Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Wife caught Husband sleeping with his girlfriend. Furious and angry she aimed pistol at her husband.


Huband: Before you do anything silly let me explain. I read Mahatma Gandhi’s autobiography last night My Experiments with Truth. He used to sleep with young women to check his will power and control over carnal desires. I was just doing same.


Wife: What was the result?


Husband: I realised that I’m not a Mahatma!Related

Happiness gives temporary satisfaction;

But satisfaction gives permanent happiness.

Have a very happy week!Related

Continue part*****

If I say she is beautiful then that is am understatement she was a goddess,she had a sexy curve body figure,average in high even with her heel you can till tell she wasn't tall,light in complexion,her office wear makes her more beautiful she was what you call a model,she smile at me showing her white perfect set of teeth, I smiled back,"Good morning sir"said spoke out,wow what an Anglican voice,I replied her greeting then offend her a sir which she did then,she explain the reason why she came I listen silently nodding my head in every words she say,she kept on talking that it came to a point I lost concentration, my mind was no longer with her I was busying thinking of how it could feel but make her my wife but all of a sudden I started to think other wish,like seriously am I a fool she is a bank Representative I have had rumors on how bank send their female worker to male client just to get you to sign to their bank something the girls have to sleep with the men just to get them to sign,well I am not most me I am me.
She finished her speech,I looked at her she was silent just smiling,(why don't you try that on her,so to see if the rumors are ture) that was my mind speaking well I decided to give it a try
"What will I get in return if I agree "I said looking straight into her eye,(o my I didn't bother to ask if she was married well there was no ring on her finger) she tryed explaining my benefit but that's not what I was to hear,"you till don't get me do you"I asked, "no sir I don't get you"she replied with confusion on her face,I wanted to stop but something in me just don't want to,I got up from my sit then walk to where she is sitted,I sat on the table close to her,I asked her the same question but she since not to get,I didn't know what came to me but I touch her on her lap every girl will understand that language but and no girl can resist that but I got the shock of my life.
"Jesus" yes she actually slap me,she quickly got up took her bag and her documents and before I could say jack she was out of my office I couldn't just believed what just happened I can't remember when last I was slapped, I wanted to stop her but I just couldn't fine the words to say anything, I really wanted to stop her to apology but she was gone.
I fleet bad after that day that I regretted my action what was I thinking, I just pray and hope she forgives me and I also pray she comes back.days passed and just like they say God answers all pray,I came across her again,it was a Saturday I went out to get some thing from the super market I was watching very well or should I say she was watching well we booth on each other,I could see the hate in her eyes from the way she looked at me and then the hissed followed she was about to leave when I stopped her "what do you want"she said with an harsh tone "please I know you are angry with me but just give me just one minute to explain to you" I tried talking in a polite way. "Oh really so you can tell me what"
"So I can tell you am sorry,I know what I did was wrong please, I really need to talk to you" .
She kept quite for sometime before accepting to have a chat with me,we both went to a nearby restaurant, I explained everything to her and told her why I did what I did she seems to be a reasonable type she told me that she already knew that,that's what you all always think of them ,I apology once more and she accepted,"please call me uyi" "am miracle but my friends call me Mimi"she said smiling.
That was how I and Mimi became friens and not just friends but closed friends, we began to do a lot of things together, I sometimes take her shopping, to fast food and different exciting places,I later found out she was also a native of Benin.and she is single my joy knew no bonce that was when my feelings for her increased,I think of her every moment but I just couldn't tell her of my feelings,well you would blame me I have nevered really have a girlfriend not to say a serious relationship all I did back then when I was till in benin was hit and run but after the case of lmada I dare not look all any girl sex was deleted from my mind,even all through my university days till now I don't know if the words sex exist well that because I have no affection for the opposite sex but Mimi changed everything, and I was determine to make her my wife because I know she got everything I need in a woman but first thing first I have to know if she feels the same way.
I made up my mind to ask her out not as my girl but as my wife,I brought the best ring I could find,I need to make this a memorable day,I took her out for dinner at usually but the only different is that am proposal to her today.I pray I get what I want.

Next episode



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Chief Minister Ne Ek Din Pareshani Ki Halat Mein Apne Secretary Se Puchha.



Chief Minister: “Yaar Jab Se CM Bana Hoon, Meri Maa Ko Hichkiya Bahut Aati Hain”



Secretary: “Ji Sir, State Mein Bijli Jaate Hi Log Aap Ki Maa Ko Hi Yaad Karte Hain“ ????Related

The verb “cleave” is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separateRelated

Mary Mary [Read it]


A pastor was just preaching in a church n u know when ever they are to close down they will contribut some money for the church as they keep on preaching n contributing the money they will close their eyes at a point in time they all finish a the pastor said everybody should close his or her eyes so that Jesus would decend down n pick the money.......on the process one pastor open his eyes and said Mary Mary can i borow 10 cedi ............


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-22 11:20:41

619 Views




The air conditioner was on, yet perspiration formed on his face and arms. Jeremy shifted uncomfortably on the dining chair he rested on. He dressed casually, a denim jean and a t-shirt. He covered his legs with Converse sneakers.

He laid his two hands on the table as he waited for the arrival of Purity. He had promised Aaron Theodore that he’ll handle Purity. Before that, he had to know if she was aware of the divorce he was going to file for, a year after the marriage. It was not going to be an easy conversation. He silently prayed for things to go well.

As his eyes continued to rove around the restaurant, it fell on a lady’s leg. Her feet were decorated with heeled sandals, from her hips down, a blue denim jean, her body, a black lose top. Her smile was sexy. She sent it to him and gracefully walked over to the table. She sat down.

Jeremy didn’t smile back, neither did her look happy to see her. He examined her. By the time she was relaxed, he shot her a-no-apology-look. She immediately understood.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting. I had things to do at home.” She was in a very good mood. Didn’t want a fight. “How are you?” She grinned.

Jeremy’s heartbeat increased. He couldn’t respond. The attractive young woman that sat in front of him made him lose his sanity. She was so so stunning. She was driving him crazy. At that moment, he wanted her all to himself. He actually forgot the reason why he had wanted to talk to her. He returned her smile in an amusing way.

“Jeremy are you okay?” Purity couldn’t understand why he was so quiet, acting strange and smiling like he was crazy.

What the hell is wrong? Why am I acting so stupid? I have always been composed when I’m with a lady, why is this different? I am fidgeting, so unusual. He used a hand to wipe his forehead. “I-I am okay.”

Purity looked at him thoroughly. She wasn’t convinced. “Are you sure?”

He nodded.

“If you say so.”

Now, Jeremy, do it. Ask her about the divorce. “Do-?”

“You want to order something?” a young, beautiful blonde girl cut in.

Jeremy and Purity exchanged glances.

“You want to order?” they asked in unison.

They smiled at that.

“Just a bottle of champagne would do.”

The waitress left them.

“Papa said you wanted to speak to me. About what?”

“So many things.” He was beginning to get himself back.

“Really?” She crossed her legs. “Well, lets begin.”

Jeremy had seen that she was happy. One could tell easily. For once, she didn’t decline or abuse him, she was just okay and delighted. Why did she feel that way? He wanted to know. He’d never forgive himself if he made her sad tonight. What if she knew nothing? He had to let that pass.

“Why are you so happy?”

So, he finally noticed. She giggled. “I don’t know, I’m just happy.”

“Hmm.”

The waitress returned with a bottle of champagne and two glasses on a tray. She dropped them and left.

“The name for the new company JP, its cool. Do you like it.” she asked shyly.

Jeremy opened the bottle and filled their glasses. “Look at me. My eyes.” he emphasized the last phrase.

Purity did so. She locked her eyes to his. After several minutes which seemed like forever, she looked away. Her hands were unsteady.

“I did not ask you to look away.” Jeremy was unimpressed.

“I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

“Don’t you go on business dates?”

“I do. Its totally different from this.”

He emptied his glass in one gulp. “Why don’t you go out? Do you have any friends?”

“I am very happy on my own. I have no friends. Just you.”

“Are you scared of women too?”

She sipped her wine. “I am not. I keep them at a distance.”

“Why did you choose this kind of life?”

She smiled. “Reasons best known to me. Aren’t you happy I’m here?”

I’d get to know them soon. He smiled back. “Sure, I am.”

