Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


An INEC Official was about to declare APC candidate winner of Kogi State governorship election before he received a phone call that the candidate is dead.
Out of shock he shouted "Jesus!!! Am Duped"
The Agents waiting anxiously to here the final result asked: "Are you Ok?"
INEC Official: "My balance!"
Agents: "Which balance?"
INEC OFficial: "My money!"
Everybody stood up wondering if he had ran mad.
Before he finally say "I hereby declare the election inconclusive until i receive my balance"





NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-23 08:08:59

421 Views



the dying man [Read it]


A dying man on his sick bed in
the hospital called for his wife
and four children.
Dying man: “To you my wife, take
over the petroleum company at
4, Awolowo Rd Ikoyi”
Wife started crying loudly.
Dying man: “To you my first son,
take over the shopping mall at 12
Kingsway Rd Ikoyi”
First son rolling and screaming.
Dying man: “To you my second
son, take over the gas station
close to the Airport.”
Second son crying louder.
Dying man: “To you my third son,
take overthe eatery at Falomo.”
Third son was wailing.
Dying man: “To you my only
daughter, the high school is
yours.”
Daughter crying loudest.
The confused nurse asked:”I
don’t understand why you
people are crying and screaming
in pain, your dad left you a great
deal of properties to make you
comfortable till the end of time.”
Wife: “properties kor…
comfortable ni! He is a cleaner
and those are places he cleans
everyday.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-27 23:43:15

402 Views



hot secretary [Read it]


A hot secretary came angrily out Of boss cabin. Her colleague asked: What Happened? You went inside in a happy mood. She replied: He asked me are you free tonight? I said absolutely free. That bastard gave me 45 pages to type!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-13 22:20:49

795 Views




Upset, Akpos went to a bar across the street and ordered for a drink. I was seriously upset. What is
the problem? The bar man Sanko asked. Sanko, It's a long story. Hmm! I
don't even know where to start from. I met a beautiful woman today, and
she invited me to her house. We took off our clothes and jumped into
bed. Just when we were about to make love her husband showed up through
the front door. I had to jump through the bedroom window and hang from
the edge with my fingers, without any clothes on. That hurts! Sanko
said. Yes, but that is not what really got me angry.
When her husband
came into the room, he wanted to make love to her, but, he had to piss
first. And the stupid man pissed through the window, right on my head.
Shit! Sanko screamed, no wonder you are angry. I haven't told you what
really, really made me angry, I said.

I had to listen to them
moaning. When they were finished, the husband tossed his condom out
through the window. And where did it land? On my head!. Oh Lord, have
mercy! Sanko said, that is so bad!. I have not finished, Sanko, I said.
What really made me angry was when the husband had to shit. It happened
that their toilet is broken, so he brought his buttocks out through the
window and released his shit right on my head. Oh my God! Akpos, that
really messed up your day, Sanko shouted. Yes, it did. But do you know
what really, really made me angry? I asked Sanko. No, Sanko replied.
When I looked down, I saw that my feet was only four inches from the ground


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-20 08:09:24

545 Views




1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.
2.) If you have to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never
will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings".
3.) There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness".
4.) People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours
with them.
5.) And when God, who created the entire universe
with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message
to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a
person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6.) You should not confuse your career with your
life.
7.) No matter what happens... somebody will find a
way to take it too seriously.
8.) When trouble arises & things look bad, there is
always one individual who perceives a solution & is
willing to take command. Very often, that person is
crazy.
9.) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.
10.) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter, is not a nice person.
11.) Never lick a steak knife.
12.) Take out the fortune before you eat the
cookie.
13.) "The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status
or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
14.) You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think she's
pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.
15.) Your REAL friends still love you anyway.
16.)I learned alot about dieing when am alive
17.)If u wanna go fast, Go alone and if u wanna go
far,Go together.
#add yours #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-15 08:55:48

560 Views



ANGRY GIRL [Read it]


Move to a girl, she turns you down. You
try to move to move to her friend, she
gets angry. If you apply for UK Visa and they refuse
you, won't you try US?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-26 21:50:43

443 Views





1-To win a war it takes the
wisdom of the elders and the
energy of the young..

2-If you learn from a defeat, you
haven't really lost.

3-It is more noble to love the
man next to you than loving the
whole mankind in general.

4-The greatest good we can do
for each other is not to share our
riches with them but to reveal
their riches to them.

5-He who wants to be the
greatest among you, must be the
servant of all.

6-Everyone wants to be
commanders but not everyone
wants to obey the
commandments.

7-The reactions of men cannot
stop the decision of God.

8-It is not all good ideas are
God's ideas but all God's ideas
are good ideas.

9-Mankind must put an end to
war or war will put an end to
mankind.

10-procrastinat ion is the grave
in which opportunity is buried.

11-When you give the devil
attention It will give you
direction.

12-Humans and robber bands
have one thing in common and
that is they must be stretched to
be effective.

13-knowledge is not power until
it is applied.

14-If you expect something for
nothing then you are doomed
for disappointment.

15-Thinking your way through
your problem is more safe than
wishing your way through.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpors wants to be President oh; see his 8 points agenda:1. I am going to make sure any guy or girl who breaks each others heart will spend 20years in jail.
2. No man is entitled to more than one wife.
3. Any guy without 6 packs or any girl without figure 8 will have to relocate to Iran or Iraq for survival…
4. No work on Mondays
5. You must not have more than 2kids..
6. If U are married and ain’t
paying attention to your wife or husband,you will be jailed until you change.
7. Every cheating man or woman must be kept in a zoo for 2months.
8. No sex until U seek permission from your local Govt chairman and it’s once per month.Would you vote me or not?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-16 13:54:44

