Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Akpos scored 20/100 in his exam.
He was so disappointed and decided to make a case.
He walked up to his teacher and said "Ma! I think i deserve something higher than 20"
Teacher "Why?"
Akpos replied "Am sure i wrote well"
"Will you get out of my office!" The teacher ordered.
Akpos went and report the teacher to the school senate.
The Senate filled the case and invited Akpos and the teacher to come with their evidence.
On the day of judgement, One of the judge turn to Akpos and said
"Why do you think you should have scored higher?"
Akpos replied "Thats because the person i copied from got 60. And am sure i copied everything"
Case closed and Akpos was given 2 years suspension.

One word for Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-11 15:52:23

6734 Views




THE KIDNAPPERS
CHAPTER TWO

“Madam abeg wetin dey happen
here?” John asked a woman who
wore Aso-ebi and Aso-ke and was
cat walking into the Thomas
compound, loud music was
playing in the compound as the
sweet smell of food ranted the air.
“Ahh you dey new here ni? Abi
you never hear say Chief Thomas
pikin don loss?” The woman said
happily.
“Ehya who carry am na, I hope no
be ritual killers?” John asked.
“The gate man say na two boys
carry am run”
“Arghh dem call police?” John
asked in fear.
“Police Ko!! Army Ni!! Na party we
dey do now sef, on sunday dem
go do thanksgiving service for
church” she replied tying her
wrapper well.
“Ma I no understand o” John said
more confused.
“See that boy Samuel na demon,
infact him and satan dey play ten
ten every night, the boy no dey
hear word, nobody fit pass this
road if this boy dey outside, me I
dey sell banana but if I pass here,
Samuel go stone all my banana
finish, all the area dey come dis
party because this kidnappers don
help us and chief Thomas carry
devil comot from here o, abeg do
come chop food joor” the woman
said and ran inside.
“Osheeeeyyy abeg this woman dey
lie joor, which big man no go pay
money for him son?”
John walked to the gate and
knocked, the gate man opened the
door, a huge turkey lap was
stucked inbetween his teeth, he
was smiling with a carton of
Hollandia with the other hand.
“Oga come inside na, today na
R.S.V.P- Rice and stew very plenty,
oga only pikin don loss, we dey
celebrate joor” the gate man said.
“Oya give this letter to your boss
and bring me three take away and
juice make I follow enjoy joor”
John replied.
The way he sped to their hideout
was like a finales race in formula
1 racing, he almost passed the
isolated building, when he was
sure nobody fellowed him he
parked the vehicle and went out.
“Mark, Samuel where una dey?
Food don show” he screamed as
he went inside. Nobody was
around, he sat down tired and
began eating one of the food.
Then he heard a faint nose, like a
police man screaming.
“Oya move it, nonsense horse,
move, I say move” The undisputed
voice of Samuel was saying, he sat
up and watched what happened
next.
“Mark na who be this?” He
screamed when collasped before
him.
Samuel held a large cane and was
riding Mark like a donkey, he was
also floging him and kicking him
on his ribs, Mark head had swollen
like a paw paw fruit, two of his
teeth were missing, his face all
sober, his jean was torn at the
knees and he had blisters on his
palm.
“Oboy you get accident?” John
asked him.
“Abeg you bring water, I dey
thirsty die” Mrk managed to say
before fainting again.
“Uncle this horse you gave me is
very lazy o” Samuel complained.
“Sharrap” John said
“Oya go carry food chop there” he
commmanded as Samuel ran
along.
He gave Mark a satchet water and
his juice which the guy grabbed
like his life depened on it, then he
managed to stargger up before
saying his story.
“Oboy na demon we kidnapp o,
this boy nearly kill me, as you
leave us the guy come say make
we play police and thief, na so I
gree, him come say I go be thief
den him go be police, the catapult
go be him gun. Na so him fire me
for head o. The thing pain me eh
sowtey I no fit cry na so I come
dey laugh-cry, you know as my
cry dey be na? The idiot come
misinterpret am, come target my
teeth, na so him comot my teeth
o, as I say I no dey play again na
so him come beg me make we do
horse and rider, mehn see my
back, him don flog me like pig,
half of my ribs don break finish
sef, chai I don die” Mark cried
out.
“Uncle this food never do me o”
Samuel screamed from inside.
The both of them looked at each
other and screamed the same
thing with two syllabus.
“Your food
My food” Paul and Mark screamed
and ran inside.
Samuel had cleared the food and
was searching the leather for
more, including the one that John
ate and remain had finished.
“And you say no be demon we
kidnap?” Mark cried out, tears
seriously pouring out in hunger
and pains.
“Oboy na for small boy front you
dey cry o” John catiouned him.
“Even if na my wife front I must
cry o” Mark cried the more.
“Oya no worry, six done almost
reach, just manage the guy make
I go bring the money come, we
go share am 50-50” John
encouraged.
“Oya abeg do fast joor before I
die” Mark said and stood up.
John sped like a ferrari rider this
time, he packed behind a mango
tree near the dust bin and waited,
at exactly six pm, the gate man
walked out with two heavy stuffs
in black polyethene bags and
walked to the dust bin, then he
dropped them, placed a note
ontop and ran away.
John began dancing Etighi and
Shoki at the same time, he waited
for five more minutes then ran
with full nitro speed and grabbed
the bags and the note, as he
caught his breath and smiled,
patting the bag as he thought of
all the good things for life he
would afford. He opened the note
and read out.
“Dear Kidnappers,
It is with utmost pleasure that am
replying this letter, I want to
thank you people for kidnapping
that devil’s incarnate. I have been
thinking of ways to kill that boy
before he kills me, my neighbours
and passers by. Samuel’s cloth are
filled inside the two bags with you
now, make sure you take care of
him, and incase you get tired of
him, just send him back inside this
dustbin with twenty thousand
naira because that would be his
transport money to Kiri kiri where
he belongs
Yours faithfully, Chief Thomas”
John laughed at the funny letter,
then he opened the bag to
confirm it, the bags were filled
with Samuel’s Sweater, shirt, jeans,
boxers, shorts and shoe with black
and white shocks, his tootpaste
and brush with cream were
gratefully added.
John Fainted….
When he woke up two hours later,
he grabbed the note and both
bags with hot tears dripping down
his face as he drove back to the
isolated building, then he did not
care if the cops were chasing after
him anymore because there was
nothing to lose.
When he got into the buidling he
heared Samuel shouting for
somebody to rise up, like he was
conducting deliverance for a
patient, he rushed in to see his
friend Mark spwarled on the
ground almost dead, his head had
grown another horn like he was
acting as a devil in human
clothings, he was shirtless and
fresh red marks lined his body as
Samuel turned white garment
priset was flogging him and
casting on demons.
“Uncle we dey play mad man and
prophet, na uncle Mark nai mad,
me dey pray for am” Samuel said
happily.
Like Mark was waiting for a
helper, he slowly raised his head
and stared at John, his face was
like he got knocked down from
keke napep, additional three teeth
were missing. Samuel quickly ran
outside.
“Oboy if we no go share the
money 90-10 percent then I go
do you everything wey this boy
don me today” Mark starmered.
“Oboy Mark the person wey
design your face go win award for
best designer of the year in
Nigeria o, see as you resemble
person wey wan act horror film.
Oboy clean your face joor, wahala
dey o” John said seriously.
“You no see say na so the factory
settings of my face be? Wetin,
Him no pay complete money?
Abeg we go manage am like that”
Mark said as John passed the note
to him.
In two minutes both of them sat
on the floor like two widowers,
seriously weeping out their eyes.
“Walahi if say I know I for
continue my kpon kpon career,
now see as I come wan die for
nothing” Mark weeped.
“Oboy if na so Wizkid do, him for
don give up him music carreer o”
John add back up.
“Oboy how we go do now, make
we use am do rituals abi?” John
asked.
“Rituals? Walahi babalawo go
reject that cursed boy, make we
carry am go back to him father, I
wan confess, I get 20k wey I dey
save for the past three years now,
abeg carry am inside that my
boxer wey I no dey gree wash,
make we bundle this guy back to
him papa joor” Mark said as John
went to confirm and true to his
words, 20k laid in the boxer.
“Oya make we catch am joor,
Samuel, come play” Mark
screamed with the last ounce of
energy in his frail battered body.
“Uncle John, abeg make we play
together, Uncle Mark dey boring”
Samuel said as he got in, Mark’s
shirt was tied on his head like a
militant.
“Ok, I gree but make you change
your cloth first, your cloth dey
booth” John said smiling.
“Aghh uncle thank you o, so you
go even carry my cloth come, chai
this is good” Samuel replied and
ran out.
They quickly followed him, as he
opened the booth and was about
opening the bag to take his
clothes out, Mark grabbed his
hands while John grabbed his
legs, they threw him into the bag
and tied it with John’s belt.
“Uncle please, I no wan go
house..” Samuel was screaming
and begging.
“Your yansh, na till you kill person
abi, useless pikin, maybe na for
dustbin your papa pick you from
sef” Mark replied smiling for the
first time.
They put the 20k in an envelope
and drove like mad to Chief Bola’s
house, they stopped, picked the
struggling bag and throwed him
out together with the money. That
was the last time the duo ever
tried kidnapping business again.
Mark-Now a farmer and tailor
John-Now a houseboy and gate
man.
Their music dream? Maybe till
BankyW manage to hear them
singing in their village choir.
Samuel-Now residing in Kirikiri
VIP section prisons because no
inmate could stay with him, his
father is paying a weekly salary of
120,000 to the prison authorities
for him to remain there.
*************************************
THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO RICHES THAN HARDWORK,IF U RUSH IN,U MUST DEFINATELY RUSH OUT,YOUTHS OF TODAY U NEED TO INCULCATE THE HABIT OF BEING HONEST IN OUR PURSUANCE OF WEALTH,TNX 4 READING THIS FUNNY THRILLING THRILLER!!!!!!
THE


