Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


BRETHREN PLS HELP OO, WHAT HAVE I
DONE WRONG IN THIS MATTER OOOO!
My girlfriend called me on phone and
she said:
Hello honey, you know I love you so
much, I have been looking for how to prove more of my love for you, please
Baby I want you to come to my House
for a lunch with your Friends, I asked
her, WHEN? She replied; any day you will
be chanced, I said okay and the date
was fixed. I started informing my friends about it and they all agreed to
go with me, some suspended what
they would have gone to just to follow
me to her house as demanded.
On the day, I and my friends were set to
leave and I called her baby we are on our way to your house, and she replied
“please babe i can’t wait to see you
guys” and we were very happy but
unfortunately when we got to her
house, I called her again to let her know
that we are close to her house, she replied: “Baby are you serious?
Hahahahaha, I was only joking oo, you
know how we normally joke naa", i got
embarrassed but I pretended, I ended
the call. I asked my friends to know if
they heard my conversation with her but they didn’t, so i told them that she
asked us to wait at the hotel that she
will soon join us, we left to the hotel
and I ordered for their needs. Shortly I
picked up my phone and shouted:
WHAT? Guys we need to leave here now, I just
received information now that Boko
Haram are on their way to this place
and we all left the Hotel. None of my
Friends knew what happened because it
would have been so shameful to me. … IT’S NOW MY TURN TO JOKE..
Two week later, I called her, baby I just
received a letter from my Village that I
should come back home for my
Chieftaincy title and they said I should
not come without taking a wife, you know you are the only one I have so I
want you to inform your parents and
they should fix a date for our
introduction and it should be next week
because we need to leave for the village
before this month runs out. She was so happy and she informed her
parents just as I ordered. They started
preparing and everything was in order.
On the fixed date, I was in the Office
when my phone rang, She was the one
calling, Baby where are you? I replied: we are close to your house, she happily
said Okay. After a while she called back
to know where I was again, Baby where
are you ” she said”
I replied: Baby are you serious you
believed what I told you? Hehehehe I was only joking oooooh, You know how
we use to joke na. She started calling
me names and said I am wicked!
.
.
. Please Am I wicked?
HAPPY WEKEND Ooo
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-19 17:15:01

1130 Views



mental problem [Read it]


Ofego was being discharged from a Mental Hospital after doctors thought he was finally back to normal. He was put in an ambulance to be taken back home. He claimed he knew the house so he led the doctors. They took him to where he claimed he lived.


Just as they approached a certain house, two kids, dressed in uniforms came out of the house. Ofego
screamed, "Those are my children going to school!"
A minute later, a woman came out of the same house and Ofego screamed, "That's my wife, she is late for work!" This time, the doctors were convinced Ofego was ok and took him out of the ambulance but was still in chains. 
Just as they were about unlocking the chains, a man came out of the house and Ofego screamed, "YES! THAT'S ME GOING TO WORK!"  


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-07 17:57:31

605 Views



Man killed wife [Read it]


Michael's wife went missing, and being that everyone knew he and his wife win a big fight, he was accused of murdering and disposing her body.

When witness after witness came to the stand testifying to all sorts of horrible threats that the accused threatened his wife with, things were looking quite dim for the accused.

Michael’s lawyer got up to the stand. “Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I have something quite exciting to tell you, if you would all please direct your attention towards the door behind me on my left, you will see the supposedly dead women walk in on her own two feet.”

There was a loud murmuring in the courtroom as all eyes turned towards the door.

“Ladies and Gentleman” said the lawyer after a few seconds of anxious waiting, “To be honest with you, Nobody is going to be walking through the door, however from the fact that your eyes all turned towards the door, it is quite obvious that you are not sure beyond the shadow of a doubt about my client’s guilt.”

To the lawyer’s great surprise, the jury decided that the man was guilty.

“But how could you say that he is guilty? Didn’t I prove it to you?” questioned the lawyer.

“It is true that we all turned towards the door,” one old lady explained, “but there was one person who didn’t.”

“Who's that?” questioned the indignant lawyer.

“Your client,” came the reply.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 09:52:16

590 Views




Susan: Good morning madam
Woman: good morning, please who are you looking for?
Lape: we are going to mazi okoro's compound.
Woman: we have many okoros in this village, which one exactly are you looking for?
Lape: the palm wine tapper, chioma's father.
Woman: oh, you are here, this Nazi okoro's compound and I am his daughter-in-law but mazi okoro has gone to meet his ancestors, I hope there is no problem?
Lape: no, no problem. Please what about his wife, is she still alive?
Woman: his wife died about three months after he died, is anything wrong?
Lara: please ma, we want to see chioma, she's the main reason we are here.
Woman: you mean my sister-in-law, mazi okoro's first daughter?
Susan: yes please, is she here?
Woman: she is but before I can take you to meet her, you have to meet my husband first, he is the head of this family and I can't do anything behind him.
Susan: okay, whatever you say.
Woman: my husband, you have visitors.
Okonkwo: who are you people and whom do you seek?
Lape: please, we are from the city and we are here to see chioma, mazi okoro's first daughter.
Okonkwo: you are at the right place. Chioma is my elder sister, I am okonkwo the great hunter, first and only son of mazi okoro the wine tapper. If I may ask, why do you want to see my sister?
Lape: it's a long story we are chioma's husband relatives.
Okonwo: husband? You mean the one that took my sister's babies and ran away? ( he stand up turns to face his wife.) Obiageli, why did you invite these good for nothing people into my compound?
Susan: calm down Sir, we are not here to create a scene. Actually, we have some news for the woman we have come to see, that's why we are here.
Okonkwo: what news could you possibly have for my sister? Is it good enough to make her better?
Lara: I am her daughter, I am one of the babies that were taken from her and I want to see my mother.(okonkwo looks at the other two women and they nod their heads in confirmation. He relaxes back on his stool.)
Okonkwo: you are one of the babies that were taken away? So, where's your sister?
Lara: that's why we are here, but I'm not saying anything until I see my mother.
Okonkwo: hmmmmmm come with me, let me take you to her.( they leave the hut and okonkwo leads them to the back of another hut where a woman is sitting in cracking rocking chair; staring into space. she looks frail and old with swallow eyes and rough undone grey hair.) This is chioma, the woman you are looking for. ( they all stare at chioma for a while before Lara slowly walks up to her and crouches near the chair.)
Lara: mother, it's me Lara, I am your daughter, one of the babies that were taken away from you eighteen years ago.
Choima still staring into space) he took my babies.....my babies....someone please find my babies.
Obiageli: that's what she keeps saying, she has been like this for a very long time.
Susan: how long?
Okonkwo: since we brought her back from the city after your relative ran away with her babies. My sister has been like this for eighteen years!
Lape: see what Williams has done, what do we know is wrong with her now?
Susan: she traumatized. That's what's wrong with her. ( she moves closer and crouches in front of chioma.) We have brought you one of your children. Your babies, they are back.
Choima: my babies....he took my babies from me....my babies....







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor’s office.


He inquisitively asked the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?”


She replied, “I’m having a baby.”


With big eyes, he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?”


She answered, “He sure is.”


Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?”


She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.”


With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked, “Then why did you eat him?”Related

Why is sex like shaving?

Well, because no matter how well you do it today… tomorrow you’ll have to do it again…Related

Akpos farts (pollutes the air) in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class.

