Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Banta wanted to use his ATM card but the machine kept on rejecting the card. In frustration Banta called his bank help line.


Banta, angrily: So what’s wrong with my ATM card?
Girl: Sir, I have checked your account, everything is alright here and you should be able to use your card, are you sure your card is not damaged or broken?


Banta: Are you insane? What are You insinuating? No one takes good care of their ATM card like I do.


Girl: Okay Sir, are you also sure the surface isn’t wet or stained with dirt?


Banta: Are you mad? I take very good care of my card. As a matter of fact, I even got it laminated last week when I laminated my Identity card.
Girl: Did you just said LAMINATE?
Banta: Of course Yes!!!Related

American relationship:
Ist day= Date
2nd day =hug
3rd day= hug again
4th day= kiss
5th day= long kiss
6th day =sex
.
Nigerian Relationship:
1st day = Toast
2nd day = Toast again
3rd day = Toast again
4th day = Agree
5th day =Date
6th day = Tried to hug but failed
7th day = Hug
8th day = Tried to kiss but failed
9th day = Kiss
10th day = Long kiss
11th day =Tried to have sex but failed
12th day = Tried to have sex but failed
13th day = Tried to have sex but failed
again
14th day = RAPE !!!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-28 21:45:42

743 Views




Take any of the box as ur gift







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-26 22:11:03

331 Views



weight loss [Read it]


A fat man saw an advertisement that said, “Lose 5kg in a week.”
He made a phone call and said, “I would like to join!” The lady who responded welcomed the idea and asked him to be ready 6am the following day.
The following morning, he got to the gym and was taken to a room. He opened the door and found a beautiful woman there clad in only a shirt and underpants.
She said, “If you can catch me, you can sleep with me!” The lady started running, while the man started to run after her. But he could not catch her. During the whole week, he tried hard to catch her but could not. He, however, lost 5kg in the process!
He then asked for the 10kg programme. The next time, he opened the door and found another woman clad in a bikini who said, “If you catch me, you can sleep with me.”
He lost 10kg that week although he did not catch the woman. So, he thought this was an awesome programme and then requested the 25kg weight loss programme.
The lady said, “Are you sure? It’s really tough!”
“Why not?”, he asked. The following day at 6am, he opened the door expecting to see a totally naked girl. But he found a mad woman instead.
The mad woman said, “If I catch you, I will sleep with you!”
That week, the man lost 40kg.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-29 02:55:02

578 Views




EPISODE 28

I woke up the following morning thinking about the call from Marcus last night; I checked my phone to review my call history, then I realized it wasn’t a dream but real. I talked with Mirabel about it, she felt uncomfortable about it. I told her not to fret that he can’t do anything that’d make me bow.
We went to School and came back in the evening because a Lecturer shifted his period to 4.pm and made the day a stressful one. Later in the evening, I had a video chat with Ike (Mirabel’s cousin). The following conversation ensued after exchanging pleasantries.
Ike: So… are you earning on your own as a business student?
Me: Nope
Ike: Have you thought about the kind of business you want to engage in from now?
Me: Not yet, I’ll think about it more after school
Ike: Are you kidding? After school? So you’ll keep depending on your parents till you graduate?
Me: Seems so, I mean they’re capable
Ike: I’m not talking parental capability mahn! I stopped receiving a cent from my billionaire parents even before I got into college. I earned my first million dollars at age 19. Wake up mahn! You start your career and future now not after you start growing matured beards or something.
Me: Ok I’ll think about it
Ike: Do you have anything in mind?
Me: Hhmmm… not really
Ike: What about your passion or visions of life?
Me: I have them but they’re not something I can start with here in the University
Ike: Which are?
Me: Building a business empire in summary
Ike: That’d require a lot of capital to begin with as well
Me: Yea
Ike: And how do you intend to raise the capital to finance it after you graduate?
Me: **Speechless**
Ike: See what I’m saying? You need to be productive and career-focused from now then you begin your establishment after school
Me: Whoa… I come I never thought about this? Thanks a lot mahn; I’ll start thinking about it from today
Ike: Too late already
Me: What?
Ike: To me, you’re already late. Now look at this; you’re already in your second year and you have two years to graduate right?
Me: Yea
Ike: Ok now look it, before you think about what to do, before you start doing whatever it is you want to do and before you start earning handsomely? Two years won’t be enough believe me
Me: So what do you think I should do?
Ike: Good! I’ve decided on handing over the ownership of one of my top-earning websites to you to begin with**Smiling**
Me: Really?
Ike: Yea
Me: Whoa… that’s awesome, thanks a lot
Ike: The market price of the site is worth $2.7 million
**Both my eyes and my mouth opened up wide in shock**
Ike: **Continued** you earn a monthly income of about $24,000 even more as much as you manage it well
Me: For real?!
Ike: Yea and I’ll partner with you for the next six months with no benefit so I can be able to put you through on how you can run the site effectively.
Me: Thanks so much bro, I really appreciate this; I really can’t thank you enough
Ike: Come on mahn, I’ve empowered so many youths I don’t even know; besides being my sister’s boyfriend, you’re also my friend Ok? So just chill and start preparing for your future
Me: This is great; I shall forever be grateful for this favor
Ike: It’s okay…you will have to text me your email address so I’ll send everything you’ll need to know about the site and how to run it and I’ll also arrange how you’ll be getting your money.
Me: Ok bro, I’ll do that right away
I texted him my email address without wasting time; then I started thinking about it with excitement and astonishment. If I should save such kind of income in three years, I know what I’ll get.
My future is sure! Vames Empire On The Way!! I screamed out loud. I couldn’t even eat that night. I bought suya and ate it with hollandia yoghurt.
I woke up the following morning and the first thing that came into my mind was my new source of income. I couldn’t even focus on my morning reading because of it and we have test that day.
Later in school, I told Mirabel about Ike’s offer; she was happy for me. She called her cousin that moment to appreciate him. After the test, we had another lecture before rounding up for the day. I was so eager to go home; even when I was in the lecture hall, business ideas kept roaming through my head.
I had to drop by an eatery to buy something to eat because Nancy remained in school; she has lecture. On reaching the house, I had to drop down and open the gate as no one was around. I drove in, alighted from the car to go and close the gate only for me to turn around and saw someone with a big scar on his fore-head.
Intruder: Hi, I’m Marcus **Gbow!!**
He accompanied the introduction with a punch straight to my nose; I shifted backward but another intruder behind me pushed me forward to receive a kick from Marcus, but I pushed his (Marcus) leg away. I quickly turned around with a punch hit to the face of the guy behind me – he shifted backwards as well. Two other guys came along to get me down. On seeing them, I adjusted a little to balance myself while they rushed me with punches from all angles till I fell to the ground.
While on the ground, I tightened my fist then rose up and hit one of them straight to the jaw (Uppercut) he went down; I hit another one on the chest before Marcus gave me a super-kick from behind then the force from kick prompted me to head the guy in front of me on his nose before we both fell down. I quickly got up and ran towards Marcus with rage. We engaged in a fist fight. He was very muscular and strong but I didn’t care about it that moment because I fight with anger and I won’t stop until my opponent goes down or something else happens. The other guys dragged me back from him but I shook them off with all my strength and went back to face their leader. I came extremely hard on him this time with a push that got him down; then I pounced on him punching his face as if I was crazy that I totally forgot about the other guys he came with until a heavy plank wood landed on my head and send me off to the other side of the ground. I held my head in pain for many minutes.
Marcus: I warned you! You got lucky that I even gave you a chance; but still you didn’t adhere to my warnings motherf*cka! This is what you get for being a coward!! What you gon’ do now? Common get up and face me! Why can’t you?! You think you’re a tough guy huh? huh?!! Answer me mother*cker! **Kicking me**
Marcus: Guys?
Guys: Yes boss!
Marcus: You know what to do with him **Walking away**
On hearing that, I prayed a fast prayer to God in my mind for mercy and I also declared that I will not die but live and accomplish my life-mission on earth! I started gaining strength while praying before the three guys came closer to me. The first guy that touched me got it back from me as I kicked hard against his penis while I was still on the ground before I quickly stood with my pen and stabbed the second one on his shoulder as he was about to bend down. The third one came hard on me but didn’t get me as I blinded his eyes with a strong slap and punched his stomach continuously till he fell down. Then I ran towards Marcus who was standing before the opened-gate watching the action. On getting closer to him, I suddenly stopped when he brought out a gun and pointed it straight to my skull.
Marcus: Step back!
**I moved a step backward**
Marcus: Now get into the f*cking house! Where you’ll die slow motherf*cker… hahahahaha
**I hesitated thinking of a way of getting his gun**
Marcus: Get in motherf*cker!!
Me: Then what will you do? Kill me? For what? For a girl you have no chance with? Go ahead and kill me!
Marcus: Of course I will kill you. She has loved me more than she ever loved you!
Me: That’s a lie and you it! Your relationship with her didn’t even last for a month
Marcus: Doesn’t matter, she still loves me; you’re the problem for us not coming back together. So with you outta the way…? She’ll crawl back to me!
Me: That’s never going to happen!
Marcus: Maybe not, buh I don’t mind trying or is there harm in trial?
Me: Killing me won’t bring Mirabel back to you; she knows how monstrous you’ve turned into
Marcus: You know… I discovered that, it was only you she had date after me right? So getting her back won’t be much of a problem
Me: She will never get back to yo…
Marcus: **Cuts in** Shut tha fuck up! Now turn around!!
****
Marcus: Turn around you mother*cker!!
Voice: Drop your weapon!
He got distracted when he faced where the voice came from. I didn’t bother to know whose voice it was; I grabbed the opportunity by attacking him with a spear (Those who watch wrestling like WWE will understand what Spear Attack means) the gun fell off his hand then I rushed to get it and pointed it at him while he was still on the ground groaning. Then I saw Police men coming to the scene.
Police: You drop the gun! **talking to me**
Mirabel: He is the victim here officer!
I dropped the gun; one of the Police men collected it from the ground and handcuffed Marcus. I showed them the other three guys behind my car and they arrested four of them.
The Police told me to visit the station tomorrow to write my statement of which I promised to show up. Then they zoomed off. Mirabel was already hugging me.
Mirabel: Are you Ok?
Me: Yea…I’m still alive **Smiling**
Mirabel: Stop joking **Hits my chest** It’s a good thing that we didn’t come too late
Vincent: But bro, how come those guys are also wounded? What happened here?
Dax: I’m shocked myself, how did you do it Vickey?
Mirabel: You guys should let him get medical attention first before questioning him na. But baby how did you managed to…you know…what really happened?
Me: You guys don’t expect me to stay and watch some guys kill me without fighting back right? It will be nicer if you guys can get me a first aid box or something. I need to call Nancy to know if she’s Ok
Vincent: I will do that!
**I turned to look at him somehow suspicious**
Vincent: I meant the First aid stuff **Sounded suspiciously**
Me: Hhmmmm…
I dialed Nancy’s line when going inside; she said she’s fine, that she’s on her way.
Me: I appreciate you guys for the help; thank you guys
Vincent: You’re welcome bro
Dax: We got your back
Me: But how did you guys know that I was in danger? I was surprised
Mirabel: Well…it was from school I sighted Marcus from afar when he sent one guy to call me of which I ignored. I kept an eye on him to see his reaction. When you announced your departure and left, I saw him also stood up with his gangs and left too after some seconds of your departure. I dialed your number multiple times to inform you maybe they were after you but you didn’t pick up.
Me: Yea…I put it silent during the lectures and forgot to remove it from silent
Mirabel: Okay…I got worried; then I informed Dax and Vincent about it before we drove to the police station in the town, we got some police men and hurried here.
Me: Thanks a lot; you saved me from that psychotic obsessed fellow.
Vincent: So…your own side of the story bro; what happened here? How did you manage to…to to…injure them too?
Nancy interrupted with a knock on the gate; Vincent offered to open the gate. She asked what happened to me as soon as she saw me. I told them everything that happened, the scenes, the action and all except the last conversation between me and Marcus.
Mirabel’s mother – the first lady called me later in the evening to greet me about what happened; Mirabel told her. I saved her number after the call and started calling her from time to time. Mirabel call my mother almost every day as well.


