Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

hehehehehe [Read it]


Anty u use cough enter
pharmacy
Na postinor 2 u carry
come outside!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-01-10 19:05:41

287 Views




A guy while giving speech to deaf people, rubs chest, touches groin and starts masturbating. When asked about the reason for doing so, replies that it means, “Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure…”Related

stubborn kid [Read it]


A small boy is sent to bed by his father…Five minutes later:

"Da-ad…"
"What?"
"I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad…"
"WHAT?"
"I’m THIRSTY… Can I have a drink of water?"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!"




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-05 19:21:17

743 Views




Once during UP election, Mulayam Singh and Mayawati decided to hold huge rally in Lucknow at the same time. However, in their over enthusiasm the organisers of both the rallies forgot to book rooms for them to stay overnight.

Only one room (single bed) was available in the entire city, so grudgingly MSY and Mayawati decided share the room for the night.

During the night, MSY got horny, he coyly asked Mayawati “Mayawatiji, gath-bandhan karle?” (should we get into a coalition)

Mayawati, very tired, did not understand his advances and rejected him.

Again, MSY asked “Mayawatiji, gath-bandhan karle?” (should we get into a coalition)

Mayawatiji again rejected.

For the third time MSY asked “Mayawatiji, gath-bandhan karle?” (should we get into a coalition)

This time too she rejected him.

MSY, horny as fuck, decided to go to washroom and relieved himself.

Mayawati, woke up, realised her folly of rejecting the only chance of losing virginity, stood outside the washroom waiting for MSY.

When MSY came back, Mayawati said “Mulayamji, Main tayaar hoon”

MSY, “Chodiye Mayawatiji, maine Congress ke saath gath-bandhan kar liya”Related

This brief conversation ensued between Akpos and his landlord…


LANDLORD: (knocks at Akpos door)


AKPOS: (Opens the door)


LANDLORD: Hey man, I’m looking for my house rent?


AKPOS: You can come in let’s look for it together.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 19:01:07

364 Views




Maine Har Gum Ko Hans Kar Utha Liya;

Raaz Teri Bewafai Ka Sabse Chhipa Liya;

Mujhko To Teri Wafaon Par Yakin Tha;

Na Jane Kyon Tumne Apna Daman Chhuda Liya!Related

Mum: You haven’t moved since I left the house 5 hours ago.

Me: Excuse me… where do you think these chips came from!Related

All work and no play makes Akpos a dull boy and all play and no work makes him a dull boy too. We are going to do this by sharing this simple Akpos Joke Akpos nd Isabella were the latest couple in town. One day, while strolling down the street, they came to
a boutique and Isabella saw a beautiful dress. Isabella : “Akpos, can you please give me about N10,000 to buy this dress, I left my purse at home.” Akpos brings out his wallet and gives Isabella money, “Take N140 naira for transport. Go back house go bring your purse!
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-15 13:47:06

356 Views



size reduction [Read it]


Akpos with 30 inches penis went to a magician and said, "I can't live with this anymore! Its too long! Can you help me reduce it?"

The magician answered, "There is a female frog in that swamp. Go ask her to marry you. She will say 'NO' and you will loose 5 inches off your organ."

So Akpos went to the swamp, got the female frog and asked, "Will you marry me?"

The frog replied, "NO!"

Akpos lost 5 inches, but still 25 inches was way too long. He asked the frog again, "Will you marry me?"

"NO!" the frog replied.

20 inches isn't bad but a little long. He asked again, "Will you marry me?"

The frog answered "NO!"

15 inches is good but 10 inches would be better, Akpos thought. Then he decided to ask for the last time, "Will you Marry me?"

Angrily, the frog replied, "How many times do I have to tell you, NO... NO... NO... and NOOOO!!!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-01 10:36:50

182 Views




MY FIRST PREGNANCY EPISODE 9


.......mean while out side the labour room..........Mr sammy was waiting patiently with both hands placed at the handle of the chair,his left leg swung to the left then to the right so did his right leg did in a synchronized pattern,he was lost in thoughts when the doctor came closer to him,as soon as he saw the doctor,he stood up with a supersonic speed....(MR SAMMY):"doctor please sir, please how is my wife?".he asked with all seriousness....the doctor smiled at him, because of the way mr sammy asked him the question,which made the doctor laugh, but he held himself not to laugh,and he stylishly smiled...(DOCTOR):"sir your wife is okay",he said still putting up a smile on his face.....after those words came out from the doctor mouth, Mr sammy shouted stamping his two legs on the ground lightly....(MR SAMMY):"ah thank God!",he shouted."what about my child?".he asked with a smile on his face.(DOCTOR):"well sir they are both fine".he said with a smile".(MR SAMMY):"yes!,thank God,but wait sir you said they?".he questioned in a curious way.(DOCTOR):"yes sir,they,you are now a father of twins, a boy and a girl",said the doctor....after those words mr sammy almost fainted because he could not believe what he heard.the doctor caught him before he fell.....(DOCTOR):"sir,sir, are you ok?".he asked.(MR SAMMY):"oh yes doctor,I am just over joyed,please can we go and see them?",He requested.(DOCTOR):"yes sir,please come this way",he said pointing his right hand forward....they both walked to see Mr Sammy's wife and loving kids.......back at the labour room.........the nurses brought the babies close to mrs faith,as she saw them,she smiled all through,she forgot all the pain she went through before and during labour,her heart was filled with joy...believe me there is nothing like the joy of motherhood in this life....... And she felt totally relief.the nurses were complimenting on the babies' looks,mrs faith just smiled as they said lovely things about the babies,she then carried them on her body,as she and the nurses were talking, mr sammy came in with the doctor,he walked up to mrs faith and kissed her on her forehead, then he looked at the babies,which were on mrs faith's chest region.mr sammy played with them carefully not to hurt their fragile bodies.there was a chair placed right beside mrs faith for mr sammy to sit.he sat down on the chair after he played with his new generations, with a smile on his face,displaying his white teeth.mrs faith was just so happy to see both her husband and her two kids..............................TO BE CONTINUED......STORY BY DINDY.....WHATSAPP NUMBER:07087750433.... [email protected]:[email protected] OR [email protected] FACEBOOK NAME:OSSY NNAMDI
PLEASE DO NOT SHARE WITHOUT TALKING TO ME PERSONALLY AND ASKING FOR PERMISSION....THANK YOU FOR READING THIS STORY


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A man out of frustration decided to kill himself, so he went behind their house to hang himself, luckily his son arrive in time and pleading with him not to kill himself but to no avail. suddenly the son said "dad i just won two million naira in bet9ja so i'll make sure your burial will be the best in this village" on hearing the amount, his father replied "do you say N2M ? come and untie me let's go and celebrate my RESURATION" ... HAPPY EASTER TO YOU ALL


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The silence between my madam and her husband
lingered so long that at a point I began to pray it
doesn’t lead to divorce.
How could I come to terms with myself if I should
bring separation between my madam and her
husband joined by God.
The thought alone scared me.
Madam and her husband were like two
enemies in one house and on different
occasions, clashes occurred.
There was one particular saturday that madam
wanted me to go to a nearby supermarket and
buy provisions for her.
Oga at the same time wanted me to prepare his
breakfast first before anyother thing.
Conflict of authority ensued.
“Before I close my eyes and open it, run to the
supermarket and buy me those provisions,” my
madam ordered.
“If you move an inch I break your head,” the
husband countered. “You aren’t going anywhere
till you’ve served my breakfast,” the husband
affirmed.
Husband and wife stood at crossroads and none
was willing to let the other triumph.
I stood at the centre of the whole drama utterly
confused. It was then that I realised the
authenticity of the proverb that stated that it was
difficult if not impossible to serve two masters at
the same time.
The drama continued for more than ten
minutes before madam had enough and faced the
husband.
“Ken, what exactly is your problem?” She asked
calling him by the first name.
“Mabel, what exactly is your own problem?” The
husband threw back.
“You’re biting more than you can chew in this
house,” my madam added.
“You must be crazy,” the husband thundered.
“My friend go and prepare my breakfast,” he
added turning towards me.
This time madam didn’t counter the order so I set
to work.
Within one hour the breakfast was ready and I
served it and then ran off to the supermarket to
buy the provisions for madam.
I got to the supermarket within five minutes and
found out on getting there that the provision my
madam sent me to buy was finished and were yet
to replace the stock. So I returned to the house
to inform madam about
the new development but she barked at me and
asked me whether that supermarket was the only
supermarket in the neighbourhood.
I went back in search of the provisions In the
other supermarkets and it was when I entered one
of the supermarkets that my eyes caught one cute
guy that came to buy things as well.
I felt the funny butterfly in my tummy and
developed feelings instantly.
But then the guy was deeply engrossed in what
he was buying and didn’t notice me.
Out of disappointment, I bought the provisions
hurriedly and left forgetting my change in the
process.
I was deep in thought thinking about the guy and
the whole drama when I got to the house and
madam demanded for her change.
By then the husband had left the house and went
out.
The slap that landed on my face when I couldn’t
produce madam’s change was sufficient to kill a
one month old baby if not older.
More slaps followed in quick succession and with
pain I ran out of the house to get the change.
Tears flowed freely as I ran to get the change.
On the way I passed the cute guy that made me
forget my change and he passed me by and took
not even a single notice of me.
There wasn’t anything attractive about me so I
didn’t necessarily blame him.
My clothes were tattered, my hair un-combed and
my footwear were old and worn out.
My tears increased after I passed him by and
soon got to the supermarket to retrieve my
change.
Then I headed home…