The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing.

He asks, “Akpos, what are you doing outside sitting here laughing?”

Akpos replies, “I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.”

The Principal asks, “Well then, why are you laughing?”

Akpos replies, “Because they are in class taking in the smell while I’m here enjoying the fresh air.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-03 16:27:55

515 Views




Akpos walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously upset."What's the matter, buddy ?" asks the bartender. "It's a long story. I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home. We tripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door.So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the edge by my fingernails without any clothes on!'' ''Gee, that's tough!'' commiserated the bartender. ''Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated.When her husband came into the room, he wanted to have sex with her -- but he had to piss first. And the lazy son of a b*tch pissed out the window right onto my head! " ''Yeech! No wonder you're in a lousy mood." ''Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really made me mad.Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished the husband tossed his condom out the window. And where does it land? On my goddamned forehead!''''Damn, that really is a drag!'' ''Oh, I'm not finished!See, what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. Turns out that their toilet was broken, so he stuck his a55 out of the window and let loose right on my head!'' ''That would sure mess up my day." ''Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off ?When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!''


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-11 14:33:26

861 Views




A worldwide survey was conducted by
the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest
opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa,
they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know
what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know
what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what
"opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know
what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know
what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what
"the rest of the world" meant.
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-29 18:56:54

303 Views




Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding
in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before
the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing
nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now
overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering
Heaven.
If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot
answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll
come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive
report on Socrates' Socrates' teachings."
With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.
"Then, go to Hell!"
With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever
theorized!"
With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the
Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.
"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician
disappeared too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"
The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat."
The Devil did just that.
The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart.
Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole."
And the idiot went to heaven.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-27 20:38:16

354 Views




Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give
you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give
you?"
Student: "Homework!"
~~


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-05 10:48:36

179 Views




Woh Raat Diwali Waali Thi;

Woh Piya Se Chudne Vali Thi;

Koi Duja Aake Chod Gaya;

Land Ko Lehnge Se Poch Gaya;

Uski Ma Ne Kiya Virodh;

Tu Kaise Chudi Bina Nirodh!Related

On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

amsoreal [Read it]


a boy said he will for ever say am so real in all his situations then one day he fell into the gotta am every body was expecting him to say am so real then on knowingly he souted am so dirty



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-28 11:15:25

404 Views



mtn [Read it]


I dey my own jeje this morning oh! MTN come send me message say “you
have just won 7 FREE days of amazing fact SMS…”. Since it was free
now, I said no problem… So I sat down, hoping to receive some mind
blowing facts… But I was so shocked when I started receiving the
facts…(The first one came in..)
*Did you know that Nigeria is a country
in Africa?
(Followed by the second one)
*Did you know that we get
meat from animals?
(I opened my mouth in shock… Then the third one)

*Did you know that fishes can’t fly? Then i looked at my phone, I
smiled and said, Ehen!!! So una think say na only una sabi facts abi…
So I started sending them my own too….
* Did you know that you can’t
sit down and stand at the same time?
* Did you know that the place you
go to buy food stuff is called a market?
*Did you know that if you
stay under water for more than 10secs you will get wet?
* Did you
know that in 1993 two kids went to a river and saw a lot of water?
*
Did you know that when you look at the mirror, the person you see in
the mirror is still you?
* Did you know that cows don’t give us milk,
we take it from them by force?
* Did you know that Abacha was alive
before he died?
* Did you know that orphans don’t have father and
mother?
* Did you know that scientists have proven that Dwarfs are
short people?
Abeg help me add your own…


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-14 10:20:57

612 Views



I and Jesus [Read it]


Oh! Lord the giver of life light and love we thank you for our parents leaders and the nation,we realize that our lives will be incomplete if we fail to fully utilize the opportunity you have given us to be here may you grant us the grace to achieve the highest goal from our nation grant that we dissapoint not our parents and the entire nation all this we ask through Christ our lord amen.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-28 21:00:34

155 Views



My diary [Read it]



Dk's Diary Episode 2
I kept screaming and siya was out she was so
drunk, and as they approached they told
me to shut up and the other guy also pulled up a
knife and they pulled us to the dark
and before we got into the dark my panties were
off, I don’t even know how and I screamed help!
Help!! Help!!! I knew he was not gonna stab me
and I called siya’s name she was still
out and as the other guy tried to rape her a car
just happemed to be passing by and I screamed
louder than
before and they stopped, then it was a fight with
those rapist, before the car stopped he
already hit me and stabbed me twice on my
thighs, the guys fought with them and they
ran and the good samaritans then took us to
Helen joseph hospital, I was soo scared I lost my
phone my
wallet was also gone and I had to stay at the
hospital for like three days and Siya was
discharged
the following day coz she was only drunk, three
days later siya and Mxolisi and Mxo’s
friend Vilane came and collected me oh thank
God…..i’ll never forget that day, i had even told
myself that i was going to quit alcohol for
good....
Anyway enough about that horrible day because i
honestly really hate talking about that chapter of
my life, it was so horrifying i did not even tell my
parents about it because i knew that they would
pull me out of UJ with immediate effect...
Anyway let's move on with the story of my life...
As a girlfriend, as a boyfriend we in some
instances responsible for our partner’s actions, I
remember this year around march was just done
with my first tests and I agreed with my man
that his coming over for a weekend coz I was
going home the following week and then we tell
each other whats gonna happen when he gets
here and how are we gonna do it, against the
door, the wall, in the shower, and lol against the
sealing, I shaved I was on point and ready for his
game and sadly after all the meditation I had
throughout the week he cancelled on me
because he had to drive his distance sister
somewhere in KZN, even doubt she’s the sister. I
got so pissed, furious and horny even though his
not coming I wanted it more, so I decided I get
some alcohol and drink to it and just pass out
and forget about this misery.
I’m at PNP Campus Square still deciding on what
to buy and then I go ‘4th Street baby’ you know
what it does, so I went back to the flat ”house”
put the alcohol in the fridge and took one glass
with some ice cubes and I’m sipping on it like
juice and then the second glass and as I go for
the third glass I hear a knock on my door believe
me I was already tipsy and then I open I see its
koketso, my friend he also stays in my flat, his
Tshwana and he works out, so he was with his
guys and some chicks, I joined them we chilling
by the balcony with some bubbly hubbly the vibe
is on point and hey the more wine I drank the
more horny I got, I’m sorry but I wanted it that
night so I suggested we play some sexual mind
teasing game, like we start with words that
starts with A and that bests describe your pussy
or your dick and you don’t have to repeat
someone else’s word if you do you take a sort
and we move on to words that starts with B, e.g
my pussy is appetizing. I tell you I was a walking
dictionary that night coz I wanted all the guys to
know how horny I was and finally I spoke for my
pussy…………. I then went to the bathroom, by
then I’m so drunk, horny, emotionally lost, I felt
so devastated and I swear to you the hornieness
felt so like rain forest, I then started crying and
as I continued crying Koketso comes in didn’t
even knock and then I quickly pulled my panties
and the skirt, I tried holding my cry and I look at
him and his face went like It’s ok to cry and I
cried couldn’t hold it anymore, he then held me
with a hug and hey I mean that warm and tight
squeezing hug, like is kinda taller than me so my
head was positioned on his chest I was facing on
his left and as I want to look him in the face the
lips just accidentally collided for like 2 to 3
seconds and the awkwardness happened for like
a minute max and then we kissed and kissed for
like 5 minutes non stop, remember we still in the
bathroom and I was shy to touch his dick
through his jeans I mean I know they say ladies
first but in this instance his was to go first, so
he started touching my breast, my ass, and my
hands were all over his chest I’m busy trying to
feel the 6 pack, and then he pulls up my skirt
and moves the panties on the side immediately
when he started fingering me I tried taking off
his top but I couldn’t his hands were very busy
so I touched, brushed his dick mm mm mm I got
more wetter, mashole a mmele a jabulile manje
ka se sebaka I tell you and the in my head goes
like “ let’s dance like we making love” .
As we were busy moving and touching, hugging
and loving.. i was so excited i could actually feel
my clit jumping for joy, excited as we both were,
can you believe we actually forgot to lock the
bathroom door,
and you'll never guess who walked in at that
very moment and ka that very second my pussy
went from wet to dry in an instant...
I SWEAR TO GOD THE SITUATION WENT FROM
ZERO TO HUNDRED REAL QUICK.....
Thank you for reading please like and share my
diary with your family and friends... more
episodes to follow just keep checking


