Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

think well [Read it]


if you go to church and the pastor or any body in the pulpit say turn to your neighbour and say this or this think well before you say
i was in church and the pastor said turn to your neighbour and say what happened to you will happen to me everybody were busy saying it i said what happened to you then i turned my neighbour just had accident and was bandaged seriously i completed my sentence with "what happened to you will happen again" i don't want to carry someone's burden


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-15 15:42:20

416 Views




Yesterday, I went home late from an
official function and I decided to use a
motorcycle (Okada). On arriving home I
alighted, paid the guy and left. As I approached the gate, I saw the bike
guy following, I quickly changed the
direction and started moving away from
the gate, but the guy continued
following me. I moved faster, the guy
increased his speed, then I realised I was in big trouble! I ran faster, but he kept on following
me even riding faster. I got tired and
decided to stop, turned around and
faced him like a man! So I asked him,
"Why are you following me?" The guy replied softly, "Sir, give me back
my helmet."
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-25 18:25:00

393 Views




I visited my chinese
friend dying in
hospital, my
chinese friend just kept
saying "CHIN
YU YAN"
Repeatedly and he died.
I
had to go to china To
find the
meaning of myfriends
last
words.
And I found out
that it means "You Are
STANDING ON
THE OXYGEN
TUBE"
Who killed my chinese
friend??
A. Me
B. himself
C. God


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-05 08:25:12

428 Views




True Story:

.

.

In bed,its 6:00 am, if u close ur eyes

for 5 minutes,

its direct 7:45

. .

.

.

but

.

. .

.

.

.

.

in lecture its 12:30, u close ur eyes for

5 minutes, its stil 12:31 ..

..

Agree ?? ???? ????Related

Don’t follow your dreams; chase them.

~ Richard DumbRelated

word of advice [Read it]




1) A guy asked u for sex
and u asked, "Do u Love me?".
What do u expect him to say or Are U a LEARNER ?

2) Half naked girls are hot, while well dressed
girls are beautiful... Hell is
hot, while heaven is beautiful.
.. the choice is yours.

3) You have been engaged to him for 2 years
and no wedding is forth coming.
Please kindly remove the ring.
Is your finger a key holder?

4)You have slept with
over 10 girls without
protection yet you go to
the barbers shop with your
personal clipper.
What are you preventing

5) Guys always know who
their heart belongs to,
so if you like cook chicken
in diamond sauce or do monkey style in bed,
if its not you, It can't be you.

6) In America when a couple go to bed they say
"Good nights my love"
In Britain "Sweet dreams darling"
In Nigeria "Did u lock d Gate, doors &
windows?"

7) You cannot say "I can't
date you, I have a boyfriend" and be asking
for money from him. GTbank staff cannot receive
salary from UBA bank!

My name is alitra, I used
my friend to set up my girlfriend to see if she will
cheat on me. Now they've sent me wedding Invitation.
What AM I?

A) Learner
B) God sent
C) Fool

9) No Guy will ever tell a
Lady "i ve a GF" when
asking her out. Their
National Anthem is "we had issues & we've broken up"

10) Welcome to Nigeria
where the government is responsible and blamed for every damn
things. if mosquito bite you, you will blame the government.

11) No guy is single,
you either snatch him from someone
or share him with someone,
the most important thing is to be
the highest Shareholder.

12) I woke up today,
someone somewhere just
took their last breath.
Thank You God for
blessing me more than I
deserve

13) 35yr old first class
graduate without job and
u are follow Lil'Wayne sing 'I Ain't Got no worries'
... your life is on SOS

14) Idiot girl said: "I dated him for GOOD 10
years and he broke my heart"
fool, what's GOOD in the years?

15). (a)Sex won't make him love u
(b). A baby won't make him stay. If you're doubting me,
kindly ask TUFACE...

16) No matter how nice
you are to a goat, it will
still eat your yam.

17) What shall it profit a girl to have all the
Brazilian hair in the whole
world and still lose her
boyfriend to a girl on low cut

1 Kill an American citizen
and 1 million policemen will be
deployed to search for u
but kill 1 million Nigerians
U will be invited for amnesty.

19) Don't act like you have
it all, even rich men
beg for pen in the bank

20) No matter how big your
house is, How recent your car
is,or how huge your bank account is,
Our grave is still gonna
be the same size, stay humble.

21) No Matter How Pretty Or Cute your Face
Might be, you Will Still Be the
Food For Worms.... Set
your Arrogance Aside and Remember 6 Feet.
No one lives for Ever.......

LIKE & SHARE


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-03 00:24:38

2032 Views



d rich man [Read it]


a very successful naija man parked his new
lexus in front of his office ready to show it off
to his collegues, as he got out a trailer passed
too close and completety tore off the door,
the man immediately grabbed his cell phone,
called the police, and they arrived. before the
officer could say anything the man was
scereaming hysteriacally, my lexus!, my lexus!,
will never be the same again no matter what
the panel -beater did to it, the officer just
loked at the man in disgust and shook his
head, i cant beleieve how materialistic you are,
he said, you are soo focused on your
possessions that you dont notice anything else.
how can you say such a thing? asked the man.
dont you know that your left arm is missing
from your elbow down, it must have been torn
off when the truck hit you..........., oh my God
replied the man, "MY ROLEX" wrist watch.