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Some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold

wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to

decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said,

“This is for you, Daddy.” He was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his

anger flared again when he found the box was empty.

He yelled at her, “Don’t you know that when you give someone a present, there’s

supposed to be something inside it?”

The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said,”Oh, Daddy, it is not

empty. I blew kisses into the box. All for you, Daddy.”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her

forgiveness.
It is told that the man kept that gold box by his bed for years and whenever he was

discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the

child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us as humans have been given a gold container filled

with unconditional love and kisses from our children, friends, family and God.

There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Episodes:

Confession! [Read it]


A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”Related

Preeto: How do u know when kids start to grow up?

Jeeto: Girls grow up when they start to put lipstick and boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!Related

A Mother-in-law decides to see if her three son-in-law’s love her or at least appreciate her…


The next day while strolling along the river with her first son-in-law, she lets herself fall into the water and starts to drown.

Without hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in the river and saves his mother-in-law.


The next day, in front of his house, he finds a new car, a City Honda, with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.


She undertakes the same scenario with her second eldest son-in-law. This one too, dives into the river and saves his mother-in-law. The next day, he too, in front of his house, finds a new car: the same City Honda with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.


The same scenario occurs with the third son-in-law, she falls in the water and starts to drown. He watches his mother-in-law drown while thinking to himself: I’ve been waiting a long time for this!


The next day, in front of his house, he sees a brand new Mercedez with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your father-in-law.Related

BROKEN SEAL
Episode 8

Naomi stood at the doorpost,
watching Tomas. She can’t help
but pity him, he sat on his bed
weeping again.
He probably didn’t notice her
presence in the room, she wish
she could help him, this is too
much of a burden for only one
person to bear, but what can
she do about his sight?
Absolutely nothing!
She can only care for him and
hope God would send someone
who would make a huge
donation to the orphanage, so
Tomas can benefit from it.
She sat next to Tomas on the
bed, this act got him startled.
Tomas: (using his hands to
search the bed) who are you?
Naomi: its me, mother Naomi.
Tomas: oh! Mother, you
startled me.
Naomi: sorry about that, are
you weeping again?
Tomas: (using the back of his
hand to wipe his tears) No am
not.
Naomi: you shouldn’t try
hiding it, i saw you.
Tomas: hmmmm
Naomi: here, i brought some
noodles for you, your favorite!
Tomas: thanks, but i don’t
think i’d eat right now.
Naomi: please you have to eat,
you wouldn’t wanna get sick
would you?
She mouth-fed him with the
plate of noodles then crowned
it with a glass of cold water.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Isabella is having fun to the
brim, with two of her friends.
They drank to stupor and are
still drinking.
In her semi-right senses, she
observed her brother is no
where in sight,
The chair he sat on earlier is
empty.
Where could he possibly be?
She asked no one in particular.
Isabella: (drunken voice)
excuse me girls, i’d be back in
a jiffy.
Girl1: hey where to? Make sure
you get some drinks okay?
Girl2: lets flush the boredorm
college created in us yeeeee!!!
Isabella: (jovially) rubbish!!!
She went to the Vip wing, he
wasn’t there, she shifted her
gaze to the dance hall, despite
the red dim light, she could
see her bro, dancing with a
lady.
She staggered over there.
Isabella: (holding the hem of
his tux) hey bro, i’ve been
searching everywhere for you,
not knowing you’ar here with
this (pointing, staggering)
bìtch.
Man: hey lady i don’t know
you, get lost.
Isabella: (taking a proper look
at his face) huh? Wrong
person!!
She made to leave when a lady
gripped her hand.
Lady: who did you call bìtch
earlier huh?
Isabella: do you look any
better?
Lady: gbaooai (mighty slap)
you don’t talk to me like that,
got it?
Isabella: how dare you slap
me?
She(Isabella) reached reached
for the lady’s hair, pulling her
hair fiercly as if to uproot the
hair.
The lady kicked Isabella on her
left thigh.
Isabella replied with a punch
on the lady’s cheek. The lady
fell to the floor, with blood
surging from her nose.
Isabella isn’t done yet, she
hoped on the lady, punching
and slapping her.
All this happened in seconds.
The man whom Isabella
mistook his identity, tried
taking Isabella off his girl…..
Isabella: jerk! Don’t touch me,
else i pounce on you!!!
This infuriated him the more.
Man: you’ar so full of your self
huh? Gboooai i gave her a
thundurous slap, the slap had a
great effect on Isabella. The
man was about raining
punches on Isai, when samuel
came into the picture, one of
Isabella’s friends had informed
him.
He (samuel) dragged the man
by the back of his tux, the man
turned to face samuel, in a
quick reflex samuel sent a
punch message to his (the
man’s) jaw.
Not minding today is his day,
and the man is a guest, all that
mattered to him is doing what
Isaiah would have done, if he
was to witness the scene.
The two men started a short-
lived fist fight, until other
persons separated them.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Me: Ella, would you be my
girlfriend?
Ella:……
Me: Ella?
Ella: i’m sorry….
*walks away*


>>

Stop cracking jokes on engineers.

With their ever expanding population 85% chances are that you’ll end up being married to one.Related

Akpos and his wife were in bed watching TV. Akpos who was reading a newspaper, suddenly put his hand in wife's panties. His wife was a bit taken aback but responded positively. But he immediately removed his hands.
Again Akpos put his hand in her panties without saying anything and removed it immediately. Still his wife said nothing.
After some minutes, his hands were in her panties again and this time, his wife stood up, undress and said, "Honey, lets do it!"
Akpos looked at her and said, "Do what?"
His wife said, "Come on! I know you want it. You've been touching down there."
Akpos said, "Who said I wanted to have sex? I was just wetting my fingers so that I can turn the pages of the newspaper faster."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-29 23:59:36

835 Views



Where are you [Read it]


An angry wife to her husband (Akpos) on phone.
Wife: Where the hell are you?
Akpos: Honey, you remember that gold shop where you saw the diamond necklace & totally fell in love with it?
Wife (relaxed): Yes, my king
Akpors: Remember I had no cash to buy it for you that day & I said I will buy it for you one day?
Wife (totally relaxed with a smile & a blush): Yes I remember my love!
Akpors: Good, I am in a beer palour next to that shop!




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-16 07:30:41

471 Views



My uncles wife [Read it]


My uncle and his wife relocated to a new neighborhood, the next morning while on takin breakfast my uncle's wife look through the window and a woman spreadin her clothes, she said dis this woman dosnt know how to wash cloths why is she spreadin dirty clothes, the next day the same thing happen.. On the third day morning, she look again and saw the woman spreadin again she said ooh she has learn how to wash i wonder who taught her, my uncle replied and said that he woke up early this morning to clean the windows.... Ooops


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-30 00:22:32

887 Views




Jeremy continued glowering at the pretty witch bluffing. He thought they were going to get along. What the hell was wrong with her? He’d asked her to say ‘thank you’ for what he’d done. Instead of doing that, she’s here, bluffing. Saying she can ruin him. She’d forgotten he was a Broderick- mightier and richer than the Theodore’s. His glowering face turned to a mocking laugh.

Why was he laughing? Purity lost her courage at once. Ah, her father’s enterprise needed help, the Broderick’s were willing to help only if she married their son. They were powerful. That was it! She said the wrong thing to the wrong guy. He had won. Stupid me, she cursed herself. Her pride. Her pride.

“Darling, I’m waiting for you to ruin me. Please do.” he winked at her again.

The same thing happened. Her heart simply exploded. Dancing with happiness. She blushed fiercely. “Oh, shut up!” she barked trying to hide her feelings.

