Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

the curfew [Read it]


A curfew was declared in Lagos but some
guys disobeyed the curfew by going out to
watch a football match. While coming
back, they were sighted by some Soldiers
who told them they will be punished for
disobeying the curfew.
One of the soldiers noticed they were
putting on jerseys with numbers and said
they will be caned based on the numbers
that was on each of their jerseys.
The first guy was wearing a No 12 Chelsea
jersey and was flogged 12 times.
The second wore a 50 cent jersey and was
also flogged 50 times. The 3rd one started
crying furiously. He was putting on a
“Vote For Buhari 2015?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-25 20:23:53

409 Views




A friend who understands your tears is much more valuable than a friend who only knows your smile!Related

smart robot [Read it]


A woman was having sex with her lover in her
apartment, 20 stories high. Suddenly she heard her
husband arrive. She told her lover, stay like a statue and
don't move!
HUSBAND: Who is this?
WIFE: This is a robot I bought to have sex with when
you're travelling.
HUSBAND: Ok, let's have sex now.
WIFE: No sweetheart, yesterday I got my period. So I will
go and make a cup of coffee for you.
After she left the husband said to himself, "Damn it! I'm
so horny, I will f**k this robot!"
He tried having sex with the robot. The lover started
talking in a metallic robotic way, "SYSTEM ERROR!
WRONG HOLE! SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE!"
HUSBAND: Damn! This robot is not working properly. I'm
throwing it out of the window.
The lover realized that he was on the 20th floor, so he
said, "SOFTWARE UPDATED PLEASE TRY AGAIN!"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-10 21:19:32

130 Views




Questions:
1. Someone calls you at 2 am in
the night and ask you "are you
sleeping?"
Ans: no, I’m picking beans. 2. You're making out with a girl
then you start pulling her pants then
she asks;
what are you trying to do?
Ans: I want to wash them for you
3. They see you coming out of the bathroom,
wet; ''did you just have a bath?''
Ans: no, I fell into the toilet bowl
4. You standing right in front of
the elevator on the ground floor
going to your office, yet they ask; ''going up?''
Ans: no, I’m waiting for my office to
come
down and get me!
5. Your boyfriend comes home
with a bunch of flowers and you still asks him;
''are those flowers?''
Ans: no baby, they're carrots!
6. You're in the queue at the
cinema to buy tickets, a friend see's
you and ask; ''what are you doing here?''
Ans: I’m here to pay my school fees!
7. When people see you lying
down with your eyes closed, they
still ask;
''are you sleeping?'' Ans: No! I'm practicing to die.
8. You went to a restaurant n the
waiter asks you: ''Plz can I get you a
table?''
Ans: No. I’m here to eat on the floor.
9. Are you reading this post? Ans:
Write answer 4 no 9 question.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-19 15:03:53

389 Views



MOUTH ACTION [Read it]


Akpos was approached by a co-
worker at lunch who invited
him out for a few beers after
work. Akpos said that his wife
would never go for it, that she
does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after
work. The co-worker suggested
a way to overcome that
problem, "When you get home
tonight, sneak into the house,
slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's
undies, and give her 'Mouth
Action'. Women love it, and
believe me, she'll never
mention that you were out late
with the boys." So Akpos agreed to try it, and
went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneaked
into the house, slid down
under the sheets, gently slid
down his wife's undies and
gave her oral sex. She moaned
and groaned with pleasure, but
after a little while, he realised
he had to pee, so he told her
he'd be right back, got out of
bed and walked down the hall
to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in,
he was very surprised to see his
wife sitting on the bathtub. "How did you get in here?" he
asked. "Shhhh!!!" she replied, "You will
wake up my Mum!"
#BOLLYSHOW™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-29 04:16:02

746 Views




A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to get somewhat passionate. They decided to pull over and park and have some fun.


Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window. The cop could hardly contain himself.


“Didn’t you know that you are not supposed to be having sex in public?” he asked the couple.


Being embarrassed by being caught, they said yes and apologized.


“Well, he said, I will have to write you a ticket.”


So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behavior. After getting dressed, the girl asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for.


He responded, “Doing 69 in a 40 Kph speed zone!”Related

“Mum”, said the son to his ageing blonde mother, “When you go, do you want to be buried or cremated?”

