Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


That Awkward Moment, When Sunny Leone Is On Stage In Comedy Nights With Kapil And Sidhu Paji Says “Thoko Thoko”…!!Related

Great ideas need landing gear as well as wings.

– C.O. JacksonRelated

The new age? It’s just the old age stuck in the microwave oven for fifteen seconds.

~ James RandiRelated

Akpos recently shared the following views at a public forum:
When Nigerian politicians loot public funds/money from Nigeria, they keep it in Switzerland.

When sick, they go to Germany or India.

When investing, they go to America.

When buying Mansions, they visit London.

When shopping they go to Dubai.

When on holidays, they visit Paris or Bahamas.

When educating their children, they select Europe.

When praying, they go to Saudi Arabia or Jerusalem.

BUT, when they DIE, they all want to be BURIED in Nigeria! Please, ask them for me, is NiGERIA A CEMETERY?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-27 13:19:47

261 Views




If you have lost something, it will be in the last place you look for it!Related



1. You see identical twins, you still dey ask
'na twins be dis'?
No bros, na picmix...lol
2. Nepa brings light and everyone in the
neighborhood shouts
'up Nepaaa'! My guy ask
me,
O boy na light be that?
No oh,
Na Holy Ghost fire! Lol!
3. You see person dey vomit,
you still dey ask am
'you no well'?
Em well, e juz dey practice how to vomit...
4.You just wake up from sleep person come ask
you
"you don wake?"
No oh, I come buy bread wey I chop for
dream..
5. You see woman wey born new pikin u ask
her
"madam u don born? "
No ohhhh, she buy am
for Olx...
6.You greet person "good morning ma" ! She ask,
my pickin you don wake?
no ohhhh, I dey sleep walk...
7.My guy ask me "O boy where u dey?"
I tell am say i dey bank, nd him ask me "Wat is
happening
there?"
I go uproot cassava... *Lmfao*
8.My neighbour sees me opening the gates
to drive out and asks me,
U dey comot?
Not at all...
I be the new gateman...
9. I dey watch film… my guy enta come ask
me
"Guy na film u dey watch?
No naa... I dey discuss with Osuofia...
10.U see me dey chop indomie come dey ask
me,
O boy, na indomie u dey chop so?
No ohhhh... Na fried rubber band mixed with
thread..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 15:28:52

932 Views




Buhari government announced that if U have 5 kids, ur salary will be increased to #500,000. A man heard the news and said to his wife, I have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids. When he came back, he saw only one of his kids remaining. He asked, where are the other 3? His wife replied, you are not the only one who heard the news. THEIR FATHERS HAVE COME FOR THEM. Put a smile on someone's face as I have done. Laugh of the day.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-11 00:55:22

432 Views




Valentines Day is over.

.

.

.

.

Results will be declared on 14 November!Related

Akpos who was a houseboy usually sneaks
into his
Oga’s room, drinks his wine and adds water
to top it
up. One day his Oga bought a new wine
called
pasties, it was a french wine that changes
colour if
water is added onto it. Akpos unaware of this,
sneaks into his Oga’s room, drank the new
wine and added water on it. Immediately it
started changing
colour.
Akpos: I am in trouble, big trouble. He ran to
the
kitchen. Meanwhile, Oga and madam were
sitted in
the parlour, while Akpos was in the kitchen.

OGA: Akpos Akpos: Oga
OGA: who drank my pasties?
No answer!
OGA: Akpos, who drank my pasties?.
No answer. Oga walked to the kitchen and
saw
Akpos there.
OGA: Are you insane or what?.
Why when i call, you
say “Oga” but when i ask you a question you
don’t
answer me.
Akpos: Oga when you are in the kitchen you
don’t
understand anything, except your name. OGA:
Is that
so?. Okay go to the parlour, stand beside
madam and ask me a question while i stand
here.
Akpos went and did what oga said.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa
OGA: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who goes into the maid’s bedroom
when
madam is not at home?. No answer.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey hear me, I say
who dey
sneak enter the house girl room when madam
no
dey house.
No answer. Oga runs out of the kitchen.
OGA:
Wonders shall never end. Akpos, it is true o,
when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear
anything, except one’s name.
MADAM: That’s not true. It’s a lie.
Akpos: Madam, do you want to be tested?
MADAM: Yes
Akpos: Oya enter the kitchen
She enters.
Akpos: Madam
MADAM: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who is Junior’s biological Father? Me
or Oga
Madam rushed out of the kitchen
MADAM:
This
kitchen needs to be fumigated o, I can’t
understand anything at all.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-06 15:25:08

551 Views




Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.


Patient: Might as well give me the bad news first.


Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.


Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?


Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.Related

Abraham Lincoln was a licensed bartender.Related

Akpos went for a job interview and he was given a simple form to fill.
While filling the form, he got to a point that says "Your mother's maiden Name" and paused.
After few min of contemplating, he tour the form and stood up to leave.
"How dear you tear our form?" the interviewer asked.
Akpos replied "Did I tell you that my mum is a maid"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-05 21:44:27

559 Views



away poverty [Read it]





NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-23 19:36:24

123 Views






Williams: doctor, I hope there's no problem? I'm surprised you are here considering the fact that I am not one who needs treatment.
Susan: I know that sir but I am here because of lara.apparently, you didn't give me the details of her illness, so I am here to ask some questions,if you don't mind.
Williams: as long as it will make her better. Please, have a seat.......
Susan: so chief Williams, Madea, your house maid informed me that Lara sister, the one that keeps calling her to come back home, died two years ago.
Willams: that's right. Lara sister died two years ago.that's why I think she's gone mad.
Susan: can you tell me a little about her?the sister, I mean.
Williams: i'm a very busy person doctor, so I'll need you to be specific. What exactly do you want to know?
Susan: was she Lara's older sister or younger?
Williams: she was her twin sister, they were quite close.
Susan: how did she die?
Willams : well, omodara committed suicide, she was sick. Just like Lara's sick now.
Susan: you mean she was mentally deranged?
Williams: that's correct. We were still in Nigeria at that time and I did the best I could to help her.it was after her death I moved here with Lara and the maid Madea.
Sudan: is there a history of mental illness in your family or maybe that of your wife?
Williams:none that I know of.
Susan: well, I guess that will be all for now.but there might be a need for you to bring Lara to the hospital for a check up.
Williams: just let me know when,if I can't bring her myself one of my drivers will.
Susan: I'll excuse you now to attend to your visitors, I'll let you know when to bring Lara for check up.
Williams: yes, yes, that will be good and one more thing doctor.
Susan: what is it sir?
Williams: everything we discussed in here stays in here, I don't need any publicity with regards to this matter.
Susan: I understand sir, I am a professional and very much aware of ethics.
Williams: just make sure. You may leave now.
Susan: yes sir, thank you very much for your time.








NAIRAJOKES.COM




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TEACHER: Who is the President of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: (They all chorused) Lamido Sanusi!
TEACHER: Correct! Who is the Minister of Defence?
CHILDREN: Asari Dokubo!
TEACHER: Good! What is the capital city of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: Enugu!
TEACHER: Very good! Who composed the National
Anthem?
CHILDREN: D-Banj and 2face!
TEACHER: Excellent. What do
you call people from Moscow?
CHILDREN: Mosquitoes!
TEACHER: Perfect! How much is 2 + 5?
CHILDREN: 25!
TEACHER: That's great! You're going to be stupid like
this until Aregbesola pays my salary. how was
ur day and have a lovely week ahead


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-23 11:03:35

399 Views




My play “Safe Sex” was picked apart because critics thought it was untrue. It was a play in which no one had AIDS, but the characters talked about how it was going to change their lives.

-Harvey FiersteinRelated

“my love let it not bother you. I got things under
control, there is still enough time to fix things with
Mary” i begged,
“oh no but at least you could have carried me along. What got into you that made you keep such crucial
facts from me. Don’t you trust me?. Please if there is
anything else better spit it out” Chioma cried.
I had a hard time calming her down. I was forced to
start from the begining, telling her everything that was
in my mind. I kept nothing away. Together we discussed in my office till the end of working hours.
“you know we have to keep our marriage plans pending
until we totally finish settling with Mary. Who knows
when she’s returning to the country” she murmured,
breathing deeply with fatigue as i drove her home later
in the day. “I can’t let you travel to Ghana searching for her. She
can’t leave her teaching job for long, she probably will
return before the end of November” she added sadly.
When we got to her apartment, I stayed behind,
keeping her company until she was done with Dinner
which we ate together, before heading to my house. I wanted her to spend the night with me, which was the
reason i stayed behind to get her. I couldn’t risk letting
her spend the night alone which could give her more
opportunity to worry about the problems i dragged her
into. I felt by the next day the tension in her would
reduce to an acceptable level. We had a very wonderful night at my place. I took time
making love to her. I fondled her bosoms until they
grew hot with fire, kissed her pretty lips until she
trembled with passion. She moaned and sang with
pleasure, together we rode to extreme fulfillness.
“you are one hell of a guy. You are flawless” she said sweetly as we broke away from each other.
“Your only mistake was taking advantage of Mary,
someone you had no single feelings for” she murmured
dreamily, closing her eyes as we fell apart, tired and
exhausted.
“i pray she returns on time” she added seriously. Unfortunately we were very unlucky. A month slowly
crept by but Mary never returned, getting us extremely
worried.
Mary’s sister equally made things harder for me. She
refused disclosing any information, which slowly
brought doubts into my heart. I began doubting if Mary actually left the country or
simply changed her phone lines and moved over to
another city.
Chioma was so worried that she insisted on speaking
with Mary’s sister. I tried my best to stop her, but she
kept insisting to the extent that it almost brought a
little misunderstanding between us. I was forced to do her bidding against my wish, and so
on the second saturday of the month of November, I
took her to see Mary’s sister who was extremely
surprised to see us, most especially Chioma who she
eyed annoyingly.
Seriously i hated that moment, i hated myself for doing Chioma’s bidding. I felt it was a very wrong idea. I was
extremely nervous as i watched the two ladies
exchange glances.
I wasn’t comfortable at all.
Surprisingly, Chioma was calm as ever, smiling
pleasantly as if she was a diplomat on an official duty. She returned the old Lady’s furious look with a very
cheerful smile, playing down my tension with her
behaviour.
“so Mr Ken what’s up with this surprising visit?. You
came to show me your fiancee or what?” Mary’s sister
asked coldly. “Actually i’m the person behind it all” Chioma quickly
replied before i could say anything, drawing the older
lady’s attention back to her.
“of course you have been the person behind everything
from the begining. My loving younger sister isn’t here
with me thanks to you. So you better shut the fu.ck up unless you want me to help you do it” she barked at
Chioma who shook with surprise, smiled and stood up.
“please can we speak privately. I believe you are an
enlightened respectable lady. I know you will do the
right thing. Please let’s talk privately” she begged her
politely. Mary’s sister stared at me for a while before turning her
attention back to Chioma. Breathing deeply, she stood
up.
“very well, let’s go to the bedroom” she said a bit coldly,
leading the way, while Chioma calmly followed her.
I was left all alone in the sitting room to battle with my thoughts. I nervously waited for them, unable to figure
out what was being discussed.
A long wait it was, they spent nearly an hour locked up
in the bedroom discussing seriously.
They finally came out when i was almost dying with
boredom, Chioma’s face as gloomy as ever. “let’s go”, she commanded and headed out of the
house while I quickly followed her with my heart
furiously pounding.
I knew something was wrong. I imagined the worst….

