Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


page ki reach itni jyada ghat gyi hai ab toh lagta hai ki ek hi

option bacha hai,

kisi kadak ladki photo post karke caption kardu ‘batao main

kaisi lagg rahi hu…?’



Kasam se bheed ho jayegi.Related

When I failed WAEC and 2 GCE exams, I could not touch the remote without irritating my parents...even to slice bread they said I was making noise.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-20 10:46:54

278 Views




Eleven people where hanging on a rope from an hellicopter, ten men and one woman. They were all going to die except one person gives himself up to die and save the rest. It was proving difficult to chose who to let go of the rope until the woman gave a very touching speech, she said she would give up the rope so as to save the rest of them as it was the duty of a woman to always sacrifice for the family as she dose for her kids and husband and men in general and in so doing they (women) makes the world a better place. When she was done with her touching speech all the men were clapping for her. General RIP.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-23 15:38:05

458 Views




I was dazed as Tolu threw my boxer shorts at
me.
“Get under the bed,” she yelled, grabbing my
denim jeans
and long sleeve T-shirt from the chair I had
placed it
earlier. She threw them at me, and then she
started to
straighten the rough bed sheet.
I hurriedly wore my boxer short, and was
about to wear
my denim jeans when she pushed me towards
the bed.
“My husband is back,” she screamed.
“Your husband! But I thought he had
travelled,” my voice
shook and it was tinged with fear.
“Yes, he ought to be in Abuja, but he is here
now. Just get
under the bed.”
I bent and wiggled my apple shaped body
under the bed.
Hardly had I settled there when Tolu threw
my shoe, but
she didn’t remember my socks. She was in a
rush to
clean all my tracks. I could feel my heart
between my
teeth, pumping blood filled with fear every
second.
She opened the door and left the room in
haste. I began
to tremble, so I turned my face to the other
side, thus I
couldn’t see the door. What would happen if
her
husband discovered me, kill me? Strip me
naked and
have me walk the street like a thief? The
opening of the
door shut the window of my thoughts. Tolu’s
husband
entered. I could tell by the sound of his shoes
as they hit
the terrazzo floor. I turned my face back,
looking at
Tolu’s husband’s legs as he took off his
shoes, then his
trouser.
“Welcome my dear,” Tolu greeted, moving
closer to her
husband. He didn’t reply. Has he noticed
something on
her face: The smeared lipstick or her distorted
makeup?
“What happened to your makeup?” he asked.
His voice
was authoritative, like Hitler’s. I froze with
fear. Tolu was
done. I had never known her to be good with
telling
quick lies.
“I was em…em—cleaning up,” her voice shook,
“I just
returned from the Ojomos naming ceremony.
You know
I told you this morning that I would represent
both of
us.”
“But Mr Ojomo said he didn’t see your
shadow,” her
husband intercepted, “I stopped over at their
place when
I was coming.”
“Em, he must be mistaken. There were a lot
of guests, so
he must have forgotten.”
“That’s true, the guests were much, and he
barely had my
time too.”
I could felt relief as it coursed through my
system. I
could now feel my heart behind my ribs, but
its beats
were rapid. Tolu’s husband sat on the bed. I
could see his
tuber-like hairy legs that looked like a Bigfoot
monster’s
legs. My business partner, Kelvin, has that
kind of legs
too.
“Darling, I’m so tired. I had a hectic day. I
want to sleep,
but I am hungry. Get me something to eat,”
“Will rice do?”
“Rice is good. Help me fry some plantains
too.”
“Okay. What happened to your voice, it
sounds tiny.”
“Ooh, I caught cold.”
“I would get some pills for you. Meanwhile,
why don’t
you come rest in the sitting room while I
prepare your
food. You can use that medium to watch the
evening
news too.”
“I have heard all the news today as I was
driving home.
Let me just rest here. You might even have to
bring the
food here when you are through.”
“You may have heard all the news, but you
haven’t told
me what made you cancel your trip,” she
persuaded,
“Here is my hand, let’s go”
Tolu’s husband leg didn’t move, not even a
single hair on
his hairy leg stood. He was really tired.
“On the trip, the client I wanted to meet told
me to stay
put that he is coming to Lagos tomorrow. Am
I free now?
Just let me rest.”
Tolu moved towards the door
“Ehn en, the pen that dropped under the bed
this
morning, have you seen it?” her husband
asked.
The question made me jerk. I was done.
Damn, I’m finally
made, I muttered.
Tolu began to shake. I could tell from her
legs.
“What is making you shake?”
“Shake, I’m not shaking. The pen… em… no…
yes, I found
it. It is in the sitting room. Come, I’ll show
you.”
I could feel the pen in question between my
toes. If Tolu’s
husband remains adamant, there was no way
I would get
out of here, but the moment he leaves, I
would be free
like the legs of a cripple.
“Is there something special about this sitting
room today?
You’ve been hammering everything on the
sitting room.”
“Nothing special, I just want to see your face
while I
cook.”
“That’s strange. You’ve never done that
before.”
“There is always a first time to everything. I
want to treat
you like you are- The best husband in the
universe,” she
moved closer to him. I could hear the sound
of the peck
she planted on her husband’s cheek. Soon he
stood up
with her and they walked towards the door.
“Isn’t that my socks outside the wardrobe?”
Tolu quickly picked up the socks, “Never mind
me. It
must have fallen down when I was arraigning
your shirts
this morning,”
“Fell? But I don’t keep my sock in the
wardrobe, you
know that.”
God, he is really going to get what’s going
on. It was
getting too obvious. First it was the lipstick
and makeup,
now it’s my socks. “God, save me from this.
If you do, I
promise never to commit adultery again,
never.” I prayed
quietly.
“Never mind me,” Tolu quickly said, “It was
when I was
polishing your shoe.”
Her husband opened the door, and he walked
out
without uttering another word. Tolu followed
suit.
“God, thank you for that near miss, I’m
indebted to you,”
I praised quietly, breathing out, “I will never
commit
adultery again, never. Just help me escape in
one piece,” I
prayed.
I was happy God answered my prayer, but did
he really
answer my prayer for good? I’ll leave you to
figure that
out. Tolu had stepped out of the room and
was about
closing the door when my phone rang. Guess
what, my
phone was a Techno N7, a China phone.