In a blink, he grasped her arm and forced her near him. Very close. He held her tightly. Purity tried to make him leave her. She fought and fought till she got to understand that it was pointless. Jeremy was stronger.

She was panting. “Release me at once!” her voice was weak, she was weak too. This man had exhausted her. What sort of devil is he?

Her command made him tighten his hold on her.

She regretted that.

What was she scared of? He smiled evily when he recalled that she had pleaded with him not to kiss her at her office.
“Do you want to walk home, tired?”

“No.” she replied weakly.

He smiled. “Good. Do you want to share another kiss with me?”

Her silver eyes widened with shock. Her heartbeat increasing. She was somewhat excited and shocked. A part of her wanted to say yes, the other part violently resisted the temptation. She had wanted to act with the former but not vigor for that. She found herself resting her head on his chest.
“No, I’ll bruise my lip.” she confessed.

“Then say ‘thank you’.”

“Th-th- Thank you.” The words were strange to her lips. She usually said thank you whenever she felt like. And now she didn’t. She’d lost. Surprisingly, she didn’t feel defeated, she felt good and relieved. Wow. This was strange. She grinned to herself.

Yay! Jeremy had won! For a minute, he had just wanted to push her into the car and zoom off. He had gotten tired of the fight. He tried the very last thing on his mind and it worked. Thank the heavens. He had to admit, he loved her guts, but the bad manners, he hated. He grinned like a champion. “You’re welcome, my lady.” He freed her, using the remote control, he unlocked the doors of the vehicle. He swiftly opened the door of the passenger’s seat. She hauled herself in.
He shut it, jogged to the other side, opened the door and got in. They both fastened their seat belts and soon, were moving.
*
*
*
“What hospital is your dad in?” Purity broke the unending silence. They hadn’t said a word to each other after Jeremy had succeeded in making her thank him. She really didn’t see the need of doing that. She’d just been quiet, looking out the window. The route they were taking was unfamiliar and she wasn’t sure it led to a hospital.

“Was in Saint Maria’s,” he answered without looking at her. He focused on the road ahead.

“I don’t think this road leads there.” She was looking around this time, both back and front and out the window; peering into the road. “Wait a minute, did you just say ‘was’?”

“Yeah. I did. He was discharged this evening. He’s home, that’s where we’re going.” He refused turning his head to face her. He could feel her eyes over him. He was sure he’s receiving deadly stares. He chuckled within him.

“Why didn’t you let me know?” she queried.

“Um… It was, uh, kinda like a surprise?”

She sighed. “Visiting me in my bedroom, getting the latest cell phone for me, taking me out for dinner is enough surprise for a night. Don’t you think so?”

He shook his head. “Its not. One more.”

“Oh, and I forgot to add. The unexpected visit at my office? The scene you put up. You were actually struggling with my secretary? And you told her we’re engaged. Damn it, Jeremy. I’ve got enough surprises already.”

He chuckled silently. “Lets see my papa and it’ll be over.”

:::
“Okay.” she concurred.

“We’re here,” he announced grinning.

Purity raised her head. The car was in front of a gate. A huge iron gate painted black. It was possible to see through the gate because it was like iron bars separated from one another. She looked from her left to right, they were actually secluded among trees in one of New York’s most exclusive streets.
Jeremy honked the horn of the car. She watched as the gate opened mechanically. She was awed by that. The little house close to the gate should belong to the security guard. He had used a security camera to see Jeremy on the outside then pressed buttons on a remote to open the gate. She’d seen something like that but didn’t know Jeremy had one. He was stinkingly rich. She noticed he wasn’t proud of it. She that had little compared to him was always blabbing about her father’s wealth.

As they drove past the gate, she saw two golden images of arced angels on both sides of the gate. The gate shut the same way it opened. Light shown from their eyes, electric bulbs. The compound was wide and spacious. The mansion stood at the face end of the compound. It was really huge, painted white and blue. It had turrets, a order, balconies, screened-in front porch.

Jeremy drove to the garage. There were already four different cars parked. His vehicle joined them. He died the engine down and opened his door, closed it behind him. He went to the other side, for Purity. He pushed the door open and helped her down. Her stilleto touched the inter locked brick ground making clanking noises as she walked. She fed her eyes once more. The compound smelt of money. She could see a gazebo at a garden, right from the mansion they were heading to. In the middle was a pool. Next to it were waters flying in the air, water falls. A little round pole situated there. It watered the carpet grass in that area and alone gave beauty to the premises. Trees were planted a little farther from the grasses and pool. Their branches danced to the tune of the night’s cool breeze. Electric bulbs around the branches, filling it with exceptional beauty. That night, the moon was full which added to its flourecence. Purity was humbled by what she saw.

As they got to the front door, Jeremy pressed numbers on a key pad hung by the side of the door.

He really didn’t have to use the bell, Purity thought. It was his home. The door steps were decorated with Hibsicus and rose flowers. The scent filled the air, she sniffed in some.

Jeremy watched her while waiting for the door to unlock itself. He smiled. “Do you like what you see?”

She was jolted back to reality. “Um…yeah. I’m impressed. You’ve got a nice place.” she complimented.

“You should be thanking my dad.”

A light sound came from the door and Jeremy turned the door knob. He pushed the door open. “After you,” he gestured.

She obediently walked in. She was greeted by a flight of stairs. The stair case was grand. The floor was marble. She heard some clanking behind her and seconds later, Jeremy was besides her. He held out his arm, “Lets go.”

She took it and they began ascending the stairs together. Everything looked opulent from the gleaming marble floors covered in beautiful throw rugs to the thin light and transparent curtains billowing like mist on the walls.

The furnishing were old but had a story to tell, a very fascinating one. They had to be antiques with what looked like hand carved workmanship.

Each area of the room melting into the the beauty of the next with some delicate settees next to more heavy book cases and fire place that melted with the walls that appeared to be actually used.


>>

God picked up a flower, dipped it in dew, lovingly touched it, which turned into u n then he gifted it to me & said this friend is for u!Related

A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse or sexual activity.
Virginity In Yoruba Culture
During the traditional era and before the advent of colonialism, virginity was held at high esteem among the Yoruba people. A lady is expected to get married as a virgin as having sexual intercourse before the wedding ceremony is a taboo. This is the reason why the intending couple are not allowed to have close contact or be in the same room with each other before the D-day: thus, the need for an intermediary (Alarina).

Virginity to them is known as ‘Ibale’ and it is the pride of any Yoruba lady to keep hers till her wedding night.The wedding night is usually seen as a frightened day for the bride and her parents. In those days, mothers were fond of asking their daughters about their virginity so as to prevent the shame and disgrace that come with not been a virgin.
On the wedding night, a white cloth is usually given to the couple and the cloth will be spread on their bedding, mostly mats. The parents of both families sometimes stay at the entrance of the house waiting for the cloth to be brought out of the house while some parents will be in their homes expecting result. In this culture, the white cloth is expected to be stained by blood and after the sexual intercourse, if the cloth is stained, it means that the new bride is a virgin. If it turns out that the white cloth is not stained with blood, it signifies that the new bride had been promiscuous and slept with a man before.

A bride that is met as a virgin by her husband will be celebrated while the one that is not will be disgraced and banished from the village. The white cloth (stained or not) will be sent to the bride’s parents. Other items like rotten yam, half-filled matches or empty box of matches, half keg of palm wine will also be sent to them meaning that their daughter was rotten and not complete before she was married. The parents will be publicly blamed for not training their daughter. Grief, sorrow and loud cries will follow suit. Such bride that will sweep the whole village, dance naked in the market’s place before she finally leaves her village. The groom also has the right to divorce such a woman.
On the other hand, if the newly-wed was met as a virgin, the groom’s family will send a full keg of palm wine, full matches box to the bride’s parents indicating that their daughter was complete before the wedding night. She will be praised publicly and her parents will be happy. It is believed that virgins have self-discipline and are well-trained by their parents.
This custom and virginity has many advantages as it prevent the rate of fornication and helps the married women to be faithful with their husbands. Also, many lives have been lost to the act. Some young ladies have committed suicide because of the shame. Highly respected or elders can also commit suicide if their daughter was found to have lost her virginity before her marriage. This tradition is no longer in practice and has eaten deep by colonilisation.

IBALE(VIRGINITY)....ITS ALL ABOUT A MAIDEN FROM HER VILLAGE TO THE UNIVERSITY, SHE KEEPS HER VIRGINITY THROUGHOUT HER LIFE, BUT WHEN SHE GET TO THE UNIVERSITY SHE HAVE TO FIGHT VERY HARD IN ORDER NOT TO LOSE IT BECAUSE IT'S A LAW AND AN OAT MAKE BY THE ANCESTORS AND MUST NOT MISTAKENLY BE BROKEN BY ANY HOW GUY IF NOT THEIR HUSBAND

WILL THE MAIDEN LOSE HER VIRGINITY?
WHO WILL DISVIRGIN HER?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF HER SEAL HIS BROKEN?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE GUY WHO BREAK IT?
WHAT'S IS BEHIND THE LAW AND THE OAT?
WHAT CAUSES THE LAW AND THE OAT?

