Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

It takes 300,000 of them to make one human being.Related

ABI I LIE [Read it]


Your father sells CEMENT,
Your mum sells
BREAD &
You work wit NEPA then u go
ahead telln pple ''my parent & I work
wit CBN" There R 2 tins involved in ur case


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-02 00:44:04

221 Views



two christians [Read it]


Two christians were walking in a desert with no food nor drink.They were so hungry that they cant walk again but suprisingly they saw a muslim camp.

Brother daniel told brother paul that the only thing they can do to eat food is to pretend like a muslim but bro paul disagreed

When they entered the chief imam asked their names and bro daniel said he is mohammed taofik and bro paul said he is paul mattew

The chief imam said you must be really hungry,bring alot of food for bro paul.
And the Imam said to mohammed, you know we are in ramadan fasting so continue with your fasting

One word for bro daniel pls


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-31 10:11:35

541 Views



Introduction [Read it]


A Girl Can Comfortably Introduce Two Guys To Each Other At A Spot She Will Be Lyk "my Love, Meet Ny Sweet Heart" Or Guys Wot Do U Think?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-10 18:39:19

222 Views




Lape: are you sure there is noting.
Susan: nothing, it's just that Mr. Williams doesn't seem like kind of person to bury dead people in his compound. Please take me there now.
(Lape stands up and leads her out of the house to the backyard. They see Lara, sitting near her sister's grave and she stands up when she saw them.)
Lara: aunty Lape, doctor, I'm sorry I just came here to spend some time with my sister. Have you been looking for me?
Susan: well, not exactly and please spend all the time you want with her. It's been a long time beside, isn't that the reason we are here?
(she nudges Lape and signal for them to go back In While Lara resume her sitting position.)...(Two days later,Lara is in a room with Susan, she's going through some things in a box.)
Lara: these are my sister's things.( she sees a small safe and open it, inside the safe, there is a necklace and a folded paper.) This necklace, it was given to us by our mother, on our tenth birthday. (Susan moves closer and notice Lara has the same necklace around her neck.)
Susan: you've been wearing that even back in South Africa?
Lara: yes, I've always had it on.
Susan: I didn't notice.
Lara: that's because I always wear clothes that cover it, father gets upset anytime he sees it.
Lara: he didn't keep it, dara put it here after mother died. She was about something, about mother leaving us....
( Lara remembered the day dara keep the necklace)....
Lara: what is it dara? Why are you this upset?
Dara: I can't believe this, I can't believe this! ( she stops as she sees a small safe on the dressing table, she starts to remove a necklace from her neck.)
Lara: what are you doing?
Dara: hiding this hideous necklace.
Lara: hideous necklace? Dara, mother gave us these necklace as our tenth birthday present, now that she's gone, it's the only part of her that we have left. Why do you want to hide it?
Dara: that woman is not our mother...she would not have left us if she was!..... ( Lara come back to her senses when Susan touched her..)
Lara: she called mother 'that woman' like she was stranger, she must have been very angry then because dara loved our mother very much. That was the last time she wore her necklace.
Susan: what is that? (She points into the safe at the folded paper.)
Lara: I don't know, the only thing that used to be in this safe is Dara's necklace, how did this get there? ( she curiously opens the folded paper and starts to read, shaking her head at the content, she finally drops the paper and stands up, she's almost in tears now)............







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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naughty [Read it]


Naughty
.........
I could remember back days ego, a girl asked me to help her dress her room .. She was the same age with me then ... So as we were packing her cloths , she start scratching her back, she asked if I could help her ,that her hands are not long enough .. Innocent me then .. She removed her clothes ..she showed me the spot then I start scratching her back. Few seconds .She hold ma hand and turn around staring right into ma eyes with a baby face look . I was like ' ahhhh.'. .she said "ain't you feeling hot?? .noo I replied ... She said you are sweating true which I was ...remove your shirt and feel the air she said .. No I replied
don't be shy you know.. Mummy and daddy ain't home today just you and I... Kele she called me... Make me feel like a girl.... How I'm suppose to do that I stammered .. You don't know how she said in a low tone .. Yes I replied .. Don't worry I will show you how... She asked me to sit on her bed .. She start removing her bra ma heart start beating fast I felt like I m going to explode .that was the first time am bout to see a girl nakedness ma eyes couldn't believe what am about to see I start sweating profusely .. She was doing it slowly and was looking right into ma eyes ..she turn around facing the wall . I could only see her back .she removed her bra and throw it aside ... I was just staring like a lost donkey ... Kelechi do you wanna see me turn around ? Do you wanna feel ma body . do you want me to be a nauty girl ? She asked... O.m.g I could not believe she was asking me all those question .. She z just 15 same as me ...
......... # truestory wezzybm...
Like

A mother in law said to her son’s wife when their baby was born, “I don’t mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son.” The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said,
“I don’t mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy,
not a fucking photo-copier.”Related

Girls be like : Bhaiyya, ek 20

wala chips ka packet dena.

Shopkeeper: Ye lo behan Ji.

Girl: Kitne hue ?