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Love stories [Read it]



There was a Boy ‘n a
Girl,They were best
friends for years ‘n
years,They could Talk
for hours on the Phone
‘n text each other for
days,
When They were
Together;
Not a single Sad
Thought could cross
their Minds, everything
was Great, But One Day;
The Boy did not Answer
any Call or Reply to any
Text for a Day,
The Girl was worried
that something was
Wrong..
At night She couldn’t
Sleep.., She was sitting
in her Room Crying, ‘n
It was then that She
Realized how much He
Means to Her..?
The next Morning;
She woke Up from a
Phone call.., It was the
Boy..
Boy: Hey..,
Girl: I'm so glad that
you Called Me, What
happened to you
yesterday ??
Boy: I was Busy
[ The GIRL Understood
that;
Something was Wrong
but could not Ask]
[silence]
Boy: You know..; We
should Stop talking..!
Girl: What??.., But
Why ??
Boy: I am Sorry, Bye..!
[He Disconnected the
call, 'n She Felt as If
Somebody
had Slammed the door
on Her face]
Everything else Flashed
in Her Mind,
Tears :’(
Cars running by Her..
Roof of some
building..’n Sunset..
She couldn't
understand anything..
She started Feeling
Lonely, Dejected, ‘n
broken..:’(
That was the answer to
everything! His words
were pouncing on her..
Her heart wanted to
jump out!
He was the One..!
“Why..??”
She Screamed at the
Top of her Voice;
Then She made up Her
Mind to make a last Try
to get Him Back..!
[She called Him Up]
Girl: hi…
Boy: Why are you
calling Me?
Girl: I need to tell you
Something..
Boy: Go Ahead.
Girl: I Just Wanted You
to know one thing
before we stopped
talking!
Boy: Tell me..!
Girl: Are you All right?
[She broke off..!
She tried but may be he
doesn't really Care
about Her,
She Thought!
She wasn't His friend in
the first Place...
Tears were slowly
running Worst
She left the House with
a Note..!
[5 hours later]
Phone Rang in the Boy’s
Room,
It was the Girl’s Mum,
The girl was lying in the
hospital, Got hit by a
Car, :’(
The Boy rushed to the
Hospital where She was.
She Opened Her Eyes
with the Boy’s name..,
He took her Hand..
Boy: Im so Sorry Its all
my fault..! But;
I promise when U get
better I’ll make It up to
You..
Girl: I wont get Better..
Boy: No..! No Don’t say
that..
Girl: just tell me one
thing Why did you do
it?
Boy told her that He had
a Heart problem ‘n he
did not want her to be
worried;
‘n there was a risk that
he could have Died..!
Boy: I did that because
I…..I…..I Love you..
Girl: I LOVE YOU
TOO..‘n After That her
heart Stopped
Beating…:O
She Died..!:’(
The Boy died 10 mins
later from a Heart
Attack..:’(
He could not live with
the thought that;
She died Because of
Him.. :’(
Moral: "If You Love
Someone…Then Don’t
Hold Back Your
Feelings… Because Love
is The Reason to Live..!
Love is Beautiful..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I think a man’s “wordplay” can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!

~ Junnita JacksonRelated

Good Morning!!!


Did you Know, Many years will pass by, Months will pass by, 365 (366,leap year) days will pass by, That Moment, That Feelings with your loved ones, Pain you go tru 4rm different angles, atrocities e.tc. Will surely occur..

But ave u 4 1ns tort of if you are Entering the right TRAIN (Way of Life) at The beginning of your Journey, ave u 4 1ns tort of, if u are Moving with the right TRAIN, A TRIAN has no Reverse, such as LIFE has no Reverse, 1ns its Gone, Its Gone

Its better you Choose d Best TRAIN to Enter b4 its too Late

Have a wonderful day ahead, May Our Hustle pays a better result, as many of us get back to work today


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Naughty Akpos [Read it]


Naughty Akpos draws a p*nis on a black board.Lady teacher rubs it off.Next day he draws a bigger one and writes:"REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-13 09:01:16

580 Views




Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

school donation [Read it]


A guy knocked at Akpos' door asking for a donation for the local primary school's swimming pool.

So Akpos went inside his house and came back saying, "Here, have a cup of water."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-13 09:03:26

158 Views




The school S.U.G president soon showed up
with the school authorities and the police,
quickly dispersing everyone.
“You can now go on with your various
activities, we are here to take charge of the
situation.
Be rest assured that the person behind this
outrageous crime will be caught. If you have
any information to share please don’t hesitate
to bring it to our knowledge.
Mind how you talk to the press or better still
leave us to do the talking, “you are warned”
the Dean of students addressed us before we
were dispersed. I returned to my room
extremely scared and afraid. I couldn’t
imagine what the outcome of their
investigation will be.
I didn’t leave my room all through the rest of
that day.
I simply stayed indoors with my conscience
punishing me. I was ready to do anything for
my fears to go away.
Nmeka’s body was taken away later in the
afternoon. I couldn’t help but peep through my
window as an ambulance carried the poor
thing away.
Yes the time was precisely 3:15pm. I really
couldn’t imagine what caused the delay in
moving a body discovered very early in the
morning.
However some minutes after her body was
taken away. A strange kind of dizziness took
over my entire body. It was as if my room
was spinning round with me in the center.
I lost balance and collapsed on my bed,
breathing heavily while sweat drenched my
body.
I couldn’t believe nor understand what was
happening. I never experienced such a thing
before, but luckily I regained myself some
minutes after.
I tried hard to think what could have
happened, but just couldn’t figure out
anything. Not only was my eyes now seeing
things that never was, the rest of my body
has equally joined in the game.
Could Nmeka’s spirit be behind this?” I
wondered
Miserably.
“But I didn’t kill anybody. It was just an
accident.
I did what I had to do to save face” I kind of
spoke aloud before realising myself.
A sharp knock of my door, quickly notified
me of a visitor waiting outside. “Was I heard?
Is it the police?” I nervously asked myself as I sluggishly went to my door.

>> Page 8 -

Desert walk [Read it]


There were three guys, Thambo, Gyan and Akpos, they were all in the desert where they walked many miles. 