STAY TUNE FOR IBALE(VIRGINITY)







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Banished Part1 [Read it]


"Banished" .. Part 1.

The rays of the morning Sun shone through Onome's room. It shone so bright into his room as if it was telling him to wake up and get ready for the day's work.
Onome shrugged, covering his face with his pillow, still trying get more sleep..

Onome! Onome!!! C'mon would you wake up, it's half past Seven, all your mates are either dressing up for work or already at work and you're here still laying lazily on the bed, his mother shouted at the top of her voice whilst banging his door.
OooooO, can't someone rest well in this house again, what sef!. He turned to the other side of the bed covering his ear with his pillow this time.
Mrs Osameiya continued banging the door until he reluctantly opened it. Ahh Onome! what are you still doing by this time on the bed? she asked
hmmm, mmm, he murmured. *swinging his head Arrongatly *
I don't blame you, if only God had not chosen take away Ella, why would i be bothering myself over you? "For he was the remaining offspring of Mr & Mrs Osameiya."
Ooo mama must you remind me of Ella every time! Let her poor Soul rest for God sake. he replied. okay now that you've woken me up what do you expect me to do this morning, he asked uncourteously.
Ahh, Onome for the past 5years you finished you secondary education and getting admission into the university seem like an hurdle race to you.
Why not go look for something doing or perhaps attend tutorials as requested by your father. She replied tears dropping from her eyes
Okay okay mummy please don't cry, I will look for where to begin another tutorial . "for he hates seeing his Mum cry".
* * * *

mama mama!!! Onome ran into the compound shouting.
Hearing his desperate voice, his mother leapfrog from where she was sitting and rushed out to inquire what was happening.
Mama mama, guess what! he said
What what, she stuttered.
I've just been admitted into the University he said Displaying the dance "Shoki"
E woo. My lord and My God, Ogene deo.. Thank you so much for prayers answered she said dancing.. Ahh Onome what kind of dance is this. she said noticing Onome throwing his hands up and bringing his tongue out.
Hahaha, Mama na Shoki oo.. he replied
Eh henn Shoki ke.. She said hands akimbo.
Oya come let me teach you......
* * * * *

My son, Mr Osameiya clears throats
Now that you're about going into the University. I want you to know that you're going to a world of your own where no one will tell you what to do or not.
Be careful, be studious - that's what you came to there to do.
Shun bad friends, remember you're ny only offspring.
And Overall be prayerful *hand him over a bible*
Ooh, Papa I've heard all what you said and promised to live up to your expectations. Onome replied getting up to leave.
Ono! Please be careful, his Mother said hugging him and shedding tears
Don't worry Mama.

>> Part 2 -

new categories [Read it]


to the admin i suggest u create new categories for this site like wwe category and football category pls no insult its just an opinion


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-13 11:33:14

219 Views




New Year is the time:

To unfold new horizons and realize new dreams;

To rediscover the strength and faith within you;

To rejoice in simple pleasures and gear up for new challenges.

Wish you a truly fulfilling 2015!Related

The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house.


“You did a great job,” he said and handed the man a check. “Also, in order to thank you, here’s an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie.”


The painter thanked him and agreed to do that. Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter.


Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, “What’s the matter, did you forget something?”


“Nope,” replied the painter. “I’m a man of my word. I’m here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked.”Related

Good Rich Man [Read it]


A senior friend asked me to wait4 him in an eatery in Ibadan. So Iordered for sumtin of ?250(sometin a gentleman canafford). While eating & waiting, Inotice a rich man in agbada.About 50secs later, a man wentto disrichman & told him he lost hiswife &need money...Immediately, drichman gave him a millon nairachequeout of pity. (wow! I wasshocked).::Another man went in crying dathe losthis father & needed money 4burial, thisgood rich man gave him a millonnaira cheque too (ehn? Kini mogbo? I CANT BE LEFT OUT).I was cooking in my mind, dtype ofpitiful lie I'll also tell 2 rececivemy own 1million...I summonedcourage and went to d richman'sfront.I told him I lost my grandfather& I needmoney (I was crying,sheddingcrocodiletears...).whileI was expecting thisman to open his brief case &give me a cheque too, suddenly Iheard a noise "CUT!!! CUT!!!CUT!!! MR MAN, YOU CAN'TINTERUPT OUR FILM. Abeg DID I DO WRONG?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-29 12:18:01

483 Views




JOKE PART 58 BY DINDY

Girl: Dindy your jokes are so d*mn stupid and boring.
.
.
Dindy bends his head down and shakes it.
.
.
Girl: Are you hurt?.
Dindy: No
Girl: So why are you shaking your head?.
Dindy: Because I pity the kind of joke I will make out of the express road marks on your face..........

DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 59.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-29 20:40:31

239 Views



xmas break up [Read it]


[5:52PM]: Ways of breaking up with your lover this December _________ 1.16 Missed Calls? You Killed My Battery so you’re Capable of Killing Me... It's Over!!! _ 2.You don't even respect me. I'm talking and you are busy breathing? It's over! _ 3.I called you and you picked up immediately. You lack patience. It’s over!! _ 4. I told u I love my food hot but you refused to warm the ice cream. You don't care about me. It's over! _ 5.I gave u 2 eggs, to boil one and fry the other. You fried the one you were supposed to boil and boiled the one you were supposed to fry. You are not obedient, It’s over! _ 6. I messaged you at 11:59pm and you replied me at 12:00am. why did you reply me the next day?... its over!!!! _ 7.I call u DARLING and you called me HONEY. Indirectly, you’re calling my mother a BEE. No respect for in- laws, pack your bags. its over!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-23 21:06:26

233 Views



Confession! [Read it]


A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”Related

My Calabar neighbor Etebong was singing this
morning and this is what I heard:
I ron get alert, DOG MEAT.
I ron buy mechine, na DOG MEAT.
On my werring day, na DOG MEAT.
I ron pay my lent, na DOG MEAT. Infack Everything i ru na DOG MEAT oooo,
na DOG MEAT ooo
Na DOG MEAT oooo...
Mfack Everything I ru, na DOG MEAT oooo
Na DOG MEAT oooo
Na DOG MEAT oooo. My Dog is on the run after earing this #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-16 15:05:20

1184 Views




A teacher asks her class,
"What do you want to be
when you grow up?" Little
Akpos says "I wanna be a
billionaire, going to the most
expensive clubs, take the
best girl with me, give her
a Ferrari worth over a million
dollars, an apartment in
Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a
jet to travel through Europe,
an Infinite Visa Card and to
make love to her three times
a day". The teacher,
shocked, and not knowing
what to do with the bad
behavior of the child,
decides not to give
importance to what he said
and then continues the
lesson. "And you, Susie? "
the teacher asks. Susie says
"I wanna be Akpos girlfriend."



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 20:12:54

377 Views




I was still floating in my bubble of happiness when we got up and got dressed. He kissed me and I felt myself tingle all over remembering what we'd just done. "We need to leave for the doctor's appointment soon," he told me while he was looking at his watch. I nodded my head.

I didn't want our moment to end but there was no more prolonging it. The time we'd shared would be engraved in my memories but it was time to do the right thing. I'd promised myself after the appointment I would do what I had to.

"Is your mom going to come with for the appointment?" he asked, as we made our way downstairs.

"I think so," I said. We found my mom in the kitchen unpacking some groceries.

We helped her and once everything was packed away it was time to leave for the appointment. I was quiet and preoccupied the entire car ride and when the car came to a stop outside the familiar building I had to drag myself back to the present.

Grey was watching me and at my obvious nervousness he squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile.

Luckily the wait for the appointment wasn't too long and before I was ready we were being ushered into the Dr. Clark's office.

I clasped my hands together as I took a seat in front of the being oak desk. My mom sat down beside me and Grey sat down in the chair on the other side of me.

When the doctor walked in I felt a my nervousness increase. He held a file in his hands.

"Lacey it's nice to see you again," he said as he nodded to Grey and my mom. I smiled nervously.

"I know we didn't get a chance to talk the last time you where here," he began to say. He sat down behind his desk and opened the folder. He looked up to me.

"It was a lot to process and I understand that it was a lot to take in," he sympathised. It had been. Even now I still struggled to process it. "I want to be able to give you more time but there isn't any."

I felt my stomach sink. My time was always going to be limited before of my illness but it had never occurred to me that I might have no time. It was hard to hear.

