Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


A policeman stops Jeeto and asks for her license. He says, “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses”.

Jeeto answers, “Well, I have contacts”.

The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know, you’re getting a ticket!”Related

Conversation Between Akpors And His Girlfriend
Joy
JOY: honey do you still love me like before?
Akpors: Yes love! My love for you will never
change.
joy: thats my honey. I want you to buy me
something.
Akpors: Just name it
joy: It’s just one BB porsche.
Akpors: No problem. Just find out the price and
let me know.
joy: It’s #350,000.
Akpors: Is it manual or automatic? Is it still in a
good shape, as in the engine. Have you checked
the fuel consumption too?
joy: Honey, its not a car oh, It’s a phone.
Akpors: Phone?!!!!!!!! that means it will have a
fridge, generator set, plasma and a wardrobe,
shey?
joy: Are you buying it or not?
Akpors: Please i am not oh! I can’t!
joy: Helloooooo!
Akpors: Hiiiiiiiii!
joy: Dont even bother again. I will call Alhaji to
get it for me this evening.
Akpors: Better still, call Atiku, he will be faster.
joysad, cry): I’m going to delete you.
Akpors: Is your fone hanging? because I have
deleted you since you mentioned porsche.”
One word for Akpors this time?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-04 10:52:41

1303 Views



A BRAVE WOMAN [Read it]


A man was proposing his best friend's wife. Upon seeing thing,a woman went to report him to his wife and comes up with a better plan to prove it.
One day the man went out to trade in a foreign land and did not come back on that day.This was a better chance for his friend to enjoy him self with his wife. He called her to alert her that he will be coming at night. They agreed not to talk nor light but whispering to each other. At night a woman told her friend to come and swap houses. The man didn't waste time he came to his friend's house and nocked,a door opened in darkness and a figure of a woman was seen. Welcome home sweet lets go direct in bed and enjoy ourselves in whisper. Ok honey. The man was energetic and gave her five solid round and kept on praising her for being sweet and hot. They enjoyed it,he did it perfect more than one round he always gives his wife. Then the woman asked him what was the difference and switched on the light!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-10 06:32:44

515 Views



who is the fool [Read it]


Akpos teacher got angry after Akpos had fail to answer simple question. she called Akpos out.
Teacher: say you are a fool.
Akpos: you are a fool.
Teacher: whats your problem,say i am a fool.
Akpos: you have said it. and everyone knows it.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 17:10:32

479 Views




Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.Related

A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse or sexual activity.
Virginity In Yoruba Culture
During the traditional era and before the advent of colonialism, virginity was held at high esteem among the Yoruba people. A lady is expected to get married as a virgin as having sexual intercourse before the wedding ceremony is a taboo. This is the reason why the intending couple are not allowed to have close contact or be in the same room with each other before the D-day: thus, the need for an intermediary (Alarina).

Virginity to them is known as ‘Ibale’ and it is the pride of any Yoruba lady to keep hers till her wedding night.The wedding night is usually seen as a frightened day for the bride and her parents. In those days, mothers were fond of asking their daughters about their virginity so as to prevent the shame and disgrace that come with not been a virgin.
On the wedding night, a white cloth is usually given to the couple and the cloth will be spread on their bedding, mostly mats. The parents of both families sometimes stay at the entrance of the house waiting for the cloth to be brought out of the house while some parents will be in their homes expecting result. In this culture, the white cloth is expected to be stained by blood and after the sexual intercourse, if the cloth is stained, it means that the new bride is a virgin. If it turns out that the white cloth is not stained with blood, it signifies that the new bride had been promiscuous and slept with a man before.

A bride that is met as a virgin by her husband will be celebrated while the one that is not will be disgraced and banished from the village. The white cloth (stained or not) will be sent to the bride’s parents. Other items like rotten yam, half-filled matches or empty box of matches, half keg of palm wine will also be sent to them meaning that their daughter was rotten and not complete before she was married. The parents will be publicly blamed for not training their daughter. Grief, sorrow and loud cries will follow suit. Such bride that will sweep the whole village, dance naked in the market’s place before she finally leaves her village. The groom also has the right to divorce such a woman.
On the other hand, if the newly-wed was met as a virgin, the groom’s family will send a full keg of palm wine, full matches box to the bride’s parents indicating that their daughter was complete before the wedding night. She will be praised publicly and her parents will be happy. It is believed that virgins have self-discipline and are well-trained by their parents.
This custom and virginity has many advantages as it prevent the rate of fornication and helps the married women to be faithful with their husbands. Also, many lives have been lost to the act. Some young ladies have committed suicide because of the shame. Highly respected or elders can also commit suicide if their daughter was found to have lost her virginity before her marriage. This tradition is no longer in practice and has eaten deep by colonilisation.

IBALE(VIRGINITY)....ITS ALL ABOUT A MAIDEN FROM HER VILLAGE TO THE UNIVERSITY, SHE KEEPS HER VIRGINITY THROUGHOUT HER LIFE, BUT WHEN SHE GET TO THE UNIVERSITY SHE HAVE TO FIGHT VERY HARD IN ORDER NOT TO LOSE IT BECAUSE IT'S A LAW AND AN OAT MAKE BY THE ANCESTORS AND MUST NOT MISTAKENLY BE BROKEN BY ANY HOW GUY IF NOT THEIR HUSBAND

WILL THE MAIDEN LOSE HER VIRGINITY?
WHO WILL DISVIRGIN HER?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF HER SEAL HIS BROKEN?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE GUY WHO BREAK IT?
WHAT'S IS BEHIND THE LAW AND THE OAT?
WHAT CAUSES THE LAW AND THE OAT?

STAY TUNE FOR IBALE(VIRGINITY)







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Yaar, Zuckerberg, if you are still into acquiring internet services that people spend enormous time on, may I suggest IRCTC?Related

BREAKING NEWS [Read it]


BREAKING NEWS:the federal government of nigeria has announced that today is thursday 25th of june 2015,and tomorrow is Friday 26th of june 2015..thanks for listening..no public holiday


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-25 14:22:25

706 Views




Why do they rate a movie “R” for “adult language?” The only people I hear using that language are teenagers.

AnonymousRelated

EASTER BONANZA [Read it]


Stand a chance to win a new iPhone 6
plus a new Range Rover sport and a
return ticket to Dubai. Simply LIST the Names of the 5000
People Jesus fed with 5 FISHES and 2
LOAVES OF BREAD.

#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-23 23:04:53

322 Views




Ek Truck Dusre Truck Ko Rassi Se Bandh Kar Le Ja Raha Tha



Ye Dekh Kar Santa Hans-Hans Ke Lot-Pot Ho Gaya Aur Bola.



Santa: “Ek Rassi Ko Le Jane K Liye 2-2 Truck“Related

Two mad men [Read it]


There was a man bathing in a bathroom in an open house nd d man hang his towel @d door nd a mad man passing by went 2 where d man is bathing nd took his towel, as d man saw d mad man running away wit his towel d man ran out naked nd shoutin mad bring my towel nd d mad man also responding...who is mad among dem


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-30 00:01:40

691 Views




God never forgets our dreams, He continuously watches our passion for that dream.


Good Morning!Related

No one can ruin your day without your permission.

Good Day!Related

My wedding is coming up on d 2nd of
september 2016...
Call my Sister 4 your IV's and clothes. Her
number is +2348167104121
Ankara general, 250,000
Ankara special, 300,000
Aso-Ebi, #350,000 only cash and carry
Gate fee:
My fans- #20,000
Regular - #50,000
VIP - #100,000
VVIP - #300,000
Table for 5 people-#1,000,000
To sit with d bride-#3,000,000
To sit with d groom-#5,000,000
To sit with d couple-#10,000,000
Thank you and am waiting for your calls
Be gentle as you hustle for the money and
Start
Saving.????????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-06 07:59:43