>> Part 2 -

Once upon a time, a very strong woodcutter
asked for a job in a timber merchant and he
got it. The pay was really good and so was
the work condition.
For those reasons, the woodcutter was
determined to do his best. His boss gave him
an axe and showed him the area where he
supposed to work.
The first day, the woodcutter brought 18
trees. “Congratulations,” the boss said. “Go
on that way!” Very motivated by the boss
words, the woodcutter tried harder the next
day, but he could only bring 15 trees. The
third day he tried even harder, but he could
only bring 10 trees.
Day after day he was bringing less and less
trees. “I must be losing my strength”, the
woodcutter thought. He went to the boss and
apologized, saying that he could not
understand what was going on. “When was
the last time you sharpened your axe?” the
boss asked.
“Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I
have been very busy trying to cut trees…”
Reflection:
Our lives are like that. We sometimes get so
busy that we don’t take time to sharpen the
“axe”. In today’s world, it seems that
everyone is busier than ever, but less happy
than ever. Why is that?
Could it be that we have forgotten how to
stay “sharp”?
There’s nothing wrong with activity and hard
work. But we should not get so busy that we
neglect the truly important things in life,
like our personal life, taking time to get
close to our Creator, giving more time for
our family, taking time to read etc.
We all need time to relax, to think and
meditate, to learn and grow. If we don’t
take the time to sharpen the “axe”, we will
become dull and lose our effectiveness.#GoodDay #HappySunday #HappyNewWeek #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth.

~ ChanakyaRelated

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The
preacher told the man, "this donkey has been trained
in a very unique way. The only way to make the
donkey go is to say Hallelujah, and the only way to
make it stop is to say Amen."
The man immediately got on the animal to try out the
preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" He shouted.
And immediately the donkey began to trot.
"Amen!" He shouted again, and the donkey stopped
immediately.
"This is great," he said.
With Hallelujah he rode off very proud of his
purchase. The man traveled for a long time through
some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a
cliff. He could not remember the word to make the
donkey stop.
"STOP!" He blurted, "HALT!" He blurted again.
The donkey just kept going, "Oh no, Bible! Church!
Please stop!" Cried the man.
He was getting closer and closer to the edge of the
cliff. Finally in desperation, the man said a prayer,
"Please, dear God, please make this donkey stop
before I go off this mountain, in Jesus name, AMEN!"
The donkey came to an abrupt stop, just one step
from the edge of the cliff.
Immediately the donkey stopped, the man joyously
said, "HALLELUJAH!"
AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!!!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-03 13:10:11

600 Views



A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.There are 10 commandments, not 12.There are 12 disciples, not 10.Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don’t say he was stoned off his ass.We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry,”The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s!Related

Yoruba people [Read it]


I don tire for all this yoruba women
self.......Naso I wan go visit someone for
togate at ibadan ...on my way goin, I felt so
tasty. then I saw a woman selling Zobo! I
asked her in english if its cold? I notice that
the woman does not understand english . Nah
so I con ask her in yoruba ( in ibadan accent)
that "Mama, soboyin tutu"? Nah so d woman
reply," Ori e lo buru, OBO IYARE LOMA
GBONA IWO OMO RADARADA YI, Plz shey
nah abuse I abuse d woman?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 19:45:33

1114 Views



GIRLS can LIE [Read it]


Last week I saw a girl at mile 2,I approached her and asked after her name,she said "cynthia",then she told me she lives at V.I(which I never asked),I collected her number n contacted her one faithful day to meet me in a bar near obalende,as she arrived I asked what she would like,she said "anything",so I said"would u like shawama?",she quickly said "no oh,I don't take alcohol,,,
Abeg shey shawama na alcohol?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-07 08:45:54

870 Views




I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania!Related

Akpos saw Okon his younger brother wearing a brand new, steel watch.
“Did you get that for Christmas?” – asked Akpos.

