I should marry his daughter. My father had no choice because he was hospitalized. So that’s it that was how I started dating laura.
Me:then what about your father?
Preston:he is still in the hospital. There is no money yet to give him full medication.


To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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beggar [Read it]


Beggar : pls Bros gimme money i want to eàt!
Mc Deedon : du u v #1000 change?
Bëggar : yes Sir!
Mc Deedon : táke from d change eàt na!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-12 06:08:27

184 Views




A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-06-10 14:27:12

231 Views



story of Uzo [Read it]


Uzo got down from the tricycle, sweaty and frustrated.

A light wind blew across and some of the papers in the folder in his hand flew out.

He thrust his hand into the air and caught one.

But instead of putting the paper back into the folder, he squeezed it and threw it away.

And he walked away, leaving the others to flutter about in the air.

He cared less; after all, he had over half a hundred printed copies of his CV and certificates already.

If one gets called for a job after an interview based on the number of copies of CV and certificates one is able to present, Uzo would have since been working.

The bike man whistled to a halt in front of the orange tree in the compound.

He got down and extended a N50 note to him.

The man and his flat cap made no attempt to collect the money from Uzo.

"Oga, my money na N70!" the man said.

Uzo said nothing. He just squeezed the note a little and threw it at the man.

He was getting down to stop him when Mgboye dropped the tuber of cassava she was peeling and ran to the man. "How much is he supposed to pay you?" she asked.

"Madam na N70 we dey carry from junction now,” the man said, and then in a grumbling note muttered, “No be after I buy a litre of fuel for N150 I go come dey do free show on top."

"How much did he give you?" Mgboye asked.

"N50."

"So you want N20 more?"

The man said nothing, but Mgboye was already undoing the end of her wrapper.

"Mama don't give him any money o!" Uzo shouted from the parlour.

Before he could come out, Mgboye had given the man the money and he was driving out.

"How did it go, Nnaa?" Mgboye asked.

Uzo said nothing.

From the look on his face, Mgboye already understood.

"Don't worry, it will all be well," she said. "God is still alive."

Uzo hissed and walked into the house.

That evening when Papa Uzo returned too, he asked his son about the interview.

"They said I'm overqualified for the post," Uzo told him.

"That is good news then," Papa Uzo said.

"No, Papa. It is not." He stood and walked into his room.

In the night while they were about eating, Uzo opened his plate and asked his mother why there was no meat in the soup.

Before Mgboye could respond, Papa Uzo said: "Nwokem eat your food and forget about meat. When you get a job you can kill a cow every day if you like."

Uzo pushed the soup bowl away and yellow soup poured on the carpet.

He stood and walked to his room.

Some minutes later, Mgboye opened the door and entered the room.

She saw her son sitting the bed, eyes soaked with tears.

Mgboye turned back and left the room.

In their room, she said to Papa Uzo, "You must go and apologize to him immediately."

He did not argue.

He nodded and stood and followed his wife immediately.

But on getting to Uzo's room, they did not see any sign of him.

The window of his room was open.

That night they searched and searched, but there was no sign of him.

In the morning, while the confused parents were preparing to go to the police and make a report, Mgboye walked to the well with a bucket.

She saw a body floating in the well and screamed.

Neighbours rushed to the compound.

They finally managed to draw the body out, but it was already late.

Two weeks later, only three days after his funeral, the postman brought an envelope.

In the letter in it, Uzo has not been offered a job as a Marketing Executive in City Peace Pharmaceuticals as he applied, he is to become the Assistant Branch Manager of the new company

Who can tell me the moral of this story?


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The accompanying is a Whatsapp discussion in
the middle of Akpos and a woman online...
Woman: What car would you say you are
driving?
AKPOS: A Mercedes Benz S Class
Woman: I feel so good conversing with you.
AKPOS: which I borrowed early today
Woman: I ought to let you know that I have a
BF.
AKPOS: Because my BMW 7 Series is with the
workman
Woman: I neglected to let you know that my
BF and I separated yesterday.

still #holaroluwa


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-15 11:41:57

445 Views




akpos broke up with his ex and decided to move on,one fateful day akpos met a beautiful girl called Juliana and approached her and she accepted.An event came up so akpos decided to go with his new gf to the event on getting there akpos saw a lot of his friends there and he began to boost about his girl.so many artist performed so wizkid came up the stage to perform akpos gf saw him and started shouting wizkid I love you,marry me,pls am begging akpos was surprised before he knew what was happening his gf fainted akpos friends were busy laughing akpos shamlessly went home.Juliana regain consciousness and went to akpos house,akpos saw
her and locked the door shouting it is over.don't laugh alone