“I don’t mind”, replied the mother. “Surprise me!”Related

Akpos finally went to school one faithful tuesday while akpos was playin with the other student in school his teacher called him and ask him the following question teacher:akpos if u have 5naira nd ask ur father for another 5naira how much is it altogether and akpos replied sir it is 5naira and the teacher shout akpos u are a silly boy u dn't even know maths and akpos replied teacher u don't even know my father


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-08 15:40:01

530 Views




“Please stop this. My wedding is in two days
time.
It’s so wrong to have sex with you. I came to
be with you for the last time because
you begged so much.” Said Benita as she
struggled to remove Andrew’s hands from her
pant.
“Please, this is the last time I can be with you.
Leave me with this one last memory. You
know what I’m going through knowing I’m
losing you to another man. Just for one last
time, make love to me before you go.” .
.
Andrew was on the verge of losing tears too
as
she asked for Benita’s indulgence. He
wouldn’t let go of her pant.
“I want the same thing also, but it’s not right.
I’m engaged to another man. I’m sorry I can’t
do this to him. I’ve to
leave now.” Benita said
and ran free from Andrew’s grasp. She
adjusted her pant and grabbed her skirt in a
hurry to put
it on. Andrew got desperate and pulled her
back
to the bed with a full swing.
“You can’t do this to me. You’ve to make love
to me for the last time please.” Said Andrew
as
he tore her pant and roughly adjusted her bra
to free her boobs. Her
boobs jumped out in a rush and
dangled. He mounted on top of her and
rushed
her body with intense licking like a hungry dog
licking a piece of bone.
“Okay, take it easy. Just this once and that is
it. No more, okay?”
Benita finally yielded to his seduction.
“Okay.” Andrew smiled and relaxed. Benita
slowly
removed her bra and her full boobs pointed at
Andrews lips with hard nipples. She adjusted
her
body and spread her legs to Andrew’s delight.
His excitements grew wild as he watched.
“You can have my body. Do it to me as you
wish
for the very last time. Make love to me the
way
you want to live to remember it.” She
tormented him. Andrew quickly claims the
moment and they made love for the last time.
.
Andrew and Benita were lovers. They’ve dated
for 3years. They planned to settle down as
husband and wife.
Financial constraints thwarted plans. Benita’s
parents were not letting her breathe. They
were urging her to get a husband as soon as
possible.
They insisted
so much than Benita could bear. It was a
difficult
decision to make.
But she had to after Andrew agreed to let go.
Besides, they were both AS. Getting married
will be a risk. Andrew still had a long way
to go in life before settling down. With all the
obstacles that stood before them, parting
ways
was the only option. It
was a painful separation they had to come in
terms with. .
It was just two days to her wedding when
Andrew cried on the phone to see her for the
last time. She obliged because she was also
going to miss him too. But her visitation
resulted to sex, one last time. .
She finally got happily married. Her husband’s
name was Simon.
Their marriage was blissful. They were a
happy
couple. Friends and family envied the love
they
share. Simon loved Benita so much. Benita
was proud of her marriage. She bragged
about it to people. It irritated some people
who
were patiently waiting for something to go
wrong in her marriage. If her marriage should
fail, she’ll become
an object of ridiculing. She guided her
marriage jealously. She did everything a wife
should do for
her husband.
.
9_MONTHS_LATER
A cry of a new born baby filled the hospital.
Simon was so joyful to welcome the arrival of
their first male child and son. Benita wore a
tired
looking trace of happiness on her face. The
delivery section shagged her out. She was
delighted to see her
husband happy for the arrival of their new
family
member. “Oh my love, thank you for making
me a father.
You did well.”
Simon rubbed his face against Benita’s tired
face.
Benita searched for his lips. She was yearning
for a comforting kiss after the difficult
delivering experience she had. Simon surprised
her with a
deep kiss to further reveal how happy he was
with her.
Simon spent the night in the hospital with
mother and child. The next day he dash out in
a
hurry to purchase some necessary supplies for
them. Benita wasalone with her baby when
the
Doctor came in.
“I’m sorry madam. Your son needs some
special
treatment. We just discovered he has a sickle
cell anemia.” The Doctor said. Benita was
shocked and struggled to swallow. “You mean
my son is SS?” She tried to confirm.
“Yes madam.” Replied the Doctor. The Doctor
took the baby away.
Benita began to cry.
.