Shopkeeper: -_-Related

I used to be called a good girl. That never happens anymore. It’s just a little hard to be a good girl when dating a bad boy.Related

Aap peg marte ho,
Peg aapki marta hai.Related

The forced walk late deals all night, when they arrived at a camp the two men finally stopped, there were cucumbers there,so they picked some and split them with their knives, as they dat in front of their victim,they threw a piece to eat,but the child could eat nothing,sobbing all time she turned from one to the other asking for mercy, the two exchanged meaningful looks and then said "what shall we call this child?"
"Let's call her Bakhita "
Suggested the other,then he added
"Bakhita is a beautiful name:it will bring you luck "
He was a prophet and didn't know it!.
At sunrise,the two men with Bakhita, who was now a slave reached their village and put her into a hut full of tools and scrap iron and locked the door,
Bakhita related :"what is suffered in that place can never be put into words,i only remember those hours of anguish and how,when I was worn out from crying,i fell exhausted on a matter in a light torpor in which my imagination took me far away to my loved ones,i saw my parents, brothers, sisters and i hugged them all,tenderly telling them how they had kidnapped me and how much I had suffered,at other times i imagined it was playing with my friends in the big fields and i was happy,but alas,i awoke to the crude reality of that immense solitude and i was gripped by a sense of dismay,it was as if my heart were breaking ".
Her stay in that airless prison with very little light,lasted for more then a month, one morning the master brought out Bakhita and presented her to a slave traders who bought her at once and added her to a caravan which got bigger as it passed from one village to another, the morose murmurs of that sorrowful procession was interrupted only by badly suppressed sobs,the slaves were bound together, in twos threes,with chains and ironcollars whish caused bleeding wounds all around their necks,men and women walked bearing heavy bundles on their back and in their hearts great suffering and fear.
The traders and the two children, Bakhita and another girl a little older then her,we're at the back of the caravan,they were only chained up at night, and the March continue. ...after eight days they arrived in a notorious place where they physically maimed the slaves in such ways that they often caused their death,those who survived such torture were then sold at double the price, the two children were bought by a slave merchant who put them into a small,narrow hut and chained them up,when they were not watched they told eachother about their misfortunes,their prison was dark but the two little slaves lit it up with their imagination.
Their ever-growing desire to see their dear ones urged them on to make plans to escape
"That God who protected us,though we did not know him,offered us a chance, here is how".

NEXT EPISODE

>>

TAXI MONEY [Read it]


A girl wanted to visit her boyfriend. She
calls him... GIRL: When I come to your place, you
will pay for the taxi. BOYFRIEND: How much? GIRL: N10,000 BOYFRIEND: 10 Thousand Naira! Are you
coming from the future?!
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-29 21:36:01

506 Views




Facebook facebook.com/wezzybmtnsb

Twitter twitter.com/wezzybm
************
EPS 1
Ah!!!! Ellen screamed as she's been fling down by two men from an angry mob.

She looked around there was no route of escaping as she been circled. she could see all kinds of weapons brandishing, ready to hit her. Racks, shovels, stick of different sizes... "Wicked witch, wicked witch, !!! Kill her, kill her, kill her !!!! The mob screamed repeatedly.... Ellen managed to raise her head up , she felt a hard hit on her fore-head, blood gushed out. 'wait!!!' a strange voice shouted out from the mob .. There was silence .. Make way !!!, make way!! . 'Ellen , a deep male voice called out .. Ellen raise her head up , her vision wasn't clear ,blood has covered Her sight . she wiped off, she saw a blur image standing in front of her. Her blurness faded as she regain concious from the hit. She was shocked when she saw Richard flint standing in front of her ... 'You Richard, you did this to me'. She sobs, how could you' she stammered . " I'm sorry Ellen , I .. . .. Sorry about what' Richard's father cuts in.
She's a witch she deserves all this ... 'Ever since you came in, our land has been curse ' one of the mob member shouted'
Our children has been missing , you ate them, one angry old woman screamed . wicked witch kill her kill her .

John flint, Richard's father was the mayor of the village.
. 'Our land was holy until this (pointing at ellen) wicked witch came in, She is the cause of all the pre-mature death in our land ,
'yes !!!! the mob shouted .
"our cattle's , our grins , even our children are dying because of her !!!!! Richard father shouted furiously, as he glared at ellen . with an evil smile
" She should be hang to death.!!!
'yes !!! the mob replied .
father this is not what we ...
Shut up!! this is for you son, John whispered .. She even poisoned my poor son's heart ... I said we should burn her, an old man from the mob shouted .. Yesss!!! yess!!! burn her!!!, burn her!!!, both children and adults screamed ... Men from the mob drag ellen roughly and tied Ellen on a wood, poured oil on her .. Any last words witch, john said . Richard was watching the Scene speechless ....

Ellen looked at John and Richard

"For this you have done I will be back. I will hunt down your generation and make them feel the pain of my heart". "shut up witch, John said, go back to hell as he drops the fire on the wood .. Ellen screamed in agony, the mob watches as she been burnt to ashes



Many years later

*****

Ding dong!! The door bell rings. Jane opens the door seeing a beauty young fair lady , looking so decent, standing in front of her. 'How may I help you' ? asked Jane.

I saw a notice out, that .....
'Oh about the nanny stuff ?, Jane cuts in.
Yes ma'am, Replied the young lady... Come inside please. My husband and I , you know always out for a business trip. We are looking for some one to take care of the kids while we are out. "Ma'am if that's the case am the right one for the job" Jane stared at the young lady from head to toe.. What's your name young lady ?.

Ellen , Ellen ma'am.. Ellen then , welcome to the Flint's family........