Happy New Month

>>

Old Days [Read it]


*I Miss those
days when we went to school,
lined up & the headmistress &
teachers inspect our nails &
uniform & then we match to our
classrooms...Yo u Remember na?? *Those
days
of Nasco Biscuit, Okin Biscuit,
Trebor, Iced Colored water tied
in nylon which we called
"lolly" *The days of Goody-
Goody & Pako Biscuit. *The days of Ali &
Simbi, Mr Salami
& Mrs Salami, Agbo lives in
Calabar....Edet is a boy *Those days when
we wear 5shirts
and put carton in our nicker to
avoid much pain when we are
flogged *Those days when we
sneak out of school to pluck
Mangoes *Those days when we feign
illness just to dodge
farm work(lol) *Chei, I also
remember those days when
one naira na CORRECT money,
when groundnut was 5kobo &
Choco Milo Sweet was 5 kobo *Those days
of messing
game,who is in the garden,
police and thief, fire the
mountain, etc.. *Those days
when we use to build houses
with sand, play suwe game, tinco
tinco,change ur style, ten
ten, skipping, stop!.... U
remember nah!!! *Those days
when we used to fly kite on
streets, when boys used to use
the paint bucket cover as tire & their
daddy's hanger as the
steering *Those days when
rubber band was stock
exchange!! *Those days when
Votron, Jimbo, Power Rangers
and Spider Man were our favourite
cartoons *Those
days of Limca soft drinks &
Choco Milo advert on black &
white TV + sunday rendevous
by 1:30pm *Those days when
we used say 'leke leke give me white
finger' *Those days
when Eleganza Pen was the
best *Those days when we
used to drink water from the
tap and even suck out the
water if it's not coming out *Those days
when NTA will
show rainbow color for 30
minutes, then national anthem
before they resume program
@ 4pm *Those days when
Basket sandals, Simbi & Bata sandals were
the best *Those
days we used to shout
"airplane throw bag of money
for me" *Those days when we
all sing sandalili sandalili... DSTV
has come. No more old fun.I'm really
proud to have
experienced all this.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-25 19:22:01

472 Views




Cute or Nah? Download and share it with your friends







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-22 22:14:08

181 Views




Oga: Snakie, you can ask your lawyer to add me to the
witness list and i will be readily available to
corroborate his confessions
Me: Thanks so much Sir, I have forgiven you Emma
because i believe God use this to also teach me a
lesson which have learnt a lot from…Thank you very
much for your time sir.
I was told my trial has been fixed, my lawyer brought
up various evidences couple with Emma’s confession,
after going forth and back with the court proceedings,
i was finally discharged and acquitted of murder case.
Emma was sentenced to life imprisonment for murder
and rape.
Mouth was not enough to say how thankful i was to
God even though i already lost my job, my properties
too have gone because my house rent expired while i
was in the prison, my parent told me they only picked
the necessary things from the house.
I started staying with my parent in other to build my
career all over again, i visited Biola’s parent for the last
time to apologize to them for their lost and all the
troubles i caused them. They already accepted fate
and also prayed for me, i never believed that Biola’s
dad will even pray for me but he did.
I was having a father and son discussion with my dad
this particular evening when he started admonishing
me about what my behaviour had caused me in life..
Dad: You see my son, Life is always a lesson and am
sure you have learnt your lesson in a hard way, who
could have thought that in the last two years, you
have gotten married compulsorily twice with two
ladies.
Just because of 5 minutes enjoyment, you ruined all
what you have built over the years, your career gone
to the drain, people might see you outside and refer
to you as an ex convict even though you were not
convicted.
I believe till the day you live on this earth, your
children and grand children will hear this experience
from you and i hope people will be able to learn from
your misadventure. Do you know that in the right
sense, you are the one that killed Biola
Me: How Sir?
Dad: If you didn’t meet Mary, how will Biola go and
rent a house where he met mary..in fact your action
was the reason for all this and i believe you have
learnt your lessons….
Me: I have learnt my lessons sir and i pray never to
make the same mistake again Sir. Thank You very
much Sir.

**THE END**

The purpose of this story is to learn one or two
things from it and cast away our mind from the
sex scene or the sexcapades of the character
involved.

I appreciate you guys for taking your time to read
this story. Coming up with this wouldn’t have
been possible without your support. Thank you so
much for your encouragement!
Please Drop your comments/likes below if you
really enjoyed this story!



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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“What did you come here for?” Jeremy questioned. His back faced Ernest’s back. Purity was directly facing him.

“To greet my in-law. Your wife,” Ernest replied through gritted teeth.

Jeremy smiled. “Why is that difficult for you to answer? You didn’t tell me you’ll stop by.”

His feelings were about to flare up. “How is that of concern to you?” he still faced the door.

“She is my wife, just as you said. And she belongs only to me. Please, stay away from her. I’m not going to go easy on you, next time.” He wasn’t harsh or hostile, he was calm and peaceful.

“Well, congratulations,” Ernest maliciously responded. He resumed his tracks. On getting to the door, he stopped angrily. “And, its great. She’s deflowered.” He stomped out of the office and slammed the door behind him.