still #holaroluwa


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-15 12:05:26

519 Views




Once there was a farmer that was very protective of his three daughters.
When they told him they were going to go out on dates one night, the farmer decided to wait outside with a shotgun. The first boy arrived for the first daughter, and he said, "Hi, my name is Dav. I'm here for Rosy. We're going for birthday party. Is she ready?"
The farmer decided he was decent enough, and let them go.
The second boy arrived for the second daughter, and said, "Hi, my name is Mike. I'm here for Jen. We're going to a show. Is she good to go?"
Again, the farmer decided he was decent enough and let them go.
Finally, the last boy came, and he said, "Hi, my name is Akp..."
The farmer cocked his gun immediately.
The boy shouted "Please don't kill me, my name is not Akpos, am Akpan"
"So why are you here?"
I'm here to repair Joy's shoes

One word for Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-29 15:11:28

756 Views



Assumption [Read it]


Assuming U wake up one morning and while preparing to brush Ur mouth, U discover that all Ur teeth have turned 2 pure-GOLD, ie. (24 carat or so); you visit a dentist who confirms to U that each teeth is worth #15million in market. How many teeth will U ask d Dentist to remove 4 sale?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-31 23:26:51

306 Views



Naughty Akpos [Read it]


Naughty Akpos draws a p*nis on a black board.Lady teacher rubs it off.Next day he draws a bigger one and writes:"REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-13 09:01:16

579 Views




I met my secondary school maths teacher,and he asked for the direction to zenith bank in my area. I told him to make a 2pie turn,walk for about 1.8metre(round that up 2 the nearest tens), you'll then see a shop which is perpendicular to your right,make an obtuse angle turn and you'll see the bank at a distance of about x metres of which x can easily be gotten from the log4 base2=2x. Let him feel what i felt as a student during his maths class lolzzz. Do you think the teacher can ever find the zenith bank?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-17 23:49:14

278 Views




John was on his way to work. He got on his bus and sat down. After a while there is a small bump.

John; “What was that?”

Driver; “It was a cat”

John; “Why did you run it over?”

Driver; “Well it was either that or swerve into the tree at the side of the road and kill us all!”

John; “Oh, fair enough”

A little farthur down the road the bus swerves suddenly and a bigger bump shakes the bus.

John; “What was that!!?”

Driver; “It was a dog”

John; “Why did you run it over?”

Driver “I couldn`t help it, I tried to swerve but I hit it by accident”

John; “That`s awful but I suppose you did try to swerve”

The bus continued on its journey but later on it swerved again and there was a small bump followed by a large thud.

John; “What is it this time?”

Driver; “I hit an old lady”

John; “Oh my god. Is she alright?

Driver; “No she`s lying in a pool of blood by the side of the road.”

John; “I can`t believe this! Why did this have to happen on my journey.”

The driver called for an ambulence and the bus set off again. When John got off the bus, he asked the driver: “If the big bump was the old lady, what was the small one?”

The driver simply replied “I had to go on the pavement to get her!”Related

If a girl calls you there are two things involved.Its either she wants recharge card or she just recieved the one you sent.If she is calling for confirmation of the card you are safe, if she is calling for you to send her....there are two things involved.Its either you send her or you dont. If you send her you are safe if you ont thereare two things involved.Its either she dumps you orhisses and cuts the call.If she cuts the call you are safe. If she dumps you there are two things involved Its either she date a richerguy or she marries your father.If she dates a rich guy you are safe. If she marries your father there is only onething involved.YOU WILL START CALLING HERSTEP MUM!!!!#Dont mind me,like criously it seems am high on [email protected] G water #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-20 23:27:47

1175 Views




Little Susan was not the best student in
Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her
while she was napping, "Tell me,
Susan, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a
boy seated in the chair behind her,
took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted Susan and
the teacher said, "Very good" and
Susan fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Susan,
"Who is our Lord and Saviour," But,
Susan didn't even stir from her
slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue
and stuck her again.
"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted Susan and the
teacher said, "very good," and April
fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Susan a third
question.
"What did Eve say to Adam after she
had her twenty-third child?"
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the
pin.
This time Susan jumped up and
shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G
THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL
BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP
YOUR ASS!"
The Teacher fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-01 11:54:59

234 Views




A new element has been added to
the
PERIODIC TABLE:
Name: Girl
Symbol: Gl
Atomic weight: Don't even dare to
ask.
Physical properties:
1. Boils at any time,
2. Melts when handled with love and
care.
3. Very bitter when mishandled.
Chemical properties:
1. Very reactive,
2. Highly unstable,
3. Possesses high affinity to gold,
platinum, diamond,
branded clothes and other expensive
items.
Nature:
1. Money reducing agent.
2. Volatile when left alone.
Occurrence:
Mostly found in front of the mirrors.
Other properties includes:
(1) Reacts with MARY-K powder to
form
a sexy Opaque surface area.
(2)Very
Stable in the presence of I-Pad,
Black
berry, and
Galaxy tabs.
(3) Very Volatile when a corrosive
element e.g Another Girl(AG) tries to
take
herBF by Substitution
reaction.
(4) Highly Unstable when the Half-
Life of
her Radioactive Dating reaches
30yrs.
(5)Makes a happy POP sound when a
Basic
substance like Brazilian Hair
or foreign element like GUCCI
combines
with her at a high temperature of
100,000 degree Naira...chemistry for
u!!
Assignment: give me @least 2 more
natures u tnk abt d element Gl...if
you are a scientist try it


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 17:23:12

612 Views




Turn around the batteries of the TV remote and watch as your victim tries to surf different channels.Related