The warmth of Grey's hand covered mine and I squeezed it needing his support.

Little did they know that despite the verdict the doctor was going to give me I was going to make my own decision on what happened from here on out, even if some people were against it.

I snuck a side-glance at Grey. He wasn't going to be happy.

"We need to schedule your surgery as soon as possible," the doctor said absentmindedly as he glanced down at my file again and shifted through a couple of pieces of paper.

It was now or never. I ran my tongue across my bottom lip trying to gather up the courage to tell them what I'd decided.

"I don't want the surgery yet," I croaked out my mouth suddenly feeling so dry. The doctor looked up at me like he'd hadn't understood what I'd just said.

"Harp," Grey said beside me with a frown. His hand tightened around mine.

"What do you mean you don't want the surgery yet?" my mom asked the question.

I took a deep breath and released it with all eyes on me.

"I want time," I tried to explain. The doctor was already shaking his head at me.

"The longer we leave the surgery the more complicated it will be," he explained.

"I understand that."

The atmosphere was tense and I could feel the heat of Grey's stare on me.

"The thing is that I may not survive the surgery and I'm not willing to do it until I have some time," I added needing them to understand why I was delaying the surgery.

"I wouldn't recommend that," Dr Clark stated sternly. Determined not to allow them to try and steamroll me I stiffened my back and folded my arms.

I hadn't expected them to be happy about my decision and I knew it wasn't going to be easy for them to understand. This was my decision and it was my life. If I wanted one month I would have just one month.

I didn't want the extra time try and do all the things that I never had. The extra time I would get would be to spend with the people that I loved treasuring every moment in case I never got anymore.

"You heard the doctor," my mom said pulling my attention away from the doctor. "You can't delay the surgery."

Looking to my mom I felt a pang of guilt when I saw her concerned face.

"I understand that mom but this is my life and the time till the surgery is all the time I might have left," I tried to explain why I'd made the decision. It hadn't been about hurting anyone or making them worry. It was a selfish decision.

I had to be strong and not allow them to push me into something I didn't want. The loss of warmth around my hand made directed my attention to Grey.

"Harp," he said. He didn't need to say more. There was so much packed into that one word. I felt the guilt spread through me. His eyes pleaded with mine.

This wasn't about hurting them this was about giving myself a little more time.

"I can't," I whispered knowing it was going to hurt him and there was nothing I could do to soften the blow.

He looked bewildered as he processed my words.

"I need time," I said trying to make him understand something he wouldn't be able unless he'd walked in my steps.

"I need you to survive," he said softly. His words pulled at my heart and I felt so bad for doing this to him.

I shook my head.

"You can't delay the surgery," Grey insisted. The doctor had already told me that. Did he think that I would listen because he was saying it?

"I can," I said feeling my stubborn streak rise up.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" he snapped running a hand through his hair.

I shook my head. His anger and frustration took me by surprise.

"If you don't have the surgery now you will be killing yourself. Do you understand that?" he asked desperate. He leaned forward taking my hands into his.

Unable to look at him I dropped my gaze to our connected hands.

"Look at me Harp."

I let out a deep breath before I lifted my eyes to meet his. His eyes were so beautiful and when he was angry they darkened slightly.

"Please don't do this," he pleaded, his hands tightening around mine.

His words tore right through me and I felt like someone had cut me open in the chest. Watching his desperate expression as he pleaded with me made my eyes sting with tears. I hated hurting him but I had to remember that this was my life and my choice.

"I have to," I whispered trying to keep my emotion from pushing through to the surface.

Grey withdrew his hands from mine. The rejection a blow.

"You can't do this to me," he said standing up. His jaw clenched as his eyes flickered to my mom behind me.

"To us," he added.

I turned to look at my mom for a moment and she looked just as upset as Grey did. My guilt doubled. Pulling my eyes from her I looked back to Grey. I didn't often see him angry or upset like this and I wasn't sure how to handle it or even if I could.

"I can't do this," he stated angrily and I clasped my hands together as I held my breath keeping my eyes fixed on his angry face.

"If you're going to kill yourself I won't sit on the side lines and watch it happen," he added and I felt my heart sink.

He gave me one last intense look before he stalked out of the office slamming the door with a resounding bang that echoed through the room.


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“Bhaiyya ladies hai thoda adjust karlo”

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It has to be the national dialogue of India ????Related

He hauled himself off the chair. “You promised to come back.”

“I was drunk for crying out loud! I didn’t do those things on purpose. You know I never wanted to do that. I was so naive. You got me drunk and attempted to kiss me. You started those nonsense. I hate you for that!”

His eyes were now cold and blank. “Who wouldn’t want to? What man would have that opportunity and not want to try to have something with you? That’s the past. I have come for you. Been searching for you for nine years. Be my wife.”

She snickered. “You are too late for that. I am engaged to be married.” she proudly informed him.

“I don’t see an engagement ring on your finger,” he remarked, staring at her let hand.

Oops! She didn’t see that coming. “You’re gonna see it soon. Accept defeat, you have lost.”
The sad look on his face told her something. He was disappointed. He must be surprised at the change. She was no more sixteen; she was twenty-five and could maker her decisions. Right now, she decided to marry Jeremy for him and not because of his father or anything. “I’m done with you. Walk away or I’d call security.”

“Do you know who I am?” he asked, he too had wealth and power.

She tossed her head, right and left. “Nope. I don’t care to know. Its my property you’re standing on and I have every right to kick you off it. I will find great pleasure doing so.”

Damn! She was extremely rude. What happened to her? Was it the alcohol that changed her that day? If he’d met her like this, he wouldn’t be crazy for her. It was too late now. He’d already given his heart to her and she must accept it. “You think the man you’ve chosen is good enough for you? He’s a man, like the rest. We all want the same thing-your body. Come with me. I’m gonna take care of you. I’m honest. He’s just lying.”

She smiled. “He’s different and much more better than you.”

“You hate them.”

“And I hate you too.”

“Do you love him?” A very stupid question to ask. She mustn’t love any man.

“You just said I hate him, all men.”

“You aren’t scared of him? Not scared of loving him? You are not afraid?”

Her feelings really didn’t matter. Dealing with this man was more important. “The hate I feel for him is not as much as what I feel for you and other men. I love him.” She was shocked at the revelation herself. Was she in love with Jeremy? How come she said it? It really felt good saying it. This man must feel really, really bad.

It was late. Just too late. She’d given her heart to another man. Just who was this man? He had to find out more about him; he definitely would. Melisa belonged to him. That marriage wasn’t gonna work out as long as he was still alive. He still had points to prove. “He knows about your prom night? You gave him every detail?” It was his turn to make her feel bad.

Oh, no! He shouldn’t be going there! He shouldn’t. God!

“I can just imagine how hurt he’d feel when he hears what happened that very night.”

He really got her this time. He was gonna tell Jeremy? Had he seen his the previous night? She had to act fast, really fast.
“I don’t keep secrets from him. We love eachother that much.” She ruffled her hair. “Besides that, you don’t even know him.”

He smiled mockingly. Love indeed. “I found you, didn’t I?” he asked rhetorically and stormed out of her office.

Great! A single, stupid, foolish mistake could ruin one’s life in a moment. This man wasn’t gonna ruin her life. She’d have to get to Jeremy first. No bastard was gonna come between them. Especially not one like Ernest. He deserved to be in jail. She hated him more and more.

Her cell phone buzzed in her purse. She dug around her purse for the cell phone. She found it. Jeremy was calling.
“Hi, Jeremy.” She tried to sound as cool as she could be.

“Purity, could we have dinner tonight?” his husky voice said over the phone.

Phew! Ever since she’d met him, every night had been a dinner date. She couldn’t refuse. She could tell him all about Ernest tonight. It wasn’t a bad idea. “Alright. The address?”

“Thanks. I’ll text it to you, later.”

He didn’t sound his normal self. “Are you okay?”

“We’ll see tonight.”

She had dressed her best. She faced the perfect reflection of herself in the mirror staring back at her. A silver, heeled sandals adorned her feet. Bright red, sparkling sleevless gown decorated her body. From the front view, it stopped few inches above her knee. Viewing in from the back, it was a floor length. It revealed all her unique features and curves.

Adorning her neck was a beautiful diamond neck-lace. Her ears, dangling diamond ear-rings. This time she went for a pink lip stick. Black eye shadow and a mild blush on both cheeks. Just a bracelet adorned her left wrist. Her hair was parted deeply by the some. It fell past her shoulders.

She took a deep breath. She was going to tell Jeremy the secret she’d kept to herself for nine whole years. It was going to be so difficult, however, she had to do it. It would be left to him to carry on with the marriage or not. She got to admit that she was going to be so heartbroken if he ended their courtship. She hadn’t lied to him. Only that she kept things from him-her private life, her business.

