Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


A very religious man, Santa, lived right next door to Banta, an atheist. Santa prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord.

However, Banta`s life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas Santa`s job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn`t give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:

“Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, Banta, who doesn`t even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?”

And a great voice was heard from above:

“BECAUSE HE DOESN`T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!”Related

"I know you are helping me officer but you got to do more, you have to try every necessary means to free me. Please i beg of you” i cried, kneeling before Detective Jeremiah who quickly looked away with embarrassment”

“please madam stand up, don’t kneel for me, i’m not God” he begged but i still knelt, shedding more tears. A junior officer came into the detective’s office that moment bearing a file.

“here are the rest of the results sir” he said to the detective who quickly snatched the file from him while i looked on hopefully.

“you can leave now” he dismissed the officer before going through the file.

“nothing new jeez, this case is really something else” he said to himself as he went through the file while i swallowed hard, confused on what next to do.

“does it mean i’m going to hang for a crime i didn’t commit?. Can’t you run more tests” i asked curiously.

“my dear our police department is one of the best in Africa. I have conducted all the necessary tests including fingerprint and DNA matching. The people that killed your husband had it well planned out and left no trace of anything. The only clear prints found on your husband’s body belongs to you, the rest are blurred. The murder weapon had only your mother in law’s prints on it. So you see there is nothing we can use from the test results, we have nothing. The person that killed your husband probably wore gloves, only if we can get those gloves” he concluded, while i cried out with the last strength in me.

“hey shut up, you are in the police station, don’t you know?” the detective frowned and stood up.

“please shoot me, shoot me, shoot me” i begged with tears, forcing him to look away once again.

“seriously madam, this is slowly slipping from me. I have only two options left, which are pretty hard” he said and swallowed hard while i stared at him hopefully, wiping my tears.

“Number one. I play the good cop bad cop tactics on Esther, by secretly getting another audience with her. This time with another officer. We will then present some selling lies and my colleague will ask for money to keep us quiet. Most whites think we are all corrupt. So i feel she will buy my offer, and through that opportunity, i can get her to talk. The only bad side of it, is that if it goes bad, i can be fired from the force. The second option is presenting my facts to your mother inlaw, get her to reveal more details about her white guests to me. I’ll then do what we call profiling, which will enable me get the man who killed your husband. Esther is no fool, she had no time to hire a local hitman. She probably brought the killer along as her brother, cousin or friend. The only bad side of this plan is that it may take more than two days to accomplish which then leaves us with one option which you must do yourself to avoid trial. If i fail to meet up with the deadline” he concluded seriously.

“so what’s the option?” i asked.

“oh it’s very dangerous. A very dangerous option” he murmured.

>>

Akpos decided to follow his friend Osas on a hunting trip deep in the
forest of Okomu reserve in Iguobazuwa. Akpos has never gone hunting
while Osas has hunted all his life. When they got to the middle of the
forest, Osas told Akpos to sit by a tree and not make a sound while he
checks out an antelope trail.  After he got about a quarter of a mile
away, Osas heard a blood-curling scream which scared away nearby
antelope. He rushed back to Akpos and yelled; “I think I tell you say
make you quiet?”
Akpos replied : “Shuo, I try o, I really try. When green snake waka
pass my leg I nor shake body or make peem sound. When gorilla come dey
breath hot and smelly smelly air for my face, I nor shake body or make
shekele sound. But when two squirrel waka enter my trouser leg, one come
tell the other one say, “Chei, see as this two palm kernels big like
coconut, we nor go fit chop dem finish for here, so make we pluck and
carry dem go home”, naim I come start to halla


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-16 08:31:06

230 Views



Confirm [Read it]


You will never believe what happened to me ystday. I still can`t get over it. I went to the supermarket to pick something to eat before an event. As I was walking down the aisle, I noticed this woman starring at me. I looked at her and kept walking to the front counter to pick bottled water and gala. As I picked them and turned, I found the same woman right behind me! I tried to show her some love, so I smiled & said "hi". Then I went on to get a canned coke. Can u believe the same woman followed me? I was getting a little bit nervous and mad because she was following me without saying a thing. But I tried to stay friendly, I just said "hi" again. She finally responded and said, "I am sorry for starring but you look just like my youngest son. We just buried him two weeks ago" I felt silly for getting mad as I expressed my sympathy to her. She said she was fine as she knows that her son is with the Lord. She then asked me to do her a favour which I obliged. She said "I`m a bit sad that my son never said goodbye to me before passing on". She asked me to get in line behind her so when she`s leaving the store, I should say "goodbye mum" so she could have some sense of closure. Though her request was weird, I however agreed to grant it. So as she collected her bags from the cashier and walked away, I said "bye mum". She turned and said "bye baby boy". When d cashier calculated my stuff, she said d total was N18,750. I said what!!! Can u tell me how a N70 bottled water, N50 gala and N100 canned coke equals N18,750? She said "your mum said you are paying for hers too". My mum? I shouted. That woman is not my mother ooo!!!. I quickly rushed out just in time to see the woman approaching the parking lot. I ran after her and was screaming..."excuse me, excuse me!!!". She started running. I caught up with her just before she was able to close the door of her car. I kept on pulling and pulling her leg, just like I am pulling yours now! You too like gist sef. See as u serious dey read . Gud evening, Enjoy the rest of ur day and week jare. Stay blessed....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-04 17:33:03

2198 Views



Two Idiots [Read it]


DAD: What's 10 plus 10?
AKPOS: I don't know.
DAD: Idiot! You can't answer such a cheap sum...Your stupidity will kill you.


AKPOS: Daddy, if you saw a 1000 naira note and a 500 naira note which would you pick?
DAD: 1000 of course
AKPOS: Idiot! Can't you pick both? Poverty will kill you.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-21 21:39:26

164 Views



Full Bed Bath [Read it]


The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath. She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack. As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I’ll wash possible?”Related

All of Albert Einstein’s clothes (shirts, ties, ect.) were the same. He felt his time was to valuabe and didn’t want to waste it choosing different combinationsRelated

DEFINITION OF ONE DAY

One day, you will lock your door but you will not be the one that will open it.

One day, you will wash that your best clothes and you will not be able to wear it.

One day, your best food will be prepared and you will be unable to eat it.

One day, you will eat and drink what you will never excrete.

One day, your curriculum vitae will get an expiry.

One day, the person that seems to love you most will never dare to move closer to you.

One day, you will think of what you can never accomplish.

One day, you will be regarded as “That thing”
One day, you will be isolated in a place called “grave”

One day, that thing you love most will come your way but you will not be able to give any attention to it.

One day, you will hold your breath and forget to release it.

One day, you will become a defendant before The Chief Judge. God

One day, housefly/ termites will come your way and you will be unable to chase it.

One day, you will receive a call that can never be declined.

One day, your name will be called, but no one will answer

One day, the assets you cherished most will be taken by another person.

One day, your deeds on earth will be presented like a CD.

One day, a title will be added to your name “Late”

One day, The Great Allocator will allocate you to an appropriate place.

One day that your beautiful skin will turn to its original nature-sand.

One day, your entire body will cease operation.

One day, you will be given an infinite apartment, either paradise or hell.

In Summary, take life easy and remember that “Life is just an episode, but it can determine your eternity”

Kindly share this TODAY with as many as possible, people you love to remind them about ONE DAY.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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When mr&mrs akpors visit d zoo d following conversation happen
MRS AKPORS:dear did u know dat gorilla and men are d same
MR AKPORS:y did u say dat dear (when she saw nobody was watching she bring out one of his breast d monkey get excited mr akpors say bring both outside she bring his both breast outside and monkey is happy now she now lift his skirt up now d monkey now come out of d cage and he is scratching d body of mrs akpors)
MRS AKPORS:dear what will i do now
MR AKPORS:tell him dat u are period and see may be gorilla and men are d same..DROP UR COMMENT AFTER READING


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-20 07:36:58

366 Views




Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.

-Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.Related

Baba god [Read it]


JOKE...

A hungry man prayed to GOD that he should stumble on N2000 on the road and he promised to give GOD N1000 out of it. Not up to 5 minutes later after he had made the prayer, he saw N1000 on the road, he quickly picked it, looked up to the sky, shook his head and said, ''My Father in heaven, na now I come fear u o... u no like cheating at all, sharp, sharp u don quickly comot ur own share.
" Don't laff alone, put a smile on sum1's face..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-06 10:49:46

