Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Sarcasm is like an iPhone. People who get it, think they’re above everyone else.Related

They are now inside the house, the young man switch on the light which make it possible for Aderonke to see his face very well.
The young man in question is Oke the teacher whom school is very close to Aderoke's house.
Oke is a very kind hearted man he has once rescue Aderonke from gang-raping.
Every body in the community know him for his good deeds.
Aderonke: ho! it is you.
Oke: so you don't see my face since all this while.
Aderonke: yes you know it is very dark, I can't see your face very well.
Oke: your cloth is very wet, and you are shivering. Go to the room over there, you will find some new lady's cloths, take one and wear it.
( Aderonke goes inside room, and she change her cloth)
Oke: wow! you look beautiful, it as if I bought it for you.
Aderonke: are you living with a lady.
Oke: no, why do you ask?
Aderoke: it is because of lady's cloths in the room.
Oke: you mean those ones? I bought the for someone.
Aderonke: yawning, ok.
( Oke notice that she is hungry, so he quickly make some fufu with okra)

>> Episode 4 -

Akpos who was a houseboy
usually sneaks into his Oga's
room, drinks his wine and
adds water to top it up. One
day his Oga bought a new
wine called pasties, it was a
french wine that changes
colour if water is added onto
it. Akpos unaware of this,
sneaks into his Oga's room,
drank the new wine and
added water on it.
Immediately it started
changing colour.
Akpos: I am in trouble, big
trouble.
He ran to the kitchen.
Meanwhile, oga and madam
were sitted in the parlour,
while Akpos was in the
kitchen.
...
OGA: Akpos
Akpos: Oga
OGA: who drank my pasties?.
No answer!
OGA: Akpos, who drank my
pasties?.
No answer. Oga walked to
the kitchen and saw Akpos
there.
OGA: Are you insane or
what?. Why when i call, you
say "Oga" but when i ask
you a question you don't
answer me.
Akpos: Oga when you are in
the kitchen you don't
understand anything, except
your name.
OGA: Is that so?. Okay go to
the parlour, stand beside
madam and ask me a
questionwhile i stand here.
Akpos went and did what oga
said.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa
OGA: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who goes into the
maid's bedroom when madam
is not at home?.
No answer.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey
hear me, i say who dey
sneak enter the house girl
room when madam no dey
house.
No answer. Oga runs out of
the kitchen.
OGA: Wonders shall never
end. Akpos, it is true o, when
one is in the kitchen, one
doesnot hear anything,
except one's name.
MADAM: That's not true. It's a
lie.
Akpos: Madam, do you want
to be tested?.
MADAM: Yes
Akpos: Oya enter the kitchen
She enters.
Akpos: Madam
MADAM: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who is Junior's
biological Father?. Me or Oga
Madam rushed out of the
kitchen
MADAM: This kitchen needs to
be fumigated o, i can't
understand anything at all.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-15 15:42:01

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..








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-16 00:27:41

1258 Views




Ingvar Kamprad founded IKEA when he was just 17 years old.

(IKEA is a multinational group of companies that designs and sells ready-to-assemble furniture, appliances and home accessories. As of January 2008, it is the world’s largest furniture retailer.)Related

The husband found me lying innocently on my
small mattress with an ugly-looking night gown.
He didn’t utter any word but stared on at me for
some seconds before he drew close.
I woke up when I felt a hand gently tap me on the
shoulder and I opened my eyes.
“Baby its me,” he whispered. “Its me baby,” he
repeated.
I already knew what he wanted so I didn’t waste
time in pulling my pant and positioning myself
adequately for him.
He entered from the front as usual and started
thrusting like a typical he-goat mating a she-
goat.
But then as he gradually approached the point of
no return, the door to their master bedroom gently
creaked open and the husband froze with fear and
paused abruptly in the middle of his thrusts.
He was lying in-between my legs when the door
opened and madam walked out of the room and
towards the toilet.
The lights were off so everywhere was dark
except for the torch madam brandished.
The husband motioned to me to keep silent which
I obeyed.
He hurriedly withdrew his d!ck from me and
quietly wore back his boxers.
Madam walked straight to the toilet and pushed
the door open. The door opened but there was no
one inside.
The husband saw the opportunity and slid back
into the master bedroom.
After some seconds, my madam closed the door
and returned to the bedroom.
I listened attentively as madam asked her
husband where he had gone and the husband
replied that he had gone to the balcony to bring
in his clothes.
After that, everywhere became silent again.
But then my instinct told me that madam must
have decoded what happened even though she
didn’t voice it out.
It was the question she asked me the next day
that sent my heart and entire body quivering
anew…
————————————————————
“My husband came to your room last night, didn’t
he?” My madam asked peering suspiciously into
my face.
“Madam No o,” I lied hotly.
It was very unthinkable for me to accept such
ugly truth not to talk of voicing it out.
“Oga no come my room o,” I added.
“Can you swear by the name of God that Oga no
come your room last night?” she continued.
“Madam I swear, Oga no come my room, I
swear.” I replied.
“Its alright, let’s watch and see,” she concluded
and walked back into their master bedroom
leaving me standing alone in the kitchen and
battling with my unsettled conscience…

Drop your comments below








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Waqt Ke Toofan Mein Bikharte Chale Gaye;

Tanhai Ki Gehrai Mein Utarte Chale Gaye;

Jannat Thi Har Subah Shaam Jin Dosto Ke Saath;

Ek-Ek Kar Ke Sab Bichhadte Chale Gaye;

.