TO BE CONTINUED


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A girl visited me 2day so i asked her wat i will offer her...to my greatest surprise,she said i should offer her one liter of fuel.......i com confuse...na y i say make reason my palz 4 here....ABEG IF NAH YOU WETIN YOU GO DO?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-26 22:36:23

1601 Views



Solve [Read it]


Solve dis i know say some olodo go fail am my brother is 15 years old half of my age and am also half of my fathers age so how old is my father and me


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-18 21:08:19

447 Views




He: Hey what’s your name?

She: Khushi.

He: Where are you from?

She: Bandra

He: But khushi ka koi thikana nahi hota na?

*BLOCKED-FOREVER*Related

A boy was travelling by Bus, and was eating Chocolate profusely. One Man that was sitting near him got infuriated and asked him:
Man: boy don't u know that eating alot of chocolates isn't good for your teeth?
Boy: My Grand Father was 100years old before He died.
Man: Is it by eating a lot of Chocolates?
Boy: No, but by minding His Business.

thanks.....by (DON HENRY)


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-16 19:23:50

177 Views



Akpos and oga [Read it]


one day akpos asked his oga"i want go market go buy food".and the oga said"akpos can't you speak good english".akpos said ok i will.i fit go to the market, fitn't i?....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-23 16:35:27

868 Views




JOKE PART 22 BY DINDY
Girl: Dindy I know you are a genius
Dindy: Nah not really
Girl: So are you saying that you have failed before.
Dindy: Yea, I have
Dindy: Actually a test
Girl: What test is that?
Dindy: Blood test, I got a 0 - (negative)
Girl: (Hisssing) fool.........lol
DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 23.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-05 19:42:32

176 Views




He almost laughed, but he stopped himself from doing so. He could detect astonishment and fear in her voice. Had she not gotten over that day’s event? A smile creased his face. “I’m very sorry calling you at this late hour, but I urgently need to talk to you.”

The sound of a slight cough could be heard over the phone. “What’s this about, sir?” she asked.

“I want you to tell me everything you know about the vists Ernest Turner made to the office.”

“He always came for Miss Theodore, sir.”

“Did you know what his visits meant?”

“I don’t, sir. But he was always cold and cranky. I don’t get it, but i usually had an eerie feeling whenever I saw him.”

This was it. He was slowly getting there. “You heard any of their conversations?”

“I did not. She taught me never to eavesdrop. I never did. But I heard voices, though. It wasn’t clear, but I could feel tremor in her voice whenever she spoke with him, like she was never comfortable in his presence.” She paused for a little while. “What’s this all about, sir?”

“You’d get to know, soon. Um, do you have an idea, what transpired between your boss and a strange lady? Purity hit her.”

He could hear her giggling over the phone. That incident must have been funny. He caught himself wishing to have been there when Purity had slapped her. Now that he thought about it, Tricia, sure deserved that slap.

“Um…. I heard the lady accidentally colided with Miss Theodore. She did not apologise, they kinda exchanged words and she got what she’d called for.”

“They didn’t bicker?”

“Um….. I don’t think so. It didn’t take much time, just for a while.”

Then, they must not have argued concerning him. Why did Tricia go there? Only she could supply the answer. “Thank you for cooperating. Have a great night.” Jeremy quickly disconnected the call. He was done and that was that. He wouldn’t let her say one more word. He was in no mood to satisfy the curiosity of anyone. He needed to satisfy his. “Did you get everything?”

“Everything,” Darren confidently responded with a smile on his face.

“Now, we’ve got enough evidence to hold ’em down.” Allan was happy and proud of the fact that he had helped.

“We don’t know where she is. We still don’t.” He was getting angry. If Darren hadn’t been so stupid, as he called it, Purity would have been out of Ernest’s hands. He had not yet fully forgiven Darren for what he did. He had a reason, didn’t he? “Why did you do it?” he asked, facing Darren.

He had been waiting for this. He knew he’d ask. He’d know why he blew their cover up and let Ernest see them. Now, he’d tell them everything. He tried reading the meaning of Jeremy’s stare. He could not decipher what he was thinking. He understood, better not to infuriate him. “There’s a reason,” he breathed out.

“What’s the damn reason?” Jeremy shot at him.

Allan took him by the shoulder, “Yelling at him won’t get him to talk. Why don’t you settle down and listen to what he has to say?”

“He has a wristwatch on,” Darren began. “Its something I’ve noticed-”

“Everyone has a watch on,” Allan taunted, chuckling. “I have one, too.” He raised his left arm for them to see it.