521 Views




We have spend a week in camp, i was getting emotional attached to Joke, in fact i started liking her kind of person, i was confessing my love for her already but common, she was another person’s wife and she’s still married. She also confessed that she has never felt the way she was feeling for me since she got married to her husband. She said she knew she was emotionally weak, most married women are somehow weak emotionally and that is why she is always careful when she is dealing with men.
Hardly a night goes by without us kissing each other, we are also like love birds in camp, nobody knew she was married aside four of us. She doesn’t use her rings again. Her relocation to Lagos was granted after a week in camp, it was in the morning they issued them the letter she told me but said she doesn’t feel like going again but she was missing her daughter seriously, she didn’t even tell her husband when they gave her the letter, in her word, her husband will ask her to start coming homing immediately even if she received the letter by 4pm. I asked why that because it will be late going to Lagos by that time but she said there was an agreement between both of them that he will meet her up in Ibadan even if they gave her the letter late but here we are that the letter was given to her very early in the morning around 9am on Wednesday. She decided that she will be spending Thursday and Friday with me in camp as she doesn’t feel like going again, we had sex that Wednesday night, Thursday and Friday before she left on Saturday, her husband came to the camp to pick her up around 10am and by that time she was already wearing her ring back, i met her husband and i was surprised when he told me he heard a lot about me and thank me for all what i did in helping her wife on her relocation issue, i told the husband she has a lovely wife with good character that will be the envy of all men. They brought her cute little baby with them and she look just like her mother.
Camp was over after another two weeks and i had two other girls before leaving the camp, my experience with Joke made me understand that i don’t need to talk too much to a get a lady to my bed, all i needed was to start a conversation, not just any conversation but the one that matters most at that particular time. It made me understand that i don’t need to approach a lady by introducing myself first as that was the other of the day as ladies knows where you are going to once you approach them and said “hello, my name is Rahman”.
I was given a deployment letter to the bank which was expected, i took my letter to the regional office of the bank in Ilorin and we were told they have been expecting us. They told us that we will be going to lagos for 6 weeks induction program, they said accommodation and feeding will be provided by the bank.
I got to the hostel with my travelling bag, Nimat was so happy seeing me, she hugged and kissed me passionately, from kissing, one thing led to the other and we were naked within five minute and had a round of sex for like an hour, she was resting on my chest after a while
Nimat: have missed you so much baby, this three weeks was like a year in my life
Me: I missed you too..
Nimat: I couldn’t stop thinking about you every night…my night has never been the same since you left
Me: uhmmm…so, how have you been coping without me?
Nimat: I always sleep with your cloth every night to feel your smell and i wouldn’t know when sleep will take me off
Me: hey yah..thats so nice
Nimat: I love you so much baby
Me: You love me?
Nimat: Yes of course?
Me: That is not bad sha..Its good to love your brother
Nimat: Brother ke? Am not talking about brother here jhoor
Me: Then was it is?
Nimat: I love you so much the way a wife love her husband and i wouldn’t mind us getting married
Me: Getting married together you said
Nimat: Yes…..
Me: You must be crazy for thinking of such, how can we marry each other, have you forgotten we are blood? The same father, the same mother. What has come over you? When did you start thinking of this?
Nimat: Its nothing now, if it has never happened before then it will happen from us. At least Yoruba adage says “Nkan ti o sele ri, ojo kan na lo ma nsele, a riru eleyi ri, a fi nderu boloro ni (It has never happened before will definitely happen one day)
Me: “i could feel the seriousness on her face, i had to talk in a low voice”….You see Nimat, getting married to each other is a nice idea but it might not work out because of the society we are, its possible in abroad but not here in Nigeria, have read about so many stories of siblings getting married but our culture doesn’t permit it, even this one we are doing must not be heard outside as people can kill us for it. We need to thread softly and not push ourselves too much, sincerely i wish we can get married too but its not possible but that wont stop us from loving each other baby, i love you so much, even more than you do.
Nimat: Ohhhhhhh…….
Me: i will be going to Lagos on Sunday
Nimat: For what again?
Me: The bank i will be working for said we will be doing 6 weeks induction starting from Monday
Nimat: Ohhhhh…what kind of induction again, they want to take you away from me again
Me: I will be back now, its just 6 weeks…
Nimat: okay ooo
I couldn’t believe what i just heard from my sister, how could she be thinking of us getting married, i believe it was high time i start excusing myself from her maybe the lust she had for me will be reducing but who will be her replacement if i decided to ditch her? Who will i be having sex with again?Can i do a week without having sex? I just had to find a way out of this mess sincerely. I started preparing for my journey to Lagos on Friday, my landlady was happy for me because i saw her on Friday and told her all what was happening when she asked me.

Read Episode 53

I'm sorry to those who'll be affected!
.
ATTENTION LADIES
.
A man's penis remains the same, whether
he has sex with different vaginas of
different sizes. He doesn't even need to do
kegels to keep his penis in its original state.
It is strange that you find some women
trying to compete with their men using their
private parts.
A penis does not lose shape, tightness or
looks, but when you abuse your vagina, it
eventually does. You'll start noticing that
thing that looks like a liver sticking out and
no longer retracting. Then you will start to
fill up with air when you have sex. Then you
will no longer feel certain dicks and only feel
huge ones. Then you won't feel any dick at
all. You will then go around saying so and so
has a small dick, forgetting that you have a
stadium between your legs and one man
can never fill up the whole stadium.
A man and a woman are not built the same.
You can compete with him, but you will be
the one who will get finished and not him.
Ladies respect yourself.
Please don't forget to add me as your friend



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-05-04 18:01:30

447 Views





A university student was asked to give a
speech
on her graduation day, she said…..
good day lendings and gatel men,
I wanted to thank God for my mum,
dad, parents, brothers and sisters, siblings,
cousin, for paying my schools fins, if not
for
them I would have not be a school
student, I
will seriously thank my great grand father
who
is dead for his support towards my
SCHOOLING
as a student, I joined cult but I have
already
comot, and also greeting chineye,
ayomide,
teju, timileyin, ngozi, onyinye, sukurat,
atiku,
tunde, okeke, ifeanyi, johnny, Paul, and all
my
late student Who I studied in this school, I
thank my VICE CANCERLOR, for his effort to
of
making me the best SCHOOLDENT in
ENGRISH
RANGUAGE AND TRANSLATON, I also thank
the
gateman, the HOWSE KEEPER, I ALSO IN
THIS
MINDIUM TO THAN MY DAD MY MUM AND
MY
PARENTS ONCE AGAIN
thanks
.
.
.
abeg which kind of certificate should be
given to this graduate…?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-18 20:57:29

289 Views





Ele narrates

I checked my face for the last time in the mirror and I looked very ready for my first day in school after a long time. I checked my wristwatch and saw the time was just 7:13am. I still had about 47 minutes before my class scheduled for 8am. I made sure I switched off all the electrical appliances so what supposed to happen in 2099 would not happen now. I stayed at Okeodo in Tanke, Ilorin. It was the busiest and most rowdy students’ area in Ilorin. I walked amongst avalanche of students who were also rushing to meet the 8am class towards Beka Dims hotel from where I crossed to the other side of the road. I went to where the minibuses that were slated for the campus lined up and got a kurupe(mini buses) heading to campus.

I had just two weeks before tests started. I had missed so many lectures and knowing University of Ilorin, they don’t care. The calendar is strictly followed by the school authorities with the absence of social maladies of ASSU strike, students’ protests, cultist violence and so on to disrupt it. If time waits for no man, University of Ilorin’s calendar waits for no student. Everything just moves so fast and before you know it a semester is gone. Lacram Lapour has been the culture of most Unilorites since there was no time to read and understand. Most student resume late and as a result of the short semesters, lecturers always struggled to meet up with the course outline giving bulky materials a week or days to the commencement of examination.

Students as a result always made Nescafe and Coffee their best friends during exam in order to stay awake all night during night classes. A boy once gave a testimony in one of the Sunday services in our church about how God saved his life after he drank strength-giving milk in order to read a 40-page material giving to them by a lecturer who couldn’t complete his course outline. Hitherto, I haven’t been a fan of panic reading. I love reading from day one right after the first lecture of the semester. Over 90% fresher always targeted first class of which I was among but most never make even second class upper. I managed to be a second class upper student in my first semester but it wasn’t just enough and I vowed to do all I can to meet the elusive first class.

It’s been two weeks now since we returned from the dreaded den of Congo. I haven’t been able to get over Queency. She’s been appearing to me in dreams and I had this feeling that she is still alive and would return to me pretty soon. I had stopped seeing Korean movies even though they are my favorite because they keep on bringing memories of my sweet Queency, my love number one in Nigeria.

We got to the park where I paid the Kurupe driver my transport fears and smiled sheepishly as I was very happy to be back in school after the unwanted break. I was missing Dija though because we always walked to school together where she would give me unending hilarious jokes but I had not seen her since our return from the land of death. I decided to brank bank area first because I still had about 20 minutes more before the commencement of lectures. I got to the bank area which was about five minutes’ walk from the park and saw it was free as expected. I smiled and inserted my ATM to withdraw 500 naira.

Suffering is not good to be sincere. I passed about four banks all the way to GTB bank just because I wanted to withdraw 500. I had been waiting for close to five minutes and the ATM refused to come out of the machine. I started sweating like someone worried by s--t. I pressed all the buttons and there was nothing happening. I contacted the security man who in turn contacted a staff and they assured me they are working on it. Chaiiiii, I don die today wey we get Doctor Majekodumi just because of 500 naira.

After about ten minutes, my card was finally rescued. As I got it, I started running to class as people were looking at me wondering what was wrong but who their look help, I was battling to survive carry over. I managed to reach our class area by 3 minutes to 8 breathing heavily while I met Doctor. Majekodumi just entering the class. I smiled to myself since it wasn’t 8am yet. I quickly rushed to buy pure water to wash my face and cleaned my face with a face towel, by the time I was through; it was a minute to 8am. I smiled to myself and walked in majestically into the class room.

“Who are you?” I heard a voice said as I stepped into the class through the back.

“Sir?” I said shivering as my course mates all look back to see who the lecturer was questioning.

“I said who are you? Are you a member of this class?” he asked back to back question in an angry voice.

“Yes s…i…r” I said getting scared.

“I don’t think you, if not you would have known no student enters my class after me” he replied, “common get out of my class right now!” he barked out.