WatchOut for Episode 18

Drop your comments below

# B- goF









NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpors mother tell akpors to go and call his father and ask him whot will he like to eat for dinner because her own phone is switch off but akpors could not contact his father he come home and say dat it is one lady that is picking his father phone akpors mother started shouting "this man is cheating on me after all d investment i invest"when akpors father come back he and akpors mother started fighting those that come and seperate them ask wot happen dey explain dey now ask akpors wetin d lady say,akpors say dat The lady say "THE MTN NUMBER U ARE TRYING TO CALL IS NOT REACHABLE AT D MOMENT PLS TRY AGAIN LATER THANKS U",,pls is it akpors fault


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-27 09:00:08

395 Views



befor val [Read it]


Few weeks to val: Gf: baby I heard
new bb is out.
Akpos: all bb's
always hang.
Gf: dis one doesn't
hang.
Akpos: so am a liar abi? Its
over btwn us..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-15 08:51:37

909 Views



joke of the day [Read it]


Joke of the day: ?? ?? ?? ?? ??
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly,
sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already. The little Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$1,000."
A few weeks later it happened again ,
and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The Boy says :"$5,000."
The Man says: "Fine, I will buy them."
A few days later, the Father says to the boy:
"Grab your ball and boots,
let's go outside and have a game."
The Boy says: "I can't, I sold them for $ 6,000."
The Father says: "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... $ 6,000 is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your "SINS."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Priest says: "Don't start that shit again!"
THIS IS MY CHURCH, NOT YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE !


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-24 22:02:46

588 Views




rnOur Landlord came to collect his monthly rent from my daddy. There he met my elder brother who told him, ‘’Sir, my daddy said that you should come back on Tuesday.’’rnrnThe Landlord said, ‘’But why should I come back on tuesday of all days?’’rnrnrn rnMy elder brother replied, ‘’I don’t know, but we are packing out on monday.’’


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-20 10:33:14

539 Views




Shopping Mall Mein Ek Dalal Ek Admi Se Bola



“Mauj Karni Hai To Mere Sath Aao, 5000 Mein Full Mauj”



Aadmi Ne Puchha: “Par Ladki Kaisi Hai?”



Dalal: “Aao Aap Khud Chal Kar Dekh Lo”



Dalal Usko Ek Kamre Mein Le Gaya, Jaha Aadmi Ko Dekhte Hi Ladki Ne Apni Skirt Upar Kar Li



Admi Ne Uski Choot Dekhi Aur Usko Ghoorta Hi Raha



Ladki Ne Ye Dekha Aur Boli



“Kya Hua? Lagta Hai Jab Se Apni Maa Ki Chut Se Bahar Aaye Ho Kabhi Choot Nahi Dekhi”



Aadmi Mukura Ke Bola: “Nahi Aisi To Koi Baat Nahi Hai, Choot To Maine Bahut Dekhi Hai”



Ladki: “To Fir Itna Ghoor Kyu Rahe Ho?”



Aadmi: “Par Jismein Wapis Ghus Sako Esi Lambi Chaudi Chut Aaj Pahli Bar Dekhi Hai”Related