The atmosphere between Jeremy and Purity was tense and extremely quiet. Their eyes were trying to read eachother. Purity stared at him hazel eyes, trying to read the expression on it. His eyes were narrowed to hers. ‘You hurt me again? I am disappointed in you. You are breaking my heart,’ was all she could read in those penetrating eyes. She doubted her accuracy, however, it was something close. Those eyes kept her on her feet. They weren’t moving, neither was her whole body. Only her brain functioned, reading Jeremy’s eyes.

“You don’t want to say hi to me?” he finally broke the silence, placing both hands in his pockets.

She opened her mouth, nothing could be heard. Her voice was lost. She still found it difficult to speak. What was happening? Her voice. Her voice. It was gone, Ernest!

“Have you lost your voice?” he asked in a strained voice. Sending Ernest out of her office wasn’t an easy task. He felt satisfied that it didn’t cause him much worry. Now, his head was thumping seriously. Purity was refusing to talk or she had lost the will to speak. An urgent issue was at hand and the last word Ernest mentioned put him on edge. Everything was just mixed up. The throbbing increased. “I really can’t talk here, lets go somewhere else.”

Purity nodded mechanically and edged nervously past Jeremy to the door.
*
*
*
The breeze gently caressed her face. Feeling it on her, brought her delight. She found herself thinking about Jeremy. She took a glance at him, then out of the window. His demeanor was unique. It really impressed her. The thought that he’d fight with his cousin or use unkind words at him filled her head when he had barged into her office. She was proven wrong. Jeremy had a great personality, it attracted her to him more and more. He was cool, really cool – just like her father. He must have inherited that nice attitude from his mother. She wished to have met and known her. It wasn’t a bad idea marrying Jeremy. Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Theodore made the right decision in choosing him for her. She smiled to herself. But was she right for him?

“Feeling good already?” Jeremy asked, breaking into her daydream. That radiating smile on her face lit up his heart. He had felt she was too sad to even smile and too angry to speak with him. He smile was sufficient enough for him, even though she hadn’t spoken. Her sadness was beginning to wear off. “Shall we go to the country house?” He hoped for a response.

She sighed and rested her back on the seat. She gestured with her hands, meaning that she had no worry if they went there or not.

Jeremy slowed down his vehicle. “Please, talk to me. Just make a sound. Please.” He frowned in a babyish way. It always worked on his mum, it had to work on Purity.

She cackled with kaughter. Aww, poor Jeremy. She was going to speak. She was going to make a sound. She was going to laugh much more – all to make him happy. “My lips just refused to open. They went on vacation.”

“Are they back yet? Or they’ll still go back?” Jeremy replied, laughing.

“You enjoy teasing me. Not fair.” She feigned anger and frowned.

“I’m glad you are back to your normal self and talking to me.” he turned to face her and flashed a wholehearted smile. “But before we have fun, there’s something urgent that we need to discuss.” He brought the vehicle to a stop, right in front of the Theodore’s country house.

—————————————–

“Jeremy, you are scaring me,” Purity confessed her feelings as they walked into the quiet house. “What is this important issue we have to talk about?”

Jeremy remained unusually quiet. He had decided not to let her know a single thing till they were settled and ready for it all. He guessed it was going to blow her mind. Why did he still doubt her? Her feelings towards him. She had just mentioned she loved him only once. Was then even sincere, ’cause she fainted after that confession. Did she really care about him? Would she actually prove that she does? He continued pondering over Purity and her feelings and kept asking himself questions that only she could provide the answers to. This relationship’s really difficult. Why are things this way? Not when he had found the right person. At times, life could be unfair, he thought to himself.

Jeremy felt a slender arm holding his hand, forcefully turning him to faced the person. It was Purity’s arm. She was enraged as well as bewildered at him bizarre behaviour. “What is wrong?” she yelled, “Are you trying to tease me again? Why are we here? Why aren’t you talking to me? What in the name of God are we here to talk about?” Her eyes kept searching his face. A clue was all she needed. She couldn’t understand what was going on.

“You really want to know why we are here?” he asked in a mild way.

Purity rolled her eyes and sighed. She placed both hands on her waist. “Of course! Yes, I want to know.”

“There are some things I found that interested me,” he paused and stared deep into her eyes. He searched for the truth in them.

Her entire body shivered under the gaze of his overwhelming eyes. She battled to hold his stare. She felt nervous and uncomfortable. Had she done something wrong again?

“Why….why,” the words seemed to get stick in her throat, she had to force them out. “Would…….please stop giving me that kind of look, I don’t like it.”

He ignored her statement. “Go over to the round table, you’ll find what really got my attention.”

Purity dropped her hands unconsciously and gawked at Jeremy. She was unsure of what do do. Either she scold him for not getting to the point or obey his command. After hesitating for a few seconds, she gave a weary sigh, shook her head and trudged towards the table.
*
*
*
BANG! It was the third vase he shattered in pieces. His anger had risen, up to a level that no one will be able to calm him down, not even himself. He had managed to get a hold of himself while driving home. Right now, he had lost it. He poured dejectedness on the poor, innocent vases in his living room. There was no way he could stop himself from being violent. To well with Jeremy Broderick! Who was he to give him orders? The imbecile had instructed him to stay away from Purity. Melisa. Who on earth gave him that right? Now, he regretted regarding his Melisa as the wife of his cousin. He regretted that so much. Melisa belonged to him and no one else. He’d forgive her, forgive her for letting Jeremy bed her, just once. But for the years to follow, she’d just be his and his alone. He had to act fast. He could feel her slipping off his fingers. That wouldn’t happen. No! It wouldn’t.