“Not at all!” – replied Okon.

“Maybe is part of your birthday gift then?”

Okon replied again “Nooo!”

“Wait o! Don't tell me you stole it?” – asked Akpos.

“No,” said Okon. “I caught Mom and Dad having fun in bed last night. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.”

Akpos was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Okon’s new watch.
He vowed to get one for himself.

The next day their father return home without a watch. Akpos was so disappointed.
The second day still no watch. Akpos was angry and wanted to give up.

One week later, their father return home with a GOLD WATCH. Akpos was so excited. That night, Akpos waited outside his parents’ bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. “What do you want now?” “I wanna watch,” Akpos replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, “Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-04 07:27:58

5546 Views




"I can't take this any more," I cried out. "I've had enough! God, I need to get out of here."

A new strength surged within me. I drove home, stuffed what I could into a suitcase, jumped back in my car, and made a beeline for the border.

I moved to a new city entirely and settled into a new job and apartment. Determined to start over, I found a church where I could grow spiritually and emotionally. Every sermon helped bandage my wounds of hurt and shame, and the people I met showered me with love and compassion. I also found a great counselor to whom I poured out my grief and despair. Many long, lonely nights were spent in tears and prayer before God. Slowly, I began to realize I'd been way too passive and had enabled my husband's lifestyle. My backward thinking was replaced by a new understanding of whom God had made me to be. I could finally say to myself: I'm a new creation. The old has gone; the new has come.

Then, I started thinking about Peter again. The marriage was dead and buried in my mind, but I couldn't help feeling sorry for him. Trapped by his addiction, he needed someone to intercede for him. I felt it had to be me. When I sent him a small gift on his birthday, he phoned.

I kept the conversation brief, but for the first time since I'd left, confusion set in. Deep in my heart I didn't want to be another divorce statistic. I loved my husband despite his perversity. Our phone calls grew into weekly events. He never asked me to come back. Instead, we talked about his background—something we'd never done before—and about God.

"I've always been adventurous," Peter said. "And I began looking at porn at a young age with my buddies. By the time I turned eleven, I was sexually active. At fifteen, I left home to hitchhike around the states, and I indulged in every sexual act you can imagine.

"When I met you, I thought I could settle down and forget everything I'd done. But I couldn't turn off my thoughts. My mind was like a cable porn channel: sex, sex, sex, twenty-four-hours a day."

He started phoning on a daily basis. The more we talked, the deeper his repentance grew, and he begged my forgiveness.

"I've been going to the same church you went to," he said. "I've also found someone to hold me accountable. He knows a lot about marriage problems and really understands the sexual struggles men can have."


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THE WICKED LECTURER?
Three University guys dodged exam because
they did not study.
They came up with a plan,got themselves dirty
using grease, then went to see the Lecturer.
”Sir we are sorry we couldn't make it to the
exam. We attended a wedding and on our way
back the car broke down thus we became so
dirty as you can see".
The Lecturer understood and gave them three
days
to prepare.
After three days, they went to the Lecturer
very
ready for the exam because they had studied.
The Lecturer put them in three separate
classes
with only four questions in the exam paper;
1. Who and who got married? (25 marks)
2. Where was the reception held? (25mks)
3. Where exactly did the car break down?
(25mks)
4.What type of car broke down? (25mks)
Marking scheme: your answers must be the
same.!!
Good Luck Guys!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-21 23:36:55

614 Views



Akpos And Ebube [Read it]


Akpos Came Home Late And His Wife[ebube] Started Asking Him Some Question.
Ebube: How Did This Lipstick Get To Your Mouth.
Akpos: Is From Julie,when I Was Congratulating Her.
Ebube: What About The Perfume That Is Scenting From Your Body
Akpos: Is From The Women That I Entered Bus With Her When Coming Home.
Ebube: What About The Condoms In Your Pocket
Akpos: Dont Ask Me Stupid Questiom Jhoor,I Want To Sleep.
 Ebube: Its Not Fair O,When I Use Them Outside,i Dont Use To Bring Them Home.
Akpos: [shocked] What Did You Just Say.
Ebube: Dont Ask Me Stupid Question Jhoor,i Want To Sleep