Darren snorted and shot Allan a warning look. He wasn’t gonna let his friend get to him. “There was something different about it. Its metallic, very rare and expensive. That watch is so important to this case,” he paused, reading their expressions. They were eager to hear more. He smriked and continued. “The tape we watched showed us a masked man taking away Purity Theodore. We can prove it was Ernest.”

“How?” Jeremy asked. His anger had cooled off.

“He’s always wearing the watch. Its exactly the same.”

Allan recalled something. “He had it on! I definitely saw it.”

“That’s true. He made a mistake. It must be part of him that’s difficult to let go off. Well, that night I spoke with him, I tactfully placed a tracking device on his watch. Its so tiny that he can’t notice it.”

“That’s why……. that’s why you let him see us.” Allan blurted out.

Darren nodded. “Recently, I’ve been studying his movements on my cellphone. I know his every move and I have goodnews,” he smiled triumphantly.

“What?” Jeremy’s hope lit up.

“I know where Purity Theodore is.”

“Are you all ready?” Detective Darren questioned Allan and Jeremy.

They both nodded.

“Allan, you’re going to turn all the evidence that points to Ernest as the abductor of Purity to the police department,” Darren instructed.

Allan rolled his eyes. “Yeah. You didn’t stop reminding me all night.” He did the lace of his black, dynamic sneakers. “Hold on, how will they believe me? No one knows she’s missing, it wasn’t announced.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said, giving thought to what Allan had just mentioned. “People don’t know anything about it. How does he get to convince them? Something has to be done, if not all our efforts goes down the drain.” Worry etched all over his face. He couldn’t fail. He hated failure. He’d never fail, not himself, not Aaron Theodore and especially not Purity. She needed to be rescued, to be saved. “Tell us, what do we do?”

Darren could understand their concern. Especially that of Jeremy. “Now, you’re both talking like detectives,” he tried lightening up the mood. Detecting from the stares he recieved, he knew they were in no mood for a joke. “Okay. Fine. There’s no need to worry. Allan, when you get to the station, ask for Myles. He’s a superintendent.”

“Myles?” Allan repeated, obviously confused. “Why do I need to find him?”

Darren turned to Jeremy, looking him in the eye, “I’m sorry, Jeremy. I couldn’t keep this to myself. I had to tell someone. Especially when a time like this comes. Just get to him, give him all the evidence and there’ll be an arrest warrant for Ernest Turner. You’ll come to the venue after that, with him.”

Jeremy wanted to get angry at Darren. He did not keep his promise of telling no one about Purity’s disappearence. But on a second thought, he stopped himself. Darren did it for their benefit. They needed such help now. “Thank you, Darren.”

Allan smiled at Darren. “Nice job, bro. We’re gonna finish this today.”

Darren nodded. “Make sure you get there. Be careful. Dont’t see any officer other than Myles. He knows you’ll be coming. He’ll handle the rest,” he intstructed, slowly, to make sure Allan caught every bit of what he said. He knew the kind of person Allan was – he didn’t like being told what to do.

“Alright, Detective. I promise to do all you’ve asked of me. I will be faithful,” he swore and saluted Darren and flashed a funny smile. He knew he had to do this. He had to carry out Darren’s orders. Purity’s life depended on him doing so.

Darren smiled back and returned his salute. He soon started laughing.

Allan joined him.

Jeremy was also laughing. An important quest lay ahead of them. It wouldn’t be all bad if they had a little bit of fun before they go conquering. He had no idea what would happen next. He just had to cherish the moment they were having. He took a step forward. “Come here,” he invited his friends to move closer to him.

Darren and Allan exchanged inquisitive glances. They had no idea what Jeremy was up to, but they knew he couldn’t harm them. They trotted to him.

He had a reassuring smile on his face. “I…. um….,” he cleared his throat. “I wanna say thank you to you two. Without your help, I wouldn’t even have the vigor to search for my fiancee. You’re like my brothers, brothers I never had. I’m glad I have friends like you, trusted friends that I can rely on and tell everything. Thank you so very much for your help.”

“I couldn’t call myself a human when my very successful billionaire has some problems, and I can’t help. Its my duty – as a friend, I’m a detective, remember?” Darren grinned. He was so happy he was useful.

“Yeah,” Jeremy answered. “Its your damn job.”

“Ahem!” Allan got their attention. “Jeremy, you still haven’t told us what you read in that book.” He faced Darren, “See, he’s hiding things from us.”

Jeremy and Darren shook their heads.

“Its private,” Jeremy repeated his words of the previous night.

Allan snorted. “Whatever. Just hug me.”

They all went for a big hug. Just as they used to – back in the old days.

“I’m glad I helped, Jeremy,” Allan confessed, beaming. “Lets not sober up, its time for action.”

“I can’t breathe,” Darren complained, “Let me out.”

“Excuse me?”

They all left eachother, nervously. It was what they hated – being caught wrapped up in each other’s arms. It was really embarrassing.

“Um, yeah?” Jeremy answered, trying to sound normal.

The two friends just looked sideways.

“My prayer’s been answered,” Darren muttered.

“Tricia Cayson is here,” the maid stated what she came for.

“Just exactly what I needed. Get her,” he firmly commanded.

The maid swiftly moved to action.

“What are you planning to do?” Allan queried.

Jeremy smiled coyly. “Just sit back and watch.”

To Be Continued...


HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY


>>

Ladkiyo ke nakhre

1st Call.. Mai aisi ladki nhi hu

.

.

2nd Call.. Sirf msg karugi…bat nhi okk

.

.

3rd Call.. Sirf Raat ko bat ho sakti hai

.

.

4th Call.. 1 baar hi milugi

.

.

5th Call.. Sirf Kiss Ok..Related

JOKE PART 75 BY DINDY

Girl: If I were to kiss you surprisingly, what will you do?.

Girl: Will you faint?.

Dindy: No.

Girl: Will you run away?.

Dindy: No.

Girl: Will you be shocked?.

Dindy: No.

Girl: Will you kiss me back?.

Dindy: No.

Girl: [Angry] Then what will you do?.

Dindy: Fall under anointing........ .

DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 76.








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-22 21:38:44

230 Views




I remembered the first time i joined them outside, i was just coming back from my coaching class, i greeted everybody as it was a full house, i headed straight to my room and the next statement i heard was “Ismaeel, why is it that Alfa doesn’t like talking to anybody, are we all not close to God as he is?”, i was touched by the statement and had to respond “ahn ahn..No ooo”
Esther: Then where are you going to? Why not come and join us here
Me: Am just coming back from school, have not even entered the room and i want to pray too
Esther: Go and pray then come back…at least there is no light and there is heat also
Ezekiel: Abi oo…i even wanted to on generator but this place is still more interesting than being inside
Me: Okay, i will come
Even though i never meant it when i said i will come, i was later dragged outside by Ezekiel, we gisted about so many things and i couldn’t put my mouth when they were talking about some students in the neighbourhood. From different girl friends to those living family life, i was astonished with all i heard. My conclusion was that just as they were talking about other people that is how people will be talking about us too. I imagine what they would have said behind me.
My 100level second semester result was out and it was no surprise that my CGPA was 4.91. Aside Alfa, people started calling me scholar, one of the few in the whole department, even though i heard there are so many people that started so strong in the department just like i was but they will later drop and the worst of it some of them will drop to as low as second class lower, that is the time when econometrics will start coming into bearing but i was so sure that my life will never turn out like that, i was so sure that i will come out with a first class and even if the worst of it, it will be a strong second class upper, the thought of second class upper was not even on my mind at all..
My year two was going on normal and i was becoming more and more popular in school, I don’t lack money too and i was still the same reserved person as i was even though have started making friends here and there but i was so selective with the kind of friend that i have. The only people so close to me are my Muslim brothers; the ladies i knew way back then are the hijab sisters that we do one program or the other in MSSN.
Back in the hostel, everything was just normal, suddenly we don’t see Titi again at our place nobody knew if she and Ezekiel fought or something. There was drastic change in Ezekiel character; we noticed that so many girls now visit him, from short to tall, fat to thin, different sizes of girls always trooping in to our house all in the name of being his friend. This doesn’t stop Esther from patronizing Ezekiel, at a time i thought if it was love or there was actually something behind it. Despite the fact that Ezekiel hardly sleep alone at home alone, its one different babe to