Finally they walked upon a lunchpack that someone lost while hiking in the desert. In the lunchpack, there was a big bottle of water, a large piece of meat and a big piece of bread. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough to feed the three men, so they came to an agreement that they should sleep on it and whoever has the best dream will win the food. 


The next morning when they awoke, Akpos and Thambo looked at Gyan and asked, "What did you dream of?" 


Gyan said, "I dreamt I visited the queen in her royal palace." 


They both were amused by his dream. Next, Gyan and Akpos looked at Thambo and asked, "What did you dream of?" 


He told them, "I dreamt that I was part of the Real Madrid team that won the Champions League last season." 


They were amused by his dream. Thambo and Gyan looked at Akpos and asked, "What did you dream of?" 


Akpos looked them in the eyes and said, "I dreamt that I was in this dry desert and while walking, I stumbled across this lunchpack. So I looked inside and found 1 bottled water, 1 big piece of meat and a big piece of bread. And since I felt hungry in my dream, I ate it all"


Thambo and Gyan, realising this wasn't a dream, checked the lunchpack but to their dismay, found out the it was empty.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-21 21:33:58

200 Views




Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A: Most likely, divorce proceedings!Related

Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.

-Margaret MeadRelated

Wife missing [Read it]


Akpos calls into the police station and says, “My wife is missing.”The officer asks, “How long has she been gone?”


Akpos: “A month.”


Oficer: “Why did you wait so long to report it?”


Akpos: “Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 13:14:32

424 Views




Ek Aadmi Doodh Bechne Wali Aurat Ke Paas Jata Hai Aur Use Maje Lene Ke Liye Puchta Hai.

Aadmi: “Tum Doodh Free Mein Pilaogi”

Doodhwali Bhi Syani Thi Sun Kar Boli “Haan, Pi Lo Lekin Malai Nikalne Ke 1000 Lungi“Related

HOW I LOST MY VIRGINITY ON VAL'S DAY

I have always thought val is overhyped. May be it is
because deep down in my heart love has failed me. Love
has disappointed me. All my life the guys I like never like
me back. And also, maybe it is because I lost my virginity
on val’s day.
All my life, guys have never really liked me. Or should I
say the guys I like don’t like me back while those I don’t
care about are the ones who pay me attention. Last year, I
met a man I had been chatting with on facebook. He
is married, but because I write poetry, he became one of my
ardent fans. He sent me a friend request and I accepted, and
from there we began chatting.
His wife is in London, but he is here on contract to one of
the telcom companies so he didn’t come with his family.
When we met at ocean basket in VI last year, I couldn’t
believe how handsome he was. He is fair, tall and very
handsome. I will not deny that I fell in crush with him. I
also will not deny that when he invited me to his house in
Adeniyi Jones in Ikeja, I accepted and went.
One thing led to another and he disvirgined me in his
house, Feb 14, 2015. It happened on the couch, in his
parlour. Prior to this the only experience I have about s*x
is what I read in books and watch in films. I have kissed
and touched guys, but never s*x. I wanted to keep it till
marriage, but I don’t know the kind of madness that took
over me that day. It happened on the sofa, not even in the
bedroom. Cheap, huh? I’m a cheap floosie, some people
will say.
What pains me is I enjoyed every bit of it after the initial
pain, and I was also stupid enough to catch feelings,
forgetting he is a married man. I was feeling guilty
thereafter, but that did not stop me from still falling for
him.
The problem now is he is married, and he doesn’t feel for
me like I feel for him. I am just a fresh, tight pu$sy to cure
his konji while he is in Nigeria.
I am so disappointed in love, and I wonder if true love
exist. That is why val day makes me sick. I hate love! Love
is a very big lie. Quote me any day.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-18 16:45:33

520 Views



Drum men [Read it]


After getting drunk, a man was staggering home one night, coming back from the beer parlour.



As he staggered, he fell into a gutter.



He felt the coldness of the gutter's water and said, "God, thank you for
giving me this cool bed, I will sleep here until it is morning."



Some minutes later, another drunk staggered by and stopped to urinate in the gutter.



As he was urinating, the drunk man in the gutter said, "God, thank you
once again. You are too much! You gave me a cool bed, now, you are
pouring cool water on it. I swear, I will sleep here until it is
morning."



The drunk man who was urinating said, "Look at this talking gutter, I will use my piss to scatter your life today."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-04 15:56:49

202 Views




#Why I Can't Love...# .......Is a nyx & interesting story .........
Thaccx fr ur patience & ur tym....


Why I can't love

Episode 1

Most people seek for true and lasting love when in relationship. They wished they find the special person who will meet their deepest expectations while loving them equally in return. When they try over and over, and can't find what they looking for, they continue to work on self-improvement and try harder to understand the moving earthquake that is the dating playing field. There are those people who seem to easily find partners who want to be in committed relationship with them. They don't seem to have to try very hard to attract partners they want. Sometimes their outward behaviour is an accurate representation of who they are.
Love is to supposed to be unconditional devoid of any form of conditions attached. I have ever loved and I think it was to the fullest. The reward I received after loving was broken heart. Not once but on three different occasions respectively. The first one was when I was in the college of Education. I met Richmond who was coming from a well to do home. He poured all sort of gift on me. My birthday's with him are still fresh in my mind. I really loved him but he always try to find fault on me. He has no respect for my feelings and my views. I was madam wrong in his sight always as he was Mr Right. I thought I loved him but I was wrong. He only do use me as a sex toy to satisfy himself at anytime that pleases him. Even how we met was somewhat a mystery.
We were placed on the same dining table. I happened to be a fresh student as he was in his second year. In the process of eating, he asked me to standup without knowing what I did wrong. He made me stand till it was about 3 minutes to the close of dinning before he asked me to sit down. I lost taste for the food because it became cold. After the closing prayer, he asked me to wait behind. I then asked him what I did before asking me to stand. He said I did nothing but it was because I was too beautiful for his liking so he just needed me to stand so that he could see me well. He then introduced himself as Richmond and in second year. He asked of mine and I told him I was Esther. He said he was Sorry He made me not to finish all my food and then gave me 10 cedis to use for food at the canteen. I told him I was ok but he insisted so I eventually took the money. He took my contact and said he will call to be checking on me. He also promised of protecting me on campus so I should feel free to report any challenge I will come into contact with. He then escorted me to my hall. Weeks passed and he actually demonstrated love and care to me. We became very good friends then at one of our chatting sections, he proposed love to me. The question he asked was would I reject him if he should tell me he loved me? I said why should I? Then he went straight and said he loves me and wants me to be his girlfriend. I told him I was Sorry for I have someone in the house before coming to school so I cannot just leave that person because I came to school. I realized he was not very comfortable with my response. I ignored that facial expression despite the fact that I lied to him that I was dating. That doesn't mean I was a virgin or something. My virginity was broken when I was in my Junior High School By my mathematics teacher. Because I was not very good in maths, my parents asked him to be having extra maths classes with me after school and on weekends in our house. One Saturday my parents went to a funeral leaving me and my two siblings who knew nothing in the house. I was around 15 years by then and you could imagine the rate of development. When he came he started admiring my beauty and said a lot of things that made me feel like a princess then he said he wanted to teach me the sweetest thing on earth. He convinced me and had his way through me. I got hurt because he was too big. When my mother returned in the evening, she saw that I was not walking properly so she asked what went wrong with me. I told her I was suffering menstrual pains. Sir Thomas gave me some pain killers the following day when he came teaching. I hate seeing him that day. I nearly reported him but the issue was he didn't force me but only convinced me and besides my mother won't spare me when she hears that. The whole school too will get to know about it which will bring shame to me so I kept it to myself. So this made it clear that I was not a virgin. Richmond continued to show care regardless of the fact that I didn't accept his proposal. I thought of this and I felt in my heart that Richmond actually loves me. He do advice me, encourages me when things become difficult for me. At times he gives me money even when I do not ask for it. He was just too nice to me. So I decided to give inn into his proposal but I waited till the last week Of the semester. I arranged a meeting with him. But He changed my arrangements and said he will take me out to a restaurant just close to the campus so that we could discuss what I have. After taking a plate of rice each, I told Him I lied to him that I had someone in the house so I have agreed to his proposal. He opened his mouth in amusement and went on his knees and thanked me for accepting his proposal. We continued with our drink and left to campus. Little did I know that after telling him that I was dating back at home, he proposed to another lady that was in her second year just that the lady was yet to give him her response. Anyway I didn't know that from the beginning. He became very happy. I was happy too but come to think of it. How could I fall in love within my first semester in school.
Life with Richmond was something else. Hmnm that day that we finished writing our last paper. Richmond came around my hall and said he wanted us to go out to chill since we have finished our papers. I planned leaving campus the following day so I was just packing my things before his request came in. I agreed so we planned 7pm to go to a club in town. When we got there I saw many of the students there. They were all moving in two's. "Oh so this is what goes on here? " I said to myself. We went to get a place in a Conner Where most people could not see us. He requested for a bottle of stone bear with two wine glasses. One for me and one for him. Hmmm I regret that day.
Just relax I will tell you everything.