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2015-01-17 10:01:51

788 Views




A Warri Mum called Akpos her son and said;
Akpos that fish and meat don boil?
Akpos replied; Yes ma le.
The Mum then said; Abeg implicate salt and
maggi, attach oil, pepper and sentence the
crayfish, then involve the leafs. After
10minutes discharge the pot from fire. U dey
hear me so?
Akpos replied; Yes ma le. Shuoo this food go
good to download with fufu ma le.
His Mum said; Akpos no worry. I don detain
some fufu for cooler, when time reach we go
give am Amnesty.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-09 07:36:47

262 Views




A Woman Asked Akpos That "If I Sleep With Three Men,People Will Call Me A Slut,whore And Prostitute,but If A Man Sleeps With Ten Ladies,Everybody Will Call Him A Real Man",How Come?.Akpos Replied Saying "its Very Simple.When One Padlock Can Be Opened By 3 Different Keys,its A Bad Padlock,but When A Single Key Can Open Ten Padlock,We Will Call It A MASTER KEY...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 22:54:21

371 Views




SeX k baad Pati BRA dete hue- Ye lo apne “Doodh k Dhakkan”



Unsatisfied Wife-Gusse se,



Underwear dete hue-‘Ye lo apne Murday ka Kafn’Related


It was the next day,Amara was seen in the restaurant where sandra told chidi to meet her,she has been waiting for about two hours but no sign of chidi,she felt disappointed she really wanted him to come,she got up to leave,she got outside to where her car was parked,she saw chidi walking towards her,chidi walked up to Amara he wasn't looking happy to be there but he just didn't know why he came.

Chidi:you wanted to see me,be fast about whatever you want to say cause I have a lot of things to do.

Amara :can we go inside

Chidi:no,let's talk here

Amara felt the anger in his voice,she couldn't hold back the tears in her
eyes,chidi was move with her tear but he tryed not to show it.

Amara :chidi,please forgive me

Chidi:is that why you want to see me

Amara :i think so,chidi i know you are angry with me but I was confused

This got chidi angry

Chidi:confused, i see amara,you want me to forgive you why should I, i did all what I know how to,i fought for you and i tryed but what did you do,you turn around to hurt me and you stand here to tell me to forgive you.

Amara :chidi you have to listen to me

Chidi:so you can tell me more lies

Amara :i have nevered lied to you ,why should I start now

Chidi:stop it,only God know how many times you have lied to me,do you know why I came,because I want to look into your eyes one more time and tell you how much I hate you even more then the devil himself and to warn you for the last time if you ever send for me again,you will regret it

Amara :chidi....

Chidi:stop calling my name this is your last warning

Chidi turned to leave,Amara didn't know what next to do.

Amara :i was raped

She was shocked at herself she didn't know when that came out,chidi stoped immediately his temper went down, he turned and face amara

Chidi:what did you just say

Amara :he raped me

Chidi h God,how do you expect me to believe that

Amara :i am not lieing

Amara cried bitterly, that was something she never wanted to remember.

Amara :he came to meet me at home,i didn't know how he found out where I live,he forced himself on me,i tried chidi but I couldn't fight back he was too strong for me,he hit me and hit me again and again,i was weak,i wouldn't chidi....

Chidi:shhhhhh. ....

He quickly hugged her,he couldn't listen any more it was too much for him to bear,

Chidi:am so sorry,i was a fool,i over reacted,am so sorry,he will regret this,i promise,

He tryed and comforted her,they both later went inside the restaurant,which he later took her home,he couldn't sleep that night the thought of maxwell touching amara made him so angry, earlier on in the restaurant amara had pleased with him not to do anything harsh to maxwell he had promised but he knew he will break a little of it because he so want to laid his hand on maxwell.

He got up very early in the morning, he didn't go to work he head straight to maxwell house,he angryly knock on the gate,the gateman opened the gate and chidi push him,the gateman fall on the floor,he went inside the compound.the gateman got up from the floor

Gateman : sir. .....

Chidi:shhhhhh. ....go in there and call you boss,and don't you lie that he is not around because I know this is morning and he hasn't gone out

The gateman look afraid

Gateman :but who are you

Immediately chidi slap him

Chidi:will you stup up and go call me your boss now

Chidi began to push him

Chidi :go tell me to come out

Maxwell was in his room,he heard noise from outside, he was worried he quickly ran out to see what was the problem, he was so shocked and at the same time angry to see chidi.

Maxwell :ah...ah...

Chidi saw maxwell and he stop pushing the gateman

Maxwell :what are you doing in my house

Maxwell move close to chidi,immediately maxwell came closer to chidi,chidi rush on him and gave him a blow on his face, maxwell fall to the ground already bleeding for his nose.

Chidi:how dare you lay your hands on her,you son of a bitch.

Maxwell try to get up but chidi rush on him again landing blows on him

Chidi :i have warn you to stay away from her,she is now mine.