405 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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THE DEADLY MARKrn(Love hunters)rnSeason 1rnEpisode 7rnSAME NIGHT AND ROOMrnOnly the sound of distance vehicles and barking of dogs were heard from the quiet room. Everybody remained silent after Lawson gave the order. He began to walked around the room staring at the mark on the two papers. Only the sound of his footsteps were heard as others watched him in anticipation of the next suggestion.rn"Can someone say something cuz I'm demn fricked out here?!" Kelly yelled in the silence. Yet, nobody said a thing as they kept on staring at each other. Cassandra was still surprise of the new ability she got. She couldn't just believe herself.rn"Your mother has some questions to answer, Cassandra" Lawson broke the silence.rn"Then what are we waiting for? Lets start moving!" Kelly opened the door with a force looking at Cassnadra to lead the way. But she was still staring at Lawson.rn"Start moving" Lawson told her.rn"Why is she still standing there?!" Kelly yelled again from the door.rn"Stop shouting at her!" Ruth yelled back at him.rnThessy grew impatient in anger looking at Ruth. "Mind the way you talk to him. I have tolerated it a lot" she said, and Ruth also looked at her angrily but didn't say a word.rnMeanwhile, Daniel sat close to the was with his two hands on his forehead shedding unseen tears. while Grace stood beside him.rnCassandra quit staring at Lawson and began to move towards the door in anger followed by Ruth.rn"Come on, lets go" Grace dragged Daniel up. Kelly and Lawson watched them staggered out followed by Lawson before Kelly glanced at the dark room for the last time and closed the door.rnMrs Jonas was in her room stitching a cloth. The room looked just like that of a tailor that she was. One could see a big basket of clothes and others hung on the wall. Opposite the bed was an old sawing machine partially covered with clothes. Suddenly, she heard a knock on the door which directed her mind to the hour of the night. She glanced at the wall clock. 10:51pm.rnThe cotton which demarcated the sittingroom from her bedroom was flung aside as she went to the parlour. She opened the door. To her amazement, people looking very serious followed her daughter into the house without even a single greeting. All stood looking at her.rn"Cassandra" Mrs Jonas called looking at her. "Who are these? I hope there's no problem"rn"They is a big problem!" Kelly spoke up angrily which actually gave Mrs Jonas bad expression on her face. She opened her eyes widely looking at Cassandra. "What could be the problem?" she asked.rn"Mother, is about the make"rn"What mark?"rn"The one you called deadly from some sort of love hunters" she paused and glanced at others. "And one of us here has the mark" she concluded.rn"What?! Who?!"rn"We just want to know about the mark, ma'am" Lawson began. "So, can you please tell us what you know about this mark" he handed the two papers to her.rnMrs Jonas slowly took the papers staring at the marks in surprise with her hands shaking which scared the guys the more. Daniel looked at Grace.rn"Why are your hands vibrating? Just tell us!" Grace exclaim.rn"I won't have you talk to my mother like that in my domain!" Cassandra rebuked her. Everywhere became quiet.rn"It all started years ago even before you were all born" Mrs Jonas started. "Kali city had two lovers who loved each other so much but their lives were frustrated and tormented by jealous people of Kali. They were later discovered to be none Citizens of Kali city which made the jealous people frustrated their lives and kill them. I was only but a child. Few years later, many people in Kali city who were mostly inlove began to die. And this mark was seen on their bodies. So it was like a curse to the people Kali which killed many people but after several rituals by olden days spiritual and powerful men, the death rate of people of Kali who loved themselves stopped. So, i think they are back again"rn"But why?!" Daniel asked. READ MORE

The best preparation for good work tomorrow is to do good work today.

~ Elbert HubbardRelated

This ensue between warri tenant and akpors TENANT:akpors what are you trying to do AKPORS;i wan kill my self since my papa say na worthless life i dey live TENANT:and y are u tying it in d waist AKPORS:broda he no eazy i nearly die.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-20 00:16:58

351 Views




1. Smart man + smart woman = romance
2. Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
3. Dumb man + smart woman = affair
4. Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
5. Smart boss + smart employee = profit
6. Smart boss + dumb employee =production
7. Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
8. Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
pay your task ooo.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-04 13:37:35

336 Views




Where do you see MANGOES?

Mango tree

No

.

..

Fruit Shop

No

.

..

Maaza Drink

No

.

..

Then exactly where does one sees it?

A: Wherever Woman Goes, MAN GOES!Related

Nobody is right till somebody is wrong;

Nobody is weak till somebody is strong;

Nobody is lucky till love comes along;

Nobody is lonely till somebody is gone.

Missing you!Related

Hungarian brothers George and L’szlo Biro invented the ball point pen in 1938.Related

A man was going around 1.00am alone in his car and got to a checkpoint.

The police man stopped him and asked for everything which he gave out.
The police had nothing to ask again, in order to charge him, guess what the police man said;

"I charge you for driving alone at this time of the day, if you come get accident now who go go tell your people?"

The man replied:
"I'm not alone, Jesus Christ is with me here, Angel Gabriel, Angel Rapheal, Angel Micheal and five angels are with me here."

The police man said:
"All these people inside this your small car? I charge you for overloading. The man fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-24 23:30:14

132 Views




Who love me most episode 12

It been two weeks now since chidi and amara has been dating,maxwell was trying to play cool with the relationship between chidi and amara, on countless times they have come across each other at amara house,there was one particular day maxwell went to see amara to take her out when chidi called her to inform her that he is on his way to her house to take her for lunch, she then told maxwell that she couldn't go with him anymore that chidi is coming over,maxwell was so angry but pretended to be okey with it,Amara even went further to visit him too but he declared,this has been happening mostly every time and it was really getting to him,he could call his mother who is his ture friend to complain to her and each time this happens his mother will feel sad and pity for her son,she then decided to take a step by going to meet Amara parents,she drove her car into the compound of Mr and Mrs uche, she came door from the car and knocked at the door,knock,knock,knock.

Mrs uche :am coming oooo

She opened her door and saw Mrs ada Marcus, she was very happy to see her friend

Mrs uche :ah ada it's you (they hugged )

Mrs ada Marcus smiling )yes it's me,how is everything

Mrs uche :we thank God,this one you came to visit us hope all is well

Mrs ada Marcus : of course all is well,so where is your husband

Mrs uche :he is inside

Mrs ada Marcus key please i need to have a word with the both of you

Mrs uche curious )hope no problem

Mrs ada Marcus :no not at all,i just wanted to have a little discussion with you people.

Mrs uche key ,please come in

Mrs ada Marcus :don't worry here will be just fine we can sit down here to talk

Mrs uche key ,sit down let me call him

Mrs ada Marcus sat down on a wooden beach close to the front door while Mrs uche quickly went in to call her husband, after a while Mrs uche came to meet Mrs ada Marcus.

Mrs uche :he is coming

Mrs ada Marcus key

Just then Mr uche came,they exchange greetings and Mr uche sat down but Mrs uche decided to stand.

Mr uche:my wife told me you want to see us ,hope no problem

Mrs ada Marcus :no sir,but I have good news and bad news

Mrs uche :bad news

Mrs ada Marcus :let me start with the good news,

Mr uche key

Mrs ada Marcus:well you all know my son maxwell,he told me that he has found a beautiful flower in your compound that he could love to puck it and plant it in his household,so that is why I came to meet you people because I can not give a good ahead except you approve of it,that why I came to meet you.

Mr and Mrs uche was happy

Mr uche :this is indeed a good news,well that's not a problem, Amara is no longer a kid,so if maxwell intention is to make amara his wife there is no problem but has maxwell and amara dicuss about this.

Mrs ada Marcus :i won't lie to you sir they have not,because of some things that are going on between them,that is the bad news i was talking about.

They were confused

Mrs uche :what is it

Mrs ada Marcus :i shouldn't be the one to tell you this but I have to because it's involves my son,Amara is having an affair with one of the university boy

Them were so shocked on hearing this,how can she think of having a relationship when she is sent to study.

Mrs uche :are you serious

Mrs ada Marcus :i am,so that is why I am here to find out if both of you are aware of this, if you are aware,then I will tell my son to back off and look for someone else,because this guy in question is a guy that shouldn't be seen around amara, he will not be a good influence at all.

Mr uche :this is a shock to me,i have no idea about this,she has not introduce any body to us not to talk of knowing who he is.

Mrs uche :Amara, Amara, why will she be doing this.

Mr uche :you shouldn't worry about Amara, i will call her and talk to her,you have done the proper thing by coming to her father's house to ask for our permission,so that show that maxwell your son is the ture son of his father, you have done your part,you leave the rest for me.

Mrs ada Marcus :please try to put her in other before things get out of hand, i would love to have this family as an inlaw,please talk to her.

Mrs uche : don't worry we will do that and after we do she will come back to her senses.

