Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


SOME FACTS ABOUT LIFE.
1. No matter how beautiful and handsome you are,
just remember baboon and gorillas also attract
tourists.
Stop boasting.
2. No matter how big and strong you are,you shall not carry yourself to your grave.
Be humble.
3. No matter how tall you are,you can never see
tomorrow.
Be patience.
4. No matter how light skinned you are,you will always need light in darkness.
5. No matter how rich and many cars you have, you
will always walk to bed...
Be contented.
Take life easy.
Life is short, so set your mind on things that are above (heaven).
#Stay blessed #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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KRK called Bilawal a chutiya.. That would be like Uday Chopra calling Tusshar Kapoor a flop actor..Related

Mr James and his friend Mr Oko were arguing about their sons stupidity.
Mr James argued that his son was more silly than Oko’s son.
Oko however, disagreed, so they decided to put their sons to test.
James called his son and asked him to buy something for him at the market. The boy ran out without even asking for what to buy and money. James said,”You see how silly he is? He didn’t even ask for what to buy or money“.
Mr Oko retorted : "is this what you call foolishness? just wait and see",
Oko calls his son and said “go home and check if i am in the house”
Oko’s son took to his heels and came back panting,”papa U no dey house. Mama say U dey your friend's place".

Which one FOOL pass?
Stay healthy, keep the laughter and smiles alive..??
Gudam!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-05 11:36:41

637 Views




The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you wantRelated

Continues..
Like a crazed person I ran for cover but my little shed wasn’t going to hold any more. the bullets were too much for it, and they flew everywhere so much so that the air smelled like burning lead and taking deep breaths leave a metallic taste in your mouth, me with no gun and no way to get one even from the dead guys was left with no other option but to make a run for it, live to fight another day ‘ was what don piccolo also taught me, so i scanned around for means of escape and fortunately for me my car was there the one I used to come here, it was parked across the road, I counted down from three and then made a run for it. I ran like mad… bullets weezed past my ears and over my head and by some kind of miracle I got to my car, I started it immediately and started to drive away from there as fast as I can, but I didn’t think I had driven far when heard a sudden BOOOOOM! my car shuddered then reverberated and was sent flying up into the air from the force of what hit me which I believed was a grenade fired from a grenade launcher. I crashed into a building, I crawled out of the car, the back of it had been blown away and I had a shrapnel fastened to my feet it had cut deeply and I was imploding with pain, I heard multiple footsteps the were already at the entrance of the building, I looked around to take in the details of the building to find out what i can use. It was an abandoned manufacturing company and I found a whole rack of propane gas, salt, bags of industrial nails everything I need to make all things bright and beautiful, wasting no Time i began to cook mixing stuff adding stuff then I got buckets about six and filled them with my concoction. After that I emptied a bag of nails on each bucket to cause maximum damage. Then I arranged the buckets around where I want most of Don piccolo’s men to be (why do I still call him Don when the man is trying to kill me). with a trip wire I rigged a make shift trigger switch. my leg was exploding with pain all the while but I couldn’t let that stop me now can I. Taking a deep breathe I limped back down stairs to where the Don’s men are to lure them to my trap, on reaching ground level, I saw that they had already been searching room to room on the ground floor looking for me, i stalked behind the nearest one who was alone and isolated from the rest of them. With swift movement, I locked my arm around his neck and squeezed tight till I broke it, he died without making a sound. I quickly grabbed his gun and fired at the Don’s men, I killed some and made the rest angry but my objective was completed, I got their attention, so I moved on to stage two : run like hell, I ran like a one legged mad man running for his life, which if you look closely at it, I actually am.
When I got to the trap room I hid myself in the only place in the room that would be protected from the bomb’s blast and waited till all of Don piccolo’s men were inside the room… It was a big room so it accommodated all of them. “what’s this in the buckets?” I heard one of them ask “looks like some kind of chemical” another one replied, guess one of them must have seen the wires because I suddenly heard one yell EVERYONE OUT! IT’S A TRA- too late I thought then, as I pressed the bomb trigger and following that action was a resounding thunderous BOOOOOOOOOM!!! That shook the entire building. I waited for about two minutes then came out of hiding to see over twenty-five dead men in the room, the air had burned out so I rushed out of the place limping to get fresh air cos I couldn’t breathe in there. I had hoped Don piccolo was among the dead but I know better than to hope for such, because Don piccolo is the most cautious man I know, he sits back and waits and listens for the perfect time to strike. lesson number 4 know your enemy, he had said to me. If I know Don piccolo, now would be the perfect time for him to strike, I’m weak, wounded(and have lost a lot of blood) , exhausted and out of tricks, he can easily walk in and beat me to death and I won’t even be able to raise a finger to defend myself. And right as rain the Don came into view clapping “whoa! Kunle you really are a force of nature” he said “all those men I brought here, you took them all out, You look tired though, hope you still have enough fight in you to face me.” with laboured breath I replied “you shot that little girl and for that am going to kill you.” “weren’t you going to kill her yourself? I was there, I watched, I simply helped you do what you you wanted to do, cause pain to your enemy. ” the Don said. “I wasn’t gonna kill her I never would, am not a monster like you” I told him and he laughed “haha ha, no you are not a monster, look around you, the dead bodies in your wake… You’re what monsters fear” he took off his clothes and bullet proof vest then said “come boy, meet your Doom!”
Enraged I charged at him yelling Aaaaaaargh as I threw a punch at him with all the force I could muster behind it. But he caught it with his hands saying “was that how I thought you to punch, like a little girl, am betting your sister packs a good punch than you… Hahaha”. “you talk to much” I said as I threw another punch but he deflected it easily. Then he punched me, his fist felt like hammer and again and again he rained blows on me, i felt like I was dying, I tried blocking his attacks but it was no use, tried running away but he caught me and slammed me through a glass window, he picked me up like I weighed nothing and then used my head to shatter a wooden box. Why did I try to fight him I asked myself, this guy is twice my size, stronger in every way, hell he taught me all I know, this is a hardened criminal that spent most of his life in prison, even If I was in good condition, i have no chance of beating him in a one on one confrontation.
When he was done beating me to stupor, he brought out a curved knife from his pocket and asked “do you know what this is” I knew what it was, I’ve seen him use it before on people he wanted to kill slowly and painfully but I couldn’t answer cos all my body was in an unimaginable pain “it’s my spleen knife” he explained “I use it to cut out people’s spleen, a spleen can’t be replaced or stitched back together so you just bleed out and die in the most slow and painful way imaginable.” After that not so helpful explanation, he lifted me with one hand and with the knife on the other he stabbed me, tracing the knife across my belly till he cut out my spleen… I thought I knew pain, but everything I knew about pain was thrown out the window when he cut out my spleen, I cried out so loud i drowned every other noise, and he dropped me and said “for putting me through all this trouble, the little girl you didn’t want to kill will die along with the rest of her family by my hand, go and spend the rest of eternity in hell knowing that you brought this on her and her innocent mother” and that, dear reader, was where he Bleep*d up. Telling me he was gonna kill little vera awakened a new kind of power in me the one I should have sought all those years ago instead of the fake power of hate, offence and anger I searched for instead. The power of love, love enough to forgive the offence of others, the power little vera taught me by forgiving me for trying to kill her and her Father, I felt it when she hugged me as tight as she could when I promised I wouldn’t hurt her. That love for her that wanted me to protect her gave me the strength I needed to get up as Don piccolo turned his back on me, pick up a sharp thick iron that was on the floor limped quietly behind him and stabbed him in the chest with all my might aiming for his heart and from the sudden gush of blood on his mouth, I guess I hit home, I twisted to make sure, then said to him “you will not lay one finger on that little girl… go to hell before me, be my Herald and announce to everyone you see there that, tell them : kunle Smith is coming.” he died before he hit the ground. I looked around at all the carnage and fell too. I wasn’t supposed to end like this I thought …
To be continued…


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Full Bed Bath [Read it]


The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath. She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack. As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I’ll wash possible?”Related

Later in the day, I dial Rotimi’s number while I am in the truck. I have already parked by the road.
“Hello, this is Chief Olarotimi Ariyo. Who am I speaking with?” A voice from the receiver says.
“This is Dele – Bamidele Olaonipekun.” I reply.
“Dele, I have been expecting your call since morning.”
“The number is just going through since morning. I think it’s network.”
“Sorry about that. I am in the office right now. Just trace the address on that card.”
I told him I have misplaced the card and I did not really go through it when I collected it. He explains the direction to me, and I can sense warmth in his voice as he does.
At last I arrive at one of his filling stations at Alagbado. There is an eatery there too. I meet a receptionist who politely ushers me to the office. When I am about to enter the office I adjust the collar of my navy blue T-shirt, and I examine my trousers. They have been neatly ironed by Lara.
I was hoping Rotimi will welcome me with a handshake, but I am surprised when he welcomes me with a warm embrace. We had been friends since our college days in Ahmadu Bello University. Although I knew him to be a humble fellow then, but I thought his high status would have changed all of that.
“Have your seat,” Rotimi gestures towards the white couch that is located far away from his office desk, “I am really happy to see you.”
The office is painted white. It is more or less a sitting room, for its wideness. It’s lavishly and sophisticatedlyfurnished. A tall bar is fixed on the wall, full of all expensive wines. There is a glassy table in between the two sitters and one-sitter couch. A flat screen hangs on the wall to the left.
Rotimi sits in the opposite two-seater after phoning his secretary to bar any other visitor. A pretty young lady comes in at that moment. She asks what kind of drink I would like to take. She lists almost all the wines and soft drinks in the world.
“A glass of table water is okay by me.” I flash a smile at her.
Rotimi objects to my request. He says I wouldn’t take a glass of water alone. Somehow, he knows I don’t feel comfortable. He asks the lady to bring two bottles of Pomerol with the water. He knows my best wine. Several times we had dined together when I was still wallowing in money. At last we set to business.
“When I returned from France almost two years ago,” Rotimi says, after sipping a wine from a goblet,“ I couldn’t reach you again. I misplaced the phone I was using then. So I lost all contacts… I went to check you in your office at Port Harcourt, I was told the place had been sold out… same thing your two mansions. I have been looking for a way to meet you, until yesterday when I saw you packing some things behind that truck… I was not pleased with the way I met you at all. Dele, hint me… what is happening to you?”
I take a sigh, and grunt sorrowfully. I explain to him how the ship that was bringing my goods from Spain had drowned in the sea.
“I lost about a billion naira worth of goods,” I continue, “The bank had to sell almost all my properties to recover my debts.”
“That is a sad story,” Rotimi sighs, stooping his head. He pauses for some time and continues, “ anyway, such is life. So you are now driving for a living?”
“Yes,” I reply, shrugging, “what else can I do? That is my fate.”
Rotimi’s face is etched with concern at my statement. He reminds me of over two years ago. He makes me realize that the six million naira he asked me to lend him, which I eventually gave him, is the source of his fortune today. I am surprised to hear that.
“How is that possible?” My voice is toned with doubt, “How did you acquire all these wealth with that money?”
He narrates to me how he had gone to France for business. On getting there, he visited a white man whom he had met on the internet. The man offered to help him by signing a contract with him. He requested Rotimi to store some wares in his own shop with the money he had. It was there he made huge sales that made him a multimillionaire. Rotimi was a banker who received hundred thousand naira per month when I met him three years ago.
“If I decide to divide my wealth into two and give you a half of it, you really worth it.” He says with gravity in his tone, “But I will make sure you rise to greatness again.”
I shift to the edge of the couch, “I will be grateful if you can help me with a token which I can start a business with.”
Rotimi’s mouth widens with a smile, “Dele, you are very funny. What business do you want to start with a token amount?” He pulses his lips and hums thoughtfully for a moment, “Okay. okay. Let’s do it like this … Give me your account number. I am going to send thirty millionaire into your account for a start. The money will be there before nightfall. I won’t tell you the business to do. I know you have a business sense.”
My heart almost bursts out of my chest as I adjust on my seat, “All that for me? May God continue to bless you, my friend. You shall not face a downfall in your life…”


>>

Teacher: Start Computer.