.

.

.

Thanks to Whatsapp…

Saale Sab Phir Wapis Mil Gaye!Related

He couldn’t see anything. Darkness overwhelmed him. His entire body was weak. He could feel pain all over, especially in his head. It was throbbing badly. He groaned in pain. His eye lids fluttered and opened. They bright light that greeted his eyes made him close them immediately. Seconds later, he gradually opened them, he saw the ceiling clearly and noticed he was lying down on a bed covered in white cloth. That was his room, the smell was unfamiliar. As his eyes roved around the room, he concluded that he was in a ward in the hospital.

His brain couldn’t function yet as he had no idea what he was doing there. He suddenly felt the urge to get up. His body wasn’t ready to carry out any activity cause he ached all over, but he stubbornly tried sitting up. In the process, he flinched and let out a scream of pain.

His scream attracted the person in the ward to him. Edwin Broderick quickly ran to him. Edwin had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed his son trying to lift himyself off the bed. “Are you alright son?” Without waiting for an answer, he quickly added, “Please, relax. You are weak.” He held on to Jeremy and made him lie back on the bed. “I’ll go get the doctor.”

Jeremy fastened his hand to his father’s, preventing him from leaving. “What,” it took him a great deal of energy to utter that word. And the voice he heard didn’t sound like his, it was rough and sounded more like an old man’s. “What happened? What am I doing here? How did I get here?”

Edwin squeezed his hand softly. “My boy, please relax. You need to rest now.”

He stubbornly shook his head. “I’m fine. Its just my head. Its aching. Where is Purity? I need to see her.” His memory was still blank. He couldn’t recollect anything. The headache was so severe that his thought his head was going to split into two.

“Jeremy, listen to me. You need to worry about yourself,” he left his hand. “I’m going to get Doctor Allan.” Before Jeremy could protest any further, he was already out of the ward.

“How is he?” Aaron Theodore inquired. He stood up abruptly on sighting his dear friend. He was very worried.

“My friend, he just regained consciousness, he’s in pains, I want to get the doctor,” Edwin calmly explained.

Aaron heaved a sigh of relief. “That’s great news. Let me go see him.”

Edwin nodded in agreement. He was relieved that his son had woken up. “Thank you, my friend.”

Aaron patted his shoulder, “Be careful.”
*
*
*
“How are you feeling?”

Jeremy’s was already seated on the bed. He slowly raised his to confirm the whose voice he just heard. He was right. “I’m okay, sir,” his voice was back to normal, but slightly cracked. “Did Purity come with you? I want to see her,” he requested politely.

“I was hoping you’d tell me that. You were with her yesterday, nobody’s seen her since then,” Aaron replied amiably.

“I was?” Jeremy rhetorically asked. He tried to recall what happened, but he could not. The headache just seemed to get worse. He held his head and groaned in pain.

“Careful,” Aaron moved to his side and brought his hands down, “Your head is bandaged. You don’t need to touch it.”

“I don’t remember anything. I feel as if my head is going to tear apart. What happened to me? How did I get here? Why can’t I remember anything?” he questioned Aaron, looking devastated.

“That’s because you have temporary amnesia,” a voice whom he recognized to be Dr. Allan’s answered him. He shifted his gaze and saw him with his dad. “You were brought in here unconscious and had several injuries on your head. You need to rest now, I’ll give you medications. Within a day or two, you’ll fully remember everything.” he concluded, assuring him with a smile.

Jeremy exhaled deeply, “I want to be with Purity, let me come,” he demanded, again.

“You were the last person to see Purity before you had this accident. Only you can tell us where she is. Calm down and don’t force it,” Dr. Allan explained.

He nodded and laid back on the bed. He was troubled. He didn’t feel good. It had to do with Purity, where was she?

Aaron and Edwin stared at him with pity in their eyes. They were both concerned about their children.
*
*
*
He was covered with perspiration. Panting and tossing on the bed. The nightmare was really horrible. He wished it’d come to an end. Purity, he couldn’t find her. Darkness had taken her away from him. He forced his eyes open. “Purity!”

“Ah, papa,” Tricia excitedly called her father, “he’s awake. He has opened his eyes,” Tricia tugged her father’s shirt and ran over to the bed. She smiled widely, as his eyes ran over her.

David frowned and yawned. He was very tired. His daughter had made him spend the night in the hospital all because her fiance had an accident. The same fiance who had failed to honour his invitation. He wasn’t impressed. “That’s great,” he responded getting up from the chair he was sitting on, “I should get going.”

“Say hello to him first,” Tricia said to her dad. “Jeremy darling, I’ve missed you so much. I was so worried about you when I heard what happened. I’ve been here since last night. How do you do?” She grinned.