Furious, he smashed another vase against the wall. Panting, he collapsed on a couch. “Melisa!” he called out, painfully.
*
*
*
“Have you been drinking?” Tricia questioned the devastated Ernest who held the door open and blocked the doorway. His appearance was unpleasant and irritated her.

Ernest stood motionless, gazing at Tricia. He couldn’t find the will to make a sound. He had spent few minutes weeping over his Melisa and drinking. He had never wept for a lady, this made him determined more than ever to make Melisa want him, need him, crave for him, desire him more than anything else. The good dreams he had after dozing for five minutes made him at peace.

Tricia was annoyed at his unreasonable silence. She hissed angrily, “If you are not going to reply me, at least move away so I can enter. If I’m not needed, I can head back to my apartment.”

He cooperated. He moved aside and let her pass through. When she was inside, he shut the door and went to join her in the sitting room.

“What happened in here?” It was a mess.


>>

JOKE PART 10 BY DINDY

Girl: (sad face) Dindy I am sick and tired of life.
Dindy: Why?.
Girl: (Angry) I hate this world.
Dindy: what is going on?.
Girl: I have tried everything possible to get a flat tummy but it ain't working.
Dindy: (hissing) Why will it work?.
Dindy: When there are Lost destinies and souls of aborted children in there (hissing).....lol.
#DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 11.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-14 16:58:09

152 Views




Sea is never large, but sight of our viewing is larger. No one’s Luv is lesser but our expectations are higher.Related

the students [Read it]


Conversation btwn teacher and his students.
Teacher: students let`s show d headmaster how far we hv gone dix term, let`s do comparison, if I say bad, u say badder, baddest..
Students: yes aunty...
Teacher: says sweet
Student:: sweet, sweeter, sweetest..
Teacher: big
Students: big bigger biggest.
Teacher: smiles and said that is good
Students: that is good, that is goodder, that is gooddest.
Teacher: stop it now
Students: stop it now stop it nower stop it nowest.
Teacher: please
Students: please pleaser pleasest
Teacherh my gosh
Students: oh my gosh, oh my gosher, oh my goshest.
Teacher faints...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-28 09:16:14

817 Views




And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-04-19 22:16:48

245 Views




BRANDED WORLD: :v

.

.

.

.

.

A rich girl was walking by the river side in jungle &

suddenly saw a Crocodile and a Cheetah..

.

.

.

.

.

.

She screamed: :0

OH MY GOD.. LACOSTE and PUMA.!”Related

Palat Ke Dekh Ek Bar Zalim,



Tamanna Hum Bi Rakhte Hai,



Husn Mana Tum Rakhti Ho To,



To Jawaani Hum Bi Rakhte Hain,



Agar Gehrai Tum Rakhti Ho To,



Lambaai Hum Bi Rakhte Hain!Related

I fell in love with a girl called Amanda, but don’t have the guts to ask her out. So I went to see a native doctor popularly called “Baba”.
All he demanded from me was 1-month internet data subscription money which I paid and he gave me a ring called ‘Touch and Follow’.
He said, “All I need to do is touch her with this ring and she will follow.” I was excited because that was pretty easy.
The next day, when she was passing, I created a scene just to draw her attention and touched her like it was a mistake. I was expecting her to follow me, but she didn’t, rather she moved on and was pressing her phone.
I was disappointed and went home. On getting home, I checked my phone and saw 9 notifications showing Amanda Paul is now following me on Twitter, Instagram, Keek, Badoo, Viber, sent me a friend request on Facebook, sent me a message on Whatsapp and 2go.
I called Baba immediately to inform him and he replied me, “My son, we’ve upgraded, everything is now digital! Bye to rural village, welcome to the global village. That was why I did not ask for a cock, the brain of a mosquito, a vulture’s eye and groundnut oil but one month internet data to keep me online.”