>>

AYOMIDE'S ADVENTURE Episode 15

This night will really be hot
I was already preparing on how
I will sex one of this girls tonight
on olamide's bed,is that not
Sounding foolish??,lol..no
be my fault now,it was my first
time of doing it,I never experienced
it before,the thing still dey do me
like when a 8 years old boy dey
expect his christmas clothes,
during my nonsense practice
on Ola's bed,he comes in and saw
me going up and down without
stopping,he was really laughing
uncontrollably,making jest of
me,you people know now that
Ola don experience this thing
before,he be baddest boy,I think
Everybody with the name olamide
Is always very bad,they are the ones
with name BADDO
"Why you come dey behave childishly
now,what's so funny that you were laughing
like this?" I finally asked when I stopped
my sEX practice....
"Lolzz,don't you see what you were doing
right now??,its really funny,you are the
one behaving childishly here now" he retorted
"But you know I haven't done something
like this before,today shall be my first time,
Shouldn't I practice before starting?,or
What do you think??...I asked
"All this thing you are doing is not
necessary,na foam you wan go F**k where
you dey go or human being,abeg mr man,
I believe when you were about to start this
your operation,you would have lost your
sense,and the inspiration to do this thing will
come when you see the p***y you are going
to f**k,so you don't have to do any
meaningless practice okay??...he replied...
Chai!!!...this guy be my master o,how old
Is he wey he don know all this things?,just
seveenteen,I come dey think about that inside
my mind,ohh ola don give me another scope o,
all I was praying for that day was that make 5pm
reach fast,because na 5pm I told the girls I go
come pick them,as 4:30 don reach,olamide and
his girlfriend,not really his girlfriend,just a girl
he planned to used for the night,we come carry
bike to this girls apartment,they were all ready,
come see how this girls make up,my head was
like turning around merely seeing this girls,
I was like I should just aproach one of them,
and started f**king her but all that was
an illusion,its impossible,remember that light
girl I mentioned the other time??,that I said
was the closer one to my babe in terms of
beauty??,I mean Tomilola if you can't
remember again,I know most of you people
forget something very fast..
back to our discussion jare,tomilola
was really very beautiful with her red and
white outfit,she was really charming that I
noticed olamide can't take his eyes off her
despite being with another girl,but all the
same,my babe was the most beautiful out
of them,no be say I dey make mouth o,you
know I specially take her out to a high graded
place to do shopping for her,everything on her
body was red and white,even her lipstick was
red,but I never know maybe she come
paint her p**sy to red color also o...lolzzz...
So when we reach their place we exchange
pleasantries,my girl rushed to hugged me,which
caught up the attention of the rest,the other
girls were really jealous,I could see it in their
Eyes,it was full of jealousy,especially tomilola
and that girl I already planned to SEX today,I
mean bolanle,but I think Esther doesn't cares
about that,Esther will be the hardest of this
girls was what I was thinking as I hugged
Francisca gently and peck her cheek..
I know you people will be wondering
maybe this girls I am taking out doesn't
get a boyfriend to take them out,but no
be their fault now,their boyfriends no be
OMO like me,do you know what that means??,
Let me break it down for you,OMO means Omo
Mama Olowo(in engish it means I am a rich woman's son)...lolzz...na money girls know now.
MONEY STOP NONSENSE...

>>

jealous wife [Read it]


An inspirational speaker said:
"The best days of my life were
the days I spent with another
man's wife." Audience were in
shock and silence. He added:
"She was my mother." A big
round of applause and laughter
followed.
An adventurous man in the
audience later decided to crack
this at home. After dinner he told
his wife: The best days of my life
were the days I spent with
another man's wife. After a
moment he tried to recall the
second line....
By the time he regained his
senses, he was on a hospital bed,
recovering from burns of boiling
water.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-11 10:42:37

460 Views




THE MISTAKE OF MY LIFE

EPISODE 6

Edwina was the name, everyone called my new helper and she really was a lovely woman to behold. Her grand beauty was very spectacular and solid. But upon all the beauty and air she carried she still remained unmarried, which I found very strange.

I really wasn’t surprised to see lots of young girls in her house when I moved in to live with her, because she told me she was running a non governmental organisation which cared for homeless street girls, but I never imagined she could be so rich as to own a giant two storey building, a thirty room quarters {built like a hostel} and another small bungalow all fenced together in one big compound. Three 504 salon cars and a mercedes 200 adorned her garage. I couldn’t help but notice that the girls who lived under her care all idolized her, because she was friendly to all with her sweet mouth.

“I started from the streets but now I own all these” she said as she showed me round the massive compound, while I smiled happily, thinking I had finally gotten to the land flowing with milk and honey.

I was later introduced and handed over to a girl called Felinda, whose work was to help, educate and make me look good, while Little Akosua was taken away from me and handed over to an old woman whom they called Mama Nurse.

“She will be better off in our nursery” the old Nurse had assured me as she carried my little girl, but I still insisted on seeing the nursery, which after a little hesitation, she led me to the extreme end of the main house, through a hall-way and into a large room built underneath.
Cribs, toys, and clothes of various sizes adorned the room making it look beautiful.

“You see your little angel will be properly cared for here, just keep thanking Edwina, she really cares for you girls” she murmured with a smile, while I shrugged and said nothing.
The nursery truly was a paradise to behold, compared to the store I used to live with my little girl, yet it looked very creepy to me, making me a bit scared.

However I paid no heed to my feelings, thinking I felt uncomfortable because it was the first time Akosua was leaving my care….
But I was very wrong.



What happens next?
WATCH OUT FOR WHAT HAPPENED IN EPISODE 7!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Naija for you.. [Read it]


pls l Can't stop laughing
Today I was coming back from a
friend party in the bus there sat a
very pretty girl.
All the guys in the bus were staring
at her. Many of them passed their
destination without knowing, I sat
next to her,actually. I did all the
signs I
could to make her feel my presence
but all in vain. An
idea came to my mind. I took my
phone and faked a call:
*Me:* Hello Mum,u see what i'm
saying? I'm sick of British Airways!
I told u this before! They've just
cancelled my flight to the US. This
is why i prefer Royal Dutch Airlines.
Above all,could u believe i'm in a
public vehicle? On my way back
from the Airline office,my 2016
Leather Roofer Wrangler got bad.
Before i left home,Dad planned
using the Bentley Continental, and i
guess also that u would've been out
with ur 2016 Mercedes Benz GLE 450.
Pls ask the driver to rush down here
with the 2017 Cabriolet Range
Evogue and pick me up.
Don't worry, mum...,OK...,i will...,i
will...,thank u,mum...!
Love u too,mum...,bye!
*All this while the girl was looking at
me,*
I said in my heart that
she will fall for me if I talk to her ...
*Me: Hi baby, y r u looking at me
like that? R u surprised?*
*Girl: Pls collect ur phone battery. it
fell down when u were removing it
from your pocket.....*
Blood of Zachariah!!! I
couldn't raise my head till I got
down from the car.
# lobatan



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-05-21 17:09:34

389 Views



akpors [Read it]


Don't Swallow Me
During a lesson, Akpos yawns extremely wide.
The teacher tries to make a joke, "Akpos, don't swallow me."
Akpos replies, "Don't worry ma, I don't eat goat meat."







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-27 00:29:42

612 Views




Nigerian women and how they address
their husbands with pet names. When he gives her N500,000 upward:
She calls him Sweetheart. When he gives her N400,000: She calls
him Sweety. When he gives her N300,000: She calls
him Honey. When he gives her N200,000: She calls
him Dear. When he gives her N100,000: She calls
him by their first child name... e.g
Daddy Junior. When he gives her N50,000: She calls
him Mr. John. When he gives her N25,000: She calls
him Mr man. When he gives her N5,000: She calls him
by name; e.g Johnny. When he gives her N500: She calls him
This man. When he gives her lower than N500:
She calls him with a sound... e.g
"wooosi", "phuuuuu", "hissssss".#BOLLY_SMART®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-15 23:48:29

214 Views



BREAKING NEWS [Read it]


BREAKING NEWS:the federal government of nigeria has announced that today is thursday 25th of june 2015,and tomorrow is Friday 26th of june 2015..thanks for listening..no public holiday


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-25 14:22:25

703 Views




“He is.” Aaron confidently answered.

Prudence nodded.

“Are you sure? Do you know details about him?”

“Of course. His dad and I being best buddies always talked about you and him.”

“His mother, Emily loved you a lot. Always wished you to be her daughter-in-law.”

“She is dead.” Purity blurted out.

Aaron and Prudence froze.

“How-how did you know?” Prudence enquired.

“Jeremy. We’ve been talking.”

“Ah!” Aaron exclaimed with joy. “That’s good. You guys have been getting along.”