“please stop saying nonsense my dear” i whispered
back to chioma who quickly dropped her eyes and kept
quiet.
“as you can see, my sister is sleeping. It’s quite unfortunate you guys came at the wrong time. Maybe
next saturday you can come over” Mary’s sister said
with a cold smile. I shrugged and held Chioma.
“thanks for everything. I see you don’t want us to hang
around for a while. Anyway we will be back by next
saturday. If there is anything you need, please don’t hesitate mentioning it” i said politely, smiling nervously
as i threw another look at Mary who was sleepling
peacefully.
“thanks but i sure won’t need anything from you” the
old lady replied coldly, leading us out of the ward.
We silently left the hospital deep with our individual thoughts. I was extremely worried, so was Chioma.
“of course Mary’s body is like that of an Hiv Aids victim
but no it can’t be” i prayed fearfully,
“If she is really with the virus then i’m finished. I can’t
have the virus” i breathed nervously as great fear took
control of me. My entire body shook with worry.
“My God No no no” i cried within, trying my best to
conceal my fears from Chioma.
“you know we should go for a Hiv test. It’s very
important” she soon suggested as we headed back to
my apartment. I threw a quick glance at her, noticing how withdrawn and terrible she looked.
“do you actually think Mary has the virus?” i asked
fearfully. She breathed deeply and shook her head.
“i don’t know what to believe but all i know is that we
are going for a test on monday” she said seriously. I bit
my lips and drove on, cursing the day i met Mary. Seriously i couldn’t imagine myself living with such a
virus. I felt sick thinking of it.
“Gosh it can’t be, what even got such idea into Chioma’s
head. Mary is just seriously sick. Her sickness has
nothing to do with Hiv” i reasoned, trying hard to play
down my fears. I prayed and hoped. I felt very bad, but Chioma looked
much worst. Everything about her instantly changed.
She became a shadow of herself.
The next day {sunday}, was very uneventful. I spent it
indoors, with my television and phones turned off. I
simply laid on my bed lamenting my fate and praying with all my soul. I was very scared, but what scared me
the most was the Hiv test we planned taking the next
day.
It was easier unknowingly living with the virus than
living with the fact that every second that ticks was
bringing death closer with great speed… ____
By 10am on monday, Chioma and i nervously waited for
our Hiv test results. My heart throbbed furiously,
Chioma sat a distance away, looking very
uncomfortable. I couldn’t speak to her because i had
nothing to say… Some minutes later, our results were handed to us
without any form of counselling which gave me slight
hope and courage to read the result which was nothing
but NEGATIVE.
“oh yeah!” i jumped with joy. It was the first time in my
life i was happy for having a result which came out negative….
“thank you Jesus” Chioma cried as she hugged me after
seeing her’s,with hot tears of joy flowing freely.
“i’m very sorry for rushing into conclusion. This means
Mary isn’t down with the virus” she said to me, tears
freely falling from her eyes. You guys can’t imagine how happy, relieved and reborn
i felt that moment…
I felt alive again….

(TWO MORE EPISODES TO GO)


>>

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen.

~ Earl WilsonRelated

Hello friends,pls i rili need your help oooooo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!A friend of mine mistakenlly swallow 16GB Memory card nd he has been singing since morning,he couldnt stop,ryt nw,he is on a track by olamide BOBO,the worst part of it is dat the memory card also contain chinese film,horror films,blue films nd many more,am afraid cos i dnt knw which is gonna b next after music....pls pals wat can i do


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-25 14:42:45

559 Views



Satan's Sister [Read it]


One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-14 11:07:37

143 Views




*****continue *****

Amara thought for a while then got up

Amara :get up

Chidi :why

Amara took chidi by the hand

Amara :i want you to follow me

Chidi:to where

Amara :i have a little surprise for you,so just keep quiet and follow me

Chidi love the sound of surprises, he immediately got up and followed amara, Amara lead him to her bedroom.

Chidi key so we are here,now what

Amara :chidi i want you to do me a favour

Chidi couldn't understand the sudden behaviour of amara, but he knew what ever it is he will try to help her out with it.

Chidi :tell me what is it,you know i can do anything for you.

Amara :chidi i want you to make me a woman

Chidi was shocked and speechless, he wasn't expecting to hear that,he kept starring at amara with confused eyes.

Amara :chidi i know i can trust you so I want to give you this as my present to you please accept it.

Chidi :but.....

Amara :no but please i really want to do this

Chidi :what is wrong with you,i thought you wanted this to be done after your wedding by the sudden change

Amara :i don't know but I just feel it is right

Chidi:i love you so much amara but I don't think am ready for this now,i just can't

Amara signed

Amara :it okey,i guess I just made a fool out of myself then

Amara was about leaving but chidi held her back, he knew she wasn't happy and that is what he won't want,to make her unhappy.

Chidi :wait,is this what you really want

Amara :if you think you are not worthy of my love then forget it but if you know you will spend the rest of your life with me then make me yours.

Chidi knew he needs to decide first, he want to have her but wasn't expecting it so soon but never the less even if he does it now or later that won't change anything because he knows in his heart that amara will be his wife, he then made up his mind to make today a memorable day,he held amara very close,lift up her face with his hand and slowly kissed her,he paused looked at amara to see her reaction, he was actually waiting for a go ahead.