©copywrite2016 by wezzybm







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The Truman Syndrome is a condition where an individual honestly believes that their life is part of a reality TV show.Related

Love turn sour [Read it]


Emekas phone rings…

Nkechi: “Baby do you still luv me like before?”
Emeka: “Ofcourse Yes,  my luv for you will never change and is never ending.”
Nkechi: &ldquoats my babyyyy, I want you to buy me somting.”
Emeka: “Just name it, I am more than capable, you know me now, Nky bebe m”.
Nkechi: “Its just one BB porsche sha…”
Emeka: “No problem. Just find out the price and let me know”
Nkechi: “Its 450 000 naira.”
Emeka: “Is it manual or authomatic? Is it still in a good shape, as
in, the engine. Have you checked the fuel consumption too?” How many
kilometers has it done?
Nkechi: “Honey, its not a car ooo… its a phone.”
Emeka: “Phone? Oh! does it come with a plasma tv, wardrobe and generator?”
Nkechi: “Please be serious, are you buying it or not? ”
Emeka in a whisper)  “Ewo!”
Nkechi: “Helloooooo! are you still there?”
Emeka: “Hiiiiiiiii!”
Nkechi : “What is this, I thought you love me, infact, don’t even
bother again. I will call Alhaji to get it for me this evening.”
Emeka: “God purnish ya life , na so your tin sweet reach , not only Allhaji, better still, call Atiku he will be faster”
Nkechi: “Am going to delete you”
Emeka: “Is your fone hanging? Cos I have deleted you since you
mentioned porsche. ! Thief, how much is bride price even in ya village
sef!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-14 09:09:28

960 Views




In this kind of situation, I dunno how to react.
Because, this is quite a good news,,,, buh it could
be a bad news as well.
Dating the President’s Daughter? Am I supposed
to be mad at her?
Why?
Besides, she was right, I didn’t ask her about her
family background and the topic didn’t came up
until now.
Mirabel: C’mon love,,,, please understand the
situation. We love each other thats all that
matters Don’t get mad at me plea…
Me: What are U talking about love?! This is
awesome!! Its super cool!!
Mirabel: You’re Ok with this?
Me: Of course love! Its far better than what I was
thinking
Mirabel: Huh? What were U thinking??
Me: Its not important now dear
Mirabel: No, please tell me I want to hear it
Me: Uhmmm…. dear please don’t get mad at me
if I tell U
Mirabel: Ok I promise! Tell me already!!
Me: Alright,,,, I couldn’t stop imagine that maybe
U were a runs girl, like maybe U do sugar
daddies.
Mirabel: But why imagining such about me?
Me: Because, I’ve been wondering how U get
your money and everything U got. U even have
guards,,,, but those imaginations were a long time
ago dear, its not of recent
Mirabel: **Laughs** Now U understand everything
right?
Me: Absolutely and I’m very cool with it ‘coz…. I
dunno buh I just love U
Mirabel: Awwww! Sweetheart!! I so much love U
too,,,,,, we got to go now its quite late aready
Me: Oh! Yeh Its late. I lost track of time ‘coz i’m
with U and I enjoy every single second of your
company
Mirabel: Oh my love,,, please not now. Lets get
home first then U can blow up my brain there
with your sweet words… C’mon lets go
Me: Uhmmm… waiter?!
Mirabel: There’d be no need for that. I’ve settled
her already
Me: Hhmmm… my girl is just so amazing
Mirabel: Anything for my boo.
We left there for her place, I drove actually.
????????
Mirabel: Thanks love, I had a great night
Me: Thank U too…. it was indeed a great night
Mirabel: Do U need a drink?
Me: No, I’ve had enough. Even if its yoghurt, I
wouldn’t want it as I am now
Mirabel: I see… U must be really full
Me: Yea,,, So where am I sleeping?
Mirabel: U sleep where I sleep
Me: Great! Lets go then,,, I need to wake early
and go to my place so I’d get myself ready for
school
Mirabel: Buh lectures starts from 10:00am
tomorrow, why the hurry?
Me: U see,,, I kinda read before I went to school
Mirabel: Woah… what a secret, no wonder U
answer more questions in the class and
impressed the lecturers.
Me: Yea something like that…
Mirabel: Now, I’ve learnt something good from
my boyfriend
Me: Hhmmm
Mirabel: Don’t worry, my notes are up to date…
we shall study together tomorrow morning Ok?
Me: Alright
Mirabel: That reminds me
Me: What?
Mirabel: I’d love to learn Accounting from U dear,
its my worst problem… hope its Ok by U?
Me: Of course its fine. We’d start after school
tomorrow
Mirabel: No no no, too early besides its the
second to the last exam we’d write in the time
table
Me: Ok, I’m ready when you’re ready
Mirabel: Thanks baby…
Me: Uhmmm Mirabel?
Mirabel: Yes?
Me: Never mind
I wanted to tell her to stop referring me as baby, I
really don’t like it.
Mirabel: What? Tell me
Me: Its nothing…. lets go in
Mirabel: Okay,,, U can tell me anything whenever
U want U know that
Me: I will put that in mind love
Mirabel: Now lets go…
We got into her room,so pinky. She must be a
big fan of pink ‘coz 80% of the things inside her
room was pink.
Me: Pink girl huh
Mirabel: Yea,,,, its my fancy colour
Me: Cool… its undeniably beautify your room
Mirabel: Thanks honey. Would U take a shower?
Me: No, I’m good
Mirabel: Alright, lemme take a quick shower,
won’t take long
She gave me a quick kiss then rushed to the
shower room after changing her dress in front
me. Of course I didn’t take my eyes off, she’s my
girlfriend!.
I adjusted myself ‘coz I don’t normally sleep with
my trousers and I’m not gonna start it today with
someone who happens to be my girlfriend! Lol,,,
I’m so proud of her jare. Woah,,, I’m now dating
the President’s daughter whom I love,,, great! My
change of behavior isn’t in vain afterall. I won the
heart of a great girl, yeh yeh my name is also
working for me. Y’all know what Victor means
right? Lol.
My thoughts was cut abruptly when Mirabel
showed up from the bathroom. Woah,,,, She’s
more sexier than I thought. She’s got all the
internal and external attributes I needed in a lady.
She’s just perfect to my taste, I’m luckier than I
thought as well.
Mirabel: Hey dear
Me: Hi babe
I watched her lotioned her body, so soft and
tender. Dam?! I need to touch that as well
**winkz**
Still on her towel, she stood up to her ward rope
to get herself a dress.
I stood up and get closed to her behind, I kissed
her neck, she paused putting on the dress and
turned around.
I used my right hand to grab her waist closer, we
kissed slowly but passionately for many minutes,
I placed my hands on her a$$ and massaged it
while kissing.
I raised my hands upwards on her body and
rubbed her soft body for many minutes until she
pulled back. She let the dress she was about to
wear to fall off her body remaining her towel. Her
face turned wild, she pushed me to the bed, then
slowly stepped on me….
——————————–
Why every episode is always about me and
mirabel?
Check the story title again! Lol.