Turning to her bed, she took her purse and went out of the room. She locked the door with her keys.

“Melisa.” Prudence called, she was excited.

Purity froze on hearing that name. That was the last name she wanted to be called by. It was already bringing her troubles. Only thing is that ’twas her mama that called her.
“Don’t you call me that again!” she scolded her mum, turning to face her.

The surprise of Prudence’s face was clear as crystal. “You love that name, don’t you?”

Purity disagreed. “Not anymore. I am fine with ‘Purity.’ Call me that.”

She had started again. Prudence had to please her if she wanted peace. “Alright, darling. Purity. You are looking good.”

Purity smiled at the compliment. She was instantly sorry for yelling at her mother. It wasn’t the woman’s fault that the name-Melisa was giving her troubles. It wasn’t even the name; it was her. “Thank you. Mum, I’m sorry for shouting at you that way.”

Prudence nodded. She understood her daughter. “Its okay, dear. Your father and I wish you a very happy evening. Enjoy it to the full. We love you.”

“And I love you both, too.” Purity replied and plodded out of the house. She left her mother astounded. She grinned to herself knowing that her mother must be thinking if she was the Purity they knew. She had begun to change. She needed to fix her life, before it was all too late. She arrived at the garage, unlocked her car and got into it. Silently, she cruise out of her father’s compound. Slowly, she joined the highway off to the address Jeremy had texted her.

She arrived safely at ‘Golden foods eatery’ down Dowing street. The eatery was perfectly lit. There was no single soul. That place was deserted. She heard no sound either. She was scared to get off her car. She brought her phone out of her purse and scrolled through her messages, she tapped the one Jeremy sent and read it again. It was the venue. She was there. Why is he not here? Her vehicle was the only car there. She was starting to worry. She dialed Jeremy’s number.
“I’m at Golden foods eatery. There’s no one here.” She complained as he answered.

Purity could hear him laugh over the phone. Was he mocking her?

“Just go inside. I’ll meet you there. Please don’t be scared.”

Those words assured her. “Okay.”

She hung up and got down from her car. After making sure her vehicle was securely locked, she moved towards the entrance to the eatery. The door easily. She had thought she’d struggle with it. She stepped in and closed the door behind her. The place was elegant. Different rows of dinner tables, two chairs clustered each of these tables, a servet and glasses turned upside down were on the tables too. The curtains were crisp cream color, adding beauty to the eatery. The floor was tiled. The whole place glittered. Yet, there was no sign of anybody. Jeremy had advised her to go in, which she obeyed. He also told her he’d meet her. Does that mean he hadn’t reached? She stood at the doorway without moving an inch. She had to wait for Jeremy.

A faint sound from inside distracted her. She couldn’t discern where exactly it came from, but she had to check it out. Jeremy wouldn’t put her in any danger. He wasn’t evil. Bracing herself, she took an unsteady step forward.

>>

Before Retirement: Sara desh

Tendulkar ka fan. <3



After Retirement: Desh “Sara

Tendulkar ” ka fan. Thank You Sachin ???? ????Related

Star has 5 ends

Square has 4 ends

Triangle has 3 ends

Line has 2 ends

but Circle of our friendship has no end.Related


Imabong narrates

“How much is it?” I asked the conductor.

“Your money na 100 naira madam” the conductor replied. I could have argued the high price but a lot was bothering me now with no mood to argue so I paid him and off the bus went.

I was reminiscing on what happened area between me and the pastor I went to meet concerning the second bad day predicted by grandma. I had to act since my husband wasn’t serious enough and the revelation I was giving was the most scariest I have ever heard in my life.

I got home and saw my hubby smiling as usual but I ignored him. I’m sure he must have been shocked by my action since I hardly acted like. I got to my room and collapsed on the bed. I started to think about my life from the day I met Ledan till now.

Ledan was a young Custom Officer transferred to Uyo. He lived as our next door neighbor and occasionally came to have fun occasionally with my brothers. My dad became fond of him because he always brought my dad wine and bitter collar anytime he came visiting our house.

It was from there I got to know he intentionally made friends with my dad just to get my attention. He achieved his aim has I came to love him unconditionally. Now looking back, I regretted the day he stepped his foot on my compound. I was super excited with is down-to-earth niceness and didn’t bother taking time to know him. I wish all young girls will learn from my story. I began to cry as I remembered again the pastor’s revelation.

[i]arlier in the day…..

“Pastor, why are you not talking?” I asked feigning ignorance.

“It’s so bad that I …” , pastor paused.

“Your hesitation is scaring me pastor, please say something..” I pleaded.

“One of you will…. Die” pastor finally revealed.

“I don..t u…nderst…an…d you pastor” I said sounding confused and flabbergasted.

“Your husband… your son… or you… one of you will definitely die on the second bad day”pastor revealed.

“And there is no way out?” I asked with all hope lost.

“I’m so….” Pastor was cut shut as I left in a hurry.

Back to reality[/i]

Now I know one of us will die. But who will it be?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Victoriouschild was in the kitchen with Somto as she attempted frying stew to miss with the rice Cheta cooked earlier in the morning. It has been raining heavily since yesterday and they have been indoors. It’s been close to a week since she started living with Cheta and they have become so used to each other more like siblings. Somto was closer to Victoriouschild whom he called ‘aunty’.

Victoriouschild saw two full bottles of liquid which she thought were groundnut oil because they were both yellowish in color so she picked one of them and poured the content in the pot. It produced flames like a fast-sand which causing a minor damage to Somto on the face as he screamed out loud and started crying. Cheta who was sleeping rushed out of the room to see what was going on. She carried Somto

“What did you do to my son?” Cheta who ran to see what was going on asked giving Victoriouschild a fierce look. If looks could kill, Victoriouschild would be dead by now.

“No..ehm.. the groundnut…” Victoriouschild was confused on what to say.

“Not only groundnut but groundperkenel! What an ungrateful wrench!” Cheta said angrily, “upon all I did for you, you still plan to kill my only child? No wonder you were left for dead! Now leave my house right now before I open my eyes” Cheta ordered angrily.

“I ..i… can…e..x..plain Ch..ta” Victoriouschild tried to utter some words to no avail.

“To hell with you! Now leave my house this moment” Cheta screamed at Victoriouschild.

“Cheta….” Victoriouschild who was starting to cry tried to plead.

“Leave!” Cheta was appearing serious than ever before.

Victoriouschild had no choice but to leave despite the fact it was raining heavily and was almost nightfall. She was feeling intense cold as she walked to a nearby house to ask for shelter. After explaining her situation to the man who owns the house and a series of pleas, the man and his wife accepted her to stay for the night. Unknown to her, more troubles awaited her there.

Khadija narrates

I have been in prison for days now but no one has spoken to me except the man who brings me food regularly. I was so tired of the cell because I was sharing the same area with mosquitos and all other annoying insects with constant smell. If there was one place worse than hell it was this cell.I would do anything to get out of this place.

“Someone wants to see you” I heard a jailer said as a man in a flowing agbada appeared.

“Dad?” I recognized the b-----d at once.

“Why are you here Sire?” I asked with a stoned face.

“With the charges against you, the least you can get is life imprisonment” he said ignoring my rude questions.

“I have a lifeline for you, ill ensure you walk out of here this moment on one condition” he talked in a slow, calm and confident voice. “You will do all I say from now on”

“That’s not hard!” I tried to pretend to be on by his side.

“That is not all“ he said making me anxious, “You have to proof you re truly by my side by killing the guy you love in one week while I record a video of you committing the act” he revealed shocking me to my bone marrows.

“W…h..o? I stammered feigning ignorance.

“Ele!” he said with straight face.

“So what’s your choice?” he asked “Would you kill your lover or stay in prison for life?” he asked once again.

“You know very well I’m your dad and can do and undo” he threatened.

“ehnnn…ehmmmm” I stammered as I struggle for words.

“For the last time, what’s your choice?” he asked in the calmest voice I have ever heard.

Ele narrates

I woke up as early as 5:00am that fateful Wednesday to get prepared for the visit of Love my latest friend who was to come visit me that fateful Wednesday because we both had lecture free day. I washed my toilet five times, I make sure I removed all my cobwebs on the wall. I had earlier paid for the room to be painted my entire room brown. since my rug carpet, my door and cotton were all brown in color, it was a perfect fitting. I went to the nearby shop to get a confirm air freshener which made the whole house smell as nice as a Queen’s room.
Having done all that I was broke, so I went to borrow 2000 naira from my friend to prepare rice and stew. I bought turkey, cooked and fried it. It was 11:26am by the time I finished and I still had about 30 minutes more to get settled before the arrival of Love. I went to the bathroom where I bath with Carambola soap with its superb scent. I bath finished in 15 minutes and put on one of my new boxers I hadn’t worn before. I sprayed the latest perfume SnowWhite which I bought for 4000 naira just because of this visit. I made sure my laptop was well charged and a lot of romantic movies were stocked inside. I got my India Condom which my friend Victor has given me ready in case of necessity. I
was now 10 minutes remaining for Love to come and I was tempted to call her but I didn’t want to seem desperate so I calmed down. A call to my cell phone jolted me from my reverie. I checked the caller and it was no other person than Love. I jumped up and down for some seconds before picking the call.