Pappu: I did.

Teacher: Now open my computer.

Pappu: Miss, where is your computer?Related

Alore Entertainment is now back fully to this fantastic forum.

We will start updating an abandoned comedy story titled:

STRANGE TOWN


Starting from where we paused.

One Episode per day.

Thank you the Admin.

I still remain:

Prince Opayemi Abiodun Olusegun, the M.D of Alore Entertainment Centre.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-04 23:41:51

370 Views




Change is the law of life and those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

~ John F. KennedyRelated

Zuriel: wait;can you please;show me the way to the main market?
Isabella: the way to the main market or you way out?
Zuriel: i don't know;maybe both
Isabella: you really don't know what you want(she turn to leave)goodness(he held her hand) what?
Zuriel: please;i beg you
Isabella: are you new here?
Zuriel: yes;i came with my mother
Isabella: alright;call your mom;where she is?(he touch his pocket but he cant find his phone)what?
Zuriel: i cant find my phone;is like i left my phone in the car
Isabella: how will he be able to find his phone;when he started dating at fourteen(to herself) i doubt if the woman in question is his mother
Zuriel: what did you say?
Isabella: nothing;i was just thinking aloud;come with me,i will take you to the pack
Zuriel: why the pack?
Isabella: is simple;because the market is too big to find someone but if you go to the park,there is every tendency that she will go back to the car,if she cant find you.that is if you still know the car
Zuriel: of cause i do;it sound nice
Isabella: it doesn't sound nice it is nice;lets go
Zuriel: to where?
Isabella: will you stop asking me dumb question;to the park of cause,where else should i take you?
Zuriel: sorry
Isabella: better(they walk without saying a word)here we are
Zuriel: oh my word;here is my mom's car;thank you very much
Isabella: its really beautiful;no wonder you smell really rich(to herself)
Zuriel: what did you say?
Isabella: nothing;i will just go ahead
Zuriel: hold on
Isabella: what again?
Zurial: can you wait till my mom comes?
Isabella: that is too much to asked of ;don't you know i have better things to do with my time
Zuriel: don't worry;i will pay you for it
Isabella: now you are insulting me
Zuriel: sorry;please
Isabella: alright fine;i wouldn't want anyone to say someone got missing because of me(he laughed)whats funny?
Zuriel: nothing;you are such a talkative
Isabella: what?
Zuriel: no offence;what is your real name?
Isabella: i thought you said you know me;why are you asking about my real name?
Zuriel: i didn't get the chance of getting your name
Isabella: Isabella but Zippor call me princess;so i prefer that
Zuriel: who is Zippor?
Isabella: my one and only(phone ringing) its Zippor;i got to go,take care(exit Isabella)
Zuriel: not again
Melisa: son;you got me worried sick;i was looking everywhere for you and i even called your number
Zuriel: oh mom;sorry;i left my phone in the car and i missed my way but is a good thing that Isabella brought me here
Melisa: who is Isabella?
Zuriel: no one,just a good Samaritan
Melisa: oh shall we
Zuriel: of cause
Isabella: is it because he had money;that is why he is so annoying?
anyway it feels really good to be wealthy. just look at his mom's car;his clothing;his shoes and the way he talk.he is so handsome(she smiled) he is really handsome
Katherina: who is handsome?

Isabella: Katherina;what are you doing here?
Katherina: i came to see you;since you refuse to come home
Isabella: sorry(enter Zippor)Zippor
Zippor: where are you coming from?
Isabella: um...i was at the market
Joy: lie;you left me the market hours again
Zippor: what?i told you to accompany her to the market and you left her here;what is wrong with you?(he held her hand)
Isabella: you are hurting me
Katherina: will you stop hurting her
Zippor: is like i am giving her too much privilege
Joy: didn't i tell you
Isabella: will you stop it;you are the one that said;'i should leave you alone because i was telling you what is right
Joy: that is not true
Zippor: is it true
Isabella: dont asked me;take side with her(she walked away)
Zippor: princess
Katherina: let her be;i will talk to her
Zippor: alright
Katherina: Isabella; what is wrong?
Isabella: i try as much as possible;so as not to get angry with her,all for Zippor and what does she do?is to make Zippor hurt me. why? what for? what will she gain;if she take the only joy left in my life?
Katherina: that is not possible because Zippor love for you will never change
Isabella: what if it does?i am not even related to him and Joy is his crush;i have nowhere else to turn to
Katherina: is alright i will talk to her
Isabella: you dont have to
Katherina: are you sure?
Isabella: of cause;but why are you here?
Katherina: i just missed you(she hugged her)
Isabella: i missed you too(curtain)
Isabella: why are you outside?
Zippor: i am waiting for you
Isabella:why?do you want to sent me packing?
Zippor: how will i be able to live;if i sent my breath away?
Isabella: but i am really not your breath
Zippor: you are,i am sorry for hurting you
Isabella: is okay;i am not mad at you
Zippor: are you sure because you yelled at me and walked out on me
Isabella: i am not,how can i be?
Zippor: thank you very much. does it still hurt(he looked at her hand)
Isabella: no it doesn't(curtain)
Zuriel: she is really beautiful;funny to be with;she is so cool(he pick up his phone)oh my word;she wanted to talked to me;she never stop texting me,i know she must really hate me now because she will feel i ignored all her messages and call;i am really sorry(he tried the number but it didn't go through)oh no
Melisa: son what is going on?
Zuriel: mom,i just find out that a friend of mine was in dying need of my help but i wasn't there for her;i want able to give her my shoulder to cry on;i am such a terrible person
Melisa: Zuriel;stop it,you are too young to be thinking about girls
Zuriel: mom;she is my friend
Melisa: go to bed
Zuriel: alright;good night mom(curtain)
Isabella: (to herself)fine;he is handsome but he is so mean,what?did he even expect that i should say i know him; after what he did to me,he refuse to pick up my calls and even my text messages. maybe because i said am in a big problem;maybe he was thinking;i am going to asked him to give me money;rubbish.i wouldn't do that;but he smell nice;that is not my business,i too smell nice(exit)
Zuriel: good morning ma Mara
Mara: good morning;where are you up to?
Zuriel: i am coming;i just need to step out
Mara: your mom said you should eat before going out
Zuriel: i have already done that
Mara: where are you going to be preside
Zuriel: i dont know
Mara: what do you mean you don't know
Zuriel: but that is the fact;don't worry i will be back very soon
Mara: alright;take care
Zuriel: cabman can you take me to the market at the central of this city?
Cabman: alright sir(after few minutes)sir;are you looking for someone?
Zuriel: yes;Isabella;the girl from the show family
Cabman: oh! i know her;she live close t me;she and Zippor;those two are more than love birds
Zuriel: are they lovers?
Cabman: that is what we all think because the way they behave;they are dating
Zuriel: they are dating?
Cabman: yes;what will a boy and a girl that are not related be doing under one roof
Zuriel: is okay;just turn around and take me back
Cabman: what did you say sir?
Zuriel: i said take me back
Cabman: we are already here
Zuriel: did i asked you to take me to her house?
Cabman: i thought you said you are looking for her?
Zuriel: yes;i said so but i didn't say take me to her
Cabman: there is no need for that;just pay me and get down
Zuriel: i wouldn't;unless you take me back the market or where you get me from
Cabman:that is a lie;you will pay me now (he dragged him out)
Zippor: hey man;why are you harassing the young man ?
Cabman: Oga Zippor;he said he is looking for your girlfriend
Zippor: you are looking for Joy my girlfriend
Cabman: no;Isabella;and when we get here;he said i should take him back
Zippor: don't be ridiculous;Isabella is my sister and not my girlfriend and you young man(he talk a deep breath)why are you looking for my sister
Zuriel: um...i just want to talk to her(he paid the cabman)thank you
Cabman: bye
Zippor: about what
Zuriel: um...
Zippor: never mind(he breath out)i am Zippor;her big brother and you are?
Zuriel: Zuriel
Zippor: oh! you are the one who kept calling my baby sister when she was fourteen. what happen to you?you just disappear;she really wanted to talk to you
Zuriel: i am sorry
Zippor: is okay;thank God you disappear because i wouldn't want my princess to start dating(enter Joy/Isabella)
Joy: baby you have a visitor
Zippor: no;he is looking for my little princess
Isabella: oh brother;you know i don't keep friends
Zuriel: Bella;
Isabella: Zuriel;how did you find me?what are you doing here?
Zuriel: i came to see you
Isabella: but i dont know you;brother i dont know him(Zippor laughed)
Zippor: are you sure?
Isabella: yes
Zippor: but you just called his name?
Isabella: umm...
Zuriel: come off it(she dragged him outside)why are you dragging me?
Isabella: what did you tell my brother
Zuriel: i told him my name and that i was looking for you
Isabella: oh my God;do you want to put me in trouble?
Zuriel: no;your brother is a very nice person
Isabella: yes;he is;that is why i love him
Zuriel: i will admit;i was very jealous of him
Isabella: yes;is that why you accused me of having a boyfriend?
Zuriel: sort of
Isabella: fine;you see he is not my boyfriend,just go and don't come back
Zuriel: i will go on one condition(people shouting Arm robbers)come on;lets hide(he dragged her)
Joy: Zippor;where are you going?
Zippor: to look for Isabella
Joy: you are not serious;cant you hear gun shots
Zippor: yes i can;but i have to look for my sister
Joy: no way(she stool at the door)
Zippor: will you get out of my way?
Joy: no way
Zippor: fine(he sat)
Zuriel: are you alright(she breath really fast)
Isabella: i am fine
Zuriel: are you sure you are?
Isabella: yessss(she collapse)







.........continue reading.




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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On Lagos-Ibadan express road, when a
Pastor met a team of policemen who,
quite
naturally, wanted ‘something’ from him.
Since he was not prepared to
play their games, they asked for his papers
and having combed through everything
without any offense with which to nail the
‘stubborn’ pastor, they now
asked him to open the bonnet of his car.
A careful scrutiny of the engine number
against what was on paper revealed that
letter ‘U’ was written in such a way that it
could be mistaken for letter ‘V’. That
was all the officer-in-charge needed to
shout “stolen vehicle!”
Sensing trouble, even when he knew he
committed no offense, the pastor called
the OC to say he was a priest to which the
officer replied :”Please, leave that
pastor thing…in any case, if you are
indeed a pastor, then you must have a
Bible in your car, bring it.”
The Pastor did as was commanded after
which the officer now ordered:
“Please read Matthew 5:25-26 to me”.
The incredulous Pastor opened to the
recommended passage and read:
“Settle matters quickly with your adversary
who is taking you to court. Do it while you
are still with him on the way, or he may
hand you over to a judge, and the judge
may hand you over to the officer, and you
may be thrown into prison. I tell you the
truth; you will not get out until you have
paid the last penny.”
The man of God quietly made an “offering”
of “just” N100 to his newly found
“preacher”.
“End of service go in peace and argue no
more”, said the OC.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-15 22:11:08

504 Views




Question of the day?