Amara :am all your

Chidi kissed amara passionately, he felt ever feeling he got from the kiss, amare loved it too,it has actually been long since they kissed,chidi lift amara and lay her on the bed

*********************
SIX DAYS LATER

Dora has been trying so hard to get the attention of chidi but chidi wasn't given her that chance, chidi mother Mrs Jonathan was also playing her part, but the more them try the more they fail,chidi heart is already occupied by the love for amara.

Dora was coming out of the supermarket, she went to get some cosmetics,she was walking to her car when she heard her name being called she turned to see who was calling her,the person came to her,she was surprise cause she couldn't recognised him.

Dora :do i know you

Person f course not but I know you.

Dora :sorry I can't recall the face

Person :don't bother to remember cause you haven't actually met me,but I will like us to talk,am maxwell by the way.

Dora :i don't know you from Adam and you want me to start having conversation with you.

Maxwell :whatever i want to tell you is of your own interests believe me

Dora :maxwell or whatever you call yourself, i am really not interested in what ever you want to say so please excuse me

Maxwell :you could have him all to yourself if you work with me

Dora looked at him with surprise

Dora :what did you say

Maxwell :chidi,you love him don't you, and you really want him so badly.

Dora :and how does that affect you.

Maxwell :what if i tell you that you can win him over

Dora:and how are you going to do that

Maxwell :let me say i know the reason why his heart his closed for you

Dora now seen interested

Dora:tell me what do you know

Maxwell:he is in love with someone else and as far they are till together you can't go close to his heart.

Dora:that i already know,how to put am end to it that's what I want to hear

Maxwell :if you are ready i will tell you

Dora :maxwell right,what is in for you,why do you want to help me,if you want money form me that i won't give

Maxwell got angry with her words

Maxwell :don't insult me lady, i don't want anything from you i only want us to work together to get what we want,that's all

Dora smiled

Dora :now i understand, the girl in question is someone you also want.

Maxwell :she was mind before chidi came along

Dora :well I won't blame her,she went for a bigger fish

Maxwell :she is not a go digger, so choose your words rightly.

Dora :whatever,now what makes you think I want to get involved with you

Maxwell :because you and i know you want this more then I do

Dora :and you really think we can work together

Maxwell :we just have to understand the propose for it and we are go together

Dora :do you have a plan

Maxwell :Are you in

Dora:am in

Maxwell :this is my card

Giving her his card,and she collected it

Call me tomorrow so we can talk more,i will be waiting for your call,nice meeting you

Dora :the pleasure is all mine

Maxwell walked back to where he parked his car and drove off,dora did the same,she doesn't love the idea of working together with maxwell but she needed to get chidi at all cost so she just had to play along,she later called maxwell the next day,maxwell told her to meet him up at a venue which she did,they both discussed of their plans and they were to be see together only on important matters,they should do most of their communication on phone, maxwell gave dora all the necessary details about amara, he has done a proper check up background on amara and has come to know more about her,where she work,where she live and all the things she does every day, dora love the idea and promise to play her part well,maxwell told her to do what ever she want to do to amara but warned her seriously not to hurt her in any dangerous way,they both came to an agreement and the left their separate way.

The Game Has Began

DORP YOUR COMMENTS AND
CONTINUE EPISODE 15

>>

Koi Naa Jaan Saka



Koi Naa Jaan Saka Woh Kahan Se Aaya Tha;

Aur Us Ne Dhoop Se Baadal Ko Kyon Milaya Tha;



Yeh Baat Shayad Logon Ko Pasand Aayi Nahin;

Makaa’n Chota Tha Lekin Bohat Sajaya Tha;



Woh Ab Wahan Hai Jahan Raste Nahin Jate;

Main Jis Ke Sath Yahan Pichle Saal Aya Tha;



Suna Hai Us Pe Chehekne Lage Hain Parindey Bhi;

Woh Aik Pau’daa Jo Hum Ne Kabhi Lagaya Tha;



Chiragh Doob Gaye Kapkapaye Honton Par;

Kisi Ka Hath Hamare Labo’n Tak Aya Tha;



Badan Ko Chorr Ke Jana Hai Aasman Ki Taraf;

Samundro’n Ne Humein Yeh Sabaq Parhaya Tha;



Tamam Umar Mera Dam Isi Dhuyein Mein Ghutta;

Woh Ik Chiragh Thaa Maine Usey Bhujaya Tha!Related

Adaeze drew in a breath and stood. ‘Mum,’ she called, ‘you’ve always been one selfish stubborn creature I know, but please, I beg you again, like I did many years ago, if you know something, just the slightest idea of what I’m asking of you, say something to me.’

Angela turned to her daughter. ‘Why do you ask me this anyway?’ she asked.

Adaeze stared at her mother. Angela stared back.

At this point, both the outward and inward resemblance of mother and child was very apparent.

Adaeze exhaled. ‘I’m in love with a boy from that family,’ she came through at last.

Angela’s lips curved slightly, as if from amusement. ‘You are in love?’

‘Yes.’

‘With who?’

‘Ekene.’

‘You and Ekenedilichukwu are in love?’ Angela said, the note of amusement on her face enlarging.

‘So you do know him?’ Adaeze asked.

Angela stood. ‘Well, my child, I have nothing to say to you. Go back to your saint of a father. He’s the one with all the answers you need.’

‘Mum?’

‘Go. Please.’

‘Tell me what you know, mum.’

Angela shook her head weakly. ‘I have nothing to say to you. Go to your father for all the questions you seek.’

