Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Hello Biodun, My name is Frank Edoho, from who wants to be a Millionaire. Your Friend Akpos is on the hot seat, he needs your help to win One Loaded Tanker of Fuel. The next voice you hear is your friend's. Your time starts now! 


"Biodun how far?" Abeg wetin be the Yoruba Name for SUBSIDY?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-20 08:44:19

115 Views



satan vs devil [Read it]


FEEL THIS JOKE!
Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from
a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to
share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter
the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big
bag but they didn't bother to pick them since
they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way
from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate &
heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For
U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he
could to a church nearby, for the priest.........
..............
"Father, pls come with me. Come & witness
God & satan sharing corpses at the
cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate &
the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U,
One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
You should see the marathon.........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate
shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!! oya laff like and comment


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-05 09:09:16

418 Views





Akpos rings technical support:

Hello, my internet is not working properly

Officer: Ok, double click on “My computer”

Akpos: I can’t see your computer

Officer: No no, click on “My computer” on your computer

Akpos: How can I click on your computer from my computer?

Officer: listen, There is an icon labelled “Mycomputer” on your computer Ok, double click on it.

Akpos: What the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..?

Officer: Double click on your computer.

Akpos: On which icon do I have to click?

Officer: “My computer”

Akpos: Ooh God, what type of problem is this? Tell me where your office is. I’ll come there


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-17 21:10:07

228 Views




BROKEN SEAL
Episode 25
By Owoeye Extinate Ayodeji

I raised my head up, to see the
owner of the voice. She was
clad in a pink gown with black
jacket, her hair do was that of
an American, she looked
beautiful.
Voice: I’m Nikky.
Me: (hope its not the Nikky I
know? No it can’t be) Isaiah.
*handshake*
Nikky: may i seat here?
Me: (smiling) of course yes.
Nikky: you look familiar, your
name also sound so.
Me: are you Nikky…..Nikky
Angelo?
Nikky: Isaiah Guidotti?
Me: yeah! Wow you’ve changed
alot, where have you been?
Nikky: oh baby I miss you so
much!!!!
Me: (well i don’t)
The waiter interrupted, before
I could utter a word.
Waiter: hi ma’am, your order
please. Nikky tapped me
gently, on the shoulder. It was
then i realised i had been lost
in my thoughts, with my eyes
fixed to one direction. The
waiter had served her already.
Me: uhm….you’ar here for the
exhibition? (dunno what to
say)
Nikky: yes baby.
Me: (feeling uneasy) am not
your baby, forgotten?
Nikky: common, don’t tell me
you’ve thrown away all that we
shared?
Me: well i’ve moved on, as a
matter of fact am engaged!
Nikky: I still love you, i’d
always do..i….. She didn’t
complete her sentence when
the moderator spoke
interruptedly.
Moderator: ladies and
gentlemen, its time for the
second seminar and exhibition,
where you’d get to advertise
your company, remember, the
whole world is watching!!!! We
all went back to the hall, the
seminar was great, i guess i
represented my company well
‘coz when i was done talking, i
recieved a round of applause.
The other days of the event
was uneventful and boring,
especially ‘coz Nikky was more
of a pest than a friend. Taking
advantage of every
opportunity to tell me she
loves me more than lion loves
meat. But thats not possible
am engaged!!!! Right?
Today is the last day of the
exhibition, its dedicated for
fun to cool our nerves, before
we embark on a journey to our
destinations.
Hip pop music filled the air,
champaignes graced the floor,
most of us were in the pool,
having mixed swimming (both
sexes) the females were on
bikinis and the males on
shorts. Wuuu-huuuu fun in the
air!!!
……wanna join? I felt
something real soft press
against my back, i need not a
seer to tell me they were
bøøbs, i wasn’t suprised what
do you expect from mixed
swimming if not flirting? I
closed my eyes enjoying the
graceful feeling. I turned to
behold the owner of those……
Lo it was Nikky!!! Yuck! I ran
outta the water as if i was
being chased by a water snake.
I found my self a pool chair
and rested on it. Nikky also
came.
Nikky: why did you leave the
water?
Me: i was getting cold. She
stole minutes of my time, we
chatted and exchanged
numbers, though i have no
intentions of calling her. Feels
good to be back in Manila!!! I
paid the cab man and entered
my house, with my bag
hanging freely from my left
hand. I went in and took my
bath, i was about taking a nap
when i heard a knock on my
door.
Ooooh who is there? How did
they know am back?


>>

Akpos teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl.

"My mother cooks beans," said a boy.

Akpos shouted at the back, "We are all human beans."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-06-10 14:33:56

434 Views



My Request [Read it]


During World War Two a British fighter
pilot was shot down in Germany and
was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt
badly, so the German doctor amputated
his arm. The pilot requested that they
drop his arm over at his base in England. So the Germans did. The next week they amputated his
other arm and he asked the same thing.
The Germans complied. The next week
they amputated one of his legs, and he
again asked for them to drop it over at
his base in England. The German Doctor replied, "No! I'm doing this no more!" The pilot asked why not and the
German replied, "You are trying to
escape!"#BOLLY_SHOW ?? ? ? ?™



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-17 13:31:26

232 Views




For we guys that think caring is by asking question
like............
Have you eaten?
Have you taken your bath?
Did you sleep well?
How was your night?
Did you go out today? Were are you now?
Hope your fine? Hmmmm......
I think you should improve more by
asking question like these.
Should i get you some food stuff?
What type of soap and cream shoud i get you? Do you
need some money to change your wadrobe?
Should i send you some cash for checkup?
Oh! Baby before i forget i just received my salary now,
hope you don't mind if take you
out and spoil you a litte?
Can you send me your account so i can send you
something so u can make ur hair.
Aright dear i just call to know how you are faring and to
know if you need a recharge card to call your parents.
Ladies i hope am making sense (TRUE OR FALSE).



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-23 19:15:48

355 Views




Can you figure this out?
Boss says to his secretary, "We are travelling abroad for
the week, so make arrangements."
The secretary makes a call to her husband, "My boss
and I will be travelling abroad for the week, so look after
kids."
The husband makes call to secret lover, "My wife is
going abroad for the week, so let's spend the week
together."
The secret lover makes a call to a little boy whom she is
giving private lessons, "I'm going to be busy throughout
the week, so you need not come for classes."
The little boy makes call to his grandfather, "Grandpa, I
don't have classes for the week, because my teacher is
going to be busy. Let's spend the week together."
The grandpa makes a call to his secretary, "I'm afraid
we won't be travelling again. My grandson and I are
going to spend the week together."
The secretary makes a call to her husband, "My boss
has some personal matters to attend to, so our trip is
cancelled."
The husband makes a call to secret lover, "We cannot
spend the week together, my wife has cancelled her
trip."
The secret lover makes a call to little boy, "We will still
have classes as usual this week."
The little boy makes a call to his grandfather, "Grandpa!
I'm sorry we won't be able to spend the week together.
My teacher called and said that I have to attend
classes."
The grandpa makes a call to his secretary, "Change of
plans! My grandson is no more coming. So we are still
travelling this week. Make arrangements."
Can you tell us who is controlling this chain?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-13 19:50:23