This is just the beginning of the journey. Relax and enjoy the rest of the episodes.


To be continued.....





NAIRAJOKES.COM




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INSTRUCTIONS:
ATTEMPT ALL
QUESTIONS, ALL
QUESTIONS CARRY
EQUAL MARKS. SHOW
ALL FORMULA.
1. You have been dating
a pretty girl for 2 years,
she later dumped you
for another guy.
Calculate the
percentage of your
lifespan wasted?
(20mks)
2. You bought a phone
for your girlfriend and
she gave it to another
guy. Using
Trigonometric
identities, Derive a
general formula for this
type of love? (20mks)
3. (For guys) You're
dating around 15 girls
and every girl is
demanding a Samsung
Galaxy and an iPhone 6
.
a) Plot a graph of girls
against prices of
phones? (20mks)
......
b) Use your graph to
estimate your future
poverty? (20mks)
4. You are dating
peoples' sisters yet you
don't want to see any
guy with your sister.
Calculate the
Percentage Error in your
Thinking Capacity? Use
Pi=3.142 (20mks)
#B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-12 16:47:57

487 Views




continues ......
They all denied having anything to do with my room. “Na who come enter my room go take am?” Because I could remember, that locker was where I kept all those documents immediately after my mom’s death. “I didn’t know what to do. My late mom’s shop that was put on sale, no reasonable amount has been placed on it by buyers. Business don fall. The place had been locked. Some things inside the shop don dey spoil sef. I just needed some money to bring back my business.” The only money I had on me was N7,000. All the tenants, there rents were yet to be due.
Some days later, I noticed that all the family members that came for my mom’s burial none of them were leaving. All the 11 old men and women, plus their children, none of them wants to leave. Earlier, I had asked when they would leave but they were telling me “soon.” Soon no dey reach? It had been over 2 weeks since after the burial of my mom and yet dem no wan find their way go. The two bags of rice wey dey house don finish. Food dey burn and they still want to stay. I reminded them again and one of them said he and his family were not leaving. They were staying put in that house permanently. Na there I know say dem don craze. Na so I begin para ooo come dey hala for them say na weekend I give them make them leave the house. One of the women laughed at me. She said I can’t do anything, and I can’t do more than a dead rat. I still maintained on my words that if they didn’t leave by weekend, I would deal with them.
After the threats, that night, I started having dreams of masquerades chasing me with cutlass. Before I knew what was happening, I started having strange headaches. Couple of friends asked me to leave the house for the main time, but I refused. Still, after the weekend deadline passed that my late mom’s relative should leave, the family members stayed put. One of them went ahead to even bring police to arrest me, claiming that I was an outcast. It took couple of friends to bail me out after series of negotiations. “All these for the house wey I build ooo.” One of my friend’s dad who came to bail me queried the police for arresting me instead of the family members. The police officials said, that I didn’t report first, that it was because the family members reported the issue first so they had to arrest me.
After the bail, after spending 2 days in police cell, I returned to the house. My house was locked from inside. I hit the door countlessly for anyone inside to open but still no one came forward. But I presumed that people were inside the house. The way I was shouting and ranting, 2 tenants came out of their houses. “They were aware of what had been going on in our house.” The tenants suggested I should go call the police. One of them even followed me to the police station. Na so we call police come compound come arrest them (the family members). Na one knock the police officers knock wey the family members open door by force. I was happy that the police would help me get those people out of my house. Na so those people lie say na dem get house. That the house was built by their great great grand parents who gave it to them. “What a rubbish lie.” The police said they were not going to do much on the matter. Since it was a family matter, we should resolve it. They said they were not ready to chase anybody out, and we should resolve the whole issue. The police officers said I claimed that my mom built the house, that I should bring out the certificates. “Chaiiii, na there I tell them say dem(the family members) don steal the thing.” Na so officers burst laugh as if I was a coward. They said I have no prove of the ownership of the house. As we were still arguing, it looked as if something crawled through my head. I began feeling an abnormal strange headache. I was rushed to the hospital and was admitted. Na so dem put drip for my body. Days past and still in the hospital. Each nights I keep having strange dreams of my mom telling me to leave the house for them. “Gbadebo, fi-le funwa,” she would scream at me in the dream to leave the house for them.
Finally, I felt in my heart to leave the house and move to a friend’s own. The day I had that feeling of moving leaving the house and moving to a friend’s place, the strange headache stopped, I was discharged after 6 days and nights in the hospital. None of the family members came over to see me. It was friends and tenants that took care of me in my condition. The remaining house keeper had tried so well. I asked her to go back to her guardian, since the woman, my mom was dead. We no longer needed her services. And I didn’t want to endanger her life by allowing her stay with my mom’s relatives at the house. I asked her to go and she did.
2 days later, I got a call from the landlord of the shopping complex where my mom had her shop. They said they had been trying my number for days and it was not going through. They said I should come and move her remaining things out of the place because the rent was due. I told them that I would come, that they should exercise patience. I was making arrangements if I could get someone that will take the properties at cheaper prices.
After two weeks, I had finally gotten someone who said she wants to buy up the properties in my late mom’s shop. The woman called me while I went to meet her at her place. From there we went to the shop and met the shock of my life. The shop had already been taken by someone else. While properties inside were packed outside. Rain sef don beat the properties, clothes, chairs and other things. The thing pain me reach bone. I had to call the owner of the complex. She said it wasn’t her fault that they had already informed me but I refused to come pick up the stuffs so they had to pack them outside for the new occupier to move in. The interested buyer wasn’t pleased with some of the things she saw. After a targeted price I had placed on my mind. Na there price change oo because rain don spoil some of the things like provisions and eatable stuffs. The woman selected some few things she could. She come give me N100,000. I rejected it because what she took was way up to N1m and was giving me N100,000. She was saying that she doesn’t even need them, only that she just pitied me. She was even encouraging me to take the money because even if I didn’t, those things will stay there and rot away. I saw some sense in what she was saying. But what she was offering me was way too low, “peanut.” My friend I came there with took me to a corner to advise me. He said I should ask the woman to just add small money on the N100,000. He said that if I refuse to give it to the woman, I may not see any other person that will buy the goods again. “Goods wey the former owner die.” “Naija wey we get funny superstitious believe.” I heeded to my friend’s advice and asked the woman to add some money on top of the N100,000 she offered considering that we didn’t even have reasonable stuffs inside the shop before my mom died. “My mom sef didn’t go to market for a period of 4 months before she died. Our shop was even getting empty sef then.” At first when I told the buyer to add more money to the one she offered, she refused but later added N5,000 to the N100,000. I collected it and went my way.