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-28 16:48:07

1266 Views




I got to my hostel that morning and as usual ran into the
bathroom to bath with baba’s soap. It was the first time I
was having l€sbian s€x in my entire life and unlike straight s
€x where the man did the bulk of the work, in l€sbian s€x,
the runs girl did the greater part of the work. I didn’t know if
baba’s soap included l€sbian s€x in its offer of protection
and I wanted to check it out. The morning sun shone
brilliantly as I came back that morning but I still felt cold
probably from anxiety. I finished bathing and came out
feeling cool and refreshed. Then my phone started ringing. I
looked at the caller and it was my last client – the female l
€sbian client I slept with the night before. My heart fluttered
and skipped a beat and two. I had exchanged numbers with
the woman before I left but I hadn’t expected her call so
soon or did she just want to know whether I reached safely?
I pressed the answer button of my phone and brought the
receiver to my ear. “Hello,” I answered. “Hello is that Rosy
on the line?” She asked. “Yes its me Rosy.” I replied. “Before I
say Jack Robinson, bring back that five hundred thousand
naira I gave you immediately,” she thundered. “I don’t
understand ma,” I replied hesitantly. “What didn’t you
understand?” She barked. “I said you should bring back that
five hundred thousand naira I gave you,” she repeated.
“Unto which levels?” I asked laying aside the gentle part of
me and bringing out the runz girl part. “Ur brain dey touch?
How u go pay me money finish begin ask me make I bring
am back? U dey crase?” “Na me u dey raise voice for?” The
woman asked sending my heart fluttering anew. “Na me u
wan use juju manipulate abi? You use juju block my eye
sotey I carry 500k giv u abi? Oya watch and see. Na me and
you for this city.” I quickly dropped the call and shivered
with fear. I couldn’t understand what I had gotten myself
into and I wondered whether baba’s soap had any
connection with what just happened. I stood still shivering
like a dry harmattan leaf. I didn’t know what the woman was
capable of and there was no way I could predict her next
move. But wait first – I told myself – why am I even afraid of
this woman? No be the same woman wey she be I be? Abi
she wan use intimidation corner me one side? I sighed and
went over to my cupboard to rub cream. I brought out my
left palm in the characteristic manner and with my right
hand squeezed the cream container. To my surprise, clotted
blood puffed out of the container and unto my palm.
“Jesus!” I screamed dropping the container and jumping to
my feet. I flapped my left hand and spluttered the blood all
over the floor of my room. The container fell to the floor
and broke which was quite unusual. It was made of plastic
and the height from which it fell wasn’t sufficient to cause
breakage. All the cream inside turned to blood and
spluttered all over the floor. “Jesus!” I screamed once again.
It had been long I called on the name of Jesus for anything.
This particular scream of mine was involuntarily. Then I
heard a woman’s voice laughing at me. With trembling
hands, I opened the lock on my door and ran as fast as I
could to my neighbour’s room. I had never visited this
neighbour of mine since I packed into filbom lodge until that
night. Innocently, the girl opened the door for me and I
brushed past her and ran inside. The girl was shocked. I had
ran into her room naked and I didn’t know. The towel I had
round myself had fallen off that moment I jumped from the
bed. The girl quickly locked her door thinking that I was
been pursued by robbers. “Ghost! Ghost!! Ghost!!!” I
screamed pointing at her door. “Ghost?” She asked me in
bewilderment. “Yes ghost, ghost, ghost oooo,” I replied still
pointing. “Where?” The girl asked obviously getting scared.
“My room, my room,” I replied shivering. “How come?” The
girl asked wondering whether I was okay or not. “My dear I
don’t know o,” I replied. “My enemies are at work o.” “Wait
let me get u my wrapper,” she said moving towards her
wardrobe. It was when she said that that I looked at myself
and saw that i was naked. I silently thanked God that it was a
female’s room that I ran into. How would I have explained
myself to a male? I passed that night in my neighbour’s
room having concluded in my mind that I would see baba
first thing tomorrow morning. The girl in whose room I slept
observed my condition and didn’t ask further questions. I
guess she understood that I was better left alone…

>> Episode 42 -

This is an insight into my next story, being working on it and is almost complete but would like you to see into what am up to.


# # # # #


David drove down to Greater heights hospital, Mowe Ibafo.
He prayed to God for forgiveness, the last thing he wanted was the death certificate of the only person in the world who had ever loved him. He had dialed his father's number as he drove to the hospital. An action he had denied to take when thinking how to approach Simi for forgiveness.
He dashed into the reception sweating despite the cold weather and driving in a fully air conditioned vehicle.
"Where are they, nurse where is my wife and son?" He asked
The nurses concluded that he would be related to the woman and boy that were rushed in moments ago.
"Please sir relax, the doctor would like to see you first" one of the nurses said while another picked the phone and dialed the doctor's office.
"He is waiting for you sir" she said as she dropped the receiver and pointing to door that lead to the doctor's office.
As David was about entering, he heard his name from behind, he looked back and saw his father and mother looking tensed and frightened.
"What happened, where are they" they asked simultaneously.
"I haven't seen them either, the doctor wants to see me first" he explained
"Oya oya, let's go" maami said,
"Ahem, I don't think you should go, let I and David go and meet the doctor. OK?" Baami said to Maami, trying to keep her away from any sudden news the doctor might have.
"Why? Shouldn't i go, isn't it my son's wife and son? that he his going to talk about? Am I not concerned?" She said fighting back but Baami's commanding voice echoed in her ears as he told her for the last time to stay in the reception while they go and meet the doctor.
"Which one of you did I call?" The doctor asked in confusion upon seeing two men enter his office together.
"I, I mean it was I" David stammered
"And who is he please?" The doctor asked pointing to the more older man.
"I am the lady's father and boy's grandfather" Baami said authoritatively.
"OK, good, please do have your seat"
"How are they doctor?" Both men asked simultaneously
"Please be calm" the doctor advised
"I will be calm when you tell me their current state" David said cutting the doctor's speech.
"They are both alive but the boy needs immediate blood transfusion as he has lost a lot of blood"
"Am here, my blood is his blood, take it and transfer it into him" David said stretching his right hands to the doctor while using the other to hit the doctor's table. The doctor swiftly took the table phone and dialed the lab to prepare for immediate blood transfusion.
He dropped the receiver and told David to go to the lab where his blood would be tested before being transferred into his son.
"Can I see them for now" Baami asked the doctor as David vacated the office hurriedly.
"Am sorry sir but you can't see them for now but we are hopeful that in a few hours the woman woman would be awake. She has being stabilized, she needs rest, that's all but the boy needs .. . . prayers and quick blood transfusion" the doctor explained nodding his head in pity.
********
"What!, how can that be, thats impossible? Am his father?" David screamed, questioning no one in particular upon hearing that his blood doesn't match that of Benjamin, his son.
"See, doctor, I am O+, I believe I can give him" Baami said
"Very good sir, follow me" said the doctor and they left.
* * * * * * *
The doctor came out of the lab with the results and gestured to David to follow him into his office which David quickly obeyed in anxiety. He was anxious to know the results of the DNA test the doctor carried out.
He wanted to confirm if he was actually the father of James since the doctor said they both didn't belong to the same blood group.
David slammed the door to the doctor's office close as he entered. The doctor was already sitted by then and he sat
"Mr. David am sure you know why I called you here" the doctor said as soon as David sat
"Yes, I know, tell me what you know doctor am anxious" David said
"Sir, after the carrying out the DNA test as you requested, we found out that your DNA's didn't match"
"WHAAAT!!!! Does that mean ......." David flared
"Yes sir, it means you are not the father of James" the doctor completed.
"Damm it!" He cursed banging his fisted hand on the doctor's table.