“But sir.. its ju..st …8am” I stammered.

“What audacity? What impetus?” he said as I scrambled out of the class feeling overwhelmed with shame and fear of failure.

“Some of you still think you are in secondary school and act lukewarm towards school work and we are going to make you learn the hard way” he said as I stood outside the class to listen, “now tear a s--t of paper for my test and let me assure you, anyone who ,misses this test will never pass my course even if you get seventy in my exams, don’t come to my office for any make up test if you know what is good for you” he said assertively as I listened in confusion.

Tears rolled freely from my eyes. The lecturer gave me carry over for free. What a month!

Just I was about leaving a girl came over. God! She was the most beautiful art of the Creator I have ever seen since I was born. The sweet saint of her perfume dominated the air. She was a light complexioned had a slim figure with perfect shape, straight round bosoms and tiny red tinted lips. If there was something more than perfect, it was this damsel! She was a novel pearl!

“Hello?” a hand waved to my face.

“Oh, sorry I was lost in thought” I apologized to my latest crush at first sight.

“What’s happening? It seems they are writing tests?” she asked me.

No, na exam dem dey write, or dem dey feel questionnaire Oh God, why are most beautiful ladies without brain?, I thought loudly.

“Yes dear, they are writing tests. I came 8am on the dot but he still chased me out embarrassingly” I explained to her.

“Awww, that’s so uncool of him and that’s the same reason I had carry over in his course” she revealed.

“Oh! So you aren’t a fresher?” I asked surprisingly.

“I’m in my penultimate year” she said smiling dampening my hope and wishes.

“Oh! You are my senior, I’m sorry for disrespecting you senior ,,, your name please” I asked stylishly.

“You are a pretty funny dude”, she laughed “anyway my name is Love”, she said shocking my bone marrow.
“Stop joking with me senior naaa, what’s your name for real?” I asked putting a serious face.

“People find it hard to believe me, but that is my name for real, my name is Love”’ she replied with a serious expression.

“Love… that’s also my mother’s name… actually she is popularly called Imabong interpreted in English as Love of God” I revealed to her in enthusiasm.

“Wow! That’s so cool, my aunty also married a man from Ibibio” she said smiling. “Can you escort me to the walkway, I want to get something please?” she requested pleadingly.

“It will be my pleasure dear; we can discuss the carry over issue later” I said reassuringly as she thanked me a lot as we walked to the walkway.
God, if this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.

A rapport developed between me and Love immediately and we communicated as if we have known each other all our lives which made me forget about the issue with Doctor Majekodunmi in the morning. The fact she was such a pretty lady and seeing me for the first time made it all the more surprising. We exchanged numbers before we left. As I drop at Oke- Odo bus stop around 4pm in the evening, I put on my head [phone singing loud on the road without caring what anyone thing.


beautiful baby mo, baby why you dey burst me my mind
Beautiful baby mo, baby why you dey scatter my brain

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++
Cheta and the maiden got to the palace very early the next day but were denied entry into the palace by the palace guards despite all Cheta efforts. She had to return home not without promising the guards to return the following day until her wish was done.

The guys themselves were surprised because Cheta had been someone who always mind her own business and never involved in community activities which made her visit with the young maiden all the more suspicious.

The palace guards have been told to prevent certain people from entering into the palace for the time being after the attempted murder on the Crown Prince about two weeks ago. Crown Prince Roes has also been prevented from leaving the palace after his philandering almost got him assassinated. Prince Roes was the king’s only son and heir to his throne so it was very normal he would be the target of many enemies who would want to take over the throne and stop the king’s lineage.

The King witnessed all the drama that took place outside and called one of his guards.

“You called me your majesty? The guard asked after bowing.

“Yes my son, what was the ruckus all about outside? And who was that woman?”, the king asked enthusiastically.

“It was a woman names Cheta your majesty, she was insisting on seeing the Crown Prince, I could go and cut her head this moment if you give me the commanding your majesty” he replied bowing again.

“Stop it! You would do know such, now find out everything about that woman and the young maiden and give me feedback as soon as possible”, the King ordered.

“Your wish is my command your majesty” he bowed down three times before setting off.

“Cheta, I thought the Prince was a nice person, I never knew they were this harsh, just imagine the way those guards embarrassed you like you were nobody” the maiden poured out her feelings to her savior.
“It’s alright dear, they were just doing their jobs to prevent their heads from being chopped off, something happened which I will explain to you later that is why they were security conscious. We will go with a better plan again if need be till they agree” Cheta assured the maiden.
“Cheta, please don’t do this, you have already done a lot for me and I will forever be indebted to you for that, pleased let me just stay with you till I regain my memory and discover who I am and where I came from” the maiden pleaded.

“Alright my dear” Cheta agreed smiling.

“You are the best Cheta!” the maiden exclaimed hugging Cheta.

“and you are the sweetest…” she paused,” Miss no name!” Cheta said as they both laughed.

“But like seriously I need a name for the main time before I find out my real name” the maiden told Cheta wearing a serious expression.

“Hmmm.. what about Grace, because you survived by God’s Grace”, Cheta suggested.

“The name sounds great and ominous but the name seems like a cliché, suggest another one, something common but novel” the maiden suggested.

“Hmmm…. Something common but novel” said Cheta has she whispered unintelligibly.

“Yes please” , the maiden said curiously.

“What about Victoriouschild? Common but rare” Cheta said expecting the maiden to reject it.

“Yes!” the maiden exclaimed

“perfect name considering the situation you rescued me from, someone attempted to take my life, but I emerged victorious at the end” she said laughing and hugging Cheta.


“Hahahahaa, I am so glad you loved it” Cheta replied “Victoriouschild?” Cheta called.

“Yes Cheta?” she replied smiling.

“Victoriouschild?” Cheta winked

“Yes Cheta?” she winked back.

“Let’s go home dear, my somto would be waiting for me” she said as they went home.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++

Aarti arrived with Fadeke and a security officer from their hostel at the police station station where Dija was supposedly held.

“Good morning Sir”, Aarti greeted the constable on duty politely.

“Morning miss, how may I help you?” he asked.

“We came to see Inspector Frankkay” Aarti replied.

“Alright, let me get him” he said as he left to get Inspector Frankkay.

“Hello there! I heard you were looking for me, may I know why you wanted to see me? Officer Frankkay said with a wry smile.

“Sir I was the girl who was almost murdered by Khadijat yesterday and you asked me to come this morning” Aarti tried explaining.

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t me, you mistook me for someone else” Inspector Frankkay said in a cool voice.

“Sir, it was me and this security officer who came here to contact you yesterday night” Fadeke intervened.

“Are you trying to blaspheme an officer of the law?” Inspector Frankkay asked angrily.

“But Sir?” Aarti and I cohort said simultaneously.
“Do you have any evidence that I arrested someone yesterday? You better leave now while I am being nice or you will have yourself to blame” Inspector Frankkay barked out as the trio left the police station in shock.

Immediately they left, Inspector Frankkay went back to his office and picked his cell phone to dail a number.

Inpector Frankkay: Hello Chief

Chief: Hello Kay my boy, how you this morning?

Inspector Frankkay: I am quite alright sir. The lady came over this morning and I dismissed her as you asked me to.

Chief: Good job my boy. You did so well. What about my daughter?

Inspector Frankkay: she has been begging to see you but we gave her no chance threatening her with death penalty.

Chief: nice job kay my boy. Let it be so for three more days then I will come to see her with my offer.

Inspector Frankkay: anything for you chief, chief am I still assured of the commissioner of police post when you become Governor of this state?
Chief: if not Kay my boy, who else?

Inspector Frankkay: Thank you so much Chief. I will continue to serve you without reserve Chief.

Chief: ahaha its alright kay kay, kay my boy, I have to go now alright, please take good care of my daughter for me o

Inspector Chief: you can count on me chief
Chief hangs up…

“I can’t wait to be called Police Commissioner Frankkay” Inspector Frankkay said and I will go to hell even to have that post
.
.
.
Next episode comes up tomorrow


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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When mom and dad don’t understand, a sister always will.

~ Author UnknownRelated

Santa – Suhaagraat Kaisi Rahi..?



Banta – Badhiya Rahi, Waise ek baat bataoon.! Wo Jis Tarah Ki Harkatein Kar Rahi Thi,
.
.
.
.
Main Chaahta To Uski Le Sakta Tha ????Related

We settle for so-so sex because most of us don’t know how sexual we could be; we know only how sexual we are. How sexual we are has been shaped by decades of indoctrination by… family and friends, teachers, religious leaders, and romantic partners, not to mention a society that worships a bewildering fusion of childlike sexual innocence and cynical, nihilistic hedonism…. So what is normal? It all depends on what’s normal for you.

~ Anita H. Clayton, Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for IntimacyRelated

Imabong narrates

My husband had gotten worst over the weeks. I couldn’t fathom what was happening. I had three days to go before I complete my fasting and prayers. But yet no answers. Does God exist at all?, I have asked myself repeatedly, I’ve been praying and fasting for years, yet no answers, in less than one year, th purported bad day will commence. Just then I remembered a status I saw on Facebook, “IF NOTHING IS GOING WELL FOR YOU, JUST REMEMBER THE TEACHER STAYS SILENT DURING A TEST”. Yes! This is a test from God and I’ll scale through. Just then I started praying again….