433 Views



Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

The General paced the room, eager and
waiting. How could Sophia decide to betray
him like this? Where did she get the audacity
to? Was she working for someone? Did she
know something that he didn’t? Different
questions ran through his head as he waited
for her to arrive. He had taken her in when she
was just a kid. Trained her, schooled her, and
made her what she was. And now she wanted
the Corporation for herself?
“No! It cannot be!” The General exclaimed
smashing the glass of water in his hands
against the wall.
The steel door opened inwards and Sophia
walked in, accompanied by the agent who was
acting as her guard.
“Why am I not surprised? You even have the
access codes to this room. And is he
necessary?” The General asked, nodding at the
agent but maintaining eye contact with
Sophia.
Sophia ignored his question and moved to her
left to the part of the room that had a small
round table and two chairs. It was the
lounging area of the office where you could
relax, have a drink and even take a nap. After
she had settled well and poured herself a cup
of juice, she said to the General,
“Would you care to join me please?”
It was more of a demand than a request. She
had the General by the balls and they both
knew it. He could decide to take her out, but
that would be detrimental. He needed to know
what was really happening. He needed to know
why she was going rogue. Was she working for
someone? Did she want money? All these
questions needed answers. The answers he
got would shape his decision. He walked
grudgingly to the lounging area and sat
opposite Sophia. He had an unreadable look
on his face. It was a look that Sophia had
seen uncountable times, that it did not mean
anything to her anymore. She just smiled.
“A cup of juice, General?” Sophia asked.
The General just stared at her, trying to read
her mind. He was trying to connect with her
resolve, trying to get some form of emotional
weakness, any form of spiritual connection. He
was very good at it and had used it on her a
lot when she was still his loyal lieutenant. It
was not working this time.
“Does he have to be here?” The General asked
her.
“Is that important? He is here just in case you
try anything funny. I have never trusted you
Marcus.” She said, finishing the orange juice
in her cup.
“I knew you never have. I was not counting on
that.” The General replied.
“You wanted me here. Did you summon me for
small talk? Or you would like to really get to
the point. I have things to attend to.” Sophia
threatened.
The General was fast losing his grip. He was
no longer in control. He needed to take control
but how? He did not want Sophia dead, at
least not yet. He could finish her in seconds.
He thought for a few seconds. Maybe he had
to. She was proving really difficult. She had to
go. But the guard she brought in was going to
complicate issues. He could not kill two
professionals at once. He decided he was
going to warn Sophia.
There was a small button inside his right shoe
by his big toe. He squeezed the big toe
against the button, sending a signal to
Ambrose who was hiding in the store, inside
the room they were in. The store was directly
to the left of the Sophia. The door opened and
Ambrose came out, gun in hand. It all
happened in seconds.
Ambrose shot at the guard, releasing four
bullets as he came out confidently from the
room he was hiding. The bullets hit the guard
on the chest, belly and face. The guard fell
sideways, hitting his head on the brick wall.
Sophia was very well aware of her
surroundings. Immediately the door opened
and Ambrose came out, she kicked the table
from under with her legs, sending the top of
the table forwards in the air, hitting the
General’s face. In a split second, she took out
her .43 gold plated automatic pistol from her
hip, turned and shot at Ambrose. The single
bullet caught him in the g---n area. He
screamed, fell down holding his ball5. She
turned immediately to face the General who
had been hit by the top of the table. He
crawled on his back, moving away from
Sophia as she walked towards him, pointing
her gun at him. He crawled backwards until he
got to the wall and could not move anymore.
“Keep crawling!!!!!” Sophia screamed, shooting
the wall just above his head.
The General kept still, blood dripping from his
forehead down the side of his face.
“The agent Ambrose just killed was my pawn. I
knew Ambrose was in here but I did not know
exactly where. I was counting on you to want
to use him against me. But deep down, I
hoped that I was not in the same category as
your other fallen Lieutenants. I hoped I would
be indispensable. I hoped that I was more
than an agent to you, that no matter what
your love for me would let you keep me. I
served you. I killed for you. I loved you as a
father! And this is what I get? You want me
dead? Huh?” Sophia said slowly, firing another
shot a few meters to his left.
The General just stared at her breathing
slowly. He did not say a word.
“Answer me goddamitt!” Sophia said, pointing
the gun at the General’s head.
Just then a voice said from the entrance of
the main door.
“Drop the gun Sophia. He is not yours to kill.”
Sophia turned to see Sean standing by the
door, an SPG rifle in his hands. He winked,
smiled and nodded to her to move sideways.
She melted at the sight of Sean.
***********************************
Sean waited for about three minutes after
Sophia and her bodyguard had left Bee Hive
before he opened his eyes slowly. The
illumination of the room almost blinded him,
as he had deliberately had his eyes shut for
too long. He got up slowly, turning to look at
all the people in the room. He stretched his
joints and twisted his upper body. His joints
made cracking sounds as he twisted. He felt
pity for the young lady who was still on the
ground, her lifeless corpse decorating the
mahogany floor. He took out a tiny pen from
his back pocket. It was a low voltage
electrocuting neutralizer. He hit his chest with
the pen, sending tiny but powerful electric
waves through his body. The electric signals
went straight to his heart, neutralizing the
tracker that had been previously inserted by
the colonel. He took out his phone from the
inner b---m pocket of his blazers and sent
the Colonel a message. He moved to Nedu’s
table, put his hands under the long table and
ran them to and fro while his eyes scanned
the frightened BeeHive officers.
“This baby should be here somewhere.” Sean
said to himself, stretching further beneath the
table so that his hands could touch the edges.
“Ah ha!” Sean proclaimed as his hand hit
something.
He pulled out an SPG riffle, corked it twice and
smiled.
“May I have your attention please?” Sean said,
tapping the table with the gun.
The officers in Bee Hive looked at him, many of
them very scared. They had just watched two
of their colleagues murdered in cold blood
without reason and here another gun slinging
maniac was calling their attention.
“Who works after Nedu here?” Sean asked,
raising his voice so all could hear.
Nobody answered. No one was ready to die.
“I am not the bad guy. All I want to do is to
take down this Corporation, so I suggest you
start planning new exits, new jobs, and new
safe havens. I need to know who works here
after Nedu or what you just witnessed Sophia
do would be child’s play.” Sean threatened,
corking his gun threateningly.
A short man stepped forwards, very chubby,
and wearing a pair of huge framed lenses. He
stepped out of his chair but remained on the
same spot. He was too scared to move.
“Please, don’t be afraid. Do come forward.”
Sean urged him pleasantly.
The man walked slowly forward and stopped
just a few meters in front of Sean. Sean
approached him gun in hand and put an arm
around his shoulders. He walked with him
back to the table. Putting his hand into his
tight right pant pocket, he brought out a flat
microchip and handed it to the man.
“This is a virus. It erases every data from the
corporation data and writes into the registry
of the backup servers, stopping them from
automatic data backup. It also cripples the
firewalls so that they are weakened to fight
against the intrusion. Can I count on you to
carry this out perfectly?” Sean asked.
The man nodded weakly.
“What is your name?” Sean asked again sitting
on the table and facing him.
“Patrick sir.” The man replied weakly.
“Patrick, I do not plan for any one of you to
die here tonight.” Sean spoke slowly and
deliberately. Then he raised his voice as he
continued so that the whole room could hear
his voice.
“Your life and the lives of those in this room
depend on this one small favor that I ask of
you. Would you please follow my instruction
to the letter?” Sean asked conclusively.
“Yes I will.” Patrick answered meekly.
“Could you be more audible for the sake of the
rest of your friends here?” Sean said.
“Yes I will!” Patrick said raising his voice.
“Good. Very good. I go in peace. Don’t make
me find you Patrick.” Sean threatened,
handing the chip to him.
Sean stepped out into the corridor and
retraced his steps the same way Sophia came
in. As he walked into the enclosure, he put his
hand over the keypad and pressed the
passcode to take him to the floor above him.
Just as the enclosure was about to move, he
caught a glimpse of familiar figures in the
corridor.
It was the Colonel and his beloved Eva. He
quickly stopped the elevator from moving and
got out of the elevator. Eva could not believe
her eyes as she saw Sean come out from a
hidden enclosure on the wall. She ran towards
him and jumped at him, hugging him tightly.
She kissed him fully on the lips as he held her
tight, kissing her back. She held on for a while
kissing and hugging him tight. After what
seemed like an eternity, she let him go.
“I feared you were dead!” She said, still
holding his hands in hers.
“I am here sweetie. Flesh and blood.” Sean
replied.
The Colonel approached him and shook him
by the shoulder.
“Good to see you Bravo.” The Colonel said.
“Missed you too Davinci.” Sean replied.
“So what is the next step now?” The Colonel
asked looking at the rifle in Sean’s hands.
“Sophia has gone up to the control room to
meet Marcus. I am going to intercept them
there. You will come with me, while Eva will
stand guard here at BeeHive to make sure all
goes as well as planned.” Sean finished.
The Colonel nodded while Eva hugged him
tight again before letting him go. They left Eva
in charge of Bee Hive as the rest of them went
upstairs to meet the General. As they
approached the door, they heard gun shots.
They immediately rested their backs on the
wall by the door, waiting for the gun battle to
subside. Then Sean heard Sophia raise her
voice. She was talking to the General. He
tiptoed to the door and keyed in the passcode,
the door opened noiselessly. Sean peeped first
to assess the situation. Sophia had his back
to him as she lashed out words at the
General. As she raised her gun at the General,
Sean stepped in.
********************************************
Eva was pacing on the floor of Bee Hive,
making sure that all the agents were behaving
and injecting the virus into the Corporation
when she heard sound behind her. She turned
quickly to find out what it was that suddenly
made the sound but she was not quick
enough.
Agent Ope stood at the entrance of Bee Hive
with a .23 semi-automatic pistol, smoke
drifting upwards from the nozzle of the gun.
Eva had ducked, rolled on the floor and fired a
shot of her own catching Ope in the neck.
Blood guzzled from the hole, flowing like a
fountain. He fell on the floor slowly, trying to
mumble incoherent words. Eva got up from
the floor holding her stomach. Ope had shot
her. Blood flowed from the gunshot wound,
painting her hand red. She gasped for her as
she staggered to the door, trying to exit. As
she struggled with her feet walking past Ope’s
lifeless body, clutching her stomach and trying
to breathe, one word repeatedly came out of
her mouth, although barely audible:
“Sean.”
**********************************************
“Drop the gun Sophia.” Sean repeated, raising
the SPG threateningly at Sophia.
Sophia dropped the gun beside her and kicked
it just a few meters away. The Colonel strolled
in with confidence, walking past Sean and
towards The General. Sophia was looking at
Sean, her back to the General. She wished she
could just disappear with him and forget this
whole blood bath.
Suddenly, the General moved. He pulled out a
jack knife from his boots and sprang up
acrobatically from the floor. The Colonel
aimed at him but did not shoot because
Sophia was in the line of target. The General
held the knife to Sophia’s neck, pushing it
gently against her soft fair skin. A little blood
trickled from the contact.
“Drop the guns. Both of you, Now!” The
General ordered.
None of them moved. Sean saw the look of
fear and helplessness in Sophia’s eyes. He
could not believe he felt something for Sophia
after all. Sophia did not want to die.
“I said drop the guns motherfuckers!!!” The
General screamed, pressing the knife further
deep on to Sophia’s flesh. The blood was
rushing faster now and Sophia had begun to
squint. Sean could not take it anymore.
He bent carefully and dropped his rifle on the
ground. He stood and raised his hands.
“Happy now?” Sean asked.
“Your turn!” The General screamed at the
Colonel.
The Colonel did not care who died and who
did not. He wanted Marcus dead. He raised
his gun higher, targeting Marcus’ head.
The General knew that he could not win the
battle. Sean saw the glint in his eyes.
Everything happened like slow motion.
In one sudden move, the General slit Sophia’s
throat with the knife, pushing her on the floor.
As he bent to pick the gun Sophia dropped,
the Colonel opened fire on him. Sean had
already bent and picked his rifle. Standing on
one knee, Sean emptied his bullets on the
General while the Colonel continued to shoot
at him too. The General managed to stagger
and get up, trying to shoot. They rained
bullets on him, while he staggered. His white
starched shirt covered in blood. As he tried to
pull the trigger of the gun, Sean gave a
precise shot to the middle of his head.
His brains splattered across the room and he
fell to the ground. His body was still shaking
as Sean and the Colonel walked to him. They
rained the remaining of their bullets on him
until his body stopped moving. Sean spat on
his corpse.
He moved to Sophia and bent down. He held
her hand and closed her eyelids. She looked
so beautiful even in death. He wished things
had ended differently.
Just then an alarm began to sound in the
whole building.
“DEFCON4 activated. 50 seconds till self-
destruct.” A computerized voice said.
“What the hell is that?” Sean asked.
“Marcus had programmed GhostCorp to end
with his death. This building self-destructs
once his heart stops beating. We need to
move. Now.” The Colonel explained as the got
out of the room.
They got to the Bee Hive floor and saw a trail
of blood. The followed it and turned the
corridor to see Eva coughing blood and
breathing heavily.
“This is not happening! Baby, I am here. I love
you. Stay with me. Come on. Stay with me.”
Sean said, lifting Eva and resting her on his
arms while he knelt.
“Se..ee…aaaa…nnnnn” Eva said with labored
breathing.
“I looo….ooovveee……” She said but coughed
out more blood.
“20 seconds to self-destruct.” The Computer
said
“We need to leave Sean. There’s no time.” The
Colonel said.
Sean lifted Eva, carrying her in his arms like a
wedding bride. They hurried out of the
premises with Sean repeated assuring Eva and
tears in his eyes, even though her eyes were
closed:
“I love you baby. Stay with me. Stay with me.
Stay with me.”
THE END.
....