Ehn my guyz hw una dey shakin hands wit all of dem, after d handshake i stayed wit dem 4 5 minutes nd started leavin{collabo ws d name i receivd d day we wher arguing abt davido nd wizkid, it all startd wen i tld 1 of dem dat we can collabo and sing our own song, from da day no body calls me by my name again na collabo everywher....nawa oo, me self no lyk d name ooo bt i have 2 bear it 4 2 gud reason 1 was bekus i wnted a nickname and 2 ws bkus if their mistakenly find out dat i dnt lyk d name all d estate go hear am,bt as 4 nw their were d only ones dat knws so is nawtin..} as i ws about leavin, Samuel 4d me{samuel ws 1 of dose guyz dat hs been disturbin me about my cousin mary, d guy no gt liver 2 go meet d gal tel am im mind so he has been d 1 buyin airtime 4 me since 2 months nw, bekux each tym he call me on fone 2 ask me abt d gal he ws crushing on lol, i will tel him dAt i dnt hv credit em go jst snd for me sharply, anyway na wetin em mama dey sell wetin concern me mtcheww...
me:guy hw fr any p, dis 1 wey u dey 4low me bomber 2 bomber
samuel:hw about da stuff na
me:so my sister dn turn 2 stuff abi...feighin angry
samuel:no b so na
mek i dey do my bst
samuel:ur bst no dey enuf ooo try harder...
mek sir{thunder go faya u na...d bigx mistake a guy will make is telin his crush relation 2 gt her 4 him, no guy in his ryt sences will ever do dat} walkin away
samuel:z lyk u come holly 4 our strt
me:ds 1 na strt c pako house everywher....we both laf
samuel:abi na
me:ehn na
when i gt 2 my auntys house she ws preparin 2 go out.
aunty amaka:ehn waka waka hv u com, ....standin on d mirrow examinin her self
me:*******
aunty amaka:mary is preparing rice nd stew u mst b vry hungry, wen she is through u will eat.
mek
aunty amaka:em going out 2 c a friend and i wnt b back till 2 moro mawnin[cha! aunty amaka!!! wic friend, wu u dey deceiv, u wn go c ur boifriend simple.. any way is nt her fault sha her husband died five years ago in a car accident,nd she is stil young, fair in complexion....u dnt xpct me 2 gv u details na lol}
mek
walkin insyd d guest rum 2 drop my bag,pull my cloth nd rush insyd bathrum took my bath with d speed of light, all dis while em yet to c mary..bt i ws still hearin sounds of kitchen utensils...wen i ws through, i went insyd parlour nd lie dwn on 1 of d couch chatin on 2go, dat wks wen she showed up frm d kitchen bendin down 2 tke a view of my phone
mary:2go man u can nt com nd greet ur senior abi.
me:*****..d truth is dat i dnt knw wat 2 answer dis marmaid dat call herself my cousin{though we are in dis same class, bt i ws older than her wit a year plus..bt if u c dis gal ehn wit her figure 8 bo**by na lyk mercy johnson own, with pink average lips, cat eyez..fair in complexion of course ,,,,chai no wonder dis my guy samuel dey die 4 her bt he is on his own sha,guy fight 4 wat u wnt}
me:u say wetin, waitooo wu gave u weed ds evenin
she started lafin....going bak 2 d kitchen, wit her catwalkin step,swingin her as**set my d!ck shake head cha! if 2 say u no my cousin nw i 4 rush u 4rm behind.
wen she ws through wit her cookin, she dished it out on a tray, we sat on d floor eatin nd gistin, d gal ws fun 2 b wit if she lyk ur company bt if she dnt u ar wastin ur tym guy, u cant even buy her wit money bkux her mother provides her with everytin she nid.after cleanin d floor, she cleaned d kitchen nd inform me dat she want 2 go nd charge her fone @ d nxt door, becus accordin 2 her mother did nt leave money 4 fuel, i also gv her my fone.both of us left @ d same tym by then it ws already 8:20 pm; i wnt out 2 meet my fans,becus i ws sure dat once dey c me, collabo go dey echo 4 d whol area.bt i ws wrong bkux a fight ws going on,
Guy1:u dey craze na me u dey tlk 2 lyk dat
guy2:ur fada nyash dere
guy1:i go show u smtin 2 day jumpin insyd nearby shop nd emerge wit a gulder bottle
everybody scatter
guy2 self tear race no body c am again
dat ws wen smtin caught my attention, i saw smtin dat look lyk a wallet and i cunninly walk up 2 it nd picked it ofcourse putin it insyd my pockect.i came bk 2 wher my guyz wher sittin discussin about d incident dat jst took place, i ws nt comfortable becus of my d loot i ws carryin so i excuse my self shakin hands wit all of dm fakin sleepy. wen i gt 2 my auntys apartment i saw mary unlockin d door and my fone she ws holdin ws ringin @ d same time, wen she notice my present she turned nd handed me d fone and entered inside murmurin smtin 2 herself
me:hello bae
joke:fine love, hw re u doin
me:fwesh
joke:datz my lov,hav u eaten
me:yea
jokek, so wen will i c u again na
me:i dont knw sha
joke:pls try nd come 2morow, i have smtin 4 u.....mtcheew no b ur p****sy u gt 4 me
mek i will try
jokek i love u
me:love u 2
hangin up
wen i wnt insyd d parlour i saw mary operatin her fone,playin music @ same tym,
mary: who ws dat
me:wat do u mean
mary:neva mind...standin up walkin 2 wards her room, c dis gal ooooo if ur mumsy control me u self go come ur own mtcheew,walkin 2 my rum
wen i gt there, i emptied d wallet nd ws disappointed 2 find only full roll of condom....cha! junky..em dey chop condom abi condom dn turn 2 nigeria currency...mtcheew any way dis condom na devil sent >>bekus God no go send me dis kin tin God4bid!!!