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-01 22:23:08

769 Views




Chicken 4 sales order for any of the following

¤ tokunbo fowl #2500
¤ fairly used fowl = #1500
¤ london used chicken = #1950
¤ stolen fowl = #950
¤ blind fowl =#600
¤ deaf nd dumb fowl = #500
¤ cripple fowl = #350
¤ sick fowl = #110
¤ cancer fowk = #305
EBOLA CHicken = #FREE

Contact me on whatsapp for ur
Don't thank me o. . . what are we friend for.
If I don't care . . . when will I??
Merry xmas in advance.
Home delivery included.
Buy 12 and get 3 for free.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-26 14:11:53

633 Views




Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.Related

Doctor
Akpos had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary
told him a man was here to see him. Akpos told her to send him in.
Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man
came in. "Yes..., that's right... The fee is $200... Yes..., I'll expect
you ten past two... Alright... No... later... I'm a very busy man." He
hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the
man, "I just came in to to fix the phone."

lol what is another name for Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-08 00:37:42

200 Views




?????? ????? ?????????

?? ???? ???? 15 ??? ?? ???? ?? ????? ??? ??? ??? ??
??? ??? ?? ?? ????? ????

???: ??????? ?? ???? ??? ??? ??? ?? ?? ?? ????? ??

?????: ?? ???? ????
?? ???? ??? ??? ?? ?????
???????? ?? ???? ?? ?? ???? ???? Related

Ye Jo Hai Hukm Mere Pas Na Aye Koi?

Iss Liye Ruth Rahe Hain K Manaye Koi?

Taak Mein Hai Nigah-e-Shauq Khuda Khair Kare?

Samane Se Mere Bachta Hua Jaye Koi!Related

Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”Related

Hai Kismat Hamari Aasman Mein Chamakte Sitaare Jaisi;

Log Apni Tammana Ke Liye Hamarey Tutne Ka Intezaar Karte Hain!Related

Girl:- “Aaj mera birthday h, Mujhe kya gift
doge.?”

Boy:- “Wo saamne black colour ki BMW dekh rhi ho.?”

Girl (khush ho k)- Haan haan.

Boy:- Us colour ka
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lawda…:p :p :d :d >…

My friend invited me to his church for a
thanksgiving service, and I sat at the front row.
When it was time for offering, the
offering basket was passed around.
Despite the Pastor's charge for good
offering, I still hurriedly and secretly pulled out
Ksh50 from my pocket and dropped it. Just then,
the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder
and handed me a Ksh1,000 note. I smiled, sow
generous. Then majestically, I looked around and
put the Ksh1,000 in the basket and passed it on.
Then I turned and thanked the man
seriously for being so generous. He replied "don't
mention'' be more careful next time, it fell from
your
pocket" Whaaaat!!!!!?......." "Usher please
wait, wrong transaction!!!!!!!!!."..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-04 21:05:40