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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After a day fishing on Lake AoNomolos, a fisherman named Akpos is
walking
from the pier carrying two brown trout in a bucket.
He is
approached by a Conservation Officer who asks
him for his fishing license. Akpos says to the warden, "I am not
a fishing and I
was not catch these browns, they dem be my pets. Every
day I was a
come down to the a water and dump these fish into
our water and tooking them for a walk to the end of the pier and
back.
When I'm always a ready ooo to go I was always whistle and they was jump back
into our the
bucket and we went and gone home. The officer not believing
him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. Akpos turns to the warden and says, "If
you wer don't
believe me ooo jere then watchs," as he throws the trout
back into the
water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and
show me that
they will jump out of the water and into the
bucket." Akpos turns to the officer and says, "What
are fish?"#Happy_New_Month#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-01 08:27:59

646 Views




A husband and wife were trying to set
up a new password to their computer.
The husband put 'MYP*NIS' The wife immediately fell on the floor
laughing because of what she saw on
the computer screen, "Error. Not long
enough!"
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-26 19:32:55

393 Views




Lecturer 2: lets clap for the rector for given given us a fine speech;although he is not here but his representative have said it all. lets welcome Master Desmond Jackson our representative on stage
Desmond: thank you sir;i just want to say a very big thank you to my school rector for believing in me;that i can do it by picking me out from the entire school. thank you once more;let me start by introducing myself;my name is Desmond Jackson;am a student of this great university;am a third year student of medical science
when i did came into this university;I wasn't as good as this. at hundred level first semester i have a course mate who is doing very in his academic life;he always come out the best in class and even go for competition and whenever he return with success i will always praise him but there was a day;a female friend of him was there with him;when i was praising him;she said you keep on admiring someone for his achievement;why don't you work hard so that others will admired you' when she finish speaking her mind;he walked out on me. crazy enough;i felt very embarrass;i felt like the ground should open and swallow me but then;i took a cool time to examine myself;if it is right for me to work more or to relax?i decided to put in more into my study and by two hundred level our school was invited to so many competition at the same time and my course mate could not attended all;so i was sent to one of them;i was this scare;it almost got to the point that i was ready to give numerous excuses in order not to go but my cousin gave me an advice that make me go,he said,i will quote his words, ''if then you did drew back then you have accepted failure'' so brief but meant a lot to me and when i did go;i came out first;i was so happy it was my most happy moment in my life. and in this last competition i attended,i was there with another contestant who is by name Stephanie;which was a source of my strength;she gave me hope and concern towards me;we spent the entire days together,do you know one thing i fine very attractive about her?was that she always focus on everything she was doing;she read like the competition was her personal examination and what she said to me after the first day of the competition was;go and prepared for tomorrow because i don't want you to loss and then i said really?then she said will you prefer losing;i know you don't want that because it hurt to lose;although i take it has a joke but then it is the fact;although she didn't come first;i know in her next competition she will come out first. i know someday everyone will be able to attain the knowledge that we lead you to higher ground. if i can do it;you can do it;everyone can. when we are determine. thanks again to all of you

Lecturer 1: thank you very much;we have all hear the horse mouth;he has told us that when he started he was not as good as he is now;he work towards it and that we all should take words of encourage to push through with our dreams. even if we don't have adviser like him personally;we have given us those words in group. has a wise person you draw knowledge and sense from what he had such say. thank you

Lecturer 2: we have all been there for more than hours receiving one advice from our rector's representative;from lecturer and even from our fellow student but anyway i have nothing much to say;all i have to say is that a word is a enough for the wise. like my colleges has said, 'that you don't need a one on one advice to make sense. well is alright because during my school days i never had that much words from my lecturer back then but is alright;now that you have the opportunity used it wisely. thank

Lecturer 1: thank you very much for your time and for being present in this gathering;lets have some refreshment before leaving
Tina: congrats;that was a nice speech
Tunde: and you know what?i never though you remember those words
Desmond: if i don't?what words will i remember?
Ayo: my main man;you were just talking like one of those lecturers
Desmond: you have started with this your praises
Tina: but that is the truth,you look cute also
Ann: congratulation Desmond
Desmond: thank you
Anita: counselor Desmond(she sit close to Ayo)
Desmond: you've come with your sweet tongue
Anita: you know i don't say things that doesn't suite you or have i say something that doesn't suite you?
Desmond: Ayo;you are better hold Anita very well because i might end up one day taking her away from you
Ayo: you are crazy
Desmond: but not as crazy as the heart;when it is in love
Ayo: but Desmond do you know Tina and you look good together?
Desmond: you are such a bad friend;you want to sent my early grave and mark you;she is Tunde's girlfriend(all laughed)
Tosan: was up
Anita: the last girl standing;where have you been?
Tosan: i am around;i haven't go anywhere,am just there(Tosin walked towards them)
Anita: you see what has been keeping her
Tosin: i am not keeping her
Desmond: what is going on here?i have see everyone except Stephanie;why didn't she come?
Tina: nothing really
Desmond: Anita;please excuse me(they both walked a little from the others)why did she not come?