“Tell me about you.” she requested.

“There’s nothing much to say.” He wiped his mouth using a servet.

“I doubt it. Come on. Who’s being shy now?”

Jeremy laughed heartily. “What exactly?”

“Um,” She glanced at the ceiling of the restaurant and then at Jeremy. “Your previous relationships, if you want me to know.” She wasn’t sure if she had done the right thing. She was really curious about the woman he had dated. She might want to be like them so he’ll like her.

He grinned and cleared this throat. “It began like this. . . . .”
The stars filled the night sky. The moon was full. The lights produced by the electric bulbs of the restaurant and street lights gave beauty to the surrounding. It was a very unusual night. People flooded the street as well as the restaurant. Was as if there was a national festival, but nothing like it.

Jeremy took Purity by the hand as he pushed through the crowd. Finally, they made it. They got to Purity’s car, she unlocked it and slid into the driver’s seat. Tho door was still open and Jeremy held it.

“Are you not going home.”

“Nope. Still got some unfinished business to do.”

“And you’re not going to tell me about it?”

He shook his head. “Till I’m done.”

“Its alright. Thanks for tonight. It was- was…”

“Special?” he found the right word for her.

She nodded. “Yeah. Special.”

“I really want to drive you home.”

“I do understand. Good night.”

“Be careful. Drive safely.”

“I’m not a baby. I know what to do.”

He shut the door and watched her drive off. “You will soon be my baby.”
He put his hands in his pocket and walked to his car. He got in and drove off.
*
*
*
“Who’s out there?” Purity questioned the security guard as she slid out of her wheels. She noticed him checking the gate, as if seeing someone.

“I’m not sure. I think there is.” The guard replied still peeping through the gate.

She walked up to him. Has some one followed me home? She thought to herself.
“Open the gate.” She instructed.

The guard complied.
As he pushed the gates open, he and Purity caught sight of a man, few meters away from the gate.

Purity was stunned. A man outside her father’s building this late? It couldn’t be Jeremy. He had followed her or was just looking for someone? Perhaps, he was lost, got the wrong house number. He might also be a criminal, a murderer, an armed robber, name it. Her heart began pounding fiercely against her chest. Her lips quivered, she was frightened. She quickly glanced at the guard, he stood still, probably waiting for more orders from her. She wasn’t alone and wasn’t going to show her inner fears in the presence of her security. She braced herself, pulled her cell phone from her purse and shuffled to meet this unknown man. She didn’t go close to him. She stood at a considerable distance. “Who are you?” She asked, trying to sound courageous.

The unknown man made to leave.

“Stop right there!” She ordered, “If you move, I’ll call 911.” she began punching the figures on her cell, her eyes still fixed on him.

The security guard, moved towards her to support her. “She’s not alone, two against one.”

The unknown guy swiftly turned to face them.

She could see his face. Those brown eyes. Why did they look so familiar?

His lips moved.
“There’s no need to call the cops. I’m actually searching for someone.”

The voice- it sounded strangely familiar. She’d definitely heard it before, but where? Who was he? She had to find out.
“May I know who you’re searching for? I could be of help.” She requested.

He grinned.

That was also familiar.

“Don’t know her real name. But have you heard of anyone called Melisa or who once called her self that?”

Her lips quivered. She sputtered. “M-Melisa?” She tried to laugh it off. “I don’t think there’s anyone by that name. I don’t know of any.” She denied. “Do you, Peter?”

The guard shook his head.

“I better be on my way.” he turned to leave.

“Wait.” She stopped him. “Why are you searching for this ‘Melisa’?”

He faced her again and smirked. “Reasons best known to me. Why are you curious about that?”

“Um… I…,” She was short of words at that instant. Carefully, she searched for the right words. “I might come across her someday, will want to help you find out. Of course, if its not for something evil.”

A smile played on his lips. “Thanks for that. Whenever you come across her, let her know it was Ernest,” he really stressed his name, “She’ll know instantly.”

Purity wasn’t comfortable being with this man- Ernest. She nodded and turned to leave with Peter.

He stopped her. “What’s yours?”

“I don’t give my name to strangers.” she replied without looking back. She resumed her walk with Peter into the compound. As they got into it, Peter closed and locked the gates while she marched into the house. She fidgeted while doing so.


>>

Na only for Nigeria you go see fish inside"MEATPIE" Na only for Nigeria we dey count money after we withdraw am from ATM because we no even trust ATM machines. Na only for Nigeria PHCN dey say:- Win a brand new GENERATOR if you pay your light bill. Na only for Naija people dey horn for traffic light make e quick change from Red to Green. Na only for Nigeria Pharmacy dey sell Coke, Recharge Card, Chin chin, Puff puff and beer. Wetin you no see for Naija, you no fit see am anywhere in d world... Trust me. Na only 4 naija you go find a graduate of Mechanical Engineering dey do him NYSC 4 Police station. na only 4 naija you go see one person dey use Bold5, X3, Ipad2 and Nokia N8 all at once while his mother dey sale akara and bread for jungle Na only 4 naija you go see a graduate of law dey work as generator repairer. Na 4 only Naija, you go see madman dey control traffic, people wey their head correct dey obey... Na 4 only Naija, wey you go see the president senior the country herself. Na 4 only Naija, you go see native doctor dey use laptop conected with mtn moderm. Maybe they ar nw consulting the spirits online Na only for naija u go swee a man selling a book from street to street dat says HOW TO MAKE MONEY WITHOUT STRESS. I wonder why him no read d book. I hail una nigerians


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-28 15:48:04

455 Views




Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg?

O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.Related

Something interesting happened on my way
to Oshodi this morning. At the park, this
rough mean-looking conductor, also known
as “agbero” in Yoruba was screaming for
passengers, his vernacular oscillating between Yoruba and pidgin English.
“Oshodi! Oshodi!” He shouted angrily as I
along with some other passengers scuttled
for seats. There was this beautiful young lady
who couldn’t throw caution and decorum to
the wind but waited patiently until the bus was almost filled. Then she pleaded to sit by
the agbero until somebody came down then
she would pay for a proper seat.
The agbero didn’t even look at her pretty
face, he hissed and shouted to the driver to
move that why didn’t she rush when others were rushing. The girl started pleading in
Yoruba and clean ‘oyinbo’ english; “please,
ejó, help me out sir, I know you are a good
man, never mind all this shout you have been
shouting (people burst into laughter). Let me
sit by your side please”. Finally with much squeezing of face the
agbero relented and she sat beside him. It
was a tight squeeze but she didn’t complain
but rather started praising the agbero. He in
turn started teasing her, speaking (and
sometimes spitting by mistake) into her face but the girl never looked away, she never let
the smile leave her face. He asked her where
she worked and she replied that she was a
student in the University of Lagos (UNILAG)
studying accounting. He teased her in Yoruba
about her boyfriend and car (maybe asking why her boyfriend didn’t drop her at her
destination…she laughed it off and continued
to gist with the guy in Yoruba.
When she reached her junction the agbero
alighted the bus for her to come down. She
did and paid her transport fare, then the agbero told her to give him a peck on the
cheek for being so ‘gentlemanly’.
At this point
some of us became indignant, haba! He had
been teasing her since, he should let her go.
Another argument almost ensued between the agbero and the passengers although it
was not as if the agbero was really serious,
he told her to go.
Then it happened! She jumped forward and
gave him a peck on the cheek! We all
shouted, the agbero was quiet out of surprise. She then waved bye and ran down
to her street.
The driver and other people started to hail
the agbero, see hailing! The guy was just
forming boss, saying he knew he was
irresistible etc and others were yabbing (taunting) him, some were yabbing the girl
and we moved on and suddenly the bus was
quiet, show over. Then the agbero put his
head down and became uncharacteristically
quiet.
The driver soon asked the guy why he wasn’t calling out bus-stop abi the girl don do am
jazz (cast a spell on him). The agbero said
something in Yoruba I didn’t get and then his
voice became emotional and believe it or not
HE STARTED CRYING. Others were now
consoling him in Yoruba. When I asked what the problem was, the lady beside me
explained that the agbero said he just
realized he would never be able to get a girl
like that in his life because he’s an
uneducated bus conductor and she was
going to be a graduate. He was weeping because he knew no girl of
her class might ever do to him what that girl
just did, to touch a dirty person like himself;
that the girl is nice and well brought-up and
if he had money he would have chased after
her. So the passengers were consoling him in
Yoruba that he would go higher in life and be
able to marry a girl like that. He should not cry
because it was not the end of the road for
him.
That really touched me. For a moment in that agbero’s life, his facade
of a street thug fell away and he was a
vulnerable emotional aspiring young man,
just like everyone else.
You have nothing to lose by being nice to
people, so why hoard it?
#BeInspired