500 Views




The few times i had been able to see Tango since we were undergraduates, i had known there was something i couldn't understand in his thoughts pattern. It was not the melancholic pulse i'd always felt since he started feeling victimized by Dad. It was energetic and dark. It was unreadable. Behind the tired and bored expression he displayed then, there was energy. I had been mildly worried. I had tried figuring it out but i couldn't. I couldn't ask him. I couldn't tell Dad. I wasn't supposed to have known. My guess hadn't been too off the mark, obviously.
.
When i had met with Mary-Anne after Dad's death, it was easy. Anyone would have loved her. She came as just the kind of girl i would fall in love with. I had. Over time, i had felt an attraction between Tango and Mary-Anne, but i had put it down to her being Tango's in-law-to-be. I was wrong on that count.
.
Truth be told. I had known something was going to happen on our 30th birthday. We had been planning over the phone and on skype. Seeing his eyes on skype, i'd tried again to feel his thoughts-stream and again i couldn't understand the energy in it. There had been a significant difference then, however, i could feel a tremendous effort to hold back a surge of dark excitement and i could tell the excitement was about what we were planning for. I hadn't known what to make of it, but i had known it was not good. I had even thought it was another prank. I had decided i would find out what the whole excitement was all about and if possible what the secret energy was about. How i would do that, i hadn't known but i had a gut feeling that i would when i got to Lagos for the birthday celebrations. I had and it had been way over my head. I had known about the champagne, i hadn't known about the hypnosis. I had lost the link when he was in his Nightmare costume; i guess the telepathy only worked when i was aware it was Tango i was looking at.
.
Tango's story was completely suprising. I didn't know it was that deep, dark and evil. As he told his story, i had felt sad because he had got Dad all wrong. Everything that had happen, happened because of him. He was the one Dad loved. I was the one Dad dreaded. And everything Dad had done, he had done to protect him, i knew Dad would understand what i would do to him. He had said if my life depended on it was only when i was allowed to put my thoughts in my brother's mind. And at that moment, my life depended on what i could do with my gift.
.
After Tango had finished his story and Omobolanle had been brought in, i had smiled inwardly as i prepared for my move. That moment, there was no darkness in his mind, there was only joy. A victor's joy. His confidence was as high as it would ever be. That was when i made my move.
* * *
I had waited for him to carry out the thoughts i had put in his mind and he had. It was simply that he walked out of the room to go check on his Nirvana as the doctor that he was. Without his costume. He had. It was my good fortune that Mary-Anne could come back for the costume any moment. I had braced myself for Ken's blow of the steel pipe that was supposed to knock me out. It had hurt but the fear of death kept me conscious.
.
"Stop!" I had said sharpely through teeth gritted in great pain. He was going to hit me a second time.
He did and stared at me, surprised.
.
"You can be sure of one thing: he won't allow you walk out of this alive! Use your head, Ken. Use your head!" I blurted out in the seconds it took him to be surprised at my initial order. His hand and the pipe were suspended in mid-air.
.
I continued: "I am his only brother and he'd kill me so that he can live. What do you think he would do to you? If things work out the way he planned, you will be the only person alive who isn't Mary-Anne who can connect him with all that happened here. Do you think he would allow that to happen?
.
I could see Ken's forehead furrow. He was thinking. I needed to add fuel to the fire.
.
"If he kills you, who will spend all the money you have worked for all years? Should you die so that he can live? Think, Ken. Thin-"
.
"Sshh! I'm thinking. Just shut up". He lowered his arm and the pipe. I silently prayed he'll think right.
"What should i do?"
With great effort, i kept excitement out of my voice as i replied him.
"Remove my cuffs. I will put on this costume he forgot and them i will become him. You will obey me as you would obey him. It's our best chance."
He did.
"Me too!" Omobolanle spoke for the first time since she came in.
"We'll come for you later. You will be safer here." I said as i domed the costume. Its smell was nauseating. I was adjusting the hands when i saw Ken hit Omobolanle.
"Nooooo!" I was take. She slumped.
"I only have a pact with you, not her. She is am extra luggage that may get in our way." Ken said, daring me to say anything contrary.
"Let's go then". My voice sounded hoarse with suppressed anger. There was nothing i could do and he was probably right.
.
#TO BE CONTINUED...#


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Kanjoos(Miser) lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .Dear Sunita Darling,I can’t send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company’s performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.Your loving husband,TunaHis wife replied..TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don’t worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses andI hope I can survive the month using this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next month?Your Sweet Heart,SunitaRelated

Not all men [Read it]


"Not all men who spend on you are in love with you. Some men spend because of what they want to benefit or get from you, while some spend just to impress you, these set of men impress you not because they love you, they do so because they probably want you to place them in a high rank in your life."







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-05-20 04:57:34

395 Views




Mr Akpos ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.

He got the car and started sending it on errands.

He was so proud of what the car can do without mistakes.

He was not able to go out on a day, his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school because she was so tired.

Mr Akpos agreed.

Mr Akpos: Car, go and bring my children from school.

The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.

Several hours later and no car, Mr Akpos became apprehensive, dressed up, ready to lodge a report at the police station.

He and his wife just stepped outside when they saw the car coming with an overload of children.

The car parked right in front of them and said,

"These are your children sir"

In the car was their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.

Wife: Don't tell me all these ones are your children?

Mr Akpos, nonplussed, calmly replied...

CAN YOU TELL ME WHY YOUR OWN CHILDREN ARE NOT IN THE CAR


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-21 22:47:13

557 Views



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