Anita: Stephanie is.....(entre Georgina)
Georgina: why should you asked after her?is she your girlfriend and who is this cheap prostitute?
Anita: what?
Georgina: shut your mouth;i haven't finish,what are you?are you better than them?
Tunde: what is going on here?
Georgina: am not talking to you low life
Tina: what is the......(she paused and turn to Georgina)oh it is you;i have heard a lot about you. well my name is Tina;i am.....
Georgina: i don't care whatever rubbish your name is;i don't care
Tina: but we are not quarrelling

Georgina: where is this Ape coming from?(Anita laughed)and you,am not done with you(Ayo walk in)
Ayo: why are you shouting in front of representative?not even our fellow student but also in front of lecturers. Georgina;don't you have control over yourself
Georgina: why wouldn't you insult me when this girl here is tearing my relationship apart
Ayo: which girl are you talking about?
Georgina: this slot standing
Ayo: young lady;i will not take that from you;you calling my girlfriend names;Anita lets get out of here(exit Ayo/Anita)
Tunde: you are so impossible;Tina;shall we(exit Tunde/Tina)

Desmond: now it is left with the both of us;go on start talking,i feel that you want to embarrass me at any given time;must you always give my friends reason to make them say i am not man enough;even if you been doing it in front of my friends will you also have to do it in the face of their girlfriend?what wrong have done to you?am i.....
Georgina: please;please don't just change the topic. after confessing to the public that you and that so called girl spend nights under same roof;even when i did asked you;you rejected seeing her;is it not same thing you agreed to;you even live with her. have you not embarrass me also (enter Alfred/Tosan/Tosin/Ann)

Alfred: what is happening with both of you?
Georgina: nothing;must you guys put your nose in every affairs of ours
Desmond: why wouldn't they?when you are so mannerless
Tosin: guy cool down;we are in a public place
Georgina: public place?i don't care;if we have to disgrace ourselves here,i don't care
Tosan: is alright
Georgina: and who are you to tell me is alright?don't you dare tell me is alright;why don't you tell the boy you are dying for is alright
Tosan: which boy;am u dying for?
Ann: don't add insult to injury
Tosan: if you say so;am out of here(exit Tosan)
Ann: Georgina;cool down;if there is something you don't like about him;you tell him;rather than embarrassing yourself
Georgina: shut your mouth;you half human
Ann: is not that....
Georgina: i don't need advice from you bitch
Alfred: there will come a time;when no one will talk to you and this boy you are protecting;will have no feelings for you,Tosin come lets go
Tosin: Ann shall we(exit three of them)
Desmond: lets go home;you succeeded in ruining my day;is okay let's go(exit both of them) (back to the party)

Lecturer 1: the party is coming gradually to an end but before will finally close the party;lets a gift of appreciation of what my best student that represent us. first i called Desmond and secondly Stephanie Dave. am sorry but information just reach me that both of them are not available now. when they are available they should go and collect their gift at rector office. it has really been a long day;a day that we celebrate achievement,a day that has been a great joy of our university achievement of our long waiting dreams to be among the best but more now;we are not just among but the best. thank you
Lecturer 2: at this junction we will want to invite the rector to give his closing remark;so we can go home

Rector's representative: i want to thank everyone of you that this day a success;i which to employ you to keep on the good work and we should all strife to be among those who can represent us in future competition;if does two have passed out;i pray you safe trip,has you go to your various house and God bless you all



SEE MORE......


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos was sitting in a bar drinking when a stranger walks in. After a while they started gisting and at about 10:30 PM Akpos says, "Oh well, I better get home.My wife doesn`t like me to stay out during late night." The stranger replies, "I`ll help you out of this. Just do what I say. Go home. Sneak into the bedroom. Pull back the covers. Get down between her legs then lick, lick and lick for about 20 minutes and there will be no complaints in the morning." Akpos agrees to try that and continues drinking with him for two more hours before heading home to give it a try. When he got home, the house was pitch black. He sneaks upstairs into the bedroom, pulled back the covers and proceeded to lick for 20 minutes. The bed was like a swamp so he decided to wash his face. As he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet. Seeing her he screamed, "What the hell are you doing in here?!" "Quiet!", she exclaimed. "You`ll wake your mother."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-23 06:48:48

3786 Views




1. No matter how beautiful and handsome you are,
just remember Baboon and Gorillas also attract
tourists.

***Stop Boasting.

2. No matter how big and strong you are, you will
not carry yourself to your Grave.
***Be Humble!

3. No matter how tall you are, you can never see
tomorrow.
***Be Patient!

4. No matter how Light Skinned you are, you will
always need light in Darkness.
***Take Caution!

5. No matter how Rich and many Cars you have,
you will always walk to Bed.
***Be Contented!

Take Life Easy
Life is "Exp. + Exp. + Exp."
Yesterday was Experience.
Today is Experiment.
Tomorrow is Expectation.
So, use your Experience in your Experiment to
achieve your Expectations.
Compliments of the
Season. #B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Very ugly [Read it]


PATIENT: Doctor! I`m I ugly?
DOCTOR: You`re not ugly.
PATIENT: But everybody says I`m ugly!
DOCTOR: Listen, you are not ugly!
PATIENT: I know I`m ugly.
DOCTOR: You look like a fine, strong looking man.
PATIENT: But I`m a woman.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-08 23:27:33

571 Views




Tina: things haven't really been easy;i have to be extremely careful to avoid suspicion
Kidnapper 3: thank God!you are here because we are running out of money feeding those two
Tina: what do you mean two?
Girl: yes;we arent able to take just the girl because the boy we saw with her;is such a stubborn boy. he gave us hard time;we have no choice than to pull both together
Tina: you all are just crazy. what do i want to do with the boy?i wanted you to get that small witch from the surface if the earth;so i can have that boy to myself
Kidnapper 2: but you said if we meet her with a boy;we shouldn't shoot the boy?

Tina: i did but i did not asked you to kidnapped him also. you all are incompetent fools
kidnapper 1: what do we do now?
Tina: that is not my business
Girl: what did you mean?
Tina: you all got yourself into this mess;so get yourselves out of it and mark you;the police are already involved;if they get you all;don't involved me
Kidnapper 1: if we go down;you will go down with us
Tina: are you threatening me?
Kidnapper 3: is not a threaten;i can just end your miserable life now(he point the gun at her)
Kidnapper 1: stop;let her go

Kidnapper 3: oh God!i feel like chewing this girl now?
Kidnapper 2: just let her go
Kidnapper 3: what do we do now?
Kidnapper 1: i know what to do;i will end both of them now(he rush into the room and point the gun at Stephanie)i am sorry but i have to end my life now
Kidnapper 2: will you stop it
Kidnapper 1: stop what?(she hit her by the chest)
Stephanie: please;don't kill me
Kidnapper 3: just keep quiet;why shouldn't he?when you can't give us anything;go ahead and end her life(he pull her by her hair)

Kidnapper 2: will you stop hurting her?she did us no wrong. let her be(he pull his hand from her hair)sorry
Girl: why are you protecting this girl?we have kidnapped other girls and she is not the first girl and you were the one;whom always hurt them more
Kidnapper 2: just keep your mouth shut
Girl: fine;i will keep my mouth shut,if only you give us the money we waste on this fellows
Desmond: is it money that you want?name your price;my dad will give it to you. anything he will
Kidnapper 3: just lock that thing you called mouth
Kidnapper 1: wait;you said your dad can give us money?
Desmond: yes


Girl: then that settle it
Kidnapper 1: you will give us his number
Kidnapper 2: no need;his phone is with me
Kidnapper 3: fine

Stephanie: i am sorry Desmond(with tears in her eyes)
Desmond: sorry for what?(tears roll in his eyes)
Stephanie: why are you crying?
Desmond: is because i wasn't able to help;am here in front of you yet i am so far away because i can't help you;i can't fight for you when those bastard hurt you
Stephanie: your present here is a enough for me
Desmond: of what used is my present when i can't help you
Stephanie: will you just stop. you are hurting me more with your action;you are making me feel bad because i dragged you into it
Desmond: am sorry
Stephanie: am sorry too(she continue crying)

Jackson: how are you?
Rose: am fine and you?
Jackson: am okay(enter policemen)any news of them
1st policeman: not at all;i think we should give out poster and their pictures;that who ever know where the both of them is;will be given a ransom
Rose: is a good ideal
Jackson: i don't think so;don't you think you will exposing them to more dangers
Rose: i don't think so;just go ahead and do what you is good instead of standing here talking to us
2nd police: we are doing our best
Rose: your best isn't good enough. go on do something. how don't care how you do it(enter Monalisa)what is she doing here?
Jackson: i invited her;so that she can take part in it
Monalisa: good day all
Jackson: good day;how are you?
Monalisa: i am okay;what is the police saying
Jackson: they still have no idea of their where about
Monalisa: i just hope they are save
1st police: they are save;if they are not,we would had find out(phone ringing)who have that phone?
Jackson: is mine
2nd police: then go ahead and pick it
Jackson: is unknown number
1st police: pick it;it might be the kidnappers
Rose: if it is;don't pick it
Jackson: i will pick it;don't worry Rose
2nd police: and when you pick it,do not show any sign that you are with anyone and put it in loudspeaker

Jackson: alright(he pick up)hello
kidnapper 1 : hi Jackson;how are you doing today?
Jackson: i am fine and who gave you my number?
Kidnapper 1: hey slow down;when one do i answer?who am i??who gave me your name?
Jackson: go ahead and answer all
Kidnapper 1: you are a strong man but that is not needed here
Jackson: who are you?
Kidnapper 1: don't worry;you will soon find out. make those two talk(to kidnapper 3)come on;go ahead talk to your dad
Jackson: hey;was going on?

Desmond: dad;is me Desmond;please save us. we want to get out of here
Kidnapper 1: just keep quiet;you heard your son;man?
Jackson: just let my son go
Kidnapper 1: Jackson;Jackson;you make me sick. why would i let your son go?you are crazy
Jackson: fine;what do you want?
Kidnapper 1: now you are talking,i will tell you later. alright
Jackson: wait
Kidnapper 1: what again?