Lord God of Israel, perform a miracle that will win souls to you my God….. That s ame God of Kumuyi, that same God of Moses, Ancient of Days…….
******************
Lia narrates

I got to Jonic Restaurant where I first met Bode. Bode ran to hug me as soon as he saw me. The warmth of his body just sent shivers down my spine. Some men are just naturally seductive. After spending close to two minutes in the sweet embrace of Bode, we finally sat down.

“What would you love to order for?”, Sweet Bode asked me.

“I’ll take what you take my dear”, I replied trying hard to hide my pains.

“I’m a big fan of Guinness and i ain’t sure you will like such Lilly”, Bode remarked.

“Why won’t i, I love what you love and hate what you hate”, I revealed smiling.
Bode smiled and ordered the waiter to bring Guinness who brought it in no time.

I poured out my heart contents to Bode as I drank got drunk, we both order for more drinks, by the time we were through it was night, I couldn’t move so did Bode. We were both staggering to get to Bode’s car, Bode took me to the back seat and laid me on my back. We were both high and hunny, our eyes had turned red. We wanted each other badly. We began to devouring each others lips along with moaning and grunting for several minutes.

“Baby, I want you inside of me badlyyyyyy, I can’t hold it any pleaseeee”, I pleased crying and holding on to his shirt.

“Are you sure you want this Lilly baby?”, Bode asked in the most sexy manly voice I have ever heard.

“Yes!, take me to seventh heaven, I want to see cloud ten”, i requested his shirt.

“Baby, are you sure about this?” Bode asked gently one more time..

“Yes Bode, pleaseeeee, the pressure is getting too much for me”,I pleaded shamefully knowing fully well that my dignity would be taken by someone who really cares about me.

As if and adrenaline just entered Bode”s head, he tore my top into two removed my bra and fling it aside, he ripped my skirt open while still kissing me, just as he was about to take off the last defender of my dignity, a call came in, I took the phone and wanted to switched off, the name ELE BOJE LOVE calling popped up, I quickly caught the call and decided to hang up the call because the last thing I needed now was someone to get on my nerves, just as I was about switching off the phone, a message came in, with curiosity, I decided to read the message and was shock by what I saw, like someone suddenly possessed by a demon, I pushed Bode away and run out to stop a cab.

************************
Ledan narrates

If someone ever told me i would ever be controlled by a 16 years old b---h who is human, I would have recommended such person to Aaro.

She even made me commit a crime against my son.

I then remembered how I took my son’s phone outside after which I waited for the right time to send the message through a sim the little b---h gave me.

I was tolerating all this for the moment till I find a way to eliminate that little wrench. As far as I’m concerned, no one can stop me from killing Lia, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a child for a child.

**************************
Khadijat narrates

I got home the night of Ele’s birthday, so tired from the days activities, i entered the house easily since the door wasn’t locked, i heard noise from the the masters bedroom, I went closer to find out what was happening, I got near and saw it was dad and mom involve in their usual war of words as usual.

My dad was the a Minister at the Federal level, something many of my mates envied me for, that’s why I decided to stay low key by attending same school with Lia.

I wasn’t enjoying my parents care. Dad was always travelling and whenever he comes, he does nothing but argue with my mom all day. Mom on the other hand was always busy with her business and when she comes home, she either spend time talking to her friends on the latest gist in town or beefing dad.

They never care to hear my greatest worries and needs.
All they give me is money. Money is many things but not everything. It has been Lia’s father, Akande who attended my P.T.A meetings, helped me with my assignments while Lia’s mum taught me all I needed to know as a girl. I so hate my parents.

My parents would have divorced a long time ago but both stand to loose greatly from the divorce, it would ruin my father image politically, and my mother will not gain anything financially since Nigeria isn’t America or some other Occidental countries where the principle of Alimony is strictly adhered to.

I hated Lia for taking away my real parents from me and giving me this fake people I call my parents. She also took my spotlight from me, people tend to notice her first before they notice me, I could have forgiven her for those, buy what I couldn’t forgive her for is having the effrontery to snatch my Ele from me.

I was so happy everything was playing according to plan, I had a trump card to defeat Ele’s dad in case the dumb coward tries to betray me. I never intended to betray my best friend like this, but the things we do for love, are extreme.

A text message jolted me from my reverie.
I checked to see two messages, one from Manual who had been following Lia and also Auto who has been following Ele. I smiled as I read the text messages.

The Heavens is helping me after they have seen how much I truly love Ele, This is perfect she said as she took her phone to call and deliver instructions to her her boys.

“Lia, I’m sorry a strange guy came from nowhere and turned us to enemies overnight, I’ll condition your pity so people will pity your condition by the time I’m through with you, then you will know your best friend could be your worst enemy when you steal what she treasure most”, I said to no one in particular as I picked up my car key and left the house to my shameless parents.

**********************
Ele narrates

Dija had stopped me from going after Queency, she had said Queency needed time to calm down since she wouldn’t be herself that moment. I heeded Dija’s advise since she’s her best friend and would understand her more than I who just started dating her over a week ago.

I was so grateful i had someone like Dija has a best friend. She has been helping me since the first day we met and she hasn’t asked anything in return. Friends like her are hard to find and I keep praying God bless her for all the good things she’s done for me.

I had tried Queency’s number times without digits, but still no response and my battery was low. Dad had refused to on the generator that day claiming I disgraced him in front of people, since my matter was now the talk of the neighbourhood. I had to chat with my Queency that night so i decided to sneak out of the house something i haven’t done for a month since I was caught by an Olode.

I successfully sneaked out of the house and got to a small store where we do buy food stuffs down the street. They on their generator everyday from 7pm to God knows when. I met a lot of people charging over there. I greeted them warmly and begged to charge. They said there was no space, I showed them my extension and I was told to charge. I decided to allow it charge instead of pressing it so I could call or chat with my Queency that night. I was in a very sour mood. Just then, i heard them boys who also came to charge singing M.I song…


When we ask our government
when they go give us light
They say na 2010..


i just smiled for the first time in hours remembering all the unfulfilled promises of our leaders. I wasn’t a fan of politics because I believe politics is a game of death and I’m not ready for such deaths.

From 10pm after the store had closed, the people began to leave one by one till I was the last person by some minutes to 11pm, I checked my phone and it was 98%, I decided to wait till 11pm, just then I heard sounds of a police siren coming towards my direction.

I wasn’t worried because I felt safe that police were around to patrol the area, little did I know how far I was from right.

The police vehicle approached me and parked beside me and two officers came out with lightening speed.

“What are you doing there?”, the male officer asked.

“I’m charging my phone”, I replied looking scared.

“Why didn’t you charge in your house?”, the woman police officer who came out with the asked.

“There’s no light in my house Ma”, I replied in a trembling voice now realising why the other guys left earlier than me.

“What are you guys still waiting for, this boy is one of the thieves who have been disturbing this neighbourhood, get him into the car”, a very dark pot bellied officer came out of the car and said.

“Sir, please sir in the name of your God begging you, don’t take me with you, I’ll change”, I started uttering rubbish only to be met by two deafening slap from the pot bellied man which shut me up.

I was thrown into the van where I met other boys who had probably been caught too. I know I was in for it as our Police men were good in changing white to black.
We got to M-Division Police Station in Bodija where we were matched to behind the counter. We were called in one by one to write our statements and I was forced to write I was caught in attempts to steal from a shop. We were then asked to call our loved ones, I couldn’t call my parents, i called Franco several times but his number was switched off. I proceeded to called the only person I had in mind who could help me, Queency. But she didn’t pick up my calls. I decided to send her a text message to reveal the trouble I was involved him with sincere pleas not to inform my parents.

I got a reply from Queency about 20 minutes later which goes thus…

WHY CALLING ME 35 TIMES IN AN HOUR? DID I STEAL YOUR MANHOOD? CELL OR HELL, YOU CAN ROT IN EITHER OF THEM FOR ALL I CARE..HE-DIOT

Just then, police officers came to throw the rest of us who didn’t have anyone to bail us out into a cell. It was smelling from all form of unpleasant odour. I couldn’t believe I’ll finish my birthday in a cell.

I was more dumbfounded with Queency’s text message. I knew Queency and i had issues but I couldn’t believe Queency could go to the extent of sending me such a message at such a crucial time as this. Once again, i wept.