157 Views




AYOMIDE'S ADVENTURE**EPISODE 18

As you know she was really very drunk,
not in her right senses,I continue kissing
her,later on I started a finger f*cking..
Her moans were so high that I had to stop kissing her, gave
her a pillow to cover her mouth with as I worked on her
b0-0bs and feeeengered her hole while I did my
cleeee*toral hood massage with my thumb.. At this point,
even if her friend francisca who is my bae enter and see us in this position she wouldn’t want me to
stop because she was so wet and her body moving like
worms inside salt.
Make e nor be like say I lose, I used my my right hand to
place her hands on my D*I*C*K(NA for porns I don watch dis things I dey practice o). She held it
and squeezed the hell out of it,
na so my dick shout “Correct Guy! but I just had to give out a fake moan. Why?.
She slip a hand into my boxers and had direct contact
with my D*I*C*..K, then that tinkling feeling came again as
her hand stroked it. She was pointing it to the direction of
her Pussy, stroking it at first was kind of dry but she went
to the tap(pre-Kum) and used it to lubricate it (Omo! Bolanle na professional ohhhh! – My mind said in its
excitement).
As the boxers wasn’t helping matters (the rubber on
the waist kept on leveling my D*I*C*K on my stomach),
she pushed it further down as she once again tried placing
it on her Pussay entrance (she was still in panti….es,I don untie her towel)..
“Guy arrange, she wants me inside of her, do fast”..
My D*I*C*K. Ministered as I stood up in a speed, removed
my boxers and my D*I*C*K started pointing at our ex- president goodluck jonathan
Picture on the wall (Ashiewooooo!!!!). She also removed
every every as I looked for condoms from one of the drawers in the hotel
room.I forget to buy some when I was coming (Btw.. Na here I know say na my hotel room I
dey)
“If she asks for skin dive, no do am ohhhh”.. My mind said
as I was in search of condoms.. Praying she doesn’t ask for
skin dive because I will just give it to her as to say me I don
over high!!!!
Finally found it , and I was set to wear CD for the first
time.. I tear am sharp sharp with my teeth while I tried
wearing it.. Na for there I know say CD get L(large(, M
(medium), S.. Guess what… The ones I saw in the drawer
were S(small)..
*Are you thinking what I was thinking? *..
She helped me put it on and this made me madt!!..
My D*I*C*K started jerking.. Like say he dey do press-up
“UP!!!!!!!!…. down… UP!!!!!!!!.. down”..
But she did something that made things worst.. She kissed
my D*I*C’K(the tip)..
“Chai!!!..this girl don high gidi gan o The tip of my D*I*C*K
shouted!!! as it continued his press Up movements..
She helping me wear it(the thing nor cover my thing oh! Na
half way e reach) shows that she was ready for sex.. So I
kissed her after she finished and asked what her favourite
position was.
She placed a Pillow just below her hips, her A$$ lit up the
roam as I could see the pink pussay through pussay hairs..
Chai! Words can’t explain the sight of that moment I tell
you.. She looked at me with a hell
of a killer looks that had “You asked for it” in it..
*wait, that’s canine style shey? *
But before I entered, I just wanted to do something nasty like I do watch inside porns
to make her crazy as I bent down to suck on her Pussay but
I opened her pussay lips first to study that hole.. Make I
know the position well well.. I had to retreat after few
seconds because my nose was directly on her anus..
(Don’t say ewww. That is my line).. But damn.. She loved
it!!!!!!!
I teased her with the Tip of my D*I*C*K at first as I would
put it in and remove it, did this for like 5 times before I
finally went in.. I placed my two hands on the bed while I
watch my D*I*C*K disappear into her pussay and the sight
of it and that wonder A$$ raised up like that of an ant was
fascinating….
She wasn’t as professional as those people who do sex films( ) but damn she was sweeter..
Probably because I wasn’t in a hurry to Kum.. Or she was
just too sweet . I started thrusting slowly as she buried her
face on the second pillow, holding the bed and squeezing
the
bedspread
Each thrust gave me a feeling out of this world but I
discovered I was only entering unto the reach of the
condom.. So I decided to Go all In.. I thrust in deeper and I
heard a scream decorated with moans as she said I was
hurting her .. So I had to behave, rest it in there a little and
said sorry to her. Then continued some seconds later.. She
tried turning her head to kiss me because I was kissing her
neck as I told her sorry but it didn’t work.. So I thought it
was time I changed positions.
I was already having the feeling of Kuming, so that change
of position will help me a lot..
“I want to ride on your D*I*C*K”.. Bolanle (few
minutes ago) turned a loveable voice said in her moans
as I stood up..
Lied down as she climbed on top of me, my hands on her
b0-0bs as she kissed me and then used her hands to direct
me inside.. But in order to extend that Kuming feeling, I
told her I needed to change condoms .. She quickly reached
for it, removed, changed and kissed my Thighs.. (Ehehehe!
This girl enjoy sex wella o)
Off she went as she rode me to an Island of fantasy with
her kneels kneeling just besides my lower abdomen(on the
bed).. I was still holding her bosoms when she took my left
hand and placed it on her cleetoral hood .. I tried
massaging it but it wasn’t that lubricated so I spat on my
fingers and took the merchandise back to the hood..
We were on this poisition for some seconds when I could
tell she would Kum.. But unfortunately, I was the first to
Kum as I for the second time within 24hrs(first one was when I was romancing francisca I forgot to tell you that I kum), I felt I was
going to cum 3litres..
I came for more than a minute(fiction?) As it didn’t just
want to stop coming.
*The thing hot me oh!
That small hole at the front of the condom definitely
couldn’t hold the amount I supplied*
But I couldn’t just let this girl down, since I knew she was
almost cuming(she was near spasm), I still tried thrusting
and massaged her hood but thrusts became irritating.. So I
raised her up, placed her on the bed, finge*….red her and
ate her up.. I didn’t do this because I wanted to do it, but
because I
wanted to satisfy her.. (Read somewhere that women
always feels disappointed when they are
near heavenly feeling and didn’t reach it)..
TO BE CONTINUED..........

>>

APC = Accepting Past
Criminals.
PDP = People Deceiving
People.
IMO = I Must Obey.
IBADAN = Ibo Boys
Are Dangerous At
Night.
ABA = Agege Boys
Association.
LAGOS = Love All Girls
On Sunday.
ABACHA = After
Babangida Another
Criminal Has Arrived.
GULDER = Girls Under
Languor Deserve Extra
Romance.
FANTA = Foolish
Ashawo Never Takes
Advice.
WEEK = Women
Education Ends in
Kitchen.
NIGERIA = Never
Investigate Great
Executive Robbers In
Authority.
NEPA =Never Expect
Power Always.
AIDS = America
Invention for
Discouraging s e x.
PHCN = Problem Has
Change Name
OYO = On Your Own.
NYSC = Now Your
Struggle Continue.
GLO = Get Lover Online.
KENYA= Keep
Everything Nice Yet
Arousing
MTN = Maintain Total
Nonsense.
GSM = General Street
Madness
You can add other
Abbreviations in the
comment box below...



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 16:57:58

330 Views




Don’t look back. Something might be gaining on you.

~ Satchel PaigeRelated

Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

Reece hadn't been happy with my decision but to my relief she wasn't going to shut me out like Grey had. We were sitting on my bed talking about all the things I wanted to do in the time I still had.

"It isn't about doing a bucket list," I tried to explain to her. I could tell she as finding it hard to understand why I was making the decision I was. "I want to be able to spend more time with my family and friends. It's not like I want to go bungee jumping or anything like that."

"Okay," she said. "If you're going to risk your life for a few more memories, let's make the memories worthwhile."

I gave her a questioning glance.

"We're going out tonight. We are going to drink and have fun," she told me standing up. She out her hands on her hips and the look she gave me dared me to refuse.

"Okay," I said feeling like I was living my first day of borrowed time. I was exactly in the mood for it, but she was right. If I stayed home I would only mope around and I didn't want my last few memories to be sad.

"Can we drag Aiden with us?" I asked, needing a little more support.

"Sure. It'll be fun," she said. "He can help me make sure you have a night to remember."