The gateman tryed to stop chidi but chidi also landed a blow on his eye.

Gateman :ahhhh.....

The gateman screaming in pain covering his eye with his hand,chidi then stop hitting maxwell,

Chidi :now listen to me ,this is a warning next time you won't be lucky, if i see you anywhere close to her again,i will do more then this,i don't care if she is carring your child,i don't care just stay away

Chidi Pouch him one last time and walked out of the compound, he wasn't satisfied but he knows that will do for now,maxwell was badly bleeding all over his face,he was till on the ground weak,maxwell managed to get up and he help himself into the house. ...he was angry but he needed to get himself treated first,then he will know what to do to chidi.

LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS AND
READ NEXT EPISODE

EPISODE 22

>>


After she woke up, Akpos’ wife him that: “Honey, I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” Akpos said.

That evening, Akpos came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-14 14:02:40

441 Views




MY FIRST PREGNANCY EPISODE. 6


(MR SAMMY):"God please help me out ,don't let anything happen to my wife or the child,God please just send your angels to make her deliver safely",he prayed in his soul...his phone rang,when he checked the caller it was his mum,he picked it up and they started talking about Mrs faith,they also prayed together,when the called drop.another person called,he looked at it and it was his father in law,......mrs faith dad isn't all that nice,he is kinda hard......but never the less mr Sammy had to pick it, because if he don't it would add to his worries,when he picked it,he greeted the man,but he didn't reply him back instead he asked him so many questions that mr Sammy wasn't able to answer some few,he then asked him where the hospital he was in,mr Sammy told him,faith's dad told him that he would be there in the next three hours,mr Sammy said ok,then The call dropped.....back at the labour room......(DOCTOR):"so are you ready ma"?..he asked with his hands closed together..(MRS FAITH):"yes sir".she said...(DOCTOR):"everyone go to your position",he ordered the nurses.....a nurse told Mrs faith to hold her knees with her hands and pulls her legs back,she did as she was told,then doctor asked her again whether she was ready, she wanted to say no but then she felt an unstoppable pressure to push, the feeling increased pressure near her perineum. It even felt like she was ready to have a bowel movement,so she said yes to the doctor.then the nurse asked her to curl forward and tuck her chin and that the curved position will help the baby through the pelvis.mrs faith was now fully ready.the doctor Encourage her to focus her abdominal muscles to push down, as she might do when she is trying to make her urine come out faster or having a bowel movement. The doctor also said to her that it can help avoid straining or directing the pushing force upward toward her neck and face,after the doctor was done talking, Mrs faith began to push..........mean while out side the labour room......(mr sammy)people kept calling and calling him............TO BE CONTINUED......STORY BY DINDY.....WHATSAPP NUMBER:07087750433....FACEBOOK NAME:OSSY NNAMDI
PLEASE DO NOT SHARE WITHOUT TELLING ME



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Writer: OPAYEMI ABIODUN OLUSEGUN.

Title: MY STRANGE JOURNEY.

Part: 6.

I don't know the shape her so called operation
will take. 'Let's go and visit the sorrounding' she announced.

She leads and I followed. We passed out through another door situated at the far end of the room.

The event at the back of this house was a direct opposite of what I had seen on my way to the house. In fact, is the same with my own place.

I could set my eyes on the sun again, birds were busy singing and flying around. The trees were dancing in harmony with the wind directions.

The alarm on my wrist watch gave a beeping
soud, I was surprised to see that it works
normally, displaying: 6th January, 2002.

I could remember vividly that I slept in my
house on the 3rd.

The worst of it all, I am now feeling hungry and thirsty. I felt sleepy too, yet, curiosity didn't allow it to over-power me.

The lady later held my hand and we moved
further away from the house. We reached a
place full of fruits of all sorts. ...

Bank robbery [Read it]


Two thieves break into a bank in the
middle of the night and open a safe.
There is only some yogurt, but no
money. They taste the yogurt. It's
tainted.
The men open the next safe. There is
some yogurt too, it tastes much better
but again - no money.
The thieves take on another safe. And
there's yogurt again.
"John, why don't you go outside and
look if it is indeed a bank!" says one to
the other, and sits down to eat the
yogurt which tastes really fresh and
nutritious this time.
A couple of minutes later in comes
John.
"It is definitely a bank!"
"What exactly did the sign say?"
"The Sperm Bank of Ohio!""


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-12 19:39:43

469 Views




When she’s having sex, no woman remains grandiose.

~ The Piano TeacherRelated

“Hei! John… Dont keep too long, remember
you have school tomorrow.” one of ish’s
friends mother warned her son when the
other kids went for him. They all gathered at
the field and a car came to fetch them. A
very huge dark air conditioned car. ” wait!
Wait!” one of the kids shouted when he saw
ish walking slowly to the place. He was being
left out. ” i forgot to fetch him” juliet said to
herself. The car stopped for ishmeal to come
on board.