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A pretty and sexy lady goes to pastor Akpos and tell him
“Pastor! I have cross 40 years and yet am still single. I have met 10 guys but at the time for married they will…… ”
She starts crying.
“My daughter stop crying, I think you have a spiritual husband” says pastor Akpos.
“Yes I have noticed that and that’s why am here for you to help me.”
Akpos got attracted by her sexy body and wants to take advantage of her.
Akpos gazed at her romantically and say
“You see, your spiritual husband kept some repellants in your privates. So I need to go in there, destroy it and then anoint the place. ”
"But thats against the will of God" says the lady.
Akpos got angry and say "Are you here to teach me bible or for deliverance?"
"pardon me sir"
"Don`t you know that some demons require extra ordinary method before you can get rid of them." explained the fake pastor.
The frustrated lady accepted.
After few minutes of love making he then said to her “You are now free and soonest you will get married”.
The lady thanked him and say “I hope any man that makes love to me from today will no longer die”
Akpos fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 19:20:24

70755 Views




RAPE LAST EPISODE 15 (STORY BY DINDY)

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.

After that day, my life was never the same because her own situation was worst than mine, but she was better than me in the act of speaking out, which made me promise myself to tell my mum everything that happened to me and blessing.
A week passed after my visit to Juliet's house and the promise I made to myself, Juliet was no more longer coming online because she went back to school and the school she goes to don't allow phones.
I wake up one morning and started thinking of how to tell my mum everything.
I was like "I will say it like this__'Mum, remember that time when I was at home with step dad, well mum he he__' ooo I can't say it that way, it won't be okay".
I tried so many ways but I couldn't select the right way to tell her, I managed to put myself together, then said to myself as I walked to my mum's room __"I can do this, all I have to do is just to tell her everything that happened, it's not so hard".
I walked with all boldness, but as I got to the front of my mum's room, I stopped and I said to myself __"Esther are you mad? mum will kill you if she hears it, remember the time you fainted in school and she was said 'why didn't you hold yourself'".
--Let me tell you guys the story of how my mum said those words to me. There was a time, I and my friends were playing in school, suddenly I fainted, so my teacher called my mum. When she came to see me; shouted at me, she said "why didn't you hold yourself instead of fainting and disgracing yourself"__ I felt so hurt that day--.
After that thoughts came to my head, I turned back immediately and moved.
"I can't do this, I totally can't do this", I said those words walking away from my mum's room, going back to my room to cry.
In the evening I was calm and cool, so I made up my mind to try again to tell my mum, I decided to write a letter. As I wrote the letter, I got more and more afraid that she might shout at me, i later decided to change my letter writing into text message.
My new plan was to send what happened to me to my mum's phone as an sms, so that before she gets back home, all her anger will be gone, but I later thought of it then said to myself__"what if it multiplies her anger? no way I won't send it".
I remembered juliet and how she told her parents about what happened to her, even if they didn't believe her. I made up my mind again and i managed to send her the sms.
30mins later my mum came back, I was siting in the parlour when she arrived.
When she opened the door, I saw her face filled with anger; as if she was going to kill someone, I started shaking like someone which had been electrocuted, but I wasn't sure what made her so angry.
I was about to greet her, when she said__"Where is blessing?".
Inside me, I said__"Chai!, she knows, I am dead ooo".
I told her that blessing was sleeping, she went straight to my room and I was totally afraid. When she out of my room, I was expecting her to shout at me, but she only just said__"Why did you not buy the clothes I asked you to buy for blessing?".
At first I was like__"huh!"__, I was confused but then I remembered she gave me some money before she left in the morning, to buy cloths for blessing.
So i said__"oh sorry mum, I forgot".
She looked at me saying nothing and went straight to her room, immediately she left the parlour, I picked up my phone to check whether she got the message or not. When I check it, the message was delivered to her, I then started thinking whether she read it or not.
Few minutes later she called me, I ran like a horse to her room, but was afraid to enter because of the way she call my name, which sounded like an angry lion. When I got into her room, I was totally afraid.
She said__ "Esther, where is that small phone that I gave you to keep?".
In my mind, i was like__"phone ke, ain't you ought to be shouting at me or talking about the text I sent to you"?.
I then said__"Ah mum, what about your phone? Is it faulty?.
She replied__"It was stolen in the market and the worst thing that got me angry, was that the person I gave money to buy a new shoe for me lost the money".
After hearing that, I was totally relieved and calm. "Thank God she didn't read the message if not, I am gone", so I thought.
Days turned to weeks and weeks turned into a month, but I wasn't able to tell my mum because of the fear I had of her, and her reactions towards what I would say.
There came a Sunday when I went to church, after the church service things became different for me, what the pastor preached about was for me, he talked about being brave to face fear and how to over come every obstacle, I went home that day feeling strong and bold.
Ruth came in the afternoon (she normally comes every sunday to visit us), my mum and Ruth where in the parlour watching tv, while my junior sis was in my room sleeping (that girl likes sleep ehn)
I came to the parlour and stood in front of the tv, Ruth said__ "Esther, why are you blocking our view?".
I replied with tears in my eyes __"Mummy I want to tell you something that happened to me and Blessing".
I told my mum everything that happened, from how we were sold to the land lord's sons and how my step dad raped me, I told her every little thing. We all started crying as I spoke, Ruth begged and begged me to forgive her for all what she did to me and blessing.
My mum was heartbroken because she didn't believe that Ruth could behave like that, to her junior ones and that man(step dad) could rape me, but she never accepted her mistake of not always being there to protect us.
Ruth asked my mum, whether we could tell Blessing about what happened to her, but my mum refused and said__"We can't tell her now, she is too young to understand, when she gets old enough we will tell her".
After that day, my life became settled and my soul found rest, my nightmare was no more because all my worries were gone. My life improved and all my tears turned into songs of joy.
Me, Blessing and Ruth became closer than ever and I found my inner peace, but I am not sure whether Juliet found her inner peace or not, I pray she does before it clouds her soulful beautiful mind.
THE END
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Politicians and holders of political appointments are generally assumed to be cunning, but here in Nigeria, the reverse is the case


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-03 20:07:27

311 Views



akpos in skul [Read it]


Papa Akpos: My pikin say you drive am commot for school, Wetin he do?
Akpos’Teacher :- Your son is not brilliant at all, he cant even spell “LION” …
Papa Akpos : Ah Ah…You know say na Small pikin……You for tell am make he spell SMALL Animal like ” MOSQUITO”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-30 22:22:34

496 Views




Two theories to argue with wife :

1. If she is right then be fair to her & keep quiet.

2. If she is wrong then be kind to yourself & keep quiet!Related

Akpos opened his eyes after a surgical operation and breathed "Thank God it's over". A man on the other side of his bed said, "don't be so sure, they left an injection in my belly and had to open it again".

Another patient added, "same with me but mine was a pack of cotton wool". Almost immediately, the doctor who did the operation stormed in and asked, "Has anyone seen my watch?", Akpos fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-22 20:52:17

302 Views




Two bad brutal niggas bounced flexibly into an apartment ...wizzy &kizzy.
"guy, dat gal go smell pepper" said wizzy.
his gf susan played on him & he was up 4 revenge. he had four of his boys set 4 d plan ...the ZZY's family...denoted from their nicknames wizzy kizzy ritzzy emzzy & henzzy.
Two of dem were to set d pitch while d 3 oda boys were to opt in 4 d game at d deal minute.
Susan 18 yrs, form 6 student of 'HIS HIGHNESS COLLEGE' was nicknamed d talented PLAYER(TP)..she was one of d illiest gal in skul ..wore latest designers clothing ..killing al d niggas wid maturity ..flashy colourz n hanging out in a gang of coded galz..she had meet wid d read G and was gonna pay 4 it
wisdom 19yrs was in his 2nd year in high skul ..had met susan on his first year proposed luv to her despite filthy rumours about d bitch....