As I picked my phone I felt emotionally lighter already. I called Aiden and he jumped at the chance to go out with us.

"I'll pick you guys up at your house at eight," he said.

I still had no idea where we going to go but it didn't really matter because I had my friends. They would make sure that no matter where we went I would have fun. Maybe for a few hours I could forget about the surgery and Grey.

"Do you want to invite Max?" I asked. She shook her head. I'd been so wrapped up in my stuff that I had no idea if they were still seeing each or not. I was a terrible friend.

"No just friends tonight," she said. "Tonight I want to be able to give you all my attention."

"I don't mind," I assured her with a shrug.

"No, it's fine." There was no shaking the feeling that something was up with her and Max but she didn't seem to want to talk about it so I let it go.

Reece and I got ready for our night out together. It was just like old times. The fears of my future took a backseat in my mind as we did our makeup. Excitement and anticipation bubbled inside of me.

We were running late when Aiden arrived.

"I can't understand why it takes you guys so long to get ready," he said while leaning in the doorway watching us putting the finishing touches on our make up.

"We have to look good," Reece said as she put a little more mascara on.

"I'm done," I said, surveying myself in the mirror one last time. Reece had made my eyes a smoky grey color. I'd never worn it before and I liked it.

"Come on you two," Aiden said impatiently checking out his watch. "You're both beautiful."

By the time we made it into the Aiden's car I was ready for a party and letting loose. My parents had been nervous about me going out but they'd reluctantly told me to have fun. Alex was still at Grey's. At the thought of him I felt my heart ache. I pushed any thought of him out of my mind. There would be no moping tonight.

We parked the car and walked to the house. The party was full of people and the music blared through the house. I greeted a few people I recognised as we made our way to the front door. Inside, Reece led the way holding my hand and Aiden followed behind us.

The kitchen was filled with various beers and other drinks.

"Do want to do some shots?" Reece asked eyeing out a bottle of tequila.

It took me a few moments before I nodded my head. Two rounds of shots and we moved from the kitchen to the living room. For the first time, in what felt like ages, I felt relaxed. It was probably a direct result of the alcohol flowing inside of me but I didn't care. I smiled at a couple of girls trying to sing along with a song pumping through the house. They were failing miserably. I kept my singing to the shower because I was pretty sure I sounded worse than them. Reece shook her head when she saw the two girls I was giggling at.

For the next hour we danced and laughed. I got a few interested looks from a couple of guys but I wasn't really interested. There was only one guy that owned my heart and no one else could take his place.

I was on my second drink and I was feeling light hearted. Someone bumped me and hands shot out to steady me. The guys smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Thanks," I said.

"You're welcome," he said, dancing beside me. He was cute and my type. But no one could make me feel what Grey did. Just a look could shiver excitement through me. It would be impossible for anyone to compete with that.

I felt Reece's hand on my wrist and I looked at her. Her eyes were fixed past me toward the entrance of the house.

"No way," she whispered and I turned to follow her line of vision to Grey who had just entered the house. The sight of him still impacted me like a jolt of electricity, which accompanied the pain in my heart. What was he doing here?

My brother was with him. Was this his way of keeping Grey's mind off me? Taking him to a party.

I felt the impact as Grey's eyes found mine. The moment our eyes met everything, including the music, faded into the background. What was only a few seconds stretched and it felt like a minute. His expression was reserved while I wore my heart on my sleeve. He didn't look heartbroken and that hurt a little too. I hadn't wanted him to look like a mess but I hadn't want to see him looking like he was fine.

His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched when his eyes took in the guy standing beside me. Did he think I was trying to move on from him?

Pulling my eyes away from his. My brother spotted me and I smiled at him. He didn't seem happy to see me and I knew the reason why. He didn't want his sick sister out at a party. He wanted to treat me like I was fragile and I wasn't.

"I don't think your brother is happy to see you here," Reece said under her breath to me as I watched my brother push his way through the crowd to us leaving Grey behind.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked when he reached us.

"I'm here it have fun," I told him. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to get Grey out of the house," he said, looking back over his shoulder to his friend who now much to my dismay had a girl chatting him up.

It felt like someone had poured hot boiling water over my heart. It was so painful I felt the sting of tears for a moment before I managed to get myself together enough to pretend I was fine.

"I'm sorry," my brother said, looking back at me with sympathy. "I didn't know you were going to be here."

"It's okay," I lied. "It's not like we can avoid each other forever."

But to see him so soon after we'd split wasn't easy. I took a gulp of my drink hoping the alcohol would help ease the pain I was experiencing.

I couldn't blame him he wasn't doing anything wrong. I took another gulp of my drink under the sympathetic gazes of my friends.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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When everyone has left you and no one is around you and you are standing alone in some corner of this world.

Always remember one thing – It’s the best time to…

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Adjust your Dick!Related

police toilet [Read it]


The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say “they have nothing to go on.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-15 12:04:31

1012 Views



Love Lives [Read it]


Three women: one engaged, one married and one
a mistress, are chatting about their relationships
and decided they needed to spice up their love
lives. All three agreed to wear black leather bras,
stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes that
evening with their respective lovers. After a few days they meet up for lunch and
compared notes. The engaged woman: "The other night when my
boyfriend came over he found me with a black
leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me
and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.'
Then we made love all night long." The mistress: "Me too! The other night I met my
lover at his office and I was wearing the leather
bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word,
but we had wild sex all night." The married woman: "I sent the kids to stay at my
mother's house for the night when my husband[Akpos]
came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black
stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As
soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,
'What's for dinner, Batman?'" #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-07 13:33:30

555 Views




True freedom is impossible without a mind made free by discipline.Related

It's been a tough year, but I've made it so far!
But not everyone is as lucky as I am, I believe I will scale through 2016.............







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-01 20:46:28

1321 Views




Mark: what is wrong with you,this time?
Joab: everything;i have lost my second son again
Mark: i don't get you
Joab: Zippor;left with Isabella;my life is in a mess all because of that witch of a girl
Mark: anger;anger,it killed faster than any deadly disease
Joab: do you know what i have gone through all because of that girl?
Mark: no,is not because of her but is all because of your anger all this things happen to you because you are mad at her
Joab: will you stop this your foolish sermon;i am out of here(exit Joab)
Mark: suite yourself;i will always talk(curtain)
Mara: sister;i cant believe you are leaving
Melisa: yes;i have to go and make things right
Mara: this is the best decision you have taken so far for the pass three years
Melisa: you are crazy
Mara: but is the truth
Melisa: i know;i have hurt them in so many ways but i still hope that i could make it up to them
Mara: i know you will;i will miss you
Melisa: and i will missed you too;is a good thing that your banned as been uplifted and that you can now go back to your family,you really been a good sister;even when you have your own problem;you still care for me
Mara: that is what sisters do for each other
Melisa: i love you
Mara: i love you too;lets go pack up(curtain)
Susan: hello;everyone;its been fun,fun all the way and today;i have a big surprise for you all on our show and its...
Isabella: ya ya;its me;is still your girl Isabella Clara and you are watching your favorite show FAMILY;i missed you all a great deal;i really missed you all
Susan: so sweet;what about me?
Isabella: ya ya;don't mind this little girl
Susan: me little girl