Three days later, I started noticing that I was having burning sensations around my body. Each time I want to urinate, na mixture of blood and urine dey come out. “Chaiii, Another trouble.” My friend Ali I was staying in his place. He attends Mountain Of Fire ministries. Ali said I should follow him to their church to see his pastor. I refused. I don tire to dey go pastor own. If I still go there, the small money wey I get, dem go still collect am from me. I totally refused to follow him go see his pastor.
Days past, I was looking slimmer. My eye balls were becoming whiter with my palms. I was noticing it and was ready for anything, even if it was death. “I was tired of the life and sufferings I was going.” With what I was going through, I find it difficult to urinate. I vomit often. I had gone to about 2 hospitals and doctors couldn’t diagnose anything. The worse part of it, I got a call from the tenants staying at my place. They said my mom’s family members had threatened them out of the house. Infact they went ahead to bring a calved wooden figurine threatening them that if they didn’t leave the house, they all would die. Me sef come tire. I didn’t know what to do. At my very young age, going through all those kind of things. I was so tired of life. “My academics was still hanging with 2 courses still holding me. CGPA don drop drastically”. Na third class I dey. “My health was going down and I don’t just know if I was cursed!” I was still yet to tell Ali about my dubious means, my yahoo yahoo dealings in the past. He was just seeing me as a humble innocent young man. Yes, that is what I am, but what I was, he doesn’t know. On several occasions, he had invited a prayer group from their church to pray for me.
On one of the visits of the prayer group, one of the pastors said I was the cause of my problem. He said I should confess my sins, do restitution and I would be free from all the problems I was going through. “Infact he vividly said I had a covenant with the devil which had expired. The covenant requires renewing that’s why I was going through all that and if I didn’t renew it, it would cost me my life.” But I thought it to be a foolish decision. “I am the only one (except Abisoko and Uchenna) who knew how I got the money to build house and other things I did. I was leaving a life of lies.” My friend Ali had asked me if I was hiding anything from him, but I told him, “none.” Denying all the pastor had said. To me, I didn’t believe all that the pastor had said. The ones I believed duped me. I and my mom were conned. “It’s another avenue to be conned,” I thought to myself. But I was going down health wise, physically. Life was becoming boring and vague to me. The once Gbadebo that was smart and intelligent, great dreams had become a shadow of himself.
This particular Thursday, I was vomiting blood, Ali was not at home. He had traveled to Ibadan for some pressing issues. I felt weak. It looked as if I was going to die. I had to manage myself and went to a nearby chemist shop. The woman said she can’t do anything for me, that I should go to the hospital. She had to beg her brother to help accompany me to the hospital. The brother agreed as we left for the hospital with his motorcycle. The boy sef no try. He just dropped me and helped me into the waiting corner whilehe left. I was seated at the place to see the doctor when a man who was wearing a white garment like celestial church member was jumping from corner to corner preaching and laying hands on people. He was accompanied by two ladies and a man, all wearing white garment. I guessed they were from a celestial church. Women were coming to him, bringing their children for the man of God to lay hands on them. He was speaking in Yoruba language. Some were like, “daddy you have not touch my child oooo.” “No be wetin I come for be this nah” I thought to myself. I had to call one of the nurses who was busy directing the scenes of the man of God. She was carrying the cele man of God from place to places. I called her to attend to me. Na so dem just ignore me. “Abi dem no know say my own na emergency case.”
After many minutes of the Pastor with prayers, the doctors started attending to us. I was given an injection and some drugs. I began feeling very weak. I was asked to come back the next two days.
Two days later, I was feeling a little better. I went back to the hospital and still saw the Cele man of God I saw two days back. “It seemed they were now turning the hospital into a healing school or prayer ground.” The man of God of was laying hands on people with his deep Yoruba accent. As usual, mothers carrying their children to him for special laying of hands.
I was just sitting on my own when the man of God came to me and shouted my name, “you Gbadebo Alaba,” as if we had met before. He spoke in Yoruba. I just dey look the man. He didn’t only mentioned my name but also called my matriculation number. He asked if he was right about my matriculation number. Na so I dey struggle to answer “yes.” Because I was shocked and surprised how he was able to know. I wondered maybe he knew me before. He said my mom died some months back and stated the cause of her death. He also said that family members had chased me out of the house I built. He asked if he was right and I said, “yes.” Na so everybody come dey shout, because he was saying it to everyone’s hearing. Na so fear come dey catch me ooo. “How the man take know all these things.” He said I might think he knew me, but he doesn’t. That he was just a man of God that God had ministered about me. He said he would prove to me that God was the one ministering to him about me, “as if he knew I was still doubting.” Na so this man tell me the food wey I eat that money. He told me the rout I followed when I was coming to the hospital. And he asked if he was right? And I said “yes.” People wey dey hospital come dey shout ooo. He told me that seeing him today, all my problems were over. “I was still in shock.” I had heard that couple of times but was yet to see the reality. He said they would be having a program at their church the next day, that I should try and come. He said the program would be in the morning by 8:30am. I told him I would make it. Na so some women for their dey shout Halleluya, waving their hands as if it concerned them.
I was determined to get freedom and if going to the church would be the way out, I was ready even though I had little doubts on my mind.
The next day, as early as 7am, I had already prepared and went to the white garment church through the address the man of God gave to me. When I got to the church, I met scanty place with few ushers. “I think say the man talk say them get program.” But everywhere was scanty. I asked one of the ushers what was going on and she said it was a deliverance program which would start by 8:30am. Time at that moment was 7:45am. Na so I begin wait. Some few people come dey come into the church. Many wore white and some on mufti. I guessed those of us on mufty were just first timers. At 8:30am, the population of people in the church was up to 32. The singers began singing songs. “I had attended churches even though it has been long I attended one. But I have never attended a church like this one. The way they praised God, everyone was just jumping and screaming.” The screams and shouts were distracting me. It looked as if I was watching a movie. A woman close to me began jumping like a monkey. She nearly gave me a head butt as she was jumping like a monkey screaming “Jah Jehovah Armageddon.” Na so people just dey fall anyhow for ground. All those things began distracting me. Na all those people I come dey look. As I dey look, na so somebody hit my shoulder from back. I turned to know who the person was. It was a woman. He said the pastor wants to see me. Naso I follow her comot. She carry me go one place. I guessed it was the children auditorium. The pastor was sitting on a chair with about 2 men and 3 women surrounding him. All wearing a white garment. As we walked in, the man of God asked me to seat. He called my name and said I was welcome to their church. Na so I bowed in respect as he stretched his right hand for a hand shake. I gladly had a hand shake with him. He asked me to sit and I did. Others in the place sat down too. He asked me how I was doing and I told him I was doing fine. He asked if I was enjoying the church program. I told him “yes.” *for were!