FIND OUT HOW THE ZZ's family nw deal wid d TP'bitch...

watch out for episode 2....drop useful COmmentz to stir up d series

>>>lIl'jEEz







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos: mum...grandmum is so annoyin...i wish she will die kraa...

Mum: idiot!....it is your mother that will die ..
Foolish girl..

So the two of them who fool paa?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-13 09:40:02

746 Views




When I regained consciousness I was lying on my
small bed in my small room.
I was very weak and tired and it took me some
seconds to recognise where I was.
I looked about myself and saw that I was wearing
my usual gown but then the scars on my body
reminded me of what had transpired.
I didn’t know the time but looking out of the
window with the sun still shining meant that it
was still afternoon.
I lay quiet on the bed not wanting to attract my
madam’s attention.
I couldn’t predict what she had in mind so it was
better to keep quiet and regain sufficient energy
before she came around.
I had rested for like one hour when madam came
to check on me.
I was feeling very hungry but endured.
Madam came in and saw that I was awake and
asked me to come to the kitchen and have my
food.
With tiredness I got up and followed her to the
kitchen.
She dished rice and stew into a plate and gave
me to eat which I quickly ate out of hunger and
even needed more though I didn’t voice it out.
Then I drank a cup of water.
“Aunty thank ma,” I greeted.
“Ehee thank God,” she replied. “Are you now
ready to tell me what my husband came to your
room to do last night?” She asked staring at one
corner of the kitchen.
I followed her line of sight and saw the piece of
wire lying there and my heart skipped some
beats.
I didn’t know what to say.
I opened and closed my mouth involuntarily as I
silently calculated what was next.
“What did my husband go to do in your room late
last night?” Madam asked again rising from her
seat and walking towards the long twisted piece
of wire.
I started crying instantly.
From the fury in madam’s eyes she was
determined to do anything so long as she got the
confession she was looking for.
Madam went to that corner of the kitchen and
picked up the piece of wire.
I shuddered with fear and rose from the mortar I
was sitting on shivering.
The familiar whistling sound came again as the
first lash journeyed through the air and landed on
the junction between my neck and my left
shoulder sending me into fresh untold pain.
“It was Oga, It was Oga,” I shouted out unable to
bear the pain.
“Yes!” madam acclaimed. “Oga did what?” She
interrogated.
“Oga forced me to do it with him,” I blurted out
crying hysterically. “He came to my room and
forced me and warned me not to tell anybody.”
Madam stopped momentarily, apparently jolted by
the confession she just heard but then her eyes
flared up again.
“And you agreed?” She asked staring furiously at
me.
“He forced me ma,” I replied in self defence.
“He forced you! Forced you! Forced you!”
Madam blurted as she unleashed more lashes of
her wire on me.
I ran out of the kitchen in pain and towards the
bedroom.
Madam zoomed furiously into the master
bedroom but on second thought she came back
out and into my small room.
“Better start packing your things cos this house
won’t contain the two of us anymore,” she
barked pointing her index finger aggressively at
me.
“Aunty please,” I begged crying.
“Don’t please me,” she barked and stormed back
into the master bedroom and locked the door
firmly.
——————————————————
Madam later mellowed down and didn’t send me
packing as she had earlier threatened though her
attitude towards me changed dramatically.
She stopped talking to me and behaved as if I
didn’t exist even though she still gave me food.
I knew she was patiently waiting for Oga to come
back before unleashing the main war…

WatchOut for Episode 24

Drop your comments below








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Big girls [Read it]


These are some types of 'Big Girls' we have in town:


Kemi says, "Waiter, please I like my SALAD very hot. Also, can I've 2 bottles of SHAWARMA?''


Sharon says, "Hey friend, give me your PIN let me call you.''


Isabella says, "I'm so tired, I just made my hair in KFC."


Abenaa replies, "Really?! I want to spend my summer in London dis Christmas period."


Siphiwe explains, ''I Just bought my BB but I haven't collected the PIN.''


Bititi brags, ''When I'm flying, I always like the window seat cause I open it to allow fresh air.''


Valentina says, ''I prefer London to UK during winter!''


Faith says, ''Hmmm, you can't even imagine. I just bought a G-string, and the thing I like most about it is the back
pocket!''


Nkechi orders, ''Please, if you don't have meat pie, doughnuts or scotch egg, just give me snacks.'' 


You can give other examples in the comment box below...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-07 10:02:22

453 Views




First Maintain eye contact with the..... Of yhur choice then Avoid close Contact Cos The Thunder wey go fire yhu satan still dey Cook ahm As Na me yhu want to spoil you


