Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

-James BaldwinRelated

If the Disciples where to be Nigerians, this is what would have happen on the pentecost day.
Peter: what! Is that not light am seeing on your head?
Thomas (screamed): Jesus! Light on my head! Where? Where?? Bring water, bring water.
Mathew (speak in hausa): No need for water, its on everyone's head.
Thomas: wait o, Mathew, is that not hausa you just spoke? I thought you are from Igbo.
Peter: Wooo I can speak French, greek, china etc
Judas: Even me o o
Thomas: We don hammer!
Mark brought out his phone and said "Let's start snapping pictures before the light quench"

12 different churches was opened the next day


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-15 20:48:17

1936 Views




A relationship is not like Facebook where you can sign in and out whenever you want!Related

A newly married Nigerian couple brought a female house help from the village to assist in keeping their home tidy, so they would have time for their careers and other more important things.


One day, Oga decided to give his wife a surprise package. He moulded a big heart (to represent love) with the assistance of the house help, a project which took almost the whole day.


Madam came back to meet the house help sleeping and snoring:


MADAM: Will you get up now! Stupid girl! What have you been doing since morning?


HOUSE HELP: Madam welcome. No vex abeg. Me and Oga dey make love since morning. Na just now now we finish he say make I lie down small.


The house help is now on admission at the Lagos Hospital.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-24 19:31:52

439 Views





You Complained That Your Governor Didn't Do
Anything For 8 Years And You Dated A Girl
For
10 Years Without Marrying Her.
Between You And The Governor,who Is More
Wicked?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-12 15:36:02

374 Views




One day. I went to town to get somethings for
myself.on my way.i saw one of my old time friend.jc
by name.i saw him with one of the finest car in
town.for the first time.i didn’t regonise him coz he
really change alot.i wanted to continue my
journey.but i decided to go closer and check very well.i went closer to him and found out that it was
him.wow!is this not JC?yes is him.my eyes can’t decive
me na. is him.
JC.i called him loud. He didn’t answer for the first
time.i called him again.he turn and looked the
direction of the voice. JC.yes who are you and how may i help you?.
ME.wow jc. is that you?.
JC.yes is me but i don’t know you please.excuse me.(he
made to go.i held him back
ME.jc.you mean that you don’t recognise me.
JC.wait wait wait.who am i seeing.is this not dube. ME.madman.is me dube.that your senior wey dey flog
you that time.
JC.hahaha.animal.dube.my God i can’t believe is you.
(we shook and hug each other like old time friends).
ME.how far my brother?.longest time.i even think say
you don die. JC.you no well.i dey fine my brother.what are you
doing here?
ME.i came to see a friend at the street.my God.Jc you
are looking good.you even have the finest car in town
now.i dey envy you o.infact when i grow up.i will like
to be like you.lolx. JC.lolx dube.you are funny.na God shaa.
ME.guy you done hammer.how you take do am.
JC.dube is a long story.lets go some were and chill
together.
We drove to one of the bigest restaurant in town.we
ordered for what we want. and he settled the bill. JC.so dube.tell me.you are not really looking sharp as
the dube we use to know back in the days.what work
are you doing now.and what happen?
ME.hmmm.my brother is a long story.if i tell you what
am passing through right now.you won’t believe me.
JC.what happen.we are friends of course.tell me. I narrated the theory of my life to him.without hiding
anything.he really felt for me.
JC.is a pity dube.you have really suffered alot.what of
that your girlfriend eerm susan.
ME.we are no more together.we broke up long time
ago.is over a year now.i havn’t set my eyes on her. JC.that is our country for you.the same thing happened
to me.when we graduated from the university.i looked
for a job for more than a year.but my brother nothing
came up.not till i found myself on this business am
doing.now look at me.i’m one of the biggest boy in
town.i have no less than 200 million naira on my bank account.(he smiled).
ME.honestly.i am happy for you.if i may ask.what
busines are you doing?
JC.i don’t expose my business to people.unlest you are
intrested.then we can roll together.
ME.hmm.mehn i don’t know what to say.hope is not illegal business.
JC.come on dube.don’t be too dull.everybody knows
that our country is too hard.only the strong can
survive.you know what.this business will fetch you
millions of naira.without much stress.let me tell you
dube.time wait for nobody again.you have to survive by all means.
ME.mehn Jc.i have suffered alot.i have serve the
people that suppose to serve me.i have recieved an
insult from the old and the young.as am speaking to
you right now.any business that will fetch me alot of
money.am ready to do it.whether good or bad.(i said with all seriousness).
JC.now you are taking like the dube i use to know.if
you do this business.trust me your life will never
remain the same.
ME.i’m ready brother.i will do the business.
JC.you are welcome to the business.tomorrow evening i will take you to my guys.so that you guys can know
each other better.i like you courage.but for now lets
drink and celebrate. They brought more bottles of
champain for us.i eat and drink to my satifaction.
ME.hope is not an illegal business(i ask for the second
time). JC.don’t worry dube.you will know soon just chill and
relaxe bro.
We discuse like old time friends for a while.before he
left telling me he has a business to attend to.not
without dropping his card and some thousands of
naira notes for me. I left to my house as a fulfilled man.at last my life is
about to change for good.i can’t wait to start the new
business.but what is the business all about.i never
know.only time will tell. I havn’t heard from charity
since yesterday.i decided to give her a call and brake
the news for her. We spoke for a while and he promise to visit me in the evening.my dear charity.


>>

There was a plane going overseas. The pilot realized after they had taken off that the plane was carrying too much weight. If they didn't lighten the load they were going to crash.



So they dumped the freight.



The plane was still too heavy. Then they dumped the luggage. Still too heavy! So the pilot announced to the passengers what was going on, and asked for about 15 volunteers to jump off the plane with a parachute. The navy had been alerted, so they would have ships waiting for them below. And they would get a pass to fly free on this airline for the rest of their lives.



No one budged.



The pilot asked again, still no one moved.



So the pilot says: "OK, we're going to do pick people to jump, but fairly.



We'll go by alphabet, race by race: Please All African Americans step to the front of the plane now!"



No one moved.



He then says: "All Blacks, step to the front, please."



No one still moved.



"All Coloreds step to the front, please."



Still no one moved.



At this point a little boy asked his father: "Dad, aren't we African American or Black or Colored?"



The father says: "No, son, today we're Negroes. And if someone doesn't hurry up and step up to the front, we're gonna be Zulu!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-23 21:37:48

369 Views






Only a courageous woman can fry a bunch of plantain without tasting any

Albert Macauley (1872)

He who says nothing lasts forever has never tried Hausa perfume

Nelson Mandela (1973)

He who completely unwraps banana and Ga kenkey before eating cannot keep a secret

Abraham Lincoln (1864)

Any man that uses his teeth to cut meat from pepper soup, with his eyes wide open, is not afraid of anything

Williams Shakespeare (1900)

Anyone who graduates without experiencing a strike, has never been to Nigeria

Lord Lugard (1904)

He who refuses to regard bread and akara as a type of sandwich is a racist Martin Luther King Jnr (178

Any man who drinks Alomo bitters without squeezing his face, is capable of murder

Michael Faraday (1899)




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-17 21:07:01

642 Views



MARA:episode 18 [Read it]