Love Chapter 1 vs 1; Ele Wept.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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d igbo man [Read it]


One day one igbo man is drawing water from d well sudenly he fell into d well dey now told his son d story d boy now go and buy a new rope and he throw it down and order d father to hold it wen d man notice na new on he leave it and say emeka where u see rope he say i buy it where did u take d money d boy say shop d man say chineke how much d boy say #350 d man say return it buy d one of #120 and likewise his in d well.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 23:14:53

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Kanjoos(Miser) lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India .Dear Sunita Darling,I can’t send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company’s performance, so I am sending 100 kisses.You are my sweetheart, please understand and adjust with this situation.Your loving husband,TunaHis wife replied..TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses…1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand.5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.Please don’t worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses andI hope I can survive the month using this balance.Shall I plan the same for the next month?Your Sweet Heart,SunitaRelated

It was past 6am when we got to Lokoja.
We stopped at a fast food restaurant. I don’t know if those Lebanese refugees ever slept, because we were flooded by them as we got out. Two little boys and their sister tugged at our clothes, while their mother looked from a distance.
I went to the rest room to clean myself, while the guys went to other food. I planned to tell him we would leave as soon as we were done with breakfast. I picked up my phone to call Abayomi.
Me: hello
Abayomi: where are you, we are coming to your house for breakfast. Bread and egg o..
Me: I am in Lokoja
Abayomi: I know you are a witch, but can you fly that far?
Me: serious jor..Jafar drove me here o..his goons are here also, enroute Abuja.
Abayomi: what is happening there, why didn’t you tell me?
Me: see I was drunk, I will tell you when I get back..i am hungry and suffering from a hang-over.
Abayomi: when are you coming back?
Me: soon, will tell him to bring me back after breakfast
Abayomi: no p..Toun is sleeping beside me… I will call you later..
When I got back to the guys, they had ordered the meals, the three of them were eating fried rice and an ugly looking fried chiken. Jafar was eating beans and plantain..
Jafar: I got rice for you, alright?
Me: nope, I rather eat what you are eating..
I took out the spoon in my proposed rice and started eating with him. He left the food for me after a while and concentrated on the canned Schweppes he was drinking. Sparrow and the short guy pounced on my rice, before I could say jack, it was finished.
My phone rang, it was Timi.
Me: hello
Timi: didn’t know when you left the party..
Me: I didn’t come with you, so why should I tell you?
Timi: why are you talking like this?
Me: see I am busy now, talk to you later
Timi: wait..where are you?
Me: Lokoja
Timi: what….
I hung up and felt so good about it.
It was time for me to tell Jafar to take me back. In another day and another world, it would have been get-away but I really had to go back..
Me: Jafar please can I talk to you privately?
Jafar: sure.
We walked outside to the front of the Hilux. My phone rang again.
Me: Toun howfar
Toun: I am so fine, we are on our way to Lagos now..
Me: you and who?
Toun: me and Abayomi ofcuz. On the way to the airport. Arik afternoon flight to Abuja..
I excused myself from Jafar and walked to the other side of his Benz.
Me: but I will be on my way back soon.
Toun: better stay there, I have been looking for a good reason to spend my Dad’s money, Abuja it is!
Me: did Abayomi agree to this?, did he tell you I am with Jafar and his friends.
Toun: yes, you aretalking to much, see you before 4pm.
She hung up.
Jafar: so what is it that you had to tell me in private?
me: can Abayomi and Toun join us in Abuja?
I have seen him smile, but this particular smile was deep. I felt good I contributed to it.
Jafar: the more the merrier..
Toun is the worst friend ever!
]Jafar: we will be staying in Lugbe, it is close to Gwagwalada and also to Berger.
He said this as we passed a junction that was called Giri. We entered Abuja at some minutes to 9am.
Me: I don’t know Abuja, I have never been here
Jafar: I seldom come around, except my dad beckons.
Me: tell me about your Dad
Jafar: No.
I saw why Abuja was the next best thing besides Lagos. the road was wide, wider than the girth of cars passing through. it wasn’t as crowded as Lagos, but had an exotic feeling to it. Yaradua’s posters flooded the town, I felt it was a waste of money carrying out a presidential election because he was liked by both his peeps and the opposition. Though a PDP member he embodied all that PDP wasn’t.
Me: who would you vote for in the elections?
Jafar: I won’t be voting
me : why?
Jafar: for the white man, voting serves as liberation, it’s a symbol of freedom to choose who they want. But for the black man, Elections is a form of enslavement. Too many poor people vote, they don’t vote with their head, they vote with their stomach. Too many illiterates vote, they don’t vote for the best person, they vote for their tribe.
Me: What tribe are you and what do you think should replace elections?
Jafar: I am Jafar Ndanusa, I am Nupe. The white people made sure they saw themselves as a people before democracy was introduced. In Nigeria, the different tribes are still in courtship, democracy came at the right time, but the citizens aint ripe or mature enough for it.
Me: I repeat my question, what should replace elections or democracy?
Jafar: A selfless authoritarian head of state, like Sankara of Burkina-faso. After making sure the Hausas, Igbos, yorubas and middle-belt see themselves as a people, then he can relinquish his power for a democratically elected president.
Me: that’s deep for a cultist.
It came out of my mouth before I realized I had said it. His brows shot upwards, signaling that he heard what I said, but he kept quiet.
Me: I am sorry.
He didn’t answer me, he just kept driving until we got to Federal Housing,Lugbe.
I wasn’t looking for the awkward moment when I would have to tell him that I needed a room to myself, but I didn’t need to. When we lodged at Progandy Hotel, He and Uche stayed in the same room, while Sparrow and the short boy known as Aji stayed in a room. I was given my own room.
Jafar: when Toun and Abayomi comes, they would have a room waiting for them.
I was sure Toun would stay with me in my room.
Me: thanks
Jafar: go to sleep now, you look drained..
Me: thanks for this get-away
Jafar: you are welcome ma’am.
]After taking my bath, I settled down in bed, planning to sleep until I Toun and Abayomi arrived. I want to discover Abuja with them. My phone rang as I was closing my eyes. It is funny how your ring-tone sounds louder when you want to sleep. It was Timi.
Me: Hey
Timi: I am infront of your house
Me: told you I was in Lokoja
Timi: how can you be in Lokoja when I saw you in the party, danced with you…held you..?
Me: Timi stop..
Timi: where are you?
Me: Abuja
Timi: what are you doing in Abuja?
Me: why asking me all these questions?
Timi: because I care
Me: I am in Abuja and I am good, Toun and Abayomi will join me soon.
Timi: what is happening there?
Me: came with a friend
Timi: guy or girl?
Me: Guy
Timi was silent for a while, after some seconds, he regained his composure.
Timi: when will you be back?
Me: too many questions Timileyin.
Timi: I need to see you so I can tell you everything
Me: I am really not interested anymore.
Timi: what changed?
Me: I grew up
Timi: I love you Tana Dike.
It had been a while I heard those words from him. I still felt some butterflies
Me: very funny..
Timi: what is funny?
Me: nothing..
I hung up.
I was closing my eyes again when my phone rang again, I cursed under quietly before I realized it was Toun.
Me: babes howfar?
Toun: we got an Aero flight for 11am, cheaper sef..
Me: that’s nice.
Toun: text me your location
Me: will do that Asap
Toun: I have gist for you as soon as I arrive.
Me: brief me na, abi you want me to be thinking about different scenarios?
Toun: Kofo is pregnant
Me: for who?
Toun: well that’s the gist…….see you soon
To be continued

>>

Crazy Akpos [Read it]


In Akpos School.Akpos Class Was Making Noise.Then A Teacher Entered The Class And Said That If Anybody Talks,She Is Going To Send That Child Away From School For A Week...After Some Time.Akpos Threw His Bag Out.The Teacher Asked That Who Did That.Akpos Answered Saying It Ir Me Ma.Can I Go Home Now


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 12:49:06

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Man: sir;there is the information i gather for you
Jude: i don't have time to read just tell me everything i need to know about him
Man: he is a doctor and his name is Luke;he live with just his mom;he is single and i also heard that his mom is holding a contest for him to choose a bride but it seems that he is interested in a girl called Loveth;i also got an information from a bar that they visit sometime back;the barman say they were both kissing
Jude: what?
Man: should i go on
Jude: no;just give me the address of his hospital and home as well and did you get the man i told you to get for me
Man: you don't need anyone else;i can do it
Jude: alright;that settle it then;remember is today(he throw money on him)you may leave
Man: thank you very much(exit Man)
Jude: she fooled me;she made me believe that she is a saint,now i am going to make her see the monster in me(curtain)


Loveth: superman;please pick up your phone(phone ringing but he is not picking)what is wrong?(someone pick it up)hello
Nurse: hi
Loveth: can i please talk to the owner of the phone
Nurse: he is attending to a patient
Loveth: when he comes tell him to call me
Nurse: no problem ma(enter Joan)
Joan: why are you with his phone?
Nurse: it was ringing when i walked in so i decided to pick it
Joan: alright(enter Luke)are you done with the operation
Luke: yes(he walk to the sink and throw up)
Joan: are you alright
Luke: yes;i am fine;i hate the sight of blood and i always end up like this after every operation
Joan: you are the first doctor that i have met in my whole life that have phobia for blood
Luke: don't mind me(he washed his face)where is my phone?
Nurse: here it is sir(she hand it to her)someone call you(he check)she said you should call her
Luke: thanks;its Loveth
Joan: what did she want?
Luke: i don't know;maybe she want to say something(he dialed her number and she pick)hello
Loveth: superman;i am so happy;i told him;i am not in love with him and that we should break up the engagement(the line keep breaking)superman....
Luke: slow down;i can't hear you
Loveth: superman;yes;he agree and i am free
Luke: i can't hear you
Loveth: yes;know that i will come meet you later and(the line became clear)i have something important to tell you
Luke: what is that?
Loveth: bye;take care and i love you(she end the call)
Luke: this girl is crazy
Joan: why?
Luke: i told her;i can't hear anything but she kept talk
Joan: is she excited
Luke: she sound so excited and she even said love you
Joan: does it mean she...
Luke: no;excuse me(he walked away)
Joan: i don't understand;if that silly Jude;doesn't do anything;i will help him out(curtain)