“Um..not really. I want you guys to know that I’ve decided to marry him. Not that I love him ot want to please you two, its because his father’s sick and its his wish.”

“Whatever.” Prudence hugged her daughter. “This is the best news I’ve heard so far!”

Purity grinned. It had been a while since she saw her mum that way.

“He’s a good man. He’ll take care of you. You know you’re stubborn and all that. He’ll know how to. Just like me.”

Purity swallowed hard. This man always said things to get on her nerves. She promised herself she’d remain calm. “It wasn’t all about the company, right?”

“No, my love. All about you. Shall we celebrate?”

“Not yet. I want to rest and think.”

Purity wriggled herself out of the embrace.

Aaron Theodore knew his daughter could change her mind if they piss her off. He knew better than to upset her. He held his wife’s shoulder. “Take all the time, my love. Please, don’t change your mind.”

“By the way, you’re looking more beautiful in this your serene state. Jeremy sure does have a lot of good influence on you.” Prudence cut in.

Her husband nodded in agreement.

Purity nodded too and disappeared into the hallway.

Prudence’s eyes twinkled. “Oh, Aaron. I’m so happy. I can spot the changes in her.”

“Same here, darling. Told you Jeremy would be a great man especially for our Purity.” He kissed her forehead.

“Darling,” Prudence held on to Aaron and smiled. “Edwin’s sick. Lets call him.”
*
*
*
All dressed in a blue cocktail dress stripped with white, Purity sat on her king sized bed waiting for Jeremy to come pick her up. She heaved a sigh and lay on the bed. She was bored and still phoneless. It didn’t occur to her till now. When she probably needed to do things with it. Play games, check her emails, chat on Facebook; then read a story on watpad. She had no access to such. She’d probably get a phone the next day.

Dragging herself down from the bed, she stood in front of her dressing mirror. She looked down at her 4 inches black stilleto heels, to her cocktail dress. She wore a silver bracelet on her left arm. He neck, decorated with a silver neck lace which matched her bracelet. Her ears, a silver clip-on ear-ring. Her make up was mild and simple. She had applied powder, black eye shadow on both eyes, pink blush on both cheeks and a bright red lipstick. Her long brown hair was in a French twist. Her silver eyes shown. She looked so pretty. She stared and smiled at her reflection.

Where was Jeremy? She glanced at the wall clock hanging on the wall of her room. The time was 5:45p.m. Jeremy was to pick her up by 6:00p.m. They’ll hang out together till it was 8:00p.m, then they’ll go see Edwin. She was all dressed up now, waiting for him. Why had she prepared so early? Did she really want this date? Had she already started falling for Jeremy? No. No. It was all because of his father. If Jeremy hadn’t told her about his health and the death of his mother, she wouldn’t be doing this. Then, why had she hugged him? Just being sensitive to his feelings, that’s all.

What if you guys become so close and you start to fall for him? He is doing so for his father too, he might hurt you in the end. He doesn’t care about you one bit? You can’t do this. No, Purity. Stop this! How did you even get yourself into this miss? He might also be after your body. They all are. You’ll surely get hurt.

“He’ll definitely hurt me,” she mused. “Why didn’t I say no? But my parents are happy.” She continued staring at the mirror. “I’m more happier. What could go wrong?”

Men, you’re scared of them, came a voice.

A knock on the door. She turned to it. “Coming.”

She fed her eyes once more. Then noticed something. Tears formed in her silver eyes. When did she start crying?
She turned her back to the mirror, to face the door. She got to it and turned the door knob, then flung it open. Purity gave a gasp of surprise as she saw Jeremy and her mother together. Her mum, beaming with smiles. She couldn’t help but notice Jeremy’s extreme handsomeness. He looked so good in his brown tuxedo. He greeted her with a boyish grin. Her heart melted.

“You are looking pretty, my darling.” Prudence commented on seeing her lovely daughter.

Purity only smiled.

“Jeremy had arrived since. Been with him so I decided to surprise you by bringing him to your room. You will soon be married. Have fun.” she bade them goodbye.

“Come in.”

Jeremy stepped into the room. It was a great sight. Wonderfully decorated. The walls were painted pink and blue- equally. The floor was carpeted, wall to wall. Opposite the big bed, a white dressing table was stationed and a stool beneath it. On the dressing table, he could see cream, make ups, perfume, a brush and other female items. By the side of it stood a full length mirror. Then a bureau; painted pink. On it stood a blue flower vase with fresh rose flowers. Her closet was next, firmly locked. The door leading to her bathroom followed. It was open, the floor was tiled and it glittered. The bathroom was neat.

One more thing, the nice scent of the perfume she used filled the room. Welcoming him. He grinned ear to ear. “You’ve got a really nice room here.”

She shut and bolted the door. “Thanks.”

“Can I sit on the bed?”

“Sure.”

“Great!” He sat carefully to avoid hurting or infuriating her. He’d observed that she takes good care of her things. The room was very tidy. He fingered the crisp white duet spread over the bed. He watched her at the same time. Her hands were folded on her chest, her back resting on the door.
“You are beautiful.” He muttered. Geez! Where did that come from? That was to be said in his head.

Purity blushed. “Oh yeah? Liar.”

He chuckled. “You are. Um. You dressed up early. I admire that.” After they’d agreed to be friends, he decided to give her a chance. She might not be so bad after all.

“Thanks. Are you going to spend time in here?”

“Only if you let me.”

She let her eyes drop to the ground. A thousand and one thoughts ran through her mind. Should she let him stay and then tell him she wouldn’t go out with him? Should she just yell at him, they’ll fight and things will go bad? She was confused. She kept pondering over what to do.

Jeremy studied her. It was obvious she was worried. Was she planning to change her mind? “What’s wrong?”

She looked up, then he noticed it.

>>

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.

– Lin YutangRelated

Just like you [Read it]


Two couples were seriously inluv with each other,xo one day the wife's husband travelled and before he did that,he told the wife"promise me you wont give my place to another man,the wife was speechless on hearing this so she had to also make her comment ,she asked the husband that same question and he was also speechless. 1min. after the silence,the wife said "we are alike,birds of the same feathers.....just then,they husband shouted"w0w!!am just like you...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-17 07:55:25

758 Views




Darren forgot he was about to chide his friend on hearing Ernest’s statement. Without a thought, he hit the brakes and slewed the vehicle off the road and shut the engine. “Sure this is it?”

“It sure is,” Ernest confirmed.

Jeremy did not utter a word. He just stared at the big black gate. “Whoever did this must have a lot of power,” he mumbled.

“Ernest, you’re gonna go to jail. Why do you even wanna help us?” Darren asked.

“Its not in anyway gonna reduce your sentence,” Jeremy curtly said.

“It could.”

Ernest sighed. “I know all of that. And I’m not doing this just to get out of prison or escape it. I deserve to pay for my crimes. But I wanna do something good before ending up there.”

“Are you sure about this?” Darren questioned.

“I am.”

Jeremy was not interested if Ernest had changed or not. It didn’t appeal to him. He just did not give a damn about that. Saving Purity was of more concern to him. “How do we get her?”

“I have an idea.” Darren smiled.

*

*

*

David Cayson sat behind the wheels of his police car, driving to a street he never knew existed in New York city. Three other vehicles of similar brand trailed behind his. Riding with him were Myles and the doctor he just met. They were on a rescue mission.

“Forgive me, Tricia,” he whispered bitterly. The pain he felt at his heart could not be compared to any physical pain. The pain was doing a lot of damage to him. He was unable to accept the fact that his daughter – his very on little girl of yesterday had become something else, someone he does not recognize. Hearing it from the two gentlemen sounded ridiculous. But they convinced him, it was true. Now, his daughter was not just a shadow of herself but an imagination of her own self. She lived according to her thoughts. Her new self was merely of fantasy.

He sighed, wringling those thoughts out of his head. He’ll figure out a way to save her later. Now was the time to save Purity. Purity Theodre – his daughter’s role model and arch-enemy.

“They’re at his place,” Allan broke the silence, interrupting David’s thinking as well. “The place of the guy who had her kidnapped.”

“Have they gone in yet?” Myles asked.

“Um… It seems so.”

“We gotta hurry.”

“No,” Allan refused. “They’ve got a plan. Lets not burst in there and ruin it! Spoil their show.”

David chuckled. “Is this what it means to you? A show? Its live and direct boy.”

“I know. I-”

“Lets hope his mighty ‘plan’ of theirs doesn’t get them into trouble.” He breathed deeply. “I’m gonna step on the accelerator and the rest would follow.”