“I have forgiven you Adejare.” I said quietly as I raised his face so that our teary eyes would meet, his eyes caused something like an emotional earthquake on the foundation of my hart and I just wished I could be held in those varicose vein-filled arms.
“Thank you so much. Thank you.” He said again and I stood to help him up.
As he sat on the bed, he pulled him unto his laps again and gave me a very sizzling embrace
He placed his hands on my tummy and I felt a tingling in my tummy.
I grimaced
He looked into my face with all seriousness.
“Is anything the matter?” he asked and I smiled
“Touch my tummy again” I said and he did
I felt something sharper- like an electric current run through my veins.
“Anything?” he asked again
My baby kicked and I gasped
“It’s the baby. He’s probably happy that you are back home” I said and he helped me back to the bed gently
He pulled the blouse I was wearing up a bit and rubbed the smooth tummy with his coarse hand.
The tingling I felt was profound
I enjoyed it!
But the kicking in my tummy increased with every added touch.
He bent to peck my tummy and when the warm breath from his mouth came in contact with my navel, the kicking stopped abruptly.
I was dazed.
“You are controlling our baby o” I said in awe and he smiled
“Why?” he asked
“You touched me and the kicking started…you touched me more and the kicking became intense. You breathed into my navel now the kicking stopped abruptly. It’s so funny” I said, really astonished
“Even the unborn baby recognizes the father” he said
“Oh yes!” I exclaimed and we laughed over it.
“I remember the good old times.” He said
“Hmmmm” I could only say as I nodded with appreciation to God.
I remembered my bare pregnancy when things were a little bit better although it was still hot.
He would play with my bare tummy for hours, rubbing, pecking, and playing with it and even checking for the movements of the babies
“I wonder what went wrong” he said as he held my hands
“Hmmmm…I just feel that this isn’t real” I said and he looked startled
“That’s how you feel?” He asked, looking very grim
I nodded, still smiling.
He reached into a polythene bag and brought out an apple.
“Take this” he said and I collected it
That was the first time in how many years that this husband of mine would get me a gift and I was happy.
Though it was just an apple
“Eat the apple” he said hurriedly and I looked into his face
“What is the matter?” I asked when I saw the anxiety in his face.
His face loosened and he smiled
“Nothing. I just remembered that I bought you the apple. I hope it isn’t spoilt yet” he said and shook my head as I bit into the fruit.
Apples don’t get bad that easily…he must have forgotten.
If not, why was he looking that serious and anxious?
Just because he didn’t want me to eat bad apples?
Just that?
He smiled at me again as I chewed.
I felt special!
>>>>>>>>>
“For in Jesus’ name have we giving thanks to the Father” Pastor said quietly
“Amen” we all responded
“Let’s come together please” he said as he stretched his hands towards on.
Still on our knees, we held hands with the pastor.
…and waited for the next line of action.
“We really need to pray. What did I say?” he asked, gently
“We really need to pray” we responded in a chorus.
I was greatly charged that if I possibly saw the devil at that point, I would have given him a lethal back-hand!
“The next thing to do now is to start pleading for the blood of Jesus. We overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of our testimony. Cover every nooks and crannies of this house with the blood of Jesus. Let us pray” he said and we started in our own little way
I opened my eyes halfway and saw the children praying in their own funny little ways, nodding like agama lizards and some looking up to the ceiling as if that was where the blood of Jesus was.
I looked at the pastor and although he was praying silently with his mouth moving in silent whispers, his clothes were soaked in perspiration.
He must have seen something
He must have smelt a rat!
I closed my eyes too and started pleading for the precious blood that alone could atone for us.
I looked into his face and I loved him the more.
He came close again and I could smell it- the sweat!
…The sweat of laboring under the sun for hours- I couldn’t but feel it and I was moved as my heart hankered for him the more.
I placed my head on his shoulders and he rubbed the side of my face.
“Sorry about the loss of our daughter” he said and I nodded
I hadn’t gotten over the death of my first born twin and I had wept and wept to no avail.
I knew when the doctor with some men came inside to wheel her away.
I watched everything through the small key hole the day before and I had cried crazily.
I refused to go out to bath or anything though!
His coming at this time was definitely consoling…I must confess!
“I heard the news and I knew how bad it must have felt for you the mother when I was even thoroughly shaken” he said and I nodded still
I didn’t want to talk about it at all!
“It is well” I said and he rubbed the side of his face against mine.
“Of course it is” he said.
He touched my tummy again
“Is our baby a boy or a girl?” he asked
I smiled
“Or twins again” I said playfully and he shook his head
“Nooooo” he exclaimed and we laughed
“I don’t know the sex yet.” I said and he looked into my face
“Why?” he asked and I faced him squarely.
“Maigida, ba kudi fa” I said in Hausa for emphasis and he smiled.
“You will do it. I will give you the money” he said and looked into his face, very astonished
“Are you for real?” I asked to be sure
“Sure dearie. Things are changing… the better times are here”
I believed so well that my heart got swollen within me.
“I went to a church on Sunday” he said and I opened my mouth in amazement
That was like the biggest lie I had ever heard
“Church? You?” I asked to be sure
He smiled
“There is nothing God cannot do. He can change the vilest offender who could only believe.” He said smoothly
My mouth curved into a broad smile
“I can’t believe you” I said and he squeezed my hands
“But it’s true” he said again
How could I possibly believe that my very weird alcoholic womanizing husband would turn a new leaf and go to church to the extent that he had changed this much?
How on earth would I believe that?
But it must be true!
The born again relationship between us now is the proof!
“Praise the Lord” I said loud and clear
“Halleluyah” he replied
“I think its high time I retraced my steps back to my God too then” I said and he nodded
He didn’t say anything but smiled in a very weird way.
“The pastor told me that our unborn baby is so glorious” he said
“You told him I was pregnant?”
“Yes I did. He told me that you aborting the pregnancy would have been the greatest mistake anyone would make as the glory of the baby is just too great” he explained on and on as he fumbled with his hands.
I was just so happy deep down.
My husband had met the redeemer for real!
“Glory to God” I said again.
>>>>>>>
“Amen” the pastor said again.
“Amen” we chorused.
“Shall we open our eyes please?” he said and we did.
Four of the children were already asleep and Taiwo was already dozing too.
“Girl, lie down beside your siblings and sleep” he said and Taiwo gladly did as if that was all she had been waiting for ever since.
“Sister Flora, we have to rise up now. we are on the battle ground and we have to put on the whole armor of God” he said
Shaking my head, my hands and all my body in totality, I nodded continuously
“Oh yes” I said
“I wish God could open your eyes of understanding and that you would see what I am seeing right now” he said again
“Hmmm…my God!” I exclaimed, my eyes fixed on him solely.
“Oh Lord! Please clothe and equip us with your whole armor as we can not fight by our own might. Please, help us Lord” he prayed
“Amen” I replied
“Let’s move towards the door so that you would get a glimpse of what is going on” he said again
He led the way as if he had been living in that house for a long time.
He knelt at the entrance of the room and I did too.
I tried to hear but I couldn’t hear
“I can’t hear anything” I said and for real, I could hear nothing at all
“Listen with a fixed concentration. You will” he said and I closed my eyes, fixing my ears.
I heard some voices!


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Desmond: am sorry;am late to dinner. good evening grandpa and grandma
Sarah: evening my son;how are you?
Desmond: am fine ma;how was your journey?
Kenneth: why are you acting like you care?if you did really want to know;you would had come down earlier
Desmond: am sorry grandpa
Kenneth: keep your sorry to yourself if it were your dad worthless parents;won't you come and greet them?
Sarah: Kenneth;please don't start. young man;take your seat
Kenneth: Jackson;you don't really know how to bring up your kids
Rose: dad is okay
Kenneth: now you are going to act like i was saying rubbish
Jackson: am sorry sir;lets just eat in peace
Kenneth: so i am causing trouble for you?
Jackson: that is not what i meant

Kenneth: then what did you mean
Sarah: Kenneth;can you please stop flogging this issue
Kenneth: alright(they start eating and Desmond phone rung)young man;your phone is disturbing
Desmond: am sorry grandpa;excuse me
Kenneth: where are you going?

Desmond: to my room;to avoid talking in front of you
Kenneth: you can take it in front of everyone or is it not Gina?
Desmond: not at all
Rose: then who?
Jackson: you don't have to push it. Desmond;you can go and pick your call
Desmond: thank you dad(he stand to leave)
Kenneth: where do you think you are going?
Desmond: dad said i can go and pick my call
Kenneth: so you are teaching this boy how to disrespect my daughter
Rose: now give me your phone
Desmond: what for
Kenneth: (he slapped him and collect the phone)you are stupid;i wonder sometimes if you are my grandson
Sarah: Ken;you are giving too much to this issue
Kenneth: who is Stephie
Rose: was it not that same girl that i said,'i don't want you to make friend with?