Muriel: Yemi;please;take my spare key to my room beside the kitchen cabinet and get me my car keys
Yemi: alright ma(she get it and gave it to her)here it is ma
Muriel: thanks my dear(exit Muriel)
Yemi: God can be so nice sometimes(she walked into the room)here i am in this almighty room(she open her closet)oh my She(she saw two thousand dollar and she collected it)should i also collect jeweleries;no,it will be difficult for me to sell then. thank you lord,i have to go away from this house before anyone comes back(she pack her things and leave before they return and she left a note)


Jude: welcome my dear;so you came to return my ring
Loveth: yes;i also want to thank you for letting me go
Jude: don't thank me yet;do you want to break up with me because of him
Loveth: the true is that i don't want to hurt because i don't love you
Jude: yes;tell me;the truth
Loveth: he is part of the reason
Jude: if he is no longer there;will you still marry me?
Loveth: i don't understand
Jude: what i meant is that,what if his breath is stopped?
Loveth: please;don't do anything to him;i beg you
Jude: i am not a murderer;come with me(he dragged her to his car)
Loveth: where are taking me to?
Jude: just keep quiet(he drove and stop at Luke's hospital)do you recognize this place?
Loveth: i don't(then all of a sudden she saw Luke walk out) now i remember,Luke works here
Jude: good memory(he clapped his hand and gunman aimed at him and then she saw a red light on Luke's head)
Loveth: what is that?please stop whatever you plan to do(and she heard a gun shot at the air and a bird fall down)what is going on?
Jude: that is what will happen to him if you want to be with him
Loveth: please;i beg you;don't try to harm him
Jude: why wouldn't i?
Loveth: please;just leave him out of this;he is all his mom has(she cried)tell me anything and i will gladly do it(continued crying)
Jude: anything
Loveth: yes;anything;i will do
Jude: then marry me
Loveth: what?i can't marry you
Jude: then;he can't live(he clapped again)
Loveth: no;i will marry you(continued crying)
Jude: can you make it loud
Loveth: yes;i will
Jude: good girl(he make a call that the gunmen should leave)stop crying
Loveth: can i go home now?
Jude: no way(back to the car)you will call him to meet with you and they you will break all single chains that connect you two
Loveth: do i have to do that also
Jude: yes;you will do it in where you start having feelings for him
Loveth: but...
Jude: no but;you tell him the most painful words any man won't want to hear
Loveth: Jude;please i can't,i just can't hurt him that much. lets go and get married
Jude: you can't hurt him but you can hurt me right
Loveth: i am sorry;punish me for everything just let him go(she cried and knee before him)i am sorry
Jude: don't waste your time(he dragged her back to the car and call me when you get there because i want to witness everything with my eyes not from an electronic device,understand
Loveth: yes(they drove off)

Joan: Luke;did you hear that gun shot
Luke: of cause;i wonder if it is from those useless boys again or the force
Joan: i just pray its from the force
Luke: i got to go,are you not going home yet
Joan: no;i just have one patient to attend to then off i go
Luke: alright;i go ahead once you are done come home
Joan: alright(on his home he had a message from Loveth telling her they should meet)
Luke: is everything alright;with her,she would had at least called instead of texting(he called her but she didn't pick)why is she not picking?maybe she need my help.(he drove to her and meet her sitting close to the art work buried your regrets)Love;why are you sitting here?(She kept quiet)are you okay?
Loveth: i am fine
Luke: why were you calling me in the afternoon;you said you love me;is it true(tears roll her eyes and she wipe it)why are you looking at the floor?come on stare at me in the face and answer my question
Loveth: (she clear her throat)no i don't love you;i was just joking when i said that;i was just playing with your emotion;you are not the kind of man i want to end up with
Luke: Loveth;i am sorry;please,if it is because of my temper;i promise i will work on it
Loveth: i will never love a man who doesn't forgive;a man that can stay mad at his father is not a man but a beast (sweat pour from his skin like it was raining)i just used you to get through my bored moment but now that the one i truly love is here;i real don't have used for you,you are just one play thing for me;you are so gullible;i notice that you just need love;so i play along like i really love you(tears roll his eyes and he held her hand)
Luke: Loveth;stared at me in the face and tell me that you are kidding because i can't take it and know this isn't you(he try to rise her face but she refuse to rise it)if you don't love me anymore then stare at me(but she refuse)that means you still love me(she gather her courage)go on
Loveth: i don't love you,i never did love you then;not now;not even in future;just go and get a life because i will never love(she turned to leave but he held her tight)let go of me
Luke: i will not unless;you change your mind
Loveth: will you leave me alone;i can never change my mind because i do not have space for a.....(her eyes meet his and she felt pity for him and herself)i am sorry(she pull the chain he gave to her)you can have it;i have no need for it and please this is for the best(she ran out)
Luke: is this it(he wiped his tears)i hate everything(he pull the wristwatch given to him by her to throw into the coffin but he just couldn't)why can i let go of you(rain pour down but sit under it and cried)(back to Loveth and Jude)

Jude: good girl;you are really good at acting but next time put in more hurtful words because i didn't see that part
Loveth: you are a monster;the devil himself
Jude: you can say that again
Loveth: i have done what you asked me to do;can i go home now
Jude: no;you are going to my house
Loveth: what?
Jude: yes;that is what you will do
Loveth: i can't and i will never live with you
Jude: then ready to hear the news of his death
Loveth: no;i go with you
Jude: that is why i like;you do not have difficult to comply(they drove to his house but she kept crying)here we are and please stop crying;its embarrassing;first thing tomorrow we are leaving
Loveth: to where?
Jude: to the state
Loveth: why?i am not your wife yet
Jude: that is why we are leaving;so i could get your parent blessing
Loveth: what about my friends?(her phoning)excuse me(she wanted to pick it but he through the phone into the road)are you sick?that is my phone you just throw away
Jude: you do not need it anymore
Loveth: how do i get in touch with my boss
Jude: no need for that because you are no longer going to that work
Loveth: you are kidding right?
Jude: is like you didn't hear me;we are no longer coming back
Loveth: does my mom knows about this rubbish
Jude: of cause
Loveth: that is not true
Jude: die in your allusion(he dragged her into a room and lock her here)
Loveth: Jude;open up;please open up(she cried but he did not listen her)Jude
Jude: you hurt me;now is my turn to do same(curtain)

Joan: (she walked in and head someone screaming upstair)what is going on?(she ran upstair)mom;what is going on here?
Muriel: my two thousand US dollar is gone with Yemi;she stole my money(she show her the note)she said i should not look for her
Joan: what in God's name;was she thinking
Muriel: she stole my money;call my son for me
Joan: is he not home yet?
Muriel: no;as you can see;he is not here
Joan: but he left hours ago(she called him but he did not pick)pick up your call(she kept calling but he didn't pick)ma;he is not picking
Muriel: did you say he left the hospital hours again?
Joan: yes
Muriel: my son;where is my phone?(she try the number herself but this time it didn't go through)my son;nothing should happen to him(she ran downstairs and Joan ran after her)
Joan: mom;come down;maybe he went out
Muriel: my son doesn't keep late night
Joan: relax ma
Muriel: i will oh but i want my son(she sat down and keep trying his number)Luke;please don't do this to me
Joan: ma;i am sure....(Luke walked in)oh Mom;here is he
Muriel: son;where have you been?why are all dirty?(he hugged his mom)son
Luke: mom;i am always coming back to you;whenever they hurt me
Muriel: who hurt you?(he let go of his mom and walked away)son
Joan: what is wrong with him
Muriel: i don't know but my son needs me more than ever;he need you now also(she takes her hand)please prove your love for him
Joan: i will mom(they both hugged)



SEE MORE.....