Funny aboki man [Read it]


An aboki man and an igbo man went to an
ATM machine to withdraw money... While the
aboki man was withdrawing, the igbo man said,
''aboki you be mugu o!... I don see ur password,
your password na four x (****)''.
The aboki laughed at him and said, ''na you be
mugu, my password na 5298 no be four x!!!
WHO IS THE MUGU?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-31 12:27:43

772 Views




Mary was right there on her own before you
talk to
her or was she the 1st to approach you? I
doubt
when she’s not a slut…you approached her
and
decided to allow her stay in your house
under the
same roof with your fiancée and fooled the
poor
girl together abi……………….she’s pregnant
now, so
what do you want to do? Nkan to mo je lo
yo
e..have u ever met her parent or spoken to
them?…
what am I even saying self, how would you
have
met her parent
Me: have not met them……..Told her that I
will be
taking her to hospital tomorrow to confirm
her
pregnancy claim
Mum: and what if the result is positive
what will u
do? Am sure abortion is not an option so
don’t
even think of it
Me: No…just to ascertain that she’s saying
the
truth…moreover I cant marry her…I don’t
even know
anything about her or her family
Mum: so u didn’t think of that before
sleeping with
her……….dont worry but if I may ask, in the
last one
month that you have been together, do u
notice any
bad character about her
Me: Sincerely none..she’s good on her own
part
but I cant just leave Biola for her…Biola is
who I
love
Mum: since Biola is the one you truly love,
you
shouldn’t have venture into this in the 1st
place..you shouldn’t have allow the thing
under ur
trouser control your brain…..
Me: “Crying”………….No need to cry oko mi, I
understand how you feel..this is all your
mistake
and I believe God will guide us through….I
will take
her to the hospital tomorrow while you go
to work
but lemme call biola to talk her her…o ku ti
sowa
deyan buruku lodo omo yen ati awon ebi e
bayi……..
“Dialing Biola’s number”
Me: Don’t worry yourself mum, I will take
her there
myself..have called in sick already at work
for
3days and my Boss consented..so I have
enough
time
Mum: Ohk oko mi….Biola is not picking my
calls..just don’t worry yourself..i know your
concern and I can assure you everytyn will
be
settled…..God will guide us tru. Please
come and
eat, your food is on the table
Me: Am not eating mum……
Mum: Please now oko mi…..lemme go and
bring it
for you if you don’t want to come to the
dinning.
“she stepped out, I was a bit relieved
pouring my
mind out atleast to someone who was
ready to
listen to me…she came back with the food, I
eat
and find my way to the bird, didn’t know
when
sleep came over, all I noticed when I woke
up
around 5am was a lady sleeping beside me
on the
bed…I look at her as if I should strangle her
to
death”.
I woke her up around after seven in the
morning to
go dress up for hospital for a test….i don’t
have a
personal physician so I had to settle down
for a
private hospital in my area but not too
close to my
house..
We got to the hospital, met the Dr on duty
and
explained why we were in the hospital to
him…he
said they will need to carry out a blood test
as
that’s always more accurate than urine
test…
there’s another small compartment like a
room in
the Dr’s office and I guess that was for
emergency
cases cos that was where he took her to…
they
didn’t spend up to 10mins there and came
back…he
called a nurse and directed us to go to the
lab…the
nurse collected her blood sample and asked
us to
wait outside at the reception..
The Dr called us in after more than an hour,
gave
us the result and I was so surprised when
he
congratulated us that my fiancée is almost
more
than three weeks gone..i was devastated.
I stormed out of the office and she ran to
meet me
inside the car..i drove home and went
straight to
the bedroom..My mum came to meet me
immediately

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Emeka on a phone call with is father Akpos.
Emeka .. Hello
Akpos .. Is not
Emeka .. Hello
Akpos .. What is wrong with this boy, am telling him that is not and his still shouting hello on phone
Emeka .. Hello oooo
Akpos .. You are very stupid
Emeka .. Hello ooo maybe is network problems
Finally the father provoked
Akpos .. Emeka is not HELLO is me your PAPA.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-26 12:21:12

680 Views




Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait?
He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used to say ‘Keep Quwait, Keep Quwait’.Related

CONFUSED WOMAN [Read it]


Nothing makes a woman more
confused than being in a relationship
with a broke man who is extremely
good in bed.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-19 22:14:34

546 Views




a man went to the mountains to pray,he nail down praying.as he was there praying a lion came from behind and went there by his side and allso started to pray...the man asked in shork aaaah lion Yu are also a Christian?the lion asked the "hey have ever eat yo food without praying?¿


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-21 11:04:52

496 Views



Sexuality [Read it]


AKPOS: Those bisexuals are very funny o. 


Chibuzo: Yes o! How can you sleep with the same sex and the opposite sex at the same time. Can they just choose one sex gender to sleep with? 