Desmond: but mom;we have settle our differences
Rose: i don't care
Kenneth: you are a worthless child
Jackson: dad;is alright;
Kenneth: right from this day i banned you from seeing that girl and i meant it
Desmond: i can't grandpa;i have lost her once and i am not going to do that again. she is the only shoulder i cry on and am sorry grandpa for not been the kind of grandson;you wish to have (Rose slapped him)

Kenneth: are you talking back at me?(he slapped him)
Sarah: let him go;my son are you in love with this girl;you are talking about?
Desmond: yes grandma;am sorry ma
Sarah: is okay;come my son(she hugged him)
Kenneth: are you taking side with him;Sarah? and you Jackson you are not man enough
Jackson: with all due respect sir;please just let me handle my family affair
Rose: Jack;is that how you are talking to my dad?
Kenneth: just let him be. Sarah lets go
Sarah: take care

Rose: you see your bad character had driven away my dad
Jackson: woman;just keep quiet
Desmond: am sorry dad
Rose: that is the only thong you are good at and i don't want to see that girl because i will never accept her

Beauty: i wonder the day that Desmond mom will like him
Faith: i feel for him;everyone seems to be against his friendship with that girl
Beauty: why wouldn't they?why would someone have somebody he want to get married to and will still be looking for other girls?i don't feel sorry for him and i don't even see what he like in that girl. she is not even beautiful and she is an orphan that makes her poor
Faith: will you keep quiet?are you wealthy?
Beauty: but at least;am not an orphan
Faith: now get out of here
Beauty: i will
Faith: children of nowadays


Desmond: am sorry dad
Jackson: back then my dad used to say am a good for nothing son but when i got married and i start rearing children;i tell myself that i am a good father even though i am not a good son;i was able to raise my children very well. did you think i am a good dad to you?

Desmond: you are and will always be
Jackson: i don't think i am;i am a weak father;not man enough to run my family affair;not bold enough to defend you
Desmond: but dad you have done enough for me and my siblings
Jackson: i haven't;if i am;i wouldn't had sent my kids away from me and i would had stand for the one i love
Desmond: what do you mean?
Jackson: you are all grown up now,i hope wouldn't misjudge me
Desmond: no dad;i will understand whatever decision you must had made in the past
Jackson: thank you son;i was in love with someone else back then in school before your mom and her dad came from the state. we both were fond of each other. until one day;dad said i have found you;your other half' i was like was i a half human being before now. then he introduce me to your mom;i refuse but my words doesn't count. i told everyone am in love with with someone else;no one is willing to listen;my dad has grounded everything i have because i was still depending on him. i wish for death i couldn't find one;i asked question why not my elder brothers but no answer was given; i became a drunk but nothing did really change. then i gave in to their demand
Desmond: what?dad;how could turn your back on someone that love you?
Jackson: maybe;i wasn't strong enough to fight for our love. i really was a good for nothing son
Desmond: am sorry dad and what to her?how did she take it,when she find out you were married?

Jackson: she couldn't take it;the night i got married was the same night she disappear
Desmond: you got married in the night and what did you mean she disappear?
Jackson: yes;it was in the night because the day i got married was the day i went missing and i was brought back by my dad's men and when i say she disappeared i meant she took her life
Desmond: she committed suicide
Jackson: yes son(he throw the glass to the floor)she took her life because of your worthless dad
Desmond: Jesus(tears roll his eyes)am sorry dad;that i remind you of yourself
Jackson: is not your fault,don't just be like your dad and you can go to your room now. just go to bed
Desmond: are you sure,you will be okay dad?
Jackson: sure;i am


Beauty: good morning
Desmond: where is my dad?
Rose: your dad as an impromptu meeting to attend,so he will be gone for a week
Desmond: but dad didn't tell me anything about dad last night
Rose: after you made him drunk because of your bad attitude. don't worry;when i am done with you;you will realise that i am your mother
Beauty: ma;i will go ahead
Rose: no stand and listen to my conversation. foolish girl
Desmond: mom;i am leaving tomorrow
Rose: i couldn't care less. don't forget to go and apologies to my dad for been rude to him and since you have decided to fall in love with a nobody be prepared to take the pain of a nobody(he hugged her and tears flow)get off your stupid self from me(exit)

Desmond: (to himself)this is the last time i will beg for your love. not anymore

Alfred: hey buddy;when did you come back?
Desmond: i came back this morning
Alfred: why did you decided to come back early?
Desmond: as usual;i had a fight my mom and to crown it all,my grandpa was also there to make my life more miserable;adding to the already pains his daughter my mother had cause me
Alfred: when will your grandpa and mom love you
Desmond: asking for their love is like asking for the impossible and i really don't want her love anymore
Alfred: naught you(enter Georgina)hi
Georgina: hello everyone
Desmond: i thought i told you that i am travelling and you came here?what if you did not meet me at home?
Georgina: of cause i will;your mom told me you are back
Desmond: my mom;she is such a talkative;no control
Alfred: are you okay(to Desmond)that is your mom you are talking about
Desmond: yes i know
Georgina: baby;can you just keep your mouth shut and stop complaining in my ear
Desmond: i know;so what did you want to get involved in now that you are here
Georgina: lets go on a date
Desmond: what for?
Ayo: don't be ridiculous;she want to spend time with you. don't you give her the opportunity
Desmond: am not in the mood for that
Georgina: if i act wild people will say am bad;if am calm;people will look at me without respect
Desmond: i don't care whatever you want to act like;just do because i really don't care
Alfred: man come on;you don't have to be talking rudely to her
Georgina: allow him;i am getting tired of this relationship
Desmond: you are tired of the relations;why don't you call it a quit?
Ayo: Desmond
Desmond: what?(he walked away)
Georgina: Desmond;you now walk out on me?no problem
Alfred: it is bad timing
Georgina: no problem

Chioma: why don't we go to my apartment first?
Stephanie: yours is at the bad why mine is looking at me
Chioma: fine;your room is at the front
Stephanie: Chioma
Chioma: what is going on?
Stephanie: door is open
Chioma: didn't you lock it in the morning
Stephanie: i did
Chioma: come on;lets go inside
Stephanie: i can't you go in first
Chioma: Jesus!what is going on here?
Stephanie: what is that?
Chioma: come in(she dragged her in)





SEE MORE...



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Lucky Akpos [Read it]


Akpos neighbor came back from travel and was having a chat with Akpos outside.
"You know it has been a long time, as i cameback i decided to feel my wife`s pussy" says the man.
Akpos: "Really?"
"OMG! the pussy too sweet now, Men! is too tight" said the man.
Akpos busted into uncontrollable laughter and didn`t know when he said "I thought am the only one that noticed that"
"What! you mean u have been looking at my wife`s pussy" enquired the man.
Akpos out of fear started stammering "Yes, No, Yes, No".
"See! Anytime i look for that pussy cat, i will personally kill you." says the man.
Akpos took in a big breath and said "THANK GOD"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-22 00:04:43

20506 Views




A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse or sexual activity.
Virginity In Yoruba Culture
During the traditional era and before the advent of colonialism, virginity was held at high esteem among the Yoruba people. A lady is expected to get married as a virgin as having sexual intercourse before the wedding ceremony is a taboo. This is the reason why the intending couple are not allowed to have close contact or be in the same room with each other before the D-day: thus, the need for an intermediary (Alarina).

Virginity to them is known as ‘Ibale’ and it is the pride of any Yoruba lady to keep hers till her wedding night.The wedding night is usually seen as a frightened day for the bride and her parents. In those days, mothers were fond of asking their daughters about their virginity so as to prevent the shame and disgrace that come with not been a virgin.
On the wedding night, a white cloth is usually given to the couple and the cloth will be spread on their bedding, mostly mats. The parents of both families sometimes stay at the entrance of the house waiting for the cloth to be brought out of the house while some parents will be in their homes expecting result. In this culture, the white cloth is expected to be stained by blood and after the sexual intercourse, if the cloth is stained, it means that the new bride is a virgin. If it turns out that the white cloth is not stained with blood, it signifies that the new bride had been promiscuous and slept with a man before.