‘And Ekene’s mum?’

‘What?’

‘Mrs Margaret Ozoemena.’

‘And what about her?’

‘Tell me about her.’

Angela stared at her daughter.

‘Mum?’

Angela turned away. ‘Adaeze leave me alone.’

‘Mum,’ Adaeze called her again, ‘say something to me.’

‘Something like what?’

‘What do you know about Margaret Ozoemena?’

Angela was quiet.

‘Mum?’

‘Adaeze.’

‘Mum, talk to me. What do you know about Margaret Ozoemena?’

‘She is just a nice lady caught in the web meshing knitted by no other than the monster you call a father! Just the same way as I, once. Now leave my house and go back to him! Like I said, he has all the answers you need!’

Adaeze stared at her mother, her breathing coming in short gasps.

Then she bent and picked her purse and walked away.

***

Ekene pounded the door again.

It came open and Nnanna stared back at him.

‘Yes?’ he said, his face anything but welcoming.

‘I need to speak with Adaeze,’ Ekene said.

‘Why?’

‘Fetch your sister for me, please.’

‘Leave!’

‘What?’

‘Leave at once.’ He pushed him back and slammed the door in.

‘Nnanna!’ Adaeze called him from behind.

‘Yes?’

‘How dare you?’

The boy said nothing.

She walked up to him. ‘Now listen to me, boy, you can be rude to anybody just as your little grumpy self permits, but you owe it to me as your elder sister to treat my guests with some respect!’

‘You are not my sister!’ Nnanna growled back and walked away.

Adaeze turned suddenly to him, eyes and lips wide open.

At a corner, Ese thrust down her face at once, her hands folded in her front.

To Be continued

How do you see the story?

>>

The quieter you become, the more you can hear.

~ Zen ProverbRelated

Class teacher [Read it]


The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Akpos raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-13 08:34:35

382 Views



lolzz [Read it]


le
TYPES OF WIVES:
1. Boxing Wives: These are the type of wives that
fight with their husbands deliberately just to
provoke him..... These kind of women are ready
to fight with the husband mostly in the public
area to create nuisance.
2. Headmaster Wives: These are the wives that
are well paid in either their career or business
but they disrespect and put their husband down
because they have the financial edge over their
husbands...
3. Police Wife: This type is very common. These
are the wives that inspect or police their
husbands everywhere they go...When the
husband goes to the bathroom they pick up his
phone to quickly check his messages...If the
husband makes a call, she will hide behind the
door to listen to every conversation... If the
husband goes out they make sure he is followed
and has friends that keeps an extra eye on the
husband activities.
4. Dictionary Wife: These are the wives that
won't listen to the advice of the husband but
rather they prefer to listen to the mother or
sister....Whene ver the husband says something,
they quickly go to verify from either the
mother,sister, friend e.t.c like a dictionary to
know if she should go ahead with her husband
directives.
5. Party wives: They prefer to buy every available
aso ebi, shoes and bag to attend any available
party even though her family does not have the
financial muscle to entertain such
expenses...They are readily available at every
party and owambe thereby neglecting their
children, husband and home...
6. Pampered Wives: These are also known as
daddy's little girl...They call and report their
husband to their father at any slight argument or
conversation... The rich ones are highly
dangerous especially when the husband is
working directly for the father...
7.Dustbin wives; The name might sound harsh
but they exist...These wives leave the home
unkept and dirty and you only see them rushing
to clean the house only when they are expecting
guests .There are several occasions were
some....
Which is the best please advice.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-11 22:34:57

1306 Views




Esther: na wah ooo Aisha, if Abdulrahman cant talk, what about you? You are a lagos girl now and i don’t expect you to be like this..maybe because you are hajia sha and we know una type ooo
Since you guys don’t want to say anything maybe i should continue on your behalf then. Aisha do you love rahman?
Aisha: Yes….
Esther: Abdulrahman do you love Aisha?
Me: Yes..
Esther: okay…you guys have started dating then. Am the witness and God is the second witness here and i will also be a witness on your wedding ceremony
Aisha: Thank you sister Esther, you are the best
“Aisha went and gave Esther a hug”
I couldn’t utter any word but i actually love what was happening to me, at least let me know what is called love for the first time in my life. Esther put on one jalamia to cover her body as we stepped out of their flat. We met Aminat by the corridor and the eyes she used in looking at us says a a lot that i thought maybe she had issues with Esther or something.
Have never been in any relationship before and i don’t know what they call commitment, i was so careful with my dealings with Aisha, she do come for a visit but i always make sure the door is open anytime we are inside together. I thank God for her maturity because she thought me a lot of things relationship wise.
Esther was already out of the hostel but she gave her room to someone else who she said was her street sister back in Lagos because that one got admission at exactly when she was rounding up with her clearance. Christiana already started staying in the house since she started her admission stuff. She finally left the hostel and i couldn’t believe i was already in 300level.
Its been almost a year i last visited home, the most i do is talk to my parent on phone, do i have any other reason to go home? If it is money, they send into my account even if it is not much. I was making money too from my coaching class. The only thing i do spend most of my money on was on recharge card and transport. Our parent used to send food stuff to us through bus coming to Ilorin and we will go and pick them up at Offa Garage. Aisha do support with helping us to cook too anytime she come around.
My CGPA was still standing strong at first class as at end of 200 level. I still had 4.80 by this time despite all my various activities. My academic was a priority and i want to break the jinx of no first class graduate in the department.
Ismaeel was still there as usual and for once i never see traces of what Esther told me about him. There is nothing really to show that he was a womanizer. There was even a day that he said he was going to Ezekiel’s room to sleep but just because i want to catch him red handed, i went to Ezekiel’s room late in the night to check on him but Alas it was just him and Ezekiel in the room and that was around past 11.