AKPOS: Well there's a new one now. Tetrasexual.Chibuzo
: Ehn! 


AKPOS: Yes. They sleep with men, women, animals and non living things!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-20 14:19:54

264 Views




Akpos said to his Dad "Dad, i have finally find a wife"
"Wooo!!! Tha's interesting, so who could that be?" asked the father.
"Is Jen" ans Akpos
"Which Jen?" Dad inquired
"Jen my younger sister" expressed Akpos.
"What a fuck! you must be crazy. How on earth do you think you can marry your blood sister?"
"Who on earth do you think Adam and Eve children married?" says Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-08 17:54:03

928 Views



How Come [Read it]


MOTHER: There were 3 cookies in the jar yesterday and now there is only 1. How come?


NAUGHTY KID: It was dark so I must have missed one. 


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-10 08:12:32

189 Views




When U're chating like this with your girlfriend:
You: Hey
She: Hello
You: Xup
She: I'm fyn & u?
You: Gud She: K.
There's another guy online going like this:
Guy: Gudmorning Beauty, How's ur pretty self
doing 2day?
She: Lol. did u'av to make me blush dis early
morning? Guy: You deserve that My Bestiee, U always look
more beatiful
whenever u blush.
She: Woww! stop flattering me jhoor.
Guy: i'm not Baby, its just that I love u & ur
happiness matters alot to me.
She: I'm in a relationship Deariee but the truth is
that u've a
way of making me happy whenever I chat with
you.
Guy: U deserve 2 be happy, enjoy ur day my Angel, got 2 go
now, chat latter
She: tnx Swtdy, i'll miss u, can't wait 2 av u
back online.
You may say she's too cheap to fall 4 mere words
but that's how women were meant to be. They like soft words 4rm their spouse. give it 2 her & see her
melt into ur arms.
The greatest mistake a man can make in a
relationship is giving another man a chace 2 make
his woman happy. Some guys cant even remember
when Last Dem tell their babe say, baby u are beautifull. D highest na, baby when we go see naa?
Learn to make your partner happy and care for her
before it's
late.#GoodDay#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-11 21:02:58

319 Views




5.00pm on the dot, I dialled senator Clifford Obi’s
number.
The phone rang and rang but the senator didn’t pick. I
tried again, he didn’t pick. I tried one more time, he
didn’t pick.
I became worried.
My bank account was red and the golden opportunity I
had to make money was eluding me.
After five minutes, I tried again and this time the line
clicked.
“Hello,” a baritone voice replied from the other end.
“Hello, please am I speaking with senator Clifford Obi?”
I asked nervously.
“Yes you are, who am I speaking with?”
“Sir sorry, my name is Rosy, I got your number from
Digoxy,” I replied.
“Oh my boy Digoxy? No problem. Meet me at Leo hotel
tonight by 8pm on the dot. No african time!”
He dropped the call.
The senator didn’t give me the chance to say thank
you.
I felt so happy to have finally spoken to the senator
and booked an appointment with him.
7pm on the dot I was at Leo hotel waiting for the
senator to arrive.
In this business, one has got to be sharp or someone
sharper would cash into your opportunity.
The senator arrived around 9.00pm at which point I
was almost giving up on whether he would come or
not.
The moment he stepped in with his entourage, I
walked up to him and introduced myself.
“Good evening sir, I’m Rosy the lady who spoke with
you on phone this evening,” I introduced.
“Wow, are you the pretty damsel? Please come with
me,” he invited.
I followed by his side with his entourage moping at me
apparently bewildered by my guts and boldness.
“Room 331 sir,” the receptionist directed without even
waiting for the senator to place his request.
“Digoxy get the keys!” The senator ordered walking
on. A lean fair guy went over to the receptionist and
collected the keys. By that action I knew he was the
Digoxy whose name fetched me the deal.
Digoxy hurried ahead of us and opened the door and
we all went in.
“I need some privacy,” the senator announced as soon
as we were inside.
Digoxy and Co left immediately and shut the door
behind.
“Show me what you’ve got,” the senator said turning
towards me.
I pulled my clothes immediately and seductively stood
naked before him.
My new rule of pay before service had to be
suspended temporarily cos I didn’t want to do
anything that would turn the senator off.
My b00bs stood gallantly pointing at the senator with
two dark pointed n!ppl€$.
The bushy mound infront of my thighs accentuated the
pleasures buried inbetween the hidden contours of my
pu$$¥ lips.
“Baby you’re too wonderful!” The senator
complimented getting aroused.
He took off his clothes and was soon naked with me.
Then he drew me closer and started fondling my br€a
$ts. He took one n!ppl€ after the other into his mouth
and sucked on it hungrily.
His hands wandered down to my hairy mound and
soon found its way into the cleft between my thigh.
My legs wobbled as his fingers brushed past my cl!
t0ris. The senator noticed this and carried me to the
bed.
His d!ck was already standing at attention as I gently
parted my legs for him and he plunged deeply into my
wet pu$$¥.
“You’re the best!” He exclaimed with excitement as the
soft walls of my pu$$¥ wrapped round his d!ck and
gripped him tight.
“Umph, ummm, mmm, Oops,” the senator moaned as
he f.u.c.k.e.d me front and back.
“uuhhhhhh,” he groaned as he climaxed and started
ejaculating his semen inside my pu$$¥.
Then he climbed down, trying to catch his breath.
“You’re the best!” He complimented for the second
time. “You said Digoxy gave you my number right?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“How come he didn’t tell me about you?” He asked.
My heart flew into my chest as I thought my lie was
about to be exposed.
“Maybe he forgot,” I replied in a bid to downplay his
fears.
“Anyway he made a nice choice,” the senator
remarked.
We did three more rounds before the senator became
exhausted and slept off.
He woke up around 7am the next morning and had his
bath. Then he dressed up and gathered his belongings
together.
“I have a flight to catch before 9am,” he announced
glancing at his watch.
Then he dipped his right hand into his briefcase and
brought out a cheque of five hundred thousand naira.
“This is for you,” he said handing the cheque to me.
My eyes widened with shock and excitement as I
stretched out my hand to collect the cheque.
For the first time in my life, I had five hundred
thousand naira all to myself.
“Feel free to call me anytime you need help,” the
senator added walking towards the door.
“Thank you sir, I’m grateful,” I said in appreciation.
“Call me anytime you want and don’t forget to make
yourself available anytime your services is needed,” he
said and banged the door behind him