Mrs ada Marcus key,i believe what you can do

Mrs ada open her hand beg and brought out an envelope.

Mrs ada Marcus :please you people should manage this,when everything is settled ,i will not come here alone but with our kinsmen.

Mr uche surprised )all this for us

He collected it and thanked her so much and also assured her that she will hear from them,after that Mrs ada Marcus took her leave and left.

Mrs uche :that girl will not kill me

Mrs uche :i will break her,is she not my daughter, look at a good suitor that she want to lose all because she wants to enjoy what they call youth, she don't know the kind of father she had.

Mrs uche :please my husband you need to do something.

Mr uche assured her that every thing will be fine and they both went inside the house.
***********************************
In just a short time chidi and amara is now the new gossip in the university, their love was going stronger at every passing day,it's not up to a month they have been dating but it since like ten years, chidi could take her for lunch, shopping, to school and any where that he can think of,chidi found himself falling so deeply for Amara but he didn't care because for the first time in his life he has felt what love is all about, Amara on the other hand feel the same way for him,most people who knew chidi and his attitude towards women knew that something has changed about him cause he barely late up to one week with any girl but in Amara case it was different,it was even difficult to believe the the all mighty play boy is now a woman tool but there was so lot of things that amara till need to know about chidi.
Amara always feel uneasy each time she is alone she always feel some one is either watching her or following her,she has told chidi and her friends about how she feels each time she is alone but they keep telling her it's her imagination.
It was an Thursday afternoon amara, Sandra, princess and annabella were all seated at a restaurant in the school premises having lunch, when seven boys entered the restaurant, most people that was there eating got up immediately and left,the seven boys was walking up to were amara and her friends were seated,Amara saw them and taped Sandra.

Amara :Sandra, i think those guys are coming to us

That was when they observed that the whole restaurant was empty,Sandra,princess and annabella knew who the middle guy is,he was a tell and dark skinny, his name is dare and die,he is the leader of a cultist group.

Dare and diesmiling )hi ladies

They all response back

Dare and die:you ladies must be enjoying yourself

They were all scared except amara who did know who he was.

Sandra :actually we were about leaving.

Sandra signaled amara to get up which she did, they all got up,he light up the cigarette in him mouth.

Dare and die: you sit down(pointing at amara )

They all gaze at him .

Dare and die:i want to have a little chat with you

Amara :well as you can see am about leaving maybe some other time

Dare and die:she said some other time, (smile )well I don't want some other time,(now looking upset)now you get your ass back on the sit (shout)now

Amara sat down with fear,dare and die then sat down beside her.

Guy 1:make three of une dey go if our boss don finish with une babe she go come meet une.

Sandra :but we came together

Guy 2shouting )you dey craze see this girl if une non disappear from here now ah une go collect oh

Guy 3:make une bounce

Amara told them to go for she didn't want they to get hurt,as they where about to leave chidi,emma, Godwin, jude and other two boys that amara didn't know walked in,Amara was relieved to see chidi but at the same time scared because she knew that the guys are very dangerous,she don't want anyone to get hurt for her sake.

Chidi angry)Amara get up and leave

Dare and die:you know say you no go fit get up ne, or you want make your leg break.

Chidi :dare and die,no try oooo,ne falling things go happen to you ooo

Dare and die got up shouting

Dare and die :you non fit ,you fit fall me,ne me dey run this campus.

Chidi :ne you said only this campus,me i dey run both the campus and town, non make me remember your error, or else ne inside your body you go hear am.

Dare and die:who dey fear you you, (laughed )ne me go waste you,i swear

Chidismile)children of this days,une dey get liver oooo,now dare and die make i tell you,you see all this girls way dey this campus you fit do anything way you wan do with them but you see this girls so,non try am,mostly this one (pointing at amara who was till sitting down freaking out)ne my investment, i non use am play, see non let this your new post way they give you come sweet you reach your head you non con know your boundary, ne warn i dey warn you ooooo.dare and die, dey your own make i dey my own,before you go cross paths with me make you ask around then you go kw waytin dey happen to people way dey cross my path,non say I non tell you,Amara let's go

Amara quickly got up and chidi took her away,dare and die wouldn't fine the words to say as he watch them leave.

Chidi :emma i will see you guys later

Emma key

Chidi took amara and they entered his car and he drove off,Amara was silence, she wouldn't tell what just happened, there were lots of things running through her mind, chidi observed this.

Chidi :are you okey (trying to hold her hands)

Amara upset)don't touch me,just drop me at home i want to be left alone

Chidi :what's the matter, why are you mad at me,Amara

Amara :what just happened, like what happened,chidi do i really know you,do I

Chidi :come on amara, what i did back there was to protect you

Amara :by calling me your investment.

Chidi :is that why you are angry with me,mmmmmm

Amara :are you a cultist

Chidi:i thought we have been through this

Amara :no we have not because of what just happened there i need some explanation,And if you don't tell me what i needed to know, as soon as I get down from your car that will be the end of us,and you won't ever come close to me again.

Chidi saw the seriousness in her eyes.

Chidi :fine,okey just calm down i will tell you, (he stopped the car)I am the number 1 of a cult group,but we keep ours very low,it even difficult for you to know what we are.

Amara : oh my God

Amara couldn't believe what she is hearing.

Chidi :but that won't effect us

Amara :do you know you put me at risk

Chidi:that's why I am trying my best to protect you,nothing is going to happen to you because am always with you,i love you so much to let anything happen to you.

Amara :and how are you going to do that

Chidi :just the way I knew you needed me today,and i was there, so I will always be there.

Amara :i haven't really thought about this,how did you know where to fine me cause I never told you.

Chidi :i have eyes on you,so you are not always alone

Amara :i said it,i knew i was being followed be you took me for a fool

Chidi :i can never do that,please don't just make this hard for me.

Amara :emma is also in involved

Chidi :he's second after me,please,i love you Amara I really do,and i promise I will take a bullet for you.

They both starred at each other, chidi draw close to amara and kissed her,that will be the first time that they have kissed since they start dating,

Amara :i love you chidi

Chidi:i love you more

Amara smile and chidi smiled back,

Chidi :so do you till want me to take you home,i could love to stay with you for sometime

Amara :if it won't be long

Chidi smile and start the car and drove off.