Jeremy just lay speechless, staring at the pretty woman who was full of smiles. She was gorgeous and attractive, but her face was different. She wasn’t the one he had dreamt of, he didn’t want to see her. He had no feelings for her. He just wanted his Purity.

“Jeremy Broderick,” David called, dragging Jeremy out of his reverie, “My soon-to-be son-in-law. Its nice meeting you.” He smiled faintly.

Jeremy only gazed at him with wide eyes. Soon-to-be son-in-law? That really shocked him. “What did you say?” Jeremy managed to ask.

David was taken aback by that statement. “You are my daughter’s fiance, right?”

He shook his head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Before the scene got ugly, Tricia had to do something. Her father was bad tempered when it had anything to do with her. She could feel his anger rising as he stared with Jeremy with blazing and confusing eyes. What was going to save Jeremy was the face that he was lying in a hospital bed. She was going to help out too. “Papa, its not like that. I heard from the doctor that he has temporary amnesia, so he’s not able to remember me as his fiancee,” she smiled reassuringly as her father, giving him a signal to calm down, then she smiled at Jeremy. “By the time he’s okay, he’ll definitely remember me, not so honey?”

Jeremy only scoffed and threw his face away from hers. Someone else occupied his heart and mind. Someone else was his fiancee. Someone else he needed. That person, he wanted to be by his side, lying close to him and clinging to him. That was his pretty witch, as he had earlier called her, but now she was his princess and not the lying devil smiling devilishly at him.

His daughter’s soothing words managed to drain away the anger he felt towards Jeremy. He unclenched his fists and breathed. His only daughter, his favourite child meant the whole world to him. Noting was going to hurt her while he was still alive and no one was going to make her cry. This Jeremy better be serious with his daughter or he’d regret it. He glanced at his wrist watch. It was fifteen minutes past eight. “I have to get going. Please, Jeremy recover your memory quickly and don’t break my daughter’s heart. Bye, my love.”

“I love you too, dad.” Tricia replied.

That was all he needed to hear and he walked out of the room with an air of confidence. His daughter better be taken care of.

“Does your head still hurt?” Tricia inquired, trying to sound concerned.

Jeremy did not make a sound. Purity clouded his brain and nothing seemed to be real, he couldn’t even hear what was being said. All he wanted was to be with Purity and not lying on a hospital bed. If she wasn’t coming to him, he had to make the first move, he was the man after all.

“You don’t want to talk to me?” Tricia cooed. “Alright, I get it. You are too tired to talk. I’m sorry for coming unannounced and bothering you, its just that,” she played with his fingers and had an innocent look on her face, “I couldn’t sleep after I heard you were brought here. I was not really happy. I felt all your pains, I was worried and had to come see you. I spent the night here, but not in your ward. They wouldn’t allow me. You see how much I love you?” Playing with his fingers was what she really missed. It was what she always did over the years when they dated. Playing with them always seemed to do a trick for her, luring him into getting what she always wanted. Recently, he had forbidden her from even seeing his face, now that she had the opportunity, she had to make wise use of it. She smiled to herself in satisfaction. She still wasn’t sure if he’d fall for it, but she had to think positively. Her hopes were up.

Jeremy felt it was time for him to pay attention to the devil who had been bugging him. He had to make her leave, she had been distracting him and what he needed was privacy and a time to think. “You’ve seen me, I’m okay now. Don’t you think you should leave?”

The smile on her face disappeared and was soon replaced with a frown. That wasn’t the reply she was expecting.

>>

No one can win a game of Chess by moving forward only. Sometimes one has to move backward also to get a better move!Related