*

*

*

They led her gently out of the room she had just changed in. She was going to meet with Jeremy. At last! Acting like a baby was what she thought of doing. Screaming excitedly, jumping exhilaratingly and scurring off to find him. She just had to act cool and bottle up those feelings inside of her. She wasn’t gonna let people wonder if she had gone crazy.

“Do you speak French?” the maid inquired.

“What? What did you say?” Purity asked. She hadn’t quite heard her vividly.

“French? You know it?”

“Nope. I do not know. Why should I?” Purity asked, bewildered.

“The boss does. Just got back from Paris.”

They stopped right in front of a massive door. “This is it.” the maid finally said and they left Purity standing by herself.

She did not have the chance to reply the maid. Jeremy speaks French? She had no idea he did. Or was it not Jeremy? Was it someone else? The happiness she felt slowly crept away. The feelings of anxiety, fright, nervousness found their way back into her. Purity groaned. “Don’t I deserve to be happy?” she whispered. “I’m gonna know what this is about.”

Shuffling towards the door, she pushed it open and it gave way easily. That added to her fears, but she wasn’t gonna back out. She quickly stepped in, hoping to keep the door open. But it jammed itself right after she got in. That did not make her comfortable. Sighing, she turned her back to the door. She looked around; it was study room, but it wasn’t her business.

“Bonjour Mademoiselle,” a masculine voice greeted.

“So it was never Jeremy Broderick.”

————

His smirk could be heard, it filled the entire room. “Always Jeremy Broderick. Why did you choose him?”

Purity sucked in a breath. The voice – she had never heard it before. “Who are you? Why don’t you show your face?”

He wasn’t going to, not yet. He’d remain hidden in the dark till he was satisfied. “Don’t you think its too early to start questioning me?”

She scoffed. “I don’t think so. I’m outta here. Can’t speak to an invisible person.”

He had no reply to her taunt. He only watched as she began to head for the door. She tried opening it, it wouldn’t respond. He smiled pleasingly as she continued her struggle with the door.

“Stupid door,” she cursed and stamped a foot on the marble floor. “What do you want from me?” she demanded, turning to face the direction of the voice.

“I love your guts,” he complimented, still in the dark. “You are just as I imagined.”

She was getting impatient. “What do you want with me?” she demanded, standing akimbo.

“Its simple,” he felt it was time to come out of the dark.

She heard his footsteps coming at her direction. Her heart began racing. Was she ready to face the man who had locked her up with him? Only time could tell. She took a deep breath.

“I only want revenge,” he admitted, completely facing her.

Purity scanned him. He was hefty and tall. He had brown hair, grey eyes that never stopped staring at her with lust. The Armani suit he was clad in matched his eyes. He was somewhat attractive. She rolled her eyes. Disappointment. That was the feeling she got. She’d expected a different person. One who smelt dangerous. But this guy didn’t look like it. “I’m astonished.” She chuckled. “A guy like you wants revenge? Hmm. Totally unbelievable.”

“This is my house,” he reminded her, getting upset.

“So?” she folded her arms. “Doesn’t give you any right to prison me in here.”

“I guess you haven’t changed.” he pocketed his hands. “Your ordeal with Ernest didn’t that teach you anything?”

“It didn’t,” she answered moving backwards. “I was unharmed. And that gave me more guts.”

“Hmm.” he sighed. “He failed then.”

“It was you behind it?” it was more like an accusation that a question.

“Are you surprised?” he was smiling. “Then I’ve amazed you.”

“Just tell me, what do you want me for?” she demanded again. She wasn’t moving.

He took a step forward, and another and another, he was advancing towards her. “I just want my revenge.”

Purity walked backwards till she was pinned to the wall. “What fucking revenge do you want?”

*
*
*
“Hey,” Ernest confidently greeted.

“What is it you want?” the guard asked, holding a frown on his face.

That disapproved face wasn’t gonna intimidate him. “Uh… I’m Ernest. Remember?”

“I remember you,” the guard replied, still frowning.

“Jayden wants to see me. We had an agreement. We have to see eachother.” Ernest sounded as sincere as he could, looking very harmless.

“He doesn’t wanna be disturbed,” the guard insisted.

“I’m gonna call him right now and let him know what you just said,” Ernest threatened.

“All right. I hope this is true.” He gave way for Ernest to pass through.

Ernest made his way into the compound swiftly, smiling devilishly.

“What?” the guard was alarmed. “You didn’t tell me there were three of you. I’ll-”

And there was a punch from Darren. It made the guard shut up and was sent to the ground. He was knocked out.

“Quick! Hurry in,” he whispered to Jeremy.

Jeremy hurried in. In no time, the guard’s body was pulled into his little home. All three were in there.

“This is the control room.” Ernest informed Darren.

“And why would a control room be in here?” Jeremy asked.

“Jayden’s too smart. One would never suspect. Its right there,” Ernest pointed at it.

“Really smart,” Darren concurred. “You talk as if you know all about his Jayden. You know much about him?”

“Yeah. My buddy. Till he betrayed me.”

“He’s gonna wake up any time soon,” Jeremy said, referring to the guard.

“I’ve got this,” Darren held up a bottle and administered it on the guard. “Cyanide. He’ll be unconscious for long.”

To be continued....
.
.
.
Sorry for the delay. I traveled to my village and there was poor network over there.
Catch the final episodes tomorrow

.
Did you really miss the story?



>>

For those girls who say that-

“mere piche to bhot se ladke pade

hai”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

They always should remember that-

“Low price always attract customersRelated

hate letter [Read it]


Read this "HATE letter".
This is a love letter from a Akpos to his
girlfriend....
However, the girl's father does not like Akpos
and want them stop their relationship... ...and
so..Akpos wrote this letter girlfriend ..he
knows that the girl's father will definitely read
this letter..
1 "The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows every day. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would
find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are
not
17 able to care for me and help me.
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have
no
23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think
that
25 I am still your boyfriend."
So bad!! However, before handing over the
letter to the girl,Akpos told his girlfriend to
"READ BETWEEN THE
LINES", meaning-only to read
1.3.5.7.9.11.13 .15.17.19.21.23 .25. (Odd
Numbers) So..Please try reading it again! It's
so smart &
sweet....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-10 00:23:20

1530 Views



SEX MACHINE [Read it]


Akpos and his wife were traveling to
Italy by air. After they had settled in the
air, the pilot made an announcement,
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry to
announce that one of the engines has
stopped working while the remaining one is not functioning as required.
Therefore, we may crash in a few
minutes from now. We advise that
everyone should reconcile with God and
settle every issue that need to be
settled.” At that point, Akpos touched his wife
and said, “Honey, please forgive me!
Your sister, Simi, who stays with us is
my sex machine. We had several
abortions. She has even planned to
poison you on our return from Italy so that the both of us will be together.
Please, find a place in your heart to
forgive me." His wife responded, “No problem dear.”
she continued, “Since it’s a confession
moment, let me also confess. Please,
you must also forgive me. Two of our
children, John and Esther, are not your
biological children. Your biological child is Victoria. The rest belong to Kwame,
your best friend. Do you remember the
day you were robbed last year?” Akpos answered, “Yes I remember.” She continues, “I actually set you up
with some gangs who robbed you
because I needed the money to pay for
my boyfriend, Kingsley, tuition fees. He
got admission into Oxford University in
England. Even now as we are talking, I have arranged for your death with an
assassin on our return back home.” Akpos responded, “No problem sweetie,
I have forgiven you.” Meanwhile, as the confessions were
going on, the pilot announced again.
“Ladies and gentlemen, you all must be
powerful men and women of faith
because God has answered your prayers,
the two engines are perfectly ok and we are sure of a safe landing.” At that point, Akpos stood up and
shouted “Pilot! Pilot!! This plane must
crash or I will crash the plane!!!"
#BOLLY_SHOW ?? ? ? ?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-18 07:09:00

458 Views




Armed thieves broke into the house of a couple. After robbing them, they handed over a gun to the husband to shoot and kill his wife or they will shoot him dead.The husband started pleading for mercy,saying he could not shoot his wife because he loved her so much. They slapped him, grabbed the gun from him and gave it to the wife to shoot the husband or she will be shot.The wife, without any hesitations, pointed the gun at her husband and pulled the trigger, but no bullets was in the gun.The robbers laughed and left.If you were the husband, what will you do?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-03 16:25:30