Sean was not really happy to be the pawn in
the take down operation but they were left
with no other option. Eva would not be able to
manage it properly and using the Colonel was
totally out of the question. Confronting
GhostCorp in a head on, direct attack was
also going to achieve no positive result. Sean
had been the perfect candidate. Sophia was
crazy about him, and he had perfectly
mastered the art of infiltration. So when
Sophia caught up with him in the bathroom
earlier in the day, he was glad she fell for the
bait. He had worn false flesh-like finger prints
on all ten fingers. These prints were designed
to serve as false prints so that his real finger
prints would not be left anywhere. Most
importantly, it served as an imprint device. All
he had to do was to put a little pressure with
his fingers on any desired spot for three
seconds and that spot was marked. No one
could see it except you had on a specially
designed pair of UV glasses which only the
Colonel had at the moment. Sean had been a
very important agent for GhostCorp and as
such, he knew almost every operation mode
that was in the rule book. He was very
confident that Sophia would not want to risk
creating a scene in an attempt to bring him in.
She had only one option: Stealth.
For GhostCorp this meant rendering the
desired target helpless and unable to struggle
during pickup or takeout. Sean had been the
leader of the team that designed the Serum
Approach. The other members of the team
were Sophia, Tawo and Shina. Together they
designed a serum which had a very complex
chemical composition. This serum was meant
to take out or demobilize intended any target.
The serum was so complex that it changes
and rewrites its organic structure on its own
after eight hours. This meant that there was
usually a very unique preparation to be done
anytime the serum was to be administered.
The side effect was that the serum had no
specific antidote because whenever the serum
is prepared, the one-time antidote is prepared
alongside it, and if not administered in eight
hours, the victim dies. Due to the unstable
nature of the serum, there was only one
antidote for each preparation. Every antidote
expired after eight hours and a totally new one
had to be created. No single antidote could
work for separate preparations of serum. The
serum was that deadly. Whoever prepares the
serum, prepares the antidote. It was a
powerful tool and had served GhostCorp well
in the past.
However, Sean had worked hard and put in a
lot of effort to develop a universal antidote to
all possible chemical structures of the serum.
It had cost him a great deal of money and
several lives were lost during the laboratory
testing but at the end, it was worth it.
Knowing that this could well be Sophia’s line
of attack, he had taken the antidote just
before peeing. It was a tiny red round tablet
which sat on his forefinger. He put the tablet
under his tongue and waited for it to melt.
Just as it melted and he began to pee, Sophia
came in. At first he was scared that she might
actually chop off his organ but when she
began to whisper seductively into his ears, he
relaxed. The two agents came in and
overpowered him, injecting him with the
serum. He immediately felt drowsy and closed
his eyes. Three minutes later, the antidote had
battled with the serum inside his blood stream
and won. He regained consciousness and felt
himself at a very high altitude. He opened his
eyes slowly and carefully to catch a glimpse of
where he was and who he was with. He
opened his left eye just wide enough to see
himself sandwiched between the two guards
with Sophia in front with the pilot.
They got to Beehive and the agent kept Sean
on his shoulder. Sean desperately needed to
imprint on the surrounding so that The
Colonel would have an idea of where they had
been. As they got to the third floor and about
to step out of the elevator, Sean carefully put
his forefinger on the board beside the button
that took them to the third floor. He made
sure he did not stretch or shift his body
weight so that the agent doesn’t get aware.
Sophia was stepping out first and the agent
would follow later. That gave him all the three
seconds he needed to imprint beside the
button that said, “Third Floor.”
Sean’s joy knew no bounds when he heard
Sophia order the agent to drop him by the
wall. It was an opportunity that he utilized to
the fullest. He imprinted on the ground and on
the wall around him as much as his deceit
could allow him to. At intervals when he got
the opportunity, he imprinted on the walls
when the agent was not looking. He watched
Sophia carefully as she opened a secret door
and stepped inside, ordering the agent to
follow her. He picked Sean up and carried him
into BeeHive.
Carefully Sean waited and plotted, looking for
the right opportunity to snap out of his faked
comatose. He listened while Sophia killed
Agent Nedu, dictated orders and took the life
of the young woman who came forwards. Ten
minutes later, the General called Beehive.
Sophia with the agent tagging along decided
to go meet him in the floor above them. That
was the opportunity he needed.
*********************************************
The Colonel drove like a man possessed,
running the traffic lights and hardly using the
brakes. Eva sat beside him strapped in her
seat and praying that The Colonel would drive
faster. With every second that passed, she
feared that she might lose Sean. The Colonel
very well knew how important Sean was to the
whole operation. He was the key to bringing
down GhostCorp. He was also the source of
Eva’s morality. He calmed her, steadied her,
and acted as a fulcrum for her. He was her
anchor. If anything happened to him, she
would lose it. She was going to go over the
edge, uncontrollable. And in that state she
was dangerous. Very dangerous.
The Colonel glanced at her briefly. She was
focused on the road ahead, her mind
wandering far away. He took his hand off the
gear and put it on her left lap, squeezing
gently. She looked at him. He smiled at her,
trying to reassure her that all would end well.
She gave a plastic smile in return and turned
her face back unto the road. Still driving at
incredible speed, The Colonel took out his
Iphone and launched the application that
acted as a monitor for Sean. He handed it to
Eva and asked her what she could see.
“He is still alive. I think he is in BeeHive. The
red dot has not moved.” Eva replied.
“Good. We cannot afford to waste any more
time. How many guns do you have on you?”
The Colonel asked.
“None.” Eva replied.
“Good. You will have mine. You know how to
handle Twin Silverballers?” The Colonel asked
with a smile, facing his daughter.
“You need a demonstration?” Eva retorted
turning to meet his gaze.
The Colonel smiled. Just as he took his eyes
back to the road, a huge tipper carrying gravel
appeared from nowhere and turned into their
side of the road. The Colonel was already on
high speed and could not step on his brakes.
In a swift second, he swerved hard to his left
to avoid collision with the tipper. He ran onto
the low curb, the street lamp breaking the
car’s side mirror. Taking his feet off the
accelerator and stepping on the brakes slowly,
the Colonel swerved back onto the road. There
were few cars on the road and the asphalt
ahead of them was free. On another day he
would have stopped, parked and given the
truck driver something he would never forget
in a hurry. But this day he had more important
agenda to catch up with. He was back on the
freeway now. He tested his brakes, checked
his steering and studied the car for any form
of problems. He did not notice any issues with
the car. The sound was fine. Handling was
still intact. They were now ten minutes away
from Bee Hive. He stepped on the accelerator
again, pushing up to 100km/hr.
Eva shrieked.
“The dot is not blinking anymore!!!” Eva cried,
handling the iphone to the Colonel.
The Colonel reduced speed, taking the iphone
from her. The dot signifying Sean’s location
on the GPS was no longer blinking. It could
only mean one thing. The Colonel put the
device off and back on again. This could not
be happening.
“Be Calm Diana.” The Colonel said.
Eva was ready to explode. A mixture of
feelings welled up inside her. She watched the
Iphone with eagle eyes, hoping that the red
dot would come on any minute as the Colonel
launched the GPS application. They waited.
Three minutes. Five. Nothing.
“Sh1t! Sh1t!! Sh1t!!!” Eva said hitting the
dashboard with her fists.
“We need to hurry. He may still be alive. Suck
it in Eva. You need a clear head.” The Colonel
barked. He increased speed to 120km/hr,
trying not to think about what may have
happened to Sean.
Eva nodded and bit her lower lip. Different
mixtures of emotions were threatening to burst
from her insides out. She tried to hold herself
together. It was not really working but she
just had to. A few seconds later, a message
came in on the phone. The Colonel opened it.
“DaVinci, I’m going solo. Hurry. I need you.”
It was Sean.
“Your boyfriend is alive” The Colonel said,
passing the phone to her.
The Colonel could see her countenance lifted.
Even though he was also relieved and
delighted, he kept a straight face.
They got to Bee Hive but parked about twenty
meters away from the main building. They
walked quickly to the gate, with Eva watching
their back. The Colonel took out a small palm
torch from his back pocket. The torch was a
password decryptor. It had a small screen at
the neck which cracks the password once the
rays hit the keys. He pointed the torch at the
password panel at the gate and saw the keys
that Sophia had pressed.
4 9 6 1 6.
He pressed them and the gate opened.
They walked inside the compound, with Eva
walking with her back to the Colonel, facing
the gate, with the silenced twin Silverballers in
each hand by her cheeks. She was watching
every spot, every angle, just in case there were
in for an ambush. They got to the door
leading into the building and the Colonel used
his password decryptor again. As they were
about to enter, Eva stopped the Colonel
pointed to a spot on their far right. The spot
had a reddish liquid on the tiled floor.
“Blood” Eva whispered.
They walked slowly and stealthily to the point
and the Colonel bent to access the situation.
Just then they heard footsteps. The Colonel
backed up on the wall and carefully turned so
that only a fraction of his left eye could see
who was approaching. It was one of the
guards that took Sean from the movies. Eva
was crouched besides him. In eight or nine
steps, the agent would get to them. He turned
only his head and whispered to Eva who had
got up and was not standing close behind
him.
“Agent. 6 steps till he gets to us. I’m going to
jump him. If I fail, weaken him.” The Colonel
said.
Eva nodded.
The Colonel began the count down with his
fingers, showing it to Eva.
5…4…3…2…1
After he counted the last number, the Colonel
stepped away from the wall and into the path
of the agent. The agent was shocked and
surprised. Before he could find time to react,
the Colonel gave two quick jabs. He gave one
punch to the agent’s right lower rib cracking a
bone, and then the other punch to his Solar
plexus. The agent gasped for air, staggering
back.
Just then the radio with the agent cackled to
life.
“Mario, where the hell are you? What is taking
you so long? The madam wants you
immediately. Come in, over.” came a male
voice from the other end.
The Colonel didn’t hesitate. He went behind
the agent and snapped his neck from behind,
letting him fall in a heap. He dipped his
hands into the agent’s pockets, looking for
anything that might be helpful. He found a
bunch of keys, an access card and the key to
a G-Wagon. He took the items he found and
side stepped away from the corpse. He moved
towards Eva.
“Let’s go. We need to hurry” Eva said.
The Colonel nodded, walking briskly away from
the scene and quickly through the door. He
brought out the special UV glasses that were
inside his mafia suit and handed one to Eva.
“Put this on. We should see Sean’s markers
from here.” The Colonel said walking ahead of
her and wearing his own pair of UV glasses.
The Colonel looked left and right on the floor
they were on and his eyes caught Sean’s
imprint on the door of the elevator.
“Here. Follow me.” The Colonel commanded.
They walked into the elevator and the Colonel
found Sean’s imprint on the panel beside the
third floor button. Eva saw it too.
“Bless you Sean.” Eva whispered with an
expectant and eager look in her eyes.
The Colonel pressed the button to take them
to the third floor, and then turned to look at
Eva. He was very worried about her. He knew
that she was capable as a field agent and
could very well take care of herself. But right
now a bit of fear gripped him. He suddenly
doubted if she could handle herself given the
emotional conditions surrounding this
operation. He needed her to think clearly, have
a straight and calm head. He had told her
countless times. He could not snap at her now
that they were very close. He heaved a very
long and heavy sigh. Eva looked at him.
“Dad, I will be fine. I have everything going on
well right now. Trust me.” Eva said, pointing
her forefinger at her head as if to say she’s
thinking straight.
The Colonel smiled. Just then there was a
short elevator sound to tell them that they
had reached their destination.
“This is it Diana. Let’s do this.” The Colonel
said, bringing out his silenced .45 automatic
caliber pistol.
Eva took out the silenced twin Silverballers
from her hips, one in each hand and waited.
The elevator opened.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Each time our daddy Buhari travels and comes
back, he buys so many things for us like
increase in dollar, increase in electricity tarriff,
increase in fuel pump price. Now that he has
travelled to China, we are expecting, maybe he
has even fast forwarded our gift through DHL,
and that is why we are having increase in
University tuition fee in uniport and other
universities should be expecting. Daddy Buhari
thank you for the gift, we your children are
grateful.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-12 13:47:50

313 Views




The next day was his first paper, but he didn’t read a thing.