Me: Hello Love

Love: Hello Ele

Me: How are you today?

Love: I’m okay and you?

Me: Same same

Love: Hmm Ele..

Me: yes dear?

Love: I’m so so sorry to say I can’t make it today

Me: *angry* You will never make it in life


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Faithful Man [Read it]


Before Sex
Boy : Baby Are You Ready ?
Girl : Yes Am Ready Love We Have
Been Waiting
For This For 4 Years Now.
Boy : Yes We Have Love.
Girl : Promise Me You Won't leave
Me
After
Taking My Virginity.
Boy : I Promise My Love.
Girl : Okay Love So We Going To Use
A
Condom ?
Boy : Love i Trust You And You Trust
Me Don't
See A Reason For Us To Use A
Condom.
Girl : Yes Love I Trust You.
Boy : Are You Sure You Ready Love
Girl : Yes Am Ready Boo. .
(*10 Mintures later, After Sex*) .
Boy : Wow That Was Great Love.
Girl : Yes Love It Was Great But Am
In
Pain Now.
Boy : Sorry Love you Have To Be In
Pain Cause It
Was Your First Time.
Girl : Okay Love Hope Second Time It
Won't be
Painful.
Boy : Nah Love Second Time It Won't
Be Painful.
Girl : Okay.
(*Few Days Later*) .
Girl : Babe Am Pregnant.
Boy : You What ?
Girl : ( Crying )Am Pregnant.
(The Boy Didn't Say Anything For 5
Minutes Then
He Got Up And Went To His Room
And
Got Back
After 15 Minutes)
Boy : ( On His Knees ) I Have Been
Waiting For
This Day For 3 Years So Will You
Make
Me The
Happiest Man In The World Will You
Please Marry
Me ?
Girl : (Crying) Yes I Will Marry You
Boy : Wow Thank You Love I love You
So Much.
Girl : I Love You Too My Future
Husband. .
(9 Months later The girl gave Birth
To
Two
Beautiful Baby Girls.) .
*A Year later they got married* . .
.
ALL OF YOU THOUGHT HE WAS
GOING TO BREAK
HER HEART !! !! *NOT ALL MEN ARE
THE
SAME!
]]


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-14 04:25:28

922 Views




Meri Hassi Ka Hisaab Kaun Karega?

Meri Galti Ko Maaf Kaun Karega?

Ae-Khuda, Mere Dost Ko Salamat Rakhna;

Warna Meri Shaadi Pe “Lungi Dance” Kaun Karega!Related

THE SHOUT OUT (part one) JOKE BY DINDY
1). shout out to those girls who's face are as bright as the sun but body as dark as my mum's cooking pot...don't worry you will end up attracting a female lizard....#Agama babes.
2). Shout out to those people shouting softwork!.. You think money comes easy...i am sorry for your poor future.
3). Shout out to those who turns to see the face of people who drives wrongly... Like seriously will you pull out the person and beat the person?...mtcheew lukuluku
4). Shout out to those men carrying girls up and down like it's their achievement in life...keep it up one day your oga go fade away.
5). Shout out to my guys smoking to the peak....please don't stop keep it up after all no be my lung go get hole.
6). Shout out to my stress girls forming classic...one day chicken go enter stew.
7). Shout out to my niggas drinking ten bottles and more...well it is good to know that your kind are around so that when drought comes we would just cut open your tank and drink of your storage.....#foolish life
. Shout out to my girls wearing short skirt...please don't stop...men who rape girls love it.
9). Shout out to those pregnant women who sit like they just finished eating the universe......don't worry the lord is your strength.
10). Shout out to my men with big belly.....one day we shall see the fruit of your glorious labour.........
#DINDY WROTE THIS=> facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-02 19:19:00

219 Views




Akpos was once employed in a school and he went to
class to teach.
The first day.
Akpos: Good morning students
Students: Good morning sir!
Akpos: I'm going to be your new teacher, do u know
what we have this morning?
Students: No sir!
Teacher: Since u don't know, there's no point of
teaching u..
Akpos went and came the following day.
Akpos: Good morning students!
Student: Good morning sir.!
Akpos: Do u know what we have this morning?
Out of fear of the previous day, they said "yes sir".
Akpos: Since u already know, then there's no point
teaching u again.
The third day Akpos came to class.
Akpos: Do u know what we are having this morning?
Out of confusion some said Yes, while some said No.
Akpos: Alright then, let those that know teach those who
don't know.
One word for Akpos.
Hahahahahaha



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-14 14:42:48

3809 Views



tenses [Read it]


Teacher:Nigeria will be better by next year,what tense is it? Akpos:future impossible tense


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-11 12:02:29

403 Views



#testimony [Read it]


*** A Joke ***
A man went to church on Sunday and gave a testimony that he was infected with
Ebola and God had healed him.When he had finished,he tried to give the mic
to the 2nd Man but the second man refused to take it:
2ND MAN-i have no testimony .Give it to the pastor.
PASTOR- I'm not in charge of testimonies so give it to the Senior PASTOR.
SENIOR PASTOR- Brother in Christ, the mic is yours.Its a gift from the church
you may take it home. Lolz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-11 22:55:28

121 Views




I don’t know if Jessy is a witch, or maybe she went to the school of Witchery and Wizardry like Harry potter.
The evily smirk that covered her face immediately she stepped into the room working her eyes all over the place like some kind of detective.

The winks she threw at me while i pretend to be engrossed in whatever nonsense they were doing in NTA from the 14inches television they had in their room.
Chioma was on the bed sleeping or something near to that with the yellow top and jean bum short she was clad in back to default settings.

“sky let it not be what am suspecting ooo” A message bearing the name skybeauty jolted me out of my pretentious tv watching.

“Ogini?” i typed back looking back to look at jessy who just smiled wickedly and winked hard.
“You and chioma bleeped right?” Her message followed in seconds making the plastic chair i was on to turn as hot as a pan set on fire.

I looked back sharply again, casting a surprise and stern look at jessy who just laughed hard and dropped on the bed making chioma turn.
“I knew it, love nwantiti” She sent again still laughing a hollywood-like sinister laugh..

“Jessy you no well leave me alone joooor” I fired back dropping my phone to let her know the chat was over.

** ** ** ** **

Cynthia was clad in a light blue three quarter short with a white tank top buttered in from above.
The night was windy and moonless, trees and perky grasses around the compound swayed and danced together giving out gossiping sounds.

Nepa has done their own resulting to thick pitch darkness intensified by the missing glow of the moon.
The night was cold and slightly hazy everyone were inside their rooms, you could make out laughters and shouts buttered in dimming amber beams flickering out the windows visible.

Papa called and i am to report back to Enugu tomorrow which precisely will make it 2weeks i was away.
My relationship with Chioma got a bit intense inside the room after jessy found out or i think her partner in crime chioma told her. but i made sure our relationship never crossed the door to showcase outside, it has been a period of sexual bliss she never missed a chance to drag me to bed whenever Jessy steps out.

But this particular night i have intended to try my luck with cynthia before eventually living nsukka for enugu in the morning.
The certainty of joy her voice betrayed when i called and told her i will like to meet her beside jessy’s house where we usually hang for little conversations was too clear to me.

10pm; Chioma already gone to be and Jessy was reading with the aid of a rechargeable LED lantern, i dragged myself outside with the delicate figure of cynthia already seated with the phone in her hands casting a silvery glow over her face.

**Mission last night in nsukka was in play**
“Hey you are looking beautiful tonight” I announced running my hand through her back. I dont need nepa to show me she was blushing

I dragged her up from the seat and took her position and drew her down to seat on my lap, the surprise and smile on her face sandwiched in a soft giggle spurred me on, with jnr sky shouting “carry go” inside my boxer.

“Sky am feeling cold oo” She announced amidst giggles dragging my hands round her body and sinking her weight back into me.
** chai o setigo (e don set)**
I ran my hands up and down her stomach making sure i brush pass the base of her boobs.

She turned sharply with her eyes seemingly slightly close, her breathe were becoming more noticeable and her whole body stiff like a bag of cement.
In a second she sank her face deep into mine, her tongue, lips invading mine with the tip of nose crashing into my slightly broad nose.