A bride that is met as a virgin by her husband will be celebrated while the one that is not will be disgraced and banished from the village. The white cloth (stained or not) will be sent to the bride’s parents. Other items like rotten yam, half-filled matches or empty box of matches, half keg of palm wine will also be sent to them meaning that their daughter was rotten and not complete before she was married. The parents will be publicly blamed for not training their daughter. Grief, sorrow and loud cries will follow suit. Such bride that will sweep the whole village, dance naked in the market’s place before she finally leaves her village. The groom also has the right to divorce such a woman.
On the other hand, if the newly-wed was met as a virgin, the groom’s family will send a full keg of palm wine, full matches box to the bride’s parents indicating that their daughter was complete before the wedding night. She will be praised publicly and her parents will be happy. It is believed that virgins have self-discipline and are well-trained by their parents.
This custom and virginity has many advantages as it prevent the rate of fornication and helps the married women to be faithful with their husbands. Also, many lives have been lost to the act. Some young ladies have committed suicide because of the shame. Highly respected or elders can also commit suicide if their daughter was found to have lost her virginity before her marriage. This tradition is no longer in practice and has eaten deep by colonilisation.

IBALE(VIRGINITY)....ITS ALL ABOUT A MAIDEN FROM HER VILLAGE TO THE UNIVERSITY, SHE KEEPS HER VIRGINITY THROUGHOUT HER LIFE, BUT WHEN SHE GET TO THE UNIVERSITY SHE HAVE TO FIGHT VERY HARD IN ORDER NOT TO LOSE IT BECAUSE IT'S A LAW AND AN OAT MAKE BY THE ANCESTORS AND MUST NOT MISTAKENLY BE BROKEN BY ANY HOW GUY IF NOT THEIR HUSBAND

WILL THE MAIDEN LOSE HER VIRGINITY?
WHO WILL DISVIRGIN HER?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF HER SEAL HIS BROKEN?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE GUY WHO BREAK IT?
WHAT'S IS BEHIND THE LAW AND THE OAT?
WHAT CAUSES THE LAW AND THE OAT?

STAY TUNE FOR IBALE(VIRGINITY)







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Interview between a Nigerian named Popekaycee who was looking for a job at the consular at the Embassy:
Officer: What is your name ?
Kaycee: M.P sir !
Officer: In full please.....
Kaycee: Mr. Popekaycee but my friends call me Pope Kaycee.
Officer: Your father`s name ?
Kaycee: M.P sir !
Officer: What does that mean ?
Kaycee:- Marvin Pirate
Officer: Your native place ?
Kaycee: M.P sir !
Officer: What`s that ?
Kaycee: Manchester Province
Officer: What is your qualification ?
Kaycee: M.P sir !
Officer:- (angry) and what is that ?
Kaycee:- Mathematics P.hd
Officer: So why do you need a job ?
Kaycee: M.P sir ! Officer: meaning?
Kaycee: Money Problems
Officer:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What`s your personality like?
Kaycee: M.P sir ! Officer: And what is that ?
Kaycee: Marvelous Personality Officer: I see..... I will get back to you.
Kaycee: Sir, how was the M.P ?
Officer:- And what`s that again?
Kaycee: My Performance.
Officer: I think u already have M.P
Kaycee:- meaning ?
Officer: Mental Problem! I have sent this to you because you are M.P (My Padi).







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-04 01:09:06

686 Views




Boss is on Leave,

No Assigned Work,

No Work Pressure,

Tomorrow is saturday,

Net is on Good Speed



Duniya mein kahin jannat hai to yahin hai yahin hai yahin haiRelated

Akpos went for his heart surgery, having earned enough money through his pay-off after his retirement. The following conversation follows.
AKPOS: Doctor, I`m so scared, I`ve never done this before and I heard it has killed lots of people.
DOCTOR: You shouldn`t be worried at all. (The doctor said courageously).
AKPOS: But why doctor? (Akpos asked anxiously)
DOCTOR: Because of all the surgeries that has been carried out in my hospital, it`s only one person that has been recorded dead before.
AKPOS: (feeling a little bit relieved) If I may ask, how many have you done so far doc? DOCTOR: Yours will be the second. Akpos fainted immediately!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-07 00:42:16

716 Views




JOKE PART 47 BY DINDY
Girl: What will you do, if you were asked to go naked in front of me or die?.
Dindy: I won't go naked.
Girl: What!?.
Girl: So you prefer death?.
Dindy: No, I won't die.
Girl: [-_-] Then what will you be doing?.
Dindy: I will simply be absent.
Girl: [Angry] I hate you!!!......
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 48.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-12 23:05:48