To Be Continued...

>>

I'm Drawing God [Read it]


A kindergarten girl was busy drawing a
picture so seriously when her teacher
asked, "What are you drawing?" The girl answered, "I'm drawing God." The teacher said, "But no one knows
how God looks like?" The girl replied, "They will know soon
once I'm done."#BOLLY_SMART™



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-10 23:23:47

408 Views




Sonia couldn't help but stare at the devil incarnate Ebere who flashed her teeth at several intervals in a wicked smile.At times she exposed them like someone who brushed with omo,telling the whole world to see.To her,they were smiles of satifaction.Her revenge on Angela was almost at it's climax.
"I called you to discuss something important with you"Sonia opened up,bitterness written all over her.
Ebere tilted her head to one side,stole another glance at her and said"I'm all ears"

Sonia felt like strangling her to death with the bitterness and pain boiling in her.
"Aren't you done with me yet?
Can't you let me go in peace now?
Haven't i been sleeping with your bestfriend's husband as you wished?"Sonia asked.
"What kind of a girl are you anyway? You saw a means inorder to get what you want and help your mother and you are rejecting it.I haven't seen a case where a person spat out the sugar put in his mouth.........."

"I'm pregnant for crying out loud.I'm pregnant"Sonia bursted in.Tears gathered in her eyes.Bravely,she blinked them back but deep inside she was crying out her heart.

"Wow.great.that is what i want my dear.i am so happy.Get ready to become the new Mrs.David.Forget about Angela.I will take care of her.She must pay for what she did to me"Ebere stressed out.
Sonia smiled for the first time and shook her head.
"You claim to be a friend but you are an enemy.A betrayer....."

"Don't address me in such rude manners...."

"I will.I will and i will.again,again and again"Sonia hauled,hitting her fist on the little side stool besides her,drawing the attention of people."I think its high time we all take responsibilities for our crimes.I am ready to accept mine.Get ready to accept yours.I'm terminating this pregnancy.Thanks for ruining my life.Soon,i will call it quits with this job and face whatever comes my way.I think its better that way.You have used me enough trying to destroy a union.If i go to jail,so be it.If mrs Angela kills me for betraying her trust by sleeping with her husband day in,day out,i deserve it"She couldn't fight the tears anymore as they finally found their way down her cheeks but she was determined.She stood up to leave.
"Maybe you need to sleep to regain your senses"Ebere said as the watched the furious Sonia storm out of her presence.

Immediately Sonia left,Ebere's phone rang.It was Angela.
"Heloo,how is my Angel doing?"She spoke into the phone.

"B.B i'm fine.There is this red dress.I don't know if you would like it"Angela replied.

"You know the kind of dress i cherish"Ebere giggled.

"Sure.This is one of them"They laughed over the phone.

Since Angela got married,she never forgot Ebere whenever she went to buy dresses and shoes.Even colourful handbags.

***************
7.45pm
Angela was in the sitting room.David was yet to return from work.Sonia noticed she was not in her happy mood.She went up to her and sat by her side.

"Aunty,i hope there is no problem"She asked.Angela did not say anything.She called out to her the second time,startling Angela who was far away in thoughts.

"Aunty what is the problem?"She asked again.
Angela heaved.
"Just today,a woman caught her best friend with her husband on the bed in a hotel.Someone who saw them move into the hotel alerted her.She went with a knife and stabbed her friend who died instantly.Now the poor woman is in police custody.I pity her"She narrated.

Sonia was taken aback by the story.She thought for a while.
"That is a bad incident.But Aunty,tell me if you were the woman what would you have done?"Sonia asked carefully.

Angela smiled and shook her head.
"My husband.No no.I can even look for a gun.And surely i must shoot that friend of mine.I dont care what happens next"Angela answered confidently,instilling enormous fears on Sonia whom it took great effort to hide the fears.
"She can never get away with it.I must teach her the lesson of her life.I can share anything with anybody else but not my husband"Angela added further.

Sonia only nodded as Angela said those words and she knew the kind lady meant every bit of her words

>>

vote nw [Read it]


JOKE! JOKE!! JOKE!!!
OBASANJO, BABANGIDA & GOODLUCK were in a plane.
1. OBASANJO said: I can throw N1000 note out & make someone happy.
2. BABANGIDA said: I can throw two N500 note
out & make 2 people happy.
3. GOODLUCK said: I can throw five N200 notes & make 5 people happy.
4. The PILLOT heard them & said to himself: "IDIOTS" I can throw 3 of U down & make over 150 million people happy!!!
So who do U support among this four?
A = OBASANJO
B = BABANGIDA
C = GOODLUCK
D = PILOT
VOTE NOW! ?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-02 19:18:24

344 Views



Notice board [Read it]


A man saw a notice board in the middle of a river, he tried to read it, but couldn't, so he swam to the board in the middle of the river and read "DANGER CROCODILES INSIDE, PLEASE DON'T SWIM"  


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-24 09:45:31

141 Views



MATHEMATICS [Read it]


Example:2+2+3
Class/wrk:2+3*6
Home/wrk:6-15+3*2
Test:2*2-30/15+20
Exam:12+36*48/56*240=?
Is dis fair


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-30 15:49:19

397 Views




Yesterday evening I came out of my house, I live in the outskirt of the town, I came out and saw a Ghana must go bag a few meters away from my house.