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NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-25 23:10:27

564 Views




BROKEN SEAL
EPISODE 3

Isaiah: I love you Ella.
Ella: i love you more….
She tried tilting her head
forward for a kiss but felt a
sharp pain instead.
“oooouuuch” she groaned,
trying hard to open her eyes.
Oh! She had been hallucinating
again.
The room was still as gloomy
as it was yesterday, she was
still tied to the chair at the
mercy of the duct tape.
She’ve been here for days, she
didn’t know how it happen, but
she remembered vividly it all
started with ear-destroying
sounds of gunshots and……
*door opens*
she heard the door opening, of
course she needed not a seer
to tell her its Rodelio the arch
devil, she tilted her head
down, pretending to be asleep.
Rodelio emptied a cup of water
on her, the chills of the water
in this cold weather condition
only increased her pains.
Rodelio: hi love!!!!!
Ella: she didn’t bother speaking
‘coz the duct tape on her lips
was a great hinderance.
Rodelio wanted her to say
something, he detached the
tape from her lips…..
Ella: (with the iota of strength
in her) bastård!!!!!
Rodelio: (smiling)
Rodelio: won’t you atleast kiss
me? Your love?
Ella: i’d rather kiss a dead dog
than kiss a beast like you, let
me go!!!!
Rodelio: i love you honey, i
really do.
Ella: love? Did i just hear you
say ‘love? (scoff) is this how
you love? You hurt the ones
you claim to love? No Rodelio,
beasts like you can’t love, you
have a rock in place of a heart.
I hate you sparky!!!!!!!!
Rodelio: is it that hard to love
me? Everything i ever did,
which may seem bad to you, i
do because i love you Ella,
open the eyes of your heart
and you’d realise how much i
love you.
It hurts to see you in this
condition but trust me, its only
for a while! Things would work
out between us, all i need from
you is your love.
Ella: rubbish (struggling to free
herself)
Rodelio felt some pity for her,
he untied her, so she can lay
on the bed.
Immediately Ella’s hand was
freed she gave Rodelio a hot
slap.
Ella: thats for my wedding.
She reached to slap him again,
he was now pissed, he held her
hand mid-air and gave her a
slap that sent her to the floor.
Rodelio: your food is over
there, don’t you even think of
escaping ‘coz you’ar guarded
by more than 30men.
With that he stormed out
angrily, only 10men were in
the building, he exaggerated
‘coz he wanted to implant
some fear in her.
*************************************
Samuel came by few minutes
past 6pm as he promised
yesterday.
Samuel: (whisperin almost in
my ear) have this, these
Ritalins would make you
unconscious for hours, take
only two pill at 8pm, so you’d
wake up by 6am.
Don’t take more or less, got it?
Me: what if my cellmates fail
to inform the warders?
Samuel: the more reason i said
you’ar to take it by 8pm, didn’t
you mention the prison guards
come for their routine check by
8pm? Lets hope they don’t
come before or long after you
take the pills.
Me: thanks man.
Samuel: thank me later, infact
don’t thank me, thats what
close buddies do, they
participate in crime together.
Me: hahahahaha if i get caught
you’d be sooo dead!!!!
Samuel: i gotta go, i have alot
to do in the hospital,
hahahahahaha for your sake i’d
taste the live of docs, do you
know i hate them?
*************************************
when it was exactly 8pm, i
took two pills, just hope all
goes well.
WTF! My eyes started rotating,
i felt out of the world.
This is serious!!!!

>>

One can never start the next chapter of one’s life;

If one is always busy visiting the last one.

Good Night!Related

A thief tried to rob a very stingy old man in a hold-up Thief: This is a hold-up.Hand over your money or else... Old Man: Or else what?! Thief: Please don't confuse me.This is my first job


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-28 12:27:51

961 Views




Stephanie: Desmond and i had a deed just has he had with his friends on me(tears Fall from his eyes)Desmond told me that he and his friends had a bet on me of five hundred thousand and that i should pretend to be his girlfriend and when i got home i told my friends that he asked me out and they is all lies. assuredly its all lies because i know on a normal day someone like him;will never asked me out or even say hello and i also return to them and tell them we are now dating;when i accepted that am in
Tunde: that is not truth because we saw you kissing him and when you stay in his room what did you two do?
Stephanie: its all true;those times you see both of kissing,there are no kisses because of you notice his hand is covering the place of my lips and his. in his room he only hit the bed and i laugh
Alfred: yes;that is true,you remember i told you;Ayo that why is Desmond always putting his hand there
Ayo: yes;you did
Tina: why are you trying to fool everybody?you want to tell me that at the canteen what happen between the both of you there;is also fake?
Stephanie: what happen there is real but that was the only time he kissed me and i know he did that to piss me up
Ann: yes;that is true
Tosin: Stephanie;you are one of a kind
Rose: now you cook all this rubbish story were is the proof,to show that what she is saying is the truth
Desmond: yes;all she is saying is the truth but i don't have proof
Rose: to show you are a liar. take him away
Stephanie: wait;i have proof,Desmond check your phone go to received file,you will see a title top secret open it and play it(he did that and play it)
Jackson: you can stop it my son;i know the entire story already but i want you to tell the truth
Desmond: sorry mom and dad
Rose so you know all this and you didn't tell me
Jackson: it wasn't necessary;young lady,from the phone my son has already tell us why he did that,then why did you accepted it
Rose: its obvious that she was a cheap girl after money
Stephanie: that is not true ma. i did not do it because of the money but because of Tina;i want to prove to her that i can still keep a male friend that is not just a friend because she is always laughing at me
Rose: everything in your life you did because of Tina,you fall in love with Tunde because of her right?
Stephanie: i fall in love with Tunde because he was kind to me
Georgina: that mean you are also in love with Desmond
Stephanie: i am not in love with him
Rose: you are not only cheap but you are also a great liar. take her away from my sight
Tunde: so Desmond;you can do this to us
Alfred: you are such a disappointment
Ayo: coward that is what you are(exit Alfred/Tosan/Ayo)
Desmond: is not what you think
Rose: i said pull her out
Stephanie: Desmond;please tell your mom that am not a bad person
Desmond: i hate you;you make me sick(he turn his back)

Georgina: what are you still waiting for?money?here have it(she throw money on her)
Anita: excuse me sir;we have to be on our way
Jackson: is alright take care of her(he walked towards her)wipe your tears my daughter;is alright you are not a bad person
Stephanie: thank you sir(she turn to leave)Tunde;am sorry,i break up your relationship (she held his hand)forgive me
Tunde: don't asked for my forgiveness because you are nothing to me. you are just a worthless cheap girl (he pull his hand from her) go away you are a prostitute
Stephanie: thank you very much Tunde


Georgina: my love;am sorry for castigating you. please forgive me
Desmond: do i have the right to forgive when u could not forgive myself?i can't;so please don't asked me to. mom;dad am sorry for all the troubles and the embarrassment
Rose: am sorry also but you have to promise me;you will not see that girl again
Jackson: you don't have to my son. we have forgiven you and Tunde take your things inside and i don't want to ear this again
Tunde: yes sir
Jackson: we will be leaving but please take care of yourself and maintain a good relationship. i and your mom are going to a party that while we decided to used this opportunity to visit. is a good thing we did. goodbye
Desmond: thank you dad and bye mom
Rose: bye



Stephanie: do you think if my parents were alive,my life would not had been in this bad shape?do you i would had been a better person?
Anita: people don't get a good life because of their parents,they only get the best base on their individual achievement
Stephanie: then why is mine different?why do i always meet with failure?why does it have to be the day i was given birth to,my dad died of car accident on his way to see my and it was that same day my mom died?why do i have to be the only one who have to prove my worth for my family?why do i have to be the one called a witch?i was the only girl picked on by boys back in college. why do i have bad luck when it comes to my feelings?even when i try to please people;they still ended up calling me evil,worthless;cheap;prostitute;low life;they even hate me and crown it all Tunde said am nothing to him(tears flow drown continuously)