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 23:41:16

769 Views




Toun came in very late smelling of alcohol. I was glad she even decided to come back that night. I allowed her to sleep, intending to talk to her about the Naetochukwu ish when we got to school..
So as we went to the cafetaria to eat around noon, i brought up the topic…
Me : How is Naeto?
Toun : he is good, never knew he had an interesting sense of humour…
Me : Abayomi saw you leave with him…
Toun : Tana ! my life doesnt evolve around Abayomi…
Me : The guy loves you….
Toun : i am not ready to talk about him…stop it Tana…
Me : Ok…i am sorry…
Toun : i am sorry too…
Me : so how was the date?
Toun : it was good, drank guiness for the first time…
Me : did you guys…hmmmm hmmmmm?
We were seated now, waiting for our order…
Toun : No…i kissed him though…
My heart broke a bit…
Two guys came to seat opposite us, i recognised Daniel, he visited John in my compound a couple of times…After exchanging pleasanteries….i continued with Toun…
Me : so did he ask you out?
Toun : no o…but i enjoyed myself…he will come to the house tonight…hope you dont mind?
ofcourse i mind you fuccking heartbreaker…
me : No i dont mind, dear..
Suddenly there was a hush in the cafetaria, two guys came in..all eyes were on them, unfortunately, they were coming in our direction…One of them stopped to talk to a light skinned lady, two tables away. The other one came directly to us…
Guy : Make una Waka, we warn use this seat…
Daniel and his friend looked at him. but decided to ignore him, a lot of eyes were on them, i was sure they didnt want to be seen like sissies…
Guy : una no dey hear word abi?…
Daniel and his friend once again ignored him, until the guy lifted his shirt from the side. showing the shinny metal butt of a gun.
They stood up without further ado…
Toun : Tana lets go…
beneath the table i was sendind a text to Jafar….i could smell trouble around me..My raising up my head to answer Toun, coincided with the other guy joining the first on the seat…He didnt need to introduce himself, i could see he had just one eye..
Eli : Tana …. howfar na…hope say i meet una well?
He had a face that would have been called handsome if not for the numerous scars. He was smoking a stick of cigarette even though a big sign said “no smoking”..
The other guy sitting next to him had his eyes fixed on Toun. I was scared shitless…
Me : Hello, i dont know you…
Eli : No vex, you fit call me Eli..
Me : Nice to meet you
We stood up to leave..my heart was beating fast, i hoped he wasnt gonna stop us..
Eli : una don chop finish?
Toun : yes we have…
She rolled her eyes at him…
Eli : Sit down small make we yarn as brothers and sisters…
Toun : No thank you…
Eli : if una no sit down now, i go empty this Machine for una belle…abi u dey crase?…
Toun became very humble, i quickly sat down along-side her..
I looked around the cafetaria, the place that was filled up was now empty..i was shaking….
Eli : Tana, you go need step down. you and Abayomi
.i go check am today but him no dey Campus..but you go tell am say i don discuss with you. abi?
Me : I will discuss with Abayomi.
Eli : People dey always say, Eli like wahala…Eli dis, Eli dat…but no be so..
Me : okay…
Eli : The SUG president go be National..We don gree teytey
..tell Abayomi say make him no believe say we no fit get am o
..and you yourself…nowhere to hide..
The lady running the cafetaria came with a plate of fried beef and dropped it carefully infront of him..
Me : can we go now?
Eli : Not yet…
He and his other guy ate in silence….i was wondering how long it would take for Jafar to come or send his peeps, i eas freaking out..but then i realised it would be dangerous for Jafar to come, Eli might just take his revenge..
It was around 2pm when he stood us and commanded us to follow him outside…His Black BMW was packed beside the cafetaria, his colleague whom he called Orisa ushered us in…
Me : where are you taking us to?
Eli : Lol…no fear..
The story about his rape escapades flooded my brain…
Me : Eli, allow us go…i will discuss with Abayomi about stepping down..
He ignored me, instead he lit up another cigarette and drove out of Mini-campus…
He continued driving in silence, Orisa rested his head on his chair, sipping a bottle of London dry gin..
I got a text on my phone…it was Jafar….
Jafar = I am behind you guys…dont be scared…
Fool! i was scared for him more…
Me = He has guns, Jafar dont worry, he wnt harm us…but he will kill you…
I hoped the text i sent to Jafar brought him to his senses….
Jafar = dont worry…
As if on cue, Uche’s Hillux overtook Eli with Uche driving and Scanty by his side, while Through the side mirror, Jafar’s Benz was directly behind him…
Eli noticed Uche’s Hillux, he looked at me and smiled… Toun was completely petrified…
Eli : your people have come for you abi?
i didnt answer…Uche was slowing down on purpose…Eli couldnt move as fast as he wanted.. He picked up his phone with his left hand dialled a number and put it on speaker..it was Jafar he called…
Eli : howfar Jafar?
Jafar : Eli…
Eli : na because of these jews you dey follow me like this?
Jafar : Doz girls na my people…
Eli : You don bam them?
Jafar : Eli , free those girls…
Eli : and if i no free them?
Jafar : We go murder you for this town…
Eli : Lol…you no fit na…before i count 10, if you and Uche no commot for my side i go scatter Tana head….
Jafar remained silent…
Eli : you dey doubt me abi?
Jafar hung up….
Orisa brought out his pistol and placed it on my head….
Uche swerved to the right, allowing Eli have the road…through the mirror, i saw Jafar back down…
Eli started whistling as he drove us towards Ijebu-Igbo…
He started singing Danfo Driver’s Jogodo song as he drove into Ijebu-Igbo. No matter how many times i entered that town, i never got used to the smell of Cows being slaughtered around the market. His car pulled into a paintless compound on the left..The smell of weed was everywhere…guys with bloodshot eyes loitered around, some dirty looking girls with cheap tattoos were also around..
Eli : Una go dey here till Abayomi get sense
Me : but we already assured you..let us go Eli…
Eli : hehehehe..
Some guys surrounded the car as we stepped down, chants of ‘Baba, Eruku,’ filled the air…
We were led into the one story building that smelled worse of weed. I noticed some guys i knew in campus that i didnt even know where cultists..
Me : Eli, atleast let Toun go…
Toun : No, i am staying here with you…
Eli : una don dey bore me…
He turned to Orisa and instructed him to keep us in a room…he had urgent business to attend to..
My phone rang, it was Timi. He must be on his way to pick me up from mini-campus..
Timi : babe howfar…
me : im good
Timi : where u dey?
me : somewhere not too far, you have your keys yh?…i will meet you soon…
i didnt wait for him to reply before i hung up…
Toun and i were kept in a dirty looking room with a mattress without bedsheets and cigarette marks all over..
Toun : Tana, dont you think you guys should really step down?
Me : I think so Toun…i dont wanna lose my life for this ish…
Toun : Lets just graduate and get out of this school….
Me : i am sure Naetochukwu will be worried now…
she smiled at what i said, i realised she actually liked the guy…
Toun’s phone rang some minutes later, as i suspected, it was Naetochukwu…He wanted to know when they would see later..,she told him she would meet him at his place…
We had been trying to call Abayomi but his number was switched off..we had no other option than to sit and wait. Orisa came in Later to tell us that Eli wanted us at the veranda…Streams of fear washed over me….
He was standing at the veranda, wearing a green towel around his waist. His chest and six-packs had been formed by life rather than the gym..His only eye stared at us as we joined him..He was holding a stainless steel cup and sipping from it.
Eli : Tanatolo….Hwfar omo ibo toh sexy…
Me : Eli it is getting late, Abayomi is unreachable…please ler us go…
Toun : Please..
Eli looked on as if we were talking to ourselves. Downstairs, some guys were arguing about something they were passionate about….
He had a slow smile on his lips, seemed like he hoped it was going to lead to a fight…
Eli : hunger wan kill me…Tanatolo…u too?
Me : No…i am good…
Eli : beta chop…because when i handle that your succulent yansh this night..you go need gather strenght o…walahi!..
i trembeled….
Me : Eli…you cant be serious…
Toun : Bros, you want to rape her?
Eli : No be rape until u report am na…
Toun : Jafar nko?
Eli laughed till his towel almost pulled off….
Eli : Jafar Papa! when him still be Jambite, i don dey mount parade for this skul…
I knew Toun didnt mean harm mentioning Jafar’s name, but she just dug my grave..
Eli : na two of una o….hehehehe…no blame me, na Abayomi ignore us….i need tender love to feel better….hehehehe…
I wish once again, Jafar would perform a miracle..Toun was crying again…it was dark in the dark, smelly house….
Eli : Orisha…abeg organise Amala for me from that woman wey dey garage and buy Opa-eyin 50 naira..
i sent a text to Jafar…
To be continued

>>

Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

CAN SHE? [Read it]


GUYS! If you are dating a beautiful girl, just
know that a minimum of 3 guys per day tries
their luck on her, which makes 21 guys per
week, 84 guys per month, 1008 guys per
year...
Now tell me, can your girlfriend say no 1008
times
#true or false#



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-30 07:59:03

700 Views



Rat trap [Read it]


A rat looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

"What food might this contain?" The rat wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a rattrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the rat proclaimed the warning: "There is a rattrap in the house! There is a rattrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Rat, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The rat turned to the goat and told him, "There is a rattrap in the house! There is a rattrap in the house!"

The goat sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Rat, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The rat turned to the cow and said, "There is a rattrap in the house! There is a rattrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Rat. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the rat returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's rattrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house - like the sound of a rat trap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital , and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his matchet to the farmyard for the soup's main Ingredient.

Alas! the farmer's wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbours came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the goat. The farmer's wife did not get well she died.

Many people came for her funeral and the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The rat looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

LESSONS: Always be concerned about the rat in your house...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 10:39:39

657 Views




Little Akpos
was heard by
his mother
reciting his
homework:
"Two plus two,
the son of a
bitch is four;
four plus four,
the son of a
bitch is eight;
eight plus
eight, the son
of a bitch!"
Akpos shouted.
And his mother said
"Watch your
language!
You're not
allowed to use
the
swearwords."
But, Mom,
replied the boy,
"That's what
the teacher
taught us, and
she said to
recite it out
loud till we
learned it."
Next day
Akpos
mother went
right into the
classroom to
complain.
"Oh, heavens"
said the
teacher.
"That's not
what I taught
them. They're
supposed to
say, 'Two plus
two, the sum
of which is
four."



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 17:56:29

279 Views




The best joke..

At London airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address System: “Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas ! pls report to Reception”.



Ranchhodbhai Karsandas, who has just arrived ex Surat, goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, & shouts loudly to d English receptionist.



D following conversation must go into history books of cock-ups:



Ranchhodbhai: “MadarChod ! I am Ranchhod..”



Receptionist: “Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not d name I have here.. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas..”



Ranchhodbhai: “Arrey Bhenchod, I m NOT Madar chod !!!”



Receptionist: “So r u Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod ? Is ur surname Ben or Chod ?”



Ranchhodbhai: (now really really pissed) “Chootia taari ! I m Ranchhod..”



Receptionist: “Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Tari then ?”



Whenupon a Chinese guy turns up at the Reception and says: “Were u calling me ?”



Receptionist: “Who r u?”



Chinese Guy: “I m Choo Tia.Related

Rahul took out his cell phone to send instructions to Miso and security chief Stanley. He would type one word and glance up to make sure, Ana was still there.

He was afraid to close his eyes, even for a second. Now that he found her, he wanted to make sure, she stays within his eyesight. He gave specific instructions to Miso and Stanley and asked them to come over, as soon as possible. Till then, he decided to sit and watch her.

Ana glanced at him a few times, but with the newspaper close to his face, unshaven beard, baseball cap and the shades, she didn't recognize him.

Miso drove in a big RV bus and parked it on the other side of the street, facing the coffee shop. He let Rahul know, of his arrival.