I opened my eyes gently only to shut
them back almost immediately due
to the piercing pain on my eyelids.
Arrrrgh! I winced. I opened them again on impulse
only to see Eniola sobbing gently.
I looked around me, there was
comotion everywhere. Only then did
I recall we just had an accident.
I
quickly sat up when I heard a siren,
an ambulance was heading towards
us.
"ye! Haaaa! Mi ole ku ooo" one old
women screamed as the nurses
helped her to her feet.
I managed to stand up, dragged the
sobbing Eniola away from the chaos.
"mummy, let's go home" she
whimped.
Some blood trickled down
her cheek, she'd a cut on her temple.
"Sorry baby" I wiped the blood off
with my skirt.
"Young lady, get into the
ambulance!" a nurse said to me.
Me? Go back to Ibadan? God forbid.
"No don't worry, we'd be fine." I
replied.
"But you can't remain here!" she
protested.
"I said I'm not coming with you!" I
yelled at her and she left me alone.
Soon the whole scene was deserted,
it was getting dark.
I sat Eniola down on stone, she
looked tired, I felt so sorry for her.
I saw a station wagon approaching,
I quickly flagged it down; luckily it
stopped.
"Errm, please, we're going to Lagos."
I told the driver, surveying the
passengers with my eyes. "five thousand naira"
"No problem.
" I shoved Eniola into
the vehicle, though I knew the price
was over expensive.
*************
It was already dark when we arrived
Lagos.
"We're in Lagos." I told Eniola
excitedly.
She smiled at me and continued to
munch her Gala, I wondered if she
understood me.
"where do we go? Maybe we should
get a hotel room?" I told her again.
"I don't know" she replied
innocently.
"We have enough money girlie.."
I
was cut short by the rumbling of
thunder.
Oh yikes! This rain should hold on,
atleast not now.
"mummy!" Eniola squealed rushing
to hug my thigh, she pointed at
something behind me.
I turned swiftly only to find two
Agberos glaring at me.
"Wetin you carry?" One of them
asked.
"Nothing." I was trying to calm my
self.
The other one dragged my purse off
my grip, and they both ran off.
"Oh no! Thief! Thief ooo, help!"
I
called for help but none came, the
whole place was deserted.
I looked at Eniola, she placed her
hand on her face and sobbed
silently.
"I'm sorry.." Was all I could whisper.
She nodded.
"We are stranded!" I hoped she'd
understand.
"Lets go home" she sniffed.
"Noo honey! We can't! We've no
money..." the thunder rumbled again.
"Oh no!" I gasped the rain began with a shower, later it
came down in torrents.
I hugged my daughter tightly, we
both wept and shivered under the
rain.
"Mummy...cold...mummy..cold..."
Eniola kept whimpering.
"I'm sorry my Lil' princess..." was all I
could offer. I regretted my actions. If and only if I
didn't run away.
I cursed David, his
family and all.
Suddenly light flashed around us, it
was a car coming towards our
direction. Kidnapper! Ritualists! My heart was
pounding dangerously. We're
doomed.
"What are you doing here?" A
woman in mid-forties question from
the car.
I turned to look at her, she was
alone, I just felt I could trust her.
"Please can you take my daughter
with you?" I wasn't sure of what I
said.
"How's that possible? Why?"
"Please madam, she's cold, we came
into town late, we were robbed...we
don't know where to go.." my lips
quivered. She shook her head gently.
"Come in" She opened the back seat.
I didn't hesitate, we got into the car
and she drove us to her house.



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You are equal to 60 James Bond!

How?

.

..



….

…..

007 x 60 = 420

Happy April Fool!Related

Most times we use the
word "BYE"to that special
person in our life but still
see a part of us not letting
go of that same person
if u can't let go then
it's meant to stay.
#B-GOF
#Boukoru Andy E
pls these are my personal quotes
pls save image and share to frnds. thanks







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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my dog [Read it]


This is a touching story


I was coming from church today and i saw my dog near the road side dead.

I was unhappy because i love the dog so much

So i touched the dog and keep going,but because of the love i have for the dog,i went back again and touched the dog.i was'nt satisfied.i went back again and touched.until i kept touching it

Like i said earlier it was a touching story







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-10 16:21:37

494 Views




I resume work as a driver to my
uncle’s wife.for the first week of my
job.thing were moving well with me.i
was getting some tips from my
uncle’s wife mrs ada.
I was paid my first salary by my
uncle’s wife.instead of 12 thousand i
and her husband agreed.she paid
me 20 thousand.i asked her why she
paid me such money instead of what
we agreed.she said.
ADA.you don’t deserve 12 thousand
naira work.you are more than
that.please don’t tell my husband
about this okay.beside.i like you.you
are a nice guy.havn’t seen you
complain before.you are handsome
and you deserve more
ME.okay.thank you maa.
ADA.you have a girlfriend right?.
ME.hmmm.not really.we broke up.
ADA.what happened.why the broke
up.
ME.is a long story.please.
ADA.personal?.
ME.yea.personal.
ADA.okay!if you don’t wanna share
with me.fine.
The following mouth.she increase
my salary from 20k to 25k.i was very
happy withing me.finally i have
gotten a job.atleast i have something
to show at home.
My happiness was cut short on one
faithful night.i was in my room which
my uncle gave to me at his
house.when i heard a gun shot.i
peep through the window and i saw
the shocked of my life.five armed
men with guns bang inside the
compound.they were all with
mask.they shot the gate man at his
shoulder.and bang inside the main
house were my uncle and his wife
were leaving.they robbed my uncle’s
wife and rape Ada.including the
house maid was rape too.i wanted to
call the police but i got no light on
my phone then.an hour later.the
arm men left taking some of the
expensive property of my uncle.
The following day mrs Ada was
taking to the hospital.my uncle
accused me of what i didn’t do.he
said i was the one that arrange the
armed robbers that robbed
him.infact i was amoung the
robbers.he called me names and
threaten to call the police for me if i
didn’t leave his house.he took the
car key away from me.and said i’m
sack.he pushed me away from his
house.and warn me never to come
back to his house again if i love my
life.i quietly pack my bag and left his
house.now my suffering continue
again.from grace to grass.from hero
to zero.i started my life all over
again.atleast i have 60k on my
account.it will serve me for some
weeks.i consoled myself.
On my way.i visited mrs Ada at the
hospital.she was suprise to see me
with my bag.
ADA.thanks for coming dube.
ME.am very sorry for everything that
happend to you.
ADA.you don’t have to be sorry
dube.the damage has been done.i
will be fine.but were are you going
with you bag.
ME.am going home.i have been sack
by my uncle.
ADA.why what happen.why did he
sacked you.what did you do?.
ME.he said i was the one that
arranged the robbers that came to
the house yesterday.i tried to explain
to him that i wasn’t the one.but he
never listen to me.instead he
threaten to call the police if i don’t
leave the house for him.
ADA.this is serious.please dube.don’t
go.i will talk to him okay.go back to
the house
ME.sorry ma’am i have to go.i just
came to see how you are doing.just
take care of yourself.
She tried calling me back.but i had
already left.on my way.i saw a
post.which says sales boy needed
apply withing.i didn’t pay much
attention to the post.but i decided to
give it a text.i went inside the
restaurant and narrated to them the
reason i came.i told the owner that i
am interested for the job.he gave me
a foam to feel.which include my
name and other stuffs.she gave me
the rules and regulation i should
follow.which i oblige.and also my
monthly salary will be 12k the same
with the previous one.and finally.i
was asked to start work the following
day.chai!look at me.a graduate doing
a sales boy.i couldn’t hold the tears
again.it flows freely from my
eyes.did i offend any one that made
me not to get a better job.is this a
curse?i look at the restaurant for the
last time and zoomed back home.i
must make it one day.i said to
myself.
I went home.not happy nor sad.the
feeling was just there.i need a
girlfriend.but who will date a guy
that don’t have a better job like me.a
sales boy.noo noo.when the right
time comes.i will get a nice girl.as
usuall i avoided my mother. The next
day came.i woke up very early coz
the work starts by 8.30am.i woke up
around 7am and dress up.before
8am i have left the house for my new
job.sales boy.