Isabella: hey are you a big girl?(she wanted to say something)you don't have to;today we will be taken an important topic which is...
Susan: rape;we found out that many people are becoming a victim of it
Isabella: especially our female children
Susan: yes;most of our female children have become a victim of rape but before we go into full details we will like to get comment on the meaning of the word RAPE. you all know how we do it;you call and give your comment or text us through our mobile number or through our social network;we need comment please
Isabella: and don't forget without you all;there is no us;meaning the show is as good as dead;just as without we;there is no family;we will be back after the break
Susan: hey;dear;we are back;first message from Faith,it's says,'rape is forcing a girl to have sex with her' alright thanks and we also have message from Jude; its say;rape is having an unlawful carnal knowledge of a girl without her consent or forcefully obtaining it. thank you Mr Jude
Isabella: i like those words he uses....like forcefully;unlawful and consent
Susan: i also do like it;like the word consent meaning she didn't agreed but the person in question force her and that is where force come in and that of unlawful sexual intercourse. sex are suppose to be involved in by just married people
Isabella: you can imagined;now we know what the word mean;we find out most victims feel so ashamed to talk about it but letting it out is like letting someone helped you carried a very heavy luggage because if you decided to keep it to yourself;you can become consumed with anger and resentment;sometimes we ended up blaming ourselves and those around
Susan: true talk;that is the more reason we should try as much as possible to protect our children from sexual predator
Isabella: knowing fully well that sexual predators are rampant today and young people are often their target
Susan: yes;we can't say we will protect our children by keeping them at home because some are sexually abused by our neighbours;strangers
Isabella: and even our family member so our home are not saves
Susan: yes;i was wondering even with the punishment of life imprisonment spelled out in our constitution;people are still committing the crime
Isabella: most time;victims don't report the offender
Susan: but one thought just crosses my mind;what if a person was raped by her brother
Isabella: Susan
Susan: yes;this will sound interesting;lets get comment;audience;if you find out that the person that raped you is your brother;will you be able to sue him
Isabella: what is wrong with this girl(phone ringing) whoa;it seems they like it;first caller is
Zack: hello
Isabella: hi;how are you?
Zack: i am fine and you pretty
Isabella: whoa;i am good handsome(laughed both) so who is this and you are calling from where?
Zack: i am Zack and i am calling from Roseland
Isabella: whoa!i wish i could come over there and have fun with you
Zack: don't worry;just one day;i will invite you
Susan: and me too
Zack: definitely
Isabella: thank anyway;lets get to business
Zack: alright;if my brother raped me;i wouldn't think twice;before handle him over to the police;let the law take it full course,life is not about sentiment
Isabella: does it mean you can sued your brother for rape;even when you are not a girl?
Zack: you are funny;yes
Isabella: alright;thanks for calling
Susan: its really been a long day;we will be calling it a day
Isabella: please everyone don't stop watching the show FAMILY;where you get to know more about your family and less i forget;if ever you find out that you are a victim of your brother;even though it hurt;it pierce like a knife that is being driving into our heart;that someone we trust and felt couldn't hurt us are the one hurting us but then even if it does happen;we should always find a place in our heart to forgive because forgiveness is what we do for ourselves and not for others;so we should try as much as possible to let it go because as a family not everyone is perfect and because its family and when its family you tolerate everything
Susan: you see this baby of mine;she is so oriented with family and she is so fragile and have a soft spot for everyone not just family;with this;we will call it a day;goodbye;stay bless and keep watching the show
Isabella: Family(end of show) (tears roll her eyes)
Susan: are you okay?
Isabella: yes,i am fine,i just want to go home
Susan: if you say so(curtain)
Isabella: Zippor;you didn't go to work?
Zippor: i finish on time;so i decided to go to your school but unfortunately for me;your friend told me;you left and that you went to the studio;so what did you talk about today?
Isabella: what did you prepared?
Zippor: i made rice but you haven't answer my question
Isabella: come on;lets eat
Zippor: really?you don't want to talk about it (he stood at her front)
Isabella: oh brother,please,i just want to get it out of my head