A girl sends her boyfriend who lives in another town a letter which read "I am sorry but i'm in love with a young,cute, adorable, intelligent and handsome guy. So i want us to end our relationship since I no longer love u. Please send my picture back to me. 2 DAYS LATER, The guy sent her an envelope containing 50 different pictures and a letter which read "PlS am sorry but i have forgotten your face so please select ur picture and send the rest back to me".
Now This is my Question: WHICH OF THEM BROKE THErnOTHERS HEART THE MOST?.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-30 18:50:48

1420 Views




After 5 minutes of silence wit my head stil askin me all sort of questions she broke the silence
joke:u ehn
me:*********
joke:u are a bad boy u cn kill person
me: u ar a gud girl u can gv person life
she gigdle murmurin smtin da only her knws
Joke:any way se u hav succeded wit bangin ur senior
{joke ws in ss 1 while me i js finish wrtin my junior waec, though we attend different skul bt she still wants me 2 b callin her senior, even if i ws planin dat nt again!!!}
Me:as if u did not enjoy it
joke:yea i enjoyed bt com ooo u cari ooooo, and u will mk a good husband
{4 my mind i ws lyk cha! gals oooo,she no wn knw weather i love her or nt...no wonder Robert mugabe said dat ntin confuse a woman than bein in a relationship wit a man who is broke bt gud in bed lol....
joke:do u have any body spray{c dis gal ooo u neva baf u dey find perfume}
Me:i dont tink so let check my aunty room...i went insyd my aunt room and com out wit a body spray,colected it with a smile{and was lik FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuufuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuufufuufufuuuuuuuuufuuufufuuuu}
me:ahn ahn e dn do na u wn finish am colectin it from her hands, she started lafin.
joke:com nd c me off jawe
me:ur hous dey 4 china
joke:jst com and escort me 2 d gate{escort kwa}
mek yes ma
when we gt 2 gate she turn and touch my d!ck.
Joke:i lov u
i ws speechless still wonderin weather she ws referin 2 my d!ck or me, wen i locked d gate i slouglish walk into our apartment enter insyd and fall on my bed starin @ d ceiling for like 10 minutes and da voice com again what if she gt pregnant 4 u...d second 1 come again dont wori she said her sister wil take care of her, and there is no way she will have infections... i shouted ontop my voice as if i was arguing wit sm1... nna Free me!, standin up walkin 2 d bathrum, wen i gt there i ws disapponted again...sho no soap!! nawa ooh is lyk dis woman gt plan, i went 2 d wardrope bringin out one of my trousers lookin 4 my money d same tym 2 go and buy soap,within 2 minutes i was at mama joke shop.
me:gud morning ma
mama jokemo ibo hw are u dont u hav clock in ur house is already half past 12.{unpackin her wares i bleiv she ws jst comin bck frm d market}
me:sho...i no knw oo sory ma
mama joke:dat is y i lyk u ar always humble, {i js laf her 4 my mind me wey just bang ur daughter nw nw!!!...mtcheew}
me:gv me ehn eva soap
jst as she ws bringin it down frm counter, joke entered smilin and winkin @ me, i smiled back by then she has already chang her outft 2 a jean trouser nd a polo wit d design of OYA TAKE KISS!!! i guess she ws going out.she told her mother smtin in yoruba.
joke mum:dara ??ra OOO
jokek mum
she jst passed me brushin her body on mine D!ck signalled cha! ds tin ehn if 2 say dm dey keep am 4 hous i go dey kip my own oooo, women bad ooh c d way she ws jst catwalkin u no go knw say dm dn dig am dis mawnin ooo...
mama jokemo ibo!
me:yes, bringin me bck 2 my senses
mama joke:why are u lukin at my dughter lyk dat na ...me as a shap guy...
me:ahn ahn cant i admire d hand wrk of God again
mama joke:children of nowadays,kip on admirin it ooooo bt dnt go ther{handin me d soap, and i gv her money nd left}
....mtchew she dnt knw!...
I went bck 2 my house entered d bathrum immediately and took my bath, my plan ws 2 b goin 2 aunty amaka house wic ws lyk 13 streets away from my street, bt i js said let me tke a little nap....i checked d tym it was alraedy 1:23 pm and i slept off.

episode 5 loading




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness!Related

smart guy [Read it]


Akpors went to the Cotonou border on his bicycle. He had over his shoulders two large bags. The Customs Officer stopped him and
asked, “What is inside the bags?”. “Garri”, He replied. The Customs Officer said, “Let me see. Come down from the bicycle.” The Customs Officer took the bags and ripped them apart. He detained Akpors overnight and had the garri analysed, only to discover that there was nothing but pure garri inside the bags. The Customs Officer released him, puts the garri into new bags, lifted them onto Akpors’ shoulders, and let him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happened. The Customs Officer asked, “What do you have there today?”. Akpors replied, “Garri”. The Customs officer does his thorough examination and discovered that the bags contain nothing but garri. He gave the garri back to Akpors, and Akpors crossed the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events was repeated everyday for four years. After some time, Akpors did not show up again. One day the Custom Officer met him in a drinking joint in Cotonou. “Hey, my friend,” said the Customs Officer, “I know you are smuggling something. It is driving me crazy. It’s all I think about, I can’t sleep. Just
between you and me, what are you smuggling?”. Akpors sipped his Hi Malt and replied, “Bicycles!”. The Custom Officer fainted!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-29 15:41:15

593 Views



dead whore [Read it]


Dead Prostitute
A guy was with a prostitute in a hotel
room. During s*x,the lady suddenly
went limp and lifeless. While the
confused guy was still trying to
understand what was happening, the
girl's phone rang. He picked it up.
Here's the conversation between him
and a male voice from the other end
of the line:
VOICE: Guy, you're in trouble! That
girl you just raped to death is the
IG's daughter.
GUY: But I didn't rape her. I paid her
for service rendered.
VOICE: Tell that to the police.
GUY: So what do you want me to do.
I can't afford to go to prison.
VOICE: Pay me 50k and I will handle
the rest. We could go to the nearest
ATM machine if you don't have the
cash with you. I'm a patient
businessman.
GUY: Look, I'm a businessman too. I
know a spiritualist who will pay one
million naira for a fresh corpse like
this one. We can share it 50/50. Gve
me a minute to call him.
The prostitute suddenly jumped up
and said, "I'm back now! Where did
we stop.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 18:43:18

1265 Views




A little boy said "Mom, did u know that Anna is
an angel"? Mom said "U mean the maid, why
do
u say that"? The boy said "Well, because I saw
her naked in your bedroom with her hands on
the
wall & she was shouting; "Oh God I am
coming...
I am coming ... I am coming...". If it wasn't for
dad who was holding her tight from behind, she
would have gone up to Heaven...!!!" ***MOM
FAINTED***.