Drop Your Comment

>>

The only person you should try to better than, is the person you were yesterday!

Good Day!Related

Akpos again [Read it]


Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested??
Akpos: A teacher!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-01 17:47:26

850 Views




Teacher: what do u call a person who keeps talkin wen people re no longer interested
Akpors: Teachers..... One word 4 akpors


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-22 16:34:08

413 Views




What is the similarity between a bus conductor and a gay?
Both shout: Peechey se AaaRelated

I attended a birthday party with a gathering of
about 30 people. I sat at the front seat. A lady
started distributing food. She started from the
back and unfortunately, it didn’t get to us sitting
at the front.
Another lady started sharing the drinks, she
started from the front but unfortunately I had
already moved to sit at the back. Again the
drink didn’t get to me.
I was so furious that I stood up to take my leave
but then I saw three ladies each with a big bowl.
This time, I tried to be wise by sitting at the
middle. One of the ladies started the sharing
from the front, the second lady started
distributing from the back. The two ladies were
sharing fried turkey.
When they got to the middle where I was
seated, it got finished again! Feeling so
frustrated, I bent my head, putting my face in
my hands… but then the third lady tapped me
and stretched her bowl for me to pick. I
stretched and put my hands inside the bowl…
Guess what was in the bowl?
Toothpicks.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-30 11:43:52

261 Views



our father [Read it]


Akpos was worried bcus of one thing,he finally decided 2 ask his wife d question.the following converstation took place.
Akpos:tell me d truth ,who is these children and when d he live.
Akpos wife:ah,is you,why d u ask.
Akpos:im worried,because anytime i pass their room,i heard them saying.'our father,who art in heaven



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-24 08:33:41

391 Views



The recruitment [Read it]


The Nigerian army was losing a lot of personnel in the war and desperately needed more people to fill their rank and files to fight the war. So one of the top officers approached Akpos to enlist…
OFFICER: We desperately need you in the army.
AKPOS: I’ll join but on three conditions.
OFFICER: Ok, what are the conditions?
AKPOS: My first condition is that I’ll not wear the uniform because it’s quite heavy and stiff.
OFFICER: Ok. What is the second condition?
AKPOS: I’ll not do the parade and other training under the sun because it will be too hot, I’ll only do it under a shed or some kind of shadow cover.
OFFICER: Ok, what is your third condition?
AKPOS: My last and most important condition is that during any time of war, I’ll be on leave.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-17 09:56:46

595 Views



Dream Boy [Read it]


A young boy whose dreams always came true first dreamt he had picked an amount of money and dream came true he again dreamt he slept with his masters wife and dat was also accomplished he then dreamt he was being raped by a guy. When he woke up the next morning he heared a knock on his door when he opened there was a strong guy by his door....he fell and fainted







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-28 10:44:21

675 Views




21st Century is truly Lifeless.

Communication: Wireless

Cooking: Fireless

Youth: Jobless

Messages: Meaningless

Sender: Priceless

Reader: UselessRelated

Halitophobia is the fear of bad breath.Related

All I wanted was someone to care for me.

All I wanted was someone who would be there for me.

All I ever wanted was someone who would be true.