175 Views




Thunder rolled violently across the skies and the
windows rattled weakly in response beside where
they sat. She peered through the translucent
window of the restaurant half hoping the rain had
abated. She hated the rain and the mood that came with it. Instead of leaning back into her
seat, she took a bite of the meat pie in her hand,
wincing a little at its sharp taste in her mouth.
Seyi sat across the table speaking to a colleague
over the phone for over what seemed to be hours
on end. “Sorry dear” he apologized courteously after
ending the call taking a bit of the sausage roll
from his plate.
“I should be apologizing, dragging you out on a
Saturday” she leaned back on the cane chair.
He made a gesture “No my dear, not at all. I haven’t seen you in a while so you did well; you
know how work is and all.”
“I can imagine”, Priscilla replied, smiling
brilliantly. “Is it your boss again?”
“Not this time thank God”, he rolled his eyeballs
“It’s the IT guy calling to say there’s an issue with the ATM. Honestly I’m tired of the bank though.
The stress is so much and they can’t even
appreciate the effort you must put into work”
She smiled soothingly “You’ll live. How are you
anyway?”
“I should be asking you that” Seyi bent a little bit with his eyes so full of concern for her.
“Nothing spectacular”, she replied looking down
at the table.
He grunted, sometimes she felt him knowing her
this much could be annoying, “How are things
with him?” “Not so great at the moment”
“When is it ever?” he asked rhetorically “What’s
the matter?”
“I think he’s seeing someone else Seyi” she
blurted out bending her head in shame he swore
under his breath. “Are you sure?”
“He brought her to his parent’s anniversary party”
“The bastard!” Seyi retorted loudly “How bad is
it?”
“As far as marriage” her eyes were already alert to
spill out tears but pride did not let them fall. “He’s marrying her?”
She shrugged carelessly “There’s a possibility”.
He held her hand delicately as though she was a
flower “Why don’t you put yourself out of this
misery and end it?” he sounded so wounded and
desperate “I mean look at you…you…you look unhappy and I daresay shriveled”.
“Shriveled?!” She scoffed and looked away at the
people going out of the restaurant “Unhappy yes
but shriveled? That’s hardly the word”
Seyi eyed her with one of his famous
disapproving looks and let out a sigh of resignation “I just hate to see you look miserable,
you looked ten times better a few years back,
Priscilla.”
His tone was sarcastic and he pinned her with his
gaze. “You sit all day playing model house wife
with your husband, looking at you over his shoulders and your degree lying in the dust
somewhere”
That hit a raw nerve but she made no show of it,
her mind made a flash of her bachelor’s degree
lying amongst boxes of shoes in the bedroom.
“What you need” Seyi continued “Is to get a life. It would do you a lot of good, prep you up”
“Mum wants me to be a model housewife”,
Priscilla replied distantly “She says being a career
woman isn’t what her daughters were born to
be.”
“Well Imabong doesn’t seem to agree with that.” Priscilla grimaced at the mention of her younger
sister’s name, They hadn’t spoken in such a long
time and she seemed to have cut her and the rest
of what was left of their nuclear family away ever
since Priscilla had consented to the marriage.
“Stop living according to your mother’s orders Priscilla. Take a look at Imabong for instance; she
seems to be doing well in Port Harcourt away
from your mother”
“Ima has always been strong willed,” she stated
defensively knowing what he said was true “and
independent too.” He did not reply but merely stuffed what was left
of the snack into his mouth as if to stop himself
from saying anything.
“If I pull out of this whole thing, we both know
what would happen”, a tear slid from the corner
of her eye as she stared weakly at his brown eyes “I’ll end up losing everything, my mother will
never forgive me and the little part of what’s left
of my father’s company, which we are barely in
control of will be taken from us.”
“But you told me that the shares will still be yours
and can exist independently in the advent of a divorce.”
He had a wonderful memory.
“But I failed to mention if I had a child…and it’s
the child‘s own not mine. They threw me to the
dogs, Seyi”, she finished scornfully.
He let out a breath with the new revelation “So you see,” she continued resentfully “I’m
between the devil and the deep blue sea. I would
rather stay with him than without and risk living a
life of penury and having the scorn of an over-
ambitious mother to deal with.” Her breath was
shaky and he reached out to her hand but she drew away, not seeking any of his pity.
“Sometimes, money isn’t everything”, he said.
“Tell that to my mother!” she sounded defeated
in her ears.
“I just wish you could see things from my end”.
“It’s okay” She gave him a reassuring smile and as she got up, he got up too “I’m happy just
being out of the house with a friend, I needed it.”
“I’m glad to be of service” Seyi replied, smiling.
There was still the pitiful glint in his brown eyes.
“Perhaps we should go outside now”. She wanted
to get out of the place; it suddenly seemed so cold and unwelcoming.
****
Priscilla stared the pot of boiling soup on the
cooker and finally turned off the gas. With a
happy smile of victory, she leaned on the
refrigerator for a minute surveying all her work done on the sunny Saturday morning.
Two weeks had passed since that awkward
argument. Thankfully, he was mature enough to
give her gruff answers at least whenever she had
an urgent question, but then they never spoke
unless it was urgent. It made no difference to her whether he was angry or not, all she wanted was
to be happy. It still did not rule out the fact that
she detested Saturday mornings because he was
around and when he was around, there was
tension.
The television blasted off in the sitting room. Super sports. It was obviously a match with his
favorite team, Manchester United or else Tunde
would not have bothered with the television. She
peeped into the sitting room form the kitchen
watching him delve absent-mindedly into the
bowl of biscuits on his lap, which he had fetched from the kitchen earlier. Warmth spread in her
heart as she watched him eat. It was funny
because he never even smiled at her and
sometimes, she found herself craving for his
approval.
The thought jerked her back to reality. Confused, she walked noiselessly into the sunlit
sitting room to the corridor entering their
bedroom. She leaned behind the shut door until
her heart adjusted to its normal rhythm; it was
lovely to be alone! Priscilla walked across the
moderate sized room and parted the drapes, allowing the light flood into the room; the room
seemed to come alive at once. Stripping off her
clothes, she went into the bathroom and got into
the bathtub. She gloried in the feel of the water
upon her soft skin as it trickled deliciously from
the shower. The bath was a blessing, making her feel relaxed. She would happily be locked up in
here now, savoring her few minutes of freedom
and solitude; but hearing the sound of the
bedroom door creaking open, automatically,
Priscilla stood still for a moment with only the
sound of water running along her body. Her husband’s voice was audible as he came into the
room and she heard him laugh…she had never
heard him laugh, never thought he could laugh.
He sounded so free and happy.
“Karen.” he said. Her heart sunk at the mention of
that woman’s name. The content feeling was now replaced by an uneasy one “Is that so?” he said
again.
Standing still, the bathroom, once her place of
sanctuary, suddenly became cold and uninviting.
“Alright then” Tunde said “Not the usual place?
Okay. See you in a bit”. He was definitely having an affair. The answer
seemed clearer than she cared to admit.
Suddenly, a tear slid down the corner of her eye
but she did not know why. She found herself
sobbing quietly, her fortress of freedom and
solitude crumbled around her. There was a rapid knock on the door.
“Yes” her voice sounded croaked “Yes” Priscilla
repeated clearly this time.
“I’m going out”, Tunde called from outside
“Yes. What is it?”
“I’m off now” Silence, a pause “Okay”
“I’ll be back late; don’t wait up for me though”
She heard his footsteps around the room until the
door slammed but she didn’t move until this
strange feeling washed over her. Then, she
realized the tap was still on and the water splashing over her felt like tiny pricks of needles.
Priscilla turned off the tap, hands shaking. Her
marriage was nearly at its breaking point, she
thought, as she wrapped her towel around her
petite figure. It was time to pay mother a visit.
*** Sola stared at her with her arms folded across her
breasts and Priscilla stared back into thin air. As
beautiful as they said she was, it was clear she
had not taken after her mother in any way,
Priscilla was as foolhardy and softhearted as like
her father, she said. Left to her, she would have married Tunde if not for her age. She heard her
swear under her breath and the way she looked at
Priscilla who could tell what she was thinking and
it was clearly best she did not say it loudly.
“Are you a fool or what Priscilla?”
That was a rhetorical question but she raised head up, half expecting she would say that.
“This girl! What have you been learning? If your
husband cheats, so what? Is it the first case
you’ve heard?”
Rejection slammed at her “Mum!” she retorted
hotly staring at her mother’s bleach burnt face and then, she controlled her voice. “Mum, are you
in support of it?”
“Ah! What can I do? It’s not my fault you can’t
keep your husband or am I to sleep with him for
you?!” she asked as she bored into her daughter’s
misty eyes “Don’t you know what to do with a man?”
“He shouldn’t” Priscilla insisted, “He shouldn’t!
I’m faithful even with the way the marriage has
been falling apart, I didn’t ask for the marriage,
mind you!”
“You did it for your father, girl,” her mother snapped, “Why are you so ungrateful? Your father
did all he could to keep you happy. With a
marriage to a man like your husband, what else
are you ungrateful for?”
“You convinced him to marry me off, mother”
“Watch your tongue” she sneered nastily at Priscilla and let out an exasperated sigh “So, what
do you want to do?”
“I want a divorce”
Sola’s lips thinned, “Well my dear you cannot
have it.”
“We can work something out” she continued desperately, “I can get a job, let’s start afresh.
Let’s call Ima…”
“Ehen, Ehen, Ehen…”
Sola looked at her full of conceit and her eyes
darkened in anger. “Are you paying attention to
me or has that Seyi boy been filling your head with all this nonsense? Do you want to be left
with nothing?” her mother clapped her hands.
“Look my dear I cannot go back to before. Be
wise! You won’t have me around forever, all this is
for you so you won’t regret in future.”
Priscilla wanted to scream at her, tell her she wouldn’t care if she regretted this in future. She
just wanted to live her own life with a man that
she loved and who loved her back but in the end,
however selfish she was, the woman before her
was still her mother and she was all Priscilla had.
As though reading her thoughts, Sola said, “You have to come to the fact that I’m all you have left
in this world. Your sister does not care if we are
dead or alive anymore. She made that pretty clear
when she left years ago or has she called you
since then?”
“No”, Priscilla replied in a small tight voice. “Even that boy, what’s his name? Seyi” she sat up
in her chair “I’m the only one with you till the
end”, her smile was so crooked it was almost
fake. “I suggest you get pregnant as fast as
possible. At least if you make that silly decision to
get a divorce, we can fall back on the child’s inheritance.”
Priscilla cringed at her mother’s cold harsh words.
“Yes my dear” Sola looked her daughter straight
in the eyes “Tunde isn’t the type to abandon his
child”
“So you are suggesting I trap him with a child?” “Not exactly trapping, after all you are married to
the man,” she replied impatiently
“That’s a horrid thing to do.”
“Do you have any better suggestions in mind?”
She shook her head sideways slowly. Her mother
rapped on and on for what seemed to be hours, while Priscilla’s head reeled inside and she felt
unwell. There was so much to do that she could
not tell which was better or worse; a divorce or
the sham of a marriage. All that was certain was
that she felt trapped between the devil and the
deep blue sea.


>>

????????? – ?? ???? ??? ????..?? ?? Sox ????? ???? ????

?????????? — ????,??????? ????

????????? — ?? ?? ???? ??? ????????? ????? ????.

(-Marathi Joke)Related

Two guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding.


“I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.”