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RAPE EPISODE 13 (STORY BY DINDY)
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.
We entered into her room, then started putting things were they should be, the room was a total mess; her bed was a total disaster while her closest was --I don't even know what to say that will fit it--, but well it was fun all the way as we arranged her room.
We talked and laughed (Juliet is an amazing person), it got to a point when her junior brother came again to scatter what we arranged. We were facing the window side when he came in like a thief, he went straight to where she kept her shoes and cloths, then he used his hands to pull all the cloths that was hanging down when we turned.
immediately he saw us, he ran away again laughing at Juliet. Juliet got angry and she went downstairs to report to her mum.
I was left in her room alone, I went to arrange the cloths that Juliet's junior brother scatter. As I was picking up her cloths and hanging it, something fell from one of her cloths, it was a diary and it had "my painful secret" written on it.
When I saw it, I quickly hanged her cloths which was on my hand, then I bent down and picked up the diary.
I was looking at it and my mind was telling me to open it, but I was not sure because I came to her house for the first time and I didn't want it to look like I was already going through her stuffs.
The diary looked very colorful, which made me really want to open it.
I was about to open her diary when she came in, I was shocked and i threw her diary on the bed, she started laughing at me and she said "Fear fear".
I just looked at her and smiled, she walked up to me and asked playfully "So you saw my dairy, I hope you didn't read my secret?".
I answered saying "No I didn't, well I was about to open it because I wanted to read the content inside".
She smiled and then she said "Well the content in the dairy, is why I wanted to see you".
We both sat down as she opened her dairy and she gave it to me, for me to read it.
.....THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE......
"During one of my holidays, my cousins came around to stay, a girl and two boys; named Solomon, John and Joy."
"Solomon was the elderly one and he was older than me, he loved to frustrate me and we always got into fights (playful fight), we grew fund of each other; he always drags my legs while we fought."
"John was the second son, he was the same age with my junior brother."
"The girl's name was joy and we were the same age, she was asthmatic, but i never knew until on day. We were called twins although she was only my cousin."
"There was a day that we went for a walk at night, when we came back, she fell right in front of me (on the floor) with her hand on her chest."
She was having breathing difficulty, my dad was in the parlour, so when he saw her, he and my mum quickly rushed her to the hospital leaving me, my junior brother and cousins at home."
"After my parent went out John and my younger brother went to sleep."
"Solomon said to me that he wanted to play, I was like 'play this night?', but before I could say anything he dragged my legs until we got into his room, then he started romancing me (when I read that part, I was totally ashamed of boys and men). I was confused and wished it was only my imagination, but it was very real."
"I begged him to stop, but he did, so I started crying for him to stop and finally he stopped. I ran straight to my room, then I locked the door and started crying all over again."
"I was so shamed of myself, I said to myself 'how could this be, I trusted solomon so much and I never knew he could hurt me so much', I cried all night long, then slept off without knowing."
After I read all those words she penned down, I felt tears coming down my eyes.
When I told her sorry for what happened to her, she said "I wish sorry would take all the pains and suffering I face from time to time; the hate I feel for myself, the blame I give myself, but they can't be taken away".
I felt her pain so much because I fully understood her pain, she started crying, then she said again "Something happened to me after that day, I will tell you everything that happened".
I wiped the tears off my face and placed my right hand on my chin, looking at the pure white wall. --oh yea, her room was coloured white and her bed was big, plus she was a big fan of talking Angela. Well I knew that, when I saw her wall filled with the pictures of talking Angela, even her dairy had a sticker of talking Angela and she loves talking alot--.
--She said "I hope the viewers won't cry after reading this my story, which I'm about to tell them--
--I replied "I hope they don't and do cry", [laughs] don't mind me, those were my crazy thoughts--.......... To be continued.
Remember This Words "Tears can make you win a war and it solves problems sometimes".
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Diamond ring [Read it]


Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Akpos: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-27 19:20:00

550 Views




Girls are funny creatures.

They hate it when you ask their age;

But will kill you if you forget their birthday!Related

I consider myself a lesbian, but I’m a bisexual lesbian.

-Betty DodsonRelated

A man went to a bar and parked his bike close to where Akpos was standing.
After some couple of drinks, the man came out and was about to leave when he noticed his bike was missing. He saw Akpos roaming around and recognised Akpos standing close to where he parked his bike. So he decided to ask Akpos where his bike was:
MAN: Excuse me sir, I parked my bike here a few hours ago, do you by chance know where it is?
AKPOS: Before I tell you where your bike is, you have to buy me drinks.
MAN: Fine!
They both entered the bar, and the man virtually spent his last earnings on Akpos. After Akpos was thoroughly satisfied and almost drunk, the man asked him, "Can you now tell me where my bike is?"
"Come closer," Akpos whispers to the man, "let me tell you, this place is not safe."
"Alright." the man obliges.
When he came closer, Akpos whispers into his ear and says, "I think your bike may have been stolen by someone."
What do you think will happen to Akpos?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-26 18:33:16

263 Views



Answer and Win [Read it]


A local FM Radio station was running a
contest, and Akpors phoned in.
The Radio presenter said; Congratulations
Mr Akpors on being our first caller, all
you have to do is answer the following
question correctly, to win our grand
prize.
“That’s fantastic!” Akpors shouted in
delight. “Feel confident?” she said; “It is a
maths question.”
“Well, I am a Comedian and at my
convenient time I have been teaching and
practicing maths for 10 years now,”
Akpors proudly replied.
“Okay then, to win our grand prize of 2
return tickets for an adventure trip to
Sambisa Forest and an opportunity to
meet Shekau Face to Face, What is 2 plus
2?”
Chineke! Akpors replied: My answer is
“587?!!!
One word for Akpors this time?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-08 10:36:42

899 Views



uche d dumbass [Read it]


When Uche was in SS3, his teacher always yelled at him,
calling him a waste of conception, time and space and a
sure failure in life".
One day, poor Uche's grandma came to school to check out
how her grandson was doing.
The teacher told her quite frankly that she had never seen
such a dumb boy all her life; and advised her to withdraw
and enroll him under an artisan, because formal schooling
for Uche would be a total waste of time and money.
The grandma, shocked at the teacher's remarks, withdrew
her grandson from the school and relocated to Maiduguri.
**** 25 years later ****
The teacher was diagnosed with a brain tumour. All the
doctors she met advised her to do surgery and only a
certain doctor in the whole of Nigeria (practicing in
Maiduguri) could perform this procedure. Left with no
alternative, the poor teacher agreed to have the surgery
performed.
Fortunately, It was successful. When she awoke hours after
the surgery, she saw a handsome young doctor smiling
down at her. She was on artificial respiration from a
machine that provided her oxygen. She wanted to thank him
but could not speak. She looked sideways and suddenly
began to express shock & anguish, her face started to turn
pale; she frantically made attempts to raise her hand and
tell him something but couldn't. She struggled, she fought
hard-Then she gave up the Ghost and died. The young
doctor was shocked. He tried to find out what went wrong.
Eventually, it was found out that it was our dear Uche (now
working as a cleaner in the hospital) who had disconnected
the lady's oxygen machine to connect his phone charger.
Wait ooo!... Don't tell me that you thought that Uche
became the doctor?
Lol If I hear....dis is not Nollywood.!! Uche no know book
period!!..



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-18 23:54:56

458 Views



Wrong Number [Read it]


On Saturday Nigerian man mistakenly sent 2 million
naira to a wrong phone number via Mobile money
transfer. He thought of what to do to stop d person
from withdrawing d money n he came up with this:he
sent a message to d person's phone saying."hello
dark n worthy initiate,I hope u are OK.I believe u have
received d money I sent to u?it's for ur initiation into
d eternal mystical order of glorious satanism in d
ogboni fraternity scheduled to take place tomorrow's
midnight 12am.dat money is only 4 ur transport.I'll
send u more 4 ur shopping. There are riches awaiting
u in this kingdom. Two weeks after d initiation,a
family member very close to ur hrt will die in a
mysterious circumstance n another 2weeks later d
next person close to ur hrt again will die too,these
deaths will unlock ur ticket to wealth,ability to fly at
night to any part of d world,change into all kinds of
animal to deliver ur various assignments.remember
to come with a syringe n needle 4 drawing ur blood
every 20 minutes. Please remember DAT u must nt
come a minute late nor a minute earlier bcux d
viceroy of Satan will be there himself to officiate d
ceremony. Thanks in advance. But in case u are nt
ready to join please send back d money otherwise u
will die in d nxt 24hrs".............. ....5 minutes late he
got an sms saying, pls send another 2 million naira
my friend is also interested......! !!!
D man fainted..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-19 09:37:51

331 Views




Santa: Sorry, I missed your call.

Banta: It wasn’t once, I called you thrice.