>> Part 26 -

Log Kehte Hain

Jise Hadd Se Jyada Pyaar Karo,

Woh Pyaar Ki Kadar Nahi Karta..



Par Sach Toh Ye Hai Ki..

PYAR Ki Kadar Jo Bhi Karta Hai

Usey Koi Pyaar Hi Nahi Krta …!Related

Doctor: Please lie down to bed, I need to check
you throughly.
Lady: Okay but call the nurse too.
Doctor: Why, you don’t have trust in me?
Lady: I do, but my husband, who is outside,
doesn’t have trust in me…


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-08 22:59:34

321 Views




The best way to know a Nigerian girl’s real name is to ask her for her account details. That’s when ''ashely hills'' will turn to ''Nwachukwu Chinero Agnes''… Wahala dey ooo!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-22 12:49:59

334 Views




just imported this shoe from uk








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-26 14:47:08

365 Views




“what’s your own?” I angrily barked at the guy
who punched me, closing my fists as i bravely
faced him.
He breathed angrily, charging at me. I stood my ground, displaying no fear. His right fist soon
caught my jaw, sending me backwards. I lost
balance and staggered, my jaw furiously burning.
He threw out another punch which i managed to
dodge before launching at him from the mid-
section. I was no boxer nor fighter, and truly had no chance with him, if not for my instinct which
pushed me into diving at him with a quick reflex.
Together we fell on the other cellmates who were
enjoying the show. Surprisingly they all joined in
the fight, kicking, punching and spitting at me,
while i struggled like a wild animal to get up. Yea i was turned into an animal. A very wild one. So
pathetic fighting with low-lives. A high class
graduate like me.
The uproar the fight generated quickly drew the
attention of the cops on duty, who earlier had
ignored the noise. Two cops showed up, shouting and cursing. Seconds later, the fight was over. I
was simply a mess, battered and dirty. I can’t
recollect if i actually slept that night.
Very early the next day. I was called out of the
cell by a tall fulani corporal and dragged to a very
small bush at the back of the police station where a half bucket of water and a new set of
underwear was waiting for me. I was surprised.
“your woman brought it this morning and paid us
to treat you fine. She dropped a message” he
said, giving me a piece of paper.
“hurry you have five minutes. Oga is waiting for you” he said and moved back to give me a little
privacy. I quickly opened the folded paper, reading
the note from Chioma.
“they said you nearly killed a girl but i don’t
believe them. I gave them money to treat you
well. I have to inform our colleagues at the office this morning. I Love you” she wrote.
I fought hard to hid my tears as i read the note
over and over. .
Fifteen minutes later,
A.S.P Tunde’s office
The middle aged officer was busy with a file as i was brought into his office. He quickly dropped
the file he was reading, stared at me for some
seconds, drew back on his chair and folded his
hands.
“MR Ken you are in real deep trouble. I hope you
know you arn’t getting out of this place in a long time?” he slowly asked. Picking his words like a
high court judge delivering a verdict. I instantly
knew i was dead meat.
I couldn’t talk. I simply stared at him like a
zombie. So many things were going through my
mind that moment. I just was overwhelmed by the situation i found myself.
“I hope you are ready to tell me the whole truth.
Tell me about the girl you drugged to remove her
pregnancy. Start from the very begining. You
have an interesting case” The officer demanded
with a calm smile on his face. I stared at him murderously.
“how could he be having so much fun over my
dilemna?” i wondered miserably. I felt like
smacking him but could do nothing than to
swallow my anger speechlessly. Surprisingly my
silence quickly provoked him. “I don’t have all day boy. We already have
enough evidence to nail you. I only wanted to
hear your side of the story but it seems my good
intention is being rebuffed. Your silence is a big
insult to my uniform” he suddenly barked, hitting
his table with his right fist. I panicked and drew back. I just couldn’t take control of the situation.
“you better start preparing yourself. I’ll personally
make sure you hang. Vagabond. You will be
heading to court in few hours” he threatened
vehemently. My mind flew.
“oga it hasn’t come to that. I’m just confused over everything. I’m yet to get myself nor
understand my crime. Your boys hijacked me from
my home yesterday evening without any
explanation” i begged quietly, but the officer
wasn’t moved. All he did was to ask the corporal
to take me away, but just that moment a female sergent brought Mary and another young Lady
into the room, giving me another chance to plead
my case. This time to Mary.
“Mary! Dear me, what are you doing to me?” I
cried passionately.
She was my only hope. Yea she was behind my detention but I also was intelligent enough to
know she had the power to stop the police from
taking the case further. There wasn’t any need
lying nor pretending anymore. All i wanted was
just to be set free. Only a night at the police cell
was an experience more deadly than hell. I couldn’t imgaine surviving another night in there.
“Mary i Beg of you, let’s settle this at home” I
cried hopefully.
But Unfortunately the look on her face was like
that of a vampire, keen on sucking

>>

One wet day, two friends- a fowl and a goat were walking along a muddy road after it rained cat and dog. No sooner had they got to the peak of stagnant muddy water than a car zoomed pass splashing dirty water on them.Angril the fowl said: ''See as im dey drive like goat.'' The goat replied, '' na im make dem dey die like fowl''.
I tell you, the fight that ensued was damn catastrophic.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-20 17:03:40

394 Views




Dil Chota Na Kar ! ????