His buddy replies, “Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says ‘Those are the funniest balls I’ve ever seen!’ you hit her with the shovel!”Related

NATIVE DOCTOR [Read it]


A church member went to a native
doctor to get some charms. As he was
sneaking in so that nobody will see him,
he was very surprised to see his pastor
there. Startled, he asked the pastor,
"What are you doing here sir?!" The pastor beckoned on him, "Keep
your voice low, the bishop is inside with
the native doctor."
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 07:25:07

556 Views



Oyibo [Read it]


E get one particular restaurant wey i dey go chop
4
G.R.A. E get one oyinbo wey dey always come
chop there too...
Anytime dis oyinbo chop finish, he go shout
''Hey'',
so I wonder wetin dey make am shout. I decided
to chop wetin d oyinbo dey always chop so
maybe
me self go shout too. When I reach d restaurant
yesterday evening, I order wetin d man dey chop.
Dem tell me say na chicken & red wine, so i chop
am finish, i no shout.
I collect extra plate, but i no still shout. I say dis
oyinbo na mumu o, wetin dey make am shout like
dat? Na so i just vex ask 4 my bill. The waiter
tell
me say one plate of chicken & red wine na
N75,000 then d extra plate too na another
N75,000. Na then I shout hey! heyy!! heyyy!!!
heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
yyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyy...........Up till now,
I
still dey shout .... No laugh alone make someone
laugh with u too..
Just now · Privacy: Friends


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 02:52:24

257 Views




Akpos goes to a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me a condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"
The pharmacist gives him the condom. As he was going out he turns and says, "Give me another condom, my girlfriend's sister is very cute too, she always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me, I think I may strike luck there too."
The pharmacist gives him a second condom. As he was leaving, he again turns back and says, "Give me one more condom, my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute. When she sees me, she always makes eye contact and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move."
During dinner, Akpos sat with his girlfriend on the left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the girlfriend's Dad walks in, Akpos lowers his head and starts the dinner prayer. "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you've given us........."
10 minutes after, Akpos was still praying, "Thank you Lord for your kindness."
Another ten minutes goes by and he is still praying, keeping his head down, very close to the table. They all looked at each other surprised, his girlfriend even more shocked than the others. She gets close to him and whispers, "I didn't know you're so religious."
Akpos replies, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!".
Now if you were Akpos, what would you do?
HOPE YOU ARE NOT BORED WITH THIS STRIKE Enjoy Ur Day


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-18 11:31:41

557 Views




Tunde walked into the orchard in seething anger, he was angry tired and disappointed again at the same person who always seemed responsible for it, seeing his parents and younger sister he approached them as they chatted over a glass of lemonade. Demilade looked up and broke into a smile as soon as he drew closer to them; he took a deep breath and forced himself to mask his rage.

“Hey Tunde” she held up the glass cheerily “Come, come,” she said, tapping the end of the bench she sat on and he obliged.

“Good evening mom, dad”

“Good evening Tunde dear”, his mother replied with a smile on her dark heart shaped face and he smiled back at her. “How is your wife?”

He drew out an audible breath “Same, although I don’t know what’s with her attitude.”

“I ran into her the other day,” his father said

“Where?” Demilade asked.

“I can’t remember now, I went to see someone close to a church the other day and she was just coming out of the church when we bumped into each other.”

“Church?” It was Tunde’s turn to be surprised “I didn’t know Priscilla attended a church! God, it’s been ages since I went there,” he said with a twinge of guilt.

His mother grunted full of displeasure “Only God knows what she’s cooking up this time”

“…Or her mother more like” Tunde replied with the same tone, his eyes resting on his father “Even Karen is really skeptical about her behavior.”

“How is she by the way?”

“Doing well”, He replied carelessly. “Folake said she would stop by at her place”

“She promised she would also stop by here”, Demilade said referring to Karen “She stopped coming all of a sudden when “things” took a weird twist” she laid emphasis on the word and gave them a knowing smile “I told her no matter what she was still part of this house.”

His parents nodded. “I guess her pride was bruised but there’s no bad blood anymore.”

“But there’s still a chance?”

“Demilade!”, Chief Ariyo scolded looking at her disapprovingly and she sipped a little lemonade holding the glass in her two hands “Her mouth has always been sharp, I don’t know where she got that from.”

“Not from me” his wife replied irritably “After all she’s also your daughter”

“Really I’ve also seen some changes in Priscilla, I can’t tell if she’s faking it or not”

“Just be careful, you know how easily influenced she is by her mother” Chief Ariyo replied cautiously.

“Speaking of which dad, I’d like to discuss some work with you” he said to the older man staring at the glass of lemonade placed on the table.

Chief Ariyo looked up at him then nodded and dropped the glass on the table “You ladies have to excuse us for a while now”, he gave his wife a gentle squeeze and she smiled.

The two men stepped out of the orchard into the spacious patio and headed for the sitting room. Tunde said nothing, though words hung heavily in the air; he expelled a breath and shook his head, he needed a clear head, he needed to leave sentiments and anger and doubt behind.

They sat down finally and the smell of citrus rushed into his lungs, he cleared his throat not knowing how to make the first move but his father beat him to it “A drink?” he asked pouring himself a scotch almost to the brim.

“No thanks”. Tunde picked up a magazine and idly fanned himself

“So what’s this about? Is it the company?”

“Stocks are down, we sold at the wrong time and our creditors have decided not to pay up”

“What about the collateral they placed?”

“That’s our last option; you see I keep saying it was a bad move to buy over Priscilla’s father’s company… its worse that they take a commission each month for doing nothing.”

He sipped the scotch peering at his son from the high stool which he sat on. “It had to be done.”
“For what? What is the mystery behind it?” Tunde asked staring at his father for the first time that evening “Can’t you see we are suffering for your mistakes?” He got up and stood by the window looking at his mother and sister “Your mistakes!” he repeated angrily.

His father’s silence infuriated him more “We are slowly losing everything you worked so hard to build because of you. Why would you build so much and crumble it for what?”

“Well we’re here Tunde, it could have been worse than this, my family could have been divided; I mean I would have lost you all”

“What about me? I sacrificed something to keep this family from falling apart and the thanks I could get was a full list of dummy firms the company’s supposedly been financing”, he turned around to face his dad roughly, stuffing his hand in his left pocket and throwing a crumpled paper at his father.

Chief Ariyo got up and opened it; shock registered on his face “Where did you get this?

“Your company’s account books in the year 2000! It was you wasn’t it?. Creating dummy accounts so you could make extra millions at the side!”, Tunde watched him lean heavily on a nearby chair; He continued, so full of disgust and distaste for the man who fathered him. “You also duped her father asking him to finance a dummy firm in South Africa that he knew nothing of!”

“Who told you all that?”

“I marketed the firm damn it!” he replied in anger, “I was also deceived by my own father. I was working for a fraud!”

He winced at his son’s words, his heart beating madly in his frail chest “Don’t say that Tunde, I’m still your father!”

He scoffed “I doubt that very much”, Tunde continued with a restrained voice. “How could you,

dad? You have all you want so I don’t understand, what’s going on with you, why?”

His father looked at him in pleading eyes and sighed, “I beg you, let’s keep this between us.”

Tunde laughed a scornful and terrifying one that made his father cringe with traces of fear and desperation visible on his face “It’s disgusting!”

“You don’t understand, just let this die.”

“It’s too late; other clients are demanding to know what was made of their money before I discovered who the thief was. They brought in auditors. If I had turned them down, they would have pulled out and we cannot afford that now. You are in for it dad and this time, I can’t bail you out.”

“I made some bad investments and the money had to be replaced or the company would have liquidated” Chief Ariyo slumped into the chair “I’m finished!” he said, as he touched his balding head repeating his words again and again

“You used the company as collateral?” Tunde asked reeling in shock of the revelation.

His father nodded in anguish.

“You should have told me, you should have informed me of it”. He raked his hand through his low cut hair. “God dad! What do we do now? How do we get out of this mess?”

“Give me some time, I’ll think of something”.

“Like making more bad investments?” he asked sarcastically and ignored the look his father threw at him. Tunde looked outside the window again watching his mother and Demilade laugh at something and sighed “Are you going to tell them? Mum?”

“Leave them out of this Tunde. It’s our problem.”

“Yours you mean, because this time I’m not bailing you out. I’ve ran out of cards dad and respect”, he looked back at his father “You don’t know how bad the situation is do you? We are as good as paupers; all we have is what we have been giving to Priscilla and a few thousands more. We need to pay off the workers and refund the money you stole”, Tunde laughed cynically. “I can’t fight your problems for you dad, I have lost all the respect I had for you. When I was shown the records a few days ago with your signature boldly slashed under, I was just speechless.” He moved then towards the large framed doors leading to the other end of the house.

“Tunde” his father called back at him, “I’m so sorry.”

Tunde looked at the rest of his family in the orchard. “Ask them for forgiveness not me”. With that, he walked out of the house, leaving his father to his defeat.