He didn’t think anything about school at all.

He sat on his bed, face buried in his palms, hating life.

Adaeze called and called, but he did not answer.

The evening of that day they slept together—the evil day he lay with his own sister—flashed through his mind every now and again. Hurtful images darting all across his head and back, nearly driving him to shriek.

But he didn’t shriek.

He only started to cry.

***

Adaeze pounded the door some more, called his name again and then went away to call some boys.

They finally were able to force the door open and found him dangling from the ceiling.

He’d tied a laundry rope to the fan.

As the boys carried down his limp body, Adaeze dropped to the carpet and wriggled in her tears.

But then something came on her and she rose at once, wiped her eyes and begged the boys to help carry him to her car.

She drove like never before, obeying neither the signs on the road nor angry yells of other road users.

Finally she was at the clinic.

She screamed at the nurses driving him in on a stretcher to hasten up, even though they were running already.

The silver door of the ward flew open and the doctor, a dark slim man in his thirties or thereabouts, rushed through, his long white coat flying behind him.

His stethoscope was already plugged to his ears before he got to Ekene on the bed.

He jerked the buttons of his shirt apart and placed the chest-piece of the device on him.

Adaeze stared as he waited, rubbing her fingers together and tapping her feet.

It could only have just been seconds that the man was with Ekene, but it felt like hours to her.

Finally he turned to her and all her cavities fell open and eager. Her heart was thumping away.

But the doctor did not say what she wanted to hear.

He turned to the nurse with him instead and said, ‘Nurse, please see her to outside, I’ll need all the concentration I can get.’

The plump nurse in a blue uniform obeyed immediately. ‘Lady, please,’ she said, showing Adaeze the way out.

Adaeze did not budge.

The nurse made to touch her and she shrugged off her hands.

‘Lady, please the doctor will require that you stay outside while he does his job or else you have the option of taking the patient to another hospital!’

Now Adaeze nodded and allowed the nurse to lead her out.

Outside, she sat on the bench in the hallway and tried to be calm.

But she couldn’t.

She stood and walked out of the clinic, into the street.

She crossed her arms on her chest as she strolled down the road.

‘Madam!’ she heard someone whisper.

‘Madam!!’ the sound came again.

She turned back and saw the person calling and hurrying toward her.

She recognized her, vaguely so, and also realized that she had in fact not been whispering but been screaming.

She waited till she got close.

‘Madam, it’s me,’ the woman said.

‘I know you,’ Adaeze said to her. Her eyes were narrowed, as though trying to fully recall.

‘It’s me, Madam,’ the woman said again. ‘Loretta.’

‘Yes, yes,’ Adaeze said. ‘You used to work as a maid in our house.’

The woman nodded. ‘Yes, ma.’

‘So what can I do for you?’

‘I have something to tell you, ma.’

‘Something?’

‘Yes, ma.’

‘What is that?’

‘I know everything, ma.’

>>

One day a pastor is preaching in the church and he tell somebody to read bible from the book of psalm 23:5 which says EVEN DO AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY SHADOWS OF DEATH I SHALL NOT FEAR. as the pastor was preaching he saw akpors sleeping he say that he should read the last verse that was read Akpors stand up and say AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY SHADOWS OF DEATH I COME DEY WONDER WETIN CARRY ME GO THERE I DEY CRAZE....the pastor was shocked by the reading.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-26 23:01:47

1483 Views




A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She`s laid on a rolling bed by the nurse and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room, the nurse leaves her behind the surgery room door and goes in to check whether everything is ready.

A young man, wearing a white coat, approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and performs the same examination. When a third man starts examining her body so closely, she grows impatient and says, “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?”

The man in the white coat shrugs his shoulders, “I have no idea. We`re just painting the corridor.”Related

project [Read it]


This is nothing serious ooo, Just for Fun. (God ForbidBad Thing) Lets Go!! Imagine you’re in front of yourLecturers (5Departmental Proffessors) and you are about tostart your Final year project defense, Your laptophas been connected to the Projectors and thenyou hit the power button on your Laptop to startthe defence proper. Immediately you put on theLaptop, the first thingthat comes up was the Blue Film you werewatching before you laptop powered off lastnight....What will you do and What are you gonna say....Lolzzzzzz


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-29 22:06:55

227 Views




The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.Related

I’ve always worked with big stars, but they know that I am only honest to the script. It is my Gita and I never changed it to please film stars or their egos. We spend months in writing a film, so I wouldn’t like it if someone asks me to change it. That’s why I like to finish a film as fast as possible once I start. But as far as performances are concerned, I give full liberty to the artistes. I have full faith in them.

~ Yash ChopraRelated

Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

One Saturday afternoon,Akpos was seating in his frontage wen he saw Angela,a beautiful girl who just parked in new to the street,so akpos on seeing her approached her n d following conversation took place:
Akpos: hy beautiful angel
Angela: hy (smiling)
Akpos: hw are u doing
Angela: am fyn n u (still smiling)
Akpos: am gud ( akpos thinking: dis one dis gal is smiling is lyk she lyks me) so do u live around
Angela: yes I live down d street (still smiling)
Akposk....u look beautiful
Angela: thank you ( still smiling)
Akpos: I wud lyk us to b friends hope u don't mind
Angelak no problem (still smiling)
Akpos wondering wat is making her to smile asked: can I hv ur digits maybe I can call u anytym
Angela: actually am in a hurry nw maybe wen next we meet (still smiling)
Akpos: ok beautiful....
as Angela left still smiling, akpos wondering wat is making her to laugh said "hmm, dis one dis gal is smiling wat is wrong let me check my self well o"......checking her armpit its okay den on bending down chei see tear tear shot....

The next tin dat came out from his mouth was "I don dieeeeee"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-10 21:45:57

923 Views




Girlfriend ne Boyfriend ke Shoulder Par Sar Rakh ke Puchha: Tum Mujhe Kab Tak Apne Shoulder Par Sar Rakhne Doge?Boyfriend: Jab Tak Teri Tangen Apne Shoulder Par Rakh Na loon!Related

Chess is the only game which reflects the true status of a husband…

The poor King can take only one step at a time;

While the mighty Queen can do whatever she likes!Related

Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

BLIND BY NATURE EPISODE 5 (STORY BY DINDY)
please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this story..............