Koi Aur Set kar ! ???? ???? :ORelated

Bob went to Medical Insurance to apply for his pension.
The woman behind the bench asked for his driving license to verify his age, but he had left his wallet home.
He said to her that he had to go home and return later.
The woman said: "Unbuckle your shirt."
And so he did, revealing his curly, gray hair of his chest.
"These gray hair is quite a nice proof for me," she said and continued with his application form.
When Bob went home, he said to his wife what had happened.
The wife said to him "You should have taken your pants off,"
"Why?" asked the man
"Maybe you would have taken disability pension too!" replied the wife



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-26 11:41:59

16988 Views




Bahot afsos ho raha hai un bechare ladke ladkiyo pe…. Jo..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kambal, razai me chhup kar call
aur msg kiya karte the..
..
Ab karo..
Haaaye ree Garmi..Related

BROKEN SEAL 2

Samuel returned to the hideout
at a about 8pm.
Isaiah wasn’t in sight neither
was the bike.
This got some crazy thoughts
creeping in him, he shoved
them away instantly.
*on the phone*
samuel: Isabella, have you
seen Isaiah lately?
Isabella: nope…why?
Samuel: never mind.
Isabella: Nooo tell me!!
Samuel: uh….i gotta catch
some sleep.
Talk to you tomorrow.
*hung up*
Angelo sat on a stool in
Nikky’s ne ward.
She was gradually responding
to treatment and her health
was fast recovering.
The fall had affected some
parts of her nervous system.
Reason why her recovery was
taking this much time.
Nikky: (in a weak voice) hey
dad!
Angelo: Nikky!!!!
Angelo: how are you feeling
now? Better? Are you having
any pains? Should i call the
doctor?
Nikky: common dad! I’m
feeling alot more better.
Angelo: (smile) i’m just worried
about you.
Nikky: dad have you heard
from Isaiah? Have he been
visiting?
Angelo: no he haven’t, he
probably ran away after
putting you in this condition.
Nikky: i don’t think he’d
disappear just like that!
Perhaps he’s busy with an out
of town business.
**phone rings**
Angelo: excuse me…..yes?
You’ve caught him? Nice
job,,,nice!
Now i want a heavy security
around him, he shouldn’t move
an inch out of cell,
copy?,,,,,good.
**hung up**
Nikky: who is in jail?
Angelo: some random fugitive.
Nikky:hmmmm
*************************************
Teacher: morning class…..
All the students stood up, it
was mandatory to do so when
greeting a teacher in ‘summit
memorial’
All: good morning sir!!!!
Teacher: you can have your
seats, hope you all had a
wonderful night and are ready
for today’s lessons?
Afew: yes sir.
Teacher: (walking about) good!
In our last lesson, we learnt
parts of speech.
We’d be starting a new topic
today, but before that, who can
tell us what an interjection is?
The whole class was dead
silent, none of the kids seem to
know the answer.
Nenita do, but she didn’t feel
like answering ‘coz it would
only make Lana more mad at
her.
Teacher: if none of you can
answer, then you’d each
recieve two strokes of
cane….jane get me my horse
wipe!!!
Nenita: sir….i’d like to attempt.
Teacher: go on,,,maybe you
would be able to save your
friends.
Nenita explained pretty well,
to the satisfaction of their
teacher.
Teacher: woooow you did well,
Neni.
Ynu know what? I think you
kids should learn from her,
especially you, Lana.
Shes your sister!!!
The teacher delivered her
lessons for the day and left.
The moment she left half the
class gathered around Nenita,
using different words to thank
her for saving their åss.
Miss Davies, their teacher was
a good punisher.
Soon, Nenita made a whole lot
of friends, to the jealousy of
Lana.
Lana was scared her dad would
prefer Nenita to her because
Nenita was the epitome of
what her dad wanted her to be!
The good grades, the hardwork
and all fits perfectly into the
Lana Angelo her dad had
always wanted her to be.

>>

A graduate in Biology from University
of Benin was
having
difficulty in finding a job.
He saw an advert in one of the daily
newspapers for a job at a zoo.
In the interview, the manager told
him that their
gorilla, which had been tourists
attraction has died
so they needed someone to dress up
& pretend as
gorilla.
The graduate was embarrassed, but
since the
salary
was OK, he accepted the job.
The 1st day, he put on the gorilla
skin & entered
the
cage, he started
jumping up and down, beat his chest
& roared like
gorilla.
The next day, he put on a gorilla skin
& started
moving around the zoo again &
mistakenly entered
another cage and found himself
staring at a lion.
The lion roared & rushed towards
him. The scared
graduate quickly forgot that he is a
gorilla &
started
shouting like human, "Help! Help!"
The lion leaped onto him,knocked
him to the
ground
& whispered in
his ear "Jimi" it's me Okoh, ur course
mate. Shut
up or we'll both
lose our job....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-20 21:28:31

386 Views




When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

-Matt GroeningRelated

Once there was this city boy who wanted to go country, so he headed out to a farm to buy some animals.

“I`ll take one of these,” he said to the farmer.

“What is it?”

Well, to me it`s a cock, but to you it`s a rooster,” said the farmer.

“I`ll take one of these, too,” said the city boy.

“What is it?”

“Well, to me it`s a pullet, but to you it`s a chicken,” replied the farmer.

“Okay,” said the city boy. “And I`ll take one of those, too, if you`ll tell me what it is.”

“To me it`s an ass, but to you it`s a mule,” explained the farmer, “and when that ass gets stubborn, it sits down and you have to scratch its belly to get it moving again.”

So the city boy set off down the road with all his new purchases. He was doing fine till a pretty girl drove by, at which point the ass sat down and refused to budge.
Seeing he as having some trouble, the girl backed up and asked if there was anything she could do to help.