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2015-06-29 23:35:11

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continues ......
The next day, the painters came early and started the job. It took them 3 days to finish the job. I gave them their balance. My guys had already gone back to Ibadan. I felt everything had become okay, but with still little doubts on my mind. We moved back to the house. After the first night, it was only I and my mom slept in the house. We slept so freely. My mom recalled the housekeepers the next day. Night came, middle of the night was hell. The 3 of them were just screaming that they have started hearing the strange voices and sounds. Before we knew what was happening, one of them was shouting, “Ori mi ooo, Ori mi ooo.” (My head, my head). Before we could figure out what to do, the one screaming collapsed. Na so we rush her go hospital ooo. She went into coma and died that day. “Dat one na another problem entirely.” I called my guys (Uchenna and Abisoko) and told them what was on ground. They said they would go back to the Baba that told us to paint our building. The death of the house keeper was another problem that my mom asked the remaining two to go back to their families. The one that died, her family stormed the hospital with policemen. They accused us of killing their daughter mysteriously. It seemed I had already known that they would try to arrest us. Na so I call G-money. Himself get connections and at that moment was in London. He had to call one of his relatives who was an Army officer. The Army officer had to do too many contacts and connections to get in touch with high ranking police chiefs in Kwara state. After everything, the police got an order not to arrest us. The hospital management had to send all of us out of the premises due to the commotion that we were causing. Na so I organize police that night ooo to protect me and my mom for the hotel wey we lodge.
The next morning we reached out to the late girl’s family to explain what happened but they were not ready to listen. My guys called me to tell me that they had gone to the Baba’s place in Apata. And he said the colour of the paint we used was not light magenta. That if it was, what happened would have not occured. So Uchenna said he asked someone on how to mix the colours to get white magenta and they said we should use orange colour and white paint. Na so I go paint market begin find orange colour and white paint. I got it and called the painters to do the job and they did and completed it. I was scared of calling some of my friends in Ilorin to come and sleep over. Knowing fully well that I and my mom don’t hear all those weird sounds. Na only outsiders dey hear the sounds. I come dey think who I wan call again. I no wan just call somebody and same thing happens. It would look as if we were sacrificing human lives. And according to what Uchenna said that the Baba told them. “That if not that we left the house the day the house help died, the other two would have joined her.” I suggested if my mom would call one of her sales workers. She refused oo. She say she no wan endanger their lives. Na so I enter town go wait till 8:30pm and 9pm wey Prostitutes (Ashawos) dey come out. Na so I pack them 3 come house. I told them that I was expecting someone from Abuja that would do them good the next day. But I shah give them money, N5,000 each. I told them that my guys would come and service them the next day. As them enter the house, na so dem like am. I kept the three in my own personal room while I layed in the sitting room. Of course there was T.V and other electronic gadgets inside the room the Ashawos were. So it won’t be boring for them. Before I know wetin dey happen, sleep don carry me for parlour. I was awaken by a loud shouts and screams. The girls began shouting and screaming. My mom had to run out of her room. The girls ran out of the room and asked if I wasn’t hearing any strange sounds. As they said it, “I realized that what we did was not successful.” Na so the girls tell me to open the door say dem wan go. That midnight I opened the gate for them as they ran out like mad people. “I hoped they had not gotten mad because the way they were running and scratching their bodies.” And that was the last time I ever saw them again. As I locked the gate, I went inside the house and to my room. The girls no even carry their bags. In their bags were condoms and the money I gave to them. Na so I sit down for my bed. Tears rolled down my eyes. I was so devastated. I don’t know what to do, who to talk to. I called my guys that moment to inform them of what was happening. They felt pity for me. “I have really lost money.” All the deals we had been having, I had not been participating due to all the house palava. But my guys have been kind enough to still be putting some few cash into my account.
The next morning, I had to relocate my mom to a hotel I paid for and went to Ibadan. I refused consulting the Baba at Apata. But my friends insisted we still go back to him. My mom called that she consulted with a prophet and he charged her N50,000. She willingly gave him. He said the prophet said he would go to the house with his prayer team and pray. And after the prayers everything would come back to normal
Two days later, my mom called that the thing didn’t work after the prophets’ prayers. She said she hired some people to go there and pass the night and they were still experiencing the strange voices and sounds. Everything come tire me. It was affecting me psychologically. No rest of mind. Our late former house keeper, their family still dey one side dey disturb. We were yet to settle with them. G-money was still in London with his new girlfriend. He was very aware of what was going on in my life. He even advised I go back to the Baba because he trusted him. He said Baba had done many works for him and none of them had failed him. Everyone close to me aware of the situation feels the problem was the paint and we were yet to get the true light magenta colour.
Na so I later agree. We (Uchenna and Abisoko) went back to the Baba. Even if he can give us another procedures we could use apart from the light magenta colour. Baba said there was none, unless I will get him the breast milk of a lioness. And I would be the one to get the liquid. “Dat one na suicide mission nah. I no fit do dat.” When he first said it through his interpreter son, I thought he was just joking. But him pikin talk say Baba no joke oo. He was serious about it. He said the paint option was better and we should go and try and if we didn’t get it right, we should come back so he could refer us to someone. Na so me and my guys pack go Ilorin. This time, I used red and cream colour. I went back to the original painter that first painted our building. I told him to mix it very well oo. And they began work. “Na so people for street come dey ask questions say na every day we just dey paint our building!” And it was true. “I don’t blame them.” The stress is getting much. We now paint our building almost every day just to chase away evil spirits.
4 days later, me sef no know say my guys dey fear sef. They refused sleeping in the house. Na hotel dem and my mama go sleep. Na so I enter town with Abisoko car that evening go get Ashawo. I just wanted to find out if my guest would prostitute will experience the strange voices and sounds after we had painted it. I met one who caught my attention. She was relatively beautiful, huge and tall. She was very engaging and jovial. I was inside the car while she stood talking with me. No time to waste, na so I tell her make she enter car ooo. She entered and I drove. “I never had any plans to make out with her. Everything was just for experiment if what we did had worked.” She said her name was Mabel. Na so we just dey talk as we dey inside car. Mabel was very intelligent from Edo state. I stopped by to buy food from a buka.
Na so we reach house oo. Fear begin catch me. Too much doubt on my mind. Part of me was like, “this girl is too good. What if the thing didn’t work and midnight the strange voices come up to kill mabel?” Me sef no want make she die oo. “Looking at her, I was just feeling for her.” We got home and ate the food I bought. She really liked our house. From there we enter bathroom together. Before I no wetin dey happen, we were rolling on the sheets. Mabel had a waist bead on her waist. First, second, third rounds and I was tired and slept off, only to be woken up with a painful slap on my laps. I stood up immediately. Standing in front of me was Mabel. “So you want to use me for ritual? You want to use me for rituals abi?” She said shouted. Me sef come dey look am and dey wonder wetin dey happen. She laughed telling me that I can never succeed. That what I had planned has just failed. I was just looking at her. I come dey wonder if she don mad! Na so she begin wear her clothes ooo. As I was about to ask what was going on with her, na so she shunned me. “Oya give me my money and let me go,” she said to me. “Me mabel! na im dem wan take do ritual,” she repeated again. She began talking on how she’s from Edo state and nobody can harm her. “Dat juju wey you put for this house no fit do me anything all,” she said. At that moment she said that, I began realizing that it seemed mabel knows that there was something in our house. She began shouting that I should give her her money and that is N20,000 or else she would expose me that I use people for money rituals. Na so I reached out to my pulse, bring out the complete money and gave to her in fear that midnight. Na so she just waka dey go. I was so scared. I called my guys and told them what happened.
The next morning they began explaining to me that many prostitutes I see are into diabolical powers. “Many of them dey go native doctors and babalawo places.” They said mabel wasn’t an exception and infact the girl knew that something was wrong. She knew that there was something about that our house, she felt it that was why she reacted that way, feeling it was done to use her for rituals. Me sef come dey wonder, “so our house keeper wey die, dat one na sacrifice.”
We went back to Baba in Apata and informed him that the last act wasn’t successful. He directed us to a man in Ogbomosho named Edun who is a renowned painter. He said Edun was also in tune with the things of the spirit and will help us do the job. “I just hoped and prayed this one worked.”
Na so we call Edun, he said we should come to Ogbomosho to come see him. We travelled to Ogbomosho and met with him. We negotiated and he agreed to come to Ilorin. We went back to Ibadan. Funke called me. I had already told her I was in Ibadan so she was in town to see her family. And me too don miss her. I gave her the directions to the place I was staying so she could come and see me.
When funke came to the place and address I gave to her, she saw me. Na so she screamed, throwing her small body on top of me and gave me a great mouth kiss. I was so surprised about the kiss oo. She was so excited to see me. When she realized she just gave me a deep kiss, she looked at me, “just ignore that,” she said. I had really missed her ooo. She opened her pulse and brought out a beautiful wrist watch and gave to me. She said she got it for me. I was so happy and thanked her. As I was walking Funke to the house, Nuella called my phone. Funke was holding my waist. “Thank God Funke was not looking at the screen of the phone.” “Hello, I will call you back later, abeg,” I said. I didn’t want funke to know anything. As we got to the sitting room and sat, Nuella was still adamant. She was still calling. Funke nearly caught me when she wanted to snoop. I switched off my phone immediately. I and Funke talked, joked. She asked me about my I.T, because I told her I was doing mine in Abeokuta but do come to Ibadan for some seminars on online business I teach people. We talked. After a while, I switched on my phone to make a call to someone. After the call, I left the phone on the table to go to the toilet. I forgot it was unlocked. Na when I return I come realize say my yansh don open.
As I got to the sitting room, I met funke standing with my phone on her right hand. Her countenance has really changed with the look on her face. She was just shaking her head. I asked what was wrong. “Gbadebo you have killed me,” she said. “Ahh whats the problem,” I said, thinking it was just a normal joke.
Funke--- So someone is pregnant for you?
Me --- Pregnant keh! Were you hear that one (said with a smiling face)
Funke --- So Nuella is not pregnant for you abi? You are denying it.
Na so I come dey form James bond as if I no know wetin dey happen.
Me—Who told you that one? (I was still asking foolishly).
Before I knew what was happening, Funke smashed my phone on the floor and everything shattered. She began crying. It was dawned on me that she was aware but how she got to know! I went close to her with a pity spirit. I held her and she was like “Gbadebo leave me.” she spoke softly as she wept. Me sef come feel the thing come start to dey confess. “I guessed she read the text messages exchanged between I and Nuella on my phone.” That was how she got to know. Efforts by me pleading with Funke, to even grant me an audience. The girl no gree. She told me it was over between us as she took her bag and left. I even followed her out of the compound. I had to turn back as I didn’t want people looking at the drama between us with tears all over her face. I went into the house, took the debris of the shattered phone away while I took the sim and inserted it into my other phone. As I was switching the phone on, Nuella’s call came in. Out of anger, I blocked the call. I tried calling Funke but her line was switched off. I was so devastated and weak. My guys were not helping matters at all. They even like it that Funke had broken up with me. Right from unset, they didn’t like her, even with the way they call her “Funke Kpomo lips.” If not for the journey we would be embarking the next day to Ilorin, I would have followed Funke oo.
Throughout that moment till night, I kept on trying Funke’s line but it was switched off. I sent her text messages.
The next morning, I woke up weak and sad. My guys were laughing at me. But I encouraged myself as we dressed up and went to Ogbomosho to pick Edun the painter. From there we went to Ilorin. When we got to Ilorin, I lodged Edun in a hotel, though not too expensive hotel. My guys were able to sort their own bills out. I later took Edun to were my mom was lodged to see her. After everything, we went to the market and got the paints we needed. Edun followed us to the market. We got a red and white coloured paints and returned. The next day, we took Edun and materials to the house. He had earlier told us he would do the job alone. And he commenced work. I watched as he mixed the paints. He was just making incantations. Na so me leave oo. He started the painting. It took him 7 days to complete the job. After completion, He told us we can move back that everything had been done. Na so me sef dey fear. “No be so the other ones dey before the strange voices return!” He assured us that he has done the right thing and he had been in this kind of business for over 20 years. He has even seen evil spirits worse than the one we are experiencing. Na so I pay Edun and he left back to Ogbomosho. Na so me and my guys enter street oo. We got about 3 runz girls. I was still having little doubts on my mind but it changed the next day when they woke up sound without any complain of strange voices and sounds. I and the girls slept in the house. My mom slept out at the usual hotel.
The next day, I was yet to talk with Nuella. Funke had refused picking my calls. My friends encouraged me to try picking up Nuella’s call because she was carrying my baby. The mistake had been made and nothing could be done about it. But I was still adamant. I couldn’t get to hold it that I was about losing funke.
Few days later, it seemed things had returned to normal with the strange voices and sounds. My mum and the house keepers had moved back into the house. I and my guys had returned back to Ibadan. I had tried as much as possible to look for Funke’s place in Ibadan. She had couple of times told me that they stay in Bodija. I told my guys to accompany me but they refused. None of them want to accompany me to Bodija. I went on my own. I tried my possible best with the description of Funke’s street she once gave to me when things were good between us. After several hours of search, I finally found their building and flat but I was told funke had gone back to Lagos were she was doing her I.T. I was so disappointed. But I was ready to travel Lagos to find her. I knew the name of the food company but didn’t know where it was in Lagos. I didn’t want to start asking the young lady I presumed was her sister that I met at the house. I didn’t want to start asking numerous questions that would make her suspect me as a kidnapper. After leaving the place, I tried making contacts with my friends who may know the food company. But dem no know. I was so tied that I left for my place.
When I got home (where I and my guys were staying in Ibadan), as I was about to enter the sitting room, a call came into my phone. It was Uchenna. Na so I pick am. He said Nuella was asking after me and they (he and Abisoko) told her that I was experiencing some family issues that was weighing me down, that was why I was not able to communicate with her. Infact they even told her that I nearly died sef if not for God’s intervention. Na so my guy come tell me say Nuella dey inside house dey wait for me. I began wondering how come! “How did she get to know this place?” “Who brought her here?” Or maybe my guys dey joke shah” I thought to myself. Not until I went into the sitting room and sitted on a chair was Nuella. I was shocked. As she saw me, she just stood up and came and gave me a deep hug. “Since you don’t want to come to tell me what was happening. I have come,” Nuella said to me. She started asking me why I refused to tell her what was happening. That it took my friends (Abisoko and Uchenna) to call her to tell her what I was going through. By then, I knew it was my friends that brought her to the place we are. I was feeling so weak and behaving like a dummy. I couldn’t respond to her numerous questions. Tears rolled down my cheeks. “Baby you are crying. Is Ok,” she said to me. Only if she knew the pains she was causing me,” I wasn’t crying for her or problems. I was only crying for the love of my life that was gone. I struggled to hold myself but couldn’t. The tears were still rolling down from my eyes. “It’s okay, is okay nah. Do you want me to start crying too,” Nuella said again. He brought out handkerchief and whipped my face. As all that were going on, I was yet to alter any word. Me sef come dey form, she was even begging me to talk. Finally I talked. I appologized for not picking her calls. Na “Is okay” she come dey tell me. I tried a little to explain to her concerning what I and my mom went through the previous days. Though I was able to choose my words. I never went deep to explain so many things to her. I just told her we were under spiritual attack just as how Uchenna must have told her. After everything, she said she wasn’t going back to Abeokuta that day. Well it was late. Even though I didn’t like the idea because it would give room for temptation. But I had no choice. The room I and my friends share in the house, they had to vacate it for both of us(I and Nuella) to stay. Even though I was still bitter with my friends for bringing Nuella without my consent. My worst fears came to pass because that night, I and Nuella had sex. I couldn’t control myself. She was all over me, coupled with her emotional oppression.
The next morning, I was willing to follow Nuella to Abeokuta and come back to Ibadan the next day. She was so happy that I was following her to Abeokuta. Uchenna took Nuella and i to the park to board a bus going to Abeokuta. I was just angry, my friends would be willing to encourage and support me when it comes to anything about Nuella but Funke, dem no go gree. We boarded a car. Nuella sat beside me as she layed her head on my left shoulder, browsing with my phone. I was deeply engrossed In so many thoughts about Funke that I lost consciousness of the happenings inside the car. I was thinking about my life and what was really happening to me. “Gbade, don’t you think it’s high time you stop all this yahoo yahoo!” something said to me as we were still inside the car. I was even wondering on the thoughts when I was brought back to the present state by screams and shouts, “Yaaaahhh… Blood of Jesus, egbami ooooo. It was just like a dream. “Gbosaaaaaa,” was what I head. That was an accident. There was just silent everywhere as I just went blank.
At a time I began hearing voices of people arguing. I was hearing “Na only one person die.” Another person was like, “She don die?” “No she never die.” I struggled to open my eyes but couldn’t. Finally I did open my eyes, only to discover that I was in the hospital with drip pipes connected to my body. Some people were around me. I tried lifting up my hands but couldn’t. I felt slight pain around my left arms. I began shouting “Nuella’s” name. One of the women in the room began calling the nurses. Na so nurse come come tell me say make I relax say I no fit make much moves due to my health status. I made an inquiry on Nuella and she said they were in another ward. And that she sustained slight injury. Before I knew what was happening, the doctor came in and sent the people inside the room away. Remaining only me and him. He said my mom and my friends would soon join me. Na so me begin wonder oo. “My mom and friends!” “How dem take know say I get accident?” “Who told them?” I couldn’t really figure out what was going on untill Uchenna and my mom came in. My mom hugged me so tightly as tears rolled down her cheeks. As she was hugging me, na so police with gun come inside and was like, “Madam Oya nah.” “Wetin dey happen?” I thought to myself. My mom told the man she was coming as she rushed to meet the man, Uchenna followed them too. Na so I look Abisoko, “Guy wetin dey happen?” I asked Abisoko. He said there was nothing. But the way he was smiling and responding shows there was something wrong. First, the last time I could recollect, I was with Nuella inside a car. Opening my eyes I found myself in the hospital and I was about to ask how everything happened.” Na so Police dey call my mama. As I was trying to ask Abisoko what happened and how they got there, I began hearing my mom’s voice outside. She was arguing with some people. I began hearing her say, “they should leave me so I can recover first.” “Abi police wan arrest me,” I thought to myself. Na so begin ask after Nuella again. Abisoko tell me say she don go house. “Mba nu,” I thought to myself. First I was told she was at another ward. Now Abisoko dey tell me say she don go house. “Na so doctor say he no fit beg me to calm down say if I like make I lose the drip wey dem fix, jump from window.” But I was only filling slight pains on my arms and no were again. I felt I was okay.
My mom entered the room I was again. Na so three police come inside com handcuff my left hand to the bed. I began asking what was going on. Na there my mama begin para for them come dey say whether na me kill her. As I hear “kill her,” “kill who!” “Na who I kill?” As I dey ask, na so an elderly man and not so young woman come inside the room. “So this is the person,” the woman said. Na so security begin chase everybody out of the place to avoid catastrophy. My mom and my 2 friends were left with me, my hand still handcuffed to the bed. Na there my mama and friends come dey explain to me wetin happen ooo. “That Nuella was gone, she was dead.” My mom was not so happy with me. That someone was pregnant for me and I didn’t inform her and I was heading to hospital for abortion. I was unable to reply what my mom was saying, “no be dat one e dey me yet.” I was yet to recover from the shock when I was told Nuella was dead. ‘How come? what happened.’ Abisoko began telling me that she was the only one that died in the car accident. Others, nothing happened to them. Myself was just a slight injury on my left and right arms. Na so I begin cry ooo. My mom said that they alerted the deceased parents and they came. Na dem(Nuella’s parents) tell the police to arrest me. They said we were returning from where we went for Nuella’s abortion. As my mom still said it, I looked at Uchenna and Abisoko. “Shey una no tell this people say no be abortion we go do?” I asked. They were trying to defend me that Nuella didn’t do any abortion or was planning to do that. Abisoko began regretting, that if he had known, he wouldn’t have called Nuella to come see us in Ibadan ooo. Na him come cause am. Infact I began wondering who even told them that Nuella wanted to abort the baby. But all that didn’t hit me much. The death of Nuella was a blow. It looked as if my head got swollen. I couldn’t speak much. Too many questions on my mind. How come she was the only one that died inside the car. And according to Uchenna, it was a trailer that hit our own car oo and there was no much damage to the car. At a time I just felt I was born with bad luck. “Problems here and there.” My 2 friends had told me that the gist had even spread to the whole school (FUNAAB), that I took my girlfriend for abortion and we were coming back and had an accident that took her life.
The next day I was discharged from hospital. By then the police had freed me. I and my friends went straight to Lagos, to Nuella’s place. We went there through the help of Adaobi who gave me Nuella’s address. Infact it was a big loss and blow to us. I wasn’t really interested in who told the deceased parents that she was pregnant. “I no get interest for that one.” Na to just vindicate myself of false accusations. “I had already asked my mom to go back to Ilorin when I was immediately discharged.” I suggested we went to Nuella’s place with police men but Uchenna said that won’t be proper that it would look as if I was guilty. As we went, we were also accompanied with 3 of our friends.
When we got to the deceased house, she had already been buried and they were holding a candle light session for her. Immediately we stepped into the compound. As the woman that came into my room at the hospital which I guessed was the deceased mom. As she saw me when we walked in, “Blood of Jesus. The Lord rebuke. The Almighty God rebuke you,” she shouted and pointing to me. There was a distraction. As other people turn come see me. Na so them begin speak in tongues. They were shouting “the Lord rebuke you.” “Agent of the devil,” all of them shouted at me. Na so dem begin abuse me ooo. Some were calling me “satan,” some “evil spirit.” Na so fear come dey catch me. It was there and then I came to know that Nuella’s parents were pastors. A tall guy I presumed was a relative came and prevented us, most especially me from coming close to the candle light session. Some people were even busy praying against us, calling fire from heaven to consume me. It looked as if I was not wanted there. They don’t want me in there as some guys asked me to leave. But my friends were still telling me to keep calm. “Those guys no want me.” They(Nuella’s parents) said I raped their daughter and forcefully impregnated her. The said I forcefully took her to Ibadan for Abortion. “Na dat one pain me. Me no want wahala.” ‘Even with the sight of the things I was seeing, I couldn’t hold back the tears coming down my eyes’. As the argument was still going on. Some of the family members had prevented us from coming in. Na so one girl like that come carry Olive oil come they spray us ooo. She was screaming, “let fire consume you. Let fire consume you.” Na so I ask myself, “Na who fire wan consume.” Another one carry bottle water com dey sprinkle on us. Before I knew what was happening, this people had brought up a prayer point say we be demons. That God should destroy all demons in that arena. I looked at my friends, I was so weak and emotional. I can’t just go where I am not wanted. I told them I was going back to the car since the deceased parents didn’t want to see us, me to explain what really happened between Nuella and i. I told my friends to come so we leave. They still insisted we stay. Na so meleave them go sit down inside car. I cried so bitterly as I was seated in the car. Nuella was gone. Uchenna came to meet me inside the car. Na him come dey console me. Uchenna said we should leave and come bac the next day with an elderly person because they were not ready to listen to us. “Maybe by then, the deceased people would grant us an audience.” We left and came back with one of Uchenna’s elderly relative from his mother’s side who agreed to accompany us after much explanations. When we got to Nuella’s place, they didn’t even allow us to come inside their house except for Uchenna and his relative who were allowed in. I sat on a chair at one corner of the building. A tall man came out of the house while approaching towards my direction. He came to me and I greeted him. “You are the Gbadebo, right?” he asked. I no know whether make I say “yes” or “No.” me sef don confuse. He took an empty plastic chair close to me and sat. “Well, what happened?” The man asked. “Him sef don see as my eye red.” I told him how I and Nuella began but hid some vital things from him. After telling him, he said his name was Pastor Sam. The way he talked with me, I thought at least I had someone from the deceased family side who was listening to me, giving me audience. Not until after talking with him. He said I was cursed. That I should go for deliverance as soon as possible because if I don’t, what would happen to me in the next days would be worse. As the man was talking, e pain me. I felt it was an insult. If not because we were mourning, I for abuse the man. Na so e say make I collect him number incase I need counseling. Make e no be like say I stubborn. And since we are still trying to make peace with the deceased family. Na im make I collect the man number as he call am. I saved it on my phone hoping to delete it later. Pastor Sam left me. “Na so I begin think about Nuella again ooo. Just some few weeks to her graduation from the university and she was gone.”
After about 2 hours, Uchenna and his relative came out of the deceased house.
>>>>