689 Views




Aajkal Ki Ladkiyo Ki Soch



Ek Ladki Apni Saheli Se: “Aaj Kal Ladke Itni Dheeli Jeans Pahente Hai, Ki Pata Hi Nahi Chalta Ki, Hamein Dekh Kar Kaisa “Feel” Kar Rahe Hai?“Related

A wife went on holiday leaving the husband behind. The husband got so horny one day that he decided to try the maid who had just
come from Nsukka village and seemed clever. He called the maid to his bedroom where he had taken off his pants, pointed to his manhood when the maid arrived.
Husband: Do you know what this is?
Maid: (Shyly) Yes
Husband: Do you know what it is for?
Maid: Yes
Husband: show me. The maid immediately dropped to her knees held the item with both hands drew closer and opened her mouth. The husband was shivering with anticipation The maid then began,
“My name is Amaka Nweke, I’m 24 years old and I’m from Nsukka, Enugu State. I would like to make a shout-out to my parents, my uncle Emeka Ossai in Onitsha a.k.a ‘Eribe agwuagwu’ and auntie Nneka a.k.a ‘ochalugo nwanyi’. I would also like to tell my boyfriend Obinna that I miss him. Can u play me Ashawo by Flavour Nabania?”
She said to the man; “Oga, take your microphone I am through.#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-06 19:04:55

2580 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


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#Naija_baes# [Read it]


A guy ask a gal for ha 4one numba and d
gal pull out
#1000 note from ha pulse wrote d numba
on it nd
gave d guy . D guy colected it, tore out d
pat dat had d
numba nd threw d rest away . Who got
more swag
between d 2 of dem? D boy or d girl



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 18:22:02

619 Views



born again [Read it]


A Gorvernor was in the church
for Thanksgiving. The topic of
the sermon was "repentance".
.
After the sermon, Pastor #Praise
asked the congregation "is there
anybody here that want to
give his/her life to christ? Lift
your hand let me pray for you".
.
But Nobody responded.
After about three calls, The
Governor mounted the alter and
made a statement. "IF YOU
WANT TO GIVE YOUR LIFE TO
CHRIST, PLEASE LIFT YOUR HAND
LET THE PASTOR PRAY FOR YOU.
COS WE WANT GOOD CITIZENS IN
THIS STATE."
.
A young boy lifted up his hand
reluctantly and the Governor
asked his personal assistant to
give the boy $50,000. .
The Governor repeated thesame
statement again, And this time
around, Everybody's hand was
up. .
. The Governor then turned to
pastor #praise to pray for them.
Only to realise to his greatest
surprise, that pastor #praise's
hand was also up.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-01 10:19:00