Anita: Stephanie;stop it you are going to make me cry
Stephanie: don't worry;i just want to easy my pain with my tears but i bet you,this is the last time,i will share tears
Tina: is such a shame that some people think so high of themselves. what a shame that no one was able to stand up for you
Stephanie: i don't need human to stand for me,i need just God to build my life and stand for me(she wiped her tears)
Tina: hey;sorry,so sorry,which one of the boys is making you cry,Desmond or Tunde?
Stephanie: i see why Tunde was scared of approaching me because he is brainless and worthless like you,that is why he settle for you. you two look good together. losers,Anita i will talk to you later(exit)
Tina: no come and sit,so i tell you,your life story
Anita: when i look at you,i see evil in you. you are heartless
Tina: i know(she laughed)this cause for celebration
Anita: celebrate with the devil,your father
Tina: don't insult me again

Ayo: ma;please come,Desmond is drinking again
Brown: was wrong with him?this us the second time,he is getting drunk in just less than two days. if it get out of hand i will have no other option than to report to his dad
Anita: no;don't lets just go and see him first
Brown: alright after you
Ayo: here is he
Brown: Desmond;what is wrong with you?
Desmond: nothing;i am celebrating,is to bad to celebrate
Brown: is not but what are you celebrating?
Desmond: i am celebrating my foolishness
Ayo: if it is about what happen forget about it because we have forgiven you
Desmond: i know you all have forgiven me that is why i am celebrating
Brown: but know that is not true
Alfred: what is going on here?
Ayo: Desmond is drunk
Tosin: was wrong with him?can't he see that we have forgiven him
Desmond: i don't know what is wrong with you all?i said i am celebrating everyone for forgiving me. come join me
Alfred: you have classes today,you didn't go and here you go drinking yourself to death. i pity you
Desmond: why pity me?am i a beggar on the street?not at all,all thanks to Stephie. am just one unfortunate boy with no one to love
Alfred: see where your madness is coming from
Desmond: my madness;so am not only worthless am also mad?God!why me
Brown: what is wrong with you?don't you want to life your life? you should be grateful that you are from a rich family and their only son
Desmond: uncle sorry aunt,i hate been reminded that i am from that family(he stood up and fall back)sorry;my legs are not firm to the ground(he stood again) bye all. see you later. am going to class
Tunde: what is wrong with him?why is he walking like that?
Alfred: he is drunk
Tosan: why is he drunk?did he know that exam is next week?
Alfred: don't mind him,he even has exam next week
Tosin: i feel for that little boy
Tunde: i don't feel for him because he is the cause of his problem and that stupid Stephanie
Tosan: was your problem?how could you be this heartless?when you know what Stephanie is going through
Tunde: how is it my fault that she is through a lot?she is just a gold digger
Tosan: tell your friend not to insult Stephanie again
Alfred: was wrong with you?have you suddenly lost your mind?
Tunde: i haven't;i don't know why you all are taking the side of a prostitute and someone whom deceived you
Tosan: may it not be well with you. i don't know you are this heartless. that girl is taking every ill treatment from Tina because of her love for you and all you could do is insult her
Tunde: did i beg for her love

Alfred: you are stupid;you feel nothing for your brother and even for someone that is able to tell she love you in front of everyone and you call that person names. let me tell you;don't get carried away that Stephanie said;she love you. they are all lies because you are nothing compare to Desmond,if Desmond should make the mistake of telling Stephanie,he love her that is the end because she will choose Desmond over you like Tina;choose him over you(exit)
Tunde: i don't care;who said i want to date a prostitute
Tosan: you are such a waste dump because you have nothing to offer. i see nothing in you,that Stephanie is in love with
Tunde: i don't care about your opinion
Ayo: and no one care about yours as well


Anita: hey mummy;where have you been
Stephanie: nowhere;i just went to Chioma to cool off my brain and i have my exam to read for. so i decided to leave for sometime to force
Ann: really
Stephanie: yes
Tosan: is like you added weight
Stephanie: no i didn't
Anita: i hope you are spending the remain days with me
Stephanie: am not;am here to carry my bags that was the only thing i brought (enter Ayo)
Tina: thank God you are leaving,are you going to stay under bridge
Stephanie: sorry to disappoint you,am not going to do that because my sister are there. the fact that i don't have a mother or dad or brother doesn't make me poor
Tina: sorry;how are things going on with you and your dump boyfriend
Stephanie: thank God you know that Tunde is a waste bin that need to be dump
Tina: tell me;did he want to keep you in his kitchen?
Ayo: what is wrong with you Tina?
Tina: nothing;i was just talking to this low life
Stephanie: how come i can't see that you and Tunde look good together?mannerless vultures
Tina: what did you just called me?
Stephanie: anyway;see you all later,maybe after vacation next semester
Ayo: arent you coming for the end of semester party
Stephanie: no;am not
Tina: say me well to Tunde
Stephanie: is that the name of a person or an animal?
Tina: so you don't know the name of the boy you are in love with?
Stephanie: did i say i am in love with a boy named Tunde?oh!i did said that but sorry he is not my type. he is too local for me
Tina: he is not your type but you said you are in love with him
Stephanie: i don't have times for dumb like you. anyways say me well to your friends(to Ayo)
Ayo: alright take care
Anita: come on sit with me,did you bring anything for me
Ayo: i thought you will like to come with me;since we will be going on vocation in less than a week from now
Anita: that is nice of you,just wait so i get to change my clothes so we go together
Ayo: alright will you like to join us(to Tina)
Tina: no;you know three is a crowd
Ayo: if you say so



Stephanie: it feels so good to be home again. sleep in your own apartment;wake up at your own free will without one looking at you
Vina: what do you mean without anyone looking at you?anyway i missed you big time
Stephanie: you didn't even tell me that you are back from school already
Vina: i want to surprise you
Stephanie: and i told you i was coming;i was even thinking that i was the only going to be in this boring house
Monalisa: so my house is boring
Stephanie: that is not what i meant. didn't you go to work?
Monalisa: today is Saturday have you forgotten




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An Oyibo kid(white boy) came with his dad to visit Nigeria and decided to show off to Akpors & his friends; the following argument ensued between them:
Oyibo boy: I got Mc Donald
Akpors: I get Mr Biggs
Oyibo boy: I got Mtv
Akpors: we get Stv
Oyibo boy: I got Mike TYson
Akpors: we get Bash Ali
Oyibo boy: I got Elvis Presley
Akpors: we get Fela kuti
Oyibo boy: I got T. pain
Akpors: we get Timaya.
Oyibo boy: I got T.I
Akpors: we get M.I.
Oyibo boy: I got 2-pac
Akpors: we got 2-face
Oyibo boy: I got Beyonce
Akpors: we get Genevieve
Oyibo boy: I got Lil wayne
Akpors: We got Terry G
Oyibo boy: I got Jay Z
Akpors: We get DON JAZZY
Oyibo boy: I got Hollywood
Akpors: we get nollywood
Oyibo boy: I got Silicon valley
Akpors: we get Computer village.
Oyibo boy: I got Las Vegas
Akpors: we get Lasgidi.
Oyibo boy: I got Miami Beach
Akpors: we get Lekki Beach.
Oyibo boy: I got Al Paccino
Akpors: we get Peter Edochie.
Oyibo boy: I got Pirate of d Caribbean
Akpors: we get Pirates of Alaba intl
Oyibo boy: I got Mr Bean
Akpors: we get Mr Ibu
Oyibo boy: I got American Lotto
Akpors: we get Baba Ijebu.