Mrs Bridget was right. Three weeks and she had learnt a lot from her. How to carry herself – even her self-confidence grew. It felt good to feel her heart light amidst all the problems surrounding her. Priscilla sat at the edge of the bed facing the wall clock. Tunde was not back and it was a few minutes to nine. She had bought a new see through nightie: one sinfully wicked and flattering. Mrs Bridget had told her to learn to make herself more attractive to her husband, the bulgy long skirts and gowns were thrown away and replaced with new figure flattering skirts and gowns, her cropped hair was adorned with wine highlights tripped to the trending style in the community.

She stood up and her gaze was drawn to the dressing table mirror sitting proudly against the wall. She stood tall and proud of her transformation, it was a shame her husband was never around to see her during the day. It was gratifying to know that she looked good, a drastic change from her usual drab look. Even her father- in- law had registered a look of surprise when they ran into each other the other day.

Priscilla smiled to herself staring back at the tall, beautiful and slim woman in the mirror before her. She heard a knock on the door leading into the flat and she hurried out of the room taking a wrapper with her and clutching it between her thinly veiled heavy breasts. “Who is it?”

“Tunde”, came a muffled sound and she opened the door for him to come in.

The first thing that caught his attention was the flimsy nightie Priscilla wore and the way she clutched the wrapper between her breasts barely concealing anything. He cleared his throat wondering what had suddenly come over his wife this past few weeks, his body silently acknowledged her and he grunted to himself in disgust. He knew the game she played; she was more interested in the money than making this marriage work.

Tunde looked away at the thought; he would not be convinced so easily. “What are you doing up this late?” he dropped his brief case on a nearby sofa to loosen his tie.

“I was waiting for you to come home.”

His gaze was drawn again to her scantily clad body and he looked away, Priscilla shivered feeling the silent apprehension. “I…I cooked your food” she stammered and their eyes met. “Would you like to eat now?”

“Not when you’re dressed like that” he cleared his throat loudly and she scrambled to tie the wrapper so tight across her chest he found himself wondering if she could breathe comfortably at all. Heck, he never once concerned himself with her welfare.

“I…I am sorry” Priscilla stammered again nervously smoothening down her wrapper “Just ermm… Make yourself comfortable.”

He never knew how pretty she looked when she got nervous. Tunde shook himself mentally, he was going crazy and he had to do something to distract himself. He picked up his brief case and stood there either one of them speaking; so many words filled the air that neither of them knew how to begin.

Priscilla broke the silence smiling lightly “Good night then” with that she walked into the corridor entering the room. She left Tunde standing there, wondering if he was crazy.

To Be Continued

How was your day?

>>

Wife: which teams are playing?
Husband: Arsenal vs Manchester United
Wife : oooh wonderful! I love Arsenal..
Husband: that`s a good team...
Wife: is Drogba playing?
Husband: he doesn`t play for any of these teams.
Wife: okay sweeet...is that Chris Brown?
Husband: [bored] no he is Chamberlain.
Wife : okay but they look the same...what`s that yellow card for?
Husband: its a warning to the player.
After few minutes Rooney scores for Manchester United..
Wife: [cerebrates in high mood] is that Chamberlain who has scored?
Husband: [calmly] no its Rooney for Manchester United...!!
Wife: [furious] how? it should be arsenal who should have scored!!
Husband: [silent] Wife: what is that red card for?
Husband : [bored] that means the player should go out of the pitch for misbehaving.
Wife: then is he going to be a coach?
Husband:[unwilling to answer] aaaaaaa no.
Wife: its the same with traffic lights: yellow=warning; red=danger.
Husband: exactly darling.
Wife :what about the green card?
Husband: mmmm nothing of that kind in a field of play.
Wife: I want arsenal to win the world cup.
Husband: [silent]
Wife: who is that man standing who looks like Mr. Bean?
Husband: [bored] it`s the Arsenal coach....Arsene Wenger.
Wife: that means the other opponent`s coaches is Manchest Wenger?
Husband: [changes the channel to African Magic]
husband: who is that man
wife:just watch and don`t ask me question.
................women sha .......


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-23 20:03:05

1546 Views




When your wife does homework for
your kids and they get zero. Then you
start remembering when we were
telling you that, "It's not all about
physical beauty".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-20 07:38:08

367 Views



smart friend [Read it]


My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-10 07:32:38

259 Views




With just a Single kiss on the Lips for 30sec,she Got Pregnant..!…..



…Who is she?….

.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

.



.

..

.

.Balloon…Related

UNBELIEVABLE [Read it]


An igbo man, Yoruba man and Hausa man were kidnapped by the cannibals in the forest when they went for hunting.
The head of the cannibal now said time them.
" My dear friends, if You really want to save ur lives, go into the forest and bring any fruit u see time me then I'll Let u go.
The 3 men went deep into d forest in search of Fruits. the first person to find a fruit was an Hausa man. He found a coconut fruit.
He brought it to the head of the cannibal then the man said to him.
" You have passed the first text, now the second text is... if You can swallow dis coconut easily with out frowning Or making any kind of noise then I'll Let u go, But whereby u can't, we'll kill u and use ur flesh for celebration.
The Hausa man tried to swallow d coconut But couldn't, immediately Dey killed him.
The second person to arrive is An igbo man. He found 10 strawberry fruit. the head of d cannibal told him exactly Wat he told the Hausa man.
As the igbo man started swallowing, he had swallowed 8 out of 10 then suddenly he shouted
." haaaaaa see die " then immediately Dey killed him.
then suddenly the Hausa man and the igbo man met in the spirit world, dis is the Conversation between dem.
.HAUSA MAN: kai, oboy Wetin happened, u Don already finish d strawberry, Wetin make u shout naa. ?
IGBO MAN: Nwanne No b small thing , I have swallowed 8 fruits as I was about to swallow the 9th fruit, I saw the Yoruba man coming with a water melon....

Hahahaha



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-16 13:58:10

461 Views




Banta: Do you know who are the best goalkeepers in the world ?

Santa: Women, no matter how much and which way you fuck her, your balls will never go in.Related

Example Of A Short, Sweet and Meaningful Answer



Girl: “Hey! How Are You Doing These Days?



Boy: “By Hand“Related

wicked Girl [Read it]


On Valentine's day, my girl will buy me;


1 Boxers short = N150
1 Perfume = N200
1 Singlet = N150
Total spent N500.


But she will expect me to buy an Iphone 6, which cost N150,000, for her. Wicked girl!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-14 08:03:40

287 Views



stupid love [Read it]


an okada ridder went to bank to cllect money so on getting their de bankmanager said u are welcome are u here to collect ur money de man said yes so de manager now said to de man dat dey hav sent u d money d man was looking as if it never appen so he repply said wich money b dat de manager said ur brother from abroad sent u 12.5million said is for u so dat man said to the manager dat am sorry i cant collet it is not for me i just came to collet 50 thousand wch is mine so de mannager said i taught it was for u so dis was how de man rejected dat moneyooooooo nd only collet his own pls i want u guy to give dis foolish man a name comment pls








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-04 15:04:00

720 Views




The smart dad and his small son eat together often. smart dad, beat d kid's xperience while haven meal. that might been upset d kid. when d food about finish dad can rape all d meat in food and sign out. one day, when food was about to finish, d kid attention was townrd dad's lastspoon. "let me fetch my last spoon" dad inform d kid. "okay" d kid replied. dad put his spoon and fetch all d meat. "aha! u finish d food sothat to look wealth and strong" dad asked d son. "what kind of wolf sign out are dad ? " d son asked d dad