Rahul moved his base from the coffee shop to the RV bus. He asked Miso and his assistant to cover all exits and keep an eye on Ana, making sure she doesn't see Miso. Just then the dark clouds in the sky opened up, pouring in heavy rain.

Rahul started preparing a list of things he needed Stanley to find out, before they can figure out a plan. Just as Rahul was done preparing the list, couple of big SUV's rolled in, with Stanley and his troops.

Rahul handed Stanley the list, the moment he stepped in.

"Stan I need complete details regarding all the points, I mentioned in the list. Do whatever you need to do, but I need those details in the next sixty minutes. If you have to buy that damn coffee shop, do it, money is not a problem." Rahul told Stanley, as he scanned the list.

"Its doable." I will be on it right away.

As Stanley stepped out with the list and with Miso guarding Ana, Rahul pushed back his chair, closed his eyes and went back in time by one week, remembering the conversation, he had with Maya, his friend and expert psychiatrist.

One week back in Maya's office ..

Rahul explained the entire story, about him and Ana, in detail to Maya.

"I am going to find her Maya, but I don't know how to approach her. I need your expert opinion and help, in this regard." Rahul asked Maya, relaxing on the sofa, in her office.

Maya studied him for few minutes, adjusting her glass frame few times. Then she got up and paced around in the room. Then she came close to him and stood in front of him, parking her behind, against the table.

She covered his hand with her hand, "Rahul, I can understand your pain and I am sure you will find her soon." She paused for a few seconds, "Ana's case is complicated. I cannot imagine what is going through her head, without talking to her. Since, she is an orphan, it is very difficult to imagine her point of view, as it would depend on the struggles, she went through as an orphan."

"Common Maya, this is your area, you are the expert in this area. You need to help me. I have only one shot here and I want to convince her to be with me."

"Rahul, you have zero trust balance, when it comes to the amount of faith, she has in you. You threw her out two times. She is not going to believe you, no matter what you say. This is not something you can fix overnight. You have to fix a few things, before you pop out the big question. She has to believe in you, she needs to have faith in you. She is very insecure and does not believe in depending on others. You can't buy her with money. You can only bind her with love, faith and feeling of security, which you need to build over time."

"So you are saying, if I find her tomorrow, I shouldn't tell her the truth, but bring her home and gain her trust and then pop the big question." Rahul asked Maya.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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******EPISODE 2****AYOMIDE*****
(Still thinking about my dolapo)...in my deep thought,I promise never to love any woman again in my life,I decide in my hrt dat dey don't deserve my love,I promise to turn ladies into games and play them,you know I have enough handsome face and money to do that,what pains me most in my relationship with dolapo was the fact that


I was unable to sex her due to the love I have for her,I promised not to sex in her..you know whenever guys have sex with a gurl..she will no more be valuable like how she always be well am still a virgin but I have always hear that whenever my friends dey gist me..no be say me also be one pastorish-like guy o,before I met dolapo I am a player but after I met her I stop living all those fake life which makes my friend unhappy but who sends..once my dolapo is happy with me I want nothing more...I am crazily in love with DOLAPO...


As my girlfriend,dolapo always received #10000 from me per month,apart from other useless money I give to her,I always send her #1500 airtime every two days and at the same time she no dey call me at all,don't know what she use the airtime for anyway...


When I told OLAMIDE about my new update with my DOLAPO,he was really laughing out loud and endlessly,he is making jest of me,saying all sort of things which seems to be rubbish to me and insult me a lot,I was like beating him up due to how does words are hurting me but I can't just do anything because all what he was saying was the truth...


Olamide is my best and childhood friend,he has been warning me about my relationship with dolapo a long time ago but I don't like listening to his words because I really love dolapo,I just can't explain how much I love her.I come dey realize how much loving too much dey hurt too much,I just dey pray make you people no fall in love with the wrong person,e no good at all.


Still thinking about my dolapo when this young lady come in to our supermarket,she is very light in complexion(but I think na bleaching things jare,this one no fit be natural)all the same her complexion is still is still very nice,I come dey reason and imagine how her underneath go be lol..no mind me jor..I too get dirty mind...anyway she is a very well dressed lady,she would rather be in her early twenty's,this young lady is very beautiful that I have to forget thinking about my useless though beautiful dolapo so fast.*********
TO BE CONTINUED*****


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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funny accident [Read it]


An accident occured today,11 persons injured and 12 persons died.so the minister of health promise to give #5000 for the injured and #6million to the dead for their funeral.All of a sudden, one of the injured got up and moved toward the place where the dead people were..immediately he got there one of the dead person whispered to him,Bro's go back to your place do not bring confusion here there have counted us already.#lolz#


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-31 10:45:28

391 Views




Continue past*****

FIFTEEN YEARS LATER

It was just like life went the way I planed,everything was working well for me,I successfully finished my education and I was now working as the manager in one of the best company in Abuja,standing close to my office window,I feel the cold wind on my cheek the sky looks cloudy I think its going to rain,just then all the event of my life for the past fifteen years came flashing on my mind.

Fifteen years ago

I can't say staying with my uncle was fun but it was good,my uncle was a very discipline man unlike my father which makes me wonder if they were from the same parents, my uncle was married with two kids two girls who I know he loveds so much,he was a lawyer while his wife was a banker,his two girls was beautiful, Lillian and Juliet, they are twins,I did most of the chore at home because Lillian and Juliet were till little they were both seven years old I wonder why they haven't have another child what they were waiting for I don't know.

My aunt was a nice lady she treated me like a little brother also my uncle, do what he wants and likes then you will have no problem with him,his rules and regulations was very simple and it was not difficult for me to keep because I have already change my ways.

I try as much as I can to stay away from evil the day I left Benin I left my badways there,school was fun yes it was always fun for me but this time it was a different kind of fun,I stayed away from bad friend,consecrate on my studies at the end of ss3 I came out in my wace with frying colours,my parents was proud of me,even I was proud of myself, one year after my wace I wrote my jamb and it also went well in no time I was in the university of Abuja studying business.

All this while I haven't contacted my friends I have choose to put them aside away from my life they were the ones that put me in the mess I am at the first place but I always pray for them and wish they also find the right path just like I did,I won't say I was now a born again but all I know was I have made peace with God,I pray always that there was no single day that passes that I won't thank God for my life and I don't miss Church for anything in this world.

My university days was great,I tryed my best to stay away from anything that will bring distraction to me and I thank God I did well,I came out as a first class holder,I did my PhD and my master degree and the results was great,in not time I was employed with the help of my uncle's wife, I worked hard putting everything I had into my work that in no time I was promoted to the manager,I now have my own house,cars and my bank account is doing well and addition to that I have my own personal company where I import and export goods from all over the countries, so you see now life has been really good to me.but you know they say everyman needs a woman to call his own,relationship wasn't really my thing but I needed a wife so I can have a family.

I was brought back to reality when I was called by my secentray Anna,she was a beautiful young lady but I dare not look her side because she is happily married with one kid,she came informing me of the present of a visitor,that was when I remembered I had an appointment with a bank representative,the bank wants me to bank with them not that I want to but I just thought of allowing them to waste their time trying convincing me.i thanked her for remaining me and told her to send the person in,I sat back on my sir to wait,just few moment after Anna left the door open again,I was sub with what I saw.

To be continued*****
Next part


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Fake pastor [Read it]


There is a fake pastor who specialize in making baring women conceive.
He use to invite the women to his house and sleep with them with a masked face and with garment at night. Pretending to be Holy Spirit.
One night, while on his special assignment, he entered into the first room and said with a twisted voice
“Womaaaan! The Holy Spirit is her, remove your cloth and lie with your face up”
“What for?” the woman asked
“How dear you questing the Holy Spirit?”
“Because the holy spirit I know doesn’t have anything to do with my nakedness”
The pastor got upset and said “I will show you that Holy Spirit can be arrogant at times”
The pastor unzipped his trouser and head straight to force the woman.
The woman pressed his two balls so hard and he shouted “Jesus!!!!!”
Before the pastor could recover, the woman had unmasked his face.
The pastor has no other option than to start begging and negotiating “Please don’t tell the church, I will do anything you ask for?”
“You mean anything?” she asked
“Yes”
The woman removed her weaves and artificial breast.
The pastor shouted “Brother Akpos!!!”
Akpos said “From now onwards, I will be the one sleeping with the women”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-26 09:29:13

4540 Views




Patience with family is love;

Patience with others is respect;

Patience with self is confidence;

And patience with god is faith!Related

Chodi Jaati Hain Ladkiyan…



Salwaar Utarne Ke Baad…



Waah Waah Waaaaaah



Aage…



Ab Aage Kya?