Two girls were standing around it.

The first girl said, Ahh! It’s money o! Look at American dollars, we are rich!

The other girl said, See, let’s leave this money and go. You don’t know if it might be from ritualists. Let’s go, please, Chizoba.

After arguing back and forth, they left the ‘Ghana must go' bag and went their way.

I was so happy when they left without touching the contents in the bag.

I kept smiling as I rushed towards the money.

I couldn’t wait to grab it and enter my room with it.

But immediately I bent down to confirm what they said was inside the Ghana must go bag, I heard a voice shouting from behind, Cut, cut, cut!!!! Nollywood producers were in my neigbhourhood, shooting a movie.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-30 12:03:18

383 Views




Salman Khan is vrgin because He fell in love

with Alok Nath’s daughter in his first movie as a

hero. ???? ????Related

Keep the things in your heart which hurts others;

But never try to hurt someone by keeping something in your heart!

Good Night, have a nice day tomorrow…Related

Unfaithful wife [Read it]


As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex, the husband put his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.
One night, while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashed.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there were handfuls of five and ten dollar bills.
He asks his wife what's up.
"Well," she replied, "not everyone is as cheap as you are."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-03 08:29:36

1750 Views




Nightmare still talking. "This strain departed from the code of the Ebola Zaire. It could change the body shape, size and skin color of primates. In the human body, however, when fully developed, it would turn its host into fossil-like rock that would still be alive but as an immobile rock when exposed to sunlight for few minutes. A freak accident happened and i was exposed to the virus. I was immediately sedated and transported back home to Nigeria. They shoul have killed me. I managed to survive. By Divine Providence (i cringed at that) i met a benefactor who is a master in very dark arts. My benefactor pitied me and kept me, training me in a new form of science. Soul-science. See, the core of the human life is the blood. And the reactor that works it is the heart. Alter these two material factors in very, very specific ways and you can produce units of something immateriat but exceedingly precious-life. My benefactor taught me those very, very specific ways. Now, my work is in producing more life from new lives. I make great profit from that. Those you saw tonight came to literally eat life to add more years to their lives. My clients are unending and will pay any fee i charge. They also make sure nothing bad happens to me. The life of this nation is in these hands." He stared at his huge palms and rubbed them with obvious pleasure. When he spoke next, his tone was very serious.
"A Nirvana carries tremendous life-force. If i can harvest it, i can have a new life. Not just in years, but in a new body. I want to see the sun again and walk under it. I want to live normal again. I want to be handsome again. You, Dr. Tango, will ensure that for me, right? When it's an hour before midnight tomorrow, you shall begin and his birth must coincide with midnight. I told you i have read the dossier on you. You have carried out surgical deliveries in which you chose the time of birth and all sixteen of them were successful. See you tomorrow at your seventeenth. Have a pleasant night, Doc." He had patted me and glided out.
.
I thought about all that as i waited for the 'hour before midnight.' I had considered telling him he had made a mistake about me. That i was at home with mechanical and hydraulic systems and not human bodies. I hadn't even witnessed a delivery before. I knew if i did, i'd have to reveal the real Tango. I couldn't put my brother in the line of danger. And then, if i did, what would happen to me? My options had never been so bleak. I dug up memories of whatever i knew that could help me. I felt like crying to God for help, but i wasn't sure at that point how much good that'll do me.
.
The door opened and Swarthy stuck his head in.
"It's time."
.
It took me the whole of five minutes to walk to the door. I was in no particular hurry to experience whatever was waiting for me outside that door. Swarthy took my hand forcing me to move at his pace. We got to the theater. It was a real one. This man meant business. The equipments were in a sterilizer on a steel table. A nurse offered me my surgical garb and i donned them. There was a clock on the wall. It was a few minutes to 11pm. I didn't notice that the Mother wasn't in the theater yet. So much for a surgeon. Then humor calmed my nerves a bit. Where the heck was the Mother? And Nightmare?
.
It was on the dot of 11pm when the door opened and Mother was wheeled in on a gurney. She was groaning.
I saw Nightmare's frame fill the door way. He was grinning at me and seemed very excited. My attention was drawn to one of the two people who wheeled the gurney in. She was not in a nurse uniform like the other person. They had gone past me to another side of the room and her back was turned to me. There was something very familiar about her back. She turned and smiled at me as she spoke:
"Goodluck, Dr. Tango."
It was Mary-Anne. My fiancée.
.
#TO BE CONTINUED...#


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Me: Can I go to my friend’s house for a party?

Dad: Don’t ask me. Ask your mom.

Mom: Don’t ask me. Ask your dad.