Jackson: what about the girl?
Kidnapper 1: how is she your business?(he end the call)
Jackson: please wait;he has cut off
2nd police: that means your kids has been kidnapped
Monalisa: what about my daughter
Jackson: from Desmond's words both of them are there
Monalisa: what?
Rose: you see what your worthless daughter is bringing yo my son and my family?
Monalisa: my daughter is not the cause
Rose: then who is the cause?my son?never;no one will want to kidnapped him
Monalisa: why not?kidnappers look for ransom and they know your family is rich
Rose: aren't you rich?are you not the one that drove that car outside?you are rich. if anything happen to my son;i will kill you and your daughter

Monalisa: are you threatening me?why should i bothered when the police are here
1st police: is alright
Rose: tell this woman to get out of my house?
Jackson: will you two keep quiet and you Rose don't be so annoying. what we need is not that;we need solution to our problem

Rose: fine;i am annoying,go on without me
Jackson: please don't be angry
Monalisa: you don't have to. i understand what is going on,she is going through a difficult time but she is taking it too far
Jackson: alright;thank God you understand
Monalisa: what do we do now
1st police: for now nothing until they call again,that way we can trace them
Jackson: alright then;take care
2nd police: we will go ahead

Monalisa: is alright;let me go and look for Rose. i know she need someone to talk to
Jackson: alright; but be careful
Monalisa: i will(outside) Rose;are you okay?
Rose: i am fine;you can leave
Monalisa: i know how you feel. i know whatever happen our kids will understand
Rose: it is easy for you because your daughter love you
Monalisa: your son love you also
Rose: you don't know anything about me,i am not a good mother to my son;i hurt him like a thousand and one times,physically;emotionally. i am nothing compare you(she cried)the last time;he hugged me and i pushed away,i saw the look in his eyes;like he has given up on my love. i hate myself for all the pains i cause him. i wish i could correct my mistake

Monalisa: i am sure you can be able to take those pains from him
Rose: how do i do that?what if i am never able to make it up to him?to make up for all the lost nineteen look years?what if i couldn't hold him again in my hand?what if we never get to see again?

Monalisa: don't say those words. i know we will see our kids again
Rose: i pray so because i may not be able to take it
Monalisa: it is well(she hugged her)
Rose: i am sorry for abusing you and for treating your daughter badly
Monalisa: is alright






NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Please charity.wait and here me out
abeg.
I tried all my best to convince
her.before she finally agreed.
I’m not a criminal as you accused
me.other wise i wouldn’t be telling
you this.i would have keep it as a
secret between me.
I agreed to join them earlier because
of the threat and to save myself.but
now i don’t wanna go back to that
place again.
CHARITY.what do you mean?.
ME.i’m saying that i’m not interested
again.
CHARITY.aren’t they gonna come
after you?.those people are
dangerious for God sake.
ME.exceptly what i’m saying now.as
i’m speaking with you right now.JC
and the other gang are waiting for
me for the night operation.i just
managed to cook a lie for him.before
he let me go.from this moment
now.our lifes are in great danger.coz
any moment from now.if i didn’t join
them for they night operation.i’m
automatically there worst
enermy.baby i’m afraid.*i said
panting*.
CHARITY.wait dube.how do you
mean by looking for us.am i among?.
ME.*silent*…
CHARITY.talk to me dube.how do you
mean by us.*she said in tears*.
ME.am sorry baby.jc said if they
didn’t get me.they will take any of
my love ones.my family members or
my girlfriend.he even knows your
name.he threathen to shoot you.if i
try and excape.that why i was
saying.lets runaway.lets excape to
another town were we can hide for
the main time.i have some money
that will sustain us for months.
CHARITY.*in tears*it’s easy to say
abi.what about your family
members.are you still gonna
runaway with them?.dubem. see the
mess you have brought upon your
self.i warned you.i warned you
earlier.but you want to make
money.now tell me where is the
money.where is the money now.that
Jc is a beast.a b-----d.a murdere.a
criminal.God oh God.*she cried out
loud rolling on the rug*.
ME.i’m sorry baby.forgive me for this
mess i brought upon us.i never knew
things will get bad like this.had i
know.i would have stuck to your
advise.but the deal had been
done.lets find a solution…..forgive
me*knelt down beside her*.
CHARITY.ooh dube.if not that i love
you.i would have kiss this
relationship goodbye..any way i
forgive you.
ME.thank you dear.God bless you.*i
said huging her*
CHARITY.if we eventually runaway as
you said.what about your mum.your
dad.and your two siblings.are they
not important to you?.your gang
might come after them.you know
they are dangerious.
ME.*frown face*they are not my
gang.i don’t belong to any gang
again.
CHARITY.but you were once there
member na.isn’t it?.
ME.*silent*
CHARITY.can’t you talk dube.are you
deaf now.your family are they not
important to you?.
ME.honestly.am as confuse as
anything.i don’t know what to say
now.of course they are important to
me.but all of us can’t runaway
together.please lets go first.i will
make arranging for them.
CHARITY.by then it will be too
late.why not inform the cops.lets
inform the police about it.i think that
will be more save than runing away.
I check the time and it was already
8:30pm.JC would be trying my
broken line by by now.him and his
gang would have been waiting for
me by now.ooh God.
ME.you are right about about
informing police.but we have to find
a safe place first please.
CHARITY.i need to inform my sister.
Eeeh!why can’t this girl understand
me for once.
Should i tell her that her sister is
among the gang.will she believe me?
no i don’t think she will ever believe
me.i think it’s not right to tell her for
now.but how am i gonna convince
her not to call her.
Before i could conclude on what to
do.i looked up and saw her dialling a
number.what.hope she is not calling
her o.she placed the one on her left
ear…
ME.baby who are you calling?.
CHARITY.my sister of course.
ME.eeeh…
CHARITY.ooh God…
ME.what happened?.
CHARITY.her phone switched
off.*frown face*
ME.*thank God*.we have no time
again.can we go now?.*i took my hp
bag.which contain some of my
clothes and some of my important
cridentials*.
CHARITY.i need to take some of my
clothes too.but which town are we
going?.
ME.don’t worry.lets go and take your
stuff first.
CHARITY.baby i’m afraid.*sobbing*.
ME.don’t be afraid dear.i will protect
you.even though it will cost me my
life.i won’t mind.i’m the one that
brought the mess.i will also clean it
alone.all i need is your corperation..
CHARITY.i love you.although you cost
it.but i will not let you suffer
alone.we will clean the mess
together.*hugging me in tears*.
ME.thank you dear.thanks for your
understanding.i own you alot.*held
her tight*.
CHARITY.i pray that nothing should
happen to your family.and i hope all
this will soon be over.
ME.i wish so.
It was already 10pm in the evening.i
and charity left my room together.i
didn’t inform my parent that i was
living.since they didn’t care to know
my way about.
I followed charity to her house with
a bike.she picked some of her
clothes in a small bag.and off we
went.i got to the near by ATM and
withdrew some cash. What now?.she
asked.

Should i continue?


>>

Boss to a lady during interview for the post of secretary:


What’s the diff between Paperclip & Screw?


Lady: I don’t know, I have never been paperclipped.Related

Lost of money [Read it]


A small boy goes up to a man in the street and asks him if he’s lost 50 Naira. The man checks his pockets and says, ‘Well, yes. I think I have lost a 50 Naira note. Have you found one?’
The boy replies, ‘No. I just wanted to see how many people had lost a 50 Naira note today. You make 72.’


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-04 17:45:41

908 Views



Mothers Love [Read it]


Your mother bore you For 9 months ,
She watched her feet Swell, she struggled to Climb stairs,

She got breathless quick, She bore excruciating pain,
She suffered many sleepless Nights,

She became your nurse, your Chef, your teacher, your Cleaner, your launderette your Friend.

She struggled for you, but not Did she see it as a struggle,

Not once did she develop Regrets after all this …
Mothers are special and should never be hurt

I love my mother beyond limits

Do you … ? ? ?