They got to the place and they were
flabbergasted with what they saw. ” wooow!”
they chorused. ” i want this chair” “i want this
one” “that is mine” the all scattered in search
for a chair. Juleit and ishmeal were left
standing. ” wont you sit?” she asked ishmeal
but he said he prefers to stand for a while.
They were served with lots of food and drinks
and they danced their hearts out. They were
the only kids around so they felt confortable.
Christy wasnt around by then, it was her mum
who was with the kids.
Christy and her dad came to stand at the
entrance of their main door. The kids became
quiet when they saw her. She was in a white
long dress, and she was having a chat with
her dad when they saw her. “she is beautiful”
juliet commented. ” is that her father” juliet
rhetorically asked. She gazed at ish and had
a look at christy’s dad again. ” you really,
truely look like that man ish” she pulled his legs
and laughed. Ish didnt pay any attention to
what she said because he wasnt related to
the man in any ways.

She came to them and greeted them. Juliet
and some of the kids went to her and
embraced her. Her parents left the scene
after spending some time with them. “enjoy
yourselfs and becareful doing so” mr. Mensah
said to them and left, together with his wife.
Christy really had fun with her Ghanaian
friends that night. ” hey, be ready. I will talk to
her and leave her later on. Go to her when
you see that she is alone, okay?” juliet said to
the little rascal.
Will it work?

>>

good lecture*r [Read it]


Post Body a girl walked into the lecturer's office with a mini*skirt* showing her labs and a see through blouse and she SAID TO D LECTURER "i will do any thing to pass my examx" the lecturer asked her again anything? she said yes.
the lectures then told her remove your cloth she happily removed it d lecturer nw told her "run round the school compound"
good morning friends


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2016-03-24 07:00:32

421 Views




A little old lady went into the Bank one day, carrying a bag of money. She asked to speak with the bank president to open an account because, "It's a lot of money!" The reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash on his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The old lady said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president said, "What wrong with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have the Bank president's balls in my hand!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-20 13:30:50

346 Views




Santa Police station ja kar kehta hai: Inspector saab, mujhe ek FIR likhwaani hai.


Inspector: Kaun ho tum, kya hua, aur kiske khilaaf FIR karwaani hai?


Santa: Mujhe phone par jaan se marne ki dhamki mil rahi hai.


Inspector: Kaun de raha hai dhamkiyaan tumko, aur kya bol raha hai?


Santa: BSNL wale, kehte hai bill nahi bhara to kaat denge…!Related

In Scotland, the New Year is called Hogmanay. In the villages of Scotland, barrels of tar are set afire and then rolled down the streets. This ritual symbolizes that the old year is burned up and the new one is allowed to enter.Related

BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 7

Isabella and her mum arrived
the state prison after about
30minutes hitch free drive.
They went straight to the chief
warder and asked to see Isaiah.
Warder: i’m sorry ma’am,
Isaiah had a little health issues
and was taken to the hospital
yesterday.
Isabella: mum?
Grace: what hospital?
Warder: no need going there,
we just get news of his escape!
Grace: you have such a bad
security system! If anything
bad ever happens to my son,
i’d make sure you pay with
your life!!!
Warder: if ever you find him
don’t hesitate to inform us.
Isabella: you’d be the last
person to know! Scumbag!!!!!
************************************
I got scared after hearing the
gunshot.
Raising my head i saw Samuel
holding the officer’s hand high
in the air, the ceiling looked
pierced by a bullet, one of
them must have pulled the
trigger while the gun’ nozzle
faced heaven.
The little strength in me was
awaken by the anger of falling
down after the cop dodged my
kick.
I punched him hard on the rib,
weakening him, samuel seized
that opportunity to grab the
gun from the officer.
I gave the officer another rib
chopper, he fell to the ground.
I pinned him down
immediately, samuel brought
the handcuff, we cuffed his
hands backward and left him
groaning.
The officer standing outside
heard the gunshot, he was too
scared to go in.
*on the phone*
officer: officer Bulano on the
line, there’s an emergency,
send the back up team to the
hospital.
Prisoner on the loose i repeat
prisoner on the loose.
I was about turning the door
knob when samuel grabbed my
hand…
Samuel: wait! One more cop
outside, i’d have to take him
out.
Samuel opened the door with
his right hand while the pistol
from the cuffed cop was on his
another hand….
The officer outside was fast
enough to shot as soon as
samuel came out.
Samuel managed to dodge
nevertheless the bullet
penetrated his right arm.
He shot the cop on his
forehead, killing him instantly.
He then went back to Isaiah.
Samuel: time for your escape,
go fast, don’t delay!!!
Me: your arm…were you shot?
Samuel: don’t worry about me,
i’d be fine, get going already! I
think the cops would be here
in no time.
Me: are you sure?
Samuel: i said go, don’t throw
our efforts in the air!!!
He pushed me outside, i really
didn’t want to leave him here, i
don’t want everything to fall
on him, but he insisted.
I took the elevator and soon
found myself on the last floor,
some guards and nurses kept
asking questions like ‘when did
a delivery boy get it’
i was glad they bought my
reply, none of them could
recognize me as the patient
brought in yesterday.
Soon i found the bike samuel
told me about i jumped on it,
riding as fast as i could…..
**********************************
Samuel found a piece of
clothing and used it to tie his
wound.
He wore a longsleeve shirt to
cover the wound, then tucked
the gun in his waist.
He walked down the hallway,
hoping to find an optional
exit, he didn’t want to use the
elevator, unforunately he
found no other exit he cursed
the architect who planned the
building.
He resolved to take the
elevator, but it was too late,
three police men were already
there.
They seemed to have sighted
his blood stained face.
Police 1: hey yo stop right
there!
In a reflex he gunned down
the both of them.
Two other officers came out
from no where, both pointing
guns at him.
Officer 2: move and you’ar
dead.
Samuel was close to the
elevator, with his hands in the
air he took silent steps
backward then a swift move
into the elevator, which he
locked afterwards.
He clicked the buttons and the
elevator took off.
But it stopped ‘mid-air’ shít he
spat out, the authorities must
have done something, how is
he to get outta here free?