Zippor: get what out of your head
Isabella: please;let it go;eat,go on eat(she put food on his mouth)
Zippor: thanks(he eat up)and your sweetheart have some(he also put some in her mouth)go eat up princess(tears roll her eyes)are you alright
Isabella: we talked about raped
Zippor: what?why did you agreed to discuss that?
Isabella: is my job;i am supposed to take any topic given to me right?
Zippor: yes but not the one that will.....
Isabella: remind me of my situation (tears roll continuously)
Zippor: but that is not what i wanted to say
Isabella: don't worry;i thought i couldn't take it but i am happy that i did it because with this i am able to express myself;i am able to let the pains off my chest because is like telling my own experience indirectly
Zippor: you sure you are okay with it?
Isabella: yep;i am fine;you worry too much about me;i just get tired of crying;now i want to fight all those that hurt me. just do not want to be that gullible anymore
Zippor: i don't understand you
Isabella: i want to sue Obed
Zippor: what?
Isabella: yes,i will get him arrested
Zippor: are you sure you want to do it?
Isabella: yes
Zippor: if that is what you want;know that i will always been here to stand by you;anytime,any day
Isabella: that is why i love you
Zippor: thanks;so whenever you want to do it just tell me
Isabella: yes boss
Mercy: welcome ma;i am so happy that you are back. sir;ma Melisa is back
Zeal: oh!my sweetheart;i am happy that you are back
Melisa: thank you;i am also happy that you are accepted me back(she hugged him) thank you very much
Zeal: i should be the one thanking you(enter Ada/Obedient/Obed)you go on and prepare my wife special food and favorite one at that
Melisa: hey why are you all standing there?are you not happy to see me?
Ada: of cause we are,right Obedient?
Obedient: of cause(enter Alice)welcome mom
Melisa: my son is all grown up;come here
Alice: he is not your son(enter Zuriel)
Zeal: will you keep quiet
Obed: mom;please just let dad be,don't push it especially now that his favorite wife is here
Zeal: will you just keep quiet and get out of here,you this rapist
Zuriel: dad;that is enough;must you bring it up(knock at the door)who is there
Mercy: don't worry sir;i will go get the door
Zuriel: alright go get it(she left and returned)
Mercy: is two men and a woman
Alice: then let them in(enter Joab/Lilian/Mark)who are this poor things?
Melisa: nurse Lilian
Lilian: ma Melisa
Mark: Alice
Alice: Mark
Joab: what is wrong with you?where do you know her?
Melisa: Nurse Lilian;what are you doing in my house with this men?
Lilian: Ma;this is Clara's husband Mr Joab
Melisa: and is it my business
Lilian: don't you remember Clara;the lady that gave birth in same hospital with you
Melisa: Lilian;can we talk outside
Joab: no;i want everything spoken here and now
Zeal: you;now i remember;you are the worthless man that doesn't have a single feeling for his daughter;who let this man into my house?Mercy go and get the security to get this pig out of my house
Joab: i am not going anywhere;without my son and meant it
Alice: your son?i can't believe it,another Man's son in my husband's house;so who is this son of yours?(enter Police/Isabella/Zippor)go on;start talking
Zeal: who are this men?Isabella
Zippor: dad;what are you doing here?anyway;let's just go on with what brought us here(to the police)go on;arrest the culprit
Police: young woman;who is the person in question?
Isabella: Obed(he point at him)yes;he is the one
Police: young man;you are under arrest;you have the right to remain silent because whatever you say or do;will be used against you in the court of law. come on
Obed: dad;please don't let them take me away
Zeal: hold on
Police: please sir;with all due respect do not try to stop us from carrying out our duty
Zeal: no;i have no intention of doing that but please just let me talk to this little girl first
Zippor: there is nothing to talk about;officer just let the law take his course;go on
Melisa: what is going on with this witch of a girl(she slapped her)get out of my house you wicked witch(he pushed her)
Zippor: even you ma Melisa;you are hurting my sister and for what?is it because your step son raped her or may be because she is your son Zuriel's friend;go on tell me?but anyway i really do not know you at all;i thought you are different but you are a monster
Melisa: i really don't care how you feel?you stupid girl. i said get out;leave my family alone(she pushed her and she fell down)go on
Zuriel: mother;will you stop
Melisa: stop;then tell her to leave (she pour water on her)
Zippor: are you crazy?(he raise his hand to hit her)
Lilian: stop all of you. Isabella is your daughter Melisa
Melisa: what?
Lilian: yes;she is the child which you exchange with your suppose son
Zeal: what is going on here?
Melisa: Lilian,will you just stop this madness
Lilian: please Melisa;just let me do this;i beg you
Melisa: and for what?so that i can loss my son;just get out of here
Joab: you are joking because i am not leaving here without my son. you think i don't know how you exchange my son for your daughter;if Zuriel is really your son;how come he had the chain i gave my wife and how come of all the woman that gave birth in that hospital at that time;nurse Lilian pick you
Alice: i cant believe it
Lilian: Melisa;please just accept the truth;this girl is your daughter
Zeal: tell me;they are all lying?(tears roll her eyes)
Melisa: alright fine;yes i exchange her for my son
Alice: so is true;oh my God,i can't believe the perfect girl is gone;useless girl
Zuriel: will you stop it;mother,you are still my mother right?what am i saying;you will always be my mother right?
Melisa: yes(tears roll her eyes)i will never let you go;not for anything else(she held him closer)you are my son
Zeal: Melisa;did you really exchange my daughter?
Alice: is so obvious;why asked her?
Zeal: woman keep quiet
Alice: alright,i will,my mouth is seal
Zeal: why did you do that?when you know my family is in dying need of a female
Alice: cant you see;that she wanted a son;an heir
Melisa: no;that is not true;i was scared;i over heard Alice making a call;two weeks of my pregnancy
Zeal: what kind of call?
Melisa: if it's a boy let the baby live but if its a girl;do not let her see the light of day
Alice: that is not true
Melisa: yes;it is and when i went for scan i find out that she is a girl;i break down and cried and then i thought of what i could do to save my baby and then;when nurse Lilian told me about the lady who was in same situation with me;i jump at it and when i approached her;she accepted and it was easy for me to fall in love with my son
Zuriel: mom;you are getting me confused;i am not your son
Joab: yes;she is not;i am not your father(tears roll Obed's eyes)Isabella is her child and your foster dad
Zippor: dad;you are kidding right?
Joab: yes;Zuriel is your brother and your mother's son and that is why i am taking him home
Isabella: dad;is it that easy;does it mean up till now you feel nothing for me?(tears roll her eyes) do you have to give me up
Joab: nonsense;Zuriel son lets go
Melisa: will you let go of my son?(she dragged him)
Joab: will you stop taking people son;come on son
Zeal: don't you dare lay your grime hands on my son and officer take this man out of here and this stupid man from my house
Alice: and this stupid woman;who gave up her daughter for a son
Mark: woman hold it there,please sir;forgive me;i didn't do anything;your wife just contracted us to assassin a baby but we didn't do it and that was the first time we wanted to do such a job
Zeal: i said take them away and you son stay right here
Isabella: this is all unbelievable;i can't believe it(she ran out)
Zippor: hold on(he ran after her)
Police: sir you said
Zeal: take him away from my house
Joab: son
Zuriel: stop calling me your son;you are not my father and everyone stay away from me(he ran out)
Ada: hold on(she ran out)
Zeal: officer;are you sick?take him away
Police: but sir;he committed no crime
Zeal: so you think;he abused my daughter;physically and emotionally. so take him away and take that stupid boy Obed away also;in fact take his mother along with you;for master minding the attempted murder of my unborn baby
Melisa: Zeal;what is wrong with you?
Zeal: nothing;i said now(police left with Mark/Obed/Alice/Joab)
Melisa: Zeal
Zeal: please stop it;i want time alone(exit Zeal)
Obedient: mother;please forgive us;forgive mother
Melisa: is alright my son;is not your fault
Mercy: everything will be fine ma
Melisa: thank you(curtain)
Zippor: Isabella;stop crying
Isabella: today is like that same day;i learn that i am not related to you all
Zippor: i understand how you feel
Isabella: you don't;it hurt to find out that everyone around you have no feeling for you and you were thinking that even if your foster father doesn't like you;your real family love will;but it so painful that right in front of your eyes;your family still pick someone else but not you,they are fighting over someone else that is not their child and my own mother is the one hurting me;life is so cruel; it's unfair to me. is it too much for me to asked?is it that;not even for once;someone will prefer me. do they have to show it to my face and to crown it all my own brother raped me. do they have to make me feel worthless?do they have to continue hurting me?am i that bad?(tears roll her eyes)must it always be me
Zippor: princess don't be sad;i am sure your dad loves you
Isabella: I don't think so;if he does,he would had pick me and not Zuriel





to be continue


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Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

BROKEN SEAL
EPISODE 31

Angelo arrived Manila at about
10am.
He and Nikky went to the
orphanage in San Bartelome,
that was where Nikky’s baby
they kept Nikky’s baby.
Nikky delivered in the US but
her dad brought the child to
the Philippines, and kept her
under the care of the care
givers here in the orphanage.
Everything in the orphanage
looked familiar, the trees, the
white paintings, chapel to
mention but a few.
They (Angelo & Nikky) went to
the secretary and asked to see
Naomi, the baby was
specifically put under her care.
The secretary lead them to the
visitors hall then left to inform
Naomi.
In no distant time, Naomi
came out, she was clad in her
usual white nun wear.
She did the sign of the cross,
using her rossary.
Angelo: oh! Naomi, you’ve
changed alot….you look older
than i remember (smiling)
Naomi: (smiling too) have we
met before? Sorry i can’t
recall…..
Angelo: April, five years ago, i
brought a baby to you….i asked
you to name her Nenita,
remember?
Naomi: oh yeah! Angelo right?
Angelo: right! How is she?
Nenita.
Naomi: (sad face) i’m sorry i
have some bad news…..
Nikky: what?!!! What happened
to her? …..talk to me!!!(furious)
Naomi:….
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Naomi: nothing so serious,
she’s suffering from fever and
shes currently being admitted
in our clinic.
Nikky: can we see her now?
Naomi: sure, follow me…..
Naomi lead the way to the
clinic, Nenita laid unconscious
on the bed.
Nikky: my baby! Mummy is
here okay?
Angelo: We would like to take
her along, for better treatment
in the city.
Noami obliged, a nurse came
and undid the drip fixed to
Neni.
Angelo did some signing,
donated thousands of peso to
the orphanage before they left.
*********************
Ella and i didn’t meet
throughout yesterday, ‘coz i
wasn’t myself, and suprisingly,
she didn’t call, thats freakish,
hope its not another problem?
I wasn’t in the mood to drive, i
took a cab to Ella’s home.
I knocked severally, yet no
response.
Luckily, the door isn’t locked i
barged in.
Ella was watching tv, she
looked at me and turned her
gaze away, is this some movie
or what?
Normally, she’d greet me with
a hug, but today i got ‘bad eye’
instead.
Me: Ella honey, are you okay?
Won’t you atleast welcome me?
Ella: *silent*
Me: whats wrong?
Ella: *no reply*
I tapped her gently on the
shoulder.
Me: are you okay?
Ella: oh! Please save me the
act…you think i won’t find out?
Sorry to disappoint you.
Me: find out? Find out what? I
don’t understand.
Ella: you’ar still pretending
huh? Can you explain this?
She gave me a brown envelope
which i opened immediately.
It it were two pics and a
written note.
One of the pics had Nikky and
I on it, she was on bikini, lying
next to me. Oh! The pool
party!!!
The other pic was Nikky and I,
hugging in the garden……
Me: I can explain….
Ella: explain what?
Me: its not what it seems…..
Ella: you cheat! When did
pictures start lying huh?
Just get out of my house, i
don’t want to ever see you
again!!! Now get outtttttttttt!!!!!!!
Me: Ella?