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A lady with big boobs
entered a bus. She had
a rosary around her
neck with the cross
between her boobs.
Akpos was sitting
beside her and couldn't
help staring. The lady
knowing Akpos has
been staring for over
15mins then asked "Are
you looking at Jesus
Christ who died on the
cross?
Akpos replied: No! Am
actually looking at the
two thieves beside him.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-10 07:07:20

2642 Views




Ledan was driving at an insane speed, he couldn’t just control his excitement of a father to be.

Meanwhile, Imabong who was seating on the passengers seat was pleading with Ledan to take it easy.

“please my husband oo, sufri sufri nah, you want to kill me and my twins ehn?”, she kept rambling and protesting in obvious pains.

“I.D o, you’re pretty funny! You said your twins” he remarked with his face facing front.

“Of course yes! Why not?, I carried them in my tummy for nine months”, she tried to explain.

“But it was me who sold the seeds into you without which you won’t have them in tummy”, Ledan said in an excited tone smirking his face while still facing front concentrating on his speedy driving.

“I concur with you, but would your seed have grown without my fertile land”, Imabong countered pointing to her tummy, “and now I’ll have to painfully harvest them”, she added referring to her current labour pains.

“But we both complimented each other, while I contributed the seeds, you contributed the land, people always tend to congratulate the women during pregnancy but no one always compliment the Kaya for a good work done”, Ledan said trying to buttress his standpoint.

“E don do ooo, I don hear”, she said remembering what a talkative her hubby was. Ledan could argue all day never lacking words to support his view points.

That’s one of the reasons she loved him, with the power of his razor tongue, he had defended her times without number.

Gboom! Ledan had just entered into a pothole.

“Ewooo, if our daddy doesn’t kill us, who will?” Imabong asked rhetorically while shaking her head in pains.

In no time Ledan and his wife got to the Group Medical Hospital. It took them about 30 minutes, something which usually take them about one hour.

The nurses on duty rushed out and took Imabong in to one of the delivery rooms, while Ledan waited just outside the door doing what he knows how to do best; singing…



“Center never busy
Always on the line
You may hear from heaven
Almost every time
It is a Royal Service
Free for one and all
When you get in trouble
Give the Royal Line a call’
He switched to another song…
“Lord I have confidence in you, Jesus
Lord I have confidence in you, anytime any day
Lord I have confidence in you, Chineke mo”



Ledan kept on singing songs after songs most especially worship songs until the doctor came out about 20 minutes later.

He ran to the doctor, though unable to speak gave him a questioning look.

“Mr.Ledan, please see me in my office nowt”, the doctor said wearing a tired look while Ledan followed him like someone who is being controlled by a remote into his office.

“Doctor what’s happening with my wife and kids?”, Ledan finally asked weakly as if he just found his lost voice.