419 Views




The General paced the huge sitting area in the
mansion. He was furious. His face contorted
with rage. He looked at Sophia for the
umpteenth time.
“How the hell was he uncovered?” The General
asked.
Sophia was surprisingly calm. She sat on the
single sofa and crossed her legs, with a glass
of champagne in her left hand. She had gotten
used to the General now. He had stayed with
her for days now and the enigma which she
saw him as had gradually worn off. She had
huge respect for him. She still saw him as a
father figure. Even though she no longer
cowered or trembled at his every bark.
She sipped the alcohol slowly and dropped the
glass back on the table beside her.
“It was The Colonel.” Sophia replied after a
few minutes looking straight into the
General’s eyes.
“Giwa Haruna?” The General asked surprised
and continued
“I thought Ambrose’s cover was 100 per cent
fail safe. I need a d--n explanation!” The
General screamed hitting the glass center
table with his right fist.
The table broke in pieces with some pieces of
glass lodging in between the General’s
knuckles. He showed no sign of hurt or pain.
He stood straight and carefully picked out the
tiny shreds of glass that his knuckles had
embraced.
“Tell me how it happened” He said, taking out
the last two visible shreds of glass.
Sophia was unmoved by his sudden burst of
anger. She knew he was losing it. She had
only seen him this uncontrollable once, when
he was denied autonomy over the South West
Region of the African Conglomerate of
Undercover Operations. Sophia was able to
calm him and help him re-strategize. He later
went on to win the appeal and was the head
of the Conglomerate till date. That was seven
years ago.
She was not ready for all that at the moment.
She had her own demons to take care of,
which included finding Eva and Sean.
“The Colonel left clues. He wanted us to know
he did it. He was able to crack the server
codes and bypass the rigid firewalls. He had
help from a certain Frankenstein. Bee Hive is
finding a hard time tracking Frank. The
Colonel has not made any demands yet but I
am sure he will soon.” Sophia said.
“I should have killed him when I had the
chance!” The General retorted.
“It is not your style. You bit the tiger’s tail
when you smoked Ahmed. You know how
much he cared for the detective. I wonder how
you got desperate and lost control of the calm
and demeanor that made you the most feared
person in all quarters.” Sophia replied.
She had long dropped addressing him as sir.
They had returned to the way they were years
ago when she lived under his roof. He
preferred it that way.
“I needed to stamp my authority! Killing
Ahmed was the only way to send that
message S. Don’t you see?” The General
replied, sitting on a chair opposite his ward.
Sophia felt sorry for him. His hand was
bleeding slowly.
“You need to take care of that.” Sophia said.
“I’ll be fine. What else do I need to know?” The
General asked
“Bee Hive deployed a smoke screen and they
now have the coordinates of The Colonel’s
location. We are looking at a very wide area
and it will take about fifteen agents to flush
him out. It’s too risky and a long shot. I
would not advice it. Besides, something tells
me he would be expecting a barrage of
agents. He has most probably set up b---m
traps and little diversions.” Sophia advised.
“What’s our best course of action?” The
General asked. He took out a handkerchief
from his shirt pocket and bandaged his
bloody knuckles.
“Wait him out. If we rush, we would be playing
directly into his hands. He is on his turf. We
need to draw him into our terrain. We need to
look unconcerned. Act nonchalant. But we
would be vigilant. He is currently out for
blood. He wants to avenge Ahmed as soon as
he can. And he knows he has an advantage.
When he sees that we are not acting, he may
feel that we did not get his message. He
would want to strike again. This time, a little
deeper and harder. And he can’t do that in
hiding or on his turf. He has to come out. And
then, we’ll have him.” Sophia said.
The General pretended to think for a while.
Sophia’s intelligence had always astounded
him. He had initially been thinking about
storming the coordinates Bee Hive had given
and take out The Colonel with brute force. He
had done that before. Three years back, he
had stormed the Gulf Coast south of the
Bakassi when he got intel that Drago was
hiding there. Drago had cloned Bee Hive and
was negotiating with the British to sell the
information. The General had been searching
for Drago for months and when he had finally
gotten his location, he stormed the hideout
and took down Drago, assault style.
He was thinking of taking similar action
against The Colonel but he had doubts. The
Colonel was very smart. He had taught The
Colonel many of the things he now knew and
could use them against him. The Colonel
could predict his moves. He had to do
something he would not normally do under the
circumstances. Sophia had given him the
perfect alternative.
“Where are we with Bee Hive?” The General
asked.
“All data files have been rewritten and coded
with Radeon encryption. All agents’ history
have been wiped and replaced with forged
identities. All missions have been changed.
Our database is safe. If The Colonel were to
present his hacked evidence anywhere, he
would be running a wild goose chase.” Sophia
replied.
“Hmmmm…” The General snorted.
There was a moment of silence between the
two veterans.
After a few minutes, the door to sitting room
opened. Austin came in, supporting Ambrose
on his shoulder. Ambrose was holding his
stomach. His once white starched shirt was
now stained blood red. Sophia got up
instinctively and helped put Ambrose on the
long couch. The General just sat on his chair
looking. He showed no sign of emotion, care
or feeling. He just stared coldly at the events
unfolding in front of him.
“How is he doing?” Sophia asked Bruno,
putting two fingers on his neck to feel his
pulse. She got a weak pulse.
“He’s lost a lot of blood. I tracked his distress
call to a toilet in a mall in the outskirts of
Lokoja. I could not take him to a hospital. It’s
a miracle he is still alive.” Austin replied.
Just then Ambrose groaned. He opened his
mouth but no words came out. The General
got up and walked to where Ambrose lay.
“Lieutenant, how are you feeling? What really
happened?” The General asked.
“He needs to rest sir. I think he’ll come
around. Can I have some time alone with him
sir?” Sophia said, looking at the General and
then Austin. The General folded his arms while
his right arm came up to his jaw. He
scratched his hairless jaw for a few seconds
as if in deep thought. He needed to know what
exactly happened. He needed to be there when
Ambrose came to. However he needed him
alive. He put his hands in his pant pockets.
He felt the tiny but powerful voice transmitter
in the depths of his right pocket.
“Okay. I will be in the Visitor’s lounge. I
demand that he be made available to me
immediately he comes to. And that is an
order.” The General said, walking towards the
door.
“Roger that sir.” Sophia replied.
Austin also got up from the arm of the four-
seat long cushion settee. He looked at
Ambrose, shook his head and went after The
General who was already ahead of him
heading towards the door. The General
brought his right hand from his pocket to
open the door. As he turned the knob, he
released the tiny bean sized bug that was in
his hand, blocking the bug’s landing with his
legs so no one would see. It landed softly on
the Persian rug that filled the wide room.
The General opened the door and stepped out,
turning right towards the visitor’s lounge.
Austin wasn’t any wiser. He had no idea what
had just happened he went out after the
General and turned left heading to the guest
bedroom.
As Austin shut the door behind her, Sophia
smiled.
She had seen the little stunt the General
pulled. Her trained eyes had caught the fall of
the transmitter. He was hiding something and
she had since had her doubts about him. If he
trusted her, why did he want to eavesdrop on
her? She walked to the door and squatted by
the tiny bug. She did not touch it. She
examined it carefully. It was an ultra-powerful
listening device. The NODE-01 Jaguar. It had
the capacity to relay sounds clearly up to 100
meters. She got up, leaving the bug where it
was.
She went back to Ambrose and whispered in
his ears.
“Coast is clear. Meet me in the bathroom
now!”
Ambrose opened one eye. Then the other. He
looked around. Sophia was already headed
towards the bathroom. He got up from the
chair and grimaced. He actually hurt himself
when he jumped on the train. But it was not
as bad as he made it seem to Austin and The
General. He had contacted Sophia when he got
off the train and thanked her for saving his
life. She had asked him how bad the situation
was and he had told her everything he knew.
She advised him to fake being hurt, get some
more blood on himself and contact Austin.
Ambrose had had a tricky moment when
Austin tried to take off his clothes to access
the extent of injury to his stomach area.
Ambrose knew that he could not afford to
have his fake injury found. He had groaned
and screamed terribly and Austin backed off.
Austin felt sorry for him and promised to get
him to the mansion so Sophia could look at
him. He did not attempt to check Ambrose’s
injury again.
When Ambrose got to the bathroom, the tap
attached to the hand wash sink was rushing
at full capacity. The shower was also running.
The sound of rushing water would interfere
with the transmitter’s reception, blocking the
bug from detecting their voices. Sophia sat on
the closed toilet seat and beckoned him to
come close to her. He got in front of her and
sat on the ground, leaning his back on the
bath tub.
She got out her phone and typed a message:
“Did you bring the chip?”
She handed the phone to Austin and he read
it. He cleared the message Sophia typed and
replaced it with his.
“Yes I did.” Ambrose typed.
Ambrose handed the phone back to Sophia.
He got up and walked to the hand washing
sink and bent low before it. He put his ‘peace’
fingers in his mouth, gagged on it, and
vomited in the sink. He put his hand in the
disgusting goo and fished out a black
rectangular micro sim.
He opened the tap, flushing the goo down the
sink and rinsed the micro sim. He walked back
to Sophia and handed it to her.
“How did you get it?” Sophia asked curiously
in a barely audible whisper.
“As we approached the police car that was
supposed to take me to the Capitol, your
message came in. I freed myself from the
agent by hitting him just below the ribs. I
used the opportunity to grab his smartphone
from his side pocket. When I got on the train,
I realized that I was being tracked with the
phone that I had stolen. I took out the sim
and left the phone on in the train. It would be
a while before they realize that they have been
barking up the wrong tree.” Ambrose replied.
“Good job Ambrose. Are you sure you don’t
want anyone to check you out?” Sophia asked,
getting up from the toilet seat and heading for
the door.
“I think I am fine.” Ambrose replied.
“Good. You need to keep up the act a little
while longer. Maybe until after tomorrow.”
Sophia said with a tone of finality.
“Can I get some sugar in my room? It would
really speed up my recovery.” Ambrose asked
with a mischievous smile on his face.
Sophia smiled, turned and walked up to him.
She kissed him deeply and fully on his lips,
sucking his lower lips, her tongues flicking in
and out, teasing the palates of his mouth.
Ambrose squeezed her br3asts as his essence
stood at attention, raging like a wild bull.
After what seemed like forever, Sophia
detached herself from him, eyeing him
seductively and stepping two steps back.
Ambrose tried to come forwards, attempting to
continue the action.
“Hey tiger. That was just to say thank you.
Will send a hottie into your room in ten
minutes.” Sophia said, putting a hand on his
chest to stop him from coming any closer.
She licked her lips, bit her lower lip and looked
at his gr0in area. His body went up in flames
of desire. She turned her back on him and
wiggled her hips as she shut the door behind
her. Ambrose unbuckled his belt and looked
into his pants. His desire needed to be
satiated. He walked out of the bathroom and
went to his room.
****************************************
It was a very hot afternoon. The sun was
scorching hot and people were sweating as
they walked along the streets. Sean walked
along the busy Obalende road, heading for the
lonely street North of the small roundabout.
He got to a very tiny busy street. He heard
screams of “Yaba!!! Yaba going bus!!!” from
the scores of commercial buses that lined the
streets. As he took a left turn, someone
bumped into him hitting him by the shoulders.
Sean did not look back. He just smiled and
continued moving. The person who hit him
wore a hood which covered his entire head.
He already knew who it was.
He put his hand inside the side pocket of his
blazers and felt the tiny piece of paper that
was not there a few minutes ago. He kept
moving forwards, not knowing exactly where
he was going. When he saw an empty tricycle,
he quickly sat in it. He took out the paper and
read the content:
MEET ME IN IKD TONIGHT.
Tearing the paper to tiny shreds, Sean got out
of the tricycle and tracked back the same way
he came. He walked for a while, turning
corners abruptly, stopping suddenly and
sometimes just turning and heading back the
same way he came. He continued to move
around in circles, making sure that whoever it
was that was tailing him got lost along the
way.
When he was certain that he had lost any
trackers, he moved beside buses, crossed the
road a few times back and forth, and
zigzagged his way until he got to the Barracks
and opened the back seat of a grey G-wagon.
“How did it go?” Eva asked as Sean settled in
beside her in the back seat.
He just looked at her and smiled.
He looked at the rear view mirror and met the
gaze of his driver
“DRIVE!” Sean commanded.

E no Easy o! Drop your comments and likes...

To Be Continued.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Please join us as we celebrate
the victory of my
brother Donald Pence Abayomi
Oyedeji Oluwagbemileke Trump.
Gele & ipele - ?7,500,
Fila - ?5,000, Ankara - ?12,000. Ping
2*****F7for more details.
Performing artists:
1. Dele Akani A.K.A Akon
2. Jejelaye Zulu A.K.A Jay-Z,
3. Kehinde West A.K.A Kanye West,
4. Akolawole Chris Adamu Brown A.K.A Chris
Brown
5. Rihanat Salawa A.K.A Rihanna,
6. Ganiyat Iyaladuke A.K.A Beyoncé, 7. Raphael
Kelechi A.K.A R.Kelly,
8. Adenike Amina Idi-araba A.K.A Nicki Minaj,
9. Ayefele Nasiru A.K.A NAS.
Eni tio wo ankara oleje semo..#LOL#


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-10 07:08:31

353 Views




A man is in a hotel lobby.He wants to ask the clerk a question.As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-13 17:00:39

614 Views





Akpos was in the back of his Hummer jeap on his
way home when he saw a man eating grass by
the roadside.
He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to
investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?”he asked the man.
“I don’t have any money for food,”the poor man
replied.
“Oh, please come to my house!”
“But sir, I have a wife and seven children…”
“Bring them along!” Akpos said.
They all climbed into the Hummer. As they were
going, the poor fellow said: “Sir, you are too kind.
Thank you for taking all of us in.”
Akpos replied, “No, you don’t understand. The
grass at my house is over 4 feet tall it will be
enough for all of your family members


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-23 14:24:45

510 Views



Appointment [Read it]


KWAME: Lets go and watch a movie at the cinema. 


WIFE: I have an appointment with the doctor today. 


KWAME: Just cancel it, tell him that you are sick!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-20 06:40:51

545 Views



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