Ella: ouuuuutttttttt!!!!!!!!!!

>>

JOKE (OTHER PEOPLE VS DINDY) BY DINDY (part seven).

WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY;
Me and you is friend.
You cry, I cry.
You sad, I'm sad.
You hurt, I'm hurt.
You down, I'm down.
But if you jump off a bridge I'm gonna miss you.

WHAT DINDY SAYS;
Me and you is friend.
You cry, I cry.
You hate, I'm hate.
You hurt, I'm hurt.
You down, I'm down.
You jump off a bridge, I will jump with you.
But if you ever slap a solider man, I'm sorry mehn because I'm da*n gonna miss you..RIP FRIEND...... .

DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 8.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-29 21:40:30

280 Views




Episode 14

I heard a knock on the door around 9am. I got the door open and realised it was the engineer. “what! Are we going on a date this early?” i asked within myself and open my eyes widely in a shock. Like a kid who just saw something extra ordinary. He laughed and said ” hei, drop that look, we aren’t going right away.” he began to explain. ” come in come in,” i ushered him in. He gently followed my steps in. “so what then? Why are you here this early?” i asked out of curiousity. ” it concerns the date anyway i will pick you up at 1pm this afternoon. We wouldn’t use your house like you are thinking, we will board a trotro car and just walk around” he explained. “what!” I exclaimed out of shock. ” i have never had such and experience before, please i don’t think its a good idea. I don’t know how to board car, i cant do it” i said to him a in a plead. He couldn’t believe what i just uttered. And maybe so are you.
I am been taken to school ever since i was born. I never had an experience of boarding anyone goes car. How to stop it is even a problem. “alright, its going to be your first time then” he said with a smile. My expression was not certain. I was scared. Maybe because its my first time. ” i have to leave for class owk he said whiles leaving. I saw him off and ever since, i couldn’t be myself. Yes i couldn’t be myself. I became anxious about the whole thing. Something i have never done before. How are we even going to alight? I couldn’t wait for 1pm to arrive. Hahahahha funny statement right? My mum called later on to check on me. ” don’t worry mum. Im alright and everything is fine” i said to her and rolled my eyes in a casual way. ” i hope i am not being too protective?” she asked. ” ofcourse you are” responded with gladness. We both laughed. She then asked if i was seeing any guy. You know how my mum is, i mean how she reacts towards my relationship life. She will never stop pressuring me. ” ive got a surprise for you mum. But to spare the detail, i am goin on a date!” A yelled out he words into her ears. Haha. Is that how it feels to fall inlove? Do you behave like a child? ” aww, im so happy for you dear, but who is he? Do i know him?” countless questions. ” ofcourse not mum, you only know of my female friends remember?” she agreed and requested to meet him soon. ” that is the surprise mum” i gladly told her. Right after my mum called, Kwame also did. He wanted to meet up with me but i told him i was occupied for the day. You know, right? It was 1pm and i was more than ready for the moment at hand. I was dressed up, seated in the hall and waiting for him to appear. It past 1:30 and he was still not in. I peeped through the gate several times to check if he was coming but he wasn’t. I got shattered and thought of forgetting about it, only to hear a knock on the door, i rashed to the door only to realise that it was Kwame. “aw you dressed up, i see well, that’s good enough” he rattled the moment he saw me. I was in my tight trousers, a round neck top and a down shoe. ” we can go for lunch then, don’t you think?” he proposed. ” no i don’t think so! ” i replied rudely. Yeah ive got to be rude. He is getting on my neck. ” you have to stop all these if you still wanna be my friend. If not then you can kiss this friendship goodbye.” i was blazing. I was already mad at the engineer for delaying me and now this. “shall we then?” i heard someone asked from behind. How on earth didn that happen? I was standing t the entrance, Hanson was standing infront of the door. So who could be speaking from the inside? I turned and it was him. The engineer. He played a prank on me. “how did you get in here?” i exclaimed. ” how could you do this to me?” i began to hit his chest with countless blows. He laughed and embraced me. I laughed in his arms too. I forgot Hanson was present until he cleared his throat.
There is more to come

>>

February 14 [Read it]


Behold it is written in the book of
February
chapter 14 verse 1
"And it shall come to pass that on val's
day,excuses shall arise again, ; my
battery died, my credit got
finished, my DP refused to change, my
boss selected me for
the
trip, traffic jams etc... When thou seeth
this signs, be calm, fear
thou not, keep thy peace and know that
verily verily..thou
art not
thy boo's boo , thou art a side chick.
Verse 2 Even when you receive gifts, calls, or
were taken out,
Remember my dear daughter that all will
end on the bed
Verse 3: Behold babe, i stand @ d door of
ur hostel nd knock, if u hear my voice nd open
d
door, i will come in nd eat wit u,
dine wit u nd share d gifts i av 4 u.
Verse 4: Blessed is the boy that bothers
not himself 4 any girl 4 peace i will grant
to him.
Verse 5: Hear ye hear ye For girls so love
February 14 that they
gave their only begotten dignity in
exchange for a date ,but know ye that
who so ever doesn't make that mistake
shall not have the fear of 9 month
assignment.

I beg jare you wan be my val? #B-gof


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-11 17:18:41

346 Views




Q: How is a woman like a condom?

A: Both of them spend more time in the wallet than on the dick!Related

Only one thing works in sports:

Just go out there and do what you’ve got to do.Related

Come Over [Read it]


BOY: Come over.                                    


GIRL: To do what?                                    


BOY: Chill                                                


GIRL: I do not "chill", because that's how you end up with "chill-dren".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-19 20:49:01

172 Views




Banta Bhaaga-Bhaaga Santa Ke Ghar Aaya Aur Khushi Se Bola.



Banta: “Oye Santa, Aaj TV Pe Rakhi Sawant, Apne 38-Inch Ke Ball Dikhane Wali Hai”



Santa Udaas Hokar Bola: “Achha, Par Main Nahi Dekh Paunga”



Banta: “Kyu?”



Santa: “Mera TV To Sirf 21-Inch Ka Hai?“Related

A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river".
And the congregation cried,"Amen!"
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
And the congregation cried,"Amen!"
"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river". Again the congregation cried,"Amen!"
...
The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up & said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We shall drink from that river".
THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUJAH!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-16 18:33:13

815 Views




Dad: “I Want you to marry a girl of my choice.”


Son: “No.”


Dad: “But the girl is bill Gates` daughter.”


Son: “Ok, I am ready to marry.”


Dad Goes to Bill Gates.


Dad: “I want your daughter to marry my son.”


Bill Gates: “No”


Dad: “My son is the CEO of The World Bank.”


Bill Gates: “Then Ok”


Dad goes to the President of the World Bank.


Dad: “Appoint my Son as the CEO of your Bank.”


President: “No!”


Dad: “He is Son-In-Law of Bill Gates.”


President: “Then Ok!”


This is called Pure Business.Related

A loving husband tattooed, “I love you”, on his Dick and showed it to his wife.