“There seem to be some complications in your wife’s attempt to give birth”, the doctor began, “as it stands now, cesarean section is the only way out”, the doctor spilled the beans.

“What?, why would my wife need a c-section to deliver?”, he asked the doctor almost shouting.

“Mr.Ledan, you have to calm down please, a hundred and fifty thousand naira would be needed for this section and it should be provided as soon as possible”, the doctor replied.

“Where do you want me to get such a huge amount of money right now, huh?” Ledan asked the doctor appearing angered by his words.

“If I knew the answer to your questions, I wouldn’t have asked you here to talk to you”, the doctor answered.

“Doctor, can’t you go ahead with it, why I go to find the money?” Ledan asked pleadingly.

“Mr.Ledan, most people might think we doctors are wicked, but we ain’t like that, we have dealt with dubious people in the past times without number who made promises like you’re doing now but failed, experience they say teaches even fools, need I remind you, to start looking for the money now because time waits for no one”, the doctor explained before walking out of the office with the excuse of being busy leaving Ledan dumbfounded.

“Seems like my babies won’t experience a smooth journey into the world”, Ledan painfully said and left the doctor’s office.

———————————————-

“Doctor!, Doctor!!”, Akande called out as he approached the doctor who had just come out of the delivery room, “how’s my wife?, how’s Medina and my unborn child?”, Akande asked impatiently given the doctor a short dark man with moustache no chance to reply.

“Akande my friend, the delivery process is having complications, the child is facing the wrong place, but we’re doing everything in our power to make sure your wife and babies are safe”, Doctor Ebele explained calmly.

“Subhanalah!, exclaimed Akande arms akimbo, ” would I still loose my child again after four previous miscarriages and thirteen years of waiting?”, Akande asked rhetorically.

“Don’t worry too much Akande my friend, God would hear your prayers, nothing will happen to your wife and your unborn child”, doctor Ebele assured Akande.

“There’s no one on earth without problems, Allamdulilah for mine”, Akande chorused with tears in his eyes.

>>

My Mum: As in snakie and Biola have settled their
differences and he has seriously apologized to her
and promised that what happened will never repeat
itself again
Biola’s Dad: is that so Biola
Biola: “trembling” Ye…..Ye….yes daddy Biola’s Dad: Yes what….you must be a bastard for
saying yes..are you silly?
“My mum, Biola’s mum and Biola quickly knelt
down while I prostrated immediately”
My Mum: we are very sorry Sir…its not really her
fault sir My Dad: Sir, like I said earlier its worth it if you are
angrier than this but we thank God things didn’t get
out of hand totally before we realized our mistake.
Do u know that, the lady was pregnant before
meeting snakie but push the pregnancy on him
because of his naivity. Sir, what if we tell you that guys were coming to the house to come and sleep
with the lady at home while she was pregnant.
The last straw of it was that she was caught
redhanded three weeks ago with another guy on
snakie’s bedroom with 9 month pregnancy.
Biola’s Dad: WHAT!!!!! My Dad: That is the truth sir, we all caught her red
handed with the guy that very faithful day and she
confessed. So we believe since she has gone her
own way, the best we can do as a parent is to see
to the differences between Snakie and Biola but we
thank God they already settled it before involving us and we realized the best thing is for us to come
with him here to plead on his behalf for Biola’s
hand in marriage
Biola’s Dad: Which hand in marriage? That’s over
my dead body
My Mum: Ahhh Daddy..please Sir Biola’s Dad: There’s nothing to beg there mummy,
the truth is that, my daughter cannot marry
snakie..I thank God that he now knows the truth
that the pregnancy is not hers. Yoruba adage says
“ For the eye that will see your old age, rheum will
never start coming out of it from your early years”. Despite the fact that my daughter is always going
to snakie house, spending the weekend and all sort,
he still had the effontry to s*x another lady, not
only s*x but play my son as a fool, having s*x with
two ladies in the house under the same roof.
If he can behave like that to her when they are still courting, I wonder what will happened if they
eventually married each other, I knew what my
daughter went through and I don’t want her to go
through worst cos it will be disastrous by that time
and there wont be remedy for it again. What is the
assurance that things like that will not happened again
My Mum: rara sir ooo…what happened was a
mistake and he has realized his mistake and
promised never to repeat itself again
Biola’s Dad: Promised? He should do that to his
next wife and not my daughter. Please I was about going out before you came in and I want to start
going now. Thank you for coming
Honey, Please am going to pastor Andrew’s place. I
wont be staying long…….
“Biola’s Dad step out of the house”
My Mum: Mummy wa, please help us plead with him when he comes back
Biola’s Mum: Please don’t be offended sir and ma, I
know he is still angry. I will try and talk to him
when he comes back
My Dad: we will be taking our leave now, thanks so
much for your hospitality “My dad stood up from his seat, I knew from his
body language that he felt embarrassed but I don’t
really know how he took it at that very moment. We
all stood up and made out of their house. Biola and
her mum saw us off to where we parked and we
moved out of their compound”..Inside the car on our way to drop my parent
My Dad:What an insult……am I the one that idiot
just walked out on?
My Mum: E ma binu sir
Me: am sorry dad
My Dad: Sorry for yourself…see what you caused me? I have never been embarrassed like this before
in my life let alone someone that is not even up to
my age. Is her daughter the only lady in this world?
If she’s not allowing you to marry her daughter
there are so many good girls out there now
My Mum: Please don’t look at it that way honey My Dad: Then how should I look at it despite our
pleading and conviction. Is he God? He now has the
effontry to walk out on me…is it his fault? If not for
this boy that made me witness this arrant nonsense
My Mum: I believe he is still angry that’s why he
behaves like that..let us give him sometime My Dad: that his own business, if he likes let his
mind come down at least its not compulsory that
my son marry his daughter
Me: Its compulsory oo dad
My dad: Then you have to marry her compulsorily
without my consent My Mum: Which one is compulsory marriage again
daddy..are you also angry now
My Dad: Why wont I be angry…..yes and I mean it
maybe you guys will be married compulsorily
without my consent cos I will never come here
again and don’t think I will allow one useless man to embarrass my wife………That is my decision and
its final, its not a must you guys marry each other.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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21st Century [Read it]


I can't laugh alone º°??°ºoo. A man
bought half a crate of eggs and
discovered
that there was nothing inside. Just
shells.
He went to where he bought them and
broke all the eggs and all was found
empty. Then they went to the
poultry to
complain. Some chickens came out
and started laughing and said, "see
these
fools, they don't know that we too
have
started using condom in this 21st century".... Lol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-14 00:23:19

348 Views




An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, “Please, ma`am, may I sit in that seat?”
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can`t you see my little Fifi is using that seat?”

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there? I`m very tired.”

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”

The soldier didn`t say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

And now, sir, you`ve thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.”Related

Teacher: what is d capital of Nigeria.
Akpos: NIGERIA


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-08 23:45:41

529 Views




Mr Akpos ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands.
He was so proud of what the car can do without mistakes.
He was not able to go out on a day, his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school because she was so tired.
Mr Akpos agreed.
Mr Akpos: Car, go and bring my children from school.
The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, Mr Akpos became apprehensive, dressed up, ready to lodge a report at the police station.
He and his wife just stepped outside when they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said,
"These are your children sir"
In the car was their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.
Wife: Don't tell me all these ones are your children?
Mr Akpos, nonplussed, calmly replied...
CAN YOU TELL ME WHY YOUR OWN CHILDREN ARE NOT IN THE CAR?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-22 21:36:10

423 Views




Men are trained since birth:

That’s why their Happiness comes either from boobs or bottles!Related

episode13

My friends came out later on to witness the scene, they were just standing infront of my door in shock. I paved no attention to them, i didn’t know where i got the strength from but i didn’t stop hugging him. I couldn’t. ” i am sorry for what happened back there, i will talk to them alright?” i said, whiles whipping off my tears. He gave me a nod without a word. We both smiles because we realised we were behaving like kids. Unfortunately my friends walked out of my apartment before i could even approach them. I tried to stop them but they insisted on leaving. I pleaded but they wouldn’t listen. I had to let them go and attend to them later. The engineer wanted to leave too, but i made him stay. “we are friends now right?” i asked him when he said he needed to leave in order not to cause more harm. He smiles at the question and silent also means concern. ” don’t worry, i will speak to them and everything will be alright” i assured him. We held hands and went inside the room. He was a cool guy you know.
“why don’t you allow someone to stay here with you?, i mean any of your friends” he said. I was setting up the place by then when he brought up the issue. “really?… Well they have their own apartment too” i replied with a smile. ” are you serious?” he sounddeduction funny but all the same, i knew he couldn’t believe that we had our own apartments, but we do. I stood still and thought for a moment and realise he could be a good candidate for that. “why don’t you stay with me then?” i beseech. He laughed over it, thinking i was eventually pulling his legs. “hei, im serious here, if you want someone to live with me then stay with me.” i repeated with all seriousness. It was a crazy idea on my path and i didn’t know why i trusted myself to him. He rose up from his seat. ” i cant, i won’t. You don’t have to do this, you really don’t have to” i heard him utter. ” are you leaving?” i moved closer to him. As if i was under a spell. ” your hair is too much, its as if you are an American” he teased. I only laughed over it.
I didn’t hear from my friends for a whole week. Were they really mad at me? Well, i didn’t think much of it because the engineer and i had the whole week to ourselves. We went to the cinema together and had a whole lot of fun. I also thought him how to drive. This occurred to us when he paved a visit and seemed abit confused. I was studying when he entered. I was studying and talking simultaneously. “hagan, will you be available tomorrow?, i mean when will you be available?” he finally break loose. I stopped typing and then i faced him. I was in my sports wear by then and my pony seemed perfect on my head. ” don’t be scared to speak to me, i am a human just like you. If i can be of help, i will let you know and if i cant, i will be the one to decide okay?… You are my friend and i mean it” i humbly said those words to him. I meant them because i like him. As a friend ofcourse. He was dump folded. I guess he hasn’t met a girl who could speak to guy that way.
“so when will you be available?” he asked again. “now, i am available now” i Said with much seriousness. I didn’t even smile. Then i remembered ” i feel comfortable when you smile to me” he once said to me. So in order not to intimidate him, i forced a smile. ” i mean when will you be free, i am asking because you are always with books” he seemed more confused. “you can take me out anytime you want. I will let you know if i cant make it” i made his work easier. He wanted a date but he didn’t know how to go about it. ” so can i take you out tomorrow?” he asked like a baby boy. ” hahahahha! So you really wanna go on a date with me. Wow… Tomorrow it is” i agreed to his proposal. He left my place with pure joy and i felt some kind of happiness too. I missed him every second when ever he leaves.
My LIFE is yet to start, its all began this way

>>

FOOTBALL VS SEX [Read it]


Football vs Sex.

1. Going to your bf/gf without being invited = OFFSIDE.

2. Dating a girl today and having sex on the same day = FREE-KICK.

3. Condom = GOALKEEPER

4. Condom breaks = PENALTY

5. Abortion = RED CARD

6. A girl with lots of energy = CAPTAIN

7. Having sex without a condom = OWN GOAL

8. Taking a lot of time without coming = MAN OF THE MATCH.

9.Banging 3 girls in a day = HAT-TRICK.