All I ever wanted was someone like You.
Please be mine forever!Related

JOB INTERVIEW! [Read it]


INTERVIEWER: Tell me the opposite of Good.
MAN: Bad.
INTERVIEWER: Come.
MAN: Go
INTERVIEWER: Ugly
MAN: Fine
INTERVIEWER: U're wrong!
MAN: U're right!
INTERVIEWER: Shut up!
MAN: Keep talking!
INTERVIEWER: Ok now stop all that.
MAN: Ok now carry on all that.
INTERVIEWER: Get out!
MAN: Come in!
INTERVIEWER: Oh my God.
MAN: Oh my Devil.
INTERVIEWER: U're Rejected.
MAN: I'm selected.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-16 08:46:37

198 Views




TERA'S KIGDOM
King ina-prepare for battle and bring me the box of power before seven days
Bashorun-but my lord,we....(king ina did not allow him to finish his words)
King ina-go,i said go(bashorun ogunmola bows his head and leaves )
TRAINING GROUND
Bashorun-prepare for the soilders we are going to fight iba people
Commander ekungba-but we just fought them and we conquered
Bashorun-conqured?yes we conquered but failed
Commander ekungba-oh,you mean the box of power
Bashorun-Yes
Commander ekungba-we may not defeat them again now that they have the power again
Bashorun-we will do all we can to get it back.We wont send for words that we are coming for war.We shall suprise them and attack their kingdom and take what is ours commander ekungba-okay my lord.i will gather the soilders(bashorun ogunmola exit)send words to lord olola to gather 5000 soilders,we leave tommorow for war(three soilders went for the errand and curtains closes)

IBA'S KINGDOM
Lord akogun-i am so proud of you,how did you took the box of power
Iberu-i sneaked in their chariot and took it
Lord akogun-and how did you do that?
Iberu-i...(a soilder ran in)
Soilder-my lord,our patrol came back and said they saw tera's armies coming and they are now in ogbese river right now
Lord akogun-(stood up immediately)what?,how many are they?
Soilder-like 4000 soilders
Lord akopun-4000?.send words to aare iku to gather the soilders(the soilder exit)
Iberu-take it easy my lord
Lord akogun-shut up and get out and joing the soilders now(iberu exit and curtain closes)
KING OGUNLANA'S PALACE
King ogunlana-what!,they are near?
Bashorun ibikunle-yes my king.
King-call me balogun ijaya now(two guards went to call balogun)
Balogun-yes my king
King ogunmola-how many are the soilders of tera
Balogun-above 4000 my king
King-and how many are our soilders?
Balogun-less than 3000
King-3000?now defend the palace and the kingdom wall and the box of power.get out all of you(they all bow down and leave)

Aare iku-prepare the weapons and defend the walls and the gate(soilders matching and going to their posts)
Lord akogun-where are they?.They have not show up
Aare iku-my lord,you are here
Lord akogun-the tera's soilders have not show up
Aare iku-they will show up soon
Lord akogun-this will be a tough war(he walks away)

Bashorun ibikunle-take the people to the inner building
Prince oka-close the gate
Bashorun ibikunle-but my prince,these people needs protection.They cant stay here and die
Prince oka-enough of your words and do as i instructed
Bashorun-okay my prince.Close the gate(the peole people started crying and shouting)

King-why should you close the gate
Prince oka-we cant feed these people and they can procteect themselves
King-(angry)they are our people,we proctect them.when will you learn how to be a good king
Prince oka-but father..
King-shut up and get out(the pince leaves with annoyance)send words to bashorun ibikunle to open the gate
Guard-okay my king

Balogun ijaya-here they come
Lord akogun-prepare your weapons and defend the gate
Balogun ijaya-let them closer before you fire the arrows

Stay tuned for episodé3

>>

Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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brand new hat. [Read it]


On a windy day, an old lady is standing on a street corner, holding on to her hat with both hands, even though her dress is flying up over her face. An old man across the street sees her and runs over. As he approaches her, he says, "Sister, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, standing over here in all this wind with your dress flying over your head, exposing your paraphernalia, and you're holding that damn hat with both hands. You ought to be ashamed." She looked at him and said, "Look here, fool, everything down there is 80 years old, but this hat is brand new.... lol



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-13 16:27:18

144 Views




What would you do if u were this lady?
Lady: Hi, good afternoon.

Radio Station: Good afternoon, what can we do for you?

Lady: Please, I’ll like to get two tickets for the Maroon5 LIVE show this weekend.

Radio Station: Well, you’ll get the tickets for free only if you play a prank on someone on air & make them believe it.

Lady: That’s ok.

Radio Station: Are you married? Do you have kids?

Lady: Yes, I have a son.
Radio Station: Good, you will call your husband & tell him he is not the father of ur son.

Lady: Wow, that’s a big one.

Radio Station: Well it depends on how bad you want the tickets and anyway we will be live on air listening and step in to tell him it’s all prank.

Lady: Ok, let’s do this ’cause I really want the tickets.

Radio Station: Ok, where is he right now?
Lady: He’s at the office. His number is…

(Radio station calls the husband)

Lady: Hello Love!

Husband: Hi Baby!

Lady: How is work?

Husband: Good, can’t wait to get back home & make sweet love to you.

Lady: Me too! But em… there’s something I need to tell you.

Husband: Ok, I’m all ears dear!

Lady: You know I love you?

Husband: Yes I do!