[WRITER SPEAKS]=> The night passed away; like an old man at his last hours,likewise the rain,the weather was calm and peaceful,the sunlight touch his face so did the cool breeze that blew. Celestin woke up from his unconscious dream state,the floor which he laid on was wet,due to the heavy rain that entered into his house at night,he felt the breeze's movement very strongly on his body because there was no more covering against agents of nature. He couldn't figure out what was happening yet,he adjusted himself properly by separating his legs and lying down flat on the wet floor. He didn't still understand what was really going on because he found himself on the wet floor lying down in an unpleasant way. He tried to turn up right, but he was unable to do so because when he tried to turn, he felt a sharp painful pain,at the back of his head above his neck region.
Celestin:"ah!",he screamed due to the pain.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> he moved his right hand to reach the back of his head, with him still lying on the wet floor and his stomach facing the wet floor. He touched the back of his head above his neck region and felt something.
Celestin:"oh my God,what's this, that I am feeling?",he questioned himself as he moved his fingers around the area.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He removed his right hand from the back of his head,then he managed to turn with the support of his left hand, which he placed on the wet floor to lift himself gently. He sat right up properly,then he brought his right hand close to his mouth to taste it. His right hand met with his mouth in a slowcomotive way.
Celestin:"Jesus!",he shouted.
Celestin:"it is blood",he said as he dropped his right hand down slowly.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He was still confused on how he got such amount of blood at the back of his head above his neck region. He lain forward still feeling the strong pinch at the back of his head above the neck region, and then he started moving his hands around to touch the chair he sat on last time,as he moved his hands from left to right with his fingers dancing up and down;like a bunny. A nail pricked his left pinky finger as he moved it too quickly toward the side his head laid and pointed at night.
Celestin:"oh shit",he expressed his pain in words.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He quickly fixed his hand into his mouth to lick off the blood that came out from his left pinky finger. Then he slowly sat back on the wet floor with his finger still in his mouth.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He sat down on the wet floor,with wonders written all over his face,he was confused and not sure what happened to his house. Deep down inside him, he knew that things were not right and probably his house might have fallen down due to its weak structure. He removed his left pinky finger from his mouth and placed it on the wet floor. Then he began to have inner thoughts.
[CELESTIN THOUGHTS]=> What is really going on here,why are things so not in order,how come I feel the breeze so strongly,like there is no more blockage at this side,and how come there is a nail on the floor pointing straight; like it was held by a man in warfront. I hope the rain has not pulled down my house underneath my eyes,how come I never felt the pain at the back of my head until this morning,what is really going on, even the floor is wet. Hmmmm,I am sure that this rain most have come through the roof. I better stand up from here and check around to know what really happened.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He push his hands downwards on the wet floor,lifting his body upwards slowly. Now standing,he was not sure were to follow again because it was not very clear to him that some parts of his house must have fallen down,so he had to mind his steps and where he moves his hands, not to injure them;like he did to his pinky finger by mistake when he didn't understand what was really going on. He walked slowly, heading to the front side of his house, putting his hands in front not to get hit by an obstacle,he was walking without knowing what he was going to encounter,he raised both his left and right legs very high up and placing them softly on the floor to avoid hitting his legs on wood or for a nail to insert into his leg.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> his right leg stepped on the wood of the front side of the house which fell last night,then he relaxed a little before he gently moved his left leg upward and placed it on the wood,he walked straight;like a slow hungry zombie. He got to the edge of the front wooden structure,he didn't know that he has gotten to the edge of the wooden front. Suddenly as he lifted his left leg,the weight acting on the wood was too much for it to handle because it was weak. Immediately, the wood forced him to fall front, with his head leading downwards,his head bent so well that it was his back that landed on the sloppy ground,after his back landed on the sloppy ground, he rolled down; like a rolling stone,as he rolled downwards his hands were on free movement,going up and down and hitting both parts of nails and woods,his right leg which was already wounded at the beginning of his fall from the wooden structure brought out blood ,he couldn't figure out or really feel what was going on until he found himself inside the little gutter at the edge of the road.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He was inside the gutter with no one to help him,he was both in pain and was disorientated by what happened,he tried to get out of the gutter,but unknown to him,his entire body was full of bruises,he placed his hands on both sides of the gutter,then was about to pull himself upwards,but before he could pull himself upwards,he felt the pain of both the woods and little nails which were on his skin, the pain of it came;like a man after a woman, he sat back down in the gutter as he tried to remove them piece by piece from his skin,one went deep down inside his left hand,so he relax his mind a little,then pulled it out. It hurt him so much that tears came down his eyes,but he held it back like a man.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> After he removed the parts of both the nails and the woods from his body he gat up and used his remaining energy to pull himself out. He was out of gutter and now on the road,but was totally confused,he didn't know what to do or where to walk to,as he made a little more step further,his injured right leg which was now bleeding properly began to hurt him more than the one at the back of his head above his neck region, and the one on his hands. He removed the shirt he wore slowly because his hands still hurts, then bent down slowly to tie up the injury.
.................MEAN WHILE....................
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> A man and his daughter were arguing in a car, as he drivers' on high speed.
Julian:"dad I think I can do this dad",said Julian with a sad face.
Julian's dad:"Julian I said no you can't",he said trying to focus on the road more, and on Julian his daughter less.
Julian:"dad no!,I really wanna do this dad whether you support me or not!",she said shouting in anger.
Julian's dad:"don't you ever shout at me again Julian",he said facing her, lifting his focus off the road, and putting it on julian.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He turned back to focus on the road,then he saw a man in his thirties bending down,he tried to match the breaks but by mistake speed up.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> Before you can say Nnamdi ossy, Julian's dad hit Celestin on the head with his car,pushing his head and snapping his neck with a heavy force,Celestin fell and rolled on the road,after he rolled on the road for 6 times,he stopped,then blood came out his nose,mouth and ears as he laid on the road hopelessly. Julian's dad was in shock,all he could do was look.

Julian:"Jesus!",she shouted.
Julian:"dad what was that?",she asked breathing heavily.
Julian's dad:"I just knocked a man down",he said in stock.
Julian's dad:" And I think he is dead",he said in fear..............................................to be continue......story by dindy.........whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected] facebook namessy nnamdi



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos wife was arrested for shoplifting.
When she went before
the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She
replied: a can of
Beef. The judge asked her why she had stolen them and
she replied that she was
hungry. The judge then asked her how many beef were
in the can. She replied 6. The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail." Before the judge could actually pronounce the
punishment,Akpos her husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could
say something. He said," What is it? " Akpos said, "She also stole a carton of spaghetti"#hw many years do you think she will rot in jail?#No mind me self i saw an aboki eating spaghetti _since that mint,spag don dey hungry me ooo#Not my fault sha nah bcux dem no share ileya meat reach my side 4my aous yesterday#HungryNigga#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-25 07:53:40

754 Views



Joke by Dindy [Read it]


JOKE BY DINDY
Boy:please can I see your pix?
Girl:kk
.
.
Picture sent??
.
.
Picture received??
.
.
Boy:wow you look beautiful....you look so 24....how old are you?
Girl:I am 18
Boy:huh?.....i said your age not your junior sister's age.........lol
#DINDY WROTE THIS=> facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-30 21:20:43

415 Views




Tosin: today in school what went wrong?that you two have to leave early?
Desmond: we are really sorry,is just that i was hungry
Tunde: you where hungry or you have a girl to meet?
Desmond: what is wrong with your brain?
Tunde: nothing
Tosin: just forget about this boy
Tunde: they should forget about me
Tosin: yes because you are saying rubbish
Desmond: please;please;what is wrong with you all
Tunde: will you stop acting like you were concern?when i know you are happy that they are all attacking me because of you
Desmond: do you have problem with your head?
Tunde: you see what i am saying
Ayo: will you for once behavior mature
Tunde: i am behaving immature?is that what you are telling me?
Alfred: you are not the only one talking;so why will you just conclude that he is referring to you?
Tunde: i am not talking to you
Desmond: what is it with you?you are not the same brother i had;you insult people unnecessarily and you even have to abuse Stephie in public
Tunde: i see;you are getting hurt because of that low life prostitute
Desmond: will you keep quiet(he pushed Tunde)am sorry
Tunde: go ahead do it again,fight me because of a girl
Desmond: i said i am sorry,i didn't mean to
Tunde: don't you ever in your life talk to me again (exit)
Desmond: (he hit the wall)i hate myself
Alfred: is alright;is not your fault
Ayo: is not really your fault
Desmond: if it is not my fault then whose fault?
Ayo: just don't let that Tunde of a boy get the best of you
Desmond: i just can't hold on to it
Tosin: you have to be careful why dealing with him
Desmond: i have heard please excuse me (exit Desmond)
Tosin: this boy is going through a rough time
Alfred: yes and he need our help
Ayo: he really do

Desmond: (to himself)i don't really know was going on with me?i thought i could really forget about her but as time goes on,i end up wanting to defend her and in the process hurting my brother. i wish i could stat away from her. i know what to do;i will never talk to Tunde whenever he insult her;i will just assume its normal

Alfred: hey man;what are you thinking about
Desmond: nothing;what will i be thinking about?
Alfred: i don't know;unless you tell me
Desmond: naught you
Alfred: hey look,what is going on there?
Desmond: i don't know
Alfred: lets go and see
Stephanie: stop it,let me go
Tunde: why should i?
Stephanie: you are hurting me
Chioma: let her go. why are you dragging her hair?
Tunde: you stay out of this
Stephanie: stop it(she cry)let me go
Tunde: it was all your fault that my brother had to pushed me;so am doing all this to you to pay you back for what Desmond did to me(he hit her on the chest)
Stephanie: let me go,i hate you
Tunde: i know and i hate you two