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-08 12:39:04

483 Views




Football is one the most uniting factors in Nigeria, it is the most viewed sport worldwide, A game most people love to watch outside their homes even though they have DSTV at home.
Football viewing centers help to promote this unity and oneness and then is no doubt that this centers is a melting pot of different characters............ .. .. Without much ado, let me present to you 12 kinds of persons/fans/characters you are likely to encounter in a football viewing center.
(1)THE TALKATIVES : You are sure to develop headache if you seat close to this set of people because of their endless bickering, they can't just shut up and watch the match(NEVER!). They say things like Messi is better than Ronaldo, Musa is better than Neymar(WTF!!).
(2) THE CHAMELEON FANS: They support whichever team wins, they may come to the viewing center as a Chelsea fan and leave as a man city fan(hoes ain't loyal)
(3) THE SLEEPERS: They come to the center all vibrant and enthusiastic, 20minutes into the match they are snoring already, they only wake when they hear the shouts of goooooaaaaaalllll!! and go back to their slumber (odi egwu)!
(4) THE LOYALISTS/FANATICS/DIE HARD FANS :They exude passion and emotion, have unwavering support for their team, they never badmouth any player or manager in their team no matter the situation even if they are losing 10-0.....you will hear words like "we are still in the game", "it is not over until it is over" (Egbon... . E don over jare)
(5) THE ANALYSTS/STATISTICIANS: They can analyze a match better than supersport anchor Robert Marawa, they question every decision taken by the referees, linesman even managers. They back up their claims with flawless stats. They make remarks like..... .. . "that wasn't a deliberate handball in the box, the referee shouldn't have awarded a penalty" (I wonder how they know it wasn't deliberate), "last season, Kante won 57% of his tackles, has a passing accuracy of 84%, and made a total of 1234 passes(jesu !, I wonder how they keep track of this)
(6) THE CLUB BASHERS :They are the comedian of the center, any football viewing center without them is redundant, they will always give you a reason to laugh even if your club is on the losing side, they can troll your club like madt.
(7)THE GAMBLERS: Nairabetters, 9jabetters, merrybetters, 360betters fall into this category, it is only this category that can rejoice when his team loses. They make statements like "Oboy, my bet Don cast" "I play this game x2.. . Oooo"
( THE FOOTBALL ENCYCLOPAEDIAS: They can tell you the names of almost all the leagues and clubs in the world, from the English Premier League down to the Azerbaijanese league, they can still tell u the year the clubs was formed, the biography of footballers and that of even their spouse (I dey fear this people)
(9)THE ECONOMISTS: They apply the concept of opportunity cost before going to watch matches. They say things like "the second half na where dem dey score goal pass, so I go watch only second half and save #20 instead of wasting #50.
(10) THE BALANCE SHEET REVIEWERS: They know the assets and liabilities of virtually all their favourite footballers, their salary structure, and weekly wages. They can give you the value in Naira, Dollar, and Pounds( I salute this category)
(11) THE MUTE SQUAD: They sit with their arms folded, eyes glued to the screen, no talking, they show no passion nor emotion. Sometimes I wonder if they are watching the game or the game is watching them.
(12) THE MOCKERS: They are different from the BASHERS in the sense that they are just there to laugh at anyone whose team is losing (e dey pain sha...). The sound and style of their laughter is what hurt most.
What category are you?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-27 12:26:20

421 Views



To Naira Bread [Read it]


One Afternoon Akpos Was So Hungry,So He Went To An Aboki Who Use To Sell Bread And Egg[Michai].
Akpos: aboki How Far
Aboki: Oga Wetin U Wan Make I Cool 4 You
Akpos:Give Me 200 Naira Bread,fry 15 Eggs,add 5 Sardines,2 Geisha,put Some Spice,seasoning And Carrot In The Egg
Aboki: [very Happy]oga,e Be Like Say U Dey Hungry Very Well.I Go Fry The Egg 4 You Well Well
Akpos: Yea Man,that How We Ball
Aboki: Oga I Don Fry Am Finish.Oya Take
Akpos: Ok,u Don Finish Abi.Oya Cut 10 Naira Own Out Of That Bread.
Aboki: [Aboki Fainted]


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-15 07:48:09

247 Views



WHAT WILL U DO [Read it]


How Would You React?Your 16year old daughter in high school
is going back to the boarding school after the Christmas break.
As a good father, you see her off to the bus station and left after
she had boarded the bus.After 3hrs, you are told the bus
boarded for her has had an accident and no one survived.As you
are going crazy making arrangements to verify her death, you
get a call from your daughter saying, ‘Dad, I wasn’t on that bus
oo, my boyfriend insisted I spend 2 days at his house before I go
to school‘.What will you do as a parent? How would you react?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-18 05:37:11

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Please my people is this one still fashion?








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-16 19:01:33

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Continues..
They all came inside and sat behind us. The preacher started preaching but my mind wasn’t settled at all. Preston’s phone beeped it was a message he checked it and it was from Brenden. The message was
Brenden:I should let you know that you are sighing your death warrant
Preston: really? Then show me the documents
Brenden: you think this is a joke right?
Preston:are you a comedian?if it was a joke I would love to be your audience and laugh at your stupid joke.
Brenden: you just watch out for your future
Preston: I hope you know you don’t have one(future)
Brenden:we shall see
Preston: I can’t wait for you to show me what to see.(brenden stopped texting)
I managed to be myself until the end of the service. I was surprised and happy when brenden left first. That means he didn’t meant harm. I hurried prepared myself and held Preston’s hand tight and hurriedly ran out of the fellowship arena dragging Preston along
Preston:calm down. They are all gone
Me:how can I calm down when someone wants to rape me for the third time.
Preston:look at me (He held my face eyes to eyes) he won’t hurt you I will protect you
Mewhere were you when he has been hurting me) okay
We went to were Preston’s car was. It was in the centre of the campus
Me:baby why don’t you leave this car and use the lemon jeep?
Preston: this Camry is fast in times if protection and emergencies
Me:just use the lemon jeep
Preston a but
Meblocking his mouth with my index finger) shhhh just accept it
Prestonkay. I hope your no longer scared?
Me:I am gradually getting over it
As we were about entering the car, a car with speed parked in front of us pouring dust on us. I thought it was brenden I quickly went behind preston and watched from his shoulders but it was melissa. They wore normal dresscode except they still wore trousers
Melissa:Milly where is your phone?
Me:its in my bag
Melissa:are you sure
Me:yes(I dipped my hand in searching for my phone then i realised I dropped it on the chair when bringing out my bible) I forgot it in there(pointing at the fellowship place) wait lemme go get it
Melissa:no need (giving me my phone)
Me:why the missed calls
Melissa:I wanted to warn you not to enter inside this car because the moment you would have entered that was the moment the car would have exploded.
Me: How?
Melissa:you still don’t get it?
Me:no I don’t
Melissa:brenden intentionally entered inside that church like that because he knows you will be scared and that fear might allow you forget something.I mean who enters into Gods house like that do you even do it in your house.
Me:I get it now. Then when i realise I forgot something went back to get it maybe preston,miranda and Presley would wait for me in the car and it would have exploded.
Melissa: Exactly! that’s the reason you don’t have to show your fear else it will be used against you.
Mehh melissa thank you so much your such a life saver
Melissa:its just my responsibility to protect you and those you love
Me:but how are we gonna get home?
Melissa:you have to sort that out yourself at least Milly you need some exercise.(she and the rest girls left)
Prestob:so brenden will go this really far?
Me:don’t you think its time you inform pedrick park?
Preston:yes its time.
As we were contemplating the car exploded and the force at which it exploded sent us all crashing on the floor.
To be continued ..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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NIGERIA POLICE! [Read it]


A man hired a vehicle to take a relative's corps home for burial.

As they approached a regular police check point on their route, The man asked the driver to stop and help unload the coffin from the Vehicle unto his head.

A very surprised driver tried to talk him out of it for fear of what the police will do to him at their check point. And the following conversation ensued between the man, the driver and then the checkpoint policemen.

Driver: Oga, those police no go gree you pass with that coffin for your head o.

Man: No be me get my head and the coffin? I beg put the thing for my head jor.

Driver: You want to put yourself into real trouble!

Man: I beg, come meet me for front after the check point.

Man walks towards the check point.

Police : hey you, stop there! Wetin you carry for head (pointing a touch in his face).

Police 2: Hey no be coffin him carry? Oya, come here (cocking a gun at him).

Man: Yes o na my coffin. I no like yonder wey dem bury me so I wan go bury myself for another place.


All the police men at the check point scamper away so fast in fear some leaving their guns behind not to return for a long while.
.
The man walked past the now unmanned check point unchecked, with the driver of the ambulance following right behind him. Both laughing their heads off at the police.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-28 00:00:21

781 Views




The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.

-Michael Moncur’s (Cynical)Related
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