Abi Akpors lie?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-08 10:45:04

1166 Views



Que? [Read it]


Who is the best joker in the house


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-12 10:36:58

351 Views




LAGOS — The controversy over the All Progressives Congress, APC, General
Muhammadu Buhari’s academic certificate has shifted to the court, as an
Abuja-based lawyer, Mr. Chike Okafor has asked a Federal High Court
sitting in Abuja, to disqualify Buhari from contesting February 14
presidential election on account of false information given by the
candidate in the affidavit he submitted to the Independent National
Electoral Commission, INEC, in support of his nomination form.

Okafor
in suit No. FHC/ABJ/CS/01/2015, predicated the case on Section 131 of
the Constitution which prescribes a minimum qualification for nomination
to participate in Presidential elections and Section 31 of the
Electoral Act that stipulates all presidential candidates to depose an
affidavit in proof of compliance with constitutional requirement to be
President of Nigeria.

The claimant is contending in the suit that
Buhari failed to prove that he has the minimum educational
qualification to run for President.

He is further contending that
Buhari’s affidavit that he possesses the West African School Leaving
Certificate (WASC) are false, as not only did he not attach it to his
Nomination Form, as compulsorily required, but his claim that the
certificates are in the custody of the military had been denied by the
Director of Army Public Relations, Brigadier-General Olajide Laleye.

Okafor
is, consequently, praying the court to disqualify Buhari from
contesting the February 14 presidential election, citing Section 31(5)
of the Electoral Act that allows a person that has reasonable grounds to
believe that false information has been given by a candidate in his
affidavit or document submitted to INEC, in support of his nomination
form, to approach the court for the candidate to be disqualified.

News Source



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-27 07:32:15

181 Views



The Dream [Read it]



Akpos and ochoku came to school late and
their class teacher has started lecture.
So the teacher asked them why they came
to school late.
Ochuku answered: ma! I had a long dream
that's why I came late
Teacher: ok what about you akpos?
Akpos answered: ma I also had a long
dream.
Teacher: ok starting from ochoku, you guys
will tell us what's the dream is all about.
Now ochoku narrate your dream to the
students.
Ochoku: my team was playing a match
with another team, and they scored us
with partiality, the referee was supporting
the other team, so I was struggling to
score a goal.
Teacher: hmmm, ok akpos can we hear
your own dream?
Akpos: ma! I was the referee of the
match.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-26 06:48:49

512 Views



2 fools [Read it]


Two guys were fighting seriously with blood gushing out from there body then suddenly a police came to seperate them and asked them what hapen..
The first guy: i told him to pls help me with money that i hav not eaten den he said i no fit...
police man: u two wil follow me to station 'oboi see chopins'
 second guy : oga police dont get angry oya take diz hol ur side ..
first guy: i tel u say i neva eat u cary moni give police to day na me and u go die hear..
den first guy rushd d second guy
second guy : shouted police help me!
police man: i no fit


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-30 11:54:54

795 Views




When you buy your girlfriend phone
and another man buys her airtime.
That's called, "Division of Labour". When you buy your girlfriend
underwear and another man removes
it. That's called, "Separation of Powers". When you pay your girlfriend fees and
another man pays her rent. That's
called, "Combined Business". When your girlfriend says she is not
ready for sex and another man gets her
pregnant. What will you call that?
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-25 14:07:43

352 Views




Jessy and Wilson drove me to my house an hour later, Jessy insisting she drive owing to the fact my state of mind was unstable.

The whole ride to my house felt like i was being dragged on a road of gravel tied to a horse.

papa was not home yet before i was taken home by Jessy and Wilson. My head was heavy ad at the same light and i felt woozy.

It felt like a dream yet it was hurting like it was real. kept on dialing Chioma’s number on my way but it was still switched off.

“Leave my mummy alone” those tiny sounds kept ringing in my head.
Ryans teary face kept flashing in my mind.

That look he gave me, that mixture of anger spread into a chunk of helplessness. It was familiar to me and bearing in my mind my contempt for the man i bore this feelings for, i couldn’t imagine my own son having such feelings for me.

My night was a live hell for me. Chioma’s bleeding words pieced my soul, my wedding that is almost as probable as an impossible event, what papa would do when he finds out Ryan was my child and not his.

Old wounds would definitely be reopened. My baby chioma was carrying; How could my child enter into the world with the way things are.

Surprisingly Amanda’s teary helpless look as i had my gripped round her neck made worse by the crisp crystalline tears i made Ryan shed.

I woke up in the morning with a throbbing headache, my mouth was dry and my body felt very fragile, i had being awake all through the night.

I heavily picked myself up and headed for the bathroom for some clean ups.
Picking my keys up i headed towards chioma’s house.

Dialing her number as i drove. It rang the first time then went into number busy, the second time it was not available.

I blared my car horn with so much impatience. Watched as the little hatch in the gate opened and two pair of eyes popped out then closed again.

Hassan stepped out stretching, his flowing white robe still touched the ground.
“Whats going on” i cursed under my breathe yanking my car door open.

Hassan never come after seeing my car from the hatch, he knows most of the cars i drive due to my frequent visit the last couple of weeks and he always looks forward to hailing my name with his hands thrown to the air, it always earned him some few naira notes.

“Hassan what is it, open the gate for me!” I intoned walking toward him, his hands were still thrown up in the air but i doubt if he was still stretching.

“Oga gudu afun” He said throwing his face out through the other flank trying to avoid my gaze and his mouth in a sulking position.

“Ok ok Hassan good afternoon, can you open the gate now” Impatience was riddled in my tone and my hands demonstrated my point.

Hassan shook is head slightly still bearing his his face the opposite direction.
“What do you mean by that” I retorted, a pinch of anger flying out.

“Oga, oga and madam say make i no allow me cross gate egen (again) walahi oga i is not my fot”
Hassan sounded pleading.

I didn’t speak any word again, i turned and re-entered my car and zoomed off with a neck breaking speed.

I drove into papa’s compound in shimmering atmosphere of the evening sun.
Ryan was running around the compound with his ball.

“My son” I murmured looking at Ryan play still inside my car.
He was handsome, he had Amanda’s skin colour, a smallish nose and a relatively small eyes which sparkled with a lot of promise.

My lips formed into a smile watching him play, his slim cracking laughs as he chased the ball around.

I got down from the car and walk to him.
“Hello Ryan” I smiled to him jolting him out of his football cast spell.

He looked at me and his face changed, the happy laughing facing slowly began to wear a frown before me.

I knelt before him to bring our height a little closer, took his smallish small hands in mine still trying to force out a smile.

“Am sorry for what happened yesterday, i was only playing with mummy” i intoned peering into his face searching for a smile getting a reciprocating stare in return.

“Now give uncle a hug” i sang now wearing a grin, the word ‘uncle’ thumped my heart hard.

Taking his little frame into my arms i hugged him tight, felt his little arms go round my back after staying numb for a minute.

My face forced out a real smile now tightening my arms around him.

Standing up still bearing him in my arms, i met Amanda’s full stare. she was standing a few yards away looking at i and Ryan.

“Good evening” I said walking up to her, i could make out a black eye and a swollen cheek, remnants of yesterday’s event.