Alfred: is it not Tubde and Stephanie voice that is that
Desmond: and so?i don't care
Alfred: come on;lets go closer (they draw closer and see Tunde beating up Stephanie)Tunde;what is wrong with you
Tunde: you stay out of this(he slapped her)
Stephanie: please let me go;am sorry if i offended you(crying)
Alfred' arent you going to say anything?(to Desmond)do you want him to kill her?no one seems to be separating him from her
Desmond: what do you want me to do?my hands are tied(he turn to leave)
Chioma: let her go
Alfred: Tunde;stop this madness(Stephanie try to stand up)
Tunde: what is wrong with you?(he pull her to the floor)useless girl
Stephanie: please stop this you are hurting me(he turn to them again)am begging you,please don't hurt me any more
Desmond: Tunde;please let her go
Tunde: do you want to fight for her?
Desmond: how can i fight you?are you not my brother?but let her go,so people won't call you bad
Tunde: i can't;she is a prostitute
Desmond: i know but let her go
Stephanie: Desmond;am a prostitute?is that how you see me?
Desmond: just keep quiet. Tunde; please let go of her
Tunde: i will never do that(he continue hitting her)
Alfred: if you keep telling him to let her go with mere words;he will never do that(Desmond)if you don't stop him,i might end up hurting Tunde
Desmond: what do you want me to do;fight him?
Alfred: you figure it out yourself(Tunde torn her dress and expose her body)
Onlookers: oh mine!look at her body so beautiful
Desmond: dammit!are you crazy?(he hit Tunde,they both fought and were separated)
Tunde: don't worry;you fought me because of a girl?you will hear for me very soon(exit)
Desmond: are you hurt?are you alright?(he gave her his hand)
Stephanie: am fine(she stand to leave)lets go
Chioma: alright;take my hand lets go. how are you going to walk till we get a cab?
Desmond: wait;i could ride you home with my car
Stephanie: don't bother;i can go home myself
Desmond: if you dont want me to take you home?at least have my shirt(he took off his shirt to give to her)
Onlookers: oh my God!what a fresh fine boy
Stephanie: you don't have to
Desmond: do you want to go about exposing your body in public for people to look at?
Stephanie: is not your business
Alfred: please take it;you can't walk home like that
Stephanie: i don't want to
Alfred: if you don't want his own,should i give you mine?
Stephanie: fine;you can give me yours
Chioma: Stephanie;don't you think you are giving him too much pain
Desmond: if you don't want.....(she cut him short)
Stephanie: let me have it(she wear it and left)
Alfred: thanks brother
Desmond: what are you thanking me for?
Alfred: for saying her life

Brown: why did you have a fight with your brother
Desmond: aunt;i never wanted to but he did push me to the extreme
Ayo: you fought him because of Stephanie
Tosin: just because of a girl that meant nothing to you
Desmond: no;i fought him because he treated her like a prostitute,like some low life girl
Tunde: what is she?if she is not prove it to us,is she a virgin
Alfred: what kind of stupid question is that?
Tunde: let him answer the question
Desmond: yes;she is a virgin
Tunde: how did you know that?
Desmond: you are crazy
Tunde: you are foolish because that girl is using you like a toy
Desmond: i don't care;is not your business and the next time you assault her like that;i wouldn't hold back my anger from you. i will forget the fact that we are brothers(exit)
Tunde: you are a fool

Alfred: you are the foolish one here
Tunde: i am not talking to you
Alfred: you are lucky that am not the one that beat you up;if it was me,i would had treat you worse than the way you treated that innocent girl
Tunde: go away;you will treat me worse. foolish people
Alfred: go on and look at your sorrow face in the mirror. worthless being


Stephanie: here is your shirt
Desmond: you don't have to return it
Stephanie: don't worry;i didn't rub my prostitution on it and if you don't want to share same smell with is alright cause i have washed it off
Desmond: that is not what i meant
Stephanie: you don't have to tell me anything,you are not my friend and i want to say thanks for yesterday
Desmond: am sorry for hurting you. i know you are mad at me but i don't care if you hit me or hate me
Stephanie: you don't care if i hit you or hate you?(she hit him so hard)
Desmond: is that how much you hate me
Stephanie: is nothing compare to the hatred i had for you. whenever i see you,i feel like killing you
Desmond: what did you just say
Stephanie: you heard me right(she turn to leave) lets i forget here is your shirt
Desmond: hold on;please don't walk out on me
Stephanie: fine;what did you want me to do for you
Desmond: please sit
Stephanie: why should i sit with you?
Desmond: is because you are my friend
Stephanie: i am not your friend. why will you call a prostitute your friend?have you forgotten that i am a prostitute
Desmond: you are not a prostitute
Stephanie: everyone know i am a prostitute even your mom know because it is only prostitute that their services are been paid for,right?
Desmond: but you offer me no services
Stephanie: i did
Desmond: but in a real sense you never did collected the money from me. so why do you keep saying you are a prostitute
Stephanie: the fact that i didn't collected any money doesn't make any differences
Desmond: it does;i was suppose to clarify that aspect but i was so carried away by my anger towards you,i wasn't really thinking straight. am sorry;i put you into this mess and i am the only one whom would had you also

Stephanie: lets me sincere with ourselves is it that you are mad at me because i said the truth that we never dated or because i said am in love with Tunde
Desmond: do you really want me to answer that?
Stephanie: sure
Desmond: i can't;lets just forget about it
Stephanie: fine;here is your shirt and may i go now
Desmond: don't worry;i will take you home
Stephanie: don't bother;we aren't really friends
Desmond: but i thought we are fine now?why are you acting cool towards me
Stephanie: friends never again
Desmond: but you said you will always fight for our friendship
Stephanie: i did said that and i am haven't forgotten about it
Desmond: if you haven't why are you turning your back on your words
Stephanie: i just want to fix my problem and my life
Desmond: does it mean friendship with me will make you not to fix your problem
Stephanie: making friend with you is automatically adding more problem to my problem
Desmond: Stephie;is that how you see me
Stephanie: i am sorry if i did hurt you with my words but the answer to that question i can't give you
Desmond: no problem;just go ahead and give me the answer
Stephanie: you really want to know
Desmond: of cause
Stephanie: is a yes from me
Desmond: meaning am your problem(she put her head down)go on stare at me in face
Stephanie: i said yes right?so excuse me
Desmond: you are excuse (exit Stephanie)
Alfred: was going on?i just saw Stephanie
Desmond: nothing;she just returned my shirt
Alfred: have you two make up
Desmond: no
Juliet: I see;so that girl is your girlfriend?no wonder you were explaining to her
Desmond: can you just for once keep quiet?you are annoying me
Juliet: you see how local you are?for all the girls in our class you couldn't pick anyone,you went for a low life
Alfred: what?will you keep quiet
Juliet: why are you telling me to keep quiet?is she not a low life?

Desmond: Juliet get out of my face. you are getting me piss up and i don't want to hurt you. just go away
Juliet: why should i?am not going to do that. anyway i want you to help me with my assignment
Desmond: tell her to leave my present before i do something bad to her
Alfred: why don't you leave him alone;he is not in a good mood?
Juliet: i don't care if he is in a good or bad mood. i just want him to help me fix this assignment;no more no less. is not like am begging him to date me
Desmond: are you crazy?
Juliet: i am not;if there is any crazy one it should be your stupid girlfriend that just left here
Alfred: just ignore her,let's go
Desmond: thank your star that i am not used to hitting women,i would had cut off your tongue
Juliet: whatever

Ayo: where have you two being?
Alfred: nowhere of important
Ayo: what is going on?
Desmond: nothing;am just tired
Tunde: rector said he want to see the both of us
Desmond: what for?
Tunde: i thought he is your uncle?why don't you tell me,what he want to discuss
Desmond: don't even try to arose my anger again. what is the matter with you?is he not also your uncle?
Tunde: have he ever treated me like one of his nephew
Desmond: i don't know;if you have a problem with him go sort it out (exit both)
Ayo: was going on this time



SEE MORE.....