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Me: isn’t it dangerous?
Jafar: nope, we are not going far…
It was a cold night, even after he put off the car’s AC, it was still cold, I embraced myself to fight it. He didn’t drive into the main road, instead he continued driving along a rough path until we got to an open space. This space was surrounded by a thick bush. The space was almost circle in shape, we were in the middle.
Me: what is this place?
Jafar: I really don’t know, I stumbled on it some months ago..
Me: what were you doing that you stumbled on it..
Jafar: in times of relative peace, I like to drive around close to mid-night. It helps me think and process ideas..
Me: so you were driving and you got here, what’s so special about this place? Although I like the circular thingy…
Jafar: are you ready?
Me: yes…
He turned off the car’s engine and lights.
Jafar: shhhhhh
We remained quiet in the car…I looked at him after a while and almost giggled out. He must have been talking about a spiritual experience because I wasn’t seeing another physical.
Then it start…a fire-fly put on its light on the right side of the bush, then a group put on theirs on the left..then a couple more put on theirs. Before long, the entire bush was filled with light emitting fire-flies…it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen…we were the darkness surrounded by light….
Me: this is nice…
Jafar: I come here everytime…
Me: you haven’t brought any other person here before?
Jafar: no..just you..
Me: thanks…
Jafar: Lets go outside…
Me: I don’t want them to leave…
Jafar: they won’t…
We laid down on the car bonnet…facing the sky, surrounded by God’s light…
Me: after all these ends, what becomes of us?
Jafar: I thought about it too…
Me: so?
Jafar: I really don’t know, a day at a time I guess…
Me: I will be going to Lagos soon, probably after I leave Sagamu.
He didn’t say anything…dew was falling on the car, making the cold night even colder. I drew closer to him to tap some warmth..
Jafar: I love you Tana…
My heart skipped several beats as he said those words..i kept looking at the stars that filled the sky. Now that he had said he loved me, this guy just made it very hard for me. What if we are forced to say our goodbyes…what will happen to me…I would be broken…
Jafar: look there..
He pointed at a building from a far, with lights at the top…
Jafar: that is the Ebumawe’s palace..
Me: I love you too…
And then I started crying again..how did I get here? How did I get to fall in love with someone like Jafar.
Me: can I ask for a favor?
Jafar: sure…
Me: can you just remain on the low-key till we graduate. Forget about Eli and all…lets just be..
He didn’t reply…
Me: can you?
Jafar : its not a one way thing, we are fighting an evil…if we don’t…it would be the end of us all..
Me: then be careful…
Jafar: Eli worries you…
Me: yes..
Jafar: don’t worry…
I started shivering after a while so we went back inside the car. Hoobastank’s “the reason” blarred from his speakers…He switched the gear into drive and once again…we eased into the night…
I woke up without remembering how I got to the bed. I was alone, I didn’t like the feeling. I was also hungry. I walked out of the room and found Jafar and Uche shooting pool in the parlor..
Me: was looking for you…
Uche: howfar madam Tana?
Me: Uche, I dey o…
Jafar: I will be with you soon….
I went to the kitchen, there was no food besides bread, so I made myself a cold cup of Milo and took two slices from the loaf.
Jafar: you should be sleeping instead of eating, its 4am…
He came inside the room and sat on the bed..
Me: how did we get inside, last I remembered we were on our way…
Jafar: you slept off…I had to carry you in…
Me: awwww…thank you…
Jafar: something came up, I would have to leave very soon…when I come back…you can leave for Sagamu..
Me: what came up?
Jafar: can’t tell you, but we would need all the hands we can get, one of the guys will stay with you here..
Me: okay…
He helped me take the empty cup back to the kitchen, then joined me beneath the blanket.
Jafar: when you wake up in the morning, I will be gone..
Me: just come back….for me…
Jafar: sure…
Just as he predicted, I woke up to an empty bed..the house was eerily silent. I called Toun…
Toun: how are you?
Me: I am good o..i will be going to Sagamu today…
Toun: nice, Ago is dangerous now…
Me: how are you feeling?
Toun: I have dreams of him everytime…
Me: he is in a better place…
Toun: how is Jafar?
Me: he is fine, he told me he loves me…
Toun: awwwww, I like that guy…cultist and all..
I didn’t even bother correcting her…
Toun: Timi nko?
Me: I will call him as soon as I hang up..
Toun: he called me last night…said he still loves you and all..
Me: I will try to see him soon….
Toun: I will call you later during the day…
Me: thanks babe…
Toun: bye…
Me: bye…
I called Timi but he didn’t pick up…
I put on one of Jafar’s shirt and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth….my phone rang, it must be Timi..
It was Jafar..
Me: hey J!
Jafar: Tana, lock up the door to the room, look into my wardrobe, you would see a black shoe box, open it, there is a loaded gun inside…take it to the bathroom and lock yourself in with it.
Me: what is happening?
Jafar: Just do as I say…I am on my way back….
Me: I am scared…
Jafar: I am with you…
He hung up…
My heart was beating fast..i considered bolting outside the house to the nearest public place, but it was risky..i decided to just obey Jafar.
I was at the corner of the bathroom, with the heavy metallic object on my lap…my phone rang again…
Me: Jafar, I am scared..
Jafar: I am on my way…hope you are in the bathroom?
Me: yes..
He hung up…
The water dropping gently from the tap was coinciding with the beating of my heart…in no time, Jafar will be around and it will be alright…I kept telling myself..
Then I heard the big bang!
The guy in the apartment seemed to dash into a room and ran back out…another shot was heard. This one shattered the sitting room windows. The guy returned fire…my ears were exploding…I held on tight to the gun..
Then I heard a crash…the front door was broken…there was a brief exchange of fire…then silence…
I was hoping our guy had won, then I heard Eli’s unmistakable laughter…
Eli : Tanatolo…Tanatolo…I know say you dey hear me…
He started knocking on the door of the rooms…
Eli: come out!…
I started praying to God…I was shaking like a fish out of water..
I heard him break open a door; he wasn’t the only one from the foot-steps I heard. Then he broke another door..mine was next….
I wanted to call Jafar but Eli would have heard my voice…
He broke open the door…
Eli: Tana…I know say you dey inside here…na your bag be dis…come out of the bathroom!
I started sobbing…
Then he broke open the bathroom door…
Eli : Ahn..Ahn…princess like you come dey hide inside bathroom…
The gun he was holding was the biggest I had ever seen. The shades he was wearing made his look even deadlier..
Me: Eli…please…don’t hurt me…
Eli: that time don pass…
He leveled the gun at me…
Eli: pull your clothes..
Me: no!..
I didn’t know a human being could be so fast, his smack crushed my face..
Eli : Jafar don dey give you mind abi?…i say make you pull your cloth, you dey do shakara?
The gun was laying useless by my side…
I pulled off the shirt, leaving me with my bra and panties…
Eli: chai…you go sweet o…after I fvck you…I go waste you…
Me: Go to hell!
I tried picking up the gun again, but his leg was faster..kicked my dropped hand…
The pain was unbearable, I screamed…He came untop of me…
Eli: pull your pant!
Me: No!
Eli dropped his gun and dragged started trying to drag down my panties..i tried to poke his eyes but he moved his head at the nick of time..He slapped me hard!
Jafar: Eli, stand up and raise your hands..
The only person more surprised than I was, was Eli…
He turned slowly, his gun was on the floor..but he didn’t raise up his hand…I quickly put on Jafar’s shirt…as I attempted to run to Jafar, Eli pulled me back and held me in a death grip…
Eli: Jafar…drop your gun…except you wan kill me and Tana together…
Jafar didn’t lower the gun, but Eli started moving with his hand around my neck. He kept me infront of himself as he faced Jafar…As he stepped forward, Jafar stepped backward until we got to the parlour.
There were two dead dead guys lying awkwardly on the floor..
Jafar: Leave her…and I will allow you go…
Eli: you dey see me as mumu abi?
Jafar: you have my word..
Eli: oya drop the gun and I drop the girl…
Jafar: deal…
Eli smiled…
Jafar: leave her first…
Eli: throw your gun on the floor first..
I heard sounds of cars pulling closer to the building. Then it was pandemonium outside…gunshots everywhere…
Eli: I change my mind…E be like say my people don show….Tana goes with me…
Jafar: I go shoot you for here…
Eli: you no fit try am…and you know…
Using his back, he dragged me outside…
Uche’s Hilux was on the driveway…two of Eli’s people were on the sandy floor…gun shots at different parts of their body….Uche was also on the floor..his top was soaked with blood..Eli guy was standing close to him, his gun was pointing at Uche’s head…
Eli: hehehehehehehehehe….i too like my people!
Jafar was alone, defenseless against this beasts…
Eli: change of plans, throw the gun here…kneel down…I promise say I no go kill Tana, but I go kill you…
Jafar’s shoulder dropped…
Me: Jafar…don’t…
Jafar: I have no choice…
I started crying….Eli pulled me closer and ran his tongue along my neck..
I gave up as Jafar threw his gun to Eli…
Eli : I win….you lose…
Eli bent down to pick the gun, the event that followed happened in less than 3 seconds..
Jafar brought out a gun from the back of his trouser. It must have been held in place by his belt but covered by his shirt. One shot rang out that drilled a hole in Eli’s head…his brain matter splashed over my legs…The second shot hit the guy over Uche on the chest…it brought him down…
I sat down on the floor and screamed. Jafar walked up to the guy and shot him on the head…lying infront of me was Eli…the gun-shot had forced his eyes and tongue to bulge out…it was a terrible sight..
Jafar came back and carried me to Uche’s Hilux… He also assisted Uche inside, I didn’t know if Uche was dead or alive, but he was motionless and must have lost a lot of blood…
Jafar: I am taking you guys to the hospital…I hope he makes it…
I didn’t bother to answer him…in my head they were all the same..Jafar, Eli and Uche…
I just wanted to disappear..
To be continued

>>

teacher [Read it]


Teacher: What is a Verb?
Peter: A Verb is a valve found in
bicycle tyre.
Teacher: What are you saying?
Peter: It is a complete sentence
sir.
Teacher: Are you mad?
Peter: It is a question sir.
Teacher: Don't be stupid.
Peter: It is an advice sir.
Teacher: Stop that nonsense.
Peter: It is a command sir.
Teacher: You're an idiot.
Peter: It is an insult sir. Teacher:
Get out of my class.
Peter: It is an order sir.
Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a
boy!
Peter: It is an exclamation sir.
Teacher: May God have mercy on
you.
Peter: It is a prayer sir.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-05 00:30:36

417 Views



My wife saw you [Read it]


--------------------------------
Jones quarrelled with his wife.
So oneday, he went to the bank with his wife and his friend,you'll Willy. Immediately, a group or armed robbers trooped in.
After robbing the bank, one of the robbers said to Willy:
ROBBERS: Did you see me robbing?
?WILLY: Yes i saw you...
ROBBER KILLED HIM AND ASK JONES:
ROBBERS: Did you see me robbing?
?JONES : No, but my wife saw you...
--------------------------------


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-14 18:57:07

457 Views




Two secondary school lovers, Akpos and a girl who went out
together for six years in secondary school were both virgins.

They lost their virginity to each other in SS 2.

When
they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same university but the
girl gained admission to a university in the west, and Akpos gained to a
university in the South.

They both agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.

As
time went on, Akpos would call the girl and she would never pick, and
when he sends text message, she would take weeks to return the text
message.

Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around.

He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, texts, and emails, trying to win back her
love.

She became annoyed, cause she now had a new boyfriend.

She wanted to get Akpos off her back.

So,
what she did was this, she took a picture of her sucking her new
boyfriend's unmentionable and sent it to her old boyfriend Akpos with a
note reading, I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.