She replied: This is your old habit of putting words into my mouth.Related

“I know you are just not yourself.
Whatever is it
that is worrying you, i pray you get over
it soon”
Chioma said to me very early the next day as
she prepared to leave. I forced out a
smile,
saying nothing.
I truly never got myself all through the
rest of the previous day. The sex we eventually
had
was so dull and far from sweet. I
couldn’t help
but imagine what was going through her
mind that moment. I truly left her unsatisfied
and
disappointed.
Later in the day, I braced up myself and
Called
Mary, asking her to show up at my house by
7pm. She accepted without dragging
issues with
me which was very mind settling.
However it
was a long wait for me as i nervously waited for
the clock to struck 7pm. My mind was
uneasy,
my lips prayed ceaselessly while my
heart
pounded very fast. I had to make my past with
the silly girl go away no matter the
price.
She finally showed up at my apartment
at
exactly 7:32pm, looking well composed and
calm. She flashed a brief smile at me,
greeted
and settled quietly at a couch opposite
where i
sat. “you know the reason i called. Are you
pregnant
for real?” i asked without wasting time.
She
breathed deeply, fetched a piece of paper
from her hand-bag and gave to me.
I sweated as i went through it. It was a
pregnancy test result. Positive it said,
duly
signed and stamped.
“so what do we do?. You very well know i don’t
need this baby nor ready to start a
family?” i
asked coldly. She shrugged and drew
back.
“i don’t know. That’s your decision to make, as
for me, i’m not tampering with this
pregnancy.
It’s against my faith, moreover a child is
a gift
from God” she said slowly, mincing no words
and putting me in a very tight corner.
She really
looked unconcerned and serious.
I was left with no choice than to change
my tactics.
“okay how much do you want?” i asked
with a
business tone. Her eyes instantly burned
as my
question hit her like a bullet. “what?, what do you mean?” she asked
with a
quick stammer. I smiled and breathed
deeply.
“you understand me my dear. How much
do you need to get rid of that thing and let
me be
with my life” i said coldly. She jumped
up with
anger, disgust and hatred, shaking her
head with disbelief as she headed to the door.
“gosh i’m so disgusted at you. How dare
you
utter such foul words. I see the devil has
possessed your soul. Your heart is now
dark and burning like hell. This isn’t the brother
ken i
know” she cried. I was so stunned and
touched
over her words, but the problem at hand
was such that gave no room for emotions. I
had to
conceal my feelings and shut my heart.
“Mary i’m really serious. I have the
money to
settle you handsomely” i added as i stood up.
She hissed, gave me one last look before
leaving without another word. I bit my
lips and
locked my door. I couldn’t believe all
that was happening were real. I was so desperate
and
anxious. The last thing i wanted was
having
children scattered over the country in
my name or having a child with a woman i was far
from
loving.
The next day was a public holiday. I
spent the
day at home thinking and polishing my plans
which were far from perfect. Chioma
showed
up by 12pm, helping me to prepare a
delicious
rice, stew and soup. Her company was what i
needed that moment to calm my mind
and the
tension in me. But her curiousity almost
got on
my nerves. She was very sure that i was keeping something away from her and
kept
demanding to know what it was.
However i got the shock of my life by
3pm
when Mary’s pastor showed up at my apartment.
“bro ken there is a serious issue at hand”
he
said as i opened the door for him.

Before We Continue, What do You Think Is
The “Issue” That The Pastor was Talking About??

You Must Contribute To The Story..Drop
Your
Comments Below Before We Can Continue
From Where We Stopped.

>>

Laugh it off [Read it]




1. CONGRATS.Your phone has been installed with a new puzzle game. To play, throw your phone against the wall. Then assemble the pieces.

.2.Hello DEAR,Where are you now.?
No Visits., No Calls.., No SMS from Wik,
No Missed calls, I am so worried. Are you in JAIL again? Pls reply!

3.This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn’t expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on your name and didn’t even tell me? ANIMAL PLANET!

4.I am at police station. The police caught me and filed a case against me of “POSSESSION OF GOOD LOOKS” . I am DOOMED, Need some ugly monkey to bail me out , Where are u?

5.Life is like a MOVIE.
If u are sad-DRAMA,
If u are afraid-SUSPENSE,
If u are angry -ACTION,
When u Look at the mirror - HORROR,
Now u are smilling - that’s COMEDY

6.ku kata ka ka ku ku ke ki ki ka ga ga gi gu kaka ki ki ki ka...Congratulations! U have successfully learnt the monkey’s language. Come and Collect ur banana.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-20 22:35:37

353 Views




The only thing i notice look like a dream to me as i felt a hand inside my trouser caressing my deek, i i was enjoying what was happening as have never felt like that before, i didn’t even bother to open my eyes as i don’t want the enjoyment to finish. Didnt even take long before my deek stood gidigba, no hand was on me or any other body contact to suggest that maybe it was somebody as all my mind was that i was dreaming, i adjusted myself facing the ceiling…….
Suddenly the hand left my deek and the next thing i felt was my deek entering into something that look so cool and a bit watery, it pressed on my deek down and rested on me which made me open my eye and started shouting “subhanallahi” “subhanallahi” “subhanallahi” as i was pressed down and the thing was going up and down on my deek.
Even though i didn’t want what was happening to me but i was enjoying it and never stop shouting “subhanallahi” (Glory to Allah), Allahu…Ya Allah, because on my mind i thought it was a spiritual attack and was shouting maybe Aisha in the room will rescue me , i started feeling excited after like 15minutes because something was coming out of my deek.
I noticed that as i was feeling excited, the thing was going up and down faster on me and the shout of “ya Allah” was at the same speed of the thing on me. I felt relaxed after i stopped urinating and i felt a body that totally rested on me and i could feel a heartbeat on my chest and i was still wondering what was actually happened then there was a voice “I love you so much Abdulrahman”
WHAT!!!…..AISHA!!!, i jumped up instantly and put on the light and here Aisha was totally naked sitting by the tip of the bed……..
Me: Why did you do this now Aisha…why did you make us sin to God?
Aisha: Am very sorry Abdulrahman, i never meant to make you sin but i felt that is the only way for me to show that i truly love you
Me: But you know ii love you too and sex is never an option in our relationship
Aisha: I know but i just felt its a way of showing my love to you and since you didn’t reject my move so i thought you also have it in mind too
Me: I never knew u were the one, i thought i was dreaming or something
Aisha: Am very sorry and i believe Almighty Allah will forgive us too
Me: I never believe my first time will be like this Aisha, i was keeping myself for our wedding night, have never done this before and see what you caused me, you made me sin to God
Aisha: Am very sorry but to my own understanding, since we are still going to get married to each other, i believe Almighty Allah will definitely forgive us
Me: Forgive us? Is it that easy? Do you know the consequence of what we just did
Aisha: Am very sorry Abdulrahman
“Aisha started crying and i couldn’t stand the tears coming out of her eyes”
Me: Its okay Aisha, please put on your cloth
Aisha picked up her night gown on the floor and put it on, what was it to complain about the night gown again after i have seen it all. Have seen her nakedness already and had sex with her, so asking her to put on cloth that will cover her up fully will make me look like a hypocrite. Was it really her fault? Definitely not because if not for Ismaeel that brought in a lady and made me stranded without having any place to go to.
Aisha on the other hand tried her best to go and sleep in her house mate room but it was just unfortunate that she also had a visitor too, “Allahu Allam” (Allah Understand). Sperm was already on my cloth so i couldn’t wear it again, i went into the toilet with another cloth, took my bath and change, she also did same while i waited for her to come back and i asked her to go to bed while we off the light again.
“am scared Abdulrahman, i cant sleep alone, please come and sleep beside me i beg you in Almighty Allah’s name and prophet Muhammed” was the next statement i heard after like 10minutes.


>>

True strength is knowing that you don’t have to be strong every single second of the day.

~ Mandy HaleRelated

The alcohol in my system vanished like a fast volatile substance living nothing but a strangely sobber and bemused man.