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Sani was under pressure from the state government to
arrest the guy with the sniper but he didn’t even have
any clue as to where to find him. Just some few
minutes back, the governor called him and was
threatening to involve the nigerian army if NATU fails
to do their job. This is one of the most tasking mission NATU is
embarking on and the state government might decide
to scrap them if there were not efficient. All this and
many more problems on his neck made him to regret
why he left his Job in the sss just to become the director
of NATU. If things go wrong and they don’t find a way to change
the status quo of events, then they might as well start
learning trade because the government would not
hesitate to scrap them and they will become jobless just
like their colleagues in the other states.
He thought about the mouths he was supposed to feed, how on earth would he cater for his family when he
gets sack? Perhaps all this wouldn’t have happened if he
hadn’t listened to jimmy’s opinion.
But jimmy had been his trusted man in the corperation.
If there are any two people sani trusts in his
corperation then it has to be Jimmy and agent Musa. He quickly called Jimmy.
“Jimmy Nwachukwu” Jimmy replied as soon as he
picked the call. “are you guys making headways?” sani asked “I think you might want to see this” Jimmy replied. Sani dropped the phone and smiled. This is one of the
reasons he liked Jimmy, he is very efficient. A well dressed man on suit walked into the prison Yard.
He was looking corperate as if he was going for a
business meeting. He was holding a black leather. “Good afternoon officer” he greeted the warder on
duty. “Ehm.. Good afternoon, wetin i fit do for you? “Ehm.. Officer i want…” he was saying something when
his phone rang.
“Hello. he picked the call.
What!!! My daughter got an accident? I will be there
right away” he said and ended the call. “Ehm, officer no vex, them just call me say my daughter
get accident, i been wan see my friend but i no go fit
see am again, just help me give am this food, him
name na Olundare jacobs, na yesterday them transfer
am come here” he handed the officer the leather.
“Tell am say na Dr. Amos bring am” he said. “Oga, no be police station we they, na prison. We no
dey collect food here, we the feed them” The warder
informed him. “Ah officer, na my friend o, and na him call me say
make i bring food for am” The man said. “Oya taste the food” the warder commanded. “Oga na there small wahala dey. I get ulcer and pepper
dey that food. My doctor say make i no eat pepper” he
informed the warder and handed him some naira
notes.
“just use this one buy pure water” he said. The warder collected the money with smiles on his face.
“wetin be your friend name again?” he asked. “Na Olundare jacobs” the man replied, stood up and
left. When he got outside, he brought out his phone
and dialed a number.
“mission accomplished” he said and ended the call. The warder took the food to Jacobs. “Olundare Jacobs” he called out. Jacobs bolted up
immediately and went to the man.
“Dr. Amos say make i give you this food” he informed
him. Jacobs gracefully took the food and went to his corner
to sit. Attah was snoring as he was fast asleep. Jacobs
opened the food and saw the lap of an unlucky chicken
sitting comfortably on a fried rice which looked very
palatable. He swallowed saliva.
“This is going to be a wonderful meal” he thought. Dr. Amos almost spoilt his car horn as if that would
make the cars in front of him disappear. Sometimes he
wished he lived in a less busy town.
He was sweating profusely and he didn’t even care, all
he cared about was to prepare the antidote for his
patient. He had spent close to thirty minutes in the hold up and he hasn’t even moved his car. An idea popped to
his head. He picked up his phone and called his
mechanic. In 20minutes time the mechanic was there.
He handed over the key to his car to the mechanic and
quickly crossed to the other lane where the hold up
wasn’t as much as the one he parked his car. His plan was to follow one of his shortcut and when he gets to a
clear road, he would stop a public transport vehicle. He
looked at his Benzodiazepine which he rapped in a
black leather and smiled.
He was about going when a bike came from behind and
snatched the leather from his hand +++++++++
Hunger sometimes make us not to think properly.
Jacobs was starving and here he was, face to face with a
sumptious meal. He couldn’t wait till Attah wakes up
because he didn’t trust the other inmates they could
decide to collect the food from his hand. He brought out the spoon and quickly scooped the rice.
He was about taking it inside his mouth but his
concious kept on disturbing him.
“Why would he be eating while his friend who had been
helping him is sleeping in hunger?”
He decided to wake Attah. He slapped attah but the guy didn’t respond.
He slapped him again but the guy rather switched
position and continued his sweet sleep.
“Maybe God wants me to eat this one alone” Jacobs
thought. He concentrated on his rice and wanted to start eating
when Attah opened his eyes slowly.
“Who gave you this food” Attah asked and immediately
stood up. “You are awake, i was trying to wake you but you didn’t
wake” Jacobs replied. “Thats not the question i asked, who gave you this
food?” “My friend Dr. Amos” Jacobs replied. “Isn’t Amos supposed to be preparing the antidote? Did
you see him?” It was only then that Jacobs started seeing sense in
what Attah was saying. He felt silly for even thinking
about eating the food.
“Come, una see food the do guy shey? oya bring am”
one of the inmates ordered and collected the rice. He
took the rice to his corner and started eating it despite pleas from Jacobs and Attah.
He ate like a mad man. Who would blame him? Its been
long since he ate That kind of food.
He got tired of the rice and he grabbed the chicken.
After devouring it he pushed the plate aside and gave a
loud belch. “Life is good” he confessed. Jacobs and Attah were watching in utter
dissapointment, they just missed their meal all because
of fear that the food was poisoned. There were still
looking when something strange happened.
The guy who just finished eating the rice grabbed his
neck as if trying to stop something from going down his throat. He fell to the ground and started shaking like
a cursed chicken, a foamy substance was oozing from
his mouth. All the Inmates stood there watching in awe.
He kept gasping for breathe, jerking while placing his
hand on his chest. Suddenly, life was drained out of
him. He gave up and la!d lifeless on the ground. “Warder come o, person don die” someone shouted.
The prison warders all ran towards them but they didn’t
enter the prison.
“Oya make una leave that place, we go call doctor” one
of the men replied them and wanted to go when he
remembered something. “Mr. Jacobs, your lawyer wan see you” Jacobs stood up and was led to another room where
barrister clement was waiting for him. His left hand
hung on a bandage which was placed across his neck.
“Clement, how are you doing?” Jacobs asked. “Am okay, how are you faring in prison?” clement
asked. “Its been tough but i’m managing. So what brought
you here?” “Jacobs i dont know how to say this without sounding
like a bad friend” clement started. “What is it?” Jacobs asked. “I’m withdrawing from the case” +++++++ Amos was thinking about how his friend would feel
when he discovers that he failed in the little assignment
given to him. He thought about the effect his failure
would have on grace. He couldn’t go back back to David
because he wasn’t sure if David would have an extra
reserve moreso, he wasn’t sure if David would give him one of his most precious chemicals, how he gave him
about an hour ago was still a suprise to him. All these,
Amos was thinking in a split-second. He used all his
thoughts as a motivation to run after the bikeman.
He ran so fast like a gala seller chasing after a driver
who refused to pay him. “Thief!! thief!! He shouted while running after the bike.
The bikeman looked back to see the guy chasing him
but before he could concentrate on riding his bike, a
driver ran into him.
He fell down and the Benzodiazepine fell from his hand.
He quickly got up and ran for his life. Nobody wants to be lynched by an angry mob. Dr. Amos quickly ran and picked up the Benzodiazepine,
he ignored the staring eyes and continued his journey. By the time he got to his office, he had only 2hours left.
He went straight to the lab and started the preparation
of the antidote. Now that was the tricky part. The
antidote was supposed to be greenish in colour but all
the test were giving him blue. He looked at his wrist
watch and he was left with 30minutes. He looked at the Benzodiazepine, it was getting empty. He read the text
message Again and he saw what he got wrong. The
Benzodiazepine was supposed to be added in only two
drops but he was busy pouring it.
He followed the instruction and got a ‘bluish-green’
colour. ” “This should be it” he said and ran back to grace. He
injected her the antidote and nothing happened.
“I guess i just have to wait” he said.
++++++ “Jimmy what have you got?” sani asked. “Remember that cyberware we launched? That is
supposed to detect emails with terrorist content?”
Jimmy asked and sani nodded. “well it just intercepted a mail from a well known
terrorist. A truck loaded with snipers is arriving nigeria
via the chad-maiduguri boarder” “Any information on the transporter?” sani asked. “mahamat hassane, a graduate of molecular physics
from oxford university, went back to his country in
2012 to start up a farm” “a graduate of molecular physics from one of the best
universities went back to his country to start a farm? I
think we gat our man” sani responded.
“prepare the chopper and send a tactical team, i want
agent musa to lead the team” i ll post remaining later on, just drop your comments
okay.

>>

Santa: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind?