“Actually, yes,” said the city boy. “Will you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?”Related

A Man And A Woman Walked Injo A Guest House And They Requested To Spend The Night There.The Owner Of The Guest House [Mr Ben] Who Is A Member Of MFM Refused To Allow Men And Women To Stay Together In His Guest House Because Of Fornication.The Woman Explained To Him That The Man Is Her Son,not Her Husband.So Mr Ben Allowed Them To Spend The Night There.After Some Minutes,Mr Ben Sent Akpos To Go And Check If Those Folks Were Truly Mother And Son.Akpos Went To Check.He Came Back And Said That "Sir,she's Truly The Mother Of The Man.Mr Ben Asked Akpos That How Did He Know.Akpos Smiled And Said That "I Saw The Woman Breastfeeding The Man"...LOL


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 22:48:37

522 Views




“Oh my God, you have finally brought my
daughter
to me” the woman said embracing Mansa so tight
with tears in her eyes.
Mansa had no idea of what was going on. “Mansa, look how you’ve grown so big and
beautiful. I have always been longing for this day”
the lady said.
Mansa looked totally confused and out of place.
“Madam, I don’t understand what you’re saying,”
Mansa said. “I know my daughter, I know it will be hard for
you
to take it. Sit down Mansa and let’s talk,” the
woman said and they both sat down.
“Mansa, you are not an orphan. I’m your
biological mother. My name is Mrs Mabel Lokko and I’m the
CEO of Lokko farms Ltd,” said Mrs Lokko
“I can’t believe this. I was told back at the
orphanage home that you died during my
delivery,” Mansa said.
“Yeah i know. That was the only way to keep me away from your forester mother. Your father took
me far away from the village to a place where no
one knew me. He promised to come back and be
with me but he never showed up again. He took
you away from me because he wanted to be close
to you and besides, you were the only child he had
by then so he cherished you so much. I didn’t like
how he went about things but i didn’t have the
ability to trace him or you until Obed showed up”,
Mrs Lokko revealed.
Mansa still looked confused with a lot questions running through her mind. It was difficult for her
to pick up the pieces and join them together .
“Where is my father now? And how is my foster
mother connected to my father?” Mansa asked.
” Your father is late and Mrs Amposah who
happens to be your foster mother is actually your step mother ” She revealed.
“Are you saying that Mr Amposah the pastor is
actually my father? “Mansa asked.
“Yeah, he is” Said Mrs Lokko
Meanwhile Chris was still pleading with Asabea.
He told her to ask anything that she wanted and he
will in return grant it for her.
Asabea knew that this was a good opportunity for
her. The moment she had been waiting for.
“How about you marrying me in the next 3
weeks?” Asabea said.
Marriage? That was the last thing Chris evet
thought of. He was not ready to settle down with
Asabea or anything. As a matter of fact, he had
never seen himself as a committed type. Marriage
was just a no go area for him. It was just impossible.
“Come on Asabea, you know we both are not
ready
for this,” Chris said.
” You are not ready, not me,” Asabea retorted.
“Marriage is a life choice decision, please re consider, please” Chris pleaded.
” Look, I’m not in the mood for re consideration. I
thought you said I should ask for anything i
wanted” Asabea said, reminding Chris of what he
had told her earlier.
“I know, but Marriage is out of the picture for now Asabea” Chris said.
Its seems he was not ready to grant that offer for
Asabea. She noticed it and remained silent for a
while as Chris kept pleading with her.
She finally arrived at something.
“ok, good, seems you are not responsible as i thought but I have another request and I’m not
going to change my mind on that” She said.
” What is it? tell me” Chris asked
” I need you to deposit GHC 50,000 into my
account
by the end of this week. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s the only you can compensate me and
pay me off for good,” Asabea said.
That amount was quite huge for Chris but he had
no choice than to raise that amount for Asabea.
The only way he could think of was to go back to
his old ways that got him arrested at the states, thus selling and buying of drugs. The same job
that
got him arrested until Kuu and his father came to
his aid.
You are reading "Tears of A Bleeding Heart
episode 23" for more story click her www.facebook.com/mrcouple4u He quickly made a phone call to one of his gangs
to get the drug for him to sell.
Mrs Amposah needed to update Riri on Mansa
being discharged.
She needed a next plan of action to take against
Mansa. Mrs Amposah then called Riri to come over to her house so they could talk about.
Kuu on the other hand was wondering how he
was
going to confess to Mansa when she comes back.
He was walking on the compound of the house
when he saw Riri entering. Riri didn’t see him. She just went straight to the
door leading to the living room and entered.
Mrs Amposah quickly started discussing things
out
with her.
Mrs Amposah : “Look, I’m really sorry about what happened earlier. I was frustrated. I promise I’m
going to give you half of the money this evening”
Riri: “thats ok by me”.
Mrs Amposah: ” But hey, you are so unpredictable.
How come you didn’t tell me you had it in mind
to poison Mansa.”
Riri: ” what are you talking about? I haven’t done
anything like that.”
Mrs Amposah:” are you sure?
Riri: ” Yeah, that will be too extreme ”
Mrs Amposah: “Then i guess we are not her only enemies. I really don’t know, it seems our plans
failed. Mansa is well and fit again and even
walking
upon all the injections you gave her. We need to
figure out our next plan of action. ”
“Mum! What? You? How could you? Oh my God! I can’t believe my ears. ”
Mrs Amposah panicked as she heard that voice, it
came from the back door. She turned around only
to find Kuu starring at them.
Kuu had been listening to their conversation all
along.


>>

I want my audience to know me for my work, not because of who I’m dating or what drugs I’m on or what club I went to.