10. Having many chicks and banging all = MVP

11. Having sex with your ex = FRIENDLY MATCH

12. 8 years of sex without getting a child = ARSENAL

13. After 2 rounds, u request for more =EXTRA TIME.

14. Taking it gently when having sex = FAIR PLAY

15. Biting her n!pples = SUAREZ

16.Two legs on shoulder = THROWIN

17. Asking her 'how do you want it' = Taking instructions on the sideline.

18. A lady using pills after sex and later still got pregnant = DEFENSIVE ERROR

19.Girl being pregnant = GoOoOoOallllll

20.Ur guy collect ur chick= True pass

21.Having sex with a girl..and your mum open d door= Injury

22.You and your girl break up= Game over

23. Girl tell u to stop= YELLOW CARD........


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-29 10:27:14

998 Views




This may not be the best time for me to write
on this because of misinterpretations, but I
can no longer resist the push.
"Husband Scarcity" has become one of the
challenges faced by many young girls today.
If you go to prayer houses, majority of the
intentions are prayer for a life partner. And
this calls for concern.
Casting our minds back to the time of our
mothers and grandmothers, was there really
much of a "Husband Scarcity" problem? Or,
maybe there were more men than women
then, or there was an adequate
corresponding numbers of both genders. I
don't think so. Maybe then, the women had
values and were prepared to build a home and
not park into a built home. Then, once a
young man comes of age and can at least
feed himself and his wife, he goes out in
search of a wife and the woman really
appreciates him and helps him to build a
future. What am I really trying to say? We
created what we now see as "Husband
Scarcity" for ourselves.
Today, the reverse is the case. Ask an
average girl to define her dream husband;
you get things like "he has to be tall,
handsome, fair, and rich, own a house at
least, and be presentable" and then she adds
"God fearing" in order not to sound so
worldly. Then, check the number of girls
around you and the number of men that meet
that standard, and you will see the problem.
You hear girls say, "I cannot suffer in my
father's house and then go and start
suffering with a man."
What a wonderful dream! What if from the
beginning, you have everything you want and
there is no suffering, and later in the
marriage, the table turns around, then comes
suffering? Will you run away? No one prays
for suffering, but it is good to start small
and end big, than start big and end small.
The problem is that the description majority
of girls give of their ideal man is virtually
the same. When 50 girls want the same kind
of man and the man that fits what they want
is just 1 man, and the man can only pick one.
Then, what becomes of 49 others? They
simply start lamenting of "Husband Scarcity".
Another irony of our time is that it is hard,
due to the face of our economy to find a man
who is of marriage age who possesses all
those things these ladies want, legally
(except those involved in Internet fraud);
even the number of those in Internet fraud
is not enough to match all those searching
for already made husbands. If you look
around, majority of the ladies of substance,
of good value and virtue, who are ready to
build a home with a man who has prospects,
are married and not complaining of husband
scarcity.
The easiest way to find a husband now, is to
change your view of who a husband is.
A husband is that man God made and then saw
that it may be hard for him to really
actualize his purpose for making him, without
a help mate and then made the woman and
gave to him, and he felt complete and
fulfilled MARRIAGE IS NOT A POVERTY
ALLEVIATION PROGRAM. It is a mission of
building the family of God here on earth.
For those who see marriage as a way out of
poverty, it is a way into bondage. Women are
HOME BUILDERS, not HOME WARMERS... DON'T
CONFUSE A MAN'S PATH WITH HIS DESTINY.
Where he is today, may only be a route to
where God has destined him to be tomorrow.
Another truth is that YOU MAY BE THE ONLY
FAST MEANS TO THAT HIS DESTINATION. Join
in alleviating "husband scarcity". PICK UP
THE RIGHT VALUES.
I am not saying that you should pick anyone
that comes your way and talks of marriage,
not all men are husband materials. What I am
saying is that you should stop setting your
standard on material acquisitions or physical
appearances.
Look beyond the physical. WHAT MAKES A MAN
WHO HE IS, IS NOT WHAT HE OWNS OR HOW
HE LOOKS, IT IS WHAT HE IS MADE UP OF. And
that which he is made of is, most times, not
seen with the physical eyes, only its effects
can be seen.
Marriage is a permanent thing. Whatever is
seen is temporal and that which is not seen is
permanent.
#This post is worth sharing, let it go as far as
it can. #HappySunday #HappyNewWeek #HaveaFruitfulDay #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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GOOD MORNING MY NAIRAJOKITE!! HOW U NA DEY
O YA ANS THIS
"YAM WEY DON DONE, DON DONE"
Wetin e be in English
I dey wait make I see funny response


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-11 09:19:06

283 Views




WhatsApp: 2347060981481
Email: [email protected] gmail.com
Author: VictVames

After sleeping angrily the previous night, a knock on my door woke me up which was time for our morning prayers. We prayed for so many things including safe arrival of our Dad and safe departure of Mirabel among others. We did our morning chores, bath then had breakfast. Mirabel’s bodyguards came and took her away, after saying her goodbyes to all of us and also promised to come around some other time.
I thought Nancy would be sad about Mirabel’s departure, but she seems to be happy which got me wondering. School resumes in one week time, But I would be leaving in two or more weeks. After much thought, I decided to go inside only to see Momma and Nancy happy over what they were checking out.
Me: What’s all this?
Nancy: Mirabel got all these for me and for Mummy
I saw lot’s of dresses, bags, shoes and jewelleries and an iPhone and an iPad. My eyes burst open.
Me: When?!
**No response**
I saw Momma admiring the wrappers Mirabel got her and Nancy using the iPhone with her teeths out.
Me: Is it iPhone 6?
Nancy: Yes bro,,, she’s so awesome! this is what i’ve been dreaming to have
Me: So Mummy got the ipad?
Nancy: Yes
Me: Wait, how did she say it?
Nancy: How do u mean?
Me: As in,,, she didn’t mention me?
Nancy: No, why? she didn’t leave anything for u?
Me: Why would she leave anything for me, am i not the one who should be taking care of her? I only wanted to know if she mentioned my name
Momma: Why?
Me: Huh? No, Nothing precisely
Momma: Hope u don’t expect goodies from her?
Me: No I don’t,,, haba Mummy
Momma: See, I’m telling u today, don’t ask for anything from that girl. By the Grace and Mercy of God, your Father and I are here to provide for u because it’s our responsibility Okay?
Me: I know Mummy
Mummy: No let me talk,,, I have seen in the movies how boys use rich girls to get what they want and left them heart-broken, U better behave yourself. I hope u will never forget what happened to u when u toiled with the daughter of a soldier not to mention when u mess up with the daughter of the Commander In-Chief of the Armed forces
Me: I haven’t forgotten, thanks for always reminding me (Pissed)
Momma: Yes, if by reminding u every now and then will make u behave yourself,,, I will never stop updating it into your brain
Me: But Mummy trust the son u raised na
Nancy: (Laughs)
Me: And what’s funny to u?
Nancy: Uhmmm Mummy, we should be going to the shop now oh…
Momma: Yes o my daughter,,, take these things inside let’s go
Hhmmmmm….. I smell conspiracy.
**Later that day**
Dad arrived home, Momma had to close early from the shop to welcome her husband. He brought lots of goodies,,, that’s what i love about him. Before Momma and Nancy came, we had a little chat.
Boss: So you’re ok now?
(Yea that’s what i call him)
Me: Yes sir
Boss: Good,,, go and get me water from the Cway
Me: Ok sir
I rushed to the Cway, got the water, return back to him and gave him the water. After drinking, i collected the cup and took it back to it’s position. He stood up, probably going to his room. I heard the car horning at the gate, I ran to open it for Momma for to come in. She entertained her husband before we left for Church by 7pm.
*********************
We returned back from the mid-week service as we normally do every wednesday, everyone went straight to their rooms to drop their Bibles and also change dresses. Lest i forget, Mirabel called earlier and the following conversation ensued…
Me: sweetheart
Mirabel: Hi dear, I’m home now
Me: At the villa?
Mirabel: Yes of course
Hhmmmm Presidential villa don turn home abi?
Me: Ok good, how was the little trip?
Mirabel: It was fine, except for the spoilt road at some parts of the road
Me: Maybe your dad hasn’t come to that part yet
Mirabel: I dunno what the FCT Minister is even doing in that office, imagine
Me: Don’t mind him (Not enjoying the topic) So how is my heart doing?
Mirabel: Very well but kinda not feeling too happy, Dad and Mom aren’t home. They both went different places, Dad went to Canada for a meeting or so and Mom went to Uganda for African’s First Ladies Conference, I’m feeling so lonely.
Me: Well, I’m not surprised for the whereabouts of your parents, having a whole Country on their shoulders is not an easy task
Mirabel: I know… Just can’t wait for school to resume lemme get away from here and be with who will there for me at all times
Me: Really?
Mirabel: Yes ofcourse
Me: (smiling) And who is this person? (Teasingly)
Mirabel: Who else? If not you my love
Me: Me too can’t wait to get u under my arms again
Mirabel: Uhmmm…. that reminds me, when will u be coming to the Villa?
Me: I’m not sure yet, But until my Dad travels because Mum won’t be a problem
Mirabel: Okay, please u will need to bring Nancy along
Me: What? why??
Mirabel: She wants to come here and i promised her that she’ll come along with u whenever you’re coming.
Me: But u never told me about this before
Mirabel: I know… please baby do this for me pleaseeeee…
Me: Yea but if only we’d have some privacy, u know what i mean
Mirabel: What privacy? don’t tell me you’re thinking of having s-x with me here?
Me: What? No! ofcourse not, come on,,, i mean, why would i even think of doing such? But…..
Mirabel: What?
Me: Never mind, it’s nothing
Mirabel: What is it? Tell me
Me: It’s nothing really
Mirabel: Alright so what’s up?
Me: Just missing u very much
Mirabel: Missing u too, please try to inform me on when u will be coming ok?
Me: Sure
Mirabel: And it should be very soon
Me: I will try, it solely depends on my Dad
Mirabel: Okay,,, U said he’s a chartered accountant right?
Me: Yea
Mirabel: It’s a nice profession
Me: Yea
Mirabel: U know what? leave your Dad to me, I just thought of something,,,, so don’t worry, your Dad won’t be a problem,,, I shall handle it
Well, base on how i watch Hollywood movies, if someone says a person won’t be a problem, the next thing that follows is some kind of a problem or even death. I hope that’s not the case here. Of course not!
Me: What do u mean by my Dad won’t be a problem?
Mirabel: Don’t u worry sweety, I will start working on it right away
Me: Okay,,, hope its for good?
Mirabel: It could even be for better if not the best, trust me dear
Me: That’s my baby,,, **Car horns** Got to go babe, I think my Dad is back
Mirabel: Okay,,,, Love u… please text me his official mail and don’t forget
Me: Alright i will that, Love more byeeee….
**Hangs up**
***During Dinner***
Dad: Who owns the phone you’re holding Nancy?
I raised my head up and saw her using the new iPhone Mirabel got for her.
??? TO BE CONTINUED ???