Me: BC ,ghar hai ya SBI ki branch?Related

the teacher asked in d class 'if u are stupid stand up' after sumtym he saw Akpos standing up alone.
'ah,Akpos are stupid,y do u stand up'.Akpos replied.'not at all but i can bear it,seeing u standing up alone'.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-06 07:47:24

324 Views




“everything is now so messed up, isn’t it?” she asked. I
nodded quietly.
“yeah it is. You shouldn’t have told her about the
engagement” i replied sadly, “i’m so sorry dear. I was carried away by anger, now i
understand why you have been taking those silly steps.
Mary isn’t reasonable at all, i’m now tempted to support
your tactics” she said with guilt. I kissed her hair and
smiled.
“who knows what she’s plotting this moment?” i murmured,
“yeah i guess we have to come out with something and
be prepared” she suggested and stared into my eyes.
“but what exactly do we come up with?, i’m out of
options” i hissed,
“well first i think you should try and beg her, perhaps she might feel compelled to forgive you. After all she
claims to be a good christian, so i guess it’s time she
shows the christian spirit by forgiving and letting you
go” she added. I scoffed and shook my head,
“you really don’t know Mary or have any idea what she
and her sister are capable of doing. Anyway i will give it a try but what if it fails?” i murmured.
“i don’t know” she shrugged.
“you remember the police officer that handled the case
when Mary first reported me?, maybe he can be helpful
in this kind of situation. All i need is to buy his support,
we all know the police and their ways huh” i quickly thought out, nodding my head over the bright idea.
Chioma equally nodded in agreement.
“but first we have to move over to my apartment
immediately. I wouldn’t want anybody surprising us
here. Let’s go and pack, you can finish making your
plans at my place” she suggested and headed to the bedroom. I shrugged and followed her.
_____
We finally got to her apartment an hour later with
some of my things. Chioma really was right suggesting i
move over to her place for the meantime. The past
experience i had in the police station was still very fresh in my mind and i really didn’t want a repeat of it.
Thirty minutes later i drove over to Mary’s house but
found it locked. I tried calling her on phone but she
refused answering. Without another choice i drove out
and headed to the police station.
I cursed as i drove, it was quite unfortunate admitting that she succeded in spoiling a day i was supposed to
relax with chioma. I spent it running around, scared to
the bone. Thanks to her.
I got to the police station and had a brief chat with the
officer who was extremely surprised to see me.
Unfortunately he wasn’t willing to discuss Mary’s case in his office and so ended up asking me to meet him at a
small drinking joint close to the station by 8pm.
I left thereafter and headed back to Mary’s house once
again but neither she nor her sister were available. I
turned and returned to Chioma’s apartment, tired and a
bit nervous. “hmmm, what a way to spend a day we planned being
together” chioma smiled after i told her how the day’s
event went.
“well don’t be too dejected, i believe things will soon
get better” she assured me with a smile.
By 7:45pm, i headed out to meet the police officer once again. He was already at the bar when i got there and
equally was the first to see me. He smiled and waved, i
saw his hand, breathed deeply and approached him.
“you see your issue with Mary is quite a delicate one.
The best i can do is to discourage her from reopening
the case if she comes to me. But you know she could easily take it to another police station and then start up
the whole process over again. The only good news
about it is that the case might be flung away in the end
if you defend yourself very well, by claiming to have
settled her, but it still won’t stop you from going
through hell in the process. The best advice i can give is for you to try everything possible in stopping her from
reopening the dead case. Do anything possible my
friend, threaten or use force if possible but don’t quote
me or leave loose ends” he adviced and gulped down
the second bottle of beer i bought for him.
______ As i drove back to Chioma’s apartment fifteen minutes
later, i thought over the officer’s advice. He really was
right, i had to do everything to prevent Mary from
reopening the case if actually she was planning to do
so. I truly wasn’t comfortable with the idea of using
force since Jboy wasn’t available anymore. “but I once offered her money which she refused
accepting. I tried brainwashing her with fake love and it
failed, all that is now left is the use of force which really
isn’t easy, moreover i’m no violent person… How do i go
about this mess?” i wondered as i drove back to
chioma’s apartment.
“The officer made a strong point but it’s going to be
very hard dealing with Mary which ever way you choose
to follow. Or do you have any other plan?” Chioma
asked as we discussed Mary’s issue on her bed later in the night.
“nothing really, just the old plans Jboy and i made way
back, but things have changed and so it’s no longer
useful” i sighed uneasily. She smiled reassuredly and
placed her head on my chest.
“well i think you should forget Mary’s issue and deal with Jboy’s burial first, plus you know there are still
much work waiting for you at the office. I suggest you
deal with them before facing Mary’s issue, at least it
also will give us time to plan and await whatever she is
planning for us. My apartment is yours, so you are free
to stay as long as you want” she advised seriously. I nodded and shrugged.
“i guess i have no other option than to abide and follow
your suggestion” i murmured with a smile.
_____
Days later, i travelled to Jboy’s village, discussed with
his family, fixed the burial date, returned to the city and informed his colleagues about the burial
arrangements. It really wasn’t easy at all but it was a
debt i owed him as a true friend. His colleagues
however paid for the coffin and ambulance that took
his corpse home, while i footed other bills like the
burial posters, pamphlets, entertainment, mortuary fees and so on.
My account almost emptied in the process but it was a
little price to pay for a wonderful friend.
I equally was lucky that Mary never showed up her face
nor surprised me with any trick as i ran around for the
burial. Though i avoided her like a plague by staying away from my apartment and living with Chioma all
through the period.
Jboy was buried two weeks after i moved into Chioma’s
house and it was quite an emotional scene. Everyone
who witnessed the event wept, especially as his body
was lowered into mother earth. “Life is nothing. We have to live each passing day with
prayers and good deeds as if it is our last day on earth.
We have to be prepared because we can depart this
world any time, any day” The Reverend in charge of the
ceremony preached as we bade my most loyal friend
goodbye…. Surely life is nothing but mysterious….

#R.I.P_Jboy

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