~ Shia LaBeoufRelated

May Goddess Durga light up the path of your life and fill your heart with hope and your mind with beautiful dreams.

Wish you a blessed Durga Puja!Related

Ashewo: wait oga, u don fuck any lady before?
Me: Yes…..
Ashewo: why you come dey do like mumu here..abi u never fuck ashewo before?
Me: Yes…this is my first time
Ashewo: No wonder…no wonder you wan fucck me without condom, HIV no dey even fear you at all
Me: he dey fear me bt i never used condom before in my life ever since have been having sex
Ashewo: That one na with your girlfriend but for here, you must always use condom anytime you wan fuck Ashewo, no Ashewo go gree fucck you without condom
Me: okay……
She collected the condom from meand started wearing it on my deek
Ashewo: Oga, you carry no be small oooo…which lady u dey use this your thing fuccckk? Tell me the truth, you go don tear girl pusssy before ooo
Me: No ooooo……
She pushed me to the bed and i was surprised when she started kissing me, i touched her breast and she didn’t say anything for someone that resisted me the first time i tried it, i turned her over again and started sucking her breast real hard, i wanted to put my hand into her pusssy but she resisted me. With the way she was moaning, at a stage i thought she will be so carried away for me to put my fingers inside her but she resisted me on every attempt until i gave up and slot my deek inside her, i fuccked her just like the way i did to Cynthia, it was not that easy for me as it has been 3 weeks i last had sex. I lasted for 45minutes before standing up from her and i guess she was so tired as she couldn’t stand up in the first place. I removed the condom and clean myself with tissue in her room, she later sat on her bed
Ashewo: where is my money oga? You suppose pay me extra because na total service i render for you ooo and i know you are happy
Me: Total service as how?
Ashewo: Ashawo no dey kiss or romance now but i was magnanimous enough to give you all that and of which you spend more than 30mins sef.
I counted 3k and gave it to her “Thank you oga, my name na peace, am always available here anytime you need me, just ask anybody for peace and they will call me for you. If you want make i even dey come to your place we can exchange phone numbers” she concluded. I opened the door without responding to her statement. I was fulfilled with the sex i just had and i assumed it was money worth it.
I was in my room on a Saturday morning when my phone started ringing, Nimat brought it for me, i looked at the face and it was showing “Call 1”, i picked and the first statement i heard was “ode, na so you just forget about me abi”..i quickly recognized the voice to be that of Aminat. I was so hapy hearing from her, she told me she was now in Canada and she has started her University degree all over again, she said she left Nigeria like a week ago, i asked what happened to her phone number as i was trying it and it has been off ever since the day she left here with her dad. She said her phone was seized from her and was never given to her again, she said my number was one of the numbers she knows off hand and i was one of the first few people she’s calling in Nigeria.
I told her how am missing her, how i wish she was around, she asked if i now have any woman in my life again now, told her there was none so, she asked how have been coping without sex, i told her how have been a regular visitor to coca-cola road and the way peace has been my succour. She said i shouldn’t worry that she wil control one of her friend to me or if i can be managing Cynthia..”cyn wetyn, the one that has been running away from me since that our first encounter” we joked about the scenario and she told me the girl actually confessed to her that she has never been sexed like that before, even though she was a runs girl, she has never met my kind of deek before and she would have died that day if she didn’t push me away as she was finding it difficult to breath.
I told her that i was still having her the ATM to her account, i was shocked when she told me i can have the funds in the account, she said that was her parting gift to me that in fact she had not touch the money since that last time i withdrew from it for us. I thanked her, we talked for more tha an hour after which she greeted Nimat and promised to be calling me.

Read Episode 45

Akpos in a hurry used the ladies
'toilet in a posh hotel'..
He sat down and noticed four
buttons - WW, WA, PP & APR.
Curious, he pressed WW & his butt
was gently sprayed with WARM
WATER, he loved it so much!
He then pressed WA & a blast of
WARM AIR dried him up.
Still loving it, He pressed PP & a
POWDER PUFF to make him smell
fresh.
Feeling pampered, he decided to
press the last button APR.
He later woke up in a hospital.
A nurse smiled & said to him, Sir,
APR means AUTOMATIC PAD
REMOVER. When the machine
couldn't find a pad on you, it went
for your balls.
Your balls are in the jar over
there!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-21 18:53:49

657 Views




Woman is the dominant sex. Men have to do all sorts of stuff to prove that they are worthy of woman’s attention.