The heaviness of her breathe and the unrhythmized frequency her stomach rose and fell.
My hand grabbed her boobs tight, could feel a bra below the tank top, but i squeezed it anyway making her intensify the kiss.

Her hands strayed and rubbed jnr sky through the thick jean material i wore, making jnr sky try in vain to get free.
she grabbed my s---t through my trouser and gave it a slightly hard squeeze **Ok that hurt a bit**

my lips dug into her neck nibbling and kissing with reckless abandon, the caress of her boob intensified as more signals are sent to my hands that worked tirelessly on the twin new york towers.

My hands disappeared into her three quarter, manipulating her c--t vigorously making her moan my name into my ears which sent slight tingled down to jnr sky.

“Sky!!!” An alien voice sounded, tilting my face to the side;

CHIOMA was standing just a few steps away, hands on her waist looking at us.

..To Be Continued..


>>

Two days later, he stopped Anita in front of their department building and asked her about her friend.

How and why she had managed to come to George’s low-class party with Adaeze Ilonna.

Anita gave him a look—one of those funny faces she makes and you’d wonder if she’d perceived a bad odour from you.

‘Haven’t you heard of her before?’ she asked him. ‘She goes everywhere and anywhere like that.’

‘Eh?’

‘Yes. People say that’s how she finds inspiration for her books.’

‘Hmm.’

He slipped into his mind and started wondering if she was going to write about him. If, during their brief meeting two days ago, he had struck enough literary inspiration for her?

She would name the story something like…My Party Boyfriend.

No. No. He shook his head. Not boyfriend yet. My Party Friend. Oh no! Too casual. Maybe My Party –

Anita tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Bia nwokem, are you okay?’ she asked him.

‘What?’

‘Why are you staring straight into the air like a blind man and muttering party party?’

‘Oh, was I?’

Anita shook her head, her lips unattractively scrunched up. ‘Mm- mm, you wasn’t.’ She left him and walked into the lecture hall.

He didn’t follow her in.

He wasn’t in the mood to listen to Dr Muthenghe at the moment. The man had come from Zambia or Kenya, he couldn’t recall precisely now, but he spoke English like a boiling soup.

Pawa-pawa, tawa-tawa, that way. Though they all liked him in the department— the way he seemed to hate to fail any student. He would instead come to the class and tell them the questions that are likely to come out in the exam and then sit down to revise with them.

It was a popular saying among students in his department that whoever failed a course of Muthenghe has the strongest of witches in their village.

He walked to the canteen and bought Coke and gala. From there, he walked straight home.

All through the afternoon, he battled with the thought of whether or not to call her.

It was around five in the evening that he finally pulled all his might together and picked his phone.

Her voice was even nicer on the phone—in the quiet of his room, her English came through crisper, like the action of spring water on a rock.

Though he was the one that called her, but she smoothly hijacked the conversation from her end, now the one asking all the questions while he lay there on his bed, quietly providing the answers and feeling half-annoyed like a jealous girlfriend.

She asked how his day had gone and he said ‘Fine’.

She asked where he presently was and he told her.

Then she asked what he was doing and he said, ‘Nothing, just lying on the bed.’

Before she could fling out another question, he quickly added, ‘Thinking about you’, and in the same quick manner, ‘Can you come and visit me?’

There was a pause. She never seemed to pause. He developed a rapid chest pain.

‘How about I come pick you and we go out and have a drink together?’ he finally heard and almost sighed into the phone.

‘Yes, yes,’ he said. ‘That’d be nice.’

‘Okay, see you in 20.’

‘Okay, bye.’

He was still struggling to pick the best shirt to wear when his phone started to vibrate.

He picked it from the mattress and looked. It was her. He took the call and she told him she was outside, in front of his gate.

‘Coming out right away,’ he said.

He looked at his wardrobe again; all the shirts hanging there now appeared to be of the same colour, same dull and over-used shade of whatever colour they had all now assumed in his eyes.

He grabbed one from the middle as if with anger and slipped it on himself.

Outside the gate, a dark-brown Kia Cerato was parked by the wall. He walked to it and entered through the other door.
‘Hi.’

‘So where are we going?’ she asked.

He almost responded with ‘Are you asking me?’

As if she wasn’t the one that had suggested they go out in the first place.

But he said, ‘Anywhere you feel like, I am okay.’

She turned and stared briefly at him. Then she asked this very disconcerting question. ‘Come on, are you shy?’ she said, a hint of smile playing at the corners of her lips.

Even if he didn’t before think he was, he now is. If he had been a flower in a garden, right then he would have wilted and dropped to the ground.

It surprised him as much as it amused him because he is not usually the guy to be shy. He is adequately tall and handsome—girls have always been the ones to get shy whenever he is around them.

But ever since he met her, he’d discovered a new difference about himself that he found rather strange and yet intriguing.

Even now, he virtually could feel his skin turning warm and reddening, or darkening, however dark people blushed.

As if to make matters worse, she reached and adjusted the collar of his shirt and then patted him on the thigh, a smile ripening on her face. ‘Let’s go to Flavour Spot on the other side of town,’ she said.

‘Okay,’ he sighed out.

She started the car and they drove off.

At the restaurant, she picked a table for them beside the wall and asked him what he would like to have.

He flicked through the menu booklet, not knowing if the sense of control she exuded annoyed or pleased him.

Flavour Spot was new in town, calm and expensive, now where guys took any girl they wanted to impress to.

He looked round often, wondering if the people around noticed they were a couple on a different orientation. A lady not too, if at all, far in age with him had driven him out to a classy restaurant, in her fancy compact car, picked a table for them and was now asking him what he would like to have so that she would buy it for him.

It all felt awkward to him.

Eventually, neither of them ate. They only drank; he a can of Power Horse while she took Ribena.

On their way home, she stopped at a smoky spot along the road and bought two roast chicken parts.

While they were waiting for the chicken to get hot, she gave the boy standing with the heavyset woman roasting the chicken money to go and buy her a bottle of wine.

There was a big supermarket behind the woman’s roasting drum. Its generous lighting saved her the stress of finding her own light source.

The boy soon returned and gave her the bottle. ‘Thank you,’ she said and asked him to keep the change and use it and buy biscuit for himself.

The boy produced a large toothy smile and thanked her with a bow. But before he could pocket the money, the mother grabbed him by the arm and jerked the note from him.

Then she turned to her and smiled and said ‘Dalu so’, before throwing the money into the large pocket of her oil-stained apron.

As if to defend her action, she added, ‘If you allow him now, he will go and give it to those knock-kneed girls down the street.’

Behind her, the boy murmured something and she turned ferociously to him and hurled out the common Igbo curse, ‘Nkita rachaa kwa gi anya there!’

Something about being licked up by a dog!

Soon, she was done and she wrapped the chicken for them.

Deze had asked her to add extra pepper while she was wrapping. ‘Daddy’s favourite,’ she said to Ekene as she opened her purse to pay.

He nodded.

‘To him, the more peppery the better, which is rather very stubborn of him because the doctors have always advised against his taking pepper.’

He nodded again, saying nothing.

She gave him a look as she collected the wrapped chicken from the woman.

Inside the car, she turned the AC on and turned to him. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked.

He nodded again.

‘Was it a lovely night?’

Another nod.

‘Oh, come on, tell me I bored you to death with family stories.’

He shook his head and said ‘No.’

At that moment, he can’t really describe how he was feeling. It was that kind of situation that you don’t really know what is wrong with you or what emotion you are manifesting.

She started the car and soon afterwards they came to a halt in front of his lodge gate. He waited till she parked safely by the wall again.

He didn’t understand why she needed to park fully.

She turned out the engine and turned to him. ‘So?’

‘So,’ he echoed.

The silence dragged, her eyes boring into him.

‘Thank you for a lovely night,’ he said, more to free himself from her eyes than he really thought the night was lovely. ‘Good night.’ He opened the door and came down from the vehicle.

‘Wait!’ he heard before he could get through the gate into the lodge.

He turned back.

‘You can’t just leave me like that,’ she said, ‘what about the chicken and the wine?’

‘Isn’t that for your father?’ he asked.

She opened the door and came down from the car. She walked up to him. He can’t really say if he liked or disliked the way she walked. The confidence in her steps was so natural she herself was completely oblivious of it.

‘I bought the chicken for us,’ she said. ‘Daddy has had his share earlier in the day. I had wanted us to spend some time together.’

And then, just at that statement, his mind cleared and his mood took some quick steps up

>>

Sex shop [Read it]


*Girl in a sex shop*
.
Girl : where is the artificial penis section?
.
Salesman: that corner.
.
Girl: how much for this big red one?
.
Salesman: sorry Madam that is a fire extinguisher.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-20 09:54:52

1483 Views



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