* me wey just they look people wey dey fall. He began to ask me series of questions concerning my background and family, in which I told him. Na there he began advising me that I need deliverance. I needed to be delivered from oppression of the devil. He asked if I was willing to go through the deliverance session. I said provided it would end all the pains and iniquities of my life. He said that my own deliverance session will start the next day in the morning. That I should come prepared. He said I should come with six canes. “I began wondering what they would be using the canes for.” I guess the pastor saw the expression on my face. He said I shouldn’t be afraid, that the next day, the devil will leave my life. And that we were going to be flogging the devil. We were going to be flogging demons out of my life. Na so I talk “Okay ooo.” I believed that the next day would be the end of my travails. I was in happy mood that I had found solution to my problems. “Devil go here am. The devil is indeed finished.” “Pastor cele go deal with all those demons we dey fight my life.” I left the place happy.
The next day, I came as early as 7am to the church. I just wanted the deliverance to start up for the devil to be chased away out of my lives. I waited till the church was opened around 8:25am. By 9:20am, the pastor had arrived. They took me to their children auditorium. There were other people that came for deliverance too. All of us carrying 6 canes each. I was told my own deliverance session would start by 11am so I had to sit in the auditorium. They said they would be conducting the deliverance of everyone in that place.
One of the members came with his bible to the pulpit and started a prayer session. As the prayers started, na so some of the members wearing white garment began jumping again like drunk monkey, screaming “jah, jah, jah.” Na so people just dey fall. Even people that came for the deliverance were falling. I could recognize them because they were not wearing the white garment so I felt they were visitors and non-members that came for deliverance.
At 10:15am, they called out one lady and asked her to kneel and she did. They started praying for her. Suddenly the woman began jumping and shouting. The pastor asked them to get the 6 canes the woman brought. Na so pastor collect one of the cane come flog the woman. She screamed and shouted “Jesusssssssss”. Me sef come begin wonder why the pastor was flogging the woman. “Shey na so dem dey do the deliverance, with cane?” Na one wey pastor flog this woman she hala “Jesu Christi.” Other men and a woman of God with the pastor collected their own cane and began flogging the woman. The woman was rolling on the ground. As I was looking at it, I began wondering whether it was the cane each and every one of us brought they will use in flogging us. Chaiii, na so I look my cane as I carry the thing for hand. If it was what I was thinking! “Whether to just walk out of the church.” They use cane to conduct deliverance. That was why we were asked to get canes. I called one of the ushers and began asking her what was going on. Because I never still decode wetin dey happen. “Shey na cane una take dey do una deliverance?” I asked. She asked if it was my first time of coming to the place and I told her “yes,” it was my first time. Na so this lady begin explain to me ooo, say na so them dey do their deliverance for there. He said they often flog out demons and evil spirits operating in people’s lives. And I began wondering, “so na so this people go take flog me with cane?” Na so I look finish, I no be small pikin wey them fit just flog like that nah. I took my bible and left the church. As I was leaving out of the church, one of the men of God followed me outside. He began asking me why I was leaving. Na so I tell him say I no just understand, say na cane them wan flog me as deliverance. He looked at me as i said that. He said he doesn’t have much to say but if I work out of that place with my problems, that I won’t wake up alive the next day. “He said he was seeing deaths around me and if I didn’t do that deliverance that day, my own was finished.” The way the man was talking to me; the look on his face suggests I was truly in danger. Immediately he said those words to me, he turned around and went into the church. Na so I come dey fear ooo. “So na cane dem go take flog demons and problems comot from my life?” Part of me was telling me to go back into the church so I would be free. The pastor had already told me that after the deliverance, the family members in my house would leave. Infact na run dem go take comot leave the house and out of my life. But another part of me was telling me I was sinking deeper into problems; and that place was not to be. As I was busy contemplating on going back to the church or leave, one of the ushers came to me and encouraged me to take the pain and, “infact Jesus took worse.” According to the Bible. “But I no be Jesus na.” She said many people come from all over the word for the deliverance and after that, their lives didn’t remain the same. As she said that, part of me said it was true, that after undergoing the deliverance session, my life won’t remain the same, it will turn out to be worse. Na so the usher come dey tell me say she don see say devil no want make I dey delivered. That’s why he’s putting doubts in my mind. She began preaching the act of faith to me. I no know when I follow her enter inside church. I met them flogging another group of 2 people. They were 4 in number flogging the two men. “The sound of the strokes of canes were like thunder in my ears that I was so afraid.”
Couple of minutes later, the Pastor pointed his hand to me to come forward. I came out. He asked me to go on my knees and I did. Na so the other 3 men of God gather around me come dey pray. I closed my eyes but was also blinking to see when or if they will flog me because the usher said they might not flog me depending on how the pastor was led in the spirit. As I was kneeling and prayers being said, the pastor shouted at me to close my eyes very well or God will slap me. Na so I close my eyes. As I closed my eyes, it looked as if I was seeing old women with cutlasses chasing me. Before I knew what was happening, a stroke of cane landed on back, ‘wiam.’ I didn’t know when I screamed “Yay, blood of Jesus.” Na so the strokes of cane begin hit me ooo. I was just shouting as I stood up and ran to one corner, the four men including the pastor followed me with the cane and was still flogging me. The pastor was shouting that the evil demon in me was too strong and stubborn. I didn’t know when I ran out of the church but the gate men stopped me and held me as if I was mad. I told them to leave me and they refused. I was struggling for them to leave me but they over powered me and took me into the church. “These guys think say I dey joke. I no want again!” I shouted. I began shouting that I don’t want the deliverance again. But not for them because the pastor said they were just starting. “We must destroy you stubborn demon,” the pastor was saying. Na so the gatemen pin me to the ground and pastor continued flogging me oo. I was feeling massive pain and becoming weaker that I couldn’t react and they stopped. I thought I was going to faint. Bruises all over my body. Two ushers came and drag me to one corner. The shirt I worn had badly torn due to the cane strokes.
>