# # # # #

Like I said earlier, its just a tip of the ice am freezing. I hope you enjoyed this piece, please let me have your reviews, comments nd criticism.
You're welcome.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A Nigerian woman married a French
gentleman and had to move to France. The
woman couldn’t communicate properly in
French, but any how managed to
communicate with her husband. The real
problem arose whenever she had to shop
for groceries. One day, she went to the
butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She
didn’t know how to properly explain her
request,in desperation,she lifted up her
skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got
the message and the woman went home
with pork legs. The next day, she needed
to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn’t
know how to say it, and so she unbuttoned
her blouse to show the butcher her
breasts. The butcher gave her the Chicken
breasts. By the 3rd day when the poor
woman needed to buy sausages, she
brought her husband to the store, and
what do u think happened?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-11 12:38:51

986 Views





During Akpos’ wedding reception, he was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests, and proceeded as follows:

1. I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings.

2.Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car.

3. I am most grateful to my boss for approving the loan I used for the wedding.

4. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf.

5. Also to my brother’s wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown.

6. I’m so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed without cutting or part of it.

7. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all. Please for those who were served food good luck and for Those who didn’t get any, well we will make it up to you during our child dedication (hopefully next year).
8.Very big thanks to my parents for bringing the village cultural band to supply the music as well as entertain us all here, today.

9.Not forgetting the church marriage committee, thank you for persuading my wife to marry me.

10. Appreciation to the married men in the church for rushing me into this marriage.

11. The women are not left out, thanks a lot for teaching my wife how to dance.

12. To the youths, thank you for sweeping and decorating this venue with palm fronds.

13. I am also grateful to my teenage friends for helping with the Zobo drink

14. Appreciation to my co-tenants for contributing money for the cameraman

15. Well, I wish you all safe journey and I pray you don’t experience what I suffered for this wedding. Thank you all.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-01 13:16:15

588 Views




Hmmmm Nairajoke ladies and gentlemen sha...
After my warning yesterday
And after does amen,some
People still went ahead and have
Sex on valentines day...I pity your
Conditions Sha,they think say na play play...let's wait till november 14,2016
They shall see the result of what they
did yesterday...
Happy val's day to does people who
heed to my warning anyway...



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-15 09:43:19

562 Views




A teacher asks, "What`s the difference between a problem and a challenge?"
Akpos repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-31 08:27:12

211 Views




Akpos and his wife have be expecting a child for over 5years.
One day, Akpos returned from work and his wife ran to him and said,
“I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”
Akpos ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow my mother will be coming from the village to stay with us”
Guess what? Akpos fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-06-10 14:48:15

489 Views



Full Bed Bath [Read it]


The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath. She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack. As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I’ll wash possible?”Related

Going fishing [Read it]


Akpos: Dear i will be going on fishing with my friends this weekend. So pack all my clothe including my blue pyjamas and my fishing box
Wife: Ok dear
(few days later)
Wife: Dear wellcome,how was the fishing?
Akpos: Thanks it was interesting, but i can't find my blue pyjamas.
Wife: Dear but is in your fishing box!!!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-05 22:07:56

737 Views




JOKE PART 29 BY DINDY
There is no problem sleeping on your bed
:
:
:
:
:
The problem is when you wake up to discover that it was a dream and you are still in the office, plus your desk is filled with your saliva......lol
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 30.
Hello everyone, my blog site will soon be available and i mean very soon (maybe week), so be expecting it. My stories, inspirational write ups and jokes will all be there for you to read. Thanks alot guys, much love from your little boy "THE UNDER DOG DINDY" (go read that story if you haven't read it before).




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-20 22:53:55

274 Views



Sperm Jar [Read it]


An 85-year-old man was requested by
his doctor for a sperm count as part
of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and
said, "Take this jar home and bring
back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man
reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean
and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and
the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then
I tried with my left hand, but still
nothing. Then I asked my wife for
help. She tried with her right hand,
then with her left, still nothing. She
tried with her mouth, first with the
teeth in, then with her teeth out, still
nothing. We even called up Arleen,
the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit,
and she even tried squeezin' it
between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked
your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us
could get the jar open."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-01 11:44:01