>> Episode 24 -

idiot [Read it]


Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-30 10:03:43

454 Views




Two girls where gisting at a club when akpos approach them,he started talking to the ugly girl
Akpos:Hy do you wanna dance?
Ugly girl:sure i love dancing
Akpos:k go and dance i wanna talk yo your friend.
#KingJames


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-15 20:54:49

742 Views




Q: Why did the blonde move to LA?

A: It was easier to spell!Related

Akpos and HIV [Read it]


An Armed Robber invaded Akpos' house one night and threatened to inject him with blood containing HIV virus if he didn't give him all the money he collected from the bank that afternoon. ''Are you going to leave me with the money if I allow you to inject me with the HIV virus?'' Akpos asked. ''I will not collect the money and I will leave you.'' The Armed Robber said. On hearing this, Akpos told the armed robber to give him five minutes and he went into his bedroom. When he came back from the bedroom, he told the robber to inject him with the HIV virus.
The robber was stunned, but he did as Akpos asked and left. Immediately he left, Akpos' wife became worried, ''What the hell did you just do?!'' She asked. "Akpos replied, ''Don't mind that silly robber, he doesn't know that when I went into my bedroom, I went in to wear a condom."

One word for Akpos!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-20 08:18:17

5351 Views




An old man and his wife have gone to bed.

After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football!"

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -

"Touchdown, tie score!"
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says -
 "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says,
-
"Touchdown, tie score!"
Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says
-
"Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!"

Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail.
Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"

The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-30 11:13:37

572 Views




Wisdom is having things right in your life and knowing why.

-William EdgarRelated

1. The fat kid was always the goal keeper (Yours truly) 2. The owner of the ball decides who plays.
3. Penalties awarded only if injured player curses a lot.
4. The match only ends
when everyone was tired.
5. No matter how many goals you score, the winner will be
determined by the last team to score.
6. No referee and lines men. You could run with the ball even behind the goal post.
7. If you don't participate in repairing the ball you were given a match ban
8. If you're picked last, you're a loser.
9. The guy who's never picked was to fetch the ball from the tree when it got
stuck,under the car or tunnel to play in the next game.
10. When the owner of the ball gets annoyed, game over.
11. You were allowed to
change a goalkeeper in case of a penalty .
12. everybody is a referee. Add More and Keep the
Fun.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-17 08:55:23

283 Views





1. You buy some cheap underwear at a Bend- Down- Select under market& on facebook you write:”I love Gucci underwears” *God is watching you*

2. You’re a married man with 2 kids & on facebook you always claim to be single *God is watching you*

3. You’re 21 yrs old & you’re dating a man of 59 yrs, your updates say “can’t wait to see my baby.” Is that your baby or your ancestor? *God is watching you*

4. You’re are drinking ice water & you update “I’m drinking Johnny Walker on the rocks” *God is watching you*

5. You’re in the house Listening to a radio but you update “watching superman man of steel at the cinemas” *God is watching you*

6. You sell retail biscuit, airtime n chewing gums or in an grocery SHOP & u update “had a long day in the office” *God is watching you*

7. You are waiting for a mat/taxi & u update “stuck in traffic thank God for the air conditioner in ma car” *God is watching you*

8. You are using some fake Chinese phone and you update ur status “My laptop is slow” *God is watching you*

9. You are in some fake slum n u update your status “near New York” *God is watching you*

10. Your real name is Bizibu/Kekimirenzyo or some funny names and on facebook u call yourself Mcute Pretty Bootylicious Fly *God is watching you* Gud Afternoon Palz!!!