-Camille PagliaRelated

Mum: Kaabo oko mi…how was it?
Me: Still the same thing mum…she’s truly
pregnant
mum
Mum: uhmmmmm (Deep Sigh)…………what
do we do
now..am now confuse
Me: Am completely finish mum
Mum: olorun o ni je ka ri..why will u utter
such
words………God will lead us through, my
major
concern now is Biola cos u have offended
that lady
Me: she’s not even ready to talk to
me..since on
Saturday
Mum: she called me this morning when u
left..
Me: u don’t mean it mum..did u beg her for
me?
What did she say?
Mum: she said she was already asleep
when I
called yester nyt…I pleaded for her to see
me at
home tomorrow after close of work even
though I
didn’t let her know abt my knowledge of
whats
happening
Me: so, what do we do mum? I just want
an
opportunity to talk to her even if it will be
for the
last time mum…
Mum: don’t worry..we will go to the house
together
tomorrow but you wont park your car in the
compound..u stay inside the room while I
talk to
her in the sitting room then you can later
have
opportunity to talk to her
Me: ohk mum…you are the best mum……
Mum: The best indeed…igba to npa eku o
nda je..o
ti pa arogidigba bayi, o ti gbe wale fun wa
(when
you were doing it, u were enjoying it alone
but
know you have brought the trouble to us).
We were still inside when mary walked in
crying,
she went on her kneels holding my leg..my
mum
excused us
Mary: please am very sorry snakie……
please, i dont
want you to see me as an intruder or
someone that
came to shatter your sweet life….
“cut in…..in loud voice”
Me: stop this nonsense abeg, you are not
an
intruder then what did u do eventually?
Atleast you
have achieved your aim, u can now leave
me with
your silly pregnancy….i accepted the fact
that the
pregnancy might be mine but get it to your
head, i
can never marry u cos i know thats your
plan…if
you av been dreaming about it, you better
wake up
Mary: please find a way to forgive me……am
not
looking for forceful marriage either…..i never
think
things will come out this way between us, i
believe
it was fate that brought us together….ever
since in
my life, you are the first guy i ever truly fall
in love
with…i have never been pregnant before in
my life
need to talk of going under the knife and
my mum
already warned me not to try it..if not i
would have
love to get rid of it immediately but please
pity my
condition…see me as your sister snakie…i
truly love
you from the depth of my heart…all i was
thinking
over the past one month was that we are
playing
gamesand enjoying ourselves, i never knew
things
will come out this way and if there’s anytyn
have
learnt in life is that the best thing in life are
worth
fighting for and you know the yoruba adage
that
says its whatever you fight for that stays
longer in
your hand…..
“felt a little bit touched as i couldnt
withstand her
tears but i still frown my face”
Me: fight for who? U know from the
begining that
you can never fight for me as i already
belong to
someone and thank God u admitted we
were only
playing games
Mary: yes i know but all that changed the
moment
i confirmed that i was pregnant…..i have
never
been in love like this before snakie……ever
since d
first night i spend here, i always wish you
coukd be
mine but i knew as at then that its a very
impossible task not knowing that things
will come
out this way…please forgive me snakie, am
very
sorry for all have made you gone
through..pkease
put me in place of your junior sister…please
i can
face the shame of a single mother…i dont
want to
embarrass my parent, they will be ashamed
of me…
please dont put me to shame snakie, i beg
u with
everything that is dear to u….please, am
very sorry
for everytyn, please lets accept everytyn as
act of
God as i believe he knows the beginning
and the
end……i know it will be very hard 4u to
accept me
but am ready to bear any decision you
make but
please don’t put me to shame, i beg u in
the name
of God and your parent……”crying seriously”
I was dump founded and didnt know what
to say
until my mum walks in again
I was dump founded and didnt know what
to say
until my mum walks in again
Mum: its ohkay mary
Mary:am very sorry mummy…it wasnt
intentional….am not a devil nor trying to
force
myself to marry him
Mum:its ohkay….please stop crying….you
children
of nowadays you always think everytyn u
do its
about enjoying life and not thinking of the
consequence…now it has happened and you
guys
scattered everywhere..if it was pregnancy
alone it
would av been better but the innocent girl
you
people take for a fool..put ursef in biola’s
shoe,
how will u feel? Or if biola is your sister
snakie,
how will u feel if a guy treated her this
way? All in
all, we thank God its not beyond this
situation and i
believe Gox will lead us through…i believe
this will
be a lesson for both of you to always think
of the
consequences of your actions before taking
them
cos there are some actions that are always
beyond
remedy but we still thank God for where we
are
and pray for his guidance to lead us
through. Me
and your husband will be going out
tomorrow
Mary…..stand up and lets go prepare what
we will
eat….God is in control



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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episode 15

I withdrew slowly and told him that he had to come back later. “good afternoon” the engineer stretched his hand to greet kwame but he responded without stretching back. He left without saying a word to me and i new it was defiantly not a good news. “hei, how did you get in there without my knowledge?” the engineer and i began to have a conversation on our way to the station. ” i sneaked in when you got the entrance open to check if i was on my way. I was around when you came out but i hid myself to get my mission accomplished.” he said with his hands around my neck. I felt uncomfortable but there was a first time for everything. ” where are you taking me?” i raised my head to look at him in the eye ( still walking). “patience move mountains dear” he said. I knew that was a mock so i pitched him. “hei are you saying i am not patient?” “owtch!” he exclaimed and pulled away. I gave him a ready to fight look and he couldn’t stop laughing. We joined hands together and it was all joy till we got to the station. ” we are about to board your first trotro car so be alert. There are so many things im about to teach you before we get to our destination” he said to be humbly.
“alright.” i gave a nod like a kid. ” you have to learn how to board a car, how to relate to other passengers in the car as well as the drivers assistance. You will learn this on our way and then practice it when we are coming back” he sounded so serious. ” alright” i responded with answer anxious face. The first trotro came by but we didn’t board it. “why didn’t we go on board?” i asked out of curiousity. ” because they are enough fo the vehicle” he explained in a low tone. “really?” i said rhetorically. He kept on laughing and explaining things to me. Finally, we had one to board. The engineer mentioned the name of the destination and the car stood right infront of us. “does it mean you have to mention the destination before you board the car?, well i think so” i said within myself.
Goodness. It was a wrinkled car. I didn’t follow him in when he entered. I stood still. Where was i going to seat? There were too many people in the car. “come in Hagan, ” he instructed me in. ” what!” i seemed more confused. “yeah come in” he made a sign with his hand which indicted that i had to join him. I gave a nod and tried to enter. Seriously, it wasn’t easy for me. We sat on one row, two people joined the row later on and we were full to move. The vehicle began to sing when it was moving. “hei the vehicle is making too much noise” i tapped him and complained. “its normal, we cant do anything about it” he laughed. “its weird? I rhetorically said. We got to a junction and someone had to alight. Another person got down before he did. ” this is stressful” i uttered. He laughed and asked me to stop making such complains. Seriously, he was right. I turned and realise so many people were staring at us, especially me. I got shy and placed my head on his chest

>>

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