Well, needless to say, Akpos was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed.

So, what he did next was awesome.

He wrote on the back of the photo the following,
"Dear Mummy and Daddy, am having a great time at university, please send more money!"
 and forwarded the picture to her parents.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-27 07:58:34

1197 Views



Facebook status [Read it]


Facebook should have a limit on how many times a relationship status can be change ... after 3 times it should be change default to UNSTABLE!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 09:39:24

622 Views




Arz kiya hai.,
.
.
.
.

class main master ji sharab liye
baithe hai…
.
.
.
.
gaur farmiega
.
.
.
class main master ji sharab liye
baithe hai..
.
.
.
.
.
or bache itne harami saale
.
glass liye baithe hai.Related

give it a name








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-25 07:09:44

292 Views



spirit [Read it]


If Tequila, Vodka, Whiskey, Gin, Rum are called Spirits . . .

then those who consume the above should be called Spirituals!!!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-19 17:11:34

636 Views




Mrs Amposah stood up and before she could
open
her mouth to talk, a team of policemen led by Riri
invaded the meeting.
Upon seeing the policemen together with Riri, Mrs Amposah knew they were after her.
“Riri, what is the meaning of this?” The chairman
asked
“Good day woman, are you Mrs Amposah?
Turning
to Mrs Amposah, a Policeman asked. “Yes i am, how may i help you?” She answered
“You are under arrest” the policeman said getting
ready to handcuff her.
” Hold on officers. I can’t allow this to happen.
What has she done? The chairman said trying to
stand up for Mrs Amposah. Before the policeman could answer or make a
move, Mrs Amposah pushed him away and used
the emergency exit which was right behind her.
The policemen quickly ran after her. Mrs Amposah
knew her way around the church very well so she
outsmarted the policemen. She had her way out of the church premises. She
ran into the street just adjacent the church where
she was unfortunately knocked down by taxi on a
top speed.
She got knocked down which made her
unconscious. The police rushed in on her and immediately rushed her to the nearest hospital.
Kuu took Mansa home after rescuing her from the
hands of Asabea and her accomplice. On the
other
hand, Asabea and her accomplice were also
arrested. As soon as they got home, Kuu gave Mansa an
aspirin to ease the headache she had as a result
of
the torture she had in the hands of Asabea.
Kuu took her to her room, sat beside her as she
laid in bed. “Mansa, how are you feeling now? Kuu asked.
“I’m ok, Kuu. Thank you for saving my life” Mansa
said.
“Mansa, don’t worry i owe you more than this”
Kuu
said. ” I don’t understand you, how do you owe me?”
Mansa asked.
” Mansa, there is something you need to know, i
have to tell you this Mansa” Kuu said.
“I also need to tell you something but I’m really
feeling sleepy now, lets do this when i wake up. ” Mansa said.
Kuu understood her. Before he knew it Mansa was
far asleep. He wanted to leave her to sleep but his
thought made him forget.
As he watched her sleep, he began thinking.
” So after all Mansa is not my sister. I am not related to her anyway. It still doesn’t justify my
actions. I raped her and i have to ask for her
forgiveness. I will leave town with my biological
mother as soon as I’m done, Only God knows if
she will forgive. Please touch her heart. ” Kuu
thought. Mansa on the other hand was fast asleep. She had
a dream. This time around, she found herself at
the church, kneeling in front of the altar praying.
She suddenly felt that she wasn’t alone, she
turned
to her left side and to her surprise, she saw Mr. Amposah also kneeling and praying with her. He
looked cheerful.
“Mansa my daughter, i told you never to seize
praying. Now God has answered your prayers
through his servant. I can rest in peace. ” Mr
Amposah said this and went behind the altar. Mansa didn’t see him any more. She started
calling
his name out hoping that he will come back only
to
hear Obed’s voice from the exact place she first
met him when she came to pray at church. “Mansa, I’m done here. I have to go back” Obed
said.
“Go back where? where have you been all this
while? All along you knew my mum, Obed. Who
are you? Mansa asked heading towards Obed.
“Mansa, God answers prayers in so many divert ways and in His own time. Everything has a
reason.
Now to answer your question of who i am, is it
not
clear enough for you to know. Anyway, i will meet
you at the hospital today” Obed said and within a blink of an eye Mansa didn’t see him anymore.
“What hospital is he talking about?” She asked
but
was awoken by Kuu.
“Mansa, are you ok? You were talking in your
sleep” Kuu said. ” Its Obed” Mansa said
” Yeah Obed. I saw him, he said i will meet him at
the hospital today” Mansa.
” Seriously, Obed is freaking me out lately, we
don’t
even know his whereabout and now he is appearing in dreams” Kuu said.
“He has been really helpful. It’s a mystery i don’t
know who he really is. Kuu, you wanted to tell me
something? Mansa asked.
Kuu’s face changed suddenly. He stood up from
the bed and knelt down. “Kuu what are you doing, what is this? Mansa said
trying to get him up but Kuu kept kneeling down.
“Mansa, I’m the one who raped you” Kuu said.
“what!!!! Mansa exclaimed.
“I got carried away, it wasn’t meant to be so, i
didn’t know the handkerchief would weaken you. My lust took over the love i have for you. I did that
to you Mansa and i ask that you forgive me. ” Kuu
said.
Tears began running down Mansa’s cheek. Mansa
out of pain and anger slapped Kuu.
“Am sorry Mansa, forgive me, i don’t care if you tell the authorities to arrest me, all i want is for
you to forgive. I love you Mansa, and that was not
the right way to express it. Mansa am sorry” Kuu
said crying.
Mansa was speechless. The truth was hard for her
to take. She kept silent. Her silence was killing Kuu.
The silence of a woman speaks louder than a
political campaign. Her silence made Kuu feel
guilty more than ever. All he needed was Mansa to
forgive her.
Mansa went towards him and knelt right infront of
him. They were both kneeling and facing each
other. Kuu couldn’t stop himself from saying
sorry.
Before he knew it, Mansa landed a kiss on his lips.
It was passionate and sensational. To Kuu, it was like a dream. He wanted it to last forever. He
didn’t
believe it.
Mansa stopped kissing him and said
” You took away my pride as a woman. You hurt
me so much but i can see it in your eyes that you’re sincere about the love you have for me.
Kuu, i know my mother and Mr Amposah is my
biological father. Obed was behind all this
revelation . ” Mansa said.
“What, are you sure of what you’re telling me”
Kuu asked.
“Yeah, i will explain everything to you when my
mum gets here. I will be calling her soon. Kuu,
what was Riri doing in your room if you claim you
love me” Mansa asked.
“Mansa, she came on to me, i didn’t allow her, Mansa she was even the one i met today. She
made a confession to me. Riri is in jail now as am
talking to you” Kuu said
“what, for what?” Mansa asked but they were
interrupted when the house boy came knocking
at Mansa’s door.
Mansa opened the door and saw the houseboy.
“what is it? Mansa asked
“I just got a call from the police hospital the
Mommy had been rushed there. She was knocked
down by a car” the house boy said. “0h my God” Mansa said. Kuu also heard what the
houseboy had said and without wasting time,
they
both left the house and went to the hospital.
On thier way, Mansa called her biological mother
to meet her at the hospital where she was going. They got to the hospital and immediately, they
were directed to her ward. They got surprised
when the saw two policemen righ at the entrance
of the ward. They ignored it and went straight
into
the ward. Kuu and Mansa saw Obed at the ward. He was
there together with a doctor and one nurse.
Mrs Amposah was in a critical condition. She was
talking weird and was just laughing for no reason
in particular.
“Doc, whats wrong with her? Kuu asked. “Her condition is critical, apparently she was
running from the police and eventually got hit by
a
vehicle. The impact of the fall may have affected
her skull. But for her talking and laughing, i can’t
really tell until a psychologist attend to her. I will leave you with her. ” The Doc said and left.
“Mansa” Obed called.
Mansa came in and hugged him ” Obed, where
have you been, whats going on here?”
“Mansa, her cup is full, listen to her” Obed said.
“Hahaha, ” Mrs Amposah’s kept laughing “I can see my dear husband, hahaha, why didn’t
you allow me to get rid of Mansa, I can’t let her
get
all the properties.” She said. It looks as if she was
crazy and was seeing things that actually was not
visible to anyone. “Hahaha, my dear husband, its all your fault, Chris
and i deserves more than this. I want it all for
myself hahaha. If only that Riri good for nothing
girl didn’t betray me. After all the monies i paid to
her from the Church’s coffers” Mrs Amposah was
on top of her voice now. She was going crazy. “So its true” Kuu said ” Riri told me all this”
” Yes, take everything, are you happy now
hahaha.
No my dear husband don’t take me yet, don’t take
me hahhaa” Mrs Amposah said.
They all stood there and kept watching her as she talked. All of a sudden she started shaking very
hard like the reaction you get when you are
electrocuted.
Mansa out of pity couldn’t see her suffer, she
called the doctor immediately to come to Mrs
Amposah’s aid. The Doctor came to see her still shaking with a
white foamy substance coming out of her mouth,
just like what happened to Mansa.
The Doctor instructed that they all wait outside
the
ward. They went out and coincidentally they saw Mrs Lokko coming towards the OPD.
Mansa rushed towards her and hugged her in
tears.
“what is it my daughter? She asked.
“Its Mrs Amposah, she is dying mum” Mansa said.
“Don’t worry my daughter, its going to be alright” Mrs Lokko said.
“Obed, where have you been” Mrs Lokko said.
“I have been with you, my sister” Obed strangely
said.
Mrs Lokko was surprised that Obed called her, her
sister as young as he looked. “Kuu, come closer” Obed called Kuu.
“Kuu this Mansa’s mother” Obed told Kuu.
“And Mansa, i thought you had a question to ask?
Obed said and took her hand.
“Follow me” he said and walked with Mansa
towards the exit of the hospital “Mansa, I wonder why you still asking who i am.
Have you forgotten the forth person, that stood
among Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the
fire furry. God answers prayers in different ways.
Your duty is to keep doing good to your
neighbour and never seize praying. You don’t know who you
may be helping. Go back inside there, I believe
you
have something to tell Kuu” Obed said.
Mansa got goose bumps all over her. Before she
could turn and go back to the OPD. Obed was no where to be found.
Somehow she wasn’t frightened. She smiled and
said to herself “Thank you God”
She went in to join Kuu and Mrs Lokko her
biological mother. To Kuu’s surprise, Mansa took
his and told her Mum that… “Mum, this is Kuu, my husband to be” Mansa said.
“Wow, you have my blessings ” Mrs Lokko said.
Kuu was so surprised of what he just heard.
” I know how you may be Feeling now, but i
realized i love you ever since i saw Riri come out
of your room that night. Kuu i love you”. Mansa said
and they hugged each other.
It was at this moment where the Doctor came
back
looking dull.
“Doc, how is she? Mansa asked. “Its unfortunate, we did our best but she didn’t
make it. She has passed on” The Doc said.
Even upon all what Mansa had gone through, in
her hands, she still loved her like a mother. She
cried bitterly.
“I suppose you’re Mansa? Before she passed on, she told me to ask for your forgiveness on her
behalf. That was her last words. ” The Doc said.
“Doc, I’ve already forgiven her” She said while still
in tears.
Kuu comforted her and together with Mrs Lokko
they left to the house. On the other hand, Chris had been processed for
court and eventually was found guilty.
He then subsequently jailed for 15 years with hard
labour.
Few weeks after the death of Mrs Amposah. Mrs
Lokko took it upon herself to look after Kuu’s Mother. She gave her the house that Obed and
Mansa once lived in. With Kuu’s educational back
ground and Mansa’s rich Mother, they both
studied each other and grew into loving each
other
until they were finally convinced to get married.THE END