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-16 14:35:06

353 Views




Farmer Banta killed a lamb and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone.


He didn’t tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months.


Then another farmer, Santa, who lived down the road, came by and said, “By the way Banta, did you ever find out who stole your lamb?”


“Nope,” said Banta. “Not until just now.”Related

One day in class , Akpors's mathematics teacher gave a test , which says : Prove that 4+3 = 5 ... Then after 10 minutes of solving , they all submitted their works .. But to the teacher's surprise , only Akpors attempted the question , as the other students were just writing ( impossible , not expandable , unsolvable , etc ) but Akpors wrote ( simple ) then he started solving ... He started by drawing a right angled triangle , then using pythagoras theorem , said ( hyp2 = opp2+adj2 ) which implies that ( hyp2 = 4*4 + 3*3 ) (hyp2 = 16+9 ) (hyp2 = 25 ) then he said that ( hyp = the square root of 25 ) (hyp = 5 ) so there fore , ( 4+3 = 5 ) ... One word for Akpors ......


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 11:05:43

539 Views




ONE WRONG TURN
Continues
Episode 22

The trip to school was quiet as
usual, me and my parents rarely
talked. But i had to break this
news to my mother this minute
“mummy, we are starting extra
lectures today”
” and It’s only now you are telling
me?” She replied, a little offended
.
“well i forgot earlier”
“so when will you close?”
“5:30”
“I can’t pick you up at that time,
you will have to come home
yourself”
That was the exact response i had
envisaged and prayed for.
“oh that’s not a problem, i can
find my way home” i replied
excitedly
My mum must have caught the
excitement in my voice, as she
warned sternly
” come straight home after
lectures, you should be home by 6
at most.”
Those words went in through one
ear and out the other. I still wish i
had listened.
****
The morning assembly started
with the usual hyms and national
anthem, before we marched to our
classes.
Unlike every other day, today will
be long and unpredictable. I
didn’t quite know how it will turn
out for me. I strolled to the
principal’s office to check out the
timetable for the day.
It was perfect for my plans, i had
only one subject, which means i
could leave the school by 3:30.
That would mean 2 hours with
Ehis.
As i walked back to the class, i
pinged Ehis, to inform him of the
time table. He agreed to pick me
up by 3:30. Everything was set.
The day went by very fast, i could
hardly focus in class. All i had on
my mind was meeting Ehis later. I
planned something special for him
today.
At the end of lectures that day, we
stayed behind as other students
made their way home.
The school was rowdy as usual,
hundreds of students made their
way towards the gate.
The car pack was fully occupied
by different brands of cars, with
parents waiting eagerly for their
wards.
It was a little strange for me. I
wasn’t hurrying to get my stuff
together, I wasn’t rushing out to
the car park to meet my mum.
I just sat there in class, looking
out the window and enjoying. the
freedom i had.
I could do anything i wanted, and
walk back home without feeling
any remorse.
This is the time in my life when
my parents control began to wane.
There was little that could be
done to salvage me, my heart has
chosen a poor course.
As time progressed, the compound
began to empty slowly. Most of
the students had gone, the car
park became empty.
Only my classmates were left in
the school. Those who brought
lunch had started eating, others
went out to buy snacks.
I had neither. The money my
mum gave me was barely enough
for my transport. I didn’t think i
would need lunch, Ehis would take
care of that.
All i took was extra clothes. That
was all i needed. I was becoming
an expert at absconding from
school.
I spent the lecture break chatting
with Ehis, giving him minute by
minute update on events around
the school.
At 2:30 the bell rang, signifying
the commencement of the first
lesson.
The subject was English.
All through the lesson, i sat there
fantasising about what my
afternoon will look like.
The viberation from my phone
jolted me back to reality. I rested
my head on the table, with my
phone beneath the desk to check
out who it was.
” baby, I’m around……waiting for
you”
The message was from Ehis, he
was waiting already. I glanced at
my watch, it was just five minutes
before the lecture ends….i couldn’t
wait.


>>

Sometimes you face difficulties not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you’re doing something right.