Lady: And we promised to always be sincere to each other?

Husband: Yes we did, you’re starting to scare me dear, please, what’s this all about?

Lady: Something happened in my office Nine years ago.

Husband: What happened?

Lady: The annual x-mas party we had in the office 9 yrs ago I got drunk & had sex with a co-worker… em, you are not the father of our son.

Husband: What!

Lady: I just felt you should know.

Husband: Are you crazy?

Lady: I’m sorry love, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Husband: I can’t believe this.

Lady: Am sorry love, please forgive me.

Husband: You want forgiveness? Ok you have to forgive this, I have been sleeping with your sister for the past 5yrs.

Radio Station: Oh God!

Lady: What did you just say?

Husband: You heard me, we just confessed our sins to each other. Is there someone there with you?

Radio Station: Sir, this is a prank & you are on air. We asked your wife to play a prank on you so you guys can get tickets to go watch the Maroon5 Live Show this weekend.

Husband: Oh shit!Related

A Japanese tourist
hailed a taxi in Nigeria
and asked to be taken
to the Ahmadu Bello
Airport.
On the way, a car
zoomed by and the
tourist responded,
"Oh! Toyota - Made in
Japan! Very fast!"
Not too long
afterward, another
car flew by the taxi.
"Oh! Nissan - Made in
Japan! Very fast!"
Yet another car zipped
by, and the tourist
said, "Oh! Mitsubishi -
Made in Japan! Very
fast!"
Akpos, who is 100%
Nigerian, was starting
to get a little annoyed
that the Japanese
made cars were
passing his taxi when
another car passed
the taxi as they were
turning into the
airport. "Oh! Honda -
Made in Japan! Very
fast!"
Akpos stopped the
car, pointed to the
meter, and said,
"That'll be 5000 naira ."
The tourist exclaimed
"5000 naira? It was
short ride! Why so
much?"
Akpos smiled as he
replied, "Meter - Made
in Nigeria. Very fast!"
One word for
Akpos



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 21:35:49

915 Views




JOKE PART 53 BY DINDY
Girl: If the world froze for an afternoon and only you could move and no one could see you or remember what you did, what would you do?.
Dindy: I would.....
Girl: Wait don't finish it, let me do it for you.
Girl: You would come over and kiss me!.
Dindy: No!.
Dindy: I would go to my neighbour's house, steal his WiFi password, enter back into my room, goto my bed and browse with my phone!!!...... .
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 54.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-19 04:09:05

166 Views




He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot, will be victorious.

~ Sun TzuRelated

Brainy wife [Read it]


Wife : Honey, can u do me a favour? Husband : Sure, anything for you luv Wife : Can you kill a lion for me? Husband : Are you mad? To kill a lion for
you? Request something else Wife: Ok then, I want to go through your
Whatsapp messages, Facebook page,
and Cell Phone.
Husband : Where is the lion you want me
to kill?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-19 23:11:32

1337 Views



See Gobe [Read it]


Twin babies in d womb saw a penis coming
towards them.
The 1st said,
hey daddy is coming to play
with us.
The 2nd baby replied,
U" are stupid" infact u don't have sense @ all.
It is not daddy, is daddy's frnd!
Daddy doesn't cover his face with'
robber mask when he wants to play with us.
Ok you will see,
this 1 will not give us ice cream
when he is leaving!!!.
1st baby replied! Hmm!! He is very stingy.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-22 19:44:43

632 Views



GIRLS [Read it]


GIRLS
1990=Luv but dont Touch
1995=Touch bt dnt Kis
2000=Kis bt or kuch mat krna
2005:sb krlo par batana mat
2011:sb kro vrna bata dungi ki tm kuch nhi kr skteRelated