“Good evening sky” she muttered focusing her gaze more on the child in my arms.

“I will like to take Ryan out this evening, he may stay with me in my house today” i said looking more into her face.

“Alright” . . . that was the greatest surprise of the century. Never expected Amanda to agree so easily, something really is different in her.

She prepared Ryan’s little back pack and i left with him. taking him round the city and most of the children’s park i could locate.

I was happy seeing his innocent beautiful self happy, and creating a connection between us.

Just a little after twilight, i went home after my tiresome playing session with Ryan round the city

Pushing my door open “Welcome to our house Ryan”

..Chioma was seating in one of the sofas waiting for me..

..To be Continued..

>>

Blood splashed on Bison’s hand, he
could no believe what he just saw, he
looked through the tiny window of the
slaughter room and saw about 8 police
men advancing towards the building,
they were armed with guns, and one of
them who had probably seen his man
holding a gun had shot him in the arm,
Bison looked at the machete in his hand,
he looked at Peter, Bison knew he had to
escape, that was the most important
thing now, he raised an alarm to inform
his men that they were under attack,
Bison’s men went to the arsenal and
carried guns and hand thrown grenades,
they then went to confront the police,
they marched out of the building and
planned to surround the building and
defend themselves, but as they were
marching out those that were in front
faced the wrath of the AK 47 as the
police shot at their direction mercilessly,
they all managed to get out of the
building as some of them passed
through the window, they formed a circle
around the building and shot at the
police, one of the kidnappers carried a
grenade and removed It’s cork, he then
threw it at the first group of police, as
the police saw it coming, they didn’t
need to ask Google what it was or what
to do before they split for their dear
lives, the grenade exploded within four
seconds as It’s sound echoed through
the forest.
……………………………………………..
John felt uncomfortable as he heard the
loud noise, he tried to figure out what it
was, it was either a grenade or a car had
just exploded, but he had not seen the
police carry grenades, he relaxed and
assured himself that the police would
triumph, 15 seconds later they heard
another explosion, John could not take
it anymore, he got down from the car
and went to the trunk, what are you
trying to do? Joy asked him, what does
it look like? He replied, I can’t just sit
here while my dad’s life is in danger, I’m
with you bro, T.J said as he also got
down from the car and went to the trunk,
Promise offered to help to as he got
down from the car, Promise was an ex-
soldier, he was dismissed from the army
when he was caught hacking into one of
their computers, it had been long, he
thought to himself, now he needed to
feel the moment again, John handed T.J
and Promise a vest each and gave them
guns, AK 47 to be precise, Promise
taught them how to reload the guns as
they were probably novices, they looked
at the way Promise talked and knew he
had experience, they nodded their heads
in understanding when he had finished
talking, John went to the window side
and kissed Joy passionately, they might
be seeing each other for the last time,
John wore his bullet proof vest, and he,
T.J and Promise left Joy and the driver
alone in the car, promise me you’ll be
back Joy shouted to John, John didn’t
reply, he wasn’t ready to make any
promise he couldn’t keep!
………………………………………………….
Nelson and his men were still at battle,
he had lost 2 men from his group but he
didn’t know about the others, he cocked
him gun and shot at three kidnappers
killing them instantly as he still lay on
the floor with his men, the battle
continued. …………………………………………………..
The people in the dungeon were happy
and scared, at last the police had come
to their rescue.
………………………………………………….
Few metres away, Peter laid low on the
floor as he heard gunshots, his heart
was Still beating because few minutes
ago he was about to be beheaded like a
bull in the abattoir, he slowly crawled
away from the slaughter room and back
to the corridor, he saw a pair of trousers
hanged on a window, he didn’t need to
write a letter of permission before he
took it and wore it while sitting.
……………………………………………….
Bison went to his room in the building,
he brought a box from under the bed
and opened it, it contained a pair of
police uniform, he had always prepared
for this day, he put on the uniform and
carried a gun, he then sneaked out
through the back door.
…………………………………………………..
John and Co had jogged through the
distance, they were now at the battle
scene, John looked to his right and saw
a police officer coming out through the
back door of the building, the police
officer was making suspicious
movements, John looked at his face and
recognised him instantly, it was one of
the kidnappers, the one who dropped the
key, the one who ordered men around,
the police officer now increased his
pace, John told Promise and T.J to
carry on as he went after Bison.
………………………………………………….
All the men in Nelson’s group were
nowhere to be found, he raised his head
to get a proper view when a bullet hit
him in the chest, he laid down in pain,
the bullet had hit his chest but he still
felt the pain, suddenly a kidnapper stood
before him and aimed his gun at him,
the kidnapper pulled the trigger but the
gun clicked empty, he was out of ammo,
the kidnapper quickly reloaded his gun
and aimed it at Nelson again, Nelson
swallowed his spit, he was face to face
with death.
Suddenly three bullets pierced the
kidnapper’s chest before he could pull
the trigger, Nelson managed to look
back and saw Promise with a gun,
Nelson felt relieved, Promise had just
saved his life, Promise advanced to
where Nelson was and dragged him to
safety with one hand like soldiers do
while he held the gun in his other hand,
when they reached a safe place, Nelson
tried to stand up, he looked into
Promise’s eyes and said thank you, I
hope John didn’t come with you? Nelson
asked, the poor boy couldn’t just sit and
watch Promise answered him, Promise
was right but Nelson didn’t want John
getting into trouble.
…………………………………………………….
T.J was not used to handling guns but
he knew that once he pulled the trigger
bullets would come out of the gun, he
remembered how he used to play COD
(Call Of Duty), an action video game, he
lay on the floor and aimed, he took his
first shot at a kidnapper and missed,
then he took two more and he got a
kidnapper in the arm, suddenly a soldier
jumped over him followed by more
soldiers, soon up to 20 soldiers arrived
at the scene and took control of the
situation, Nelson was impressed from
where he stood, he had told one of his
men to go back and tell the soldiers that
they had an emergency before they even
started the attack on the kidnappers,
and within 30 minutes the soldiers had
arrived, the soldiers came with more
sophisticated weapons, the enemy were
falling like bowling pins, Nelson looked
on in amazement, the soldiers had better
strategies than the police, within 10
minutes they had already got very close
to the building, they rounded up 5
kidnappers and marched them out, the
soldiers also came out with the
hostages, one of them wore only boxers,
they still had chains dangling from their
hands and feet, the soldiers had used
their guns to break the chains, Nelson
counted five people but he could not see
Peter among them, he waited in
anticipation for Peter to come out from
the building, suddenly he saw a man
wearing only trousers jumping through
the window, the man stood up and ran
with his hands up towards where the
soldiers were, Nelson did not need to ask
Google who it was, still feeling pains in
his chest, Nelson ran towards Peter as if
Peter was a goal keeper who had saved
the last penalty in a penalty shoot-out,
Peter was scared at first when he saw a
police officer running towards him, he
raised up his hands the more and said
please o! please! I’m not among them o!
He took a closer look at the person
running towards him, Nelsonnnnn! Peter
shouted he ran towards Nelson, the two
friends hugged themselves as everybody
looked on.
………………………………………………..
John had been running after Bison for 7
minutes, Bison had no idea that anyone
was after him, John started getting tired,
he went down on his knees and aimed,
boom!
The first shot got Bison in his left
buttocks, Bison fell to the ground and
tried to stand up again, as he stood up
John gave it another shot, this time he
got Bison’s right lap, Nelson walked
tiredly to where bison was and knocked
him out with the end of his gun, John
didn’t know where the strength came
from, he pulled Bison by the leg back
the way they came.
….…………………………………………….
Nelson and Peter were under a tree,
Nelson told Peter that John was alive,
but he doesn’t know his whereabout,
Nelson feared that John had been shot
among the police officers, they started
searching among the dead police and
kidnappers on the ground, Peter’s heart
was heavy, T.J knew John was not
among the dead people on the floor
because he saw him go after a man
dressed in police uniform, as T.J opened
his mouth to speak, he sighted John
coming out of the woods with a man on
his shoulder, there T.J said as Nelson
and Peter looked in the direction where
T.J pointed, they all ran towards John
as he dropped they man he was carrying
on the floor, John ran and hugged his
father, Nelson inspected the man John
dropped, it was Chike Uche also known
as Bison, he was wanted for the murder
of his wife.
…………….……………………………….
15 police officers and 17 kidnappers
were killed, 5 police officers were injured
and 3 kidnappers were injured, a police
officer read out the stats for Nelson as
they were going back to where their cars
were parked, they walked for 1500
metres before they finally reached where
their cars were parked, John could not
wait to see Joy, he walked elegantly like
a soldier who had come back from war
triumphant, Nelson looked forward, he
could not believe his eyes, his car wind
screen was broken and blood had
splattered on the front seat, the driver,
lifeless, had his head on the horn as the
horn sounded continuously, John
immediately ran to check on Joy,
nooooooo! He shouted, Joy had been
shot in the chest, he looked at her face
and said don’t leave me, It’s gonna be
alright, Nelson looked away, one of the
kidnappers who probably escaped had
shot Joy and his driver, Joy managed to
look at John, I love you, she said slowly
and she died, John cried like he had
never cried before, T.J came to console
him, it was then John remembered, he
immediately reached into his empty
wallet and brought the Pearl out, it was
around the size of his thumb, and
transparent, he looked at it desperately,
he remembered the instruction the
mermaid gave him, it was his only hope.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Boy- Lets meet.