Wife: That you are a homosexual.Related

Good Evening Everyone, how did your day go? Oya let everybody sit down, no more school talk, let us laugh and enjoy the night. Akpos has come again, he is still very dumb, only God knows why. This is what happened when he went to Alaba international market to buy something, sit down, relax and enjoy. Akpos entered an electronic store, he asked the storekeeper “what is the price of this TV?” The storekeeper answered “we don’t sell our products to Akpos.” Akpos again came next day by cutting his beard and asked “what is the price of this TV?” The storekeeper replied “we don’t sell our products to Akpos”. The next day Akpos came with a different face and asked “what is the price of this TV?” The shopkeeper replied “we don’t sell our products to Akpos.” Finally Akpos got irritated and asked the shopkeeper “how do you recognize me every time?” The storekeeper replied “because this is not a TV it is Microwave Oven! Odeh!!!”
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


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2016-02-15 13:49:34

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Desmond: naught boy;Tunde don't worry i know she has already been invited
Alfred: by who?
Desmond: have you forgotten that we are both in same contest
Tosin: that is true.
Desmond: dull head
Tosin: and who are you calling that
Desmond: all of you
Tunde: including you
Desmond: shut your mouth there
Ayo: time is fast spend
Tosin: foolish boy;so you just realise that
Ayo: yes oh
Desmond: but to be sincere time is really running fast
Alfred: is already past seven
Tunde: am really hungry
Desmond: i said it that the only thing in your head is food(all laughed)
Tunde: don't you like food
Desmond: i do but not like the way you do before now it was Alfred
Tunde: yes;everyone like food,that was while man decided to create fire in other for food to be provided in cooked formed instead of just raw food
Alfred: you right because without food man can never survive
Desmond: am tired;i want to get some rest(the next morning at Tosan's apartment)(bell ringing)
Ann: who is there
Desmond: is Desmond(she open the door)
Ann: good morning;how are you doing
Desmond: morning;i am fine and you?
Ann: am fine;so what brought you to our house
Desmond: where are the others?
Ann: they are in the room
Desmond: can you call them for me
Ann: no problem(she left and returned with them except Stephanie)
Tosan: here we are
Anita: good morning
Desmond: good morning
Tina: now that you came visiting this morning;are we save or did Stephanie stole something from you
Anita: Tina;are you crazy?sine,i know Stephanie,she have never taken anything from me or anyone
Tina: i did not say she stole anything,i was just asking
Ann: why would you asked that stupid question?
Anita: will you shut up;so that we hear what he have to say(to Desmond)please ignore her
Desmond: that reminds me where is Stephanie
Tina: oh!i said it
Desmond: excuse me;young lady;she doesn't live in my house so how can she steal from me?but that is by the way;am here to invite you all for a party that will be hold by the school at the back of campus two;rector is organising a small party for my success and for others student to see the important of working hard in their academic life. so you all are invited. if Stephie comes,tell her my message
Anita: thank for the invitation;Stephanie has already be invited by the Rector but he did not tell her to come with her friends,anyway i will still tell her. goodbye then
Desmond: bye;i will just go ahead(exit Desmond and Stephanie walk in)
Anita: madam you just missed Desmond
Stephanie: did he tell you that he was looking for me
Tina: why would he be looking for you?he came here to invite us for the party
Stephanie: what party?
Tina: same one you were invited;i thought you said rector didn't ask you to come with anyone
Stephanie: yes and did he say anything contradicting what i said?
Ann: no;he didn't
Tina: yes;he did
Anita: when was that?
Tina: didn't he said that rector asked him to invite few of his friends
Ann: yes because he is the host of the party
Tina: oh pardon my manners less i forget,he is the winner and it is only winner that are celebrated not losers. sorry take heart(exit Tina)
Anita: you don't have to take her word to heart
Stephanie: is okay;is not her fault(curtain)(the next day morning;she had an early morning tutorial)
Ann: good morning Tosan
Tosan: good morning;how are you?

Ann: am fine;where is Stephanie?
Tosan: i don't know(enter Tina)girlfriend,where is Stephanie?
Tina: am not her keeper;i don't know where she is
Ann: but both of you share same room
Tina: and so?does that make me her keeper
Tosan: Tina;will you slow down
Tina: what for?
Tosan: did you know sometimes;i just can't believe you
Ann: i don't expect you to believe me
Ann: will you shut up
Tina: and you stop telling me to shut up;you are just a few months older than me
Ann: i don't care even if it just a day;i don't care;all i want from you is to keep your mouth shout(enter Anita)
Anita: what is going on?must you girls shout on top your voice at any given time?
Tina: asked your madams
Ann: did you know what Tina;you are so unbelievable?
Tina: like i care how you feel towards
Anita: i just asked what is going on?if you don't want to answer me;then suit yourself
Tosan: is a non issue before Tina is making and issues out of.....
Tina: so i am the one making an issue out of nothing
Anita: will you just keep your mouth shut for once
Tina: okay oh!
Anita: continue Tosan
Tosan: fine;i and Ann wake up and we notice the entire house was quiet;i notice that Stephanie is not around;so i asked were is Stephanie;fortunately for us or should i say unfortunately for us;we saw Tina;come out,so we asked her were is Stephanie and she just blow up
Anita: is that all
Ann: yes;that is all
Anita: i have told you Tina;that life is not all about who has the most sharpen tongue but the well manner one
Tina: so you are taking her side?no problem
Anita: anyway is okay and has for Stephanie;she said she had early morning lecture. am hungry is there food
Tina: why would there be food when your house girl decided to attend an early morning lectures;you see.....
Ann: are you okay?upstair
Tina: am alright;nothing is wrong with my head
Tosan: she shouldn't go to lecture because you are paying her for cooking and cleaning the house
Tina: what else can she be use for
Anita: if she leave all this things undone would you do them
Tina: why should i?
Anita: its fine by me but keep your sharp tongue to yourself (at Desmond's apartment)
Tunde: today is a good day;all boys are working not minding the fact that they have a party to attend
Ayo: sometimes it is good to do house chaos even though we always say that women are responsible for such things and i can't just stop thinking what if we get married;how will we be able to help our wives?

Tunde: you are crazy;helping wife is out of the question because we will have maid for them
Ayo: life is not that easy to get through
Tunde: my parent may not be rich but then i really want to be successful
Ayo: you right;one have to fight to survive
Alfred: where is aunt?
Tunde: she has gone to the market
Tosin: you are always asking about aunt
Alfred: should i asked after you?do you have anything to give me?no
Desmond: is already past 12noon,you guys should start preparing because i don't want to be late(back to the house of Stephanie)
Ann: how do i look?
Anita: you also look good
Tosan: Stephanie;is not yet back
Ann: then try her phone
Anita: don't bothered her phone is not going through
Tina: that means she doesn't want to be reach?
Anita: please don't start (enter Stephanie)you take longer then your usual time
Stephanie: is it not MR Emeka;he doesn't want to end the lecture. am so tired;i really need a cool bath and some sleep
Anita: sleep
Stephanie: yes;sleep is it a crime to sleep
Ann: no but can't you see we are all dress up
Stephanie: why are you all dress up?
Tosan: i have you forgotten today is the party of celebrating the success of the competition
Stephanie: oh my God!it just skip my memory
Tina: now that you they told you;are you going or not?if you are not just say so(in her mind)please don't go
Stephanie: i don't think i can make it
Tina: which means you are not going
Anita: are you the one speaking for her?
Tina: no,she said it with her own mouth
Ann: Tina;you have started
Stephanie: is alright;i said i am not going
Tina: now;you heard it from the horse's mouth
Ann: shall we
Stephanie: take care
Anita: and you do take care of yourself
Stephanie: bye
ALL: bye(at the party;all invited guest was there)
Lecturer 1: we are glad to welcome everyone here and to give respect to those whom are due to. in our midst we have the rector who is the head of this great university although he is not here in person but he has send his representative that mean we have to give him the respect due his sender (hand of applaud and he gave the Mic to him)
Rector's Representative: i just wanted to say thank you;to all of you for honouring this invitation even though is for a short notice. anyway i apologies on behalf of the rector for his absent;he would have come but he is very much busy;he is really sorry for the disappointment. as you know our school as sit for many competition;we have come best if not for all of them but for most of them but we never deem it fit to celebrate the success;we decided to celebrate thus year,in order for others to also improve in their academic;so that someone else will be able to take over from our representative at the competition should in case they passed out or should we stop them from passing out?no;that shouldn't be the case,that means all of us should struggle hard and even do better than them. two student represented our school,one came first and the other second. i would like the one who came first to tell us how we can do very well in academic life? i encourage you all to fellow his foot step. thank you



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Organization



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Funny kids [Read it]


LOL







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-13 16:41:12

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Your outer beauty will capture the eyes, your inner beauty will capture the heart.

~ Steven AitchisonRelated
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