>>

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Akpos got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I`m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don`t get it" responded the Akpos. "Why don`t you sleep on it then? Maybe you`ll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Akpos went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Akpos was awakened by his baby brother`s crying. He went to his baby brother`s crib and found that his baby brother had shit in his pant. So Akpos went to his parent`s room to get help. When he got to his parent`s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn`t there. So he went to the maid`s room. When he looked through the maid`s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Akpos was surprised, but then he just realized something and shouts aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-25 06:42:30

2601 Views




Akpos and his wife was having a walk one evening. As they pass the nearby market a handsome guy selling meat waved Akpos`s wife and she responded. "Who was that" says Akpos. "He is my very good customer that use to sell meat for me well. I like him so much.", responded the wife. Akpos wasn`t happy inside him but he kept it to himself. As they kept going, Akpos saw a girl by the other side of the road and waved her. "Honey who was that girl?" said his wife. She use to rob my back when u stay long at the market.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-03 16:38:02

1274 Views




Every time I talk to my wife, my mind reminds me that… this conversation will be recorded for “Training and Quality purposes”!Related

Akpos Went For A Picnic At A Beach With Some Bunch Of Bananas.After Getting To The Beach,he Sat Down Near A White Man Who Had A Pet Monkey.Suddenly,akpors Feel Pressed And He Need To Pee.He Told The White Man To Help Him Lool After His Bananas,then He Left.When He Got Back,he Did Not See His Bananas,he Then Ask The White Man.The White Man Replied By Pointing To The Monkey Saying "ask Your Brother".Akpos Didnt Say A Word.He Sat Down And Was Enjoying His Vacation.Suddenly The White Man Felt Pressed Too,he Then Asked Akpos To Help Him Look After His Monkey.When The White Man Got Back,he Found His Pet Monkey Dead.Frustrated,he Asked Akpos What Happened,akpos Replied Saying "plz Dont Interfere,its A Family Matter"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-10 00:10:21