~ Joel OsteenRelated

She was sitting alone at their verandah when I
came,Their compound was empty,Everyone had
gone to work that friday morning,Naomi I want to
show you something, What is it? She asked, Can I
show it to you in your room? Okay, She replied,We
went inside, Can we close the door? Hmmm, okay
She agreed, Can we close the window? Okay, She
accepted,Can we off the lights? Yeeeesss, She
responded, Hold my hand, She held my hand. What
is it?
She inquired.
I unveiled it & said See, my new wrist-watch,it
shines in darkness.
Evil thoughts must leave you in 2015•


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-17 14:58:11

340 Views




Dreaming of u makes my night worth while. Thinking of u makes me Smile. Having u is the best thing ever & Loving u is what I plan to do foreverRelated

A pilot was told to tranfer mad people from naija to U.S.A. He agreed and carried them in his plane.
The whole place was so noisy and got the pilot upset, but he maintained his cool. Laterror, one of the mad men approached the pilot and said pls can u teach
me how to fly the aeroplane? The pilot replied, i will
teach u if u can tell ur friends to stop making noise (knowing that he can't do it). The mad man went in & after some minutes, everywhere was silent as if an angel entered the plane. After some
minutes, the mad man came back and told the pilot that
everywhere is calm now. The pilot became happy and asked, what did u do to them that made them to
keep calm. The mad man replied, i opened the door for them to go and play outside.
????????
????????
????????????
????
????????
????????
????????...GOOD MORNING


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-23 08:09:48

407 Views




AKPOS WITH BAD NETWORK
Akpos’ Whatsapp chat with his
girlfriend:
Girlfriend: Good morning
sweetheart.
Akpos: Good morning darling.
(sending
failed)
Girlfriend: Why don’t you want to
reply my message, don’t you have
my time?
Akpos: I have tried to reply but
the
network is poor! (sending failed)
Girlfriend: If you don’t love me;
ignore my
message, if you really love me;
reply me.
Akpos: I Love You. (sending
failed) Girlfriend: Do you love
me
Akpos: I Love You Baby. (sending
failed)
Girlfriend: Never speak to me
again!
Akpos: I Love You Sweetie
(sending
failed).
Girlfriend: Do you want to end
our relationship?
Akpos: I’m fed up of this shit!!!
(message
sent).


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-30 07:40:02

617 Views




Akpos Went To His Mum Upstairs And Said,"mummy,you Have Lied To Me,the Money Replied Saying No I Cant Lie To You,whats The Matter.Akpos Said To His Mum That "mum You Lied To Me That My Baby Sister Is An Angel".His Mum Said "yes My Boy,she Is An Angel".Akpos Then Said "but Why Didnt She Spread Her Wings And Fly When I Threw Her Off Our Three Storey Building".Akpos Mum Fainted...Abeg Who Should We Blame


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-16 00:27:32

321 Views




While money doesn’t buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.Related

I allowed the call to ring for sometime before picking to avoid appearing desperate.

“Hello,” I answered on picking. “Goodmorning my honourable senator.” I greeted.

“Goodmorning,” the senator replied. “How are you?”

“I’m fine sir and you?”

“I’m fine too my senator.”

“I called to inform you that tomorrow is my birthday and that I would be celebrating it in a big way and would be needing your company. Hope you will be available?”

“Yes I will,” I replied feeling elated.

“Ok see you tomorrow. My driver will come and pick you by 4pm.”

“Ok sir. Thank you sir,” I replied.

“You’re welcome,” he responded and dropped the call.

I lay on my bed feeling like a top business mogul. It was the first time I was attending the birthday of a senator and I felt like a queen.

Just then another call came into my phone.

This time it was from Leo hotel and the client was a returnee from America who needed a call girl for the night.

I instantly accepted the job and was at Leo hotel at exactly 7pm.

The receptionist was already familiar with me and all he did was tell me the room number and I went ahead to locate it.

I knocked on the door and went in.

The client in question was Ray – the guy who drugged me and raped me sometime ago and ran away with my money – but I pretended like I didn’t recognise him.

I had this little kitchen knife which I always carried in my bag for protection incase of unexpected violence from a client.

I drew it out and faced him.

“Before the count of three give me my money or I will stab you to death!” I bawled advancing towards him.

“Sorry sorry wh-wh-what are you talking about?” He stammered with brows raised.

“You drugged me, raped me and ran away thinking that I won’t find you right?”

“Please please don’t do this to me,” he begged shaking with fear. “It was the devil’s handwork.”

An uncontrollable fit of rage swept through me as he gave that excuse and as the memories of the events of that night flashed through my mind.

I lost control and stabbed him three times in the abdomen with the kitchen knife.

Blood spurted out from the wound as he clutched his stomach tightly writhing in pain.

I stopped briefly as the reality of what I just did hit me but fit of annoyance engulfed me one more time and I stabbed him two more times till he lay still and could move no more.

The entire bed-sheet was red with blood.

With trembling hands I dropped the kitchen knife back into my bag, went into the bathroom to clean up and hurriedly left the hotel before the management discovered Ray’s lifeless body in his own pool of blood on the bed in room 119

>> Episode 31 -
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