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Me: watz up baby…….u never told me you will
be here
Biola: Don’t mind me jare baby……It was funmi
that drag me to this area so I said lemme pay
u a surprise visit
Me: ohk oooo…madam surprise visit
Biola: and at least we can also go home
together
Me: Datz true sha…….but u av to pay me for
your transport ooo
Biola: Don’t worry now….i will pay u, am even
hungry sef, come and take me to your canteen
now if I wont disturb u
Me: As your lordship pleases Ma……
We went downstairs to the canteen and we
finished our food in like 30mins and decided
to relax a bit before going back to my office
Biola: Ehnn..ehn baby, I want to beg u for
sumtyn ooooo and I will be so happy if u can
do it for me
Me: Please don’t give me that face abeg
Biola: which face is dat?
Me: u no now….whenever u are asking for
something difficult from me
Biola: No jare…its not something difficult baby
and I will be so happy if u can do it for
me….just this one alone and nothing else
baby……(Give me a kiss)
Me: what is it now?
Biola: promise u will do it 4 me first baby
Me: Promise? Y should i………
Biola: Please now baby
Me: Okay..i will if within my capacity
Biola: its nothing beyond your capacity so I
want u to be affirmative…….say u promise me
Me: ur wahala is too much baby……….ohk, I
promise, u no I will do anytyn 4u baby
Biola: Thx so much love……u are the best in
dis world
Me: ohk…a ngbo yin
Biola: u no am on leave right now and house
will always be a bit boring for me so I want
your permission for mary to wait behind till I
will resume work
Me: lailai…(raise voice) its impossible…..i can
never allow that, she’s gone and gone forever
Biola: Please now baby…u no house will be
bored for me all alone everyday..she’s not
doing anytyn presently so her company will be
okay for me now baby…..
Me: baby..u no I will always do anytyn to
make u api but this one is a No No..i cant,
Biola: But she’s your family member now
Me: More reason why I don’t want her around
as I don’t want any family in between us
dear….
Biola: Remember am not marrying u alone but
u and your famil…. You can also witness that
we have been getting along very well
Me: I know but on this one..its impossible
baby…she’s gone for good and not staying
behind
Biola: Please baby….home will be bored alone,
moreover I was just coming from office and
have been asked to complete my leave once
and for all so, I will be spending extra one
week at home…
Me: that implies dat u want mary to spend up
to two weeks in my house
Biola: please now baby…….please my love
Me: Don’t give me that look abeg…………..
Biola: I guess datz a yes baby…………………
Me: I will think about it……………….
Biola: Thanks so much darling……you are d
best, I know u will do anytyn to make me api
Me: ati gbo yin……………………Where is Mary?
Biola: She will soon join us here..She’s in Ikeja
buying some wares…she said she’s having an
interview next week Thursday
Me: Why will u give her my office address
now…watz all this now….i don’t like wat u are
doing abeg
Biola: Am sorry baby..i didn’t see anytyn bad
in it datz why I asked her to join us here
remember she’s your cousin and not an
outsider…
Biola phone beep immediately and it was
Mary that called her, she told her to wait at
the reception that we will join her there soon.
I couldn’t help but to continue to think of the
problem I brought upon myself, how do I
escape this without Biola finding out..its so
obvious I couldn’t send her away with force as
it will be suspicious and she’s not even ready
to go…she’s playing her game so well getting
to the head of my lady, definitely I have to be
on top of my game too before things get out
of hand……………..How I wish I could turn back
the hands of time and never made attempt to
start a convo with a devil call Mary in the first
place.
I accepted my faith and made up my mind I
will never give room for a chance with Mary
again….the last one was the last attempt and I
will never try to do any silly thing with her
again….enough is enough and I will do
everything to resist her attempt. I promised
myself never to fall for her tricks again.
It was a week we had the discussion, Mary
was still in the house, I avoid her like a plague
in the house…I don’t seat in the sitting room
nor have discussion with my girl there..my
routine was back from office to the bedroom
straight, that was where I take my dinner,
shower and go to bed..i make sure I always
come back late claiming office workload to my
Fiancee. Mary wouldn’t stop disturbing me
with calls and text message of how she misses
me and the role she has been trying to play
playing along with me…It got to a stage she
text me that she was only willing to receive
me just for the last time and get out of my life
without coming back again but I never reply
any of her text…it got to a stage that I don’t
pick her call again and had to put her number
on blacklist.

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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silly boy [Read it]


Boy in the bath with his mum.
Boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum ?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Really," says the boy, "Our maid got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it ."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 08:32:46

566 Views




Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.

-William Arthur WardRelated

Akpos came a bar very sad,he was moody dat he ddnt even remember to demand for anything.viewing what is going on i went over 2 him.the following conversation ensued.

Me:Akpos why are u sad.
Akpos;i lend somebody #2 million,2 go and do face surgery and i cant recognise him again 2 collect my money back.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-27 22:23:17

785 Views




Two important management lessons I
learnt
from a 500 Naira note.
1. It happened some time ago but . I was
in an audience listening to a motivational
speaker. The speaker got out his wallet &
pulled out a 500 Naira note. Holding it up,
he asked, “Who wants this 500 naira note?”
Lots of hands went up. Including mine. A
slow chorus began to build as people
began to shout “Me!” “Me!” I began to wonder
who the lucky one would be who the speaker
would choose. And I also secretly
wondered (and I am sure others did too ) why he
would simply give away 500 naira. Even
as the shouts of “I want it” grew louder, I
noticed a young woman running down the
aisle. She ran up onto the stage, went up
to the speaker, and grabbed the five 500
naira note from his hand. “Well done, young
lady,”
said the speaker into the microphone. The
speaker simply say “Most of us just sit
and wait for good things to happen. That’s of
no use. You’ve got to make things happen.
Make a move” ‘Simply thinking about
doing something is of no use and not gud
enough’. Our lives are like that. We all see
opportunities around us. We all want the
good things. But the problem is we don’t
take action. We all want the 500 naira
notes on offer. But we don’t make the move. We
look at it longingly. Get up, and do
something about it. Don’t worry about
what other people might think.
Take action.

2. later, the speaker got another 500 naira
note and held it up for all to see, I thought
I knew what’s up. But he just asked a
simple question. “How much is this worth?” “Five
Hundred naira!” the crowd yelled in
unison. “Right,” said the speaker. He then took the
note and crumpled it into a ball and asked
“How much is it worth now?” “Five
Hundred naira!” screamed the audience. He then
threw the note on the ground, stamped all
over it and picked up the note and asked
one more time: “And how much is it worth
now?” “Five Hundred naira!” was the
response. “I want you to remember this,”
said the speaker. “Just because someone
crumples it, or stamps on it, the value of
the note does not diminish. We should all be
like the 500 naira note. In our lives, there will
be times when we feel crushed, stamped
over, beaten. But never let your self-worth
diminish. Just because someone chooses
to crush you, that doesn’t change your worth
one bit! Don’t allow your self-worth to diminish
because someone says something nasty
or does something dirty to you.”
Never let your self-worth diminish.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Politicians like to tell people what they want to hear – and what they want to hear is what won’t happen.

~ Paul A. SamuelsonRelated

A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman, feeling horny, sexily says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago." The man replies, "That's because they are sitting in your soup."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-21 06:13:45

513 Views



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