?

?

?

Wapas Pehen Leti Hai Chud Jaane Ke Baad.Related

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 05:37:48

374 Views



Greatest insult [Read it]


MAN: I want to give myself to you.


WOMAN: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts! 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-01 09:59:23

114 Views




Well the exam finished and I arranged my things to go home. I still had the N3000 john gave to me. My two guys said they were not going that week but the next. Them wan carry girls from FCE osiele and Mapoly come the house. They asked me to wait but I told them I wasn’t. But uchenna said if I can wait till Sunday, he would give me N5000. “Uchenna had no problem with money. His uncle sends him money regularly and his mapoly yahoo Uchenna sends do, because he normally hooks them up with Fce osiele girls. Sometimes his uncle sends him N20k weekly. So he could afford to just give me N5000.” Na so I think about wetin Uchenna talk. At least I fit still throw in the money for folarin investment if I waited till Sunday. And I waited.
The Friday we finished exam, Uchenna made calls to 3 girls in Fce osiele. He told them to come keep us company. Na so the girls land oo. Every guy with their own except me that was doing like a goat. The girl they asked to keep me company was chatting me up. I was just smiling sheepishly. Na so Abisoko sent me a text that read, “See guy, no let our money waste oo. If u no enter dat girl, I will break ur head.” The guys in their various rooms had spent well over an hour. But me and my own girl still dey chat. It was even boring. I guessed she was expecting me to make the final move but I was doing like okro soup. Before I knew what was happening, she pulled her clothes. “come oboy, shey na talk I come talk for here? Abi u no fit do woman?” she screamed at me. And we were in the parlour. Na so my guys open the door of their rooms wan come know wetin dey happen. It seemed they already knew. Na so my two guys carry me go wan corner, and already I don already get erection. “They were even laughing at me and saying I was pretending to be holy. Make I do the thing jare”. Shame nearly kill me ooo. Na so I finally do am, and that was my first time. No protection, I never even know wetin dem dey call “protect yourself.” And I enjoyed it.
The next day, Mapoly girls came we enjoyed ourselves. I really was enjoying the life. On Sunday, Uchenna gave me N6000. On Monday, na so I run go camp go meet them Folarin and his investment team at their office. “The Air condition wey even welcome me, I felt it was welcoming me to a millionaire paradise. Environment of the rich. Big boy loading….” I was thinking of even calling my mom to tell her that soon, her only son would soon hammer. I placed N5000 on their “small package” plan. They said I shouldn’t bother myself. I should just go and relax. That in one month time, I would be surprised of what my account would be saying. I placed the plan on 3 months. So after three months I would withdraw the money and profit. I met bayo also at the place. He told me that I can equally purchase e-gold from them, then I can also put in my money in some other online investment trading platforms. I just felt this people love me. Na so I bring out N1,500 take buy $10 in e-gold. I registered for e-gold account and my $10 was transferred to me. They showed me some sites that I could invest the money in. Na so I register for one of the site oo. Transfer the $10. According to the website, “you put your money, they trade for you.” Each day, they would be paying you profits but if they lose in the forex market, the investor loses too. “But they said they were professional traders and there was no chance of losing. Also, they are from Cyprus and headquartered in same country.” Na so I put my money. “At least, it’s easy for me to monitor my earnings from my mobile phone online,” I thought.
I got back home and borrowed N1000 from Abisoko for my transport back to Ilorin.
The next day which was Tuesday, I left Abeokuta for Ilorin. I got home, mom was looking very slim and unkept. She said she had been having leg pains. At that moment I wished I had money to take her to the hospital for better treatment. But I told her not to worry, that something was up. “When my money go come. I will even take her abroad for treatment.” I said as She smiled.
It was a three week break after the first semester examination. I really worked to save little money. But I spent extra one week before resumption. I had to complete one month of work at the former place I worked in Ilorin. So I could collect my full one month salary of N10,000. At the same time, I was monitoring my online forex investment. It was really going up. My money was increasing but at a slow pace which I didn’t like. I wanted it big. After 2 weeks, the first $10 dollar I invested gave me extra $5. I had to reinvest the $15. After another two weeks, I was having $22. I reinvested it again. Though it was small. Folarin had earlier told me that I would benefit immensely if I invest with huge amount of money.
After the break, Abisoko and Uchenna had been calling me to return. It seem they had given us assignment and they were waiting for me to come and help out. I tell them say na money hold me. Say I wan still hustle. Uchenna say make I no worry. That I should just come back as soon as possible. Say dem go support me.
I finally entered the road 2 weeks after resumption for the second semester. I met another Funaabite in Ibadan park going to Abeokuta. We entered the same car. We chatted very well. She said her name was funke and she was in Nutrition and Deities (NUD) department, 100 level. She looked cool and calm with a large upper lip that look like kpomo. “Though I saw her as someone who would be religious.” She said she went for a program in Ibadan and was returning to Abeokuta. When we got to Camp, we got down and exchanged mobile numbers while I entered a taxi and left for Gate.
I got home. Na so my guys dey hail me ooo. The next day was a Monday. And I came to Abeokuta with just N5000. Out of the N10,000 I was paid at my work place, I gave my mom N5000 to take care of herself. My Oga dashed me N2000 which i used for my transportation and the left over N5000 as pocket money.
I resumed school the next day. But part of why I resumed was to visit folarin in camp to know how my investment was doing. When I got to camp at the investment office, I was full of smiles as I walked in like a millionaire. On my mind, “Gbadebo you go soon hammer.” I met bayo there and he was hailing me with other people that came to check their investments too. I and bayo exchanged pleasantries. I asked after the big boss, Folarin. He said Folarin went to Lagos state house of Assembly under the speakers invitation to teach the legislators how to trade forex. ‘As I hear that one eeehhh,’ I come dey think, “see connection. Folarin don go international.” After about 30 minutes of waiting, one of their female staff came out and told us that their server was no longer connecting. They apologized and told us to come back the next month for that month’s account review. I was a little pained but bayo encouraged and said that we shouldn’t worry. He saw the look on my face when he met me privately. He told me that I shouldn’t worry that he even saw my account the previous day. And my money had risen to N101,045. “Chaiiii, as I hear this one eehh, na so my face change. Thunder fire poverty. Gbadebo, you are about to become wealthy person.” From N5000 to N101,045 just in over a month. I was happy and left there back home. I hoped to reinvest the money i collect.
This particular Saturday, I called funke, the girl I met the day I was coming back to Abeokuta. We talked for about 2 minutes on the phone. And I invited her to our house the next day. After dropping the call, Abisoko was impressed with the way I talked. He said I was really improving in communication skill with women. “Unlike before that I was very dull and behaving like okra soup.
The next way which was a Sunday, funke came to the house and my guys were around. He spent quite a long time. He seemed to enjoy our company and the jokes we cracked. From there I began loving her. When she left, my guys began teasing her that she has kpomo lips. That was how they started calling her “Funke kpomo lips.” Though not when she was around but in her absence. They even use it to tease me. That I love girls that have Kpomo lips.
As days went on, funke began frequenting my house. We became closer each moment we spent together. I even asked her out but she said I should hold on and give her some time. She said we should take things slowly as freinds. She refused given me an answer.
This particular Thursday, funke was in my house when my mom called that she was bitten by a deadly snake and she was terribly ill. I had to borrow money from my guys and went straight to Ilorin the next day. When I got to Ilorin, some neighbors had already taken my mom to the Hospital for treatment. “I really love my mom and don’t want anything bad happening to her.” During the course of my visit, I had planned on going back to school the next Friday.
On Monday, bayo from folarin investment called me. He asked how my online investment was doing and I told his it was doing well and infact I had a little above $100 in my account. He said that the prices of e-gold exchange rate had fallen drastically and he wanted me to be one of those that will make a big hit from it. He narrated how warren buffet made his wealth from all those opportunities. I was enjoying what he was saying but I didn’t know how it related to me. He finally said that N50 was now equivalent to $1 in e-gold exchange market and that is what they are selling. He encouraged me to buy so I could reinvest into my online investment market. As I hear that one ehh, na so I happy. And I heard that the prices fluctuates. It may be N50 for $1 and the next minute it would be N100. I told bayo that I wasn’t in town and would be coming back that weekend. And hat when I return, I will come to their office to buy.
Na so this people, bayo begin bombard me with calls ooo almost every 3 hours forcing me to come and buy e-gold. That it would soon turn to N100.
Why are this people just bombarding me with calls like this? Is there anything fishy ? Or … because the pressure was unassuming … I guess they…..
****To be continued from Episode 6****


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Why is golf called a wrong game?