>>

"I was with the CEO of AMAA at a party some weeks
ago. A young lady walked up to me and after
pleasantries and a few drinks she said something
about good guys being scarce and the good men are not yet born.
Stupefied I was until I regained composure and hit
her with my response;
The response is for all single ladies, married
women, everyone..
Walk with me My answer to her was;
Good men are indeed all around us. We pass them
on the streets,in the malls and the halls at work.
Most of us can't see because we don't know what a
good man really looks like.
He usually isn't flashy enough or rich enough to turn our heads. He might not wear a suit or own a
BMW.
He might not have a "body like Vin Diesel with a
Brad Pitt face or a Will Smith height...
But, as you mature, you realize it's better to find
someone who's got your back than someone who turns your head.
A good man doesn't agree wholeheartedly with
everything you say. He doesn't just tell you what
you want to hear and do the opposite.
He has his own opinions and you may clash, but he
doesn't have to degrade you to prove he's right. He even admits at times to being wrong, especially if
you are willing to do the same.
A good man is not going to meet every item on
your checklist. He is human with frailties and faults
mixed in with all of his wonderful, strong attributes.
He needs your love and respect. He needs to feel that you do not live to "catch" him doing something
wrong so you can declare, "Aha! I knew you were
a dog!"
A good man doesn't necessarily give you a huge
birthday or Valentine's gift. He shows his love in the
ways that are 'comfortable' to him. Don't judge him by TV standards (The Bold & The
Beautiful)
No one lives that fairy tale for real. You'll miss out
on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that
good men are myths.
Keep it real & moderate, sisters." #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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So becos I told this girl I love beans and
plantain.
Morning, she gave me beans and plantain,
Afternoon=beans and plantain
Evening=beans and plantain
Next day: Morning=beans and plantain
Afternoon=beans and plantain
This evening again= beans and plantain ??
please, if I av offended you, pls tell me. I
will
apologize. Don't murder me with beans and plantain
in the
name of care.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-12 13:16:19

584 Views



funny [Read it]



My girlfriend called me on phone and she said:
Hello honey, you know I love you so much, I
have
been looking for way to prove more of my love
for
you, please Baby I want you to come to my
House for a launch with your Friends, I asked
her, WHEN?
She replied; any day
you will be chance, I said okay and the date
was
fixed.
I started informing my friends about it and they
all agreed to go with me, some suspended
what
they would have gone to just to follow me to
her
house as demanded.
On the day, I and my friends were set to leave
and I called her baby
we are on our way to your house, and she
replied "please babe
i can't wait to see you guys" and we were very
happy but unfortunately when we got to her
house, I called her again to let her know that
we
are close to her house,
she replied: "Baby are
you serious?
Hahahahahaha, I was only joking oo,
you know how we normally joke naa" ,
i got embarrassed but I pretended, I ended the
call.
I asked my friends to know if they heard my
conversation with her
but they didn't, so i told them that she asked
us to wait at the hotel that she
will soon join us, we left to the hotel and I
ordered for their needs.
Shortly I picked up my phone and shouted:
WHAT?
Guys we need to leave here now, I just received
information now that Boko Haram are on their
way to this place and
we all left the Hotel.
None of my Friends knew
what happened because it would have been so
shameful to me.
IT'S NOW MY TURN TO JOKE
two week later, I called her, baby I just received
a letter from my Village that I should come
back
home for my Chieftaincy title and they said I
should not come without taking a wife, you
know you are the only one I have so I want to
inform your parents and they should fixed a
date for our introduction and it should be next
week because we need to leave
to the village before this month runs out.
She was so happy and
she informed her parents just as I ordered.
They started preparing
and everything was in order. On the fixed date,
I
was in the Office when my phone rang, She was
the one calling, Baby where are you? I replied:
we are close to your house, she happily
said Okay.
After a while she called back to know where I
was again, Baby where are you " she said"
I replied: Baby are you serious you believed
what I told you?
Hehehehe I was only
joking ooooooooo, You know how we use to
joke
na.
She started calling me names and said I am
wicked!
PLEASE AM I WICKED


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-25 23:59:44

317 Views




Papu ki wife jab naha k bathrm se bhar aai to papu use ghurne laga. . .

Wife: romantic hote hue Q ji kuch krne ka irada he kya?

Papu: ha . . . . . . . . .
Teri jaan leni he. .
Kamini mere garam pani se q nahai?Related

BRILLIANT AKPOS [Read it]


TEACHER: Who can Prove that 2/10 = 2! JESSICA: This a wrong question. BOATENG: There's no way that is
possible. DAVID: It can't be proven. AKPOS: I can solve it very easily sir, Two/Ten = wo/en ( T with T cancel ) w = 23rd letter
o = 15th letter
e = 5th letter
n = 14th letter So,
23 +15 / 5 +14 = 38 / 19 = 2 The Answer is 2 sir.
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-29 11:13:02

440 Views




WhatsApp: 2347060981481
Email: [email protected] gmail.com
Author: VictVames

While thinking seriously on what to do to have enough money to get something for Mirabel, I went to my hommies to lend me some money. I couldn’t find the trusted ones, they could be somewhere having extra fun. The few ones i met were so drunk, they denied having any money on them. I had no choice but to go home empty-handed then put up something as an excuse.
I got home 8:47pm, I discovered they’ve already eaten. I met Momma in the living room seated on the sofa, Nancy at one corner of the dinning chatting or so, but Mirabel wasn’t there.
Me: Good evening ma
Momma: Welcome,,, big boy
Chai! Am in trouble, she’s going to blast me this night…
Me: Sorry for coming late, its really becau…
Momma: Go and eat your food, its in the kitchen (She interrupted)
Me: Ok ma
One thing about my Mum is that, She doesn’t play with food. She makes sure everyone in the house have something to eat at the appropriate time. My Mum don’t starve anyone as punishment, she’s seriously against such acts.
I walked straight to the kitchen, Nancy was demonstrating her hands towards me but I didn’t look at her to understand what she was trying to say. I didn’t even ask of Mirabel. I served my self and ate on the kitchen’s dinning, the food was already cold. I didn’t really enjoyed it. I walked back to the living room to face the panel (Momma) that’s what I say when I know I’m going to be blasted for doing something wrong. I got there, met Mirabel seated not looking good.
Momma: Have u eaten?
Me: Yes ma
Momma: Oya come and seat down here.
(Blasting tinz, here we go…) I said in my mind. I sat down jeje let her say it, I dare not interrupt her speech.
Momma: (she lowered the volume of the TV) Nancy come and seat here
Nancy: But Mummy… (She squeezed her face and walked angrily to take a seat)
Momma: Good evening to you all
All: Good evening ma
Momma: U know as a Christian mother, I will always make sure I put my children in the right way because this is a Christian home. Which means I will never get tired of correcting them whenever they go wrong. Nancy drop that phone before i seize it! what’s wrong with u?!
(She put her phone away)
Momma: Now Victor, U know I no longer tolerate staying out after 7:40 without permission. Today U just went out without telling anyone where you were going to and just left everyone worried. I have said and kept saying that u always let someone know your whereabout to avoid unnecessary worries. And God forbid but if anything should happen, how do u expect us to know where u are? What if something bad had happen to u now? where do u expect us to start looking for u? This is wisdom we’re talking about. I have been telling u, even though we’re not with u at school, u should always inform your room mate or neighbours about where you’re going to. Besides, I don’t advice u to go out at night, I’m not comfortable with night out. What would u go out at night for? U have a girlfriend already,,, what else? Look at her, she hasn’t eaten because of u even when she knew u are ok when I called u the other time. U see what u did to this innocent girl? Now where is the thing u got for her that made stay out late?
Me: Actually, I forgot to take some money because i was in a haste, I thought I had enough money on me
Nancy: So u didn’t buy anything at all?
Momma: Am very disappointed Victor, very disappointed. All this for nothing?
Me: Sorry ma, I didn’t know
Momma: U can tell her that, am done talking to u (she turns to the TV and put up the volume)
Nancy didn’t wait time to get to her room as its past Nine already, while Mirabel followed.
Momma: Mirabel
Mirabel: Ma
Momma: Come
(She went to her)
Momma: Please go and eat
Mirabel: Yes ma
(I thought she’d decline, Thank God she didn’t)
Momma: Call Nancy to warm it for u
Me: I will do it
Momma: Okay…
I took her to the kitchen
Me: Mirabel I’m really sorry for….
She interrupted me with a cool kiss, she smiled and cleaned my lips. I stood surprised.
Me: Wow! easier than i thought (smiling happily) thanks sweetheart for your understanding, you’re the best! and I love U so much
Mirabel: I love u more
Me: It’s a lie, sorry,,, I mean ermmm,,, I love u more (smiling)
Mirabel: (smiling) Its a good thing that you’re save, and i appreciate your good gesture on getting me something
I drew her closer, we kissed passionately for seconds before interrupted when I mistakenly hit a plastic plate which fell off unto the ground and made a noise.
Me: d--n it!
Mirabel: (laughing slowly closing her mouth)
We warmed the food, She ate, I couldn’t eat again but I drank some yoghurts. We went to the sitting room to bade Momma good night before going to the room (Nancy’s). And ofcourse she was still in there chatting,,,, what an addict like Promise aka Promzy, geez!
Nancy: I’ve been waiting for u Mirabel, U promised we’d continue our discussion later.
Mirabel: Yes I did promise, and I haven’t forgotten (smiling)
Nancy: Okay
I drew Mirabel to a corner where Nancy wouldn’t hear our conversation.
Mirabel: What is it?
Me: I thought You’d spend the night with me in my room?
Mirabel: But we never planned on doing that
Me: You should know na, remember u turned me down last night?
Mirabel: So what happens to Nancy? I promised her but I didn’t promise u anything
Me: U came here for me and not for her na
Mirabel: Yes I know,,, Isn’t it a good thing that your sister likes me and enjoys my company?
Me: Well i’m not surprised that she likes u or even love u already,,, But She’s got all your attention since u came here more than me, we haven’t spend any quality time together. U both slept in the same room, went to the shop together instead of staying home with me,,, come on babe, Its not fair
Mirabel: (Laughs) You’re complaining? Instead of u to be happy that i’m getting along well with your family, you’re here being jealous of it (Leaning on me romantically)
**Phone rings**
Mirabel: Its Nancy, she’s been waiting for me for so long now
Me: Then let her wait, I want to spend time with my girlfriend!
Mirabel: Don’t be like that Victor,,, U and I have spent months together at school, and will spend more when we resume and even years to come that’s if u don’t screwed up. So why can’t u let me use this little time i got to know your family and your family to know me as well? You’re being selfish u know, this is….
(Momma shows up)
Momma: U guys are still talking?
Me: Ermmmm ma
Momma: No, u guys have spoken a lot already, I need to have a little conversation with Mirabel, If u don’t mind Mirabel?
Mirabel: No i don’t (smiling at me)
Momma: Okay, let’s go… (Taking Mirabel away)
I mind oh…. Chai! This is what U get for dating the President’s Daughter…
TO BE CONTINUED>>>

>>

boss used to go home with wine after work.he usually found that everyday he left his wine at home,someone comes drinks it and add water.one day he decided to use wine which when added water turns white.as usuall when he arrived home, he found it white.his wife and children were at the sitting room and decided to ask the houseboy akpos who was at the kitchen.
boss ;akpos
akpos ;yes boss
boss ;who drinks my wine when am not there?
(no response)
boss ;akpos
akpos ;yes boss
boss ;who drinks my wine when am nt there?(still no responce)
he decided to go to the kitchen to ask why he is nt answerd.akpos replied that when called at the kitchen you hear bt yu dont hear the question asked.so boss told akpos to go to the sitting room and call him to see if its true.then akpos started calling
akpos ;boss
boss ;yes akpos
akpos ;who sleeps with the housegirl when mama is nt there?
(no responce)
akpos ;boss
boss ;yes akpos
akpos ;am asking who sleeps with the housegirl when mama is nt there
boss faints..


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2015-09-03 09:19:42

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