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Steps on How to Borrow Airtime without paying back......
Mtn Users Only
Borrow airtime by dialing *606#. After you have exhausted the borrowed airtime, Dial *326# and change your date 1/01/2010
*Remove your battery and sim
*Re-insert the battery and sim card. You will receive a feedback msg saying;
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
Dear Customer, the thunder that will fire you is still at the Gym. After we have helped you by borrowing you airtime, you still want to cheat us
Lwkmd, you think i want to give u tips on how to cheat MTN,they are smarter


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-09 13:05:22

397 Views




Akpos in a hurry used the ladies ‘toilet in a posh hotel’.
He sat down and noticed four buttons – WW, WA, PP and APR. Curious, he pressed WW and his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER, he loved it so much!
He then pressed WA and a blast of WARM AIR dried him up. Still loving it, he pressed PP and a POWDER PUFF made him smell fresh.
Feeling pampered, he decided to press the last button APR. He later woke up in a hospital.
A nurse smiled and said to him, “Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. When the machine couldn’t find a pad on you, it went for your balls. Your balls are in the jar over there.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-15 15:27:43

512 Views




" More than 100 Keyboard Shortcuts must read & Share Keyboard Shortcuts (Microsoft Windows)

1. CTRL+C (Copy)
2. CTRL+X (Cut) ...
3. CTRL+V (Paste)
4. CTRL+Z (Undo)
5. DELETE (Delete)
 6. SHIFT+DELETE (Delete the selected item permanently without placing the item in the Recycle Bin)
7. CTRL while dragging an item (Copy the selected item)
8. CTRL+SHIFT while dragging an item (Create a shortcut to the selected item)
9. F2 key (Rename the selected item)
10. CTRL+RIGHT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next word)
11. CTRL+LEFT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous word)
12. CTRL+DOWN ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next paragraph)
13. CTRL+UP ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous paragraph)
14. CTRL+SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Highlight a block of text) SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Select more than one item in a window or on the desktop, or select text in a document)
15. CTRL+A (Select all)
16. F3 key (Search for a file or a folder)
17. ALT+ENTER (View the properties for the selected item)
18. ALT+F4 (Close the active item, or quit the active program)
19. ALT+ENTER (Display the properties of the selected object)
20. ALT+SPACEBAR (Open the shortcut menu for the active window)
21. CTRL+F4 (Close the active document in programs that enable you to have multiple documents open simultaneously)
22. ALT+TAB (Switch between the open items)
23. ALT+ESC (Cycle through items in the order that they had been opened)
24. F6 key (Cycle through the screen elements in a window or on the desktop)
25. F4 key (Display the Address bar list in My Computer or Windows Explorer)
26. SHIFT+F10 (Display the shortcut menu for the selected item)
27. ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the System menu for the active window)
28. CTRL+ESC (Display the Start menu)
29. ALT+Underlined letter in a menu name (Display the corresponding menu) Underlined letter in a command name on an open menu (Perform the corresponding command)
30. F10 key (Activate the menu bar in the active program)
31. RIGHT ARROW (Open the next menu to the right, or open a submenu)
32. LEFT ARROW (Open the next menu to the left, or close a submenu)
33. F5 key (Update the active window)
34. BACKSPACE (View the folder onelevel up in My Computer or Windows Explorer)
35. ESC (Cancel the current task)
36. SHIFT when you insert a CD-ROM into the CD-ROM drive (Prevent the CD-ROM from automatically playing)

Dialog Box - Keyboard Shortcuts

1. CTRL+TAB (Move forward through the tabs)
2. CTRL+SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the tabs)
3. TAB (Move forward through the options)
4. SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the options)
5. ALT+Underlined letter (Perform the corresponding command or select the corresponding option)
6. ENTER (Perform the command for the active option or button)
7. SPACEBAR (Select or clear the check box if the active option is a check box)
8. Arrow keys (Select a button if the active option is a group of option buttons)
9. F1 key (Display Help)
10. F4 key (Display the items in the active list)
11. BACKSPACE (Open a folder one level up if a folder is selected in the Save As or Open dialog box)

Microsoft Natural Keyboard Shortcuts

1. Windows Logo (Display or hide the Start menu)
2. Windows Logo+BREAK (Display the System Properties dialog box)
3. Windows Logo+D (Display the desktop)
4. Windows Logo+M (Minimize all of the windows)
5. Windows Logo+SHIFT+M (Restorethe minimized windows)
6. Windows Logo+E (Open My Computer)
7. Windows Logo+F (Search for a file or a folder)
8. CTRL+Windows Logo+F (Search for computers)
9. Windows Logo+F1 (Display Windows Help)
10. Windows Logo+ L (Lock the keyboard)
11. Windows Logo+R (Open the Run dialog box)
12. Windows Logo+U (Open Utility Manager)
13. Accessibility Keyboard Shortcuts
14. Right SHIFT for eight seconds (Switch FilterKeys either on or off)
15. Left ALT+left SHIFT+PRINT SCREEN (Switch High Contrast either on or off)
16. Left ALT+left SHIFT+NUM LOCK (Switch the MouseKeys either on or off)
17. SHIFT five times (Switch the StickyKeys either on or off)
18. NUM LOCK for five seconds (Switch the ToggleKeys either on or off)
19. Windows Logo +U (Open Utility Manager)
20. Windows Explorer Keyboard Shortcuts
21. END (Display the bottom of the active window)
22. HOME (Display the top of the active window)
23. NUM LOCK+Asterisk sign (*) (Display all of the subfolders that are under the selected folder)
24. NUM LOCK+Plus sign (+) (Display the contents of the selected folder)

MMC Console keyboard shortcuts

1. SHIFT+F10 (Display the Action shortcut menu for the selected item)
2. F1 key (Open the Help topic, if any, for the selected item)
3. F5 key (Update the content of all console windows)
4. CTRL+F10 (Maximize the active console window)
5. CTRL+F5 (Restore the active console window)
6. ALT+ENTER (Display the Properties dialog box, if any, for theselected item)
7. F2 key (Rename the selected item)
8. CTRL+F4 (Close the active console window. When a console has only one console window, this shortcut closes the console)

Remote Desktop Connection Navigation

1. CTRL+ALT+END (Open the Microsoft Windows NT Security dialog box)
2. ALT+PAGE UP (Switch between programs from left to right)
3. ALT+PAGE DOWN (Switch between programs from right to left)
4. ALT+INSERT (Cycle through the programs in most recently used order)
5. ALT+HOME (Display the Start menu)
6. CTRL+ALT+BREAK (Switch the client computer between a window and a full screen)
7. ALT+DELETE (Display the Windows menu)
8. CTRL+ALT+Minus sign (-) (Place a snapshot of the active window in the client on the Terminal server clipboard and provide the same functionality as pressing PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.)
9. CTRL+ALT+Plus sign (+) (Place asnapshot of the entire client window area on the Terminal server clipboardand provide the same functionality aspressing ALT+PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.)

Microsoft Internet Explorer Keyboard Shortcuts

1. CTRL+B (Open the Organize Favorites dialog box)
2. CTRL+E (Open the Search bar)
3. CTRL+F (Start the Find utility)
4. CTRL+H (Open the History bar)
5. CTRL+I (Open the Favorites bar)
6. CTRL+L (Open the Open dialog box)
7. CTRL+N (Start another instance of the browser with the same Web address)
8. CTRL+O (Open the Open dialog box,the same as CTRL+L)
9. CTRL+P (Open the Print dialog box)
10. CTRL+R (Update the current Web page) 11. CTRL+W (Close the current window)

Please share with others...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-21 09:30:26

1388 Views




Dear Sir,

I have two questions for the lawmakers of our country:


1. If the legal age of a Man to get Sexually active is 18 years and the legal age for him to get married is 21… then what are we actually suggesting he should do these 3 years?


2. Now if the legal age for a Man to get married is 21 years and the legal age for him to start drinking is 25 years… then how do you suggest he survives the first 4 years of marriage???

Any information will be appreciated.Related

BREAKING NEWS [Read it]


BREAKING NEWS:the federal government of nigeria has announced that today is thursday 25th of june 2015,and tomorrow is Friday 26th of june 2015..thanks for listening..no public holiday


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-25 14:22:25

698 Views




According to a study conducted by Harvard, atheists have a higher average IQ (119) than any other religious group of people.Related
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