Even though my parent doesn’t have much in terms of upkeep, i was always comfortable with whatever they are gave me. They even tried this time around at the beginning of the second semester when i was going that they gave me N10,000 for my upkeep. There is always food stuff abundant at home as we always combine whatever my parent gave me with Ismaeel own.
Ismaeel do help with finance most times too as he do pay for my transport as that was the only thing i spend my money on. In Unilorin, lecturers doesn’t sell text book or handouts, even though there are handouts but its not compulsory you buy unlike other schools i do hear of that lecturers threaten them to buy textbooks or handout in other to pass their course. I was at home this particular day after four of my course mates left our hostel and there was so many gist after the tutorials which involve ismaeel too
Ismaeel: Wow…….so, you have become so popular in the school
Me: popular ke? I don’t think so
Ismaeel: Do you know most people are always singing your name even in my dept? They always say that we should come to mosque if they are interested in tutorials and have never mentioned that i know you anytime i meet people discussing about you
Me: ehn..ehn…i don’t know about that Alfa Ismaeel
Ismaeel: Its good sha, look at the compliment the ones that left here passed about you too…i believe so many ladies will be crushing on you now
Me: crushing on me for what? You should know me now
Ismaeel: Know you for what? Do you have someone you are keeping yourself for or you want to tell me you are still a virgin?
Me: Ahuzubillahi (I seek refuge from God). Am not keeping myself for anybody and when the time comes i will…Alfa Ismaeel, don’t tell me you have started having girlfriend at this younger age
Ismaeel: Lailai..not yet
Me: Its better because its against the quran and the teaching of the prophet
Ismaeel: Yes i Know..olorun a gba fun wa
Me: Allahumo Amin
Exams was here already, at every point in time that we will have exam, i used to organised to my course mate a day before the paper and this always served as a form of revision to me too. Just like play, second semester was over, we were given 3 months holiday and i decided that the best way for me was to go and spend the holiday in Offa so i thought about Ismaeel until he discouraged me and told me there was nothing exactly to go and do at home
Ismaeel: even if you go home today, what will you be doing?
Me: Nothing but at least i will be at the comfort of my family
Ismaeel: and what will that comfort do for you
Me: uhmmmm
Ismaeel: Dont lemme lie to you…you are now grown up and you can always leave your life the way you like. If we leave here now, will the landlord suspend our rent payment? Will going home bring extra income to you? What do we get to gain aside seeing our parent on a daily basis and going on errands for them. That is more reason why i hardly go home because is of no difference. Had it been i we are staying in the school hostel now i would have said maybe because they will close down the hostel at a particular time then we will be forced to go home but this is not the case and do you know one thing have learnt about all this alfa abdulrahman
Me: what is that brother Ismaeel
Ismaeel: Even if you go home to your parent at every given holiday, there will definitely be a time that you will be a man of your own….A day will come you will stop going to your father’s house….A day will come that you will be self sufficient..so, why not start learning how to be self sufficient while in school
Me: That is true sha….but how do we cope with finances
Ismaeel: I know we don’t have problem with food stuff but the only issue i know we can have is little finances that we will require in case we want to go out or buy something but i know how we can buy pass that
Me: How?
Ismaeel: This is Ilorin Brother Abdulrahman, with the knowledge God bestowed on you, there are so many Coaching centres (IJMB, JAMB and GCE) here in Ilorin which we can be doing part time Job. Atleast we can always earn little from them even if they will be paying us as low as N5,000 every month
Me: Do they pay up to that?
Ismaeel: Yes..depending on your negotiation skills and in fact if they realized that you are very good
Me: How will they know you are very good before negotiation? Will they put you into test
Ismaeel: Yes they will but as times goes on depending on the recommendation and satisfaction of their student, once they realized you are an asset,they wouldn’t want to lose you to competitors because you will definitely be a reference point to attract student to their coaching class..
Me: Ohhhh…I see
Ismaeel: Most student here doesn’t go home and this are one of the thing they do to survive in school. Make some cash and save, by the time school resume you will see them buoyant and doesn’t need to rely much on their parent for financial needs
Me: so, which coaching centre can we apply to?
Ismaeel: i know of Lankotheory and there is one close to us here at the junction as if you are going to fate basin after tipper garage
Me: Ohk..maybe i will give it a try…but what will i tell my parent if they asked why am not home
Ismaeel: You will give them one kind of a lie
Me: Ahuzubillahi….i cant lie ooo, to my parent? Lailai, have never done that before and will never do it
Ismaeel: Its not a lie per say, at least is not as if you are doing something bad, you will only tell them you are engaged in some extracurricular academics in school and you don’t deem it necessary coming home as at that moment
Me: Does that means you always lie to people brother Ismaeel
Ismaeel: Lie ke? Lailai….i don’t lie ooooo..why should i lie to people
Me: Its better because Al-quran doesn’t support lying and even the prophet said “kullu li haqa, wa lao kaana muro” (Always tell the truth no matter how hard it is) and you know the consequences of lying as mentioned in the quran
Ismaeel: yes, i know and i have never lied to anybody before..But am only suggesting this option so that we can also support our parents. You know our house rent will due in 2 months time and we will be going home for house rent payment and want pocket money with food stuff too. That means our house rent payment will coincide with our resumption almost the same time and i believe the best we could do to support them is to engage in extracurricular activities for this 3 months break
Me: Its a welcome idea and i will definitely give it a thought….
I gave it a serious thought and realized the best idea was actually to stay in school but what i will never do was to lie to my parent about my plans. We were able to settle for the coaching centre at fate basin Junction which is a bit closer to Zanrab because some other ones that are up to standard are not close by.

>>

When I went to
school I was
taught: PUSSY
meant a CAT
SEX meant
GENDER BITCH
was a FEMALE
DOG DICK was a
NAME BANG
was a SOUND
RUBBER...



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 17:07:35

334 Views




I went to First Bank a day before yesterday to get my Bank Verification Number (BVN). The door rejected me times without number. I got so frustrated, even after taking off my shoes. I took off my belt, ring, wrist-watch, necklace, also took off my shirt which has metal buttons. The bank door still refused me to enter. The bank security man then told me to open my mouth. I opened it. The next thing he said was, "Eeeyaaaa!!!! Sorry sir, this your teeth are too strong and looks like iron, you can't enter any bank with them".

What should i do?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-25 09:14:09

695 Views




May you enjoy:

A bountiful Thanksgiving;

A joyous Holiday Season;

And a healthful Happy New Year!Related
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