Santa: I was too busy dancing to the ringtone!Related

Marriage is an occasion when a ring is put on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes!Related

Sophia was shocked. Bruno was
covered in dirt and mud. He had
a small cut on his cheek. There
was dried blood on his forehead.
His shirt was bloody and messy.
He staggered into the room and
sat on the long couch. He looked
really bad.
“What in hell happened to you?”
Sophia asked.
“We got attacked. Some heavily
armed men ambushed us as we
entered Lokoja. I had to create a
diversion. I made myself the bait
while I asked Marshal to proceed
as planned.” Bruno replied.
Sophia picked her phone and
made a call. She called Gbenga to
call off the search party. She had
found Bruno. She also asked her
personal assistant to get her
private doctor to come to the
mansion. She hung up. Bruno
looked a mess. She asked him to
go clean up. She called the
General and informed him of the
recent development.
“I want to know exactly what
happened. Have you asked about
the boy? Where is Marshal?” the
General queried.
“Bruno was badly wounded. He
was almost passing out. My
doctor is currently seeing to him.
I will get him around and have
him tell me everything.” She
replied.
“S, you are really beginning to irk
me! Don’t contact me unless you
have something tangible to tell
me. I gave you a mission. You
had your orders. You have made
a mess of it. I do not need
crumbs. I need results. You have
24 hours.” The General said and
finished. The line went dead.
Marshal drove like a mad man.
Their driver had just been shot
and he had taken hold of the
wheels. He looked in the rear
view mirror. The boy was scared
as hell. The green Kia Optima was
still in pursuit. d--n it! He took a
sharp left. The tires screeched. He
was driving at 100km/hr. He was
not scared. His adrenaline was
pumping. He needed to shake off
these guys. He took another right
and got on to a lonely path. His
attackers were nowhere in sight
but he knew they were not far
behind. He stopped the car in the
middle of the road, opened the
door and got out. He pulled Sean
out from the back and walked
with him into the bush. He
pushed Sean ahead of him as
they walked through shrubs and
bushes. Marshal heard a car stop
in the distance behind. His
pursuers had found the car.
There was a chance they would
find them if they were smart
enough. Sean was slowing them
down. He brought out a syringe.
Sean was walking ahead, trying
to find his way through the
covered bush path. He was tired.
Marshal quickly got close to him,
injecting the contents of the
syringe into Sean’s neck. Sean fell
in a heap.
Marshal heard voices. His
assailants were getting closer
and he had Sean to deal with. He
slung Sean on his shoulders and
walked faster, making sure he hit
his legs firmly on the floor with
each step. He had walked for a
while when he felt himself step
on a metal.
“Thank you Bruno.” He said to
himself.
He put Sean down carefully and
opened the metal lid. It opened
into a small hollow tunnel that
led to a secret outlet across
town. He descended the ladder
into the tunnel, carrying Sean
with him on his shoulders. He
closed the lid shut. He locked it
with a huge padlock that had
been there and continued away
from the place. He did not expect
to be followed. It was the perfect
detour. There was a car waiting
for him when he got out of the
15minute walk out of the tunnel.
He was exhausted. He had been
through a burdened night and
early morning. He dumped Sean
at the back of the car and got
into the passenger seat. He
pulled the lever by his seat and
the chair moved backwards. He
relaxed on it and heaved a heavy
sigh. He tried to call Bruno.
Switched off. He sent a text.
“Package secure. Took the
detour. Heading towards safe
house.”
He closed his eyes and drifted
into a much needed sleep.
Bruno woke up to find Sophia
staring at her. He got up painfully
and sat up, caressing his head.
He felt much better now and
hungry. He looked at Sophia.
“How long was I out?” He asked.
“Six hours. How do you feel?”
Sophia asked, getting up and
pouring herself some wine.
“I feel better. Can I have some of
that?” He asked pointing at the
bottle Sophia was holding.
Sophia poured another glass and
handed it to him.
“I need to know what happened.
Everything.” Sophia said. She
settled down in a chair opposite
Bruno and crossed her legs.
Bruno cleared his throat.
They were driving in cruise
control when they saw a car
parked in the middle of the road.
It was a blood red Toyota Quest.
As they slowed down, a bullet
pierced the windscreen and hit
the driver on the forehead.
Perfect hit. The windscreen
cracked. Blood splattered
everywhere.
“Duck!” Bruno whispered as the
three of them huddled beside
each other at the back. They
heard footsteps approaching. A
gun was cocked in the distance.
Bruno signaled to Marshal that
he was going out of the car to
meet the three men who were
almost at the car. Marshal was to
get the wheel, start the ignition
and drive away with the package
as fast as he could. Marshal
nodded. Sean was about to
throw up. Marshal looked at him
with a cold stare. Sean
swallowed the phlegm that was
in his throat. Bruno opened the
door and came out of the car, his
hands stretched out.
“I’m unarmed.” He said, crawling
out of the car and assessing the
situation.
From the corner of his eyes he
could see Marshal moving
stealthily to the driver’s seat. The
three men approached. Heavily
armed.
“Where is the package?” One of
them asked. He was almost near
the car now. A few yards away
from the driver’s side of the car.
In one swift move, Bruno put his
hand at his back and pulled out a
pistol. He shot the approaching
man on the leg as he ducked and
rolled on the ground into the
bushes. At exactly the same time,
Marshal started the engine,
shoved the dead driver out and
drove wildly at the other two
assailants. They did not expect
this sudden surge and left the
road in time. Marshal drove into
the push, passed the car that
was parked in the middle of the
narrow road and back onto the
road. He was pursued by the
other assailants who entered
their car and followed him. The
man Bruno shot was cursing and
looking for him in the bushes.
Bruno was at a vantage point. He
could see the man approaching.
He quickly sent Marshal a text on
the location of a secret hide-out.
He also sent another text to the
driver who would pick Marshal
up. The driver replied his text.
Marshal hadn’t. The man was
getting closer, cursing as his left
thigh oozed blood. He said a
quick prayer and hoped Bruno
would read his message. His
phone rang. It was Bruno. The
id1ot had given away his
location. He cut the call, put off
his phone and slipped it into his
socks. The man looked in his
direction and moved faster
towards him. The man saw the
weeds move. He shot rapidly in
the direction of the movements
where Bruno was trying to
escape. The bullet got him in the
arm. He groaned.
The man stumbled forwards.
Bruno saw him just in time. He
aimed carefully and shot the man
in the head. His brains splattered
as he slumped on the ground.
Bruno was in pains. He took of
his jacket and tied it around the
wound. He tried to crawl out of
the bush until he got tired and
decided to rest. He slept off till
the very early hours of the
morning and found his way to
the mansion.
Sophia sighed.
“Where is your phone?” She
asked.
He brought it out and put it on.
He saw Marshal’s message. He
showed it to her.
She smiled.
She called Shina.
“Shina. Beauty has spilled as we
suspected. She is the mole. She
took the bait. Take care of her
after the operation.” She hung
up.
Just then she felt relieved. As she
got up to refill her glass, Bruno’s
phone rang. It was Marshal.
“I am down. Package jumped me.
He is on the loose. I am at the
safe house.” Marshal said.
Bruno got up to leave.
“Where are you going?” Sophia
asked.
“I have got to take care of
business.” He said, relating
Bruno’s message to her.
“The boy knows you. He might
jump you too. I guess this is
where I step in. I’ll handle this.”
Sophia said and smiled.
She grabbed her car keys and
headed towards the safe house.

>>

I thanked the pastor and left with Chioma who as usual,
was very curious to know what we discussed but i
refused telling her, keeping everything to myself.
Friday slowly approached and we both travelled to our different homes in preparation for the marriage talks.
My parents were very delighted to see me and equally
were my relatives who were briefed on my reason for
coming home.
Saturday evening, my parents and i with some relatives
headed to Chioma’s house for the first stage of marriage talks.
I was happy, excited and nervous. I prayed for
everything to go as planned. I prayed for the evil wind
of misfortune to stay away.
Just like i hoped, the event went very smoothly.
Chioma’s family welcomed us very well and we on our own part presented all the things we brought and made
our intentions known to them.
It was a very smooth process, we had no arguments nor
rejections. In an hour we were done, promising to
return on december for the concluding part of the
ceremony. Chioma finally was my bethrothed in everyones eyes.
The main brideprice and other necessary things
required to make her my life partner and wife were
scheduled to be presented on december.
So far things were going very fine, nobody fell sick nor
died. I thanked God happily. I saw no need seeking out Mary,
“Perhaps the pastor was very wrong after all. God is
very merciful and wouldn’t allow anything bad to
happen” I reasoned.
I travelled back to the city on sunday morning while
Chioma returned later in the day, first stopping at my apartment.
“you did great my love. I had to stop at your place
before heading to mine just to tell you how happy and
proud i am” she said softly as we kissed.
“i can’t wait to make you my wife. I love you with
everything i got” i murmured, kissed and carried her on my arms.
“i hope you aren’t planning of taking me to your
bedroom to make love just like the last time?. I haven’t
got the strength” she warned me playfully. I dropped
her down and smiled,
“silly girl” i breathed as we looked at each other with love.
The next day however brought a very shocking package
to me. Chioma came into my office demanding to know
what i was holding back from her. I wasn’t only
surprised but shocked.
“my dear i don’t know what you are talking about” i insisted for the fifth time,
“why are you making things very difficult?, I called the
pastor this morning to brief him on how far we have
gotten in respect to our marriage but he ended up
asking me to speak to you. What’s it all about?” she
asked forcing me to swallow hard. “my love i don’t want you to get mad or scared, I
believe the pastor is a bit confused. He feels i should get
Mary’s blessing before marrying you, which i sort of
mentioned the other day to you, but what i failed to tell
you was that he feels something terrible might happen
if i fail to do so. It might be to you or to me, he believes a strange kind of spirit is fighting for Mary, which i very
much doubt” i opened up nervously.
Chioma shook with fright, her eyes dimmed slowly.
I quickly got up and hugged her.
“my love” i whispered,
“noooooo it can’t be” she cried.

See You Next Month, Good Night.

>>
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