Coz u hold a stick n put the ball in the hole instead of holding the ball n putting the stick in the hole.Related

Anita: i am scared that something bad had happen to them;i don't think that they both run away
Tosan: am confused
Ann: you are not as confused as i am
Tina: be confused;worry yourself to death when those two are enjoying themselves. i am out of here(curtain)

Desmond: Stephie
Stephanie: Desmond
Kidnapper 1: will you keep quiet
Desmond: where are we?
Kidnapper 3:will you just keep quiet
Stephanie: just let us go
Girl: you are crazy;you are kidnapped
Desmond: what do you want from us? is it money?state your price my dad can give it to you
Kidnapper 2: will you just keep your mouth shut. the fact is that you are not our subject;you just have to get in our business
Desmond: what do you mean?
Girl: we will spill it out. we were suppose to kidnapped this woman and get rid of her
Stephanie: but what is my fault?how do i get involved in this?i don't even know you and i did no wrong to you all

Kidnapper 1:you did no wrong to anyone of us,is just that you have to pitch your tent where it is not made to be;in my friend's land
Desmond: you are not making any sense and who is this friends?
Kidnapper 3: what is wrong with this rich kids
Stephanie: let me go;come on remove this rope from my legs and hand. it hurt
Girl: will you keep quiet(exit kidnappers)
Desmond: is alright;you will be fine
Stephanie: am sorry that i dragged you into my mess(she cry)
Desmond: you are not;don't worry we will get out of Here;i will make sure of that

Brown: what is it again?
Alfred: ma;is being three days today that Desmond is no where to be found
Brown: what?i thought he travelled
Tosin: no;he did not
Brown: what do you mean by that?did you not tell me that he went home?(to Tunde)right?
Tunde: yes;i did said so
Brown: you now tell lies to me?
Ayo: is just that;we don't know how to tell you
Brown: have you talked to Stephanie?
Tosin: the thing is that;it seems both of they are missing
Alfred: and it all happen the same day
Tunde: and their phone is not going through

Brown: you all are not making sense Tosin: yes;it is all true
Brown: does it mean they both run away
Tunde: it seems so;that bastard Alfred: don't be so annoying. why will you think of such an evil thing
Tunde: why would i?isn't it obvious that they both have been fooling around with all of us;making us feel like they both feel nothing for themselves
Tosin: was your anger towards him for
Alfred: i don't just get you;instead of been worried about your brother;you are here thinking about stupid things
Brown: will you boys such keep quiet. lets call his dad
Ayo: you are right ma
Brown: i am calling his dad(she dialed his number but no one pick)
Alfred: what is going on?
Brown: he is not picking. is alright he has picked. hello sir.
Jackson: how are you?
Brown: i am fine sir
Jackson: what is going on?how is my son and everyone?
Brown: something is wrong. Desmond is missing for the past three days and they did not tell me
Jackson: what is wrong with you all?my son is missing and you did not tell me?give it to my nephew
Brown: Tunde;your uncle want to talked to you
Tubde: alright;hello sir
Jackson: son;was going on?don't tell me; your brother has been missing and you didnt tell me?
Tunde: at first;we thought he just need a quiet time alone
Jackson: has he done that before now?
Tunde: no;this is the first time sir
Jackson: have you tried calling his friend?what is the name of that girl again?
Tunde: Stephanie
Jackson: yes
Tunde: they both eloped together
Alfred: are you crazy?
Jackson: what?was wrong with my son?(he end the call)
Ayo: you are stupid. he didn't ever occur to your thinking;that they were both kidnapped. all that is in your head is that they eloped
Tunde: I did nothing wrong;i was just telling dad the truth
Alfred: do you really like Desmond?
Tunde: what kind of stupid question is that?he is my brother,so i care about him
Tosin: i don't think you care about him
Brown: you all just shut up now. now is not the time to quarrel. lets look for ways to get out of this mess

Anita: any news
Tosin: no
Alfred: have you informed her family?
Anita: yes;we did last night. she should be on her way here?
Ayo: you gave them this address?
Ann: yes;we did
Tosan: as time passes by;i can't help but feel guilty for all that happen
Tina: why would you blame yourself?are you the one that tell her to be cheap and abscond with a boy?
Ann: are you insane?
Tina: i am hundred percent sane

Alfred: i doubt if you are,cause every time i see you;i think you have lost your mind
Tina: you all are talking rubbish
Tosan: you are the cause of this;you made me drove her away

Georgina: was going on?
Alfred: is nothing
Georgina: nothing?where is Desmond?
Tosin: Desmond....is mussing
Georgina: this can't be
Tina: yes;it is true because he is so tired of you;that was while he decided to go away with Stephanie. hahaha
Georgina: you are insane;he can't do that

Tina: will just asked them;if i am lying(she laughed)excuse me;all sick people looking for two lovers(she walked away)
Georgina: can someone just tell me that;what she is saying is not true
Ann: we can't answer that for now
Ayo: all we know is that;both of them are missing at the same time and day
Georgina: if i found out this is true;i will not think twice then to kill her
Brown: lets just keep our finger cross
Georgina: will you keep quiet woman
Brown: sorry ma(curtain)

Frank: was going on Jackson?
Jackson: my son;i don't know
Frank: what happened to your son?
Jackson: he is missing with Stephanie
Frank: that same girl?do you think they eloped?
Jackson: that is what Tunde said but i don't believe it
Frank: why don't you?
Jackson: i know my son can behave stupid sometimes but he is a decent man. he won't do such a thing
Frank: what do you do now?
Jackson: i have already told Rose about it. so we are both going to Desmond's school and after that;we will know if we are going to informed the police
Frank: alright;take care

Girl: hey girl;here is your food and you,when she is done eating,i will tell the boys to bring food for you
Stephanie: please my friend;i know you are not a bad person,just let us go
Girl: why should i?
Stephanie: is because you have kind heart
Girl: don't be ridiculous. i kidnapped you;have you forgotten?
Stephanie: i know but you can still change
Kidnapper 1:here you are,don't you want to eat
Stephanie: just go away;i don't want to eat (she kick the food on him with her tied legs)
Kidnapper 1:why did you do that?(he hit her by the chest and press her neck)
Stephanie: help me;help;someone help
Desmond: stop it;stop it;you are hurting her. let her go
Girl: let her be(Girl pushed him away)are you crazy?
Kidnapper 1:am not;am so angry with her;why will she pour food on me?i feel like killing her
Girl: are you crazy?(enter Kidnapper 2)
Kidnapper 1:isn't that the plan to kill her
Kidnapper 2:keep quiet and get out from here(he walked away)was wrong with that man?

Girl: he is just mad at her because he pour food at him and she haven't eaten since last night
kidnapper 2: what?
Girl: yes
kidnapper 2:don't worry;i will take care of her;you can go
Girl: alright

Kidnapper 2: come on(he walked towards her)eat your food
Desmond: please don't hurt her
Kidnapper 2: just keep quiet;come baby eat up
Stephanie: i don't want to
Kidnapper 2: do you want to fall sick
Stephanie: i want to go home
Kidnapper 2: don't worry about that;eat your food first
Stephanie: my legs are hurting me and my hands. even if i want to eat;how would i do that?
Kidnapper 2:alright;i will untied you and please stop crying(he wiped her tears)come on;eat up(he untied her)
Stephanie: thank you(she eat)

Kidnapper 3:what do you think you are doing?
Kidnapper 2: nothing(he tie her)what are you doing?
Kidnapper 3: i am just doing what odd to be done and you;here is your food. eat up fast(after eating they left)


SEE MORE.....



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related
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