222 Views




Everytime I went to church that wasn’t catholic, I felt guilty. I was raised in a catholic home, but going for Mass here wasn’t something I wanted to do. So I had an agreement with God, I go to winners chapel like most students around here, then go for Mass when I am in Chief Dike’s house. Abayomi and Toun came to my house to pick me up. Abayomi was the only person in the crew that didn’t hold a position in church. While Toun and I were Ushers, Timi was the drummer. But he came to church early because of Toun.
As usual, the songs and praise and choir ministration took place, with Timi’s drumming one of my favorite parts. Annie was in church too, looking all pretty and hot with white blouse and a blue skirt. I ushered her in with some of her friends. When the Pastor started preaching, I removed my eyes from Timi.
Pastor: members of my church, I am glad we are gathered today on another Sunday that has been provided by God. Many people that saw last Sunday didn’t see this one. If you are glad that you saw this Sunday, shout hallelujah!
The congregation shouted Halleluyah..some even stood up to wave their hands to God.
Pastor: today we are talking about Miracles that break protocol…somebody say ‘MIRACLE’
As the congregation replied again, the pastor continued , but he stammered after a while, staring at the door..as an usher, I looked at the door too. I saw them
I didn’t know the first guy that entered the church nor the third to the fifth, but when Uche’s tall frame followed his colleagues in the straight file I knew who they were. They didn’t smile, infact they looked angry as they sat on a pew that I could have sworn was occupied but now seemed empty enough to accommodate them. I didn’t see Jafar, I concluded he was a muslim, ofcuz the name should have told me.
Then he entered.
Dressed in a green buba and sokoto, he walked gently, like the entire church was there because of him. He looked very good on the native with his gold chain glittering. It was like the entire church’s attention was on him, because the Pastor had to call back their attention.
Pastor: now if you open your bible to the book of Malachi…
Jafar sat inbetween the guys that came before him, they seemed to be sharing a joke among themselves because they were giggling inaudibly. Jafar just smiled.
Toun sent me a text message
Toun = isnt that Jafar
I replied her text
Me = yes o, him and his friends.
Toun: he doesn’t look like someone that should be in church.
I looked at her and we both smiled from the different rows we were managing.
Me = church is for everybody jor
Toun = I don’t know if its because he saved us, but I think I am crushing on him
Me: Na so dem dey crush, let Abayomi catch you.
She looked at me and laughed again.
I don’t know why, but I felt uneasy with Toun saying she had a crush on him…even if she was joking.
As soon as the service was over, I walked to their pew to say hello to him. Toun must have noticed because she met me as I was exchanging pleasantries with Uche.
Me: Uche, I haven’t seen you people in this church before
Uche: yes, we are born-again
The rest of his colleagues that heard this laughed, I looked at Jafar, he looked at me like he was looking for something in my eyes.
Me: anyways, welcome to our church. Why didn’t you people stand up when they asked new comers too?
This time , he didn’t bother answering me, he laughed away with his colleagues. I walked to Jafar. Abayomi had walked to where we were and was chatting with his chic.
Me: thanks for the other day
Jafar: you are welcome
Me: are you going to be a frequent member of the church?
I heard Timi unmistakable voice behind me, he was with Abayomi and Toun.
Jafar: Do you want me too?
I wanted to say ‘yes’ but then, what reason would I give, so he would make heaven?..so I just smiled.
Timi came to my hand and stretched his hand for an hand-shake with Jafar.
Timi: hello boss, I am Timi
Jafar: Jafar
His eyes registered the fact that this was the same Jafar that Abayomi told him about. I hoped Jafar didn’t see it in his eyes
Timi: nice native
Jafar: Timi, excuse me as I finish my discussion with Tana.
Timi was taken aback for a second, but he smiled and took it on the chin. He walked away while Jafar continued our discussion.
Jafar: we have a month till the elections, are you guys ready?
Me: I guess we are
Jafar: good. I have a good feeling about it
Me: if we lose, I hope you are not too disappointed in us.
Jafar used his palm to brush my face, from my fore-head to my chin. The movement was light and gentle. He spread his fingers as it got to my chin.
Jafar: I would not be disappointed in you.
I looked at him and he looked at me. I was not sure why but it seemed everybody else froze around us.
Me: thanks for coming, I have to go now..
Jafar: wait..
Me: what?
Jafar: have dinner with me in my house tonight
I wondered if that was the reason he came to church
Me: I am sorry I cant..will be very busy.
Jafar smiled.
]Toun was waiting with Abayomi when I walked outside. Luckily the Pastor didn’t insist on all those his meetings today. They were leaning on Timi’s car. Annie and Timi must have been having an argument because when I walked to the car, they were staring angrily at each other.
Me: Annie whatsup?
She ignored me. Toun and Abayomi noticed and did what all good friends do, start talking to me immediately.
Toun: Tana, we have been invited to Aisha’s party tonight.
Me: mehn, I just wanna sleep all day
Abayomi: we need all the publicity
Me: Abayomi, is it to late for me to step down?
Abayomi: who will take your place
Toun: Kofo na..
I don’t know why I laughed, but I did, Toun laughed harder and gave me a high five. Abayomi looked at me with eyes that could pierce a rock.
Abayomi: Tana, your Papa left balls!
Me: your mama right b----t!
At this time, Annie had left with her pussycat doll friends, Timi was looking at us. I wondered if he told his girlfriend what happened between us.
Abayomi: Timi, carry us go house na, abeg. I cannot waste my money on the satan girl called Tana.
Toun: what did Tana do na…oh..you think I don’t know that you f----d Kofo?
Abayomi kept quiet.
Toun: I don’t blame you, sometimes I can be a bad girlfriend. But the next time you f--k her, you and Acho will become buddies.
Abayomi: I love you..
Toun: its not like you have a choice, I heard Uche has been straffing the hell out of Kofo, sometimes she misses classes sef..lol…no love from kofo…
Abayomi quietly enterd into Timi battered Mazda, Timi sat infront of him and was busy telling him how lucky he was to have an understanding girlfriend.
Me: please Toun, take it easy with Abayomi. He loves you.
Toun: I know, I just want him to feel bad. And fear me..
Me: anyways sha..
Toun and I sat on the back seat.
Timi started the car and was cruising on the streets of Ago, with the most popular student car in Ago due to how shabby it was, when Toun asked him a question.
Toun: why don’t you drop your chic in her house, abi she no fit enter this your car?
Timi: she no be my chic again o…
Abayomi: what do you mean bruv?
Timi: Annie and I have broken up.
To be continued

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