335 Views




“Jesus of Nazareth!” I screamed on seeing the black highlander jeep. “You mean this jeep is for me?”
“Yes dear,” the senator replied smiling. “The jeep is for you.”
I couldn’t hide my joy.
I ran round the jeep touching and inspecting every corner of its upholstery.
Then I opened the door to the passenger seat to inspect the inside.
“This is beautiful,” I exclaimed feeling the seats with my hand. “This is very beautiful.”
“I’m happy you like it,” the senator said smiling.
“I sure do like it,” I replied smiling back.
Senator Clifford’s driver drove me back to my hostel in the brand new highlander with me sitting at the back.
The necessity of going for some driving lessons flashed through my mind as we drove back.
My friends at the lodge were so dumbfounded when they saw me.
“Its my new car,” I announced smiling.
“Wow!” They exclaimed with eyes ogling.
I threw a party later that night in the lodge and everybody drank and drank till they were satisfied.
I soon started feeling tipsy and danced freely. One guy slipped his hands into my skirt as we danced but I didn’t mind.
I was high on cloud nine so nothing else mattered.
Around 11pm, an unfamiliar set of guys entered our lodge.
Next thing they drew out guns and started demanding for our phones and everywhere became noisy.
In the chaos, I quickly ran into my room and locked the door.
“Please don’t do this to me,” I heard a female occupant of our lodge screaming downstairs.
“My friend open it well!” A harsh masculine voice countered.
The significance of what was happening was clear to everyone – the poor girl was being raped downstairs.
————————————————————
The next morning I came downstairs to inspect my jeep and luckily for me it was still in good condition.
There was no scratch anywhere nor bullet marks.
After that I went over to the room of the girl whom I had heard screaming that night.
The poor girl lay on her bed crying profusely.
She had been unlucky that night and had the guys raping her in turns.
I consoled her to the best of my ability and went back to my room.
As I got close to my room, a call came to my phone and I looked to check who it was and saw the name Dennis, my boyfriend, calling.
“You’ve been avoiding my calls,” he complained as soon as I picked.
“I’m no longer interested in this relationship,” I replied shocking him.
He kept silent for sometime before the line went dead.
Another call came in almost immediately. This time it was from Leo hotel.
“A very important senator would be needing your services this night,” the receptionist informed. “Will you be available?”
“Yes I will,” I replied without thinking.
“Alright see you then,” he said and dropped the call.
Initially I was happy for the new job till the significance of Leo hotel and the thought of Ray flashed into my mind.
My instinct told me that it was possible that they must have discovered Ray’s lifeless body and wanted to use the job to draw me out.
I was right.
I decided at that moment that I won’t show up for the job; definitely not in a hotel where I was still a fugitive.
The expected time for me to show up soon came and when I didn’t show up, the receptionist started calling my number but I refused to pick. He gave me over fifty missed calls but still I didn’t pick.
At the end, he gave up and let me be

>> Episode 33 -

Son: Dad, I want to be like you.

Dad (Feeling Proud): That’s so nice, son. So you want to be an engineer?

Son: No Dad! I, too wanna fuck Deepa aunty… she is so f**king hot!Related

don't stop [Read it]


Mom:if a boy touch ur boobs tell him don't,if he touch your pussy,tell him stop.
Girl:k,but mom he touched both of them and i told him.'don't stop'.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-08 20:56:04

298 Views



monkey boy [Read it]


Akpos goes off to Delta State University
Abraka.
Half way through the semester, he has
foolishly squandered all his money.
He calls his father at home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what
modern education is developing! They
actually
have a program here in Delsu that will teach
our dog (monkey-boy), how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says . "How do I
get Monkey-boy into the program?"
Akpos smiling said... "Just send him down
here with N20,000". "I'll get him into the
course dad."
So, his father sends the dog and N20,000.
About two weeks to end the semester, the
money
again runs out.
Akpos calls home again. "So how's
Monkey-boy (the dog name is monkey-boy)
doing son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm,"
he says,
"but you just won't believe this - they've
had such good results they have started to
teach the animals
how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father,
"No kidding! How do we
get monkey-boy in that program?"
Akpos smiling said "Just send N50,000,
I'll get him
into the class."
The money promptly arrives.
But Akpos then had a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find
out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he killed the dog.
When he arrives home at the
end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's monkey-boy? I just can't wait to
see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," Akpos says, "I have bad news.
Yesterday morning, just before we wanted
to drive
home, monkey-boy was in the living room,
kicked back in
the recliner, reading Vanguard
Newspaper, like he usually does.
Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is
your daddy still messing' around with that
woman who lives in town?"
The father exclaimed, "I hope you killed that
son of a Naughty Lady before he talks to
your Mother!". Akpos replied trust me nah.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-11 08:11:30

732 Views



joke joke joke [Read it]


WIFE: darling why are you home this
early
wearing
such a long face?
HUSBAND: had a terrible day, i lost all my
colleagues today at work. WIFE: blood of
Jesus! what happened?
HUSBAND: there was a fire outbreak
down in the
tunnel and everybody died!
WIFE: what a pity! darling I thank God
for
keeping you alive, how did you make it
out my dear?
HUSBAND: darling, it was God’s work, my
stomach
was upsetting me so, I took a break to
ease myself in the toilet.
WIFE: darling, thank God you are alive,
what would
have happened to us? I feel so much
pity
for their
families. so bad, how are they going to
survive
now?
HUSBAND: my dear its a pity, but
UNITED
NATIONS
has decided to give the families of the
deceased 900 million each.
WIFE: what?!!!!! 900 million what? so
because of
your useless stomach upset
and the foolish toilet and your refusal to
die with your colleagues make me miss
that
money?? I beg
if you don’t want trouble, go back and
die
with
your colleagues,
If this woman is your wife, what will
you do to
her



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-27 13:03:51

287 Views



New game [Read it]


Put your phone inside water and use another phone to call it.it is a new game called water game.the game is very interesting.your phone wont spoil.it is just a new interesting game.mine is insed the water and i am really enjoying it.DONT MISS THE GAME ABEG


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-25 02:12:50

453 Views



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