I fixed my gaze on Chioma’s figure as she ran through the thick twilight grey that covered the atmosphere now heading towards my gate.

My head was totally damp and to think was impossible, My legs felt like it was nailed to the spot making it impossible to shift.

I wanted to run after her but somehow i couldn’t, my wits and reflexes were as if they were shut down temporarily.

Someone zoomed pass me, the high heel shoes she was wearing giving the ground a musical pounding as she ran after Chioma’s resigning figure.

Licia’s yelling voice kept resounding into my mind, as she kept calling after chioma who didn’t even turn back.

I managed to drag my frame the much i can towards the gate, my woozy head threatening to rip open, wobbling legs on the verge of giving in under me.

Chioma sped on without looking back, every step she takes left a matching thump effect on me.

“Madam!!!”
“Aunty!!”
“Chioma!!!”

Escaped from licia’s mouth buttered into a bag full of hissing sounds as she kept chasing chioma down gaining more ground.

Okon my newly hired gate man, a small stout very black man, with a funny facial look and an off coloured goatee stood beside the gate. I had hired him from the recommendation of Effiong, papa’s gate man and i clearly see the similarities between both.

Their smallish body hogging a whole lot of humour in one small package.

“Maram rem deh call you” he said as Chioma got to the gate.

“Open this gate” She yelled pulling him by his shirt collar, yanking his smallish frame like Big show would yank at a smallish figure like Ray mysterio in a WWE wrestling bout.

“Maram, mbok uka rem deh kol u” His thick calabar assent showing him off to be a fresh fish out of the river.

“Chioma please listen to me” Licia intoned on getting to the spot, holding Chioma by the shoulder.

I don’t why it didn’t come as a surprise, A slapping sound thundered through the air.
“Get your hands off of me!!!” Chioma yelled sending Licia backwards with a thunderous slap.

Licia clutched her cheek in her hands gazing at Chioma with a widened eyes.

“What is wrong with you?” I yelled at Chioma, my body was quaking, nerves were restless and my eyes threatened to shut and blank out any moment.

“Are you out of your mind!!!” my voiced wreaked sending okon on a task of hugging the wall tightly even when i was not referring to him.

“Sky, you are asking me what is wrong with me, what sort of a man are you!!!”
I have never heard Chioma talk in this pitch before and the free flowing streams of tears running down her face made her all the more fierce.

“You come back here clutching another woman God knows were you picked her up from, probably a prostitute and you are asking what’s wrong with me?”
I noticed Licia’s face twitched and her eyes went dim while Chioma’s voice rented the air in an uncontrollable tempo.

“I should have known you were still the same, this was exactly the same thing you did with Cynthia. You are a cheat sky, a big cheat and a he- goat”

My mind was taken aback to the Cynthia’s saga 5years ago.
Cynthia as i am told got pregnant a year after i was sent to U.k.

She was denied by the young engineering student that got her pregnant.
She now stays in the united states as a single mom.

“Chioma would you at least listen to me?” My voice was strangely calm and hands making to get hold of her.

“Leave me alone you cheat, don’t touch me” She blurted out pushing me as hard as she could muster.

“You are the worst mist…………”

“Hey hey hold it there” Licia’s voice barged in without announcement cutting Chioma’s long rebuking sermon half way.

Chioma’s eyes widened a bit and her mouth fell open as she fixed a surprised gaze at licia whose dimmed eyes now sparkled in an untold fury.

“You don’t even know what you have until you loose it, you can’t even give your man a chance to explain himself” Her hands were waving at Chioma as she spilled an unheard yarn.

“Yes i am a prostitute and i don’t deny that” I could see Chioma’s intense look as the word ‘prostitute’ registered into her mind coming out from Licia’s mouth.

“He could not even bring himself to cheat on you even when he is drunk, what you have here is a broken man. Broken by your inability to show restraint when it is needed, broken by the fact that you made his already troubled life even more troubled than it should have been”

“You were supposed to be there for him, to know your man but you compounded his problems”

Chioma’s face now wore a relatively calm and quiet look and licia’s face got all the more twisted and mean.

She took a couple of steps towards Chioma, looking into her face.

“If anything happens to him, Just know that you caused it”. The seriousness in her voice was unmatched, the contempt out of the world.

Everything was spinning faster before me, my wits have dissolved in an instant and my legs could give in any moment.

Chioma was transfixed in her position, interchangeably looking at me and Licia, a strange calmness was at work but yet traces of anger could still be noticed.

The voices were banging hard into my ears.
Amanda’s chuckle and giggling taunts echoed in.

“Young man, i am highly disappointed in you” In Chioma’s father’s voice.

“Sky this is haimdal’s pills” Jessy’s voice was next to echo in my head.

“I only came here to give you these” this was Chioma’s voice accompanied by a resounding jingling sound of a ring and key crashing down into the ground.

“I have been waiting for you, and i have a surprise for you” Amanda’s clear tone voiced in smeared with a cracking bout of chuckle.

Ryan’s innocent and hearty laugh,

” the child’s deoxyribonucleic acid strand is matches yours more” the doctor’s voice crept in inducing a piercing sharp pain in my head.

My head was numb and i could feel sweat rushing down my face in quick successions, the flashes were constant and over whelming.

“Uka!!!” Okon’s voice yelled.

Complimented by a shrieking yell of my name from Chioma and licia.
“Sky!!!”

Nothing else happened, everything was suddenly blank and dark.

..To be Continued..


>>

Life [Read it]


Akpos who was a born again christain was attach by armed rubbers the following conversation occure.....
Rubbers......ur money or ur life?
Akpos......my friend i dont have money and have given my life to christ...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 13:45:25

514 Views




Santa and Jeeto scheduled their annual medical examinations on the same day so they could travel together.

After the examination, the doctor then said to Santa, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

“In fact, I do”, said Santa. “After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”

“This is very interesting”, replied the doctor.

“Let me do some research and get back to you.”

After examining Jeeto, the doctor said: “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

Jeeto replied that she had no questions nor concerns.

The doctor asked, “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”

“Oh !!” she replied. “That`s because the first time is usually in June and the second time is usually in December.”Related

Ek admi apne dost k

ghr gya,

bel bjane pe Papu

bahar aaya .

.

Admi Beta apne papa

ko bulao .

Pappu Ji wo nhi hai,

wo bazar gye hai.

.

Admi Acha to bade

bhai ko bulao.

Papu Wo apne dosto

k sath cricket

khelne gya hai,

.

Admi Acha apk

mumy to ghr pe

hongi.

Papu Nhi wo apni

saheliyo k sth picnic

pe gyi hai.

.

Admi chidd kar guse

me bola Abe To tu

akela ghr pe kya kar

rha hai,

tu b kahi chala jata :p

.

Pappu :- Haan,

tabhi to mai yaha apne

dost k ghar aaya hu..!!Related

UNDER GOODLUCK JONATHAN!OREZI -- $10m IN MY POCKET.TIMAYA -- TIMAYA DON BLOW.DAVIDO -- I BE OMO BABA OLOWO.WIZIKID -- THE MONEY IZ TOO MUCH AM SPENDING.PHYNO -- WILL DRINK ROSEY MAKA NA EJIM EGO NI.* * * * * * * * * * * * *UNDER BUHARI!OREZI -- ALAYE DOUBLE UR HUSTLE.TIMAYA -- WEN MONEY NODEY.DAVIDO -- BIKO YEM EGO.WIZKID -- OJUELEBA MY PEOPLE SUFFER.PHYNO -- ICHO MY MONEY WETE COLLAT.INDEED AM SEEING D CHANGE APC PROMISED NAIJA..........


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-15 08:41:19

462 Views



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