Girl- Where ?

B- Wahin jahan koi aata jaata nahin..

G- Areh baby batao na Kahan ?

B- WeChat pe.

*Blocked on Wechat too*Related

Santa, unable to satisfy his wife, took Banta’s advice.

While having sex, he asked her: Do u feel any change?

Jeeto: Yes, today u r doing it like BantaRelated

 calabar girl went for a job interview, she was giving a form to fill in her data.


As she was filling the form, she got to part to fill "Sex", she paused and thought for a while then said to herself "If I write everyday, they'll think I'm spoilt..." 


After thinking for a while she said to herself "hmmm...I'll just put twice a week"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 10:27:07

1227 Views




Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.


After some really passionate embracing, he said: “Tell me, do you object to making love?”


“That is something I have never done before,” Maria replied.


“Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?” Joe was amazed!


“No, silly,” she giggled, “I’ve never objected!”Related

A mum was lucky enough to see her three daughters
wed in the same year, so she whispered to each of
them "After your weddings,text me your first night
experience and don't forget to text it in a coded
way!"
After a week, the first daughter sent 'NESCAFE' in an
sms 2 her mum while a week later, the second sent
'BENSON'. Their mum, as a 'soji woman' picked up a tin of Nescafe and read from d label "fantastic till
dlast drop!" She also went to her husband's pack of Benson cigarettes and found written on it "Extra long,
king size!" she thought aloud "not too badfor them at
their age"
A few days later, her third daughter's text comes
in,"Arik: Lagos - Kano!". So Mama calls Arik Air
information desk to inquireabout their Kano to Lagos
flight. She was told, "Its 3 times daily, 7 days a week
and the flight duration is 75 minutes to and fro!"
Mama throws herself in theair, lands, slumps and
faints shouting..."Yeeeeee! Eleyi ma pa mi lomo O!
( this one will kill my daughter!)"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-07 09:26:16

351 Views




A Catholic Priest ws dying in a
hospital.Thn he tells d doctor 2 call a
Nigerian Police & a politician.Wthin
mins, a police man & a politician
popped in.He told thm 2 sit on either
side of d bed.The priest holds both hands.They were touched & feel
importnt 4 being summoned by a
priest in his dying moment.They
asked,"but y did u call us?"the priest in
his last strenth,"Jesus died b/w two
thieves..I wnt 2 go d same way


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-10 12:00:59

151 Views




A professor was traveling by boat, on their
way going he ask the sailor, Do you know
biology, zoology, embryology, epidemiology?
No, "answered the sailor". The prof said,
stupid of you, you will die of illiteracy. One
hour later, the boat started sinking, the sailor
told the prof, Do you know swimminology and
escapeology from sharkology? No, "answered
the prof". That means crocodilogy will eat
your headology because of your
Badmouthology.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 20:02:32

517 Views




Mobile ek MANDIR hai;


Whatsapp uska DEVTA;


Group Banane Wala PUJARI;


Message Bhejne Wala DANI;


Padhane wala BHAKT;


Aur Reply Na Karne Wala…


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.


.


.


.


Bhikhari!Related

1. Kissing your man is not a
problem, The problem
is
how you
do it. Stop making sounds like a
car crash "pitom pitom
pitommi"! Abeg U dey disturb
me.
2. Screaming during sex is
romantic and its not a
problem, The problem is
screaming and shouting
like werey "JESUS,
Oh my
God, Holy mary".. You are
having sex, Not a
Church service!
And besides I don't knw if you
are reminding God
to
punish you latter.
3. Wearing short skimpy skirts or
dresses is not a
problem in
fact its very sexy I just pray
there won't be forced
entry into
your Sin Hole, The problem is
wearing your mini
looking all
nice and walking around and
when you see guys
you
try to pull it down, Now you want
it to be
long?.... Abi.. Keep
deceiving
urself na. # sMh
4. Loving your
man is not a
problem as it is KOKANYE for me
but the problem is changing
your Surname to his
on
Facebook.
Bitch his mother doesn't even
know you ...Chill!!
And I
would hate to read ur post
later saying MEN ARE
WICKED OR
CHEATS.
5. Calling all men dogs is not
the problem, The
problem
is
tagging yourself saint when
you know he didn't fuck
himself but you.. So since you
did it with him,
kindly say I HAVE
BEEN
SLEEPING WITH A DOG OR DOGS
as the case may
be and
please let us know the breed
of dogs you came to
the
world from coz ur dad is male too
and your mum have
always been
his bed partner..
6. Some girls are looking for
tall guys with pink lips and
six
packs when their father is
short, pot bellied with
pomo
lips you better be contented like
your Mother # lol.
7. If runs girls dont fail
sunday's church services I
wonder who
will?
8. Saying all guys are the same is
not my problem
bt is
2face and me the same? Is ur
dad and ur teacher
the same
9. Bleaching your skin is not a
problem, The
problem is
having
whiteface, yellow hands
chocolate lips and black
legs. Are you
zebra



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-12 19:22:44

289 Views



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